Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #34 - Covid Zombie Weasels, Rescue Wolverines, Ming the Clam

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

Join us for almost 2 hours of shenanigans this week - everything in the title plus much much more! We're going live later this week. Follow us on IG @wildtimespod to find out when. Watch and listen anywhere @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info We love you!

Boom chica, boom chica. Wild times. What's up, y'all? Hey, buddy. Dude, we're all wearing the same thing randomly? Do, what are these three incredibly handsome gentlemen? We are this thing tonight? Oh, my goodness.

Wow. Retem, you got a long sleeve? What did we make these in long sleeves? Oh, yeah. Listen, first of all, I don't appreciate the producer wearing my spirit animal on his bod. It's really annoying. I love you and it's Christmas time. You know?

Yeah. I just want to celebrate you, really. Yeah. Think about that. It is Christmas. What up, guys? How are you guys doing? I'm good.

I'm really good. Had a fun day. Building a rabbit hutch, a new one. I like building stuff. Yeah, so that was a good day. And there's nothing else to do because everything's getting locked down again. Full on, dude. Yeah.

Starting tomorrow. Yep. Crazy. Yep. Pretty mess. So you built a pond for your ducks. That was last week. Well, yeah, I mean last week.

And now, and now this week you've built a chicken coop? A rabbit hutch, but close. Isn't a hutch where you put your china? Like your fine china? That's right. That's what that thing is. I've been building a lot. And I've also been taxidermying a tuna head, which has been an interesting process.

Yeah, I've never. Do you have work? Do you get paid for any of this? No, no, I have nothing to do. I don't know if you know this, but it's the holidays. It's Thanksgiving. And I go crazy if I sit around for like more than 10 seconds. So, no, I shot this tuna, I don't know, like end of September, you know, nice big fish and cleaned it up.

And I've been drying the head out. And then today I started working on it, like carving out all the old dried up flesh and trying to paint it. It's really stinky and gross. So, yeah, I was either covered in rabbit shit or covered in old rotten tuna today. So it was a fun day. I enjoyed myself. What about you guys? Is this your first, uh, tech?

Exidermy foray? Yep, I've never done it before. Just figuring it out. Yeah, it's fun so far. It's looking pretty good. So is this, is it just a way to get away from the family for a while during a pandemic where you're held up inside? I'm just, I just don't like being inside.

And I'm like out of things to do. So I'm like doing stuff outside like taxidermying, two nos and building new rabbit hutches that I don't need. Very nice. Yeah. So is this what you did on Thanksgiving or what did you do for Thanksgiving? No, we had a delightful little tiny Thanksgiving. with my immediate family, you know,

nobody else around, just those in the bubble. It ate a big turkey. It was great. The rest of Joe Rogan's elk. Did you eat the... Nope, no elk. Just did a traditional Thanksgiving.

Turkey, good cranberry, not like the picture that Patrick texted us. Yeah. Oh, God. What's up with that? Let's not even get into that right now. With stuffing, mashed potatoes for us? Squash, yams.

Yep, literally everything you just named. Literally every single one. you guys, wouldn't you do? Yeah. Well, how do you not want to have a fight about the canned cranberry sauce? I'll get into that. Why are you shutting that down?

Wait, so Peter, what did you have for Thanksgiving? What was your meal? Because I think you might have posted it on Instagram. Well, that was the mimosa that I made. That was all. No, you posted a picture of two, you holding two giant bags of Taco Bell. So happy. Yeah, no.

That's actually an old picture. And Neil, you know, our friend Neil, the guy, the whole motorcycle incident we spoke of. Yeah. He sent that to me with that headline. I guess he mocked it up. Oh, okay. And I, like, within 30 seconds, I posted it as a story. And then he posted it as a story 20 seconds later.

I knew it was just so good, man. I was laughing so hard. So you didn't actually have Taco Bell for Thanksgiving? It was the backup plan because we were cooking many things that were, we never cooked before. Okay. And if they sucked, it was just going to be Taco Bell. So, but we didn't end up doing it because this shit was good. Nice.

traditional Thanksgiving meal, the boring, bland, white, everything on the plate is white dinner that Forrest had, except the cranberry? Yes. Really? Pretty much. All right. Wait, no turkey, though. No turkey. A chicken.

So the opposite of a traditional Thanksgiving. Well, no, not the opposite. We were going to get to. It was a feathered beaked creature that he ate. Correct. It was a foul for sure. You do something, Patrick, or you take it to eat it? No, we had just one of my friends over who's a big, he's really into,

cooking. He's sort of in our inner bubble, even though we're tightening it up now with the COVID number spiking. He brought two $90 steaks that he had bought at a butcher. So almost $200 worth of steaks. He made steaks. They were fucking great. I made, I took a Bobby Flee recipe for a lasagna and made my homemade bolognay's and I made a whole like white sauce and made this super, you know, it was ridiculous lasagna that was way over the top, came out. really good. A bunch of shrimp cocktail, some saviche. We were all over the map.

You have the palette of such a guido. Like you would rather eat pasta and pizza than literally anything on earth. You're like, yeah, the steak was good, but lasagna. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what's talking about? No, I was like eating enough of the steak to be polite. But I was just like, that's like one piece of lasagna I can't have.

Each bite, you're like thinking about the, like, lasagna, you don't get to chew on. It was so much just like meat and cheese and, you know. Yeah, I always fill up before the meal because I'm a pig. Yeah, you're a picker. It's really tough to juggle, dude. All that food. So this one time, and we will get into the podcast eventually,

but this reminded me of a good story of Papa P and me. People love those. Cross country to New York. This is a drink, Brosner's, by the way. It's the holidays. We're playing the game. This is a Patent Forest story. Everybody takes a drink, a patent forest.

stories of drink. Nice. It should be. You fucking should be, bro. Damn right. Yeah, so we're flying cross-country. Patrick and I, just being cool guys. We're pitching something in New York City. And the lovely hostesses,

because there were multiple of them, seat Patrick and I on either sides of the aisle, right? Flight's pretty empty. It's like a late-night flight. Coach? Of course. Cable TV. I'd like to say we made it. We don't fly coach anymore, but that's not true. and Patrick's over there on one side of the aisle and he's got the screen up with the storyboard

and these pictures of like all these menacing looking sharks and I'm on the opposite side of the aisle straight across from each other with the screen up with all these crocodiles and we're going back and forth and we're going on and on about these ideas for the show and how crocodiles this and sharks that and these very attractive flight hostesses

keep kind of walking by and eventually one of them like kind of accidentally bumps into I think it was Patrick and goes oh what do you got there And he's like, oh, you know, like, no big deal. I'm just like a really famous Hollywood producer. And this is my partner. And, you know, we're just going to New York to make millions of dollars. Yeah, no, he didn't say any of that.

But, you know, we just explained what we're doing, that we make TV. And there was nothing to do on this flight. There was like 12 people on the plane. And this was long before COVID. So before we knew it, these two flight hostesses had brought us, what, would you say, eight gin and tonics each? Like, every time they would walk by, they would just put two each on our, on our little tray table. and they were, they started doing a lot of like shoulder caressing as the flight went on.

I was just about to point that out. A lot of shoulder touching was hanging out above us. I swear to God. Do you have tank tops on? We did not. We looked very, very formal. We were getting, we were going to New York for business. It's a red eye.

Red eye, yeah. We stamp the whole flight. We landed like, I don't know, it was like 3.30 in the morning. And these flight hostesses, as we land, they're like, oh, where are you guys going? We're like, oh, we're going to Manhattan. And they're like, oh, you know, our hotel's actually just around the block if you guys want to come by for a drink. And Patrick and I certainly look to each other. And we're like, nah, we got to pitch at like 9 a.m.

We kind of do that. So we get in a cab, go from O'Hare to, or not O'Hare, what the hell do you call it? Kennedy? Yeah, JFK, yeah, JFK, yeah, JFK to Manhattan. And it's like three in the morning. And Patrick Nair fucked up because these chicks have been force feeding us gin and tonics, the entire flight. Yeah, I'm not kidding. And we haven't eaten anything because it's a coach full.

why they don't feed you. And so we get in, it's like 3.30 in the morning. And Patrick's like, dude, do you want to like get some pizza? I'm like, yes, so badly. I literally thought you were going to say, dude, do you want to give each other hand jobs? We probably should. We probably need it. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. And anyway, the story's getting way too long. It's 3.30 in the morning. Nothing is open near our hotel. And we end up walking for, I don't know, an hour, Patrick. What would you say? Yeah, for sure.

at least. We walked for what felt like ever until we found the only place open in the entire city of New York it felt like and sat down and I swear to go and drunkenly each had like four slices of pizza made it back to our hotel room like at sunup. And pitch at nine. It's now six. 30. No, yeah, 100%. And by the way, like the point of the story is the fact that if you offered me a billion dollars to find that pizza place, I couldn't. Never again. There's absolutely no way. And it was the best pizza I've ever had in my life. And it'll just gone. It's gone.

I'll never know where it was. And I, you know, I've lived in New York for a short period of time. I've spent a lot of time there. It was the best New York pizza I've ever had. And it's not just because we were drunk or because we were so hungry. But, you know, of course, like, whenever I'm in a line at the airport, I like to look around and I pick out the person that's going to be on my flight that looks. that looks the worst. Like where I know they're going to be spilling into my seat,

I know they're going to smell bad. I go, who's the last person you want to sit next to? And I know, I swear to God, 90 fucking percent of the time they sit next to me. Like, everyone I know has a story where they sat next to some beautiful girl and like they partied in New Orleans for a weekend. Everyone's got one of those stories. I've never had it. And the fucking one time that like, no joke,

these stewardesses were really, they were, they were like very attractive. They really were. Invited us to their room to drink with them. And then, by the way, they were flying to Vegas the next day and then they had a down day. So then the next day they texted us. They're like, well, hey, if you want to fly, I know you had meetings, but if you want to fly to Vegas, come party with us. That's right. I totally forgot about that.

I totally forgot about that. Swear to God, dude. Every detail. I have a question about this. So were you? I mean, were you flirting with them? Were you guys chatting with them? I mean, they were like hooking you up and standing there and talking with you.

We weren't kind of sleeping. We weren't not flirting with them. It wasn't like we were like in the back of the plane doing the like, hey, like leaning up against the counter being like, where's your next leg? We were just sitting there minding our business being too hot guys who sell TV shows. And then we, you know, they kept bringing us gin and tonics. We weren't not flirting with them. But we weren't like being like, what's up? What's up?

You know? Right, right. But I mean so. Because we're not, would you, we're not actually like, neither Forrest Rye are the guys who walk into a bar and like girls are like, ooh,

who's that? You know what I mean? Yeah. So it was, it was fucking weird. It just, you know, God,

God threw it in our laps and we didn't take it. Wait a minute. I think, I don't think that chicks even do that ever to anyone. That's just like what guys think they do. Ooh, who's that? Like,

unless it's just not in any of our experience. Richard beer or something. Yeah. It's like, there's like, 1,0001% of the population that can get chicks to do that. Ooh, who's that? They're just like, more shots.

Well, I'll tell you what. Every time I've been with one of my girlfriends, like a friend who's a girl, and they're doing that about a guy, every time the guy's like 6'4. Yeah. And I'm not saying 6.4 or above. They're exactly 6.4. That's the mark. Andre the Giant must have been pulling mad.

Yeah, he's too tall, bro. Way too tall. All right. So for the brothers who are here, lots of wildlife and adventure content, let's get into some of this shit for us. What came across your desk? What's your third favorite thing

that came across your desk this week? My third favorite thing that came across my desk. Actually, my least favorite thing that came across my desk was what I would like to call a calamity. Oh, I'll feed you, baby birds. I'll feed you. Is this a plan of words of some sort?

It is. It is because there was an intern who was working, where was it? I want the Philippines. I'd have to double check. Anyway, was working and opened up this clam. Iceland. Iceland. It was in Iceland? Yep. Yep. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Anyway, Ming the Clam was the world's oldest ever recorded living creature at 507 years old. It was found in 2006 in Iceland. That's right. Yeah. and was accidentally killed by this intern. You know, this clam was born in 1499 and survived from the Ming Dynasty until the invention

of the iPhone and a fucking intern decided to open it up and kill it. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's why, you know, all of you, all the brosters that send me these messages are like, hey, can I come intern? No, because you're just going to kill the clams. And we can't have any of that around here. I mean, so do you have any idea of the mechanics of why he opened? Because if you open a clam, it dies, right?

Correct. Yeah, correct. So why the fuck did he open it? I honestly, I looked at the headline and was like a little bit too annoyed to read the whole story, to be honest. But, you know, there's a lot of studies on bivalves that have to do with longevity and because they're slow growing and depth and even carbon uptake, all kinds of stuff. So I'm guessing the kid was for whatever. The intern was supposed to be taking some kind of a small sample quickly in order to not kill the clam, but obviously didn't, you know, follow protocol. And that was the end of that.

Well, I mean. Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Peter. Yeah. Well, I was just going to say, I mean, we've all worked with interns, you know. It's, I'm not saying, it's just there's kind of this lack of confidence yet wanting to prove that you know what the fuck you're doing at the same time. Like when I was young and I had my first career job, I would do dumb shit. Not all the time.

But like once a month, I would just do something really stupid. Like one time I ex, well, not really even accidentally, sent out a coupon for a free meal at Kentucky Fried Chicken to the entire company, including like the president, everyone. My boss was livid with me. I don't know what I was doing. I thought they'd like it. And like this one chick just got furious because she was a vegan and so on and so forth. But I mean, I don't even know to this day what the fuck I was thinking. That's what that in turn.

That's what happened. What did you do? You glazed over. It was. What were you doing? It was a rainy day. It was late. Everybody had left the office.

I was there with like my boss in the giant office. I was in my cubicle. It was gray. I don't know. I was in a weird mood. You know how you get in a weird mood? It was like a Friday. I think it was Friday.

And you're like, hey, everybody needs KF. see? Like, what made you think of this? Dude, and to be honest, then I looked at the email right after. It went, like, I saw, like, the president. This is, like, you know, hundreds of million dollars a year company. And I was just like, oh, my God, my boss immediately calls me. He's just like, what the fuck. Dude, I don't know what I just said.

You got hacked. That's what you say. Back in the day. I would never send that out. By the way, did you put a little note with it really? Okay, in case anyone's peckish. Yes, I did. Oh, good. Correct, yeah, I did.

It was like Friday. I was like, people like this. So your Ming the Clam story reminds me of something that happened in California. So about four and a half hours north of where I live in L.A., there's a place called Inyo National Forest. And they have the whole forest, it's up in the mountains, it's bristlecone pine trees. So there are these like Dr. Seuss-looking trees that are all. like tangled up and wound around themselves. They're very cool looking.

They're not very big, but they live a really long time. So the oldest tree in the world today, freestanding tree with a single root system, you have to make that declaration because there's two different clarifications. But the oldest living tree now is there. It's a 4,850-year-old tree. But in 1964, so this is a while ago,

there was a much older tree. It was like 5,300 years old, and it had a little plaque, right? And this guy, Donald Curry, I just Googled it, because I wanted to make sure that I had my facts right on this one. He was working, and they had asked him to go take a core sample from the tree, right? So you put this little boring tool into the thing. You pull a core sample up. It pulls out a core.

I guess you would do that to check on the health of the tree or whatever. But it's like a thing. People hike to this tree to go see it. Right. So he puts his core tool in, pulls it out, and he's broken off the drill bit inside the tree. And he's like, oh, fuck, that drill bit's like $1,200. I'm going to get fired. A park ranger comes by and assists him in cutting it down to retrieve the drill bit back.

The drill bit. Oh, my God. It's unbelievable. Living organism in the world to retrieve a drill bit. insane. People do dumb shit. That is insane. Yeah. Dude. By the way, did you, oh, sorry, go ahead. I was just going to say, this reminded me of this. What's kind of interesting with regards to the clam and the tree, both those animals, well, as most people know, when you cut down a tree, you can kind of count its age by counting the rings. Byvolves, like clams, are also calculated by adding up the growth rings left in the shell because they, wow. Wow. Yeah, so there's seasonal variations in the shells they grow every year. And so you can add.

those up just like a tree. So I don't know. It's just kind of interesting. You talked about the oldest tree. I talked about the oldest clam. They're the only two animals on Earth, or not animals, but two living creatures on Earth as far as I know that you count their age by the rings. Dude, speaking of animal ages, did you guys know that sharks have existed longer on earth than trees have? Found that out today. Relatives of sharks. Yeah, for sure. They're super well, sure. Yeah. Yeah, not like today's sharks. But I mean, the animal has existed longer. than fucking trees. I think it was 450 million

for the ancestors of sharks. I think it's more. I think it's over 600 million. Yeah, I'd have to check, but it's a very long time. No trees on the earth. Trees have been around? That's what I'm saying.

I would have guessed trees were like, the earth's 4 billion years old. I would have guessed trees were like 3 billion years old. I think it's our version of what trees are because there were large ferns and there were, you know, some soft vegetation and very different types of vegetation millions of years ago to what we have today as quote unquote trees. I don't really know, but I know sharks are one of the largest,

or sorry, largest oldest living animals. Weird. It's wild, dude. It's also wild to think about that a certain point on the earth when it was just plants, there was plants everywhere, but no flowers. So it was all just fucking green. And then one day, like flowers just sprouted. that what, bees could have something to do? I mean, that shit's crazy. Go ahead. No, no, yeah, more or less, reproduction. But yeah, anyway, what do you guys?

I got a couple other interesting news things. You guys got anything that came across the old desk? I thought this was pretty interesting. So one of our Brosners reached out to me on the old Instagram, a guy named Foreman Mills, which if I tell you the guy's name is Forman Mills, what part of the country do you think he lives in? Oh, he's like a Kansas loke for sure. No, no, he's in North Carolina.

He is a Marine, right? Oh, much tougher than any of us. Yeah. So, anyway, Foreman Mills hit me up, and he sent a link to the story as well, but he wanted to get our opinion on this. So he says, hey, just wanted to say I'm a big fan of the podcast, wants to share a story with you. I'm a Marine station on Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. and we have been told we're not allowed to run or work out at night because there have now been four coyote attacks on the base this year.

And he sent the article. Wow. So it made like whatever the local news. So coyotes have attacked four Marines in North Carolina. I have a fair amount of experience with coyotes because I used to live up in the hills up in Hollywood. And me and my idiot roommate Matt Relson, who is a comedian, And we would sit out and get drunk on the porch at night. And we had a coyote that we fed, like tot dogs.

But similar to the dingo, which in Australia, like, they don't typically attack large people, right? They'll attack a toddler. Right. Pretty crazy that coyotes are attacking, actively attacking Marines, big, burly tough dudes. What do you think about that, for us? There's something going on there. Yeah, there's something going on there. These things do happen.

It's very few and far between, right? It's like the dingo that ate the guys on Fraser Island or, you know, I do remember a few coyote. I think there's been two or three fatal coyote attacks on adult people. But all of those situations are based on, like, there's another factor going on, whether, I don't think in this case, this would be it, but whether those animals have rabies, right? And they're attacking because they're out of their mind. Or they're desperate for food. Like maybe on this base, and I know nothing about this base in North Carolina, so I'm just making stuff up. But maybe this whole thing's fenced in, right?

And maybe that every Marine goes hunting on the weekends. And now there's 200 coyotes and not a single deer left in this fenced in property, right? They're starving. They're desperate. I don't know. I'm making shit up, like I said. But my point is there's another factor at play here. Like, should you be, you know, and I'm not talking about.

Rabies is not a factor. That was in the article because the people that have been, no one died, but the people that have been attacked. didn't get rabies from it at least of the fore. Gotcha. And again, I'm not, I'm not saying Foreman Mills or any of those Marines are crazy or or pussies or anything else, but no one should be scared of a coyote. Like, this is not normal behavior. So there's some other factor here, whether they're pack hunting for some reason, maybe

they're coy wolf. You know, maybe there's some wolf DNA in there and something odd going on. Maybe they're desperate for food. Who knows what the reason is, but this is not typical behavior. So I don't know what that reason is. I think, I bet there's biologists in North Carolina that are looking into it that are like, wow, this is really bizarre. Let's try and figure out why these coyotes are doing this.

And it's not that I don't believe they're doing it. I totally do. But why? And that's a big question. Like, that's a really interesting question because this is very unusual behavior. Look, coyotes are 40-pound dogs, right? Like, not even. Like 30, 20.

Like, they're small animals. Like, you, that kind of take on a 200-pound guy, you know, and it's not going to try 99.9% of the time. So there's something very odd going on. Yeah, so those coyotes are 15 up to 45. So, you know, you start getting up to four. I mean, dude, my dog's 60 pounds. I feel like there's no way my dog could kill me. Right. It probably could. No way. All right. So, so real quick, for us, knowing what you know about sort of the morphology of a canine, a coyote, right? Let's say you just come around a corner one night and there's two coyotes. I'm going to say three. There's three coyotes and they're sitting there and they're like, you can tell it's on.

Yep. How do you defend yourself from a coyote? Like, what's the move? I think about this shit all the time. I mean, you want to go on the aggressive for sure. These are not, these are, so coyotes typically are non-confrontational, right? They're solitary animals. Like, they don't want to fight.

They're scavengers. They're eating rabbits. They're eating small things. You know, so you, and I'll get to the point where, like, there's no other choice. But first thing you do, you come around the corner, there's three very hungry looking coyotes. You go hard and you go right at him. Like when you turn your back to a predator, you are invoking predatory instinct. Like that's turn and run away.

And again, that's probably why, or not again, but that's probably why these instances of happening. Like these big dudes like fucking cruising, you know, flying through the Marine Reserve, like, it probably looks like prey running away. Like you want to go the opposite. You want to go aggressive, offensive, attack mode and be like, you are not fucking with me. So like actually, what would you do? Stomp your feet, charge out and go, ah, fuck you. Exactly.

I'd keep maintaining. So eye contact is huge, right? Let them know you can see them, address them, be like, ah, you know, make a lot of noise and go right at them. And 99.99% of the time, especially with something like a coyote, but really any predator is going to turn and flee. They're not going to be willing to take you on. If you flip the scales and go, oh, fuck, that's sketchy and like shake or turn around and get small and run away, Then the predator goes, oh, this is food. Like, food runs away from me.

I know this game, you know, and then they attack. Now, let's say we're beyond that for whatever reason, right? Because I think that's what you want to know. Yeah. We're beyond that, right? Like, for whatever reason. Like, you turn, you ran. They're on you.

You've now got three, let's call them, let's call them 30 pound dogs attacking you, right? To be safe, right, in that middle range. You know, you're in trouble. Like, these are very, so the average canine, the average dog is 10 times. the athlete that a human being is, right? Like, how high can your dog jump compared to how high you can jump in relation to their size and your size? How high can you, how fast can your dog run compared to how fast you can run?

The average dog is 10 times the athlete that the average human being is per weight. Something like that. Some metric, I don't remember it exactly. But you have to fight. I mean, you have to. Yeah, you have to. Yeah, you have to. You got to go, you know, you, the only thing you, so there's actually one thing that

everybody says you do do when you're in a situation with a predator that you can where conflict is imminent and there's nothing else you can do take a guess what do you think that would be Patrick what do you think it is so it's coming at me so it is you are engaged in combat what is what is the one thing that you you do to stop the animal from attacking there's a this is like a known thing actually it's pretty ridiculous i have one of two guesses but i think one is aren't you supposed to reach into its mouth and like grab it Or gouge its eyes. That's my other one.

Just go after its eyes. By the way, both of those are probably going to be effective because if you injure in both in either of those, the animal is probably going to flee. But there's something else. Retap, any ideas? You got one move. Dude, I mean, I'm going, I'm going for a fucking kick. Okay.

I'm just going to kick it. Can I say one thing about the kick? I'm not going to kick it. Yeah. I'll kick a human, but I'm not going to kick an animal that's on four legs because I know that if I swing that leg, I'm throwing myself off balance for that moment. And so I'm not going to kick. Well, I mean, I have perfect balance.

That's true. That's a good point. That's a good point. Well, the one thing that you do, and this is like a known thing, you're in conflict with a predator. It's especially known for big cats. You stick your thumb as hard and as far up its ass as you can. And I'm not just saying that. That is the way.

Wait, up your own ass or up its ass? It's ass, not your own ass, you diff shit. No, you literally, if you're engaged in conflict with, with a, carnivore, you are supposed to, if you can, work your thumb as hard as you can, up its rectum, and that will release, that will cause it to release, and most of the time flee or at least re-engage giving you an extra second. So that's like a known thing, yeah. Ew.

Well, I mean, does the same thing work in a, does the same thing work in a fight with, like, an omnivore, like another human? I feel like. For sure, does. Like, you tell me there's a guy that comes at you anywhere, any bar, any, any, any, any location and you just shove your thumb up him. Like, he's not going to keep fighting. If you can get your thumb up somebody's ass without being killed by that person first,

they're definitely going to scurry away. Yeah. There's no doubt. That's a hell of a move. Just a quick interesting tidbit here. So a coyote, I was just, I googled the bite force of a coyote just to see. Because they are small and they're fucking kind of thin and they have thin little legs. And their faces are very weasily, this long kind of snout.

So a coyote's bite force, typical coyote measures at 235 pounds per square inch, right? 235 PSI is the exact same as a pit bull. A German shepherd, full-grown German shepherd measures around 238. So you're talking about these little animals that don't look like they could fuck you up, whereas you see a pit bull with its big, round head and its muscular jaw, and you assume that that will just bite your arm off in one false swoop. But coyotes and pit bulls and German shepherds all have roughly the same bite force. Here's a quick trivia piece, though.

What would you guess, now that you know, German Shepherd Pitbull are 235 to 238. What would you guess a full-grown African lion bite forces? Oh, it's, yeah, let's go 238. I'm going to go like 800, 900 pounds. Ooh, I'm only going to go five to 600. If it was the price is right, which it is. Peter actually wins this. Wow, there you go.

Still 691, so three times. Yeah, that's a lot. Three times of pit bull. I mean, dude. And imagine what a hyenas is. So like lions attack by by like crunching down on meat, right? Hyenas go through bone. You know, so I was guessing based on just

astronomical strength. Oh my God! You don't want to fuck with a hyena. 1,200? 1,100 PSI. There you go. So you're talking about more than five times the force of a pit bull. For a hyena, which is a bigger animal, but not astronomically bigger.

Not astronomically bigger. Well, that's smarter, too, than probably. I don't know that. Just different smarts. Yeah, but yeah. So hyenas, I mean, they're designed to go through bone, which actually, this is a perfect little segue because I got a message from

a Brosner, Alex W. Moss, who sent a message directly to me, and he said, you got to address this on the podcast. He said, what wins in a fight? Hyena clan of five or Wolfpack of five in an open environment? It's a pretty good question.

That bite force, dude. I mean, I'm immediately, just because coming right off that bite force fact, I'm going hyena. Hina. Hina. Five hyenas or five wolves? Five hyena.

Five wolf who wins in the fight. Open environment. I'm going wolves. It's so hard because those wolves definitely have an advantage together. I mean, because they're smarter. But dude, that bite force, five of those hyenas. So the answer in my opinion, and look, nobody knows the actual answer, but I would say hands down it's wolves.

So wolves, hyenas are typically solitary animals, right? They don't hunt either. They're generally carnivore or scavengers that are eating after the lions have eaten, after the leopards of eaten. Wolves are the apex predators in their environments. They have complex social dynamics. They know how to work together. A pack of five wolves is perfectly capable of taking down a giant moose, right? A pack of five hyenas, I don't think has ever been recorded taking down, you know, let's say a giraffe, which is something similar in size sort of to a moose.

So I would say hands down to answer your question, was our Brosner's name, Alex, it's going to be the wolves for sure. The hyenas, now once you're on the ground, it's kind of like when you fight that stocky guy from high school who's like an alpha on the wrestling team. You're like, dude, I'd knock you out in a heartbeat. But the second you get on the mat, the second you get on the mat, he's going to rip you to shreds. And that's kind of how I see this fight, right? It's like the wolves are, they're the Mike Tyson's, they're the boxers, they're going to knock you out all day.

The second you're down on the ground, that's when the hyenas have the advantage. They're the wrestlers. They're the guys that have the ground game going on. And that's because they're so used to being these scavengers and fending off food lines. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. But as far as the actual attack for Pregoes, it's got to go to wolves.

So I'd say the wolves take it over the hyenas. I feel like we have to stick on this bite force thing for a minute because this is just fucking fascinating. And this is what our show does, right? So I just pulled up. All right. So I want to start this with a buddy of mine, Sam Sheridan, who he's, he wrote a book about basically fear. And he spent like two years doing all this crazy shit. But he, one of the things he did was he had a police dog.

I think it was a German Shepherd. But he did the thing where he put the chain mail suit out and he ran through the field. And the police dog came and clamped on him. Yep. Keeps the teeth. from penetrating your chain mail, but you feel the pressure. And he didn't, he had been warned,

but Sam is like 6-6. He's buddies with Rogan. Like he's in that Muay Thai world. He's at professional fights. Huge guy, super tough. He said that the pressure of the dog on his forearm was that he started tearing up and he just fell down to his knees.

He was like, I couldn't see or hear. the pressure, which is the PSI that we're talking about, right? Yeah, yeah. Of a German Shepherd, which we're talking about 238 PSI, was so much that it crippled a giant Muay Thai fighter. All right, so, yeah, I've pulled up, we'll just run through this quick because I think people will be interested in this. Sure.

I pulled up the 12 animals in the animal kingdom with the strongest bite force that are alive today. Don't Google it for us. I was actually looking up something similar that I was going to tell. story about, but please continue. All right. So I don't know what number one is. Maybe a crocodile. I don't know.

Go quickly through the first. We'll quickly go. Oh, no, I'm just going to throw them out there. All right. So we talked about the strongest dog is about 325. That's a cane corso, which is a horrific looking dog. All right, a great white shark. A great white shark real quick.

We'll just go one guess at a time for us. Great white shark. A great white shark. I'm going to go around. It's even lower. than the hyena. It's a snapping only for 900 PSI. Okay, 625. 625.

All right, we already hit Lion at about 660. A brown bear, often called a grizzly. What would you guess, Peter? You know it's stronger than a shark. Yeah. I'll go, I'll just go an even thousand.

975. 975. So, so four pit bulls. Also, Dude, and a grizzly just with its fucking massive body. What does it weigh 2,000 pounds, 3,000? You're getting to the point now where regardless, like, doesn't matter what your chain mail is,

it's breaking through the bone, right? Because of the pressure. Like, it's, yeah. At that much force, it, like, it doesn't really matter what your suit of armor is, so to speak, like, it'll break through the bone. Well, here's an animal that Forrest has made me hold up and take a picture with. And he was like, just keep in mind if it, watch the head. it'll take your hand off, an alligator snapping turtle.

Oh, yeah. I'll just give you this one. It's an even thousand. Yeah. But even more than a Leslie. Yeah. No, they're scary. I remember telling you, I'm like, don't get your finger in there.

Yeah. I was like, but it is trying to bite me for us. You're like, dude, pose for the picture. Your face looks weird. It's all it knows how to do is snap. It's in its name. A tiger is about a thousand fifty, then a hyena. This one shocks me.

More than a hyena. A gorilla. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow. I didn't realize. Yeah, I didn't know it was more than a hyena, but that's, that's, I mean, those fucking muscular heads, they're, they go through stuff. Yeah.

It's crazy. But they're like us. Like, what's ours? Like, 10? A girl was pretty pathetic. $1,300. Oh, guys, actually, take a guess. What do you think ours really is?

Because I, I looked it up earlier when we were talking about it. What do you think it is? Quick Gus. 280. No. 1. 120. 1.90 is the average PSI of a human bite.

It's fucking bananas. That's pretty hot. That's enough to take off a nipple or a finger or something if you really crank it. You are scared of a dog bite. You're not scared of a human bite because we don't do it. Right. Like if someone just shout into it. For sure, it would.

1,300, Jaguar 1350. That's crazy. Which is shocking to me. Wow. Jaguars is over. Yeah, that's surprising. I'm surprised that a feline has six times the bite force of a dog. That's crazy.

Well, I think what's interesting, so a lot of these animals, I don't want a dog like this too much because I'm actually really learning a lot and enjoying it. But you have to think, like for gorillas, I don't get it. Like, why did they revolve such massive bite force? Like, they're mostly eating leaves. But for jaguars compared to, say, lions. or tigers, lions and tigers are typically preying on, you know, soft, fleshy mammals. What's interesting about Jaguars, a lot of people don't know this.

A lot of their diet in South America consists of Cayman, meaning they have to pierce through crocodile skin with those jaws in order to kill one, which is kind of interesting. So it's like, okay, you know, over generation, you could see their jaws getting stronger and stronger because they have to get through crockhide, which is, you know, thick of shit. Yeah, it's like biting through leather. So, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. So 1350, so we're at about six and a half. half pit bulls for a jaguar. Now we're going to make a big jump. We're jumping up to the third strongest bite force. It's up to 1825 PSI. Any guesses? Can we guess?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's guess. So we're talking about literally nine pit bulls. Go ahead. You know, for us, I'm going to throw one out. Go go. Go do it. We go hippo.

It's just because. Oh, it's a good guess. I don't know. It's the correct guess. It's the correct guess. Yeah. That was a guess. You Google it.

Dude, it's because you guys told me so much about You Googled it. You didn't know that. I swear to God I didn't. Really? Oh, okay.

I didn't know. I was trying to think I was like big head, big jaws. Yeah, that's good. That's good. For us gets the next guess. 1825 for a hippo.

Now we're jumping up even bigger to 2125. Nine. Is this the number one? This is number two. So you've got to think about there are two species that haven't been named.

What might they be? what might number two be? I'm 99% sure that number one is a crocodile just from all the time I've spent working with crocodiles. I don't know, yeah, I'm 99% sure that a crocodile is the number one bite force. Is there maybe a similar kind of animal? Yeah, so I'm going to go alligator for number two?

Yeah. Okay. So the alligators at 2125. All right, so here's the thing. We've filmed around a bunch of gators I have with forests. I don't touch the gators or handouts. them. The way that you guys, you and Chris Gillette and some of these gator people, uh, handle the gators, it's sort of made me, it's made me feel like, oh, a gator bite's like kind

of like getting bit by a dog. No, you get complacent though, right? Because you see guys like Chris and I like tickling them in the chin and like lifting them up and like not even restraining them. And you're like, oh, like they're, it's not that bad. It's really bad. I mean, that's unspeakable. Like, I've seen people who have been bitten by dogs and what that can do to you. You're talking a dog bites nothing. That's like a mosquito bite compared to an alligator, which we don't even think of alligators as being that dangerous in like the wildlife world.

But holy shit. I mean, are my wrong. It's just me. I'm an idiot. No, you're not wrong. They are scary, scary animals. I mean, and that's the thing. Crocodiles and alligators are their entire, like, mode of killing is the snap of that

jaw, right? Then they go into the death roll and blah, blah, blah. But they don't have, you know, bears have claws. Like, you know, everything else has something else to work with, right, more or less. And brains. Not just instinctual brains. Yeah, you're spot on. But the crocodile has nothing but that giant clamp of teeth. That's it. That's all it's got. You know, it's got to hang on. It's got to roll. It's got to spin. It's got to swim under. Like, that's it's it. And nature has made it so that it's funny. I didn't know that it went alligator and then crocodile, but it makes sense, you know, they're closely related. And it's just like, that animal is a giant lever.

That's all it is. You know, it's like it sits open and that's it. Once it's locked down, that's all it's got. And it's, you do not want to end up in there. Like, if you get bitten by a three or four foot alligator, I think we talked about this on a few podcasts ago, the damage is going to be really significant because of the amount of power behind those jaws.

Now, what's interesting is alternatively, and a lot of people don't know this, I've caught 15 foot crocodiles and I can hold their jaws shut like this with with two hands like sorry with like two fingers like that all of that strength is in go in the downward force they have almost no strength in ability to open their jaws it's all a downward single action muscle um you can literally hold yeah you can hold huge crocodiles and alligators just with your fingers and keeping their mouths shut um and get it shut with two fingers but yeah go it's just it they just have no ability to go the other way no strength about like the human shoulder right

A normal guy, my size, could grab a pair of maybe 60-pound dumbbells and press them over their head this way. But if you have to lift them up like this, like vertically from down by your leg where your hand rest. Nothing. It's much harder. That's crazy, though. Yeah, I mean, it's fucking nuts. It's almost as if they've evolved kind of like you said to do that one thing. It's all or nothing.

It's just that's the final shot. And it's learned how to just go after animals that'll be the, easiest, like little fucking doze that are drinking out of the pond or whatever. Just, well, they're sneaky too. That's the other thing that they have going for them, you know? Like, they're, their element of surprise, you know, you'll always see like on Discovery Channel and shit when they attack all, like the eyes are out. They're so, like, subtle and quiet.

And then just boom, whatever animal, just into the water. Yeah. They're, they're good lurkers. They're perfect. You know, I've said this before. It's, you were talking about how old sharks lineage is retap. Crocodilians are the same. same. They haven't changed in hundreds of millions of years because they're perfect. They don't need to

change. So evolution is derived from necessity, right? We evolve because we need to change. Things are changing. We need to change. We need to keep up. Crocodiles have been the same for hundreds of millions of years because they're like, hey, we got it. Like, why would I need to get stronger or move more on land or be bigger or be smaller? I don't. Like, I'm perfect. I've got everything figured out. I don't need to eat for a year at a time. You know, I can move slowly. I can shut my body down. I get one meal and I'm good for months. Like, I'm perfectly stealthy. I can blend into the environment. They're like, I'm good. I am good to go. Fucking nut. Yeah. And then jumping to Crocs. So alligators were at 21, 25 PSI. And this is by far

the biggest jump. We're almost doubling that to a crocodile up to 3,700 PSI. So to put that in context. Jesus. That is more than 10 times the strength of the strongest dog. That is the equivalent of six African lions bite force, a crocodile. That's crazy. Imagine how bad it would hurt to get bit by a lion. Oh, yeah.

And that's six times worse. I mean, you can't comprehend it. It's like saying how big is space or what does infinity mean? You can't comprehend it. Yeah, you kind of comprehend it. 3,700 pounds of PSI. No, it would just crack you. It just shatters whatever it grabs, you know?

What, does it say out of interest, Patrick, a species, does it say Nile or saltwater or anything like that? Or just, just like crock it off. Salt water. Salt water crocs. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, they're very scary animals. I mean, that's what I was after in Indonesia looking for that one with a tie around its neck. And that one was about 16 feet long. And I was like, boy, sure don't want to end up on the wrong side of that animal.

Yeah, you might want to just keep the number 3,700 in your head for your next crock. excursion. See, this is why, like, ignorance is bliss. Like, ignorance is bliss. I don't want to know that. Like, they're just, you know, they're like misunderstood dogs, you know. It's just this, like, big, scaly dog, and I'm just going to go in the water and catch it, and everybody wins.

Like, it's better to just not think about these things. Think about this. Think about, like, when you're, like, on a bench press, right? And you're, like, doing whatever, you know, let's say you're benching, like, 185 pounds, right? And you're like, who, I kind of want to go up to 200. You're like, I'm only adding 15 pounds. it's like less than 10.

I'm adding like 8% of the weight. And it's so much harder. Imagine you just took a big dude from the bar and just said, go ahead and bite my arm as hard as you can. And then we just said, okay, now we're going to make that twice as hard. Imagine how much that would hurt. Imagine making it 20 times as hard as a human can bite you. It's like go get a tractor and we're going to put you in the claw of the tractor.

Right. Just like it's incomprehensible. Yeah. Holy shit. I'm just glad they're not roaming around in the streets and, you know, just hanging out amongst humans because that'd be a nightmare. Anyway, good stuff. So moving on to some more what's in the news. My favorite headline, I kind of butch, I made it better because it was like, oh, this thing is happening. Do you guys see the old COVID zombie weasels in Denmark? No. I heard about it. I didn't see. see it, though. Because it's not real, I don't think, or is it? Well, it's kind of real. And I can explain it because I was interested in it. So you might remember, I think we talked about this two shows ago that in Denmark, you know, they have these huge mink farms before their fur and they decided that they

were going to like kill several hundred thousand of them, right? Or maybe it was millions. I forget. And it's because supposedly minks can be carriers of COVID. And I was saying, like, you know, these animals are going to die one way or another. They are farmed for their furs. Like it's, It's not great, but it's not the worst thing in the world. It's not like killing rhinos. Well, there was this headline in Denmark that these zombie minks were rising from the dead that had been infected with COVID. Well, it's not accurate.

There's no zombie weasels running around. What it is is that there were so many mink bodies piled up in this grave that they started to decompose. And as they started decomposed, the gases were released, right? Because heat creates gas, gas gets released. and where the geniuses in Denmark decided to bury them was in this like porous sandy soil only like a foot or two under the earth. So basically what happened was all of these bodies started to rot under the earth

and raise up from the heat and the gas. And because it was just sand, they basically just kind of rose up through the sand and started appearing, you know, popping out of the sand in Denmark looking like these zombies coming out of the graves. And it was all just nonsense because they buried them poorly. But yeah, I'm still potentially infected with COVID and now decomposing. But COVID is a respiratory disease. So they're not breathing, you know, like it's not, they're not transmitting.

Unless somebody's going and trying to fucking. I'm sure there's some teenagers. Like, dude, if you just like, like, if you huff it, like it gets you fuck that. Like, let's go do it. What were we talking about penguins who were farting so much that they were releasing nitrous. That's right. Yeah. Getting high off it.

Yep. There have been numerous cases in history, like obviously during the Black Plague and things like that, where we have buried tens of thousands of humans just in holes on top of each other. I wonder if it was a similar thing where they sort of rose up through the dirt from the decomposition. You would think there may be a similar action there. I think the soil type has a lot to do with that, knowing that these were buried in this like porous sand is obviously why. I'm sure it's happened before, you know, I'm sure there's a reason that people believe in zombies. Like all those, all those loreish things are based in some kind of, you know, old fact. Like, nothing's just pulled out of thin air, right?

You know, Bigfoot is based on large primates, you know, lockness monsters, based on dinosaurs. Like, they're all based on something. Right. I'm sure zombies are based on, you know, someone seeing something rise up out of the soil at some point or God knows what. So, yeah, I'm sure it's happened before. Okay. Can I tell you a little secret?

So what made me think of it was this past year. By the way, the show premieres on December 2nd, The Atlas of Chris Places on National Geographic. So we went to, I was in Romania this, well, December last year. We were filming for an episode of the show. And we went to this place, Romania had a horrible outbreak of the plague. And long after the plague had mostly disappeared from Europe. And they think that it was a mutated version of the plague that had become airborne.

So mnemonic plague instead of bubonic plague. Okay. Spread really quickly. They immediately walled in the whole city and had the military so you couldn't leave. So it was the worst. Wait, when was this? This was back in the 1700? I think it was the late 1700s or early 1800s.

Okay. But anyway, long story short, we went to film, we were telling part of that story. We went to film in this location where they had basically taken a tunnel system that, like, Vlad the Impaler had used to, like, escape the city, an escape route, and they piled up 90,000 bodies inside these tunnels that are underneath the city. It's a lot. So we went down into this tunnel system to film, and, like, a lot of the people on the crew was fucking freezing.

It was the middle of winter. A lot of people on the crew were like, ah, like, I feel weird down here. It feels really heavy. Like, something feels off. Like, I'm not feeling so good. I'm getting dizzy. Like, people were, and I was like, I feel, there's nothing. There's nothing to this.

Like, just because 90,000 bodies, like, it didn't affect me at all. And I was the only one. And so it started to make me wonder if there's something wrong with me that, like, I understood the history. That's all placebo effect. Like, think if you hadn't told a single one of those people that any of that had happened there and you're just like, these are cool tunnels that miners made. They don't be like, tra-l-la, I like this. This is fun down here. You know what I mean?

It's true. Well, but I mean, placebo effect. And they're like, oh, do you feel it? Do you feel the heavy energy? Shut the fuck up. You don't feel anything. You've just been thinking about people getting murdered down here. Right.

The human brain is very, we should all know this during COVID. I thought I've had it now. So I came in like second-degree- -com. Literally every week. You've thought you've had it every week. I haven't twice, but I've got five different texts from you in the last nine days saying I have COVID. It's not true.

It's not true. Please continue. I had second-degree contact. So somebody that I'm hanging out with head contact with somebody that has it, And legit, it's like every scratchy throat thing, you're like, oh, fuck. Like, there's something wrong with me. It might not be COVID, but I'm sick. There's nothing wrong, dude.

But the mind will fucking just destroy you. So you just can't tell. Just be like, no, we're just going on here to film. And then after you're on, oh, by the way, 90,000 people died down there. Right. And then they'll be like, whoa, I knew I felt dramatic. Yeah, totally. Totally.

Yeah. Dude, I could tell because I was sneezing down there. there. It's so good. Without fail, guarantee to somebody would be like... And there's always one person too. It's like, oh, do you remember that one time? I was like, whoa, did you see that? Yeah. Shut the fuck up.

You're talking about people. But by the way, like, listen, I'm guilty of it too. Yeah, and if ghosts are real, that place would have been full of ghosts. You know what I mean? If even one percent of ghosts are true,

one percent of 90,000 is still a hell of a lot of ghosts. There's still 900 ghosts down there. Can I? Didn't see any. Can I rip on our industry for a second? I saw just a couple days ago I flipped on cable for the first time and God knows how long. Yikes.

Yeah. And the first thing that popped up was an ad for, I want to say, travel channels, new show or new special, which was whatever their famous ghost hunting team is, going to Joe Exotic Park to look for. Carol Baskin's husband's ghost. And I was like, this is not really a show. And it was 100% an hour long special of ghost hunters going to show Exotic Sued to look for Carol Baskin's husband's ghost.

And I was like, this is why Cable's dying. Like, who is watching this? You're lying. You fucker. I swear, look it up. It's a real, I didn't watch it, of course, because I just couldn't even believe it. I was like, no, why would you watch that? Who would watch that?

That's not a little fucking... So Carol Vaskin murdered her husband? and put him in a pickup truck and brought him brought him to Joe Exotics. Maybe was that, maybe they were looking for the kid that shot himself in the head with the, I don't, well that's great.

Either way, it's like, come on, you know, like just stop it. Just, just stop it. Dude, as somebody who actually watches this shit and these trashy ass reality shows, I'll tell you this to add to, that's why these shows are dying. Also, like some of them,

them are just so blatantly fake these days where like you'll go and look up one of the supposed people on the reality show and they're clearly like an Instagram influencer who is just trying to get follows and you're like oh there's just no way but the real killer dude is that there's there's such so many commercials and so they get so long towards the end of the show it's hard to watch you're literally just like they make you dumber I I mean, the commercials are out of control, dude. Commercials are obviously, yeah, they've always sucked. But, like, I don't know if it's that I'm getting older and so I'm less patient than I used to be.

But fuck me, man. Like, the people that write these things are fucking idiots. And I don't even, honestly, if we have any brosuners who write commercials, I'm not sorry for saying that. I'm sure your commercials are great. But like, good God. Just the dumb shit. And the humor that they think they can sell us to make us chuckle hasn't changed in like 15 years.

It's like that snarky. Right. Did you just do that? No. Yeah, right. Right. It's like, that's not funny to anyone. And it hasn't been in a long time.

It was not funny now. It's never been funny. Jesus Christ. No, no. The Budweiser frogs and wha-wap. That shit, at least someone was trying something. Yeah, it was original. Now it's just snarky people have been like,

like having some quip at the end and we're supposed to laugh and go, what was that product again? Hang on, let me write it down. State Farm? Yeah, okay. I need insurance now. Yeah. Fuck off.

You fucking assholes. They're dumbing down the entire population of the United States with this shit. They make us look like fucking morons. I love how angry you are about this, and I completely agree. Me too. I mean, listen, it's, it's, it's this thing where people have gotten so much smarter, right? Like, the brocesters are hitting me up constantly on Instagram. People are not fucking stupid.

When you're trying to put some stupid-ass bullshit in front of them, I think like, a lot of times I'm just like, so they just, they just have money and they want you to think about their brand. There's no, like, this is not clever. like there is nothing to this they just want their name on TV in front of the million people that are watching this shitty reality show like it like and to be honest it works because I get angry sometimes and then I like complain to the girlfriend or like complain to friends about this thing I'm like what are they doing like this is horrible and uh you know you talk about it we just watched elf on Thanksgiving night the Will Ferrell movie that's a treat that's a treat

I could watch it every day it's so goddamn fun it's great But the way that Elf's dad, so he's a children's book author, and they have these like brainstorms where they're like, he's like, so what do you got to his team of writers? Or like, we got a tomato. Yeah. Right. And they think it's a great idea. Like, that is probably what these commercial agencies are like. Oh, yeah.

Oh, totally. It's like, how do they sell this stuff too? Like, why do I know who, is it, flow from Geico insurance is? Like, I don't want to know who that is. Like, she's not funny. She's not cool. She's not attractive. Like, why has that been jammed down my throat so much for the last 15 years that when I go out

on Halloween, I see a girl dressed as flow? I'm like, hey, look, it's flow. I'm like, ah, fuck. Now I'm the end. They got us. Why do I know that? Right. This is ruining me that I'm, I'm so aware of this.

It's persistence, man. It's the power of, it's the power of being human, man. It's persistence, perseverance, just sticking with something for so long that, that, that, other people are in awe by it. It's the same thing we did when we would hunt animals and just run them down for days because they couldn't keep up. That's what advertisers are doing to us

these days. One thing that I did want to get in front of the bro-ologist this week. Yeah. Came across my desk. Thanks to bro-will. Slash Wild Times, Willie. Okay, so

Alaska has a lot of snow. has a lot of mountains. Guess what you get when you have that? Avalanches, okay? You don't want to get stuck in an avalanche, as far as we say in avalanche. And you don't want to be down there.

It's odd. And so Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center, for a long time, typically they use dogs when they're looking for people that are buried under avalanches, when there's a bad avalanche in a populated area. Well, a guy named Mike Miller at the Wildlife Conservation Center is now training Wolverine. No way.

Yeah, to sniff out and locate humans that are buried under the snow. According to Mike, he can train them fully to be operational in a week. Wow. And he says that they're smarter and easier to train than dogs, quote, anything you can train a dog to do. You can train a Wolverine to do five times faster. Wow. Thoughts? I don't have a much Wolverine experience.

A week? Yeah. I have very, I've seen one in the wild. Actually, I've seen them twice now, way up north, obviously. I have very limited experience with Wolverines. I mean, I admire the hell out of them. They're incredible looking creatures. I think, are they must-de-lid family?

I think they're giant weasels, basically. I'm not positive, but they're just, they're just insane creatures. I mean, they're absolutely amazing. And they're, you know, super, like, burly skulls and thick skin and harsh coats. Like, they're totally designed for that environment. So I think what's genius there by Mike Miller is, like, even if you're a St. Bernard, like, you're not designed for that environment. You know, you're not supposed to be going over thick snow, you know, snowfall,

like spending weeks or whatever it may be out in getting exposure in that environment. But Wolverines 100% are. You know, that's their native environment. They're totally designed for that. I think if I, I'm just thinking as, you know, being on the flip side of that, I think if I was caught in a snow cave in an avalanche or something, and the first thing that dug me out was an avaloreen in my hands were like stuck in the snow. I'd be like, well, this is how I die.

I wouldn't think, I wouldn't think we're searching rescues right behind the wolverine to pull me out. Like I'd be like, well, this is not good. Yeah. A nice fluffy poxed snows through. You're like, that's got to be. That's, I know what this is. You're like, thank God. I'm getting rescued.

Oh, no, man. I want to see a St. Bernard with a wooden. barrel of rum on its fucking collar. That's what I want to see. If you guys are ever sending out a rescue party for me, that's what I want to lift my spirits immediately just before I die. I'm going to look into that a little more because I'm just so fascinated by the idea. There's definitely a misconception about Wolverines being like harsh and mean and ruthless and fearsome and blah, blah, blah. And I mean, the fact that you can just take one and train it to go and do search and rescue, I think that's, that's absolutely amazing.

cool animals, very cool looking. Quick thing to stick with the theme of the show. Their bite force, 105, less than a human. Oh, pretty weak. Not strong biters. They do have some nasty glass, though. They got that. They sure do. Yeah, but 105, come on. Barely breaking on me. That's like a baby. Like a human baby. Peter, my butt. Yeah. Patrick, let me ask you this. Are there ugly animals? Are there any ugly animals? Yeah. To one on my shirt. Pat's wearing a shirt. I mean, but the blobfish, would you call them ugly or just unique? Well, let me say, let me just say this about the blobfish. I've done much research since it was deemed my spirit animal by Pat all those episodes ago.

Episode one, yeah. Was it? I really wanted to know about this fucking fish. Yeah. And I'll tell you this, that picture, this picture that we have here. Yeah. I actually found, I fact-checked it, and it's, they're not this ugly. This is what a dead one looks like, okay?

So, but this is the most famous fucking picture of a blobfish right here for some ungodly reason. And all I got to say is they got a bad rap, dude. Imagine if somebody snapped a photo of you right after you had just eaten 30 pounds of jungle potatoes on making and afraid. And that's the only picture. that people found when they searched your name online. Thankfully, that's not the case any longer.

So the answer to me is yes, because I've seen a goblin shark. I've seen a gar, an alligator gar. There's absolutely ugly animals, yes. Okay. Well, let me give you my take on it, right? I've always thought, looking at the blobfish, looking at the alligator gar, the goblin shark. I've never thought there were ugly animals, right?

I'm always like, wow, these things are so unique. They're so interesting. They're so beautiful. And I mean this until today. And I'm not kidding when I say this. Oh, boy. Yeah. Will sent me something.

And I like to think I'm pretty well versed on different types of animals. And of course, this is a mutant human creation through selective breeding. But Will, if you don't mind pulling up a picture of the Dong Tao chicken from Vietnam, please. It is the ugliest fucking thing. That's sad. I have ever seen in my life. It sounds delicious. Like, if I was at, like, Hoy's Walk or, you know, Panda Express, and someone was like,

do you want the Dongtow chicken? I'd be like, yeah, that sounds really good. Yeah, until you see its feet. What's going on there, man? Oh, you kidding me? This thing's amazing. This is not a photo show. This is a real, it's disgusting.

Humans have made this thing. There are, I don't know, Will, if you can pull up the link that you sent me and scroll through some of these pictures, but it is the most grotesque-looking bird. I have ever seen in my life. Less than 5% of our Bresner actually watch the YouTube. That's a good point. I forget these things. Everybody should.

So this chicken, ladies and gentlemen, from the knees up is just your ISD, your industry standard definition cock. I mean, just a good looking chicken. Very normal. Nothing bizarre about it. But then the second you look at this thing's feet,

it looks like it has elephant-tight of the legs. It is just the most No, dude, come on. Those are some good looking feet, dude. No, come on. It looks like it hurts. It's disgusting, man. It's so bad. You know how much proteins in those? We've made that. Is it because

chicken feet are edible and they make good soup? Ew. That's bad. Look at that thing, dude. Come on. It's disgusting. If you are not watching on YouTube or following along, searching. Like, I like, you know me, like, I'll run over and pick up

anything. Patrick knows this. A snake, a spider, a scorpion, like, super stoked. If I saw this chicken, I would turn and I would run. Like, I want to have nothing to do with this disgusting looking bird. Well, you would honestly think that there was something medically wrong with this chicken. 100%. I would think that this chicken has tumors for legs, like elephantitis legs. It is just a disgusting looking. So do you know why they did it? Is it because chicken feed are edible or is it, was this for cockfighting because they use their claws. Do we know? I mean, I don't know.

I don't know. I found out about this thing five minutes before the show started when Will texted it to me. And I honestly didn't even believe it was real. But, you know, it's obviously, so it's a rare species of chicken to begin with. And then there's obviously been a ton of selective breeding to select for these big, thick legs. And we've created this monstrosity of a bird. And I just, I just think it's disgusting. Like I really, really think it's grotesque. Like I don't even like looking at the pictures of it. What is the purpose of this?

What's the purpose of this? So there were bread in Vietnam. They're very rare. They obviously have these huge tumor feet. And it's considered, for whatever reason, a Dongtow chicken is a delicacy. So these were actually bred and created in Hanoi. There's a part of Hanoi called Dongtow for us. And I spent many a drunken evening in Hanoi together.

Sure have. But there's such a sort of mishmash of weird genetic disasters that, ugh. So their eggs are huge. So a lot of the times the chickens die while trying to lay the eggs. That's great. And then the hatch rate is very, very low as well. Well, I'm guessing they're just stomping all over their eggs with these elephantitis legs and just flattening their chicks when they hatch because they're just so clumsy.

I don't know any of this. I'm just guessing based on this monstrosity. Yeah, that's horrendous what they're doing here. Yeah, I do not care for this. And they sell, by the way, for about $18 per pound. Their meat sells for $18 per pound in Vietnam, which is that could buy you several weeks worth of food. Yeah.

Yeah. There's people in countries and cultures that do things that are a lot worse than this. but I do got to say like it fucking pisses me off when we what is the point so they just genetically modified this thing so that they could make money off it. Dude, we turn fucking wolves into Chihuahotwats. You know what I mean? Right. Listen.

Yeah. Like we do this. The purpose of that though is not to eat them, is it? It's just to pet them and have a loving end for them to be next to you. That's even dumber. That's even if you think about what you just said, that's even more. stupid. It's like, oh, here's this super cool creature, this wolf, this apex

predator that can help me hunt and feed and all these useful things. I'm going to make it into a two pound animal that I carry around in my purse in West Hollywood. It's the catch-22 of being a human being. Dude, we have all this power to fucking change

everything and with great power comes great responsibility. And let me tell you one thing about us human beings. We don't have any responsibility. We take none. Okay, look at this chicken. Listen, listen, Uncle from Spider-Man.

Let's take this power and reverse this monstrosity of a chicken because, yuck. I hate this chicken. I hate it. Things are irreversible. I don't hate any animal but this chicken. I found one I hate. What about your peacock? You ate your peacock more.

Of course I do, but not as much as this chicken. Motherfugger's just pecking, pecking at your car, squawking in the morning. It's a nightmare. Quick overview for us. Now, you've got duck. You've added the ducks to the pigs. Yep. You've got a peasant or is it, it's a...

A peasant? I'm sorry, not a peasant. I have a peasant in my yard who brings me mead. You have giant rabbits. Of course, it is always weird when we're there that you have so many peasants on your farm. Yeah, yeah. No, I never want to pay them. I can't think of the name because I'm drunk.

A peasant, and I don't have a pheasant. We have chickens, peacocks, turkeys, geckoning fowl. Yeah. Dude, are the turkeys stoked about Thanksgiving and that they made it through it? They made it through. They made it through. Did you guys know that did I tell you guys about this? So I was out mushroom hunting a while ago and we startled this turkey, wild turkey,

and it was a hen sitting on like 28 eggs, huge clutch of eggs. And I was like, ah, I'm going to take two home. And I brought two turkey eggs, wild turkey eggs home and hatched them under our chickens. And now we have these two massive wild turkeys that live with the chickens. I didn't talk about this? Did not tell us about that. That's fucking incredible. You'll see them.

I've had them since it was May when we were out mushroom hunting and I brought home these turkey eggs. And they're gargantuan now. I was like, I don't know if they'll hatch. Like, you know, we had no idea. I kept them warm against the body. Do your neighbors have an issue with all the noises coming from your back farm area? You know, I think they used to. Like when we first moved here like 12 years ago, they complained a little bit.

Now, I don't know if you've seen, if you saw this the last time you're at my house. but in the top left-hand corner of the property where the fence is and the mini-horse, mini-donkey and mini-pigs live. Oh, yeah, the mini-hors too. Yeah, there's a little hole in the fence with a little sign that says, please don't stick your fingers in our mouths, but bring us carrots and celery or something like that. And so every single day, there's like a line of kids out the fence, like feeding our animal.

We've stopped feeding the little horse and donkey because there's so many neighborhood kids that come to feed them. People love it here now. So it works out. Yeah. Nice. Well, they already, they slowly learn. that you're like, you know, you're a

fan, you're like a z-less ceilab. There's something lower than Z? Yeah. And we start going into like 1A. Yeah. A-A. Just so you know, Peter, your dog, which is clearly part chihuahua, of all dogs,

all domesticated dogs, when you take the bite force of their, the PSI of their bite force, as compared to, as a function of their head size, they actually are number one. Wow. So they have the strongest bite

as a function of head size of any dog. Thoughts? Is that the same for humans? This is the bite episode, clearly. You're obsessed with the bite force. This is a bit of the episode. Relative to his head size, he's got to be in the tens of thousands.

Well, Forrest has a big wide jaw, doesn't he? Sure do. He's got a big wide head. Sure do. Real meaty cheeks. Sure do. Listen, Charlie, Charlie. Charlie my dog, just to retort, is an asshole.

All right? He's getting worse by the day. I fucking love him, but I love it. I love him. But I legit hate him, too. He's a fucking car. He's getting grumpier, yeah? He's, I mean, like, dude, he'll come and he'll, like, be the cuddliest, but the, and best, like, loving and, like, like,

Leoney. The second you do something, he's so selfish. The second you do something that he's not, like, all about. out, it's literally like a growl and potentially a bite. And I'm like, fuck you, we got this collar that beeps at him and vibrates now. He can suck a dick. I hope you're listening to it. All right, guys. Well, this, uh, you know, this is, it's becoming a long, ranty podcast. And I like that because I've been ranting about, I've been ranting about hideous chickens. Patrick went nuts on some advertising. Retep, you've actually remained surprisingly calm tonight, which is, you know, maybe you're just

the antithesis, you know, you're just, you're the counter to whatever Patrick and I are feeling, I guess. It's not just a podcast. It's more than a podcast. Yeah. I enjoy this. We all enjoy this. I get DMs about how people feel like they're hanging out with us. It's fucking great. Then that's what it is. That's my whole, that was my whole segue, right? Because that's, I got it, I don't typically like chew people out because of how stupid they are. And I get some real stupid questions and comments on, on my socials. But I had a brosener, A.K., send me a message. W.T. Willie's going to pull it up on screen because it's almost unbelievable. The message says this. Enjoy. Hey, man, I have a friend who wants to make a YouTube video of himself fighting a cougar.

And I am very concerned for his well-being, as he is truly convinced he can beat a cougar in a fight. He tried to talk him out of it, but there's no stopping him. With your distinguished knowledge, do you honestly believe my friend would have any chance of winning a fight against? a wild cougar. This is a real message that I got. Will's got it up on screen right now if you're watching the YouTube. Okay.

Oh, boy. Oh, my goodness. What was it, Cougars? Yeah, yeah, go ahead, sorry. Yeah, so this is the Bight Force episode. The Cougar and the Bight Force episode. Same thing, right? Yeah.

Do we remember what the Bight Force was of a Cougar? Patrick? Very high. Let me just check, bro. I'm Bight Forest, Patty. You are. You are. So, 725.

So, three, three times that of a standard pit bull or German Shepherd. Right. Five times out of a human being. Yeah. The clause, the general fact that it's a fucking cougar. Runs 40 miles an hour.

Yeah. So, guys, I think we should break this down for a second. Retep, why don't you lead us off? What advice do you have for Brosner, AK's friend? Well, this is an interesting one to me because it's not, it's not what would you do you know if you encountered a cougar

this is a guy who for some fucking reason wants to like come to blows with a wild animal so my advice to him that thing right there that will just pull up oh my god look how muscular this fucking thing is this genius is going to go

look for one of these things to fight it for a YouTube video I mean here's my here's my take on this first of all I it's I think It's bullshit, but if it is real, I'd say that you should just go and watch that video that just came out recently of the guy who was attacked by a mountain lion, which is way, way, way, less than the same animal. Same animal.

We're tap. Yeah. Exact same? Exactly. Just different terminology based on the part of the country. The more you know. Yeah. Well, anyways, this one is very muscular.

Watch that video and fucking look at how goddamn terrifying that thing. is when it charges and then figure out what you want to do you'll push out i'm not encouraging it but nobody in their right mind would ever want to fucking go through with this patrick what do you got for uh a k's buddy i'm not surprised and i totally believe it's real because i think that there's a huge amount of people who think that their path to to self-worth and value is some sort of internet fame instagram they want to be an influencer they want to you know whatever youtube And clearly you've got a bunch of people like Andrew Eukles who actually knows what he's doing with most of the animals he works with. You have people like Forrest who are handling, you know, king cobras in the middle of a jungle.

And those things get a lot of hits. And if you're, look, there's a true factual story that happened in the 80s outside of a meathead steroid gym in New York City where a guy walked out in the middle of the winter because he had just bench pressed like a. 600 pounds and was convinced that he could stop a car and he stepped in front of a car that was going 35 miles an hour and tried to use a bench press motion to stop it and it fucking hit it and killed him. No way. It's a real thing that happens. People do dumb shit.

Yeah. And so I imagine A.K.'s buddy is like that guy that he's still really good friends with, even though they've grown apart a little bit. Yeah. I hope so. Yeah. So I'm not surprised. My thing in general is probably don't go out and provoke wild animals to get in

fights because your upside is that you win the fight and now you pulverized a wild animal that you shouldn't have engaged and you're probably going to jail let's say that's a good point happens he beats the shit out of this mountain liner cougar it goes viral he gets everything you ever wanted out of it it gets a hundred million hits it gets a billion hits they're coming to arrest you AK's friend so that's your upside and look I don't think this guy's stupid I'm not calling him an asshole. I don't know what's going on with his life. You know, he probably just has this idea. You know, just don't fucking do it, man. Just don't do it. So, here's what I'm to say. Here's my advice. Do it. Go the other way with it. You know. Disclaimer. I think no.

No, I think he's good, man. He has no. Migdala. Don't listen to him. I think this is a great idea. You have A.K.'s buddy. Because look, there's, there's a lot of people in the world and there's some Darwinian awards that need some winning. And if you're the guy that's going to go march into the woods and provoke a wild cougar and get your jugular sliced for a YouTube video, more power to you, man, because you're fucking idiot, dude. Are you kidding me? Like, what are you talking about?

This is beyond stupid. No, A.K., your buddy cannot win. There is no world in which he can win. Furthermore, I don't believe your friend can even find a mountain lion. Right. Like, I am a world-class wildlife biologist and animal tracker. And if you paid me $1,000 to find a mountain lion tonight, when I know that they hang out right outside my property, I would bet I couldn't find one.

Right. Like, you're not going to find one, bud, and you're not going to fight it because it's going to run away. And if you do corner it, it's going to kill you. So you just go right ahead, bud. You, good luck to you, more power to you. You got a full-on Far Scolante endorsement. Go fight a cougar. It's going to work out real well.

I feel like this is one of those things, one of those, one of those things that Forrest Red while laying in bed next to a companion. And he, and he just started laughing. Oh, yeah. And she was like, and then she's like, what's so funny? Like, kind of have a sleep. And then, like, you tried to explain it to her and she had no fucking idea. But it sounds like you've been thinking about this for a while. Yeah, I've been stewing on it for sure.

So I just like, it was, it was a real head and hands kind of moment where I was just like, like, oh boy. Yeah, don't fucking fight a cougar, man. Listen, guys, it has been two hours. I know we got to get to the battle royale, but before we do, I have one quick trivia moment that has been, I've wanted

to ask you guys. Go, go, go. It's very quick. So, the largest ever birds nest in the world in recorded history was built by a pair of blank. It was blank

wide, blank deep, and estimated to weigh blank pounds. So I want to know how big it was, how much it weighed, and what birds built it. Now, can this, is this, is this in a tree? Because there's ground-dwelling birds that make huge mounds. So I don't want to, I don't want to, in a tree. In a tree. 100% in a tree. Got it.

All right. Can I go first? Yeah. Or is that, should we let the wildlife guy go first? No, go for it. Go for it. I actually think it was, I'm going to hold off on the species. for a minute. But I think that

the biggest bird's nest, I do think I read something about this, and it was the depth that is what made it really huge. It wasn't the width or the circumference. It was that it was super deep. It went way down. So I'm going to say that it was about

14 feet deep, and only about 10 feet wide. And I think it was built by two American Eagles that were a monogamous couple that lived together for 60 years and were monogamous and fucked all the time. So you said 10 feet, how deep?

14 feet deep and only about 10 feet wide. So it was deeper than wide. And then how much did it weigh? Well, that's a lot of sticks, boy. I'm going to say it weighed about 340 pounds. All right. It's a nice, it's a nice, well-rounded guess. What do you think, Pat?

Yeah, I like that. I'm going to go just based on my knowledge of big nest builders, that the bird was an African species called a hammer cop, and Will can pull up a picture of one because they're super cool. A pair of hammer co-cop, K-O-P, C-O-P, which in Afrikaans means head, not going to do a hit. A hammercock is what they call me. That's right. That's Patrick's moniker.

All right. Yeah, so I'm going to go a pair of it. of Hammercop and their nest was six feet wide by, by six by, let's go eight feet long, six by eight, weighing in at a cool, see, they like to use pretty big sticks, like a cool five, 20 pounds. Okay. All right, the guesses are in. That's a hammer cop nest. It's a hammer cop nest. It looks pretty large, but the weight, I'm just going to, it's a shame, both of you are off by thousands of pounds. Thousands. 4,400 pounds was the weight of this nest.

It was built by a pair, Pat, you got this right, of bald eagles in Florida. In Florida, I did not expect that. Okay. You were pretty close, Pat, on the width and the depth. Wow. nine and a half feet wide, dude, this is bananas, 20 feet deep, 4,400 pounds. Yeah, that's insane. Full disclosure, this is not on the show doc, but I had read this like a couple years ago,

and I was like, why do they need such a deep nest? Actually, for us, maybe you know a bit more. That's insane. Why would they want a narrow, super deep nest? I don't know. I don't know the answer. My best guess would be that they basically just continued upkeep on it and it just got too deep. You know what I mean?

It wasn't necessarily like, let's make our nest deeper and deeper. It was just like, let's keep building. Let's keep building. And all of a sudden it was like this very inconvenient nest. But I really, I have no idea. It's like a guy who's been working on a. It was all the guys who's been working on his. Oh, shit.

Sorry. I stepped all over your joke. I apologize. No, you're good. What did you say? No, but it's like a guy who's been working on a pig. for 30 years and has turned it into essentially like a nitrous-fueled Tesla by 2020. There you go.

I mean, 10 or 20 feet deep is fucking bananas. These birds are just continuously going out and gathering things to add to the nest for probably years. Maybe they had OCD. That's a cool. That's a cool fact. I'm going to hang on to that one. I like that. 4,400 pounds.

Yeah, that's crazy. But now I'm sorry that I interrupted. It is time. gentlemen do it wow battle royale i tried to mimic bats from our sound effects are so stupid now this is why we have listeners this is why yeah yeah oh yeah so okay i i wrote i wrote one as we were doing the show i wrote i came up with a battle royale so tonight wow it's the jaw it's it's it's the bite force night right we've gone over this pat pat patrick's obsessed night he's obsessed with it Okay. Let's paint a little picture, right? It's year 2022. We've now all been locked in our COVID stupor isolation for two years. Life's terrible. Life's garbage. COVID is running rampant. Things are just like things couldn't be worse. The only positive thing you have going for you is you're basically an A-List celebrity because of the Wild Times podcast being such a hit. Of course. Yeah. But you're down.

down on your luck. COVID's no end in sight. Life's getting worse. You're going to end it all. This is it. Wow. You're going to go out. Yeah. It's grim. I'm not going to end it. You are. You are because that's how this works. And so you're going to go out, but you're not just going to go out in any way because that wouldn't be very wild times of you. You're going to go out in a glorious fashion to make some TMZ news, as you are an A-List celebrity from the Wild Times podcast after all. So the battle royale tonight, gentlemen, is you have to end it all. But you're method of suicide involves one animal attack, one location, and one piece of technology. How are you going to do it?

The most glorious end that you can come up with. Okay, I think we go one at a time and just run through our whole scenario here. For sure. Yep. Okay. So the goal is to commit suicide. Yep. It's grim. Do it in a way that goes the most viral? Correct. Like I'm addicted to fame and even in death I want to be famous.

Yes. So even in death, you're so addicted to fame from all of your wild times. Money and fame and fortune that you're going to end it in the most glorious fashion possible. You're going to commit suicide using one animal, one location, and one piece of technology. Now, does it have to be plausible? Like Peter can't say, like, I'm going to cover myself in honey and get pecked to death by chickens. Or he can't. 100%.

Yeah, of course. 100% Okay. Shall I go first? Yeah. By the way, I can't say that. Okay. Please, Patrick.

Take it away. So here's what I'm going to do. This is so grim. This is wild. All right, so here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go to the Democratic Republic of Congo. Okay. Lovely.

Lovely. Because already a bad choice. Well, they have volcanoes. They have, you know, I'm going to do some... No cameras. Nobody's filming there. I'm going to do sightseeing whilst. there. Now, nobody else can choose this location, FYI. Also, no one else can choose my piece of

technology. I'm going to use an iPhone 12. It has three cameras. It takes great video because I'm obviously going to need to film my own death, right, so that it can then go viral. So iPhone 12, I'm in the DRC. I've done some sightseeing. I've had a good time. I've maybe even had some unprotected sex because I know I'll be dead soon anyway, so I'm not scared of disease. Why not? And then what I'm going to do is I'm going to lay down. So my video is going to be like shot from above. I'm going to hire a local and give him the instructions. So you're going to see me laying down and it looks like I'm making a snow angel, right, on my back. I'm doing with my arms and legs. And then he's sort of widening out the shot

and he's widening out, widening out. And then you see four Silverback gorillas coming in one to each limb. They're going to grab me by the foot, the foot, the hand, the hand, and they're going to rip me in a coordinated fashion. They're going to basically count down one, two, three, and then they're going to rip me into four pieces. Oh, boy. I don't know which piece my head's going to go with.

I presume my left arm. And then as that's happening, I'm going to be whistling, whistling. Mariah Carey's all I want for Christmas is you until. all the blood runs out of my brain. January 1st. So that's mine. It's okay. I mean,

my head that sounded more fun when I was writing it. Now I'm like, oh, that's kind of sad. I don't want to see Patrick and pull. I mean, but you might. Took it a little bit too seriously. Yeah.

Okay. And I thought you were going to go with something with a bite force. After all of our conversation, I thought you're going to be like, well, you know, we did learn tonight that the... Now, I think I'm ready.

Too many drinks. All right. I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready. Let's go. Let's go. All right. So my location is going to be a very famous location that while I'm standing on it will clearly pick up helicopter news from around the world. Okay. I will be standing on the D, specifically the D of the Hollywood sign. So I'm up there. I definitely assumed a different D that you were sitting on, but please continue. Yeah.

So you're standing, you're 40 feet off the ground. Cool. Yep, 40 feet off the ground on the D. I've already. I've already. already gotten there. And you get a lot of D. We know. A orangutan. orangutan was released on top of the first O'O of the Hollywood sign. And next to him is an Uzi. And as I'm standing there on the D, just naked.

I'm naked also. Nice. Good. Naked. Good, very good. So, you know, by the way, I have gotten, I have. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Good for you. Good for everybody. I've eaten thousands of generic Indian-made Seattleis pills before I went out there. My dick is about to explode. It's smart. Love that. I have already garnered the attention of several helicopters.

Camera crews. Good. You've seen them driving around. They can get very high. Yeah. There's multiple cameras around me from every which way. The monkey, the. The orangutan that's on the first O sees the gun.

He's just sitting there. He's dropped there. This is obviously the only thing he's got to play with that's around him. He picks up the gun. And, you know, he's smart. He just fucking holds it. Shoots it. Just goes around a bit.

And I'm like, oh, shit. I'm still naked. He comes to this O next to me. And now he knows what the gun does. He just starts wildly firing at me and spraying my body. with bullets while there's helicopters flying around videotaping the whole ordeal nationally internationally televised news and I will fall to my day. I'm like a gracious local mayor of upstate New York Town who steps down before the election

results are official. I am giving my concession speech because you have been. That's awfully good. The range of boner and the nudity really adds a lot to the whole. image yeah you just standing up there just pitching a tent an orangutan with an oozy on top of the hollywood sign it's it's it's a hell of a visual your your best performance came in episode 30 very nice very nice okay good good good on the question grim guy what did I didn't think of the answer though so I think you know I like I like I like what retab's doing he's staying close to home I think

I'd do that as well so you know here's what I'm going to do world traveler I've been all over the place, seen a lot of beautiful things. One of those things is the Grand Canyon. And there I will sit atop said Grand Canyon in a wheelchair, right? No, I'm not a cripple. I'm not. I just, I want to sit in a wheelchair.

I like where this is going. I like where this is going. There is so much potential here. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you very much. Now, can we do this either way? Yeah, let's. I'm a man of simple pleasures

and one of those pleasures of mine is fireworks. And so for my piece of technology, I will have strapped to all the backside of my wheelchair a lot of bottle rockets. I mean like Wiley Coyote bottle rockets. Like thousands of bottle rockets enough to, let's say, propel a human being off the edge of the Grand Canyon as he sits in said wheelchair.

And now the one... All right? Yeah. This is something. You know, it's something. It's something. Now, it's interesting that we all went straight to the primate arena because I'm going to need an assistant in this whole to do. You know, some kind of a baboon, if you will.

Are you picking me, you son of a bitch? No, I'm just saying. I need a trainable, you know, apparently Wolverines, but I need a trainable companion who can take a lighter and just awkwardly run around with this lighter until he somehow manages to piece together that all he has to do with the lighter is hit the back of one of the bottle rockets before I just take off off the edge of the Grand Canyon and just free fall to my death. You don't like, don't care for this? No, you guys are the ones complaining about how this has to be real and something that, what do you mean?

What? We said the opposite of that. Patrick literally asked me, does this have to be realistic? And I said, no. Also, a baboon has a better chance of lighting a bottle rocket than an orangutan has jumping from 1-0 to the 2nd O'E, grabbing an Uzi and accurately shooting. No way. You're an idiot.

You're an idiot. They're a thick fingers. They wouldn't even get it in. You literally just conceded this fucking battle royal to me. You're a idiotic, sir. I'm still voting for you, but his is no less plausible. I still like yours the best, Ritap. Yeah, yeah, no, the plausibility is a weak argument.

So what happens after the monkey lights the bottle lights? So after the baboon somehow manages to get the lighter lit? And I just keep in mind this whole time. I'm just sitting there looking out into this void of the Grand Canyon, terrified that this. How did you draw any attention to yourself? Who's recording this? Who will see this? Only tourists?

Do you know this? Like everywhere I go. Paparazzi's following you around. TMD. Mitch is there filming just in case he finds an extent fly. I think about the PR angle of this. I should have perhaps preface this by saying we don't have to self-film this. This is just, it's a given that it will be filmed.

Either way, maybe it doesn't get film. Maybe it doesn't get film. People just hear about it. That's fine. I don't care. I'm the guy who's sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon in a wheelchair with bottle rockets, all right? And a baboon. Baboon hits one of the fuses.

Whole thing lights up. Boom. I am literally flying. And the only thing I have on me other than a shotgun and a bottle of whiskey, because why wouldn't I, is a boom box, which is strapped to the back of the wheelchair that just has, and I'm free. Boom box. Free fall in all the way down. So to all the brosters, if you're listening on iTunes,

I would like it, I no longer concede because one of the prerequisites was a piece of technology. Forrest was a bottle rocket, not really tech, not really Facebook. No, the booblo wasn't developing. And a boombox. No, it wasn't multiple. His piece of technology was a bottle rocket. Yours was an Oozzie, not really a piece. piece of technology.

No. What the fuck are you talking about? What is it a piece of natural forming? Is it a plant? What do you talk about? It is technology. It's not technology. Anyway, Peter, what should the Brewsterers do?

Help us out. Well, first of all, suicide is no joke. You fucking idiot assholes. Don't commit suicide. Disclaimer. Also, guy who is going to go fight a cougar, please don't do that. Forrest has no amygdala. Maybe do it.

You know, if you're contemplating suicide, go look up how to not do that. Nobody wants to die. No, we're taking this seriously. Come on. Just shut your butt. I'm just disclaiming it. Probably smart. Probably smart.

Sorry. I almost said fuck your mouth, but then I said, mom. All right. So, yeah, anyways. Wait, real quick. For us. Would you rather have Peter fuck your mouth or fuck your mom? Jesus, that's my mouth.

I just can't live with the idea that he would have sex with my mother. So easy to just answer her mouth. I'm down. It's an easy choice. Yeah. It's like, I got Lesterine in the cupboard. We'll be fine. If you're going to do one or the other.

Your mom is, your mom is done with her purpose in life. She shat you out. She, there's, you know, who cares? She'll enjoy it. This is the darkest podcast we've ever done. It's the worst. It's the worst.

It's the worst. All right. Dick Hogan in the mouth. But anyway, go to iTunes. Vote for who you think has the best. spectacle for their own demise. Follow us on YouTube too. I got hit up on Instagram.

People have been asking if you don't have iTunes, you can go to YouTube to interact, whatever, you know, just comment, say what's up. It doesn't always have to be, I don't know where else to go, but YouTube and iTunes are the place to go to hit us up. And the Wild Timespodcast.com forward slash info is the links to all of that shit.

forward same wild times podcast.com forward slash slash merch you can get these fucking shirts and the one with just our logo on it which people love Pat's brother drew that logo shout out to him I forget his name on Instagram Pat do you know it? No but just pop them in a thing he called me out on it when I posted a picture of the shirt I love you Joe

but let's just like all the promo bullshit around like beside like look, we've got dope merch, you know, but I think the thing is, we love you guys that are listening to Browsoners. It's so much fun. People are engaging more and more every week. Like all of us are getting, from W.T. Willie to Patrick to retap myself, we're getting tons of messages on all the social channels with ideas for the podcast, with new battle royals, with should I fight a cougar, all kinds of stupid shit. So, you know, just keep hitting us up with it because part of the fun for us is engaging with you, brosners, and hearing what your thoughts and your questions and your suggestions. So I'm really, loving it. I love that it's interactive. And yeah, thank you everybody for listening.

And I think we're going to do a live hang this week on YouTube Live, right? Yes. 100% live live hang this week. We will announce it on social. Yeah, we'll announce it for us. We'll put a story up. I'll put a story up on Insta. People are hitting us up. By the way, just for everybody who's hitting, hitting up the Wild Times accounts, if we don't reply, it's just because there's so many messages. We'll get to them. You know, your messages are scene. It's just impossible to reply to everybody, but I sure is fuck dry, and I'm drunk

tonight, so I'll be replying to a few. Hey. Good night, everybody. Good night. Peter, you have beautiful blue eyes, you fucking piece of shit. Suck my dad. No, you're going to fuck my mouth.