Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #38 - Octopuses Punching Fish, Tiger Shark Human Limb, & Stock Tips

Episode Date: December 28, 2020

Join us for another episode of The Wild Times podcast! Watch on youtube and listen anywhere @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info We love you!

Bounch, bount, bount, bount, bount, wild times. Episode 38, the holiday season special, if you will. I'm the only one who dressed down for the occasion. I'll allow it. Gentlemen, how are you? Is it the holidays? I couldn't tell for us. You wouldn't know because you are glum, but Patrick and I have been celebrating like crazy.

That's fantastic. I couldn't tell by the hat or the lack of shirt. You know, I had some nice Christmasy pajamas, but I've been wearing them for four days and they're disgusting looking. so I just popped them off and just went sure it's optional for today's pod. Yeah. So what you look like right now. Rude. All right.

I made a rule. I made a rule in the house that we could only wear Christmas pajamas for all of Christmas Eve and Christmas. But same thing. I only have one pair. They're very ill-fitting. It's not something you're going to wear more than two days a year. Yeah, exactly.

All right. Well, if you're joining us for the first time ever, welcome. This is the Wild Times, a podcast where we have. hang out, talk about what's in the news in the wildlife world, and just kind of some general banter. I'm your host, Forrest Galante, known as the broologist. Joining me today is the broducer, Mr. Patrick DeLuca. What's up, Pat? Hey, good.

Everything's great. Good Christmas? Yeah. Yeah, it was nice, man. I mean, you know, bummer. Same as everybody. Like, didn't get to be around the fam. It was like 65 or 70 degrees here in L.A., which was weird.

but you know, drank a lot, a lot, a lot of red wine, ate some just terrible foods. I mean, foods that were so bad for me, it was delightful. Had a donut for breakfast. Oh, no. Good for you. Yeah. Good for you. It's great.

Well, let me introduce our other longtime bro of the cast, Mr. Retep, the professor. What's up, Retep? How's your Christmas? Hey, guys. It was great. Just to go off of what Pat said, I especially am missing one thing this Christmas. And I think everybody in the world is feeling this pain. And that's airport bars.

I really miss getting to the airport at 6 a.m. having seven Bloody Mary's talking to people that I'll never talk to again, ever. So just like telling them my most intimate personal life bullshit by the time I'm hammered. and then just heading my way to a different state. It's so true, man. I've had so many of those interactions where, like, you almost start to get emotional about how great the connection is with the other person. It's so good.

But you don't even know their name. You don't even get their name, but you're like, I really like that guy that I just met and talked to for 45 minutes. Yeah. I mean, traveling. I mean, I missed that aspect of traveling. Pat, remember that one time that we just happened to be at LAX in the same area? area together and just like went and had a cocktail together and then headed on our way.

We should have intentionally missed our flights and just stayed. Yeah. Before we dog like it too much, though, for us, what's your take on airport bars? Are you as much of an enthusiast as us? Yeah. Definitely not as much of an enthusiast as you, Patrick. Haven't traveled through many airports with you. The second we get into an airport, you're gone.

You just, you just fucking Houdini instantly. And I'm like, where'd Patrick go? and 100% of the time, it's not the best bar, it's not the best bar, it's not the bar that has a certain type of food or booze, it's the closest bar to once you come through security

every single time. And it's like, we'll be, well, you're having this group of like 15 guys going on this shoot, like everybody's psyched, everybody's fired up.

It's like, oh, yeah, man, it's good to see, I haven't seen you in a month, whatever, get through security. Everybody's still together. Group is now 14.

Patrick's just gone. He's just disappeared. There he is, that's at the bar by himself. He's ordered two doubles. just to get started. Everybody else knows. A dozen new friends hanging out next to him.

He's made 20 new friends. No, I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'd like to hear from the Brosner's, but Retepp and I pulled a brilliant move. A few Christmases ago, we went just a guy-friendly trip to Seattle to go watch a football game,

hung out, drank a bunch of booze, got back to L.A. We landed after a three-day weekend, and we didn't want it to be over. So we then proceeded to hang out in an airport bar for like three hours after landing. Yep. That's a hell of a move. That is a great move. I think, well, me anyways, I just didn't want to go home to what was waiting for me.

Yeah. Cheers, mate. Much happier this year all around. Merry Christmas, gents. Happy holidays, broasters. So Forrest, what do we do on this podcast for new listeners, as if anyone doesn't know about it? Yeah, look, it's the same people, you know, it's Hannah the Meat Tree and, you know, a couple of those others that just hang out every week. Hannah. Jenny Ray. Jenna, sorry, Jenna, not Hannah. Whatever. I've been drinking for three days. It's Christmas. Nice.

What do we do on this podcast? We hang out. We tell stories like what we're doing currently. We do a lot of bullshitting. And then we dig into some topical stuff. You know, what's going on in the world of wildlife? This is the only podcast, as far as I'm aware, that adds a little bit of humor and a little bit of levity to all the serious shit going on in the world in the wildlife space. and it's a good time.

It's a great time. Well, I think on that, let's get right into it because something just went around like wildfire this week. It was on every news source. It kept popping up. People were texting it. Brosner's were texting it. Researchers from the Ecology Society of America

have released a paper detailing a strange new animal behavior they've witnessed, and it's an animal we talk a lot about on this podcast, the octopus. Oh, yes, I did see this. This is great. They have witnessed several instances of octopus punching fish. Not like swatting at them, punching them. Like they look like Anderson Silva. Like it's a good, solid, long-armed punch.

Punching fish right in the face. Dicks. Maybe they're training. Maybe they're starting their own UFC. They're very smart. So I... For those on YouTube, I think Will may pull up a little clip. But go ahead for us.

I like this video. And it's funny. know that it's it's like this big thing and it's got this catchy title about you know octopus as being angry and punching fish but i don't see it as abnormal behavior at all what i see is an octopus that's out cruising it's being defensive you know in later on in the video there's a couple goatfish that have their little barbils digging around in the sand right in front of the octopus and he's just like you know just get out of my way i'm cruising through here um i think what the octopus is doing is very clearly not acting like prey right he's asserting some of

see that the fish gets close he's like throws him a jab but look the fish is looking right at him like you know the the researchers are saying there's no direct conflict between the animals and that might be true but i think what the octopus is doing is it's just it's completely vulnerable right an an octopus the way that they hide themselves is by camouflage it's by tucking into crevices and caves in this video they're just out cruising around but if these these fish are coming to investigate them kicking over dirt and rocks and Carl Reef. And he's just like, look, you know, get out of my way. Like, I'm not to be messed with.

If you're going to take a nibble at me. I mean, it's a walking piece of calamari, you know. Anybody's going to come over and take a nibble. And he's just throwing haymakers to let you know that you don't want to come too close. When you're drunk, he says. When you're drunk uncle at the Christmas gathering, when you're a little kid, especially if you're a little boy, and you're around five years old, everyone has that drunk uncle who teaches him how to throw a punch.

Of course. The drunkle sucker punch. The drunk. The drunkle sucker punch. Trademark. You got to snap the jab, right? You snap the jab. You don't just kind of throw this big, heavy thing.

You snap it. The cool thing is this octopus, man. He is lightning. He's fucking lightning fast. It's perfect. Yeah. I love it. Pat, are you the drunkle now?

For sure. I mean, you're talking about this. Like, it's in the third person, but this is you. I have five nieces and nephews. but the one nephew is like two, the other one's like 15. I've bought him punching bags. I bought him a BB gun. The two-year-old?

No, the 15-year-old. I bought him MMA classes, MMA shin pads. This year I just sent him a bunch of protein powder and creatine. Yeah, I'm clearly like, you're that uncle. I'm the favorite uncle. Yeah, exactly. Nice. Yeah.

The drunkle. Yeah, that's great. Drunkle Pat. Drunkle Pat. That is good. Everybody needs a drunkle pat. That is good. So, Forrest, do you think these researchers got a little ahead of themselves?

Do you think this behavior is maybe not as cool as what they're saying? I think it's a little sensationalized. You know, I'm not saying I've actually read the paper. I've only seen the YouTube video. The paper might not be sensationalized at all. But the whole like octopuses are angry. Octopuses just punch fish for the hell of it. Like some of those headlines that are floating around.

Right. Look, I mean, we make TV for a living. We've all been sensationalists. Like we, I get it, right? I think that the way that this is being presented is definitely over sensational. I think what you have is, you know, you have an octopus moving across the ocean floor, fish that are investigating, and an octopus using its best defense mechanism to not attack and try and kill the fish, but just say, hey, get out of my way.

You know, I'm cruising through here. I know you're not a direct threat to me, but I'm also letting you know I'm not prey. And it's just, it's a very understandable behavior from an intelligent creature like an octopus. Makes sense. Let me ask you this. I've seen a few videos. Maybe Will could pull one up while we're talking about it. For those listening on iTunes, we also do a YouTube.

It's real fun. We show videos and pictures. Daily videos, five days week. But so Forrest, have you ever seen this where a scuba diver gets an octopus stuck around their face and their mask? Oh, yeah. I've had it happen. There's, holy shit. Okay.

Dude, I've seen a couple of these videos where people are struggling and, like, you can tell that like their breather comes out and they cannot get the octopus off. So for all the brosveners, I'd like to know what is the protocol to get an octopus that's stuck to your head off of you? Yeah, that's a good question. Very common scenario. I've never had one glue to my face like that. And I have seen that exactly what you're talking about, where they pull regulators out,

they pull your mask off your face, everything. And I've seen those videos. I've had them suck to my chest, sucked to my arm, a couple different things. Looks like what about down your pants? No, because I'm wearing a wetsuit, dummy. Okay. But see, now, here's what's interesting. Here might be why I've never had this experience.

This diver is pointing out a giant Pacific octopus, right? These octopus that get absolutely huge, they're the octopus that are famous for climbing out of their tanks and climbing back in in secret. They get to be like 12 feet long. I mean, absolutely enormous. So, octopuses are extremely tactile, right? And what I mean by that is they like to touch everything. And you can see it here.

This diver reaches out his arm. This octopus just starts to. touching and they're inquisitive and they're intelligent. These are all things we've discussed. Would I do exactly what this diver is doing? 100%. I'd be like, hey, little guy, you know, go for the tickle. And before you know it, you have eight of these, you know, five foot long arms wrapping around you. And the octopus is curious. And it's going to touch things and mess with them and pull out the rebreater or the regulator and mess with the mask. This, what you're seeing here is not an aggressive defensive behavior. Like their, their defense is to run away.

It's not to try and choke you. This is just like, I'm inquisitive, I'm going to see what you are, I'm going to mess around. Now, what do you do in this situation? What this diver is doing, if you're listening on iTunes, come and check it out on YouTube, is exactly what he should be doing. He's just staying super calm, right? He's letting the octopus feel his face. He's letting it mess with all his stuff.

Thankfully, he's got a buddy diver and someone filming, so there's a whole bunch of them underwater. But, you know, what happens is you get into a situation like this. then you startle the animal, right? The bubbles, you jerk backwards, you swat at it, whatever. And then it goes, oh, shit, and kind of like clamps down. And that's when you have a problem. The question that you ask. Yeah, right.

Well, let me, real quick, let me interject. So each, so for a Pacific octopus, like the one that's on the video we're showing right now, that's fucking killing this scuba diaper. Slowly suffocating him. So each arm has about 240 of those suckers, right? those suction cups. So each arm has 240 of these. And each sucker can hold a 30 pound weight.

And each one has a little beak, a little sharp beak in it. Like, imagine a bird's beak inside of each sucker. No, shit. I did not know that. I did not know that. Yep. So let's just do some quick math here, guys. 30 pounds times 240.

That's 7,200 pounds of suction with each arm. Yeah. Right. So you're not able to. to do much, right? So keeping calm is the option. You start swatting at it, stabbing it, you know, poking at anything. You're not going to win. I mean, you, you know, Patrick, you asked, what do you do? Stay calm. The octopus doesn't want to hurt you. It doesn't think your food. If you start freaking out and it starts to literally try and rip your mask off or your regulator out,

you're going to lose. These things get, like I said, eight, eight, nine feet long, you know, eight arms, what did you say, 20 pounds, 30 pounds of suction in each suction cup, you know, You're not going to win. Yeah, they are way too nimble and agile and just have too many limbs for our little human brains with two hands to fight one of these things underwater. You're just not going to win. Man versus octopus. Octopus wins. There you have it. Would you try her tap? If I was like, listen, I know that you're just a huge pus, but I want you to come scuba diving with me and meet an octopus. And I'm going to let him just kind of fiddle around with your dive gear. Would you let, would you do it? Well, if by dive gear you mean my balls and penis, then certainly I would let you do that. But if you mean like the stuff that's allowing me to breathe underwater, zero chance. Okay.

No. All right. That's fair. And the whole stay calm thing is just like, it's so ridiculous. Like, dude, I was, I was just swimming some laps last night in my backyard. You know, and there's a light in the pool, but something brushed my leg, I nearly drowned. And then I got worried because Christina's inside and I'm like, no one's going to know. Like, I'm just going to go.

Because I was like, well, this could be one of those things where like a lizard or an alligator got in my pool. We live in California. There's no alligators. Staying calm underwater with an alien attached to your face. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I went to get an MRI recently and I've never had one before. The doctor, the guy's like, all right, he's like if, you know,

if you get scared or anything, he's like, squeeze this ball. I'm like, what? Okay. I go in this thing and literally, he immediately squeeze the ball and have him pull me out. I was like, I was, you go in and you're in this tiny tube,

my head's in there. And I'm like, I had no idea what to expect. And I immediately was just like, dude, I can't do this. Like, I can't believe. Did you make it far enough to where the noises start? That like crazy, round, round, round.

Do you get that far? Oh, dude. It gets way. I didn't like got to my, well, no, I ended up doing it. Okay. And but I was the same thing, dude, like I can't like claustrophobic. Apparently I am now. When I was a kid, I didn't give a shit.

Right. I'm like, no way, dude. It's brutal. It gets on you. I take my dog for a walk every single day. You guys have been to my house. You know how the mailboxes are way down the road from, from where my house is. And on the left-hand side as you come around one of the corners, there's like a big drain

and it runs into like probably like a 15. foot long drain pipe, right? Like just the kind that connects goes underneath the road to stop water from washing over the road. And a day before, a couple days ago, two days before Christmas, I take Hoover down there and I'm throwing the ball for him as we walk down to the mailbox. And his ball goes rolling down into that tube, right? And it's happened a dozen times before. And it's just small enough that I can just get to my shoulder, basically into my shoulders in there. And usually the ball goes, I don't know, three feet into the tube, right? It's on a slide. So it rolls down, gets stuck in some Dern or something. So a couple days before Christmas, I throw the ball, it goes down the thing. Hoover's

chasing it, but not grabbing it like an idiot. And it goes like, I don't know, the tube is 15 feet long. Let's say it goes eight feet into the tube, right? Seven and a half feet into the tube. Like just, just completely out of reach, right? And Hoover just, he'll go in like three feet, turns around and comes back. Goes in three feet turns around and comes back. And I'm just like, God damn it, Hoover, you stupid dog, I'm not letting you lose this tennis ball. We play with it. He like loves this one crappy blue tennis ball. Play with it every day. and sure enough I'm like all right I got to get it I was just like in no mood to go find a long stick so I just start belly crawling into this tube right what I don't realize as I get in about five feet to the seven feet in is I belly crawled with my arms you know like you do by your side and it's so tight that I can't get my arm up to get to the ball so I have to just keep going and keep going and I like get to where my whole feet are in and everything and it's a one one-way trip because my arms are completely sandwiched.

No. Yeah, my arms are sandwiched by my side. So I can't start backing out and I even start trying. I didn't panic or anything because I can see the other end of it. And anyway, long story short, I end up picking up the blue tennis ball with my, first I nose it a couple times to move it inches at a time. And I'm like, this is stupid. I'm completely by myself.

Hoover is standing on top of the road just barking. And, you know, any cars driving by is like, I don't know what's going on here. And I end up picking up the blue tennis ball in my mouth and just inchworming the entire way through the tube and the end of the tube comes out not in like a nice clear drain like where you start has a big mound of dirt and leaves from buildup so it you know it's like the holes like that big and I had to like push through with my head and then just climb out of the bushes at which time my neighbors happen to be walking up the road the same road that I was walking down who I run into and they just see me like just whirlming my way out of your mouth

blue tennis ball in my mouth dirt all over my face and Hoover just got wha-rah And they were just like, what are you, are you okay? And I'm like, yep, just getting the ball. Oh my God. Very, very awkward. Oh, God, I was terrifying. Oh, man, if there was a security camera somewhere around there to have captured that. It was so awkward.

If any brocesters want to give Forrest a late Christmas present, how about a nice three pack of tennis balls? They're very cheap. You can let it go next time. Oh, good God. That is some no amygdala shit right there. because I'll tell you, just how long were you in the tube for with your arms pinned? Probably, like three minutes, four minutes? I was going to say three minutes.

All said and done probably three minutes, yeah. And the first part was like I said, I mean, I don't want to, like, flog it. But I got to the ball and my arms are stuck. And I was like, hmm. So I just started like nosing the ball forward to begin with. And I was rolling about this much at a time. So I was like, well, this doesn't work. And I just ended up chowing down on the ball and crawling out.

You are an old amygdala octopus yourself. Just kind of dumb. So one of the stories that Wild Times Willie put on our show doc here, it's not news, it's old. But I'd never heard this story, and I found this pretty incredible. Yeah. So there's an aquarium in Sydney, Australia. Mm-hmm. Okay.

They decided to, at one point, they housed tiger sharks, which I didn't even know you could keep a tiger shark in an aquarium. Okay. Tiger sharks huge, right? They get up to like 16 feet. massive eat everything. Yeah. It's like, I don't know how, for any of the fish nerds listening, it's like having a big Oscar in your fish tank. Like anything else you put in there, he's just going to eat, right? That's what having a tiger shark would be like. So they bring this new tiger shark in. They introduce it. And it's a little to do. And they decide to open it up.

You can come in, get your ticket. You're going to come watch and see this new tiger shark. It's a big thing. Well, all of a sudden, the tiger shark starts doing that thing, like a cat with a hairball and he vomits and he vomits up an intact human arm from the shoulder to the fingertip oh my god are you kidding me I mean imagine

you just took your kids to the aquarium and all of a sudden the shark picks up a human arm oh my god that's insane what happened here I mean did it is it did they were able to like identify the arm oh who they were because the arm had tattoos on it

Right? Oh, nice. So based on the tattoos, they were able to tell that it was like a convicted felon and blah, blah, blah. And it turns out that someone had murdered this guy. Holy shit. Another mobster had murdered this guy and fed him, fed his limbs to some sharks. Oh, wow. Wow.

That's crazy. That was so, oh, my God. I have so many questions. So, like, did they catch this other mobster? They did. this first of all. Did you say? Sydney, Australia, yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess that's probably somewhat normal there if you, uh, yeah, it's pretty, it's insane there. It's crazy. Well, it used to be crazy. Yeah. We have a lot of people who listen from the A.U. Look, look, I don't want to upset every

single Australian listener, but I feel like that's the least crazy thing Australians have ever done. You know what I mean? It's like, just to off a guy and throw his arm out and a Tiger Shark Yita Ralphs it up in a tank. That's just like a Tuesday in Australia. That's not news. They're like, why did this make headline? This is not news. There's a bunch of convicts stuck on an island. Of course they're hacking off each other's arms and feeding them to sharks. Yeah, I wouldn't.

I love that it was identified from the tattoos. Yeah, that's wild. Yeah, it just keeps going. That's nuts. That's a Sal de Lufka. He's a notorious lobster thug. Forest, what came across your giant mahoggony with marble inlay desk this week? Yeah, there was one thing that I saw that I got really excited about.

So to give you a little background, about two years ago, 2018, there was an infamous female wolf. She was a Mexican gray wolf, and she used to pop up, you know, everybody knows. Oh, not everybody, but for people that don't know, there's weird shit going on in Arizona, right? We get jaguars in Arizona, Kota Mundi's in Arizona, all these weird animals that you never expect that pop up through these things called sky islands, which are little pockets of habitat that connect all the way down to like the jungles of South America. Anyway, one of these crazy, weird animals that pops up every now and then in the state of Arizona isn't the intelligent AU student, but it is, in fact, the wolf, the Mexican gray wolf. And there was this famous animal. She was known as 1042.

She was the alpha of a pack. She had birthed something like 40 pups in her lifetime. Well, in 2018, completely disappeared, right? And when a wolf disappears, you know, it's a doggie dog world out there. everybody assumed that 1042 was dead. And it was kind of sad. It was like, oh, this was so cool. This female wolf used to come and go through Arizona,

and she had all these pups. You know, what a beautiful animal she was. Well, sure enough, just this week, the first time since 2018, 1042 turned up on a trail camera in her old hunting grounds in Arizona, which is amazing that she's back for one. And for two, it's effectively doubled the life expectancy. for, you know, because they know how old she is and she's lived two years longer than expected.

She's got eight new pups with her. She's still actively the alpha of her pack. And what's so cool about all of this is she is, she, because she now has eight new pups in total, she's now known as the most prolific wolf in American history. So she's just, you know, out there just putting pups up. I don't know. It is. WT, if you got that trail camp footage over,

it's really cool to see her cruising with her pups, you know, an animal that we thought we'd lost. Makes sense, wild animal. Wolf in Arizona, super rare to begin with. Pops up two years later, you know, ride at Christmas 2020. She's got a bunch of babies with her. Turns out she's the most prolific wolf in the world

or in North America. Super cool. How old is she? Do we know? Like, what's the average lifespan of a wolf? So they've known about her. for 14 years. So that's really long given that, you know,

like seven to nine years is kind of what they're estimating for the wolf and the wild. So for her to be four, for them knowing about her for 14 years and seeing all these pops come about, that, you know, makes her really old and really successful, right? Because a wolf is only successful if they're

at the head of their pack, right? In sense of like surviving a long time. You're not, if you're an Omega or a beta, you're not going to survive as long as an alpha. So she really, is a badass. Yeah, so WT. Willie, if you can actually pull up, there is a trail camp picture of her. She's looking kind of old. But, you know, just an incredible story. Like this animal from Arizona disappears for two years, comes back. She's got pups. I don't know. I just think it's incredible.

I'm just stoked the 1042 still around. Pretty crazy that, so they say that the average lifespan is about six to eight years and that she's more than double that. Yeah, 14. Not to mention that she, you know, they said there's 16 different packs where her offspring are the alphas of the pack. And that incredible? It's good genes. So is that just freakish, freakish, unbelievable DNA? Like, is that what that is? Straight up.

I mean, look, I think it's a combination, right? It's nature and nurture. I think she's got great genetics. She was living a long time. She's obviously tough as hell. You know, she's the most prolific wolf in North America. So she's a badass. So she's got great genetics.

She's passing that on time and time again. But the thing about wolves are incredibly social. There's a lot of learned behavior. How many offspring did you say she has in charge of packs? 16. 16 offspring, you know, running different packs as alphas in different packs. She's taught some of that, right? She's shown those cubs, here's how to be a badass.

Here's how to be an alpha. Here's how to run a pack. And then kick their asses and been like, get out of my pack, right? Go figure it out. And they've taken that combination of great genetics along with great education and gone and applied it and become alphas of their own packs. So I think it's incredible. Think about this. This is the equivalent of if there was like a 150-year-old human who had had 40 kids and 16 of them were like the president, CEO, the best player in the NFL.

It's crazy to think that 16 different packs are being like. It's like a breeding horse, right? I don't know if you guys follow horse racing at all. But there's T-I-Z. A lot of horses, a lot of big-money horses all have the word T-S in their name because there was a famous breeding horse, I don't know, 30 years ago, 40 years ago. I think that was called Tiz Now or Tiz something. Okay.

That just has had hundreds and hundreds of offspring that have become super successful. Yeah, great genetics. And I bet, you know, I'm not super, I don't follow horse racing super close. my grandparents were really into it, used to have a race horse. But, you know, I bet, like, his stud fee, Tiz's stud fee was just, like, astronomical. Right. Meaning, like, hey, I want to breed, you know, Tiz with my mayor. You know, they were probably paying hundreds of thousands of dollars just for him to come

and impregnate the mayor. And, you know, and it's worth it. Like, look at his genetics. Hey, dude, you can get it. So a good shot of sperm from a big time horse. It's between one and two million. Oh, my God. That's wild.

It's weird. Nobody's ever offered me anything like that for mine. No, I was going to say that. And I was done. Why don't they do that with humans? Like, Tom Brady could be racking up even more millions here. Who says they don't, Retap? Who says they do?

I mean, now we're getting into some Illuminati shit, dude. Maybe the high-level sperm is being sold. You find out, let me pose a hypothetical to you. You find out, you know, we all know this, but finally you find out that you're actually impotent. You know, you're with, you're with your future wife. You guys, you're, you're loaded, right? Obviously, you've made billions off of the Wild Times podcast, billions.

Yep. And you can't have a kid naturally. You got two options, right? One is you go down to the shelter and pick one out of a cage, aka you adopt. Or, I'm kidding. You either adopt a kid or you, you know, you get Tom Brady to knock up your wife. And that's going to be your kid. what do you do?

You pay a million dollars they have to have sex. Yeah, I know they had Tom Brady. That's what I would do. No, I would kill Tom Brady and then I would decline to have children ever

and that's what would happen. Not an option in this hypothetical. What do you mean? Same scenario. I guess I'll take one out of the cage, fuck it. Okay, same scenario, you can't afford to adopt

because you just bought a mansion and you stretch yourself thin. Right, my billions are running. You need to just have a sperm donor and both, me and Forrest are the two only options because we're willing to do it free. Free. Well, again, I would kill both of you and decline to have children.

You got to pick one. You got to pick one. Oh, God. Between me two? Yep. Oh, I would easily. Oh, God, actually. Easily.

Well, I mean, it was easy. Right off the top of my head, I have a thought. And that would be Forrest just because, well, he's more handsome. He's more outgoing. He's generally just a better person to be around. Good, just a good, good-hearted man. But Pat has the type of grit that only psychopaths have that make it to the top in this world. It's true.

That is useful. I could either, if I want a good-natured, good-hearted kid, I'd go with you for us. If I want just a successful shark, I'd pick Pat. And how about the kicker where Pat and I actually take her down together and you'll just never know who was the real dad? That's how it actually. That's the right way to go. Yeah. I'm out.

Like, I quit. I quit the podcast. I'm out. That's funny. This is not a good mental exercise. This is getting way off track. This is terrible. For people that are new to the podcast, Will, I texted you a photo.

We call the listeners the brosters because really we don't think of a big separation between us. It's just a big hang, right? Tons of the content comes from the brosters. Please continue to send us stuff. Dms, emails. whatever, I thought this one was great. So a couple weeks ago, a guy named Josh had sent us, he's a Marine in South Carolina, and he had sent us the stuff about how they weren't allowed to run at night because

there were so many coyotes. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Yep. On their base. So he sent me another one, and this is fantastic, and he sent a picture. He said, just thought you'd find this pretty funny. So here's the thing. Marines are like gremlins on steroids when they get drunk.

They start getting into shit they're not supposed to. So some Marines at my base got drunk one night, caught a fucking gator out in a drain ditch, somehow without getting bit, and decided it would be a good idea to keep it in their barracks room. Smart. Oh, my God. They wound up getting caught when it crawled out of their closet during an inspection. They got in a bunch of trouble. Just thought you guys might get a laugh out of this story.

Will, can you pull up the photo for the YouTube listeners? Oh. There we go. Like they got them all tied shut. I mean, look, I feel sorry for the little guy, but it is kind of funny. Like, you can just imagine a bunch of drunk Marines, you know, feeling like they're at summer camp and catching this little gator and being like, he's our friend. Let's put him in the closet. He lives here now.

It's a marine hat. So if you're not watching on YouTube, yeah, he's got a Marine hat on, which I actually didn't notice in the small version because it's so well camouflaged. It's hilarious. Yeah. It looks, it's the exact same color as the gator is. It's as if the Marines took their camo from, modeled it after a gator skin. I mean, here's the thing, like, you know, if this was pretty much any other animal, I'd be very, like, against it. And I don't mean to be a buzzkill because it does stress them out.

These are little dinosaurs, you know, that gator went back into the pond, I imagine later that day. And is probably back to eating fish exactly where he got caught. You know what I mean? Like, he's probably totally. probably. No, he remembers it, but he's not, I don't know. I think it's funny. I feel like it's, it's funny and silly. It's not, I'm not encouraging people to do this, but I get it. A bunch of guys hanging out, drinking, catching a gator, putting it in the closet, giving a cute hat. I get it. A cute hat. Imagine the guy doing the barracks inspection. Oh, yeah. You know, like that.

Yeah. You think that was his first? The toilet toilet's clean is this? Yeah. You fucking private, private. What's this guy's name? Private, Matt, get your fucking ass over here. What the fuck is this? What are you fucking idiots doing? You fucking morons pulled this shit out of the creek. Yeah.

He'd be going insane, dude. Think of how pissed he'd be too because it would scare the shit out of him right when he saw it. Oh, yeah. You know, and he'd look like a little bitch in front of everybody. They'd be chuckling, giggling, dude. And by the way, like, I'm sure the guys who did it, their first response

was like, it must have wandered in, man. Like, we didn't do that. He's like, there's a fucking hat tied to its head on. With the hat, dude. That's funny. That's good. I'm glad he sent that in. Forrest.

Forrest, I got a question for you. Something that I've heard, obviously, I think everybody has. They say that like goldfish lose their memory every like three seconds or whatever, some ridiculous amount of short span of time. I mean, I can't believe that it's true that it's like every three seconds. They obviously probably have pretty shitty memories. But how true is that? And like, are there other animals?

Like, are birds? Do birds forget everything? You said this alligator wouldn't forget. Like, he'd remember. What about these, what about these fish and shit? That's a good question. And I think the short answer is we don't really know the answer to that, right? I've heard the same thing, like, you know, I remember being a kid and I used to insult people by being like, you have the memory of a goldfish.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, I, you know, I've heard it. I know what you're talking about. I think the short answer is we don't really know. and I think how we define memory, right? We define memory as like being able to relive an experience in our mind, right? I don't think that's how, I think it would be anthropomorphizing to say that that's how animals define memory. What I say that this, you know, I know that elephants have incredible memories.

Like I've seen it firsthand. We've witnessed it. It's well known. They recognize people. They know where to come year after year. You know, it's not just instinct. Now, when it comes to an alligator brain, like this little gator ended up in these barracks, My guess is, is he going to remember this experience of this thing that happened?

No. And I don't know this. I don't have anything to back this up. This is just observational. But what he will remember is when he was sitting in the creek and something shined a light on him, you know, next thing you knew, he was super stressed out, right? Now he's back to eating fish. So the next time he's sitting there eating fish in the shallows at night and something

shines a light on him, he's probably going to hightail it out of there because he knows that there's this traumatic thing happened. I don't think he's going to relive the experience and be like, fuck, I had a hat tied to my face and lived in a guy's closet. That was weird. You know, I don't think it's reliving that experience like that. I think it's just this kind of instinctual learned thing where it's like,

oh, something negative happened when this other thing happened. And now I'm particularly wary. Well, that's, that's interesting because that's almost like when you're a kid, when you're five, six, four, five, six, when you start to remember shit, But it's like foggy.

You only kind of remember like the feeling, like you said, like the light and then something bad or whatever. Yep. Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right on that. Well, I wouldn't know shit. That's my guess. I don't know.

But speaking of things getting sent to us, I saw some pretty funny stuff that. And look, there's more stuff in the news we can talk about too. But I saw some pretty funny stuff from some of the brosters that I thought I'd tell you guys about. So I got one of the brosner DMs from apps from. at Owen Roberts commented on the hippo video. And for those that don't know, we saw, you know, this video of this guy named Marius, who believed this hippo loved him like a son, and he would ride it, and he got smushed by it. And I thought Owen Roberts just nailed it.

He's like, can someone make a movie adaption of his life and have Danny McBride play Marius, which I think is just such a good call? It would be perfect. Yeah, who would play the hippo? Retap. Yeah. It's going to be fucking, I'm going to dress up like a hippo. I don't think I could pass for a hippo.

I thought that was pretty clever. But the one that I really wanted to dig into is at Will Dramble says, look, guys, the new year is coming and we all need a vacation. Can you all make a list of cool family or just general tips for people to take, he wrote this kind of weird, for people to take to and experience wildlife and relax because I'd rather just trust y'all while not listening to the internet. hope you all get you like y'all hope you'll get this thing so the question is yeah what should you do to take a cool family trip or experience wildlife and i figure like this is something we can all weigh in on

you know this is opinion based yeah yeah so look let's let's let's limit it obviously for us you know with our line of work we've traveled internationally a lot he's talking about somewhere to go with the kids 100 so let's keep it i think domestic right keep it within the u.s a good place to go with kids. Yep. So for us, I mean, you know, why don't you start? Yeah, 100%. This time of year, you know, you're looking for somewhere cool to go. You want to experience wildlife. My thing is, you know, the United States is incredible. It's so diverse. There's so many different things you can see. There's so many different places to go. One thing that we have that is just mind blowing. And to me, it's mind blowing, no matter how long you've been here when it comes to experiencing wildlife,

Not just nature, because you can go to Big Sur California and see a pretty waterfall, right? But there's not a lot of like wildlife to experience. Is the freaking Florida Everglades, man? If you've never been to the Everglades, go and check them out. They're absolutely incredible. And for, you know, to a very large extent, they're relatively like, I won't say unregulated because that's a wrong term. But like it's free, you know, like it's wild and it's free. You want to get a canoe and canoe through the Everglades and see all the birds and see the

gators and the turtles and look down and see the fish. I mean, it's incredible. You might see a panther. You might see a bear. It's just such an insane unique habitat. And in the wintertime, this time of year, it's a nice break from the cold pretty much wherever you are. There's a lot of wildlife congregating around water because it's not the wet season there. And it's warm. It's beautiful. It's just a great place to go. So a lot of people ask me this, you know, where can I go in the U.S.? It's cheap, blah, blah, blah. And I get to see cool wildlife. Go to the Florida. to Everglades. They're amazing. They're packed with wildlife. It's unique. It's diverse. Anyone can get there. You know, that's, that's my tidbit. Yeah. You can eat lots of Python. You could.

As Forrest would say. You could. Many Python everywhere. You can take them home as pets, bring them to other parts of the country, right? Yeah. You do all that stuff. Yeah. Reteb, where would you go? You shouldn't. Not that you're the biggest wildlife visitor, but where would you go? Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, I think he's just saying just, cool family or just a general trip. Yeah, to see wildlife, though. That's what's the key. Yeah.

Well, I know. I skipped that part because, you know, whatever. But no, so I've gone here before, and I would recommend to anybody, grabbing a cabin out by, on the outskirts of Yosemite Valley is amazing. I mean, there's even, even when it's cold, I went there in February one year and got a cabin with some friends, small cabin. I mean, it was cheap. We drove into the park. It was a little bit cold, but I like that.

It was brisk. I mean, you know, there's still waterfalls. There's bears, black bears and shit. All kinds of, it smells good. The air is fresh. And it's just a, it's a great area to be. There's all kinds of foliage and trees and fun shit to do there. Completely different habitat, too, right?

Like, Florida Everglades, Loland, swamp. It's reptiles. It's fish. You know, you're talking about Yosemite. It's mountainous. It gets snow. It's beautiful. There's a ton of deer, of bear, of eagles.

I mean, it's very, very different habitat. So, yeah, that's two pretty good options. Patrick, what do you think? Well, I'm going to assume that I don't have kids, but I'm going to assume that they're going to hate mosquitoes. So Everglades, I'm going to ease into that one. I would say Yellowstone. So Yosemite is a national park that's in central slash northern California.

Yellowstone is out in Montana. I think it even touches Wyoming. It's massive. Insane diversity of wildlife. I mean, hundreds of thousands of bison. You have grizzly bears. They've reintroduced wolves there. So now there are wolves.

Oh, yeah. Which you can, you know, possibly see if you get lucky. What other kind of stuff do they have there? I mean, tons of eagles. Everything that you can think of as far as like Plains game in North America. You know, we've got, it's where everything is, really. It's like the last strong. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's massive, and there's a ton. It's not just like if you go there for a week, you're just going to be looking at bison and bear for a week. There's a petrified forest. There's Angel Falls. There's geysers to see as well. You know, this crazy geology in this super active geological environment. I mean, it's such a crazy place that, you know, when people first started talking about it years ago,

when mountain men would come back east to talk about this place that they had seen, nobody believed it. They thought it wasn't true that this couldn't be a real place. And next year will be the 150 year anniversary of Yellowstone because ultimately, because of those stories, a bunch of senators and congressmen went out west to go see if it was real. Teddy Roosevelt, right? And then they saw this point. He made Yellowstone, right? Roosevelt went a bit later. Gotcha. Roosevelt went later. But, you know, then they went back to D.C. and they were like, this place is crazy. We got to protect it. And that's why if you go there now, you can sort of, yeah, there's roads and stuff like that, but it's largely preserved and untouched as it would have been

a long time ago. Yellowstone's pretty dope. So for, yeah, I think for all Brosner's and for Will Dramble, look, and, you know, there are three really good options, whether you're East Coast, center of the country or West Coast, right? You've got, and three very different habitats. You've got North American grasslands, lowland swamp, and mountains of California, Sierra's, you know, and it's, there's a reason those places are famous, right? Like, I could tell you about, oh go to Crystal River and see the manate he's this tiny little spot blah blah blah that nobody's ever heard of and it's great you know is it something that you can do with your family for a week probably not you know you can do it for a day and you'll your mind will be blown it's beautiful and you'll love

it but everywhere that i think we just named our awesome week long you know five four three whatever day vacations where you're not going to get bored there's new stuff to see every day there's tons of wildlife in all three of those locations so yeah i think i think we summed it up nicely there, Jets. I actually just saw an article recently that was talking about how, I think it was, 80% of people due to the pandemic after this long are now trying to, well, not trying to figure out, but they're reconnecting with nature because really that's kind of, that's the, that's the one outlet that people have now to not go insane.

I mean, you're going outside, you're doing shit. But I thought it was super, like a super interesting, uh, positive. way to look at the pandemic since it's so grim, you know. I hate it and love it because, you know, I've got all these little back trails that nobody ever goes to that only I know where I can find certain snakes or, you know, go bow fishing away from anybody in the river, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And, you know, for the last 15 years that I've lived here in Santa Barbara, I've never seen a single person on my little secret spots, right?

Two, three weeks ago, I went up with my buddy Kevin and we went to go to the river to hike the river. There were five cars at the pullout that I park at, you know, five. There you go. What the hell's going on? It was like a Tuesday, you know, but like that's, that's what's going on, man. People are, they are getting outside. They're connecting with nature more, which I love. I hate it from selfish reasons because all of a sudden, all these spots that I consider mine are blowing up. But, you know, that's great. I like the people are getting out there. They're exploring. They're finding new stuff. It is definitely a silver lining with everything that's going on. For sure. Yeah, when you shake things up, right?

When you shake up sort of how everyone's living, it's funny because you go like, okay, there's like seven billion people and we all are different. We all have different things we like and do. But then when something really crazy happens, we sort of move in unison, right? We come back to our basic needs. And so it's just interesting to see what's going on culturally with, you know, people reconnecting with nature. In most cities in the U.S., people are trying to get out of their apartments and condos and get outside the city and get. to some, you know, a house with a yard. You know, that's why this brings me to our next one I was going to say.

It's why, like, Home Depot and Lowe's stocks and home builders are all blowing up. This brought me to another Brosner feedback that we got for us. Oh, interesting. I think you'll like. So Callum Paris Barnes. Okay. Great name. Good name.

Sounds very, he's like probably got a lot of Fabergette eggs. Yeah. He's got a good collection of China. Russian nesting dolls. Well, Forrest and I've given out a couple stock tips. just casually. We are not an economics podcast, and we take no responsibility if you lose all your money.

But Calum Peres-Barn said, hey, guys. Now, I know the pod is not an economics pod, but want to say thanks for the stock market tips, three exclamation points. Back in June, Forrest made a throwaway comment that he's doing well with cruise line stocks, so I bought some. Then last week, Patrick spoke about Bitcoin and gold

as plays on inflation because we're printing money to hand to people. He says, jumped in and they have now hit all time high. So I'm not basing my strategy entirely on what you guys say. But thanks for these tips. Maybe you guys should switch it up. Maybe you should base your entire strategy on our lunatic ranting.

Callum ever thought of that? I'd like to start basing my strategy. Do you guys got any current tips? I know you're always on the pulse. So, Retep, I figure if you had a tip, you would just do Yum brands because they don't Taco Bell. I love tasty food. All right, so still kind of sticking with the Bitcoin play. I have two interesting stocks that I have utterly smashed on in the last few months.

There's one called SI, which is actually easier to trade. It's called Silvergate Capital. It is a brokerage for cryptocurrency. I got into that one at $16. It's now sitting at 64. Still tons of room to run. and then another one called VYGVF, Voyager Digital, which was trading at seven cents earlier this year. It's up to $3.40.

But I'm not selling. I got in under a dollar, but I am not going to sell because I think there's room for this to just keep blowing up. It's another, you know, it's very hard to trade crypto, right? Peter has talked about why he didn't buy Bitcoin back in the day when he wanted to because there's just such a pain in the ass. Yeah. So these are services that are going to try and make it easier. almost like an Ameritrade app on your phone just to buy and hold. So those are my tips.

What about you, Forrest? What are you dabbling around with? I was just pulling it up to see what I've been messing with lately. You know, it's been so, everything's been fluctuating. I can't say that anything has really hit a home run for me lately. I did it your suggestion, Patrick, buy in a bunch of Ruth's hospitality, as in Ruth's steakhouse. And that, you know, I bought in really nice and lovely.

on that and that's continued to go up and up and level off at a real healthy place. So I think with the current shutdowns in restaurants, at least in the state of California, once they reopen, you're going to have a nice healthy little spike there. So, you know, I think there's definitely a short-term play there to get into hospitality groups. This is fantastic. You guys are hilarious. I love that. Neither of you invest in any wildlife stocks. What is a wild livestock? stock. Yeah. What about the San Diego Zoo?

SeaWorld. Those aren't publicly traded. I don't think. I really don't know. Listen, I'm definitely not buying SeaWorld stock. No, that's no good.

Yeah, you can't invest in companies in companies you don't like. No. You can't do that. Nope. Like I had, I saw that my,

the guy who helps invest some of my stuff had bought Verizon stock. And I just said, I don't care what the metrics is. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. I hate it.

Their customer service. Their customer service. has driven me nearly to the point of murder several times. I don't want to own any of this company. That's funny. All right, guys. I know what time it is. I do know what time it is.

Oh, sorry, go ahead. Do you know what time it is? I don't think you do know what time. I think you do. It is, I want to get back to our roots here. We haven't done it in a few podcasts. I think it's a good little playoff of your stock tips. Let's do factor fiction because your stock tips are definitely fiction.

Yeah, you're right. They really are. They're nonsense. Let's do it. Factor Fiction. I haven't played that in a while. All right. Factor fiction is easy, easy game to follow along with.

I'm going to make a statement to Pat and Forrest and everyone. And Pat and Forrest are going to guess whether or not it is a true statement or if it's just bullshit. Normally we like Pat to guess first since he, you know, doesn't know much about anything. Correct. And Forrest to go second since he probably. We know the answer to all of these. Let's go ahead. All right.

Number one, sperm whale calls are so powerful that the vibrations can kill divers, but more often, they make them violently shit themselves. Pat, what do you think? Thoughts? Okay. Here's, does the whole statement need to be true? Yes. Okay.

I believe that a sperm whale call is possibly powerful enough to displace enough water or whatever to kill a diver. I don't believe that oftentimes divers are just spraying diarrhea around the ocean because they're so close to sperm whales because I just don't think that many people are diving with sperm whales. They go down super, super deep. They stay down for a long time. I know people have done it,

but I don't think most of them have had violent bouts of diarrhea as a result. So I'm going to say fiction. Well, not diarrhea, but yeah. So if you're interested in the, this topic, and I don't mean to be too much of a science nerd on this, read my good buddy James Nestor's book. I believe it's called Breath or One Breath or Breathe. I don't know why I'm blanking on it, because the last time I read it was like 10 years ago. And one of the things that he talks about in the book is how sperm whales have such an incredible call. It's so powerful that the subsonic

boom that it sends through the water is capable of stopping your heart. That being said, there's no record of that ever taking place. Sperm whales have injured a couple people. They've never actually in the wild made your heart stop. And I'm going to say that they're not making you crap yourself either. So I'm going fiction. All right. You both picked false.

I'm going to admit this was a bit of a trick question. They do indeed have powerful vibrations that can kill divers and other animals. Personally, I shit myself. I don't know if it was because of one of these sperm whale calls or just because I ate too much Taco Bell. But for all intensive purposes, you're correct. This is false other than my personal story of shitting myself. I mean, you know, they say usually the most logical explanation is the best.

So when you shit yourself after eating Taco Bell, it was probably because of a sperm whale. Right. That is the most logical. All tied up. All tied up. Okay. Yep. Tied up one to one. Number two.

The predominant flavoring in vanilla extract comes from the anal glands of a beaver. This is so fucking stupid that I can't even justify it with the response. No, it's vanilla bean and alcohol. Just fuck off. Yep. Now, wait a minute. Are you saying synthetic vanilla? No, I'm talking about the flavoring in vanilla extract.

There's literally not a single flavoring on earth that would fall for this. This is nonsense. Okay. Vanilla is a bean. It comes from Madagascar. This is nonsense. This is false all around. Two for two.

Okay. You're both wrong. This is actually true. No, it's not. It's not true. Claim yourself or we'll never do another podcast again. Listen, it's still one to one. This is, in fact, true beaver butts secrete a goo called castorium, which the animals used to mark their

territory. Completely safe. been approved by the FDA. You know, Joan Crawford, a wildlife ecologist, says she lifts up the animal's tail, gets down there. If you stick your nose near its bum,

she pulls it out and she adds it to her vanilla. Come on. Come on, Ritab. I swear to God. Vanilla is a known thing. It's a bean. It grows on a plant. You can buy vanilla beans at the store.

This is nonsense. No, but here's the thing for us, this insane lady who's fucking violating beavers makes a product that's similar to vanilla, so it must be true. It is the beaver bum goop, castorium, and people, it is historically added, historically it's added to your vanilla extract as a main component, and it gives it its unique, delicious flavor. Okay, great.

All right. Let's move on. You'll free to fact check me. If you want a fact check, I can't argue with you because I don't know what to say about it. I know what vanilla is. But I've also never licked a beaver's anus, so I have no ground to stand on. It's still one to one. No point given in that one because you both got it wrong.

100% incorrect on that one. The next one, there is a species of fruit bat where males, the male fruit bat, can lactate. Is this true? Or is this bullshit? Hang on. Sorry. I was reading about the beaver thing. All right.

All right. Okay. And surely you've now... It's on National Geographic Castoreum, which has been registered as a safe food product for 80 years by the FDA, has frequently been used in many perfumes and vanilla extract. Just remember that next time you get a vanilla latte at Starbucks, people. You're going to be licking beaver bum. So there we go.

That's quite something. All right. All right. All right. All right. Just read it. All right. So the third one, I'll read it again.

I was paying attention because I was reading about that I've been eating beaver asshole for the last fucking... Well, it's great because everybody else is looking it up just so they can prove me wrong because they think I'm a dumb dumb, but it's true. It's ridiculous. Look it up. All right. Go ahead. Third one. Here we go.

Again, the third one, there is a species of fruit bat where the male fruit bat can lactate. True or false? True. I have no problem with this. Yeah, I know that's true. All right. Well, now you both have another point. That is in fact true.

There is a milk-producing male fruit bat. They are the Dayak fruit bats, small flying fox of Malaysia and Borneo. Yep, yep. And they lactate. Not much more to be said about that. You guys knew that one. All tied up. All right.

All right. It's all tied up. We're going to do a tiebreaker. nearly 100% of the fish that you eat has parasites. Oh, yeah. I mean, I would assume that all animals have parasites. I'm sure we all have parasites in us right now. I would say yes.

True fact. Nearly 100% of the fish. Yeah, copepods and skin fleas and things like that. Yeah, I mean, I hate to keep going with the same thing, but yep, I'm also going to go true. fact. All right. You guys both got that as a point, you idiots.

It's a fact. Usually these parasites are killed either by cooking and in the case of raw fish, by freezing the fish before it is allowed to go out to restaurants and be consumed by us. But sometimes if you look... Yep. Yeah, exactly. Sushi. If you look closely, you might see a worm wiggling around in your bullshit sushi.

Now, is that why our mutual friends? when he ate 40 oysters at his bachelor party. Is that why he projectile vomited? Was it the parasites or was that something else you think? Forrest? Will I weigh in on that? No, I don't think so. I think he was very drunk and ate a lot of sodium in a very short amount of time.

Yeah. Yeah. They were $4 each. He ordered $40 for himself. That's expensive. And I said, amen. Do you sure you want to?

40 oysters before we go out for the night. And he goes, what are you, my fucking wife? I was like, all right. Go ahead. Good point. He ate 40 oysters. We walked out of the restaurant and he projected out of vomit all over the gas lamp district of San Diego at his own bachelor party.

That's funny. Nice. Yeah. The reason that one came up, though, is because there was a video on Reddit. It's like in the top right now. Last night I watched it. Some guy fucking in San Diego, in fact, that like one of the top sushi restaurants, there's a worm just wiggling out of his fucking sushi on his plate.

It's disgusting. I was like, ooh. That's bad. Yeah, horrific. Horific. All right. Let's do this for the tiebreaker. You must have different answers.

No, I'm just kidding. But all right. Pelicans are known to eat birds whole, even eating other adult pelicans sometimes. I think the first part is true. I think the second part is fiction. I'm going to go fiction. Okay. I know this is fiction.

Pelicans eat fish, not birds. This is nonsense. All right. That's nonsense. It is, in fact, false. Another tiebreaker. The African lungfish will eat their own legs to help sustain themselves before hibernating for the dry season. Ooh, fat.

A tiebreaker. I have an African lungfish in my aquarium. I've seen it eat its own legs. That is a fact. All right. Forrest, what do you say? I do have an African lungfish right there. Do you?

Yep. Right over there. And I also grew up where they're from and used to catch them as a kid. And I've seen them all balled up in the dry season with all of their legs. So although I don't have anything to support this, I'm going to go fiction. All right. A great tiebreaker indeed. Forrest is correct.

Takes the game. The game winning. This is in fact completely made up by Will our producer. Thank you, Will. Well, well done, Will. I guess come talk to my lungfish and you tell me that it's fiction. Tell him. I love that force actually has one.

I had no idea. I don't know if Will knew that or what. That's literally in the corner of my office. I think you could have said almost anything and he could have just, you know, swiveled his computer around and showed us. Yeah. Something about a really old egg that's been put back together. Oh, no.

Let's not go into that. All right, boys. All right. Oh, boy. Now it really is time. It's time. It is time. It is time.

Oh, boy. No, this is not a UFC fight. It's everyone's favorite thing. Literally everyone's favorite thing. The Battle Royale. Battle Royale. Here it is. So, look, Santa Claus, great movie, all three installments, where Tim Allen is legally

obligated to become Santa. That's right. So, legal obligation. Here's the problem. Here's a problem, man. You've become Santa. I don't know why we're doing this,

but I think this is great. You have to pick three animals to drive your sleigh. Didn't Santa? He's only have one? He just have reindeer? He has a pack of reindeer. Oh, I see. Which are not, they don't inherently fly.

Right. But it's worked for him for decades. point. Century. Yeah, good point. Good point. He's always made it all the way around the world in a single night. Sure.

So you get to pick three different species to lead your sleigh. I like this. This is, are we doing a snake draft or no snake draft? Let's do a snake draft and let's put you in the middle since you've never figured out how it works when you're on the end. Yeah, that means that I pick all three the first go-round. Yeah, exactly. You got it. Finally.

Okay. All right. Great. Let's go first. Forest, you go first. Sure. Sure. You know, I've given this zero thought until exactly right now. So the first thing that comes to mind for me is the fact that, you know, Santa's reindeer must have incredible stamina to keep that sleigh flying and pulling to every single house one night a year. So stamina is big. So I'm just going to go, you know, we talked about, we talked about what was his name, Ted or something, the stud race horse?

Oh, Tiz, yeah. Tiz. Tiz. I'm going to go Tiz. You know, I'm going to start not with, not with a species, but specifically Tiz and his incredible genetics, because horses are, you know, they're amazing long-distance runners on stamina. Tiz is obviously at the top of that ladder.

So, yeah, I'm going to go Tiz. Tiz is pulling my sleigh. And I can finance my ever-failing workshop because he's lazy damn elves by just studying Tiz when he's in his off-season. That's really smart. You might have just won with just that logic there. Just saying. I don't think so.

That's smart. All right. What do you got? That's great. My first pick is, since I've already created this in a previous battle royal, however, this one won't be breathing fire or doing whatever else the ability I gave it and that one was. But it will be a very, very large animal that makes a loud noise because I want everybody to have a happy Christmas and they can see me flying around. with a giant blue whale pulling me.

A giant blue whale flying through the air. You constantly want whales flying through the air. You've done this before. It's like your favorite thing. Yeah. Why? Somebody actually, there's a graphic out there of a fire breathing blue whale now,

and I think it's because of me. It is because of you. All right. So, look, Santa has his group of reindeer and there's a hierarchy, and it's important with any pack that you've got, you know, you've got to have an alpha, right? Who keeps the other animals in line?

So I'm going to go with a Mexican wolf. Okay. That I think her number is 1041. Yeah, let's see. 1042, wolf 1042. She, I mean, look, 16 of her kids are the alphas in their packs. She is the ultimate alpha. Just stealing the old genetic game, huh?

Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah. Not to mention, I will be guaranteed a litter of new alphas for after she her time has come. So she's going to kind of lead my pack of flying animals. Now here's the other thing. Santa has Rudolph and he frequently uses Rudolph's glowing red nose as his sort of beacon for him to see in bad weather, which you're going to hit when you travel the whole world, right? Oh, for sure. Absolutely. So I need some, an animal that has some sort of

iridescent qualities. I've always really been interested in the angler fish. So I'm going to have an anglerfish because it's got this barb that comes off the top of its head with a little glowing orb at the end. That is going to be sort of my Rudolph. I am a concern that my wolf is going to probably just eat the fish. But for now, those are my two picks. I've got a light and I've got a great alpha for my patch. So wolf and anglerfish, correct?

Yes. I get it. I think the light's smart. Yep. Very, very smart. I like what Pat's doing here. I'm into this because my mind similarly is near that place too. So I have a blue whale with a very loud sound that it makes

to make everybody aware of Santa flying around and delivering toys because really, you know, Santa goes underappreciated. I want the world to see him flying around. My next pick is going to be just a bird with a beautiful. beautiful song, and that is the common nightingale, will be my second pick, because we will grab the attention of the people so that they can see Santa flying around, and we will make them feel good and happy by having the nightingale serenade them with its beautiful song. A blue whale and a common nightingale will be my first.

That's one of the weirdest things you've ever done. You picked an anglerfish, mate, and a wolf, okay? All right. All right, Forrest, what are you going to add to your collection? I was already thinking along the lines of what Peter was thinking along, but in the complete 100% opposite direction. So he's going, I want everybody to know about Santa. You know, I'm going to have a nightingale announce his arrival.

Obviously not what you want. I'm not sure if you're familiar with Santa now. He's very cryptic. So I, uh, I don't want people to think I'm breaking in. I'm looking for a distraction, right? So I've already got my sleigh taken care. I got Tiz. You know, he's a one, that's a one horsepower operation.

He's solid. He's paying for things. We're good. So now when I'm delivering presents as Santa, I want to make sure that when the kids come running down the stairs to blow my cover, I've got something that's going to throw them off the scent. And what I mean by that is my animal number two is a sloth. Because you have never seen a child run by a sloth ever without stopping to go,

oh my God, it's a sloth. A child, a teenage girl. You know, an adult girl, an adult man, it doesn't matter. They're all going to stop and look at the sloth. So my distraction animal will I'm busy chow and cookies and putting presents under the tree is a sloth. Is it? That's it. Okay.

That's right. I go too. No, you got one more. I do. Yeah. Oh, who doesn't know how the snake draft works today? So you've got a very fast horse that's going to fly. You've got a distraction animal.

I've got my sloth for distraction. And then here's the thing that nobody ever. accounts for. Santa has a lot of work to do, right? He's getting a lot done in one night. So I'm just going to need a second set of hands just to help out in general. Someone who can pass me presents, maybe scale up and down the chimney so my bad ass can stay in the sleigh, I'm getting an orangutan. You know, he's got, he's kind of got the Santa physique, like the big belly, you know, you could put a little coat on him and a Santa hat. There's no way that a kid's catching that and not being like, oh, yeah, that's Santa. You know, so I can literally just like,

sit in my sleigh, count my money that Tiz is making me, send the sloth down as a distraction, then send down the orangutan with the presents to deliver them. I can just chill in the sleigh all night. Yeah. Smart. What's going on? Interesting. Interesting.

All right. Back to me, right? Yeah. He's got a whale and a nightingale. Is there a third rhyming animal? Common nighting gas that you'd like to add to this? Yeah. It is a snail?

Forest has the right idea. However, his execution is pissingale. poor as usual. On orangutang might be able to carry a present or two. You could send them down the chimney one or two at a time. My next animal will really be able to help me and carry the brunt of the load over Christmas nigh. It will be an octopus with many very strong tentacles.

Can carry several thousand presents at once with its 230 load. Bairing suction cups. Good. That's smart. And it will... And just to be clear, you are only delivering presence underwater, right, between your whale and your octopus? Do horses fly in real life for us?

Chet. Yeah. Yeah, well done. I think the octopus is a great pick. I don't know it's going to salvage your disaster of a start. But it's smart. Whales are very strong, thoroughbred. What do you got that, Patrick?

Well, look, I've got a glowing orb of my anglerfish. So I'm the only one who has... as that. You don't know I can see. There's also the moon. I probably already want things up. Here's the thing. I like where your heads are at,

forest in that, you know, you're making some money off your horse, right? And that's helping fund the workshop. It's a failing business. I'm going to go the other way. It's not great.

I'm going to keep costs down. And how do you do that? Well, kids leave out cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. So I need, in order to keep my feed costs down,

I want to take advantage of all those carrots. To feed your wolf. What animal loves, well, no, I'm going to have to feed that meat. But what animal loves eat carrots more than a bunny? That's true. Bodies love carrots. I've seen bunnies snack on them. So I'm going to have flying bunnies that assist me.

And I will be able to feed them for the whole year. This is a crowd source. It's like a perfect ecosystem. You've got a perfect flying ecosystem. Yeah. That's what I want to do. Yep, right. Very good.

Okay. Well done. So to recap, if you enjoyed our battle royale, they're very silly. They're all over the place. Tonight, please let us know where right here in the comments on YouTube, on iTunes, wherever you're listening, leave us a five-star review. Let us know who won the Santa's Slay Battle Royale. Is it my pick of Tiz the Stud Racehorse, who is actually making me money in the

off season as well as pulling my sleigh? My sloth is a distraction or my orangutan who delivers presents. Peter's Flying Blue Whale, which, hey, a lot of storage space, right? You didn't talk about that. A lot of storage space. Very strong. And Nightingale, which I still don't particularly understand because it sings. Everybody likes music.

We all love music. There's no boom boxes. Or an octopus who can help deliver his presence. Or Patrick's Pits of 1042, the female Mexican gray wolf, an angler fish to light the way, and bunnies to steal the carrots. So these are your options for tonight's Battle Royale. Let us know who won. Leave us a five-star review. And Retep, if you're into this pod, if you're like, man, have you heard the wild times?

It's such a great pot. I just wish they had like a T-shirt that said something funny on it. Like, I don't know, a logo or I have no amygdala or my spirit animals, a blobfish. Where would people find such a thing? Mm-hmm. Well, Forrest, you can, like many Brosner's already. have got a couple pictures i'm actually going to post soon um go to the wild times podcast dot com forward slash merch and for everything else you can go to the wild timespodcast

dot com forward slash info that'll get you to the youtube channel uh and uh everything else the anywhere you can listen to the podcast that that link will get you there and uh if you don't know we are putting out basically five times a week videos little kind of shorter videos on YouTube. If you're not subscribed to the YouTube, go there, like and subscribe, right, Pat? Like and subscribe those videos. And turn that stupid little bell on

because YouTube doesn't want you to know when we actually release a video for some reason. But people are liking them. And one of the things I have been getting a lot of feedback on lately is that people really like this community that we have here. Like not just us, but like we do these. these lives. We do the premieres sometimes when we launch the podcast. People like talking to each other.

I'm pretty sure some people have become fucking friends. It would appear. We just had our first, we just had our first Brosner marriage. We did. The octopus and the orangutangangang or the bunny and the wolf? No, two of the Brosters who met on the YouTube wives. You're so full of shit. Yeah.

This is great. That's true. There'll be pictures posted by Pat on his personal Instagram of that event in the near future. And the future. Yeah. But no, yeah. Just go check it out.

People talk to everybody's real good. People have been mentioning how they like it because it's not a toxic community. There's no bullshit. People are friendly. It's fun. It's getting people through the pandemic. It's getting us through the pandemic. Fucking hit that YouTube up and engage.

And hey, happy new year, right? By the time you listen to this, 2021, right around the corner. Look forward to hanging out with all you Brosners in a better year ahead. Good night. Yeah. Good night, everybody. Good night.