Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #45 - Pinatubo Volcano Mouse, Bear Chases Man Down Ski Slope, & Sheep Farts

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

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And we are back. It's the Wild Times episode number 45. If you're tuning in for the first time, that means that we have been doing this for 45 straight weeks. We have been polluting the airways with our nonsense banter, our garbage speak, and of course a lot of useful wildlife news. I am your host, the broologist Forrest Galante, joined tonight and always by the ever-handsome Patrick Deluca, Papa Pee, Papa Pee, Papa Pen,

Flickr, Popper. Papa, Pee-Pee. The broducer, Patrick DeLuca. How are you, man? Oh, I'm good. I got rid of my pen. Thank you for reminding me every single week. Good move.

I'm great for us. Feeling real good. Happy to be here. Glad, I'm glad. And of course, the guy who I believe at this stage only owns one hat, because it's the only hat we've seen for 40 of the 45 weeks. Asuka. The brofessor himself truly,

a PhD academic, a scientific mind like none other, Mr. Retepp. How are you, sir? I'm good, man. I'm much in a better mood than I was our last podcast. There is no imposter top knots happening around here. We all have hats on and couldn't be happier. Valentine's Day is coming up. Put out my dating tips on the YouTube. Fanfare galore. People love it. I'm hilarious. Thank you. Real quick, before we get into this pod, because I think this is important, the people want to know from an accredited scientific mind like yours, what is the perfect date for Valentine's Day or tap? That is smart.

Yeah, I mean, first of all, it's staying inside and never going to a restaurant or anywhere outdoors on Valentine's Day, getting a gun and blowing your brains out. That's strange. Cheers, mates. Just kidding. Disclamber. No, don't do it. do it. That's a bad tip.

Don't know. It was a joke, everybody. Calm down. God. Edit. I gather, Retep, that you don't love Valentine's Day. I think that's what you're saying. I have this weird problem where obviously I've always hated Valentine's Day and pretty much every holiday where there's giving gifts.

I don't hate the holiday. I hate the whole rigmarole around it and all the bullshit that you have to do. And Valentine's Day is one of the, these ones where I've always just like, you know, grip my teeth and get the bullshit, do the thing and I hate it. And I think this year is going to be different. So I think we're just going to stay in, have some Taco Bell and wine. Cheers. How about you, Forrest? What do you think the perfect Valentine's is? What are you going to do? Well, now that I'm depressed, thanks to Retef's comments. No, I, look, for me, Valentine's Day is a time to not give in to the hallmark holiday pressure.

do something out of the box. Like set up, you know, I'll give you an example. And we can post this on the Instagram. A few, about four years ago, I went down to the beach at like 1130 a.m. on Valentine's Day. And I dug out the most insane beach table set up so that at sunset we could do a picnic on the beach for Valentine's Day. You know, a lot of effort. A lot of effort.

A lot of effort. Picnic was simple. You know, it was like, it was like Dominique. pizza or something, but the amount of effort, outdoors, not giving to the Hallmark thing, that's my go-to. How about you? Sure. Man, look, you want to talk about Christmas, Christmas gift ideas? You love Christmas.

You know, I can get into that. I'm not the Valentine's guy. I forget about it. You just reminded me. That's coming up. So I've got to get on that. Well, and it'll be over by the time this comes out anyway, so this is all for not. Hey, Will, I just texted you a picture of the Valentine's.

I'm so proud of it that the Valentine's Day rig that I built at the beach a few years ago that it's definitely worth a little pull-up for the Brosners that happen to be watching on YouTube. And if you're listening on iTunes, you can see my marvelous creation over here on the YouTube. Excellent. But alas, this podcast, well, it is segueing more and more into dating advice and love-making tips. God, everybody's already stopped listening to this one. We like to talk about what's in the news, wildlife, what's going on in the world of outdoors, nature, adventure, animals, all that shit. So let's, let me throw it to the resident broologist first.

What's in the news this week, Forrest? Oh, man, big piece of news in my world came out this week. I posted about it on my socials. It was super exciting. It was a rediscovery. Now, anytime an animal that's presumed extinct happens to appear, happens to show itself, I get a little giddy. I mean, that's something that, you know, Patrick, you and I have, God, we've been working on

that for a long time now. And the Pentabo Volcano Mouse in the Philippines was thought to be extinct for 30 years since there was a massive volcanic eruption in 1991. That was so big that it caused its own typhoon, which just, you know, it created rain-down ash, it devastated land, there was mudslides. The ash that rained down was supposedly an inch thick across 1,500 square kilometers. I mean, it was like an Armageddon from this crazy volcano. So naturally, they assumed everything in the vicinity was dead. And one of those things was an endemic mouse species that lived only on that volcano in the Philippines. And

they just found one after 30 years. So it was pretty awesome. So the biggest piece of news for me this week. Yeah, look at it. Basically just looks like your household rat, but, you know, whatever. It's still an animal that was gone for 30 years and then turned back up. It's got a bit of a kangaroo legs there. It looks like it could jump if it wanted to. So they found

just one of these and then... Nope. Found a good old population. Oh, wow. That's crazy. So these things are back. They're back for real. They're back. Yep. Nice. It's kind of one of those hiding in plain sight things where nobody really thought to look. It was just kind of presumed that they were

extinct 30 years ago because of the amount of ash and, you know, coverage of the ground. And then, sure enough, a survey was done and they're like, oh, my God, there's plenty of these guys around. Yeah, I mean, the ash, you would think, you know, like when we were at Fernandina Island in the Galapagos, you know, when you're far back on the boat from the active volcano that the island is, you can just see the lava flows where they cut down through probably, what would you say, 75% of the island is lava flow? and then 25% is still green.

Just kind of luck of the draw when you live on a volcano. Totally. Yeah, I feel like this is, I feel like this is something that would happen if I was the one making these calls, like, yeah, they're gone. Let's just not investigate this anymore. They're definitely gone. I think that's right.

And then somebody would call me on my bullshit with a news article several years later. It's best left on the songs. Yeah, speaking of calling you on your bullshit and news articles, Retep, I don't think we've been. heard a good piece of news from you in a hot sack. What's come across your fine plastic desk lately? Well, the only thing that's come across my desk that's interesting is in this document that Will puts together because I am not, my desk is terrible and it sucks. So there was a

plane in Singapore that had to have an emergency landing because the, uh, the attendant saw smoke in the cabin. Oh, you got to land. If they're smoking the cabin, the plane's on fire, you land. Yeah. And I mean, what do you guys think it could be? It could be, so this is an animal podcast. What do you guys think it could be? Singapore? I've been to Singapore.

Everyone was smoking on the flight. Guaranteed cigarettes. I'm going to say that a flock, upon take off, a pelican got lodged in the engine and eventually got sucked into the blade and got caught on fire. Very close. And that it animals. It was actually, it turns out that it was just sheep farts. Sheep farts from the over 2,000 sheep that were on board. And, yeah, so I mean, these, they had to, it ground. How did that create smoke? How does a sheep farting create smoke? Well, so it was an indication of smoke.

So, so they got an alert that there was smoke. Yeah, the alarms went out. Got it, got it, got it. Right. Okay, that makes sense. I mean, because think about it, methane is released from a fart, right? So if you have 2,000 gassy animals farting underneath, I'm shocked that the methane detector didn't go off sooner. Seriously. Well, all the sheep are safe, all 2,186 of them. Though, as the article says, maybe Singapore Airlines needs to have a talk with some farmers

about the sheep's diets, which is... I'll tell you what, man. If I buy a ticket, if I buy a ticket, so Singapore is like a very wealthy city. It's a city, but it's also a country, I guess. This is a very wealthy. You've been there a couple times for us. Yeah. Love it.

Very like, it's kind of like a high-end city, right? It's like going to Tokyo or something, very modern. Yeah, it's the most modern place. I haven't been to Tokyo, but it's the most modern place I've ever been. Like everything is flawless and perfect and spotless. And they integrate nature with the buildings. There's like trees growing out of buildings in like the most manicured perfect way. It's the place that they have those sky trees, those light up sky trees that everybody's seen on Instagram.

It's insane. It's incredible place. I mean, if I'm buying a ticket on a plane, I believe that they should have to disclose that 2,186 sheep will also be traveling on this flight. Like, I don't know if people knew No, I don't. I can't believe you could carry that many. How do you carry that sheep? I mean, they're mostly far.

Was that one person's luggage? Because that's a huge, that's a huge airline ticket. Yeah, that's a big bag fee. Yeah, by the way, you're paying, we're paying for the gas for that flight and our ticket fees. Come on, where these sheep aren't fucking paying for it, obviously.

Dude, I wonder if you could power the plane. Like, if you put Elon Musk on this and you're like, Yeah, let's power a 747 with sheep farts. Yeah, he could do it. He could do it. Yeah, there's no doubt. If you're listening.

That stock would skyrocket. Oh, yeah. Man, Elon, if you're listening to this, you know, take your shot. Animal farts is the way of the future. What did you think of the people in Singapore? Because, like, I traveling through Thailand and Vietnam and Laos and a lot of places over there, I've never been to Singapore. I always become friends with people from Singapore when I'm traveling through.

Asia. I love every person from Singapore that I met. Yeah, I had nothing but positive interactions. You know, I was there with Animal Planet the last time doing an exhibit. And, you know, I met a ton of local representatives that were putting the exhibit together and, you know, facilitators and stuff like that. And it was, it was a nonstop social hour. Like the whole five days I was there. Like, they were planning on flying me in and flying me out 24 hours later. And I was like, what?

No, I'm going to Singapore. I'm going to stay for like five days. And it was exhausting because I'd wake up. up in the morning, I'd have like four text messages from my new Singaporean friends who'd be like, let's go to breakfast, let's go to brunch, then let's grab coffee, then let's get a beer. And I'd be like, all right, fuck it, let's do it. So it was just like, it was the most awesome like five days of social hour that would start around like 8.39 in the morning and end around 2 a.m. the whole time. And it was super

fun. Everybody was super cool. The food was incredible. The food scene there was insane. So we'd just like go out, drink whole night, eat. I mean, it was super cool. Singapore is amazing. place. Yeah, those were the days, man. I'm just reminiscing about like my last big social outing and it was like over a year ago. It's just like, oh, God, man. Isn't that crazy? You can't take that shit for granted, man. When that starts happening again, I'm going to enjoy every damn one. I can't even remember the last time that I like social hopped. You know when you go out to a night at a bar and you're like, oh, here's this group of Santa Barbara small, right? L.A. might be a little bit different. But it's like, I'll go out on State Street, our only street where shit happens here.

And I'll start with one social group and then I'll social hop over to the next group that I pick up. You know, I'll start with my rugby friends, then I'll meet up with my spearfishing friends, then I'll run in some old college buddies. You know what I mean? Yeah. I will co-mingle with 200 people, not to mention all the anonymous strangers that are grinding against everybody else. I can't even remember what that's like. I don't even remember the last time that happened.

Nope. It just kind of fades from your memory. And then you're just like, God, man, I would. That's like what it was like for. For me in college, just bar hopping and doing all that shit. Four years of that, yeah. Yeah. So something came across my desk.

Will, if you can pull up the video from Romania, number 10 on the show doc. So I was in Romania last December. Cool place, spent some time in Transylvania, up in the Carpathian Mountains there, home of Vlad the Impaler. People, we hung out. We had some couple dinners, locals, houses and stuff. People interact with Bear a lot there. And they have brown bear in Romania. 60% of all of Europe's bear are in clustered into the Carpathian Mountains.

It's a massively, not to dog like your story too much, but it's a massively successful Netflix natural history thing that's just come out called Wild Romania. And I had no idea Romania was so full of wildlife. Wow. Yeah, but those mountains, it's weird. Romania is actually a little bleak, to be honest, like when you're in the cities.

Yeah. It's not like, you know, you think Bucharest, it's this big city, and it's not like Amsterdam. or, you know, London or Paris. There's a little bit of a bleakness to it. Maybe it's because I was there in the winter, but up in the mountains in Transylvania, that's where all the wealthy Romanians have their vacation homes.

It's gorgeous and just pine forest forever. But a video surfaced this week of a skier. And I don't want to hear my own voice too much, but let me set this up for you. So before you play this well, so I, years ago, before I ever started skiing, I watched a movie where three skiers get stuck on a chairlift while they're going to be shut down for a couple days.

So they're like on this chairlift, they're freezing to death, wolves are circling them. In the movie, one of the guys gets down successfully and he's basically trying to outrun this pack of wolves on his snowboard. So every single time I'm skiing, every time I'm skiing in an area where I know there's bear, I envision myself getting chased by a bear and for like 30 seconds

I'll just bomb down the mountain and just pretend I'm getting chased by there. It's like a fun game. Yeah, it's a game we all play when we're kids when you run up the stairs and you don't want to be caught by the monster coming around the corner. Yeah, totally.

So look at this video here for those on YouTube. A Romanian skier is no joke getting full on charged and chased down the ski slope by a brown bear. I mean, and the bear is on his fucking ass. The bear is booking it. Oh, my God.

That's not going in to say hi. Like, that's like, I'm catching you and killing you. No, mock charge there. No, straight up. That's full on. My God. Oh, my God. It's gaining ground, it appears on the guy.

Good thing he was a good skier, because if that was me, I would be like, fuck, fuck, fuck, wiped out and the bear would have had me. No doubt about it. Because I'm not that good on the snow. Oh, man. And, you know, the easiest way to fall skiing is looking behind you. Of course. Yeah.

Of course, I would be looking the whole time. I'd be staring at that bear. Well, you'd be looking, and then you'd be on the ground, and then you'd be eaten. Yeah. That's wild. That is wild. What do you do in that situation? Because I'll ask you, Forrest, how good are you at skiing?

I'm a, I'd say I'm a seven and a half, eight out of ten at snowboarding. No idea about skiing. So you're on your snowboard. A brown bear, you know, an 800-pound grizzly bear essentially is chival. chasing you. Where's the balance between skiing fast to stay away or snowboarding fast to stay away from it, but also not going too fast that you get out of control and wipe? And then well, that's the thing at a, at a, you know, my, my level being a seven or eight out of ten, like I will, I'll hit every run. I'll do a few jumps, whatever, but I'm never just, you know,

like going straight down the slope, nose down. Like, I'm always carving, you know, like there's no point at which I'm just, you know, maybe for like 50 yards and then I'm back to carving, right? So, and I know how much speed I pick up in that, in that 50 yards on like a blue going straight. So I don't even fucking know what I do because I'm not that confident going, you know, 40 miles an hour on a snowboard. No, I'm really not. I start getting speedwobles. My knees get shaky, you know, all that good stuff.

Like I, I, I'd be fucking terrified. I'd be more scared of falling and the speed at which I was going on the snowboard than the bear. chasing me. Well, so you just have to keep speed. The bear can run. It's top speed is what, like 40, but like if it's hauling ass after you for like a minute, it's probably going what, like 25 miles an hour? I think a tough. I think Brown Bear top speed is 35. Yeah. And then it's going downhill. So call it 40. You're still talking about going 40 miles an hour on a snowboard or skis. Yeah. I'm guessing I usually average around like 25. Yeah. You would you would have to point your board pretty pretty straight down and just go.

Try and get some distance and hope the goddamn thing stops. Right. Yeah, I see no other option. My first time skiing, I was with Pat, and I was, I actually like the way he tells this story because he tells everybody whenever skiing comes up. I have the best POV, man. Tell him. Let me set this up.

Yeah, set this up. Yeah, it's pretty good and painful. You're going to like this for us. So I take Peter up, then we just go up to Big Bear, North of California. It's a nice small mountain. It's easy enough. Yeah, I love Big Bear. So we get up to the cabin, and I'm like, so did you bring your ski stuff?

He's like, no, I just got my jeans. So he was just playing to ski in his jeans. Luckily, the cabin had all of the necessities. Aren't you from the Midwest where it's nothing but snow? Yeah, there's snow, but it's also just flat. I mean, if you go to Wisconsin, there's a few places, but it's slag. So anyway, I'd never seen him out of the morning. Luckily, there was some extra gear at the cabin.

Peter gets kidded out. Looks like a real pro. We go up. It's him and his ex. And they didn't want to do a lesson. So we're just kind of dicking around on the bunny hill. He stays down with her. And we ski a bit.

I come, I meet them. They're like, yeah, let's try it. Let's do the, let's do a lift. We'll go up. And so we go up. And it's like a blue, right? Like all of Big Bear is like a blue run. So an intermediate run.

Right. So I'm with them. And I'm like, hey, so I'm going to ski. kind of down to there and then I'll stop. There's quite a few people on the mountain this day, right? So I bomb down, kind of stop, I look back up, and all of a sudden Peter goes first. He starts coming down.

And I'm looking at him. I go, oh, he's so full of shit. He's an awesome skier because he's skiing at three times the speed of anyone else on the mountain. Right. And about three seconds into that, I go, oh, he has zero clue what he's doing and has no chance of stopping. So his skis reported straight down the mountain. He's picking up, he's accelerating, and picking up speed like an Olympian.

And there are little kids, and he's like literally going up on one ski to avoid a little kid here, going up on another ski to avoid an old woman there. And I'm just watching in horror until all of a sudden he's cartwheeling sideways across the mountain into the guard fence. Outcome. Off comes the hat, gloves. They're significantly far away. The earphones are out.

Just. The skis are off. And then the ski. And listen, I'm not no graceful. I'm no graceful pig here. But I got the wrongs. They gave me the wrong size skis. And then it was broken also.

I'm sure it was broken after that. No, the ski fucking came out. That's why I felt. I had to be carted down by a snowmobiler. I'm pretty sure. No way. Or wait. Oh, that might have been my first snowboarding excursion.

Yeah, you didn't get car. I think I was able to get down on the skis. Wow. That was it. I spent the rest of the band. Nobody taught you to pizza and French fry, huh? No. There was nothing.

Not even Papa P. I think he just thought it would be hilarious if I went rolling. It sounds like it was. It sounds worthwhile. In my defense, I did show them a little bit. And his ex very appropriately, very slowly carved her way down without a single fall because she listened to where. Peter's like, I'm just going to do what I do.

Yes. Before I put the ski into the snow. We got some Brosner DMs that I thought I would throw at you guys. I thought this one was pretty cool. This was from Dr. Well, based on his handle, I'm not sure, but Dr. Crypto Naturalists says yo-brose have studied Loch Ness, talking about the Loch Ness monster quite a bit. And I believe that the sightings have humped, large, smooth-bodied, and I believe that the sightings have humped, large, smooth-bodied, and misidentifications are misidentifications of the large gray seals that are known to come in from the sea from time to time. When people report seeing multi-humped animals, I believe it's just a small group of seals swimming together in the lock.

Love the pod bros. What do you think of that? What do you think of that case of mistaken identity? It's a hell of a call. That's a hell of a call. I'm just trying to think I mean what seal species are there in Scotland?

I mean there are some there are gray seals like he's saying there's harbor seals too but isn't Loch Ness it's like pretty far in I don't know but I assume it's pretty far inland and not connected to the ocean

Well he's it's an interesting theory I don't know I mean the other thing is are there no I mean if that was the case wouldn't there be more photographic evidence and like legitimate pictures Are I mistaken? Because, I mean, when I look up these pictures out...

Yeah, he's saying that they do come in. Yeah, but they still have to travel by waterway, right? And now I get it, like a gray seal might come into an estuary, you know, something like that. But all the way into... Now I have to look up whether it's Loch Ness is England or not. Will, Will. Google Seals and Locknest, the first Google image. This is very compelling. This is really fucking...

Cool. So it's three seals. Two of them are sort of jumping, so you only see their arc, and then one's head is out, and it looks like a 30-foot-long snake. It's very, very cool, actually, if Will pulls his thumb out of his anus. Sorry. Oh, yeah. The Loch Ness is very much so connected to the sea. All right, hold on. Let me look. Look at this photo that Will just pulled up. Interesting. And you see that from far away, dude. It's a good thing. It's a lock. It's a sea serpent. Yeah. Very much, so it looks like a sea serpent with the two coils coming out of the water, the head popping up. Interesting.

Hey, you know, I think that Dr. Crypto Naturalist might be onto something here. I mean, if you saw that if you were an ancient mariner, not ancient mariner, even if it was a little dark out and you saw that from far away, I can't imagine you'd be like, oh, there's three seals perfectly positioned to trick my eyes. Yeah, exactly. No, 100%. I completely agree with that. Look, I've been out, you know, I spend thousands of hours a year out on the water. And we're always looking for splashes and, you know, anything, any signs of fish or whatever. And I have seen, I'm not kidding, a thousand times I've mistaken a seal for something else.

Oh, look, there's a shark fin. Oh, look, there's a whale breach. Oh, that must be a pelican dive. Oh, is that an orca, you know, whatever? And it's a seal or a sea line. I'm not kidding. It must be a thousand times. And I'm not the only mariner that's ever done that, you know, like it has.

It happens to everybody. So especially it's one of those things too. Like when you think Loch Ness, which is essentially a lake, you know, you're not thinking seals. Like that's not going on your brain, right? So when you see something, when you see that pattern, that splash out on the ocean, you go, ah, you chalk, your mind instantly goes to seals. You're like, oh, it must have been some seals, must have been a seal lion, whatever. When you're looking at a lake and you see that, that thought doesn't even cross your mind. You don't go, oh, there were seals in this lake in the middle of the country.

No. Yeah, that never even goes through your brain. So instantly you try and associate that with something like the legend. So, yeah, I think he's on to something. I think that's pretty accurate. Well, it goes back to what we've been talking about in the cryptid game in the daily videos we've been putting up where, so not only do you have the natural human psychology of, I want to make. this story epic and this talk about how I saw this cool thing, you also have behind that motivating you the fact that you would never suspect

it would be seals or anything like that. So it's like you're even more encouraged. And then behind that you have the mythology of the Loch Ness monsters. So, you know, which all started, by the way, with that one photograph, which was debunked a year later. And the creature was, they figured it was like three inches big or something. And it just perspective of that very famous lock nest photo.

The one that like, you know, the little neck sticking out of the water, that one? Oh, interesting. I didn't know that. Yeah. So. Okay. You know. All right.

Here's another one. This is from Thompson, Jake, one. This is a really good one. This is a good sort of would you rather. Would you rather take on four hippos that are. the size of a wolf or one wolf that's the size of a hippo. Yeah. Me?

Go ahead, Ruth. Everybody. I had to think about it for a second. I'm going with one wolf. I'm going with one hippo-sized wolf just because, I mean, there's one, and then I can maybe figure out some way to, like, get away from one. But if there's four, like, you're fucked. I mean, you're running away.

You're probably getting attacked. by the other three. There's just no way to get away. Okay. Okay. Patrick, you want to weigh in? You want me to go? I just think there's no good answer.

I mean, my official answer would be, I'm just going to take the four hippos, because I just think, if you had a wolf the size of a hippo, what possible thing could you do to get away from it besides climbing a tree? I mean, you're so fucked. Right.

A 2,000 or 4,000, 6,000 pound, wolf. Yeah, you're good. So I'm going, so the question here is, would you rather take one wolf the size of a hippo or four pigs

because that's basically what a hippo the size of a wolf is? So I'm definitely going with the four little pigs because I feel like four many hippos. I mean, hippos are terrifying because of their mass. Like that's what makes them

their mass and their size. Four of them the size of pigs like, don't get me wrong. A wild pig will fuck you up. but I can at least drop kick a couple in the head. Like, I'm not challenging. A wolf-sized hippo would be the, that would be the dominant creature on this planet in under 15 minutes. Get out of AES. There's nothing that could stop.

You guys are a couple of pussies. I'm taking this wolf on. You ever seen Star Wars where they, they lasso it by the feet, the big robot thing that's shooting lasers, knock it over, dude. It's not moving like a robot. It's not moving one super slow step at a time

This is a wolf the size of a hippo. Come on. Get out of here. You're done. Also, if you lassoed a 6,000-pound wolf with a chain, he would just, oh, I didn't know you were carrying a super strong chain around because you're a mid-shoreman. Yeah. All right.

Last one here for us. Hey, guys, something came to my attention. I'm curious about this is from Autumn Bell 45. I've actually never heard of this animal. The Jagarundi. It is on the endangered. species list and said to be extinct in Texas. It was mainly found in South Texas, but I came across some supposed sightings in a small town outside of Austin called Lago Vista. Anyway, thoughts or

is there any other information that you could offer for us about the Jagarundi? Do you know much about it? I know a lot about Jagarundi. Super-duper cool animals. Will, feel free to pull up a pick of one. here's the thing. Jagarundi have known to be to have been extinct in in Texas since like the 1980s, I believe. But they're pretty damn common in Mexico, right? And they're a very transient animal. It's kind of like the Jaguars in Arizona. So there's no what would stop one of these little guys from hopping through the border, you know, up into Texas and then dipping back down into Mexico? because like I said, they are common in northern Mexico, you know, and all the way into Central America. So I know that technically they've been declared extinct in Texas.

I wouldn't be surprised if you were able to find remnant traces of them visiting. It's kind of like mountain lions on the East Coast. It's like we know that mountain lions have traveled through states and have covered throughout the United States. That doesn't mean that they're living in those places or that they're residents there. I think that's kind of the story here. Like, the Jagarundi got this rap as being extinct in Texas in the 1980s. The truth is, we don't really know if there was ever a large population of them there.

They're a transient animal that probably come in and out between Mexico and Texas. So, yeah, I totally believe that, you know, that Autumn Bell could have found traces of a Jagarundi. It's probably a super cool, rare sighting, but I believe it. That is a cool-looking animal, by the way. That's super cool-looking. Very different than just like a Jaguar, a Mountain Lion or something like that. Yeah, no, they're super neat. I've seen them in South America.

They're very shy and elusive, or not South Central America, and cryptic and super, super neat. It's got like a regular cat-sized head and then just a wild animal-sized body, a wild cat-sized body. They've got beautiful faces, too. I don't know, Will, if you can find a better picture of the head. very beautiful faces. Yeah, they really don't look like any other feline that we have in North America at all. You know, like, there you go. Like a bobcat and a mountain lion, you know, have very similar characteristics.

This guy does not share those characteristics. I got to say, it's awfully cute. I would like to give him a little scratch on the chin. Yeah, just right where that one rogue whisker is hanging out. Yeah, right? Just get a little tickle. See what he does. Yeah.

A little tickle. A little tickle. Well, that's good. I like all those Brosner DMs. Wait, wait, wait, one more. Oh, please. Sorry, Forrest. I thought you were going to move on.

I do want to ask you a personal question here. Tell me more. Steve, 2311. Steve. Hey, I'm a big reader of men's health. I made that part up, but that's the context with which Steve asks. Okay. Has anyone asked Forrest what happened with his men's health photo shoot?

Were they able to use the photos, or was he just too sunburned? that's funny. That's a funny question that shows you're really listening along there, Steve. Actually, men's health kind of burned. Oh, sorry, guys, I went too far from the mic. Men's health kind of burned me to flip that switch. Because they were like, yeah, we really want to do this. Like, let's do this shoot, blah, blah, let's go.

And then they were just like, yeah, yeah, it's coming. It's coming. And then it never came out. So I think they probably looked at it. We're like, we're not putting this fucking beat red guy in our magazine. You mean? Like, this is a mess. Like, we can't do this. And then they didn't want to, like, upset me or offend me.

So they were just like, yeah, yeah, no, any day now. It's coming for sure. And eventually I was like, all right, this is not happening. And I just gave up on that whole thing. Dude, you were working so hard. Weren't you working out like twice a day, three hours a day, fucking getting up in the morning? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was fun.

I mean, it wasn't fun, but it was fun. That's vicious that they didn't put it out. Oh, I mean, you know, what's the worst that happened? You just gotten real sweet shape. Yeah, exactly. It wasn't the worst thing in the world. Well, actually, the worst that happened is you sat out in the sun and got extremely sunburn in preparation for the photo shoot. I really did.

And now you have probably melanoma. But can we get these pictures then? If they're not going to fucking post them, let's get them. We'll use them on the wild times. For sure. Yeah, for sure, Peter. I'm definitely going to send you pictures of myself shirtless sunburn. That seems like a good use of those.

You can curate them. yourself. I mean, come on. Send him over it. I'll Photoshop and some six-pack lines for you. Thank you. Yeah. I tried to put them in with the sunscreen, but then I just had white abs and a red body. It didn't work very well.

Dude, I got to tell you, so I was filming something, in addition to doing the wildlife stuff, sometimes for fun, I'll do these like TV movies, right? Like scripted stuff. And they were supposed to be this scene where the guy who's like the male love interest that kind of comes in with his shirt off and he's,

you know, being sexy, whatever. And the lead actor, well, basically a young Tom Cruise in the face, just kind of didn't have like a great bod, you know? Okay. So I asked our makeup girl, I was like, hey, can you like just like do some makeup contouring on his body? it was unbelievable what you can do with a little bit of shade. Oh, made a big difference?

Insane, dude. No way. I thought you were going to say it was like a disaster. Like he looked terrible. Oh, no, it worked. Wow. She took a little ponchy sort of Mr. Burnsy looking bod. And like he had like nice pecks and abs.

Like it really made me wonder about some of our, some of our hunky male actors that we're used to seeing with their shirts off. I was like, you just, you just, you just did. like three years of working out in 30 minutes with that contouring. That's great. You got a number? That's crazy. I had no idea.

It's not something that ever crossed my mind, I say as I lie about my men's health photos. No, I'm just kidding. But I never thought that you could paint on muscles and that it would work without, like, adding prosthetics. That's interesting. That was brilliant. And I'm going to do it next time I go to the beach. Smart.

You've been doing it for years, mate. Four years. Nice. Well, I was. going to move on. Those were good brokner questions. Keep them coming, Brosner's. But I was going to move on to a pretty fun little segment that people like. They ask for more and more. A little bizarre animal of the week. Nice. Oh yeah. Thank God. Yeah. It's a good one. It's a good one. All right, here we go, gentlemen. All right, I'm going to start you nice and slow, baby birds. All right,

nice and easy here. This animal, this bizarre animal of the week, is nocturnal. Peter, that means a comes out at night. Okay. Comes out at night. Nocturnal. Got it. Yep. All right.

It's a carnivore, which means it eats meat. I knew that one. So we've got a little night-dwelling carnivore. Okay. So far, nothing outrageous, right? Plenty of those running around. Yeah. Millions.

Billions. They live and hunt in trees. Okay. Okay. All right. Still nothing outrageous. Okay. Now, these little tree-dwelling carnivores,

that are nocturnal, they don't seem to be a normal little animal, right? Wouldn't you agree? Nothing outrageous says. Yeah, no, nothing. So far. Pretty standard. Except the males of this species only live for 11 months.

Okay. Okay. So not crazy, a relatively short life cycle. But for the last two weeks of their lives, they literally fuck themselves to death. Yep. This is real. They will have sex nonstop, sometimes for up to 14 hours straight during mating season.

They do nothing but slam. That's literally all they do for the last two weeks of their life. Their blood has so much testosterone coursing through the rest of their body that it, or sorry, their blood has so much testosterone coursing through their veins that it stops the functions of the rest of their body, causing them to literally fuck themselves to death. Their body shuts down because they are slamming so hard for two weeks that nothing but testosterone production can take place. Yep. They smash so hard that all of their fur falls off.

I mean, they're literally, they're losing it. They start bleeding internally. Jeez. Yes. Stay with me now. This is a real thing. They get gangrene because their limbs start to fall off. They start to rot.

And they're just going to pound. town town this whole time. They get gangrene. They're still going at it. Because their limbs are rotting because they're just like stuck in place and they're putting all the weight on it. Yep. Yep.

Straight up. Everything is failing. Organs are failing. Internal bleeding. Hair is falling out. And they're still just going to pound town. Dick's still good. Firm.

Rock hard. Yeah. Dick's hard. And at the end of this life cycle where their their bodies are literally disintegrating. Yeah. Until the moment they die, they spend. spend every last second frantically erratically looking for another mate to keep humping.

And then they just collapse and fall down dead. Yeah, literally. They literally just fail. This is Pat in his 20s. He made it, though. That's correct. You win. Game over.

All right. Good night. Moving on. Let's move on. All right. Well, do we have more or is this it? That's kind of that. It was really all about the humping themselves to death.

I love the picture you painted in my mind as this thing slurring. slowly decayed and turn gang green. But let me sum it up. Let me sum it up for you. Let me sum it up for you. Do it motion and action. You've got this small nocturnal animal, right? It lives in the treetops.

You're like, oh, cool. Lives for 11 months, the male. You're like, yeah, not bad. Decent life cycle, not long, not short. And then all of a sudden, it's just like, go time. Just bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, all day long. It's just hump in itself literally to death. There's nothing best testosterone chemicals,

fueling every ounce of this animal, influencing its brain, its body starts to fall apart, its hair starts to fall off, it gets gangrene, starts bleeding internally. I mean, literally, the animal disintegrates.

That is what we're talking about here. Can you name it? This is, for all of the female of this animal, I'm sorry that God did this. This sounds terrifying for them. Do you want a little clue? I could give you a little,

little bit of clue. Yeah, give me a clue because I can't picture anything except the Jagarundi, and I know that that's not it. So this animal happens to live in Australia, and it's of the mammalian variety. Oh, I know what it is. Which means it is a drop bear. No, not a black bear. No, no, I start a drop bear. It's a drop bear.

Wait, that's interesting. Are there, are the only mammals in Australia marsupials? Correct, except for dingoes, pretty much. And introduce things. Yeah. Got it. Well, damn. All right.

It lives in trees. It hunts at night. And then obviously all the... Yeah. It hunts in trees. All of the bizarre sexual activity. I mean, all it does is hump. It just humps.

All it does is it fucks till it dies. It's a marsupial. Retep, why don't you go first? I'm sure you probably have it. Yeah, I mean, this is a tree guru. A tree guru. You know what's funny is there is actually tree kangaroos. That's a real thing, Rete.

That's right. I like tree guru much better. I don't. I don't know which silly Ozzy named them first, but he totally should have called him tree gurus. It's called a portmanteau. I'm good with English. Thank you.

Cheers. Okay, so we're looking at a marsupial. It's certainly not a dingo. It's not a thylacine. It's a tree kangaroo, mate. It's kangaroo, but not a tonal kangaroo. It's some sort of wallaby. It's some sort of tree wall.

It's the southern, southern tree wallaboo. be. These are good guesses, gentlemen. They really are. Tree guru just wins as my new favorite word. This is an animal that very few people will have ever heard of. I mean, myself included, I know very little about them other than, you know, these wonderful humping facts. It is a small marsupial that resembles a rodent known as the brown antichinus. Antichinus. Yeah, very odd. Willow pull up a picture of one. Like I said, very rodent-like, but actually a marsupial. It looks like, The newly discovered, what was that, that they just discovered on that? The volcano rat.

The volcano rat, yeah. Yeah, it does kind of. But there are other pictures. They do, some of them you can see more marsupial features and less rodent features. But, yeah, I mean, basically it's a kangaroo rat that humps itself to death. I mean, just a crazy bizarre life cycle. It's interesting. Oh, there we go.

What is that? The pouch? It's the pouch with little babies in it. That's what defines something as a marsupial. right? Is that pouch? Correct. Okay. So it's funny because I was envisioning a rodent, a rat.

Not you, Pat, but I was envisioning that this could potentially be a rodent. Look at that. Like, this is definitely what I was envisioning, and I was going to say some type of, like, mouse or rat because the behavior is just despicable. And I would imagine a rat to do nothing other than this. But wait. It looks so much like a rat, but it's a marsupial. Could this be a rat that evolved to become a marsupial,

or did this evolve completely separately of a rodent? Yeah, good question. So convergent evolution, meaning that two things needed to fill the same ecological niche, so they evolved to look the same, but they're completely unrelated. So it's a marsupial that looks just like a rat. I mean, you put that next to a New York City rat, and you're like, I'm not sure, you know, I can barely tell the differences. but they have not branched off of the same evolutionary tree at all.

They have evolved completely independently of each other and landed at this point in time to look very similar to one another because they both occupy the same ecological niche, and that's called convergent evolution. Wow. That is pretty cool. A good one with the brown antichinus. If any Brosner's can look us in the eye and tell us that they got that,

I will send you a free scratch and stiff wild-time season. sticker. Before you pull this picture down, though, well, I got to give you props for this picture because it perfectly depicts the beginning stages of what I was envisioning when Forst was describing it going on its 11-month, or on its two-week sexual bender. This is pump sash. Look at it. I mean, this is what it's doing. It's like one of the fucking wild-ass gremlins running around, just humping, mouth open. Great pick. Have you, I'm trying to think of a situation. Retep, you were definitely in a frat in college.

There's no doubt in my mind. Of course he was. Yeah, look at you. Now, imagine... I wasn't, but I could imagine. Of course he was. I mean, I'm trying to think of, like, for me, it's, it's like rugby locker room five minutes before you're taking the field.

Where there, I mean, my testosterone level is at its peak for what I am, which is, you know, a pretty meager human being. Like compare that to just having in like nothing but testosterone coursing through your veins like my brain in that point in time when I'm about to take the pitch in a rugby field and I'm in the locker room with all the other guys and we're like let's go it's game time we're going to kill him it's like nothing I want to do but kill someone that's all that I can think of is kill and that's that's what this little fucker has going on in his head for for his entire life basically but for the last two weeks is just like I have to I have to bust a nut. I mean, can you imagine? Yeah. It's just insane. It must be brutal. I've seen guys like this at the gym. They're usually the ones that are roided up. They're very

excited to be at the gym, and they're aggressively talking to all the chicks who don't want anything to do with them. It's just one step away from this. I'm thinking, too, not to get too Christmas heavy, but like remember when you were five and Santa was, you know, the thing,

right? You believed in Santa, and you wake up on Christmas morning and just like eyes open and it's you're not groggy at all right you're just like and you're so excited like do you think that these mice or these marsupials when they wake up on their 11 month birthday and they're just like today's the day where it starts yeah i'm gonna do nothing but hump for two weeks i think they're just wild-eyed yeah i think they're just exactly it's christmas morning for Nice, Will. Dude, also, I mean, not to mention, think about the community in general.

Like, the women, they're nervous when this time of year, when this starts happening. The children are watching these sexual escapades happen. Oh, yeah. I mean, this, the whole, the whole, this could be a children's book. Yeah, it should be. Forrest, what's your favorite Christmas gift that you ever got? Everyone has one gift that they remember, or holiday gift or Hanukkah gift or whatever. For sure.

They remember getting where like you started, your vision got blurry and you started losing your mind. Zero question. My 10th birthday, I got a pee-wee 50 motorcycle, 50-cc, little tiny motorbike from my dad. And he took me outside and was like, all right, you know, gave me like three minutes of lessons. It was like, you know where the farm store is? And I was like, of course, it's three farms over. He's like, go get me a six-pack. And it was just the coolest, like the fucking, it was just everything, like a motorbike outside, no helmet.

This is Africa we're talking about. There's no drinking age there. So 10 year olds buying beer is a thing. And my dad, like, gave me cash and was just like, don't die, you know, because I'd, like, get on the side of the main road and go get him beer. And it was just like, every part of that was the coolest thing that had ever happened to me up to that point in my life. And probably still. Well, so let's get to the real reason, Pat ask. Pat, what's yours?

No. No, what's yours, Rete? You go next. Yeah, yours is not nearly as manly or badass. It was actually a gift that I gave somebody else, but it was intended for myself. She took it in the divorce. It was a small, I was with Patrick when I got it. We were on this small island off the coast of Seattle called Bainbridge.

We took a ferry there, and we ended up at this little town called Bainbridge, and we were walking around. and we went into this little shop, and they had these little, they were like little television sets that were hollowed out, and then they had like a scene of... Like a snow globe inside.

Yeah, like a snow globe, but it was like, mine had a train that went around a town, and it played Christmas music, and it lit up, and it had the antennas, and it was very nice. We had them shipped back to L.A., and, again, I lost that one in the divorce, and it was very upsetting. But that was my favorite gift.

I'm saying the word divorce. Nobody likes that. Mine was a Rolling Thunder G.I.J.O. vehicle. It was three feet long. It could fit like 20 guys in it. I opened it. I legit almost fainted. Like I was like, I can't.

I couldn't see. And then my mom was like, okay, you got to go to church now. And I was just like, I, like, pretended I was sick. Like I did everything I could to get out of going to church. But church. Yeah. And then I had to sit in church for. you know, 70 minutes, just literally thinking about the Rolling Thunder the entire time. It's the longest

hour of my life. Boy. I feel like you had a question that I interrupted for us that you're going to ask Peter about his Christmas gift. Oh, no, I was just going to point out, you know, I like to make fun of Peter, that the greatest Christmas gift feeling he's ever had was as an adult, not as a child getting given any kind of gift, but as a full-grown adult buying himself something at the store. Yep. I don't remember. I don't remember too much for my childhood. I usually got video game systems. It was fun. It was great.

I remember the time spent with family during Christmas. As I said, I hate giving gifts. I hate receiving them. But when I buy one... It's easy to block out that time with Uncle Rod, who you later found out wasn't your real uncle, who did bad touch, right? Those are bad times for you.

You're going to get canceled, boy. All right, guys. Is it time? It's time. It is time. And a real time. rare occasion. What is it time for for us today? Battle!

Yes. One of these days we'll get real sound effects. Not any time soon, but one of these days. Okay, guys, so this is a good one. It was submitted by top brofluencer, brosner, Daniel Kuhl. Oh, Daniel Kuhl, that guy fucks. He fucks. He's one of our loyal, Aussie listeners. I'm sure he's going to love this episode. He always loves when we do. talk about Aussie, but he submitted this one the other day in the Discord. So you've got some

new neighbors and they're a nightmare. The absolute worst. They play loud music. They throw parties that they don't invite you to. Just a general nuisance. You want them out, but you don't want to stoop to their level. Instead, your local zoologist says they'll give you access to any three animals you want to annoy your neighbors. You can't cause significant damage or inflict harm, but you can annoy the shit out of them. Snake draft. I don't know how that works, but yeah. So what three animals will you annoy the hell out of your neighbors, drive them out of town, out of the country, out of the world?

Phenomenal Battle Royale. Real quick, do we know how they're annoying us? Is it just the music and stuff like that? Do they have pets? Do they have dogs that bark? Stuff like that? Well, I mean, specifically, they're just playing loud music. They don't invite you to the parties.

They're just a general nuisance. I mean, they let their dog shit in your yard. They're throwing cigarette butts in your yard from the parties. They're leaving plastic cups around. They're taking up all the street parking with their... It's basically like if Rob Gronkowski moved in next door. That's what this is. I like that scenario because that means I'm rich.

True. But angry and annoyed. Who goes first, Peter? This is your call. Well, how about let's force you go first on this one. Okay. Sure. You know what?

First pick, real easy pick for me. Because I live in this personal hell on a daily basis. If you want to annoy the shit out of your neighbors, not joking, got a letter in my mailbox today. You get yourself peacocks. Straight up. It's that simple. want to upset your neighbors, you get peacocks. I can show you the letters to prove it. So I'm going with the low-hanging fruit. What do they do? Yeah. So how are they bothering your neighbors?

What are they complaining about? So first of all, have you ever heard a peacock? So the more beautiful the bird, the more awful it's noise. The peacock is the most beautiful bird. And every morning at dawn, it goes, yeah, exactly, retap, for a long time. Then they will leave the property, they will go to the neighbor's house, they will fight their own reflections in the sliding glass doors. So like, you know, just like banging at the door,

constantly fighting their own reflection at the sliding glass door. They'll shit all over their porch. If they have anything like, any bird feeder out, any small citrus or fruit trees, anything like that, they'll just go and peck the shit out of all of that.

Yeah, they're just, they're just night. And then they won't leave. They'll just decide to roost at the neighbor's house. So they'll just, like, go up on his chimney and start shitting all over his chimney. go to sleep. So yeah, Peacock, just take it from me, take it from a guy with peacocks, rescue peacocks.

They're awful. Like, don't, you'll piss off any neighbor anywhere in the world, guarantee. The shitting, the shitting is just the icing on the cake, too. Like, all the other shit, and then they go roost and shit all over everything. It's a good pick. The fighting themselves in their reflection, the male peacock when he goes to fight himself in the reflection. So in my neighbor's case, it's a sliding glass door.

In my neighbor's guest case, circa three years ago, it was his brand new Tesla that was really shiny. and the peacocks kicking the shit out of the side of his brand new shiny Tesla scratching it up. So, yeah, they're awful. Yeah, that was a huge apology. They're terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible pets. So, yeah, leaving with peacocks. Okay.

It's a good one. Pat, what do you got for your first pick? I am going to start with a howler monkey. I know I've been heavy on howler monkeys lately, but... You have. Here's my thought. They're called howler monkey for a reason. Yeah. When they call out, it is one of the loudest sounds created by nature, 140 decibels.

That is louder than a packed NFL stadium, right? Okay. So what I'm going to do is, obviously, I'm going to teach my monkey not to howl in the house. And then when I let it out back, I'm just going to put earplugs in, right? Smart. So I'll just be sitting at my desk working or headphones listening to some music. Meanwhile, my howler monkey is putting their speaker system to shame. with 140 decibels of ear piercing sound directed into their pool party.

That's good. Yeah. I'll shut down that party quick. Yeah, nobody's enjoying that. The tap, you're up for two. All right. So, well, I was definitely going to call you both out on the fact that your picks are going to be annoying not only your neighbors, but yourselves as well. For sure.

But Pat has combated that with the. with the ear plugs. So his neighbors also will probably be passing out ear plugs at the party as a party favor. My first pick is going to be a very fucking nuisance

swarm of yellow jackets. Many, many thousands of yellow jackets. And I, of course, will have the knowledge on how to control the yellow jackets and keep them away from the house. The nest will be in near their backyard just so like in the corner so that it only fucks with them outside.

It won't fuck with me or my animals. It will, but what's your second pick? My second pick and because you mentioned the earplugs, I am safe to go with this pick. I'm going to go with roosters because I was in England one time and everybody has fucking roosters. And they fucking cockadoodle dole. Cockcadoodle do. At the fucking butt crack of dawn.

Every day, without exception. And it doesn't get dark until 11 p.m. there sometimes, and they're fucking doing it at 5 a.m. But, and the other thing is, they're cheap. So if the neighbor decides to give his kid a BB gun to go after my roosters, I'll buy a hundred more for $25. And there'll be a never-ending supply of roosters and yellow jackets. Okay.

All right. Not bad. It's okay. That's good to start. So I'm bothering one of their senses, right? I'm getting back at them via sound. Now I'm going to pester their olfactory sense. I'm going to create smells with my zirilla,

otherwise known as a striped pole cat. Ah, interesting. This is known to... You took my skunk, which was my next... I'm not going to pick it anymore. I won up to your skunk. You did. The zirilla is known to be the smelly-y-es-smellied.

animal in the world. They release a horrific smell from their anal glands whenever they're threatened. But I will obviously teach my Zerrilla to do it on command. It will direct the horrible goo at the neighbor's fence line.

And it's just going to be a train wreck. I mean, okay, you're going to have a party. You know, you're going to have a party on Tuesday night. Have fun with that. That'll do it. It's being loud and smelly. That's pretty, that's pretty

awful. Yep, that is pretty awful. Stole your idea of forest? What do you got? You did. Yeah, you really did. I was coming in with a skunk, and then you not only stole it, but one-up did. But fortunately, in my back pocket, I had just the most awful pet that anyone could have. I'm assuming that I'm living uphill from these neighbors, where I currently live, you know, I'm kind of on a slope, and my neighbors are more or less downhill from my house. You know, I'm also lavishly wealthy in this scenario, so I live at the top. Yeah. So instead of a swimming pool, I happen to have, you know, those infinity edge swimming pools

where, like, the excess water goes over the edge. Right. Well, I have an infinity edge moat filled with hagfish that are constantly producing the world's most awful mucus and slime at the edge of my property that is just sweeping down over the neighbor's house so that every time they even attempt to open their door, walk from their car, As we know, cars get stuck in this from their car to their house. They're just knee-deep in hagfish slime. I mean, it's just awful.

They're going to kill you. They're just going to send a hitman up. You get a hitman for like $5,000. I've seen friends of files. That's my neighbor's car right now. That's what's going on. All right. So they can't drive anywhere, so they can't get away.

You've got your peacocks screeching, and they're trying to get away, but their car's unusable. How are you going to round this out? Yeah, no, and you took the olfactory thing right out from under me. So, you know, instead, what I'm going to do is just have, in that same hagfish pond, is going to breed an incessant amount of mosquitoes. So that no matter what at all times, you know what it's like when you go on a camping trip and you're like, God, I just fucking wish I hadn't gone camping because the mosquitoes are just ruining every second of my life.

I'm just going to have so, there's just going to be clouds, swarms of mosquitoes. Not with malaria, not with dange fever. Just your standard, irritating as fuck mosquito and just bazillions of them. That's good. And that's a nightmare. I think you might have won this one until now, because my third pick is going to win this for me. There's nothing. There was a trend going around about a year or two ago.

You guys probably remember this, where people were dressing up like creepy clowns and just standing in people's front yards. Do you guys remember that? for that. I was so ready for that because I wanted to tackle a creepy clown and beat the crap out of him. I was excited by it. In the town that my mom lives in, someone shot a

creepy clown. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. In South Carolina. And good on you, by the way. Yeah, totally. Don't stand in my yard. 100%. Idiot. Trying to scare my kids. But I'm going to take a page out of that notebook. And I'm going to go for scare factor.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to have a pet. I.I. That I will train their proficient climbers. Will's going to pull up a picture on the YouTube here of the Ii. They are arguably the

creepiest animal in the world. You've got that long finger, just a bizarre looking face, and I'm going to train my eye, basically to climb up to their second-story bedroom windows and use their long finger to just go tap, tap, tap on the window. And when they pull back the curtains,

they see that. That's a good, man, you got sound, you got smell, you got creepy. Being your neighbor would be terrible. Be worse than currently being my neighbor. Right. All right. So I think I've won, but Retep, you might as well. Just go ahead.

Absolutely not. I have yellow jacket bees. I forgot what my second pick was. You literally have garden variety yellow jackets and chickens currently. Roosters, English, roosters. Nice hat. Sometimes that say cockadoodle dole. Yeah, very proper roosters.

And I will bring another bird into my realm, and it is going to be the equivalent of having a very mean, vicious-looking. He's currently Googling types of bird. You know. Pitbull. Or another type of vicious dog you might have in your yard at all times. But I am going to have a farm, so at least 25 cassoaries roaming around my backyard next to the fence where their party will be. They can look at it.

They will be terrified. They're five and a half feet tall. They weigh 90-ish pounds, and they will fucking be fighting and killing everybody. And by the way, I will have them permitted, so there will be no legal trouble. Okay. Daniel Kuhl is going to be very offended by your picks because you just, named every single Australian's backyard. Roosters, yellow jackets, and cassowary's running around.

He's like, Mike, that's just what we have down here. And nobody's having fucking parties over here, mate. Also, Daniel calls apparently Irish now, too. Yeah. Oh, mate. Wear my lucky charms. Everything turns into an Irish accent eventually. Yeah.

Yeah, that's bad. All right, so to recap, we have, if you like this battle royale, the only way we know who won is for you to let us know in the iTunes or in the YouTube comments, whether you vote for to, who do you not want to live next to? Is it my cacophony of peacocks, hagfish, and mosquitoes? Patrick's incredible trifecta of howler monkeys, Zorilla, which are basically African stinky skunks, or eye-eyes that'll creep you out through your window, or Peter's Garden Variety, Australia Zoo, which is, you.

Yellow jackets, roosters, and five-foot-tall birds, cassoaries. We're talking swarms of yellow jackets. No, it's bad. It's bad. Many roosters and hundreds of cassouaries. It's awful. It's dangerous. I can tell you that much.

It's dangerous just to live at your house. Nobody wants to come to that party. You've ruined your own house. Yeah, with your howler monkey? I don't know. What are you going to have? Noise cancelling fucking earmuffs on all at all times. All times.

So what should everyone do, Peter? Everyone's least favorite part of the podcast is when we botched the ending. Shamelessly self-promote ourselves. Yeah, well, I mean, go to the YouTube, go to the video. That's the best spot because people know how to use that. Many people don't know how to use iTunes.

If you don't, you can go to our website, the wild timespodcast.com, forward slash iTunes-review. It'll show you how to leave a review on iTunes. Otherwise, just go to that YouTube, which is the wild timespodcast.com, forward slash YouTube. And if you just go to the Wild Times Podcast.com, all the links to everything are there.

And join the Discord where there are hundreds of Brosners and wildlife and adventure enthusiasts hanging out, talking about all kinds of shit. Real spicy. Yeah. It's real spicy. Yep. It's real fun. And that is at wild times. Dot club foot.

No, just kidding. Wild Times. Dot Club. Go there. All right. Hey, that's it. Talk to you guys soon.

Happy Valentine's Day. Sianora. Neh.