Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #50 - Walrus Nap, 15 Gorillas or 30 Crocodiles

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

It's our 50th episode and the energy is off the charts! Join us for our usual nonsense. We love you! Go here: https://thewildtimespodcast.com 

And here we are episode 50. Wild times. Episode 50, episode 50. That's good. He's a good dancer? That's big. That's 50 episodes. I don't know if people really understand the gravitas of that.

Because when we started this, we spent nine hours drinking in my garage around a table telling each other jokes. And here we are 50 weeks later with the world's biggest podcast. which is crazy. Never saw that coming. I did not know. Bigger than Rogan. Retef, how do you feel about it? I feel great.

You saw me at the beginning while you were talking. I have a small can of wine. This is new for me. What is that? What is that? I don't know. I was at the beach. These seemed to be the way to go at the beach

and I had some extra. I'm drinking them. I'm feeling good. And you know what I love about this podcast is that our fans know more about the podcast than we do. Because one of them suggested via social media that for the 50th, we should be on Venice Beach doing our mating calls, which was a story from a podcast 35 weeks ago or 30 weeks ago.

I forgot about it. I think it was more. That was like podcast five. Yeah, so Pat had something about whispering in a girl's ear and licking her forehead. Forrest, you were going to be hippo swirling shit around. It was a disaster. Yeah, it was gross. Mine was very sexy.

Good. So to summarize, feeling good, Forrest. How are you guys doing? Boy, am I good. All right, listen up, Brodners. If you're listening for the first time, you're 50 weeks late. What's the matter with you? If I was your mother, I'd spank you.

If I was your father, I'd take the belt to you. If I was your uncle, who, who, who. Oh, pretty uncle. You don't want Forrest as an uncle. You don't want Forrest as an uncle. He's a bad uncle. This is the Wild Times podcast. It is jokes.

nonsense. It is fun and silliness. It is hosted by yours truly, the bro-ologist, Mr. Forrest Galante, the Azugar over there, if you're watching on YouTube, Mr. Retep, the Brofessor, Ph.D. And the bro-dealer, Mr. Patrick DeLuca. Together, we make up the greatest comedy trio of all time. We tell jokes. We talk about wildlife and news. And pop on screen, Mr. W.T. Willie. in case you haven't met him yet, 50 episodes in. We have W.T. Willie, Wild Times Willie. He is the actual producer of the show. Very good-looking young gentleman.

He's about 6'9, ladies, so just keep that in mind. And he is the producer of the show. He pulls up all of the fun stuff as we talk about animals and wildlife. He puts together show docs that are comprehensive with what is going on in the world. And that's what we're here to talk about. Hell fucking yes. I like how Will just faded. in, dude.

Yeah. That was nice. He's got producer tools that we don't have access to. That's right. All right. So, For us. Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

I just, I got to ask you because I've been meaning to. And, you know, this is, you're a biologist and you know a lot about animals and you're a dog person. So I got to ask you a question about my dog. Okay. Wow. That's weird because what Retep just did was very similar to what I'm about to ask you about. All right.

I was just pointing out how you were kissing his ass. But go on. Shut the fuck up. I don't want anything. Every time with this with you. Sorry, go ahead. Oh, you're brutal. You're as brutal as your plain white background, you stupid.

It happened. Dude, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? This was touted as, this was heralded as the best part of last week's episode. So fuck out. Do you notice how he just showed off that he knew two vocabulary words, touted and heralded? What a dink. All right, so look.

My dog. is like 67, 68 pounds. Yep. You know, German Shepherd mix. You know, very capable. Yeah, Luca DeLuca. Yeah, Luca DeLuca. Great name.

But if you make a fart sound around the dog, so if you go, or if you do that, she goes fucking crazy, runs away and is bummed out for a while. Okay. Now, I've had the dog since she was like, you know, seven or eight weeks old, really young. So it's not like there was some tragedy that happened to her around someone farting. Is there any biological or evolutionary thing that you could think of or postulate that could be why a dog would be terrified of a fart sound? I could not answer this for most people and most households,

but I can 100% give you valid scientific proof behind what is going on in your household, Okay. And this is valuable to all listeners. It is. Yeah, no, it really is. Look, I've known Patrick a long time. He's a great guy. You know, Retep's going to start making the kissy sound noises in a second here. But if Papa P were to pop that old shirt off, you'd see a nice set of peck, some big arms going on. The guy's in good shape. Now, there's a reason for that. Jesus Christ. He is heavily shut up, Retep. He is heavily dosed on anabolic steroids and does nothing but eat protein powder by the spoonful breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And if anybody

any of you gym rats out there that are brosveners have ever drank more than two protein shakes a day, they know that they get the spiciest farts humanly possible. If you're ingesting that much protein, you are just making all kinds of bad whoopee. And my guess, not my guess, my hypothesis, because I am a scientist, and this is indeed something that I will come and test because I will fart in front of your dog and see if she acts the same way, is that Patrick has real bad farts. She hears them. It's traumatic. She runs because she's a dog. She has 5,000 times the olfactory senses that we as humans have and goes,

oh my God, this is burning. My nasal passages. A smell is coming. I have to get out of here. As a dog, my audio is better than my smell. So I hear it first. You know, it's like the, it's the boom effect. I know it's coming.

I got to get out of the room. She runs for the high hills. Boom effect. And point. Highly entertaining answer? Incorrect. I have so much fart shame that, A, I'm not even admitting publicly that I do it. But if I did, I would be farting into towels in the bathroom because I would not fart out loud in front of any animal.

Get off the podcast. You know that we have this whole, bro munity. Bro, brough, munity. You're farting into towels to avoid shame? That's ridiculous. Yeah, but you don't fart in front of your dog. Like, look, I'm actually the same. In front of the dog, sure, but not in front of the human.

I make a point of it. I know. I've never farted in front of either of you guys. No, I'm the same, by the way. I've massive fart shame. Let me see. We talked about this before. Yeah.

Can I chime in real quick? One of my favorite things to do is make sure my dog's under the blanket when I let a nice stinker out. Because it's just funny. It's fucking, it's funny. It's hilarious. I know he has a thousand times the scent. And I like to watch his behavior because I like to see what he does. According to Forrest, 5,000 times the olfactory sense.

5,000. He gave you a Retep answer, by the way. Like, that's what I was going to say. I was like, your dog ran away because he has a strong sense of smell. That's probably true. Yeah. So that's my guess. It's probably not accurate.

I like to just make fun of you because you are in good shape and that's annoying. You have clearly not been following along on the impeccable diet. That is important for most people. If you don't know what that is, it's a daily. We explain our lifestyle routine very, very clearly. And by daily, he means daily video. On YouTube. Yes, on YouTube.

For those who only listen. But before we just get into any more shenanigans, let's give the Brosners one of the things they come here for, which is some actual wildlife news. So I'm going to throw it to Forest. Okay. Let's come across. Oh, also, congrats on the new desk that you got this week, by the way.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, it is quite lovely. I'm surprised that you bought a desk that was just made out of elephant ivory, but you did. You know, my... The thing is, at this point, my moving fees are so much higher than my desk budget, because it's every day. It's in and out. It's exhausting. Look, it's boring looking at the same desk every day. It does for even a day. Okay. I've got a piece of what's in the news that I loved.

It's so interesting. It's so fun. It features one of my more famous. favorite globulous animals, which is on March 5th, so just a couple weeks ago, a young walrus decided to take a nap on an iceberg. Now, that's nothing unusual, is it? They take naps on icebergs all the time. But when this young globulous creature woke up, he happened to be in Ireland. So this walrus spotted on an Irish beach yesterday, March 14th, may have floated there from

the Arctic Circle after falling asleep on an iceberg. Wow. Oh, my God. Wait, how long is that, how long is that journey? I mean, that's quite far, my friend. Yeah. Yeah. So basically, when you're on the east coast of Greenland, the way that the currents take the, the ice flows there, all basically out of that eastern coast of Greenland, they end up, they'll end up in Europe.

That's, you know, the iceberg that sank the Titanic came from there. Exactly. So this poor bastard was up in the... Arctic Circle. It's a long journey, man. It's a whole, man. It's a three-hour flight. Let's put it that way. It's a three-hour flight. This is like when I take an ambient on a flight on my way to Chicago so that I can just teleport and wake up in Chicago. That is what this walrus did.

Do you think somebody said to him an ambient? He wasn't like, oh, God damn it, it's Chicago. He woke up somewhere cool. I was just talking about the comparable to the basic nature of the change in environment. Yes, I think it's amazing. Imagine taking a nap. If you're a walrus, an iceberg is a nice, safe, cozy place to have a nap and waking up and being like, holy shit, there's a bunch of Guinness around me.

Like, I think that's just so wild. But it's actually not the first time this has happened, which I thought was super cool. The first recorded walrus sighting happened in Ireland in 1897, so a hot second to go. And then there was never another walrus spotted in Ireland until the 1980s. And then they're like, and that was like a big to do in the 1980s. And they're like, wow, second time ever. And then this is the third time that a walrus has passed out on iceberg and woken up in Ireland, which I just think is, I don't know, I just think it's super cool.

I'm honestly, I'm a shock that it happened two other times to begin with. I thought this would be the first time ever. So Forrest, your biologist, ring, ring, your phone's ringing. Yep. Hello. Hey, is this Forrescalante? Good eye. Yes.

What can I do for it? My name's Patrick. I'm the Minister of Wildlife in Ireland. How are you? Very well, thanks, Mr. Patrick. What can I do for you today? Well, hey, we've got a walrus here. It's washed up on our beach.

And we don't know what to do with it. We don't want to kill it. What should we do? No, no, I'm sorry, Minister of Wildlife, Mr. Patrick. You're mistaken. Walrus did not naturally occur in Ireland. I think perhaps you have some kind of seal there? No, I've got my top guy on it.

His name's also Patrick of Seanisee. Of course, yeah. He has said that it's floated in after it took a long nap on an iceberg from the Arctic Circle. And we don't know what to do with it, but we don't want to kill it. But it can't live here, can it? Can it survive here on our beaches? Well, Patrick O'Hallahan, this is a phenomenal call. Completely high-expected.

I have a budget. I want you to take care of this walrus. Yeah. Ah, well, now you're taking care of this walrus. Well, now you're talking my language, because the only reason I do what I do is for the big dollars and cents. But Mr. Patrick, this is a phenomenal occurrence. Very, very rare that this would happen. First of all, it does go to show that, you know, polar caps are melting, ice is shifting. It shouldn't be coming to Ireland in the first place. This is a very rare occurrence.

Enjoy this moment, because what we will have to do now is figure out how to take this walrus and get it back into the Arctic Circle with its pod. In order to do that, we'll have to take a genetic sample and do an isotope analysis and figure out where it stems from. Then I'll come in there with my team. We'll put it out for another nap. But this time, instead of drifting across the ocean on an iceberg, he'll drift across the ocean on an airplane and wake up amongst his peers. With an Ambien. Thank you. Good throwback for it.

Jesus fucking Christ for us. How much money do you think? Do you think of money goes on trees here? I mean, all of our... All of our... I knew there was a pot of gold coming in there. We're getting canceled, dude. We have no more listeners.

Actually, Irish people are cool as fuck. They're probably going to tell all their friends how great... They're not offended. They don't care. Yeah. I love it. All right. Well, that's crazy story.

You would want... Because if you relocated it to the wrong pod, would it be killed? Is that why you would have to do that first step? Yeah. Look, I mean, I think the... This is a weird question, right? There's a couple things here. It's like, first of all,

Is that what you should do? No, you should let nature take its course, right? You should let that dumb, dumb walrus try and swim its way back and die. But it's not going to make it, right? That is like a survival of the fittest kind of case. Now, had this, if this were, you know, in, what did I say, 1897, that's what I would suggest, right? When there are gazillions of walrus. But now, don't quote me on this exact number, I think there's only around 10,000 walrus left, period. Like, we, Walrus numbers are taking a hammering, as are a lot of Arctic animals due to the receding ice. So I think it would absolutely be worth it to take Dum Dum back to his pod. But in order to do that, you'd have to figure out where he came from. And that's why I said you take an isotope analysis or some kind of genetic sample and figure out, hey, he's from this strain in this area, you know, he's got to go back. And then fly his ass back there. Gotcha.

There we go. A lot easier to deal with than the invasion of the. hippopotamuses that have been unleashed upon Colombia. That's for sure. That's for sure. Pablo Escobar. Just imagine, see, my favorite part of this story is like with what Patrick and I do, or should I say did in some capacity, is, you know, we get all these crazy rumors and stories and

mysteries. And, you know, sometimes it like begins to border on crypto zoology. Now imagine you're a nice, we Irish lad age 17. You know, you've lived in your, your small town, your whole life. You don't really know what a walrus is, even though you've heard the word, and you go decide to, you know, skip rocks down the beach, Cawberley Beach in Ireland some afternoon with your wee Irish last girlfriend. And you guys come across this 2,000 pound pink blob with tusks on the beach, right? That's a mythical monster. Done.

End of story, right? He's not going walrus. He's never thinking walrus. He doesn't even know what a walrus is, you know. And it's just like, oh, my God, it's pink. It's 25 feet long. It has tusks that are as tall as I am, you know, everything that the imagination runs wild with it. And before you know it, you know, two or three other people have a similar experience and the legend is born, right?

That walrus drifts off into the sea. It gets scared by those guys, you know, goes and drowns and dies. Nobody ever sees it again. And now throughout Northern Ireland, there are rumors of, you know, the pink tusked, God knows what. And that's how these things start. And I think it's really funny because I kind of imagine in, whenever I said it was 18, whatever, 97, when this first happened, people really understood what was going on. There was no TV then. They weren't being like, oh, I saw this thing on David Attenborough's recent piece. So, yeah, I don't know. I just think it's really cool. But yeah, it's definitely a different thing when an animal gets lost like that. It's pretty wild. And I just quickly just read the end of the story. And so they are just going the root of letting nature take its course that are

I saw that. They just said that they hope it will find its way somewhere that it can live, like the Shetland Islands or something like that. It shall not. It won't make it, I'm afraid. Well, that's uplifting. Guys, something came across my desk. It is not, however, news.

It's one of our other favorite things to talk about on this podcast. And that is Brosner content. Brosner at Connor Johnson wants us to settle a debate between some friends. And it's a quick. one, but I do think it's interesting. You got to choose between 15 gorillas and 30 crocodiles. One group

will protect you, and the other is going to try and kill you. Which group are you taken for what? It's a quick one. It's very easy for me. Very easy. Go ahead. Because it's so easy for me, I almost don't want to go for it. Do you also think it's easy for us? Yes. It's

got to be a unanimous vote, except for maybe you're a TEP because he's a dumb dumb. Well, okay. Let me go. Yeah, I mean, you should go first. All right, I'll go. So, I mean, because of what I know about crocodiles and crocodilians from what Forrest has told me, they're morons. They're utter idiots.

And gorillas are smart. And they're very, very strong. And they're very agile. And crocodiles, I feel like, are not that agile. And they're basically kind of stuck in the water and the surrounding area. So I would choose 15 gorillas. Maybe I'm an idiot. I don't know.

No, it's not so I'm not. To protect it. Yeah. To protect me. It's unanimous. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's a correct answer.

If you had 30 crocodiles fanned out in a circle trying to protect you from 15 gorillas, a gorilla would be getting through that circle jumping over, doing whatever, within a second. You're fucked. So true. So true. And if 30 crocodiles were coming in, I've seen a human being hold a crocodile's jaw open. Mm-hmm.

Right? Right. imagine a gorilla it's breaking it in half. So maybe one gorilla gets a hand bitten or two before the other 13 realize I can just rip that thing's head open. Yeah, there you go.

No question. I mean, these gorillas would treat these crocodiles like play things. They'd be like whirling them around by the tails and bashing them against each other. I mean, it'd be a bloodbath. I couldn't imagine one gorilla getting severely injured in this situation.

Now, that being said, Connor, Johnson. If there were a nice fat moat surrounding me and I had to pick, you know, gorillas or crocodiles, I would, I'd take the crocodiles for sure. If you have, if you have 30 Nile crocodiles packed tightly in a moat around you, assuming the gorillas can't jump over said moat and they have to swim through it, I'll take, and they're Nile crocodiles, I'll specify that. I'll take the crocodiles every day. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can get through a big pool of hungry Nile crocodiles. Nothing. They're not an elephant, not a gorilla.

I mean, a submarine could barely do it. I mean, they are, when they're in that feeding frenzy mode, and there's a lot of them big ones together in water, it's nuts. Yeah. There you go at Connor Johnson. It seems pretty unanimous. Whoever, I hope you weren't on the dumb,

I was here. Sorry. Hi, Hoover. All right. Dad's here. Just force car got stolen before we started going today. He's got his maid in there sweeping. Now the dog's there.

What a shit show. There's a lot going on today. Dude, I'll tell you, man. So last night I had, it was probably right around midnight. I start hearing a car alarm. I'm not even paying attention. And Christina's like,

is that your car? Because mine's parked up at the top of the driveway closest to the house. You go, I pulled a little blind aside, and it is my car. All the fucking lights are going off, whatever. You know, it's an invasion. Someone has tried to open the door

of the fucking car. that came onto the property to do it. It's kind of scary, man. It kind of freaked me out. I mean, obviously, I went out there with all the weapons I could put in my pockets and holding my hands as if I was some action hero. It's like a pile of rocks and a butter knife? You know, I had some stuff.

A pile of rocks and a buckled. But it's funny because I had had, last night I had a couple glasses of wine. And as I, like, walked out like a fucking action hero from a Schwarzenegger movie, like, shoulders up. Like, I got my knife. My buck knife. Your shoulders are never down. Great.

But like I'm like, what are you doing, man? Like if someone's here to steal your car, just something, take the goddamn car. You have insurance on it. Like, why are you walking out with a buck knife? Not after a couple of glasses of wine, no way. You're fucking going out there to murder. For death. And in my mind, and then I stood there because there was nobody around.

And so then I stood there and then I walked down to the street and just sort of held my knife out. And I was like, they see me. they know. They wouldn't dare come back. They'll never come back. It's so funny because, like, if you didn't have an ounce of booze in your body, you certainly would not have even probably walked outside.

You just would have, like, chirp, chip, chip. No. Like, turned it off from the inside. It's literally first drink, I'm way funnier and more attractive. Second drink, I'm tough as nails. Yeah. That's how it works, man. All right.

Before us, something came across my desk this week that I wanted to get, Will, pull up the picture from story number six of the owl, please. So for those who are only listening, not on YouTube, what I'm referring to here is a picture of a great horned owl holding in its claws a very, very large house cat. and it's sort of probably about 10 feet off the ground hovering about 10 feet off the ground. It's a pretty big cat, right? Yeah. So once we get the picture up here, I'd like to get your estimate. But I'm going to estimate that cat based on what I know probably is about a 12-pound cat. Mm-hmm.

Okay, there we go. That's a good size cat. Dude, it's as big as the bird. That's like you flying through the air with an identical you, like carrying it in the Well, not to mention, the owl has hollow bones, so that cat, undeniably weighs a lot more than the owl. For sure. No doubt. So what would you estimate that cat weighs for us?

Probably eight pounds, nine pounds, something like that. I don't know. Just taking a guess at it. What's a newborn baby typically weigh? Six to ten pounds. Sure. So where you going with this pet? Well, I see this picture of this great horned owl stealing someone's pet that was

clearly caught on a ring cam or whatever it was caught on. So last weekend, I had a couple came over. We hung out outside at a safe social distance, and they brought their three-month-old baby that's like, you know, she was born at like five pounds. So she was like nine, nine and a half pounds, right? The baby, we're just chilling outside. And the baby was just kind of like in their little portable bassinet,

and we were kind of tossing a little ball around, whatever, just talking, catching out. going to say tossing the babyer. No, not until you go and Nate. But I started thinking because I had already seen this photo earlier in the week. Yeah. Could an owl take

a baby? For sure. He doesn't need to answer. What are you talking about? The evidence, you saw the photo and you still asked the question, clearly an owl could take a baby. And in other parts of the world where there are much larger birds of prey, that's like a, I mean, I wouldn't say that's a

valid concern. But Golden Eagle, one of their primary prey species is pigs, 200-pound pigs and coyotes, you know, 40-50-pound cany-I. I guess that's an exaggeration, but large canines that Golden Eagles are swooping down and killing and eating, you know, like... That's why I always pick them for Battle Royale, mate. If birds wanted to, man, they're, birds of prey are super gnarly. See, I know why, Pap...

Do we need to start giving, like, new parents' advice, like, don't leave baby unattended outdoors? Well, yes, I mean, you shouldn't be doing that anyways as a new parent. Correct. What is wrong with you? Are you okay? What the hell are you talking about it? I've actually, to Patrick's point, I've actually often thought about this.

Like, I use these distress calls all the time when I'm doing predator surveying, right? Patrick's seen it a bunch of times. I use these things. There's things that I, you know, I'll make some. So like I'll do like a dying rabbit sound, which is like, no, not like yours. Yours sounds dumb. But, you know, I'll do these. these distress calls like that, and I have little verbal callers and audio callers and stuff

with speakers, and they pretty much all just sound like a screaming baby crying. That's like what they all sound like, more or less. And I've often thought, like, imagine just, you know, in today's world, it's different. But imagine 300 years ago, you live in a mud hut in Africa, and there's two other mud huts, period. That's the village. And you're in the middle of the bush. There's a river on one side, loaded with crocodiles. There's leopards, lions, hyenas. I mean, the list goes on and on and on on the other, and your baby decides to start having a normal baby cry at 2.30 in the morning. I'm smothering that thing. I'm like, be quiet, be quiet, be quiet. Like, that is, are you kidding me? That's just like literally like perfecto predator call. And I've often thought, like,

how did we get through that as a species? Like, how did you figure that out? I've thought that too. Dude, like, even if you're in any type of situation where you need to be quiet for any reason, like, and back in the day, you know, like, whether it's animals or, or, you know, burglars or whatever, people who are fucking trying to pillage your town, like, how do you deal? Like, a baby's going to scream? Are you, were they just, were they just after what? Yeah.

No, it's wild. If you were a pet, you would just leave the baby outside and then back in. Unattended. Well, here's a really interesting thing. So I was just looking into this after, because, man, I got to tell you, when the baby had a couple little bouts of crying, and boy, oh boy, is that sound the most ear piercing, it triggers my adrenaline response, man. Right.

Like, it gets me on edge, man. That's what it's meant to do. Dude, a baby to crying fucks you up. And so I started looking into it. And the idea is that babies who had the most ear piercing fucking just. sounds that made your guttural just hate, like, ugh, the most ear-shattering sounds that came from babies, those babies lived because it was made it less likely that a parent would sleep through them being in distress.

So while some natural selection actually chose human babies that had the most vulgar sounds to the adult's ears and babies who had weaker cries that didn't offend you so much, you might sleep through it and then the baby gets eaten or taken by an owl. I'm just happy that you know, it could, it's the most annoying thing in the world and that we're smart enough to then invent

ear plugs because, mate, just get some ear plugs. You'll be fine. Smart enough. So, speaking of big predators, I got a Brosner DM and I think this would be a great time to address this fucking thing once and for all. And no hate on the Brostner.

In fact, he's one of my favorites. It's from Ladd the Trostner. trecker and he sends me this image. Will, if you could pull it up, it's number six in the show doc. He said, back in 2007, there were reports of a Black Panther in New Jersey, which has never been reported before. No Panther was ever found. It was swept under the rug. This is until yesterday, a new picture was taken about 30 minutes from where I live that looks to me like a black panther. I'm no farce, but I think it's too big to be a domesticated cat. So Will's got the picture up here. Now, describe it for those who are only listening. Sorry, yeah.

If you're listening, check us out on YouTube. We pull up all these things. There is very clearly a large black cat, right? Would you guys argue that? Could anybody argue that that's a large black cat on the side of the highway? Absolutely. Definitely more definitive than Neil Waters is not thylacine pictures. Oh, boy, I've got a funny story about that.

It's a black cat, but I would say that I'm struggling to see any scale that makes me know that it's large. Right. Same. Same on my head. True. True. I'll give you that. that being said, and this is why I wanted to bring this up, lad, and anybody else, this picture that

you've just sent me was not taken 30 minutes from where you live. It was not taken in Arkansas. It was not taken in North Carolina. It was not taken in any of the 12 places that's been reported in Florida. It was not taken in Pennsylvania. This fucking picture has pissed me off more than any picture of any animal I think on earth. Because whatever the asshole on Facebook, Facebook was that first started this, who might have actually seen something interesting. It has got so convoluted and so messed up. Every tinfoil hat person that's into crypted animals in the entire United States, including Retep, has posted this and said it's from 15 minutes away from their house.

I swear to God, I have seen this picture. Patrick, you probably remember it from when we did a show on the Black Panther four years ago. I've seen every state I just listed, plus at least six more, is where this. this picture is from. And it's been taken since, you know, 2002, basically. So, I appreciate it. Tell whoever posted this, hey, you're an asshole. Everybody's seen this picture. It's been floating around for like 10 years plus. It's not a, it might be a Black Panther. It might be from Africa. I have absolutely no idea. But it's been, this picture has gone everywhere. And like I said, every, every lunatic that believes in these crypted things has posted this

picture and said that they saw it, that somebody they knew posted it or caught it 10 minutes from their house, basically. I've seen this picture so many times. This is, this is really the problem with the internet in 2020, 2021. It's the fact, dude, like if I saw this and I, and somebody said it was from Alabama in somebody's backyard, I wouldn't, I'd be so lazy. I'd be like, holy shit, that's pretty cool. And I'd share it. You know what I'm saying? It's instantly fact. It's instantly fact. It's instantly fact. Do you know what I mean? It's instantly a fact. You're like, oh my God, did you see that Black Panther from Alabama? And then you share it. Then 12 other people share it. Done. It's a fact. Then it goes away for six months. Then some idiot finds it. They don't share it.

They pull it onto their desktop and repost and say, saw this the other day in Arkansas. Right. The whole thing starts over. So gentlemen, let me pose you this question. How can we exploit this to our benefit? Not this particular instance. This photo. phenomenon of people just seeing something and be like, oh, my God, it's true, and then just fucking it's wild. We'll figure it out. Stay tuned for that, Brozner's. I have a bit of breaking news. I just got a text. Nice. So a geologist, Eric Drummond, who I did a show with one of a shot in Greenland. He's great. He's fucking brilliant. But he's friends with like the head geologist that works for the government of Iceland. And so he's been telling me for a

little bit that they were tracking, you know, Iceland is, it's all volcanic, right? I don't know for people that have been to Iceland, a lot of the rock is just still black rock. There's almost, there's very little vegetation in certain parts. But when you fly into Reykjavik, you land in this place called Kevlovik. It's all brand new. That only bubbled up out of the ocean 700 years ago, right? So it's very hotbed of volcanic activity. So he just texted me that there was just a big volcanic eruption offshore from Reykjavik. They're expecting more to follow. And have you guys seen, Will, pull up a picture of the Blue Lagoon in Iceland.

Have you guys ever seen the Blue Lagoon? Yeah, I've not. Big tourist destination. It's like natural hot springs, very beautiful. But not only the Blue Lagoon is in Keflivik and the airport is there, potentially in significant danger of not be. there anymore. Wow. This is breaking news. So, yeah, you know, yeah, big volcanic corruption and they're expecting, based on the seismic

activity, more to follow. Stay tuned. That's scary. So this might take out the, this might take out the main airport. So what's this airport? It's possible. Yeah. And, and this is, how big is this city? Or is this like the epicenter Iceland? I mean, is the capital of Iceland. It's the main city in Iceland. But it's still small. It's like, I think it's like 150,000 people or something. And that city is like 60% of the country's population. Wow, that's crazy. Look it up because I'm curious.

But it's, it's the whole country's tiny. I mean, it's in population. So this next eruption, they fear that it could take out Iceland's essential LAX, basically. Oh, yeah. No, I'm pretty sure there's only one international airport, and it's the one Patrick's mentioning right outside of Reykavik. Dude, that would be insane. It's crazy.

Yeah. A good way to quarantine if you have no international airport. There you go. That's true. Maybe it's the world saying, hey, fuck you. Stay inside for a little bit longer. We'll be good. Hey, Will, pull up the picture that the Brosner Charlie James sent to us from Nature's Narlie of the fisherman holding a wolf eel.

Yeah. It's popped up now two times. Yeah. So I saw go viral this week. It kind of did the rounds this week or maybe just because I follow that Instagram. page. But yeah, I mean, I almost sent it to you guys when I saw it because they are just, I mean, look at that thing's face. That is, that's wild. Wow. So we have those here, by the way. Did you guys know that? In California? In California, we have Woolfields. What? In the sea, in the ocean,

where are they? I need to never go there. Yeah, exactly. Mostly in West Hollywood. Yeah, no, there's, yes, here in the ocean, they're more prominent in Northern California, but in the rocks, like the jetties and stuff, like when you go to, you know, harbors and bays, like the Long Beach Harbor and places like that, there's tons of these things living in those rocks. Wow. Yeah. Wow. And what's this thing called again now? What we're looking at is a wolf-field.

So the wolf-feel is gaping its mouth open and this fisherman's holding it and he's looking right into the mouth. And the wolf-eel's head, its jaws open, I would say, to 130 or 40 degrees. The wolf-eel's head is the size of the man's head. Yeah. It's massive. The wolf eel could fit the entire man's face and head in its mouth if he wanted to right now. So I started looking. Oh, sorry, if you know about Wolfiel's Forest, I want you to get into it because they are fucking cool besides how crazy they look.

Well, you go for it, Patrick. But one thing I was hoping Will could do, that's great, Will. Thank you for showing us that. Do me a favor and just pull up a Google image, Will, of Wolf Eel jaw structure or Wolf Eel mouth or teeth, something along those lines. Because from this perspective, you see the size, you can see it's got a big gaping jaw. You know, it's it is attempting to bite this guy in the face. Granted, he's pulling it out of its home and killing it. But I just want you guys to see what damage this thing could do if it got a hold of you.

Now, keep in mind, Wolffields, they primarily eat mollusks, right, in crustaceans. So they're crunching up crabs, okay? Now, yes, any one of us could smash a crab with a rock, you know, but we- We got a daily. But, you know, like, you've all eaten crab before. You know how difficult it is to get through just a cooked crab shell. I don't eat it because of that reason. Right.

These guys are doing it with their jaws and crunching that up as well as snails and muscles and all kinds of little marine mollusks. But Will's going to pull up a picture here to show you what their facial structure is like. It is crazy. Even from this angle, that mouth is like, look at all the teeth. Like, I can't wait to see this thing from the front. Also, keep in mind, so we don't see the whole body here. So a wolf fuel, you know, a full adult wolf fuel could be seven to eight feet long.

Are you kidding me? Way over 40 pounds. And they have blood toxins or I guess it's poison. It's not venom. Holy shit. Yeah, there you go. That thing is way bigger than I thought from the other picture. And that's a short one.

I mean, they can get way longer than that. And look at the head ratio to body size. That thing is wild. That these exist where I sometimes swim is. I'm scared. That's a classic fisherman forced perspective angle that Forrest and his spearfishing bros constantly take advantage of. Very familiar with that. But holy shit, what a cool animal.

And if they bite you, they have poison. And they can poison you. Yep. What a bad. Wait, so I'm looking up the, what's the bite force on a wool feel? It's not giving me. No idea. But I mean like, you know, this, the original picture of the guy, by the way, that is, that thing's uglier than me.

Talk about potato head. The, the one where he's holding it and it's looking at him. So now, would that, would he be a. able to be bitten? How much control does he have while he's holding it? I guess I'm asking. Is he like in danger while he's holding it like that? Good question. Good question. So they have like pretty big bones in their heads and as you saw by that perspective of that at last photo, um, their heads are like really, really big and their bodies are kind of small. Um, so you are actually relatively able to hold them by basically the back of their jawbone, kind of like you

would a snake. Um, okay. That said, any fishermen out there, if you're listening to this You know what it's like dealing with an eel. Like, and let me just explain this to you guys. If you reel up an eel, maybe not a wolf eel because they're unique, but like a moray eel or any other kind of eel, it is just, you end up cutting the line because it is absolutely impossible to get the hook out of that thing's mouth. They tie themselves in knots. They are literally just a elongated muscle that no matter where you grab them or how you grab them, they have the ability to out maneuver. you. I mean, they're, they're much, much more nimble than a snake. Like, it is hard to explain. Like, they're, it's like if you, if you added, you know, never wet to, or one of those, like,

if you, here's what dealing with an eel is like, if you got the world's fastest, strongest snake, combine them, the world's fast and the world's strongest, and then dipped it in K. Y. Jelly and was like, go for it. You know, it's just like, you just, you cannot hold on to them. They're so slimy. They're so wriggly. They're so strong. Eels are crazy. Sounds like a Japanese game show. Yeah, seriously. No, they're wild, man. They're absolutely super cool. Crazy. Honestly, like this is, yeah. I'll have to two other things about Wolfiels. One, there's a video that was circulated around. They had, I don't know why, they cut the head off one. And a while after they cut the head off, they put a Coke can up to the mouth and it just crushes the Coke can. It's just

the head. So it's been decapitated. And the other thing is, they're very romantic, Wolfiels. They are, yeah, they are monogamous. They only have one mate ever. And they live together in a den with their babies. And they go out one at a time and hunt. But it's cool because it's not just like the female sits and watches the babies. They take turns. I thought that was cool.

They're very progressive. If you were that ugly, you would stick with your partner as well. That's good point. That's why we have you on the podcast for free tip. Listen, I fucking bring all the charictor, I mean character to this podcast. You're a charictor. Patrick brings mean faces and tight shirts. Horace brings knowledge and I bring comedy.

Thank you. Patrick does have pretty good male RBF. That's real. Oh, my favorite are the comments that the Brosner's leave that are like, I think Pat's sleeves keep getting shorter and shorter and tighter and tighter. I think the other day, or maybe his arms keep getting bigger and bigger. I own one T-shirt, two of each in ten colors. I have always had the same shirts.

I'll tell you, Smith, I've packed down the pounds during quarantine. He's like Mac from like season five of Sunny, where he's gaining mass. Yeah, exactly. I'm bulking. When that season starts on Sunny, I remember it was just shocking. He's like, he's like 70 pounds have. heavier and he was like skinny before. Dude, not as shocking is the one where he gets just insanely jacked.

I do you remember that one like four seasons later. And I remember watching that episode and I'm like, wow, Max arms are looking big like as you see him because, you know, he's like wearing an oversized t-shirt before he reveals that he got in great shape and they're all like water and get it. But I remember thinking, wow, he looks pretty, pretty beefy. And then he pulls his shirt off and you're like, Jesus Christ, two seasons ago you were obese.

Like now you look like a bodybuilder. It's crazy. Gaining mass, dude. Gaining mass. So, Pat, is that, no, my favorite are the comments that'll just be like, why is Pat always shown his arms? And I'm just like, yeah, you know what? Like, I don't pay attention to do it. Like, I bet, mate, please, tie your arms behind your back for the whole. Can you look more meager than ever? He's like, he's like, oh, just. The real problem with you, though, Pat, is that you're. What is it? I can't wait to hear what is it? Well, you have very stiff hips. And somehow you're able to dance, which is confusing. But the other thing is, I know, and I know that this has been a personal issue from you

because I've thought about it much. You've been meager your whole life, very meager. And so you've built up your shoulders so much and like this upper part of your body. That you're constantly just walking around like this. Like, it's just like, perfect. How am I supposed to, how do what? Okay, you've got to do something about that.

It's such a tangent right now. So here's, let's put this to rest. There's some deep-seated hate coming through in comedy right now. I'm an average-sized human. I'm pretty sure you're taller than average, actually. But that said. Five-two, mate.

Five-two. Here's what I'll say. Something about the morphology of my cranium and visage does give me resting bitch face. It does. It makes people not like me when they first meet me. And I will say this. And in high school, it sometimes got me beat up because people were like, what are you looking at? And I was like, nothing.

I thought I was smiling. And they're like, I don't like you. And then he said it like that. And they're like, fuck you. So anyway, this is, this is to all the brocesters who have resting bitch face through none of their own fault. Can we, uh, let's. Yeah. Yeah.

Cheers. All right. Just so we don't get completely off the fucking rails, Retepp. But let's Look, people have been clamoring. It's everyone's Some people second, some third favorite game That we play on this podcast.

It is What's his name, Wild Times Willie? Wild Time Willie. Are you kidding me? You built this up? What's the name of the game? Factor Fiction. The Bob Barker of our podcast, Wild Times Willie.

There he is. I like to think of the TV. I'm the bearded Drew Carey, actually. right host. Yeah, baby. What is this game? How does it work? Tell us about it.

And then let's play. This game is called Factor Fiction. I've put some fake facts, found some interesting real facts, jumbled the order, practice my poker face. I'm going to do my very best to try to trick Peter and then

trick everybody, but Peter, that's the game. I'm going to read out a sentence. It's either going to be real or fake. Everyone is going to get a chance to answer. We're going to keep score, have one bonus if we need it. And, yeah, that's how the game works.

We're going to go for it. Who goes first? Who goes second? Who goes last? We're going to go. I think we stick with Peter first, Patrick's second, four is third. Okay. Very good.

Peter, good luck trying to trick me. I know your game will. You do you. All right. I know you're, I know you're, keep it straight. Okay, all right. Okay, fact is one. Fiction number one.

The U.S. government once bombed the island of Guam, dropping thousands of dead mice filled with poison to kill off an invasive snake population. God damn it. I don't even know how to logic this in any which way. I see. Fact. I mean, what? You came up with this?

If this is fiction, dude, you should be writing for fucking the student. videos. Okay. To me, this is an easy one. It's a fact. Look, Guam is a U.S. territory. I was getting drunk in an airport in Tokyo once, and I met the pilot of my flight. He was drinking water, but he lives in Guam, said it was amazing, been great for him and his family, didn't even mention that there were any invasive species. And so the reason he didn't mention it is because we dropped thousands of poison mice to kill them. And also we do dumb shit all the time. I mean, with invasive species, so I'm going fact. Very good. Very good. I have been to Guam, a good buddy of mine, who's a pilot for United, lives in Guam, and I spent a couple days at his house. And Guam is notorious

for having a massive overabundance of invasive brown snakes, brown tree snakes. And so I don't know about the mice bombing. They do eat rodents. I don't know about the mice balming, but But I do know that for a fact, there are tons and tons of invasive brown tree snakes. So it makes sense for poison mouse bombings. I'm going fact as well. Brown tree snakes like this. All right. Spice tree.

What is it, Will? We started off on the road. It's true. It's true. The program. Yeah, they flew over and just dropped a bunch of dead rats and tried to kill those snakes. It seems like a bad. It was for the brown snake, Will.

Well, it was. Yeah, it was. It was for the grass night, yeah. Do we know if it worked? Well, Forrest is saying it didn't work because we're now eight years later and they still have the problem. Nice. They definitely still have the problem. However, I was in Guam in 2011, so it was before this bombing.

Oh, all right. Do we know, Will, do you have any data on if it worked? I imagine it worked in the short term. That's as far as I'll go. I'm sure a bunch of cats and dogs also died. Yeah. All right, boys. I got my lucky charm right here.

Woo! Brown, Troy. Fuck off. Yep. Number two. Peter. Yep. Here I am, baby.

As a camel store of water and its hump depletes, the hump slowly deflates and has been reported to feel like a human breast. Fiction. That's ridiculous. You made that up. That was probably. I'm also going to go fiction because I don't even believe camels actually store water in their hump. I think they store fat in their hump. I could be wrong about that.

I'm not claiming that's fat. Well, like a breast, but okay. So I'm going to say that you made that part up, and so it's fiction. Man, a lot of three-way conclusions tonight, because I, I, too, will go fiction based on animal anatomy. God. It hurts. You guys are right. Listen, I'm going with my gut tonight, baby.

I'm going on my gut. Last time I was trying to figure shit out tonight, it's just off the cup. Reteb is not playing a thinking man's game. By the way, real quick, I will say that I know for a fact that my teachers when I was young, like when I was like, I don't know, first, second grade when you learn fun stuff about animals, for sure taught me that camels stored water in their homes. Like, I know that that was presented to me in the 80s. as a fact, and then to find out as an adult that it's not water, that it's fat,

fuck off. Do you remember the point, I don't want to dogleg us too much from the game, do you remember the point in life where you're like, wow, my teachers actually aren't, they don't know everything? I remember having that thought one time in class where I was like, huh, my teacher's dumber than I am when we were learning about fish biology, and I was like, she doesn't know what she's talking about. And I was like 12 years old and I was like, huh, teachers don't know everything.

I remember that point specifically in my life. Yeah, for sure. I literally went through all of school with that rebellious attitude. I was always like, these fucking asshole adults don't know shit. Quick, quick, just tiny dog. Like, I remember the moment. It was in seventh grade, my social studies teacher was teaching us about the muckrakers, which was just like a, it was like a period in the 1890s to 1910.

in the 1920s, it was a, it was like progressive-minded journalists, and they were called muckrakers. And it was just something that for some reason I had already heard about. And the teacher repeatedly in Oswego, New York, kept saying mccracker. And I literally like started laughing and I think I raised my hand. I was like, do you mean muckraker? And we got into like a slight argument and I got sent to the principal. Wow. And there are multiple people that can verify this.

And I remember at that point being 13, being like, no, Okay, these people are clowns. Yeah. That's what you decided. All right. Two points each across the board. What's up, Will? Number three.

I hope you got a good tiebreaker boy because your animal factor fictions are not that good, Will. This is tough. President Joe Biden has a rescue German shepherd. And it has already bitten two different staffers. Moved into the White House. Well, we know, I mean, I'm not going to overthink it, but we know that I am overthinking it. But he bit the dog definitely bit one. Okay.

No. So this is a fiction also because it bit one staffer. And I shouldn't give you guys any more information, but I know more. Go ahead. So you're saying fiction? I'm saying this is a fiction. Okay. I'm going to say this is fact.

Here's why. If someone screws up something once, right? So Forrest, let's say we have a camera guy that we're just using for one shoot, and he double taps, which means he presses record twice. Forrest catches a cool snake. And then he goes, oh, my God, I wasn't rolling. If he does it once, you just go, hey, man, it happens to all of us. Right. If he does it twice, you go, there's a problem. You're getting on the next flight. Yeah. Yeah. So I know that Biden's German Shepherd was relocated and no longer lives at the White House. So my logic says that it may have been. bitten two people because one's a mistake, two is a trend. Fact. Okay. Forrest, what do you think? I'm trying to remember that, because this was in the news,

right? There was news about this. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember two German shepherds and one Joe Biden. I don't remember how many bites, but all that being said, I'm going to go fact on this one. The answer is fiction. Yes, baby. Very shortly, they relocated on instantly to a training school right away. One bite. Honestly. That was, wait, hold on. Hold on. Let me, let me, because I didn't explain because I didn't want to give any more away. And I would have given you guys. You guys would have picked fiction. But. Pat logicked his way in a reverse way. I was logicing my way. I heard the story. Bit one person. It was a big news story that, and the headline read, dog relocated. As if it was some play to be like, well, the dog's gone. It's he'll never. ever happen again. We don't ever want to hear about it again. And boom, it was gone. So biting twice was out of the question in my humble opinion. Fair enough. Fair enough. I will just also mention it went really viral today was the video of Joe Biden. It looked like he had banana peels straight to the bottom

of his shoes falling up the stairs as he tried to get on Air Force. One. Have you guys seen? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It is too hilarious, dude. He is falling. Like, it's like the video of you and Mitch going down the hill when you tackled him. He can't stop falling. And so I was reading the article and it said that he had already been injured previously, like playing with his dog. He had gotten hurt. But I got to say, man, like I'm,

I don't care about politics because I just am out. I'm out on it. Same. But when I do lose a little bit of respect for people who don't train their dogs. Yeah. Because to me, it's, look, living in L.A., you come across so many silly fuckers who just wanted to get a dog because they wanted a puppy. And you see them walking down the street and they're getting their arm yanked out of the

socket and their dogs lunging at you. And I go, man, if you get a dog, train your fucking dog. And Joe Biden, yeah. He's too fucking lazy to train his German Shepherd. He's two hundred and eighty-seven years old, mate. Then you can't have a dog, sir. That's for sure. Can I have a little rant about Patrick thing for a second?

Just, just a little baby rant. for a second. This is one of these things that pisses me off. I'm with everybody on this pot agreeing. If you don't train your dog, if you don't take care of your dog, fuck you. You're awful. Get out. But the thing that, like, oh, man, it's like one of my ticks. And even, like, some of my close friends have done this. And it's just like, I lose it on them when I hear this. And I lose it on strangers when I hear it. Oh, my God, I'm going to get a blank. Have you seen how cute it looks? Oh, my God. I'm going to get a blank. They have the pretty eyes. Oh my God, I'm going to get a blank because I love their size.

Dogs are purpose fucking made. We made dogs. We made little Chihuahua companion dogs. We made Yorkshire Terriers to catch rats. We made Australian shepherds to be shepherds. They're not supposed to be cooped up in your shithole apartment for the next 16 years. And then you go, oh my God, I don't understand why Sparky keeps nipping at my heels and he jumps on everybody. Because your lazy fucking ass never takes him outside for a run. He's supposed to chase sheep all day. and he lives cooped up in West Hollywood.

Get your damn shit together. Do five minutes of research before you buy a dog. And don't buy a dog based on what the hell it looks like and you think is cute. That is not how you buy a dog. Buy a dog based on what they have literally been bred to do that suits your lifestyle. You hear that Joe Biden? Exactly. You hear that Joe Biden?

That's what I was going to say. No, you don't because you're 570 years old. It's a lifestyle decision. Yeah. If you live in an apartment and don't have a lot of energy and effort that you want to put forth towards spending time with your dog every single day. Google it. There's tons of lists that tell you these are great apartment dogs and lap dogs that don't need a lot of exercise. Right. Don't get an Australian Shepherd. Yeah, they're the cutest motherfucking dogs in the world.

Nobody's arguing. They're crazy. Google Australian Shepherd. Every site that comes up will tell you, this dog has ceaseless energy. Right. Be ready. It needs to sprint for an hour every day. Well, look what you do. I don't have a yard, but I'm going to get a pack of Rhodesian Ridge backs. Like, what does it matter with you? Like, come on. Don't do that. It's not fair to the dog. You did pick ants to prevent scurvy if you were to ever have a ship

that you needed to go across the I don't know if I trust your judgment. All right, next one. All right, Will. Nice. So Retepe is leading, by the way, 3-2-2. That's amazing. That's no bueno. That's the first time

in history. No, it's not. I got 5-1-1-1 time. That's true. He did. particularly by not believing in Joe Biden, smart man. Well, let's not get political. I love Joe Biden. Let's go. Let's go.

Number four. In some species of frog, when they mate, the males are the bottoms and the females are the tops. In some species of frogs, the males at the bottom. I mean, I know for fact that Forrest knows this, and Pat likely does too, so it annoys me because I have no idea. Um, I'm going to say, I'm just trying to think of how a frogs fuck. And, uh, I don't know. Um, I think that this is fact. I'm going fact. Fact, final answer. Fact. Looks like Pat's Googling right now. I don't want to say it did look like that.

Are you kidding me? Are you? No. Not. Here's, here's how, here's how I can assure you I wasn't. I was my, Mike, I just realized my goalie for my draft king's lineup. was not starting, so I had to switch in his backup. Such dedication to this podcast. You're good man. Good man. I mean, uh, okay. I'm going to say that it's, it's fact because if it's fiction, I feel like Will,

that's a boring, like that's kind of lame. So I'm just going to say fact based on the fact that it's like you're, you're more creative than that. It's a gimmee to force. So based on no, no zoology knowledge of, of this. I'm just going based on Will's psychology. All right, Forrest, what is the answer? Can you, I actually don't know the answer.

Can you- Can you articulate it again, Will? I want to hear the specifics of how it's written. The question. In some species of frogs, when mating, the males are... And the females are tops. We got dead air, boys.

Dead air on the audio. Because all toads... The males always are on top with all toads, for sure. but we're talking about frogs. Frogs are very unique. Some of them carry their young on their backs with their little eggs. Some of them are mouth brooders. Purely based on the diversity of frog reproduction,

I am going to guess that this is fact, but it is truly a guess. I do not know. Still in the leaf, baby. It's called the Lao's leaf litter code. And there was a big study out of China that just filmed a bunch of weird, reverse toad fucking. At least.

So does the, does the male toad still have like some sort of appendage that sticks out? And they just fucking a weird way. I'm guessing the females wrap their legs back over the male. Is that always so wait a minute. The field female's on top. Why don't you try and like here. Let me. So let me try and act it out.

So like. Don't try any of these at home. You can break your penis. All right. Why are you dressed like a cowboy? You are dressed like a cowboy. A cowboy? Because I have flannel and a white shirt.

Yes. Your arms have been poking through your two tight sleeves for the past 12 years. You're telling me how to dress. Let's go. Next one. He's in the lead. We've got to bring him back down there. We've got to bring him down a few nodges.

Says the males give the females a piggyback ride when they're mating, which is just different. I like that. I think I should try and get my girlfriend to watch some frog videos with me. Here's number five. Very progressive toads. Okay, number five. After sloth sex, the naturally occurring

fungi slash bacteria in their fur is commonly overtaken by STDs, which they can carry from... Say that again. Say that again, please. After sloth sex, the naturally occurring fungi slash bacteria in their fur

is commonly overtaken by STDs, which they can carry for months. I have to say that this is fiction and my logic is because when you say sexually transmitted disease or STD, I think of a virus. That's stupid logic. I'm still saying fiction. What are you laughing at? Let's hear what you got to say.

So would there be any reason why the act of reproduction? would proliferate STDs and that would be something that was naturally selected over time. I can't think of a reason why that would benefit the animal, especially because it's in their fur. You know, animals can die

when they have problems with their fur. I'm going to say fiction. Fuck that. That's bullshit. You're a fucking loser world. I like this. It's interesting. I mean, a lot of primates have gnarly STDs.

There's macaques in the Florida Everglades that their their strain of herpes is so deadly that if a human catches it, they die and there's no cure for it. And these are, this is monkey. It's monkey herpes. Yeah. Wait, are they're monkeys? Sorry, let me explain all of this.

In the 40s, sorry, let me explain all of this before I get my answer. In the 40s, there was a crazy guy who wanted to start like a Disneyland on an island in the Florida Everglades. And I can't remember the name of the island or anything else. He brought in a bunch of Rhesus Maccax from Southeast Asia and was a, like this will be the first thing, never did anything else with it, promptly figured out that those macaques are very good swimmers, and now there's like, I think there's like 300 monkeys in the Everglades with deadly herpes. Yeah, so good job that guy. But so really interesting.

Real good job. STDs taking over their natural bacteria and their fur. I'm also going to go fiction. Yeah, I'm going to go fiction. I don't know why. I just don't, I just don't buy it. I cannot be beaten, gentlemen. Thank you, morons. He hasn't answered yet. It's true. It doesn't matter. It is fiction.

It is fiction. Peter, a perfect board. Two out of three weeks. That's a second time. That's a second time. You understand? I'm a fucking moron. You're a biologist.

You're a very smart, rich production guy. Here's what I would say. I'm just proud of the three of us because once again, we were 13 for 15 here. we fucked Will straight up his button. Yeah, it's true. You're against Will. Up your game, son. Yeah, the answer is a game, dude.

I lost and you all won. You got to come back next to press. And look, man. That's a fact. None of us have ever made even one cent off this podcast, but Will does by far the most work. So, fuck you will. Yeah, screw you.

You better. You think four to six hours a day on top of your day job is worth it? Because it is. Uh, good. All right. Well, listen, are we going one game right into the next? We shall. Well, we are.

Uh, I guess we have to do the Battle Royale. Yeah, let's do it. I'll set one up. I got one from a brostern that I like. If you're ready for Battle Royals. Yes. I'm glad that, do you remember when we started this show and we had actual sound effects? And then we was just like, oh, my God, it's way too much work to like,

Let's just do them with our mouths. Sound effects and edit. Exactly. We realized we didn't need all that because apparently people like us for some fucking weird reason. Yeah. If you're like us, you're dumb. All right. Okay.

So this Battle Royale came in from a brosner, Dan won on the, on the Discord. His setup is very elaborate. So stay with me. You have to be a Jack Black fan to even get the reference here. But I'm going to read it anyway. and then we'll get to it. Battle Royale idea. Tribute to a classic.

The bros are hitchhiking down a long and lonesome road. All of a sudden, they're shined a shiny demon in the middle of the road. And he said, play me the best. Battle Royale in the world

or are you're soles. You do it then, Retap. I don't know Jack Black as well as you do. No, we did it. We did it together. Keep going. All right, very good. And then furthermore in tenacious de-voice, and you looked at each other and said, okay.

Okay. You must, all right, now to the idea. You must make the best battle royal team you can with one, and this is where it gets fun, known extinct animal. For example, a dinosaur. One possibly extinct animal. This could be anything forest has looked for on extinct or alive or anything that he hypothesizes could still be alive. Retep, you know, plenty of those now. We've talked about it a lot.

Patrick obviously knows a ton of them. And one confirmed extant animal. Okay? So we've got one definitely extinct animal, one maybe extinct animal, and one alive animal. We're going to team them all up, and then we're going to have a battle to the death at the end.

Good old classic, except with the twist of old school, maybe dead, and still here. I love it. This is brilliant. Thank you, Dan, one discount broologist. That is fantastic.

Daniel Kuhl. Daniel Kuhl. He submits many, many. We know the cool. I think Kool has developed his own side following, by the way.

I think he's now bigger than that. He's a moderator in the discords. It's just composed of us three, but it's a good following. Yeah, we all followed him on the same days.

Like, you guys get together. So this is a straight up fight till death. Straight up. It's just toughest motherfuckers you can think of, except one's extinct.

One is like on the fence. and one is extant. Yep. That's it. All right. Let's, you know what, let's change things up.

Let's have Forrest go first, I think. Sure. I think that's... Do we have to go in any particular order? Is it a snake draft? It's a snake draft. Yep.

Would you have to pick your... Oh, you don't have to pick any... It's obviously a snake draft. Yeah. It's always a snake draft. All right. Patrick, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up.

Thanks. Ooh, rude. Brutal. Okay. All right. Before we start this, no, you know what, nothing's off the table. We're good. Let's go.

Pick number one, pleisosaur. Excuse me. No. He said post dinosaur. Your extinct animal has to be post-dinosaur. Yes. I thought he said IE. dinosaur. No, he said I.E. Post-Dinosaur.

Ah, okay. Sorry, I missed that. I read it wrong. I read it wrong. All right. No, that's what I was actually going to say is, are we going no dinosaurs? Okay, cool. All good. Got it. All right. Pick number one, the short-faced bear. Smart.

Yeah, big, gnarly, extinct species of bear. It was around a long time ago. Way, way, way bigger than any known bears, typically known to be very aggressive or at least believed to be. Super scary, also called cave bears. Like, imagine, yeah, that thing, Will's got a picture of it now. Imagine a polar bear that ate four other polar bears in size and look like you look like an ant next to it. It'll just rip your head off. Super scary. Short face bear is my first pick. Okay. Smart. That's good.

Retep. You up. All right. So I'm going to go. Good pick on that short face bear. God damn. Okay. I'm going to go, I'm going to go with an animal that is. How about you shut your mouth? You should go with an animal. So my first pick is going to be an animal that is still alive. Is that correct? I can pick in that order.

You can do whatever you want. You pick any order you like. Whatever order I want. So I need an animal that is from the air, and we talked about it earlier, and I pick it regularly, and I'm going to pick it. I don't care. I don't care what you think of this. It's the only bird you know. Listen, it's not the only bird that I know, but now that you told me that it can, with its ferocious talents, pick up a 200-pound mammal and destroy it, tear it to shreds and eat it.

I'm happy to pick a Golden Eagle this time. Thank you. That's my first point of you. It cannot pick up a 200-pound mammal. animal but yes very scary you're what you're one trick pony um okay really are so he's got a golden to contend with for us giant uh ice age bear uh great so i'm gonna start with my extinct animal uh i don't think there's any question about whether this is still alive because we would have seen one uh i'm gonna go with a mastodon uh very cool fucking badass animal i mean look we're talking

about 10 feet tall, six tons, they have eight foot long tusks. Yep. You know, it's just, it's a beast. You're,

you're fucked. Like, I'm going to teach this thing how to charge you guys. And your golden eagle is going to have a lot of luck against my mastodon, dumb, dumb.

Well, I have two other picks, dumb, my golden eagle will be harassing your other, you guys both pick the prehistoric picks, mate. I mean,

what is this fucking, obese animal going to do with the tusks and a charge my golden eagle in the air? It's very spelt. Okay. Now, I need to pick a second one to go with my mastodon, which is going to lead the charge. It's big.

It's brawny. It's scary. It's scaring everybody. Okay. Then, at that point, in comes running at 35 miles per hour. My polar bear. Nice. This is just

It's just, I mean, look, what are you going to do when an eight-foot-tall, 550-pound killer comes sprinting in, it's been hiding behind my Mastodon, and then it flanks around the side, it's going to be brutal. So Mastodon, Polar Bear, first two picks. Very good. Okay, very good. Rete, what do you want to pair your hummingbird with? My flying attack animal will be paired.

with a giant megalodon. That's right. A megalodon that has feet and can come out of the water. A megalodon that has feet. Not sure where the feet came from. A megadon doesn't have feet. It's also a dinosaur. So you've broken so many rules.

It's not a dinosaur. It's a giant shark. Is a shark a dinosaur? But wasn't a megalodon at the same time as the dinosaurs? It is, I actually don't know the answer to that. It's not considered a dinosaur. I know that. To be honest, I don't know what.

whatever it's from. It's not a dinosaur. And also, here's what's going to happen. It's fine. He now has a pigeon and a goldfish. I get it. It's got nothing that can compete without. It doesn't have feet, but here's what's going to happen.

My terrifying golden eagle, which your stupid slow bears and mastodons will not be able to get near will. But they won't have to because they're not worried about it. But they will be scared when it comes down and sticks its talons into its eyes the first time and gets it moving towards. the water where my megalodon will swallow them all whole. The brosters are going to light you up on this one. Are you kidding me?

Ants. Scurvy. F off. You got the word. The ostrich. Forrest had the worst picks in the history of battle royal last podcast. Last week was bad. A fucking ostrich to do a sled run 900 miles.

Let's stay on topic here, fella. I'm not going to defend last week. You're up for two. You got a short face bear and you're fighting against something that's in the water. and useless for this land battle. But my terrifying bird will chase every of your animals into the jaws of my megaladon. Every of them.

Okay. All right. So I'm going, you know, I'm going for the old offense over defense here. I'm going to go big. I'm going to go strong. I'm going to crush everything in my path.

So short base bear was my first pick. Second pick is a very elusive creature. Could still be alive. It is the animal that is on the. Cambodian currency, the national animal of Cambodia, although an animal that hasn't been seen in I think 50, 55 years, the cupri. Will, that's K-O-U-P-R-E-Y, I believe, Coopry or something close to that. It's basically like a big oxen, bisony-type creature that is a possibly extant animal, very cryptic, hard to find. Not aggressive. A very non-masculine animal that just likes to go

You know this how? Because you knew a lot about this animal before 10 seconds ago. You just keep picking animals that are just roaming around and charging. They don't do anything. They're not aggressive. There you go. Okay. You tell me that thing's not scary.

All right. It's kind of like a bull. Oh, fuck off. Yeah. Yeah, that's like a bull with giant horns, the coop. And it's much larger than a bull, too. And it's a wild, very angry bull. So short face bear is my definitely extinct animal.

The cupri is my maybe extinct animal. And to round out my big offense, I'm going to add just a nice solid, African white rhino, just a massive rhinoceros. So I've just got power, speed, size, aggression. You line it up. I'll kill it. That's what's going on right here. Real quick before we move on to Retev's pick. What's going to do damage to my mastodon? The rhino? What are you talking about? I think both the rhino and the short face bear have a shot against the maston. Now, don't get me wrong, the mastodon's massive. And I think one-on-on-one, it's

probably going to beat the rhino but you saw what that short-faced bear look like i mean that thing yeah that's it's real scary i got a powerhouse of a team here i'd debate up for last week you know i'm i'm working with precision here i'm playing chess you guys are playing checkers uh the fact the matter is i got a very strong powerful terrifying aggressive hawk bird golden eagle flying around with shredding talons and what are these animals going to do they can't even move their head to touch behind them, dude. It's going to go right to their back. Quiet.

Quiet, quiet. Quiet. You have won. My golden eagle will be scaring the shit out of these animals, clawing their eyes, going on their back, and moving them into my megaladon's mouth. All right. Fact.

So I don't care. Your animals are going to be tired, and they're going to fucking be eaten by my megaladon, who should have feet, but he doesn't. Anyways, what's your third? My next animal, and I'm pissed about this battle royale, because you guys have an advantage, having worked on a show called Extinct or Alive,

where you know all of these fucking animals that might possibly be extinct or alive. So I'm going to pick one. Neither of you have ever heard of, okay? And it might still be alive, but it could be extinct also. Yeah, herpes. It's not herpes.

Herpes is everywhere in your house. Let's go quick. In your bed. Shut your mouth, Pat. I am picking the Mexican grizzly bear. Okay? That's a good pet. That's her first good.

You don't think we've ever heard of it? You don't think that I don't ever heard of it? I don't care. You've done no research. I don't care if you had a fucking hit TV show. This is bullshit. My golden eagle is harassing your fucking animals into the mouth of my megaladon. My bear will hide until I tell it to come out and do the final push of your animals into the jaws of the megaladon.

And that, my friends, is that. Well, that's great. Good job. Yeah. You're playing chess while we play checkers. I see it more as you're eating dinty more beefs too. Well, me and Forrester eating Flaminiaen. Because you've picked the smallest of the three bears on who wants to.

The worst bear, yeah. Might as well pick a koala bear. Again, you guys, listen, you guys have an unfair advantage. I should get points right off the bat. Sure. And the brosters will decide whether you get those sympathy points. But, da. No way.

I've got a mastodon. that's going to be just a terror to deal with, plus a polar bear, which you'll dispatch of your Mexican grizzly bear very, very quickly. So to add to that... Not when a golden eagle's flying around, mate. Is a possibly extant animal that is deemed extinct that Forest has spent some time searching for in Indonesia

on the island of Java. It is a motherfucking Javan tiger. We've all seen what a tiger can do. They're terrifying. It's a good pick. It's a huge tiger. Are you scared of a lion? Okay.

The Javan Tiger isn't because it would take out several lions at once. Forrest, a quick question before we argue about our picks. What was your takeaway from the Javan Tiger episode? Do you think it could still be out there? Absolutely. I got a thermal signature of a big creature cruising around, big cat, scared the shit out of me. I spoke to four different park rangers who all told me I've seen dozens of leopards. I've been, I'm a park ranger in Java.

I have seen a tiger walk right in front of me. Absolutely still think in very limited numbers they could still be there. Sure. Huge beastly. Look at the musculature on a tiger. Super cool animal. Super cool animal. Doesn't matter.

You guys have, you guys have done nothing to combat the presence of a very strong, terrifying bird with talent. You're really overestimating this golden eagle, fella. Like, don't get wrong. Golden Eagles are rad if you're 12 of a 12-pound kitty. but these are, you think that your golden eagle is going to be up anything. I'm not saying it's going to beat up anybody.

I'm saying that it's going to pester and terrify these animals enough that they will be disoriented and they will run right into the jaws of my megalodon. And then I will sick my bear on them as they're at the water's edge to give the final push of every one of your animals into the jaws of my megaladon because those jaws can fit all of your animals in it. Okay, hyped up guy. I hear what you're saying. Let the brosters decide.

Listen, we can argue about this all night. At the end of the day, the way that we know who won or lost is from you guys weighing in on iTunes. You leave us a five-star review if you're feeling cheeky. You let us know who won the Battle Royale tonight. You can also comment on YouTube. We'd love to hear it. It's pretty obvious, in my opinion, who lost? I mean, clearly he's not so proud about that.

But, you know, look, leave us a comment. Leave us a like. We really appreciate it. All the user generator, sorry, listener generated content is absolutely amazing. It's incorporated more and more into the show. Thank you guys for sticking along for 50 freaking episodes. It's, this thing is snowmalling. Almost a year.

We love doing it. We love you guys for being here. Thank you, everybody. It's been such a fun journey. I can honestly say this is the highlight of my week every week. I absolutely love doing this. I love getting the comments and the feedback. Retep, where can the people find us?

Where are all our social channels? do the thing. Guys, it's easy. Go to the wild timespodcast.com. Go to the wild timespodcast.com forward slash info if you just want to get directly to all the links to everything, the YouTube, the iTunes, wherever the hell you can listen, watch,

the merch, all that good stuff is right there. And I highly recommend you hit up the Discord because it's fun. I pop in there. These two idiots don't know how to use technology, but I pass messages from there along to them. And that is at ht t tp blah blah blah blah blah wild times

club so make sure you go there and w t willie you're amazing i love you pat you are literally the worst human being i have ever known in my life forest you're pretty good hey and also we do for those who only listen we do daily videos that are like 10 12 minutes each just of like stories that came up that day on the youtube on the wild times youtube those are fun they're silly go on check it out. And then in a couple weeks, we'll have some big announcements. Also, we're going to start doing these in person, maybe not next week, but definitely the week after we're all going to be

together. We're going to be together, baby. Cannot wage is fun. It's going to be good. Happy 50, everybody. Thank you. Yeah, boy. Thank you. For real. We love you guys. For real. You guys make it all worthwhile. I love it. Everybody except for Pat. Good night. Jaze. Jaze.