Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #57

Episode Date: May 10, 2021

More @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com Check out our amazing Discord community of Wildlife and Adventure Enthusiasts @ https://discord.com/invite/zzTxnrHnS8

Retef's happy. Patrick's happy. Everybody's happy. It's episode number 57 of the Wild Times podcast, the greatest show in the world, the number one rated wildlife podcast as rated by myself and maybe three other people total. It is a fun show where we hang out, we talk about animals, we usually do a little drinking. I myself am drinking a la qua tonight, nothing too expensive. and I am your host, the broologist, Mr. Forrest Galante.

I am joined by the delightful, the lovely, the attractive. Mr. Retep. What's up, Peter? I know that you were going to go to Pat, but once again, his head was in his lap and he was putting a piece of Nicorette into his mouth. Pat, you are. You are quite possibly the worst podcast host in the world. People love me here.

Cheers, mates. So, bro, do you, bro, what are you, brofessor? You're good? Everything's well. You're having a nice time. Listen, man. I've been, I've just been working on the Patreon. We're going to talk about that a little bit.

And I'm, like, super excited about it. I've been talking to a few of the brosners about the tears and send it all up. It's a little bit more work than I thought it was going to be. That's why he's grumpy. He had to do something. Grumpy, dude. I'm in my office. Look at this fucking painting.

It fits perfectly on that shelf. I want to circle back to that comment in a second. But I must also take the time to introduce, as Retep would say, the meager, the weasily, the weak, the small, the intrepid. Give me some more. Give me some more. Tiny. The tiny. Weenie, weasel.

A beaver toothed. A man who is literally about the same size as Retepe and myself. Mr. Patrick DeLuca the Broducer. What's up, Patrick? How are you, dude? I'm good, man. A little hung over today. Retepe and I gathered yesterday in my backyard. And he came over. He was in a fucking grumpy, frumpy mood. What?

Then we did a workout. And then his mood went from a two to a seven. And then I gave him a glass of wine and he went to a full 10. And then hours later, we were still having out. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. That's a second time in the beginning. Wait, did you introduce yourself?

I did. I'm done. It's over. Okay. Fine. This is the second time within the first four minutes of the podcast where you've said the word grumpy. And it made me think of something that my family does to me

that just, in the words of Peter Griffin, really grinds my gears. Have you ever been in a slightly off mood? You don't have to legitimately be grumpy. You can just be in a slightly off mood. And then someone asks you, hey, Why are you so grumpy? And that's fucking it. That's all it takes.

You just ask that question, then like the switch of a light, you are grumpy at that point. Because as soon as someone asks you why you're grumpy, you are definitely grumpy at that point. I know. I try so hard not to do it to like, to, you know, significant other

because like it drives me fucking crazy when someone does it to me. It's the word to. But yeah, if someone I'm around is not in a good mood, like it's the only thing I can think about. I'm like, wrong. Let's fix this.

Especially if it's the only other person that's around and you're just like, well, I guess I'll just sit here uncomfortably and attempt to do something else without addressing this elephant in the room. Right. You know, just pushing underneath. Good stuff.

Yeah. Well, guys, there's something exciting happening in a couple weeks. Something monumental, world shifting, changing for those that are light-pocketed. because we are asking for money. And what I mean by that is we have created a Patreon.

What? I don't even know what it is still, to be honest, because by we have created it, I mean, Retepp has created it. He's texted me 12 links. I've ignored all of them. Retep, what is it? What are we doing? What are we starting?

Why are we doing it? Dude, him and I worked on this all night last night, FYI. We got some great stuff coming. Good. So first of all, just for everybody who's a listener, nothing is changing with the free podcast every week. That's still happening every single week. You're getting the podcast.

The Patreon is basically just a way to support the show, show your support for us, and help us, you know, continue to make content and make more and better content. So one of the main thing. In other words, listen up, Brozners. We've done this shit for free for 57 weeks. We just want enough money. Yeah, and we'll still do it for free. but we want to be able to pay for some content.

Right? Exactly. You can make monetary goals on there that everybody can see when they go to the Patreon page. And the first one is going to be along the lines of, once we get to $100,000 a month, Pat and Forrest will quit their full-time jobs and work 100% on the podcast and the media company. So let's get to that 100K within two months. But here's the thing. We're going to give you more shit. for the Patreon.

Exactly. A lot of people have said, God, I wish this podcast was daily. Could you do two a week? So, yeah, we'll be doing additional podcasts every single month. More than one of them, actually. So it's going to be fun. That is going to launch May 17th.

So stay tuned. We're excited about it. And, uh, you've got, you've got a little trip coming up, don't you? I sure do. I am taking off on Friday. I'm going on a pasta tasting trip to Italy.

I don't believe that's true. That sounds absurd. That's something that I would do, except it would be a Taco Bell tasting trip. You know, it's funny, I don't actually know what you're doing or where you're going, except that it's for TV show, but I have no idea what the plan is. Yeah. No, I mean, to be honest, I didn't either until recently. I mean, it's saying I've wanted to do for a while. Obviously, everybody knows this when a network owns a channel, you can't give away too much. But I'm heading to the Motherland, heading back.

back to Africa on Friday. I'll be in Mozambique for about 10 days and then Zambia for another 10 days and then I'll be heading home. We are tracking some wildlife that has caused a ruckus and trying to kind of solve a bit of a

problem while we're over there. And it sucks that I can't tell everybody about it because I am actually pretty excited. But Discovery would literally castrate me and feed me my own testicles if I started to explain what it was. So yeah, I'll be gone. I'll be totally out commission for 20 days, but that's why we're getting a jump start on the pods.

I'm, uh, that's, that's fantastic. But I, I am going to go back to the Patreon real quick, because there was one huge benefit that we did not, uh, we did not tell them about yet. And that is, you're going to be getting exclusive content. And I haven't told Forrest this, but he'll be producing, uh, behind the scenes content from whatever the fuck he's doing in life, little clips from his phone, much like what he does on social media, except it'll just be exclusive for Patreon. I'm not talking about your discovery shoot unless, of course, they'll allow that, but I'm talking about

just your bullshit when you're out, doing whatever. And then I'll be posting nonsense, probably me ranting into the phone about aliens while I'm driving to the beach or something. Pat has some bullshit to talk about. Just random stuff that'll be on the, behind, you know,

on the Patreon, and at every level, you'll just get these little things that we're going to throw out there. And then additional premium content that we're going to get together it's going to be planned, we're going to shoot it, and these will be, you know,

kind of bigger things that we put together all get together, do it live in person, kind of stuff. So you're getting a shit load more than just the extra podcast on the Patreon and, you know. All right, we got to get right into this because I've been dying, dying, to do

this podcast for us. A Brewster sent me this, Douglas Person. It's a bit of an animal mystery. it's just a picture of something very fucking strange that was discovered in Sweden. Okay. Let's have a lot of it.

All right. W.T. Willie is loading up a picture here. Here it is. What have we got going on? Can you see... Will, we can't see the foot part. Whatever it is. Whoa. Oh, God.

And then pull it up a little bit more, Will. Hmm. Zoom in on that big foot. What is that? Cripted. That's a cryptid, dude. That is a... This is where in Sweden?

Alien foot? Look, according to what the Brosner sent me, I don't know this could be... Obviously, this could be a hoax. This could be something else, but I thought maybe you would have an idea of what this could be. Basically, what we're looking at

is a grizzled piece of, like, meat of an animal that was torn apart, a skinny leg that's dangling from it, and then a... How would you even describe that foot? Well, that's what I'm trying to... I figure out. So just to be clear, this was in Sweden, correct? Yeah, yeah.

That's what you said. It's kind of a humanoid foot with like really nice. It's like someone that never took off their shoes. It's got like big curled over toes with like some really, really bad toenails going on. And honestly, what looks like a pretty humanoid foot. I mean, I see four toes and then I'm guessing there's, you know, a big toe around the corner there. It's disgusting. whatever it is. That foot is clearly Photoshopped on. The rest of it's probably real.

The fingernails on that foot are literally like a manicured fingernail. Like, what? What is that? That looks like they just came out of the fucking nail salon. It's like colored pink. Let's think about this for a second. Let's think about this for a second. So do you know the answer already, Patrick?

Are we going in black? No. No, there's no answer. I just wanted to see if you. All right. In Sweden, there's brown bears, there's wolves, there's foxes, there's links, there's badger. And I'll be honest, this doesn't look like any of those things I just said. I mean, it's obviously not an Angulate, right?

It's not an, it's not a hoofed animal. It's certainly not a bird or anything like that. Look, I have no fucking idea what I'm looking at here. It's a mess. It's some mangled thing. It's a bad Photoshop, mate. Is that what you think it is? Is that what you think is going on here, Ritap?

I would, I'd be willing to bed. my next year of not eating Taco Bell on that. Ooh, wait, are you, are you serious about that? Yeah, as long as it only gets made to a Patreon, fuck off. Okay, but. Will just started laughing because he's unmuted and didn't realize it. Oh, yeah. That's an amazing, that's an amazing bet.

All right, so here's what we're going to do. So here's what we're going to do. I don't know the answer. Patrick doesn't know the answer. Retep doesn't know the answer. I really, I'd like to be like, look, here's what we're looking at. it's this kind of foot, it belongs to this type of animal. I've never seen anything like this.

Retepp is saying that he's willing to wager an entire year of not eating his favorite food, Taco Bell, if we can figure out whether or not this is Photoshopped. Now, I don't know a lot of things, but I do know, I do know that our Brosners are a bunch of incessant weirdos who will figure this shit out. So I'm challenging all you Brosner's listening, you YouTube fanatics that are going to see this. this to figure out the source of this image and find out whether or not it's photoshopped because I personally, and I can speak for Patrick here, would love to see Retep lose 15 pounds and not eat Taco Bell for a year. Bro, don't think about my weight ever again or mention it on air.

Also, drop your answer in the comments. This is clearly Photoshopped. And what do I get when I win? Does Forrest have to eat pets butcheek or something? You get to keep eating Taco Bell. That's not fair. I get something. One of you guys has to do something.

It's a one way bet. Forrest, were there any, what did the Brewsters sling at you this week? I had a couple fun, interesting things. Reteb, what are you doing? What? I don't know. You heard being weird.

I had a couple cool things come in from the Brosners. There was one story that got sent to me from Walker underscore Anthony, who just wrote Fuck that and sent a link to what he was calling a nightmare video, which shows, and it's pretty wild. It's pretty wild. It is a video of 800 invasive European starlings just going down this guy's chimney in Torrance, California, and invading their home. Oh, my God. Could you imagine if you were just sitting there watching TV and you looked over to your fireplace and birds were just flooding in in, in business? robes just filling up like something out of

Alfred Hitchcock. That's a literal nightmare. Yeah, I clicked it thinking like, ah, this sounds like nonsense, like what, you know, this doesn't happen, this is not what birds do. Sure enough, there is a video, there are pictures, these people were hanging out, these birds came flooding into their living room, you know,

and screw you, European Starlings, you're a shitty bird, you shouldn't be in California anyway, and now you're invading people's homes. There they go. So we're looking at the video. My God. Why are they going in there? So like a few went into the chimney and then the rest just followed.

Look at the windows. Look at the window. So we're looking from the outside into the house. Those are fairly large. How big are those? Yeah, you know what they are? You know when you guys, Retepp will know them very well. You know when you visit Taco Bell or any fast food joint, there are those little black glossy

birds that hang out, you know, like picking up food scraps around every parking lot, around Venice Beach, like every, literally every city street, those are European starlings. They have that very glossy, shimmery coloring to them. And yeah, yeah, this is them. Dude, so I, you know, my back patio, I keep it open a lot. Like, I just, it's open to the yard, right? And we just keep the glass wall kind of open. And it's a nightmare. I've had like legit stress dreams about a bird getting into the house. Because like, how do you, wow. what do you think these people had to do? They have, let's say, 400 starlings in their house.

How do you get rid of them? They released like 30 bobcats into the house. And then... Well, the thing is, so European Starlings will actually, like, roost and build nests inside of buildings. But typically it's in, like, overhangs. You know, it's not going into someone's house. So this is a rare exception for sure.

What do you think made them go into that chimney? Like, did a couple just go into the chimney and then the rest just kind of follow and then boom, you got fucking 10,000 birds in your house? I would kill myself. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, you know, they will follow each other for sure. I'm guessing that, I mean, you kind of see it in the video, right? Like they're swooping around. Then all of a sudden there's just like a dozen of them go towards the chimney.

I don't know. I don't know what made them do this. You know what I are. So jokes aside. the Bobcat solution is fantastic. Forrest, let's say you come home from Africa and you have 800 starlings inside your house. Like, literally what do you do?

Do you call someone? Like, what's the procedure? I have one of those electric tennis rackets for flies. I'm just going to town. Like, I don't, European starlings are bad. I know this is an animal-loving podcast, but they are a terrible pest. They carry diseases.

Sure, I'm opening the door, but I'm just, I'm like bug bomb. the house. I'm getting rid of them. I'm not, I'm not calling someone. I'm not letting them out and being friendly. Like, they're a nuisance. It's just a flamethrower. Yep. I love that force is going to handle it himself, like, whereas you or I

immediately calling an exterminator and paying him $1,000. Do you know, this is kind of interesting, though. Do you know how European Starlings got to America or why they came to America? No, no. This is pretty interesting. Good guess. So European Starlings came a hundred of them were brought to New York,

were brought to New York in the late 1800s, because some lunatics who were in love with Shakespeare wanted North America to have every single bird that Shakespeare ever mentioned. And in some of the Shakespeare plays, he talked about starlings. So they brought 100 starlings into New York, let him go, they all died,

they brought a hundred more, let him go, they all died. And eventually, like, four of them, managed to make it, and now there's a bazillion of them in the United States. Wow. That's huge. Isn't that insane? Because some Shakespeare fanatics were like, we should have thou birds.

Well, guys, there was one that I saw in the DMs from Emily Thompson. And this is by far bananas the best one. So she says, hey, Forrest, Patrick, and Peter, I thought I'd pass this on in case you missed

it. Sad to see the world hasn't learned. from Harambe, this dad needs to get his balls put in a blender. Harambe, if you guys don't remember, is the incident was somebody, I believe it was a family or something, got in his way and he attacked them,

and then got shot. He killed a kid in the zoo because the kid got into the gorillas enclosure. Right. And then they killed the gorilla, which I didn't understand. Right, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, exactly. So this video?

What is this video? I don't see this video. Yeah, so there's a dad standing in an enclosed elephant, you know, enclosure at the San Diego Zoo holding his child. Yes, yes, right? Yeah. Oh, boy. And then he disrupts his kid. Yeah, the elephant fucking obviously territory. Why is he inside of the enclosure first of all?

But the elephant comes towards him and he obviously runs the fuck away outside of the cables, but he's got his kid. As he's going through the cables, drops his fucking toddler on the ground. What the fucking nitwit? It's insane. What is this person thinking, man? Idiot. Is that an African elephant from the looks of it? Yes, it is.

Yeah, it is. See the big, big ears. Can you tell if it's a male or a female? It looks like a male because of the tusks. Females don't have tusks at all? Correct. It's a big, bull, African elephant. It just, yeah, I don't know.

So I don't know a lot about elephants. They're gray. They're big. They're smart. Is it a good idea to take your toddler into a bull African elephant males enclosure? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's a good idea.

That is not the answer I was expecting. But good to know. Next time you go to the zoo. Females can get tusks. Bulls typically have bigger tusks. This looks like a bull based on the size of its head and the size of the tusks. No matter what, it's not an... old animal. You can see it's kind of young. You can see it's not too wrinkly. It doesn't make a

difference. Whether it's a, whether it's a male, a female, a juvenile, an adult, don't climb over the fucking railings, no matter what zoo you're at and climb into the animal's enclosure. I don't know why anybody ever thinks that's a good idea, period. It's just, it's abs, not only is it stupid and unsafe, it's just, like, disrespectful to the animal. Yeah. And like, what is this guy doing? You can't get a fucking picture in front of the, it's not even an enclosure. It's some wires keeping the elephant in there. It's not like it would even fog up the picture or anything behind glass. This guy's a moron.

He's getting the book thrown at him because he was arrested and is being charged with child cruelty. Oh, really? Wow. And is currently being held on $100,000 bail. So that seat, damn, not easy to post $100,000 bail if you're the type of person who's dumb enough to climb into the elephant cage. Well, that was interesting. What a freaking nitwit.

Yes. Okay, real quick, by the way, for us. So your story about the European starlings, I had to know. Because, you know, if it started with some aerodyte pricks who wanted Shakespeare birds in the U.S., there are, how many would you guess are now currently estimated to be in the United States of this invasive bird? I've got to say 10 million. What's your guess? Rtep.

You know how birds like to fuck? I'm going to. I'm going to say 120 million. 200 million. 200 million. Yeah. That's a shitload, man.

That's a lot. I bet a lot of them are killed by the 4 billion birds that domestic cats kill each year, which is a good thing. Forrest, I had a bird incident. I actually wanted to ask you about. I forgot. I was filming up in Santa Clarita,

which is a very deserty area north of Los Angeles. I know. And the crew was eating lunch, And I just like for 10 minutes after lunch went to just like go read through an outline. I just like sat in this lawn chair at this house we were filming at. And all of a sudden I hear and I look and there's this fucking hummingbird just hovering like probably 12 inches from my face. Purple had very brilliant, a beautiful bird. That's amazing.

And it was just looking at me. And I kind of like did that and got up and went away. It was, I was like, what is this bird doing? Like was that an aggressive? move? Was I in this spot or something? Were you wearing bright colors? Did you have that?

Did you have the gas station hat on? Remember the airport hat? The one that we bought at that airport? No, I didn't. I don't know what I was wearing. So here's what will happen. And this is actually, no, this is a real thing. If you're trying to photograph hummingbirds and you wear super bright colors,

especially, you know, those in blotches or patches. that look like flowers, hummingbirds will totally dart right up to you thinking that you might be a nice place to get a spot of nectar from and then realize that you're not and take off. And I'm guessing. Dude, that's fucking fascinating. Oh, you know what? I'm a fucking moron. I had a red jacket on. Yeah. See? He was like, ooh, big flowery bush. Yeah, exactly. Well, so were you stoked about it or were you like scared about it? I was a little mad at the hummingbird, to be honest. It startled me. And it was, it was really aggressive. I thought he was going to peck me, dude.

Was it buzzing really loud because it was so close to your head? Dude, I just, I thought like a swarm of bees was coming in. And I look at it's just this bright purple head on this hummingbird. This fucking bumblebee comes by my head. I swear this thing's the size of a fucking starling. And it's the loudest thing I've ever heard. And it's scared the shit out of me the other day. I swear to God, there may be less bees, but they're getting fucking huge, man.

It's just a giant black bumble bird. I'm like, what even is this thing? God damn it. We'll pull up number five. So someone named Specialty Herpetofana sent me this photo for us. That is purported to have been taken in Florida of a mysterious large cat. Now, you had some experience with the Florida panther. Mm-hmm.

What has happened since then? Have a lot of people bombarded you with images? Oh, wow. Hundreds of thousands, I would say. What do you think of this here? The guy who said it to me said, could this be some sort of bobcat hybrid? Because it doesn't appear to have a very robust tail.

What do you think there? I mean, it's a bobcat, that's for sure. It appears to be a very large bobcat. It's huge, this thing. Yeah, I mean, there's no such thing as a bobcat. There's no such thing as a bobcat mountain lion hybrid, which is what your guy is saying, right? Or assuming.

That is a very large bobcat who seems to be, maybe it's just the way the image was captured or something, but it looks particularly elongated, which I think is what makes people kind of think that it might be something else. But yeah, no, that's just a big, kind of beautiful bobcat. You see he's got a lot of patterning, a lot of marking. some bobcats are pretty plain, some have a lot of markings. That's just a big, meaty bobcat.

And having spent some time in South Florida, like around Marco Island and the Everglades, they get some huge bobcats there. And I think there's just so much for them to eat. Interesting. And yeah, I think, you know, I could see why someone might confuse that for something else based on the photo, especially how the neck looks a little bit longer and stuff like that. But no, that's just a big old meaty bobcat with some really cool coloration. Dude, Florida is terrifying, man.

Animals are taking over. That thing's probably big because it ate 12 pythons the other day. And it's just huge now. Florida is terrifying because of people in jorts. It's not terrifying because of the wild life. Listen, I used to wear jorts, man, and they were not comfortable. I don't know why anybody would ever wear them. I totally disagree.

Florida takes a lot of shit. But Key West is one of the most fun places. I've had so much fun party in Key West. My dad used to live there. and we have a buddy. Have you guys ever been to, it's near St. Petersburg. What's the place where Miles moved to?

St. Pete's, I thought. Oh, Clearwater Beach. Have you guys ever been to Clearwater Beach? I don't think so. I've been to St. Petersburg. I like St. Petersburg. Dude, Clearwater Beach, it's right near St. Petersburg, Florida,

north of Tampa. It's one of the best beaches I've ever been to in the world. Really? Dude, like huge, you know, it's like half a mile between where the sand starts and the ocean starts. Crystal clear, warm,

water. No kidding. Five and a half foot tall waves at all times. Everyone's good looking. It's literally paradise. So it's near St. Pete? Yeah, it's right there. It's like you just take a bridge over to this little kind of peninsula thing.

It's fucking amazing. No, look, Florida gets a bad rap. I love Florida. And everybody who listens to this podcast understands exactly why. But outside of just like the Everglades and the creepy crawlies, the east coast is amazing. The east coast of Florida has the Gulf Stream. It gets all those tropical fish.

It gets insane bull shark runs. Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. Look at that place. That doesn't look like the United States. I know, dude. Birthplace of Scientology. And then, yeah, the west coast of Florida has all the mangroves. As you get into the panhandle, you get these amazing beaches.

Central Florida gets a bad rap, like Lakeland area and near Orlando. absolutely incredible. Like some of the Crystal River and Crystal Springs area with crystal clear water flowing through it, manatees. I mean, it's Florida's fucking dope. It's just all you weird Floridians that have ruined it. Like the state's amazing. Every place that's highly populated like that,

Florida is the worst, though. Even people who aren't from the country are like, yeah, Florida, that's like America's armpade. But like, like, even, like, L.A., people fucking from almost every other state unequivocably hate everybody from Southern California and like anytime LA does anything

that's fucked up they pointed out and they're like you guys are fucking liberal terrible like your government you can't do anything like it's just like if you're in this highly populated area that has like a thing like we have Hollywood they're all pedophiles we're all pedophiles of course because we live in Southern California

you know you just get that thing where is that coming from Rattap where is the pedophiles thing for the Hollywood elites thing it's all the Q&I Bullshit. You guys don't follow the conspiracies. I have to because I love aliens and it all ties in to, and I have to untie it and just take out the real shit. Wait, but before we get down into more of bashing Florida, why are Hollywood's child rapists or child? What? Dude, so, I'm sorry, I'm just very confused by this. Because of misinformation that's been being spread for the past several years online, uh, everybody.

thinks, and then of course there's all the cases of assault, the legitimate ones, and then everybody's like, oh, look it. And so there's this whole thing that a lot of people believe, a lot of the same people that believe that the earth is flat, think that, you know, all Hollywood elites, as they call them, are like eating children, raping them and drinking their blood, which is obviously fucking absurd. So just to be clear, you and Patrick are not doing that. No, I was, you're the fucking famous one.

No, me neither for sure. I'm definitely not drinking kids blood. I was just checking that none of us. You sure? Because you look very young and you're what, 50 now? That's correct, yeah. All right. All right, let's get into some news.

There's some great news floating around. There's some good stuff. Let's do what's in the news. What's on the news? I don't care much for fishing. I don't know if you guys knew that. I don't really like fish. I don't like the ocean.

Don't like diving. So I wasn't at all jumping up a second there. jumping up and down with excitement when I read the headline that in the Detroit River, now I've never been to Detroit, but much like the last state we discussed, people don't say nice things about it.

In the Detroit River, a group of biologists caught one of the largest sturgeon of Lake Sturgeon species ever known. Wow. It's just absolutely incredible. A seven-foot-long, 240-pound Lake Sturgeon that is believed to be over 100 years old.

Just an absolutely massive fish was caught in this Detroit River. And I just, I mean, look at the size of that thing next to that guy. I mean, it's so fat, it's so pregnant. Sturgeon, in my opinion, are probably top five coolest fish on Earth. I mean, they're armored, they're badass, they look like dinosaurs, just super-duper cool. And so I did a little bit of reading, a little bit of digging. on this. And I found it really interesting that, you know, there were some stats that in the 18th century there was estimated to be 500,000 sturgeon swimming in the Detroit River. And, you know,

that's a pretty good number for a single river. Well, today there's only around 7,000 sturgeon in the Detroit River. So to catch one like this, which is what we literally, and you guys probably haven't heard this term before, call a BFF, which stands for big fat female, which is what we need in the fishing population stocks is just like such a glimmering beam of hope. Because this animal can put out millions and millions of offspring. Is that

Sturgeon alive? Yeah. It's alive. They put it on a bridle. They measured it and weighed it. Took the photo and put it back, let it back go. It's the biggest sturgeon ever. Holy shit. Yeah. Isn't that cool? It's so funny how like if they didn't put it back, this would be I'd be pissed, but I'm so stoked

because they did. Well, here's the thing about that. And they're allowed to put it back. And by the way, it's seven feet long. It has a girth of nearly four feet. That would be like being our height and being, you know, well, about, about. Pat's math. Yeah, Pat's math.

That would be like being, you know, our height. Let's see, seven feet long, four feet wide, six feet long. That would be like being three feet wide. That's huge. I mean, I think I am three feet wide. I was going to say, I might be like, shocking. You think? I don't think so. I don't think so. Three feet.

You're still young. You'll grow more broad as you get older. I don't think that means you're three feet wide by simple math. Oh yeah, you're right. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's a cool find. I like it. Sturgeon. I saw one that I really, I mean, this is fantastic. Well, if you can pull up the picture. There was a giant moth found in Australia that is literally the, it is fucking. gigantic. It's like the size of my cat. A guy was working on a building

site in Redlands South Queensland and he found this gigantic moth reported it to a school because he wanted someone to come out and see if this thing was real or an alien. Look at that thing. Holy fucking shit. Awesome. Wood moth. I mean it's the size of both his fists put together. I didn't know as a moth

could get this big. This bothers me because I'm catching you, Pat, and the lie. You said that insects could never get as big as dinosaurs or humans, but clearly this insect is well on its way to becoming human-sized at least. That's certainly one of the biggest insects I've ever seen. How does something fucking get? Like, it couldn't get much bigger than this, could it for us? Oh, there's bigger moths.

Yeah, look up, look at, really? Oh, yeah, the Hercules moth is bigger. We had moths in Zimbabwe where I lived called, old hawk moths that got to basically the size of a dinner plate. I mean, they're huge, huge animals. And yeah, I mean, we don't really see them here. But yeah, so these moths, in particular, these wood moths, they're really heavy-bodied animals. And so they kind of fly really, like, clumsily. Like, they have this really kind of letharge and crappy flight.

And then they just... Running into people's heads? No, because they're not usually flying around. They're usually kind of borrowed against tree brine. and bark where you don't see them. And with a cryptic coloring like that, they disappear really well. But no, it's awesome.

I remember being a kid, this is anecdotal, but I think it's one of those, I always felt like it was a bio-indicator of a healthy ecosystem. Because I remember being a kid, and on our farm where I grew up, every night we'd have huge moths

around the outdoor lights, like huge ones, huge butterfly moths, huge hawk moths. And then when I went back to Zimbabwe in 2017, 2018, whatever it was, didn't see any moths around any of the lights at night. And I was just like, this is such an indicator of how, like, the Mopani woodlands have been cut down, you know, like, things have changed. Like, it's really changed the landscape a lot.

And it's such a good bio indicator for that. Interesting. Also, did you say this was, what did you say, Redlands, Australia? Yeah. Is there a single European named county or city, I should say county or country in the world that? doesn't have a Redlands. There is a Redlands, California, a Redlands, Connecticut, a Redlands Australia, a Redlands, Arizona. There's nowhere that doesn't have a Redlands.

It's kind of a cool name, though. I like it. Yeah, because I hear Redlands, and I just assume that it's full of redwood trees, which Redlands, Australia is not. It's just like a pretty dumpy city. Neither is Redlands, California. It's full of sand, dirt, dust, and heat, and nothing else. Buildings. Dude, California has some of the worst city names, man.

We have a city called City of Industry. Really? One called Diamond Bar. And they're just like these really just dumpy, like inland empire, sprawling planned communities. Yeah. No. The guys, there was an article, well, I'm not going to lie.

We'll put it in the show, Doc. But two fishing buddies in the UK used their dead friends. No, you stole my favorite story. Come on, jerk. I wanted to tell this story. All right, all right, I'll let you go. No, that's why it was highlighted. Keep going.

Keep going. Keep going. I just want to talk about it because it's awesome. Okay, so they use their buddies' ashes as bait and they caught an 180-pound carp. Nope. Nope, nope. What? What?

They caught 180 freshwater carp. Not 180 pound carp. Just fucking, just do it. Just do it. Go. We didn't do it. All right. You butchered the story.

All right, fine, they caught 180 fresh water. Here's how I was going to tell the story. We're going to pretend Retep didn't just do what he did. I would say to you guys, hey, guys, if I said to you, if I, if I said to you, what's a purple Ronnie? What would you tell me that was? This is how I'd tell the story. I would probably be, I would probably like assume that some guy named Ronnie died and his friends took his ashes and made fishing bait with him. Fuck you.

That would be your first guess, right? I'll give you a real answer. Well, before Retep ruined my sweet delivery. answer you son of a bitch. Okay, sorry. Retep, what's a purple Ronnie? A purple Ronnie is when you have a very small

wet weener and you pull it out and it's fully erect and you stick it down the drain of your bathtub. You have thought through that. So I was going to then go on to say, well, you're both wrong. Because a purple Ronnie happens

to be what two buddies called the bait that they made out of their dead friend's ashes. And then I was going to go on to say how cool it was that a couple friends made bait out of their dead buddy and caught 180 carp out of it. Because I just think it's a much better set up for us. Much better. Thank you.

I know. But anyway, I just think the friend who died probably said, hey, here's my wishes. Turn me into fishing bait, right? It was three fishing buddies and then it went down to two. Oh, I was also completely wrong because I hadn't actually clicked on the picture. It is

an 180 pound cart. Oh, fuck this. So look, everybody But he's butchering this story. Regardless. Here's the actual point I wanted to get across. Here's the actual point I wanted to get across. If I die, please make me in debate. Please, because that's fucking awesome.

Like people bury their dead loved one under a tree and are like, that's my framly tree, you know, or sprinkle the ashes in the ocean. Go and catch a fucking awesome monster fish like this and take a picture. And you can be like, I caught this with forest. How dope is that? Like this was, but don't catch a fucking fish. fucking carp. Carp are bottom feeding like garbage fish, right? Go out there and catch a

fucking tiger fish or an Arabima. Go catch a great white shark. Take my arm. Take my arm. Put a hook through it. Catch a white shark. Take that picture. And be like, that is awesome. You guys smell that? You smell that? I smell a very expensive Patreon tier. You can receive your own jar of purple forest.

That's right. If he dies. Purple forest. Nothing to do with sticking your weed on the bat. So, carp are not good eating, right? I mean, does anyone eat carp? Yeah, they, well, the reason they, so Asian cultures eat carp, and I think, I think carp is a Jewish delicacy as well, because I know when you go into Jewish delis in New York, you see the whole carp on the menu.

Now, I can tell a story if you'd like. Yeah. So here in Santa Barbara, we have the San Iinez River just like up the road behind my house. Beautiful area. I go there all the time. And back in college, we used to like raft down the river. There used to be way more water in the San Dines River. We'd go and we drive our trucks up to Red Rocks.

And anybody that lives in Santa Barbara don't do this. We drive our trucks up to Red Rocks. We drive one truck down by the golf course there. I forget the name of the golf course, which is like, it's like three miles down the river. You're definitely not allowed to do this. Sit in a tube, float all the way down the river, sneak across the golf course, jump in your car and drive away before you got yelled at. And we did this like relentlessly in the summer.

It was super fun. Nobody else was on the river. Everybody'd be naked. It was a great time. Now, circa like junior year of college, the river got smaller and drier and smaller and drier. And one day I went up there and I was just me and Ricardo, friend of the pod, Jordan, friend of the pod, we were hiking around. And there were all these little isolated pools. And in these pools were stuck a bunch of invasive common carp, Asian carp.

And I was like, holy shit. Like look at them. It's like there would be this pool like the size of like this little sitting area that I'm hanging out in, right? Like like a 10 by 10 pool a foot and a half deep with like 15, 15 pound carp in it. And we were like, holy shit. Like, you know, we're, keep in mind, we were at college like diver, spear fisherman guys. So we were like, we've hit the mecca. Like, you know what I mean? It's literally like shooting fish in a barrel. So we went, we were like, we did all kinds of nasty shit. But basically we ended up like taken up bow fishing pretty seriously and whackin these carp in these in these. puddles. And one day we were out there, and it was the three of us, and there might have been a couple other buddies with us, and we shot like, I don't know, eight carp, right? Like eight of these

big, 15-pound nasty fish. And we were like, you know, this seems so wasteful. Like, we always shoot them. We feed them the coyotes, and we go with the whole, like, invasive species. We shouldn't let them stay here. They eat all the fish eggs. Let's try and eat them. So we decided to take, we're like, Googled on our phones. You know, it's like, here's how you do carp. Here's how it's delicious, like, trust me, it's going to be so good. We're like, all right, let's do this right. So we, like, shot the fish and bled them, gutted them, scaled them, iced them, cut the heads off the whole thing, put them in the cooler, packed them, went back to my parents' house, because that was the best kitchen that we could get, followed all the steps, you know,

like seasoned them beautifully, wrapped it in foil, put it in the oven, baked it, everything, took it out and it looked great, right? Like, you had this beautiful piece of fish, like, all roll, you know, all the foil opens up and you have the steam rise and the onions. It's like Veracruz style with the tomato and the onions. Steam rises. It smells delicious. And we're like, wow, guys, I think we nailed it. Like, this is going to be so good.

Took one bite. And I think we all did it in like simultaneously because it just, it, it, it literally didn't even take two seconds. It was like eating rotten meat mixed with lawn clippings. It was the most disgusting, fucking awful. tasting food. To this day, it's the worst thing I've ever put in my mouth, and that's saying something. It is just the most repulsive creature when it comes to food quality. I do not understand how anybody could eat it.

Yeah. Well, speaking of a lot of food, something's about to happen next week that's going to produce a lot of food for a lot of birds. And I don't think he's talking about it enough. Oh, yeah. Is it next week? Is it next week? cicada rise is expected to start as soon as next week across 15 states, basically the eastern part of the U.S. So starting in Illinois, Indiana, Tennessee, Kentucky, and then moving all the

way to Pennsylvania, New York. Oh, wow. Trillions of cicadas are going to rise from their dirt map that they've been taking for 17 years, but there's a lot of them, dude. So they said they're estimating there's 1.5 million cicadas per, they found 1.5 million cicadas in one person's yard, the scientists who were digging around in the dirt. Oh, my God. One point five million in one person's yard. Oh, boy. Yeah, that's going to be a mess.

Yeah. So let's do a little math segment here for that creative. Here we go. It's math math. Here we go. So they're estimating, I went with just one trill. even though they're saying trillions of cicadas. Okay.

And took the biomass of a cicada, right? How many rhinoceros, black rhinoceros, would have to be unleashed in the eastern U.S. to equal the biomass of the trillion cicadas that's going to come out? You're talking sheer weight in numbers, correct? Yeah, just the weight of all these cicadas that are going to come out starting next week. They're like, rhinos. They're like this big, retaliation. I don't know if you've ever seen a cicada.

They don't weigh much of anything. They're flying insects. I know, I know. Illinois. Simultaneity. Whatever you said that. Here you do my suggestion. I don't think you're going to get it.

No, we're not. But I can still take a guess. Let's take a guess. Yeah, let's take a guess. Yeah. I'm going to say, I'm just shooting in the dark here. I'm going to say 500 rhinoceri. That's, no way.

You're talking a trillion of these things. That's got a way. I'm just thinking like, okay, put a trillion of them on like a boat or something. And that's got to be like 100,000 rhinocerai. 244,000 rhinoceroy is the answer. So here's where I'm going with this. So, right? If a news story came out that there was 245,000 rhinoceros sleeping under the dirt,

we're going to start trampling across 15 states. States next week, wouldn't more people be talking about it? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That would be big. I don't know which one's worse. Like, suddenly you just look out and the sky is black with cicadas. Oh, the cicadas way worse. I would love it if we had a quarter million rhinos running around North America. There'd be more rhinos here than anywhere else on the planet.

That would be fantastic. We'd end the ivory trade. Instead, we're getting squishy bugs all over our windshields. Like, I'm definitely for that. In fact, I say we start a movement. I say we start a petition to replace the biomass of cicadas with rhinoceros. I think it's a good move. I think it's brilliant.

Yeah, brilliant. Genetically, perhaps we can maybe even grow them into rhinocerie, huh? Rinesap, you're learning all kinds of new words today, aren't you? You literally have made up several words and I've bit my tongue. I make up words all the time. Simultaneity is a word. Thank you very much. Another Patreon perk that I've, I've, I've.

listed in my list of ideas is going to be a mishmash with a beat behind it of just every forest flubber on word i've never never misspoken once out of space that's fine out of space back i was working on whale wars as biomass just reminded me of this it was like one of those like stats and facts that has stuck in my head for like 15 years like that do you know what a for tep do you know what a krill is yeah i do i do i do Okay, so it's a tiny, tiny, microscopic, almost shrimp-like creature, right? Right, right.

Salt water in the ocean. Just in the southern ocean, right? So we're just taking the ocean around Antarctica, the southern ocean. The biomass of the krill, this tiny microscopic shrimp in the southern ocean, is more than the biomass of every human being on Earth. Thoughts?

Wait, say that again? The biomass of... of krill in the southern ocean is more than every human who's alive on earth. That's amazing. I didn't know that. Well, yeah. It's pretty crazy though because isn't it like isn't that what a lot of like giant whales sustain themselves with? They eat like three like what?

Like a hundred what did we say that the blue whale eats like 300,000 pounds in these a day or something? Thousands of pounds of it. Yeah. Yeah, like 300,000 calories a day in these fucking things. which is like pretty goddamn fascinating. It's almost like the krill are just there to be. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, think about a blue whale eating 8,000 pounds of krill every single day. Each krill only weighs one gram.

Dude, that's wild. That is an amazing statistic. I did not realize. I mean, I knew a mass of krill was huge. I just didn't realize it was more than 8.5 billion people. people. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy, dude. Fucking crazy. I mean, so these things must have like an incredibly short, like their life cycle. They must just reproduce constantly. Well, yeah, you're definitely going to have a short life cycle. They do. Yeah, they do. It's very,

very fast to reproduce. I don't know how many days or hours, but, you know, like mosquitoes only have a 24-hour life cycle. You knew that, right? So it's just like that. It's just super duper quick. So, the krill basically, they, they, they,

they, they, they, they only live about 10 days. Yeah. Each female spawns 10,000

eggs at a time. So that, you know, that's why I've raised, I've raised, I've raised brine shrimp a ton of times to feed little baby amphibians

and frogs and tadpoles and, and, uh, all kinds of stuff and fish. It's, uh, it's a whole process.

I have this weird, like, science-looking experiment where I cook a two-liter, cut off the top. ran a aquarium pump to it, mixed the perfect amount of salt water, added brine shrimp eggs, circulated that for three days,

waited until they hatched, fed the brine shrimp, grew the brine shrimp, fed that to the baby fish, which then, so on and so forth. It's pretty fun. How much fucking time do you have?

That's why you're a biologist. Yeah, I know. And I have all these animals. I got to really cut back. It sucks up so much time in my life, just like tinkering with shit. Nah,

it's good, man. It's good, man. It's good, man. you're tinkering, you're building a pond or you're tinkering with a filtration system for a turtle or something. Correct. Constantly. It seems so time consuming. It is very, very time consuming.

I don't think people realize how much it is for Forest to fucking get in front of this screen every day for a couple hours and do this. He is not a behind the screen. Like, he's not a guy who wants to be in front of a computer. He's a guy who wants to tinker with fish tanks and peacocks all day. Correct. Every day. So I thought of a new game. I thought of a new segment.

You ready for it? All right. I came up with it last night. And I'll tell you how I came up with it. Well, first of all, I'll tell you the name of the segment. The segment is, what if my dog spoke English? Okay? And I'll tell you why.

Because I was sitting there last night on the toilet, picking my nose, and I look down, and my dog is just looking up at me smiling. Like tongue hanging out smiling. And I'm like, if any. human being were to see me right now. I'm literally, I'm taking a poop and I'm picking my nose in simultaneity, Reteb, and my dog is staring at me. He's just looking at me with these loving eyes. And I just thought, we've got to talk about this on the pot. Because if he understood, if he comprehended what I was doing right now, he'd never talk to me again. He'd just leave. He'd just

get out of the bathroom, go out onto a driveway and wait for a car to run him over in how disgusted he was by his owner. So I thought, nah, that's my example. of what that was, this is the game, right? The game is, what if our dogs understood what we were doing, what we were seeing? Like, what are the most disgusting, awful, terrible things that you have clearly done in front of your dog that you would never do in front of a significant other or any human being, period? Well, I have a quick, just a quick anecdote. It's not something that I've done, but I speak to my dog in a pleasant tone, but derogatory.

Is that a word? Probably not. With that, like, but you know, like, I'll be like, you know, I'll be like, hey, buddy, like, you want a hot butter knife with peanut butter shoved up your ass, buddy? Like, you know, like, just the most random, like, most ridiculous shit, you know? And he's like, so, I mean, if he understood English, our relationship would probably be on the rocks. Yeah, it would be. That's what I'm saying. I'm pretty, I'm pretty conscious because I saw the movie, before I ever had a dog, I saw the movie Best in Show. Yeah, I know Best in Show.

And, uh, great movie. There's the couple that is taking their dog to therapy because the dog walked in on them having sex. Yep. And they think the dog hasn't been the same since. So I'm kind of like, I don't, I sort of treat my dog as if it was my wife in a way. Like, do you really? Yeah, like I don't, like I don't let the dog in the bathroom. Oh, no way.

Oh, that's amazing. No, I'm completely the opposite. My dog is attached to me at the hip. He's seen every nasty thing I've ever. done, doubt any doubt. Dude, my dog doesn't like if I look at her when she's taking a poop, right? So she kind of gets in position, gets ready to go, and then takes a look back to see if I'm looking and then I look away.

No, no, no, dude, with her biz. No, that's what you would think, but that's not true. The dog is looking at you to see that you're there because it's vulnerable and it wants to know that you're there to protect it. That's probably true. Because I always was like, like, should I look at the dog? Like, I don't want the dog looking at me. But here, I got a question for you, too, to pause it for a moment.

How do you feel about the dog being in the room when, you know, you start getting into it with your significant other? I thought you were going to say left hand. Well, that too, but I mean. It's a no-go for both scenarios. Yeah. It's, yeah, Forrest. Like I'm saying, man, been there, done it. Like, I've not.

It's the worst, man. But that's what I'm saying. Like, if my dog spoke English, it would be awful. Like, there'd be so much shit we'd have to talk about. Like, if he just woke up one day and was like, hey, man, I've been keeping it real quiet, but we've got to talk about some of the stuff you let me witness. It would be a real hard conversation we'd have to have. Broessner's way in in the comments.

Do you let your dog stay in the room when you're fucking or whacking? I mean, you know, guys and girls alike, let us know in the comments. I'm curious. I should actually post a real poll because I want to know these things. You do that. So we're going to do another little game. People love it. We skipped it last week.

It is everyone's second favorite game. Top three and DFL. This is where we make a list of really silly things. We did types of French fries. Everyone just goes quick, rapid fire style. The top three and then you're dead fucking last. Just the worst. It's the pits.

Shouldn't do it. Okay. This week's category is food's, drunk foods that you eat at home when you're drunk, but not like you ordered it, something like, you know, you didn't have a lot of food around the house. It's too late to order and you make it. Like the drunk food that you make can pinch yourself at like 4 a.m. Like your friends just left and you're like, okay, now I can eat.

I do this nightly even when I'm not drunk, so this is great. Yeah. I'll go first to give Forrest and Peter a minute to think about this because I've obviously put quite a lot of thought into it. All right. So number three, which is it's a real low thing that I'll do. But I will usually keep, I always have olives here because I love olives. And I've usually got some kind of like sliced cheese, like provolone cheese or something like that. What you do is you take a few slices of the cheese.

cheese, you stick it on a plate, and then you scoop a bunch of olives out and stick it on the plate, and then you just eat them with your hands. It's fantastic. You tear a little piece of the provolone off, and you use that almost as your fork to scoop up the olive. So that's number three. Number two is the classic cheese cassidia. You've usually got some tortillas around. You've usually got some shredded cheese.

Yeah. Spray a little ham on the fucking pan. Yeah. fry it up real nice and toasty, cheese cassidia. Yeah. And number one, always keep these in the freezer. The Kirkland brand, Kirkland brand frozen pizza. It blows dejornel out of the water.

No, no way. I don't think I've ever had Costco frozen pizza. Dude, it is so good. Crispy, cook it right on the rack. And what's your dead fucking last, mate? My dead last is another very low, move, which I've done numerous times, which is you take a hot dog and then you take a can of chili and make yourself a chili dog.

And you never feel good about it the next day. You know, likely to shit the bed in fact. It's just the lowest thing you could possibly do. It's the lowest form of food. Here, you want to go? You want me to go. Let me take a stab because I got so many things racing through my mind right now. Do it.

Number one, the cheese cassidia, you know, is. is definitely, like, number one on my list. I make, it's just, like, so fucking easy. I'll do it over the open flame on the thing, or maybe I'll throw it in the microwave, depending on how drunk I am. It gets cooked one way or the other, and it's delicious, you know?

Simple and great. Yeah. Number two is just straight up fucking pasta of any sort. Yeah. I've never made pasta drunk ever. Dude, it's like, It's always there. It's so well.

You've always never considered it. By the way, you don't have any sauce. You just throw a full stick of butter in there, maybe some oil. It doesn't matter. Crush red pepper, parmesan, dude, some fucking shredded cheese. Yeah. Delicious. But by the way, you wake up and you are as bloated as, what was that that ston that we saw earlier?

You hammered 12 beers and then eat a mound of pasta. Yeah. Forget about it. Yeah. That brings me to my next pick, which is. more booze, okay? We don't need any, you know, more booze, more beers,

another cocktail, whatever it is. It might, technically, I guess it's not a food, but I'll tell you what. Every single time when I'm in this position, that is one of the things that I consume. And dead fucking last, everybody needs to avoid, I'm sorry, at all costs,

never, ever get yourself one of those giant tubs of fucking cottage cheese. I'm talking like the... Yeah. You do not want... You do not want to start digging into that when you are drunk. You'll eat the whole thing and you'll wake up the next day. Dude, it's so good and easy to eat.

God. All right. You just swallow a bunch of chicken. Yeah, he was like thinking about cottage cheese. Yeah. Is it got a cheese in your mouth right now? Fuck up. what he got for us.

All right, my three, going third to first and then my DFL, coming in at number three, I do this, I did this on Saturday night. I do this 99% of the time. It's my go-to, even though it's not my favorite, is just a full-on fridge raid. I mean, like, there'll be half a roast chicken left over. There'll be a baby bell cheese. There'll be a piece of celery. There'll be some peanut butter.

Put it all on a plate. Eat it. It doesn't matter if they go together. It doesn't matter what kind of foods they are. Like, and then we'll wake up the next day, and the misses will be like, wow, you know, thank you. That's what I was saving for dinner tonight. I was planning on making a thing with it, you know? It's like the reason there was a plate of boiled mushrooms in the fridge was because I was making bond me for lunch.

Thank you for eating them all with a force like a savage. It's so true. So I just like literally. And then the part about that that I do every time, regardless, is I put the empty, when I'm drunk, I put the empty containers back in the fridge. So I'll eat half a roast chicken, I'll eat the wheel of cheese. It doesn't matter. I put all the empty containers back in the fridge as a surprise for tomorrow.

You have to. That's my number three. Coming in at number two, sort of similar to the first one, but it's something that I will only do when I'm drunk. I will eat an entire sleeve of lunch meat. There is always lunch meat. Yeah, there's always lunch meat in my fridge. I usually slice turkey. You know, it's like the kind of thing, oh, I'll have two slices on my sandwich.

If I've been drinking, I'll pull that whole plastic sleeve off, throw it on the floor, pick it up, and just eat the whole gob of lunch meat. Quarter pound of turkey, done, gone in two bites. Don't even think about it. It's so fucking easy to eat, too. It's so easy to eat. Yeah, and there's no spacing it out. Like, I'll eat it like it's a steak. I'll eat lunch meat like a steak.

And then coming in at number one, definitely thought somebody else was going to grab this. Not that you can't do repeats. I this is it's hands down what I do when I just need to be satiated after a night of drinking. It's also probably should be by DFL because it hurts. But you just go in, you forego the balls, you go straight to the mixing ball, the one that's this fucking big. You pour in all the cereal in the box. You pour in half a jug of milk and you just sit there, doughy-eyed watching whatever's on TV and eat through so much cereal before you pass out. I mean, like, not a normal amount.

amount, like all 2,000 calories that are in the box plus whole milk. A full gallon of whole milk and a full box of cereal. That is, it's my number one and also DFL because when you do that, then you feel even more sick. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, shit. I mean, we're on a fucking.

You can't put your belly up with milk. No. I mean, I could talk. I could do a whole podcast on this, by the way. But we have one very important game to get to, I think, Forrest. And I'm going to let you introduce that so you don't get mad at me again. That's a good idea. Yes.

Yeah. It's time, ladies and gentlemen. Let's do it. We got one. We got one this week. Okay. What do we got?

All right, here we go. You guys are familiar with Hello Kitty, right? Yes. Of course. Wait, yes? The adorable, you know, like, like little girls have them. They're cute. It's a little Hello Kitty brand.

It's pink. It's great. Yeah, exactly. People love it. It's huge in Japan. They love these little type of, adorable cartoon cats. You know, when I was in Japan, I noticed that there's a lot of fun, like, little, like,

cartoon-y animal things, right? Okay, makes sense. So here's what we're going to do. Classic battle rail. Head, body, legs have to be from three different animals. The best. Yep. Okay.

And you are going to create the biggest star in Japan in 2022. The new multi-bibular. billion dollar brand that it much like Hello Kitty has earned. It's a snake draft head body legs. Okay, I love it. Since you're the broologist, you go first. All right, I like that. I'll do it.

I'll wrap it up early. Take the easy pick. Snake draft going first, going to be the next big thing, the cutest animal in existence. Going to have the head of a fenwick fox. Wow. You so, bitch. Yeah, it's good.

All right. All right. I'll go second. That's, that's, Phenic Fox is great. They're going to love it. The big ears. The big years. Yeah. Shit. You kind of just fucked me. Was that your pick? I was really thinking about it. All right. I know what I'm going to do. I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the head. Look how cute those fennick foxes are. I'm going to take the head of a gerboa. Okay. I want to wrap up. I want to make sure I got a cute head. I think the ears. of the fenwick fox are going to be big, and so

I want to compete with those. And so I'm going to do Jerboa, which has a larger ear as a relative to head size. I think it's the biggest of any mammal. Arguably a cuter face, actually, too. I mean, different, more rodent for sure, but yeah. I can live with the rodent

because I want the big ears. So I'm going to start with the head of a gerboa. Okay. How does this work? Is this me now? Mm-hmm. Do I have to pick two at once? That's correct. Sure do. And you have to say them at the same exact time as one word. That's impossible.

Maybe my dog could. The first characteristic that my animal will have will be its head and face. And that will be a bearded tamarin monkey. A bearded tamarin. That's a different style pick. I like it. Listen, Japanese people are into some weird shit. Have you ever seen that game show where they're trying to blow a cockroach into each other's mouth?

through a tube. Is that a real thing? This heaven. Yes, I swear to God. And so that will be the head of my fish. And it's going, I'm not my fish, my fucking animal. And it will have the body because I texted you all a video of fucking otters. It was a Japanese video, too, of somebody's pet otters.

You just screwed up mine. Thank you very much for that. It will have the body of a fucking otters. otter and the head of a tamarin monkey. Totally just screwed mine up. Thank you. You suck. Good job.

You screwed for us. All right, so I've got my Jerboa. Yeah, that otter does have a cute, a cute body. I like to webbed hands. Oh, dude. Fingers. Yeah, it's beautiful. All right.

I'm going to take my pygmy gerboa head. Mm-hmm. It's very small. And I'm going to put it on the cutest body in the animal kingdom, which I'm going to go with the body of a little one-month-old newborn human baby. They have big,

cute bellies, little fat rolls on their arms and legs, tiny little hands and toes. Everyone goes nuts for the hands and the toes. Pigmy Jervoa head on a human baby body. Okay. That's something. That's something.

Yeah. Okay. All right. I like it. I'm up. So I've got my Phenic Fox head, and what I'm going to do is put that on what is

already arguably the cutest animal, but I'm making a cuter one. I'm going to put it on the body of a quokka, an adorable little quokka. That was in contention for me. Good pick. Yeah. They're just so cute. Now, the problem is the quoka is cute because of its weird little hands and legs, so I have to keep it cute. I can't make it odd at this point. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go out of the box here. I'm going to give it The arms and feet of a juvenile penguin. Little flippers, little goofy little feet, little padded like flippers. You know, just, just, it's, it's crazy.

It's very cute. I'm not going to, I'm not going to argue with that. Right. Think about it. Look at those little flappers. Yeah, look at that. So I've got my pygmy gerboa head on the body, the chubby, rotund little body of a human baby. And I've got to give it arms and legs.

I am going to give it the arms and legs of an axolodal. Oh, that's not cute. So there are these sort of pink. You know what an axolotel is. Well, how would you describe an axelotel for us? Axelotl is the larval form of a tiger salamander. It is an amphibian with a big tail, two legs, two arms, so to speak, four legs, really. And a big head.

Yeah, there you go. You see it right there. It's an amphibian. slimy, how could be it? They're awesome. How could you possibly not take the head of this thing, mate? It does have a pretty damn cute head.

But I'm gonna go, I like it sort of, I like its kind of chunky arms with the webbed fingers. And I think the people of Japan are gonna really, once I give it like a voice and a personality and sort of figure out what it does. That's out there. It's gonna be so freakish that people are gonna gravitate towards it they're gonna want it on shirts and purses. That's my hand. I like that we all went traditional with this. traditional with this. I thought Retep was going to be like,

yeah, it's got the face of a blobfish and the body of a hippopotamus and the legs of a giraffe. It's adorable. He didn't. Don't I still have one more pick? You guys do them. You know how his fucking snake draft works? Don't interrupt my pick with your garbage forest. Sorry. Come on. As nice as it may have been.

All right. Chop chop off. All right. My feet, uh, since Pat stole the webbed feet from my otter, I no longer want those. They are desecrated by his disgusting meager mouth. My animal will have the feet of a

baby bunny rabbit. Thank you. Good night. All right. All right. So you've got No, that's not how we sign off. Nope. No, it's not. All right. All right. I like this. I like this draft. So listen, Broessner's, way in on iTunes, way in on YouTube.

If you want to be a real trooper, draw it for us. We love it. I guarantee we will show it on the pod if you draw it for us. It's one of my favorite things when people do art for this. To lay it up, vote. Okay? The options here are my wonderful pick of a Fenwick Fox head on a Quokas body with little juvenile penguin flippers and feet.

Patrick's adorable pygmy gerboa on a human baby body with very questionable axolotl limbs. And Retepps also very cute. This is a toss-up. Bearded tamarind head on an adorable otter's body with, little rabbit feet. That one's weird. That one's weird. It's very long and cute.

F-off. Very freakish. Weird is not the word. Weird is the word. But look, we're getting close to a big time. We talked about at the beginning of the pod. We're going to launch a Patreon. People are going to subscribe, we hope.

That's going to finance arts of these cool things. I doubt. What? Was that an English sentence? Art part of these things. It's been a mess today. Framly. Yes.

I'll tell them where to go. Retsp said yes earlier, FYI. He did. Routep, where can you find us currently? What's the stitch? Let's do the thing. All right. Go to the wild timespodcast.com. All the links are at the wild timespodcast.com forward slash info. Of course, you can watch the podcast on YouTube. If you're just listening, if you're watching and you want to listen only, you can listen to the podcast on Podbean, iTunes, Google, anywhere that you can listen to podcasts. And that Patreon will be out. I think we said on the 17th. And you'll have a link for that.

So look forward to that. Lots of extra content and shenanigans from the bros. We love you, except you too. I hate you. Good night.