Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #60 - Bradley Trevor Greive (BTG)

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Bradley Trevor Greive A.K.A. BTG joins us to talk about his latest adventures! This one evolves into utter dabauchery I promise. Enjoy! Patreon @ https://patreon.com/wildtimespod Discord @ https://discord.com/invite/zzTxnrHnS8 All the links @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com We love you!

All right. Welcome to the wild times. We are back. I'm here, the producer. No one cares about me. Retepp is here. What is your name? The professor. That's what you call yourself? The professor. I have a PhD in technology. In technology. In technology. Make fun of me for saying it that way. And filling in for Forrest. Everyone's favorite guest, you guys have been clamoring to have him back since he was on last time. The Australian, bro. The Australian broologist, Bradley, Trevor Greve, BTG.

What's up, man? Woo-hoo! It's a pleasure to be back, gentle bros. It's a delight. I'm glad that Forrest is missing in action. Us too. As a man of impressive dimensions, there's a lot of me to go around. Let's get into it.

So, Bradley, what do you, we have a cocktail because we like to celebrate every podcast. I've got a Bitburger Premium Pills. What do you got there, Retepp? Very nice. This is just a standard vodka soda nice and healthy. I'm on the impeccable diet working on my pecks, trying to keep my gut huge. Very nice. Well, I was digging around.

I found a very nice bottle of vodka. Found a very nice bottle of Kalua. Nice. And I created the mother of all black Russians. Oh, my God. The jar is as big as your head. That is the only jar signs that's appropriate. I am kidding.

one regard that this is made with milk and not cream because if I drink this much cream, it's just going to be paltkeyes for the same half of the show. But cheers. Yeah. Cheers, mate. Dude, I love it. I can't wait. Really celebrating over there on his end.

I cannot wait to see you 30 to 45 minutes into the show after drinking that thing. I'd tell you when I was a young lieutenant, we had a horrible accident. This is how I know about the cream thing. we had a St. Patrick's Day cocktail party and everybody brought their dates along. We thought it'd be fun with this beautiful silver punch bowl

from the Second World War. If we just put in some Irish cream whiskey with pure vanilla ice cream, 50-50 mixed it up and the ladies loved it and about an hour and a half fan everybody was vomiting in the bathroom. So hopefully...

Way too much dairy, dude. I mean, vomiting, by the way, I think you're editing the story. I think it was coming out the other end would be my guess. It wasn't great. A lot of expulsion. A lot of dairy exudate.

It's like that episode of Seinfeld where Frank is making the, he has a flashback while cooking and one of the crapes bursts and everybody in the room starts freaking out. And he just starts knocking the food out of everybody. That's what I'm picturing when this is happening. Bradley, last time you were on, your movie Penguin Bloom on Netflix. was just premiering. I think it had already premiered in Australia at that point. It was just coming out in the U.S. How has it been, dude? Has it been doing well? What's the feedback you've been getting on the movie? Thank you. That actually sounded like a natural segue. And it did, it has done very well. We're very

grateful. It's done tremendous box office in Australia. It's still doing well. It's a top 10 movie on Netflix for a couple of weeks, which was terrific here in the States over in the UK. In France, a couple of Latin American countries and the most treasured territories of the Canary Islands and what am I thinking of? Oh God, the most corrupt country in Europe. Small Island Nation, Malta.

Thank you. The Maltese people love our heartfelt movie. So, no, it's been going really well. And, of course, we're still waiting to release into a number of very important markets, including Germany where the book was a huge hit, because sadly, COVID has still kept all the movie theaters closed there and in almost all of South America. So the rollout has been extended, but I just like to think that it's that much more love for the movie.

Hell yeah. Absolutely, man. And a good one, it was. Bradley, you sent us an email, so I'm just going to shout out your Instagram right now because it's fucking awesome. I saw something on there that Will's going to pull up. It's at Tasmanian underscore Grizzly on Instagram. It looks like you're getting sucked off by an animal underwater. Is that what's happening? Well, you've described it fairly accurately. And I think the advice I would give to all the young biology pros watching this

is that if you don't want your testicles engulfed in the eager mouth of a giant stingray, then my advice is to not forget that you have an open packet of baitfish in the front pocket of the swim trunks. And that's what happened here. It was very funny. I got my hands out all the way because you don't want...

Look, it's just a big slimy flesh pancake. But my fear was that if I grab it and shove it to the side, I'm going to get whacked with its, you know, bacteria-infested barb and end up with a serious wound at best. And I can think of two people who have died from a stingray encounter. One of course, Steve Irwin,

another, a Tasmanian who just dived into a shallow bay, happened to be right on top of a stingray. It panicked him, and he bled out before he'd get back to shore. So it was an awkward encounter. I'm laughing through the pain. But as always, lessons to be learned, you're welcome. Did it actually grab on to your penis? No, no.

My penis had fortunately shrunken into a safe place. But my right testicle did get caught in its sucking clamped jaws. And I had, have you ever seen a, you played squash? You look like a, you're kind of a preppy squash guys. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it looked like a squash. Yeah, just this horrible, this horrible plum purple. And also more hickies on the side of my inner thigh.

It was very, very painful. And, you know, I don't recommend it. Two stars. Well, Bradley, your Instagram is a great feed for anyone who enjoys the one. wild times. Give them a follow because like me, Bradley's over the age of 35 and we are stupid with technology and

do nothing to promote ourselves, but it's a fucking great follow. Tasmanian underscore Grizzly. Highly recommend you get on there. You're always out in the field doing shit, man. What is the next thing you got going? I've got a few interesting things coming up

for the summer. Hopefully some Shockwick projects for this year and next. And we're working on a few of those. And I have something really big that I don't want to give away right now, but it's kind of a dream come true field project that'll kick off next year. And you remember the testicle shredding terror of Kuchnu? When you first got there with those huge bears?

Yes, very much so, sir. That in every episode is what we're going to go for all around the world. So I'm looking forward to that. And of course, testicle shredding terror. I love it. Terra minus death equals adventure Retep, as you will know. And the other thing is, of course, we're still working on the animated wildlife series with Netflix. Where five episodes complete, is 12 to be delivered.

They'll all be delivered by July and hopefully be on air straight away. So we're excited about that. Awesome. All right. Well, Bradley, you've been on before. You know what we do. We like to run through anything wildlife nature-adventure-related that's in the news, topical, so that, you know, this is the only place people who are interested in that need to come to get caught up on the week.

Yeah, I like to do that. Why don't you think of it as a glory hall of biological nonsense? Thank you. That's what you call it. I think the most important thing I've seen this whole week. You guys know that I'm a cat lover. This video went super viral. A cat, just a little domestic short hair, was in a, caught in a burning building in Chicago.

and was sitting in the windowsill and got caught on video making the jump. 74 feet. Will's going to pull up the video here. I'm not shocked. This happens all the time in Chicago. I've seen it a thousand times.

Cats jumping out of fifth story windows? Yeah, man. It's a common thing. It's just like people getting stuck in chimneys constantly out there. Is it? No, I'm just kidding. I just, I mean, everyone assumes the cat is a victim here, but based on that general malevolent domain, I can only assume the cat's daughter to fire.

No question. Totally, man. Without a count, yeah. Dude, as a cat owner and someone who often has candles lit to hide the scent of my body odor, I can't tell you how often the cat must have its tail wave within an inch of the open flame. It's almost every day. Dude, all they're doing is looking around, waiting to attack something. It doesn't matter if it's fire, water, a bird. They're going to hunt it if it moves.

Will, go ahead and play the video here, Will. So you can see the windows have been smashed out. By the cat. Yeah, the cat did it. The cat's sitting in that window over to the right of your screen. In the middle window. Yeah. I'm just impressed.

Yeah. critically. It's waiting. It's waiting to the last minute. Just what I would do, of course. Well, it's trying to gather a crowd. It wants to be on YouTube. All cats and narcissists.

That's true. And here he goes. That needs to go on a shirt. Oh, man. Oh. Dude. That is crazy. Dude, he just had like a little fucking bounce,

and he was good to go, man. Lucky he landed on that, that lush, cropped grass. land on that wall. Oh, yeah. He's fucked. Yeah. But five stories, okay, you've got 14 feet per story in the U.S.

That's a 70, you know, and it's up a little bit because it's in the window. I mean, that's a 70-foot jump. Yeah. Plus, he had to jump out across the gap over the wall and hit a narrow nature strip that's what, three, four feet wide. That's impressive accuracy. Absolutely. This fucking cat knows, knew what he was doing.

I rappeled down a 50-foot wall one time for a class in college. I was like, I'll never go higher than 10 feet again on anything in my life. Cats, I mean, the fact that they say that they, A, they have nine lives. B, they always land on their feet. This is fucking nuts. We're watching it in slow motion. I would argue that relatively speaking, that qualifies as a parachute-free base jump. I mean, in terms of altitude.

Absolutely. I remember back in the early days of the space program, they actually took a number of cats up into, you know, the vomit tomat, the parabolic flight to simulate weightlessness, and to work out how cats would orientate themselves in zero gravity. It's one of those many expensive government studies that yielded zero useful data. But you can find that footage on YouTube of cats, zero G.

And it is horrendous. I mean, they look really pissed off, which I know they always do. But they definitely, without gravity, they definitely were very confused and upset. I feel like it was probably inhumane, but also hilarious. And therefore, I'm conflicted. We were looking at a picture last week, a week or two ago. I can't remember. But it was a drawing from many thousands of years ago that somebody had come up with a plan to put,

like yearns or what are they like sacks on the backs of cats and then set them on fire and then send the cats bigger cats you know into the town and the logic as like an act of war you know like a way to battle and the thought was that the cats would like run into a barn where there's hay and all this flammable shit and they would set everything on fire and set the whole place on fire and then they also they had other drawings

where they were going to do this with flying creatures and birds and whatnot. So I think we haven't really evolved too much from that era to hear. This may be actually an execution of that city's plan. The building was burnt, the cat-escaped, unscate. I would regard that a successful mission. I would actually point out to you that that plan was revitalized in World War II with bats. And the problem was the bat bombs, as they were known, They carried these small explosives that were an incendiary device or a firebomb.

And the problem was they all went back to a roost in the buildings and set everything on fire before they could even be deployed. But yeah, hilariously bad plan. Weaponized animals virtually never work. I can't think of one other than perhaps a cavalry charge with a horse and the use of elephants, again, really as cavalry. Yeah. Those worked very well. Although I did visit the nuclear submarine base in Kingsborough. Georgia, Swiftland, where they have all these massive Ohio-class submarines equipped with

planet killing, Trident Two missiles. You know, each one's like a hundred times more powerful than the bombs dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima. And there's so, the range is incredible. You can fire one from Brazil, the coast of Brazil, and hit a picnic blanket in France. That's great. I feel comfortable living my life for the rest of the for it now. Fucking hell, man.

But the important part about the weaponized animals is that they have trained dolphins and seals patrolling the bottom of these submarines. They sit in these giant hangars that are much bigger than an aircraft hanger and they're over the water. So the submarine's still in water but under this giant hangar. And the underneath side are patrolled by these giant seals and dolphins all the time. That's fucking nuts. frogmen and saboteurs can't get in there and eviscerate your billion-dollar nuclear submarine. So what do they do? So these are basically like animals that will alert the humans if something comes in.

It's not like they'll actually attack them or anything or defend them. No, I asked to meet the animals and they wouldn't let me. Top secret. Yeah. And I had a friend who was a missile tech, the work there. and because of my military background was able to get in. But they wouldn't let me see everything. And they wouldn't let me meet the seals.

They wouldn't let me meet the dolphins. But I will tell you this, as you should know, a big seal, particularly a bull seal, almost regardless of species, is basically a lion in a wetsuit. So I would not want to run into those. I know off the coast of South Australia, a number of great white shark attacks

have actually been found out to be bull seal attacks. And they'll take off. Yeah, they'll take off a limb. quite easily. So, yeah. It's a good battle royale creature for my arsenal. Bullseal. You'll fuck it up in the end, but it's good that you know it now.

I absolutely will. I'm already fucking it up in my mind right now. Pick bull seals. Pick bullseals. And then the time comes and you go, Siberian hamsters. No, you'll be like, it will need a mammal.

Bull seal, bull seal. Wait, it is a mammal, isn't it? I'd be right. Fuck. I fucked up my own joke. God damn it. Yeah, welcome back.

You were off for a minute there. You're back. Can you hear us? Everything good? Tech-wise? Yeah, just, you know, just having some technical issues. I want to come back in. I want to come back in in a blaze of glory, though, man.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. So, Bradley, we've introduced this segment a couple weeks ago, and the cat jumping out of the building made me think it was time to do another version of it. It's a segment that the Brostner's love. It's a little game we like to play,

called Pat's Math. Pat's Math, Pat's Math, Pat's Math. All right, so Will, why don't you pop on camera for this? So what I do here is I take some interesting facts about the Animal Kingdom. Then I do a whole bunch of math, and I create a little quiz for you guys.

Okay. I'm going to bust out my pen. I'm going to keep track of the score. The whole time is, like pissed off and... He's very angry. Yeah, he's furious. His resting in math, bitch face is very strong. Yeah, so what we do here is,

We're not going to spend too much time going through the math, but we'll come up with it. All right, since Bradley's the guest, he'll go first on his first question, right? So the cat jumped 70 feet to save itself from a fire, okay, as a function of the height of the jump versus its body height, right? So the cat's height and how far it jumped. If Bradley could do the same thing, how many stories, from how many stories high would BTG, be able to jump from a burning building and walk away unscathed to replicate what that cat did. Wow. And you're measuring the height of the cat from the ground to the shoulder or from the tail to the head?

Yes. Ground to the shoulder. When it's standing on all fours. How many hands tall is the cat, as they say? I don't think anyone says that. I was going to say no one's ever measured a cat in hands. That's how you measure a horse. Yeah.

But not cats. Don't ride a cat. Bradley, how tall are you? I'm doing some calculations over there. I think he's six four. Six, four. Fuck. So.

I use, I used six, six for my math, so let's just go with that. Yeah, that was, you met me when I had him. Yeah, that's right. Two inches. I think I'm shrinking, too. So, uh, I'm going to say the cat, yeah, Sean, it's probably out of point. So, I mean, basically it's six and a half times that. So, but I mean, I've jumped out of a lot of planes.

and we used to say that the military, the impact from a military parachute is, which is much worth than a sports parachute, which does a lot as well, but the military parachute, which is designed to come down fast and straight as quickly as possible

and it gets shot out of the air, that one is, they say it's like jumping off a two-story building. And I've done that a bunch of times, and I just slapped into the ground like a sleeping bag full of sheepheads. So I don't think I could do very many stories of,

And two, I think, is really my limit. But according to your math, the answer is 10 and a quarter stories. All right. 10 and a quarter says BTG. Peter, what do you got? All right. I've got my calculator out here. I'm going six stories.

You know what? I think six. I screw up. I think you're right for a tap. I think it's more like six and a half. Man, BTG, there's one thing you got to know about me. I'm always fucking right. I'm going to go seven.

I'm going seven. Just straight Price is Right strategy here. God damn it. Nobody really embraced this math here. So at one foot tall, the cat survived a five-story jump. At six and a half foot tall, that means Bradley would be able to survive a 35-story jump, 34 stories to be exempt. Exactly.

So it would be the equivalent. If you had the same limbs and abilities as a cat, jumping 488 feet high, landing walking away and saying, what were you all worried about? I think there should be the next military tech, by the way. They need to start working on this shit. Well, we do have a cat arms. There's something to be saying for that.

And you remember that Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt, something tomorrow, Edg of Tomorrow. Tomorrow never dies? Oh, Edge of Tomorrow. And they had those robotic suits. You might be able to do it. But I will say this, back in early World War II, when the Germans were developing

and effective paratrooper assaults. The Russians did do some experiments at low altitude, at low velocity, in prop planes, and drop parachopers without parachutes into snowbanks a couple of times. God, what a nightmare. Now, we expect to have, in the airborne forces, we expect to have 30% casualties from jumping into a contested zone, a drop zone. Their casualties were over 70%. And even by Russian standards, that wasn't considered a success.

and so they didn't try it again. But really harsh. This is at a time though... Poor bastards. Even the initial... I think the world's first really effective parachute assault was in Crete by the German Schwarzschildegger. But remember, at this time,

the parachute attached to the middle of your back, kind of like a cat, he came down on all fours. And after the first few assaults, when everyone had broken arms and legs, all they did was cut up truck tires and give him elbow pads and knee pads and kept him going.

It wasn't towards the end of the ward, that they actually started attaching parachutes from the shoulders so you could land on your feet, execute the eponymous parachute roll, and not end up smashed to pieces. But how do they not study this? It's easier to use a rifle when your arms aren't broken. Very difficult.

A lot easier. Why did they not study this, like, to begin with? They didn't know impact study. They were just like, let's just do it this way. You know there's a million other ways to do it. I mean, there were a lot of theoretical physicists even then, but this is at a time when you work things out through physical experimentation.

Right as to the fire. Let's see what happens. So you know when you're a kid at school and you give you the egg and some drinking straws and tape and you've got to create something. A pack of Twinkies. Yeah, you got to like not break the egg. The paratroopers were the egg. That's how they went about it.

So here we go. Bradley wins that one. That's number one. Number two. Yeah, not because I'm right though, but because I was the least wrong. You were the least wrong. Thank you. By far.

Yeah. Exactly. All right, if Will, right, if Will, weighed as much per foot of his body's height or length, let's say, right? If Will had the same density and weighed as much as a blue whale does per foot of body height or length, how many wills could the largest cargo plane in the world carry in one trip? I know how much I weigh and how long I am and I have no idea There's a cargo plane the biggest cargo plane in the world that can carry the most cargo If Will wait as much as a blue whale

Per foot of body length how many wills could this cargo plane carry How many whales? Wills how many wills Will and I'm six foot six foot five ish so that's your length Okay go for it well since you're yeah fucking crush Guys, you're the stars. You may as well just guess, man.

Oh, I have no idea how big the world's largest cargo plane is. I'm going to guess that it's like 500 feet by 100 feet. That's what I'm just going to make it up. It's about the weight. Right. Yeah. And the size of the cargo plant. There's many variables.

I'm just going to throw a number out here. There's no way to know. I'm going to say, I don't know, 2 million. That's my number. I don't even know if I'm going to. Yeah. Sorry, go ahead, BTG. No, I was it.

Just, what? Yeah, I just... It's very complicated. It's very complicated. It's very complicated. It's so complicated. Just throw a number out. Okay.

So whales are what? Blue whales. Pat, you're not even going to give them the blue whale weight? Yeah, I have no idea. This is the fun. This is the real. It's like 300,000 pounds, right? It's like 300 tons.

I feel like I'm in class. Guys, it's about 300 tons. Am I wrong? I'll be wrong. I think you're right. I think you're right. You're wrong. No, you're wrong.

I'll give you this. 180 tons. 180 tons. Well, hang on. There's a range now. We're talking between the biggest and the smallest. I mean... No, that's not the biggest.

That's the average, you know, what they list as a blue whale's typical way. Well, I choose to drink that a 300,000 pound... I like BG where he's going here. Because remember, this is... Remember that this is the biggest animal that has ever lived. Let's be clear about that. There's no ancient dinosaur or plesosaur or Jurassic... park sequel with anything that comes close to a blue whale. So that's the biggest. All right.

So I'm just going to keep it simple and say 200,000, so 200 tons to keep it easy in my brain. Long, six foot. I've been in some of the biggest planes in the world. So that's not a mystery. They can take about four maximum of four Abrams A1 battle tanks. And we've also shipped in a whole group of elephants in them once. We hired a Russian transport to bring elephants from Thailand to Australia. We had about six elephants, but we had more room. And I also know of a mission where they're supposed to bring 21 beluga whales from Russia to the Georgia aquarium, but it got shut down for a peter reasons. But, so, and remember, they're in water tanks. I want to hear more about this. They're in, they're in, they're in, yeah, fucking the water was a lot.

They're in mini swimming pools. So you got a small, oh, medium-sized whale at a swimming pool. So there's lot of ways. I'm going to say, I'm going to say, like me when I take a bath. Well, it could only say you couldn't even take one whale. I'm going to say that it could take 24 wills. Okay. 24 wills. Retep, guess. I'm going to say that it could take 231 wills. Okay, here's the math. Ready for this? A blue whale on average weighs 180 tons. That's 360,000 pounds. At 79 feet of length, it weighs 4,600 pounds per foot, which means that at 6'5 6'6, will, if he had the density of a whale, would weigh 30,000 pounds at 6.6, which means that the cargo plane would only be able to carry eight wills, being able to carry 250,000 pounds.

Think about that. Like, when you think about a whale, you go, yeah, it's huge. You're thinking about just this... Very large. You know, it's so long. It's 80 feet long. Yeah. But for every foot of its length,

it's crammed in 5,000 pounds of weight. That amazes me. I've never thought about it like that. That's a lot of you. What's the circumference son of blue whale? Like, how wide around are they? It's hard to even imagine it. Relative to their size, they're actually quite narrow,

but still obviously... They almost look like an eel sometimes. When you seem from above, they're so long in skinny. Yeah. What I get from this is that Will is a fat bastard. And something you can look into, apart from your math face. That's right.

All right. Me and Pat, we're talking about getting liposuction on our love handles today. So maybe you could join us. BTG, you too, if you're into that. Oh, God, yeah. We'll get a group on. And then we can make some soap like Fight Club. Yeah, yeah.

Exactly. That's right. I like where your mind's at. All right. go here's another one. I'll try and make this one a little easier. Yeah, that was the hardest to Matt from ever saw. I feel like I'm a fucking on. Oh my gosh. We're using subscribers right

now. What are you doing? Were you up all night? Fucking with like a whiteboard at like fucking goodwill hunting? What's going on here? And you're not giving us any hints. You're like you won't tell us like how much the way away. Sorry, sorry. I love you. Well, Retap, based on the text

you've been sending me, it seems like you've been having a lot of sex lately. And So Love where this is going, baby If Retep was able to reproduce You know, they always say You know, they're having sex like rabbits, right?

Yeah So if Retep was able to reproduce Like a European rabbit How many kids would he have During his lifetime? Oh, I should know this one. Oh shit! He's going to have to go last then.

I will take a stab at this. What do you got? Because I do, the actual physical motion that when I'm having sex is that of one of these European rabbits. So I'm assuming... You have one of those little rabbit floral penis is two with the petals. And a cotton tail. Yep.

And it's quick. It's over quickly. Very quick. I mean, I get as much as much out. I'm going to say that I would have fucking over my lifetime, 233 rabbits. Peter rabbits. Oh, no. Little Retap, 233 for Tep offspring?

Well, what do you got? I'm going 233. Just again, pure guess. Sure, sure, sure. I've never looked this up, but I know, I remember I wrote a book called Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats, which got me my first ever death threats. Because there's nothing more tolerant than a cat lover, sitting at home. on social media wearing elastic wasted pants and not caring about his poor punctuation.

So anyway, obviously those are threats. I took very seriously. Anyway, the point was, I remember doing the math and working out that a pair of cats, which have a reproductive rate less than rabbits, could produce something like 100,000 kittens over four and a half years. So my guess is that if, it's assuming that every cat found a partner every time they were in Eastern, and had a large letter. I'm going to say that, even with the lifespan being what it is

for most wild rabbits, I'm going to say 750,000 kittens. Holy shit, dude. I would love to spread my genetics around that much. That is a horrible thought. Yeah, we don't need that. You're going to be fucking sending Peters into battle, set on fire,

set towns on fire. I just see you like a broken sprinkler at a nightclub, just circle jerking. It's just a horrible genetic distribution. Just a depressingly hand-jobbing myself. Well, here's the quick math. The European rabbit, on average, has 360 children during their nine-year lifespan. So 40 children per year, a human male in the U.S. lives an average of 78.54 years, meaning Retepp would have 3,142 kids. Fuck you will.

Oh, no. All right. That means Will wins that one. Wait a minute. You saying what they actually have, or what was theoretically possible? No, no, this is based on what they actually have. So they have 360 offspring during their nine-year lifespan,

only 15% of which survive the first year. I also want to say, Peter is in his 30s. If he hasn't had any kids yet, as far as I know, so if we do that math, I might have been right on the number, Bring it down to 2000. That's a good point. I was right on the number. He was also very generous of you

to say that he's in his 30s. Yeah, I don't know that's true, but... Yeah, I say... Yeah, I better be fun and simple. Fun and simple. No, people like the math. All right, I've seen Bradley Trevor Greve run through the forest as he was chased by...

Actually, it was just a small volve that was chasing, but he ran very quickly. He's very swift. That said, if Bradley, Trevor Greve could run as fast as the animal that runs fastest in relation to its body size, right? How long would it take him to leave his house right now and run to Chicago? Oh. I'm going to go straight. I'm going to jump into that one because I think I know what the fastest animal relative to its size is.

Can you tell me? If you do, I'm just going to smash my computer and move. Well, it's... Okay, wait. Where do you live? How about that? Where do you live? We're in California.

Which is also home to that animal. And it's the California red mite. You are correct. How did you know that? It's my job to know these things. And, and... That's so weird. And I think it can do something like 13 and a half body lengths a second or something crazy.

Holy shit. And, and, yeah, absolutely insane. So if I could do that And we're just for rounding out purposes I'm six and a half feet tall And this thing is like as small as the period At the end of a sentence It's so tiny

Yeah And also has the fastest change of direction In terms of physical modalities Of anything that's ever lived So I reckon I could be in Chicago From California In about I reckon about 17 minutes

Okay Peter Well let me just start this off by saying that I googled how far is Chicago to California and the first result says 638 miles which is fucking absurd so I can't calculate my math. I know it's ridiculous. I will tell you

it's 1700 miles straight line. I've driven it. I've driven it. I was like why is this the first answer on Google? Anyway so I can't I can't quite figure it out but I'm just going to say and what's the question again? How long would it take him? I would say it's going to take him let's say an hour and a half 90 minutes

man I don't know BTCG so confident with that 17 minute yes I'm gonna go 30 I'm gonna go 34 minutes I'm gonna say he was close but he had one variable motherfucker just constantly

prices right in our asses BTC I know that is very game show of you motherfucker so you were correct it is the Southern California Red Might which runs 200, sorry, 322 times its body length per second. It's a crazy number.

Per second. 32 times the length of its body per second, which means Bradley at 6.5 feet could run 2,100 feet in a second, which means he could run 24 miles in a minute. That's running at 1427 miles an hour. He would be in Chicago in an hour 22 minutes. hour and a half. Thank you. Well,

that's all right, slow clap from BTG. BTG, how are the most important? You know what? Actually, what's the progress? Some would say

I'm drinking too quickly. Oh my God, it's been like five minutes. I told you, I can't wait to see him in fucking 40 minutes. The problem is, my face is already

getting all red, and the problem is that you, you know, you put in the caloo and it tastes like candy. I mean, exactly.

It's the vape pen of cocktails. I remember the last time we got together, and I got on early just to get things organized because at that point I thought it was something where preparation mattered. Yeah, how wrong you were. So I was a little bit tips to begin with, and I watched the show back on YouTube, which was hilarious.

I was so drunk. I remember I'm not naming places that I went to. Pat goes, where did you go in Madagascar to find those lizards? And I'm like, I don't know. But actually, on that point, I wanted to mention this time because it was such a good story. We were looking for these tiny lizards with the King Kong Dongs. That's what we went to Madagascar four. Not the dongs, but the lizards.

Sure. And at that time, when we first talked about doing this some years ago, the record for the smallest lizard was on a place called Nosey Bay. And Nosey just means island in Malagasy, but Nosey Bay. And which is quite a popular tourist island by Madagascar standards in the north. And there was this uprising, this suspicious activity that foreigners were harvesting organs from local children, and a couple of tourists were tortured, cut to pieces, and then burnt on a tire fire. And so you can imagine my relief when an even small lizard was found on an island called Nozihara, about 80 miles to the southwest. And that's where we were going, but we got cut off because of the wet season and the bivonic plague.

Which made conditions challenging. Anyway, that's the story behind that. Is that the lizard you were looking for? That is the one. Brooksia micro. And I was too drunk to tell you last time, and in about 15 minutes, I'll be too drunk to tell you this time, so I've said it, and now you know. Now you've said it.

Unfortunately, we weren't recording there, but that's okay. We'll ADR it in. That California red mite, is that, was that, was that, accurate, is that what you just said, was the answer to that animal? I can't remember the exact name. Okay, so was that from the stuff you did on the tiny animals that you were searching? A little giants on animal planet? Yeah. You can now watch on Discovery Plus.

Yeah. Yeah. I love Discovery Plus, by the way. It's fucking awesome. It's the best. It's amazing. And didn't they just buy Warner Bros. or something? Am I? They have so much shit on there, dude. Like, everybody, there's something for everybody. It's out of control. HBO now belongs to discovery. It's amazing. And one of the other studios. I don't know what's going on the world. So no, it wasn't for that.

But it was, I mean, it came up, I think, in the context of how fast are things. But it's just one of those weird facts that I couldn't get out of my head. I got very interested in Tiger Beatles. And Tiger Beatles are the fastest of all beetles and they're the fastest of all insects.

Which makes them faster than everything relative to their size except for this little bastard. But for a lot of time. Crazy. There was a, there's this, there's many different tiger beetles all over the world. There's some beefy, angry, heavyset ones you get in South Africa, through these beautiful, iridescent green spotted ones you get throughout the United States. And in Australia, they're less attractive, these little gray ones with very skinny legs, but they're the fastest of all in Central Australia. And if you did the math on that, it worked out that they're doing

something ridiculous, like six or seven hundred miles an hour, relative to their size, which was unbelievable until a researcher produced the data on the California Southern California red mite and it just blew that out of the water and I was doing a book called The World is Great and I am small

about insects. It's kind of a parody of one of those Catholic prayer books but from the point of view of an insect Oh yeah, yeah. Hang on, give me a second. I've got a copy. He's got a copy. Dude, Pat, I'm terrified of these fucking mites. Are these things common? Are they running around around us? Here it is. He's got it. Everywhere. All over your house. So that

was the book that I'm producing and this came up in that research and I just it's just stuck in my head ever since. I was just so amazed at how fast this thing is and also how to change direction in a, not a nanosecond

in a picosecond, 10 to the minus nine. Unbelievable. Dude, these are like the these are like the unidentified flying you know, unidentified flying fucking crafts that we see in the air, except in the bug world, man. Imagine you're a bug, and you see one of these things fucking flying around,

like, or zipping around, just doing weird shit like that. Fucking crazy. Well, I tell you what's even crazy is that at that speed, particularly for the predatory insects and arachnance, like these guys, particularly the, well, not the mite. The mite's obviously a parasite, but the tiger beetle is there so far. that even though they have superb eyesight that's much better than ours,

it's too fast to focus on a particular object. So they have to set and target their prey and then attack it and then blind until they hit it. That is so fucking crazy, man. They're like, you know, they're like the kind of shit that we try and build like within our airplanes and stuff with missiles or whatever, you know, something that locks on

and, you know, you can't see it or transfer. or whatever, but it just knows it's there. It senses it's there. How does it lock on? Like by heat or something? No. In this instance, it's a visual targeting system, but as I said, the system has to turn off.

And so when you see them, they often like to get down to sandy areas and pick off sandflies. So they can get to the fly and eat it before the fly can actually take off. But you'll actually see these little short bursts and they look like they're just going crazy but they're actually retargeting every single time.

I'll try and get the glasses on. I'll try and find this stat because it's the kind of nerdy stuff that you would love. It's the kind of stuff our listeners will love too. Yeah. Well, that was sort of the premise of little giants, right? It was kind of this Pat's math segment. It was taking these superpowers of these tiny things and then extrapolating them out into bigger things. Yeah.

Which is super cool. I think a lot of the brosters would like the show. Yeah. I liked it a lot. Well, don't you remember when you sent me that email about how we were going to steal BTG's idea and use it on the podcast? Never happened, obviously?

But BTG, I did just read. I mean, good news for people who like watching these types of shows. So, yeah, the Discovery Warner Media merger, they're creating this super conglomerate streaming service. And what was reported is that they're going to spend $30 billion on content next year, which is more than even Netflix, who's planning to spend $22 billion. So pretty awesome for people like me, you, and Forrest who like to get out and have adventures while someone else pays for it.

Yeah, because that's definitely the line. She will definitely come to wildlife programming for sure. A few billion of it, for sure. Yeah, the sad state of affairs these days is that if you want to do something in the wildlife and adventure space, the first question that they ask is, who's the celebrity? Yeah. Right? Well, can we get the guy who plays Thor to go to a show?

Can we get Robert Downey Jr. to go look at Beatles? Yeah, but I mean, you know, the whole idea behind what even what we're doing here is, and what happens now in today's fucking society, because, you know, my one track, narrow mind knows about this shit. It's all about your fan base, dude. Like, you got to get fucking people behind you. And they'll fucking, you don't need fucking these companies to fund this shit anymore, man. It's just about getting in front of enough eyeballs with, you know, good enough content. And if it's good, man, it'll fucking work out.

You just got to have a guy like me to fucking do it. All that other shit you guys don't know how to do. And all the technical issues. Look at me like your fucking media conglomerate. That's how you should treat me with respect and fucking grace. You understand? Wow, there's some very big assumptions in that statement. Before we segue off of little giants, something was in the news that has, I think, fascinating in the insect world.

We talked on the last podcast about the cicada bloom that's coming where billions and billions of cicadas are going to emerge across, I think, 13 states in the U.S. Yep. But some news dropped yesterday that a bunch of the cicadas, because, you know, you have some entomologists who are digging in the dirt and studying these cicadas, which are. getting ready to come out in mass, right? And a lot of them are infected with a fungus called mesospora cicadina. It is a yellow fungus that grows inside the insect's bodies. But what happens is this fungus creates... Has psilocybin in it, which is the active drug and magic mushroom.

So Will's just brought up a picture of this. This thing takes over the entire body of the cicada. If you want to see what this looks like, come to the YouTube and check this out. Man, it's fucking crazy. It just comes up. So it has psilocybin in it. Yeah. Yeah.

Like insulation in a house, just all over a fucking cicada. Hmm. But get this, right? So it's got the psilocybin in it. And then as this sort of grows on the body and inside the body, it then produces this chemical. It's an amphetamine called cathanone, which is the same amphetamine in the drug, the street drug bath salts. Oh my God.

This fun... So we've got billions of cicadas on bath salts that are about to emerge for the first time in 17 years. And the ones that have already come out, the sort of, you know, when bath salts was the big craze in the U.S., it was a lot of people biting and trying to eat other people. It's putting the cicadas in this mania where they're reproducing so feverishly that their genitals are breaking off and falling off. This is fucking... horror movie, dude. This is so amy hammer. Yeah, I don't... What can we do with this information?

I just... What I love about that is it's a two-phase narcotic. So you have the magic mushrooms equivalent, and then you have like super ecstasy, and so, you know, you're hallucinating and you want to procreate with every living thing. I mean, it seems to be a toxic... It's like one of those rules you should never break. Like never take a sleeping pill and a laxative. It's just one of those things you just don't do. And that's extraordinary. But I mean, we could argue a very compelling case that all life on this planet is purely a vehicle for fungus and bacteria.

But this is one of the more violent, I mean, it's a form of body possession, really, isn't it? I mean, you've weaponized the sexual organs of a cicada, which is no small feet. And you got to... It's pretty wild, yeah. Think of it. You're coming out, I mean, these motherfuckers have been buried for 17 years. I was reading about this shit, obviously, because it's all over the goddamn news.

And these, like, they were talking about how the world has changed in 17 years as far as just, like, the amount of light and things that. So like you think like the cicators are going to come out and be like, where's the tape player in the VHS? Well, these. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? No, no, no. I was. Lots changed since 17 years.

Are you a fucking, are you? Like they're going to come out and be like, I thought a Ford tourist was still going to be on the road. I literally was in the middle. I was literally in the middle of saying, you jackass, that there, that they were talking about how things like the amount of light, which do affect insects. Okay, you understand, has changed and the percentage is wildly, dramatically increased in 17 years, you motherfucker? You're talking about light pollution or are we still on some sort of Austin Powers-type sequel idea? I'm talking about light pollution and Austin Powers-like sequel. I don't know what that means, but I'm talking about both, baby.

Fuck off, Pat. I'm just worried these cicadas are going to come out in their true religion genes and tap-out T-Sys. shirts and be like, oh shit. There we go. But, but so they're coming out. You've got to imagine these things have been underground for 17 years. They're coming out to all this new tech. The internet's out there. They're going to be trying to use these phones.

Bluetooth. And all this light everywhere. And then boom, you're saddled with this fungus. Boom. You're saddled with bath salts. You're fucked. What's going on? It's like God is trying to fucking kill these animals and they make them extinct. There's no way they survive this. This is the last bout

of cicadas that will ever happen. Thank you. I think what's brilliant about this strategy for this fungus is that it's harnessing a process that's already underway. So the time that they were spent underground, obviously, in a larval form, and they're eating, and they're waiting for the right environmental triggers to come to the surface, and they're purely come to the surface to procreate. So they've only come up to have sex anyway. So they're already, you know, they've already swiped right on life. And now they've got this fungus, which.

has turned that, dial that up to 11. And they've got the beer goggles on now. Right. You know, with the magic mushroom element. So they just stopped caring. And arguably, you know, one could argue that in the process, you'd have to think that the fungus wouldn't get every single male or female that they're procreated with. But I don't know.

Could they lay their eggs and not be affected? I don't know. a terrific way to transmit the spores of this fungus though and i i one of the things that creaks fungus this kind of invasive fungus is one of the things that i i feel is a true horror story that's never being utilized effectively by hollywood because having this fungus grow through your body and come out and take over your brain and everything else yeah um you know everyone talks about the health benefits of corticeps but if you actually look at how cortisps work it's so revolting um and they take over an insect's brain they usually get them to client

to altitude in the canopy of forest, wherever they are, and then they lock on with their jaws and their feet, and then when they die, the spores from the quarter steps that come out of their body like sort of fractal reindeer antlers can drift down over the forest and infect even more insects. I think it's one of the most horrific, you know, to my mind anyway, one of the most horrific forms of reproduction. And I come from Tasmania,

and we have some of the most extraordinarily violent, making rituals. We're home to some of the, there's some quarterships coming through a grasshopper. I mean, his life is very ordinary at that point. And so we're home to some of the few remaining carnivorous marsupials. So everybody knows about, you know, koalas and kangaroos. We have the diasturids, so we have the Tasmanian devil. We have the Tiger Quall. And we have these little

little mice-like creatures called Antichinus. Now they're also in some other parts of Australia but the ones in Tasmania are obviously superior in many ways. Anyway, these little monsters these little tiny, think of those like a shrew that you'd actually like to hang out with. They have these little tiny mouse-like structures

but their mouth is like tiger sharks. Just sharp little jagged teeth. Not the shape of the mouth. I mean the teeth themselves and they're very aggressive but what's extraordinary is they have a reproductive pattern that's not unlike, say, salmon. They're what we call Semmel Paris. They only breed once in their lifetime, and they have a very short lifespan of just over a year.

And what happens is there's a certain hormonal trigger, all the females come into Estrus at once, and all the males, boom, that's it. And their testicles swell to many times in normal size. Their body is just pumped with testosterone. And they will literally stop eating and drinking and do nothing but have sex until they suffer from internal bleeding and gangrene. It's a nightmare. And all the males die.

They literally fuck themselves to death. All the males die. And the females live long enough to give birth to the next generation and shortly after they die. And that's how we do it down under. Yeah. And that's how they do it at spring break in Daytona Beach, too. In Daytona Beach.

Even during COVID pandemic. Yeah, exactly. I just, my hat's off to you. That is another level. I'm stupid. I definitely want to see a movie where they do a mashup of the, you know, an animal that has the sexual behavior of the enchinitis from Tasmania, specifically, not Australia. It's antichinitis.

The enchiladas from Tasmania. And then mixed with this genital cybecilin bathsuline, bathsalt, fung. that is infecting the cicadas. Because that would be a fucking horn movie. I'll tell you another one that's equally horrific. And I want to get the name, I think it's sacculina, but it's a type of a parasitic barnacle that attaches on to European green crabs,

which are now all over the world because they get carried in the bill's water of ships and so on and so forth. Anyway, when they latch on to a male, they actually take hold over its genital opening they castrate it. Sounds terrible already. So they give it an involuntary sex change.

Yeah. And then they rewire its brain to think that it's a female, and they get it to climb up onto a higher spot on the ocean floor and broadcast, which is to say, disseminate, get out the offspring of the little barnacle. And so, yeah, I think his nickname is the castrator barnacle. Christ, man. But I think in terms of horrific parasites, that's got to be, it's got to be right up there.

How lucky are we that there's no parasite that just tries to attack our genitals like on the rag? I mean, unless, well, I guess there is. But I mean, like, that tries to just castrate you and make you turn you into a female so that it can fool other people into coming and fucking you or whatever it wants to do.

I'm just saying we're pretty fucking lucky as humans. That's all I'm saying. I just, by the way, Googled Antichinous testicles because I wanted to see, you know, these giant swollen testicles. They have like seven testicles. Yeah. The antichinus. It's a whole big group of these giant,

it's like half the body is made up of these huge swollen testicles. Those poor bastards. It's just their bread to fuck, man. I don't, yeah, I mean, I just, I don't know whether it would be pitied or envied, really? It's true. And not in your condition, not right now after that cocktail you've had. And getting back to, you.

You know, the idea of Retet, you know, broadcasting genetic material at a club. You know, could you imagine if he was as well endowed as an antichinus? I mean, listen, I've got 14 testicles. You don't want to fuck with me. Only one of them works, but I've got 14 for some ungodly reason. I don't know why. Anyway, the antichinus, they're a very small, very, very quick, very bitey little guy. They're quite adorable.

You can see how tiny that one is. There are about half a dozen species in Australia. And that's a mother with a pouch brood. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah, they're marsupial. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they're one of the, I think they're the smallest marsupial. But keep in mind, as I said, there's a, look, there's a mature female with brood,

and you see she's not even the length of a man's thumb. Now, unless that's on the giant, you get an idea that's a pretty small animal. But there are some, so in Tasmania, for example, we have the dusky antichinus. That's what you're looking at right there. There's also the yellow foot antichinus. Then there's a silver antichitis, which is up in Queensland. But they're all quite a small animal, no bigger than a shrew. Interesting.

Here's a... I mean, the Animal Kingdom is so amazing. And obviously, that's why we do a podcast about it. And Bradley, why you've written a thousand books about it. Quick question. You have 10 seconds to think about your answer. Everyone gets to go. What is the strangest thing in the animal kingdom?

whether it's an ability, a power that an animal has, just the physical form. If you had to pick one where you're like, this one has just always stuck with me as the craziest thing. Go ahead. I'll go first while Bradley thinks on this. There is a jellyfish that is essentially immortal. I forget which one it is, but basically when it's literally called the immortal jellyfish. Go on. So the immortal jellyfish.

but this thing basically when it gets damaged or attacked in some way I guess from what I've read it reverts back into its into being like a newborn jellyfish and then it grows it's just it's just a baby again and that's indefinite and it just constantly goes and goes you have an immortal fucking animal that lives on the earth it's fucking fascinating I love that that's a good one that behavior is is also true of some other we call it kinoderms or stomach projectors so

C cucumbers and so forth. And as a couple of those, they can literally dissolve into a transparent liquid and then regrow from a single cell. Are you fucking serious? Yeah. That is wild. I know. I know.

But yeah, people misunderstood. They thought they could dissolve into the gel and then reassemble. But no, they can't. They have to start off from. So you get to be you again, we assume. We don't know what kind of mental process is. or knowledge or memories or aspirations a C cucumber has. I mean, it's basically a glorified Christmas turd.

But we don't know. But it's you. So let's just say, for example, it is you again, but you've got to start off as a zygote and then become a baby and then grow up and have the same, make the same poor life choices you've already made, Retap, in order to be that person. I think about that a lot.

Like, I wonder what would happen if I was cloned. Would I be any smarter or would I just make the same poor decisions? I think about it. Well, you would live your life vicariously through your cell phone because you're now being raised in this generation and you just end up being an obese turd. Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm not sure why obese turd is better than a slim-tipped turd.

I feel like turds are turds. It's a class that we accept. Obesity used to be something that a woman looked for in a man. It displayed virility and wealth. It worked for Henry the Ave. sure did all right do you have yours ready BTG what is your craziest thing in the animal kingdom

it's it's tough but I'm just going to go with what I'm thinking right now and I reserve the right to have a different answer every time you ask me this question there's so many but one of the things that I love are Yeti crabs Are you familiar with Yeti crabs? I'm not

I'm not but I'd love to hear about them It's a small small crab almost looks like lobster like it has an elongated carapist. There are a couple different species. They're relatively new to science. A number of new ones get discovered every year. But here are the important qualities about them that I find interesting. First of all, they exist at bone crushing depths, and I find that amazing.

Then their unusual physiology, you see the long, arms with the pinches. But the hairy arms, which they get there now. Now this one, specimen which you see on YouTube, and you should check it out if you can. It's got, it's quite a pale color. It's almost white. It's like a light yellow. It's, it's, here is an armored crustacean built to withstand incredible pressure. And yet, it lives above these geothermal vents at the bottom of the sea. It doesn't use its pinches for anything really other than self-term. defense and mating, the arm hairs are everything. And so it waved its arm hairs over these geothermal vents. The temperature attracts certain types of bacteria, which get caught in the arm hairs, and then it licks

its arm hairs. And that's how it survived. And it's such an extraordinarily complex way of eating. And we talk about, you know, bivalves, you know, clams and oysters as the filters of the sea. and you think of filter feed is you would think of water rushing through things, you know, and getting caught in the animal siphons. But no, in this case, it's just waving its hairy arms about. So, like, imagine you're at a baseball game and you just kind of wave your arms about and people throw hot dogs and popcorn and cracker jacks in any of this sort of, it's kind of awesome.

Now, I see it. And then you licked it. I don't have a lot of, you know, we have a, generally our family is a little bit anarchic and we like to raise our daughter as a wild creature, and so far it's going pretty well. But there's only one rule in the house, and that's don't eat any kind of crunchy food in the bed, because I am a walking fire hazard,

and it just gets lodged in my chest or back hair, and then I'm going to have some sort of infestation. I don't even know about it. Absolutely. And I don't know why. So Yeti crabs are one of the strangest things, and I just want to shoehorn in what I think is one of the weirdest processes in the natural world.

Are you familiar of the story of the blue butterfly and the red ant? Negative. Is that a children's book that you wrote in the 80s? Yeah, yeah. It was huge in Germany. Early 90s.

No, it's, I know it sounds super lame, but it just isn't. So normally butterflies and ants are mortal enemies in so much as butterflies are basically flying snacks. And ants are just voracious and committed

predators. And yeah, they're basically six-leg associate paths. So they won't stop until they've eaten the entire world. That's their aspiration. But the reproduction of these blue butterflies just makes no sense. That's what I love about it. So basically, the life cycle is this. Blue butterflies, they make, their legs are a leaf, no big deal. Larvae hatches, eat some of the leaf, fine, nothing interesting so far. Until you realize the leaf of this plant is directly above a trail of red ants.

So it's like hanging a baby crib, you know, out of a plane or over a freeway or over a shark pool or something. It just makes no sense. It's just very poor choice in family planning. And then this suicidal little fat larvae of the butterfly deliberately rolls off the leaf onto the ground in the path of the red ants. Which you think, okay, it's dead. Let's try again. But what happens is the butterfly larva actually exudes a scent that means. mimics the scent of the baby ants, the ant larvae.

In fact, a queen ant. And so the red ants grab this larvae, take it back to their home. And then because it's, I said exudes the scent of a queen ant, I misspoke. The scent of a baby ant larvae, but it makes a little noise of a queen ant. So now all the ants in the ant colony commit to feeding and fattening up these butterfly larvae, which take over. And in some cases, even eat the ant larvae nearby. and then, you know, months later,

they form a chrysalis inside the ant colony, and they hatch, and before their wings inflate with fluid, they crawl out of the hole into the sun, inflate their wings, and fly away. And to me, it's one of the most extraordinary systems I've ever heard of how, I mean, you hear about different types of birds that put their eggs in other birds' nests and so forth, and adoption of weird animals.

But this, I've never could imagine, using your enemy to raise your children. Brilliant. Well, dude, I mean, it's nuts to think that, because I think about, like, you know, just the order of life, you know? I grew up, like, Catholic, Christian. I never really gave a shit about it.

I still don't. Like, I'm not religious or anything. But when you think about things like this, and then on the bigger scale, like, human beings, like, we build these giant cities that we plan out with our brains and, like, all this stuff. This is like, this is as fucking incredible as that, as like planning and building a whole city. Like this whole process, this elaborate fucking thing.

And it's just natural, dude. It is fucking wild, man. That is crazy to me. Yeah, I mean, it's the Garden of Eden, man. This was how it all started, you know? I don't, I don't know what you're talking about. I just lost one Christian Broster. I'm sorry.

I just, I feel like there are Catholics all over the world just shaking the head. at you right now, Routette. Listen, I fucking did it for eight years, right? Granted, I was a kid. I used to pray. I used to literally, like, pray about things like those. I will say this. I still pray every time I take

off and land on an airplane. I say, my Hail Mary's, my Our fathers, my glory bees, it makes me feel better and at that moment, I believe in God. There you go. I'm sure if there is an all-powerful deity, he appreciates your selective submissions. I'm sure he really... Exactly.

He's like, thank you. Exactly. Thank you. Thank you for not clogging up my prayer inbox to Luca. Right. Can we fucking hire BTG? Can we just hire BTG to write like slogans for us? I mean, I've never heard so many funny like two, three word things in my life.

There's a reason he's a professional writer, I think. I was before I started drinking this bucket of nightmare. All right. Here we go. That first hop went down so easy, but this last hop, I'm struggling. It's going down like the chocolate milk that it is. So you're drinking, just to put us in the context, you're drinking a mason jar full of black Russian. The mason jar is at least 32 ounces.

I mean, it's twice the size of a regular fucking beer. It's a double mason jar. Yeah, it's a double mason jar. It's 32 ounces, dude. Yeah, come on. This is a spousy. occasion. It's, uh, it's, uh, it's wild times Monday, I'm not putting the guy down. I'm fucking, I'm in awe, dude. He's my God right now. Oh my God. It is funny. It is. I just, you know, I think,

uh, I mean, I'm basically one ingredient short of ketamine right now. It's, it's pretty, it's pretty potent. It's pretty potent. One ingredient short of ketamine. Fuck. Uh, all right. Hey, guys, I did need to mention something to both of you and it's, it's pretty important. Oh, God. Let's not do any more fucking Pat's math, please. My brain can't handle it. No, no, it's not that. It's time for the Battle Royale. Oh.

BTG has come up with one. He was up late last night, thinking about it, pacing back and forth, sweating as he's want to do. I'm sweating right now. What do you got? What do you got? So I've only been in one Battle Royale, which I've won convincingly. And what can I do to make it interesting, even more, because, you know, it's like you've already climbed Everest, now what?

And so now it's time to handicap. So what I thought was the same as the last time I was on, and that was you pick 50 mammals, 50 reptiles, 50 birds. Okay. Although I'd like to open up reptiles to herpetforma. So in other words, herpetifona includes both amphibians and reptiles. Okay. 50-ish? So 50 herps, 50 mammals, 50 aves, and it's Battle Royale, it's a controlled setting, it's a, you know, temperate climate inside a dome so you can't hide, it's got to just slug it out.

But here's the trick. The trick is you pick one each of those, but you can also allocate the quality of another species. So add another superpower to your super animal. So, for example, you might say, okay, I'm picking. for example to say you were going with herpetifuna and you might say

okay I'm picking a giant tortoise you know so already out of tortoise from the stayshells okay huge tortoise but I'm going to give it the little glass teeth of a

Sicilian you know these amphibious like worm type things that ripped the skin off their mother that might that is a stupid choice it's a very Retepean choice But you could do that. But does the superpower have to be from the same category? So does my mammal have to take a mammals?

This is a hard one. Hold on, though. This is good. I love this. I love it. I love it a lot. But I do want to point out that I don't know shit about animals. So you don't have to point that out.

That's pretty well, though. Can we do it so that we can pick one superpower that is for the overall team? So we don't have to pick a suit. Because then I have to pick No, absolutely not. No, you can just lose. It's up to you. And we derive pleasure

from your perpetual struggle. So, you know. Retep, you can, we'll give you this. You can just take the superpower of herpes on every one of your animals since you always end up getting herpes on your team. I've literally done it once, maybe twice.

Also, fuck you for not even considering my request. I am part of this podcast. You can eat my asshole. I can't wait to fucking destroy you too. Let's go. All right. Also, by the way, it's 50 herbs, 50 birds, and 50 mammals.

Correct. That's correct. All right. I'm going to go first. Retep's going to go last so we can give him some time to Google some things here. No, I'm not Googling. I'm going straight off the top of my dome piece, motherfucker. Oh, that's not good.

All right. Here's what I'm going to do. In a fight, as we know, you can watch lots of them on YouTube, bar fights. Sometimes I do that until very late in the morning. Intimidation is very, very important, right? Good, good. So I'm going to start with my herp. I'm going to go with a Nile crocodile.

The reason I'm doing this, it's not because they're fast. I want them to surround me, right? So I'm going to keep them as sort of the 50 creatures that are surrounding me so that as your force has come in, I feel really good about it. So I'm going to go with 50 Nile Crocs, but I'm going to give them the power of a horned lizard. which, as we all know, can shoot blood out of its eyes to intimidate other animals. So imagine you come up on 50 Nile Crocs. You're getting close.

You're like, oh, maybe, and then they start spraying blood out of their eyes like a horned lizard. Your animals are going to give up. I'm going to be the last one standing. That's my first pick. Bradley. Bradley. That's actually, yeah. Yeah, great choices, Luka.

That's actually a still from my show. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. So, look, you pick nine crocodiles every time, and I tell you don't do that because they're neither the biggest nor the most aggressive crocodile. That's the Indo-Pacific Estoran crocodile.

Never mind that. Once they get out of water, their most powerful form of locomotion, their tail is inert. So basically, what you have is a leather lounge chair without legs. again, makes no sense. Sharing blood out of their eyes. Also, as an expert on Hornwinded's having captured them for my show Little Giants, I'll tell you why their blood is toxic. Not poisonous, just toxic.

They eat these poisonous and distasteful weaver ants. And like the monarch butterfly consuming noxious plants, it enters their bloodstream. So the blood coming out of their eyes unpleasant, I have tasted it, and it immediately made me want to wretch. and I did wretch, but it isn't going to kill anybody. So now you basically have a very expensive, 50 Legler's Barker Loungeers covered in pungent blood. Great word.

Great word. I'm going to go to different direction. Agreed. Agreed. You've gone with hopes first. I'm going to go with AIDS. I'm going to go with birds. I'm going to surprise you on this one.

I'm not going to go big at agro. I'm going to go very small. Okay. I'm going to have 50. I'm going to have 50 ruby-throated hummingbirds. I can't wait for the special ability. The superpower. And remember, they can make him do whatever we want.

You're going to surround you. Okay. The superpower bringing in is the Papua New Guinea and poison birds. Okay. And these are birds that have a neurotoxin in their feathers. And all of my hummingbirds are suicidal. And the only job is,

to fly into the throats of all your giant carnivores, paralyzing them and killing them. I quit. It's over. I can't win this. No, no, that's... He wasted his pick. Retep, you're up for two.

Well, I don't give a shit what you have to say. I'm picking humans because they're mammals. You can eat my dick. All right. I'm picking humans. So my mammal is a human. And they are going to have the special ability of a another mammal.

They will be able to run at the speed of a cheetah and use their human brains to do whatever the fuck a humans do, 50 of them. Smart. They're a team. They're a team of humans. They can get together in groups. We are unstoppable. We will build weapons.

We will plan. We will decimate these birds. We'll put up defenses, shields. The crocodiles are ridiculous. As Forest always says, are the dumbest creatures on the shooting earth. I don't even know why you would pick that. they barely come out of the fucking water will stop their snouts.

What don't you make their... What don't you make their... Make your picks. Don't worry about my picks. The brosners will decide. No, I did. I did. One more.

Let me just go over this one. Just to understand. In the context of what we're talking is the battle royal of animals. You've chosen humans, so it's a primate. That's fine. As everyone knows, on this show anyway, humans didn't evolve from primates.

We evolved. With primates. From God? Oh, with. Okay, that's fine. But with primates. So, basically, they come into this as animals, which we, which basically,

and they're super fast. So which means they're naked, okay? They don't come in wearing your true religion jeans and what it was the other, the Tattered out shirts. So basically what you've said is I'm going to have 50 streakers run across the battleway field. That's your plan. But I should notice, running around, screaming,

looking for duct tape. VcG, you are forgetting what I just mentioned is our power in numbers and our big brains, our opposable thumbs, we can create tools, we can build things, we can build defenses, Trojan horses, we could, we could fucking put, you know, we're in an arena. So you're somebody, a pandemic, I'll start a fucking animal pandemic. Give me a coronavirus that just infects fucking, we'll figure it out. Okay, so your, your assertion is that all those epic weaponized objects and systems were created by high-speed nudists.

That's your convention. That's what it is. That's where he's going. All right, Ritap, what's your herb or bird? Don't generalize my group of humans. They're a good group, my 50 humans. Okay. I don't know much about fucking animals.

I'm going to have a something in the water. And so a herp, explain what an herb is to me again now? Herpet fauna includes reptiles and amphibians. Okay, so amphibians. Not herpes. Herpes. All right. So I am going, my next pick is then going to be a bird because I don't know.

I still have to think about that. So a, my, my, I am also going to pick just the general common hummingbird. Apologies, BTG. You picked a very specific type. I'm still allowed to pick that. And my common hummingbird. What? What's wrong?

I feel like hummingbirds are off the table. Okay, all right, all right, all right. That's fine. I'll accept that because it's not Pat telling me that. Shut the fuck up, Pat. I will pick the, I will pick the seagulls, okay? Seagulls are my pick, and they will have the... What bird power?

Diving, force, and tenacity, talon, speed, sharpness of the, is it the harpy eagle? The one that dives really fast. You always pick the harpy eagle. Yep. Or a golden eagle either way. So instead of just a harpy eagle with the harpy eagle's diving ability, you want a much less,

a much smaller bird, a seagull. It's got web feet now. I wanted a more pet-like bird. Just a meager pat-like bird with a striped shirt and a stupid hat. Doesn't even have a towel. Was it wearing deck shoes? Just, it's just a strange choice.

It doesn't matter. My fucking humans will corral them all to eat everybody. Fuck off. They'll eat your French fries when you're at the beach. Really quickly, though. All right, BTG, what's going to be your mammal or her? Okay.

Wow. I just, yeah, none of that. My attention to me. So, I'm going to, uh, all right. Who just snorted like that? Was that you, BTG? It could be. Are you a fucking bear?

Christ almighty. That is my nickname, the big bear, actually, yes. So, and I'm a bear expert, so. There you go. If you don't pick a fucking bear right now, I'm off the podcast. I'm going to get my herbs out of the way. This is too good.

It's so hard to choose. I want to keep the poison thing going, because I feel like we don't use poison enough in these battles. And I was tempted to get a big predatory reptile and then add poison dart frog toxins to it so you couldn't bite it.

But I'm going to go a different way. I'm going to go with, with a Komodo dragon. I know they can be slow and sluggies, but once they get going, there's a lot of don't argue there. And I'm going to add to it a Komoto dragon-sized equivalent

of the hydrostatic chameleon. Okay. So that slaps you as you go past, draws you in, you get that horrific bite. At worst, at best you're wounded, at worst, you're crippled, and you're about to get eaten.

So I'm going to mix it up a little bit. So now it's basically, you imagine the hitting power of a chameleon tongue, which is as fast as a bullet out of a handgun, a 9-mill anyway, and it's just slapping in, so you can't beat it and tripping you up, and then this monstrous giant lizard and its foul breath and its diseased teeth is just ripping pieces out of you while you're screaming and you're saying, why did I come here naked?

Yeah, those, that's cool. Those would never get past my Nile Crocs. I'm going to be safe, so I feel good about that. All right, I have my Nile Crocs to protect me. They're going to be my last line of defense. My first line of offense is going to be my mammal. I'm going to take 50 African bull elephants. Of course you are.

They're stamping. Same shit every day. Let's just stop the battle royals every time with the, with the, with the, with the, African elephants. And the crocodile. It's like lame. Use your brain. I'm going to give them the power of a naked mole rat.

Good. The power. Which one? They have thousands of powers. The naked bull rat does have many powers. They're fascinating. The naked mole rat has three quarters less pain receptors than other mammals. They feel no pain.

They ain't scared of shit. So I'm going to have 50 African bull elephants that are impervious to pain. They will not stop. They will run. through until every last one of your shitty animals is dead. And then I'm going to go to my bird, and this is really, I mean, this is where I've won, and everyone's going to agree with me. I'm going to take 50 cassouaries.

We know they have those big claws. They're very dangerous. But I'm going to give them the flying ability of a peregrine falcon. Fuck off. So now I've got 50 fucking dragons with giant claws that are flying really fast. diving. I've already put up an Iron Dome, by the way. BTG, who hates all of my picks,

liked that one. Fuck off, for its app. That was very good. I do love that. Your elephant thing is just stupid. It's always one stupid. It's just, you know. Monkey-brained, dumb nonsense. You know, it's the sequel to the sequel. No one's watching.

But I'm assuming just to clarify for the, the astute list, and I'm assuming you've intelligently gone with a female southern double waddled cassowary, which is the biggest and most aggressive paragraph, obviously the fastest bird in the sky. That's an impressive

an impressive creature. So for my mammal, it's game over, I'm afraid. I was saving it. So I got some novel, I went with novelty. I wanted to showcase some novelty. The suicidal hummingbirds that are coated in neurotoxin diving down people's throats, take out all the big animals. And then, of course,

just the horror of these Komoda dragon slapping you my ankles and drawing you in for a terrible bite. That's a wonderful, it's a wonderful way to mix it up. But my destroyer, my Vishnu, my destroyer of worlds, is going to be a greater one horn rhino, the largest of all rhino, with the superpowers of a pantanile jaguar, the most powerful of all the big cats. So now it has, now remember that Indian rhino or greater one-horn rhinos already have devastating canines. And they defend themselves not just by hammering things, but by biting. Now they have that additional jaw power, pound for pound, the greatest of any mammal,

except for killer whales, in their face with these giant teeth. And they have claws on their heavy feet. So they're smashing, tearing, leaping, climbing, and biting. I can't think of a more horrific predator than that hybrid. That's fun. I like it. The brosters are going to have some tough decisions here. Reteb?

No, they're not because you guys have not thought one step outside of the box. Actually, BTG has a little bit. But Pat, with your African-Ole, just fuck off. But my final creature, it doesn't matter what abilities, any of your stupid fucking monster creations have. Because when my giant salamander that has the ability to, just be covered in psychedelic toad venom that makes you trip on DMT comes out. And your stupid animals eat them.

And just all of your animals will be tripping balls with all of these crazy monsters flying around your casuaries. They're not going to be able to do shit. They'll be paralyzed. While my humans who are well trained with big brains know not to eat these salamanders or touch them will decimate your. scared, meager. Even your largest fucking bull elephants

and your cassowaries, they're going to be terrified because if you've ever taken psychedelics and had a bad trip and you don't know you're tripping, you are fucked. You are in the pit of hell with my fucking humans, just whatever. They could have a bow and arrow, rocks. It doesn't matter. They're all doomed.

All of your creatures. This reminds me of the time that I was on jury duty and the guy who clearly got a DUI was defending himself and was Just talking in logic circles. I just had a flashback. There's no logic circle.

Your animals will all touch or try and devour with their mouths in some way my giant, 50 giant salamanders that are covered in psychedelic toad venom. And all it takes is a touch, mates. And they are in the pit of hell psychologically. Again, it's the combination thing that I feel like, you know, quite grasping, a la the happy eagle and the seagull. It doesn't matter. They're out of the equation.

I know it's a bad pick, PTG. It's just like a monster moving. You're going, you're going to have a chainsaw and a sandwich. It's just like, why? It's a great analogy. So in this case, you said giant salamander, so I'm assuming, I'm just going to give you the answer and say, okay, the biggest salameter is more poison. There's more psychedelic poison. The giant Chinese salamander is the biggest in the world.

Give me the benefit. But it's still basically a turn. They're just different. It's a turn and a condom. They're just never bait. They're just there to be... Why would anybody lick it? Why would anybody see that?

I didn't say lick it. They're not going to lick it. They're going to... Some of these monster animals are going to... Why wouldn't they just step on its head and be done with it? It doesn't matter. They're still going to fucking get the poison on their foot into their bodies. Very poisonous creature.

Poison doesn't work like that. The whole definition of poison is not... It works that way. You have to ingest it. That's a difference between poison and venom. No. Listen, my humans, my humans will... All 50 humans...

each one of them will be holding a giant salamander. Bring it, bitches. That's my weapon. I'll be stuffing it and punching it into your mouth. Your naked humans are running around with this big condom full of shit. Tell people to lick it. That's your plan. No, they're not going to say shit.

They're not going to say shit. They're going to be punching poison psychedelic toad venom into all of your animal's mouths, and your animals will be in the pit of psychological health. Hey, by the way, this is why. This is why. You know what? This is why we should never drink this much when we do a podcast at 5 a.m.

I just, I feel like this circles right back to Discovery buying HBO and Warner Brothers. One of the biggest hits on Discovery and the birth of Forrest Galante was naked and afraid. And now, and then we got HBO with all these horror things. And so now we go perfect. We've got Retepp's angry nudist.

just running around hoping people will lick his giant venomous not hoping humans are fucking aggressive vicious terrible animals I'll be punching giant salamander toad venom down each of your fucking African bull elephants

your cassowary I don't even know what BTG fucking created because it's too complex well let the brosters decide first thank you thank you BTG it's been an absolute pleasure it's always a hood thank you if you've been listening to

listening, please do check out BTG's Instagram at Tasmanian underscore grizzly. That's with two Zs. Especially if you want to see a stingray suck off a human. Yeah, there's that and lots more. Talk about Battle Royale.

Lots of other animals sucking him off in his youth. So, also go onto the YouTube, go on to the iTunes, and vote. Whose Battalion is best? Is it my Nile, 50 Nile crocodiles that can shoot blood out of their eyes like a horned lizard?

Is it my 50 African bull elephants that feel no pain like a naked mole rat? Real original. Or is it my 50 cassoiris who can fly as fast and nimbly as a pair of a fucking? Actually quite terrifying. Can I, yeah, that was. Can I just jump in and say another quality of the naked mulrat that we should appreciate is

that they actually can tolerate incredibly low oxygen levels for extended periods of time. They can, you know, But can they tolerate DMT, mate? That's going to be important because when Retep's nudists are fear farting so much that all the oxygen in the dome is gone, they will alone be fully functional and aggressive. The only fear farting, the only fear farting that will be happening will be happening from your animals that are tripping balls.

All right, so is it my team? Is it BTG's hummingbirds that are going to fly with neurotoxin that are going to fly down your throat? Is it his Komoto dragons with chameleon tongues? Canon tongues, thank you. Cannon tongues. Or his greater one-horned rhinos that have pontonal jaguar, bite force, and claws. Or is the most fearsome team. Peter's 50 streakers who run really fast, as fast as a cheetah.

50 seagulls who have the flight power of a harpy eagle to come down and steal your Cajun fries. And the talents, and the talents. And the talents. Or is it his giant salamander, a 50-pound log of shit in a country? that's covered in DMT. Not covered. Whole body.

This is a thing. And the humans are holding the giant salamanders. So theoretically, they would have ingested it as well. But it's not even, it's not even fatal. No, we have gloves.

We've invented gloves because of our human brains. You're naked and afraid. You could have chosen a man. No one's afraid. My humans are not afraid. Or a Spanish rib, you could have done all these things.

But you chose just, the, The psycho toad. That was hilarious. Listen, I'm going to fuck it. I'm going to spike both your drinks next time we're together with DMT and Utah and you tell me. I'm terrified.

I've done it to myself, basically. This thing is killing me. Yeah, right. We all have. My eyes are closing. So Forrest will be back next week from Africa. He'll be back. We're going to do some, we're going to go up to Santa Barbara and do a whole bunch of

podcasts up there and do some fun stuff. We're going to watch old episodes of Extincter Alive and just do sort of running commentary, mystery science 3000 style. It would be great to do one in person someday. Our audience loves you, man. We should all get together and do on a big hang. We should

go up to wherever you want to go and just do a B-movie audio over one of those episodes. Totally. Well, we're also thinking, so I have out back in my house here in the valley very close to you have a big TV. We've been talking about when Forrest gets back,

just getting a like an hour of just really crazy animal videos and just watching them and having some cocktails and pausing and talking through them. Would you want to maybe join us for something like that? I would love that. And now that I'm assuming we're all fully vaccinated now. Yeah. Yeah, baby.

It doesn't it feel good? There's that relief to think that you can get out in the world and feel a little less exposed. I'm unfortunately in a position of having known some people who have died of COVID and someone who died of blood clots from the Oxford Astrospection vaccine. So it's, you know, I don't want to gloss over the cost of this pandemic. But on the flip side of that, if you have access to the vaccine, go get it. I'm, you know, obviously said, agreed. As you know, I got injected with everything so that I could be what they call FE fit everywhere.

So you can go to every combat zone do what has to be done. In our wildlife profession, we'll get juiced up with whatever. I get rabies shot every year. I get yellow fever every year. If you want to live in adventurous life, getting vaccinated is part of that. And I just feel so grateful and relieved to it. have had a decent vaccine and and be able to catch up with friends in person.

I know. It's a lot more fun. I'll tell you what, it's a lot more fun drinking cocktails at this early hour and then being able to hang out after you're done as opposed to then having to sort of sheepishly walk into the other room and see our wives and girlfriends and be like, yeah, we're already pretty drunk.

Sorry, it's only 7 o'clock. I'm on the second story. I don't know how am I going to get down those stairs. I'm going to have to go down like a hop seal. I don't, it's not going to go. Well, not a bull seal. Let us know. Bradley film it.

Just, just sweet. Send us an IG live. That was a drinking game when I was airborne. That was a drinking game we had called, you play it called crocodiles or alligators? And you just get drunk and then you dive downstairs and whoever gets the furthest wins. That sounds, I mean, that, that, no, not a good game. Did you suffer any injuries other than your obvious mental injury? Every time, which is why it was hilarious.

Wait, real quick before we let you go. You told me a story once about something when you're in the. Tasmanian when you were in the military. And it somehow was all playful, but I think you and another guy both ended up with a broken nose doing something playful that was like a prank. Do you remember the story? Oh, they were giving each other hand jobs, a circle jerk, the military circle there's sting raising involved, obviously. No, I remember that. No, I felt really bad about this. No, It was my last night in the Army, and we're getting out, and we had a policy, all the elite combat guys had a policy. Whatever the dress code was for a fancy dress party, we would just wear togas, one pin, no underwear.

That was the rule. And remember, this is pre-Uber and whatever, so you've got to catch a taxi and explain yourself, and you're sort of hanging brain half the time. It's not good. Anyway, so we get to this thing, and it's a huge party. It was at a place called 10 terminal regimen, which is a water transport regimen. So a fabulous location for their base right by the sea. It's beautiful. Anyway, we had this huge night.

It was my turn to go to the bar. And I don't, whether it was because I was under the influence or because no one wants to serve a giant guy in a toga. With one pin holding it together. Right. And, you know, I'm pretty sure even the slightest draft and someone's, you know, getting a glimpse of cleft. It's not good.

It's like when you're in the sauna with that. one of those small towels on. Exactly. So, anyway, the guys got pissed that I was taking so long to get the drinks. And I just filled his hand, just grab my toga and rip it off. Naked in the bar. Instinctively. Talk about negative and afraid.

I just kind of grabbed it. I managed to get a very small portion of it. Unfortunately, more than adequate to cover my genitals. and two or three big guys and guys from the parasum guys from the SAS and they're just dragging me, I'm barefoot, that's the other part of the rule, you've got to be barefoot, and I'm getting dragged. I'm barefoot skiing across this carpet naked

except for this tiny corner of this sheet over my junk. And in my panic, I just kind of reach up with the, if anyone's military parachute training, you know what I mean by the overhand locking grip. And I reached forward, start sheafing in this sheath and these guys, I didn't even look. I just, it's like being in a rugby scrum, you just bite up punch whatever's on you. And I just headbutt the end of it.

And I hear this crack and everyone kind of falls away. I made myself kind of a diaper very quickly without any offense meant to the great Mahatma Gandhi. And I'm standing in my diaper going, okay, no cause to panic. And I look over there. one of my best friends who just been, in the SAS, just being sent to Afghanistan the next day, and I just pancaked his nose. And what made it worse was as a joke early on,

again, this is the group that we roll with the time, we're a little bit drunk, is that we were setting chicken wings on fire and sticking them on each other's back. And he had received a great number of these, and he was already, gone too far so he went to war in Afghanistan and X and he still smelled like chicken wings with a broken nose.

He already received a great number of these. He's a big dude, a big back. And he's not a big hairy beast like me, so the burning chicken wings stuck on it more easily. Anyway, I felt terrible about it, not at the time. I thought it was hilarious. Of course. In retrospect, in chicken wings. In retrospect, I think it's very, very fun.

Yeah, 18 years later, it's hilarious. You know, I got to say BTG, you shouldn't feel bad about that. Absolutely not. You were nude in the middle of a bar. You have the right to headbutt your friend, hundreds of people. Look, great stories. Can't wait to have you back, dude. The audience, the Brewsterners absolutely love you.

We love having you on. It's always a really good time. Like I said, his Instagram's great. Peter, take us out. Yes, thank you at Tasmanian underscore Grizzly to see all of BTG's shit that he's doing, obviously very fucking motivated, entertaining guy, military vet, fucking amazing.

Thanks again for coming on, making fun of me. And next time, make fun of Pat a little bit more because he's very meager and he's wearing a striped weird shirt on camera, which is ridiculous. I'm cool, man. I feel like that Pat has so much stacked against him. And he's so close, he's so close to being what you consider charismatic and attractive, but he isn't. He's kind of, he's kind of, he's kind of, he's kind of, he's kind of, he's kind of, he has to carry that every day.

That's rough. It's a lot of weight. It's a lot of weight on the shoulders. It's a great pleasure. DeLucah, mate, Peter, it's just really appreciate the honor of being brought back. And always a lot of fun. Love talking animals. I'm a little bit too drunk for my own good.

I'm not going to apologize because we'll do it again next time. Absolutely. Be sure to check out the other episode we had BTG on. I don't know which one it is, but it's on YouTube and it has his name in it. If you can't find it, you should probably stop using the internet to find all of our shit, the Wild Times Podcast.com forward slash info for all of the links. The Patreon is live. There's some shit on there.

We talk about it every time. It's fun. It's great. you want to unlock that content. And then Forrest will be back next week and we'll be doing the fucking bonus podcasts talking eight fucking podcasts a month. You're going to be able to handle that, Pat?

I know I am. I'm super excited about it, dude. In person, all hanging out, getting drunk. I can't wait to edit eight podcasts a month. Fucking keep signing up for that Patreon and I'm going to fucking edit these goddamn podcasts. We fucking love you. Good night.

Good night. Later, BTG. Love you, too. Bye. Hate you, Pat.