Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #61 - Forrest is Back & Girl Hops in Monkey Cage at Zoo, Zoo Keeper Weighs in

Episode Date: June 7, 2021

Forrest is back! Long time brostener, Mason Kleist joins us to talk about a news incident that happened at the zoo he works at. The boys weigh in. Plus battle royale and all the other normal nonsense! Love you Patreon @ https://patreon.com/wildtimespod Discord @ https://discord.com/invite/zzTxnrHnS8 All the links @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info

Woo! We are back. Ladies and gentlemen, Brosners, what is going on? It is episode number 61 of the greatest podcast in the universe, as declared by some form of greater life that Retep has been communicating with from under the sea. I am your host, Forrest Galante. I'm back. I've been gone for two weeks on a broologist mission. I'm joined today by the ever-lovely Papa P. Patrick DeLuca, the one and only bro-ducer. What's up, Papa. Papa P. Oh, I'm just hanging out in my dungeon-like garage because of internet issues and people screaming inside my house. So that's what's happening here. That's a nice space. It's got a real, like, kind of rapy vibe to it. It's got a really creepy vibe. It's great.

Real creepy, sir. Yeah. And joining me, as always, once again, is RETEP, who I definitely thought was a small Indian man before I met him. Little did I know that he was a large Midwesterner with a top knot. Mertep is indeed the professor Ph.D.D. and podcast, what's up for Tep? What's up? Are you going to be able to handle this today? I feel like, all right. Well, first of all, you're joining me. You've been gone for weeks. Welcome back. Thank you. Forrest. I'm happy Pat's in a dungeon. That's where he's belonged since he was born. And I'm happy that we have somebody on other than you two. Go ahead. You want to introduce our guest?

Well, so, yeah. So, yeah. So, Mason. Wilson, Christ is our guest today. Oh, I'm really excited to talk to, even though he looks like he's about seven. He's a real-life zookeeper, and I have seen... Brewkeeper. He was in the news in this last week. Brewkeeper. Because something insane went down at his zoo, and I also just have always wanted to talk to

a zookeeper, and he's going to give us behind the scenes. People who know us know that Forrest and I are pro-Zoo. But before we get to Mason, because I know... I know it's going to go for a while. How was Africa Forest? It was exhausting. Had a fantastic mission. I know we talked a little bit about it over on Zeprione.

A little bit. A lot of bit. It was great. We had all kinds of crazy shit going on. I went there on a wildlife rescue mission, got chased around by corrupt government official. I told the whole story to you guys the other day, but basically what happened was there was this guy who thought we were there to expose his illegal logging operation, and he was going to bury us, so to speak.

So he put a little bounty on our heads. We had to get a charter plane to come in and pick us up while we had military with AK-47s on our tail. It was wild. All kinds of crazy stuff. The full story is over there on the Patreon for anybody that wants to hear about it. And by the way, we're not doing that because we're trying to tease you or get you to subscribe.

it's because we can talk about a lot more shit over there than we can here on YouTube and have lots of spoilers. Yeah, I explained who the corrupt person was that actually chased us around. I explained what the wildlife mission I was on. It's all things that I kind of say publicly on YouTube. A lot of the stuff was, one of the things that I was interested in, when I saw you post the stories on Instagram, I was like, what is this moron doing?

Do the people in Africa not know how to use Instagram stories? They can definitely discern where he's at. And then I was like, oh, they probably actually don't know how to use Instagram. No, it was actually, that's funny. Funny you say that because I felt a little bit deceitful because I was taking. So first of all, the first video I took was actually for the U.S. consulate because we contacted them and we're like, hey, we're being chased. They're like, get the fuck out of there. And then I took several more videos as it progressed.

And then I didn't post them until we were well out of that area because there was no cell phone service where we were. So it was like two days later that I was actually posting like, We're on the run, and people are like, I'm on the edge of my seat watching. I'm coming. I'm fine. Yeah. That's so funny, man. Yeah, I was, yeah, I was like, I was like, this fucking idiot, I can't wait to chastise him live on the air.

And of course, like I should have known with all of your production tricks that had occurred two days earlier. Yeah. Nice. More on the Patreon. Shady maneuvers on my end. Last question, Forrest, did you or anyone in the crew, shit your pants? Not this time. Not this time.

Yeah, I know. I don't believe it. Zero pants shitting. But our lovely friend John Rondano, Patrick, have you heard this yet? Do you know this? I know nothing. What happened with Rondon? So John Rondon, he's a sound engineer Retepe and Mazen.

He's still in Mozambique. You guys know I've been home for like nearly two weeks, right? Yeah. He's still there. He's still there. Yeah, what happened? The morning before we flew out, we all had to get COVID tests to leave the country. We're all vaccinated.

old Johnny boy came back positive. Now that means two weeks of quarantine, which passed about four days ago, and guess what? He got another test, still positive. I'm pretty sure John lives. And he feels fine. He looks fine because I video chatted with him.

He doesn't have COVID. It's just the hospital in Maputo, Mozambique, is garbage, and they're definitely getting false positives, and he's never coming home. Oh, my gosh. I was going to say it's probably a false positive. For sure. No question. He's fully vaccinated.

Dude, there's no way. Yeah, that's fucking bonkers. So what's he staying in the airport like you were for fucking days? Oh, no, no, no. We were in a beautiful, like, five-star hotel on the beach on our last night. Patrick knows on our last night, we always try and do it well. But wait, there's more. Not so bad. So as we went to fly

out the next day and we found out that he tested COVID positive, they kicked him out of the beautiful five-star hotel and put him into isolation housing, which is a Mozambique government-run single room facility where he's currently living. Is Josh with him, the safety guy?

No, we had no Josh. We didn't have a medic for that one. Oh, you didn't have one on this shoot? No. Holy shit. Well, look, good to have you back. I'm sure we'll talk more about it. But we have a guest and we're being awfully fucking rude to him. A little bit. So, Mason here.

Hey, welcome to my world. Dude, yeah, good to have you. So Mason is a brosener and also a zookeeper at the El Paso Zoo. And I saw Mason in the news. He's very handsome. Can we physically describe him real quick? He's got, it looks like he's about 18, great, great dimples, great haircut. Thank you for us.

Beautiful AirPods. Must be loaded. Ladies. He looks like the Ken doll from the 90s. He's the most handsome out of us. He just has a genital mound. It just goes straight down. Should we maybe hang up and not keep him on here?

Because by default, we're all now looking at. I'm trying to get all the ladies to the YouTube to check this. Good call. I'm just going to go on record and say, I wish I can grow masterful beards like you gentlemen. I can't do that. You won't. You will one day, bro. Listen, sir, with your chiseled jaw line, you need no chin beard, okay?

You're fine. You don't want to cover that bad boy up. This is a beard of necessity. So I see a news story about a week ago. And Mason is interviewed because he is a zookeeper at the El Paso Zoo. and a woman, as we, this is a fucking epidemic apparently in the U.S.

of people jumping into animal enclosures. This isn't epidemic. What is going on? What the fuck? So a woman jumps into Mason's, one of his enclosures, where there are, how many spider monkeys in the enclosure?

Actually, Mason, tell us what happened. Yeah, let's hear the whole story. First off, I like, I like the name brokeeper. I'm going to keep that. A brewkeeper. Brew sounds like like a beer. I don't keep beers.

Even better. I drink beer. All right. It can go back and forth. So basically, yeah, a woman jumped into our spider monkey exhibit. We have two spider monkeys. I'm going to enjoy Libby and Sunday. And she fed them allegedly hot Cheetos.

What? Nice. By the way, those are spicy as fuck. Like, that's a spicy-ass food to give a fucking spider monkey. It's ridiculous. It's also not made out of food. It's made out of, like, fucking, we don't even know. Some chemical.

Yeah. Okay. I'm finding this right now. Okay. Flaming hot she does. Yep. I'm laughing as I tell the story, but it really did, you know, piss me off the story. I'm just happy to be here.

That's why I got a smile on my face. But, no, this is funny. Let's be honest. No, I'm not saying what she did was funny, but in hindsight, the monkeys are fine, correct? Yeah. Monkeys are fine. It's funny. So, so, Mason, did you actually see it happen?

Were you there and see? her go over the thing? Or how'd you find out of what's going on? We found out on Instagram, man. Like, it got posted on. Oh, my God. On this local, like, kind of video page of El Paso that just posts, like, viral stuff that's going on in El Paso. It was like, oh, you know, look at this video. And then my supervisor sends it to us and says, like, when was this? Like, we had no idea when it was. Hold up. Whoa. Hold up. So she went in, so she jumped the fence, went into the enclosure, fed the spider monkeys flaming hot Cheetos

exited the enclosure went home was like huh did it and then posted that shit on Instagram and that's how you guys found out I don't think she posted it I think someone like her friend that videotaped it sent it to this Instagram account

just to get clout or whatever like that but she didn't only just jump a fence there's a fence there's a fence there's a planter area like a bunch of bushes and then there's about four feet of moat like surrounding the exhibit There's no other way to keep monkeys in. They're just going to climb right over a fence.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's been the standard in the EZA zoos for the last 30 years is to keep spider monkeys and other kinds of monkeys like that are surrounded by water because they can't swim or they're just afraid of water. Right. But it's about a three, four foot moat. And she walked right over to actually where if you've seen the video,

it's actually where we shift them in and out. They have their inside holding where they sleep and then they go outside for their exhibit. And that's like their spot. They like that spot. It gets like when it gets hot, like the water kind of cools them off. But she got real lucky because where she's sitting in that exhibit is their shift area and it's surrounded by water. So that's why they didn't jump her. If she was in the middle of the exhibit, lucky they didn't smack her around.

I'm watching it out right now. So what would have happened? Look at the video here. Yeah, go ahead. I can make a rundown of the video if you all pull it up. Please. I think I pulled it up. It's the full news story, but I think I got it to the actual video.

That's all you pulled up. No, I know. I was working on it. We'll edit that out. Don't worry. Nobody wants to see double face. Well, and about that, I was wearing, like, you know, I wasn't expecting to do an interview that day.

And I'm wearing, like, this big bucket hat. And they're saying they can't see my face. So my director gives me his ball cap thing, El Paso Zoo on it. And then they're like, we still can't see your face. So I had to flip it backwards. I look like I'm a damn guest at the zoo. You definitely look like a frat. You look like a frat, bro, who wandered into a zoo after a night of party.

Exactly. I look like, in that video, in that video, I look like, the kind of guy that would go feed a monkey at Cheeto, though. Exactly. That's why I was so mad. I was like, I can't, like,

I look so stupid. You look like the adult version of the I love turtles kid. I like turtles. Go ahead and play it here. You found me. I love that it's titled Stupid and Lucky even on the news.

So here we go. My, my director did that. Is this the actual video Mason? Oh, there she is. She's. Yeah, this is the news story.

Yeah. So it's going to be bits and pieces. It's not the actual video. I can send you the actual video if you need to. Let's kind of scrub through. Keep talking. I have the Instagram video. Yeah.

Is that an IG video? Here's my question. There's the actual Instagram video. What would have, so you were about to say, uh, and look at her, is she in underwear? They're very short shorts. Dude, this chick literally looks. Yeah, I know you said that you look like a guy that would do that. But this chick, I mean, looks like she would fucking do that.

I can look at her before. I ever saw this new story and be like, that bitch is going to feed, try and feed some monkeys, some hot Cheetos. Guaranteed. I agree. I think she's kind of cute. Is that weird? Wait, so Mason, you were saying if she wasn't surrounded by that water,

what would have actually happened? Because I think most people probably think spider monkeys are cute and playful. No, they definitely aren't. They have an attitude to them. They would have her up. I don't have a lot of primate experience personally, but they have an attitude.

They have times where they're like perfect little angels. They'll train and they'll look at you like, like they're acting. Like one day you'll be working with them and you're like, wow, I have a general connection with this animal. Like this animal knows who I am and loves me, like anthropomorphizing it, like an idiot. And then the next day you'll do the same thing. Nothing's different. And then it'll just want to kill you for some reason. And like we do arm with them.

So we ask for armed for like medical training for their to get like voluntary blood draws and whatnot for them and some days they're like perfect little like here i'll give you my hand and be nice and gentle and other days they're just like yeah like want to yank you in with them and stuff so um it just depends and that day actually we trained them and they were super agitated for like no reason we're like why are they so agitated and it was because of that incident they were just so stressed about it because it was like right at the end of the day is what it looks like when we were about to bring them in but um to answer your question yeah so because where she was sitting that's usually where they like to hang out all day, but since she was there,

they were a little intimidated by it. And, yeah, so that whole water right there, as you see, is the whole reason. You see their tails are kind of hanging on to the little bushes or the ground there just for a little extra stability in case they fell into the water and they'd need to get out. Oh, she's really committed to this. Like she was crazy.

Yeah, yeah. See, that's Sunday right there that just smacked her hand because she's got the Cheetos in there, and they want the Cheetos. They want it. Then she threw it right there. She grabbed it, and then once she ran out of Cheetos, she hustled back on. Dude, I seriously...

Sorry, keep going. I seriously fucking can't believe what the fucking world has come to. Why would you... Like, I've been to a zoo, and I'm a fucking idiot. I have never once thought, like, hey, I am going to fucking hop into any enclosure. It doesn't matter if it's like a fucking bird. There's just no chance. Like, she doesn't look like she knows anything about animals, except for that they're cute.

and cuddly, and she's not scared. This is what's wrong with the fucking world today, gentlemen. And you can see that monkeys are, like, splashing water at her. They're definitely defending their turf. Like, that's been their home for years. So they're definitely not, like, we don't go in with them at all. Like, people think we go in with them, but we don't. That's wild, man.

They will defend it. And you see people in the background of the video watching, too. There's plenty people watching. Like, that's the problem, too, that no one's telling anybody, no one's saying anything. Right. No, of course not. Messed up, yeah, because they just think it's funny. I'm very curious what her motive was.

Like, why do this? I'm trying to understand. For clout, man, for attention. It's true. Yeah. Like, on Instagram, like, you think she did this to put it on the internet knowing that you were definitely going to get arrested? That's why I said, I don't think she posted it.

I think one of her friends did, maybe she didn't know about it. But she didn't, like, to this day, she doesn't regret it. She's posting about it on social media saying she'd do it again. Like, all this stuff. Yeah, man. It's real messed up. Yeah, that's poor. As you watch the video for us, what are you seeing from the spider monkeys as far as their behavior?

Yeah, I love to hear an animal. An animal expert on it. And animals, an animal's opinion. Ooh, who, who. Yeah. No, I mean, they're, they're, you know, you can just tell that they're wanting for what she's got, right? Like, you can see they're even willing to risk going into the water, which they don't like to do. There's a lot of aggressive body posturing, you know, that kind of over our shoulder, that arch back, you know, that's aggressive body posturing.

But at the same time, that kind of instinct for I want the food is there. I can tell you without any doubt, if she had walked up onto their little island, they would have, I'm not saying they would have ripped her to shreds because I don't think they would have. But they would have bitten her and pulled her hair and been very aggressive in getting those little treats, those little Cheetos, which are definitely, you know, exciting them to the point of uncontrollability, I would say. And the holes are pretty exciting, bro. She does her a good time for sure. But the whole thing's just nuts. I mean, the thing that I'm sure Mason's glad about and I'm glad about, like when she walks away, as you watch this video and she walks away, that leap to where she's standing

is a very easy leap for a spider monkey. And they're very nimble. So if one or both of them wanted to hop onto her shoulders and then hop out, they're gone. And the truth is at that point, like right there, when she's standing. standing in the water, they could have easily hopped onto her shoulders and hopped over the water barrier. And then they're gone. And the truth is, at that point, the likelihood of their survival is very slim. Because they're hard to get back. They're stimulated. They're overstimulated. They're nervous. They're in a new environment. So the most likely result is euthanizing them, you know, shooting

them. That's the most likely outcome if they escape from that. And especially if they get outside of the zoo bounds. And so, you know, whatever, idiot, idiot chick, like, you, you, You nearly killed those monkeys, so screw you. You suck. You're the problem. Mason brought up a great point in the interview that I saw in the news, which I wouldn't have thought of, is that this compromises the work that you at the zoo are all doing. Because talk about that a little bit. I was kind of curious how that works.

I mean, yeah, like I said in the interview, it takes years to build trust with these animals, like, especially like a primate, like spider monkeys. So, you know, I've only been there for a couple of years, and it took me a while to, like, really gain. their trust into them letting them like voluntarily grab my hand like any little thing that changes like they could they if there's like a something out like something different that goes on in the in their enclosure they're just flip out and they're like something's different i don't trust you guys like this is because we do we train them to go into a squeeze um so that if we do need to do like their annual physical exam where we do knock them knock them down for that they they definitely it nervous around if they

think that we're doing something similar to that. So like the other day I even like bumped into something in their enclosure made like the smallest noise and they just oh, oh, oh, oh, like the end of the world. Well, I mean, as a cat owner, I mean, try getting a new couch. Jesus Christ, I mean a fucking cat

will just go bonkers for like a month if you change a piece of furniture. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sure these monkeys are like, yeah, something's off. Some weird shit's going on. They're going to knock me out again. so this lady comes in. Now they only want Cheetos. Right.

I was going to say, now you guys have to adjust your training to calm the monkeys down. You're going to have to actually hire her to train the zookeepers now. And again, that's what's wrong with the world today. You're going to have to give them Dr. Pepper because the only way to combat flaming hot Cheetos

is Dr. Pepper. Everybody knows this. To go back to Retteb's, to go back to Retep's thing that he said a while back, you're saying, Retef, you said that you wouldn't even, that you're an idiot and you wouldn't even go into an enclosure with a monkey. That's right.

That's correct. I'll take it a step back. It's even people that just throw food in the exhibit, not even go in to feed them. Like that girl took it to the next step. It's people throwing food at them. These monkeys get food thrown at them all the time. And we're constantly doing like roundabout. And I'm just waiting for someone to do it because I'm just, I'm there.

I'm ready. You got your gun. You're strapped. You're in Texas, right? Yeah. Perfect. Yeah, he's got nine pistols on him at all times. So, Mason, I'll tell you something pretty interesting that's going on at the Santa Barbara Zoo.

And we'll get into some news and some fun stuff here in a minute. But so they have prehensile-tailed skinks at the Santa Barbara Zoo. Oh, the monkey-tailed skinks? Monkey-tail skinks. Yeah. So if you guys aren't familiar with them, Retep, I don't know, maybe you can pull up a picture. They're these big skinks. It's a type of lizard has a monkey's tail, basically, right?

It's prehensile tail. And the Santa Barbara Zoo, there's this super cool, super dorky, weird, herbkeeper there. And I won't mention his name because there's a couple of them, but this will keep me out of trouble. And he has figured out. So he's always believed that there's like a higher level of intelligence and reptiles, right? Much more so than we give them credit for. And like you were saying, oh, you know, mammals are a little smarter. They get facial recognition, blah, blah, blah. So he has figured out, and he's, I think he's currently writing a paper on this, if not he's at least preaching it, that the prehensile-tale skinks that he has at the zoo do respond

to positive reinforcement. But the positive reinforcement is not food-based. So when we think of training a dog or training a cat, we go, or anything really, we go, here's a treat, right? We offer it a treat. The dog goes, oh, I'm so excited. I'll sit any time because I got given a treat. Yeah, these ugly body are. Operant conditioning. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And so they go, oh, I'm so excited, I'm I want that treat. I'll sit. I'll roll over, whatever. Right. So this guy that I'm friends with, he's been trying to do this with reptiles for years and years and years. You've been trying all different kinds of methods and tapping and sounds and everything. Anyway, long story cut short, he's figured out with these guys with the prehensile-tailed skinks, if he rewards them by taking

them outside of their enclosure to sit in the sun, in the natural sun, they'll basically, they're somewhat trainable. So he's got them coming out, standing on his hand and putting on a harness, like a little reptile harness, and then walking around on a leash inside in exchange for instead of food or treats going out to sit in the sun. And they're literally associating that positive reinforcement, that conditioning with something that's non-food-based. And they're like, wow, I will get my reward of going and sitting in the sun if I put on my little harness.

And it's pretty amazing that he's been able to figure this out with these lizards. So what's the point of them putting a harness on it? Is that what they're trying to train it to do, is to let them put a harness on it? So yes, it's what this guy, at least, is, trying to train it to do because it was an interactive display animal so they'd take it out an education animal exactly yeah so that's what and he just figured out a way because sometimes the skinks would be like no i don't want to come out today i don't want to put on my harness and so he was trying to come up with a reward system for them and he figured out that if he offers them time to go sit in the sun they'll

literally come and lift their legs up and put their little harness on which is pretty impressive and i have a theory i have a theory i want to run by you guys so especially forest Have you ever seen? Okay, you have reptiles, right? You have captive reptiles? I do. Yep. Have you ever brought them outside to get natural sunlight?

Oh yeah, a bunch of times. Have you ever noticed a difference in their behavior? I think they get more active. I think they definitely get more active, yeah, for sure. I've noticed that. Like with my reptiles and just reptiles that we kept in my previous zoo and here, if you, and just stories I've heard from other people. Like, I've had people to have a bearded dragon, the most docile reptile you could probably ever have.

They bring it outside and it like got the black beard and it like opened its mouth. It was huffing and puffing at its owner. And I think it's like it gives them more energy and like gives them makes them a little more wild, I think. And it's like I wonder if there's any like scientific papers on that because that's actually like really fascinating. I'm guessing it's to do with the light change. You know, that synthetic light is not the same as natural light. It's not the same. Yeah.

But anyway, I just saw in the news today actually. that a guy in Florida near Tampa, I think... Florida man? Yeah, Florida man killed an iguana that was attacking him, right? He was fucking with this iguana, like showing it off in front of some people, and it bit onto his arm. Ripped his arm up pretty good. They said he needed 22 staples in his arm, which actually...

Wow. I'm probably dumb because they're big, but I didn't realize an iguana could do that. how an iguana does that much damage. Was that a green iguana? Yeah, green iguana. Must have been. And he was fucking with it, was showing it off to some people,

getting some attention. It grabbed onto his arm. He then beat it to death. And he had filed a motion that he was allowed to beat it to death under the Stand Your Ground Act in Florida because it was threatening him, which the judge promptly threw out today

and was like, Now, we have the entire thing on video. You're an asshole. I can't wait to sentence you. You're getting the max. I didn't realize an iguana could fuck you up that much. Oh, yeah, dude. They get like six, seven feet, man.

They're big animals. I thought a ton of them. I didn't think they could do that much damage myself either. I mean, 22 stitches or staple? That's a lot of wood. That guy is, yeah. Yeah, that guy, I don't know, it seems a little weird. I actually, if you all don't mind, I have a story about iguanas.

What you got? There's a time I was in Key West, beautiful Key West, vacationing. And there, Congress Republic, yep. There was this little kid that kept poking this, like, six-foot male green iguanat. Like, this resort, and these iguanas would come into this resort and eat the little, like, fruity pineapples that would get served to us in our drinks. And they had alcohol in it, you'd actually see them, like, stumbling. like the drunk iguanas out there. And so this kid cornered one.

It was like kind of like was messing with it, poking it with a stick and whatnot. And I went up to the mom and I said, you might not want to let him do that because it was like starting to huff and puff and like kind of whip its tail a bit. I said, you might not want to let him old. I was a little kid.

I was like, you might not want to let him do that. She's like, oh, he does this all the time. He knows what he's doing. He's a big fan of poking lizards with sticks. Yeah, yeah, that's his thing. I was like, all right, dude. I knew what was going to happen. So I said, I'm going to let him learn.

So I went, laid down on my chair, grabbed my peanut colada, a cup drinking. And then I go, like, two seconds later, I see, I just hear like a, ah. And this kid's got a giant whipmark down his back, and it's bleeding. From this guana that just whipped him with his tail and just bleeding all down his back. And the mom looked at me holding her crying kid, and I just had my drink in my hand. I was like, I told you. Yeah, he knows what he's doing. Dude, that's an aggressive whip, man.

Like, you ever have a buddy just whip you with a towel or something like that? I've never had a whip blue, but it hurts worse than a stubbed toe. Yes. Like, oh, yeah. Definitely. Jesus. I played water polo. It's like a thing where you roll up your towel and whip the shit out of each other.

It's awful. It's not fun at all. I'd much rather stub my toe. Is that like what you do right before or right after you blow each other? After you win? To Patrick's point, it's basically juring. Yikes. Okay.

That's hot, dude. Understood. Okay. The genre of porn. Who cares? Come on, man. We're just like taking his headphones off. He's like, we're canceled.

We're done. I'm going home. He's like, I give up on the show. Every time. I try and censor you guys. So, yeah, well, that's awesome, Mason. I mean, I think being a zookeeper is a super cool, super noble profession. You know, Patrick and I, there's a lot of negative,

uh, there's a lot of negative ideas that have been floating around about zoos. over the last four or five years. And it's from these like animal rights activists that I just don't agree with at all. You know, and when you look at the statistics, when you look at the thousands of species that zoos have brought back from extinction or prevented, sorry, I should say not brought back from,

brought back from the edge of extinction, prevented from extinction. If you look at the breeding programs and the incredible facilities and organizations like the AZA and their standards and how rigorous they are, and in fact, in my opinion, in some type of cases, is they're too rigorous, like they're too generous and over the top. And that's a good thing, right?

Like, you'd rather the animal has too much space than too little, of course. Definitely. You know, I think that zoos are absolutely awesome, and I think being a zookeeper isn't super cool profession. And to anybody listening to this, I mean, that's interest in this field, I'm sure Mason is reachable, and I just think it's a super, super duper cool thing to do. Yeah, I mean, and zookeepers think that we just want to, like, like we don't want to see animals in captivity.

That's not the point. Like we want to like the best thing for me personally is working with these animals in captivity and then seeing them in the wild. I think it's like the most cool thing ever. But yeah, if we don't want to have to have these endangered species in our care and having to bring them back. Like we as humans are the reason. So we as humans need to be the reason to bring them back. Need to be the way to bring them back on the brink of extinction as well. And you, Forrest, do a really good job at, like, promoting that and showing people, like, endangered animals and whatnot and, like, just putting it out there, you know what I mean?

Try to, man. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you very much. Well, Mason, would you be cool with, if we have some brosners who are interested in getting into your profession, people hitting you up on Instagram? Dude, yeah, just let me know. I'm very open. I like to be the kind of face of the zoo field or something like that, whatever I got to be.

We don't find you. On Instagram, Mason Kleist 31 is my Instagram handle. 31st Mason Kleist. That was my baseball number back then. I don't know. I need to change my Instagram handle. I'm not sure. Well, now you can't.

It's forever in stone because you just mentioned it. I guess, yeah. But, no, I mean, another reason why I joined Zoos is just because I heard of the conservation work that they can do as well. Like my dream is to be, I don't want to get away. from being around animals all the time. Like that's the tough thing about wildlife biology is because I feel like sometimes it's a lot of indirect conservation

and not like hands-on direct field conservation. Like zoos do a lot of indirect conservational funding and whatnot. But they do send people out in the field. Like I've gone out and done fence modifications. I've done re-releases. I've done catch and release. And I hope to continue it as well.

That's awesome, man. I do, like, I don't, to answer your question before, like, where I see myself in the future with zoo fields, I definitely would like to grow in the zoo field. But if an opportunity comes up to be in wildlife biology or some kind of field work, I know, like, that's where my true passion was. That's why I went to school. That's what I've always wanted to do. Hey, man, you're 26. You got tons of time. You're in a great place working in an awesome facility.

Like, those opportunities are coming for sure. No, yeah. I mean, hey, I mean, why do you? You think I did this podcast. There you go. Opportunity, baby. Awesome. Awesome.

What are you guys to say? We get into some. Thank you. Thank you so much for jumping on with us. It's super rad to hear all your stories. I'm glad that the spider monkeys are okay. Screw that woman.

She sucks. I mean, not literally, don't screw her. But, like, I mean, she sucks. Do not. The takeaway message here, ladies and gentlemen, don't get into zoo enclosures. That's just nonsense.

That's not her nonsense. You don't. Respect animals from a distance. Still go to zoos. Still go to zoos. Still support zoos. But just... Totally. Respect them from a distant. Don't throw food at them. Don't yell at them. Just go to zoo. Have fun, man. Why do people have got to be a nuisance and annoying? Just go to... Because we're humans. Couldn't agree more. Don't get Retep started.

Well, dude, Mason, what a fucking pleasure it's been, man. I've always wanted to talk to a zookeeper ever since I had a little zookeeper outfit that I wore around for about six months when I was a kid. I was disappointed to see you weren't wearing. He still wears it late at night. Don't, don't. But dude, maybe we'll, maybe we'll have you back on sometime soon. Always good to hear from people who enjoy wildlife. And, yeah, thanks a lot, brother.

Thanks, man. Thanks for coming on. Well, that was awesome, man. Mason is awesome. Guys, there's a lot of animals in the zoo. Bears. There's a lot of bears. There's a good observation.

Bears are big in the fucking news. Beats Battlestar Galactica. Oh, yeah. There, did you guys hear about this bear that hopped over this one? wall and was attacking this lady's dogs and she fended them off. You guys have heard about this? Did we hear? There's not a single person on planet Earth. People in Africa that don't have internet and cell phones have seen this video. I mean, this has gone so viral. It's bigger than the COVID virus. I mean, it's huge. Okay. So I brought it up here. We don't have Will. I'm going to

play it and I hope this works. But this is this fucking bear and this woman fending off this brown bear. She's got balls, man. Look at this. Look at this. So she fends off the, oh, it doesn't have the part. Oh, yeah, where it's, so the bear's fucking with the dogs. The lady comes over in a different clip. I saw, like, the dogs run out by themselves because it's all caught on, like, security can't.

Yeah. We'll keep it on. Yeah, exactly. I'll let it play while we discuss. So here comes the bear. Now here's the beginning. Yep. Yeah, yeah.

Dude, bear with two cubs, by the way. Mama bear with two cubs. That is the worst case scenario. case scenario. Yep. Hang on down. Hey, is that a black bear for us that's just brown or do you think that's a brown bear? Correct. That is a cinnamon black bear. What we call it. Okay. Oh, wow. Okay. Because I was like, it's way too small to have cubs if it's a brown bear. No, no. It's not a brown bear or not a grizzly bear. That is, that is a black bear. I believe this took place here in California, if I'm not mistaken. It's California. Yeah. It's, I can't remember the name of the town, but yeah,

in California. Yeah. This woman's got her gaggle of small yappy dogs and they go running over. Let's be clear, by the way, she's 17 years old. Despite the fact that she's, oh, that's right. Despite the fact that she's dressed like a granny from a movie in the 1920s. Very true.

She's 17 years old. Wait, so look at the big dog. It gets the big dog in the face. That dog takes off. The other dogs are still fucking with it. And then boom, human comes out, knocks that bitch. element of surprise human brain man bear takes off man that's nothing to do with strength it's I wonder if she's signed yet because I would I would sign her to my my youth rugby team right now

she's 17 which means she's under 18 she can hit like a truck like this chick's got it figured out like she's she's tackling bears I got kids whining about broken fingers out on the field she's in there putting a shoulder into a brown bear or into a black bear um so so ballsy man it's ballsy here's the thing. That bear, I mean, we've all heard these stories. We all know about it. A mother bear with two cubs is the worst possible scenario to encounter a bear. Okay?

That bear is already defensive. It's already upset. It's fighting with these dogs unexpectedly trying to defend its cubs. If that woman, girl, I guess, at age 17, had not perfectly hit it with like the element of surprise in the shoulder, she would have been in huge trouble. I mean, one swipe from that thing, and it's doing a lot more than those iguana stitches that we talked about earlier. Sure. It would have done some significant damage.

So, you know, she's lucky. Would you have done? Would you have done it? I think I would have done the exact same thing. At least I like to think that I would have because I love my dog and I couldn't imagine anything trying to attack him. I don't even like my dog and I probably would have done the same thing. Right. But it, but it's a scary thing because that was all positioning.

You know, she hit the bear in the shoulder. Its forearms were both down. Its feet were planted. Like, if it had been up and swiping and she'd run in like that, and I don't think that she knew this, I think instinct just kicked in. But if it'd been up and on its hind legs or had access to its forearms,

it would have nailed her, man, and that would not have ended well. It definitely helped her cause that it was teetering. You know, it's standing on this brick wall that's only about three inches wide on the top. So it was sort of teetering. But I did read the article. she did not come away unscathed.

Oh, what happened to her? Tell us. Tell us more. She sprained her finger when she pushed the bear. Oh, man. She sprang her finger. She did. As if I would have pushed you. I'm still signing her.

Dude, Pat, I'm curious to hear. So what would you do? You look out in your backyard because you've already had a few animal scares around your house, front of our backyard. Who would think Studio City, California is a hotbed of wildlife? But it is. Some skunk activity. Yeah.

Wait, so you look outside, your dog's out there, your cat's out there, you see one of these bears on the giant skateboard ramp that's in your backyard. Just not a giant bear, one of these smallish bears in that back area. What do you do? You push it in the pool, in your nice pool there? Well, no, because it's not teetering on the edge of a three-inch Lincoln log fence. On the skateboard. Well, first of all, I would assume that my cat has rabies because, I know that the cat would have just run back into the house or hidden in a bush.

As would my dog, who, you know, is not a guard dog. Man, no, I would not run out and let myself get mauled by a bear that was just standing on flat ground with two cups. In your enclosed backyard. You know, I might discharge a firearm, which would probably get me much time in jail in Los Angeles, even if I shot into the air. For defending your animals against the bear. I do have a bunch of bear spray from what I've been hiking in bear. country. So that would be, and I know exactly where it is, that would be the move. After I thought for 30 seconds about all those possibilities, go get the bear spray, and I would try to hit it with the

bear spray. Yeah, man, I think I'd try to find a projectile. Again, you're in an enclosed area if that was your backyard. It would be rough. But if I was in the same situation as this woman, I think I'd grab like a fucking blender or something, some heavy object that just fucking whip it at it. Chuck a blender. No, it would not. Yeah, it would be tough. It was lucky to the bear. The situation for that woman was lucky.

You know, the bear was balanced, the fact that she pushed it off the wall, the fact that it wasn't down over the wall, because it would have totally been ice in those dogs. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, that all kind of worked out. It's funny, because you look at a black bear, I'm going to estimate that that was a smallish bear. I'm going to just guess 250 pounds. but when you put that in context, a 50-pound Rottweiler will destroy you.

Fuck yeah, dude. If it wants to attack you because it was protecting its offspring, you would have no chance. Zero question. This bear is pound for pound exponentially more ferocious and more capable of terrieries and five times bigger. No doubt.

Yeah. There's one thing I like about this story, one thing I don't. The thing that I don't like is that the bear is brown and it's a black bear that that just that just don't care for that I don't care for that fair enough when you're doing when you're in bear country where there's black and brown bear and people are kind of giving you the briefing on what to do when you're going to film them you know you do a certain thing for brown bear play dead with a black bear you fight back and they go oh but some black bear are

brown so you might be fucks and some brown bears are black so just you know figure it out you're kind of going to go by size is what I'm picking up from you guys talking about it. It's basically brown bears are in the, what, up to 300 pound range? I think they can get up to like 400. Or I mean, black bears? Black bears, they get up to like 600. Oh, wow. Yeah, they still get pretty big.

Well, dude, for us, speaking of wild, ferocious animals in cities, did you see the story about the zoo in China? No, what happened? Oh, dude. So, okay, a cover up in China failed this week.

When reports came out, that as Jew has been using chickens to lure back three leopards that escaped its safari park three weeks ago. They tried to keep it under wraps so that they wouldn't alarm visitors or the people who lived in the city. Two of the leopards have been recaptured and returned after weeks. The third leopard is at large in a very populated area, thoughts? Thoughts. Well, I know where this is going to go. Everybody's be like, wow, China covering something up, never heard of that before. Yeah, I just said that.

Right, but to play devil's advocate to that, if you let your leopard loose, would you be telling everybody about it? Or would you just be quietly trying to catch a leopard and put him back in the cage? Regardless of where you live, you would not be sharing that publicly. You'd be like, look, if we can just get them back in the cage before he kills anybody, we'll be okay. So I get it. Yeah.

No, go ahead. This is how, so this is how fucking cryptid theories get started, right? Because somebody's covering up the fact that the leopard is out and they're trying to lure it in. Meanwhile, it's killed seven people. Right. And then they get it back or they've euthanized it or something. They didn't tell anybody. Right.

All of a sudden there's a large spotted cat that lives in China, you know, known as the GERCat or something that nobody's ever heard of before. Miao cat. No, the meow cat. Yeah. No, so here's what's so crazy about all of that, right? There are leopards living in cities, very much so. Oh, yeah. If you watch that planet Earth, there are leopards living in downtown.

I want to say Bangladesh, but one of those big Indian cities. They hop from rooftop to rooftop. They live in cities, big, big cats, and they prey on street dogs and wild pigs, and people never even see them. They're, like, completely elusive and cryptic. And these animals are so smart and so good at hiding that they can live in a giant metropolitan area in a city. So I'm just pointing that out to point out that you, you know, if a gorilla gets out, you're probably going to find the gorilla, right? If an elephant gets out, you know where the elephant's going to be.

If a leopard gets out, even though it's a large animal, it's not like something tiny, you're going to have a heck of a hard time trying to find it. You really are. I mean, they are so smart, so stealthy, so cryptic. Sure. It's, that's not an easy one at all. But dude. No. Well, dude, Forrest, I can't think of an animal that you would less want.

So an animal that had a great food source that all of a sudden has that food source taken away, being around a bunch of humans. Then a leopard who are the most prolific man killers in the history of human and animal interaction. Straight out. Not in the sense of killed, you know, had killed the most. But there's many famous leopards. Yeah. They're one of the animals that killed humans. Corbett on the podcast.

Like, you know, multiple leopards with over a hundred human kills because once they taste that sweet, sweet meat. Right. That's sweet human mate. That other red meat. Dude, the cats, though, I mean, so we thought the cat got loose the other day, our cat here at the house. And looking around for the cat for, I shit you not, girlfriend's crying. I'm like on the phone trying to get into the neighborhood app or whatever the fuck it is, post pictures. This is all within like 20 minutes.

I'm like, we got to get out on the streets, find this thing. I'm looking around while I'm on the app, like trying to sign up. To the streets. Well, because once the cats get away, dude, like this cat, like, it hides. Dude, they're so good at hiding. And that's my point. So I was like, we're never going to fucking find this. There's like trees, bushes, cars, like other people's fucking back patios, garages.

Like, if this thing gets out, we're not finding it. So we're looking for it, maybe 20, 30 minutes, dude. She's crying. I'm stressed. the fuck. I'm on like a Facebook group trying to get on all this shit. And we're inside, of course. We look for five minutes. Every normal thing. We're shaking the food, trying to get the cat out. I was going to say, were you shaking the treats? Yeah, shaking the treats, man. And, and, and, and, uh, and so finally we come back in.

We're like, fuck. We got to like, we got to get on it. We got to start making posters, posting them. Fucking cat. Don't comes out from wherever the fuck he was. Dude, we looked everywhere. Well, you don't even know to this day where the cat was. No idea. So this is going to happen again. So he's got a secret Heidi Hall. He does. But to Pat's point, after that day, I was like, we got to get this fucking cat so that it comes every single time that I shake this goddamn treat thing. So, like, I'm just like shaking it.

And now he comes fucking no matter where he's at, he comes running. It's only been like one time since then where he doesn't run his ass into the kitchen to get those treats, boy. But they hide, man. They are so fucking, they can hide forever. I think Patrick and I are about to say the same thing. No. If you were going to say the same thing that I was about to say, I will kill myself on the air. That's how sure I am.

I don't mind if I go first then before we change topic. Go ahead. Retep, have I ever told you the story of the first time I ever spend a night at Patrick's house? I don't think so. Okay. Well, I never walked right again. No, but... Why is that for us?

What is it? No. So, I don't... The dribble's still up there. I know Patrick for a while, you know, like, I don't know, six months, nine months, whatever. And I was down in LA and he's like, come, you know, let's go out drinking. At this time, like, you know, Patrick and I were definitely friends, but we weren't as close as we aren't now. And, you know, and he's like, let's go out drinking.

You can spend the night at my house. And I was like, oh, no, man, I'll get a hotel. You know, I didn't want to be weird about it. He's like, no, dude, just come spend the night at my house. It's like, all right, sweet. Let's do it. So we got out drinking until the bars close at 2 in the morning. and then keep in mind, I usually go to bed around 8.45.

Like, for me going to bed at 2 in the morning is an accomplishment. That's like the middle of Pat's day. I know. So we got drinking until 2.45. And then we go back to his house, drink a bunch of whiskey, hang out, like, shooting the shit, whatever. And, like, I don't know, 4.30 in the morning rolls around. I'm like, I got to go to bed, man. And he's like, yeah, right on.

You know, like, top floor, you remember Patrick's old place. It's like nine stories tall. It had four floors that got progressively smaller, like a little. That's right, yeah. Patrick's old townhouse. And Patrick has Lemley, his cat there, right? And me being me, the lunatic that I am, I stumble up all 14 flights of stairs.

Isn't what it felt like. I stumble up all the stairs. I get to the guest room on the top floor, which is literally just the guest room. There's nothing else on the top floor, right? And I go in there, and I'm like, oh, it's so hot. So I open the door all the way. The door to the balcony, right?

Or the little, yeah. And pass out on the bed. 50 feet up. 50 feet up. It's very high. I got locked out there myself one time. So yeah, go up there, pass out. And I had to get up early for some meeting or something in LA. So I bailed out of there, I don't know, 9, 30, 10 in the morning, hung over, feeling miserable. Definitely puked in the toilet on the top stairs and never told them.

Yeah, it felt terrible. Took a quick shower and bailed out of there. And on the way out, you know, it closed the slider and, you know, locked the door behind myself and everything else. And go to my meeting and still feel miserable and then get in a car and drive back to Santa Barbara all hung over. And my phone rings. And it's Patrick. He goes, hey, man, did, uh, did you see Lemley this morning? Yeah. Oh my God. And I'm like, you know, legitimately, I was like, I think so. I think he was on top of the couch. But I couldn't remember if that was really last night or this morning or whatever. New friends. New friends. New friends. So this is like, it makes it so much worse. Yeah. New friends.

Yeah. And he's like, okay. Well, he must be in the house somewhere. And I'm like, yeah, I think so. I hope so and hang up 48 hours go by lemley nowhere to be seen another 24 hours go by Patrick's called me three times and he's like are you are you sure you saw lemley on your way out and I'm like I think I did but no I'm not positive and anyway Patrick you tell the rest of the story well yeah so shaking the traits I've covered I've canvassed the area I haven't slept and it's finally it's this fucking starts pissing rain. And so I'm like, God damn it. Like, I don't know where she could be.

All the fourth floor balconies are connected, right? Over these like six, yeah, but like five and a half foot tall walls. And so finally I'm up there. It's this rainstorm and I'm shaking the treats furiously. And I just see Lemley jump up. I lived in Unit 2. And he jumps up, she jumps up on Unit 7's balcony little divider. And it's just looking at me.

and it's just getting pissed on with rain. And I'm like, come here, come here, come here. And she jumps back down into Unit 7. I'm like, oh, my God. So I just, I'm like, I'm not even going to go knock on that door. I'm just going. And so just in this rainstorm, I'm just climbing, jumping from balcony to balcony, get lemley.

Wet cats don't love being held while you climb. So I'm like, hovering over this 50-foot drop, cat scratching me down my chest and chest. shoulder. Get this sopping wet cat back. Ran to the store, gave her a full can of wet food. She was fine. But I never thought Patrick was going to talk to me ever again. No, you know, it was an honest mistake. You felt really bad. But, dude, speaking...

And now it's a great story. Speaking real quick of Lemley, you know those citrus, do you guys have one of those citrus squeezers where you put a little half lemon wedge and you squeeze it down? Yeah, yeah, those are great. Almost had a lemley juice the other day. What? Gross. Yeah. So what happened? I got a new bed. And at the store, they just do such a good...

I pride myself on not being upsold. They convince me that if I get this adjustable frame, it's going to change my life. Oh, my God. You name it. Oh, it's better for everything, man. That's the whole job is to do that to people like you all day. Oh, I bought it, mate. So I buy this adjustable frame.

Try it out. I'm like, this sucks. Like, I sleep on my stomach. This is nonsense. This only makes sense if you're a back sleeper. Waste of money. Great. So the other day, I put it up as a joke.

I tilt the head way up. I tilt the feet way up. This adjustable frame is a whole big, heavy, like, 250-pound metal apparatus, right? So I put it up, whatever. Do it as a joke. Christina walks in and sees it. I'm like, okay, I'll put it back down. So I get off the bed and I press the flat button.

It starts reclining. And all, like, it's literally four inches from coming down and squishing Lemley who's hiding under it. And she just jumps out, like, as it clasps shut. Oh, my God. Indiana Jonesing. Dude, and I literally just looked at the cat. I looked at Christina and I just said, let's not even talk about it. Like, let's pretend none of that ever happened.

We've learned something. And this bed stays flat at all times. Right. Like, if it had just gone like, me meow, oh my God. I would have had to move. I would have just burned the house down

and never come back. I don't know what you do. Bro, you got yourself into a real pickle here, too. I had an adjustable bed for many years, and I've moved to at least five places with this thing. They are the single most ridiculous, terrible piece of furniture to fucking move. Your movers are going to fucking hate you.

They weigh so much. They're terrible. They fucking flop around. There's no way. They're so awkward, dude. I literally, at the last place, I was like, I was like, I'm so happy. It was like I fucking, I like got down on a knee and I was like, fuck off. And I just like threw it away.

I was so happy. It was great to sleep on. Great. But moving them, man, you're fucked. Sorry. Well, I haven't moved myself since I was 24. But your movers are going to hate you. So, all right.

Oh, go ahead for us. I was going to do this. Yeah, let's do games. Let's do a couple games, man. Let me try some weird thing here. They just incorporated a new feature. I want to see if it works. It's a drum roll.

I can play like sound effects. Go for it. Do it. Here we go. I just hit play and it's on zero. It's not working. Fuck off. Riverside.

All right. Yeah, there we go. Top three and DFL. Yeah, I want to do top three and DFL. And I see that somebody highlighted one. I'm changing it. I'm mixing it up. You some, bitch. I've got a bone to pick with a certain shop.

So I would like to do top three and DFL retail experiences. Explain yourself. I will. I'll explain. I'll explain. So what is this? What do you love? Do you like going to men's warehouse and putting on a nice suit? You know, do you like going to the red lobster, perhaps, and having yourself a nice buttery bath of shellfish. You know, give me your top three retail experiences. Okay. And you're dead fucking last. Like, what shops do you like going to? We can be honest here. We're all,

we're all bros. We're all brosners here. Does it have to be a retail or can it just be any customer experience? Any business. Any business you like. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. Forrest, why don't you go first so Retepe and I can think about this? I know my DFL. It's not, it's not even close, but I'll wait for my turn. All right. Top three. Number three, hands down. It's always a good experience, but it's something that I guiltily only do maybe once every two years.

Nice trip to the Olive Garden. Oh, yeah. Nice. Smart. It's good. It's gross. I mean, I eat like 40 breadsticks. Yeah. The unlimited salad, I get so many different soups.

I roll out of there feeling disgustingly sick. But, you know, it's something fun that I'll splurge on like once a year. Number two. Number two. I have my number one. My number two, I would say, retail experience. Probably one of the very few shops that I actually like going into is the sneaker shop.

I like going and getting new shoes. I do. That stresses me out tremendously. I hate that. No, I like it. When my gym shoes right now are starting to get old, I will not go. I won't buy them new ones on Amazon. I know what kind I like, but I will go to, I'm trying to remember the name of the, like, athletic footwear shop that they have downtown.

It's a chain shop. Yeah, it rhymes with boot locker. Yeah, there you go. Payless. But yeah, going to the foot locker, looking for good workout shoes, a nice pair of boots, what have you. No problems there. Enjoy that. My number one, hands-down favorite retail experience, Bass Pro Shops.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's like an entertainment experience. They've got the big tank. Peter, this is an outdoor store. You could spend a whole day at a Bass Pro shop. Easily. Some of them have a gun range. There's an archery range.

There's every toy known to the outdoorsman. Hands down. Great time at the Bass Pro shops. Yeah, for me, it's an entertaining experience. Cool. And my DFL. Dead fucking last, baby. Dead fucking last.

These are my favorite. Let's put it this way. I would rather go to the DMV 15 times in a row. before ever, ever going to the Apple store. I fucking hate the Apple store. The smug arrogance of those cluckers at the genius bar, the way that they look at you, the way they roll their eyes when you ask a simple question

about data transfer or upgrading to a new phone, oh my God, I just fucking hate the Apple. They're all so smug. They have such an attitude at the fucking Apple store. So who do you think you are? Because you have the word genius in your, in your job description. Meanwhile, you dropped out of high school

to tinker with fucking cell phones. Get the fuck out of here at the Apple store. I hate the Apple store. But yet, but yet you're a, you, you use all Apple products. The products are great. I can never stop.

But I cannot stop. But the Apple store experience is the worst experience is the worst experience in retail. It's so bad. It's so smug. It's like a cult in there, man. And just the whole layout. It's all just clear fucking windows so you can see.

see everybody in there. Everybody thinks they're such hot shit, like buying their $10,000 fucking Mac pro. It's like a fish tank. Brute. It is like my big thing. Mind if I go next pet? You want another minute?

No, I'm good. I got mine. All right. Number three. Okay. Not to bite off what you did on Olive Garden because I already knew this was going to be in there. That's okay.

Chili's. Now, here's the thing about this. Oh, God. My girlfriend will hate you for the rest of your life. No, I, go on. I hate her now. If you go into a chili, you know you ain't eating healthy. You ain't getting the salad.

You're going to have five to six very large beers. You're going to get loaded potato skins. You're going to get a thing of onion rings because you want to take one bite out of one. It's cheap. It's friendly. The lighting is dialed in. They have sports on the TVs. There are none in L.A., so it's such a treat.

No, there's a nice one. And Encino right over here. We can go. Anytime you'd like, it's right down the street. After the podcast, I'll text you. So, Chili's is fantastic. Number two, Forrest, I've been to one of these with you.

Any bar in the French Quarter of New Orleans. Ah, what a good call. What I love about this, man, is that the service, they're there to make you get drunk and have fun. I have had bartenders be like, you guys seem sleepy. You need some coke.

I can get you some Coke. Yeah, straight up. And not because they're trying to sell you drugs. They're just really friendly. They just want you to have a good time. Yeah. It is designed for fun. I've never, you can't have a bad time at a bar in the French quarter.

Number one, it's not even close. It's a any hotel check-in where they offer you a glass of champagne. Wow. That's never, that's never, that's never happened for me. It doesn't happen that often. But, you know, on the occasion where you decide to do something a little, nice, whatever, and while you're checking in, which I don't understand why it takes so long, it literally should just be like, you walk up, you're like, DeLuca, here, boom, get on your phone.

That's all it should be done every time. Yeah, here's your fucking key. It's in a bin, take it. The second they sense you walk through the door, key handoff, bye. They literally have apps on the phones now that unlock the doors. Why do you even have to interact with these people? I can get through customs at LAX quicker than I can check into any hotel, period. I know.

God forbid. There's four people ahead of you. But as soon as they go, would you like the glass of champagne? Or sometimes it's like a signature cocktail they'll give you with a little flour floating in it. Yeah. I'm like, what do you want to talk about? You want to do my taxes? Let's do taxes together.

How long can we stay here? Yeah. So that's number one top. DFL. It's not even close. The worst I've ever experienced dealing with Verizon Wireless. I had multiple issues. they, in my opinion, have the best service and coverage in the Los Angeles area.

I had to leave them after just, I was slighted so many times. She couldn't do it. Dude, I was, they convinced me when I got a new phone. The guy was like, you want this free fucking, free tablet? It was some garbage, Sam, you know, some shitty fucking tablet. That was a $10 tablet. I go like, don't. It would honestly help me out if you just take it.

It's like a thing. Like, don't worry. Yeah, I go, all right, I'll take it. He hands me a box. they then present you with a screen that is four, it would take you four and a half days to read. Right. I click it down. I fucking sign them.

Yeah. A year later I get a thing from a collection agent because they had been billing me for a separate line. No way. For that tablet for a year, which I wasn't opening and it wasn't linked to my long story short, I had to get lawyers involved. Couldn't get any of the phone. It was like six months of stress, man. I just, I can't deal with Verizon Wireless. This all happened.

It's factual. I have the documentation. Don't say. I remember you hitting me up and fucking, like, you were so pissed. This was like, I think, the first thing that you ever hit me up about. You hit me up regularly now because the world's gone to shit. But back of the day, you were like, I'm thinking about suing. I'm so pissed.

I was so mad. I had to call on a favor with my friend's brother is, like, one of the most famous lawyers in the country, like MIT, PhD, fucking Harvard Law. And I was like, can you write a letter to Verizon for me? And then it got taken care of. But yeah, fuck them for 10. All right.

God, I've changed my answer so many times based on your answers now for my original. Chili's. The experience of a restaurant, I had this one experience. It was actually, it was with you, but I'm going to save that for number one because it's my number one.

My first one is akin to yours forest, but it's Home Depot because... Oh, God. I fucking hate Home Depot, dude. Oh, so I, like, this is kind of new for me because I've been doing some stuff around the house. Like, I had to go there to get wood, blah, blah, blah. But I popped in, I just pop in some fucking headphones.

I'm listening to a podcast. I'm just, it's the only place I've ever, like, been happy to browse. I'm like, oh, I don't know. Maybe I need a bucket. Sorry, I don't want to, I really don't want to mess up your flow. Have you ever asked anybody for help at the Home Depot? No. No. Well, actually, that's why you're, that's why you still like it. That's why you still like it. Because the saying, he's trying to sway me.

For us, what's the better option? Because there's a better option that I think we probably both go to. Lowe's. Lowe's. Okay. A hundred percent. Loz. Are they a sponsor now? They had any champagne. Now that you mention it, I might take it off of this. I did go into the other day to buy a $4 item, which was just a painting tarp thing. to put on the ground. And I forgot my wallet. So I didn't have my credit card. I go to the self-checkout.

And I'm like trying to use my phone to do it with fucking whatever. And I ask the guy, I'm like, this isn't working. How can I, I forgot my wallet? How can I walk out of here with this and pay for it? Can I just use the app? He's like, oh yeah, go to customer service. Go over there, dude. Ten minutes.

Manager. Oh, yeah. Like they're like fucking having a conversation about it. It just went from one of your favorites to your, I know. I know. I know. Listen, there's two vibes. But you brought up a good point.

I've never. dealt with the customer service there is insanely bad. I've never dealt with it before. I was talking about the experience of putting on headphones and browsing the aisles myself. That's the good part.

I didn't need to derail you. That's good. Let's keep that number three. Okay, so my second one there is, and it just recently shut down, but before it did, man, it was fucking amazing. A warehouse for nerds like me

of electronics at a good price. Fries electronics, man. No. No. But Best Buy has a fucking problem where they come up to you and harass you. And they're like, hey, can I help you? And you be like, yeah, I was looking at this. And they'll tell you a bunch of bullshit that's not true because I'm smarter than most of the people that work there.

And I'm like, no, that's not how that thing works at all. Get away from me. But at fries, dude, it's so big that a customer service person would have to walk two miles just to get to you in one of the aisles. It's huge, dude. Huge. Just full of cheap electronics. Loved it. But now it's very depressing.

was in there a couple months ago, and the shelves in this giant warehouse were clear. All right. So anyways, my top one was this experience with Pat in Seattle, where we went to Seattle over the holidays, man. And we went to Seahawks game. But before we did, we found this little fucking absent bar on the corner of like right by the Pike Fish Market, wherever is right there.

And, uh, yeah, Pike Place. and we fucking went to this place and man, just drank Absinth and it gets you so warm and it makes you feel so good the conference, we were glowing, dude, and we just sat there and drank Absinth

for like, what, like three hours, dude, and then we ate some food. By the way, I believe three nights in a row we did that. In fact, we even went before we went to a Seahawks game, which was a horrendous idea.

That's probably my number four. That's very good call. That was nice. And my dead fucking last is anytime you have to fucking deal with Spectrum, formerly, Time Warner, whatever the fuck their name is at the time. I went in there to return a cable box, and somehow I was the bad guy.

They were upset with me. I was just returning a fucking thing. I had to wait for like 40 minutes. The guy never met a more miserable sack of shit in my life. Fucking, and I'm just returning this thing, and he's like mad at me and it's hot. There's like no AC. hate them terrible. Don't ever go.

By the way, it's like a fucking jury trial. They have seats set up in there like you're watching a jury trial. Like a person getting shit. You're like sitting in a gallery, watching everybody deal with this shit that they don't want to deal with. So that's my DFL. That's a good one. The jury trial call is good. I like that.

Forrest, what a treat it's been to have you back. I want to get more into the Africa stuff. For those who want to get all the behind-the-scenes spoilers. censored content that we can't talk about on YouTube. For TEP, what's the Patreon link? The Patreon is the Wild Times podcast.com forward slash Patreon or Patreon.com forward slash Wild Times Pod. Is that too confusing?

I don't know what you just said, but I wanted to get that in because I have to go shortly and I wanted to do the fucking Battle of Hell. Battle of Royal. Everyone's favorite segment, Forrest, YouTube one up. What do you got? What do you got? What do you got? All right.

It's not, I can't take credit for this genius idea, because it comes directly from a new Patreon Brosner, well, an old Brossner, new Patreon subscriber, at Jack Hillman. This is a privilege that he is a Patreon subscriber because he gets to submit the fantastic Battle Royale idea. He says, hey, bro. Thank you, Jack. Thank you for supporting us. Yeah, Jack Fox.

He says, hey, bro's, long-time listener, and new Patreon subscriber. I have a BR idea for your all. all. That's how he wrote it. No, he said, for y'all. For y'all? He didn't say, for y'roll. That's true.

He just said y'all. You are shooting a movie and need a hero, a villain, and a comedic relief, and you can only cast famous animal characters from TV and action movies. Go. Okay. Are we doing a snake draft? Snake draft, absolutely. Yeah.

And Retep, you'll go first, and you can pick any of the three. Listen, I know I'm going to get fucking my ass shoot out for this. Fuck you guys already before I even say it. My comedic relief is going to be elf from the 80s hit sitcom elf. He's fucking hilarious. But he is hilarious. He's a creature. He's definitely very animal-esque.

It's not like he was built off an alien. He was built off like a small bigfoot worm-nose thing. True. I grant you elf from Melmac. I'll for my comedic relief. He's fucking hilarious. Watch elf if you have any. He's great. Yeah. Elf's outstanding.

It's a great pick. Forrest, you're keeping track of this, yeah? Yep, definitely. Per year, per your usual job as the host. I did it the last two weeks. I was pen-clicking a lot. It's hard to do. Yeah. It is not easy. I could see the concern on Pat's brow while he was doing it. Who goes next for us?

You do it, Patrick. You go next. I am a fan of film. I like when the film surprises me. I like twists. The Sixth Sense. I didn't know that was going to happen. So I like to go a little unexpected with my choices.

I'm going to start, because I think someone might take him. I'm going to start with my hero. I'm going to go with the put-upon loser. He waddles. He's very unlikely to be the hero of any film. That's the first two. acts of the movie, wait till he has the character turn and becomes the hero in Act 3,

I'm going with Pato Loco. Who? He's called in Spain. His name in America is Donald Duck. Donald Duck. Nice. Okay, so we can use cartoon animals.

Yeah, that's what we said. Of course, mate. And to be clear, Donald Duck was your hero or your comic relief? He's the hero, of course. The hero. He's going to be a loser for the first two acts, have a big tragic event that then sends him into action,

much like John Wick, and becomes the hero. Beautiful. Okay, I love it. Forest you're up for two. I'm up for two. Yep. Okay. All right.

So I'm going to start with my villain because I think he's a natural choice, arguably the most hated animal on earth. Scar from the Lion King. Yeah. He's awful. He's evil. Everybody hates him. I don't want to hunt lions, but I would shoot Scar in the face.

Zero question. He's awful. He's rotten to the core. Right, he's rotten to the core. Now, in order to combat the dark evilness of Scar and even his bad songs, I want some comedic relief, but not that lighthearted, cheerful comedic relief. Maybe some like real slight of hand, sort of, you know, almost pseudo-intellectual comic relief. So if my comedian role, this is going to be a very mixed cast, is going to be Brian Griffin from Family Guy, just self-serving. egotistical,

like thinks he's an intellectual, even though he's never read a book. So we're going to have Scar on the bad column. Brian Griffin bringing in all kinds of wacky comedy, and I'll come back to my hero. I like that Brian Griffin pick. I'm a little concerned Retepp will take this guy because I feel like it's right in his wheelhouse.

I'm going to take my comic relief. Okay. And it is one of the funniest characters, not only animal, but period of all time. It's one, Bugs Bunny. Yeah. Bugs Bunny Esquire was a lawyer. He was very selfish.

He's hilarious. I remember as a kid, seeing Bugs Bunny walk up to this cow, and the cow just kind of moves at him, and he said, he called him a n-cow poop. And I was like, that's my guy. That's my guy with that kind of wordplay. Bugs Bunny is going to bring the laughs in my film. Very nice. Is that on me now? For two?

Pat, don't look so disappointed. My villain... My villain is brutal. He has been to war. He's very entertaining, as evidenced by the movie he's the villain in. My villain will be... My villain will be Coba from the Planet of the Apes trilogy. He's the main bad guy.

And he is a fucking prick. He's an asshole. He's a dick. He's a great villain. So I've got my comedic relief as elf. Coba's my villain. And listen, my hero is a true hero. And I don't care what anybody says.

My hero is Lassie. Lassie is my hero. And Lassie is very smart. Saves people already, save Timmy from a well. It can alert many, many other people to the cause. There's lots that Lassie can do. Koba is a bitch, though, so it's going to be a battle. And Alf will make you laugh.

Sure, sure, sure. There's something there. Okay. So I, in my movie, when I first started writing, I was taught that when you reveal who the bad guy is, the movie gets less interesting. The fun part for the viewer is trying to figure out who the bad guy is. Who's the one pulling the strings? And so what I want to do is I really want to have a big fucking twist, man.

That's what I'm going for. So my bad guy, my villain, I'm super torn between two. I'm going to go with Pussin' Boots. I'm going to go Puss and Boots. Wow, what a call. Who is so goddamn adorable. The eyes get real big.

You would never think Puss in Boots is the guy behind the guy behind the guy. But ultimately, it turns out Puss in Boots is evil and is trying to nuke with a bunch of nukes completely eradicate a bunch of kindergartens. Wow. To get the milk. To get the milk.

It makes sense. Dad's up. Okay. All right. Wow. Didn't see that coming. It's funny. I went with a similar strategy of the unexpected X, except mine is the unexpected hero.

So my hero, so I've got, I've got Scar is the villain, Brian Griffick for comedic relief, Brian Griffin. Brian Griffith. Words are hard. My hero, someone that I think we can all agree deserves a win. Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

Just Mopee Eey Eeyer from Winnie the Pooh. He's the hero of the show. He deserves a win. Like he needs it. The guy needs it. And so you're voting the whole time when you're watching Winnie the Pooh,

you're like, I want Eeyer to win. I was... Well, I said I was between two for the unexpected villain. It was Puss and Lutz and Eeyore. No way. That is so bizarre. That's cute. That is bizarre.

So how do you win this Battle Royale? It's just the best movie. Which would the Brewster's rather see? What would they want to see? Yeah. What do they think is going to be best? What would they see first? Because you're obviously watching them all.

Look, if you're a Brousner, go and weigh in, leave us a five-star review on iTunes. Let us know on the YouTube if you're watching this. Whose movie would you want to watch? Who wins the BR? You guys know the rules. You've listened to a 361 of these now. You know how Battle Royals work. Give us a buzz.

Let us know whose movie you want to watch. Is it Peters, where the comedic relief is elf, the villain is Coba, and the hero is Lassie? Is it Patrick's, where the comedic relief is Bugs Bunny? The hero is Donald Duck, and plot twist, the villain is Puss and Boots. Or is it mine, where your villain is Scar, very evil, nobody likes him, your comedic relief is Brian Griffin, or your hero in an unexpected turn of events is Eeyore because he deserves it.

Let us know whose movie you want to watch. I think they're all sound pretty good. And Reteb, what's the, what's the thing? Forrest's movie is going to take four hours because Eeyore talks so slow. But sure, if you want to do that, you want to do that. It's the Titanic of cartoon movies. Well, dude, Forrest, great to have you back, by the way. This has been a blast.

Can't wait. I think we'll all hang out soon. I keep saying that, and you keep traveling and things keep happening. But it's going to happen. It is. Oh, yeah. Go ahead. It's coming.

Yeah, so, again, the Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Wild Times pod. Forrest just sent me a bunch of fucking footage behind the scene. Never before seen. Son deleted scenes from Extincter Alive, y'all. This is leaked footage. Yeah. So we will be posting that up there exclusive on there.

It's fucking three bucks. You get a ton of shit for the lowest tier. If you want extra bonus podcast, three bucks. get one extra a month, blah, blah, blah, seven. You're up to four bonus podcasts a month. That's eight fucking podcast. Do it. You know you want to.

Support us. We love you. Patreon.com forward slash wild times pod. All the rest of the links to the YouTube, to the audio. Everything is at the wild timespodcast.com forward slash info. We love you. Thank you so much for all of you who are supporting the show. We're almost to 100 patrons.

That means Retep gets a virtual assistant soon. No. Love you all. Good night. I'm not planning that on booze. 100%. Zero question. Good night, everybody.