Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #62 LIVE - A Beautiful Disaster

Episode Date: June 15, 2021

This episode was recorded LIVE and devolves into a wonderful sh*tshow towards the end! Enjoy! Love you! All the links @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info

We are live. We're doing it? We're live. Here we go. Put my pee pee away because we're live? Yeah, put your peepee away, mate. All right. We are back.

We're live. This is episode number 62 of the Wild Times. Wild times. The greatest show in the world if you've never seen it before. You're an idiot, and that is your fault. Go back. There are 61 other phenomenal episodes to watch, along with shorts, video clips, and all kinds of nonsense.

I am your host, Forrest, Forrest Galante, the broologist, joining me tonight, the most wonderful, the most lovely, the most blurry on my computer end, and I'm hoping not in the live feed. Retep, the brofessor. How are you, Retep? I'm good. You forgot handsome. I said love, right? It's different. You are very smart. I'm going to do an audible love letter to you when you're done telling us how you're doing.

I've got a real good idea. Oh, here he is. He's in the... The dungeon. All right. Just go with the flow. Just keep going. I was just about to say, I was just about to say, let's play a game where I give out one digit of Pat's personal cell phone number every five minutes until he arrives. I like that game. I like that game a lot.

All right. So Retepe is joining us. The timing is exquisite. Papa Pete. The other third of our tripod, Mr. Producer himself. He's here tonight. He's a little bit late, no fault of his.

It's technical difficulties. Patrick, how you doing? Good. There's a record heat wave coming through L.A. It's going to be 105 at my house tomorrow. That's my central air conditioning poop. On Thursday, it is broken. So, a sweltering house.

Misherable. Just covered in moisture. It's as if I've been swimming all day. Water, it's sweat. I smell great. I just want to point out that you're in a nice white, light-colored room, which will help keep it much cooler. You know, you've picked a nice, a nice earth tone for that region. Yeah, yeah, it's a real problem.

How you doing, Forrest? I'm good, man. I flew yesterday. I flew from Seattle, temperature 54 degrees, directly to Phoenix, temperature 109 degrees, two-hour flight. And it blew my mind, because you're talking about the heat wave, that I could get on a plane for, two hours, be in the same country, be only three states away, and it went from 54 to 109. Oh, yeah. It's gross.

I just don't know how anyone lives in Arizona. I have friends that are down there, and one of my buddies just bought a nice house, and it's really, really nice, right? And it's like, you know, half the price of what you would get it for in L.A. It costs the same thing as a can of Coke, so yeah, of course. Right. But it's like, he was like, man, the three months of the summer, you just don't go outside. period. It's like living in

Minneapolis in the winter, but it's reversed. It's kind of like how it's kind of how it is here, right? I mean, it's going to be 109 tomorrow here in Recita, California. I was out painting this contraption today in the, on the back patio,

dude. I'm like, this is, I feel like I'm fucking exercising in a sauna. I have a friend coming from out of town tomorrow. I'm like, yeah, it's going to be 109. Bring your winter coat, mate. Like he's like, what are you even doing? in 109. What are we going to do? Sit in the house and chat. That's it.

It is a record-breaking heat wave. I was looking at the NOAA weather forecast. It's literally a record breaking heat wave that's hitting us in June. Hotest temperatures on record for the time of year. Global warming is not real for us. Shut up. Dude, I can bring a snowball in right now. I can get one out of my

freezer. Prove it to you. So I had a fun experience this morning. I went to the dermatologist. First time I've ever been to the dermatologist. Want to take any stabs at how that went. Well, let me guess. Let me guess. Am I supposed to know why you went to the dermatologist?

Nope, no bizarre funguses, no weird aesthetic things. Basically, my better half just said it's time. Like you're literally, and Patrick, you know this better than anybody. I'm always sunburnt. I'm sunburnt 360 days a year minimum. Uh-oh. I hope this isn't bad news. Not really.

It's kind of wrong. Robert thinks you're turning into an alligator. No, so long story that's not that exciting. I went to the dermatologist. She goes, you have a lot of sun damage all over the place. And surprisingly enough, your upper thighs have it about as bad as it gets. And I was like, you're kidding, right? And she's like, no, do you tan a lot?

I was like, no. I've literally never laid out tanning, never been in a tanning bed. She's like, well, the other people... That's true. I did that one time, but I didn't tell her that. And she says, well, the only other people I see with upper thigh skin issues are those that swim a lot. Are you a swimmer? And instantly it clicked.

I was like, I'm not a swimmer, but I go to a lot of day parties in a speedo. And my upper thighs only see sun at those day parties where they get completely fried, blister, and peel. And that's like a four-time-a-year event for me. And she's like, she couldn't tell if I was joking or being serious. And I was being serious. And apparently that's not good. Well, so, I mean, you got sun damage on your upper thighs. What's the big deal?

Who cares about that? Yeah, like, what is it? Was it just like a bunch of freckles or some shit? Or, like, is she like, oh, you got to get this removed? No, she's like, you're good. She's like, you know, you've got to be a little bit more careful. Maybe wear sunscreen once in a while. And I was like, ha, ha, what's sunscreen?

When you go to the doctor, they always have to tell you something. It doesn't matter. Like, that's their job. Like, you could be in perfect health. They'll make up, like, one thing that you have to take with you. Like, just, you know, the damage. tennis too is the worst. You just floss more, floss more. Fuck, I flossed like, I'm flossing twice a day, and they don't know that. Twice a day. That's not too much flossing.

Dude, dude, speaking to this, man, I brought my dog, Luca, to get her teeth professionally cleaned, you know? Yeah. Because I, I've tried a few times to brush her teeth, but it's not, it doesn't go that great. So they're like, yeah, look, she's a big, she's a big dog. They have less tooth problems. Her, you know, blah, blah, her plaque level was three out of ten, but she's young. They're like, so just make sure you brush your teeth twice a day. Does anyone brush their dog's teeth twice? I literally go, I've brushed them twice in a year. No one. No one has ever done that to their dog. It is fucking expensive as fuck. I had to have like a six of my dog's teeth pulled. It was an utter debacle. It was like a foul while they tried to charge me a thousand

bucks. Got it for like 500 at a different one. Because you know in LA, just for everybody watching in LA everything costs twice as much for no fucking reason whatsoever so if you go like 30 minutes out to like what's called the valley or like a little further like the suburbs of L.A. Everything's like half the price

but dude utter debacle he's missing his forefront teeth. His teeth are garbage now and every time I take him to the vet they're like you might want to consider getting him a deep clean. I'm like how many fucking thousands of dollars do I have to spend on this 14 pound dog? These are things you don't

consider when you get a dog. And even me who like knows a little bit about pets and wildlife, never considered how often I would have to brush my dog's teeth the first time I got a dog. That never crossed my mind. Definitely. Okay. So you do brush your dog's teeth like daily, weekly? How often do you do it? Twice a day flossings. I think, I think that my dog has had his teeth brushed three times. Okay. So I. Okay. All right. This, I was like, now that's bullshit. off. Yeah. Guys.

Yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. We have not, we got to address, we have fucking 1002 people watching right now. One of their names is Dollar Store Retep. He's also Dollar Store Retep, I believe, on Instagram, and he follows me. And I don't know if it's charming or creepy. Dollar Store Rettep, what's your deal?

Tell us in the chat. I think I love you, but also fuck off. I think I love you, but also fuck off. Okay. All right. That's something. I think you just wanted to point out that you have a super fan, Retap. I think...

No, it's not a super fan. I just thought we should address the thousands of people that are in the chat. There's only 100 watching, but there's thousands in the chat somehow. Oh, that's nice. Patrick, how many more times are you going to flex to check out your reflection during this podcast? I mean, it's only been three so far. I just wanted to get a total count early. So what I was doing was I stood up, went to the garage fridge, took a red solo cup,

and poured some ice cold chardonnay into it. So cheers. I was not flexing. You know why I wasn't flexing? Because I haven't been working out. I'm a fat piece of shit right now. Cheers. A fat piece of shit in the saw dungeon, 200 degree heat.

That's what this podcast is all about. It's gross. Dude. So I got to get right into a couple Brosner things that are fucking incredible. Love it. Number one, Bro and Robert reached out to me, and he had asked me for a picture by Cat Lemley. Oh, yeah. I said.

me up with this. He hit me up with us. Good. Rep, you're going to love this. I was like, sure, man. So it took me a while because I'm an idiot. And then I sent him a picture of Lemley. We will post this on our Instagram. He took a picture of my cat and made what he calls the Neil Waters bookmark, which he had in a copy of Forrest's book. It's a bookmark with like a really cool image of a thylacine.

But then when you sort of tilt it and the light hits it different, it just morphs into my cat Lemley. What? Amazing. After Neil Waters' fake silencing sighting. I got sent this. Do you have this will that you can show everybody? Because this is a work of art.

Oh, my God. Dude, he sounds like a full-on hologram. Oh, yeah. Pat, have you been following the impeccable workout routine? Have we made any dollars on that yet? You know, impeccable was never about, it was never about making, helping people. is the way that I said.

Just tell you people, yeah. I have been embracing it because, remember, with impeccable, because you don't really have to watch what you eat, because you're not worried about your abs, just do some lifts. And that's what I've certainly been doing, especially because I had Taco Bell for dinner last night. You did.

That wasn't a joke. So we all got the group text. You actually did $50 worth of Taco Bell damage last night? $51. That included delivery fees. Oh, boy, we ate it all. Big moves. How do you feel about that?

Oh, dude, I was, I was stoked. I was like, but I mean, I knew it wasn't really $50 because Pat's too rich and lazy to actually travel to Taco Bell. So I knew it was being delivered. And I was, I looked at the receipt and I was like, what the fuck is this $7, $7 fucking service charge on, on Grubber or whatever it is? So there's like a delivery charge. There's a tip. There's a service charge.

It was literally like 50% of the bill was fucking charges. And I was like, oh, this. Yeah. I only got $30 worth of Taco Bell. Dude, postmark. Postmates really fuck you, man. It's ridiculous. You really do.

Yeah, it's $30 worth of food. It costs $51. Yeah, that's nonsense. Fucking bullshit. So I got to... Could you turn your mic up a little bit? It might be a little low. How do I do that?

Like this? Is that better? Does that do it? I don't know. It's... I don't think so. Okay. A lot are in my earphones.

Head phones. Broster is in the chat. If you can hear Forrest better, let us know. It sounds perfectly fine. All right. It's fine. We're going to move forward from this. I got a DM from a brosner this week.

Andy Strange 61 said, I thought this was a weird DM. He might be here to stand up for himself. Otherwise, I'm just going to tear him apart. He said, can you guys ask Forrest what is position on neutering dogs? What is his position on neutering dogs? Just curious to hear his opinion. Before I go on my typical sort of animal rant, your thoughts. Retep, you go first.

Neutering dogs? Um, I mean, mine's neutered. I wouldn't want him having babies, so I think it's fine. Uh, I mean, you can't, I don't know, man. I'm intimidated when I see a big, a big old fucking boxer or something, big nuts hanging out behind him. I think we should just swap them off. So you think we should get rid of the big nuts just because it's, it's just not a good look.

It's aesthetically unpleasing. Yeah, that's fair. Okay. Is it, is it fair? I don't know. It's an idea. Yeah, I think, I mean, I would say we've got plenty. fucking plenty of stray dogs and euthanized dogs running around.

So I think, yeah, I think help control the pet population like Bob Barker says. Nooter your goddamn dogs, people. This is a very cut and dry case. This is very simple. If you are trying to breed dogs, totally fine. Otherwise, there are 200 million stray dogs worldwide. 200 million. There should not be 200, let alone 200 million.

They do not have good lives being stray dogs, and they only create more dogs because they're dogs, and they go around humping each other. Neutering dogs is a fantastically good thing. Dogs are an animal that we have created through selective breeding to be here as a human beings companion. If you let them go out into the streets, if they become a stray or a feral creature, they are a problem. They're a problem for wildlife. They're a problem for people. They're a problem for the environment. They're a problem for diseases.

neutering dogs is a very good thing. I cannot understand anybody that would speak up against it. So there's my last point on that. By the way, Rectap, you're taking a lot of fucking you're getting the business in the YouTube. Your webcam sucks, and it's because me and Forrest both have Macs

and you're using some jury rig thing you got on fucking Craigslist with your weird. What the fuck is a jury rig? It's a... What a fizzio computer? I got a visi- I got a fucking Hewlett Packard from 93 Roll.

Upgraded rank. I got eight gigs of ram in this bad boy. It's 30 years old. Do you still get to see the little flag when Windows powers up? Oh, yeah, dude. I have that above my bed in the fucking bedroom. I'm a big Windows fan. Also, fuck off with your Mac.

Dude, Pat, all right, first of all, I'm going to call you out real hard right now because for a lot of the people here... I'm some people who really want to hear it. I mean, I don't even know how to reason. That was ridiculous. What are you doing? fucking but anyways last fucking last week we did a bonus podcast

it's on the Patreon listen I'm gonna be nice I told you I'm gonna be positive I'm not I'm not gonna be like angry about it I thought it was fucking hilarious but Pat literally in the bonus podcast we were like it was nine minutes of him moving his computer from room to room the mic wasn't working he was switching mics to max by the way

I actually think that was my favorite podcast we've ever done because Patrick from a calm shade of washed out white that he currently is to redder than a beat. And each time he popped on the screen, it was a slightly darker red shade to the point that he looked like he was living in a creola box. I mean, it was incredible to watch him get so angry as that progressed. I loved it. It was one of my favorite moments on this show. Honestly, me too.

I watched it on the big screen yesterday, just the nine minutes. and like it's just it's fucking gold man I just love how the brosters are your laptop that's great I'm not the only one who gets made fun of by the brosters Forrest did you see this is my favorite piece of news in months months if not go here I saw it I love it I know what I'm going with

yes of course the real life Pinocchio man the real life Pinocchio A lobster man in Cape Cod, a lobsterman, was swallowed by a humpback whale this week. Oh, my God. He said he was near the surface and felt a rush of water, then suddenly found himself in total darkness, not even knowing what's happened. He could feel the heat of breath and then realized he was surrounded by the muscles of the tongue and mouth. He claims he was in the humpback.

seconds as he thrashed around trying to escape before he saw light and then was violently spit back into the water. This was witnessed by a bunch of other lobstermen who then took him to the hospital with minor injuries. It's the best piece of news. I'm just like you. I think it's the most fun piece of news I've seen in so long. I think that guy was in a, I think I had a VHS tape, a porn tape with that guy starring in it. This is a second big role, dude. Who'd have thought?

Fucking swallowed by a humpback. Was that the name of the porno, too? I, so this is something that every single time I go out diving with my broie buddies, and we're sitting on the boat. We're about to go spearfuge. Dude, would you swim across that channel where the sharks are? We, what if you got eaten by a whale? It can happen.

Like, this guy just got scooped up by a baleen whale. I mean, I think it's absolutely hilarious. I'm going to go out on a limb here. If I could have this happen to me, I would. I would. I'd experience this. It sounds insane. I would do it too if I knew that I would be at the only minor injuries in 40 seconds.

Well, of course, yeah. This is definitely, I feel like, one of Pat's experiences that he could create. He did it in one battle royal. It was amazing. I actually think that you won that battle royal where you created this amazing experience. The fucking getting swallowed by a humpback whale experience, you just go in 40 minutes. You come out, you have a nice meal of whale when you get out. And then you, no.

No, no, don't want to eat whale. Not a whale meal, I'm just kidding. But dude, so if you keep reading the article a little bit, it turns out that the same dude survived a fucking plane crash in the jungle. I'm just going to say that. This guy is a legend. Is this a bad luck guy or like what's the story here? No, he's alive. I mean, he's a good luck guy, man.

I'll take his luck. I feel like... I feel like some creepy cable network right now is trying to, like, rig some stunt where a guy's going to get swallowed whole by a whale. Remember when the Discovery Channel did the one where the guy got swallowed by the Anaconda? With Paul Rosalie. I know Paul. And he's like a pretty legit dude. And he did the worst show that's ever been on air period.

It's proof. That's how I feel about you, Forrest. Oh, thanks, man. Just kidding. I love your show. Especially the naked and afraid one. That one was amazing. Thanks, man. And by thanks, I mean, go fuck yourself. Yeah, baby.

No, for sure. Brosner's, I don't know if you guys saw this. It was what, seven, eight years ago now, Patrick, maybe a little bit longer. And they did, I think it was called Swallowed Alive, where they had this guy, Paul Rosalie, who I know, who's like a pretty legit herpetologist. He's about four foot nine, so it makes sense. Try and get eaten by the snake and then regurgitated. In order to do that, he put on, like, one of those dog attack suits.

So now he went from, like, a skinny 4'9 guy. He's not really 4'9, but he's really short, to, like, you know, the Michelin Man. Snake couldn't do anything about it. Couldn't eat him, of course. Snake was basically traumatized. Show was terrible. Like, it was just a disaster. Yeah, that's top to bottom, nonsense, man.

But Kristen Nicole just said in the chat, she said, what about a shark? Can we just do an hour on how bad? television is because we make it and I know it's not good um there's some good shit some of it is brother just yeah survivor yeah what is this what is we'll pull up here oh that's actually being eaten by so wow that's fantastic um oh no that is actually from me is him wearing his michelin man suit uh-huh oof what was it so it was a green and Anaconda? Why did they pick a green anaconda, for example? Is that just because it was so, they're so big? Yeah, I think so, which is also the wrong reason, because reticulated pythons eat way more people than Anacondas do.

It was just a mess. I feel bad for Paul because it definitely destroyed, like, his image and credibility. And I think he just did as, you know, the production company told him to do. And in hindsight, I think he really regrets it. Is that, so that's got to be, that's an interesting. thing to bring up. Do you, do you have to fight battles where you're like, no, I'm not doing that fuck off, like when you're out there and shit? So I'm lucky, right? And I think Patrick will say the same thing. Patrick and I became very, very close friends, obviously, very, you know, pretty quickly into working together. So there was never any fighting. We'd argue we'd throw beers at each other, you know, nonsense things, but there was never any real fighting. But Patrick was essentially my boss,

right? Like he pretty much created Extincter Alive. You know, it was his idea. He was the executive producer. And so he was my boss. And he'd be like, let's do this. And if I didn't want to do it, I'd be like, no, let's not do it. And instead of being a dick about it, he'd be like, all right, well, what's a way that we meet the same goal, basically? If it wasn't, you know, say it was an interview, right? And he wanted to get this piece of information, but I didn't want to ask that question. Because it wasn't like we scripted the show. I would just say, like, I don't want to ask that question. And be like, well, what's another way we get the same piece of information? So it was always easy for us to work together. But and Patrick can give way more. insight to this than I can. Most production companies have these like dickhead showrunner producer people and they're just like, this is, it's like drill sergeant. They're telling you what to do. And if you're like a naive scientist like I absolutely was or Paul is or whatever, you just do as you're told and they can destroy you because they can just make you, they'll tell you to say things that aren't real and so on and so forth. Sure. Yeah, I met a, go ahead, I just before we moved on from just been thinking about this.

Forest. Yep. Lobstering off the coast of Catalina Island, where I know you do go do some lobstering, right? You get swallowed by a humpback whale. So it's about 10 seconds of discombobulation, and then you realize you're in the mouth. The tongue muscles are surrounding you, as he said.

Sounds sexy. Do you do? I mean, by the way, you're not, hey, I'm going for a fun ride. like, hey, I'm fighting for my life. This thing's diving. I don't know the answer to be honest. No, but what would you do? What would you think you would do?

I think I would just like panic, kick and scream and not just jerk things off in my face because I know why you're laughing what that looked like. I think I would just literally like start punching and kicking. I think the logical thing to do is to like try and get your feet under you and like open its mouth, right? but I don't think you have any kind of mobility. I think you're just pinned.

I don't know. I really don't know. What would you do? Well, do you usually carry a knife with you when you're down there? Always. I mean, would you just start stabbing with the knife? Do you think you could get the knife? I mean, its tongue is pressing you.

I don't know. I'm imagining that I have access to my knife. Okay. I grab the knife. In the tongue. I mean, look, I love whales, man. I made a show about saving whales for many years, but if it's me drowning or giving a whale a canker sore with my knife, I'm going to choose that. I'm stabbing the whale repeatedly in the tongue and the roof of the mouth.

For sure. That's real dark. I don't know why I asked that question. I just took us to a dark place. No, that's all right. What were you even talking about before that? I don't know. Retep's penis.

That's right. It's like a stepped-on Coke can. I think we lost for TEP. We'll keep going. We don't need them. We don't. We don't. No, I don't know what you do.

I don't want to get swallowed by one. I think I've told the story on the pod before, but if not, I'll give an abridged version. I was diving. They have these, like, Air Force, like, cell phone towers off the coast of Marco Island, Florida. And I was diving there spearfishing. I had these flashers on my fins to attract fish. And I started coming up in the Merck. I don't know if I've told the story here or not.

I think you did, but I kind of want to hear it again. So just go for it. Anyway, we're diving in the murk. It's super murky and gnarly. And I start coming up from the bottom. And I did see some big Jewfish Glythe grouper on the bottom and was like, oh, like gnarly. Those are 600 pound fish.

And I'm swimming up. And all of a sudden, I basically just feel like I just get stopped mid kick. And I look down and this jewfish has come up and my whole thin. and half my leg in its mouth and grabs me and turns and starts to pull me down. And I like to think, oh, yeah, like, I had a spear gun in my hand. I shot it in the face and swam away. I just panicked for three seconds and then it let me go and I swam up to the surface. Like there was no, there was no, like, logical like, oh shit, what do I do?

And maybe if it had gone on for another 30 seconds, I would have. But at that, you know, when that kind of thing happens, you're just like, fuck. Like, there's no logical thought that takes place. Dude, here's an example, right? You know when you're swimming and you get a Charlie horse in your calf? Yeah. And your calf just, it turns a little. It turns a little.

Number one, it's the worst pain any humans fell, including childbirth. I don't care. It's so bad. When you get a Charlie horse when you're swimming, it would take you at least 30 seconds before you could do anything tactical in that situation. It's 30 seconds of just pure, like, woe is me. Fuck, I'm drowning. Oh, my God.

before you get like, what do I do now? One time we were spearfishing and my buddy Ricardo, who seems to always get weird cramps in his legs, he got a weird cramp in his leg. And he was literally like two feet from the back of the boat. And he called help and started sinking because he couldn't, he didn't decide to grab the boat or just like doggy paddle with his hands. He got like a double cramp and like couldn't move his legs.

And he was like, help, help. And we were like laughing at him instead of helping him. And he got like four feet underwater. stuck his speargun out and somebody grabbed his speargun and pulled him up and they're like, what are you doing? He's like, I can't swim. He's like, literally drowning. Please save me, guys. Legit, I'm the closest thing I've ever experienced to that is like, you know when you

when you'll like wake up in twilight mode like in the middle of the night or something and you're like kind of awake but you can't move and you can't breathe? Dude, like I got to imagine that some of the shit that you guys go through because obviously I just sit in the office all day is like, That's how you feel, but I've never really experienced it. But it is fucking terrifying, dude. Sleep paralysis, they call it. Not ever an experience.

That's because you get your dose of it outside for us. You don't have to experience. It's like a wet dream. If you don't masturbate ever, God will just masturbate you at night and you'll have a wet dream. So I just get normal paralysis here. Yeah, you're doing your outdoor masturbating on the reg. So you don't get it.

All right. That's something. Pat's not impressed. to add to all. No, I'm reading the chat. I'm actually reading the chat. What's good in there, mate? Anything going on?

Let's see what the... There's all sorts of shit going on, man. There's a lot of compliments about Retepe's looks. Have you been reading these? People are saying it looks like Jeff Bridges. Yeah. It's great. Dr. Hyena's experience sleep paralysis.

Here's an interest. It's great. Alice is, right? I am reading the chat, Billiam. Hello. I love the word. I love the name Bill. By the way.

So sleep paralysis is like it's adjacent to some paranormal stuff because legit and you know it's just what people report obviously but thousands and thousands of people who go through sleep paralysis during something called old hag syndrome and it's very common for people who have

sleep paralysis to wait and open their eyes and they're in their room but there's an old woman's sitting on their chest, making it so they can't breathe. Yeah, that's weird. And they can't breathe or move because she's their chest and she's looking at them. And like thousands of people independently in many, many countries have experienced this thing called old hag syndrome.

So like some people that are into paranormal ghosty stuff have sort of taken this thing and ran with it as like a paranormal experience. I've had sleep paralysis a few times. I've never seen an old hag. I would obviously not still be here if that happened. You have a story, though, I'm trying to remember it. You woke up and you saw someone at the end of your bed. You remember you told me this story years ago.

Do you want to tell it? Am I embarrassing you? I don't care. Tell the story. No, it's actually not that embarrassing, dude. I was just my last place. I mean, this was in the last like four years. I woke up and there was a small Asian kid probably about 10 years old,

standing like where my knee was, like on the side of my bed. And just standing there in my bedroom as clear as did. Broken into my house, gotten up to the third floor, and was standing next to my bed in this dark room with just a little bit of light coming through the... You know, I... If a 10-year-old, someone's in your room, yeah. So I, like, jumped up and, like, did this, like, big Superman punch right at the head. missed, like belly flopped on the bed.

Yeah. Of course, my ex-girlfriend who was sleeping in bed at the time, got to me like belly flopping down on the foot of the bed and I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. That's hilarious, man. It's weird, man. Like, I was in the room.

Everything was there except this like 10-year-old little Asian boy in my bedroom. I don't know what that was. Dude, I, I woke up. I was camping one time. this is years ago, just after high school. Me and my buddy drank like 30 beers, and then we were sleeping in the same tent, and I was fucking shit-faced.

But I wake up, or I'm awoken to him just slapping me in the back of the head because I had gotten up and I was peeing in the corner of the tent. And I was just like, I had no fucking idea, and I woke up, and I was just like, what am I doing? What's going on?

This is insane. It wasn't like I was just like I was, drunk, but I just got up, woke up, and took a pee in the corner of the tent, and then was slapped in the back of the head and fell in it and had to clean it up with my pants. Did you guys see what Inus to Winnis just wrote? It's so good. I kid you not. Read it.

I lay on my bed listening and watching. My five-year-old Asian child just wandered in silently like a little creep. And I don't know. So good. That's fucking brilliant. Like a little creep. By the way, sorry for people who are saying my mic's going in and out. I just sort of tightened all the connections.

Hopefully that fixes it. That's a pain in the ass. Sorry. All right. Listen, Wero, 0237. Forrest, do you think that there's a chance that the Warrwulf to be extant? You've asked the question 43 times in the 12 minutes we've been on the show. I will answer you.

I do not believe that the Wara Wolf is still extant. I hope that answers your question. Stop asking it. Wait, what is a Wara wolf? Well, it's a subspecies of wolf. Let's see, what can I tell you? It's from Wara? Well, Wara is the Falkland Islands.

So remember we discussed the Falkland Island thing? We sure did. We wanted to go there because it's interesting, but, you know, it's a tiny island. There's no predators there. You know, it looks like a small dog. I think we'd know if there was a wolf in the Falklands. I'd love to go there. I'd love to go to the Falklands.

Wasn't it Mark Romanov who said it's like the coolest place he's ever been? Yeah, he said it's his favorite place he's ever been to see wildlife. Just watching orcas like pull sea lions in and tons of penguins everywhere and apparently it's amazing. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's go. Let's have that be our first excursion as a group. We'll take Retep.

Oh, yeah. I'm doing this other project right now and I'm not going to lie. I miss Extincter Alive very much. It's fine. This other project's great. It's no EOA. That was the greatest. By the way, fucking Mason Kleister,

who was on a couple podcasts ago, just asked me what I benched. That's just such typical meathead zookeeper behavior, bro. Yeah, so what is it? Yeah, so answer the question. I haven't lifted anything but dumbbells in my garage. A half, so I have a set of 70-pound dumbbells is the most I've lifted in a year and a half.

so that is technically my max right now. Fair enough. Just once or twice? Not 15 to 20 reps, boy. I like that. Inpeccable. Extinct impeccable, he's hitting him. We brought up extinct stuff.

I had something that has been sent to me by literally every person I know. Did you guys see that in Argentina, for the first time in over a century, an area where these animals were regionally extinct, they spotted giant river otters, which are arguably the cutest weirdest animals in the world. So this was like a big deal for them in this particular region of Argentina. Nice. I didn't see it. Tell me more. Tell me more, bro. I'll just...

Let's see. I mean, so there's these giant otters. They call them wolves of the river down there because they are like very ferocious, big predators. They're pretty common throughout South America. But in Argentina, they've been extinct for 100 years or so. And so, you know, they were just classified as gone. And then basically just randomly they were doing a survey, and sure enough, here swam a river otter.

So a family had moved in from outside of the country and began to repopulate the region, which I think was just incredible. So like when these subspecies forest, do you feel like when a subspecies goes extinct that people care a lot less because they don't get the difference? Like, oh, who cares about this river otter? there's other river otters.

Well, this, I don't think this was a subspecies so much as a regional extinction. And I think that also is something people don't care about that they should. So what I mean by that is if you go, river otters are no longer in Argentina, people go, well, that's fine. They're in Paraguay and Chile and, you know, so on and so forth. But if you go, there are no more river otters, then people get upset. And it's the same thing with like, you know, if you go, hey, this small, subspecies that looks just like this larger species or other subspecies is extinct, people go, well, I don't get it.

Like, it's still, it's kind of like the, yeah, Dr. Haina just pointed it out. It's like the northern white rhino, right? Like they, I don't know if you guys saw this. They just declared the northern white rhino functionally extinct as the male died because the last male there were two females. Nobody cared though. I care, you know, I think the Brosner's care. But on a whole, like, it's circulated a little bit in the news for a hundred.

half a day, nobody cares, because they go, well, there's plenty other rhinos. There's southern white rhinos. There's black rhinos. Like, nobody cares. If you went, this is the last rhino, the last male rhino period, I think people would care a lot. And that's a problem. Like, that's a, that's a, that's, because the genetic diversity between subspecies is critical to, you know, keeping healthy populations. And so being like, oh, who cares that the northern white rhinos gone? There's still southern white rhinos. Like that, that, that is, I think, the general mentality that Patrick's referring to, and I think that's a problem. Sure.

I mean, just in general, fucking people don't give a shit about anything in recent history unless it's right in their fucking face, dude. I mean, global warming, all this shit's going on. And, you know, nobody cares that fucking we're not going to be able to live on the earth until it affects them personally in some way. I mean, that's how. It's hard to get people to believe anything until it's basically. too late, right? Like, people don't

really care about an issue. Like, for example, oh, I like it a lot. I enjoy it. It doesn't affect my job. I'm not an alcoholic, but I love alcohol. Is it good for me? No, it would be, this is what it would take for me to stop. Either a doctor said, hey, man, your liver's really fucked up. Then I would

stop. Or like, you know, if I got fired three straight jobs because of it. So it's not until it's too late that I will take the threat seriously of this delicious poison doing damage to my body. And I probably won't live as long because of it because I like it. Right. But you're also like if your friends came to you and said, Pat, it's affecting us, our lives personally, you're drinking.

You'd probably make an effort to change. But right now it makes you change my friend group, yes. Correct. Exactly. Exactly. Ah, that's good. You know what I do you know. No, I get re-saying for us.

Yeah. It's making you meager. What if it was making you meager, Pat? And that was the only consequence. Would you quit drinking? Look, Dr. Haina, you are fucked. You are, yeah, I am. You have to fight you.

Now, I love Dr. Haina, mate. Yeah, he gets. Forrest, what were we just? Hold on. I want to warn you guys. I got an a-oh. I don't know if the brosters can read this. Can you guys read this?

Hi, it's AT&T. Hi, it's AT&T. There may be a public safety power shutoff in your air. area, we're working to keep your wireless service on. So if I disappear, it's not because I hate you guys. It's because AT&T decided to text me a very pleasant message about how they're going to turn my power off. I thought you had cocks, mate.

I have cocks for cable, AT&T for cell phone. And for some reason, AT&T is texting me about a power outage. So I don't know. What the fuck is going on? It's fishing. I'm showing it to you here. I don't know why they're texting me. But if I disappear, this is why.

Well, Jordan Boyle just said, apparently my internet's getting shut down for God knows how long. So I don't know if he's in Southern California. But yeah, it's probably because of this heat wave. They're probably turning people's power off. This is America. We're power cycling now. This is what we've come to.

Guys, I know we have a shitload of news stories to get to and whatnot. But there was something hilarious that happened yesterday in L.A. And I think it's nationwide. But Joe Rogan, obviously, huge fucking podcast. She's got hundreds of millions of listeners. You've been on there. somebody fucking did a skywriting proposal here in L.A., like asking somebody to marry them.

And then after the proposal wrote, Joe Rogan is 5 foot 4 in skywriting just for the hell of it. Just for the fuck of it. It's the most ridiculous. I want to see this. Will's pulling up. It's right there. Wow.

Joe Rogan is literally 5 foot 4. It's just. And, And by the way, I read the article. It's estimated that the whole fucking thing costs like 10K. I was like, wow. To write the whole, to do it all, including the Rogan thing. But the whole stunt, like 10 grand.

How does skywriting work? Can someone explain this to me? I've always wondered. Because it's not like the plane goes like Z-L and then turns off the paint and then goes Z-Z-I. No. How does Sky-riding work? I don't know, but it's got to have a fucking thing.

at the back where like you can actually control it or type it in and it just like does it as you go or something that's got to be how that was not the explanation that was not the example no no like it's got a mechanism in the back and then you control mechanism at the back it's not like he's fucking doing loop-de-loops and trying to create the letters there is a fucking robot arm mechanism that's spraying out the fucking letter shit i don't believe that so matt make any more specifics it's GPS flight plan with smoke i don't believe that the plane is not doing a y shape he's not doing The plane is not doing a five shape as it flies in a small. That's not correct.

So it's putting out smoke in a pattern somehow. I don't know. I don't get it. How many Joe Rogans can Pat take? I like that question. Pat, how many Joe Rogans could you take? No, it's how many Pat's, how many Pat's would it take to beat Joe Rogan? I would say probably like 10.

Minimum. That's a minimum. That's a three. That's, of course he would. Have you ever seen that guy kick a fucking heavy bag? I have. Terrifying. He's gnarly.

He's gnarly. He said, yes, it is, forest. So I'm wrong. That is how it works. I'm an idiot. By the way I said? Thanks. About the guy writing.

Sorry. Exactly how I works. When you cook a lobster forest after you've caught some out in the Channel Islands or whatever it is that you do your thing, how do you cook your lobster? My favorite way is what they call Baja style. So you take the whole lobster, say this is the lobster, and you split it down, vertigo. So instead of cutting it in a half that way, like tails here, heads here, you split it all the way down, put it on the old Trigger grill, slather it and butter, flip it over into its shell, cook it that way for about 10 minutes, gets a little bit of crispy on the outside, nice and tender on the inside, pour a whole lot more butter on it and go to town. Well, how do you kill them? How do you kill them?

Is it with the knife when you cut it? Is that how you kill them? Yeah. So there's a couple ways, I don't know where the story is going. The most humane way I'm told is to throw them in the freezer. What I do is I shove a knife between their eyes, and that seems to do the trick pretty quick. Well, let me tell you this. If you ever kill me, knife between the eyes, not stick me in a freezer, please.

No, freezer? Okay, got that. I thought this was interesting. Restaurant tour in Maine, obviously they're known for their lobsters. He wanted to set himself apart in his restaurant from other, everyone else who serves lobster, right, in Maine. So he thought If I could reduce the anxiety Of these lobsters before they die Then they'll have less of these like bad toxins that get released into their system

And it'll preserve the delicious Because animals shed all these toxins right When they're stressed out and they get They get stressed out and they release this stuff that makes it taste less good I've heard this from hunters at least Okay So what's doing is blowing a bunch of pot smoke in their face getting them stone to shit.

No way. This is real. This is scientific. Surely scientific. That's what we call sciont. He's keeping his lobsters high on THC so that they're less stressed out so that when they finally get cooked, they have less toxins and the meat tastes better. Listen. I mean, I don't know.

I haven't tasted it yet. If you're listening, sir, please send us some of your. you're stress-free lobster. Here's the fucking problem with this theory. It's absurd. If somebody drugs me and I don't know and then wants me, I'm not relaxing.

I'm fucking freaking out, dude. If I was to get stoned and not know like what being stoned was and all of a sudden, I'm just like having an out-of-body experience. I'll tell you what, you think that until you've taken morphine, sir. Wow, that's different.

Dude, morphine, you could be in a plane crash where like you walked into the front of the plane and the pilots were both beheaded and if you were under the influence of morphine, you just be like, bad, this is so fun. My favorite. You can't, yeah, you can't be stressed. At the time you go to the doctor,

they ask you, are you allergic to any medications? Right? That's like number two question on the questionnaire form. Yeah. I have one answer and one answer only that I'm aware of. I don't know of any food allergies. I don't know of any, nothing. I don't take anything.

you know, nothing. But I always write down morphine because the one time that I've been on morphine that I know of, I had a small operation, I had my shoulder put back in in a rugby game, came to my mom was standing overhead and the doctor was standing overhead like both looking at me, punched my mom square in the jaw, punched the doctor square in the nose and was like yelling. And I don't remember any of this, but my mom woke up, my mom had like a black eye slash not like full black eye, but like lower into her jaw. Doctor was like, get this fucking guy out of here. And I like, apparently, I woke up screaming,

punch my mom, punch the doctor, and then like went straight back down. So the doctor was like, don't ever give this kid morphine ever again. So that's my one morphine experience. Oh, man. My favorite drug story like that, though, is yours, Pat.

I don't know if you told it on the podcast, where you took like a full Xanax instead of like a quarter of it which is what you were supposed to take like people don't understand Xanax and like you're supposed to take like a quarter of a milligram and it comes in two milligram doses

if you just take the whole pill yeah you're gonna like black out and fucking take a shit in the in the cockpit or something it's ridiculous yeah thankfully I was at home when I made that gath which would have been nice because I would have just died in my own bed

for us one of the brooster wants to know, why didn't you watching your mom square in the jaw in your book? I wonder why I didn't put that into writing. Did the editor cut that out, or was that you that edited that part? That was never part of this. I was like 12,

13 years old and not bragging about punching my mom in the face. So yeah, no, not some of the planning to make it into any book. We should have her on an interviewer about the experience to see how she's feeling about it. Patrick knows my mom and I mean that with no

sexual innuendos. And it would not be good. She would tell a lot of terrible stories about me. Sounds like a bonus episode. It's going to go on the Patreon. Oh, dude. Yeah, we should. We should do it on the Patreon just so that not everyone sees it

so that your career's not ruined for us. That would be better. We should do that because your mom's hilarious, obviously. She's at it. I mean, I was talking to her mom. Forrest and I went to Zanzibar, as people have seen Extincter Alive, known, I just was obsessed with these elephant doors. Describe an elephant door for us. They're all over Stonetown or whatever it's called.

Yeah, they're these giant wooden doors. They're like this thick with wood so the elephants couldn't bash through them. And back in the day in Tanzania, you know, elephants were trying and get into the houses and things. So they put these massive metal spikes sticking out of the door like a big rows of them. So if the elephant came to push in your door, it was too uncomfortable and it wouldn't do it. And yeah, they're beautiful, these giant doors. So they're all over the capital of Zanzibar, or, you know, the main city, whatever. I don't know, it might be the only city in Zanzib. They're so cool. And I was like, man, like, we should start, you should buy a bunch of these doors and import them back to the U.S.

Like, assholes in Beverly Hills would pay like a hundred grand apiece for these doors, because they're so beautiful. And I was saying it in front of Forrest's mom, and I'm going to try and do her accent. Tell me how good this is. She was like, oh, pets. I don't know if that's even close. Wait, keep going. Keep going. She was like, she was Irish, but please. Every accent that pet does is Irish, dude.

She's like, oh, Pat. She's like, I used to have, I used to have my own bush plane. And, uh, sorry, this doesn't sound like that at all. I was trying. But you can keep going. It's a mess. She used to, I used to have my own and I would fly around to villages in Africa. and import furniture, basically.

She would, like, go around and collect, like, amazing, like, wood pieces and furniture, just flying her own plane from village to village in Africa. Yep. Yep. Wow. That's pretty cool. Yeah, for sure. We got to have her on.

We had elephant doors, like, very, very similar to the one Will has up now was our front door in Zimbabwe, because my mom collected two from Tanzania and replaced our very normal door with these things. So that was what the entrance to my home growing up looked like. Well, as Logan Tress says in the chat, they should put the bell when Retep's hungry and they're trying to close. I'll be driving to the Taco Bell, no delivery. It would be a really funny episode. It's impossible to do because my mom doesn't know how to check email. But one day, we just promote that there's a podcast and we just have all three of our mothers sitting in our respective locations with the headphones on.

Just doing a podcast. No context behind it, nothing. Just let them go. Oh, God. I could be an utter debacle. I just got so much anxiety just picturing that that like I don't feel good. You're dumbed up. So speaking of elephants, there's another piece of news that's been, it's like gone viral lately.

And it's interesting because it's a problem that apparently has been going on for quite a while. Have you guys seen these escaped? elephants that have been... Yeah. Yeah, taking almost 300-mile trek across China. Yep. Mm-hmm. I read...

And I read... I know nothing about this. Can you explain? Of course. I can. Is that my mom's accent? So there's this group of elephants. I think it's like 12 or 14 elephants.

And they escaped... I'm trying to see if I have the details here. I don't know. Like three or four months ago, right? First thing that happened, China tried to, like, cover it up. They're like, hasn't happened. Not going... not going on. And so they sent these like military blockades to basically clear the path of the

elephants ahead of them so people wouldn't see them, but they're elephants. So it took like a couple days. People started catching on. These elephants have now traveled 300 miles from the National Park area that they've escaped from. Their Indian elephants, they've caused over a million dollars in damage. They're just like napping on the highway and like walking through streets. And And yeah, the Chinese government is continuing to spend money to basically just clear the path ahead of these elephants to stop them from killing people. And yet they don't seem capable of catching or relocating them or doing anything about it. So the whole situation is pretty hilarious, except unless you're the elephant. Yeah.

So, but I mean, they're trying to protect them, it sounds like, to a degree, instead of just like, you know, fucking killing them. down with machine guns. Yeah. Oh, of course. Of course. Sorry, I should be clear. They are very much so trying to look after the elephants. But like, I talked about this and I have to be careful on the public YouTube. I talked about this on Discord about some of the work that I recently did with elephants. It's not impossible to move elephants or catch them, especially when they're standing around like that. And it just, I kind of understand why they would be spending. My guess is there's not a lot of people in the country of China familiar. with elephant translocation, but why not capture and re-release them back into the park or into a more safe park? Why let them continue on this 300-mile journey that they started on June 2nd

and just keep clearing the way? It just seems very bizarre. Well, I mean, come on. Like, we're talking about China here. No offense. And it's just, but I mean, it's not a top priority for them. I'm certain of it. So they're not. But they're still protecting them. I don't get it. Here's my thing. I don't get it. There's this herd of elephant. You could definitely put them back. China certainly has the resources to do it.

And yet they're just like clearing the path and it's sweet that they're looking out for them. But why are they not translocating them? Yeah. I mean, probably, but I mean expense for cost. Probably, right? They've cost over a million dollars in damage so far.

How much would it cost to? Yeah, yeah, sorry. Go ahead. and tell you from personal experience about $14,000 an elephant. Interesting. Yeah, that is weird then. If you want specifics, yeah. Exactly. $14,206.

Yeah. Sex. Yes. Yeah. But, dude, you know, the picture that Will had up before, before this one, and then he changed it. Sleeping? I had no idea. That's how elephants slept.

They all lay on their side. They're all laying on the. same, oh no, one's facing the other way. I didn't realize they all kind of cuddle up like that. I've never seen this photo before. This is super cute. Holy shit. And they're now approaching, I don't remember the name of the city, but a city that

has a populace of like seven million. Wow. Okay, Rampage. I don't know how that's going to go down. This fucking rampage. What are they going to do when they get to that? A great reference to an old joke with the, well, we know one thing.

No elephant is countering pollution. That's a reference to our, uh, our, attempt to go to China and work on Extincter Alive, which is very well-played, sir. Nice. I can't believe, the fucking, the brocesters no more than we do about the fucking show. I swear to God. Is that so? He froze for you, too, correct?

Yeah, he's frozen. I said nothing, assuming that everybody else could hear him, but I couldn't tell. And there he goes. There he goes. Visually he's gone, too. It's all right. He'll be back, and he'll be a slightly darker shade of red and he gets back. But here's...

Oh, wait, there he is. Now we can hear you, Pat. Go ahead. I'm in the... I'm watching the YouTube. I'm there. And Riverside records the video better than what you... There's a...

There's a delay. To not react to it. You fucking... Ah, you guys are amateurs. There is a delay, sir, on YouTube. I believe you will see yourself frozen in a moment. He's definitely going to freeze on YouTube without no doubt. Tell us your story, though.

You're back. Tell us your story. I just was going to... going to say that BTG, when he came on the podcast, drank about a gallon and a half of white Russian

forest. No way. And he got properly buzzed by the end of it. He said he was so goddamn hung over the entire next day. I feel like the Brewsterers are like a little disconnected from Forrest right now because like he never just drinks a whole gallon of

milk and vodka. Challenge accepted. Give me that cream and liqueur right now. Yes. I dare to do it. That podcast, I literally like my stomach hurt from laughing so much. And at first, BTG has these fucking one-liners that are like, I don't know where his brain comes up with this shit.

And it's just constant for the whole time. And then as he's doing it, he's getting more and more smashed by halfway through the podcast. It's just like slurry, hilarious one-liners and great stories. I was like, Australians have the most uncanny ability to say ridiculous things that nobody else could ever think of that make, like,

I was talking, if you've never seen The Honey Badger, you should give him a look. He's a professional rugby player. There's an interview where a guy goes down to him, and he says a lot of stuff like this, and he goes, like, oh, how to go on the field there?

And he goes, oh, yeah, listen, mate, I was busier than a worn-out bricklay and Baghdad out there, trying to get some meat. You know, and as they threw me the ball, I was sweating like a whore in church. And like he just says these like colloquialisms the entire time without actually saying

anything that means anything. And somehow at the end of it, you're like, okay, yep, I get it. I get what he said. He said 400 extra words to communicate the point, but I get it. And it was funny the whole time. Dude, it's weird how communication works that way. I mean, like you, yeah, you just get the gist of it somehow, even though like the words themselves don't make sense.

I mean anything. There was a lot of that going on the BTG. Dude, he's great. He's so much fun. I wish he was a full-time patron. I wish we could replace Patrick with him, to be quite honest. He's like a better Patrick. We're going to have to replace Patrick with something because he's frozen with a very

creepy face on his face. I just wasn't. I was waiting to see if he was rejected or not. Everything you said. Listen, there's one around me. There's rolling blackouts happening in, in L.A. All right. So what else have been going on?

Well, you guys, so I was on an expedition this week. It was only a week-long thing. I was in the Pacific Northwest. What were you doing, mate? Had some fun. I was on a shoot, doing a smaller, definitely a less remote, less wild expedition to our typical style. I was investigating a bit of lore. and legend that I thought had a biological answer behind it.

We had some fun for sure. But the most exciting part of the shoot, I would say. Maybe not the most exciting, but the most delicious, was we hit the PNW, Lake Chalon, at a time where the foraging was unbelievable. So we got Morels, Porcini, Cat Tales, Wild Spinage, Wild Onion, Rose Flower. We fermented our own beer, or a mead, actually, to make Patrick happy. Be, yeah. So we took, we took pine pollen and a few other like basically wild spices, put it in this jar, put in brewers yeast, honey, and water, and left it overnight.

And it was like a delicious kombucha that tasted very piney the next day. Drink that, cooked up all the mushrooms. Fishing was bananas crazy. I mean, it was like one in every three cast I'd catch a beautiful size cutthroat trout, which were super. Wow. Yeah. the meat was so pink and beautiful. I mean, it was just, whoo, it was a good trip. Yeah. I mean, dude, that's, that's fucking amazing. So it was, was it like an exceptionally,

was there a lot more than normally would be as far as like when you were getting the mushrooms and foraging and all that? Like everything, you know, with like hunting, fishing, faraging, there's times where it's on, there's times where it's dead. We just hit it right. It was just on. The mushrooms were fruiting. The pine sprigs were young. Like, everything was the fish were biting. Like, It was cold as shit. I was freezing my balls off up there, but it was, it really had everything going on. It was very fun from a wild forage food standpoint. It's funny.

It's interesting because I was in the exact opposite place this past week. I went camping in Joshua Tree National Park, and it's a desert. And really, I mean, like, there's nothing there to forage four. There's some little chipmunks and some trees and a lot of dirt, and it's very hot. but, dude, it is amazing because the Joshua trees grow. It's the only place in the world that they grow is there. And there are these funky, like, trees, you know? And you're just like, so when you have something to look at that's, you know.

What are you in Joshua Tree? I just went camping there with a couple of buddies out there. No service, too, dude, which is... Do you know how old Joshua Trees get? I don't. How old? Did you know that they were an old tree? I knew they were an old tree, but, I don't know how old.

They get to a thousand years old. They're one of the oldest living creatures in the world. Dude, I feel like that. They don't compare to the bristlecone pine, which are also found in California. Correct. A lot of them are up in, uh, Inyo National Forests, about four hours north of L.A., over five thousand years old. They kind of look like Joshua trees.

They're not very tall. They're not twisty, Tim Burton type trees. But, uh, they are parents. in fucking years old. Hey, look, there's someone He's in stitches, man. People are fucking hilarious. Well, as someone named Hunter Biden in the chat, I don't think it's the real

one. It is. It could be. But he keeps talking about Parm. Pat should do less Parm. Do you think he was on Parm? Does anyone know what the fuck he's talking about? Parmesan cheese, man. The very first thing he posted, I was

monitoring was, what are your favorite three cheeses? And then after that, he just kept saying Parmesan, Parmesan, Parm, Parm, Parm, Parm, Parm, Parm, Parm, Parmarsan. That's not bizarre at all. Listen, man, people are weird, including us, so, fuck it. Parmesan. I love it.

I love it. Marmesan is not a good cheese. I'm sorry. It's not, don't, no. It's good on things, but it's not like you can just, I mean, take a bite of it, right? Correct. Let me explain to you. You might fucking find us.

I know, to hear about, you know, stories and just drink of drink, and whatever, but I'm going to tell you a tip here. Parmesan cheese is very... Very strong. Here's the proper use of it. You get shredded parm, right? Not the grated kind, shred it. Put it on any sort of Italian dish you're making,

whether it's meatballs, a lasagna. If you do it on a pizza, it's going to kind of dominate. But what you do is you put a layer of parmesan cheese on the top. Okay. And then you broil it. You broil it, and you put it right. Right? As close to the broiler as possible, where the heat's coming down from the top to where it bubbles up. And you want to let it get really bubbly where it almost looks like it has smallpox, right?

So the whole thing's bubbled up. And then you kill the broiler and even a little black. And something about the way that fucking, I don't know if it caramelizes or whatever it is, but that broiled parmesan layer on the top of any Italian dish takes it from a six to a nine and a half. So in other words, what I'm hearing is Hunter Biden, he knows you, he gets you. You just have a three-minute explanation of Parmesan cheese, and he's just been saying Patrick Parm, Patrick Parm. And you know about it. It worked.

Yeah. Have you ever had cheese curds? Have either of you ever had cheese curds? Yeah. What is a cheese curd? What is a cheese curd? Are you cottage cheese? No, I've had it.

I had it when I was in Chicago. I had it the same day I had deep dish pizza and I hated both. Both of them, back that I ate them on the same day. See, cheese curds are delicious for us. What is it, though? It's an unaged, it's an unaged of the cheese making process, right? So they haven't taken on flavor yet. I think the curds that you get are usually taken from a really young cheddar.

So they haven't taken on the aging. Develop that specific flavor. So it's like eating a fetus of cheese, a cheese curd. It's the veal of cheese. All right. Real quick. Real quick. Top three DFL cheeses.

Go, Forrest. Go. Ooh, good call. Okay. Good call. Number one, Camembert for sure. Get the,

that's not even a real cheese. That's not a word. It's like a green, but a little bit blue. It's like a sweet. It's a nice cheese. It's a nice cheese. That's why I know it.

That was the top three. I fucked up because I didn't start at three because you put me on the spot. Number two, smoked guda. Oh, smoked guda. Love me some smoked guda. Yeah, smoked guda is a treat. Okay, okay. Number three.

Yeah, just, oh, no, number three, Chevra. You know, the goat cheese? Okay. Goat cheese. Love it. And dead fucking last? Feta cheese. It's a joke. Oh, what a ticket.

Yeah, terrible. Pat. Pet is a joke. Top three, DFL. Cheese is go, mate, go. three is going to be a Dutch Gouda I don't mean to sound bougie

I've been to Amsterdam I had a friend who went to Amsterdam and brought me back A 10 can someone first quote I don't mean to sound bougie I've been to Amsterdam Those were the exact sequence in which he said the words Those were Dutch

So no but the age Listen You motherfucker I'm listening The way they did in the Dutchland they age it and it develops these

salt crystals that you can see and it's salty oh it's so fucking good that's number three sounds good I'm gonna go number two you know what I'm gonna go with a very

this is crazy this is me getting I'm gonna go with a mild cheddar I used to love it I find mild cheddar to be more snackable now because you can eat

it doesn't offend the tongue as much. It's not offensive to the tongue. Yeah. And of course. You take your dentures out and suck on a nice cube of mild yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Hang on.

What else? Hang on. Number one. You're going to go with a good scimorza, a good mozzarella. I mean, of course. It goes on pizza. It goes on all. Great. It's snackable. The capraise is the fucking best. It's not a salad. It's just cheese and tomato.

Correct. Mozarella's number of people who can't live without it. Probably number one food I couldn't live without. Red fucking last. What do you call, hold on, real quick. What do you call, like, it's like when it's in mozzarella, but it's in a ball and it's super soft in the center? Barata. Barata.

Barata. Burata. I could eat barata like an apple. That should have been my number one. Next time we're together, I'm going to, I will buy that for you. I want to watch you eat barata like an apple. Mm. Quit rolling down the beard.

What's your dead fucking last, Pat? I'm excited about this. Oh, man. The crazy thing is, I love all cheeses. You know what? I'll tell you what, and I used to love this cheese more than anything. Provalone. Here's why.

Wow. I went on a trip with some friends, and we went to Costco because we got this big Airbnb. And we bought, we were like, look, we're going to be drunk every night. Let's get, like, a bunch of English muffins and a bunch of provolone and a bunch of tomato sauce so that we can just make, like, pizza bagels at 4 a.m. every night, which we did. And I would wake up every morning and the entire

house was draped in this mushroom cloud of provolone stink. And it's completely like I can't eat provolone anymore. You guys missed a very, very delicious and amazing cheese and I can't believe it. Fucking Munster. No,

Munster cheese is delicious. It's good. It's so fucking good. It's unique. I've even considered it. I'm going to go, monster sharp cheddar because I gotta get that Zing and then fucking number one string string cheese which is technically

mozzarella. You can't say that that's not even like are you an adult? No I'm not you can buy a 100 pack of string cheese you can buy a 100 pack of string cheese from Costco and I will eat it in one week I'll tell you that much sir. That's insane what you did. Am I dead fucking blue? Blue cheese is literally I like a blue cheese.

It's literally like what you scrape off the underside of a toilet bowl seat. By the way, idiots, because Jocelyn Jocelyn Veson says DFL Velveeta. She is correct. That is definitely the DFL. I don't know. DTF.

I like me a little melted belvita on some chips. That's good. That's good. So you got your shetrel mushrooms, your fucking handpick. truffles, you got your lobster that you harvested, some venison that a buddy gave you, your elk from Joe Rogan, and then just a bowl of melted velvita. That's the meal? Once in a while, you know, not every day. You ever just take yourself some noodles, throw a bar

of velvita in there, call it mac and cheese? It's a drink. Yes, well-strunk all the time. It's a go-to. Oh, man. I'm not around in bullshit. Last week was kind of stressful. It was like everything was like rushed in what we were doing. Now I'm just sitting here. I'm on my second drink. Good whiskey. This is good. That's great. I've been feeling fucking like good this past couple days. Relaxed, fucking nice. Not, not angry. Not as angry as usual. Retap. One to 10. What's your stress level? Well, the text combo that we had going yesterday raised it up a little to probably like a six. But shortly after it was right back down to a one or two. And it was the first time ever, has apologized to anyone

in his entire life. No, that's not true. I bet Patrick explode at me and apologize five minutes later. A couple different time. A couple different times. I have never ever in my life for more than six minutes. But in the six times I'm mad,

I'm a fucking Tasmanian devil. You're terrifying. It's scary. You can break my nose and I won't stay. The guys that work for us gets so scared of Patrick. I think they start shaking. And I like sit there as kind of smirking, laughing. And then three minutes later, he's back

to completely normal. And they're still terrified. And I, like, you know, it's like, it's like, you're tap. It's like it doesn't, I don't even notice it. Well, it's, yeah. But we have these guys that work with us. And I've seen it because Patrick turns red in the face, too. And he gets so angry. And people like, cower in fear of him. And I mean, I actually get a little nervous. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. And then three minutes later, it's gone. But everybody else still stays scared. It's really funny to be around. It's literally, well, dude, you and me, like, even in the text thread that was happening when he exploded, you, you and Will both were doing what you just said via Texa, like kind of chuckling about it. Yeah, it's funny.

Yeah, because it's funny because you know that it'll be over in five minutes. And then he texts like, yes, sorry, stressful situation. And of course, I've known it's a decade, so I know, too, like. You, you hand to Mr. Fleet because you then side texted me, and it started with. I love you, bro, but come on, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, my perfect reason to be done with this. Totally. Totally.

Yeah. Because you didn't handle it like a steroid gorilla like you usually do. No, I definitely did, but, you know, it is what it is. I mean, fucking, it's not like when you're a fucking male full of fucking thriving testosterone, coursing through your veins, ripped and handsome like me, you don't just take shit from people in a group text, dude. You can't. You can't.

Things inaccurate about that statement. Like, there were just so many inaccuracies in that statement. It's hard. You're drunk, Forrest. Get off. I am. I am drunk. Wait, so Forrest, real quick.

Will you be able to talk on the bonus podcast on Patriot, about where you just were? Yeah. Yeah. Look, there's not a single executive of Discovery Channel that's subscribing to our Patreon. They won't do it. They'll do everything in their power to not give Patrick and I money. They're not going to subscribe to our Patreon. So I will talk, I'll talk your ear off about what we're doing over on the, over on the old private page, no problems. I love, I love that after you mentioned how BTG got shit-faced, hammered. Yeah, for us.

He immediately poured another drink and now he's shit-faced. Yeah, he did. That probably subconsciously really pissed me off to the point of drinking more. He went from. went from drinking a white claw to pouring himself three figures of unknown mysterious moonshine. Dude, I just had a hard cackle at Hunter Biden in the chat. Retepe ate an entire school of neon tetras at Petco the other night. It's the most fucking random ridiculous, hilarious thing. Dude, there's very few things that make that sinister laugh, which really comes from the diaphragm.

Good job, Hunter Biden. That's a good joke. I like it. I like it a lot. Hey, Forrest. No, no, go ahead. No, no, go. I was going to go to the Battle Royale.

It sounded like you had something you wanted. Mate. Yeah, I did. I was going to say, Will, why don't you pop on for a little game of Factor Fiction? Haven't played in a while? I know you've got a bunch of them lined up. It's been a hot sec. I don't think any of us have taken the time to read the show doc.

So why don't we play a little factor fiction? if WT will love it for it he's here here he is we can't hear you well you're muted you're muted unmute on mute there you are he moved to Boulder and it's pretty much a shit

dude I'm still not in Boulder I'm in New Jersey have three shirts and a suit for a wedding and nothing else is the longest move in human history it is taking this wedding I don't want to

I would have had to go back and then go back for a wedding and then go back again. It's just like bullshit. So, just staying in here. I'm moving in two weeks up. Well, is you the guy who says he's moving away? So that every time you go. Yeah.

It's good. 100%. That's a low brown move. Will, that is a low brown. My own is in Boulder. Everything is there. Even my wallet's there, too, guys. I mean, whatever, you know, if we go out, like, it's fine.

But my wallet's in Boulder. But it's also my last. People are... Yeah. What a terrible human being, WT. Willie is. Will, let's go. Factor Fiction, what do you got lined up? Wait, Pat, or hang on one sec.

People want to know if there's going to be a giveaway for us. And since you're hammered, I feel like you'll give away even your egg behind you or just cash. Just name it. It's yours. Just name it. We'll give you something. I don't know. How does that even work?

Factor fiction, they guessed it first? No, that couldn't work. It's only two answers. No. I think we'll figure something. Let's do a giveaway. Let's do a giveaway. What should we give away?

We could do a book. We can do a book. If you haven't got a copy yet, we could do. Where's my copy, by the way? Can I enter into that raffle? Because I've heard that I mentioned in it. But my nine-year-old niece bought it in a rat. Received one yet, you cunt.

You need a signed coffee. You smell a lawsuit coming on. Yeah, that's fair. You do need a book. Patrick, you need a book. We can give away a book. She loved it, by the way. Did she?

Let's do a book. Let's do it. my niece Danny she might be actually she's probably like 11 I don't remember anymore but she loved the book I write at a nine year old level so that it's some of course what do we do a signed book for us

let's give away one more book a signed book holy shit nice that's big time it's amazing more of those lines made two permission license to make more of those lemely book back there well uh bro and roberts who is the genius behind the bookmark

said he's going to send us a couple dress So he's going to send us some. I got extras on the chat. So he's in. Okay. So boom. Here we go.

Signed book with Broin Roberts, Neil Waters, bookmark thylacine slash Lemley the Cat. I want to fucking, how do I enter? Yeah, I want one of those too. You can't. You can't.

All right, I can't. All right. What have we got? Let's go. All right. It's been a while. My chops here. Well, you don't still have your fucking mic.

Yeah. You start like you're living a wild. washing machine. Am I quiet? You sound like you're broadcasting live from a sperm whale's anus.

Switch your input, well. All right, just out with it. Screw it. Fuck it. It sounded like

you're saying something you weren't. Now he's now he's muted. Oh, man. We can't hear you at all. Wait, hold on.

You guys hear this? You guys hear this? Forrest's hair is all bad now. The key is just disheveled because of what... Well, you're ruining my night. Oh, my goodness. Man, we couldn't hear him. Why'd you have to mention the fucking...

Yep, we shouldn't have done it. That was good. It's good. It's not good. This is bad. We are amateurs at this. Well, you guys are. Well, we can move forward. We don't have to do factor fiction this evening, unless Will can get back into the show.

No, Will, look at him. I can see. He's like, no, no, no, go. Will, switch your audio again. I feel very sorry for all of the Brosners. Hold on. Here he is. You should know us?

Good entertainment, Matt. Will. Now we can't hear him. All right. That's great. Forrest is drunk. Retep apparently eight neon tetras. Okay, go ahead.

What are we doing? Ready? Yeah. One factor fiction. Okay. Here we go. with aluminum. Did he just fall over?

That's crazy. This is crazy. Dude, everybody, it's the apocalypse in L.A. Okay? It's 200 degrees here. Heat's not working. Fucking forest is getting texts from AT. Pat, you there?

Here. Everyone can hear me. Okay. Start over. There is a beetle. There is a beetle with luminescence. So bright. That it's been used to light.

emergency surgeries in the wild. Fact or fiction? Hmm. Forrest, your first. This, Forrest is first. Based on Fern Gully, I'm going to go fact. Based on absolutely nothing, I'm going to go a fiction, sir.

The answer is, this is true. Fiction. This is, no, this is true. This is a fact. Alrighty. I'm trying. This is brutal. Forest is drunk.

Pat is cutting in and out. Will can't use a mic. And, I mean, there's nothing wrong with me. My camera looks great. You're a treat to be around. I'm a real treat. I think nobody's getting it. Nobody on the two.

This is a minute. Sure. Cut it. Sure. People are loving it. People are loving it. all right uh forest looks high rather than drunk hey dirty why don't you tone it down a second well so we we are going to give away the signed book with the bookmark somehow it'll be on

instagram maybe we'll do some kind of fucking factor fiction on the instagram how about that maybe or something we'll figure it out we'll do a giveaway package frozen it's just retep and i here tune in for the next the next one or no how do we do we do giveaways retep do we just pick someone at random that's here? Like, what do we do? Yeah, I mean, it's different depending on the game that we play. So, you know. Funniest joke?

I mean... Funniest joke, best review, best shit. Okay. We'll figure it out. This just seems weird. Well, that's because you're drunk and or high. Here's what we're going to do. Here's what we're going to do.

We're going to do it right now. Right now. Okay. In the chat, write down something negative about Patrick, and we'll pick the funniest one and you win a book. Go. I'm going to read them out loud as we go. This is what we're doing. This is how we're giving it's my book. I can give them away any way I like. This is not a participation trophy kind of situation. You got to write something negative about Patrick

and you potentially could win a book. Inis to Winnis leads the way with his first hilarious comment, his choice in friends. That is very funny. Oh shit. Oh, Edwin J. said Patrick eats pizza with a fork. That is incredibly insulting. Pat smells. Nah, that's kind of weak. Patrick has the temperament of a second grader. Very true. Patrick's room looks like he's a set of Texas chain cell mask. True, we've heard it before. His art skills are that of a no-arm. Patrick is tacky and I hate him. Yeah, that makes all of us. Pat is as meager and strange as a star-faced mole rat. Very good. Oh, damn winner right there. There. I am predicting a Matt McHugh win. Okay, come on, guys. Let's stay true here. He's having testicle difficulty. Oh, boy, geez. These are not Papa P. P anymore. It's Papa Elvin the Chipmunk. Bros. I've been listening to your podcast. Come on. Patrick rotates the square of his Tetris. Patrick seems like he's totally clueless in trying to catch up. Patrick can only bench 70-pound dumbbell. Patrick wants to be forced. Pat is a legend. Chicken skin is really funny.

Pat's mom is a nice funny. The only cheese Pat enjoys more than parm is cheese that percolates on his forehead and his human chief head. I like that he dropped. Pat, welcome back. I've been here the whole time, assholes.

I hope you're hearing these. These are so good. Trenton's sensor. Pat's brains are in his muscles. Patrick looks like a crappy off-brand Coyote Peterson from Kristen James. Alexander Bauer. Patrick will spend a $500 to find the perfect

pizza but won't spend more than 10 bucks on a mic. Patrick swims with his shirt on because he's self-conscious about his muffin top is really I've done that. Pat, how are you feeling? I like all of these. Brotato chips is funny. Microquotics. Yeah, they're just going hard at me here.

Patrick has Mexican internet. I don't know about that one. Kevin Kitts. Pat is what blob. fish think when they imagine something ugly. Pat, all right, here's my winner. I've picked it. It's the most insulting thing

you can say to an alpha male. Patrick sits when he pees. Mason Kleist, you just won the book. Sign copies. Is that Mason? Zookeeper Mason? It is. It is, in fact. Mason, you just want a copy of the book. Patrick definitely sits when he pees. I've heard it. You know, you can tell when a man's peeing. You can hear

it through the other door. Patrick goes into the bathroom, silence. Obviously, sitting when he pees. I think that's hilarious. You're winning a signed copy of the book. You deserve it. You're a great guy. Patrick, I don't know if you heard how we set this up. I heard every fucking thing, by the way.

The problem is with this app. It is not with me or my Wi-Fi. I refuse to believe it. That's fair. Everybody, Browsner, please, please, go to Patrick's personal Instagram and leave these comments on every post on his Instagram. That'll be fantastic for all of us to read and enjoy.

Pat, you've come back. You look great. kind of with a nice lens flare and a very loud, temporal A.C. unit in the background. Forrest, your shit-faced. Anything else before I do the out? Nah. Oh, tell the thing, the Discord thing. No, not Discord. What's the other thing? Patreon.

Yeah, that's the out, Forrest. He does nothing. Okay. I'm just going to go back to my whiskey. Good night. Good guy. Guys, Pat, anything? You good? I just can't wait to hear you botched this. I never botch it.

Everybody, thank you for joining us. It's so much... Hey, we're getting a lot of comments about Battle Royale. Oh. Oh, shit. Yeah. We got to do Battle Royale. By the way, by the way, this was the Patrion submission from Jennifer Baer.

Oh, yeah. Let's do it. Let's hear it. Battle Royale idea. Sorry. Oh, yeah. It's a fucking mess. I love it.

I got to get my friend. You're each in an arena. To the death with an animal. You get to choose your husband and one animal companion to help you fight. Here's the twist. You get to choose the opponent each of the other bros. Opponents must be chosen first, extant only, snake draft. Good luck, gents.

Oh my goodness. And so just to be clear, Am I picking one opponent animal that you each get or one each? I have no idea. So you get to choose yourself one, one weapon, one animal companion to help you fight. Here's a twist. You get to choose the opponent animal for each of the other bros. Got it.

So it's four of them. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So you have not that drunk. Okay. Good. Patrick, you set it up.

Who goes first? Retef's going to go first this time. Well, your guys is. Animal. But we're 0237. I pick Pat's Wi-Fi for your guys' animal and weapon. No. All right.

So my animal, so I get one weapon and an animal. All right. My weapon is going to be, God damn it. Just a, I can't go first. Just a giant fucking machine gun. All right. I got a machine gun. That's valid, right?

Very original. Mm-hmm. Very original. Okay. And my, all right, so I have to pick. That's it. That's all I pick, right? Right now?

We'll only get one pick for fucking a year and a half at this point. Okay. So it was processing this. Forrest, you're up next. Okay. All right, I'll go for a pick. My battle animal is going to be a, Silverback gorilla. My companion, silverback gorilla. And I feel like you always go silverback.

I do. I want one to fight for me. Okay. So I'm unclear on what these other, one to help me fight. I get one weapon. I don't know what the other two are doing. I, yeah, do we, do we fight? Are we pick? I thought we were picking each other. Come on. This is getting messy. So your, your companion animal is an animal that's a fight on your team. You get a weapon. I don't believe it's an animal, just a weapon. Retep machine gun. And then you pick the third compatriot to the other two teams. So in other words, Retap pick machine guns. You have to add one. Exactly. Then you add to Retept's team and you add to my team. Understood. Understood. Okay. What I'm going to do is something really sinister and shitty for my first pick here. Okay.

I'm going to add a sidewinder, a sidewinder to Retep's team. The reason being is they're very squirrely snakes. They're very hard to control. They're very hard to kill. There's no way you're going to be able to train it to do anything good. I could have gone with a more venomous snake, but I like the sidewinder because I just feel like the way it moves is going to scare you, Retep, and give you a lot of anxiety. You will have a, a sidewinder snake on your team. Next, I'm going to pick my weapon.

Okay. I'm going to take a Viking warhammer. Ooh, that's nice. Now, there's a reason why I want this. It's about a 10-pound block of steel on the end of a piece of wood. One side's got a big spike. The other side has basically what looks like a hammer mallet. I feel like I could do a lot of damage with that.

I'm going to be very encouraged by the medieval. nature of my weapon, which is going to really bring out the temper and the worst in me. And I think that's going to be a good start for me. So Retep's already dead from the Sidelander. I have a Viking. I have a machine gun, mate. I've killed my sidewinder and all of your animals. It already jammed, so you're fucked.

All right. Retep, you go again for another pick. I do. No, wait, me. Sorry, me. You went first. Do you know how a fucking snake draft works for us? Not, dude. Apparently not. Okay.

Come on, guys. Get it together. That's my fucking bit. I've got my companion animal. My weapon of choice, the thing that I'm going to use to combat you guys. Very simple, very clean. I know how cat-like my reflexes are. I don't need a warhammer. I don't need, I'm not compensating like Retep. I don't need a machine gun. I just have a lightsaber. Just a nice lightsaber. We're going to cut through everything like butter, deflect Reteps. Machine gun advances. your Warhammer will do nothing against it.

Lightsaber. All right. Didn't know we were doing fake weapons. Okay. Is it my turn again now? It is. Let's go. What do I got to do here? Pick an animal?

All right. So I'm going to pick an animal that will rip pets face off because nobody likes it. It's very angry. It's terrible. He looks very grumpy. I'm going to give him a chimp because he'll have no control.

over this thing. He's going to think that he's trained it and that he has control and then it's just going to turn around and rip his face off. They'll do that. They will do that. They will do that. Typically, it will be the genitals first, so good pick either way. Yeah. Nice pick.

Okay? Yeah. Yeah. So, now, now I get it. I have another pick. It's an animal for myself. Hold on. I'm Googling. Calm down. Googling. What is animals?

question mark. No, he wrote what is animal. Animal. All right. So now I need an animal that will wield my fucking machine gun and spray everything with it. Does it have to wield the, or is it just my companion? No. However you want.

All right. You're a legit idiot. You're a dumb person. I'm not a dumb person. Let's stay positive here, Pat. All right. You're right. I know it's hot.

I know you've been having some sex troubles. You're a legit dumb person. Just calm down. You're right. Thank you for positivity. You're correct. You're smart. Okay. So my animal that I will fight alongside of is going to be a fucking hippopotamus, okay? That's it. I'm just going to have it next to me. I'll have a machine gun and I'm going to ride a hippopotamus. Fuck off. You're a machine gun and a hippo. You're pretty good. Pablo Escobar, motherfucker. That's who I am.

I'm just going to say you're basically Pablo Escobar. Yeah, good. That's what you're basing it after. All right, Forrest, what are you adding? Let's see, so I got a silverbacked gorilla on my team. I'm wielding a lightsaber like a fucking pro making Luke Skywalker look like a little bitch. Yeah, you're basically dancing. I am, but it's like the ribbon dance where it's really mesmerizing. It's beautiful.

And so what I'm going to do, I'm going to give Patrick a creature. Retep's got, you know, Retep has got a sideliner. He's already dead. Patrick has a chimp. Maybe, maybe he masters the chimp. Maybe not. So in case he does not, things are crashing down around me. Yeah, I heard that.

Oh, and he's not a fire, dude. Yeah. So I'm going to give Patrick a very adorable bunny rabbit as a companion. Because I know Patrick, and you might think that he's tough. You might think that he's hard because he always shows up in a tank top and a backwards cap. If he sees that bunny rabbit get killed by Retep's machine gun or my lightsaber, he's going to break down emotionally. And once he's destroyed emotionally, he's done.

That's it. I've won at that point. He's adorable little bunny rabbits. He's going to get very angry for three or four minutes, and then he's going to cry and pet the bunny and cower in the corner. No, it's emotional terrorism. That's what I'm going to. Okay.

I see what you're doing there. I'm going to see that move, and I'm going to one up you. I'm going to give Forest his animal. Now, I've given Reteppa a sidewinder that's going to attack him violently and undo him. Okay. Forrest, I'm going to give you one moth. Now, here's why. One moth.

The moth is meant to sort of... You're going to be so confused by why I've given you this moth in a jar. You're going to open the jar, and it's going to fly away. And you're going to realize that I must have some plant. that is so perfect that I was willing to... It's going to... Emotionally, mentally. It's going to put you into a full-on tailspin,

and you're just going to sit down, cross your... For my squad to come kill you. And you think I'm the drunk one in this game. Okay, then. Yeah. Yeah. A holistic thing that I'm doing there, it's going to win me the game.

And... Different approach. Yeah. And then... that I'm going to have with me to do this I'm also going to have a moth on my team

um yeah I mean I'm not sure what's going on but I've never I've never as much as I like it I'm fucking on a hippo with a machine gun and there's a side line here's the problem we always take the same animals

we've been called out for it we're always taking gorillas African bull elephants black mambas and hippos? More preparation next day. First, you can't take a bowl. No, I couldn't. That's why I went guerrilla, and it was... My favorite part of this battle royale is going to be Forrest trying to repeat...

I got it. I know how to do it. No, I know how to do it. I've been thinking about it since we started. So, Retep, let's just get through this because it's got my mess. Wait, you just sign me an animal. I have to sign you an animal, then we're done. Okay. So is it near you?

Your animal, you're planning of a moth? A moth for me and a moth for you in a jar, please. Christ almighty. All right. So is it you next or me finally? You go. All right. So I am going to assign Forest a fucking hornet's nest.

Fuck off, mate. Okay. I like the expedience there, sir. Well done. Very fast. Yeah, no, that was well handled. So you have a hippo, you have a machine gun. You've got a sidewinder on the ground, likely stomped by your hippo.

Nothing scares a hippo. What am I going to? You know what, Retep, you just get a rabid honey badger, just on your team. Just pissed off angry honeybagger. He's going to ride the hippo with me, baby. Maybe you might just kill us all with him on the day. Yep, you might just kill us all. You might get eaten by him.

I don't know. But here's how it breaks down. Give us a vote, guys. Retep has on his squad, he's riding a hippo, he's got a machine gun, and combating him is a rabid honey badger gifted by me and a chimp gifted. God damn it, that's not right. A sidewinder, a sidewinder. A sidewinder, I'm sorry, a sidewinder gifted by Pat.

Patrick over here as wielding a Viking Warhammer for some unknown reason to both him and everybody else here. He's got a moth as his fighting companion. Is that a pen in your hand, Pat? Pencil. That's me, I was clicking. He has been assigned adorable Bunny Rabbit because if he sees it killed,

it's going to emotionally destroy him. He's also got a chimpanzee that could rip him to shreds. I, on the other hand, have a civil-back gorilla that is going to be wielding a lightsaber and killing everything. What's a civil-back gorilla? It's a very well-behaved gorilla that works in a Senate office. Slivel-back. And what the hell do I have? I have a moth in a jar, and what did you assign me, Ritap?

I gave you a fucking hornet's nest, made. A hornet's nest. Ooh, lots of stings. It's very confusing. I don't know how this one works. The four was very, very off. It was so hard. And a hundred and two people are still watching this.

Let us know who won the Battle Royale. You guys are awesome. I'm going to sign that book. Don't even, don't forget about it. And we should also send one to Jenna Faber because this battle royale was a fucking bet. And her Patreon perk as being a honorary broologist. We tried. We tried.

We just didn't understand the four. we're not smart people it's too hot out like we're not very clever uh do the thing retab I'm great I obviously won I'm fucking riding a hippo with a machine gun with a fucking honey badger

on back as well bat put your pencil down everybody else pick your pencils up and write down the wild times podcast dot com forward slash info for all the links the wild timespodcastcom forward slash patreon if you want to support

the show. We post fucking four or five times a week. There is a ton of shit on there. I think there's 23 posts on there, including extra podcasts where me and Pat did one years ago and we're fucking releasing those. And then... The behind the scene shit. The behind the scene shit's here. There's behind, no, deleted scenes from Extincter Alive. And behind the scene shit from Forrest's current excursions. There's all kinds of shit on there. You, if you join, one tier even has a fucking voicemail number. You can leave voicemails for us. We'll play them on air. other shit, all kinds of shit. Let's go to the Wild Timespodcast.com

forward slash info to find all the links to everything. Listen everywhere. This has been a fucking colossal mess, and I fucking love it. I'm going to try this. You ready? Everybody? Yep.

Is this working? Can you hear this? Okay. Now hold on while I stopped the recording. We love you, Brosners. Love you guys. Don't call me meager, though. It's not nice.

You're not meager.