Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #72 - Forrest is Back!

Episode Date: August 23, 2021

The Galante is back from a month long adventure! He has much to tell and you don't want to miss it. Also a CLASSIC battle royale. Which animal concoction will destroy the others? Patreon @ https://patreon.com/wildtimespod All the links @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com Pigtrash @ https://pigtrash.com  

Wild Times. Yeah. Woo! We're back. I'm back. You guys never left. But I am back. It is the Wild Times podcast, episode number 72.

That is so many, so many episodes of Wild Times. I'd like to say that I've been there for 72 of them, but I think I just missed like a foursome chunk. So it was a big lot. But if you're joining us for the first time, I am sometimes your host, the bro. ologist Forrest Galante. Joining me on the Wild Times episode number 72, Mr. Patrick DeLucah, the producer.

What's up, Patrick? Dude, I am, it was very hard as we were setting up to not start talking about your stories from Brazil. I'm being excited for this all day, man. Yeah, there's some fun stuff. There's some good stuff to discuss. And joining us in that discussion will be the one and only PhD in podcasts.

TEP. What's up for Tep? What's going on, gentlemen? Happy to be here. Happy your back, Forrest. Got a nice little cock tease of the stories while we were setting up there. I'm excited to hear more. I'll tell you what.

Baby Yoda hat, by the way. It's nice. $7 at home goods. Check it out. I won't. It's not a sponsor. We don't have any sponsors, actually. We don't.

Dude, I will say, so we did a couple without you. Yeah. We had a guest. It was good. So Retepe and I did one solo. and then we had a guest last week dude named Josh Feldman and he's a treasure hunter

he's been on TV a bunch I got I got Brostner DMs about how great he was not kidding Oh good He was fucking awesome Yeah I heard his stories Were outstanding

Yeah we should have them back It'd be fun to have the two of you together But I will say thank you to all the Brosters Who were very effusively like Because there were a couple people That posted on YouTube comments like Yeah I love you guys but only listen when Forrest is on.

Which is fine. That's fair. Totally fair. I'm not mad. You know, still great to have you. Just hit mute and let the YouTube video play so that we still get the view count. Like, come on.

Yeah, exactly. But then a lot of people were like, you know, just really complimentary. Like, you know, just love the banter guys. Like, keep doing it. You know, if Forrest can't do it. You know, we love to listen. So thanks to everyone. But I think this podcast, you're going to do a lot of talking here, Forrest.

Yeah. Because we haven't talked to you in almost a month. Five weeks. Where were you? I was gone for nearly five weeks. Yes. Oh, my God. So many stories. And by the way, I'm not making excuses for not being here. Look, this is an adventure in wildlife podcast.

If we were here every single week, we'd have no new stories for the podcast. We're going to have to disappear here and there to go and make new stories for you, you brosners. That is part of what you signed up for when you started subscribing to the Wild Times podcast. So no excuses. That being said, I'm happy to be home. So I was gone for, yeah, nearly five weeks. Started, man, it was, boy, there's a lot to tell you guys about. So I'm doing this new Discovery Channel show for Discovery Plus.

Things are going well. It's fun. It's different. It's certainly not extinct or alive. It's quite different to that. You know, it still deals with wildlife, of course. It's the only thing I know how to do. But I, so I had two shoots back to back.

first of all, and I actually got to back up and tell a very real story about this in a minute. I didn't tell even you guys this. No, I don't know shit. All right, so let me get into it. So we'll get to some stories, but Patrick, look, you've pre-proed how many TV shows? I mean, countless at this point, right? Yeah, it's a big part of the job. It's a big part of the job.

It's pre-production, and what that means is it's all the planning going into a shoot, right? So in this show that I have for Discovery Plus, I had six episodes outlined. I was like, here are the six episodes I think we're going to do, right? Three of them are going to be international and three of them are going to be domestic here in the United States. Well, I go to Africa for two of them. I come to the U.S. and I do two of them. And then I'm going into my third domestic one before the final international one, right? Ten days, ten days before we're supposed to leave for our last domestic one.

And Patrick, you know how little time ten days is. in pre-production. The guy... I would be panicking my ass off if someone's like, you've got to shoot this in 10 days. Full meltdown mode, like panicking. Anyway, the story's getting long. But what happens is we're planning on going to Texas

to investigate the feral pig problem. So for those that don't know, we've talked about it on the pod before. There's gazillions of pigs in the United States and they were brought here by Christopher Columbus and settled with like 12 pigs in Florida, you know, forever ago. And that turned into,

I don't know, six million pigs across the United States or whatever it is. Anyway, we were going to do a story on that. We were going to go to Texas. We're going to look at feral pigs. We're going to look for gigism and pig DNA, all kinds of cool stuff. And that was part of the show. 10 days before we're supposed to go, I get a call from this professor at Texas A&M, who I've been working with to say, hey, you know, we want to do this scientifically

and we want to investigate this and that. And he's like, I'm out. I've got family problems. And I'm like, Jesus, dude. Like, we're 10 days away. So I'm like very weird. and, like, he really wouldn't give me any details. He was quite polite, but he just bailed.

And I'm like, okay, so we, like, go back to the drawing board and we're like, here's how we can still do the science and here's how we can still do it without the professor. Now it's, like eight days before, right? And we've got law enforcement because law enforcement's actually a big part fishing game and stuff or a big part of the pig problem. They call me, right, the representative. We cannot believe what you're doing. We're out.

And I'm like, the fuck is going on here. It's like a week before the shoot. I'm starting to panic. I'm like, I've just lost my professor. Now I've lost, like, my fishing game contacts. What's going on? And this is some interesting content for you guys to tell you guys about what happened. It's really pretty weird.

Anyway, so I contacted this person that was like, hey, we have the biggest pigs in the country on this ranch. Right? And I was like, perfect. That's exactly what we didn't want to investigate. It's like, here's the area. It's this part of Texas, blah, blah, blah. That's where we're going to go and we're going to look at these feral pig problems and figure out this gig thing. Okay.

Well, it turns out this. guy who didn't name the name of the ranch, which I won't say on air, but frankly, because I don't remember it, the ranch was, it was a canned hunting operation that had illegally been bringing pigs into the ranch and feeding them corn and steroids and making them fucking massive. So hunters could come in and shoot their like 500 pound bore. And get that awesome picture. And get the picture.

And meanwhile, here I am the dumb, dumb biologist who's just like, this sounds great. There's big pigs. That's exactly what I want to learn. about. And it's like this, the professor figured out where we were and was like, fuck you guys, like what you're doing is terrible. Fish and game figured it out. And they're like, we've been trying to bust these guys. Like, this is fucked up. Nobody would tell me what was going on. So eventually I got to the bottom of it. And I was like, are you kidding me? Like the place that we've pre-proed, the place that we've set up to go and spend eight days looking for giant feral pigs

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Is like an illegal canned hunting operation? I'm out. So eight days before the shoot, I pulled the plug on a shoot that we'd been planning for like five months. Gotcha. Which was a huge stress. Yeah. So they were basically like creating. There was like the island of Dr. Moreau. They were like building these giant pigs by force feeding them and giving them shots.

But it was all under the radar so that hunters could come in and murder themselves a 500 pound pig and get a trophy. But it was like known in fish and game in the scientific community that this place was doing this. but not public information. And then, you know, when, so of course, so I didn't know it. I'm just like, yeah, big pigs. Like, why wouldn't I go and investigate this? And so when I found out, I was like, I'm having nothing to do with canned hunting. I'm having nothing to do with illegal pig fucking, whatever, pig fucking.

And just bailed. So anyway, so we're eight days away from this shoot, pulled the plug, super stressed out. And then basically we had to skip that shoot. So they call it 18 days in which we then had to put together a secondary shoot. So what we ended up doing, and you understand what I'm saying, Patrick, you've been there. So it's like, okay, now we have to figure it all out. Anyway, all that being said, super duper stressful lead up to going to South America and having nearly five weeks of an incredible back-to-back couple expeditions.

One in Peru, one in Brazil. Yeah, and we can go into the details. But just the lead-up to it was insane. Ritzep, you have a brand called Pig Trash, I believe. there it is nice there she is so retep and i forest went to kawai we took

uh both of our exes i've heard of this trip i've heard of this trip i've heard of this trip we spent a week in kawai it was actually very fun but there are fucking wild boar they're wild boar everywhere everywhere the little house we're staying on on the north shore

the road out you just i mean they're just wild boar on the side of the road hundreds of them right yeah right Are they a big problem? Yes. Like I know Asian carp, I understand invasive species are always a problem. What do wild boar fuck up? So a lot of things.

First of all, they, and I'm going to get this number wrong and people are going to get upset, but they cause something like $3 trillion in agricultural damage a year. It's not that. It's billions of dollars. But they, because they root, right? So wild boars, they go down on their forelegs and they root around. They dig up the ground. And in order to do that in, say,

like a potato plantation or something like that, they just, they tear through a field. And one pig can tear up acres and acres of crops. So they do billions of dollars of damage a year in agriculture. And then in addition to that, you know, they're eating baby birds. They're rooting up, they put anything they can in their mouth. A lot of people think pigs, oh, they're just eating like fruits and nuts. No, they'll eat rats. They'll eat baby birds. They'll eat snakes. They'll eat lizards. Like they'll, anything that they can put in their mouth, they will. So they're super hard on the environment. They're terrible on crops.

A bunch of diseases that they carry as well. There's just a lot of problems with them. And it's funny that you bring up Hawaii because there have been proposals to remove pigs from Hawaii. Right? But what's the first thing you think of when you think of Hawaii and food? You think of a luau, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, a pig on the spit.

Pig on the spit. That is part of the Hawaiian culture and tradition. So it's this really weird thing where scientists are like, hey, we got to get rid of pigs. Like, they're causing extinctions. They're causing billions of dollars in damage. And the Hawaiians are like, pigs are part of our culture. But then people are like, scientists are like, well, but they're not really. You've made them a part of your culture since they got there.

And that's fucking cool because you're killing pigs. But at the same time, like, they weren't traditionally a part of your culture. So there's this big, like, science versus ethnicity or culture or whatever you want to call it, clash over the pigs in Hawaii. where some of the locals are like, you cannot remove pigs, like pig hunting, luau, cow's, pig roast, that's part of our culture. The scientists are like, well, technically it's not because the pigs came after the people. You brought the pigs here, you know?

So it's like this very weird sort of scale of like, where is the line drawn between cultural, you know, what's appropriate culturally and what's appropriate biologically in Hawaii, which is pretty interesting. I've been three times to Kauai. It's amazing. So I grew up on the East Coast. So like, we had no money. So like our like once every two years trip, we just drive to Cape Cod.

Right. But I always had, you know, you don't go to Hawaii because it's a 12 hour flight from the East Coast. Yep. Versus in L.A., you jump on a plane, you're there, you know, ready for your morning tea. Right. But I've never done the luau because I'm like, I know what it is. I've seen it in 35 movies. I don't need, like, I'm good.

I don't need to see the fire. Really? Yeah, you're missing out. I've only been to Hawaii as an adult once, and we did the luau thing. And it wasn't a super touristy one, which I think helps. But here's why you're missing out. It's not because of the firepoi. It's not because of the lays. It's not because of the chicks and coconut bras. You're missing out because that roasted pig, specifically that crackling pig skin on the outside that's been going around the spit, I would chop off my left testicle to be able to eat that every single day of

my life without gaining a pound. I mean, it is just unbelievable. It's so good. Yeah. Oh, my God. Fuck out of here with bacon. I mean, it's so good. Um, Retep, I mean, look, we would have had fun if we did one because we would have just drank a thousand drinks, of course, and then have, and then had fun. Uh, what's your tech? We did that anyways, but yeah. Yeah, that's true. What's your, what's your guys takes on the, not the, they're not called Lou-O drinks, like, but like the teaky bar. style drinks, like the fruity, colorful, giant goblet, it's all blue. Do you guys like those?

Gross. Why? I love him. I love him. Yeah, Forrest's. Because Forrest is a guy that drinks one drink when he goes out, whereas I'm a guy who drinks like 20 to 35 drinks when I go out, and you just can't, I'll have diabetes that night if I drink those drinks.

Somebody suggested the other day while we were out, they had a lot. They had a fish bowl. Yeah, great. You see you on a fishbow? I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind? I know. I love a sugary, fruity island drink in the tropics. I think it's just delightful.

The bluer or redder or pinker, the better. No index colored. Yeah, I wanted to look like Gatorade in a cup. But what's your take on it, Patrick? And what Retep is saying is very true. If you're a Brossner listening to this, I'm an incredibly cheap date. I mean, one stiff drink, and I'm lying on the floor moaning. So, yeah, no, it's true.

I do half a fish ball in my night is set. So it's very, very true. Yeah. Except there's a picture of me and you with a fish ball in Kauai, and we each have a long straw and we're sipping it at the same time. It's probably still hungover from it. Yeah, exactly. Well, Forrest, what year did we meet, like, 2013?

13. I have no idea. Yeah, 2013. Yeah, 2013. Yeah. That was the L.A. brunch. 2013. Santa Barbara brunch, in which I did not say let's do brunch.

You're never letting that go, ever. Well, dude, my family was just here. And my niece is, loves, my niece, Danny listens to every Wild Times episode. She's 12. Yeah. And has read the book. And so she read the book and has heard the podcast when I said I didn't say it. And so the whole time she was here, she's like, you definitely said, let's do brunch.

Like, I didn't. And it's in writing. It's there forever now. But 2013, so since I've met you, we talked about bucketless places and a couple of them for you and for me we crossed off on Extincter Alive like San Diego and the Guapagos. Yep. Good chunk. But your number one always was the Pantanal, which I had never, full disclosure, had never heard of. Sure. So you just went to your number one bucketless place. Let's talk about it.

First, let me just tuck my boner into my waistband. Yeah. Yeah, no, look. Yes. So literally, as long as I can remember, I've wanted to go to the Pontanol. It's the only place in the world where giant jungle cats hunt crocodilians and eat them, right? You get Cayman and Jaguars and tapirs and giant ant eaters and six different species of monkey. and the list goes on and on.

And it's just a fucking weird environment. It's like this giant forest that floods for half the year and then dries up for the other half the year. And every animal that lives there has to be able to spend basically six months of its life in trees without touching the ground, including giant jungle cats.

So it's just this fucking weird. Yeah, it's crazy. So it's just a super weird environment. And, you know... This is in Brazil, right? In Brazil, yes, sorry. So it's the floodplains. In a sense, it's sort of where,

the Amazon River floodplains kind of dump out in the corner. Like they obviously dump out into the ocean, like the river, but there's like a corner that's a big floodplain. And so, yeah, so it's somewhere I wanted to go. I'm still listening, even though Papa Pee-P just got up for some strict training. He's fine. He's doing great. But yeah, it's just this incredible environment.

We were there. So I think one of the reasons we were so successful is we were in the Pontinal, just like, that got home yesterday. and it is the driest that it's been in 80 years. So the water has receded to such an unbelievable level. Like there's still a river, but that's kind of it. Outside of the river, there's all these puddles. And to give you an understanding of how much water there typically is,

the road to get out to the area called Porto Joffrey, where we'd go out like wildlife viewing and stuff from, is 150 kilometers. There's 120 bridges in 150 kilometers. That's how much water there is in the area. Wow. Yeah. So anyway, I sent you guys a couple vids.

We'll post some on the Wild Times, but there's some of these pools that have dried up that typically would be, you know, miles and miles of floodplain. And in these pools, because of the receding water, are thousands of Cayman. I mean, it looks like something out of a crocodile farm's nightmare. Like, it's just unbelievable how many crocodilians are packed into there. One of the videos you sent, it was, I mean, you literally, it would be like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. You could walk across the Canaan. heads. Yes, straight up.

I don't even know how there could be enough food for them. There's, it's infinite Cayman. It is infinite Cayman. Retep, I'm sending it to you right now so you can peep this at some point. But it's just, it's unbelievable. Regardless, yeah. So anyway, so we went out there, went to the Pontinal. I got, and look, seeing Jaguars is never easy, right?

It's just not. Like, you're talking about seeing an incredibly elusive jungle cat. And I was like, there are things that I want on my bucket list. I'd love to see giant river otters. That shouldn't be too hard. And we did. It got to see them hunting, fishing, catching fish, ripping up fish. Wow.

I'd love to see giant ant eaters. Got to see them in the fields, hunting, you know, like sticking their little tongues down. The termite mounds and eating them. Got to see tapirs, swimming, all kinds of cool stuff. And I was like, the thing I really want to see, the thing that, like, is a one in a million shot. But unbelievable, if I could see it, be a jaguar killing and eating a Cayman. right? It's like this giant cat leaping into a river hunting a crocodile.

Yes, it's an unbelievably specific guy. That's like being like, I want to I want to get married someday, but I'd like to meet my wife sitting in first class on a flight to Auckland, New Zealand. That's just how I see it happen. Anyway, so we get there and we've got five days of this long trip

to try and see a jaguar. And four days go by, we actually did catch a glimpse of a jaguar and her cubs, but really just a glimpse on the first day. And that was amazing. I was like, oh, my God, we just saw a jaguar and its cubs. Like, what are the odds of that? But it was just a glimpse. And then four more days of not seeing any jaguars and all these other wildlife and fishing and super fun stuff go by. And then it's like, oh, do we really even want to go out again? It's been brutally hot. You know, fuck it. Let's just go. And we get on the river on the fifth day, start cruising in the boat and look over.

And it's pretty funny. So the town of Porto Joffrey, where we went out of, is probably a town of 25 people. Okay, total. There's like four different, like, lodges, which is a loose term. You know, like, they're like huts with semi-AC. Patrick, you know the kind of place. Yeah, yeah. And is this where you're staying?

This is where we're staying. I get there. Not kidding. I know four people there. Four of the world's leading wildlife videographer slash photographer people happen to be there at the same week. So it's just super funny. I run into an old buddy from South Africa, Nick. I see Devin Mason. You might know him, Patrick from Gurney Productions. He's there. I'm literally crossing one of those bridges. And I look down, I'm like, hey, Devin. He's like, holy shit, dude.

Like, literally there's four people I know in Porto Joffrey the same week we're there. And nobody had talked to anybody. So it's just like, unbelievably, you're 300 miles from anything. And there's four gringoes out there all looking for Jaguars. So it's pretty hilarious. But Anyway, we're on the fifth day. I've teamed up with my buddy Nick from South Africa, and we're cruising on the boat. And Nick says to me, he's like, dude, there's a dead Kaman over there. And I go, dude, what are you talking about? That's a fucking Jaguar.

We're looking at different parts of the river. And there's a dead Kaman, and I'm looking at a jaguar swimming. And we literally, like, both realize what's going on. And this jaguar, there is a dead Kaman. Now, I don't know if it's been hit by a boat, if it's been poached, if the Jaguar had killed it earlier. Who knows? There's so many Kaman. and there were quite a lot of dead ones lying around.

But this jaguar was cruising in the water, like nothing but its head sticking out, full swimming, at this Cayman carcass. And I just pull out the camera and just start snapping photos like crazy. This isn't part of the show. This is just our vacation. And this jaguar swims up to this huge Cayman, like probably a 10-foot-long, nine-foot-long cayman,

grabs it by the scruff of its neck. It's dead been bloated. You know, probably weighs 300 pounds. It was missing a foot, wasn't it? It was missing part of its tail. Yeah, missing part of its tail. Vultures might have got it. Like I said, other Kaman.

I mean, there's just, there's a lot of, like, death and carnage in this part of the world. Anyway, watch this Jaguar, swim up, grab this Cayman by the scruff of its neck, climb up on the bank, pulling like a 200-pound Jaguar, and then climb up on the bank, take like a breather,

and then pull it up this sheer vertical cliff and sort of over the edge of the bank to where I assume its cubs were to feed its cubs. And it was just like, my jaw hit the floor. Like I literally just watched this jaguar come and grab this Cayman, pull it out of the river, pull it up this bank. There's like dust flying everywhere. And at one point, the Cayman like falls off the edge of the cliff and a jaguar like holds on and like plants its feet and pulls backwards. It's absolutely incredible. I snapped like 10,000 photos. You know, Jaguar disappeared. I put my camera down and I was

like, well, I'm done with the Pontenol. Like, I don't need to do anything else. I don't need to see anything else. Like, I am unbelievably stoked. I have a few questions, man. Yeah. How long, let's say, if that came in, had its tail, how long would it have been? Probably like nine feet.

It wasn't a monster, but good size one. Yeah, I guess I had had the impression that came in were a bit smaller. I didn't realize they got that big. Yeah, it's still a good-sized crocodile. It's probably eight, nine feet long. Definitely longer than I am. for sure by a couple feet. Yeah, it looked big, dude.

Yeah. The trip's pulling up the video. It just shows you the strength of these cats to pull that thing up that bank. I mean, it's just crazy. It's really, the Cayman looks so much bigger than the Jaguar. Right. It's just bloated. Sure, sure, sure.

This is fucking nuts, dude. See when it goes off the little cliff here and he's like hanging on to it, like, plants his feet and pulls back. I don't know, man. It was just unbelievably cool. I mean, it is. This is crazy. The Jaguar, I mean, that's just probably the coolest looking animal I've ever seen. It's stunning.

Right. Sexy. How fast was the, how fast was the Jaguar swimming? Like, was it swimming faster than you could? A hundred percent, yes. Wow. I'm pretty sure it would have caught Michael Phelps if it wanted to. It was cruising.

And it was going. up river. So rivers, you know, flowing against it and it was cruising up to the Jaguar. Damn. So, yeah, I mean, that was the highlight for sure. I caught a bunch of anacondas. I actually got four anacondas around 20 feet inside of two weeks. That was for the show, and I can't say much more than that. I got my first ever yellow anaconda, which was absolutely incredible. I've never seen a yellow anaconda before. There's yellows and there's greens, and the greens are the ones that everybody knows about that are huge, and the yellows are much prettier. tapirs, giant ant eaters.

We went to this other place in Brazil that, you know, it was always part of that sort of bucketless dream, which is a place called Benito Brazil, which Retepe, I don't know if you can pull that up, but it's B-O-N-I-T-O, Brazil. And the water there, look, I'm a diver, right? I'm a spear fisherman.

I go in the ocean all the time. I've been to the Caribbean. I've been to Hawaii, blah, blah, blah, blah. This water, I don't know how else to say it. other than saying it had infinite visibility. It was like gin clear. And this is like 500 miles from the coast. It's these springs that bubble up out of this limestone,

kind of like a sonote, except it's absolutely packed with giant golden-colored fish that are native, the called Golden Dorado, has these incredible rivers, these huge caves. I mean, it was just unbelievable. Parrots everywhere. And so, yeah, we were in this region. We filmed Anacondas underwater.

There's an incredible, photo of Johnny actually where an anaconic comes up on top of his camera while we're filming. It was just, yeah, it was a real once-in-a-lifetime trip. I mean, look at it. It looks like you're floating. That is. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it's them. Perfect. So, yeah, it was amazing. It's interesting how when there's limestone for whatever reason when the water, because have you been to have a supai? I have. Yeah, I have. And you get that turquoise colored water.

It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. And it's because of the limestone. content of the water. But it creates like, you know, I think I might have posted a picture back in the day on Facebook of have a sup eye. And people were like, nice filter, fucking cool filter. I didn't even know what a filter was at that point.

You still don't. It's just the water's this impossible blue that, you know, looks like someone dumped a bunch of dye in it. It's, yeah. And that water, I know exactly what you're talking about. That water has that turquoise color that looks so different. This water, at least like near to the spring. sources was gin clear to the point that you look down and you can't tell there's water. I've

never seen anything quite like it. It was unbelievable. It looked like the fish were just floating. Like they weren't in a substance. It was amazing. It was literally like diving in an aquarium. Absolutely loved it. Did you do any spear fishing? No, no fishing allowed. Definitely packed a pole spear. Not sure that that was legal once I got there, like to even have it. Because I packed a pole spear like a little fold-up pole spear and I was like, oh, you know, we'll be camping, we'll be out in the middle of nowhere. I'll spear some fish, we'll grill them up, and then they're like, no, no, there's no fishing in this province at all. Like no spearfishing, no fishing. I was like, ew, well, I don't have a pole spear with me. Is it in your carry-on or in your... No, I was just in my dive bag, and it stayed there

the whole time. And it was pretty funny because we had this old, old Brazilian dude working with us who'd been there forever, and he's like, I remember when I used to spearfish, it was amazing, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, cool, man. I was going through the airport one time, and I got to my destination, which was in Chicago from LAX, and I got to the bottom of my backpack, and there was a giant seven-inch knife in a sheath in it that had gone through the airport in my carry-on through both fucking airports. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, how did I leave this in here? And how did they not find it? It was just on the plane with me the whole time.

So I thought it's interesting. You got it through with a big, big spear in your fucking bag. When I flew to go to Alaska, actually when I was going to do the shoot with BTG, I had bought, I don't know even how this guy found it. I was at a pizza place at like 3 in the morning in L.A. This guy who appeared to be bat shit crazy comes in and shows me a bunch of knives and they were actual true switchblades. Oh, cool. Press the button comes out the top. Real switch blades, which I think are illegal. I'm pretty sure they are, yeah.

I was like, how much? The guy's like, 20 bucks. I was like, yep, need it. I'll take all of them. Yeah. And I flew to Alaska, you know, connected through Seattle, didn't realize coming home from the shoot, it got nabbed at the Seattle airport. Oh, no. And I was like, fuck, I had that the whole time.

And the dude who got it was like, dude, this is cool. He's like, you might want to like go back out and mail this to yourself. Really? That's hilarious because it's definitely illegal in the United States. Legit, I was like, oh, I'm fucked. Like, I just am trying to get on a plane with an illegal weapon. And the guy was just like, yeah, like, you should probably go mail this to yourself. I was like, that's hilarious.

No, it's just toss it, man. I'm going to go get drunk instead. That's funny. Yeah, I was flying through LAX one time. And I remember Mitch was with me. I don't remember where we were going. And this, like, tiny, like, I think, Chinese woman, this small Asian lady, had been pulled aside, very old elderly, like, looked

completely harmless. And the TSA agent pulls this thing out of her bag, and it's about this big. It's like, it's like six inches long. And he holds it up, and this, like, telescoping samurai sword comes all the way out. And it's, it's like as tall as she is. And he's like, he, like, looks at her. And it's this TSA agent, like, looks at her with this, like, stare. And she's like, like yelling at him in whatever language she spoke. And he just like, I could see on his face. He's like, I've never had someone try and bring a sword through check-in before. And I was like, Mitch, are you seeing this?

Are you seeing this? He was like, holy shit. This thing just kept growing, dude. It was like a four-foot-long samurai sword that she was trying to take in her carry on. And I'm sure that ended with it getting. Yeah, it was super cool. Yeah, I mean, like, that's like, if you had a samurai sword and the knowledge of how to use it, like you could take over a plane.

Yes, 100%. And she looked like she could. She was scary. But anyway, but... So I'm assuming the guy took it and she was fuming, right? She's like she didn't get arrested for that. Yeah, for sure. We kept going.

We didn't wait around to see what happened. He started calling over a bunch of people and I just couldn't believe the size of this telescoping sword that was coming out of this guy's hand. He was probably like, like, I went to college with this guy who had, a car in my dorm and I didn't have a car. Once in a while I'd hitch a ride up to campus with him and he didn't have a parking pass because they were like

$800. And so he just has this theory that if he would literally like drive up onto the lawn of a building and park his car there. No way. Because his theory was and he had a pickup truck. Okay. So his theory was if I'd park in a place that's so ridiculous that

and he was like I've never been towed like because it's so ridiculous they assume I'm official. Yeah, right. They think he's up to something. Yeah. Or they respect it. If you can get some neon vests, I feel like you can get away with anything. You get those orange and yellow, walk into concerts, backstage. Like, you want to go illegally pick mushrooms in Yosemite? Where a neon vest? Like, you tell me one person that's going to stop you. You know, like there's just, you put on a neon vest and not one person is questioning what you're doing. Bro, there is an entire subreddit called Act Like You Belong, where people tell stories and post pictures about doing such things as that.

And the majority of them, they just wear a vest and basically walk into a fucking concert. I completely believe it. I've always had that thought of like, if I were bold enough to try some, like, lawbreaking of these manners, I would just get the neon vest. Nobody would say anything. my first job out of college, I was a sales, a territory sales manager for a company that sold consumer products, right? And so part of my, it was fucking the worst job ever. That's why I only did it for 10 months and then moved to L.A. Why don't you just be honest, dude? You were selling cigarettes to 12-year-olds. I wasn't selling cigarettes. I worked for a tobacco company, which is how I saved enough money to actually move to L.A. and do it I wanted to do.

but part of the job was I had 150 stores and part of it was to show up and to make sure they weren't selling shit that it expired and they all were and if the shit expired my job was to take it off the shelves

box it up and then somebody would send it back to the wholesaler I would walk into let's say a fucking right aid they would have 60 cartons of shit that had expired and it would just just be some, you know, minimum wage employee, I'd be like, hey, I'm here from X company. He'd be like,

okay, cool. I'd walk behind the thing and leave with 60 cartons of cigarettes times 150. And not one person ever asked for a business car. No, nothing. Looked at me. I was 22. I had just turned, I hadn't even turned 22 yet. And I would just walk in and walk out with 60 cartons. Yeah. And New York State, a pack of cigarettes is 10 bucks, man. So a carton is, 100 bucks. I was walking out with $6,000 worth of merch all day long. And no one ever said anything. Just because I had a little soft briefcase.

Yep, that's it. That'll do it. You mind if I post this one on Act Like You Belong? No. I'll say the name of the company. They'll sue me. They're very litigious. Very litigious. I worked for the City Transit Authority back in Chicago

before I moved out here. And they installed the blinking lights in my car. So I had the strobes in my Ford Taurus. So I could turn them on. So I would legitimately just park wherever the fuck I wanted. Like on the side of the highway, hop over to fucking thing with the vest on, hard hat, dude.

Just whatever. It didn't matter. Never questioned. I did it like right by cops. You could park anywhere in the city, which was a huge ordeal. And it works, man. And I think you, Forrest would be the perfect candidate to do such a thing. Forrest is very, he's as good.

of a, being falsely cocky, as pretty much anyone I've ever met. Thank you, Patrick. And I mean that. Thank you. Because that is a skill that I have developed over many years where, you know, it's like, you look at the Anaconda and the film crew is looking at you and you're like, you know, I know how to take that. I know how to tackle that snake for sure.

And they're like, oh, okay, he's super confident. He definitely knows what he's doing. And meanwhile, I'm like, I'm going to die and get everybody killed. This is a perfect. It's a good thing. Nobody on the show listens to the podcast. Perfect segue, though, Retep, if you could do one more screen share today, it's the one we agreed upon. Oh, yeah.

15, 15 brosners, because we have the best listeners of any podcast ever, sent us the same link to a video of a dad who is at a children's birthday party, and they took them to some sort of zoo, it appears. and I'll just describe it while Retepp pulls it up. Good idea. Have you seen the video for us? Oh, yeah. Because I also received it from a handful of Broseners being like, dude, what the fuck? I was like, all right, I got to see what this is all about. It's amazing.

Well, so since you actually know a little bit about animals, okay, so let's describe what we're seeing here. Yes. Okay, so there is, yes. So there's, oh, you might need to slow it down because it happens quick. It happens real quick. So there's this young lady and she clearly has an alligator that she is doing some sort of allegation, oh, God, it's hard to talk through this.

There's a young lady, she is doing some sort of alligator show for kids, and the alligator moves its head to the right and she decides to push its jaw away. As one does, and you do it under the jaw, she, however, pushed it on the side of the jaw, Alligator grabs her hand, moves backwards as an alligator does, and pulls her and her entire body by her arm into this, like, one-foot-deep tank. God. And this is, yeah, then it really gets outrageous when, like, a brave stander by just decides to tackle the alligator. He just comes leaping into the pen, grabs it.

Yeah, this is in Utah. They don't have alligators. So I don't know what was happening here. Quite a mess. So the video ends. So, you know, she's in a bad spot. It's death rolling. It's death rolling.

Yeah. It probably broke her wrist. I don't know. She rolled with it, which is, by the way, if you're ever in this situation, roll with it. Do not fight it. Okay? And that's actually a really important note.

I don't know how many people are ever going to be in this situation. If you ever are bitten on the leg or hand by a crocodile or crocodile or crocodilian, be prepared to roll because it will break every bone in that limb. you have to roll with it. That is an important thing. We've talked about crock attacks before. You have to roll with it. So the dad, as it's described, it's just a dude, right?

He's not the handler who's doing the show. Clearly doesn't work there. Yep. He does have a yellow vest on them. He does have a yellow vest on. I was just going to say. He's pretty official. Oh, my God.

That is fucking wild. And you can see she tells him something, because he's trying to help open the mouth sort of standing behind her. She tells him something and he jumps into the pen fearlessly gets on top of this fucking and starts wrestling an alligator. I'm going to presume with no prior experience. I'm sure. Help free her. Yeah, go ahead.

I was just going to say helps get her freed. Then there's a little period where he's looking for instructions because he's now riding an alligator and she's out of the pen. Yeah. Yeah. So my first question was, what if you ever find yourself ex-end? riding an alligator. How do you get off of it without it biting you? I mean, he actually did it right.

Like, the best thing you can do, so all their strength is in their bite force in a downward pressure, right? You can hold an absolutely massive, like I'm talking 20 foot long crocodile's mouth shut with two fingers. They have next to no jaw pressure with opening. So if you can get their mouth closed and hold your hands around their jaw, they have these very bony lower jaw bones that you can really. kind of clip your fingers or your thumb under and hold it closed. If you can do that,

you've won because that's it with a crocodile or an alligator. They just have those jaws. Now, he didn't have that in order to have that knowledge. He stayed behind the neck, which is exactly what you need to do. So they cannot reach their own necks with their mouths, right? They can only reach back basically to the tips of their tails, more or less. So he stayed on top of it. He put pressure on the neck, which kept it from being able to swing its body around. and the alligator, at that point, the alligator really just wanted to get away. And you can kind of see it. The alligator's like, oh, fuck, what's going on?

What's on top of me? And it was thrashing. But the guy did everything that the helper did, he did perfectly, really. Wow. Which is just, I'm sure, sheer luck. What do you think she was doing? Like, was she trying to feed it? Just a piece of meat?

No, so she's, so I can break this down for you. Okay. So when you're dealing with alligators, and Patrick's seen me do this in Louisiana, Louisiana, you can lift up the bottom part of their jaw, right? Like, if you can touch them on the lower part of their jaw. And you have a lot of control when you kind of get your finger under their jaws. They kind of just move their head around, and you sort of have a lot of directional control. And Patrick's seen me do it where I sort of lift them up and I put food in their mouth and all kinds of fun stuff.

And they can snap and go crazy and do something called a pop where they like snap their jaws and open them back up. and it makes this popping sound, and it won't do anything as long as your hand is underneath the jaws. Now, she was trying to manipulate its head because it turned sideways by putting her hand under its jaw. Now, here's the kicker. Your margin for error when you're working with an alligator by tapping it under the jaw is like three inches, maybe even less. Because if you put your hand on the side of an alligator's face, it will snap and grab it instantly. So the way they hunt, they hunt fish, right? and usually in murky, shitty water,

and they're just sort of swimming and a fish bumps into the side of their face and they just go, and they just grab it. Just a little sideways lunge and snap. And so the second you touch the side of an alligator's jaw, you're a fish. You're a fish. You're done.

It's going to snap. It's going to grab you. And that's what she did. She went to manipulate the alligator's movement by going under the jaw and moving its head, and she touched the side of his jaw. And I'm telling you, man, you have a better shot of grabbing

a bullet out of the air than you do of getting your hand away from the side of an alligator's face. It was so fast. You could see it. It's instant. There's no human being on earth that has the reflexes to pull back in that amount of time. And it's just, yeah, it's just that that was her mistake. And it bit, it grabbed on, was like, oh, food, you know, it's probably used to being fed that way.

And then it clamped down its jaws and went, I'm going to eat this thing, went into deathroll mode, you know, as one does. and then the guy jumped on it, and then the thing freaked out and let her go. But until then, he was just like, when I get fed, you know, I bet you when that gator gets fed, he gets a chicken or a fish or whatever on a pair of tongs, they tap him on the side of the jaws, he does his little snap, gobbles it up, right? Here he is, he's in his tank, something taps him on the side of the jaws, he snaps, and he's like, ah, this thing's fighting back, I got to gobble it up.

Like, they're not smart, you know what I mean? Like, they have very instinctual brains, you know, and its brain was going, I've got food. It didn't think, oh, I love her and I shouldn't hurt her. It's not a puppy. Yeah, it's 80 million, 80 million years of evolution. Exactly. Touch here, bite. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. What do you think, what do you think is going to, I mean, are they going to put it down?

No, I saw this. So I had a bunch of people message it to me as well, and I was like pretty interested in it. So I did a little bit of reading on it. And the company released a statement to say that the employee is going to make a full recovery. There were no like fish and game charges or anything like that. So it seems like it's all just sort of nothing. It was like that sucked. It was a bad accident, but, you know, accidents happened kind of thing. Like everybody was legal.

Everybody was permitted. She fucked up, you know, like, just kind of is what it is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the animal is going based on instinct. It's not like the animal would have gone for her. Right. If she hadn't have touched the side and hit the reflex point.

And not to mention she wasn't doing anything like she fucked up for sure, but it wasn't like she had kids in there. You know what I mean? She was nothing. They weren't doing anything wrong. It was just an accident. Forest, while you were gone, we posted, I think last week, a Darwin Awards bonus pod on the Patreon. So go check that out. But one of, Pat, if you recall, you can interject to because it's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen in my life.

Everybody should look this up on you. or go to the Patreon and watch us react to it. A guy who's golfing, fucking, he comes across an alligator. He literally is like Joe Biden aged and looks like him. It might have been Joe Biden, quite frankly. And he has the brilliant idea, and I don't know why.

There's no explanation why, but he wants to somehow wrangle this gator who's just going about its business in this creek. And he throws his cardigan sweater over its head. That's smart. Gators hate cardigans. Yeah, that's a fact. Yeah.

It's fucking back and just gets fucking destroyed. For sure. And I'm just like, what did this thing? He tried to pick it up. He literally, like, he thought if he put a sweater over his eyes, he straddles a very large gator, like a 12-footer. And he tries to pick it up between his legs. And the gator just destroyed him immediately.

And everyone who's watching acts very much. very surprised. Right. Like, oh my God, I kind of believe this happened. Yeah. Yeah, man. We got to watch that with Forrest reaction because I mean, it is hilarious. Wow.

But, you know, you were asking, you know, would they have put it down? It's hard to say. But I, there was just a grizzly bear attack in Yellowstone almost not even two weeks ago, less than 10 days ago, yeah, on August 11th. And dude was attacked. A guy who worked there. He was out jogging, which he wasn't supposed to be doing, didn't have his bear spray dead. And one of the things I read was that if they did figure out which bear did it, the bear would be killed. And I started to get it.

I mean, I know that's a common practice. I mean, obviously, we all remember Harambe, right? That was at a zoo. But I was thinking about what is the biological zoological, like is the idea that, If the bear kills and eats a, and he had been eaten a bunch. And they said it was a sow and two cubs almost certainly based on the footprints that were around there. Wow. Why kill the bears?

Because what, so I don't agree with this, first of all. Let me just state that. That was actually my question. Do you agree? And then why do it? So, okay. I agree. Yeah.

All right. This is a much more complex question. It's not very black and white. But let me explain it the best I can. So why kill the bears? the answer is very simple, right? Once an animal figures out that a human being is on the menu, it realizes how fucking weak, useless, and pathetic we are.

So if you're a grizzly bear at Yellowstone, and, you know, he was, and he's probably seen 10,000 plus people, but they've never been on the menu, right? They're in their cars, they're walking around, they're not part of the menu. Now all of a sudden you see a jogger, you're hungry, you tackle them, you go, wow, this guy tastes kind of like pork. This is delicious. And not to mention, he didn't kick me in the shins like a moose would.

He didn't, you know, fuck me up like a pronghorn would, so on and so forth. Like, this is very easy. Now I'm going to start eating people. And so that's the mentality behind it, right? It's the idea that once they get sort of a taste for human flesh, not that they go crazy for it and all that, but they're like, oh, humans are now on the menu. Like, I now know that that's something that's on the menu. And the likelihood for a second attack goes up by thousands of percent. Interesting.

Now, why I don't agree with it is because that is positive reinforcement, right? You want a treat, here's a treat. That treat might be a jogger, but want to treat, here's a treat, right? Now, the way to break positive reinforcement is negative reinforcement or conditioning, right? So instead, obviously the safest thing is to kill the bear. Obviously, no question for human beings. But in a world where we don't have that many bears anymore or lions or tigers or any of these apex predators, a better solution would be to figure out how to negatively impact that bear.

You could dart it and relocate it. You could paintball the shit out of it. You could put alarms around it. You could just scare the fuck out of it so that it never wants to have anything to do with human beings again. And that would probably, in my opinion, be just as effective a non-lethal predator conflict mitigation as, you know, a bullet would be. Now, this hasn't been tried enough to actually know that, but it's just common sense, right? If something eats a person and then you scare the shit out of it, it's not going to eat that person again. If you take your dog, Patrick or a Tep, you both have dogs, and you rub your dog's nose in its food and beat the shit out of it, not that you guys have ever done that.

But if you do that, do you think your dog's going to eat dinner that night? Absolutely fucking not, right? Like, my dog loves his dinner. But if I rub his nose in it and beat him and yell at him, he's not going to go to his dinner ball that night. Up until you said that, I was like, this would make a great television show that I think you should pitch for us going in negatively. reinforcing these vicious bears. Yeah, it would be cool. But don't beat them and rub their nose

in their food. That's terrible. Just rub the nose in the jogger and hit him with a newspaper. Oh, God. Exactly. That's terrible. No, you sprit them with a water bottle in the face. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's for cats only. Jaguars. It's pretty much.

It works on Cougars, too. But, dude, were there any venomous snakes down there that you handled in the Punta Nala? No, actually, none. which is very unique. I did get one endemic species. It's basically much like a fur to lance,

which is a type of pit viper from Central America. But there was an endemic species to the foothills of the Andes where we were in Peru, and we did catch one of those, which was pretty cool. I actually cannot remember the name of the pit viper now, but it looked just like a fur to lance. It was pretty mild. We were cruising. We were just hiking, and he just sort of was on the trail.

and I was like, oh, fuck, this is cool. Check him out. And then he coiled up in a pile of leaves. This part of the story is kind of interesting. So, Retep, I have two camera guys that I go everywhere with, right? Johnny and Mitch. They're both colorblind, right? So that explains when my shows always look like shit.

But, no, but no joking. They're both colorblind. Anyway, we've got this beautiful pit viper. And if you Google Ferd Alliance, you'll see what the snake looks like, at least approximately. And we're walking on the trail, I see it. I'm like, heads up, you know, venomous snake. I go to grab my hook and the snake slithers into this like pile of leaves. And the two colorblind dumb-dums with their cameras literally cannot see it. It's so perfectly camouflaged that they could not see it. And Mitch

nearly stepped on it again. You know, I mean, not like so close that it was like, oh, you could have died. But he was like maybe two feet away from it. And I'm like, it's right there. And he's like, I cannot see it. And we're like starting having like a, you know, like, work. marriage shouting fest where I'm like film the snake and he's like I cannot see the snake and I'm like it's two feet in front of you and yeah it's it's crazy it's camouflage was amazing and you pair that with the color blindness they could not see it at all forest I I think it's brilliant that you brought too much weaker humans who are uh how do you say this uh politically correctly handicapped with you so that in case anything happens they'll be the ones that are

are the weak ones in the back of the bunch and you can get away. It's brilliant. I've always had it. I've always had it figured out, Retep. If anything ever goes down, I'm going to be like, guys, just drink the red liquid and you'll be fine. They won't know which the red liquid is. They'll both die and I'll get away. I've had it figured out since day one. I carry a false Gatorade with me everywhere I go just in case. False Gatorade. False Gatorade. Laced with cyanide. That's right. Good shit. Good shit. Did you ever, for us, did you ever watch the show growing? pain's growing up?

No, I remember the title, but I don't think I ever actually watched it. But why, what makes you ask that? You watched it, right, Retepp? Oh, yeah. It's another famous theme song, the one's like, Show me that smile again. Show me that smile again. Is this ringing a bell?

As long as we go. Wow. Okay. No? You don't know this at all? That doesn't ring a bell? I swear I don't. I swear I do not.

Oh, God. I just Googled it. Okay. Well, it just came to my attention. Yeah. It just came to my attention that Alan Thick, who played the dad, didn't write the theme song of Growing Pains. Now, that's not that surprising. Rarely does the guy who plays the dad write the theme song.

Right. But it turns out he did write the theme song to the facts of life and different strokes. What? That's hilarious. Which are two of the most famous theme songs. Everyone knows different strokes rule the world. Yeah, that's a good one. Mr. Drummond.

How weird is that? That's very weird. That's very strange. Is he, it's blowing my mind? Is he the, the father of the musician, was it? Robin Thick? Robin Thick, yeah. That all kind of adds up now.

Okay. He looks just like them. They have very, very chiseled square jaws. Yeah, they've square heads. Their heads are entirely square. They look like Piston Honda from Mike Tyson's punchout. They most certainly do. But, dude, it is fucking.

weird, that's almost like a snub. Wait, did those shows, those shows came before, though, before Growing Pain. They came before Growing Pain. So he's a prolific theme song writer, and he didn't get to write the theme song for his own show. Huh. That's very strange. It's a snub. They're like, you can't both star in the show and get the money for writing the theme song because this show will be in syndication for 45 years. No, Alan, no. It makes no sense. Well, what else? Give us one more tidbit.

Yeah, sure. My neighbor, literally the guy, like you guys know where my office is, if you're looking at that fence out that door, he is the, what fuck's his last name, James. Sorry, Jay something or other. Jay Moore? No, I can't remember it. But he wrote the theme song for The Office and Terminator, which are two Terminator's greatest movie ever, and I love The Office. And I just found this out after living next door to him for like, I don't know, 12 years that he wrote these songs. Now, this is the neighbor that we were going to annoy with peacocks and bees and all that other shit from that one matter.

Yep. Maybe he'll make a tune out of it for his next show. Jay Ferguson is his name. I just had to Google it. Jay Ferguson. Have you talked to him? Oh, yeah. He's spoken with it?

It's literally, I take the trash out and we'll sit there and chit-chat every Sunday evening, basically. because our trash comes on Monday. And I was just like, yeah, Jay's a nice guy. Turns out he wrote some of the best music, theme song music's ever. So anyway. Did you say that like your garbage bin hangouts are like the best part of your week? I mean, they are now that I know that he wrote the music for the Terminator,

which means he indirectly influenced Arnold Schwarzenegger's career, which means I love him. Did he come across you when you had your butt sticking out of the little sewer pipe there when you were looking for your dog? No, fortunately not. That was not. That's good memory, but no, fortunately not. In fact, it was pretty, it was pretty funny. I forget what I did, but I think it was around Shark Week or something like that. And Jay, Jay was like, hey, I saw you talking about sharks on the news. Keep that stuff up. You might end up with a TV show one of these days. And I was like, yep, you never know, Jay. You never know. And just left it at that. And to this day, he has no idea that I

have like multiple, you know, series on television. And I thought that was pretty funny. That's hilarious. I mean, the guy, when you write a TV show theme song on a show that's so heavily syndicated like The Office, I mean, I think it's on like four different streaming platforms. It's everywhere. It's on every channel all the time during the day and the evening on a different channel. Like, do you continuously get royalties for that?

I have no idea. Absolutely. This is what I want with my life. This is my new goal in life. One TV show theme song. I don't do music. I know nothing about how to produce it or anything, but I have a new goal.

And I will. Yeah, I mean, a lot of times the composers will give you the songs. They won't charge you up front. They'll compose the music, and they'll do that just for the to get the ASCAP royalties. Oh, interesting. I didn't know how that works. Nationally, especially like on a discovery show or something like that,

if it gets picked up by Discovery International. There's in 60 countries, and they get paid by every country. Interesting. That's beautiful. That sounds way better than the way I make money. Yeah, exactly. That or voiceover is what you've got to get into. It sounds like the greatest job in the world.

It's not. Both Patrick and I have done it. He's done it a lot more than I have. It's terrible. I hate it more than anything. Let's play a game. Do we have any games? Do we have some games lined up?

What do we got? I mean. Top three DFL? but Pat's math, any of that shit. I got a hell of a Battle Royale lined up, boys. Let's do it. Let's get right into the BR. It's time.

Do you know what time is? For what? Nicely done. Yeah, very nice. All right, here we go. Very nice. Let's hear it. Classic battle.

A fight. A claddle, if you will. We're going full-on Battle Royale, head, body, legs. These animals are fighting on land. Okay. Okay. Okay. So Retep, don't take blue well.

No moon animals, okay. They're fighting on land, not in the ocean, not on a glacier, on dry land in the middle of a field. Head, body legs, all the animals have to begin with the letter B. Oh, wow. Dude, I did all my researching on A. That's why I just changed it to B. I changed it to B. Jokes on you.

I looked up B, C, and D. Nice. That's what you were doing the whole time. Head, body, legs. You know what? Let's up for a start since he just got back, a little present. Nice. I'll take that.

I'll take that. All right. Starting with the, all beginning with the letter B, I'm going to say I'm going to take the body of a polar bear, B for bear. Does that count or does that not? Do we have to No?

No. Okay. I don't know. Your rules. I mean, do you want to modify it to brown bear? Sure. Sure. Brown bear. Come on.

You're just going to give them that? No, I mean, that was obviously what I had in the pipeline if you went no on the polar bear. Fair enough. So body of a brown bear for you. Yep. Okay. Yep. All right.

I'll go next. Of course you will. I'm torn here. But I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to go head first because I really want this head. I want the head, the bite force, the jaw power of a bengal tiger. Oh, very nice. You son of a bitch.

Google B, you motherfucker. It's a mess. No, it's an imposing, large skull. Very nice. Strong bite force, big teeth, bengel tiger head for me. Okay. Very nice. Is this me and I'm up for one or two?

You and two. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go with the body. of a bison. Oh, good. Very nice. Very nice.

Yeah. And it's, I'm going to need a little help on my head, and I'm going to ask for us for the help. It's a particular beetle. Oh, I can't use it because it begins with R. Fucking, it's beetle. God damn it. I'll give it to you. No, I'm going to get it.

You're going to give it to me because I'm the layman. You should have it. Yeah, you should have it. I'm going, so it has the body size, and the head will match because the body determines the size of the head as well. and the ability of the rhino beetle, the rhinoceros beetle, which can lift something like 6,000 times its own weight, and it has a very horned head, and it's very scary. No one said you're getting anything special ability, but...

Well, the rhino beetle, it's very strong, and it has a strong head, and it will fucking, on the bison body, your bangle tiger will be, what is, speared with this, it will just be hanging there. It won't matter. Okay, yeah, the beetle's head is not. It's okay. Very nice.

Very nice. I get what you're doing. Yeah. You're putting a scary rhinoceros beetle head on a big bison body. And it has the ability of the rhino beetle, the 6,000 times the strength. It does.

It does. That's how the game works. Yes, it is. Anyway, I've got a bengal tiger head, and yours is imposing because at 2,000 pounds, that's a big body on the bison, right? Yep, that's right. I guess I'll take the 4,000-pound body

to double your size with my bengel-tiger. tiger head of a Bornean elephant. Oh, very nice. Very nice. It's every bit as strong and stout. In fact, twice as strong and stout as your bison body. I'm just going to go next. Can you just do that with anything and be like, I'm going to put a Botswana hippo on the...

Is Borneo-GELA. No, it's legit. It's legit. It's just, it's a hell of a slight, but it's legit. Okay. Thank you. All right. All right.

Forest is up for two. I'm up for two. All right, so I've got the body of a brown bear. I am going to go with the legs. Let's see. Nope, nope, nope, I'm not. I'm going to go with the head of a Bushmaster, which is a giant venomous pit viper,

which is not the most venomous by any means, but it is the largest of pit vipers, and it injects shit tons of venom. That's what they're known for, which, you know, stops your blood from coagulating and your heart explodes and all kinds of fun stuff. So you got this huge brown bear body covered in fur and then a snake head about the size of a... Like a tennis ball. No, no, no, because the head, it scales in size to match the body.

Okay. I like that role. Thank you. Yeah, thank you, Retep, because you saved me, because we were going to have another platypus body situation on our hands here. So let's see. That leaves me with the legs, the legs of a bongo. Do you know what a bongo is? No, bonobo.

No, bongo. What's weirder? I'm just trying to make something weird up here. Bonobo. Okay. I like that. So obviously the legs scale up to the body size. Everything's going body size.

Yep. So now you have a bear that has legs and arms. It has opposable thumbs. Yep. It can make a fist. It can manipulate a tool. Yep. And it's got an equally large Bushmaster venomous head.

Correct. That's pretty imposing. It's a mess. I mean, it's a mess of an animal, but you don't want to fight with it. It's got venom. It's got, you know, primate arms and legs. It can probably climb. It's enormous like a bear.

It's a mess, but you don't want to fight it. I'm so torn because I really want to do something, but I'll lose and I want to win this one. Okay. I'm going to take, I've got this big elephant, right? Elephant body on it is a huge, equally big. Bengal tiger head. Ooh, this is going to be a tough win. Yeah, go ahead. But what I want is I want a very, like, thick, stocky leg.

I want a leg that's going to be imposing. So I'm going to go with a black rhinos legs. Wow. Okay. This is a very meaty animal. Yeah, I'm going for pure beef factor here. Yeah, this is a linebacker. That doesn't really matter because my rhinoceros beetle-headed animal will easily be able to throw yours 55 miles into the sky with its strength. How is it going to

move around? It is going to move around very quickly, very quickly, gentlemen, with the legs, scale to size of a brown hyena, which can go up to 50 miles an hour. He Googled, he fucking Googled animals

of it would be. Of course. Of course he did. 50 miles an hour, my friend. Well, yeah, this is how you know he Googled it because he doesn't, he has zero clue how fast a hyena can move. So, The fact that he's dropping the speed stats. That's right. Yeah, exactly.

Yep. Each leg. So I'm actually shocked or tep that you didn't go with the legs of a blobfish and just make it kind of sedentary. You told me I can't use moon critters. It's not a moon critter. That's a real animal, believe it or not. Moon critters. We need a shirt that says moon critters.

That's just the moon critters. Next time we do this, I think we got to do, when we're back at the studio next week, we need to, we need to. do we do the same thing. We put a random number generator in, and we do that letter, and we have to have our laptops closed. Yes, that's great. That's good. It's great.

It's unfair, but it is good. Correct. I like it. Yep, it's great. So let's recap. So if you are listening to this, let us know on iTunes, on YouTube, on Patreon, wherever the hell you will follow us, Instagram.

We don't care. Just vote. Let us know who won the battle royale. Is it Peter with his rhino, beetle-headed bison with the legs of a brown hyena. Is it Patrick, was an incredibly intimidating Borny an elephant that has the head of a Bengal tiger and the legs of a black rhino? Or my brown bear sporting the head of a bushmaster and the limbs of a bonobo.

Quite a mess. Yeah. On our hands. Yeah, there you go. Oh, I love it. Quite a mess of creatures we have on our hands this year. Would love this year tonight. and would love to see what the Browsoners think.

Who would win? I actually think Patrick might finally have a W. Nah. Wow, only 72 podcasts in. That's wonderful. Bratosaurus, beetle strength will destroy all. For those of you haven't done it yet, if you like the Wild Times, with or without forest.

Although, you know, 72, you've been here for 70 for us, so, you know. Right. It's not terrible. If you want four additional podcasts every single month, head over to our Patreon. which will be linked in the show notes and YouTube. And Retep's going to tell you how to get there right now because he knows. And I don't.

Yeah, he's the only one. Yeah. Go to the wild timespodcast.com forward slash info for that link and all the other links. You can listen anywhere that podcasts are available to be listened to. You can watch on YouTube. Patreon.com forward slash wild times pod if you want to go directly to the Patreon. Support the show. We love you.

and it's been fun, gentlemen. Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Good to have you back, bro! I'm excited. Yeah, there we go. Wow, that's a long tongue. That's a very long tongue for us.

I'm quite pleasing to both genders. Yeah. Yeah. You're like a pangolin. Good night. Good night. Good night.