Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #77 - Woman Saves Dog From Black Bear, Exploding Whale Carcass, B&E by Badger

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

Forrest Galante and the Wild Times Crew are in-studio talking about everything in the title and more! Battle of the rants, Cave Dwelling Battle Royale, and the usual banter. Enjoy, you rascals! Love you. Patreon @ https://patreon.com/wildtimespod All the links @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/info

Wild Times. We're back. Episode 77. Peter, don't freak out when I say the episode number. The Wild Times, the greatest show on the air. We're in the studio. We're drinking claws. Cheers, guys.

Cheers. Yeah, it's important. Here's on the ground. Yep. Cheers. It's not wait for me. Don't wait for me. Black cherry, very sweet.

Very sweet. I actually think it's my favorite claw flavor. It's very good, too. It's really nice. Tasty. We are here. We're in the studio. Here we are.

Kyle's here. Kyle's here. He's in a real camera to take pictures of us. Welcome, Kyle. Everybody thinks that Kyle's made up because there's no camera angle pointing that way. Well, I just posted a story with him in it. I think they think he's real.

Nobody looks at your social media. He's the newest member of the Wild Times family. Yeah. Good to have him. It's great to have you. And yeah, and for those that only now know who Kyle is, first of all, your 77 episodes late, catch up. Secondly, I'm your host, Forrest Galante,

the broologist. I'm a biologist who bros out with these two, Tweedl D and Tweedled He was going to call us dunces. I was going to call you dunces. It's true. The professor, Mr. Rietep. What's up for Tep? Hey, not much.

Happy to be here. Love driving to Santa Barbara. Love the weather here. It's nice. And love you guys. Awesome. Yeah. And, of course, the one and only, the Papa Pee, the pen popper himself.

Patrick DeLucah, the Broducer. What's up, Pat? Good. Feel great. I'm excited. I've got a few, like, fun little games and surprises. for you? Like when you brought candy corn?

They're still here. I know. I know. Second bag. You know what else is interesting? He wore the same outfit last week. Because it was this fucking studio, the air conditioning doesn't work.

It's true. Right? I mean, if we're being honest, it was brutal this summer. It was very hot. Now it's feeling like fall. It's chilly in here. My parka or whatever this thing is called

hides my fat gut in the profile wide shot. Yeah, sure. Which is nice. You've got your Christmas tree up by now, I presume. Yeah. Up, baby. Flocked. They're at the flocked one in the office.

Nice. Yeah, probably going to wait a couple weeks to decorate. Smart. Yeah, treat yourself. Treat yourself. Yeah. So I've got a challenge to the Brosners. This is a wildlife podcast.

You should fucking know that by now, right? Yeah, yeah. We're going to talk a lot of adventure. Yep. You probably know who Forrest is. Maybe. I got a challenge for the Brosners. I want you to get in touch with us.

Any of the ways that you can. DM them, whatever. Passenger pigeon. I want you to write. Messenger. I'm inspired. Norm McDonald's. my favorite comedian.

All right. Yeah. Rest in peace. He's so goddamn funny. He did something really fun on his podcast where he would hand the guest's note cards and they would have these terrible jokes and they had to read them and try to get a laugh. Okay. And it's one of the funniest things that they did on the podcast.

Oh, I love this. So I want the Brosners to write sort of dad jokes about the three of us, but they have to in some way incorporate an animal. Oh, this is tricky, but good. Okay. And then we will read. them and we'll take turns reading them and see who can get a laugh out of them. It's great.

And how you deliver it. Yeah. It's great. It's great. It's great. I love that. It's a good idea. Brousner, you need to do that for us because we're not smart enough to write our own

jokes. So write them for us. Let's see if we can get a lot. I do have one. Oh, you go. A dad joke kind of at forest's expense if you'd like to hear it. You don't say who's expense? Do you know how to tell a joke?

Have you told a joke before me? All right. It's fine. I won't tell it. No, please, please, please, God. I'll kill my son. if you don't tell it. He will. Well, Forrest, we all know that you're

a bit of a technological idiot. Pat, what do you think Forrest's password is that he uses for everything? I don't know. What is it? One, Forrest, one. Oh, Zing. Huh? Oh, man.

Yeah, very good. That's good. Forrest. Yes. Before we came up here, because we're responsible, we all went to get COVID tests. Of course. And so Peter went first. And, you know, they were doing the one up the nose pipe, the nose pipe, the nasal one.

And so she said, the nurse says to Peter, she's like, you know, okay, tilt your head back. Okay, I'm going to stick this up your nose and swish it around a little bit and just try not to move your head and try not to oink. Because he's fat. Yeah, I get it. Because he's fat. What a terrible joke. Come on. So much setup.

It's not that's a joke has some setup. Try not to oink. Yeah, I get it. He's a pig. I get it. That's the kind of joke we're looking for. Yeah, no, that's big. Yeah, but when somebody listens to this podcast three years from now,

and now you've got to remind him of COVID, it could have been anything. I could have been getting a haircut. I could have been at the doctor. Terrible joke. Terrible. Fuck off. Wow. All right.

There's a lot going on in here. It's a mess. I don't have any preloaded like you guys do, unfortunately. We thought of him in the car. Okay, good. Yeah, I'm not quiffy enough to come up with them on the fly. Well, I mean, I think Pat has one more. I know he had... I'm going to wait a little bit. I wrote one about you, but we're going to wait a little

bit. You're not going to know when it's coming. Stay tuned for that. I've brought something to the table. Peter's brought something to the podcast. What do you have? Put me on block. I got people that like me. I got roast through DMs, left and right. Here's one of the things. If you're a Patreon,

if you patron us... Is that how you say it? Yeah. The, yeah, Petronus. If you patron us, then you get to send us cool messages and links and direct messages. And we get to talk about them on air, which is fun for us. Let's do it right now. So, at Nick Delahunty said to me, y'all seen this yet?

B&E by a Badger. Now, I haven't seen this video. We can't have that. We'll definitely get taken off of YouTube. It's a song. They put like an actual song, which actually does add to this video. Go to screen for Patrick. What are we looking at here?

So this badger. You have an American badger And it just got snow shoveled out of someone's Oh, I see what's going on here. Oh my goodness. So there's a badger Who's just trying to back that ass up? What does he mean B&E by Badger?

Breaking an airing. Yeah. He's trying to back up into this guy's home And this guy just keeps snow shoveling him out. What's the, Is that how it like does its thing with its behind there? I don't know what it's doing, to be honest.

I know this, though, you don't want to mess with a pissed off badger. I was just going to say, man, that guy is the only thing separating him from Badger. It's a snow shovel. It's a snow shovel. Yeah, no, that is a bold move. Dude, what would happen if a Badger got you? If that thing turned on him, you'd be screwed. If Badgers got to the size of, like, a grizzly bear, they would dominate the earth.

Yeah, agree. They are unbelievably strong and gnarly, and they have crazy jawpower. and digging about, they're crazy. So let's say that was what a 20, let's call that a 24-pound badger. Very obvious. I was going to say five. I was like, that's too much. Okay.

That was like a 24-pound badger that was the guy was kicking out of his. So let's say that thing gets around the shovel and has now identified this guy as threat number one. Yep. How much damage is a 24-pound North American badger doing to human? That will chew right through your Achilles tendon crippling you for life. No question. Good God. They are barley animals.

Now, I'm not saying that's what's going to happen. That would be a very specific attack. Right. But, no, they are gnarly, gnarly creatures. I had not seen that video before. So, yeah, Nick Delahunty, that's quite something. Just looking at a badger. I don't know why he's trying to back up into that guy's shed the whole time.

It's very strange that it's like normally an animal is getting the fuck out of there. It's terrifying. Like a raccoon is like running the fuck away, taking a shit on the way, like scared shitless. Most likely. That thing was like, fuck up. Like, I'm going to barrel my butt right in here. And he's fucking, like, the guy was being nice. Here's a possibility.

Maybe it had a little tiny little badgers that it was watching over inside. Under the house, maybe? Like in the basement? Under the house. In the garage. Could be. Or maybe the badger was just like, fuck off, mate. I've been in here for two months. Being a fucking badger, dude.

I'm curious if they back in. Yeah. Like, is that a natural behavior? I don't know. Like, I'm curious if, like, when they go into their boroughs, they just kind of back it on up. In the interim, while he's looking that up, you mentioned getting your Achilles heel

bitten in half by one of these badgers. Yes, I did. I have a friend who literally was playing basketball and took a step. Okay. Fucking tore his Achilles tendon. How old is he? He's like probably 40, maybe 45.

Okay. Because I have one of my best friends since I was three was just playing pit. Pickleball. He's in much better shape than I am. That's a big thing at the moment, pickleball. I haven't played it yet. It's so much fun.

Is it? I've only done it once. It's really fun. Because you're pretty much, it's not like tennis where it's very frustrating. Yeah. Pickle ball, you're good like five minutes in. Great. You're smacking the shit out of the ball.

That adds up. But he popped as a killer. He's just playing fucking pickleball, man. He's like, I'm going to be out of commission for a year. Dude. So, first of all, the story I was told was that he was at the Y. It popped every. look, it's like the loudest injury

in the fucking world. Yeah. But I'm thinking to myself, what is going on? You're taking a step. You get to this age where all of a sudden all you have to do was take a step and you're fucked.

Are you scared? I'm scared. This is going to happen to you for sure. No chance. I couldn't imagine if you were laid up. There's no chance. If you were laid up, you would be the most miserable human being in a world.

Oh. Dude, it's so funny because my significant other was asking me, she was like, what? Like, is force just always shooting? Because, you know, we're all trying to figure out the dates that we can record. Yeah. I was like, no, he gets home and he's got about 12 hours before he's fucking climbing walls.

Yeah. You're not good at just being home. 100%. No. I'm not going to sit here and defend myself on this topic. No, it's fine. You're a bit like a Tasmanian devil. No, I'm, yeah.

So was your child. You've taught him well. He's going to be exactly like you, by the way. It's a mess. go nuts, but yeah, no, I can't sit still. I'm not very good at that. In fact, the most time I sit still is either when I'm forced on an airplane or in the studio with YouTube.

I know, we're right. Yeah, but once you're forced onto the airplane, that's when the snoozeberries come out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Newsberries. I'm definitely calling them that for now. Can we get the what's in the news drop? Because I've been dying to ask for us about something. Okay. What? I, uh, I,

I, I tell you. Listen You ask Peter for a drop I can't I'm on air You want me to be on air Fucking talent And you want me to

Do the screen share The god dead talent He says talent Talent Fuck you He says talent Like as if it's like Fucking Mariah Carey show

Got to the building Where she's playing the concert Everybody knows I carry the show His hair's longer I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I muted my PC Because I'm doing a thousand things

Eat my Dick, meager What's in the news? I'm sorry, Kyle. I am genuinely sorry. I'm hammered. Forrest, I saw this, got real excited about it. I've never heard of this creature.

Let's play. I think if you could pull it up number four, Peter, we'll go to it. Here's the headline. And you tell me if you know what this thing's talking about. The bizarre pig-faced shark found dead in the Mediterranean Sea. Is it real? Look at that fucking thing. It looks like our friend Ethan, who's an avid podcast listener.

Thank you, Ethan. It really, it looks like a fucking pig. It's funny that you, so I knew that this was in the document. I've seen these sharks before. I've never seen one in person, but I've seen images and descriptions of them. Yeah. And I was going to set up the same story by telling Peter that he had a new spirit animal. Oh, shit.

So I just blew it? It's okay. You still got the joking. We got to get to sing on a shirt. Well, let's hear how you would have done it. Here's your opportunity for a dad joke. Oh, sure. Well, I would have been like, well, Peter, we all know that you love the blobfish.

Yeah. Well, I found something that you're going to like even more, you piece of pig trash. Boom, there it is. And then we're in. Okay. Before we get into this, I have one quick question. Yes. About this image, the guy behind with the huge leg.

It is a huge leg. Is he ripped or is he overweight? I'm curious. I know guys like this. My next door neighbor had those calves. My high school football coach had those calves. He was a small guy, but his calves were wider than the trunk of my body. Yeah.

It didn't make any sense. It's genetic, man. I've never seen a bigger calf except for a guy. Even guys who work out don't have calves. NFL running backs don't look like this. It's like a certain, like suburban dad thing where like one out of 25 of them have just three trunks. It's a suburban dad thing. And they all wear tivas.

Yeah. You guys like that. You wear tivas. I love tivas. You would. Not a sponsor. What is this creature? It's a pigfish.

They also call it a pig-faced, or what did you say? Pig-faced shark. Yeah, but I've heard of it before as a pig-fish is the common name. They're a deep-water rough shark. They live on the bottom. They're slow-moving. Yeah, very fat, very funny-looking. These rough sharks are, they're bottom dwellers.

They eat mollus crustacean, small fish. They're very, they're super rare. You know, they have these blunt, weird faces. that are just made for eating crabs and small moths and things in the muck, and they just sort of swim around slowly in the deep water. It says that when they pulled it out of the water, it was grunting. It was making a grunting sound, like literally poinking like Retep at the COVID test. So what you did there.

Franch comedy full circle. Very nice. So I thought you said that it wasn't alive. So they pulled it out. Oh, sorry. Maybe not this one. It says that when they're pulled out of the water, they make a grunting sound. It looks like a grunty fish.

Two different fish actually will make funny sounds when you pull them out of the water. But yeah, I have seen this family of sharks before. I hadn't seen this specific one, but they're super ugly. I think they look great. Have you heard of, so when I was reading the article, it mentioned that in July of 2019 that some fishermen in the Mediterranean trawled up something known as a naked shark? Haven't heard of a naked shark. That's new to me.

It is a shark that is seemingly born with no skin or teeth. What? No skin Somehow lived for three years So just organs and bones Yeah, how does that work? Just literally organs and bones If you click the link in there, Peter, there's a picture of it

But that's crazy That it made it to three years old With no skin or teeth, a shark And they don't know if this is a species Or like a deformation A mutant from the deaths There's so much weird shit going on Once you get down below 200 feet

Oh! It's just wild Well, while we're doing what's in the news on that very topic. Yeah. Take a look at number five. In a test, scientists decided to sink

three alligator carcasses to the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico. Okay? Okay? Huh. This is why science is great, right? Because you're like, hey, I'm a scientist.

By the way, these are scientists in Louisiana, so, you know, it's kind of a little slack here. Fair enough. But, you know, they're trying to figure out how many,

what their boob ratio that they can see on Bourbon Street is. But when they're not doing that, they're thinking that sinking alligators to the bottom of the ocean is science, which I love. But anyway, sounds great. They sink three alligator carcasses to the bottom of the ocean, right?

No big deal. I don't know why. It's an experiment, apparently. This is a very Louisiana university to me. So they sink three down. I'm trying to see if I can figure it out. So first alligator, less than a day, it's gone. Giant isotopods, those big like sea crustaceans. Strip it clean, right? Scavengers, they rip it

apart, come from the insides out, it's gone. Okay? Okay. Second carcass stays on the ocean floor longer. They leave it submerged for 51 days, fish it back out, it's picked clean. It's just a frame. Bones. Okay. These are what you, these are things that you expect to happen at the bottom of the ocean. Right. Yeah. Third carcass. Gone. Disappeared. Gone. Something has swallowed it whole, according to the scientists at the University of Louisiana. Has eaten a 12th. foot alligator gone. No carcass. No carcass.

So could she gone? Couldn't be something to dragged it away. Even so, it would have to be something very large. Not something that a shark would do. Not something a whale would do. Nope. Nobody knows. Just gone.

Just gone. Now would it be possible that something ate it and then something else came and finished it off or like cleared it out? But nothing eats bone in the ocean. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. You're talking about big, dense alligator skull and bone the whole thing. has been slurped up and gone.

What's your, okay, so what do you think did it? I think it's got to be one of these giant, slow-moving deep sea sharks. You know, big Sevengill shark or Greenland shark or something like that. Every now and then they get a, they get video footage on the bottom of an oil platform of, you know, a big sea monster,

and you kind of see the face of a giant deep-sea shark coming in. But the fact that there's one down there big enough, potentially, to eat a 12-foot alligator hole, you're talking about a big old sea monster down there. Maybe something we don't know about. What about a giant squid that just grabbed it and dragged it back to its layer? Maybe.

Something like that. Maybe. Giant octopus of some sort. It's possible. Nobody knows. It's all speculation. I mean, that makes a lot of sense, right? An octopus, because they hang out in their little coven

or whatever that's called. They could just, might have dragged it back. It's very smart. Who knows? They didn't say in the old. What were they thinking they were going to find? Like, what was it? They were like, ah, what was the hypothesis?

We got 12 grand to do an experiment. You got one? Three alligators, bottom of the ocean? Yeah. It's the University of Louisiana. Come on. Well, these students, these are students, right? No.

I mean, according to the article, scientists. Yeah. All right. So I just love that somebody funded this. Like, there's tax dollars going towards people sinking alligators. And what do you think? Right. What do you think the actual experience of them going out to do this was, you know, they got

together, they had a big crawfish broil. Shitload of white claws. They had some beers on the boat. They fucking weighed this thing down. Yep. They threw it down. Yep. I think that's exactly what they did.

That sounds pretty much exactly like what happened. Every time I've been to Louisiana, that's what happens. We're doing something wrong. We need to be scientists. But it is interesting. I mean, what, you know, maybe something's dragging it off. Maybe it's an octopus. Maybe it's a giant shark.

Whatever it is, it's big enough to eat a whole adult alligator off the bottom of the ocean. Speaking of crawfish, crawfish boil. I know you just did one recently for your GF's. Sister's birthday. Forrest, you and I partook in one in Louisiana. Incredible one. Fantastic. I don't know if you've ever done a crawfish boil, Kyle.

But they're fantastic. They always kind of look the same. There's a bunch of key ingredients. Yeah. Corn, potatoes. What's the go-to thing? I think there's a correct answer. What's your go-to?

When crawfish boil, they dump the whole thing out. The shrimp. Okay? My go-to in this one was the sausage because I'm lazy. What's yours, Kyle? Never have them? He goes for the corn. It's the sausage.

Yeah. I go the sausage, man. Why? Easy. Yeah, there's the shrimp. It's like one peel. You get a whole. I had to have my girlfriend peel my shrimp.

I was like, how does this, what is this fucking legs are coming on? How old are you? 38. No, I agree with them a little bit. Okay. You peel off a little piece. It's like, I would never make it in nature. And a lot of people say the crawfish, you suck the butt out or whatever you do.

Suck the butt right off. You got all this delicious. Dewey sausage sitting there. Just waiting to be picked, waiting to be grabbed. And it's not what most people are going for. Exactly. It's really not. Dude, a fucking crab claw. Get out of here. What a nightmare.

Blue crabs, too. They're all like sharp and really hard to crab. You're not getting a nice chunk of meat out of that. No, there's like one good, hearty chunk of meat that's worth the effort in the fucking crab on there. And it's in the claw. Where was I, where was my invite for this crawfish boil? I love a good crawfish boil. I, yeah, I mean, you know. No. It's not happening.

Yeah. Okay, very good. Very good. I got more Brosner DMs. What do you got, man? At Izzy, your favorite nobody says, I didn't know whales exploded in the wild. Just like naturally explode after they die, nuts.

Yeah, very. Real quick, before you pull up the link, I haven't seen this yet, but I have a feeling I know exactly what it is. Why do you think a whale would explode in the wild? Well, I know the answer. Okay. Peter? I mean, it has to do with some type of buildup of gas in this enormous animal,

and maybe it's farting inside. I don't know. Farting inside. Internal farts? Let's go ahead and play the video. Oh, this is not the video I was expecting. All right, so we're looking at a whale if you're listening and not watching on YouTube. We're looking at a dead whale floating on the surface.

Oh, brutal. Kaboom. That's a small explosion. Yeah. Oh, it's horrific. Oh, there's guts everywhere. We're not going to be able to show this on. Yeah, we are.

No way. Who cares? Their guts, yeah, guts are coming out. It looked like it exploded, like, almost out of its throat. I think a shark nipped at it. I thought I saw some thrash at it. Gotcha. Yeah, so, I mean, you guys got it, are getting it.

This is in California, by the way. That's Channel Islands in the background. All right, switch it off, man. Switch it off. I like it. I want noodles now. It's nature, man. Yeah.

Anybody else feel like a bowl of spaghetti, ball of maize? My tummy hurts. It will. Yeah, so you guys got it. Lizzie, Izzy, your favorite nobody. They die, they decompose. They're massive animals. They sit in the sun.

Their stomach cavities and gut cavities fill up with gas as they decompose. Inside farts. Inside farts. The thing turns into a balloon, basically, and eventually pops. It's pretty interesting. When I was just in Utah, we had to take ATVs to get from where you could park the car on the street to the location we were filming at. And day one, we're just going to scout. And there's quite a few dead cattle just laying there.

And they had been dead not that long. You couldn't even smell them on day one. Oh, okay. They weren't even bloated. No, not yet. But over the course of a week, I mean, they doubled in size. They get massively bloated. Of course.

And it's, yeah, I think it's nitrogen, some sort of gas that's inside. I don't think they explode because I think the rawhide is tougher. Interesting. But, oh, boy, did they smell. Well, here's an interesting shit bit. I don't know if either you guys knew this. Do you know where zombies come from? All jokes aside, where the legend of zombies come from.

I mean, I know that the Vikings had the dragoor. That was their version of the zombie, but I don't know. Like, what? So what I read was that the legend of zombies started, in Scandinavia. I don't remember which country specifically. And what would happen was they'd take their dead and they'd bury them in pretty poor topsoil, right?

Like sandy, shitty topsoil. And they would decompose, just like our whale friend we just saw. Right. And as they would decompose, their stomachs would puff up and they'd bloat and they would rise up through the layer of topsoil. And all of a sudden you'd start seeing fingers poking out

and toes poking out and faces poking up. Wow. And so, you know, in a time and place where we understood very little about science and everything was magic and gods and demons and stuff. We thought they were zombies coming back, these dead people rising slowly. And that legend, you know, grew and evolved and so on and so forth until it was, you know, like people walking around. Sure.

You know, we have the walking dead. Exactly. So then they've said, oh, this would be better if you put them in a box and put them six feet down. Exactly. Interesting. You didn't know that. It is gross to see.

It is, it is disgusting to see. but these cattle, like, watching the progression of how much they were getting eaten each night. Was it coyotes and things, picking them apart, or what? Coyotes there. I saw wolf tracks there when I was there in the winter, but then someone was like, I don't think there should be wolves here, and then there's bear. Gotcha. So I just imagine there's probably a lot of coyotes.

Yeah, that's awesome. Died from nitrogen bloat, we think. There was a rancher that we came in contact with. I think they might have been his cattle. And he said, basically, if the cows are used to eating pretty, like, shitty grass, whatever, and then they come into like a real mineral rich grass, they'll just get nitrogen bloat and die. Gotcha.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Huh. Hmm. I got more.

Want me to keep going? Yeah, I love the brooster DMs. Cool. Yeah. So BS qu aquariums. I'm reading that wrong. BSQ aquariums, maybe? Could be.

Yeah. Could be. Probably. Sounds much better than what I said. BSQ aquariums says, Hey, Bros. Did you guys see this woman save her dog? from a black bear attack in Canada.

She had a huge stick and bunted, LOL, and somehow escaped, unscathed. I haven't seen this. I feel like we've had a lot of people fighting against bear to save their dogs lately. There's been a lot. Maybe it's one we've seen already, but nope, I definitely haven't seen this.

All right, here we go. Is that the dog? Yes, the dog. That's the bear. Oh, my God. Oh, the bear literally was like, sorry. It just like headbutted her.

It was an accident. It was an accident. It was. And the bear, look, the bear's like, oh shit, you know, and bales. instantly. Oh, wow. I love everybody in this scenario. I do, too. Like, the bear,

the lady for... She's good, though. Yeah. She's back up. Dogs okay. Yeah, so basically that's probably what, a 150-pound black bear. That's about right? Not huge. What do you think is going through... The lady's dog is running away. She's in her PJs, FYI.

Look at when the bear pauses here. What do you think he's thinking? Before he turns away. Oops. Like, I made a blunder. Exactly. Like, he's not kind of... contemplating like should I go through with this? Don't think so. It's probably better that

so she got this stick and he's saying she bunted but like she kind of just did nothing. Yeah. She bunted. But the bear's just running and then tries to stop. Yeah, he kind of comes up and skids on his back feet and just kind of ran into her. It's great.

Might not have even gotten hurt. I think she got headbutted in the chest. No, I think she was fine. I would, I'd love for that to be me. Because then I could show everybody that video and be like, check out this thing that happened. Nothing bad happened, but like, how cool is this? I got tackled by a bear. Yeah, you're just like, yeah, I mean, people were like, what, what were you feeling? You're like, well, I just went back in and had my coffee. Yeah, just trying to look out for Scruffy.

Not a big deal at all. That dog's name is not Scruffy. It's like, it's butch or like killer. Sick balls. By the way, so if she would have hit, if she wouldn't have bunted and she actually would have hit the bear with the stick, this probably would have turned out much different, right? I think it would have turned out worse for her. Like the bear would have attacked, no? It could have. I mean, at that point, it's feeling threatened, right? Because right now it runs into her and goes, oops.

Like, you know, like this was a mistake for everybody. Right. But you start injuring the bear. Yeah. And it's probably feeling much more threatened. She doesn't even hit it as she's getting up, which is pretty, like, I don't know what I'd do. She's in shock. Yeah.

And so is the bear. Yes. Everybody's shocked in that. It really does go to show you. It really does go to show you how little interests they have in, like, actually hurting you. Yeah, of course. taking a couple swipes and that would have been the end.

And instead the bear was like, oh, my bad and peaceed out. Yeah, I mean, it's a regular yogi over here. He's just chilling trying to steal pickinick baskets. Ah, good stuff. Good stuff. So we did a whole series on the Patreon bonus podcast where we went through every episode of Extincter Alive and did sort of what you didn't see, how it was planned behind the scenes. And people were like, dude, these are great.

like you should do one for each episode, which of course, maybe we'll do at some point. Who knows? If we survive, if we're all still alive in a year or so, we'll do something like that. People loved them, and I've gotten two different messages. One was from one of the Patreon's, Why Myers, who said, could we get a lot more in depth

on the Sala episode? I really want to know what went into that cave expedition. Yeah, let's talk on it. I mean, pretty interesting. Set up the expedition, how it went, and why we went where we went. He's like a teacher, and he's assigning you something. No, it's a good question.

It is. All right, so we went to Vietnam to look for the Sala. And the Sala is the Asian unicorn. It's this rare bovid related to a cow, actually, that has only ever been filmed once, only ever been caught on camera two or three times. There's only one in captivity ever, and it died very shortly after it was caught.

I mean, very, very rare animal. Super cool story. Now, in the show, and this is something we can admit openly, we're like, hey, we can't find this thing, but we got to go check out this cave. When reality, we always had the cave in our back pocket, right? And we had got all the permits and applications and everything, because it's not something you just show up and do. You don't just show up and march. It's like showing up and being like, climb Everest tomorrow. Right.

You know, like, it sounds like a good thing to do while I'm in Tibet. So yeah, so we already had the idea that if, you know, if all else fails, we'll go check out the cave. So Patrick, he really led this much more than I did. He's like, this cave's incredible, you know, it's absolutely something worth checking out, showed it to me. I sort of looked at it with the biological lens and went absolutely. There could easily be all kinds of species hiding down there, including the salo. Like you have no idea. There's whole ecosystems in this cave that are, you know, cut off from the outside world.

And I think also we knew that only one group of biologists had ever been inside the rainforest that's inside the cave. Right. Right. And didn't they discover a new monkey or so? There's something. A whole bunch. Yeah, a whole bunch of things. So, yeah.

It's kind of like this unexplored place. Very much so. Yeah, totally. I mean, it's a six mile long cave. It's the largest cave in the world. You could fit a New York City skyscraper in it. With a rainforest in it. It's crazy.

Yeah. Less than 2,000 people at that point had been inside. Right. Wow. Ever. Yeah. So yeah, so we went on this hike, this long, harrowing hike, Indianaite mountains, found a bunch of snares, poachers traps, very little life. And we're like, you know what?

Fuck this. Like, there's nothing out here. We're not going to find a sowlo. Like, everything's been so hammered and poached and hit. Let's go to the cave. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it was, you know, we had gone farther into the mountains in the opposite direction of the cave than we thought we would. at the time where you made the call. But I was obviously stoked because the big bucket list item was exploring that cave. It was incredible. Yeah. But yeah, no, there was pre-production that went into it, obviously getting a bunch of camera gear down some very steep things that you had to repel down

across a lake that you have to then cross once you're in the cave. Like, there's a shitload of logistics that had to be done. So to have that done, we had discussed with some locals who were to, the people who take groups in there. And they had set in place a bunch of stuff where if we called them from the sat phone, they would be basically ready for us in two days. Exactly. So we made that call and then the fun started.

Kind of interesting story. It's definitely not saying we've talked about on the pod before. The guys that took us into the cave, there were these two, like, hilarious, chubby, middle-aged British dudes that on the outside look about as hard as marshmallows. but were legit pretty fucking hard caver guys. They were the same guys who had rescued the kids in Thailand.

You remember when those kids went into the cave in Thailand and flooded? When Elon Musk went in there with his boring tool, like there was the whole... I never heard about that. No, that was different. That was a collapsed cave, I think, in Chile or Argentina. Regardless. Yeah, regardless.

There was this soccer team went into the cave, if anybody doesn't remember, soccer team that went into this cave in Thailand, rains came up, it flooded. Kids were stuck in the cave basically slowly dying because they couldn't get out. They didn't have enough air, so on and so forth. And it required the best cave divers in the world to go in through these tunnels, through this rushing water in zero visibility. Grab these kids. Put them into like body bags with little oxygen masks, scuba tanks, and bring them out one at a time.

Yeah. Zero visibility. Yeah. The divers are on a line the whole time. The kids are fucking terrified. I mean, like... Well, we got some inside scoop. Yeah.

Major inside scoop. Yeah. Major. So, first of all, the guys that took us into... What's the name of the cave? Songdung Cave. Songdung. Were the guys that saved these kids, right?

Now, this is all, I believe, come out publicly at this point. But the cave rescue in Thailand had basically just happened when we got there. It's like, two weeks prior or something like that. And it was all still kind of hush, hush about how these kids came out. Well, what happened? happened was these guys were going in these these lava tubes or whatever they are popping up drugging the kids wow without parental consent yeah and then putting them in these like body bags and shipping them out but if they hadn't drug the kids any kid could fucking spaz out

rip his regulator out drowned not only just kill him but kill the scuba divers and by the way if that happens in this tiny choke tube yeah nobody's getting in or out that's the end so there was this whole like i don't even know if i should be talking about this I think it's public knowledge now. That part came out. That part came out. There's another part that we're going to break right now that didn't come out. Yeah, I'll leave that to you.

I know exactly what you're talking about. But yeah. So at this time, we're sitting there. We're in this cave with these two British dudes who were talking about this rescue mission with these kids in Thailand. They've just come off of this like a week prior. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, we're illegally drugging kids and shoving them in these body bags and pulling them out. And like, we didn't know what to do because they were going to either die.

They're either going to kill us, kill themselves, both. and like you can't just go start telling people that you're drugging children. Of course. And there was like this big controversy where it was, they were like, don't tell anybody. And then I think it all got figured out and everybody found out about it. And there was a little bit of an outcry,

but at the end of the day, the good outweighed the bad. There's one kid who had gone through the DARE program at school and refused to be drugged and he died in the cave. Oh, really? Of course not. Oh, I was like, I didn't remember that part of the story. That's a ridiculous statement you just made.

I legit. I bought it too because he's such a good liar. So deadpan. He's been lying for so long. Here's a juicy tidbit, though. So the drugging thing came out, but there was a huge political thing that happened when they got to Thailand. Right. Which was-

This is breaking, by the way. This has not been here. The Thai dive team that had tried to do some stuff to get them out realized they couldn't even get to the chamber. Right. So they failed to get to the chamber. This is according to our sources that were the guys who actually did. it. So when they got there, the first thing was they just wanted to see if they could get to the chamber, see what state the kids were in, and then figure out what to do. Now how do we get back?

Sure. Then make a plan, how do we, you know, all quickly. Nobody's sleeping. It's not like you're of a hotel. Of course. Yeah, it was time sensitive. So there's a big political thing with a bunch of politicians, Thai politicians, that they were not going to be allowed to go into the cave and rescue the kids unless they brought them mostly to the edge of the cave, then handed them off to the local divers. Oh my. Because they wanted the Thai guys to look like heroes. They wanted the news crews to see the local diversers emerging with the kids.

Otherwise, they weren't going to be allowed to do it. That's crazy. Yeah. So this is the thing that's pretty much unknown. So can you imagine? Well, yeah, this is hugely controversial. By the way, these guys don't, this is not something they did for money. Right.

They didn't get paid because it was right. Yeah. But meanwhile, you've got a bunch of like PC police at the governmental level of Thailand going, oh, we want our people to look good. Who gives a shit? Who the hell look good? We're talking about kids' lives here, you know? And they're like holding it up. Yeah.

Oh, of course it's time sensitive. It was. Like the, wasn't the cave like fucking filling with water more and more? They're running out of oxygen. And they don't have any food or water. Right. Clean water. And meanwhile, there's a bunch of politicians arguing about who's going to look good when they save the kids.

Yeah. I mean, this is what you guys have talked about. A couple of these candy corns here. You guys have talked about this before just with the, and it's not as, you know, life and death situation. But with, I mean, to you it was the Ferdinand Turtle, you know, same kind of, is that wrong? So close. I'm not laughing at you. I'm not laughing at you.

Ferdinand. Ferdinandino? No. So, yeah, but I mean, you know, you talk about the same thing. And this is, you know, again, I know, I always, I know. I give humans a lot of shit, but it is one of the things, you know, that people want the fucking credit.

For sure. For fucking big news stories, it doesn't really matter what it is. If it's going to paint someone in a good lights, people's out there trying to take credit for it. Yeah, but at the cost of human lives, I know. Kids' lives.

That's crazy, man. If they had said, no, we're not going to hand the kids off. We're just going to do it. Yeah. They would not have saved them. That's fucked up. And so, I don't know.

It just drives me crazy. I've unfollowed a lot. a lot of my close friends on Instagram. And part of the reason we don't talk politics on this podcast is because it sucks. It's grim. It's so grim. You get enough of that, especially if you're on social media. Yep.

Or if you're friends with Forrest who sends a text this morning, World War III is happening within the next 20 weeks without question. You know, all these people were celebrating because there was a recall in California. And Governor Newsom stayed in and all these people were like, yeah, fuck you, Republic. It's like, the fact that you think that this guy, or any politician, period, is altruistic. Right, exactly. It's nuts.

Think about the behind the scenes, the reality of politicians playing with the lives of a bunch of children. Yeah, right. Because of who's going to get credit. Right. Yep. I don't think that's just something in Thailand at all. No way. Everywhere.

It's about everything. 100%. This is like, if you put your faith in a bunch of politicians, like it's, they're actors. What do you think? It's like cults, man. And it's like they're, they're, there, I was thinking about this the other day because of the fucking recall election. I was like, why do people, why, like, one of the guys that was running against him was this AM conservative, conservative talk radio guy. I'm like, people don't even know what this guy looks like.

Yeah, Larry Elder, yeah. But like, it was just insane that there's like this cultish thing. It doesn't matter who the person is. It could be anybody. If they agree with your position, it's like, you're on board. So they could say whatever the fuck they want. They want a few kids to die because they're not going to get credit for it. People will literally, like, in their head, justify it because this fucking weird, like, celebrity mentality because it's just, it's out of control these days.

So don't text me about World War III anymore is my point for us. Okay, you got it, fella. Also, stay off social media. Unless you're following the Wild Times, the Wild Times, Meme account. I can't. Forrest Galante. Oh, yeah, what a luxury. Stay off social media.

I'm over here running fucking Wild Times. Very popular on the old interweb these days. Am I? What do you? You got like six or seven people that like you. Yeah, at least. That's more than ever in my entire life at one time, to be honest. For sure.

Dull, at least. Forrest, does your lady friend listen to the podcast? God, no, we can destroy her on here. It's fine. Does yours? Yeah. Yeah. When she has time.

So mine took a road trip last weekend. Yep. Not a long one. She drove to San Diego. Away from you, mate. I call her to say, just see how I was going. You know, whatever. How you don't?

I was bored. Yep. She's like, I'm listening to the podcast to the Wild Times. I was like, oh, cool. She's like,

yeah, it's like a real podcast. It is now like a real podcast. Yeah. She was like, yeah, like it's just, I was surprised. It's like a real thing. Because she,

she knows all three of us very well. Right. And she's just like, yeah, there's three fucking clowns. Exactly. She was there the very first day

we were recorded for four hours and came out with a 45 minute episode because we didn't know what the fuck we were doing. Correct. So from her, perspective, we were just three morons, like, getting hammered, and she was over there drinking wine, like, laughing at our bullshit. Right. And, like, now it's evolved. We've got a studio. We've got an

octopus. We've got Kyle with a real camera. Kyle? Look at his lens. He's got a 200-mill. Oh, my God. He's picking out your nose hairs from that direction. No, I trimmed him the other day. Chemistry is on fire! So let me ask you this for us. You're a biologist. Yeah. I stopped trimming my nose hair when COVID. head. Oh, I've heard this. I know where you're going with this. We can all see. Well, because I was like, you breathe this shit in through your fucking mouth from nose. Okay. Okay. I was like, I might need these hairs. You're a dirt sweeper, man. I've got

a lady. It's keeping them out. I'm not leaving the house that much. I'm going to fucking let this thing you know, be a fucking chia nose. That's what they say. Chia knows. So what do you think? Is the vanity act of trimming the nose hair? Is it like, am I more likely to contract a breakthrough case of COVID? I'm going to say yes.

Fuck. I'm going to say yes. Because I looked in the mirror and I was like, this is your Guys over the decades and centuries have been making excuses as to why they should not groom themselves. This is just another one of those, man. All right. Keep it growing. The biological, there's a necessity for nose hair. It keeps things out of your sinuses, including germs.

Yeah. The thing that gets me that we don't need, that there is not a fucking biological necessity for, that Jess my barber's name is Jess, points out every single fucking time I say. in the chair is that I have ear hairs now. And she asks me every time, should I trim your ear hairs. Yes, Jess, you should. But you should not ask me.

You just do it and pretend they don't exist. Yeah, it's like, I'll notice, I'll know you're doing it when the buzzer hits my ear. Correct. You have a lifetime consent to trim my fucking ear hair. And we don't need to ever discuss this, ever. I know I'm getting older. I understand there is now hair growing from my ears.

Let's not talk about it. You trim it. Keep it in check. Move on. Listen, I, since I've, the hair is just grown out, I never have gotten it cut in like two years now. So it's, I just let it start growing. It looked terrible for a while. You haven't cut your hair in two years?

It's been like, it's been a while. I mean, I had one, whatever. But point, case in point, the air, the ear hair for me has been a problem for many years. And I'm not a hairy person. But now it's like shaggy on my fucking white shaggy hairs or blonde, I should. say on the back. I don't have to deal with him anymore. The long hair covers it up.

That's true. Bingo. That's a tip. That's a tip. That's some good takeaway for all the bro- We can go. Is that one of Retepe's dating tips? It's been so long.

Yeah, I guess so. Well, I mean, I think I'm in a relationship. I don't know if, uh... No, but you give dating advice. Well, you did once on one show. It's our lowest-viewed video on YouTube. People loved it now. They were loving it, me.

But yeah, so then, so yeah, so we did, you made the call to go. Yeah. They cut to a shot of me. they being the editors. I think Jesse cut that one. And they cut to a shot of me looking very concerned, even though I was just trying to hide

how excited I was that we were gonna go to the cave. You were a little concerned we had to hike back out. It wasn't a pleasant hike back out either way. It just wasn't pleasant, man. I just never got used to leeches. There was nothing that you can do to get rid of the heby-jeebies

if leeches get you. Especially if you've seen stand by me. Fucking crazy how they just are everywhere and you don't feel them. Yep. You just look down and you're fucking weird. God damn they're gross. Do we need them? No. Okay. We can get rid of them then? Have you ever had a leech on you Kyle?

He does a lot of fishing and a lot of outdoor stuff. Never had a leech. I had never had a leech on me until this hiking in the animites. Again, you wouldn't have known. They're very discreet. You've probably had several leeches on you even in your own bathtub. No, it's because you go to take your underpike. pants down when you want to take a pee or you've got to take your shoes off or yeah in your waistband. Soft line. Yeah. Oh my God. You're like, oh, I've still got socks on those aren't socks.

Yeah, you ever see that famous playboy photo from when we were like in middle school? It's Pamela Anderson fully naked with like a gold belly chain around her. It's very sexy. It's that, but it's these horrific monsters. They're like where things are tight around your body, right? They're like, oh, can't get down those pants. I'll just stick in here. Do they get fatter, like ticks do? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So like the time you come on, you're like a tiny little thing. Then by the time you pull your pants down, you got these big fat blood filled. And that's how you know how long they were on. Yep. So you're like, oh, shit, that one was on there for a while. And then you pull them off. They have an anticoagulant in their saliva, and it bleeds and bleeds. Dude, these things are a nightmare.

Yeah. Nice. Get it? That's my dad joke. But I would say, force, then we get to the mouth of the cave. and we have our two guides that are going to help us get to the rainforest that's a several day hike in.

Obviously, we're all on fucking cloud nine. So exciting. Because now we're out of Leach territory. That too. See the most amazing spectacle, probably on Earth. And there's a moment where our guides are like, you know, we have to repel down this thing.

It's like, I can't remember. It's like a 300 foot. Not like a super scary repel. It was probably like an 80 degree angle. Yeah, it wasn't one of those you're hanging. Right. Yeah. And not a pure vertical.

Still, you know, pretty intense. You're going into the cave. Yep. And they want us to wear helmets. Right? Because these guys have a company that does this and they have insurance and they have things that they have to do. And, and I want to add to that. Hold on.

Just shut the fuck up. You should be wearing a helmet. Go ahead for us. Time out. We can, I know where this is going and I'm getting thrown under the bus here. Yeah. But I also want to point out that they also, to go in this cave is very expensive. Okay?

Just like climbing Mount Everest. It includes. $40,000? It's $40,000. But it includes the helmet. But so the type of people that get to go in this cave are rich people that aren't used to doing hardcore expeditions. So our cave guys, as rad as they were, they're treating us like 70-year-old British guys that have too much money and want to go on a proper caving trip. Right.

And so, you know, it's like, here I am, like Forrestcalante adventurer extraordinaire. And they're like, put on your fucking safety vest. And I'm like, well, hold on guy. All right, now continue. They did not have a safety vest. No, they didn't. They had a helmet. The thing you wear when you get on a bicycle.

To protect your brain. The thing that protects the amygdala normally is. Yeah. Nice. So there are these orange helmets. Forrest is not happy. He just straps his helmet to his pack. And they're like, hey, guys, like, helmets are on.

And for us like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like I can see that's just your hair. And they're pretty steadfast that he needs to wear his helmet. Sure. And Forrest, so I go to talk to him, I'm like, dude, just fucking, he's like, I'm not fucking wearing him. Well, we're shooting like this cool, like rappel down the fucking cave. Like, it's badass.

I've got the hat going. I do get that point. You know, and there's, and by the way, if someone had told me, I would have ordered a nice dark green helmet. Sure. And it would have looked fine. These things are fucking brighter. Yeah.

God damn pained for a car I swear to God, man. Like when you got a cheap out on a bicycle helmet, it just looks like a giant fucking egg and they're like foamy and they're this fucking color and it's not even about the helmet. It's about the fact that I got to wear this

neon thing and we're in the cave it's dark and cool and spooky. Yeah, for TV it's not, I actually am starting to side with him a little bit. It's not very... Totally fair. Bad ass. Totally fair. He got really grumpy wore the helmet on the initial repel was then just mad at me.

No, I wasn't mad. You were just mad in general. Yes. But I get it. It's your TV show and you had to wear this uncool helmet. Probably by midway through day one in the cave, they just got sick of asking you to put it on. Because you'll notice he's got it in a couple scenes and then just no more helmet.

Because every time I just take it back off and strap it to my belt. Then they'd be like, Forrest, put your helmet on. Take it back off. Now, the important question, how did his hair look? I was under a headlamp the whole time. Yeah. So kind of messy. Nice answer, by the way.

Fuck off. When you get inside there, though, and you look back out up at the opening. It's insane. It is, yeah. I just need to clarify, I was talking to Pat for all the audio listeners. He just ignored my question entirely. You asked me how another man's hair looked. Like, what am I going to say?

Fucking amazing. No, I know. It's bad because now I have to. The problem is is that I had to reflect back to it. And then it sounded like I was talking shit to Forrest, which is. really strange and makes me sound mean. You're overthinking it. Relax. I'm hammered.

Any other juicy tidbits from sort of behind the scenes? We talked about the cake. Yeah, we talked about all that. We did eat nicely. I will say, though, based on what you just said about the 70 or, like, you know, that they're taking wealthy people in general in there, because unless a TV production's

paying for you to go in, it's very expensive. Yeah, you can buy a house or you can go in this cave. It is, yeah, only, I think, I have a Tesla. I think now they're doing 300 people a year. Something like that. They're allowed to go in.

So very exclusive. Yeah. And so it's expensive, you know, as a result. But I will say there were a couple sections of the traverse where we're just going over that jagged-ass rock. Yeah, for sure. And a couple sections where there was maybe, I don't know, a 14-inch kind of thing you're walking across. And it's not like a nice smooth curb. Right.

14-inch wide, let's say. Yeah. And sheer drops on both sides where, you know, you're not roped in in any section. Oh. where I was like, this is not something that... True. Like, the force is like, I don't even remember that. I don't, be honest.

No, I do. Okay, but how about the climb out? The climb out was fucking gnarly. There's no 70-year-old British dudes that, you know, are up for a jolly good time doing that. One thing that I don't think we've ever mentioned... How sparkly it was. Just everything was shimmering?

Dude, I'll share a video that you can throw on the... the IG or include in this with you. I took a video of it. It's so, let me slug that. There's a little, there's a drop in there. I'm just gonna pour some in there. Oh, what if gentlemen. It's so sparkly.

The whole cave looks like the fucking Twilight kids. You know how they're sparkly? Yeah, yeah. It's amazing, man. And you didn't really get that in our cameras because, I don't know. It wasn't what we focused on. But it's amazingly sparkly everywhere.

Yeah, I mean, a lot of the things that I get from when you guys talk about these adventures are, you know, the, I'm just laughing because Pat just spilled white claw over the table. Well, don't pour a white claw into another can of white claw.

If you don't want to spill something. Yeah, that's the mistake. But there is, it makes me a bit jealous because I don't get out enough, especially in the last couple years. But it's,

there's all these things that are really hard, that don't translate through on camera. It just doesn't come through. Like Patrick, cleaning up white claw with our stuff. Well, that will come through on camera, just not on the audio version of this. Sorry. But, you know, I think you were talking about just, like, certain things, you know, like,

or the vastness. A lot of times I find that the vastness of places. You just can't do it. Like, yeah. Dude, you could stand up the Empire State Building inside of this cave and it's pitch fucking so how do you show that on a camera, right? Because you're like, oh, see my light? It's way up there.

Like, yeah, and then you're filming it. And it's like there's no way to explain how big these cameras are. I'm sure you know this shooting. Like you've dealt with this shooting the outdoor stuff. Like our eye, you know, there's amazing lens in camera technology. It's getting better every year. Yep. Yeah.

But there's no lens that can do anything close to what our eye can do. Right, right. Obviously they can do cool, cool shit and zoom in. We don't have that capability. But just capturing the actual depth of something. And that was always the problem with the Greenland show was, that you just we could never capture the scale and try everything and every season we would have meetings with the whole camera team okay what do we got what's new what what's the new thing we can do because it just never read and then you'd watch the footage you're like fuck yeah it's like flat compared to what you know it's just shit your pants is that pre drones were you guys kind of doing that pre drones yeah but like you know drones don't capture scale I don't know not really they can show vastness but not I don't know there's just something weird about size.

Are there any other moments that you guys can think of off the top of your head where it's just, you know, it's on TV. Everybody's seen it. But there's something indescribable, not just like vastness, like something else that you sensed while you were there where you were like, like I'm on Extincter Alive shooting where it's just like nobody could even understand. We've tried to explain it in words. There's a witch doctor scene in the leopard, the Zanzibar Leopard episode.

Yeah. That it cut together fine, and it's like, it's good in the episode and everything. But it's very hard to explain that to like a Westerner, to like a Western mind. So we're meeting with this witch doctor, right? And the prevailing belief in Zanzibar was that the witch doctors used to use leopards to do their evil bidding. Okay. So we're asking this, and that the leopards were shapeshifters. They would shift between human and leopard.

Okay. So we're like, all right, you know, not necessary that, you know, as a scientist and a reasonable person, not that we believe this, Patrick and I, but like, let's, you know, investigate, tell the story, all of that good stuff. So we rock up to this witch doctor. He's speaking in tongues and flailing around and throwing, like, dirt and bones in the air. And now this is where it gets hard to explain. First of all, the atmosphere is very heavy. The woman that he is curing, the witch doctor is the one doing all this,

spazzy stuff. Yeah. And the woman that he is curing has an ailment that he, and so she's coughing up a lung, which is disgusting, because we're sitting in this cave with this woman. She had like whooping, I mean, she had something bad. Something was probably contagious to it. If this was in COVID times, we would have run, guaranteed. Sure.

Anyway, so we're sitting there with this woman hacking up a lung and this witch doctor, like throwing dirt in the air and speaking in tongues. And we come to find out that she is sick because of an ailment. that he, the witch doctor himself, had cursed on her. Wow. Because her neighbor had paid him two goats and a chicken to curse her. And unless she paid him three goats and a chicken, she was going to die of the sickness. Wow.

So the witch doctor's just sitting here running this Ponzi scheme. Yeah. Where he's like, yeah, you pay me. I'm making you sick. And then you pay me more to make you better. And then people are like lining up for this service. Wow. And like the vibe and the belief and like.

the heaviness of it. And we're like, is no one else seeing how this is like a scam? Like, this is like, this is the original Nigerian internet scam right here in this cave. Like it's. Yeah. He also like, you know, was wearing just like a red, like Boston Red Sox t-shirt. Oh, really? You know?

And, and then he, he's doing his thing, which included her drinking urine. And I have no judgment on that. Maybe it works. Who the fuck knows? And it tastes delicious. But he's doing this like song and dance thing. Just talking about. not translating and there was a moment where I realized it was a scam sure wasn't the whole three

goats and a chicken whatever he does this thing where there's like a dance and rhythmic movements involved and many people are doing it there's like fucking 15 instruments and they're playing this cool ass music man it's intense but you don't feel that intensity because how do you yeah right if you're on a wide shot you don't right right cutting between close-ups helps but whatever but he does this thing where he goes to kind of do this little like headstandy thing with his arms down. His legs aren't all the way up in the air. He's just kind of doing this thing onto his head,

like a paused somersault, or maybe he was trying to do a somersault. I can't remember. She's not very athletic. But his neck got cricked, and he just kind of like flopped over backwards. Yeah. And then he stood up and looked right at the cameras

to see if they had captured it. Wow. And then I made eye contact with him, and you could see this annoyance and frustration. Interesting. That, like, just in that moment, he wasn't a witch doctor. He was just a guy doing an act.

Sure. He was, like, embarrassed at that point. Yeah. You could see the embarrassment and his awareness of the cameras. And I was like, oh, he doesn't believe this is going to work. Yeah. Dude, it is crazy, though, too, to think, you know, he's got all these people believing this. And in his own mind, he knows, you guys think that he knew that it was bullshit in his own mind.

I think he believes some of it. Okay. Yeah, I do. And then he's like, well, I'm making some money. So let me just like milk this a bit. Yeah. It's kind of fucked up how that happens, you know? Because like, then like you have all these people who are like, oh my God, please help me.

What do you do? Like you just go, no, that was like just a one time thing. It's like a hard situation to deal with. Well, it's like any, you know, you go to the dentist in America. Yeah. If you go to a fucking dentist in America, they're going to try and sell you a night guard. You have sick. Yeah.

You guarantee they're going to go. You grind your teeth. Yep. I got to make this night guard for you at 600 bucks. Yeah. It doesn't matter if you grind your teeth or not. They're trying to sell it to you. Correct.

Yep. It's not that they don't believe that they're dentists. It's not that they don't believe they're taking care of your teeth. Right, right. But, you know, it's not going to hurt anybody if I sell you a night guard. That's like kind of the fucked up division between being a good person and being a shitty person. Being a good person and being a dentist. That's where the line is wrong.

Bro, don't get me started on dentists or fucking veterinarians in L.A., man. They're the worst. Fets are great. What are you talking about? That's... Yeah. That's saving animals lives. No, no, no, listen.

I'm not... Again, this is the same thing. I'm not saying they... You're good. You're ready. They don't... They don't not save pets lives, but they are... They've saved so many lives.

They're pretty fucking jaded. And they want that... Not all of them. They want... A lot of them want that fucking money. You go in there. They want to run $1,000 worth of tests. They're great.

I'm glad we have them. I'm just saying... My dog, I went to one. she said he needed nine teeth pulled, called my ex, because it was the emergency number at 11 p.m. at night, was frantic that these teeth must come out the next day. Right then. Yeah.

Meanwhile, your dog's been living with rotten teeth for three years. Calls the emergency number, knowing that it's, you know, the person I'm with it, they're going to freak out at 11 p.m. at night, and it's like, oh, this needs to be taken care of. Like, it doesn't, and I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? a different vet needed a few teeth out. It cost like 300 bucks. This was going to be like a 900 or a 900 plus

like 300. I'm just like it was all bullshit and she was causing this frantic. So I love vets for what they do. I think that a lot of them have crossed that line I just spoke of where they now are doing, making a lot of money off of them. Yeah. Same as the witch doctor. I love how

I love how my question of like was there. God, you just ranted and I loved it. It was like six minutes straight. You know what? Real quick. Forrest. Real fucking quick. I challenge you. Okay. 30 seconds.

I need a rant. Something you're passionate about. Rant. Me? Yep. Go now. Yeah. Okay.

Go NAD. Shit. Let me think for a second. 29. What's big? No, let me think. Okay, I got one for you. Yes.

I got one for you. Here's the rant. Here we go. Rent coming up. Okay. This starts off as a what's in the news, but then I'm going to rant on. Okay. Okay.

All right. So this lady gets back to the UK. She's got a gecko in her bra sitting in the suitcase. Okay? She know that it is. Bitch. No, no, she doesn't know. She's not smuggling. She's not smuggling geckos. She gets there. She opens up her suitcase. She's been in the Caribbean. Oh, my God, there's a gecko. She calls animal welfare.

Right? They come. It's a whole news headline. Okay? Here comes a rant. You ready? Yeah, I'm ready. This lady's a fucking hero. Okay? Because she calls the animal welfare services and say, hey, there's a lizard in my bra. What do I do? Meanwhile, the rest of the fucking world, smuggling these animals all over the place. Right? We're trying to get pet populations in England. We're trying to get rare geckos in America and New Zealand. The whole world's fucked up from invasive species. Right. There's invasive species fucking everywhere.

There's good ways to do it with the pet trade. They've now regulated that to the point where, you know, you can't breed it. Australia can't have exotic animals. It depends on the creature here and depends on the creature here. I need angrier. Angrier forest. Angrier. No, I'm giving you a good rent that I'm serious about here.

You go to fucking Texas. You can have a tiger. You know, nobody gives a shit. You can be jrater. Joe Exotic, you can have tigers, you can have lions, everything. You know, you go to California, you kind of have a pet salamander in case it gets out. It's all over the fucking place. Like, there's no blanket coverage of like, this is fair, this is wrong, this is right.

And there absolutely should be. We either get exotic pets, you know, or the line is drawn at big cats. It's drawn at reptiles. It's wherever it's drawn. Right. And I see merit in that. Or no fucking exotic pets. Right.

So you're saying the federal government should have some sort of law as opposed to each state doing their own thing. Yeah, and it just shouldn't be such a mess. And this woman shouldn't be a hero for calling animal services because she had a fucking lizard in her bra. You know, like, it's just such a mess. Like, we just decide here and there. Like, this is good, this is bad.

These animals, you shouldn't have, these animals you should have. If we all had Western pond turtles for pets in California, we wouldn't have fucking invasive red ear sliders and soft shell turtles and snapping turtles all over the state. You know, if they were just like, hey, those rare turtles that are hard to find, that are named to California, let's make them popular in the pet trade. Everybody in California can have

those, but no other turtles. They're being every fucking pond and creek around the state. Instead, we have thousands of red ear sliders that are destroying have Yeah. No, but no, it's good. It's good. So when you get a dog in California. So you have to get your dogs chipped in California. Yeah, right? It's a law.

Yep. If you buy an exotic pet at the fucking reptile show or whatever, right, that is invasive to the area you live, why not just make it a legal requirement? that at the point of purchase that it has to be chipped. Sure.

And that way, if it's discovered out in the wild, someone knocks at your door and goes, you're getting fucking fine $6,000. Right. Why'd you let your boa go? Yeah.

100% of the point. Why aren't exotic animals or invasive pets chipped the way that a fucking dog is? Straight up. That's a great question. Or you get a permit or, you know, something.

But that's what I mean. It's a mess. We have all these invasive species. Half of them come from the pet trade. Right. You know, the other half are, oh, no, don't do that. that's bad. Oh, we can't keep endangered species. If we're keeping endangered

Western pond turtles, they'd be fucking everywhere and we wouldn't have invasive turtles. Okay. You know, like, there's, there's, there's a, there's a risk there's it. There's a good rant. It was, it was solid. I'm gonna bump it up to a five and a half out of ten. Out of ten? I'll take it. I mean, it was good. Now, now it's your turn, sir. I know I have to rant. There has been, there has been some memes on the wild times pod. dot memes account on Instagram of you from earlier pods. I don't even know what you're talking about. Right.

Furious. But they pull out like a quick two second, three, three second thing and then take it out of context. It is fucking magical. Let's have it. Rant. Shit. Give them something.

You put me on the spot. Give the people what they want. By the way, why do you think of your rant for a second? I just want to, no, seriously. Think, thank. What do you think of your rant for a second? I just want to point out that you, Brosner, is everybody that listens to this, you guys are fucking incredible.

Like the fact that there is a, a meme page for the wild time. You guys buy merch. People are making bookmarks. You know, it's just like crazy. You guys write jokes for us. Yeah, Broin Roberts made these incredible Lemley bookmarks and Thylacian bookmarks. I mean, you guys are absolutely... Look, Patrick knows this.

Patrick's been in TV a long time. Reteptive Whale Wars. I've done all these different TV shows written the book. I have never had a more dedicated, awesome, more intimate group of people interested in the work than the brosners that watch this podcast. thank you guys very much. Thank you. Of course.

It's like a family group and a friend group as opposed to like fans, which nobody likes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we don't have fans. No. No, I mean, it's because we always say tell a friend, but only a cool one. That's the only reason that the podcast has such great fucking fans. But honestly, the guy who does the memes account, I was like, yeah, man, that's fine.

Go ahead and do it. It's the only Instagram fucking thing I look at now. It's really good. I can't wait for a new one to come out. I'm like, these are genius. Firehue puts up magazine ads. I mean, it's crazy with FireHue. Yeah.

I got a rant. Yeah, what do you got? Better be a 10, mate. Get fired up. Trees have, I'm not fucking joking right now. I think trees have gotten out of control. Okay. Here's what I'm talking about.

This is interesting. I'm walking off slow. You got me, baby bird. I'm walking the other day, right? You ever heard of a widow maker? Yeah, branch falls out of a tree, kills a guy. Yeah. I've now had three close calls in my life with a Widowmaker.

One was in my fucking neighborhood in Studio City. Okay. I don't know what this thing is. It's a fucking nut about this big. It's about the size of a fucking mango. Okay. It fucking comes bombarding down. Angrier!

Dude, it's shut the... I don't want coaching! It's like a 150 foot tall tree, man. And this thing fucking misses Christina's head by like a quarter of a fucking inch. To the extent where I'm like, she's dead. if that hits her. Would have actually caused problems. I think it would have caved her fucking skull on like a pancake.

I had a close call on Santa Monica Boulevard with one of those huge, you know, the big, heavy fucking brown part of the palm. Oh, yeah, yeah. The thing falls down where three of us walking down the sidewalk lands on a car two feet from us, smashes the fucking sunroof of the car in, right? That's a wintermaker. You were with me for one of them when we were hiking in Kauai. Oh, yeah, I remember that.

Fucking tree branch just falls. crushes our third friend's head. Right? The mailmen in Key West have to wear helmets. For coconuts. Because two of them fucking died. I've heard of coconuts falling out of trees.

Yeah. These fucking trees, man. Dude, we're always going, save the trees. They're trying to take us out. Maybe those moabes really knew what they were doing out there on the Easter Island.

They were called Moabs. That's a part of Utah. Is Utahian Moab? I'm just saying, man, you get PTSD from this shit. Like, I'm looking up at trees. I don't trust them right now. And I'm worried that the next time we go out for a fucking shoot and we're going through the jungle going.

I swear to God, a monkey threw a fucking nut at my head in Thailand. I believe it. I'm 100% positive because the canopy was like way the fuck up there, dude, at least 10 stories. I would expect that if nuts are going to fall on my head, it's going to be a group, a single nut. And it hit me right on top of the head. And that just sends a shockwave on your whole body. You ever had that experience? You get hit right on top of the head with a nut?

Yeah. That they're thrown by a monkey? Yeah. No. Anyway, I'm just saying, look out for the trees, man. Don't trust him. Now, should you cut them down? No, we need them.

Right. But be aware. Keep your head on a swivel and consider wearing a fucking helmet because they're out for blood. Yeah. Yeah, Forrest. Now I know. Let's put you a nice green helmet that you can just wear around town. Yeah, nice.

Just a daily helmet. It was the concept of the color of the helmet is what offended his sensibility. Very much so offended me. I think that we should, from now on, every podcast, we should come in with one rant each. It doesn't matter what it is. The show is called Wild Times. It can be wild in the sense that, you know,

you used to rant about Lindsay Lohan constantly. He still does rant. We just got to get him going. People getting stuck in chimneys for Christ's sake. Oh, man, don't get me started. Constantly. I remember this one from an old podcast we did where it ended. I don't remember what it was about.

He was furious. You're ranting about his rants. He wanted to spit on this woman's windshield. The good old days is all I'm saying. One rant! Every podcast, if you like it, way in. Well, we're telling. Do we have a jingle?

For the ranting podcast? No. For, I think it's time. The time. It's time, mate. What's in the news? Nope. I think I know what time is.

What time is it? Do you know what time did? There's a delay. Fuck on. For what? So bad. Do it. Oh.

I don't know if that felt good. Nah, that's fine. It's like refreshing. What do you got, Forrest? Me? See that you've highlighted one. I'm the thing. One, Forrest, one.

Well, we did a big behind-the-scenes talk about the cave today. Apparently, a couple of patrons asked about it. So I thought maybe we'd play around with a cave-themed battle royale. Like caves, okay. Yep, yep, Google Caves. They're the things with holes in the dirt, Peter. So yeah, stretch it out. So it's a traditional VR.

You stretch it. You're building one creature to fight in complete darkness, subterranean, under the ground in a cave. Okay. I'm going to go first. He's got one. He's found one on. No, no, no.

This is from my memory. Go for it, mate. The fucking naked mole rat, baby. This thing has a thousand. But remember, calm down. Head body legs. Head body legs. Yeah. Calm down.

I'm taking the head because this thing can, it lives underground in darkness. It can see and sense. How dare you shake your head at my selection? I'm glad you took something with a two inch face. No, because it's the face. The body is going to be what determines the size of the animal. We've gone over this. Yeah, we did.

Yeah, we did. I don't know if we ever told the Brewsterners, but we did make that. We made it. We have conversations off the air about this. The body determines the size and you scale up. Yeah. This is why I got the name. naked mole rat you want those nasty fucking teeth

the whole face though you get the teeth no you get the uh independently moving teeth they can sense they can sense underground and travel very well underground they barely come up for air they barely need to breathe so it's a very well equipped animal to be

in darkness in a cave and it has a very aggressive brain because they kill each other or something like that okay copy copy that I don't mind that they kill the queen the queen kills everyone Okay. Is that give you enough time to Google or are we going to have a bunch of dead air?

No, I can go. Yeah, go ahead for us. Okay. What do you say? I don't know. But before it's too late. So that was a good pick, by the way. Thank you.

It was. Naked Moorrat, terrifying critter. I want to pick, so this is a battle in complete darkness. I want to take this off of the table. So I'm going to pick, yep, you know it. I'm going to take the head of a bat. I need that sonar. I don't need good eyesight.

I need to be able to know where everything is around me, know where my opponents are. I've got the fantastic sonar of, let's say, a white-nosed bath. Sure, sure, sure. Okay. I like where your head's at. Get it. I just really did a dad joke. Dad joke.

It's smart. You should have switched to yourself. Bats are pretty ferocious. You know, they got a nasty little face on them. They use sonar. Yep. That's pretty cool. You left me the low-hanging fruit and I got to take it.

Okay. I'm going to take the head. of a white shark. I'm going to take advantage of electroreception, the ampulee of Lorenzini. I'm not going to be able to easily fucking suss out where your creatures are. These are features that are being applied

in a different habitat. I had not considered it very good. The head of a white shark. And by the way, it's jaw is a little bit scarier than your bat. It's pitch black. Tiny fruit bat. Nobody can see.

Doesn't need to see because the whole point is it has another sense. Okay. So now I've got to think about what body I want to put it on. Hmm. It's got to be big. It needs something big. Must be. I want some size here. Okay.

Oh, shit. Okay. Okay. I mean, it's like I feel like we always pick the same. I'm always picking an elephant and blue whale and people are getting pissed. Yeah, they hate you. Yeah, I can't do that. I've taken rhino.

Now, is this body, is this head body legs or head body special abilities? Whatever you want. What? What do you mean? If I was to ask that question, I'd be skewered by the two of you. That's true. You would. Answer the question.

Head body legs. Head body legs. I chose my head for its special ability, so I'm going head body legs. Yeah, true. All right. I'm going to take the legs. I'm going real simple here, because the body determines the size. Yep.

I want the legs of a tarantula. I want eight fucking legs covered in hair. I want it to be able to move laterally very quickly as it its electro reception tells them where your meager animals are. Okay. Legs of a tarantula, I'll pick my body last. Okay. Okay.

Peter? Oh, I'm up next. That's right. This? I'm the only one who knows. This is unprecedented. Did you just ask a question about the structure of how a snake draft works? I messed it up completely.

Peter just invented a new word. Unpresented. Precedented. Unpresented. There is no president in the room. All right. It's funny because Patrick's leg pick was very similar to mine. except mine's better, so I'm going to stick with it.

I am going to pick the legs of a whip scorpion. You're not familiar with a whip scorpion. It's that creepy cave critter that runs up the walls. And Harry Potter, they do the patroness or whatever with it. Yeah. Legs of a whip scorpion can move upside down, all around. Climb the walls. Climb the walls.

That's going to be very useful in a cave. Without any question. Yep. Yep. God, you're up for two. This is going to be rough. I've been Googling. furious, the cave animals.

So I have the naked mole rats, head, brain, teeth. My legs need to be scary. You took spider and you took scorpion, which is what I was going to use. I'm actually just going to give it the, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to give my animal the body

of a very large anaconda. Okay. Okay. You're going to explain why? Well, yeah, they're very strong and it's pitch black, so this thing's going to slither up. It's not making any footstep noises when it's coming up to you. It's going to be very hard to attack. You're getting 78 episodes in. You're getting the essence of the game. Yeah. He's, hey, I just want to say it's going to be difficult to detect with echo

location because it's just so low to the ground. Well, but it's not going to be difficult to detect with electro reception. So, okay. And then finally, since this is also a cave dwelling creature, and I know I've used it in the past, it is one of my favorites and a fan favorite. mentioned earlier tonight don't step on my cave welling creatures fucking

it is herpes and that is because it dwells in caves but the real advantage to this animal my friends is that it is a self-replicating virus therefore my creature

has the ability to replicate itself over and over so imagine thousands we don't need to No, millions of anacondos with mole rat heads. So here's why we're not going to spend any time entertaining this.

Herpes doesn't have legs. It's the legs of herpes. How would you know, mate? How do you know that? I've seen what viruses look like. Are you sure? You didn't go to the doctor when they pulled one off your dick? They don't, yeah, they pulled a single virus.

One herbiv. I don't need to say any. Move forward. We'll let the brosters decide. With legs. For us, go ahead. All right. So keep in mind, I have the echo location, the head of a white-nosed bat.

It's not going to do a whole lot. Nothing. It'll do zero. Nope. I have the legs of a whip scorpion. Not going to do much. Nothing. There's no venom.

Not a lot going on. Just walking down. But, ha-ha. Don't forget, the size of this creature is determined by its body. So I have the body of a hippopotamus. Sure. So my creature in pitch blackness can climb up the walls. It can detect you from anywhere in the cave.

and it's just going to come up and just fucking body slam you from anywhere. So it's going to climb the walls and then it's going to use its own girth. Yeah, it's just going to crush you. It's just going to body slam, going to drop off the roof. How much is a hippopotamus way? Much more than anaconda, sir. No, I mean, I'm just asking. I have to go to it.

I don't know. I mean, 2,000? No, more than that, more than that. So let's say like 11,000 pounds. And you think that this, you think an animal this size is going to be able to crawl walls in a cave, no matter how big? the legs? Yes, because it has the legs of a whip scorpion

scaled up. I was just asking a question. It's fine. Here's where Forrest just fucked himself. Uh-oh. This is where you lost. No, that was in my bathroom. Your 4,000-pound hippo-bodied, whip scorpion-legged creature using its own girth to crush other animals,

I'm a little worried it's going to hurt itself in that fall. Maybe. Especially when it falls on my animal because I'm taking the body of a 660-pound Galapagal ghost tortoise. Oh, very nice. It's protected by armor.

It has the echolocation of a white shark. Nope. And the crawly, creepy legs of a turntula. What, how, so, okay. I mean, first of all, it's just, it's no, there's no question. Herpes legs, eh. Listen. These legs are hell of a call.

You're done. That's where the self-replicating DNA is in herpes. It's in its legs. So, I'm so sorry to you, Kyle. So the whole case. Literally to everybody. The entire cave will be filled to the brim, squashed, scrunched in there with my Anaconda fucking naked mole rat head.

It is because this is how they replicate. Well, this was a lot of fun until Peter Pick turpees. Neither of you will be able to fit in the cave. Way in if you're a brosner. Let us know who's going to win my body slamming hippo whip scorpion white nose bat. Patrick's Great White Shark headed Galapagos Tortoise body tarantula creature or Peter's naked mole rat head on an Anaconda's body with the legs of herpes. Whatever that means.

Oh, please shit. Leave us a shout. Leave us a comment. Leave us a review. When's the last time we asked for a five-star review? Are we on iTunes still? I haven't checked it. It's now called Apple music, I think, or Apple Podcasts.

I don't think they call it iTunes anymore. Just give us five stars. Say we're great. Tell a friend, but only if that friend's cool. That's right. Go to the Wild Times podcast. Shut the fuck up. pat.com forward slash info he's meager again that's the wild times podcast.com forward

slash info if you want to check out all the bullshit we can't put on the YouTube go to the patreon that is patreon.com forward slash wild timespot you can find us wild timespod.com on all the social channels we fucking love you pat you're meager hey if you want for an additional podcasts a month yeah patreon's a good place to find plus video footage we can't show on YouTube, Patrick's penis is on there, that's nice. B.T.S. B.T.S. Yeah, there's good stuff on there.

Very good. Yeah, sex tapes are coming soon. What? Let's go. Who's? Kill us so much with the Alias. I mean, you have to, you have to. So bad. It's over. It's the last moment.

It's 25 seconds. Dance. The last 15 minutes of him. Fuck, yeah. After the whole ranting thing, I mean, what a mess. Good night, everybody. Thank you.