Wild Times: Wildlife Education - TWT #83 - Ditch Weed in Zimbabwe, Killer Piranhas, Best/Worst 90‘s bands

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Another Wild Times episode full of shenanigans and games! Enjoy! We love you! Patreon @ https://patreon.com/wildtimespod All the links @ https://thewildtimespodcast.com/links  

Wild Times. Delicious. Here we are. It is the Wild Times. Episode number 83. Welcome back, Brosners of the Galaxy. Hope everybody is doing well. I'm your host, Forrest Galante, the broologist.

Joining me, I'm rolling a lot today. I don't know if you guys can tell. Joining me today is RETEP, the Brofessor, PhD in podcasting. What's going on, Retep? You know what? It's fucking nine. 10 in the morning. Normally I'm grim as fuck until at least noon.

But today, feeling good. Mowed the lawn yesterday in my new house. Back to my roots, gentlemen. Cheers. And joining us looking a bit sulky, but I know he's bringing a winning attitude. The one and only, the pop-a-pea, the king of the Wild Times meme page.

The most memes hands-down are made about the producer. What's up, Patrick? Hey, I'm not looking sulky. I was sulking. Right when I said that, you were like, right when I started saying that, you were like grumpy-faced and then it all turned around. Oh, yeah. Nothing makes somebody feel less grumpy than when you call them grumpy. Oh, I know.

I know. Yeah, right. If I could do that in New York, you're going to get punched in the face. If my wife says that to me, she's going to get punched in the face. I mean, not really. But when someone, you're in a bad mood and someone's like, hey, why are you in a bad mood? What's wrong? Why you're so grumpy?

I'm just like, God, there is nothing worse that you can do than bring that up. Get out! Well, it's funny because if someone does it to me, I'm like, you're making it worse. But yet, if I'm around someone who's in a bad mood, I have to get to the bottom of it. Oh, boy. So Patrick, you're taking off for a shoot tomorrow. Yep. Yep.

Tell us what you can. Just going up for a week up to the mountains of Utah to shoot. the finale of a series. That's a Discovery Channel show. That's exciting. Yeah, it's fun. We have some fun up there, up in the mountains. It's beautiful up.

The north, I don't know if you, I think I've talked about this before, but the north-eastern corner of Utah is just, it's gorgeous. That's where you saw those elk, and you just said it was really wild, right? Yeah, I've never been to that part of Utah. Yeah, it's like the part that cuts up and butts up against Wyoming there. But everything's just huge.

And there's just expansive, I mean, just crazy mountains. And some of the driving up there is you're just like winding through these wild mountain passes where it opens into these huge valleys. And you're at like 9,000 feet and you're looking down like 6,000 feet. Huh. So it just has this crazy feel of just like that everything's gigantic. How long are you out there for? You there for a few days, a week? Just like a week.

Yeah. That's nice. Is this where you saw the, where you had the alien in California? Yeah, yeah. It is, same spot? Yeah, that footage will be released on, it's in episode two. No, it's now the beginning of episode three. Cool.

Do we know what the show is, or can we not say yet? Oh, no, I mean, it came out. It was already a first season. It's called Blind Frog Ranch. Never heard of it. It's kind of a, it's a fun show. It's not, you know, it's not like a wildlife. We have, Peter, aren't you starting a job on it on Monday?

I literally am and I was like And when I found out what it When I found out what it was about I was like Oh, I definitely thought this was about some Some frogs or some amphibians That were found on this mysterious ranch I did a cameo on the show

About some mysterious amphibians by the way Nice Nice It's pretty fun Can't wait Yeah Forrest we needed a wildlife guy And I was like Forrest can you do a Skype in five minutes

And go on air for Discovery Channel. I can't tell you what's about. And he was just like, sure. Nice. Yeah, that's right. You did a sky. That'll be fun.

Yeah. Are you excited? Like, are you, you're, you sound stoked, man. That thing about what you just said was about being so high up and looking down, fucking into like a valley that that's that deep. That's like as big as the fucking Grand Canyon, mate. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool.

I highly recommend everyone goes up there. Forrest, what do you got going, man? Dude, for the first time and so long, nothing. It's such a treat. I have been, I was figuring it out. I haven't been home for more than two weeks since February. And I've got absolutely nothing on the docket from when I got home day before yesterday until December 15th when I'm going back up to Northern California to do more mushroom hunting,

which is six, five and a half whole weeks of being at home. And I'm planning nothing, not one thing. I don't believe you, though, because I feel like you said this at an earlier point this year, and like three days later, you're like, sorry guys, I'm on a boat. Yeah, well, no, I'll definitely go on a boat and go hiking and do all the things I like to do, but I'm not planning on any major trips, nothing cross-country, nothing international, and I'm going to try and keep it that way. You're right, though, by tomorrow at this time, I'll be, like, stomping my foot, like, up and down and pouting. Got to get out of here. So, yeah, that'll be, yeah, that'll be me tomorrow. But right now I feel really good about it.

Nice. Nice. So I got a fun Rosner DM. Now this is pretty wild, okay? What you got? Came from at Raii underscore Parkstar. It says, question for Forrest. I was listening to another podcast where the host is from Zimbabwe. That raises some questions for me.

And they were discussing smoking weed and said it is custom when smoking, especially in some religious practices, to pee on the herb before smoking it and apparently blesses and makes it stronger. Couldn't find much online, but, but, was wondering if this was true in any parts of Africa or if they were just blowing smoke. Thanks. Love the podcast. I've never heard of this. Okay.

Me and my friends used to stick our weed up our ass before we smoked it. I believe that. And it definitely increased the potency. I believe that as well. No, okay, sorry. Patrick, you were, before Retef's the time very stupid. Well, actually, RETF, but did you guys actually do that or no? Only when we had to smuggle our weed into, uh, onto, planes and whatnot. Oh, but no, we didn't put our butt up our ass. You definitely shouldn't put

your butt up your ass. That would be very hard to do. Bud, B-U-D-D-D-D, bud. I have never heard of this, but sorry. Was there a lot of weed in Zimbabwe? Like, were you aware of marijuana? Was that a thing that was easy to get in Africa? So that was one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this question because it was really, really interesting. I mean, today, California, pretty much the U.S. weeds everywhere, right? It's not even illegal anymore. Where I grew up, we, was just that. It was literally a weed. It used to grow in the ditches beside our driveway, which is like kind of where the rain runoff would go. You know, there's like a little ditch beside the road kind of thing. And it was everywhere. And it was like considered,

try to think of what like a good analogy would be. It's like, yeah, it was like considered like the guys that drink like monster energy drinks would do it. You know what I mean? Where you're like, oh man, that's so perfect. By the way, when I'm wearing this student, stupid fucking flat-brimmed hat because I couldn't find my other one. Slightly sideways like this? I'm a monster energy drink guy. Absolutely you are. But that's what weed was in Zimbabwe.

It was everywhere and it was kind of only like tools that were interested in it. And you're like, well, sure, yeah, I guess you can go pick that thing out the ditch and dry it and smoke it. But I don't really see the point. Like grow up and do Coke like an adult, you know? No, I mean. I got a, when I worked on a farm back in a day for many years and there, There was this weed that grew rampantly on farms in Illinois. It's called jimson weed.

Okay. And I don't know if you ever heard of it, but if you take it, it makes you trip, balls. But not in a good way. But, and I was, you know, I experimented with whatever the fuck I could back in the day. But again, just a weed in a field. And I was, as a young boy, amazed that there was just something that could grow around me that could get me hot. And so I collected a large box of this weed from the field. And then I investigated it some more.

But it just sat in my driveway. And upon investigating it more, it actually, it gives you like a terrifying, horrible nightmare trip. And I just had it in a box in my driveway, like, drying forever. And I never ended up taking it. But I was like, all the people that worked with me who never did drugs or anything like that were like, You're crazy, man. You're crazy. I'm just like, I was just fascinated that there's something growing around me that I could just pick and fucking get high off of, you know?

That's interesting. So one of the reasons I brought up that DM is I thought of a new interesting segment that we can do on the show. Nice. Okay. So Zimbabwe is very far removed from America, right? And I don't just mean geographically, like culturally. And so growing up, you know, we grew up here and you'd be like, hey, cool dude, right? We still say that's cool dude.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I thought of a segment for the podcast where I will say a Zimbabwean slang term, something similar to like, that's cool dude. And you guys have to figure out, see if you can figure out what I'm saying. Oh, I love it. Is there a jingle for this for tip?

Wow. Yeah. That works. That's a jingle. How about this? Oh, yeah. All right. What a mess.

I mixed that myself. All right. This is part one. of deciphering Zimbabwean slang. How about this? Great title for a game. That's Lechre my china. Don't lick my vagina.

Nope. Nope. That's Leca Machina? That's Lecker, my china. Oh, that's basically you're kind of saying I like that. It's tickling my fancy. These are good guesses. These are good guesses.

So I'll break it down for you. Lecker, L-E-K-K-E-R, is an Afrikaans word. that means like good, great, cool, you know, that one's not that far out there. So leka, like if something's leka, it's like dope, right? Like, that's dope. Nice. My china is what we say in Zimbabwe, which is not very PC anymore. But you'd call each other, like, instead of saying, bro or dude, you're my china.

So that's mecca, my china would mean like, that's great, man. That's awesome. Or that's cool, bro. That's cool, bro. Yeah, that's mecha, my china. Wow. We should start that on the podcast. Mecca machina, bros.

I don't know where you... You didn't say it right, but yeah. No M. I like how you clearly enunciated that it's lecker, and then he goes, that's mecca machina. You guys are crazy. I think there's some kind of miscommunication in the microphones. Yep, that's got to be it.

Okay. Let's do another one. There's a lot... You want to do another one? Okay. Yeah. Mike Shina. Yeah.

What if I say? Mecca. Head out for a doppru. Oh. I mean, that's easy. We're going to go drinking. We're going to go out drinking tonight. You're going to have a duff beer.

You're pretty much both right. So a dop means a drink and brew is like the African version of bro. So let's grab a dope brew means like let's grab a drink, bro. Could I say let's grab a dop my china in Zimbabwe? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely you could. So if I went through airport security in Harari and, you know, I was smuggling out a fossil, as we are prone to do.

We have done. And the guy was like, hey, and then I paid him. And then we did a handshake. Could I be like, my china? Oh, yeah, absolutely. So it's totally here, obviously, we're going to get canceled for even acknowledging this. But in Zimbabwe, it's totally, you could say that, and it's on the up and up. Oh, it's a positive thing.

My China is like, it's like saying, bro. Like, that's, you're my China. Like, that's a good thing. Interesting. Do you know where that came from? Like what the etymology of that is? Is it Is China seen as aspirational? I have absolutely no idea. I don't know if it's, a lot of these things are like Afrikaans slang. So I'm wondering if there's like a Dutch word China that means something. But I have absolutely no clue. It's like I don't, you know, I don't know what the origin of dude is. Do you? I don't, what is dude from? I think it's a hair on a horse's ass. I think it's maybe related to. to like cowboy stuff? I don't know.

Okay. I'm going to look it up. You guys guess. What do you think the etymology of the word dude is? Okay. Well, I know a dude ranch is a ranch in which people that aren't actually cowboys go to ride horses and pretend their cowboys. So I'm going to say dude is a cowboyish word for somebody that's kind of learning, figuring

out the ropes. Okay. It's so good. Okay. What's your guest, Peter? I literally think it has something to do, or it's a term for a hair on a horse's ass. Yeah, I don't know where you, okay. Why do you think that?

You must have a weird uncle that told you that when you were a kid and it's stuck in a brain cell. Yeah, just one brain cell. Yeah, no, this is hilarious, actually. So it came from American English in the 1870s is where it first appeared. Okay. They believe it was shortened from. doodle, which it used to be doodle, which was a derivation of Yankee Doodle. And it was meant to describe a man who dressed in an extremely fancy manner. Otherwise, it was basically a rural

person being like, yeah, you city doodle. Oh, wow. That's hilarious. You're a city boy. That's hilarious. So Doodle was kind of negative. Yep. And then it became dude. And then it now it just means everything. Right. It really does just mean everything. See, I mean, you, I mean, you don't, it's like you use these words, but you really have no idea where they come from or what they mean, anything. Me and my group of friends, and Peter, of course, uses it quite a bit now. We invented a word in 1995 or six, so early high school for us. Okay. And the word is, we wanted a word to, one word that just described.

like bad behaved. Like, I can't believe what you're doing, right? Like, oh, I'm in a state of disbelief at your shocking actions. So we created this word called bestief. Bestief, yes, I've heard you say it several times and not knowing what it means. Okay. And it's, Retepe kind of has created his own version, which is he just says, bestief grief.

Like, I've heard him say that, and I have no idea. I just kind of like nod and I'm like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah. Try to not say it on the podcast, but now I can freely because everybody knows what it means. But it's pretty funny because one of my first friends in L.A. was Nick Swartson, who was a comedian for a long time in an actor, right? He was just like one of the first guys we met became part of our friend group. And so he immediately took on Bastief and then started spreading that to like his Hollywood friends. Oh, no way.

Did it catch on? Some of them like, yeah. I mean, there's like, you know, I'm not trying to sound like Joe Hollywood here, but like, yeah, there's definitely like a handful of celebrities who like actively use bestief within their friend. It's very useful. Yeah. It's also, and it sounds like a real word. It does. Yeah.

Unlike a story I will tell that's somewhat similar to that. So, Ricardo, friend of the pod, he's typically hilarious. When we were in college, he decided that he was going to coin. a word and get it in an urban dictionary and make it very cool. And that word was something to describe something that's just like unbelievably awesome, like over the top, next level, like fantastic. Okay. And the word was cummy.

And so he started, you heard you say it once. You heard me say it. Yeah. No, unfortunately, I sort of stuck with me a little bit. Like you get, pun intended. Yeah. And so he started saying it around school and around, around, the fray. You'd be like, oh man, that's super cummy. And like, you know, not blink an eye, not say anything.

And it just sort of slowly started catching on. So, you know, whatever, like, we thought it was funny. We were 20 years old. You know, you like forget about those things. Then we went back to UCSB for an alumni thing. And it was him and I, a graber friend of the pod, a couple of my rugby buddies. And we went back to UCSB. This has got to be like five, six years ago now for an alumni thing. And we're on the field because it's UCSB rugby alumni. And there's a bunch of the frack guys. It's like a huge alumni weekend. There's a bunch of us all hanging out. And this kid scores a try, runs off, high fives his buddy, his buddy goes,

bro, that was so cummy. And we're like, no way! Like, I can't believe that's stood the time. Like, 10 years later, it's still going. And he just absolutely spread to that. I love that. With Pat, Pat and Bestief, though, it had something to do with the way that you said it, where it was like catchy, like a tune.

And sometimes you would, it would be like, nifty bestive. Or I don't know how you did it. But like, it just is, it's like you, it's like becomes a habit for the other person. You just start saying it kind of like out of amazement or something. So it's, and, and it rolls off the, the old tongue. It's a good word. It's a good, well, cummy less, though. Comey should not roll off anybody's tongue.

No, no, it's fucking disgusting. Makes you think of chunky semen. Yes, exactly. Wait, real. That's, oh, Peter, why? Why do that? I apologize. I had some phlegm in my throat.

So I'm a big fan of the show Yellowstone. As you know, I've talked about it on the show. Please tell me you've watched the first two episodes. I have. I got to ask you about a moment. Okay. You thought it was good, right? Fantastic.

Except a lot of people got really shot and blown up, it didn't die. But still very, very good. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, there's a lot of, it's super violent, but there's a scene. And I don't, I'm not going to say who's involved. Oh, I know. Yeah.

Out the cooler. Yeah. The rattlesnake. Yeah. I was a little bummed about that because it's like, just do one Google search. Totally. So there's a scene where one character approaches another character and he's got a cooler. And he's like, is this your cooler man?

And he flips open the lid of the cooler and throws the cooler. When he flips the lid open, you see inside there's a large snake, which quickly. makes a rattling sound, to me indicating it's meant to be a, some sort of North American rattlesnake, the snake flies out, perfectly bites the man in the face, and about 15 seconds later, the man is dead? Yep, exactly. What are your thoughts on this for us? Is that pretty accurate?

It's terrible. It's really bad. So in Montana, there's only one species of rattlesnake, which is a prairie rattlesnake, which happens to be one of the most mild venom rattlesnakes. are Crotales Biritus. And it would, like, it was awful, first of all, because I love the show as well. And I know it's not like all super accurate. And, you know, people don't get riddled with gunfire and walk away from it and all of that.

Right, right. It's a great show. And exactly what Patrick describes, they open the thing. You can tell it's a rattlesnake. He throws it on the guy, bites him on the neck. And, yeah, he walks like 150 feet and then just dies. And you're like, I was just like, I was just like, come on like it's so bad like if you're bitten by a prayer rattlesnake it hurts a little bit you have

you you're likely going to survive no matter what and you have like four days with which to get treated before things get bad and this guy makes it like patrick said 15 seconds before he topples over completely dead i'm i'm really confused because the show is so well done it's you know beautifully shot i mean it's pretty much executed very well But that's just so bizarre. Like, why not just throw a beetle at them and have that bite at any dies? Can I tell you how they could have made it 100% accurate with the same storyline? Sure.

So, rattlesnake, this is interesting. I should do this for movies. This would be, because there's so many of these where I see this and I want to, like, flip my desk over. So rattlesnake venom is very, very, very similar to be, to a beasting, to be venom. Okay. All they had to do was establish earlier in a prior season that that that, character had an allergy to bees. I don't want to give away the show, but say that character was out fishing or hunting or hiking,

and you just do one quick scene where he's like, oh, shit, you know, I can't get stung by a bee. I'm allergic to bees. Right. Now you've established that he has a bee allergy because someone who's allergic to bees that will go into anaphylactic shock from a bee sting is going to have a reaction that's 10 times worse from a rattlesnake venom because the venom is so similar. and could actually die in 15 seconds, very much so, like someone who's allergic to bees, dies from a bee sting. So all that character had to do was establish one or two seasons prior, a very quick thing to show that he's allergic to bees.

Same exact storyline, snake hits him, goes for his epipen or whatever, and the guy steps on his hand and keeps him from using his epipen. Perfect. Absolutely no problems. Accurate. Emmy. M. Forrest, this should definitely 100% be a recurring segment on the podcast

where you do this. Oh yeah, that's a great idea. It's literally like, that was entertainment. Well, it's also a great... It's a great segue to an article that I texted you guys. The headline of this article was my dream come true when I was 12 years old. Oh, yeah. I know what you're talking about.

Bring it out. The headline is very simple. man jumps into lake to escape being stung by bees is eaten by piranhas Yeah Now

What do you think actually Did you click the article Retep No but I just said that it's My life is now complete Because anybody actually getting killed By piranas I was just like

It only happens in movies And it can't be a real life thing And now it's happening I know I was so And I'm sorry for the man who died But I was so excited about this story Because what just an amazing headline And then I actually unfortunately read it

You know It was a bunch of people They jumped into this lake Because there was a huge swarm of bees And one of the guys didn't know how to swim Drown And was quickly eaten by piranhas Oh interesting

I didn't read the drown part of that The piranhas didn't kill them unfortunately But did you know this I'm gonna give you guys each A stab at this We can play this. The same as our movie game. Okay.

In what scenario would the piranhas have actually eaten that guy? Because by the way, the whole fearsome piranha reputation is grounded in fact, but it takes certain environmental conditions to make them behave like that. Do you have any idea why or when that might happen? I have a guess. Oh, unfortunately, I think I know the answer. Let Retech go first. Yeah.

It would be, all right, my guess is going to be like if they get into, I don't know what the environmental factor would be, I guess, maybe, but they get into like a frenzy and get Henhouse syndrome or something because it's too hot. I mean, that's a very good guess. And the fact that you've learned about Henhouse syndrome in the 83 weeks of week. Oh, I've learned. I've learned. Yeah.

Yeah. I've learned. I believe it's during dry season when the body of water that they're living in. Rivers, typically, I believe, right? Rivers, well, it's freshwater, right? Yeah, fresh water. Rivers, pools, lakes, there, and everything. Yeah.

So it's dry season. Parts of the body of water dry up, so they end up in these pools where they're separated off from food sources. And they're just fucking starving. So the first thing that steps in there, puts its hand in there, is getting devoured. It's exactly right. And it's amazing because there's some videos of it online where you see, like, you know, a monkey falls in or something like that. Oh, my God. It looks like the water's boiling because the fish just go into such a stuously.

of frenzy. And one of the times that it happens the most regularly, and that's still pretty uncommon, is, so there's a lot of farming in Brazil, Argentina, and South America, cattle farming, and they farm on these floodplains because, you know, water floods these plains, and then it recedes, and that makes all this fresh green grass because they've cut down all the jungle and trees, and it's great for cattle grazing. Well, when that water recedes, all of the piranhas get targeted into these little pools that the cows go to drink from or swim in or whatever, And it's sort of just a matter of time until the piranhas eat all the other smaller piranas, eat all the other fish and Kaman and everything else in there. And then one unsuspecting cow goes for a drink or a swim or whatever.

And it just gets absolutely devoured down to the bone. Jesus Christ. So obviously, prona's teeth are small. They're small fish, but they're fucking super sharp. Oh, cool. I'm wondering, like, how, I guess it's just that there's lots of them. For anybody on listening, we have a YouTube, and this is a set of piranha jaws that I brought back from the Colombian Amazon. So I caught this piranha.

We cooked him and ate him. And then I boiled his jaws to get all the flesh off and brought up. It's actually bigger than I thought. Damn. Yeah. No, it's, it does teeth are. You know, it'd do some serious damage. I mean, that's probably what?

That's probably about the size of like a Shih Tzu's jaw. Yeah. Yeah. It's a size of a small dog. And keep in mind, this was from like a. four or five pound fish. And some of them get bigger than this, but this was a pretty nice one.

But yeah, look at those teeth. And the thing is, so look, it's really hard to show on Zoom. But so each turf, each tooth is slightly curved backwards. They're interlocking. And then the front side is sharp and the backside is serrated. So they're just made for just tearing through flesh regardless of what the flesh is. And so by the way, These fish are predatory fish, so much so that they'll eat the fins off of each other.

So when you're fishing in the Amazon, I've caught dozens of fish that you're reeling in, and you know, you're fighting the fish, you're fighting the fish, and then you pull it in, and it's just bleeding because a piranha has seen it fighting come up and nailed it and just taken a chunk out of it like a cookie cutter shark kind of thing. And yeah, no, they're menacing. So for the brosters who may or may not find themselves someday in the Amazon in a survival situation, they have their fishing pole because they're smart. Yep.

You hook a piranha, you pull it out. How do you get the hook out? What do you do? Do you just let it sort of flop? Pliers. Oh, God, no. Do not put your fingers near a piranha mouth. So you need, look at this.

I've got everything on my desk. You need a set of leatherman pliers, something that I always have on me. And so does it pretty much everybody that works in the camera department. And you do not want to put your finger anywhere near that mouth. And the thing is, you, It's the same as shark fishing or anything else. You can control where you put your hands,

but the speed at which those animals can strike and move their jaws around, there's no way that you can sort of back out in time. And if a piranha like this size gets your fingertip, it's gone. There's no question about it. It's not, you know, it's a guillotine. Well, and putting your hand in a fucking circle of stuff.

I mean, imagine 60 of those all at once. You just jump in, you're like, I'm going to take a quick refreshing dip. You jump in and then 60 of those are on you, because they haven't eaten in two weeks. My buddy, Nick Clear, who is the guy that I was in the Pontinal with when we film that Cayman getting eaten by the Jaguar, so Nick was down there for the whole season. He's a South African guy, and he spent like three or four months down in the Pontinal,

and they swim a lot of the days, even though there's tons of Cayman and stuff, and Cayman don't really bug you, but it gets boiling hot, so they hop in the water. And I saw just about a week ago, maybe two weeks ago now, he was swimming. same exact place that him and I had been swimming when I was down there and a big like a dime-sized chunk had been taken out of his heel

and what he said was he had a small blister on the back of his heel from his boots and he thinks that when he got in the water it must have opened up or something like that so it was bleeding just a little bit and a piranha came up and just chunk just boom just took it and just hit the back of his heel

and took that chunk out and he was like oh shit and like ran out of the water but went from you know having a tiny blister to having like a quarter-sized hole in the back of his heel. Jesus. It made me Google what I was like, okay, I want to see what the most dangerous freshwater fish is. Oh, I know the answer. What do you got? Well, I know what the one I'm the most terrified of. I don't know that it's the most dangerous. Okay, what are you going to say? The Kandiru. Is that the Goliath tigerfish? Oh, no. God no. That's much less scary.

Okay. Well, you could talk about the Goliath tiger fish and then I can tell everybody what a Candiru is, if you'd like. Oh, I, look, Goliath tigerfish is just a fucking, looks like it's about a 30, 40-pound fish with gigantic fangs. And there's a bunch of pictures of Jeremy Wade holding one from River Monsters. Kandiru is about, is about the size of a tiny little worm. I have a feeling I know why they're so scary. It's like the, it's like the tip of this pen.

It's absolutely tiny. Do they swim up your pee-p-hole? Sure do. So, okay, so the Candiru is a, nice. a tiny parasitic catfish, okay? So catfish are the most diverse group of freshwater fishes in the world. There's catfish on every single planet except for Antarctica, and they're super, super diverse. Well, in the Amazon, in literally the same exact place that piranhas live is this tiny parasitic catfish called the Candiru. Now, what this fish does in its ecology is it swims into

the gills of other fish and lodges its spines in, which calls. causes the gills to bleed and release ammonia that the fish is a, or it causes the gills to bleed, but in fish blood is a high levels of ammonia, okay? Well, what else is ammonia in? It's in our urine. So people that go swimming in the Amazon decide to take a leak in the pool or to take a leak in the river, and up into your urethra swims the candiru. Now here's the thing.

Once this little fish swims up your urethra, you can't just grab it with a pair of pliers and pull it back out because it has backwards-facing spines that it uses. When it swims up, it then extends those spines and lodges into the gills or urethra to make that bleed so that it can get that fish blood or in this case your pee-pee blood. And that's it. And the only way, by the way, I've looked into this a lot because I'm terrified of this thing. Yes. The only way to get a candirir remove from your penis if it happens is to butterfly your penis open all the way. lift it out and sew it back together. There is no medical way that they can go in through the urethra and remove it.

It might be better off just letting it live in there. Totally. Just stay there. You're fine. Yeah. So, yeah, so that's nice. That's a nightmare. Oh, my God.

Literally, that is a nightmare. Oh, my God. So wait, do they, does the candiru eat ammonia? Or are they able to, like, process the NH3 and sort of get everything? they need? I don't know the answer to that. I know that they're looking for blood, like a parasite. And so in the gills of fish, that's what they're after. And I don't... In the gills of fish. Good movie title. And I don't know that that's what happens in your urethra. I don't really know how that works. I don't want to go swimming anymore. No. I was, I'm so terrified of this fish that when I'm in the

Amazon and I pee, I pee like this so that I break the stream. so that nothing swims up the stream, even though that is basically impossible. Yeah, that's like the fear of sitting on the toilet and like a snake coming and biting your ball sack. Dude, it's, it is an awful, awful thing. When we were filming in Columbia, I kept trying to, I kept trying to offer money

to make the guys pee while we were swimming, because every night we'd bathe in the river. You are a rotten pile of shit. Yes, I'm a terrible person. So we'd be like bathing at night, and it's like dark and you're in the water because we've had a long day. And I'd be like, hey, Trevor, $100 if you take a leak right now. And he'd be like, no, you know.

And I just keep like, keep upping the ante and baiting him. And yeah, nobody took for that. So it just reminded me. So I, years ago met a guy in Key West who's a cab driver who had written an autobiography and he gave me a copy of his book and we ended up working together and I developed it into a screenplay. Okay. Oh, yes, yes, I know that story.

Never got made. but I went back and re-read it. And it's really good. I'm really proud of it. But he spent seven years in a prison in Cuba for drug smuggling. And it was basically the prison he was in. It was just essentially a gigantic circular building. And everyone was in the same room.

Okay. And there was a room with toilets, but they were just holes in the ground. And there's just thousands and thousands of rats that lived inside these holes that were waiting for people to poop. to eat the shit. Nice. And he said, so what you had to do

for seven years, imagine doing this every time you had to take a dump ski. And the hole was only like this far from the ground. Okay.

So people had stories about rats like jumping up and biting their beanbag. And so what you do is you fill a bucket of water, you throw it in there and that would make them scurry.

And then you like, as fast as you can take the shit so that you're not, you know, don't have rats jumping up and trying to grab your buns. That sounds really bad, especially in the morning, because in the morning, I need a minute. Like, I'm not rushing it out in the morning.

I need 10 to 12 minutes. I'm not. I need 10 to 12 minutes. I need to look at my draft kings. I need to check Instagram. Yeah, it's the time. How do you live without that? Oh, man.

It's a cool story from another sort of wildlife-related thing was he was, he didn't think he was ever going to get out, right? because Fidel Castro had gone on television and announced that they were giving life sentences to drug smugglers. And so he thought he was never getting out. And he was contemplating like, this sucks. Like, do I just end it? Like, what do I do? And so he went to sleep one night. And there were holes, right, where like rats and animals would come in.

It was just a shitty old brick structure. Okay. And so there were holes and it was drafty, whatever. And he basically, when he went to sleep, he asked, he's like, God, if you, if you, exist, give me some sort of sign that I shouldn't kill myself. You know, like, just give me something. And he went to sleep, and he said he woke up in the middle of the night because he felt something touching him.

And a tiny little fucking kitten had come in and was on his chest. Had climbed in through the window? It just came in through, like, one of the holes in the bricks, right? It was just some feral cat kitten. And he ended up naming the kitten tiger, and he raised it. And that became his cat. And I was like his pet, and that was his sign that he felt like, okay, I should, I should stay. And then he eventually, through a really cool confluence of events, was able to escape the prison.

Wow. And make it back to the U.S., yeah. And he should have used Tiger to keep the rat toilets away. That's true. He's a good mouser. What's the name? I want to read the book now. God damn.

Yeah, you got to write that. I did. It's great. It's a great screenplay. I just, you know, it's really hard to get anything made, especially a prison movie. That's for sure. You know, that's for sure. Yeah, one day.

I think, I'm actually thinking about turning it into a podcast. There you go. Oh, that'd be cool. You know, like a real podcast where they do like the sound effects and you do interviews. A lot of work. Yeah, like a lot of work. Like a cereal type thing. Yeah.

So I've been on a, I've been on like a teen pop rock bender lately. Yep. Don't laugh. It's a lot of Sun 41, been getting some good Charlotte in there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know the bands. So I thought as I've been listening to that through every workout lately, drinking C4 energy drinks, I would, I'd propose a top three and DFL of bad pop rock bands.

Ooh. Now, I think it's great. I think Retep is frantically looking for the jingle. No, he wasn't. He was looking at something else. I like it. He's got Porn Hub open. Number two.

Number three. Dead fucking lost. Forrest, can you go first? Sure. Happy to. Okay. Okay. Top three.

Number three, it's a classic. Doesn't get enough credit. But we got to take it to the Matthews Bridge. Limp Biscuit. Oh, yeah. So good. Yeah, you put on some limp biscuit. It's just like, it's such garbage music.

Like, everything about its trash. I mean, it's like Patrick's hat. It's just, it's bad. It's awful. Yeah. But yeah, no, love me some limp biscuit, but not as much as the next two. Coming in at number two, it doesn't quite hit that category as much as maybe some of the others. But it's something I feel like every single time I hear it, I want to hear more of it.

Red Hot Chili Pappers. Oh, yeah. Do they count as like a bad pop rock band, though? I don't know. You tell me. I could leave them out because I got plenty. Okay, yeah, leave them out. They're kind of legit.

Yeah, no, they're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. RHCP is out of the equations. We got Limp Biscuit and 3. This is sort of a guilty pleasure. I know every song off of almost all of their albums.

Some 41 at number 2. I knew you're going to say that. It's great. It's great. They're great. Do you remember the spiked hair and they're on the roof with the guitars and it's fantastic? And then number one, in my opinion, the greatest band of all time makes the Beatles and John Lennon together look like dog shit.

Blink 182. Oh, yeah. That's a good call. Love Blink 182. Like, there is no better music to be outside, shirts off, beach volleyball, drinking a beer. Shirts off. Yeah, Blink 182. And who's your DFL?

DFL, I don't understand why she ever picked up. I don't get it. I'm pretty sure she had sex with both of my top two, Avril Levine. She was not a skater boy. It's terrible music. It's like if she came out now, she would be super pop. She's like, it is like the Taylor Swift of the early 2000s, but Taylor Swift's actually talented, whereas Averill Levine was just a train wreck. Skaterboy is one of the worst songs I've ever heard.

Right? That's what I'm saying. And people were like, you know, it's so bad. It's just shut up. It's terrible. Stop crying. It's also spelled S-K-the-N-E-R-B-O-I. Yeah.

That'll do it for you. So that's my talk three. It came on the other day. It's terrible. I have an unfair advice. because I've been just hammering the bad pop rock lately. Oh, man. No, I don't want to take any of your, I don't want to repeat any.

Blink 182 would definitely be on there. But in the interest of no repeats, number three for me, my chemical romance. Oh, good one. Yeah. The Black Parade is just a great song. It's great. You need a little boost when you're doing your impeccable workout. Throw a black parade on.

It'll get you. Great call. Fantastic. Number two is a. Female, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I kind of like this band. Female vocalist. Evanescence. No, no.

Oh, Anis Morrison. Paramore. Paramore. They had some bangers. Yeah, they had some fucking. Yeah, they had some fucking. And number one, easy for me. I'm ashamed to admit, I love about 20 of their songs.

Fallout boy. Wow. I did not see you as a Fallout boy kind of guy. They got some fucking great, great songs off those. couple albums. No question. I'm just very surprised to hear you publicly admit that. Ooh, yeah.

Thanks for the memories. Come on, man. Great. I'm going to listen to the shit out of some fallout boy today. Right. After this conversation, you're like, I'm going to build a playlist immediately. Yeah. Dead fucking last.

They sucked. I hated the singer's voice. And they have the dumbest band name of all time. You get one shot, right? Most people, when you're starting an emo band, you're not going to have a second band, right? Right. You got one shot.

That's what you're going to be known for. Imagine deciding to name your band, Huba Stank. Huba Stank. I'm so with you, dude. They're terrible. I was ready to fight you because I thought you were going to say a good band. I also really don't like Huba Stank. It's so whiny.

It's such whiny music. Exactly. Shut up. No one thought you were. No one thought you were. perfect person. You don't have to whine about it. Here's the problem. Now, you sang it for

less than one second and it will be stuck in everyone's head to the rest of the week. No question. And the reason is, yeah. It's so bad, dude. How that ever hit the charts, I have no idea. Quick story. Just quick sidebar.

I was just moved to L.A. I had not even a chance of getting so much as a kiss. from a girl for like 10 months. I was, you know, just a sloppy guy who was drinking a lot of beer. I had no money. Three guys living in a one bedroom.

And somehow, somehow met this attractive young lady. And she... Was this the coffee shop girl, by chance? No. Oh, no, no. I mean, that was like four years ago. Oh. I'm talking...

I'm going way back. Okay. But she fancied herself a singer. She wanted to be a singer. and we went on a hike and she just kept fucking singing that song but like trying really hard

and like singing it beautifully and I was just like I can't like I don't care I can't hang out with you That is so brutal This is, dude If you're in L.A. you can't date This is what happens. I mean it's I can't believe there's not a fucking show

Like just that's going on Tinder dates Sorry sorry Retep Dude there used to be MTV next. Remember that? Oh, yeah. What was the other one? Next. Graver was on Next, by the way. Did he get nexted?

Oh, yeah. And it was classic, because we were all in college when he went on it. And so they do a date at like a hot dog cart, you know, like in downtown L.A. like she gets off the bus. They do their little date. And then he gets nexted. And he goes, well, she missed out on the best hot dog of all. And then just walks off. And they played.

they aired it and it's like it's so solid Retep's ex-rmate who was also my roommate for years who's a comedian named Matt Ralston he went on next when we were all living together and they were nice enough to tell him when it was going to air so we made a whole thing and he didn't tell us what was going to happen and he at this time was a real drunk like a sloppy

fucking idiot and so I knew he had been he said that he was drinking on the bus so she next a couple guys goes through the stuff, whatever, whatever. And Matt's sitting on the bus. And so now it's his time because the second guy gets nexted. And they cut to his little interview and he goes, for no reason. He goes, I'm going to give this girl a taste of my manmate.

Takes one step down, isn't even off the bus. And she just goes, next. That's the worst, man. You just like don't even make it a step down. Because it means you're ugly. It's good. It's purely based on it. It's 100% aesthetic.

Yeah. Oof, whoof. What do you got, RETAP? What's your list? All right. Quickly, number three, taking back Sunday. It's a good one. Like that band.

What's a Taking Back Sunday song? I know I'd recognize it, but. I have to Google it. I do, too. Yeah. Number two, because we've spent so much time. I'll just go quickly. The used.

You guys remember that, right? Red and yellow, Taste of Ink. I don't even know what you're saying, sir. The used? What do you mean? I love to add these to my playlist. Yeah. I don't know these bands. That's all right.

That's great. You guys have never heard real good emo. And then number one is the band. Go ahead. Pat mentioned the word emo several times and you didn't call him out, you son of a bitch. His were very pop-rocky. Go ahead. Number one is a band called Brand New.

These are all pop rocky, dude, for sure. Have you ever heard of brand new? I've heard of them. I can't name a song. And I doubt you can either. You guys are fucking. Name a song by brand new without Googling. Jesus Christ.

That's not the name of a song. Yes, it is. It's also the name of a religious icon. You guys are the worst. I hate this game. No, I'm sorry, we thought you'd have cooler picks than that. My DFL, or my DFL, though, you're definitely going to know. And I'm going to tell you why.

she is my DFL and it's it's Fergie and the black eyed peas but Fergie in particular because I heard an interview with her Ryan Seacrest was interviewing her and he knew her from back in the day before she was super famous

and he called her by her real name Stacy and she interrupted the interview and said I don't go by that anymore it's Fergie and I was like, I can't, I can never listen to another one of her songs ever again. Like, I can't stand her. I just felt too pretentious. Her name's Stacy.

Yeah, Stacy something Ferguson. Stacy Ferguson, I think is her name. Ah. Ferger from, Fergie. Everybody should listen to Brand New, they used, and Taking Back Sunday. Taking Back Sunday is the only three of those bands I've heard of. Well, you've heard of them all now, and you can tell people. that you've heard of them. I'm Googling them so that I can listen to their music after this,

and I hope it doesn't make me sad while I'm working out. It's going to make you so sad. It's going to be like 10 BPM, very minor chords. You'll be crying. All right. Well, I have to go pretty soon. Do we, do you want to play a game? I think we should. I think we must. I think we shall. Peter? I don't know what game you're talking about. Do you know what time it is? Is it this game?

What? Yes. Battle Royal. Do you have one for us? I got a real simple one. It's not going to take us a lot of time. You are making the perfect dog, period. Dog breeds.

You'd use any dog breed you like. It's the perfect dog. Head, body, legs, characteristics. You swing it the way you like. You can incorporate wild dogs if you'd like, beating jackals, hyenas. Any caned. Any caned will do.

Exactly. Any canid will do. You're going to make yourself the perfect dog. It can be vicious. It can be cute. It can be friendly. It can be something to attract the females. Whatever you want. Snake draft. Doggy Battle Royale. Okay. Okay. Okay. Ritap, why don't you go first? You're a dogman. We're all dogmen. Dogman. Okay. You're a dogman. Sir, you are a dogman. My dog is going to be, is going to have the intelligence of a poodle because they're very smart, but it will look nothing like a poodle because poodles are very stupid looking and ridiculous. Okay. But they're one of the smartest dogs that there are. So I'm going to start with the intelligence and brain power and learning ability of a poodle.

Okay. That's good. All right. Forrest, go ahead. I can go next. I am going to take my favorite, one of my favorite looking animals off the table early, which is from South America, and I only know the Latin name of it right now. Sorry, I'm having a brain fart as we speak.

It's from the Latin pig. Sorry, dead, dead air. I don't know why I only... I tried to. fill in. It's a South American dog that looks cool. Forest knows the Latin name. Sorry. Well, it's a mained wolf. I apologize. Oh, they're so cool looking. Yeah, they're stunning. Large red.

I've seen them at the endangered wolf center in Missouri. They're just, they smell like skunks by the way, which I will not be taking on that characteristic. But if I could have any pet canad, it would be a maimed wolf. I just think they're absolutely incredible looking animals. So I'm taking the body of that animal. Well, imagine the looks you would get taking that to the dog park. Oh, my God. Yeah.

It'd be insane. It's the coolest. It's huge, I take it, right? They're very tall. They're not super big, but they have very long legs. They're stunning animals. Super skinny legs. Kind of almost like a fox looking head.

They're kind of reddish coloration. They're fucking coolest shit. If you haven't seen one, Google it immediately. Yeah, Google Mained Wolf. So I'm taking the aesthetic of a Mained Wolf, or at least the body and legs. My dog, Luca, is my bud, right? That's the dog that I love.

Yep. And so I don't want to replace Luca. Luca's my cuddled dog. Right. It's my friend. I'm going straight home security with my build. Okay. There you go.

So I'm going to start with... You have Luca. Luca sticks around as a friend and then you're building this additional... A security dog. Got it. It's going to protect the house. It's going to look over the... Yeah, it's going to be great.

So I'm going to take the corpse, the head, the body, the looks of an Ofcharka, right? A Russian prison dog. You're obsessed with him. Yeah, also known as a Caucasian shepherd. 220 pounds. Very furry. They look like a big bear. Huge head.

Just a terrifying appearance. You break into my house. You're just going to look at it and you're going to go wrong house. No, no, no, no. Yeah. Great. Okay. Now, they're huge.

They use their math. to intimidate prisoners and Siberian prisons, but their bite force is a little lacking. So I'm going to take the bite force of a Kangel, right? It's a dog that was originally from Turkey. The Kangle has the strongest bite force of any dog, over 700 PSI or pounds for square inch or whatever it's called. So, yeah, that's going to be my first two.

Okay, great. This is a very terrifying creature that you're creating so far. Yeah, you don't want to fuck with this. No. Peter, you're up. I'm going for friendly. Forest, do you not know how these work? You're up.

No, I'm not. He started. Yeah, I went last. He went in the middle. I wrote it down in the other order. My bad. Jesus. Okay, yeah.

I'm the excuse. This is a mess. All right, so I have got the body and legs of a maimed wolf, credible looking animal, very unique. Now, I'm going to go ahead and slap a pug's head on that. Now, just imagine this long, slender, elegant looking dog with this short, fat-nosed, wrinkly face. I mean, it's just, it's a train wreck of hilarity.

This is a comedian companion. I'm going to give it a pug's head. It's fun. A pug's fun. Okay. I do, I desperately want someone to draw a mand wolf with a pug's head on it. Yes, me too. Please draw us.

Yep, very odd. I right now have a floating brain and the intelligence of a poodle. And around that brain, I am going to add the body of a husky because they're just fucking amazing. And I love them, and they can run fast and pull me on wheels.

A lot of shedding. A lot of shedding. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, they're great to pet. I love them. They're fantastic. Okay. And then it will have.

the head of a English bulldog. That's right. Why is that? Yeah, why that? Because they're very cute, and they look, you know, they're just cute, and I can pet him. It'll be fast. And he's going to be my buddy. I mean, I'm not, Pat, I'm not scared of my house getting broken into.

I don't need a patrol dog. I just want a very smart husky with an English bulldog's head. That's what I've always wanted since day one. Very good. Great. Forest, how are you going to round out your creature? Yeah, so it's a very confusing animal so far. So I am going to, the only thing I'm going to do in order to change this Ethiopian, or sorry, this maimed wolf with a pug's head is I am going to give it the tail of a Bessengi.

So Bessengi is a dog with a little curly like pigs looking tail. So now you've got this long, elegant, bodied animal with this tall neck. This super squat, wrinkly face, this tiny little curly tail. It's a complete mess. Nobody knows what it is. It's unique. I love it. I think it's fun.

And I don't know what I'm going to name it. I am going to round out my security beast by giving my Ovcharka-bodied, kangled dog the cent, the 300 million cent receptors of a bloodhound. A bloodhound is the dog with the best sense of. smell. They can follow a scent trail of something that happened up to 300 hours

ago, right? So Forrest, you got B.O. you walk through. 300 hours later, a bloodhound can tell where you walked. With its incredible sense of smell, I mean, my dog, you know, they're going to smell the intruder when they first come up off the sidewalk.

So if we fight these three, who do you think when? Your dog's terrible. Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. Yep. Love it. I won. Great. I'm going to recap it. Brosner's way in. If anybody wants to draw a maimed wolf with a pug's face and a Bessengi's tail, that is definitely something I'm curious to see. And that was my pick for just, I think, most bizarre dog companion.

Peter went with the brain of a poodle inside of a husky's body with the lovable head of a dribbly English bulldog. Trick, speed, and attractiveness. I don't know where you're getting attractive. out of that, but I do like it. I don't, I like your animal a lot, by the way. Patrix is utterly terrifying. It wins in the battle department, the home security department. It'll probably kill him and eat his face off. It is the body of an Ovechaka, the bite of a cangle and the scent of a bloodhound, which basically just makes it the most alpha dog ever created. Nice.

Dumb as a box of rocks, though. I didn't even give it a brain. No, I'm brainless. Yeah. It's just going to tear everything in your house up. shit everywhere. It's perfect. All right. Well, Peter, where can the people? Find us? What can they do? Go to the Wild Timespodcast.com and all the links are there.

Direct list of links. The Wild Timespodcast.com. Sorry, fuck that up. The Wild Timespodcast.com forward slash info for all the links. The Patreon is patreon.com forward slash wild times pod and at Wild Timespod to find us on socials everywhere. Ur-Wur.

Good night. Good morning. Goodbye.