Wild2Mild Podcast - Ep 14. - Career Confusion, Emotional Tests & The Power of Starting Again

Episode Date: October 19, 2025

Email us 💕This week on Wild2Mild, the girls are back from a whirlwind trip to Abu Dhabi with Oriflame, and let’s just say… it was giving luxury, laughter, and a little bit of chaos (as per usual). They dive into a spicy listener red flag / green flag: a boyfriend who’s pulling back on purpose to “see if his girlfriend will validate his feelings” by chasing him. 🚩 Is this emotional manipulation disguised as vulnerability? The girls unpack it all...Then, the chat takes a more real and reflective turn as Nicole and Bethan open up about feeling stuck in your career. That weird limbo when you’re outwardly “doing well” but secretly craving something new, feeling empty, while battling the guilt of not wanting to disappoint everyone around you. They talk about redefining success, finding purpose and why sometimes you have to let go of the version of yourself that everyone else expects you to be.It’s a mix of deep chats, big laughs, and honest moments that hit home. This episode will leave you feeling seen, inspired, and maybe even ready to shake things up.Grab your iced coffee, get comfy, and tune in - it’s Wild2Mild, and we’re going there.

Welcome to the Wild Tamal podcast with me, your host, Beth and Kerr Show. And me, your host, Nicole O'Brien. Hey, girls. Let's have a little catch-up. Guess where we are? We're in Abu Dhabi. Yes. Well, literally with a brand called Ory Flame and they have taken us to Abu Dhabi.

Like, I can't believe it. I feel like the most lucky person on planet Earth. I know. I feel so grateful. This is insane. Oh, my God, we need to talk, because should we talk about the manifestations or not that we're done last? Yes, yes, it is. Listen, so we've done a mood board last year, right,

and we kept it ultra, ultra secret we didn't tell anyone, right? And how many things have came true now that we've looked back? So we manifested the NTAs. NTAs. We also manifested the Brits. And we're going to the Brits this year.

Mm-hmm. And we manifested good brand trips. Yeah. We also manifested the podcast. Yes. Because this was like before we were doing the podcast. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. I took it down on the flight because I want to do like a little post of like things we manifested. and then it's coming true like it's actually mad but you know what's really interesting that i've noticed right so like i because we've written it down and we never went back to it we're never sort of like obsessing about it we're literally written it down yeah then we've forgot about it i know and then we're just like pursued it's insane and it's like came into play i know and i genuinely think that's because we've literally just we've put the idea out there and we've gave it to the

universe yeah and we've said here you go this is what we want and the universe has said no bother that continue doing what you're doing yeah and i'll do the rest like we haven't hyper fixated on yeah but it like i've goosebumps because like that it's all falling into place like that's all i'm gonna get really emotional i'm literally going to get so emotional it's so crazy i'm gonna get it's so crazy i'm gonna get it right no you're gonna make me cry i literally can't believe it oh my god i know we're just so lucky i know really really grateful like i wish i could show you the view behind us but it'll blind jane oh yeah But, like, this hotel, so we're staying at the Rosewood.

Like, what the hell? Like, imposter syndrome central here and out. We came into the hotel room last night and honestly we nearly lost her lives. Like, I wish someone was videoing our reaction. We nearly died. Like the slippers, right? There's slippers in the bathroom and they had our initials on him. Obviously, we're in Abu Dhabi, right?

So they're quite conservative. My initials are knob, N-O-B, but they just put N-O. But I'm thinking, oh, my God, they probably thought, we can't put knob on the slippers like sure of me I know literally but like when I tell you like this

oh it's unbelievable the minute that you walked in the hotel as well oh my god just ooed but it was just such it wasn't like a strong like you know when you're walking in like a what's it called like a not a supermarket

like a mall like if you're born in shopping centres or whatever and you walk past the oud sand and it hits you a hard it wasn't like that it was just like really subtle but like as if it was just evaporating from the actual, like, walls.

Insane. It was so bizarre, yeah, but it was so unreal. Like, and apparently lady, well, you were telling me, didn't you, that Lady Gogh, I was seeing in the Rosewood in London. In London, a few weeks ago. So lads, who knows, I could meet, might meet my husband here. I'm looking for a shake. Perfect.

Sugar daddy and a shake. Stunny. But yeah, we're going to go to the mosque today. Oh my God, yeah, so excited. We're going to get the outfits, go to the mosque. we've got so much planned on this trip we're gonna do maybe a few episodes we'll see we've so much to do

but like oh my god the flight yesterday though you had a nightmare anyway with the Wi-Fi didn't you I did oh fucking paid for Wi-Fi on my laptop and on my phone because I was like oh I'm gonna work because it's a six seven hour flight well actually it was meant to be seven and 15 minute hour flight

yeah um but seven 17 15 hour what wait seven hours 15 minutes yes yes so it was meant to be that but then it ended up being like six hours yeah it was like six hours yeah you know what I bet that was wined Amy yeah

was taken with off good old Amy good old Amy good old Amy yeah actually maybe not good old Amy oh yeah actually sorry yeah bold Amy yeah yeah noty Amy

I know anyway so yeah so yeah so I got the Wi-Fi trying to work and then after like an hour just stopped working for me yeah I was just boom scrawling and I literally paid for it twice I'm fuming at he had

maybe you're going to have words customer service we're coming for you no lads I was wearing like these yoga pants like these light grey yoga pants and I stood like when I tell you like

there was not much room okay and I stood up a little bit whole glass of wine went all over me but all over my crotch yeah because I was standing up to go for the toilet

so then it looked like I pissed myself on the way to the toilet it was so embarrassing because it was everywhere and I'm on my period had a tampon in didn't the wine soak into the tampon

TMI TMI TMI TMI TMI my team I, the wine was in the tampon. So God only knows what's going to happen down there in the next few you did. Oh God, God, don't. But yeah, mank, man, mic, Mike. But, yeah, I feel wreck.

Like, it's mad. I was seeing a Nicole yesterday. I was like, I was so excited. We literally got off the flight. We came to the hotel. Got off the flight. Came to the hotel. And then we came upstairs,

checked in and everything. And then we went downstairs in this Asian restaurant for food. And then, oh my God, we got some amazing wine glasses. and the wine glass that you know when you get that really good tiny thin stem like the wine glass felt like it like it was air like the wine glass was that light that you felt like I was only holding the wine yeah yeah yeah like it was so bizarre very good wine glass we need to find out where

that was from I know I need to take them home with me yeah so then we went for our Asian meal last night after we had got off the flight and then we got in the lift to come back up to to go to bed and I just ceased to Nicole I was just like she would just like stay awake and power through the whole time that we're here

absolutely fucking not no I wish I could I know I wish that we'd so much energy and we can do it because like imagine how many hours you're losing when you're sleeping and being in bed and stuff like I just wish I didn't have to sleep

even though I do love sleep I love being in bed I love lying in bed and doing now I know but look we would have been absolutely we're already wrecked today we've had two coffees this morning the day I would ever have two coffees like I'm going to be absolutely

shaken all day but anyway we're so excited we're going to go to the mall yes we've got so much plans we've got a cute little beach meal tonight oh yes we do yes did we say we're going to cafe to Elmore tonight yeah

with ory flame did we say that with ory flame yeah so what as the brand you brought us oh yes yes yes yes yeah beauty brand yeah so excited meet all the girls

and all very excited and all the girls are coming from all over the world so like where was it So it was Morocco, Sweden, Germany, everywhere. So it's going to be really, really good, really fun, get to meet loads of people from different places. That is my, that's my dream.

I just want to meet so many different people. Different cultures. Yes. Yeah, for sure. For sure. But yeah, no, it's going to be an amazing week. I think, yeah, we've got a lot planned. But obviously you've been sending in your red flags, your green flags, your dilemmas, your

dilemmas yes um so we have chosen a red flag green flag and a dilemma which one am we going to go with um also i didn't realize like i knew that abu dabby was like very conservative and stuff like even for breakfast now today having the shoulders out like with your top yeah in the hotel we have to wear shawls everywhere which is like no so fair 100% but obviously in dubai i don't think it was that bad when we It wasn't. It was more... Dubai's a bit more, like, westernised. It is more westernised, isn't it?

It's very more, like, touristy, I think, Tobay is, for sure. Which I think, Abu Dhabi's, like, touristy as well. Like, you get touristy, but, like, I think it, Dubai's more... It is more westernised. There's a lot more people moving over there from the UK and wherever, like,

um, so, yeah, yeah, I feel like it was less... I'm gonna have to cover my shoulders now. We'll go to the wall, won't I? I'll have to bring a show. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. guy i know i'm gonna be living in that one i've only got one yeah i got one of amazon thank god because i wasn't going to get one can you imagine if i didn't have one what what i actually do i'd have to go down and tell a pillowcase pillowcase fucking pull a pillowcase over my shoulders yeah right red flag okay so we're there hi girls i've got a red flag or a green flag for you so the guy i've been saying for about two months he's told us something that's kind of thrown us off he said some sometimes he pulls back on purpose like he'll go quiet or not reply for a bit just to see how I react oh um he said he told me that he does it because he's been hurt before and he wants to know if people are still going to

stay and put in the effort when he doesn't he said it's just how he protects himself a part of his thinks at least he's being honest but another part of his feels like it's a bit manipulative and I don't know if it's emotional maturity or a massive red flag emotional immaturity or maturity like maturity like to I don't know oh no it's definitely emotional immaturity yeah I would say yeah I would say as well um I feel like a lot of women do that like I'm not gonna lie sometimes I do that like in the past my yeah I think it's my reflex as well I think it's like wanting to get someone to like you that's not her responsibility that's his responsibility for sure deal with yeah like listen sometimes people are going to up and leave yeah and then it's how

you deal with it. Yeah. I think as long as you like securing yourself, like, I think, like, I used to do that all the time. Obviously, I haven't been dating anyone so long, but it was like to do with like nearly like a validation thing being like, do you like me enough? Do you really like us enough? Like let me test you.

Let me push the buttons. Let me push the boundaries a bit. Yeah. Because sometimes like, again, I've said this before, like, there's more to communication than just words. Yeah. And everyone seems to think that words is the only way that you. you communicate no no no no there's so many other access service which means certain like

sometimes people don't know how to articulate themselves yeah like properly for sure to i mean like even like i was seeing a guy like he wasn't great with his words but he would buy me flowers but like access service and i was like okay well that makes me feel loved you know how can but i think for that see it's not i wouldn't say i think he's obviously just going through stuff I think it's like it's healthy to have a little bit of back and forward because you need to kind of see how each other feels

but then I do think like purposely I think if it's like a conscious thing from like pull back I think that's a bit different but then again I don't know he's explaining it but also it's unfair on her having to deal with that listen everyone's got things that they need

to work on and stuff like that I think there's a lot worse things that could be happening do you know what I mean? Oh definitely could be, well, I don't know, is that, like, you could be withholding communication and affecting as a form of control. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I've had that, like, you know, where people, like, withholds the communication, like, I remember I was

in a relationship and I'm, like, I've got anxiety, I've been a very anxious person, and also I know myself that I'm a nightmare to date. I am, I'm a nightmare because I have, like, certain, yeah, I think because I've got, like, certain expectations and standards to how I want to be treated and how I want to feel in a relationship. So like, say for instance, um,

basically like I remember I was, what do I do? I was dating someone, right? And I was like, going on a night out. And I was like, oh, I'll text you all night. Anyways, ended up having such a good night with the girls that I didn't text him once.

Like I literally was just not texting it. I was on my phone. He was on night shift as well. So I did feel bad. But equally like, I'm on a night out. Like, you know what I mean? Anyways, so he was annoyed with his. So he kept coming online.

and I'd text him being like, oh, I'm like, I'm really sorry. I was out with the girls, blah, blah, blah, come online, and he was just ignoring us. Online, offline on. Every time I'd text him being like, why are you ignoring us? I can see that you're coming online.

Is this straight out the night out? No, no, this is the next day. When I was like hung over and like, oh, and the anxiety. To me, that was, that was so manipulative. Now that I look back at it, I'm like, you are, that's evil. Yeah, that is evil. He was. He was.

Yeah, he was. Yeah, he fucking was. What an, oh, literally. how many years ago was this this was about this was a long long time ago yeah we're more young yeah what a fucking dicket yeah but still yeah yeah literally awful so yeah people have that like things you know what i mean like people do have and sometimes it's like learned behavior as well do you know because of trauma and stuff like that i think but equally if it's kind of a thing of where he says listen i apologize like for pulling back this is just

something that I do but if he's aware and he's apologetic for it and he's like I'm sorry like I am actively trying to work on it but if he's using it in a way of like listen this is just what I do because I'm like I want to see if you actually care that's immature yeah that's very true yeah I think if he like acknowledges that he does it and he's not like actively doing it because he wants to do it like he's not given the impression that like this is how he is and he's not going to change kind of vibe. Like, he's kind of on a side of like, I get that this is what I do and I don't want to do this

and I do want to change and I am working on it. If that's the angle he's coming from, yeah, yeah, I think fair enough then. But if it's like manipulation and just trying to stress you out, yeah, if he's like, this is me, you know, this is how I deal with things. This is how I deal with it. Because I've been hurt in the past. Yeah, everyone's been hurt.

I think it's a red flag then. Every single person, on planet earth has been hurt at one point in the life yeah and like as much as like when somebody takes something from you and really hurts yeah um like obviously you have to recognize what has been stolen from that person the trust the betrayal the pain like that body is literally adapting to survival even though i know it's not a thing well it could be in in worse circumstances i also think like obviously everyone's been hurt so i mean you can only excuse so much like i just think everyone's had shit to deal with like you know I've had to excuse so many bad

behaviours over the course of years and then I'm like actually like I've been through shit and I don't act like that like at the end of the day we're all adults like get your shit together like learn how to grow as a person learn how to better yourself as a person and don't bring this shit to me because then now I have to deal with it so I think if he is aware of it fine if he's not and he's just doing this to manipulate you and control you and kind of put you in a corner then fuck that

run a million miles because I feel like it'll just get worse and worse there's just no point even dealing with that. And it's only two months just being dating them isn't it? Oh right.

Oh Jesus Christ. Very early days and I think from it would be I don't know sometimes I just I don't want to hold away because I know it's triggering like and it's just yeah

no but seriously I think yeah if he I would run a million miles if he is not acknowledging that this is like a bad behavior and he needs to work on it for sure yeah. um so yeah i hope that answers your question so yeah um so green oh no that was green flag bright

that was the dilemma right this is a good one because this listen so i feel like i can resonate with this one as well okay hi girls i honestly don't even know where to start i feel like i'm having some sort of crisis in my 20s i've worked so hard to build this career did all the right things got the qualifications, I've got the job, I've got the routine, but I wake up every day feeling empty. Everyone around is seems to know that it seems to be sure that they know what they want and I'm just here pretending. My parents are so proud of us. My friends think I've got it together but I feel completely disconnected from it and I keep thinking I need to have a break but deep down I know that I live there, deep down I don't know if I want this life anymore

and the scary part is I really don't know what to do. I just know that it's it's not this. To our risk starting over and disappointing everyone, I feel like that's what's going to happen. Or do I stay and just try and force myself to care? I just feel really lost and guilty for I even feeling like this. Oh my God.

I resonate. Resonate so hard. Yeah. Fuck. Do we like that? Fuckin hell. Literally like us. Are you us? Are you us?

Yeah, no. In your 20s as well. See, I'm in my 30s and sometimes I feel like that. Yeah. All through my 20s. I feel like a lot of people feel like that and I feel like everyone looks like they've got it together and then I feel like what happens is

your world kind of comes crashing down I feel like you work so hard and then you're like right because listen sometimes I've even felt like that were content in creation like I've worked so hard like creating content like me visual reels my transitions like and I haven't went and stood like I haven't went and got any qualifications on that

like nobody taught us how to do that like I had to learn myself I think like through your 20s like that that's the decade where technically you figure out what you want you try loads of different jobs but then I feel like that's like a society thing isn't it like society tells you that

all you test everything out in your 20s and then that puts pressure on your 30s and 40s because you should have it together when realistically you can restore all the time no course you can but like that's what basically like that's what they say about your 20s but then obviously I hit 30 in July and I was like going into

like a TikTok hole about your 30s and stuff like that and like so many people say that like they're changing careers in their 30s and yet they're 40s like I don't think you have to have it together at any sort of age but I do think that like everyone likes to seem like they have it together loads of my friends who are in amazing amazing jobs feel empty yeah like they just don't know what they're doing they want to change jobs they want to change roles because I think as a human you want to change anyway you don't want to think that that this is what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life yeah you want to experiment and try different things like i've tried so many different things like marketing like sales yeah i did retail

i went to uni now i'm doing content and singing like i think you just need to dip your toe in so many different things and don't worry about disappointing people because at the end of the day if my friend came to me and said if she was like a doctor and said oh like i really enjoy content creation but I'm just scared of disappointing people. Why would I be disappointed in you for choosing yourself and being happy? Yeah. Like if they love you,

they shouldn't be disappointed in you for you choosing yourself. Unless it's a performative thing because sometimes parents can be like that, you know, like, where it's like a perform, like they need to look good for the family. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like a performative,

you need to make the family proud kind of thing, which is just so toxic. It is so toxic. So, so toxic. It puts people into a box and like, you like what you're saying like the parents are basically like they are wanting you to fulfill their dream that's it yeah yeah yeah which i just think it's just like unreal you see it so many times like with different people um oh did the laptop go oh no it's fine all right um but yeah you see it loads

with so many people like i think it probably is more the parents than the friends um i mean personally i'm very lucky my parents are very supportive but i do know people who have parents who aren't so supportive with like changing roles but at the end of the day like I do think like your parents would come to terms with it because they love you and they care for you and unless it was like your goal

to make your parents proud like that's something like your goal if you want to do that because that's your goal then fair enough but I think if that's not your goal I don't think you should be focusing on I don't think you should focus like that is your goal but I think your parents would be proud of you like obviously they should be proud of you for choosing yourself and being happy

and I think feeling lost and feeling empty especially in your 20s or at any age like I think with career like it's it's natural like you shouldn't really feel like you have to do the same job for the rest of your life like that would terrify me yeah you need to try

anything as humans I think like or I always think like the spiritual experience from my perspective is like you've came down to earth why would you not want to try absolutely everything that Earth has to offer? That's what I think. You live one life. But then at the same time

I do get in those spirals where I'm like oh my God like what else can I do like genuinely what else but I had this conversation the other day like I done a little TikTok about this the other day like I'm literally in adults with free will I could go and buy a pair of roller skates tomorrow and start skating down the fucking street if I wanted to

do you know what I mean? Like genuinely I could literally sit on the table and eat my food on the chair who made up these made up rules that's so true like yeah who made them up I mean I would probably look a bit like a crazy person like if I was

do you know what I mean and what yeah exactly I feel like it's just society like putting us into a box for sure but I think definitely trying new things but I know myself like I get so scared of trying new things and pushing myself out there

because sometimes you just get comfortable and a bit complacent with different things yeah for sure know because it's anxious like if you're to try something and also like money obviously everything is so expensive now so if you're to change careers and then if you're like not making as much money yeah like it's terrifying like can i just say a story this is crazy go on um so one of my friends and i will forever be so proud of her she um basically in ireland you do the same sort of exams that you have in the UK and she got the highest um score out of the whole of Ireland for her exams

before going to uni Yeah, yeah So she got, she did a really Braille box squad Yeah, so brainy And she is so musical And so musically talented as well So she got like a job

In a huge firm in Canary Wharf And a really high up job Unbelievable pay And she was working so much Like whenever I'd see her in London She was so stressed She was working around the clock And she just wasn't fulfilled and happy

At that time And she quit And she went and she did did a musical theater course and she did musical theater. No way. She was on a huge amount of money and then she wouldn't have been on fuck all money with that. Yeah. And she pursued her dream and she did that. Now I think she's gone back to the other job after a few years. Yeah. But she said she just wanted to take time out to try something new and it was so scary for her. Of course. And like, but I just kept saying to her,

I was like, you need to do it. Do it now. Like because otherwise you're never going to do it. Because obviously if you have a high paying job, it's so comfortable and it's terrifying if you're to leave that to do something creative right that's like where you don't know it's not a set amount of money every month yeah yeah but like she was so happy that's so good yeah that is so good and apparently like um dancing and things like that it's a form of creativity so like and then it's really really really healing so anything kind of like creating like dancing or painting or music and stuff like that it's really really good for your soul yeah really good for your soul yeah um i think just honestly like try out loads of different hobbies and stuff as well because like see even if you

have that job right and you don't like it but the money's really good and like you're in a good position in the in the um career that you're in um you could even like try and start kind of pushing the boat out a little bit in different hobbies yeah on a weekend because then that might ignite it ignite like the spark a little bit more do you know what I mean 100% um and then you might find like what you actually want to do you might come across something and be like oh my god i found it yeah like that like 100% i want to get back into pole dancing yeah i really really want to get back into pole dancing yeah um because i just know that i felt so good when i was doing it like spinning around midnight ballerina yeah literally i remember seeing the videos

oh my god wasn't there a tic ticot video um yeah i used to have a cat cold sukear right um and basically um when he was a kitten i had a pole that was in me middle of my living room right and this went out, I was a bit crazy. And then the cat jumped on the pole with us and started I remember seeing that video. That went really viral. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so good. It was so good. But yeah, I think, honey, try, try different hobbies, see what you like. And then life is too short. Like, I seen a TikTok yesterday when I was doom scrolling on the plane because my Wi-Fi was working. And I had to dooms scroll, but when I wanted to work, it wasn't working. And I was for you human. But I seen a TikTok where it was like an inverse.

to come as yeah in another life I'd do that and then the caption underneath it was like you only have one life so why are you saying in another life like it's terrifying but just take the plunge and I feel like I'm saying this out loud to myself as well because I want to do different things but it's so scary and it's like you just need to take the plunge but do you know what we've done a lot of things this year Nicole yeah like when it comes to like what manifestation board like what we're trying to manifest like I think that we're really on the road to do and that yeah like because we were talking about this podcast for years years years before we actually went right and in fact like it was obviously one of my friends that were like prompted us to do it otherwise

we probably wouldn't have actually got it off the ground no do you know what I mean and now so very very grateful for that person thank you very much yeah um and it is yeah it is mad like and I feel like obviously I'm jet lagged and I'm an emotional person right now like it is actually crazy that like we're doing all this like we're so we're so lucky like five years ago or maybe what year are we in now six years ago me who was sat at a desk on like literally I would have noodles for dinner because I didn't have any any money and I was so stressed all the time and I wanted to travel and I wanted to work with these amazing brands and now looking back I'm like obviously I still stress a bit money you know what I mean but like to get these experiences

is like I can't even describe to you how lucky we are. I know. Like it is wild and I know we get stressed sometimes. I know. We get like burnt out and stuff. Yeah. But like we just need to find a like a healthy balance of things. I think because obviously this is like a creative thing,

but I think we just need to find like a balance of like not putting too much pressure on yourself and also like looking outside of myself like as in, you know, like comparison, comparing and things like that like not doing that. and we haven't been doing that and because we haven't been doing that, I feel like that's when we've been a bit more creative and we've started like really pouring back into ourselves. Yeah, that's very true.

Instead of being like, kind of like, oh, like, I wish I had this or I wish I had that. Yeah. I wish that was me. Yeah. You know, like. Because I was so bad for that. I'd be looking at everyone thinking,

oh, why are they doing that? And why aren't I doing that? But then I feel like that kind of mindset doesn't get you anything. Oh, I did nothing because of that. I was like, I feel shit. I was one lying in bed and cry. Whereas I'm like, now, now, we're more like oh my god look at how amazing that brand trips looks like oh my god them girls are so

lucky that could literally be us and we're like oh my god slave for them but that could be us if we wanted it to be that's so true like what mindset's changed from like kind of like a negative way of like why is everyone getting things and i'm not like a victim mentality and now it's more like oh my god like we're so happy for these people and we're like we're like looking at them going if they can do it we can do it that's that's so true and what mindset's like changed yeah i think it's like the like since like we've probably lived together yes and being around each other so much every time that you would feel a certain way i'd big you up and then every time i felt down you would pick me off yeah so it's like balancing of one another and that's really helped for sure definitely helped i feel like because

especially like say if you're around people who was just like i don't know like you need negative yeah all the time like it's just so bad for you i think we're so sensitive well very sensitive I've honestly had really bad mental health over the years and I think like I haven't really paid too much attention on like who I've surrounded myself with and the kind of conversations that people would have just always negative always slagging people off always got something bad to say

always being like you know judging this one's weight judging that one's weight oh my god did he hear about this oh my god did you hear about that oh my god this and like it weighs on you heavy it does when I think energetically it really really does And I think now I'm being selfish. 100%. I'm really, really being selfish.

And it's like one thing that's like making it, I'm not like, I'm not thinking about the logistics of what we got feeling is saying. Yeah. I'm not thinking about it. Yeah. If that makes me a bad person. No. Bad person I am.

Bad person I am. And I think for a long time I was actually really worried about being perceived as a bad person for a long time as well. Because I was like, I don't want to be perceived. And I remember I went on a, um, celebs go dating, right? and one of the date is obviously I was in having the dates I was like really boisterous like oh my god really anyways and I was like talking about like what I was doing at the time so I was like doing makeup at the time I was doing clothing at the time and I was really excited about with telling this date yeah anyways um the date people like what's it called the judge it yeah

what are they called I don't know the coaches the coaches anyways I gets out and the goes it came across very narcissistic like and that that really hurt is because I was like oh my god that is my worst via like imagine I'm I actually diagnosed nausea you're not I can I can guarantee you because sometimes I actually do convince myself that I am no you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you're not you know what actually as well I seen mandy and Anna of Achilles saying that as well oh really are we all thinking the same thing like do all think that we're narcissists no no no you're most definitely yeah you're not but um but yes I always think like and then I was like so paranoid and thinking like oh my

God like am I this really selfish narcissistic person like blah blah blah blah I'm like but then if you are a narcissist things that you shouldn't put then narcissists don't feel bad yeah they don't feel empathy they don't feel empathy they don't feel bad for like putting other people through things so like when I know like when I know that I've hurt people I'm mortified yeah you're you feel really bad yeah yeah no you're most even though I know like some of the things like the decisions that I make I'm like right I know that this is what I need to do and I feel bad guilty for it yeah but at the end of the day you need to choose yourself and the older you get the more you realize that you know what i mean yeah um we're gonna go to the mosque yes we are and the

and the mall and yeah are you sorry i was rambling yeah i don't even know what i said i think i literally dissociated there so i'm actually going to be paranoid now for the rest of the day think i've shared too much information no should this podcast is all about oversharing yeah very true very true anyways thank you so much for tuning love your's lodge thank you so much for the support and please subscribe to our YouTube as well and the podcast

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yes right and we'll see you in the next episode yeah goodbye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye