Will & Rusty's Playdate - a dog licked my WHAT

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

I WISH IT WAS EASTER SWEATER: https://almostfriday.shop/collections/playdate-pod/products/i-wish-it-was-easter-tacky-sweater MERCH 25% OFF: https://playdatepod.shop/  SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod?sub_confirmation=1  GUESTS AND INQUIRIES: [e-mail] SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Download Cash App Today: [https://click.cash.app/ui6m/ba1zl21n] #CashAppPartner Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/PLAYDATE. Promo Code PLAYDATE Our listeners get the Harry’s Plus Trial Set for only $10 at https://www.Harrys.com/PLAYDATE  #Harryspod Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code PLAYDATE10 at https://hellotushy.com/PLAYDATE10  Playdate: https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg  00:00 - intro 2:03 - a dog licked my penis 15:04 - the 4 d’s 19:41 - fake ids 23:53 - andrew met Brooke Averick 47:46 - ben lualdy 1:00:56 - what is an atom 1:06:27 - dicking around 1:17:13 - 100 orgasms a day 1:20:48 - more sayings that don’t exist 1:23:35 - reindeer that don’t exist #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We see the endless funds fueling the AI hype. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at bloomberg.com. We're going. Playdate. Playdate. Let's do it. It is December, and I am feeling not very good.

What were you going to say? I was going to say, I think it might be December to remember. Who does December to remember? Macy's? No, us. Lexus. Us. Us.

It's our thing. Playdate. A December to remember. That's our new tagline. all right go ahead here's my here's my beef with what's wrong los angeles you go to bed most nights you can have your window open and then randomly one day it gets down to like polar temperatures and now i now my throat's on fire because it was definitely sleeping with my mouth open no i made your throat on fire from sleeping on their mouth wait i know that's how my doctor's

having a stroke yeah uh i woke up with my throat a little hair in my uh what's it called hair of the dog no little scratch in my throat no yeah yeah scratching scratching frog in your throat frog in my throat and was i looked at flannery i was like my throat really hurt she goes no it just feels like that in the morning and i go we're not the same just because yours does that this is new for me and it's just i've been fighting through it um but i am i'm just feeling lethargic i just want to get in bed and curl it curl up with a nice uh i don't know what i'd like to curl up with bird bread bowl of mac and cheese curl up with it all right yeah i think any big plans this weekend you know what no i think i'm

I'm just going to go home, curl up with a nice bird, and, uh, what? Yeah, like an osprey or something. I don't know. Feeling fun. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. Cash App, protect my money. Cash App, I need money. Here's, can I come clean?

Please. My beautiful girlfriend's rubber dog licked my penis. i don't know i was changing and i was did you it was just like one half second i was changing in a room and i wasn't looking what do you mean you weren't where were you looking like up and it was down you don't look at yourself or i was like i'm straight and the dog came up and licked your penis they're like how did that go for you how did that i don't know whether to put something like an app and just yeah i'd be like listen i just want to just something happened we just need to log it

it's like just for like clerical clerical work for rover how was your so are you gonna tell lauren she was there oh i went oh did you was there anything on it no just like i mean just the usual like cheese and right oh so it licked it and how did lauren react i was like oh my god and she was like oh my god and that no it was fine i think i don't know we laughed about it yeah i wrote a song about it she said it sounded like a new luke knoll song sometimes she i love women are great but sometimes they take longer to get ready than men i've found women be shopping and uh so sometimes while she's getting ready i'll just like

fuck around on her guitar yeah this morning i had a song that was well there's something to the effect of my girlfriend's rover dog licked my penis and i don't know whether i should report it through the app and she was like that sounds like an actual like luke noel yeah it does what do you think would happen what do you if you worked for if if you reported that to rover help like the help center do you think do you think they would get lauren in trouble i don't think anyone would get in trouble the dog did it yeah but i think like the only guys who were getting their penis liked by dogs like have put something like cottage cheese or peanut butter i didn't put anything on my penis i didn't put anything on my penis the dog loves me is part of it so i've heard it sounds

like it yeah is that cheating no but you cheat on lauren yeah lauren got pissed at her oh is it girl dog yeah well that is kind of like the thing if you like you know like couples say like if you have a girl dog the girl like love the girl dog will love the boy and kind of like resent the girlfriend oh no she definitely loves lauren more than me but she does love me i don't know what kind of dog is it i'm just trying to pick i i i really i don't want to give any more details yeah i think if hippa do you think if you found out that your dog was licking the bait it wasn't okay all right first of all it was like one sorry your dog licked it was like a it was like a peck it bit what would you rather have happened lick or bite

this is a no win i either sound like a pervert or a sex freak wait what's the difference between a pervert and a sex freak lick would be pervert bite would be sex freak is that fair can't argue with that one um how low are you hanging yeah wait where was the yeah good question it's a tiny dog yeah no no the dog was on the bed oh so it's like perfect height were you actually changing because that changes everything what do you mean like if you were like hard or something that would take a whole nother no no there was no there's nothing sexy going on at all in the whole morning so there was no like nothing a dog lift a dog licking your soft penis i think is completely fair game i think if a dog licked my boner i would

i would like i would have to like go to therapy i would have to make like some serious calls yeah i think that's fair like you were you were because then that opens like a whole nother can of food that you don't even want you don't even want to touch why were you pointing it at the dog yeah that's my question i had gotten out of bed and i was just sort of standing at the side of the bed facing the bed so you sleep naked i i slept naked i don't usually sleep naked but last night i ran so you're to lauren's house so then i showered and then i was yep didn't have an extra another pair of underwear and that's why i'd been wearing her sweatpants and then i just slept naked yeah you you wore her clothes

i did that's not yeah well i ran to her house all my stuff i ran to her house so after i showered i just put on her underwear and i put on her sweatpants and shirt slept in like those like uh you know like the like boy short underwear that like goes like halfway around your butt yeah yeah yeah um yeah i think you're fine i it was a total accident but like do you have any kind of like do you think that this will be kind of a nothing thing or do you think you'll have to like kind of work this through as long as i don't bring it up in front of 40 000 people immediately after happening i think i'm probably fine should be good yeah no i don't feel listen i don't i know i didn't do anything wrong

i she didn't do anything wrong yeah it was just um uh she being lauren or she being the dog the lord did something wrong no i'm just kidding neither she being the dog no one did anything wrong it's better than a cat licking your penis have you ever felt like a cat has that happened to you no not my penis but my finger yeah cat's tongues are rough oh you're right yeah it's like sandpaper weird like they have like little spikes on them yeah um my cat yeah i guess at least the cat didn't lick my penis yeah i could be having on the right side be thankful buddy on the hierarchy of animals do cats on rover probably that would be crazy oh i just feel like a dog it's like i no word like a cat would be like it's like impossible to wrangle a cat so it's a good

point there would have to be like a four week yeah like pickup period where i'll let you know when i get him um on the hierarchy of animals that could have licked your penis the best one did it you know what i mean like okay dog falcon hyena hyena would suck no hyena would hopefully none of them suck raccoon oh yeah panther like black panther waking up to a black panther

wake up oh my god don't move a muscle don't move an organ you're just oh my god malcolm sex oh my god would you say malcolm sex malcolm black panther licking your penis or something call that malcolm sex yeah i guess in hindsight a lot of guys have had their penis licked by black panthers probably

oh that was usually they don't smell yeah you're right oh i thought you were reacting a lot of guys do you think Malcolm X was gay I think they're female Black Panthers were there I don't know I thought it was famously

man well isn't because in Forrest Gump Jenny joins the Black Panthers which is pretty funny and Forrest Gump he also runs across the entire United States

because there are a handful of things where we maybe this is about the movie yeah oh yeah wow well that came out

the day after my birthday well by the early 70s yeah Call me crazy. Hasn't this happened multiple times where we're looking something up and I'm like, that was the day after my birthday. Yeah, or around your birthday. Is May 14th like a huge article writing time? That was a big day for article writing.

Is that like everyone's deadline? Well, think about it. It's like the Cinque de Mayo hangover's worn off. You're kind of catching your stride. Everyone's getting back to work. Kentucky Derby's in the rear view mirror. yeah that's insane that i just whipped out two things that happened the first week of may yeah well one of them not to like pat myself on the one of them is the name yeah yeah um

oh that's another you know we always talk about like your birthday is the only day that is the that the date is the thing single day my grandpa is single day my but it's not the same because you say may 5th and you don't immediately think single day my That's true. It's also not a tragedy. I think it's a good thing. You think it's a good thing? I don't really know what it was.

I think it's like a... It was tied to Mexican independence. It's their... That's like their 4th of July. No, their 4th of July, I think, is the... Ooh, the 4th of July. That's also one. How many of these...

How many holidays are there? July 4th is one. But it's not a tragedy. Gotcha. Also, I think Mexican independence is like... Well, it was... The British lost, like, a huge colony. Yeah.

In England, July 4th is like... Oh, it's their 9-11. Oh, no. I think the actual Mexican independence is the week of my birthday. I just learned this when I was in Mexico. I think it's like the 16th or something. So I don't know what Cinco de Mayo is then. Can you Google what Cinco de Mayo is?

Cinco de Mayo is... I thought it was their independence. Is Cinco de Mayo different than Dia de los Muertos? I think it's like they won the Battle of Puebla or something. Is Dia de los Muertos in October? Oh! Whoa! Wow.

That was a snipe. That was spot on. Wait, you guessed the battle? That's awesome. I mean, I must have known that. i just like i really didn't know that for sure that mexico's independence day is why at least did you have to do because you already were probably like proficient in spanish by the time you got to like the the higher level classes i remember do you remember the

like the listening tests where the that you'd listen to like yeah yeah i when i was a senior yes wait wait i was i was gonna say something and you farted them that's why i paused oh i thought you were like done oh no i was just saying those were always why were those always recorded on like a potato like it was i remember being like it's not even because of the spanish there was sometimes my teacher was like uh and like skipped one being like i don't i couldn't even like totally decipher what they were saying there i never i never was a spanish teacher did you know that about me really i was never i could sworn you were never spent no huh when i was a senior in high school i was i had already taken

like every possible spanish class there i go bragging uh no so i i would go to the college of charleston like i would leave school high school in the middle of the day and drive to college of charleston and take a class there that bc then i tried to get credit for when i got went to bc i was gonna be a spanish like major like double major and they were like honey i don't think a class at the college of charleston would meet our standards and i was like it was like a like a 500 level class so i was like at the very least it could be like a 100 here if you're that fucking pretentious yeah also csc is like csc is not not the best school no but it's like it's also an accredited yeah i was like well fuck you anyway but i was gonna say my they they're the

whatever class most of the seniors were in they were doing a play and the teacher came to me because she knew i she knew i was nasty with it and she was like listen i know you're not in this class but we are putting on moana and we're a few weeks out and our maui is tanking we need you to step in so i stepped in and i speak spanish and no it was a spanish version of moana and so like she i wore a muscle suit and i went on and i was like no sick kid this year then nada and i did de nada and uh it was like people said i mean hero savior tony award winning there were all sorts of things things were getting thrown around could you read like a spanish novel yeah really like now yeah yeah probably i would i would have been better at it 10 years ago

which is crazy to think that 10 years ago is a time in my life like it feels weird to think when i lived in spain was 10 years ago that you were like an adult better at something or better yeah yeah not an adult but like still yeah can you drink over there i could have a lot of people did but i didn't drink because the drinking age is 16 it's like doesn't really matter like they're not asking yeah unless you're like going crazy but like if you want to just like like i could order to be with my family and they would have served me but kids would get sent home for that there were there were three d's four d's that would get you sent home in my program it was oh no wait demerits no one of them was the d that was funny

i think it was the three d's and the h or something it was like no drinking no driving no drugs and no hitchhiking i remember this we were like oh it's so close to being like what can you drive i don't really it's like you you're not licensed yeah some kids i think might have been though like i don't know like there were 16 or 17 year olds that could have but that was just like one of the rules of the program and hitchhiking was one of them and i distinctly remember one day i need to get to basketball practice and i was like to my host i was like yo could you take me to basketball practice and he was like oh uh why don't you just try hitchhiking like not kidding i was like it was one of those rules when they said it in the

in the meetings i was like why the fuck would i ever be hitchhiking and then he was like oh yeah just try see if you can just catch a ride down the mountain because we live like on top of this mountain he's like yeah just and i was like uh i'm not that's one of the four d's and so he's like oh fucking but i guess that was like a thing huh i didn't know that they did that were people getting like kidnapped or something you think i don't know but then they got me a bike over there and i would i live on top of a mountain i would bike down and it was the most fun thing of all time and then on the way home it was torturous i would just walk it up yeah but no people don't get kidnapped when in my little

town something must have happened with the hitchhiker yeah i mean i guess it's just more of a thing in europe so it's like they had to say it like i feel like it's an obvious thing that to tell kids not to do but like when they said i was like obviously i'm not fucking yeah i've only picked up one hitchhiker and it was like you picked up a hitchhiker i think i've told you this i definitely haven't told andrew this i was driving down the road in maine like on the border of cape elizabeth you go into south portland which is like a different place obviously and there's a like a kind of homeless adjacent looking guy there where he looks like he's going to be homeless like soon and uh and he was hitchhiking i was like you know what i got

nothing to do i'll pick him up and he was like can you take me to the rusty lantern you were like you mean the lantern i just called the lantern and i was also going there so i was like yeah perfect and so i went at a bar no it's a it's like a it was like a circle k that like i don't know for some reason it's called the rusty lantern and so i went in and i got him he asked me if i could just get him cigarettes while i was in there and i was like sure and then we'll put a picture of it right here my buddy woodsy and my friend jonas moon pulled up we're like who's that guy sitting in jack's car because it was like it was like my car empty and then just like an older guy it's like a pretty small jeep too so he's just like taking up like most of it and um and i went

the guy was smoking a cigarette in my car i went in to grab something got him more cigarettes and then dropped him off at a kid's like house that i knew like he where he was going he was meeting the mom of a kid that and i was like oh i don't want to be like involved in this he was going to like meet up for like sex or like hanging out but like either way it was so he wasn't homeless he was meeting up for oral well no he like he looked he wasn't like living on the streets but it was clear he was there was he was a grifter of a drifter oh maybe he was a grifter maybe he was like he's like i could turn two thousand dollars into ten thousand dollars uh he was i'm sure i wish i could i'm not i'm kind of butchering this story he was like meeting up with at a house that

i knew okay like i knew the kid that lived there and he was like i'm going here and i was like really and he was like i'm meeting like someone's so-and-so's mom or that this person's mom for i would hope not for oral it also didn't make any sense like i remember just being like what are the odds that like it sounds like you just like gave a guy a ride you know what i mean yeah yeah uh did you get you got one of those hats chat made yeah wait this is insane so my i wore this hat yeah that's the rest this is a real thing that third one is the rusty lantern that's the one that i took him to this is this is not a dv show no the oh you thought i was like rusty lanterning you yeah no no the rusty lantern is just the whole

time wow i was at uh i was in columbia south carolina cover threes one time and uh good football watching bar yeah i guess i think they had something called a chug jug and i think i drank it and i don't remember what happened uh that's a fortnight thing yeah oh i know oh and oh they know oh i know i had full health after was it blue uh yeah it was anyway i was with sully murdoch just got engaged yeah you know no it's spelled different i was about to say if you're in south carolina and you're with any sort of murdoch you've made you've made a grave now this is this is the boy and he had a his fake id it was like from connecticut and the bouncer the bouncer at least bars in columbia would just be a college kid and he would just be like asking

it was like trivia for him he's like what's the capital like you know what i mean like it didn't matter like and so the guy goes he goes what's the capital connecticut and so he's like oh rhode island and he's like nope back of the line and so silly just i was like i'll go with him so we leave and we just get back in the back of the line and so we wait all through the line again get to the front again and the guy goes all right what's the capital connecticut and he goes hartford and he's like all right you're good the capital's new haven i'm pretty sure or whatever the one is what i don't know what look up what the capital it is hartford hartford is the capital you just said new haven yeah so then he said new haven and the guy was like you're good and at the

time i knew all the capitals and i was like that wasn't still wasn't you at all why yeah exactly Okay, he said New Haven, then the whole line. You had all line, and you still got it wrong, and the guy didn't know, so he still let you in. There's something so funny about, all right, again, what is the capital? And I'm going, Hartford. Or New Haven, I guess.

It's really funny. Those are the kind of guys that I like. Yeah, yeah. You're technically, like, he has a code, but it's his code. It has nothing to do with the law. It's not the law. Yeah, he's got his own standard for what allows you to drink at this bar. And it's also that kind of, Sully probably appreciated that first beer a lot more.

It was so funny. He was like, I had to go back. I had to do my due diligence. But I remember. I got it wrong. I remember, too, like, I was coming from Boston, which is just so much stricter that I was like, I walked in and they were like, oh, God. Like, that was just, like, something they deal with. I was like, that was the craziest interaction I've ever seen in the history of a bar.

Like, he just watched you walk to the back of the line, come up and try again. something get it wrong again and then let you in when i was at rollins we were at the porch porch as the locals call it yeah and there's like a back patio not a porch confusingly and weird and we're sitting we're sitting out there and it's like simple like family weekend for some reason like everyone's siblings were in town and one kid's i can't remember who but like one kid's brother like was complaining the whole weekend like he didn't have a fake id so he just couldn't come to any of the things we're like why did you even come and then we're standing on the back of the porch and uh and this kid just falls from the roof and like lands on the patio he had

like climbed up onto the roof and tried to like sneakily drop in and just completely like oh my god missed the angle and just like slammed in the middle of the thing and like stood up and was completely fine and the bouncers i think were like so confused where he came from yeah that they like kind of lost it was just like it happened so fast they were just like all right he can stay he's good he's with us he's with us kids used to go up on top of one of the car dealerships near the porch and hook up on the roof and i was like we all have apartments this is the first time in our life we're like there's you can't you can walk back to your house with any girl you want we're not any girl you want any girl that is uh wants to that's good that's a good cover well i

wasn't covering i just phrased it you can't obviously get you can't go home with any girl you want yeah unless unless you got a game like andy oh speaking of andrew you went to the spotify rap party last night what ask me ask me about meeting brooke abrick how was meeting brooke abrick it was great that was your guy's night wait what when was there a spotify rap we all got invited page sent us all the invite oh was that on slack slack or email or something wait you didn't see this it was like a some sort of event last night downtown i think i'm having a notifications issue because i've been missing way more like you were really good about it for a while i was on it well i'm still good on slack something's with up with my email anyway we met

brook everick yeah last night which was like insane because like i was super pumped because all day people were like tagging us with spotify wrapped and their top five podcasts it was always like bnc yeah like up there with us or whatever usually above them or below them we were usually it flip-flopped i would but we were usually like one and two yeah i would say i'll take that all day long yeah yeah yeah so um so literally like going into the event i was like talking my girlfriend i was like i hope brooke is there like that would be like insane do you listen to them uh i do yeah they were my number one oh wow yeah oh i didn't know that about you that i listened yeah yeah i mean i've stopped now that i've like started doing this job because now i just listen

to people talk all day where it's like the last thing i want to do when i go home is like put on a podcast yeah yeah doesn't that suck i used to listen to all sorts of podcasts me too just like yeah i know it does kind of bum me out i haven't listened almost friday in like forever yeah yeah do you think that brooke and connor like do you think we're in a similar genre as them i feel like we like people who listen to us usually listen to them and vice versa 100 yeah i think so yeah yeah i said a connor line one time on this podcast and like 10 people immediately clocked wait but how was your interaction yeah so anyway so yeah like as we're walking in i see her walk in in front of me and like i do like that creepy thing where like you're kind of like always around

them and you're like keeping tabs on them because i know from listening to the podcast she only goes to these events for like 10 minutes and then she goes home so i'm telling emily i'm like i'm with binder and i'm like dude i gotta go up to her like soon because like she could leave at any point yeah and so we're kind of like keeping eyes on her and everything like that because she was like constantly in a group of people like having like a good conversation which like is kind of the reason i hate weddings because like i hate stealing people away from conversation is this a wedding huh no he's saying i'm just saying oh it's the same like environment like you could ask to like cut in like an old timey dance like you go to whoever she's talking to and you're like can i

cut in tap him yeah exactly i should probably do that yeah sorry yeah i only miss i almost missed out on like dating my girlfriend because i refused to like talk to her at the wedding because she was constantly talking to someone and i didn't want to steal her away right and then she had to come up to me and be like why are you not talking to me and i was like oh shit how did what if you were just not interested you she was like why are you not talking to me no yeah and then i was just like i'm not interested but yeah that would have been why would i be talking to you why would i be talking to you what's your name who are you i'm drinking leave me alone why are you talking to me i'm hammered i'm trying to drink right now i'm trying to oh my god i was so like it's like

you have such a high tolerance that if you lose if you lose focus for even a minute oh my god i was so close yeah so you so anyway i was like two drinks in at this point i'm like okay i'm feeling good she was standing off to the side while our friends were getting a drink and i was like okay here i go so i went up to her and i was like hi i'm andrew i do the playdate pod with like will and rusty and i was like you got me back into reading and she was like oh no way and i was like yeah like i actually like started reading again because like how much you talk about like books and how much you love like all the stuff on the podcast and i was like you actually helped me meet my girlfriend and she was like no way and i was like yeah because you always talked

about this book a court of thorns and roses by sarah j moss and my fairy porn fairy porn which is all it is really and i was like really yeah it's just like smut straight up and uh and i was like i was like my girlfriend would post on her story all the time so when i met her for the first time i brought it up and i told her that i read it and i just said everything that you had said about the book on your podcast and she was like whoa that's insane and then we talked for like 30 more minutes after that i kept stealing her away she like eventually um like noelle miller cut in yeah and he was started talking to her and he was done talking to her i went to him and i was like dude you really got me into podcasting like i like listened to your podcast for like so long

and like now i'm doing it with will and rusty and like you inspired me so much and i could tell like it meant like a lot to him and um he like just ended tmg just ended tmg i know i know and i wasn't like i didn't know if i like should say something or anything but um i brought up you guys and i was like we'd love to have you on the podcast like we have this new office new set and he was like dude anytime like i'd love to come on that's great um you know we went on his yeah you guys went on his i think that's why they had to shut it down yeah they were like all right what are we doing it has nothing to do with anything else it was like no matter who was still working at that company the second we came on they'd be like we're above that oh because it happened to

the other pod too yeah oh my god every zack and waleed every pod we've gone on has shut down within six months every tmg pod that's why brooke and connor they don't want to have you they don't want to have us on or vice versa they're set i really like their set their sets amazing i'm jealous of i want a fireplace me too yeah i can't afford it i was thinking about setting up like a laptop for a christmas episode we can't afford it like a christmas eve night kind of i think we can afford laptops not we can't afford youtube premium nope what is that they got rid of youtube premium now we just have youtube minors youtube minus if youtube they pay you a little bit and there's so many fucking ads they pay you a little bit yeah um but anyway i got a picture with brooke i'll put

it right here nice um and i also got one on my film camera too that i have to develop but she lovely i know we have a lot of playmates who also listened to brooke and connor yeah and uh want to know what it's like to meet them she's lovely i've yet to meet connor but do you think that how do you think you did i binder told me i did great that binder said like brooke was like very enthralled in the conversation yeah as we're talking and i but i do feel like i like overstayed my welcome a little bit by talking to her for like 30 minutes okay but i think she was engaged like the whole yeah but yeah i'm sure so also with those she's like so nice i can't speak for her but sometimes when i'm at those events if uh i would rather be in a conversation than not like

there's sometimes where you're standing there and you're like oh my god because now i have to go find someone else to talk to you know what i mean so it's like if i'm with someone that is a fine conversation i'm fine to ride that out for them yeah wait how was zara larson incredible yeah like it was what is she saying what what'd you say what is she saying that i would know she does like lush life symphony i just want to be part of your symphony because i'm too messy now we're gonna be copyrighted i sounded so good on that yeah um she was great i it was crazy like i met like all my podcast heroes in one night who else like um i met a guy from the zach sang show which i listened to a ton growing up because i was really into like music still i am into music

there's a lot of like musicians like ariana grande who will only do interviews with like their show and nobody else yeah so they always have like role model went on them and i watched a little bit of that okay yeah i just i enjoy that i guess that is the advantage of guests is i've discovered a lot of shows because you're like like i have to listen to that exactly yeah i would be like really into one artist and i would just look watch every interview that they did and And I'd be like, oh, Zach's saying, ask really good questions. I'm going to watch his show, no matter who he has on. Because I know he's going to have a good conversation.

Have you seen that picture of Sean Evans and Kiki Palmer kissing? Mm-hmm. It's hilarious. Someone quote tweeted it and was like, this guy gets to do whatever the fuck he wants. I eat wings and I kiss Kiki Palmer. Get the fuck out of here. It's true. That's awesome.

Yeah. He kind of lives the life, man. He's living the life. this episode is brought to you by cash app willy what's the weirdest scam you've ever fallen for one time a man mailed me a fish and he said if you want more you better send some money and i gave him my life savings weird right but you know where that wouldn't happen is if i had just dealt with him on cash app your security deserves to be a priority and cash app treats it that way guys with security lock cash app requires a successful face id or biometric authentication

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profile at sign up and send five dollars to a friend within 14 days terms apply cash app is a financial services platform not a bank banking services provided by cash apps bank partner visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures this episode is brought to you by harry's i have had all sorts of razor nightmares in the past i'm talking right here especially for some reason it's only on this side but i will nick myself get razor burned there i've had i've had a couple collared shirts ruined because i what color white i guess mostly there will be blood coming from the thing, and my collar will rub on it and get blood on my collar, and then I've got to change shirts.

Jesus Christ. Why didn't you just get Harry's? That is done now with Harry's. Willie, tell them about Harry's. Have you ever maybe had a razor too dull or that it irritates your neck? The second part, mine usually are too sharp.

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tell them we sent you let's get back into the episode i think that that would be scary that like like i guess he makes tens of millions of dollars it doesn't matter but like i i just i feel like at some point i would be like i don't want to eat any more spicy wings yeah i think he i've read uh i actually know some inside hollywood circles do you prop wings prop wings it's all plastic wings or it's all like green screen no it's plastic it's like what kids use yeah if you look watch back watch back a hot ones he's just going right next to it that was like oh that's i wanted to make a sketch a while ago like a youtube sketch about like a big scandal in the nathan's hot dog eating contest and they find out that joey chestnut

has just been going like miming it next to his mouth it's like and there's like a hidden like zapruder film from the other angle that you've never seen you just got late uh my brother's fantasy punishment this year is however many hot dogs joey chestnut eats in the next hot dog competition they have to eat that amount of hot dogs for whatever duration you can't eat anything else can't eat anything else i like that yeah i like that jesus so it might be like a week yeah to eat 70 hot dogs like that's all you can eat for that whole week is hot dogs i have a i have a brutal fantasy matchup this week me and davis mosher or both uh mosher mosher or both who you know that is yeah i know the cape elizabeth crew yeah yeah sketchy phil nope

He's actually a Rollins buddy. Fuck! Sorry. People keep saying, Will, stop yelling. We're both 7 and 6, and we're playing this week, and my entire team, this is the one disadvantage of my entire, most of my starting lineup are just Patriots. So when the Patriots have a bye, it is not good for Jack.

Yeah, Nick Bosa. Oh, like when the Patriots have a bye? like your team's all patriots have you seen that that book that just came out where it's the bible but you click a button and donald trump's voice reads it no that's fucking awesome isn't that insanity yeah can you pull up like children's bible donald trump it you cannot believe the way they wrote it it's it's it's actually unbelievable i can't tell like who it's for i'm playing a guy in fantasy this week that i haven't beaten in four years jesus four straight years of losing to him every time we play each other like three times a year how small

is your league six man yeah we ran a six man last night it was so confusing it was crazy everyone forgets who's like i'm like oh and 12 against him have you oh here we go you know oh and 12 oh and watch i'm gonna slack this to you andrew this is gonna blow your mind this is the birth of jesus uh written and written in his voice and also narrated by him let's give it a shot the birth of jesus as narrated by your favorite president take this over to my liberal parents house for christmas this year and see how they react it's me donald trump with the best story because who do you want to hear the story of bethlehem from other than donald trump got beautiful illustrations so much modesty when they finally get to bethlehem it's totally sold out

like one of my luxury hotels this could be a serious gift for you or this could be a gag gift like it will be for my family if you want to get one of these it's absolutely hilarious i'm gonna link it down here i didn't even do it justice because she didn't click the button yeah he goes hey kids it's me donald trump with the best story ever which can't argue with him there but i mean yeah that's not real is it nope it's real it's ai the voice is ai but yeah yeah yeah the voice he probably had nothing to do with it but like approved it's sold out like one of my luxury hotels yeah probably i think that it's time that yeah people wake up here's the thing it's like it's like we're all we all have to go home to our stupid liberal family yeah i'm going to my

fucking all my libtard family what did she say i'm going over to my liberal parents house yeah i'm gonna fucking call them your parents i'm gonna own them do you imagine being like like if i'm hi liberal mom when i'm going home to my mom i'm like i'm going to my liberal house um yeah i think we need to get more books narrated about could you imagine like uh like jimmy carter during the quran uh am i missing something here george bush doing like catcher in the rye oh my god yeah john f kennedy doing um the uh the little rascals yeah john f kennedy doing point break john f kennedy doing tequila mockingbird john abraham lincoln doing john f kennedy now that abraham lincoln was gay was he really

they say he was black I'm being dead serious pull this out I don't think wasn't he a vampire killer that seems harder to prove they just say that he was black

I'm not saying they're like smart guys that are saying it I'm just saying there are people out there that are saying it Abraham Lincoln was black Lincoln

shut up I mean that that's not even remotely Abraham Lincoln that's just a black guy that's Frederick Douglass rumors of lincoln's alleged black racial heritage are considered unsubstantiated and have not been acknowledged by historians um why aren't they acknowledging it

because people are scared of the truth they say um they say babe ruth was black though like all his teammates knew he was a black man really yeah babe ruth was black apparently oh all right your sources are don't shit i don't like the new google it used to be like you had to kind of sift through to find the answer now it's like no babe ruth was not black he was born to parents of german ancestry but he said he was black at some point probably in private he had he's black in his privates oh that's how i read it wrong he was black in his privates i'm gonna uh put a link right here uh where you can donate to uh black privates rusty did you take any real college classes

because it sounds like every college class you took which it was a liberal arts school right so you take strange classes i took all sorts of real classes i took uh i took statistics i took uh like spanish classes okay i took uh i think i had to take like a calculus class but i just didn't know how to do it i took i took economics classes uh i failed one that's the only i've failed two classes in my life one and or no i've not completed two classes in my life and both were economics damn i always signed up or i always tried to sign up for a kink class it was like a class on like kinks and fetishes what i could never get in i was always waitlisted you're not freaky enough

i'm not freaky enough you lost the freak or maybe i was too freaky you think the finals are a freak off i i will help oh my god i think oh like an orgy i took a uh an art class that was but that was probably my most real class did you have to do nude art drawing no no i wasn't doing the art we were we were it was a renaissance to modern art class we looked from the renaissance all the way to styles of art like the late 1800s i took a painting class so i gotta show you my painting i had some fucking i was making some i was painting some straight heat wait what's the kink class it was over like kinks and fetishes and who's that what is that what are you learning like how the human brain operates and psychology and society and um yeah what are they podcasting no what do

you do you actually have one rock hard right now yeah i like um like you don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable but i just want to know do you have one um yeah like three guys be serious do you have a kink willie i don't really i'm kind of kinkless uh how could you be so kinkless i don't know if i have a kink i don't think so i feel like it would be hard to find out without like trial and error you know what i mean like i think that's part of it if you're just do if you're just if you're just having wait i just you gotta look at my final project for my art my painting class i got mind you i got an a in this class my teacher was a fucking idiot no he was actually really nice i don't know i think he just like liked me

what wait is that a horse biting another horse no it's wait zoom in on it it's a horse smoking a cigarette yeah it's a horse smoking a cigarette or something there's kind of something there you know what i mean like as far as we're in a time now where technical ability is not the most important thing sure yeah yeah would i buy it sure i don't know i think i threw it out flan tried to throw out her her paintings from uh from usc and i kept them i mean it's kind of beautiful why is that everyone because her thing is a snake smoking a cigarette was that just like what was on the mind of college kids back then yeah we had like just discovered cigarettes we're like imagine if a snake was smoking one i think yeah i think it i think i was it's an awesome hat

where'd you get that dude that was my thing it was the clean coal that was like my nickname in high school because i wore that hat all the time like and i wore it every golf match and then i lost it and then i found a new one on ebay the amount of clothes that we had and lost that were of the coolest clothes i've ever owned yeah i should get another clean call it was like this failed idea like in like the early 2000s that they could like clean coal before they burned it so it wouldn't hurt the environment and like wash it yeah it was like literally they would like wash coal before they burned it did it work no it was it was like well the technology never existed it was like an idea it's like instead of moving to renewable energy it's like we just have to invest

in clean coal and i think in like the 2008 election cycle would have been like the peak of like people promoting it but i think it kind of never came to fruition obama shut it down obama nathan rufino had this sick enron hat because his mom used to work there who uh enron no we know the company who's nathan rufino yeah a guy went to college oh oh oh sorry jack kelly yeah yeah yeah well i can usually never remember people's names but for some reason i remembered his yeah i haven't talked to him in probably 10 years um but it was a sick enron hat and it was the last thing his mom gave to him before she went to jail forever did she actually go to jail yeah did you hear about this enron stuff yeah of course forever did you hear about

the enron stuff like andrew just found out wait name i'm kidding she didn't first and last name the most random guy you can think of from your childhood uh and we'll compare arthur anderson nicholas gene ben lewaldy who has the best one you know that oz perlman guy that like can read people's minds i always think if i ever meet him i'll think of ben lewaldy oh don't say that now he'll find this there's no way he would ever know ben lewaldy like no he'll find it from the pot that's how he does it you know those when you text people and they're like i'm so hungry i could eat or they'll be like yeah we were my siblings and i were just going around like naming the randomest people from our childhood and when i sent that one i got all sorts of like reactions

people were like whoa how'd you even remember that guy that's funny i'm gonna go pee okay if that's okay some people call them aura frames i just call them frames because i got aura but uh seriously it's the hidden gem that becomes the favorite gift long after that wrapping paper's gone come on or a frame is people we are officially deeming it the playdate goaded gift of the season playdate go to give us we've both gifted already too yes we've already given out too and we hope they keep sending them to us so we can just keep giving them out and then i'll never have to get any presents so thank you or frames they are they are perfect it is the perfect balance between

a personal gift but it doesn't feel over the top and you have we even said what it is okay i'm gonna break it down for you yeah because i i just set up my second one of the season yep you get the box you scan the qr code on the back you load whatever photos you want in there then when the person you give it to plugs it in it is ready to go and it's just a digital picture frame that just shuffles through the best memories you've ever made in your life they're also if you if if like one comes up that you don't want to see because it'll automatically do it but you can also swipe did you see the uh i got like a text when i set mine up it's like hey if you ever want to add a photo to your frame just text it here what yeah it's like a phone number that it was

just like i i yeah oh that's sick for a limited time save on the perfect gift by visiting oraframes.com to get 35 off or as best selling carver mat frames named number one by wire cutter by using promo code playdate at check also named number one by playdate it's kind of annoying that they don't mention that yeah i know that's weird they should update that's a u r a frames.com promo code playdate this duel is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast so orders so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply this episode is brought to you by tushy tushy if you know a hole stuffing slot gravy spout santa's coal hole they're only naughty words if you wipe come on

they're only naughty words if you wipe i'm gonna give my butt a little dignity all right i feel like my butt i've been treating my butt like a old-timey warrior where i thought maybe being harsh on it would make it stronger and no i found out it deserves to feel good i'm gonna be real if you guys know anything about my butthole you know that i've been using tushy for two years now and you can tell you can tell when i walk in a room there is little to no stench anymore uh it is it's truly a game changer um not to mention i don't buy like i buy almost no toilet paper now yeah i need a little bit to dry my bum off after but that's it uh guys 99 of people who wash with tushy wave feel cleaner and fresher after going to the bathroom did you know that it attaches

right to your existing toilet you don't need any additional plumbing yeah it's like just plug and play and you know every hello tushy bidet comes with a 30-day hassle-free return and a 12-month warranty nice yep the only thing easier than getting a tushy is telling your friends how great it is i'm serious it's two-in-one benefits it reduces irritation and it prevents micro tears right micro tears and micro tears for when you wipe too hard and it hurts i get sometimes little micro tears my eyes well up and that doesn't happen oh if you switch to tushy use 80 percent less tp that means no more clogged toilets no more wasting money it does a worse job of cleaning your body anyway remember a-hole is only a naughty word if you wipe for a limited time our listeners

get 10 off their first bidet order when you use code playdate10 at checkout that's 10 off your first bidet at hellotushy.com with promo code playdate10 let's get back into the episode what are you guys worried about most like in the next year oh that's actually a good question what am but personally or like on a macro macro all right let's make a list of people we think are gonna die next year and if you get one right you get a dollar okay all right uh no that's so sad jerry jones i would say to answer your original question i think there's gonna be like a i think there's gonna be like a recession soon oh i wish i'm that's why i put that's why i don't know how that i don't know how i'm putting all my money into cameras at all

think about it if there's a recession people are gonna want a picture people are gonna want to look you won't be able to keep your eyes off the camera if i get enough cameras i'll never have to work again yeah and it's way yeah i guess you could start like a camera like the largest camera rental or a museum or a muse it's just all new okay you could only get your hands on like this year i'm doing a camera museum guys i'm quitting and i'm starting to go to the camera museum if you told me that if you're like hey i'm quitting i'm gonna start a camera museum i not even for my own selfish reasons i'm like trying to get you to stay i would like to say i would like think i'd like get you professional help i'd be like he's having a he's having a breakdown i want to like

start a business we kind of have one i know but they own all our they own us they own our souls right there's a trinet glitch happening right now nice if you go it now it just says you've made way more money than you have this year and i opened it up and i was like holy shit but it's uh it's not the right number i would like to start about my taxes do you think that we could start a business together yeah i mean you have a business degree i have a business i'm a business management guy i'm a leader of men yeah so i think i think we got to figure out what our businesses no that's like the least it well it all all that matters is that we both want to do it yeah of course i think we could okay if we were gonna sell one thing what do you think it

would be oven mitts oven mints oven stinky oven no longer or like embarrassed to open your oven in public because it stinks oven mints oven mints baseball mints we corner the whole market what other types of myths are there the secret life of walter minty mint romney if we ever do start a bar the mint romney has to be on there i will have a heineken and for the lady perhaps a mint rum i was you're welcome i was telling when i uh when we were doing like a family photo like everybody yeah photographer was coming over and uh so i had to put i had to put on like a

nice shirt and tuck it into my khakis or whatever and i was i looked like i was saying i looked like chunk romney because my shirt was a little too i pick i packed the wrong button down so it was like a size too small and i was saying i looked like chunk romney and my stepmom goes i met chunk romney and i was like what she just like she had met like one of the sons or whatever and just assumed like that and i was like no that one's made up you didn't meet chunk romney what are the romney boys names it's like tag tag romney taggart matthew joshua benjamin craig okay so they're all normal except for the shout out the chain smokers willie i have a question did you keep your facial hair for thanksgiving i trimmed it but yeah i didn't shave it you trimmed it

yeah did your mom like it she was okay with it okay did she say something about it yeah she was like oh okay mountain like a mountain man you gave me all sorts of flack one time i like shaved before i was going home and i was like uh i said like yeah like when i'm at when i'm at home like someone would like make a comment if i had a beard and you were like that's crazy really yeah you and billy like got on my ass oh i'm sorry that's okay i'm growing i'm learning but now that you've like now that you can grow it yeah my mom would say something you kind of get it yeah i don't even know how i'm just like i've never done it so i'm gonna try it for the winter but i think you you just gotta persist yeah the here is there i know it's just like this it's kind of grody it's not

grody it's just it hasn't grown in yet once it's pulled up jada jason tatum before his beard connected put a pull up deuce tatum elementary school highlights he solves this one equation it's insane he does this multiplying an equation yeah see how his beard didn't connect for a while yeah yours will connect i mean he's like our age i think he's younger than us all right he's 27 have you ever seen his how to tie a tie video jason yes yeah yeah it's like from when he was in high school yeah what it's very funny it's just like a video he uploaded to youtube when he was like a kid hi i'm jason taylor today i'll be showing you how to tie it This is how you start off.

Isn't he a Springfield, Missouri legend or something? Yeah. St. Louis. You do that twice. He's tying a four in hand. Is that a double Windsor? I believe he's doing a four in hand. That's the name of a tie?

Yeah. The four in hand is... was you saying four in or four four in hand now i've only ever done double windsor you know how to do a double windsor oh yeah that's i'll never forget like i went to catholic school for middle school so i had to wear a tie every day and uh my dad would just do it for me every morning and then one one week like he went on a business trip and i hadn't really thought of it and it was like monday morning like time to go and i was like oh my fucking god i was like new to the school and i was like too embarrassed to like show up and like ask and my mom was like i

have no idea so i was like in my room watching youtube videos like freaking out and i figured it out like the double isn't the double windsor like kind of like you you learn to run before you learn to walk i don't know uh yeah i don't really know the class i just do the i just do the whatever the i think the windsor is like the standard i do like the easiest one no that one's like all sorts of mine mine's like the one that's literally just one over through and down yeah i think that's what mine i don't know maybe it's i don't know you might have done a four in hand pull up a pull up a four in hand not i feel like this is a prank you keep saying it no no four in hand or maybe it is four in hand not i always thought it was like four in hand like you were

holding four different parts of the die yeah that's like that's how i did this is just the normal yeah four in hands not that's what i do well i feel like that might be what i do then you definitely that's like that's like the standard one got it and uh so what the fuck's a double windsor then a double windsor is like the one that's a perfect trying it's a crazy thick knot double windsor knot is next level that also looks like what i do well they all they all at the end look like a tie yeah whatever dude do you have any money andrew sorry i'll drop the bit um did you go to all boys high school all tall boys high school all tall boys no i went it was just seventh and eighth grade i went to a catholic school but it was not all boys oh there were girls

too yeah i was valedictorian wow they had that in middle school we had 13 people in our correct our grade it was easy to keep tabs on who was yeah school with 13 people there were 13 people in my eighth grade class yeah i feel like that would really mess me up like mentally i mean look what happened to willie yeah i mean look at me i mean i went to public high school then but yeah but yours wasn't yours you still had to get into your high school yeah so it was like the best it was the best of the best were you really far behind because i remember the kids that went to catholic school growing up that then went to public high school like didn't know what like an atom was no it was a good here's the thing i'm like not getting like they just like didn't have

science like yeah because they were taking too many religious classes that they didn't know what like molecules or atoms like they refused to teach them science so they were like what's an atom what's a molecule in like ninth grade biology no we still learned science also it in south carolina the public education was really really really bad yeah and so i honestly was probably more prepared than a lot of kids who had gone to public high school oh interesting but also the way my height well i get on my soapbox about it but it was like an inherently flawed system that i participated in so i can't really say much but like you have a choice yeah sure i mean i applied and got into the school but it's basically they take all the the quote-unquote smartest kids which

is like half of that is maybe you're smart but the other half is like you have involved parents that are driving you to right there you had like go in person to take a test and then go in person to do like a writing sample to like get into the school that's a public school yeah that's a public magnet school so it's like sure it's like smart kids but it's also just kids who have like uh you know the ability to like have their parents take time out of their work day and take them to go do this and so it just funnels like you know smart but also just like well-off kids into one high school that is like the magnet school and then because that is successful they can justify not investing in any of the other public schools so all the other public schools

like the public school there was a public high school right by my house that i was zoned for that was it's like one of the worst rated public schools like it's failing because like every kid is that has the option to and ability to based on their family situation goes somewhere else yeah and so and it's like yeah would you have been able to get into bc you think from that school i mean if i had like maybe i don't know i probably would have been underprepared because i think the teachers like i think it's this people don't want to work there yeah and so it's probably just a worse i don't know also it's like if you're the one kid who's like maybe over you know prepared in that context it's hard to like for a teacher to like keep up with i don't know yeah

that was always confusing about like i don't know if it was like this in other states but there were there were schools where other public schools in in maine that the valedictorian of that school like he you did as well as you could do at that school couldn't get into schools that kids from like our school were getting into that were like b students yeah just because they the colleges were like oh that means nothing there and it's like what do you want him to do like you got you you're a 4.0 student at your school and you can't get into like a a decent no it's school because they don't value well i mean we we had like a lot of students at texas A&M that came from like farm towns yeah and they were like valedictorian but then they were failing

like oceanography freshman year of college you know there's like levels to this and like yeah sure you did the best you could but like you can't fail oceanography well that's what is ocean where is oceanography like a famously yeah what is yeah what the hell is oceanography you said that like that was like the baseline yeah like it was like that is like an easy class like notoriously oceanography oceanography it's like it sounds hard to be honest i never yeah but you put that brother in a in a cropography class yeah farmology true we did have poultry science there i mean the ocean science poultry science yeah like study of chickens like von miller that's what his degree was in poultry science poultry science yeah and he's like a chicken like von

miller has like a chicken farm now in texas putting his degree to use it's more than either of us could say yes wait but i still i'm a little hung up on this you like talking down on people failing oceanography the ocean is like unbelievably vast i feel like that like the science of the ocean sounds like pretty daunting it was an entry level course like a 100 level course was there a specific kid you knew from a farm town that failed oceanography like you you do or were all the farm Was that like a common trope of farm kids? I remember Sterling. She was valedictorian of her small town that my sister-in-law is also from, actually.

And she lived in my floor at the dorms. Was she partying? She was constantly complaining. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There were all sorts of smart kids that got to... She was constantly complaining about how hard this oceanography class was. And it was like the grade distribution was like 98% of students got A's.

Oh, okay. It was like a notoriously easy class at A&M. But if anybody took oceanography at A&M, let me know if it was easy or not. I took apes again. I think I took environmental science. I took apes in high school. And we went to – or no, maybe I took honors environmental science. And I went to – we just would go to the beach.

I remember my apes teacher – What are we doing right now? That was the weirdest thing about, about some of these, like we had some teachers that took it so seriously and it was like the hardest thing I've ever done. And then there were other teachers where it was just like, we're just going to go outside. Yeah. That was always, I got screamed at by my apes teacher. It was like, I was dicking.

I was, by senior year, I was dicking around so much. I was just goofing. And, uh, at one point she was like, stop, stop. You're not like, this is my fucking class. You're not like Mr. Funny guy. Like shut the fuck up. or like something like she actually like cursed at me and stuff and i remember having this moment like this has gone too far like i i think she's right and i'm scared oh i think i was shut down

for the rest of my life and that yeah it was i was really embarrassed the worst feeling is them you're like i'm like crushing it yeah comedically and then a teacher just being like shut the fuck up yeah we one of our spanish teachers took my friend chris up in front of the class and scolded him in front of everyone and like did a psa like stop because he was like totally the ring leader of our group and we were like and it backfired on her because we all just loved him so much that we were like we were gonna make your life i remember my physics teacher mr canonic had like this black rod thing that was supposed to be like a magnetic rod thing but he like turns it on it starts vibrating and jed gatewood goes i think my mom has one of those and even mr canonic

started laughing that's so funny we had uh what do you what it was it was it was supposed to be what it was some like magnetic thing for physics or something i don't know but it vibrated yeah did your teacher ever do where do you get it where did he get it answers you know like a zoomies logo uh science like you guys ever do that thing where like one kid touches like the electric ball and then there's like a huge like chain of kids holding hands and they like the current like goes through everyone and like zaps the last kid that in hindsight is like an insane thing to like because the kid doesn't know at the end that he's gonna get shocked wait what pull up like did you do this science teacher like electricity chain

it's like a like some new drip for science teachers it's a chain that says electricity a huge bolt yeah no i mean watch this just that first one this is definitely is there something you did or you just have seen this happened at our school i wasn't in the class are yet again holding hands and they just love each other so much oh my no josh is holding us at a 500 000 volt charge and now our chair is starting to blow and so alex is going to give him a fist bump and everybody is going to be so happy alex whenever you're ready go wait that's awesome never mind i'm back on board i yeah what i remember it being i remember it being different have you ever seen the one where they're doing some physics project where a guy's

holding like a cinder block and a teacher like has a hammer yeah he's going to hit the cinder block but he hits the guy right in the nuts you've seen that no they're like this guy was immediately physics teachers are always like the fucking wackiest people of all time oh my god miss desbro is tripping bro oh there's my professor tatiana that was your professor the odds of that uh i don't know like you like you made it that's actually your professor yeah that was my professor in college i did like a video on her my senior year on her she's like viral on uh tiktok it looked like it was that first one this one is this it i don't know if i mean it's the caption was iron balls teacher

i ever saw you had a teacher one time who was a world champion hot air balloon racer how do you race them that's what i said so he race up what no no it's uh who can get furthest from the starting point oh i think you did so it doesn't matter where what direction you go it was just they'd all go straight up and be like all right see it was like everyone has six days that sounds like a blast dude he said it was crazy but oh here we go oh my fucking god you just kept going oh play that again oh no

oh my god it's a sledgehammer but the front is an axe no the back yeah oh my

fucking god i mean props to him being like i'm not i'm not this isn't gonna all be for nothing like they're gonna finish it jesus yeah oh good freeze my fucking god they paid me the medium bugs that's why we had a one of our physics teachers when i was like a sophomore two of the kids were trying to pull their senior prank on him and there's like in the science rooms they're like the showers in case you get like acid on yourself you never really pull the lever this kid i think his name was randy zow was gonna longboard in and like pretend to fall and then the professor was gonna go and like try and help him and when he was under there another kid was gonna come up and pull the

jesus the shower on him and he fell immediately knew what he was doing and when the kid went to pulled the thing he like grabbed him by the arm and flipped him onto a table yeah you get fired now oh yeah i did i used to do the like i would go like do you like that yeah you did like that how'd that go in like my science teacher's class he actually just died like a month ago my high school science teacher yeah i just found out died of cancer kind of sad i was at a professor in college that just died of cancer sorry this is kind of a bummer i got uh my i got an email sent home one time because a kid in front of me farted and i could not stop laughing and so the science teacher excused me from chemistry

class yeah he's like just come back when you can stop laughing and i came back now i just couldn't i was gone for like 20 minutes and i came back and i just couldn't stop laughing and he sent my dad an email like jack had an uncontrollable case of the giggles today and it was like that's not my fault like you can't if we're like in public and someone like farts into it was like those ceramic chairs you know like yeah like they're it's like a magnifying glass or an amplifying someone it was the it was the volume of like a gun going off and everyone else was like mr maturity and like kept it together and i was like how is how are you guys not laughing it's like at least doing a beaker right we had a girl who had a sneezing fit and couldn't stop sneezing for 20 minutes like i'm

not i'm not exaggerating like a chew a chew a chew a chew for 20 minutes straight and the teacher had to excuse her and then she just never came back to class yeah ever again ever again ever again never saw her oh my god my life she got like embarrassed and was just like i'm good yeah i guess dude i think like died i don't know i've been getting like my german class i think my like stress dreams are still tied to like school for some reason so i got like stress that i had this like the other night i was asleep i woke up and i was like oh my god like there was a class that i'd been taking all semester that i just hadn't been going to and now i was gonna fail that's like a common one i just saw it's really apparently it's it's the like we were when when your brain is

developing the and the only like real stress that we're facing is like school based that's how you like compartmentalize it like as an adult my dad said he's my dad is 60 years old and he still says he'll wake up in the middle of the night that he like has a test he didn't study for last night this is actually really funny i forgot about this until just now last night i had i got a great night's sleep last night nice 88 nice i was very happy and i woke up and i'm legend legend is that what you said i uh i i had this like intense dream about i uh i was in this class and like this is gonna say there was we were like smoking a brisket it was like all everything that happened in high school was like i worked at a barbecue place and smoking a brisket and then like

the final assignment was to make like the perfect brisket taco and you're like oh my god i couldn't get it i couldn't figure it out i was having some something was going on as i melt down and willie simon was there and he nailed it and i was like fuck and i was so mad and i wake up and i was like oh my god a crazy dream and lauren was like yeah i had a crazy dream too she was like like i was with you and like i forget what it was but it was like kind of like cute and i was like yeah i had taco homework and willie simon nailed it do you think it's like you were nowhere to be found do you think it's like my taco teacher was a bitch there's a new willie at the company and you're like worried that like he's gonna like he's gonna come in and have some like awesome

rice pilaf joke and everyone's gonna forget about it i'm gonna tell him that it's yeah he's never been in my dreams before but i got banned from our brisket class at a and i'm not this is like not a real like no this is like not a fake thing they had a brisket making class that was really exclusive at Texas A&M is like they're the number one like meat maker meat smoker in the country or something and this professor is like this legendary guy and you can only get into his class if you have an in and my uh roommate's mom like took his class way back when so he's like if you ever want to take the class like totally fine just like we'll meet him sometime and he'll let you in and so I was like okay great and then we happened to get really drunk at a college tailgate

at one of the games at one of the football games tailgates and i don't know why i said college tailgate like yeah so there i was at college tailgate i was at college tailgate so uh that's like another fever dream like i was stuck at college tailgate i was with college tailgate but we got really drunk at a football tailgate and uh again unnecessary he was like i got really drunk at a tailgate and uh my buddy was like oh here's my brisket professor oh and apparently i just made a complete ass of myself and he was like never he can't take my class yeah you gotta risk it for the brisket sometimes can you pull up that video of the guy who orgasms like a hundred times a day and it's like ruining his life that's what that's the sneezing that's what i'm picturing

the sneezing girl there's a guy who can't stop orgasming and it's it's really sad but it is pretty funny this can't be real yeah this guy oh god they happen at all times in any situation they happen when i'm awake they happen when i'm asleep they happen in the shower what he slipped a disc in his back there's nothing pleasurable about it because even though it might physically feel good the whole time inside your mind you're completely disgusted by what's going on i mean it it can make a person break real fast When you're on your knees at your father's funeral At his casket

And you're saying goodbye to him And you have nine orgasms Right there While your whole family is standing behind you It just makes you never want to have another orgasm As long as you live I just try to take one day at a time hopefully someday someday buddy will come up with something because I would like to get back to my normal life one day

oh my god you're at your father's a near constant erection your father's casket your orgasm nine nine times keep playing the first one again I just want to watch the first one again just start just click the replay button this is the best one oh god they happen at all times in any situation they happen one more time no no no i'm gonna get my orgasm on oh god jesus christ oh they happen at all times me after one situation they happen when i'm awake they happen when i'm asleep they happen in the shower

all right should we do our drafts after one quarter's late oh my god that guy rocks oh oh my god oh my god rollins college student arrested after rifle ammunition found on school property jesus luke just texted me this guy was on rowing team he let me use the rest of his dining dollars senior year oh my god wait that means he graduated and went back with a rifle he ordered ammo to the rollins package locker so you know those things where you like scan your card and then like a thing opens up yeah he ordered ammo to that damn that was all right should we do sayings that don't exist or reindeer that don't exist sayings maybe we'll start with sayings these are more sayings that don't exist

a backwards hat's a wasted brim it's sometimes if you're trying to be too cool you miss out on the necessary functionality of something that is so don't try to be too cool that's fantastic that's the first one i know it's gonna be hard to follow that one up you know what's funny is our last viral clip or one of them you were wearing that exact same sweatshirt really so w could be could be shout out my grandpa all right squeezing the lime and hoping for orange juice sometimes luck isn't enough uh you need to set yourself up for success using the shade to hide your shadow people are going to see it eventually so if there's something that you're trying to hide just embrace it own it you know what i mean the shade's gonna go away and everyone's gonna see

your shadow at some point so you might as well just own it those might be like two of your better ones of all time yeah that is unbelievable um rolling through stop signs someone who's ignoring all the the things that are telling them that they're heading down a bad path in life yeah so like if you're drinking a lot and you're gaining gaining a ton of weight and your skin's whatever and you're like that guy's rolling through stop signs he's not seeing the effects of what he's doing I like that

cube won't cut your hands sometimes if you're flipping around or in between your fingers or whatever obviously like you have to be more focused on what you're going to achieve if you're ever going to get there like a Rubik's cube no wait cube won't cut your hands

that was a prank one i did a prank one to see if you guys would think you're like losing your mind i was like yeah i did also i was really confused i only i had two that were so money i couldn't it was funny i was like that kind of makes sense like yeah i get it yeah you won't cut my hand putting the shoe on before the sock there are some things that you need to do in a particular order or else you're not going to be able to do them correctly damn right uh and then i had a problem today where usually i feel like i'm coming up with like sentences that have never been said that are saying these are like things that i that have definitely been said but i don't i think in

this context are good like i agree if you're not feeling your best you can say i'm playing a man down today i like that uh clear the search history when like a line of thinking is like not getting you anywhere so you just need to like start from scratch and go from there yep i need to clear my search history i've been looking up a bunch of like booby honking booby honking that'd be like a that'd be like worse to get caught with like if someone like went on your phone instead of like just normal porn it was just like a guy like all right these are reindeer that don't exist tristan slasher stupid whisker saggy horse shit Fomer

Clitson Rudolph's brother was named Adolf but they had to get him out for PR reasons Andrew Nelson did you like that? did you like Clitson? with Dasher and Prancer

and Rudolph and Clitson alright we love you guys have a great rest of your Wednesday have a great weekend and we will see you bright and early on Monday yeah if there's just one thing I could say for everyone out there having a Wednesday live it up