Will & Rusty's Playdate - a very playdate christmas

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

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Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Alright, we are going. Play date! Christmas! We wish us a Merry Christmas. You wish us a Merry Christmas. You wish us a Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year.

So let's talk about it. Santa came last night. Wait, no, this is Christmas Eve. No, I'm saying Santa came early. For us here at the studio. oh i was walking in all right if here's i'm gonna start doing disclaimers wait can i read your slack yeah start because this is how but if you're eating anything if you're eating anything put it down just for a couple minutes it's not gonna like ruin the whole day but it's like you probably

don't want to be eating right now i am coming in we're supposed to record at eight it's 808 i'm on the way in whipping my mobile uh i actually drove today for the first time ever nice uh you were still late yeah it's it's just it takes just as long to drive as it does to bike this episode is brought to you by cash app put my money in a safe it's cash app time slack from rusty warning there is to the entire company 74 members of the slack channel warning there is quite possibly the biggest spray job of poop on the sidewalk outside of the office watch your step on the way in it gets worse my birkenstocks are in the trash because of it i was dying so mad i was so i here's it gets worse i was uh waiting to cross the street

and i went to go push the button yeah and i almost fell over because my like i like blew a tire like when my when my birkenstock hit the ground it like slipped out from under me and i was like I knew exactly what it was because there was so much cushion I was like I either stepped on like so you stepped on like full turd full like he there was one like perfect squirt of poop across the street and I was like this day can't get any worse so I'm walking in and then when I'm crossing the street I'm like oh my god it's like the the smell is getting like stronger like how is that even possible and i look up there is a six foot radius of like shit sprayed in like all different directions and a huge puddle of just liquid poo in the gutter and i was like that it it the only

expedition we went out there we all went out there just we all just came in from examining it and we were doing some like forensics on how it could have happened but yeah carry on my initial thought was you know when you have like such bad diarrhea that you like it like stings and you have to like move around like you're on the toilet and you're like yeah yeah if you're if you're pooping in public you're not confined to the toilet he probably i was like he's he was spinning around in a circle in pain there was an interesting there was a theory brought up by a member of our team sean which is the tree theory as we're calling it yes is it it was just at the base of a tree and the radius again the radius is so wide that it couldn't have come out of one singular

butthole from the ground level but had the person been up in the tree like a monkey it could have hit and splattered it could have just kind of rained down like that yeah there's i it also there were no uh there were no like like uh solid no it was it was like they it what however it did it hit the ground with some force yeah or it just came out that way yeah i have there's something about our street that homeless guys in santa maria go oh perfect i've had to poop all day i think it's because like most of this area is like storefronts and then our block is kind of just like building office buildings and apartments so it's like you know what i mean they turn off the main drag i thought this is my pocket and it's my you're in the fly i'm in my fly you got

move on no no the thing about it is that like there are some theories about you know what direction it went but it's a perfect circle it is a perfect circle that's where it's like and and the big chunk is right in the middle so it has to come from the tree theory yeah yeah but like he'd have to be incredibly agile to be able to it's a palm tree for context there's nothing to grab onto yeah yeah yeah yeah he wasn't in a douglas fir no oh god forbid if it was a douglas fur it would be uh christmas clothes yeah black and white our work here is yeah it was i i don't know what uh i don't know what the people that are pooping on our street are eating but it is it's always a hue of brown that i've that i didn't even know existed well you know when we're right

in between a coffee shop and a mexican jamaican fusion place so i think there's you got the jerk combo yeah and then he went for an iced americano combo and a shot of espresso and open the flood gates you know when you know when they're like uh you know they say like seahorses have cones in their eyes that they're able to see they have more cones than us so they can see cones so like the way the way i'm gonna butcher this but the way that we like see color is we have like cones in our eyes that like accept light or can like process it and then that tells us what color something is they apparently have like if we have like eight they have like a hundred or something so they think that there are colors out there that we can't see that seahorses could see or

like some other animal so i think that like like girl kind of like what remember i pitched you that color girl what is it it's really hard to describe if you haven't seen it it's like almost impossible it's sort of yeah i can't even but that is every i feel like a seahorse every time i see a homeless poop on our street where i'm like i would never have even dreamt of that color until now it was yeah and maybe that's girl that's girl it smelled so bad should we move on to christmas time i do want to point out too this is not only the third time that this has happened yeah we live in a high density uh shit area yeah yeah but two different offices too because remember when lucas oh my god yeah remember when lucas stepped in oh and he tracked it all over the office brought it into

the office yeah so that was three times in two different offices do you remember at the last office when we had the rats and then one day uh lucas's bottle of adderall had been eaten through and they'd eaten all his adderall and the same day joe came in he was like i had a bar of mushroom chocolates on my desk that has been fully eaten seriously no both are this so they're full prescription of adderall and a full bar of mushroom chocolate well you could tell because all the rat shit was like perfectly in a line yeah they were working overtime they were fucking they were editing my clips yeah we come and they've been like doing a podcast no they probably actually had like insane mental breakdowns right i can't even i mean that would be think about

taking an adderall the size of your head and then taking and then taking a dose of mushrooms the size of your body i'd write the craziest essays yeah give or take adderall in college yeah i uh i didn't like it i i think i liked it too much so i so i retired we i was only using it for studying that we're using it recreational mostly you know mostly for study yeah i definitely dabbled recreationally and those are some of the worst days of my entire life yeah i'm not proud of that at all but it is funny though like i like not not studying like all year or like not really going to library all year and then being like oh i'll just take like a bunch of adderall and do it all at once it's just never really i i think i just liked the feeling of being on adderall and

i don't think it ever actually really helped that much for me yeah because i would just get really really excited like it made me really dialed in on things i cared about which sometimes there'd like a class where like it it really worked and i wrote the best essay i'd ever written uh but sometimes i would just like plan a trip or something or like come up with i remember one time i got really i was really upset about like the fan support for bc football and i was on adderall and it was like three in the morning and i was like i'm gonna revitalize this like this fan section and i wrote a bunch of like chants like i i'm not even kidding i spent hours in the library

until like 5 a.m. when I definitely had like a thing due that night coming up with like all the new chants I was going to introduce to reinvigorate our student section

the following football season. Oh my God. And the only one I remember which is so funny. I was just thinking about this recently. It was our house

in the middle of B.C. Kind of could have gone hard. That could have been cool. Like a big crowd in the middle of B.C. score our house in the middle of bc uh but yeah i would get really or i write songs a lot that was what i would like because you just hyper fixate on like every part of it and i would come out like i just wrote the song of the year yeah i'm gonna i i don't even need to turn this in because the

song's gonna make me a billionaire yeah i mean when i was you remember when i was like friends with noah khan for like a day in that time there was one night in like the time period that we were texting where i was like up on adderall and i was like i i i wrote this song like i i want you to hear it and i i sent him a song at like three in the morning a recording of me singing a song and he responded the next morning he was like this is great man keep it up but like i was like so anxious but yeah i mean i'm sure it was fine there was a playmate that uh sent a screenshot that their number one song for the year was your song really dancing through the dark or something right dancing that's a dancing dance you don't give a fuck about me dance you through the dark

dance you through the dark it's okay thank you whoever that was yeah that was yeah that was their number one song they said that they want you to make more music you ain't broke you're broken hard would you get back into that yeah i feel like this fall has been the busiest stretch of three or four months of my entire life um but i would love to get back into making i want i think i need to start if i'm gonna make more music i want to like start with the i want to write something that i'm really proud of like on my own and then take it to someone and be like how do we make this and i think i was doing it the wrong way where i was like going into the studio with like a loose idea and then be like let's figure it out and i just think that i want to be more

authentic to me and more lyric forward because i don't want to be like writing the lyrics in studio because then i feel like it comes out as not as real you're kind of like juice world in a way i would say i'm like juice world in a lot of ways actually because i just talked about doing drugs and yes yeah exactly yeah you guys both did adderall you guys both would go into the studio make the song right there um you guys both have dreads yeah a lot is the same i am like juice world i would say yeah what'd you ask for for christmas i haven't asked for anything i don't i was kind of waiting for my parents to like be like what do you want yeah yeah but did you ask lauren for anything no did you get her anything yeah you can say it because this will come out

unless it's like lingerie or something it's lingerie oh yeah what this doesn't come out until the christmas eve i think yeah so i'm gonna give it to her next week um i got her a pair of boots that she's been really wanting oh nice what kind fry fry boots yeah a girl from my high school uh was in like an article about fry boots because she like posted a video on tiktok yeah and then i guess that like that like you know those are like hot again i guess it was like in the 90s don't oh they were big in the 90s they like traced it back to like apparently this girl's tiktok was like the first she was like look at my mom's boots that she gave me oh nice yeah those are the ones the 14 oh they look like a mix between like uggs and cowboy it's not those ones it's the

if you go up the for those ones the 14 liter ones they're 14 oh oh that seems like an interesting way to like measure uh oh my god is that what that means five hundred dollars they're five hundred dollar boots are you serious whoa boy boyfriend of the year alert yeah damn i didn't get that damn i didn't get the denim ones damn now i feel bad about my gift 500 beans that's crazy i gotta i gotta lock her up bro yeah oh my god wow i didn't know you were i didn't know you were stunting on girls like that i didn't know you had it like that well i think about i haven't had a girlfriend in like eight years so like so you think about all the money you've spent over collectively over the last thousand dollars burning a hole in your pocket i have girlfriend

my girlfriend uh account you know how they say like uh it costs like a million dollars to like raise a child from from like birth to 18 or something yeah like over the years it costs like a hundred thousand dollars to raise a girlfriend yeah right exactly a year but yeah no she's been wanting them for a while so i'm talking about them and she's really she's really into boots this fall like she's got like several pairs of boots and it's okay keeps talking about she's like obsessed with boots these days is there a world had these black boots and she ordered new ones and fit and are you worried she's gonna get fry boots before christmas or does she know um she have an inkling you think i don't think she has any idea and i don't i mean i

guess she could buy them this weekend but i kind of doubt it are you worried that she's gonna wear them to the office and step in human shit she doesn't work here anymore oh really oh right what'd you get uh i have i got her a couple things i got her so she wore this sweater on our first date you dropped something in the middle of a beautiful love story is 14 liter is that what that means yeah okay because you know they'll be like it's a one gallon hat it's like how much yeah it's like how much water you could pour in it i don't know what the volume of my head is uh she wore this sweater from uh reformation on our first date and so i got it in a different color because i she always wears that one and so i was like it'd be fun to get her

that's cute a different color and then um every i guess it's not every year i just did it last year and she really liked i'm gonna get her this candle that like lasted her all year and then it like is one of those like huge ones like no i'm gonna get her it's the small uh luave one the big ones are like hundreds of dollars it's insane yeah that's why um and then uh i got her she complimented a i have this like match strike in my room so it's like a little pull look up like french match strike uh i have one of these in my room and she complimented it so i got her the real one so it's like it's one from like hundreds of you a hundred years ago or something it's like one of those and then that is kind of cool isn't that cool and you put all the matches inside then

you strike it on the porcelain and now it lights yeah it's like the point isn't that cool so like you know but like a like there are ridges on that side isn't there like a chemical usually in that whatever the thing i think that makes it easier this is like just friction got it um and then i'm gonna get her a necklace cute yeah um i got andrew's gift yesterday and i am i fucking knocked it out of the park wait is he ever seen his hannah no uh-oh i just i got you a gift and then he was like what the hell he was just kind of there so i was like oh fuck i did get my that's why you got me a gift no dude i love you okay i got you guys i got you guys both gifts i was tweaking about your gift actually yesterday really yeah rusty can when are we doing wait do you didn't bring

them they're not you're not doing today are you no no mine doesn't arrive until like the 17th same yeah i told rusty i was like i know you guys were all clowning on me we were clowning on you i forgot that if you order anything past december 1st it takes two months to get here i was tweaking i just ordered the boots like two days ago yeah i know i'm like stressed about it because i'm i'm so used to amazon being like two days yeah totally fine uh but i got you this like really sick gift and i was really excited about it and then like i was like checking the shipping for like weeks and like nothing was moving and i go back to the website and they're like this doesn't ship till january 16th 2026 and i was like fuck me chinese new year i what chinese new year present

They see the order come in, they're like, MLK Day present? Yeah, they're like, oh, nice. That'll be perfect for MLK Day. Wait, what would be a gift that would be perfect for MLK Day? A dream. It's like a dream catcher. Sorry, Andrew. So what did you get?

So I had to refund it, unfortunately. Fuck. And I got something that I think is just as good. It's good. Yeah. It's damn good. but i had to verify with rusty i was like i don't think he has this right because i was like this totally seems like something he would have but like a butt plug i would all i would say is if

you can just hold off getting things for yourself for like a couple week like a week or two a week a week because there is a there is i thought i was like he doesn't have that right now there's a world he has that tomorrow so i just need you to maybe do not sure it takes a week to ship so i won't buy i actually am already on spending lockdown anyway so good yeah i am too i went every day after cold cases i would go home and just shop online yeah and then i'd wake up and i spent so much money so yeah i i after las vegas i said will you're gonna have a good month you're gonna be good to yourself and then i bought those boots so now i'm in debt you're in debt i i am like i was stressed about your gift mine i don't know and then i saw this

and i was like i'm so excited i was like boiling were you just like surfing the web i was uh surfing the web is crazy i was getting pitted on the web what is getting pitted it sounds like getting fucked when you're surfing and you're like in that like crevice at the bottom you're getting pitted pull up i was getting absolutely pitted last night you're like limping lauren pitted me last night can you gross can you look up getting pitted video i don't think willie had the internet when this came out it's like really it's funny yes oh yeah this is a surfer just talking about his experience out there one of those kids today will be my co-host just like dude you got the best barrels

ever dude just like you pull in and you just get spit right out of them and you just drop in and just smack the lip drop down snap and then after that you just drop in just ride the barrel and get pitted so pitted like that that's awesome god youtube used to be crazy like yeah youtube used to be amazing i just noticed that like with that movie shit youtube is still great thanks to friday beers youtube are you guys excited to go home for christmas i'm going home for christmas would you get a santa hat uh funny fact funny fact fun fact uh last night i was trying to do like a deep clean of my room and like go through all my stuff and i did adderall again no i haven't taken adderall in years probably since college i haven't taken adderall since college either um

but i was going i was just had to deep clean my room because my room's been a mess and i made i did the worst possible thing which is i made it halfway and then got tired and went to bed so now it's just everything is just because both of my roommates are gone for the whole month so it's like my living room is like a staging area right now it's like but part of that was i have these like suitcases like big like checked bag suitcases like two of them that i use for storage in my closet and i was like what is even in here and i'm getting rid of most of it but one thing i found while i was going through it was a sand hat nice and i was like that's fun you know what i've been doing because i you know you know i've done a couple cleans this year sure yeah

you gotta because there are things that hold sentimental value if you don't you just have to ask yourself do i use this yeah do i wear this it's not like because sometimes i'll be like no i'll i'm gonna get confident enough to wear that it's like you're not you're not no you've had it for a year and a half you're never gonna wear i've been doing i've been being very cutthroat and i'm very excited about it also like it feels good because phenomenal i and also like i put it out of my street and like people come take it and i'm like so it feels like i'm like helping my community you're gonna see like a bunch of guys that look like they listen to mj lunderman walking around i have all in like jeans and like mj lunderman shirts over long sleeve shirts you

think i'd be getting rid of my mj lunderman shirt you crazy boy but i was thinking about getting rid of like i have all these like jerseys and i'm like i always thought it was like it was cool to have like a bunch of jerseys but it's like i have a joe burrow jersey me too that but the word just says ice man on the back mine says burrow but it's spelled like the the see that's kind of sick other way ice man yeah you're probably not gonna wear an ice man bangles jersey but when did you get that i did a jersey swap in cincinnati when i was really fucked up it was from a guy named ice man it was a custom jersey yeah ice man yeah that's crazy but then i'm like all right maybe i'll hold on to the ice man that could be worth something well sometimes

i'll be looking through my jerseys and i'm like well what if i go to a colorado buffalo that's what i'm thinking i'm never gonna go to that again yeah yeah exactly like those were fun but i like i think there are guys in college you have a reason to wear jerseys all the time all the it was like hey we're having our we're having our weekly jersey party yeah and that was like a status symbol like the more niche your jersey it was cool oh my god chauncey billups nueva york was like yeah it would be even cooler now now there's a criminal that would be kind of cool it'd be so cool they'd be like all the homeless guys would like like suck their poop back up into their butt they'd be like he's coming he's coming like you're like walking

down the street like whistling and they're about to poop and then they're like not in front of will he's the bad boy of the street they're all prairie dogging outside your office because of jonesy billup no no they're like prairie dog in it and then they see you and they're like out of respect they like go poop on like main street got it yeah instead of bay bay in college i lived in a really rough neighborhood and uh i left like some pretty nice shoes out because like i hadn't worn them that much but they were like still really nice and i didn't want to just like donate them to goodwill so i left them out in our front yard hoping that someone would take them you know and they just sat out there for like a month

and finally my roommates had to be like not even the homeless want your dirty ass shoes you have to throw those away i've never i've never had anything last more than like an hour are you serious yeah maybe two you also live at like the intersection of like where they all yeah it's like the home's capital of the world and let me tell you they've not ever once bothered me or harmed me they never bothered me when i lived in venice either but i remember them being very loud honestly that's not even really an issue it's like i love where i live i hope i never leave i like your place too the i mean the guy at the top of the street that was playing like wizard's with his pee bottles that didn't bother you remember when you had to like if you like went

out your back gate and you took a left towards like little lunch that guy had like a minefield of like piss bottles wait at clubhouse you know at your house like when my dad when we were recording oh yes yeah i remember leaving one time with my dad someone had set up like jesus like a chess board of pee yeah that was weird but yeah it was almost so ridiculous i respected it back to the closet thing yeah do you want to hear an insane like an insane look into my brain yes i used to um keep things just because i thought they looked like in the event a girl came over and my closet door was open they would think i had like cool clothes even though i wouldn't wear them that's kind of and i would put the cooler stuff to the front even if i knew i was never

going to wear that what's like the coolest thing so like i had a bunch of cool jackets because i grew up in maine but it was never cold in florida yeah and so i had like all my jackets at the front and like sometimes i would put like my button downs up there so they would think i was like sophisticated but then it was like they they'd come over and they'd walk right past the closet and i was like that was the whole thing yeah maybe you should get a new uh dog job you're fired your boss like who's like really bad at firing all right that's it oh that's interesting maybe you should get a new job would you want a new job because if so i've got great news if you were gonna fire someone it'd be kind of a good move to like you already called the head hunter and

you're just like you just work here now yeah we're transferring you to a different department which is also a different company kaiser permanente bought your contract kaiser permanente kaiser permanente and sloan kettering is that a guy you know sloan kettering is a another hospital right or like a medical company what is sloan kettering i just so in imagine meeting a guy named kaiser permanente oh yeah yeah yeah so i didn't get this joke it's world renowned until like a week ago in stepbrothers will ferrell's like i smoked pot with johnny hopkins it was him it was johnny hopkins and sloan kettering and we and they were blazing that shit up every day i was like who's

sloan kettering but now i get it now i get it what do you guys have any fun christmas traditions also why did we not do christmas drafts for this one oh did you guys not no i didn't even realize what did you guys do you were a guy who's wearing full pjs no i meant like until we had already written the other ones yeah that was dumb well we don't worry we did do old-timey baseball names and names for your dab pen which credit to ella russell gave me that idea hello russell yeah it's a playmate oh um christmas traditions we all open presents in the morning together we all open presents before breakfast we always we go to a movie usually in the oh that's sweet in the afternoon is it christmas themed no we we alternate that the boys get to pick and then

the girls get to pick every year is it boys or girls this year it has been girls for the last five years we've lost our our leverage because i think we took them to see anchorman 2 one year and that sort of was the name anchorman 2 is awesome yeah not for mom not for uh i don't know But one time my mom made us see War Horse, and I think that's the worst movie I've ever seen. What is that? You're not a friend horse, you're a war horse. That's the whole movie?

Or you're not a war horse, you're a friend horse. Or something. I don't know. There was like an SNL sketch making fun of it. I don't know. It was like a movie about a horse that's like a... Used for battle. Can you Google War Horse?

You might have to put like Ass Cheeks movie at the end. No, no. He was joking. yeah this yeah let's watch a clip from it pull up that one minute clip right there

that one he won't obey anyone else he won't be any good in the war neither he shies at every sound I'm sorry where Joey's going I'm going too

I'm volunteering I see what's your name lad Albert sir and how old are you Albert 19 sir Is that the truth? No, sir, but I look 19 and I'm bigger than most 19-year-olds

and I'm strong, sir, and I'm not afraid of anything. I don't doubt your qualifications, Albert. But the law was very clear about the proper age for soldiering. And your father's done what he had to do, you know that. 30 guineas isn't nearly enough to purchase a horse as fine as your Joey. I know that. 30 guineas? That's what I've got.

Will you lease him to me, Albert? to be my own mouth i promise you man to man that i'll look after him as closely as you've done i'll respect him and all the care that you've taken with him and if i can i'll return him to your care wow that actually might have changed my mind no that was the most like mom movie of all time that's like some shit you walk into the living room your mom's like sit down we're watching war horse i was kind of getting emotional sounded like he wanted to fuck that horse yeah i will personally see to it that this horse is taken care of he's satisfied every evening

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date 10 for 10 off your seat geek tickets that's 10 off with promo code play date 10 make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically applied to your account so you can use it later thank you seat geek let's get back into the episode i drove past the movie theater in santa monica okay okay okay cinephile there's a line down the block and i'm like what could this possibly be zootopia 2 gwyneth paltrow live what'd she do that was i called flan i was like did she hit did she do like stand up or like what did she do and then it was it was also an advanced so it was an advanced screening of marty supreme and then under that it said gwyneth paltrow live so it was like probably they were there for well

maybe both there were like like the like it was the first time i've ever seen um a woman no like the paparazzi guys that have like all the sheets of autographs like waiting for her oh who's who's buying a gp though i don't know who's buying any autograph i can understand like like world renowned athletes yeah but even like i saw a video of a guy running in to the gym where like an angel's role player was working out to like get his autograph yeah and i was like who's buying that i think it's like he probably get it's probably like five dollars and if they just do it enough it's like a good living yeah i think you're right though i think the autograph is like dead now people just get selfies you know like the big thing now if you meet like an athlete you

just take a picture with them you don't really ask for exactly like i met rory mcelroy twice when i was a kid and both times i just got his autograph and i to this day regret that i didn't take a picture with him where'd you meet him i we used to go to the what was then the western and southern open every year it was like a tennis tournament in cincinnati where my grandparents lived oh and he was dating i think they even were engaged to caroline wozniacki who's like one of the top women's tennis players and so two years in a row we were like i was a huge rory mccrory fan growing up i was like obsessed with my red is like biography when i was like 10 and uh he was irish yeah and just i don't know i just like loved him he doesn't even he's like he he flies under

the northern ireland flag too yeah 26 plus 6 equals 1 what does that mean sean no uh there's 26 counties in the republic of ireland and six in northern ireland so that's like i think what they say nice about like the unification why do the northern ireland people like beef with regular um i don't think they necessarily do i think rory i believe flew on or played in the olympics under the irish flag oh he maybe he just does that so it's not like he's not under the uk like they don't put that he's from the uk on the yeah yeah you can tell like surfers will be like they have the hawaii flag instead of like the mainland u.s flag those guys are i think it's like honestly with the like i don't think anyone really cares it's just like whatever yeah no i'm

kidding it's like super fucking divisive is wasniacki the one that uh went on a date with a guy from twitter do you remember that when he was like if the patriots come back steve wasniack who started apple different tech guy no no no there was a guy who was like if the patriots come back in the super bowl down 28-3 you have to go on a date with me i think i might have been jeannie bouchard oh maybe wait wait wait you can just make declarations like that well be like if i make this free throw you have to go on a date with me no i mean it was like the 28 threes super bowl oh you were right how did you know that i'm a dog i'm i'm a i'm a dog i think that's the guy that started twitter no no there's just some random guy fan

what jack john jerky jack is who started jack gokey isn't it the same last name no i don't think so who started jack dorsey no oh no isn't that the isn't that the guy that like oh yeah you're right oh i think of jack doherty who's that he's the guy he's like that uh that youtuber that um runs like a stable of only fans models oh god yeah he was not there but yeah anyway caroline wasniacki was i think she's now married to like an nba player but she's engaged or and and both times no one was even looking at rory like everyone was like he was just like walking over to the stadium and i ran up was like oh my god rory mackerel like oh my god i'm your biggest fan he was the nicest guy of all time you had a pen on you or he i had a pen and like well because

i was getting autographs from all the tennis players i had one of those you know there's like giant tennis balls yeah they get people to sign i have a giant tennis ball signed by rory mcelroy just him yeah no no no signed by rory mcelroy marty fish i mean you name it i got uh you name it marty fish well he was my goat at the time and then who else do i have on it uh loris and mark lopez and it was like very beat here i was about to say it does not feel like a you name it situation yeah yeah rory being nice actually kind of surprises me it always seems like in press conferences and stuff he's like i think those i think that that it would be impossible to consistently come off likable yeah i feel like he's these guys reporters like poking

you and like want you to say some bullshit how i mean this was back then well yeah this was 15 years ago probably 50 so i don't know 25 20 uh at bay hill so he's like 21 yeah whoa dude he was he was a stud because i was like he's still pretty young no maybe it was 13 yeah i mean he was maybe my age at most yeah now well but if someone asked you for an autograph you'd probably be a dick to him right i try to right yeah well it's like i just don't want him to sell let's just have it so often i know i can't leave the office without the detour it's just like lining up um not to andrea 3000 you i fucking also met him who arnold or uh uh roy mcelroy arnold palmer invitational but i did not he was playing so i couldn't say anything to him do you remember i guess

met him as a stretch i was right next to him yeah you didn't meet you just watched him no he hit it he hit the ball like into the rough and we were all on the line so i was the closest one to him like it landed out that doesn't count he landed out my feet and he was like how's it going guys i was like thank you roy thank you how's it going thank you have i told you my brant snedeker story no why does that sound so oh wait that's a golfer golfer yeah yeah yeah uh google brant snedeker i haven't heard that name since like 2013 brant with a d wait oh man b-r-a-n-d-t pretzel b-r-a-n-d-t oh brant yeah i think this is the guy yes brant snedeker was on the t-box at uh at harbortown okay for the rbc heritage and me and my brother were there and he pulled out like

a sandwich to like eat some of it and i just like i literally was not trying to like be fun i didn't think anyone could hear about my brother and i was just like oh he's got that like nasty bread with all like the seeds and stuff on the edges because he did have that like you know like that bread that like your mom gets and it like blows like dave's dave's killer yeah i was like oh he's got that bread with all like the seeds and nuts on the edges and he just turns and he goes he looks right at me he's like what the fuck i was like oh my god i'm sorry and then he just started laughing i had no idea he could hear me oh my god he's got that fucking you've had you've had a couple interesting like like it feels like you rarely have left a golf

tournament without like kind of an odd story what was the other one you went out and grabbed fluff cigarette yeah and late put it in a bag and labeled it i did have a cool one with matt coocher too one time he sunk a putt for birdie you were like cooch everyone did he was like the goat at that tournament because like it wouldn't until recently like the a-list guys wouldn't play it okay so he was like one of the best stars and he won it one year and uh anyway he uh cooch picked the ball up immediately signed it and walked straight to me like he'd already like picked me out in advance or something he walked straight to me and handed on the 18th No, I was like 16 or something.

That's awesome. It was very cool. I was with my grandpa, and I was like, just picked it up out of the hole after Birdie signed it, walked right to me and handed it to me, and it was the best day of my life. I used to clean up because Hilton Head's all like old people. Right. So like me being like a cute young kid, I would get so many balls from golfers and stuff. Did you get glove ever?

Never got glove. Glove's usually like if you get hit. Okay, that's like, yeah. Have you noticed that? Like if you get hit by a drive, they'll always, like I remember Phil Mickelson hit the guy, and then like signed the glove and gave it to him glove is like yeah i think i think if you have a glove like something went wrong yeah i'd never what if he gave you like he's like spikes he unspiked all his shoes and he was just like slipping around on the last two holes and play

the last hole hanging brain what do you have to do to get a club like what would that their clubs are like uh i've never seen someone do that yeah i don't think that's that because their clubs are it's not like your or my club what if like uh like they bang your wife then do you think they would give like a club maybe like maybe like last year's model okay theirs are like crazy custom too so i think it's just like a pain yeah it doesn't help you at all or i guess they're they have like a tour truck that has all the stuff in it but like that would be insane if someone gave i mean because you'd have to catch him like at the perfect time because it would have to be after the tournament is over he's and he's finished or or going into the 18 and he's

like i know i'm not using my forearm yeah he's like or or like uh maybe if you were like rory you have you have 15 clubs because you're only allowed to have 14 and he was like oh thanks mike gave it to you that would be good it's a good man i uh met francis tiafoe when i was uh a kid who's like the number one american tennis player right now and have you heard of him yeah francis tiafoe uh this was like 10 years ago i think he was like like 18 at the time or something and uh i gave him a card that had all of my social links like it had my instagram my twitter like uh my like facebook everything on it and i was like yeah just like follow whichever ones you want and he goes i'm not gonna do that man and i go yeah no problem no problem i was probably like

15 why did you have a card with all your social links it was like a bit i was doing in high school where like i just like had all my socials on like uh like a business card and i would just like hand it out to people that's hysterical stuff and i'd be like yeah follow me because there were like times where we'd like play other schools in tennis and like i would like give the other players like on the team like my card or something i'd be like yeah just follow me and they were like really weird yeah nobody thought it was cool nobody thought it was funny like a qr code at least like i feel like like that i don't think so no you should have gone in before where did you meet francis tiafoe he was at this uh small tournament that uh my friend was like a member at their country club

oh that's cool and you knew he was gonna be like big no i just like he was just a uh professional tennis player so i was just like well i'm just gonna i like gave it to all the players that i met that weekend um but him in particular is like the only one that's like blown up since then you met um what's his name taylor fritz yeah one time how's he um he's really cool i guess i got in a fight what didn't you guys get in like a fight no that was him and chad they fist fought oh they fisted yeah yeah they were fisting each other he was super nice i've only met him once or twice but we follow each other on instagram that's big that's uh wait why did he fist fight chet no he didn't oh how did you just go with that oh perfect perfect prank i was

gonna say that you know there's like there's like old videos like we did one with him and we did with like tyler hansbrough where it'd be like the this is sports center parody but in our office i was thinking of one recently with like a base if we had like an mlb pitcher i think there was at one point like tyler glass now was gonna come in here or something but i feel like an mlb pitcher this is my idea or being it'd be honestly just a good beer commercial for any beer but i guess preferably ours uh but it's like an mlb pitcher's like hey can you grab me a beer he's like yeah i got you and then you like hold up one out of the cooler and then he's like like he shakes his head like they do when they don't like the pitch and then you pick up another one and he like shakes

his head puts it back and then you pull up on this thing and then you throw it to him and then maybe he whips it like 400 miles an hour at the wall i just think like the visual of like the yeah yeah it would be funny right i like that a lot maybe what you don't like it is he down in his stance i feel like that would be fun yeah i think the guy's down like maybe he's holding the beer like where he would put like his fingers yeah yeah yeah wait you're down but you're no you're crouched by the cooler yeah yeah yeah you're crouched by the cooler and you're like holding it down here and he's like yeah okay i like it after brusty punch it up okay cool i uh and then it's like a little dirty and so you hand it to

the guy behind you and he swaps it for a clean one i like that one too these are busting trigger cookies busting i got home yesterday and there's a guy sitting on my couch that i don't recognize i was like like the second hour he like stood up and i went to be like oh it was just uh one of the maintenance guys trying to fix our thing but i was like how long have you been like taking a load off like he was like like you know what i mean what was he trying to fix the water heater still fucking broken so not the couch not the couch oh that would be funny he's like he's like yeah you know i noticed it was a little wobbly um and he dude he apparently presumably he'd been there for like a long time before i got there because everything was he'd already taken off

all the like shower heads and they're like in there and he comes out to me in flan he was like i'm having a lot of trouble getting you guys hot water and we were like yeah that's the prop like that's the issue we've been complaining about this for like six like he thought it was he said it to us like he thought we were lying he was like or like he finally believed yeah yeah he's like oh man yeah i am having a lot of trouble we're like yeah we've been asking you guys for shit six months and then uh and then he just gave up and was like i'll be back tomorrow and we were like is it fixed he was like there's hot water like there is hot water uh it's not coming to you guys we were like fuck you i actually actually i hope you i hope you're i hope this company goes under

yeah the guy the maintenance company he no he's this is the same guy who i don't think is a maintenance man because he was the guy that came over in flip-flops and remember like tinkered around with the fucking water heater is he the guy who like gave you carbon we had a gas leak last so flan was like is that the guy that worked she didn't see him yeah it's the same guy that did it when there was a gas leak i was like no but it was you lied just to ease her conscience she would have made me sleep with my window closed open no close because the heater is like the reason it got in last time is because we had the sliding door open and it was like it's outside yeah i got it um but i just can't i can't believe like i feel like i'm the only every time i tell

someone that this is an issue i'm work i'm dealing with and it's happened to me twice happened to me in college too like this is a this is there's something about me that god is trying to teach me a lesson through like cold showers maybe you're so hot i'm like so horny he's trying of like are you hot or i'm hot i'm so can i use another one sorry maybe it's one of those like entrepreneur things you know how like entrepreneurs always take cold showers yeah yeah gets them going in the morning god's like i'm not grinding enough yeah as you all know by now we've teamed up with bed mgm this season we'll be using bed mgm lines to make all our picks and we'll have special offers for our listeners each week if you haven't signed up for bed mgm yet use bonus code play date and

you will get up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with BetMGM. Here's how it works. Tell them, Rusty. Download the BetMGM app and sign up using bonus code PLAYDATE. Deposit at least $10 and place your first wager on any game. You will then receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets if your bet loses. Just make sure you use bonus code PLAYDATE when you sign up. BetMGM, make it legendary let's get back into the episode forgive me boys got a little call from the old brown soul i can't believe how often your peas turn into poops are you like sitting down to pee and then you're like oh or are you peeing and you're like might as well i knew i had to poop the moment i got up there i just didn't really show my hand i thought i'd be able to do it quick enough that it

I didn't notice. It felt like it was bursting. If I poo, it's... Yeah, I'm like pretty quick at least. It's a scheduled event. Yeah, I'm like 20 minutes. I'm digging those traps in the mirror. So I have holiday pitches and am I the asshole?

Nice. No way. Yeah. Let's go. We'll throwback. Who's back of the week? Which one do we normally do first? Pitch or...

Pitch or pitches. Pitches first? All right. And I've got a This Guy Rocks if you want it. I'd love that. Really? is it a holiday one then i don't want to see it no it is holiday i would say okay all right holiday bitch it's called santa is real it's basically just two dudes who go around

whoever pays for it and they have access to the home so they leave like a santa hat and eat the cookies and shit silently these dudes uh whoever they are then go up on their roof and stomp around above the kids rooms and make them think santa's up on their roof then they hologram santa flying away somehow out the kids window basically creating uh people who will forever die by the fact that santa is real until the parents tell them that they did that could be a really great service first of all i can't imagine how santa is real right parents parents this is your chance to show them too hard-hitting if you're listening with your family yep santa is real santa is real and maybe now you go watch a movie okay now i feel like we gave him a fair warning yep

i can't uh imagine a way that this goes wrong two guys who have nothing going on on christmas eve coming into your house where they know there are children and having you know free reign over the i would like to see santa guys maybe they have to do a background check yeah or some sort of may at least can they can we guarantee they're not a registered megan's law offender schmucks from offender as long as they just promise they're not going to do anything as long as i promise they're not going to do anything is there a problem could you make it so it's a promise or steal nothing maybe like in the terms and conditions it's like like i promise i won't do anything i won't do anything i'm not gonna do shit i just worry if

they have to verify that they're not a registered sex offender we're gonna lose like all of the applicants right right right and then it's like a supply and demand thing right right no i like you ever think about like as a dad they're gonna unionize at some point anyways and so that they can do stuff so it's like we might as well just let them do i'm anti-union got the choice me too been i'm i hate i'm kidding i'm not i'm a union buster that means anytime someone says they're in a union i bust what were you gonna say sorry your dad one time um oh when we're dads like do you think you'll like like you could over commit and like go on the roof and then like the roof thing has never even remotely occurred to me i know i just thought it kind of sounds sick i think yeah

i think i'll probably dress up and like have my have my wife be like oh my god santa's downstairs to the kids really did your parents do that no but i saw a video of someone doing that the other day maybe they did i my memory is very foggy santa baby hurry down the chimney i remember santa's coming down my chimney tonight taylor what was her name i don't know there's a girl in my middle school that was like she was just a star of all like the and all the plays she was like the lead like she was just like whatever and at the holiday whatever like we had like a holiday show like around this time of year where like kids would do a song and stuff right she sang santa baby and i remember my parents being like what the fuck was that it's like the only one that's

great yeah it's the only is that the only one that's sexy uh baby it's cold outside that one's like rapey yeah i was listening to that so like i remember because that came out when when like you know they were saying everything was bad and i kind of was like fuck that like i like this song i was listening to it the other morning it was like oh my god she said she wanted to leave like 10 times yeah no she also says say what's in this drink like it's like clear that he roofied her in the song or maybe she's like yeah wait damn this shit good yeah wait what about um the first noel that one feels slutty miller what is that what is that the first noel the angels did say oh yeah maybe not wait i was listening to one the other day uh what about silent night that

one's kind of sexy let's be serious tidy whitey on my let me go my christmas playlist tidy whitey underneath my santa claus suit what you want to do girl come on do it's like is that it in the middle of the winter she pull up with a skirt in the middle of december i pull up with a vert trapping through the snow oh mistletoe mistletoe is the horniest one it's justin bieber going i should he's like talking about how he knows he should be with his family but he's just gonna wait under the mistletoe yeah but that was not okay that it's it's kissing that's horny yeah yeah the way i kiss oh my god i'm gonna be under the mistletoe my aunt sarah told me that she found she like came to our house like after christmas or maybe before and was like look i found these

from last year it was bells like she was like she was like at our house like santa like drops of bells oh kept it going for another couple years i'll never forget the kid that told me santa wasn't real we were in the lunch line and we were talking about how excited we were for santa to come and aiden hubs turned around and he just goes you know he's not real right we're like what he was like not real i've known for like years we're like oh fuck well you're in eighth grade you just took his word for it no i was in like you were in high school no no no i was you were in like college early middle school maybe it was like 2030 i remember my fifth grade i was probably too old i was like 10 or 11 i think i was also a little too

old but i it was i think i've told this story my aunt was just like i said something about like santa coming and she was like oh don't even act like you still believe in santa and i was like and she like immediately was like you have like a mustache yeah what so yeah last year last christmas you have like a girlfriend yeah i have a girlfriend i have a girlfriend how's that been going it's so great uh it's so fun more rover mishaps no no no no but people really ran with that one all her comments on her tiktok really yeah oh yeah do you report it in the app no do you think you have an obligation to tell the owners no that was like i would want to know so that i don't book her anymore no well i wouldn't want her to lose her job over my

but she already has one this sir you can't girl these girls can't have two jobs no one can have two jobs you know most people have to have two jobs most people i would yeah i would say probably like not most people but a huge subset of the population has to work two jobs i think women shouldn't have to work at all support them agreed i think women shouldn't have to work at all because wages have remained stagnant while the cost of living continues to rise can you google what percentage of people have two jobs but she's just using the rover money for like booze what like she's only using that she told me one time she only uses that to support her see most of americans five percent there are more people that have there are more people that have three jobs zero jobs but

Wait, wait, no, no, no. Those surveys suggest closer to 44% of people have side hustles. Yeah, because, like, okay, to be fair, it's not like Lauren's going to be reporting Rover as, like, a second job. She's not paying taxes on it? No, you pay taxes on it, but I'm assuming that wouldn't... Well, I don't know what the... Willie just outed her for tax fraud.

Yeah, I'm not paying... Lauren tax fraud 20... Lauren tax fraud ho... that article says more than a third of americans have second jobs who wrote that newsweek yeah yeah of course newsweek would say that libs over there newsweek would want us to think that yeah that can't that's crazy see that was 30 percent of america that's red that's r slash economy yeah exactly that's crazy i didn't know that i didn't know that yeah i'm not sure what the what the which one to believe i i would assume the answer probably lies somewhere

in between in the middle but oh yeah whatever what was the point do you think they would like put the dog down if rover found out it licks my penis yeah because the dogs probably licked their face before they were able to find out and so technically your penis has been on this like poor owner's face she's not poor she's able she has one higher rover yeah i would i would probably have to put it down if i found out my dog licked will's penis are you serious yeah i'm not gonna i'd just rather start over it's like one with a clean mouth could i just have it then no because you're gonna like let it go to nuts on it or no you're gonna go nuts on it no you're gonna put you're not stop it there was a guy at our high school who was who had graduated like when i was

in elementary school but this this story shattered uh um echoed through the the timeline he took acid and then um had sex with his dog that guy was at every high school in america was it not oh that story is i knew like the guy i knew you actually knew the guy i knew his name and i feel like he would have been like you would have come out and made a statement yeah i feel like i've heard that but maybe it was gonna be a trickle down yeah did you ever get that video where it was like girls from central and it was the girl having sex with her dog yeah that what do you think um what do you think has to go wrong like in your head for that to happen obama i think he was president that leads me to my am i the asshole oh my god so basically one of my closest friends

yeah so basically one of my closest friends was dating this girl we all hated she was very annoying and terrible to our friend three years into their relationship i learned from a credible source that she used to let her dog eat her out i don't know if she still does but it definitely used to be a thing this slowly became common knowledge among my friend group and none of us knew if we should tell our friend or not we make jokes about it all the time and our one friend had no idea because we were what we were referencing because we were using code words well they broke up in college and so we figured we we should tell him about it now we told him at secret santa and long story short he wasn't happy about all of us laughing about it i was

one of the more sober people so i tried to defuse the situation but it didn't go great are we assholes for telling him uh and trying to make light of it you're assholes for doing it at secret santa i think but that's insane i would have react like i oh my god that's like one sorry i can't stop like that's picturing it thinking about it how do you even like get them to do that um those are for santa by the way santa's baby where so how do they know it's true credible source credible source yeah that days i mean why wouldn't he just be like i would think that that's like off be like oh my god that person that like thank god i got rid of that like nut job that also vowed that also like that would

be yeah but like if you dedicate a lot of your life to that person that would be and like all your friends are laughing behind your back like yeah and they all knew that like would suck yeah but it cancels out any like i think you're the asshole actually i don't think you ever bring that up really i think you tell them like hey why like what is gonna what do you gain from that you just want to get see his reaction no like if like then they never will go back to that maybe if they started trying to get back together then you tell them but if they're broken up then he'd be like why didn't you just tell me that before i like fell for her again i mean we don't know the situation it feels like one of those jokes you die with that is never bring up what are the odds

that we were talking about that too before that i don't know yeah what i was like wow you guys are kind of spoiling my m.i.s wait how did we get on to that oh willie's penis got licked yeah can you really get a dog blowjob i was vulnerable enough to share it and now it's become like my whole career there's all these people on on my comments being like dog penis boy lauren got like a dm she sent me this morning like what is someone being like dog penis boy girl so they're not getting better at least it's not like the clever ones no they would never never clever oh my god that is just what are what are the big what do you remember when apps used to take up like a ton of storage yeah i feel like it's like not a big deal yeah what's up with that it's like an

icloud thing what is the cloud it's like where is it is it on the internet is that what it is it's on the server no it's on servers it's those big computer machines you see where you've seen those like in factories oh there's like a factory somewhere with all my data weird what happens if like the russians get it it's encrypted then you go to the basement the gulag all right they all right jack they found your your data you have to go to the russian american international law states you must go to the gulag we gotta go to the gulag we got dude we got the three of us we gotta go i'm doing my bachelor party are you really yeah wait that'll be really fun i know i just feel like it'll be like a good way to kind of blow off some steam before the wedding yeah

i don't know i don't know if i'll ever get married i feel like that could be cool to be the guy who has like a life partner because then also if no one's met you before they're like jack and his life partner are coming and everyone's expected to be like a dude you think flan's on board uh i don't think she wants to get married anytime soon i'm really pushing lauren to get married soon so well you have how many more days do you have there's like seven days left oh my god if this came out on the 24th yeah well when this comes out fuck yeah you're right well i'm going we're going to be together in chicago on new year's so maybe i can pop the question you're gonna be in chicago on new year's are you flying there i'm going to chicago are you

staying at her parents house well her parents live in cleveland but i am i'm flying to cleveland and i spend a couple nights there and then we're driving to chicago nice same room in her car i don't know actually that's a good question uh can you ask her then her mom's car with her brother and then her brother's gonna drive us back and we're gonna fly back to l.a yeah you know what i i was gonna try to use my companion pass for our flight i have like one that it's about to expire on delta to fly back from chicago to here it only works for round trip and there's i was like i'm doing you a favor by using trying to use it on a one-way yeah that's like this should be in your best interest for me why do you call the people they'll usually figure it out it's too you know

i looked online and everything was like you cannot use this weird i i had a bunch expire because i just it's really hard to use didn't yeah because i was trying to use other things on it too i wanted to use the like upgrade things well i just they're like certain flights you can't do it like when i try yeah it doesn't it doesn't matter i'm happy and i love what are you guys gonna do in chicago uh we're going to we're doing new year's party at her friend's apartment and then i don't know i think we might go see like her childhood home and oh she grew up in chicago yeah now she's in cleveland yeah that was where the confusion have you ever been like same situation as me like her parents moved when she was in college

gotcha and me and you yeah and me but you still go you still have mom in maine i still have mom in maine yeah yeah um do you think you'll get a new year's kiss i've never had a new year's kiss what about last year really if i wasn't with flan damn oh yeah i won't get one this year because i'm not gonna be in a flat i'm in florida i'm getting a big sopping wet one do you think anyone's ever gotten like new year's head from a dog like you look over everyone's sharing like an intimate kiss and then one guy's like oh my god new year's head no no no i posted that iou on my story and every reply was just head head head head head head really so oh my god it expires right yeah it's expiring soon i kind of got off scott free of

him has i gave so many people those for for donating to best buddies i think jackson used his and like that what did he use it on uh i can't remember what he used guy who definitely sucked jackson clean yeah yes guy who definitely cleansed jackson's palate i oh my lordy i don't i've never done that that seems unenjoyable speak for yourself dog come on getting it giving it to yourself i knew a guy in high school that could do that how many high schoolers you know there were 500 should we do our drafts yeah yeah my safe got here yesterday i was safe now you're telling us when did your gun get here uh tuesday nice

it got delivered while the guys were fixing my like uh water heater the guy like brought it in while they were doing it so it was like they were doing that and then i was like setting up a safe and they're like they're definitely gonna go back to their to the leasing office and be like that guy is planning something not good i would think that they think it's because of them that you're buying a safe like you don't trust them oh yeah i only bought it for today yeah um i feel bad that We forgot Christmas drafts. I can't believe we did that. Well, I feel like we've been doing a bunch in the lead-up.

That's true. Hallmark movies are right there. Yeah. We already did Christmas movies, though. You did Christmas movies, but you didn't do, like... Those were all Hallmark. It was, like, it goes back to gingerbread falls. They weren't, like, rom-com, like, lovey-dovey, haters-to-lovers kind of thing.

That's the Hallmark of a Hallmark movie. What do you mean? is every homework movie is she like goes back and she doesn't like the like rough and tough guy yeah wait can i do my this guy rocks now yeah oh yeah you could change what job she has where do you have slack still andrew yeah fuck you guys fuck y'all i'm fucking you know what i feel like i've been on my good shit and i'm i'm ready to get naughty i bet santa already finished his list so i'm getting i'm the bad boy podcasting again here's what i would say um the falcons and the bucks played

last night and i started i'm in the playoffs i was like my team was unbelievable this year one seed had a buy and now i'm in the second round and i am playing my buddy thomas and i had the bucks defense because i thought the falcons were bad and then the falcons put up like 500 yards kirk cousins didn't throw a pick it was like vintage kirko mode yeah and at least you didn't play against kyle pitts did he have like an insane five points no yeah oh yeah that would have been devastating um but yeah i think i got i think my team scored five points and i'm just like come on dude yeah five points 29 points allowed one sack three forced fumbles and one fumble recovery also here's a question lamar or dac i think i'm gonna start lamar lamar

dac lamar's dac's been the better quarterback all season but lamar's playing the bangles and i feel he had six points against him two weeks ago but i feel like he's he's due yeah and like bangles defense sucks all right ready have you seen this yeah you have no oh yeah i have this is insane we'll start seeing i don't understand like what the i the like right way for this to go i know god damn it it just devolves into chaos oh wait i saw a different angle i haven't seen this angle it's just like plates but no

that's so good wait that happened to me in college no i'm not kidding yeah i have a video of it you've never made the you've never made the that fire cake no so what happened was i was trying to do that trick where like you put a flame to an alcohol bottle and does a cool thing yeah um but when it happened i freaked out and i just dropped everything and so the flame went all on the table where all the alcohol catches on to the alcohol yeah because like alcohol is like flammable oh my god but i didn't realize because i'm guessing that's what she's like pouring in that thing is like alcohol um like our whole kitchen is like on fire and i'm like freaking the fuck out because i'm like oh my god our whole house is gonna burn down and my friends are just

laughing like taking videos and we're all drunk so i just figured they didn't really understand the gravity of the situation but then like in like two minutes it just all burned up and they're like yeah it's an alcohol fire it won't like spread it just like burns up the alcohol and i didn't know that you could light alcohol for longer than like a second that's crazy yeah and so uh so like it didn't like it was on our floors and stuff but it didn't like actually catch fire i have a video of it jesus i also sent you two more this i sent you one more as well we don't have to watch i just did the pan over the guy just sobbing was crying yeah watch it Oh, I thought it was just a confused.

Oh, at the beginning he was crying. Oh my God. All right, you can stop it now. I don't like it. Oh, here, here. Now you can see the guy. I can't stop it. Here's the video of my kitchen on fire.

I'm going to be honest. I thought you just made that story up. Really? We got kitchen on fire. i uh i thought it was like something so like that doesn't make any sense oh my god yeah that's like our kitchen that's me in the background blow it out blow it out blow it out jesus christ dude i thought like oh my god i thought it was over for us truly yeah that's insane wait do you think i just make up stories no no i thought you were like tell i thought that was like the plot of

something so i was like that doesn't i had one time in college we did like the trick candles on my buddy's birthday and it just became like a nightmare and it was smoking up our dorm and so we were like holding it out the window and shit i don't even get how those work yeah how do they just stay on fire i think it's like fucking medical miracle okay this is while everyone is out partying by the way wait this is sick he's like clearly in like the wrong like it shouldn't be that jerky yeah happy wheels are riding that is what it's like in happy wheels you gotta go like back and forth that's hysterical that looks so fun can i go there 200 gravity server um all right should we do our drafts that are not christmas uh we'll

have one more video he's gotta go to jail surely hurdle i just confronted her on the sidewalk and i said i told shirley hurdle i said the 56 pages i gave you on november 10th she said the case number one on it you know it was okay you can stop it i just thought shirley hurdle was shirley hurdle i like i actually liked all the time this those types of people fascinate me shirley hurdle that's like the lady with our car accident yes yeah yeah it was like all over it but not involved in it losing this person needs to go to jail yeah oh so much ham on that page how do you guys get these videos on your uh very very hard work a lot of energy and time here um all right should we do old-timey baseball names that don't exist or names for

the dab pen you pick let's do names for the dab pen these are names for the dab pen that don't exist the pen shapiro the state penitentiary the mario kart the iberian peninsula the wax a hatchie oh that's good the death penalty the fred a pen fred again oh god i got it uh the room clearing cart nice the u-pen that's good that's all i got the sean pen pen powell pen ver bronco penefer coolidge penzi i like that should we do come on that was credit to ella russell tag ella russell on that ender these are old-timey baseball names that don't exist sammy stopwatch singles can't believe his

last name wasn't part of it glass shins davies breaks his leg every time he slides into first slides in a second you don't slide in the first if you want jerry the mustang kelly i didn't know you you're like explanations jimmy the horse peterson his wife had to divorce him because it hurt so bad love it ralph nose ketchup la flume sponge foot kelly rarely not sidelined with horrible athlete's foot timmy slingshot mussolini thank god he had a nickname all right what's what's what's mussolini's for real name benito yeah what if it was like benito slingshot thank god he had a nickname nice right i watched a video on fascism yesterday still don't get it it's like why is it so hard i don't know if it's just like a me thing i just like why is

why is what so hard to like the to define fascism or for me to understand the definition like the the most distinct definition i literally i knew like three of the words what's the textbook okay so the video i was watching was different then he was saying it's anti it's anti like everything else so it can't be it can't be it's like anti-conservative anti-liberal anti-everything like it's like its own thing yeah it's not necessarily tied to like a right or left like it's just yeah once i started to understand it too he was like uh he was like and it would be a futile effort to try and like use other times fascism has been a thing as an explanation he's like it's ever-changing he was like it can be different every time you're like oh my god that

sounds like a nightmare yeah it is for a guy like me yeah all right love you guys merry christmas we hope that that that wasn't very christmas outside of the set deck very little christmas talk i do like like the dimmer like lighting though it's like really you said you hated it last time did i the halloween well i thought you said you loved it last time i thought the halloween one you were like i was falling asleep well i like it now hey merry christmas playmates we are grateful we're thankful for you this year or is that thanksgiving we're grateful it's easter um our christmas present is you guys and your christmas present is us you're welcome love you merry christmas see you in 2025 merry christmas or no

happy hanukkah in kwanzaa no it still will be 2025 nba finals we'll see you still in 2025 nba finals wait what how is that possible what the nba final the the nba finals are in like july i thought nba cup the nba cup oh i was like nba cup nba crop see you next week brother merry christmas all right i can't believe i stepped in that absolute nuke fest of poop for 50 years canadians have wondered what the names of ikea furniture mean like natopa the guardrail for children's beds natopa means giving your favorite person room to grow it means their safety and your piece of no in swedish not opa means night monkey

Mom! He's back! IKEA. 50 years of Swedishness at home. Look, he's wearing little pyjamas. So cute.