Will & Rusty's Playdate - all-time business pitch

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

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oh good good little cloak action where's that from this is yours oh what yeah from what it's pretty snazzy is that in your office yeah there's all sorts of stuff in there people have been using our office as a fuck sack i mean i don't want to put it past them but i was gonna say storage unit i need a storage unit i'd send it's the only it's the next logical step from safe and now i know what you're thinking rusty it took you months to get the safe to have things well when my storage unit is a fuck shack then you're gonna eat your words you're gonna just start like trying to get on storage wars how do you even get on that you have to abandon it right

yeah so we should like we should buy us we should rent a storage unit and fill it with cool shit yeah and then abandon it and like tip try to tip off storage wars like there's a hot yeah there's yeah there every time you're walking past like a lot that they film that on there's an abandoned unit down on wheelchair i think it'd be fun you know what we could do we could we could uh sorry we could fill it with like booby traps so it's cool stuff but they keep getting like like bear traps keep like clamping down on their ankles and and boobies what like why is it called that booby trap like what i used to like not want to say that as a kid right i mean i wanted to say right i thought i would get in trouble can you look at why is it called booby trap yeah i

have an idea but yeah like if it was called like taint trap okay uh it gets the same the word booby means foolish or silly person yeah that's a real booby booby that's a real booby it's like some shit your grandma says yeah and you're like what pardon when was that the name for it you know i was thinking about him but he was a real boobie so i ditched him as always played it is brought to you by bear bells yeah rusty show me your bear bells dude no speaking of real boobies um speaking of real boobies how's your mom doing i uh today i went to the marabels are about to like tip speaking of booby traps let's drive me let's push them in they're freaking me out it's gonna like hit you in the head

jesus got him speaking of real boobies you know ramon the guy at the liquor store no i went nominal rack great right no i went over to buy something and like i this happens all the time where i get mistaken for our co-worker gavin McHugh yep doc you might know him as Dr. Locks but apparently they have some kind of real rapport because I just I have no there's a lot of people in this company that have a relationship with the guy at the liquor store I have none myself included yeah I don't I don't I guess I don't go there enough or I don't try I don't know when I'm in there I'm like liquor yeah I'm not drinking enough liquor I guess I mean it's like a convenience store too to be clear although

there are probably people who know him for the liquor reason but I go in and oh Gavin how you doing man and i'm like good because i just i don't i'm tired it was like the first thing in the morning and then he's like said something that was like clearly an inside joke right and then i went like yeah and then walked out and i kind of saw in his eyes he was like what the fuck like like i fucked up there like i had like it was like it's supposed to be like a call and response and i like fucked him oh he uh so i feel bad for i feel like i screwed over gavin i should you have to tell gavin i was gonna now he's gonna ramon ramon and i have a relationship where i know his name he i don't think he didn't think i was gonna be in as much as i am yeah and so he didn't learn

my name early or i didn't tell him early and so now we see each other every day and i feel horrible because he doesn't know my name i got it ready yeah all right diet coke for old rusty that's what you gotta do i'm gonna sneak up behind him and go guess who or i'll go yeah or i'll go with you and be like oh hey rusty yeah okay i like that yeah he's that's where i get my powerball tickets and he always goes you're gonna win this sucker one of these days i had a hilarious ramon interaction with edge so you know i i bought those cigars i bought cigars i was in it for some reason at the liquor store no at a cigar shop okay and i told edge because edge mott's and i wanted to smoke a cigar together i know motley crew motley crew wait i gotta wait recently a

couple weeks ago and i was like where are we gonna we gotta get our hands on some cubans bro's getting monogram towels i know cuban cigars i know i know i'm actively trying to stop it i'm getting fancy you're getting fancy as hell all right keep it funny is nothing about me is changing but the like there are there are you gave me this morning you said good morrow the hell happened to you man i feel like my personality is not changing but i am i'm developing an affinity for for a nice thing you're gonna eat like tiny you're gonna start going to eat like tiny dinner on like a big plate that's like your next step like you're like oh It's almost all sauce.

Can we get tiny meals on like a big plate the size of my fucking head? Trying to figure out what you're going to get with your fancy roommate. What are you feeling? Like in and out? He's like, I don't know. I was thinking something like tiny. What if it's like one tiny piece of steak and the plate is the size of the moon? Yeah.

And there's sauce drizzled all over. Does that sound good for you? And there's one sprout. Do you guys want to get a cream cheese perfideral? What if there's like a four-leaf clover on top of an egg? and the plate's the size of uh kansas does that sound like something you'd be interested uh it's ten thousand dollars okay sorry all right so i go like where we got to get our hands on some cubans and edge was like i feel like ramon would know where to get cubans and mott's never like

that's racist like you can't say that because he's like the only guy from south america we know where's he from i want us i thought my get my initial guest was guatemalan edge said he thinks he might just be purebred mexican none of those options are south america central america yeah well but like central america is not a continent north okay it's like is it or do we have it or does it would be more north america yeah fuck uh if you had more conversations with him you would know that he is purebred mexican is he yeah fantastic okay he goes back a lot actually he was he goes back a lot to mexico really yeah i feel like you're mad at me then i don't know well i just so you got does he know your name yeah of course this is how will

finds out like everyone's best friends with i mean i could andrew knows andrew knows when he's going home yeah i know him i know his name i talk about his schedule a lot that's like his schedule yeah well that's the only thing i know like how to talk to him about you'll be like what do you got you talking spanish month no i wish i'm i always want to like practice my spanish with him but i always feel like it comes across as like condescending no i have this busy i've been dealing with this sorry i i don't want to be you tell your story then i'll go i'll tell you mine the the the end of that story was just we were like you can't just ask the one the one latin guy we know yeah we're gonna get he's not gonna be my personal duolingo you know say it again he's

not gonna be my personal duolingo okay it feels like you're hung up he's not gonna be an owl he's not gonna be your duolingo yeah he's not gonna be like your app yes he's not an app not an app and it turns download ramon guys come on jesus he's a human being can't just download a guy because you want his apps or what or his so edge goes over there and goes and just ripped the bandit off and was like ramon do you know where to get cuban cigars he was like yeah i got you like he just did know and he's recommended a place no i think like he's the guy i think they're like so you bought them from no we haven't but edge was like if you eat if we do want them oh so you haven't gotten them i spent so much on this box of cigars or you did buy

cigars nicaraguan cigars how much did you maybe guatemala how much are nicaraguan i actually don't even want to tell you because it was one of those things where i was in the store and i had no idea how much they were and i asked for a box of i asked which one he wanted which one the guy recommended and he walked me through all of them and he was like these ones are great and so i was like i'll take the box thinking it was like gonna be whatever and uh once i got up there he rung it up and i was like but i had already i had i was gonna go back once cannot be like i want the cheaper ones now oh i was kind of kidding how much are they i don't want to tell you i mean cost per unit not very much but how much is in a box i believe there are 30 of them

what was the last time you smoked a cigar have you smoked any of them yeah yeah i smoked one on the patio and here's the thing it's a fucking commitment it's like so much stuff i was out there for like three hours and then like every time you want to come in and like get more water the whole house smells like cigars so it was just like i need to probably need to wait until i have a house i think you bought 30 at one i know and how much was each one i don't even want it over under three hundred dollars for the whole thing like not even in the neighborhood wait like way higher i think i'm thinking it's like thousands of dollars no no it wasn't it was somewhere between three hundred and a thousand i'll say that okay so i was kind of in the neighborhood almost exactly

halfway seven hundred and fifty dollars for 30 cigars i believe so okay i feel like maybe per cigar that actually doesn't feel horrible that was like where that was like how i got over it wait what is and then i also got a cutter and i got a torch and i got a carrying case you got a carry well i was like if i have cigars i want to be able to bring them to like a wedding yeah it's 25 dollars per cigar it's probably around there uh wait sorry you got a carrying case because you said if you have 30 you want to bring to a wedding it's kind of like if you give it if a guy's what is a carrying case of cigars you look like it's fucking awesome it's leather it's got three holes it's like me it's leather and it's good we got it we got it something's

going something's going crazy here i know you're turning into like a a rich old guy and nothing like an oil bear but nothing about my day-to-day outfit has changed like i'm no i'm acquiring all the i'm acquiring all the things that they get like after they've already yeah gotten like the house suit yeah exactly you gotta have a house before you get that's literally what i was trying to tell you earlier i think i before i can start smoking them again i need a house yeah but here's the thing so i have this vision of myself like at new year's or at a wedding or whatever like opening my jacket and and showing my buddies i have a case of cigars i mean like let's sneak out here and go smoke a cigar yeah you know what i mean i just don't like them so i it's hard for

me to like really wrap my mind around i really enjoyed the first one but it just was too long of an experience yeah did it make your head hurt or anything or no no i mean it feels great for me okay um but i hadn't smoked a cigar since i graduated college and now i enjoy it much more that's like that's like not that's like not having had a beer in eight years and then buying happy van winkle 30 handles of vodka or something in terms of like the cost per year it's like uh not having a beer since college and then buying one of those decanters that's shaped like an ak-47 yeah i don't know what that is that's like a that's like a i think i saw it i think andrew tate has one is probably where i saw it also i'm learning more about that guy i knew he was a bad

guy apparently he has like a 15 year old girlfriend like i didn't realize he's like an international criminal oh yeah where have i been i don't know this is like this is a note that no he's like he's been like arrested for like human trafficking in like several countries i think i felt the worst I think I saw a podcast clip of them being like, the government's out to get us. And I was like, I wonder what they did to piss off the government. Yeah. All right. Here's what I was going to say.

Also, I'm joking. I never was like on his side. I just didn't realize. I didn't realize it was like a, I think he's like Epstein-esque level human trafficker. Yeah, he's a piece of shit. I mean, it comes with the name. Tate? Andrew?

tate tate i'm one of my best buddies and i seem targeted no i wasn't targeting here speaking of target speaking of target i did something last night that i am that i haven't done in years that i'm not proud of but i want to admit that it happened and i'm going to be better i was watching my i was watching my world war ii documentary and enough time went by that i got hungry again after dinner okay you know i'm usually asleep by like 8 45 sure it was like 11 p.m and i threw in a little threw in a little candy order from target i believe it was target or maybe walgreens or no it was ralph's and i was like how is that how are they open this late um but i got three bags of uh one was smart sweets you know i was like someone needs to

invent like the zero calorie candy we're getting close we're getting really fucking close smart sweets and then these two things called rotten and they market them as like healthy candy and i think they are if you have one bag but i had all three in my bed like a fucking rat while i was watching this hitler documentary and uh and i woke up this morning and what i didn't realize is they like they're healthy because they have a ton of fiber like probiotics you're shitting yourself i woke up this morning and i know i've used this analogy many times i think i need to install like handles on the side of my clothes because i'm like i'm gonna blow myself that's like a weekly occurrence i'm gonna blow myself off i'm gonna blow myself across the room it feels

like i'm sitting on top of a fire hose yeah or it feels like i'm the fire hose and the toilet's the fire and yeah and i recoil and i'm also the fire ceiling i'm i'm worried someone's gonna be up on the roof having their morning coffee and i'm gonna shoot out like a lucy tunes cartoon yeah that might be that's why the guy below you complains yeah he's like i don't even know he said he he said uh so i think he moved floors because we haven't heard anything from him and there is an old there is a new old guy i haven't seen the the old one so i don't know if this is the same one but there's an old guy on the third floor so i think he might have just complained so many times they moved him down a floor but he had complained one time he was like yeah and there

is this um banging he's like it feels like it sounds like someone is just like banging around on in early in the morning and late at night and i realized it's i have a squatty i have a wooden squatty potty um for pooping and that's so you don't like get hemorrhoids or something no it just helps the poop come out easier because you're so if you're squatting like this i don't want to get into the science your feet are like up higher you're like this my i my ankles are essentially behind my ears got it and uh and i realized when i'm watching reels if i laugh my legs move and it it taps the squatty putty on the ground so every time if you're out there you're making reels it's their fault it's their fault it's the funny reels i laugh and it fucking bangs my squatty putty on

the ground i was like can i maybe i'm just not allowed to have any of these things because i You clearly don't know how to use him correctly. Bro banged his squatty potty. I'm just picturing a girl, like, spending the night, and she goes into your bathroom, and you have monogrammed towels and a wooden squatty potty, and you're watching, like, World War II documentaries and smoking cigars.

This guy's 100. She's going to be like, wait, did I hook up with a 100-year-old? I think this guy might be 100. I mean, this isn't going to help my case, but I told you I started taking multivitamins this morning. I added fish oil. So she's going to be like... She's going to be like...

She might just think I'm dying. This guy's from the 1950s. What does fish oil do? It's hard to say. It's like omega. Yeah, omega-3. Omega-3, yeah. Fish oil is actually really good for you.

I've been taking these antibiotics, and they make me, like, a little bit nauseous. Yeah, it sucks. Are you taking them with your breakfast? Take them with your breakfast. Yeah, maybe I should be taking them. Because, like, today I took them before I went to Gold's, and then I was, like, walking up, I was like, oh, I don't feel very good. So maybe I should take them after so that. yeah maybe there i know with most pill i know at least with the two i take you're supposed to take

him with breakfast so now i have to eat now i'm a fucking breakfast guy you know what i was texting scott finally scott's been gone for like a month literally yeah he was hiking no he was in boston close gotta give it to me it was pretty close yeah i mean he was kind of he was on a you know he was on a hiking trip or like a camping trip and then was back for one day and then left for two more weeks to go home and then our friends got engaged this past weekend nice shout out cooper and kathleen congratulations actually it's awesome like two of my like one of my best girlfriends and best guy friends like from our friend group got engaged to one another that's that's special pretty baller but um who do you are you gonna be best man or is god i am

he doesn't know but i'm going to be best man i'm gonna crash the i'm gonna wedding crash as best man um but i mean he finally got back and we were texting last night in anticipation of his arrival and i was telling him that now we do team brick we do breakfast every morning like to like how like walter white and his family so for everything in that show like every morning it's like bacon and eggs and pancakes you know what i mean wait are you guys that's really sweet are you guys like making it together no not actually but i was joking about it but then i was like that would be kind of a fun thing for us to actually do to come back to no just be like like every morning me him and dylan no i mean imagine coming back from a two-week trip and be like how did you

guys how did you form a new hat i feel like during the week like getting up at like eight yeah a big breakfast and then going to work the twins do that or ty uh ty and jacob are like cooking up in the morning really it's usually long before i'm uh long before i'm up to enjoy it but not that i would be able to enjoy it but i um don't you get up at six yeah but i'm in bed i'm kind of doing my reels yeah i'll hear some clanging around in the kitchen i got up and i got my books getting really good i just read a bunch last night what are you reading that dark matter book i think i talked about it right i definitely you're on a you're on a breaking bad kick or no that's gray matter dark matter is the name i'm almost positive i talked about this

it's a book it's a sci-fi book i haven't heard about it anyway uh okay that's my life no but Last night I was reading, and I got up this morning, and instead of reels, I just grabbed my book. Wow. Because I was excited. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was really proud of myself. It's a good feeling. Okay.

I have two things I've been. One was about ordering in Spanish. I think I've maybe mentioned that at the Mexican stand I go to, the taco stand by Ralph's. Okay. I always feel it's like I do speak Spanish fluently, and I could do it, but it always feels like it's like no one wants to see the white guy speaking Spanish to the guy. He also speaks English. he's just set up the grill like you know his first customer is doing it trying to speak to him in spanish well no he's always he's been there for a while when i'm there okay but you

know what i mean i was and i asked josh estrada because he's half mexican and he you know he always speaks spanish but he's like at the he's got the full-blown like perfect accent and stuff so they don't bat an eye right mine's like a little bit so mexican that's what i mean well he's he's america he's born here but i mean he looked like it he passes the eye test of a guy that sure yes yeah yeah i don't pass the eye test i mean the mustache maybe a little now but i got a little i'm getting a little tan got a mustache you know all right maybe show up with a mustache and speak english and they're like confused yeah they're like whoa anyway so i and he was like no you should do it like speak spanish and they'll appreciate it and then so i went the

last time like a week ago and i was like i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it and i was then right in front of me was like an older white guy and he starts speaking and i just the moment i heard him speak i was like i can't do it did he do it in spanish yeah and like he said all the right things but he just didn't have a good accent and i just was like it makes my skin crawl and i know it shouldn't yeah and i don't think the workers would care but i can't get over it and so i panicked and just did normal and then the guy behind me also white dude he spoke in spanish and so then i was like well now these fuckers think i don't speak spanish right but i do when you pick up your tacos you go gracias they go okay yeah all right somebody's

been brushing hey white boy i don't know what to do there was one time at the old office there is a benefit to not tipping your hand okay one time at the old office the cleaning people were coming by and the lady was uh just goes god i i'm so fucking tired i can't wait to get the fuck out of here like assuming no one would know what she said and i was like you should have said me too yeah i always wondered about that like a universally common language like do you think people think they can talk shit in spanish around here like there's no way like i feel like there's so many people no i feel like in la you gotta be a little careful yeah no matter what even if you are just a bunch of white people i think around us they can or i've never had someone second guess

their their ability to talk shit in spanish around me yeah i think they know i actually you know i took a lot of spanish i've retained almost none of it i think with languages especially it's like one of those things you have to want to like you have to like really want it you can't just like subliminally learn it through taking classes my i disagree my my uh my seventh grade spanish teacher told my dad that she thought i was learning through osmosis because she because She said I was not paying attention. There you go. I had a Spanish teacher in college that I was not very good at, at Spanish,

but would give me good grades. And I was convinced she just liked me because we would do the oral exam at the end of the year. I know. And then we did the test. Um, we would do the oral exam and I knew I didn't do it well. And, uh, and she would be like, great. And I'd get an a minus.

you think she wanted like i think she was just like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna give him a bad grade yeah i don't know that was also the one that i told you this on the first day we show up she has one arm and the first question she asked us in spanish we had to guess in spanish how she lost her arm that's funny what was the answer i forgot i think you told me i believe it was an alligator attack okay remembering correctly that's pretty good reason yeah i mean as far as they go that's like yeah i wouldn't want to lose it like slipped okay fell into the kitchen i was making soup yeah you know like sometimes you cut your finger with a bagel it just went like way too far with the bagel i cut my arm off with a bagel

that would actually be pretty cool how sharp was that bagel it was very sharp here's a question please oh this is no this is a joke i was laughing about this morning with scott we got right to it he got home at 9 45 i left for work about 15 minutes later and uh we got so many little riffs and little goofs and gags in and that little time was special hit me we were laughing about if the unabomber uh because we were talking about how he got a package delivered that someone had like opened and emptied the contents of but left the box so we like opened it up and then it was just not there uh but and all that that shit happens all the time and so we were laughing if like the unabomber was in venice be like and breaking news five random homeless people have been bombed

someone is on a mass murdering spree against the homeless the unabomber is like oh god no university the clintons yeah oh my god that's hilarious dude one of my neighbors got a package delivered to our mailbox we have like a mail slot in the mailroom and it was her name but our apartment number and so i took it out and i put it in the mailroom for her to see and she still hasn't picked it up and now i'm worried i'm worried this is also the one that let me borrow eggs and so i i've been trying to figure i didn't tell you that yeah so i'm trying to figure out how to pay her back for the eggs too but now like enough time has passed i don't even know if i like pay her back like you got to return the favor i thought

like maybe like a muffin basket would be nice or something how many eggs two you were fine that's what everyone else said but i'm gonna bring our muffin basket because you gave you two eggs so i always thought the rule of thumb was like if someone gives you eggs or milk or sugar to sugar to cook with to bake with then you bring them like the byproduct like i mean maybe in like kids books the hell i think that's nice bring her a nicaraguan i should have give her a cigar like i'm no i wow he gave me one of his only cigars so we made we made mochi brownies with it and you made mochi brownies i know bro i know and uh we has to be with a shorty we it was with a shorty we we yeah it's not something you're doing with

your boys um yeah i think you'd question maybe ty and i's relationship yeah pretty chill weekend ty and i made some mochi brownies um but so we ate them pretty quickly and then by the time i was like oh fuck i should have brought her some i uh they were already they had already gone bad And so we'd left him on the counter, kind of forgot about it for like a week. And then Ty and I were watching TV and he went up to get a brownie and he took a huge bite. And then like I heard him like run to the trash can and spit it out. They had grown the craziest mold I've ever seen in my entire life on him. And he had eaten it.

And he's like, if you think I'm overthinking things, he's like that to the nth degree. He was Googling like, am I going to die? And the Internet was like, yes. Well, it's tough because like mochi is green, right? this was the white like it looked like a spider web how did you not notice it was dark in the kitchen i guess i also think he just how old were these brownies maybe a week old it was like it was like it happened quickly i mean no a week is a week's quick enough we think what's seven days yeah i think so i think um but uh i don't know i don't know they also just were

phil said to bring her to leave too many people have you consulted on this literally like dozens i'm shocked i didn't ask you what to do i phil said to uh to buy two eggs and leave them leave them at her doorstep and then i was like do you like her do you have a crush on her no no no not really then you don't need to do anything if you had a crush on her then it could be a fun opportunity to like bring her yeah bring her three eggs this feels like some scenario that happened in like game of thrones or something this is like a medieval scenario of like this is like a no i thought you were gonna say like friends yeah this is like an 80s or 90s no no barring eggs this is the oldest returning to eggs yeah this is like i mean i haven't seen

much of that show but that is not what they were not like dragon eggs they were chicken eggs i know but this feels like like peasant bartering and trading and yeah i would just say leave her pelt and call it a day maybe a lion's heart but i was like that does seem funny to give her the exact amount of eggs back because i do want to build a rapport with the neighbors they live right now back we got balls back but i i was like unless she unless she finds them immediately after me leaving them then she's gonna i mean this has been what weeks at this point weeks so you'd be like wait what oh yeah i guess i gave him eggs yeah that'd be creepy like he's been thinking about this for weeks i mean it would like if you were trying to foster a relationship with her

of any kind it would be funny to leave him be like finally got eggs or something yeah yeah yeah and then you could like they go bad but you would know you'd like knock on the door oh and have them you'd have to like you're like hey i uh yeah i never ended up using these that's pretty good actually i don't know i wanted to they're they're they're they're the only kids our age that i've like run into in our apartment and it would be nice to have people to party more people to party with yeah um maybe if maybe if they come over i make like a a drink that uses egg whites or something i'm bringing egg whites back you could make her eggnog for christmas and so this is christmas it's not a bad idea definitely still remember those two eggs by then

yeah yeah i think she probably hasn't thought about it at all the worst part was i it was super late at night it was like 10 30 p.m and i knocked on their door and like the hottest guy of all time answered and there was like a raging party happening inside and i was like can i do you guys have any eggs by chance he was like uh yeah one sec and like called the girl over and she basically like danced to the door and i was like can i bar two eggs she was like yeah sure it was like i don't know i feel like maybe i feel like that's like the guy like a loser if they were they're like partying and I'm like baking you you are like I don't know what goes on in your head that is the most normal interaction

of all time like that's like what people do they ask their neighbors for it yeah maybe I'll leave a cup of sugar thought I'd return the thing I was like a loser because I was baking like they were like I don't know they were like loser baking I genuinely was worried I was worried the like guy friend was gonna like clown me like what are you bait it's like 11 p.m are you baking can't bake it this hour he's got a party he's not he's not he doesn't think i'm a loser he's just like this is way too late to start painting you've got to be partying right now dude what are you doing was it a weekend yeah what are you doing you got partying i know i know i know so this is egg white i'm playing golf with your

buddy or maxian what yeah max is like he's like friend maxing right now dude he's the man you know he played tennis i just played tennis with him yeah do you own him that's who i learned i was golfing with max and he was like you know andrew was a top 100 tennis player in the world right now i was like how does that not come up i mean i didn't look like it yesterday i hadn't swung a racket in probably six years um no no i had a lot of rust to uh to shake off unfortunately did he beat you um so we were there was three of us so we were doing like rotational games um so it was like kind of king of the court kind of vibes and so i won a couple lost a couple okay like here and there um but we were like trading around servers um but yeah i was i mean i think there weren't

many shots that i didn't just shank off my racket and when i was in my prime i'd maybe shank like two shots an entire match so i have quite a bit of a way to go to get back to that is the worst when someone finds out you used to be good at something or like has built in their mind that you're like the exact same thing happened when i played golf with him where he just kicked my ass yeah and before we started uh he asked my handicap and i told him and he was like what you're better than me how is mine better than you and i was like i'm not and then he just smoked me yeah yeah wait his handicaps he's a good golfer he he missed a he missed a putt for to go one under on the front nine he was like 76 better than i am yeah yeah didn't need all that gusto

he's a renaissance man i mean he he had good stroke in tennis too i think i uh i think i might have oversold myself a little bit because honestly like i say i haven't swung a racket in six years but also i only swung my racket once six years ago so then there was like another three years before that that actually was like playing playing so i really haven't played in like nine years were you getting like looks from colleges wait nine years so you didn't you stopped playing like early high school i stopped playing my after my junior year of high school i didn't play my senior year were you getting offers um no because they don't really take american players ever so So, mainly Division I colleges, they'll only give out, like, three scholarships for the whole team every year.

So, most of the time, it's, like, three seniors. Got it. And then, on top of that, they really only recruit internationally. So, they take people from, like, Italy, Spain, France, countries like that. But if you were top 100 in Texas? It means, like, nothing to be a good American player. I feel like you could have gone to, like, could have gone to a NASCAC, maybe. What's that?

Bates, Bowdoin, Colby, Trinity A small college in New England Oh, I think I knew New England Is Trinity in San Antonio? He was named in New England school And Ian Neskack is New England Okay

Which, funny enough So Max and I were talking about this And I was like, that's crazy And so we googled Andrew Nelson Tennis And there is a kid at Trinity Who like stole all your press Really? Because he was disgusting

Oh And so you couldn't find you Because if you google Andrew Nelson Tennis it's just pages of this trinity kid who's like disgusting i'm sure my name and rank is like deep in the usta files but i mean even my buddies that i played with growing up that were also top 100 most of them went to like big d3 maybe small d2 colleges there was one guy i knew that i went to high school with that went to like a small d1 but it was like in buttfuck nowhere yeah um so you really have to decide how much you love it i knew i didn't love it when like i was like wait why

would i play tennis in college if i'm not gonna like be d1 and like get all the merch and the swag and the cloud and the women or whatever and people are like well you know people play college tennis because like they love it right like they just enjoy playing the sport and i was like oh yeah i'm definitely in it for the wrong reason you still get merch for the record yeah i i just was so jealous of everyone at signing day i just wanted that signing day moment you know because like for that day you were the fucking man at school that's yeah and i wanted that so bad and i was literally like trying to google like the most niche sports i could go d1 in because i just wanted to have that signing day moment if they had signing day for academic team for quiz bowl

well we called it academic team but maybe quiz bowl was like a juvenile version you guys did but yeah i won the region twice yeah oh wow yeah what about like sort of like our super sub what what about like state or nationals or they didn't there was no there wasn't it wasn't a big enough organization that we've reached the pinnacle i met a couple guys on the east side they were calling you a super sub yeah yeah that was from anal got it okay from pounding yeah got it ground and clapping yeah um the what was i gonna say i just said something oh the tennis play you're you are right the the tennis players at least at ron's which was d2 so i i'm aware this is not a good benchmark for this we're all international they were really german yeah or

there were two kids from norway that i was good buddies with that were on the tennis team and uh they're the dip they use or the the snooze they use like the pre-pouch i think it was like pre's in oh it was like 58 milligrams those guys are okay interesting cats they also they would they would they were like the only guys that would dance at the bar i always thought that was kind of cool that's awesome they'd treat they'd treat the the bars like uh like european clubs that's fun turning fiddlers green into berghain we need more dancing dude we need to go to the poop room at berghain i'm not going to the poop this has come up or i've brought it up a lot where who were we just telling about the poop room pd usa yeah yeah was that on the podcast yeah yeah i love

the poop room i gotta oh my god better than the pee room i guess i think i just don't want to get wet i'm fine stinking i mean you can still get wet yeah i was gonna say every third poop is like a shark or is that just trying to talk to a girl in the poop room what's your major make me think of that monty python and the holy grail scene where they're just like chucking poop off the castle wait i had something your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries we used to watch that movie on repeat in my WAP class all right you took a WAP class yeah good fucking what is WAP class it was uh world history ap i think oh yeah WAP we called it WAP you had an ap history class that you watched monty python like on repeat what'd you get on that test

i don't think there was a score low enough wait how was that they just said na on it the teacher was showing you this yeah why well he was a golf coach and he was pretty preoccupied he was more he was more focused on golf than oh yeah teaching oh yeah interesting i don't think i don't know if any of his students pass why did why would they give him an ap class to teach uh i think it's more money you don't think any of his students passed no i mean get like a zero percent pass right well we're watching monty python for i took wait wait wait wait how did he only get to teach one year no no no he taught multiple years but he was such a nasty golf coach that they kept him around why wouldn't they just be like you can teach golf and not well you have to teach a class as

well that feels impossible why would they just be like do cp history or something cp history college sounds not good cp history that was not like college prep it was like for like the kids that were like it was gonna be it was for kids that we're just trying to get them to college we're not they're not gonna learn anything crazy oh yeah i mean i i think that he did a great job thank you i actually know that i took a college like history class also in high school and that teacher would always tell us about how like she had this blind friend that they'd always get to drive their car i mean this was you went to this is a public school in texas yeah okay it wasn't not exactly known for its educational prowess i mean we were the best in our district i mean

south carolina is like the 48th in the nation so mississippi bad mississippi's 50th i think yeah i think wasn't at one point maine was uh the fattest dumbest and highest suicide rate state maine i believe so no believe so like in not in recent history at all oh there's no there's absolutely i think someone told me maybe that was just a light of fire under my ass yeah there's absolutely no way have you been to the south bro i went to when when uh when we were moving my sister i love i'm from there i love that place but i went to columbia and uh i can't remember if i was touring or if we were like moving my sister in or whatever but yeah i was like this is another world columb south carolina oh you're touring yeah but she didn't go there she went

there for one semester back to boston yeah uh she yeah she went she was like a full like sorority lady for like a semester and then was like wait what yeah that's not who i am and now and now she's and now she's gay it's sad though you know they don't they don't fund education i didn't realize texas public schools were that bad okay it was not that bad they are they just told us about a teacher that i passed zero percent pass i passed like most of my other ap exams it was just like history we were lacking in i had an ap gov class and we realized that we had these like weekly assignments where we had to do like a one page report on like a topic and we realized it started to get around

it was like word on the street is mr murphy doesn't actually read them because he would give you a he would give you a grade and it was just basically like you did it or you didn't kind of thing but we're like he's not reading anything so we had one of them or i found out about the gigolo no juggalos whichever one is in a male prostitute juggalos juggalos they're the fans of insane clown posse and so i mentioned i'm trying to get that insane clown pussy yeah and so i'm right so i mentioned them in every paper for the entire year every paper in the middle would be like this also reminds a lot of people of the juggalos fans of the insane clown posse literally every single paper the entire year i never noticed i just put in the that's awesome

in my ap gov class we had to make a kid's book that was like talking about one of the branches of the government and i chose the agriculture branch that is not one of the branches what what is that what's the legislative executive and judicial yeah yeah yeah but what is what is agriculture you made it up like like a like a department of the oh a department of yeah some part of that would be crazy like there's all the branches and then one of them is just farmers like do we need to be here legislative agriculture and executive yeah that would be well oh no we should have done judicial yeah all right let's check in with agriculture the corn's doing well this year sorry what was your anyway so the title of my kid's book was do you have any hoes

and it was centered around needing was it actually yes and she still has it i can show you a picture of it she thought it was funny she thought it was hilarious but it was uh centered around a farmer needing some hoes to to get his hoeing done tell me there was a pimp somewhere probably the farmer yeah yeah uh all-time history quip i already sent this to willie maybe the funniest uh comment in a history doc i've ever seen a historian in my hitler documentary goes i'll we can put a picture right here goes uh hitler was sort of an oddball in many ways yeah like seems like the understatement of the century yeah oh yeah i did a report on him when i was in third grade i think fourth grade

um hitler seems early and yeah somehow i went through the whole report without ever learning about the holocaust which is that seems like i didn't do a very good like job of my research like It sounds like Texas to me. But I definitely learned a lot of really disturbing facts about it. I'm, like, concerned for Texans now. Yeah, well, it was in... If you Google Hitler, that's, like, the first thing that comes up.

Did you guys have that class? We called it GT, but do you know what it stood for? I don't even know what the class is. It's called... It's, like, an extra class. They will take, like, certain kids from the class, and you'll, like, go and do a different class. Grandma Tutor.

General. general testing general general tinkling no it was it stood for gifted and talented oh doesn't that feel kind of like fucked up they had that that they're like pulling out the gifted and talented kids every day to go to a different class what did they learn was it like them was it like the krelboins from malcolm in the middle it was like the krelboins what's the krelboins They were the GTs of Malcolm. Krelboins? Krelboins?

Krelboins? You're saying it like it's a word. It's from a TV show. Krelboins? For the record, I immediately was like, is it like this from Malcolm? Have you heard of Kralmtoont? Sorry. Andrew, the...

I'm being a fucking freak today. The bandana... I'm fucking bad, dude. I don't give a fuck. I don't give... Sorry. The bandana tied that way would be a funny way to tell us that you showered. This morning, you know, like your dog gets one.

Oh, yeah. Andrew's looking good today. Andrew looks like you got your barber gave you one of those after you like wash after a fresh cut. Barber gave me a hat last time. He said nothing I can do here. Oh, I have to pee. Is that right?

Yeah. He starts peeing. No, go to the bathroom, fucker. guys this episode is brought to you by bear bells i'm literally off that bear bell right now no you're looking at me you're like why he moving different i'm making the camp s'mores one right now gas so good can i tell you something real that happened yeah and i can't say this is a hundred percent bear bells but i would say it's about 99 because of bear bells i was checking myself out in the mirror last night huge and uh like with looking at my muscles right my girlfriend

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it it never even touches andrew's mouth it just goes yeah and it comes right out the other end instantly this episode is brought to you by pinnacle vodka willie hit me what is your guilty pleasure drink pinnacle vodka and what is your go-to drink for the beach uh pinnacle vodka and if you were hosting a volleyball tournament what would the prize be pinnacle vodka i have a question for you yes what rhymes with cynical momda i would say not many things pinnacle vodka that's right that's why you drink it guys pinnacle vodka was born that's why you drink it that's why i drink it pinnacle vodka was born to be the pinnacle of value vodka from the beginning they've sought to do two things number one make high quality vodka number two offer that award-winning vodka at a

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Let's get back into the episode. Something has happened in the last year where I just can't like I used to be able to just fart freely. And now I'm like, I just can't because I'm worried I'm going to poop myself. and so i was like yeah it's the omega-3 yeah i mean if it started this quickly i don't know what are what are the what like i'm taking this multivitamin and i'm just what does it even do why are you taking it because i was like surely i'm not getting all the nutrients i need but what happens if i'm like a lack of nutrients just like i feel worse i think they each probably do a different thing oh my god so are you just guessing

what made you buy fish oil where did you buy fish oil online and you do what did you what made you do it like you were just sitting on your couch and you're like yeah why do you do anything i mean no i know i just like there has been a lot of change in your life recently i know i think i just was like this is what i feel like this is what all the adults in my life do it's like surely it does something yeah i got the burpless one i was like was that an issue for a while burpless it says burpless fish oil yeah was it like where people just like having like the rankest fucking burps of all time they had to make up do you know do you know how bad the burps have to be for the company to make a burp also like who's picking the burp one now

Does it taste like fish? It's in a capsule. Oh, okay. But, yeah, let me tell you, it smells. When you burp it up, it tastes like fish. The burp, really? Yeah. Do you take it?

I took it a lot as a kid. Why? Was this pre-burpless? Why did you start taking it? Yeah, pre-burpless. My mom forced me to. I just heard that it was like if you're not eating fish, you should have this. Oh, I don't eat fish.

Yeah. Apparently, it's supposed to, like, grow you to be, like, 6'4". It clearly worked. It worked. It worked. I think when Ma... But I had to go through a lot of burps. I got the...

Fuck, I got extra burps. It's like orange juice. Yeah, it's like having... It's like pulp. Oops, all burp. Extra burp. Regular burp. I prefer the burp.

Burp in. Oh, you guys want to hear a fun fact about World War II? Yeah. So I'm watching this Hitler documentary. Yeah. And there was this part... Larry Stock. Part of the Treaty of Versailles was like they had to give up

this chunk to like france they were like you're not allowed to have military here and france was occupying it and hitler was like fuck this i'm going in and so he brought all the boys down there and as like an act of defiance france put all the minorities that they had in their army like to occupy that so it was like black guys asian guys like all these people down there as like a fuck you to hitler because he like obviously hated people of other races sure so the people occupying it were like black guys basically being like how does this sit with you hitler got it got it got it isn't that funny they were they were french allies of the nazis or wait it was i believe they got them from like french territories or whatever so maybe like

france france wasn't really good for putting them there anyways yeah but i thought that was cool to be like oh you don't you don't like other races they're holding wait i'm they're holding they were holding for the nazis no no no against them they were fighting because it kind of sounds like they were like oh hitler's coming let's send all the minorities to get slaughtered oh no no no it was like they they won yeah i don't think there was like a con at least in the when they brought it up it wasn't about conflict it was just like when hitler got there got it the friends the france french had stationed all the minorities there but he i think i told him i went to french this was like early like world war ii hadn't started yet this was like like in the build-up

got to it or whatever i have the all-time main trip coming up we're playing four different golf courses wow so same time same playing fourth the same yeah we go play the first hole that we drive play the first hole first hole first hole uh i'm getting the crew back together and we're gonna play we're playing booth bay harbor sugarloaf uh rangely and purputic yeah buddy what sorry what was that last one again purputic pur purputic pur what purputic no pur what pudic that was my that was my home club dude growing up okay cool it's and how much sorry how much perpudic can i package them together what's your cppd cost perpudic oh man oh man i am excited but i have to finish all my brand you know i'm in the throes of brand tober yeah to finish all my

all my branded videos before i go okay i gotta do another one too i i'm going then right after you and i'm going to palace playland for my birthday to tell you that i haven't been there i'm gonna be in maine did i tell you this i'm going home for my birthday and oh yeah i did tell you this yeah what hit me well then i'm gonna be there with it's just me me my parents me and my parents so i've decided that i'm making them take me to the amusement park have you been there before they have to pay for all the games yeah oh yeah but like as a kid yeah yeah like my dad worked there growing up and stuff so it's kind of funny the last time i was there we had a family friend in town and they had gotten in a motorcycle accident like the year prior and one of their legs

was kind of like mangled and that was all i can remember that's par for the course of palace playland that's like the most normal guy palace playland i had a cousin a mainer cousin yeah that my dad and i were talking about this we're like i didn't you know when you're when you're eight and you have a 16 year old cousin they might as well be like 30 i just didn't realize that he was 16 at the time he my dad was like yeah we'd go up and hang out with them and he would come the 16 year old would like come down and give everyone beers or whatever and then just like crack one for himself and sit down and i thought it was normal because i thought he was like also an adult yeah and my dad was like yeah no i never had the balls to be like that is a crazy play if you do anything

with confidence yeah that's like did you see like there was our um guy jacking off on the street out there no way and the cop walked by and he said what are you gonna do about it today let him go yeah he was jacking it yeah you know speaking of ramon does not like yeah we just we did just definitely just talk about this right oh where you went and he had a bat didn't we talk about uh we have talked about it before but yeah i heard and the bat and he was like bastion walked in wait me fuck my life we do this podcast too much where i don't remember what's real life and what we talked about he just he just told me no jackson told me this he just told me he can't figure out where they're all coming from jackson told me that jackson walked in or bastion walked in and

he had like a bat primed it was like oh oh sorry i thought it was a different guy i've heard he's beat the shit out of a couple of them with a bat which like is that legal like how is he always tells me he goes uh this place used to be filled with guys with suits and now it's all these homeless when was it guys with suits apparently santa monica used to be like the prime wall street la yeah back in the day or something like that he was like guys always walk around here yeah he was like guys would always walk around in suits around here now it's all these homeless people and i was like i've seen a few of them in suits sorry they're gonna be walking around in suits after their fucking clothes party yeah it's like

uh sorry ramon what if uh what if we gave them suits would that make you happy he's not he's not mad about like the behavior or like the suits geeking out he just doesn't think they're dressed properly or a suit for him heartwarming moment we we we sent a hundred homeless guys with suits into his store and he just starts crying all i've ever wanted like our arcade yeah that would be funny there's a guy in vegas who's trying to or uh in venice who's trying to make like a a human trap for the homeless people what where he's like rigged his garage so like if the homeless people go in his garage like the garage door comes down okay are you serious like arrest them yeah there What's he going to do with them once they're in there?

Call the police. Can you show me? It was like a news report. Wait, arrest them for trespassing? Yeah. Has he been successful? The video comes out and it's like Dylan walking home and sees a tree. Yeah, Dylan falls for like box.

It's like box propped up by stick. Did you make this up, bro? No, I swear this was a real thing. Wait, but if he just kept his garage closed, then they... Bro made it up. No, I didn't. Give us one source. I mean, obviously there's going to be a lot of reports about homeless people in Venice.

Where did you see it? I saw it, like, on the news. I think you made this up. Yeah, what? Wait, wait, wait. Did you see it on the news at your house? On the news? Like, on the TV?

It was, like, a Twitter news. it was it was the news but it was posted on twitter okay um i don't know they're saying that maybe i'm thinking of a guy found a no this is too specific for you to be thinking of anything else residence garage you just went for it and that's okay i didn't just make up a story can i tell you something about mountain dew hit me one time i was drinking a mountain dew and i was in between uh like the bread and the tomato of a blt and i looked down and guess what everyone was loving it what yeah that sounds awesome i've never had that happen before i was shrunk down to the size where i was in between the tomato and the bread of a blt so there were lettuce and bacon

obviously too but i was just in between the bread and the tomato of the blt right drinking a Mountain Dew and everyone was loving it this one time we were floating down the river in our tubes and mine got punctured by a rock so we took all the cases of Mountain Dew made a raft and I floated all the way to town really yeah were you drinking Mountain Dew too yeah delicious yeah so good so good this episode is brought to you by Mountain Dew guys it is officially summer season and the Cooler is stocked with ice-cold Mountain Dew. There's all sorts of fun stuff on the calendar this year. I'm talking lake trips, cookouts, backyard hangs.

I'm going to a festival this weekend. Nice. Guess what I'm going to get? Mountain Dew. I mean, nothing's going to pair better with Mountain Dew than being in a crowd of people watching a band I like. I'm very excited to have a Mountain Dew this weekend. Guys, Mountain Dew was proudly born in the foothills of Tennessee back in 1948,

and it is an American original. Is it foothills or foothills? i never know because the th right it is an american original and it has been tasting great since 48 nothing goes better with your summer and hanging out with your friends in an ice cold mountain dew i'm talking cookouts boat days fishing trips watching the big game days out on the river mountain dew is part of the moment enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of mountain dew an american original tasting great since 48 let's get back into the episode i found the santa monica no way homeless guy trap article you want to see it i'm glad i'm happy for it uh written by

andrew nelson one minute ago wait was he locking them in the garage no no it was just like a siren that would go off but it was still like a trap that was the whole the whole the whole meat of the story was that he was trapping them did you hear that now at 10 30 it is a device designed to deter the homeless and keep people from sleeping or camping out in a specific area, especially where people live and play. I love you, but that's just a different

thing. It's still a trap. I want to do his idea, but for regular guys. Yeah, it goes off like when people are overstaying their welcome. Alright, whatever. I got something. My brother was on CBS Sports

Golazo last night. Nice. The soccer one? yeah look up cbs sports colasso what was the game like a new york new york game uh it's about the mls oh he was like an expert doesn't that look exactly like my brother that is your brother it's not oh oh should we watch it i just thought it was funny i was scrolling twitter and i was like oh i would sam's on cbs sports colasso yeah no like the results have been split but what have you been seeing especially from the major league sides in these matches yeah it's always interesting it is funny that must be like how our grandparents feel where they're just like oh yeah yeah will's on the news i'm on cbs sports

you know i was on nbc for the preakness just like a crowd shot no i was on interviewed i was on the uh interviews a stretch i was just like on the broadcast for some reason we did this like virtual i showed up to do a brand deal or something and then the nbc person was like you're gonna be on the broadcast and so i texted my buddies to like film it and i thought maybe they were gonna ask me for like horse picks or something and it was just we put on vr goggles i think vr like just started to kind of get hot and we virtually raced horses and then the guy was like okay thank you like did not want me on the broadcast but some was it on there yeah nice pull up uh no we don't need to pull it up but rusty feathers so an nbc so that guy looks like my brother he does he does indeed

is your brother still the face of ai yeah sam sam is the face of generative ai should we road map it up yeah i was gonna say i think when this comes out i'll be in vegas with my boys oh baby and I'm nervous about it why is I found out this weekend big announcement give me a drum roll give me a drum roll I have hernia and I'm worried that it's gonna like pop or something when I'm in Vegas are you going did you go to the doctor not yet I go Thursday what is it what is the treatment what does it do how do you find out you have one if it's surgery for that yeah probably the doctor tell you that no both of you need to start because this could be a this could be the same

thing as will's super super herpes i want to get a professional's opinion did you just it's a random bulge in my body but bro if we were if we were if we were going to the doctor every time i got a random bulge i'd never fucking be in the well the thing is i sent a photo of it to my mom and she's a physical therapist and she said yeah that's 100 of hernia where is it on your body it's right above my belly i've actually seen is that when you're like i was i was there when he found it yes is that when your organ like pops through the lining or whatever gross it's really gross is that what it is but yeah it was funny because i discovered it at the gym because i was outside and i was like working out shirtless in front of like a mirror and i saw it and i was like damn

that's definitely a hernia so i sent a photo to my mom and as soon as she told me it was a hernia will popped up like right next to me and i was like you are here for the at the worst time like i was like oh it's like it hurt i just got the worst diagnosis you kind of jacked my pump honestly wait you didn't get the you didn't get you did not get the worst diagnosis yet we still need to get a doctor on it i mean it's a bulge in my body i know man but brother like you looks exactly like you're walking around with google images walking around with a crotch hernia all the time what is a hernia actually i think it's your organ pops through right yeah it's something like um basically i think what's happening is like my abs on the right side are shifting right

and so like it's like your stomach is kind of like going through what would be in place of the abs the ab lining is it because you're getting too jacked it's because what she was telling was i work out the outer core muscles too much and not the inner core muscles so the inner core muscles are weak but the outer core ones are strong and they can't keep up with the outer core ones so they kind of shift how do hernia check where the one thing one more question is where you cough yeah you do the feel you're not sports physical yeah exactly but yours is like here that's i think a genitalia hernia i think if you have if you have a bulge in your pants that's something else if you if he's holding your balls and you cough and they come out your

stomach then that's how you know yeah yeah they've never really done that to me they did when i was little but i think they stop i think they have other ways to check now i think that now it's the thing where they stick their finger up your ass and spin you like a top right right wait andrew so if you have you have strong outer ab muscles but weak inner ones if i how do i how am i not walking around with one constantly if i have weak outer and inner because your inner are not trying to keep up with the outer got it but the problem is is that uh mine is most commonly found in pregnant women who have just had a baby have you been using protection and that i have not and that's the thing i'm worried that like i maybe had a baby and i forgot about it

that's right i had a baby wait so is it your stomach coming out it's my stomach have have how is eating been like does like if you have a cheeseburger is it like can you like see the bun the cheeseburger sticks out like if you have a hot dog does it like get like way longer wait yeah i mean is it a thing is it something you have to be thinking about like um i have to make sure that i'm it's not like protruding in anything that i do what is that so like if it get the skin pierced it would like pop your stomach no i don't think it could like pierce my skin but it could get to a point where it becomes like painful and that is where i would need are you not sir you're not gonna be able to party in vegas is what you're saying i'm worried

that it that it might pop in vegas can you do like cosmic bag still like you were planning yeah what's cosmic bag it's you can you can still do blow off strippers tits right like you go to thunder down under and like i'll have to ask my doctor blow it thunder down under do a line off wait can you do uh blow it thunder down under if you that's one of the questions i'm asking i'm just kind of worried you can't you're not gonna do shaft lines yeah but thunder down under we still gotta go to thunder down there one of these times we go at this point we've talked about it too much to not go i've heard i've been thinking about it since i was eight when i was eight years old my family took me to vegas and i said what the hell is that and i i was like i was like martin luther

king the way i had a dream oh my god i'm worried they're gonna like call me out at one of the shows like penn and teller it's like ew that guy has a hernia you can't tell even when you like pointed at it and flexed it i was like you couldn't tell i never would have noticed if you had it oh really What are you working out today? I'm hitting hernia. No, it's really not that noticeable. Oh, really? Okay.

You don't think... I mean, are you going to, like, beach clubs? Or not beach clubs. Are you going to, like, pool clubs? Wait, it doesn't... It's not... Look, stand up and show them. You don't have to put it in the episode.

Okay. Do you want to see it? I don't know. You can't even see it. Okay. I guess it's in certain positions, but... It's only in doggy. See?

You can only see it if I'm in doggy. You're good. Andrew, I'm going to be honest. What if, like, the Chainsmokers... I think, honestly, your abs have never looked better. Thank you. But what if the Chainsmokers, like, kick me out of their show because they're like, ew, what's that?

Are you going to the Chainsmokers? Yeah. Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you. Wait, so. Do they do that song? I mean, I'm no doctor, and I still think we need a professional opinion on this, but I think you're good to party.

I think you might be good to rip. Is it this weekend? It's next weekend. Okay, so go to the doctor before. But it'll be, like, when this episode comes out. go to the doctor and just ask just be like two questions do i need surgery and can i still do cosmic shaft back yeah i just like don't know where i'm allowed to go and where i'm not allowed to go as a man with a hernia in vegas i think you're allowed to go i would stay away from the

flamingo or circus circus but i feel like cosmopolitan and the wind are probably good okay okay that's i'm i'm assuming that's what your doctor will say today okay yeah yeah i'll ask her where are the hernia allowed places and the hernia not allowed to play do you have any of the Do you have a doctor out here? I do, yeah. How do you get one? Do you just have a general doctor? I went through my...

You can go through your insurance. You go through your insurance website. I guess, what kind of doctor does checkups? A general doctor. Is that their title? No, a primary care physician. I need a primary. That's what I need.

I have a dentist. That's kind of all I have out here. That's good. I know. i mean i've only i didn't have i mean i was out here for two years before i had a dentist yeah you're doing great do you have a dentist out here no i don't i i've gone to urgent care twice but i've never gone to an actual primary care physician really i've only gone when i've like had something i'm like oh i want someone to look at this yeah right now my primary care

physician does tiktoks that's how i found her good that's a bad sign i think i like it i think she understands where i'm coming from no i don't think she can do them with her you also put medical content well because like she'll understand like i'm like a podcast producer but i also have a hernia and she kind of understands that she can look at it through that lens yeah got it i think like it's good it's giving pain she understands like i'm not defined by my hernia like i'm also like a podcast producer okay that all right um would you say that that i'm a person outside of my hernia yeah and the podcast i don't know it's starting to feel like the hernia and me are like intertwined and i don't know where the hernia stops and i start

it's like an evil twin yeah exactly it's giving you bad ideas yeah uh stay evil to it so are you in her content no no she can't do content with her come with me to poke andrew's hernia she can't make content with her patients for sure because it definitely violates oh my god you're going to vegas with a hernia wait this would be so can we do a hernia vlog her prescription is just to vlog it she brings her ring light

I've been following this new have you seen that mom and daughter the mom's a therapist and the daughter like asks her questions about being a therapist they're my new favorite I've seen Martin Scorsese what is Michael's biggest fear yeah like

every person who's in therapy's worst nightmare is them talking about you on fucking yeah you're on the internet therapist talk i think i might get a therapist i think it could i think it could be good yeah you definitely everyone should get one oh okay i've been i've been writing in my so i got a journal for christmas like in my stocking last year yeah and i wrote in it three times when we were in tokyo wow completely forgot about it and then i found it in my desk drawer yeah on top of guess what it goes on top of a grape on top of on top of my will i had a will made oh wow yeah oh yeah you are like a hundred going i

think i'm going like a hundred mode yeah you go up from zero to a hundred real quick wait i my i ordered food that was supposed to be here like in 30 minutes and it came so early can i just i just have to go grab yeah go yeah and i mean this with no disrespect because i think i would do the same thing i refuse to believe that you have this many needles and you haven't put your penis in one i've had it for like three days so i've fucked it three times have you actually put your penis no but you have had me thinking about it i like i just don't know how you wouldn't out of curiosity do you know what it reminds me of it reminds me of um have you ever been to like the doctor's office where they do boob jobs and you can like hold the silicone have i been to a cosmetic

plastic surgeon's office no have you no i don't think so what are you on about um but yeah it is a little implanting do you think anyone's ever had a neato as their implant as their boob implant i know plenty it's big in the neato community yeah my uh my grandfather was a plastic surgeon really probably saw so many boobs yeah i think he was more like reconstructive than like cosmetic like i think it would be like someone had like an accident and he would like but i know he did probably saw so many boobs probably did see boob accidents yeah her boobs got blown clean off um he was he was a plastic surgeon in the i want to say 70s 80s 90s

so like the nice it's a lot of like boob reductions yeah all right what were you saying i was trying i was telling andrew i refuse to believe that he has he's developed this fixation for he doesn't hasn't put his cock in one yeah isn't the the guy there's that guy from the 18 80s 90s no i would say i said uh he he told me uh that they look like when he's at his doctor's office and he sees the breast implants and i said are you i didn't know he went to a plastic surgeon then i told him my my grandfather was a plastic surgeon and andrew said he must have seen a lot of tips and i said he was more reconstructive than cosmetic if i'm remembering incorrectly i feel like i was there wait what were you saying about you left something on top

of your will oh so i got i busted out my journal and i'm gonna i'm gonna make an effort to write in it more i think it's because i i have this vision of myself in like 10 you know it's funny or sorry i'll finish that thought i have this vision of reading my thoughts like 10 years from now i'm being like that's interesting and i thought or i went back and read the ones from tokyo and it's like the it's like nothing not that was that long ago but nothing has changed like i'm i'm thinking about the same things day to day that i am now yeah um but i think that'll be cool to look back on in a while like i we were supposed to write a letter to ourselves in eighth grade that we could open when we were seniors and i mailed it in like i didn't i didn't do a good

job i didn't do a great job okay i was for letters oh yeah i was frustrated with myself that i didn't yeah it was like a list of girl it was like the majority of it was like a list of girls that i would hope i hooked up with in high school i was like what mine was like did you make a million dollars yet and i was like i don't think i really understood what it meant way off to be 18 was yeah i think i knew how much they were paying at smoothie king yeah did you work at smoothie king no but a bunch of my friends queen bro i worked at a golf course in high school good god what'd you do with the golf course andrew um i was a cart boy nice like i would wash the cart barely um and uh the most fun thing was when members would leave like

unopened like beers and like shooters of fireball in the cart and then we would take them into the the cart barn and then we drink them that's awesome i would be so buzzed at work all the time and then um we found out that the keys to unlock the the carts was also the same key to unlock the the the bev cart the bev cart and so every night we would go into the bev cart and we would pull out a bunch of like rum and then we'd make like rum and cokes when we were going around and grabbing all the flags around the golf course and then the next summer when i came back to work there no one that i worked with was still there and they go yeah we had to fire everyone they were breaking into the bev cart and stealing oh fuck and i go who would ever do something like

that that's so fucked up that's awesome and then my second day to the new guy i was like hey you know what we used to do that's all did you get fired no when when i was uh when i mowed the lawn for a summer at bc there was one time they would let me some of the guys who have been there forever they were chill you mowed the lawn at bc yeah there was one summer i was a the campus lawn yeah yeah whoa really yeah whoa i was in debt uh i had who to my parents because i hadn't i i made when i when i did the campaign in 2020 i was making all my money as a 1099 employee oh god so i had no taxes withheld and i had never done that before so i didn't realize i thought i was like i'm i was i didn't make that much money so i thought right i would be fine but

i owed like five grand to the irs and i literally had like four hundred dollars my bank account or something and so my parents were like i was gonna do like an irs payment plan or something and they were like we'll pay it but you have to pay us back and so that summer i worked your interest no they didn't charge me interest thankfully but that summer i worked i would work like 7 a.m to 2 p.m mowing the lawn and then go into work at a restaurant in the night and i just busted my fucking ass for a summer and paid it off but dang the uh so i'd get up every morning at 7 a.m and i go and i just mow the grass by myself with my headphones and i would listen to olivia rodrigo really that was that was the summer that sour came out oh that was a great summer it was awesome yeah

and i actually loved it and i i like met a girl that summer and so and it was like funny like she worked on campus too and so it was like she had like a real job and i was like the lawnmower so it felt like some weird like rom-com rom-com like blue collar like i was i got to be the blue collar guy she's bringing you lemonade yeah like she'd come down and like my boss would be like ah you you're hanging out with some girl with some cushy job coming down to yeah bring your streets and like it was like wow i'd hide my lawnmower like behind buildings so i could like run off and hang out with her all the ladies in like the administrative building are looking down like my stars yeah you got a real one you got it yeah you got a working man oh but anyway wait oh

sorry no but i was gonna say that uh that some of the old guys that like didn't give it as much the supervisor was like a 35 year old guy and then all the other employees were guys who'd been they're literally forever because if you are a staff at bc your kids can go there for free if they get in they still have to get in but um but anyway they they would let me drive the like gators around which is like there's like i don't know four wheel yeah whatever things and then the guy was like one time we were parking he was like let me show you i'm gonna show you where the key is if you ever get like drunk with your buddies do you want to come take it for a spin and i was like do not tell me that why would you tell me that and so i always wanted to do it and i never

did but did you show the did he show you where the key was yep and so i fully showed restraint i never did it i mean it would have been instant i mean that's like a dui and a yeah on campus on camp and it like it says like boston college landscaping all like the branding and stuff it has like buckets of grass in the back like yeah that is if you ever get drunk with your buddies and want to do some like sodding do some fucking yeah exactly yeah uh i always wanted to flirt with the car girls but we were always competing against guys with like ferraris at the club my brother you were there when my brother gave the car girls number they got a text and it was like it's a boyfriend nice try fucker yeah we talked about it wait it was a really nice club

andrew it was a really it was like members only um golf course and uh yeah everyone there had like really nice like supercars and like they'd always ask us to park them but half they were with the cart girls what they were hooking up with the cart girls well yeah because they had nice supercars i don't know i just what makes a car a supercar uh there's like classes to it like like i think it's like a horsepower thing or like a i don't know they're now they have hyper cars which is like above supercar yeah uh apparently they're all like stick though because like they'd be like can you park this car yeah but we'd all be like no because it was all stick a lot of like we had the chance to drive like really nice like sports cars but like they were all stick so we never got

the chance yeah it's a lot of them are like paddle shifters um yeah that is frustrating i uh i i've had my fair share of crushes on on cart girls growing up but now the car girls are like younger than like everywhere you go they're like younger than us oh really ours had like kids what and stuff ours our car girls had kids i thought you're saying ours were like kids and i was like yeah That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm telling you. No, ours had kids. Like, they had, like, a three-year-old daughter, four-year-old daughter.

Got it. What was the club? It was called Diamond Oaks Country Club in Haltom City. Sounds like where, like, a superhero would be. Haltom City? Yeah. It was a really not great town, but it was a really nice golf course. But there was a club because of the club.

Yeah, because the land was so cheap. My buddy's club is like that where they, it's a super old club, and they i guess thought that was going to be where everyone was going to go like they bought it they bought this plot of land before yeah it had been developed and then it got developed into like the scariest part of town every member usually like lived in the neighborhood like attached to the golf course okay and most of them would be way too drunk to drive home by the end of the um round and so they would have us follow them in a golf cart to their house and then pick up their golf cart and drive it back to the club pretty much every day and they never tipped

sounds like an interesting uh club yeah or sometimes they would tip but they would give it to the pro shop guy and the pro shop guy would be like yeah sorry they didn't tip and they would just gatekeep all of our the more i'm learning about your part of texas the more confused i'm getting i mean you rode to work on a camel i mean yep i got it at the mud in dallas the middle east yeah it was mostly it was kind of a camel camel centric town um all right should we road map it up yeah yeah all right where's my frigging phone we got a beautiful episode for you guys today do you want to do this guy rocks teach me something and then we'll do sayings that don't exist and scary movies that don't exist that sounds

fucking awesome dude all right angela let's hear a pitch what is the worst part about a ferris wheel you only get to be at the top for like a second and then you're blocked by all the other stuff it doesn't go fast enough it's round worst part about a ferris wheel it's like

boring yes that is boring really? I actually didn't look at that at all it might be the first time we've ever guessed it well done so my idea is a ferris wheel where there are four stops on every stop there is a bar you can order drinks you can progressively get more boozed up and if

you're ready for it you can do more laps and it can become a drinking game who can do more laps p.s love the show and love from denmark my name is alfred wait that would be sick it like you get off and it's a platform bar is that what i'm is that what yeah i think so yeah yeah that would be awesome yeah i'm in yeah i'm in uh all right this is also just one that goes like 100 miles an hour is that a hot take i think that's a roller coaster no it's a ferris wheel i just fucking said it okay this is my this guy rocks this week is a group of guys and they are uh they are afghan this is the afghan national army and the american army is trying to teach them how to do jumping jacks okay let's see how it goes

it is just like it is like not natural that one guy's going fucking ham it is one of those things like what even is what even is the point of teaching them this like we're just gonna waste a half hour this is fine exercise right like probably does probably does a similar burns a similar amount i think that's totally fine if they want to do it that way um okay if you look around like some of them are doing it pretty good but that one guy is just like no one guy's but he's come he's the he's trying which is but i guess like trying hard is inherently like not a good thing to be doing when you're doing jumping jacks like

agree you don't it's more about the motion of the the ocean ocean oh my god all right wait I'm trying to find that. That is fucking crazy. Oh, fuck. Feels good, huh? Honestly, it's like, I wish it was a little more pliable. Like, I feel like I get it in the position that I want. Oh, pliables.

Do you remember that? Pliables? That was a place we had in college. Oh, really? You ever go to Tijuana Flats? No. Tijuana Flats was good. No, I never went to Tijuana Flats.

Oh, my God. This is probably the last time I'm ever going to be able to touch because Andrew's horny ass is going to put his meat in it. This is for Andrew. Specifically. This is... Send this to someone you almost cracked. Someone you almost cracked.

I know we didn't quite make it all the way, but I want to see this through. If you're down, I'm down. Send this to someone you almost cracked. I know we didn't quite make it all the way,

but I want to see this through. If you're down, I'm down. Send this to someone you almost cracked. Enough. I know we didn't quite. Do you think those videos ever work for anyone? Like, do you think somebody was like, finally, I was hoping that he would send me a reel that said, like, he's still down to crack. Yeah.

But for someone, you know. 1,000. You think that works for people? I bet it works on, like, yeah, like younger guys. All right. Here's my teach me something. Any guesses on the oldest. You think that works on younger guys?

No, but like you think I would work on like a younger guy. I mean of age, but yeah Yeah, I think if you sent that I would work on a younger guy. I said that's like a 19 year old guy Oh my god to be putty in your balls. Okay, great. Yeah, you gonna Here's something I was reading about penicillin this might teach me something Well, you know, I like discovering penicillin was like massive. I was fascinated by the effect of my Antibiotics, okay. It's a little Spanish for you. Yes and i was reading about how do you know how they made penicillin discovered penicillin uh i've heard it let me try if i can see if i can rack my brain it was

no i don't know he like homeboys some scientists left like shit out on or fleming i think was his name he left out some shit on a a petri dish and like went out of town for a while yeah and like a mold grew on and it got on it and when he came back he was like oh my god it like completely like didn't wasn't affected by like the disease that he had like on the petri dish like he it like just accidentally got in there whoa and then when he got home he saw and he was like oh my god what the hell is this mold and then that penicillin's just mold yeah but that's like all antibiotics that was like the first antibiotic like that's all yeah it all stemmed from like he just left town for a while and like left the disease out yeah like something came in i feel

like all all great inventions are not all but you'll hear about all these ones that are like out of a cartoon yeah they figured out the microwave because that guy brought a chocolate bar into like the whatever they were like experimenting with microwaves and he walked into it it was like holding his chocolate bar and it melted that's great i mean i feel like it's like yeah over time everything's gonna happen once yeah any guesses on the oldest single family owned business in the u.s most of them are in relationships walmart no what is it dotary family what's that you know the dotary family like big red the daugherty's the daugherty's daugherty's wait or maybe the daugherty's daugherty's daugherty's with big red the daugherty

dozen uh it's an inn in kenny bunk maine really 1667 the seaside inn oh my god what are they like 400 or it's their ancestors it's their ancestors isn't that cool 16 what 67 wow what's it called the seaside inn in kenny bunk wow isn't that cool that is really cool we have the oldest should we go yeah dude there are dude there are headstones in maine in some of these graveyards where i'm like how the fuck did was someone dying in like the 1500s here i didn't realize how long people have been in me it's fucking crazy but yeah it looks i mean it doesn't look very old but we'll see all right should we do sayings that don't exist or scary movies you pick tf sayings for me okay these are more sayings that don't exist

stare in the rear view too long and you might crash if you're reminiscing and only thinking about how things went in your past then you're not focused on the future and you're gonna not keep the car on the road that's great thank you uh the hardest pin to knock is always the last one when you're leaving or letting something go it's always whatever that last final effort you do for closure is always going to be the hardest thing that you have to do in the process blaming the shoe for stepping in poop like maybe if you leave your dog at home or whatever and it chews on the chair you set it up for failure so you can't blame the shoe for stepping in the poop yep you did it i like that a lot thank you uh a long night brings about the same morning

is you can you know try to rest and prepare yourself as much as you want for something but At the end of the day, that moment's going to come and it's going to be there, you know, no matter what you do to get ready for it. So you just got to prepare yourself. Love that. The dented car isn't afraid to crash. If there's someone, what did I write? Someone who has nothing to lose or who has already screwed up their life isn't worried about making it any worse. So you shouldn't be around them.

I like that. Thank you. Can I redo my last one? I don't think I explained it the right way. Yeah. a long night brings about the same morning that even when things can be dark and and not good for you there is always going to be the morning's going to come and it'll come in that same time no matter what so just be ready i love that don't give up it's sort of like a light at the end of

the tunnel a little bit yeah but i like it i like it a lot okay i got another one hit me the fourth spark is often brighter than the first keep trying at things like if you're starting fire that first swipe is never going to be that great but keep going that fourth one that fifth one that might be when you catch it so don't give up that's great these are scary movies that don't exist forced perspective a man is abducted from his house strapped to a chair and made to watch his family while they deal with his disappearance but they don't know they're being filmed his wife and kids move on so quickly that he pleads for his captors to kill him but instead they do something worse after seeing how quickly everyone moved on they then release him back to

his family and he just has to live with knowing how they moved on that is fantastic uh end of the world though a man realizes that whatever the word word is predicts a horrible tragedy that will happen that day and he has to try and figure out how to stop it so if one day it's like river that means like a guy in his town is going to drown in a river and so he's trying to like decipher everything and then one day the world the word is earth and he has to figure out how to save the world that's awesome thank you reverse sweeney todd a meat pie store kills their customers and turns them into barbers i guess that's mine okay right place wrong ghost a man is possessed by a ghost that controls him when he's talking to women and makes him say

nasty things so that he can never meet a woman so he'll be hitting it off with a woman and then the ghost will possess him and he'll be like tits and she'll slap him and leave him uh and then so he gets an exorcism and gets rid of the ghost so he meets this woman and they're they fall in love and right as they're about to get married the ghost actually was there the whole time and just comes out and screams tits again and like starts like humping ruining the wedding so his wife his fiancee leaves him right before they're about to get married and then he has to convince her what has to show her what happened yeah and they get back together despite him like screaming like ass it's like a guy with Tourette's getting married yeah got it uh night owl people across

town are having their eyes plucked out while they sleep turns out to be the work of a serial killer called the night owl i like that dreams uh whatever this man dreams the night before actually happens in real life so if he dreams you know he has a nightmare where his pants are down during a math test that actually happens in real life and he has to deal with the consequences so he's trying to figure out how to shape his dreams at night for good instead of evil but every once in a while they have a thought that creeps in and he'll have to deal with it in the morning that's actually a lot like the book i'm reading is it actually yeah no not not at all okay it's just like yeah it's funny oh did you not have any more i did three and you did three jesus fucker all right we love

you guys fucker we'll see you later peace out if any playmates have any vegas suggestions for a guy with oh i'm gonna let me know later vegas downtown vegas uh fremont um suggestions strip all those places. For guys with hernias only. Hernia!