Will & Rusty's Playdate - Are we human? Or are we dancer?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to Will and Rusty's Playdate, brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer. Redefining the party landscape. Hey, let's talk about Factor. Factor's delicious, ready-to-eat meals make eating better every day even easier. Head to factormeals.com slash playdate50 and use code PLAYDATE50 for 50% off. That's code PLAYDATE50 at factormeals.com slash PLAYDATE50 to get 50% off. Let's get into the episode. Alrighty, Playdate episode 32, our Magic Johnson episode. Good pull.

Starting point is 00:00:45 Thank you. Or Christian Laettner. I'd rather do a Christian Laettner episode. Okay. Yeah, why? He sucks. No, he's my favorite basketball player of all time. Are you a Duke fan?

Starting point is 00:00:54 I grew up a Duke fan. More out of spite because my family was a UK family. I mean, it's just like bandwagon shit all around there. They were like, my stepmom went to UK. My dad went to a tiny private school, so he didn't have a D1 team. Yeah, I guess you're right. But you should be like a, yeah, I don't even know. In Maine, what, like a UConn fan?

Starting point is 00:01:18 We were all, like all my, a lot of my buddies were Duke fans as well. BC? no but um to the sweet 16 and 08 yeah i watched shabazz napier play uh in madison square garden against michigan state he was a dog he was a dog he was a dog for sure shabazz i think it's a really cool name as well yeah that'd be weird if you had a kid named shabazz but i think looking objectively at it oh if i had a kid named shabazz yeah there's gotta be racist somehow yeah maybe not racist but just sexist yeah off-putting yeah people probably i should be off-putting off-putting i'm trying to get off-putting there's too many sweets i'm trying to get off-putting

Starting point is 00:02:01 all right let's give someone someone said someone said that they missed the roadmap but i gave one in the last episode did i not no you did but i think they missed it because you gave it like a minute and you didn't preface it as roadmap you were just like all right we're doing well here's the roadmap guys we got your pitches our pitches we got our still brand new favorite segment teach me something then we're doing or we also have our pitches did i say that semantics um then we have song lyrics uh we don't know if it's song lyrics that don't make sense or just bad song lyrics something along those lines song lyrics that are kind of nonsensical yeah and then uh pokemon that don't exist yeah that one i'm excited which should be fun oh and and lauren's gonna read

Starting point is 00:02:48 some am i the assholes right i slowly becoming my favorite part of the podcast yeah i think people are liking them too i feel like we're getting a lot more of those submissions than pitches yeah and people saying that they want us to call them so we actually do have someone today i'm so excited and they're free and they're free oh no you do pay per the minute per minute yeah i meant like like they have a gap yeah with verizon it's all no i told her i was like okay we record at 1 p.m pacific so oh i'm stuck do you have any idea what it is yeah uh we'll get into it well i don't yeah uh i was well i've told you guys this but i gotta tell them what what happened to me last night because it was actual hell i haven't heard this no about my

Starting point is 00:03:32 my my drink switch up oh this is hysterical i had a i had a shoot for my youtube show 60 for 60 go watch it go watch it also youtube show fuck rusty's new youtube show is fucking fantastic thank you uh watch it after this episode go watch 60 for 60 after this episode and then go watch my new show how cool unbelievable on friday beers it uh i visited the happiest town in the country it's such a relaxing it's so good i i'm happy with the way it turned out but tell them what happened anyway last night we get home i get home from i was shooting until like 9 30 or something yeah so i get home at like 9 39 45 i'm exhausted i go to we we have our new presenting sponsor triple which we're stoked about seltzers yeah they're delicious so they sent us a bunch so i

Starting point is 00:04:21 went home and i went to grab one of those out of my also for the record this this sounds like it sounds like an ad it sounds like we had to do it like we told them we were gonna do an organic ad we didn't this actually happens it's not an ad at all also this wouldn't even be an ad for them this is like if anything yeah i guess the fact that i went i anyway i go to grab one out of my fridge and i just i guess i just saw like the back of the can and i grabbed it so i'm sitting there on the couch watching tv with my roommate what time is it uh it's like getting close it's about 10 o'clock at this point yeah um which is around my bedtime i was just looking for a little wind down and i would be you know out by 10 30 yeah three quarters of the way through i'm like

Starting point is 00:04:56 what like i was like feeling like this like kind of energy or whatever i was like oh my god i look at the can it was i grabbed the fucking celsius out of my fridge so i drank three quarters of a celsius right before bed yeah uh i was up for like two more hours and then i slept for like four hours woke up in the middle of the night couldn't go back to bed absolute disaster yeah but the backs of the can't they're it's these you know what i mean these tall cans they all just kind of look the same can i again this isn't an ad but this reminded me of it the way the way that i've been using them is i swear to god i swear to god not an ad but um i have been you know i'm up a couple lbs and i'm like i need to like you know get healthy again and so i'm not drinking during

Starting point is 00:05:46 the week and um but you know i like to unwind and so i was like i want to go for a walk but Like, that sounds so boring. So I just got high before I went on the walk. And it was so fun. It was like I was kind of making my way through Brentwood. And then I realized, like, I'm so far away from my house. And that was, like, when I kind of was, like, you know, at the highest you would want to be outside. And I was, like, 30 minutes away from my house.

Starting point is 00:06:18 But I broke a good sweat. And then I came home. Which direction did you walk? like i don't know like due east like you almost want to hit the beach at some point oh no no i'm i mean i'm in brentwood i left my house and i just walked uh oh that would have been west i guess i walked john san vicente no i the way i do it is i cross i cross barrett this means nothing to anyone we're telling people exactly where i cross barrington and i walk into uh this through this neighborhood and then there's like a really steep hill for like you know almost a mile which is nice

Starting point is 00:06:54 but it's like it's like oh yeah it's like not a steady it's just a steady incline it's nothing crazy but if you know if you're if you're busting a move if you're busting if you're if you're walking fast i'm just busting on you you get up to like is it sunset you get up to sunset and then you just i just turn around but i realized how high i was and how far away i was from home when i was like on sunset boulevard got it all these people like fly like it went from like quiet neighborhood to just like cars like and uh i touched the pole and i didn't want to like i didn't want people to know that like that's what like where i was you know setting and you touch like just to be like because i i i'm like you have to touch that pole and then you can turn

Starting point is 00:07:36 around but it was clear what i was doing and there was like car is sitting there and i went up and like sheepishly touched the pole and then turned around and the lady next to me was laughing the lady in the car was laughing that's funny she probably thought you're i thought it was a fat fuck who had to had to touch that pole before i could go home need all my snacks did you um did you listen to like music i listened to jake johnson's podcast uh we're here to help which if you guys have if you guys like again again not on it not an ad but uh if you're looking for you know ways to kill time between playdate episodes okay but i really like don't let it be a substitute. No, it's not a

Starting point is 00:08:15 substitute. It's like when you're in a pinch. You've run out of Playdate episodes to do. And you've already listened to the Almost Friday pod, Empty Netters, Red Flags, every podcast in our network. Then you can go listen to it. Then you can listen to a different one.

Starting point is 00:08:31 He's so funny, dude. That's a guy from New Girl? Nick Miller, I think, is the best character in television. Yeah, I've never seen the show. Really? Yeah. Wow. Another show you would like. okay i always what was the last one ancient aliens it was sky high you hadn't seen i always think you're like this you know eclectic guy i'm an eclectic guy i oh my god you're pulling from

Starting point is 00:08:55 different sources than me yeah we you and i operate in very different different circles i guess yeah um yeah but he oh my god there's the funniest story on one of them i i was telling kate about this but my sister put me on to we're here to help but there's a story where we shouldn't keep doing an ad for another podcast but i have to tell you this story it's awesome okay no this is good then they don't have to listen to that podcast oh yeah i'll just yeah every week yeah i've had a good idea for a podcast you come on and you give quick synopses of all the other all the other popular podcasts so it's just like come here i'll do it um you skip all the boring woman basically the premise of their podcast is like they uh people call in and they give them problems

Starting point is 00:09:32 like kind of similar to our am i the asshole thing but that's the whole podcast and they talk them through you know like how they would handle the problems and this one girl it's the first episode this is how i got into the show this girl is cat sitting her friends who live kind of like in a different town like i think it was a hike to get there okay and uh and she has roommates so she's like taking advantage of all this alone time and so she was like masturbating like in their like living room and like in the living room everywhere like apparently just fucking everywhere and uh on day seven she looks up and there's a fucking you know blink or like ring camera whatever it is in the corner just pointing directly at her with the light on and she panics

Starting point is 00:10:17 and throws it out the window and just pretended like it didn't happen and she was like uh she calls back in like you know 30 episodes later with an update and she was like they haven't brought it up but they also haven't like talked to her were they friends they're friends but it would almost the way she was describing almost sounded like maybe like family friends like it wasn't it wasn't completely like out of the question for them to not get in contact with her yeah but it was still like they obviously noticed their cameras gone yeah that's a nightmare it was crazy um there was a time i was dog sitting i wasn't masturbating in the living room but i was dog sitting for some family friends i noticed the ring camera and i was like something about it always kind of freaks

Starting point is 00:11:02 me out i'm like well i'm house sitting right now and they have cameras all over the really yeah it's only a little i don't know something about it's kind of strange but i also understand like if they're having like a new babysitter maybe yeah no these people were like they might i think they have it there for their dog or something like it wasn't like the camera was it wasn't for me yeah yeah we had uh we had cameras um that would go straight to my dad's phone so when he was out of town like motion he could like i don't think he was checking him but it was more to just be like it was impossible in his mind to throw parties but there were like so many blind spots like everyone's like drinking in that corner no if you could get into the house he didn't have him in the

Starting point is 00:11:42 house it was like if you could get people in it was fine yeah and uh there were so many times where i like thought we were completely getting away with it and he would like let it happen and then he would tell me the next day yeah being like dude like not even close there was one there was one where it's me and you see me kind of eyeing it down on the way in from school and like i thought me in the living room trying to form plan was off camera but you could just see me in the window trying to like figure out the best way to do it and then it's me coming up behind it with a wash cloth and putting it on and uh what was the game plan just say it went out yeah but if you unplugged like the router like the mainframe or whatever it uh also told them like someone unplugged the

Starting point is 00:12:28 mainframe yeah there was one where i i thought uh i thought they didn't have one in the basement or i thought it was your base yeah i thought it was like a decoy one and it's me crazy assumption to make i can't remember that one's probably there were some there were some that like we had security cameras that were like my dad used to say like security cameras would like keep the honest people honest like it's not actually about the recording it's like i don't know giving them a second thought whatever yeah and uh and i was you know i think i was supposed to be at my mom's or something and but i couldn't make it home because i coming home from a party and i went to sleep in our pool house but our pool house wasn't insulated it's like the middle of winter

Starting point is 00:13:07 so it was like way too cold to be sitting there i was like fuck it like i'm just going inside like i don't care and it's a it's a this one only took pictures and so fucking and the flash goes off and it's me like in my boxers like it literally looks like a bigfoot sighting wait why couldn't you go inside because he would know you were drunk he would know that like like yeah maybe because i was supposed to be at my mom's and like you got why else would you be like sneaking into your own house god i got it yeah bigfoot sightings this podcast is brought to you by our new presenting sponsor triple triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams They're THC and just 15 to 20 calories.

Starting point is 00:13:48 Triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer. Light on calories, high on life. It's all natural, gluten-free, and again, just 15 to 20 calories. I drank a couple, and I went on a nice little walk last night, and it was just a delight. Yeah, I also had a few. Finished out my pack of grapefruits that I had in my fridge. I'm going to be taking more from our office today. uh and i watched a little survivor and i can say with confidence it paired fantastically

Starting point is 00:14:19 uh but yeah no seriously they're great they're they're uh really like easy to drink um only three milligrams thc which is awesome uh yeah triple is born from a desire to blend thc's social buzz with the social ritual of sipping on a seltzer triple will be available in total wine locations grocery stores liquor stores bars and restaurants in florida and texas in april and it's currently available online nationwide to get it now go to drink triple.com and use code playdate for 10 off your order that's drink triple t-r-i-p-l-e.com use code playdate for 10 off your order triple is redefining the party landscape and it's time that you're a part of it let's get back to the end of the episode um all right should we hear some pitches yeah let's

Starting point is 00:15:10 do it okay we all just said good energy in this room yeah i'm feeling great today i mean i think it's i've had two yerba mates so i think yeah you're you're mate out of your fucking mind right now dude i just went and got a coffee i was like falling asleep but you're a blue bottle lady the it's the only coffee i like on abbott kinney i saw like intelligence yeah i don't like it really i don't think it's good did i tell you i saw robert downey jr there i think so that's his that's his old house right across the street i know it's his office yeah it used to be his office now it's someone else's house yeah but uh i saw my blue bottle and i said it's delish r.i.p tony stark did tony stark die no i i'm not i'm not a marvel guy i've never seen any of the

Starting point is 00:15:53 marvel i think he dies right you could tell me he got blown doesn't iron man die am i spoiled why would i know well none of us none of us have ever seen a marvel oh i'm i don't know anything about i've never seen any marvel movie ever yeah i think it's oh i've seen guardians of the galaxy if that counts i don't know sorry that was kind of sassy you know it wasn't why would i know no it wasn't sassy it was just like it wasn't crazy i think most people have it sounded like you were taking offense to the fact that will might think that you that's payback for you being mean yesterday oh yeah what did you do yesterday he was being like a little sassy man no we were i was writing the description i was writing the description i wrote we had two first time ever

Starting point is 00:16:32 we had two phone calls and she said no we didn't we had one i was like we had two like how do you not remember this it was yesterday we had two it was because the one guy didn't answer me yeah i was inadvertently gaslighting you so then i made the description we had two phone calls only one of them picked up um yeah don't be sad don't be sad no i'm in my defense i was grumpy yeah it's okay also your honor he was hungry you're on your honor he was standing on business fuck off can we talk about the the boy because he looks 14 writing in and saying that his mom hates me oh yeah hey guys you're listening to this if you does he look 14 if you well let's not take it out on him i think he genuinely on his mom i was telling will this because we were

Starting point is 00:17:20 trying to get to the bottom of like okay why would someone why would you ever like dm someone something negative and i think we came to the conclusion that like he he just doesn't people don't understand like the weight that their words hold and he was just like sharing a thought yeah if you have you don't have anything nice to say guys uh don't say anything don't say him yeah i just thought it was funny and i was like yeah yeah girl you're like 40 someone someone basically said that their mom isn't a fan of lauren and i think no hates oh hates yeah i i hate that kid's mom yeah i was about to say you're listening mom if you're like if you're if you guys are in the car listening to this podcast right now um go listen to jake johnson's podcast for all i care close

Starting point is 00:18:06 your eyes and just let your foot no okay all right all right all right all right okay let's get into the pitches also you guys keep sending them because i think they're they've fallen off a bit not like in terms of oh am i the assholes or pitches pitches we just haven't been getting as many so yeah continue yeah um continue to send us some pitches yeah okay this one is from sunita kartha she says it sounds like an important document yeah the magna carta the sunita kartha okay um it's like something that's the sister discovered in a cave that like yeah she says that a stone it's the functional voluntary rohypnol i'm saying that correct functional voluntary yep what's what rehypnol is rape drug it's like a date rape drug what

Starting point is 00:18:55 yeah it puts you out puts you out like that's her pitch is it all right well let's hear what she there's gonna be contact all right hello i can't imagine lauren just picked you knew that a little too well what hello well i rehypnol myself all the time is it real are you being serious i've never done it to myself obviously i was joking but you really have no rehypnol is like if you get a roofie if you get roofied it's probably rehypnol okay got it the only reason i know that there was a vine where the guy goes rehypnol damage control rape drug got it hello will rusty and lauren but let's be honest really just hello lauren okay bang well it's because i'm the only one that really reads them that's oh okay yeah i like that long time long time lurker

Starting point is 00:19:41 to the pod wanted to pitch an idea and lurker yeah that's fun wanted to pitch an idea inspired by things going on in my life do you have something wait do you ever have something happen you and it's just sitting at the back can i just say something there there's something very funny about your like you make very funny facial expressions when you're reading them like that was a fairly normal sentence and you were like what the freaking heck well well because based off of we just met we're talking about what rohypnol is and then she's like things going on in my life so i'm hoping that it's not oh i see what you're saying yeah hopefully there's not anything going on in your life with yeah it sounds like yeah all right well just do it i think i know

Starting point is 00:20:20 where this i think this reminds me of something but i don't know yet okay um blah blah blah do you blah blah blah yeah you do do that you just omit information like based off of what you see fit no i actually i'm not omitting information it's just like this is not going to be the lord can't read allegations wait also for whoever commented that i can't read the dms people send there's typos left and right i don't know what's going on i can read in that commenter's defense there was a point in time where i was convinced that you had just memorized a bunch of words okay do you ever have something happening it's just sitting at the back of your head bothering you you try to do the therapy exercises or whatever to compartmentalize the thing and get

Starting point is 00:21:08 back to being productive but it's still bugging you and distracting you yes why don't you just write the problem down somewhere to revisit later and take a functional voluntary rohypnol instead the pills will come in a series of doses that will race the last 10 minutes 30 minutes or an hour you can take multiple hour pills if it's been a terrible night yeah this is like no i okay wait she's on to something roofing yourself there has there has been a thing that i said to someone and it's i've been like it's not bad it was just like i like toe curlingly cringy thing that i said um and it's like it's actually been consuming my life for the last two weeks yeah no i i know the feeling in the bathroom every time i go to that bathroom downstairs and i have a moment to

Starting point is 00:21:55 myself it pops into my head did it happen there no but it's just like that's like such it's like such a shoebox little room yeah i literally like twice today head in hands have been like oh like i wish i could just forget that was it out yeah that's a no that's uh yeah toe curlingly cringe yeah funny i was thinking of well now i'm thinking of everything embarrassing i've ever done yeah um But it reminds me, either of you guys watch Arrested Development? Yeah. Okay, there's like a whole plot line at one point where Job starts roofying himself, but then the consequence of it is that he also, he forgets the things he did,

Starting point is 00:22:34 but he also forgets that he roofied himself. Yeah. So then he just gets in this like vicious, like he walks into the store and like, or like wherever he's buying the roofies and the guy's like, you were just here 20 minutes ago. And he's like, what are you talking about, idiot? Give me the, like, so anyway, it seems like a danger. It could turn into a dangerous cycle.

Starting point is 00:22:49 Yeah. Because then, imagine you review yourself, then you go and read the thing, and then you're like, oh, I want to forget that, so then you take another one. I wouldn't write it down. I would just... Yeah. Here's... What if we could do controlled, like, hyper-specific rehypnol?

Starting point is 00:23:05 So it's like... With, like, a specific memory. Yeah, so it's just... I write it down. I write it down. I would do that. I swallow the piece of paper, and then the pill, like, latches onto the words and sears those out of your brain.

Starting point is 00:23:17 Yeah, I love that. All right, so we tweaked that one a little. and made a kid. Great. Okay. Not that it wasn't good. It was good. It was good.

Starting point is 00:23:25 This next one is quite silly. It's from... That sounds like something might be up our alley. It's from Moose. I don't know. What up, Moose? I don't know his actual name.

Starting point is 00:23:35 That's probably his name. I know a guy's name, Moose. Really? I knew a guy named Moose. He was a regular at my bar. Oh. Yeah. But his name was like

Starting point is 00:23:41 Moose Sala or something. You want to know a great name that I heard speaking of Jake Johnson and Nick Miller? There's a guy that sits at the bar a new girl called kevin 97 that's awesome okay his pitch is the spaghettier have you ever been eating spaghetti and couldn't get any of the topping on your fork worry worry not anymore but the spaghettier this machine turns your toppings into spaghetti noodles oh simply put

Starting point is 00:24:08 your topping of choice into the machine turn it on and boom out comes your noodles for example chicken you've tossed the chicken into the machine oh you toss the chicken into the machine select how many noodles you want quantity of 12 and press start the machine that's such a crazy detail units of 12 they need to be dozens uh the machine starts pumping out chicken tending noodles that you can cook and add with the plain spaghetti not have to worry about digging around trying to get the pieces of chicken or other topping on your fork we will also sell gadgets that can make different types of pasta yeah i mean so kind of the most disgusting thing i've ever heard but here's here's kind of my noodle no i don't either but here's my qualm with it it's not that

Starting point is 00:24:53 it's not that like i think it's um bad because i think some people would like that i think both of us probably that rubs us the wrong way pass i think moose what you need to understand is that like that struggle to get you know the toppings that you want in that same bite is kind of part of the whole process and i think it would ruin whatever dish you're thinking of for you a little bit because you wouldn't have to work for it right so like mrs tarling used to make chicken and bow ties and sometimes like the bow ties just don't stick on your fork as much as you would want them to be. Of course not.

Starting point is 00:25:32 But the beauty is kind of in the struggle of getting that perfect bite. Yeah, I mean, that's like, what if, oh, here's my solution to baseball. Everyone gets a home run out of that. Yeah, right. Yeah, get real, Moose. I wouldn't go to that game.

Starting point is 00:25:43 No. Come on, Moose. Yeah. It's like, imagine your ice cream just doesn't drip all over your hand anymore. Yeah, it's like... You don't have to race to get that ice cream done. Who wants that?

Starting point is 00:25:52 Not me. Who wants that? I don't know. I really don't know why you guys are so against this. I think it sounds kind of cool. Oh, sorry. Like, I'm picturing... Well, let me just explain what I'm picturing.

Starting point is 00:26:01 Spaghetti, but then if you have, like, broccoli and what else goes in spaghetti? Okay, let's stick with the chicken. Imagine how pretty all the different noodle colors would be, like the green and, like, the gray. I don't know. I think if you think. Rainbow noodles could just be the spinoff for kids. Rainbow noodles? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:17 Does that exist? Well, I think. We might get rich off of that. Lauren, I think you're living in, you know, just a soft. You're you're what's wrong with America right now is that like everyone wants everyone wants their noodles to be easy to eat, right? It's true. No one wants to work for the no one wants to fucking work for they just want to get everything handed to them My chicken yeah, get fucking real welcome to America. Sorry. We're not socialist freaks. Yeah Enjoy your sorry. We came here about moose. You know where that idea might work sorry communist Russia

Starting point is 00:26:49 Yeah, communist Russia would might love that one moose Moose, get fucking real, Moose. Come on, man. No, I'm just joking. Moose, I actually, I like where your head's at, but it's just not for me. But that's nothing to do with your character. You sound like a pretty cool guy, to be honest. Are you confiscating that?

Starting point is 00:27:07 What? No, I was, yeah, you know what, actually, I was making noise. Can one of you pick up that thing on the ground? It's bothering me. Yeah. Okay, next one. Oh, wait, we have pitches now. Next up.

Starting point is 00:27:21 Here's my pitch, all right? TV with a sensor on it The Xbox connect Yeah but like every time Like you're watching a show And if you stand up It pauses Yeah

Starting point is 00:27:30 Cause I hate like Like I have to pee And then I'm like Where the fuck is the remote Where the fuck is Again I think Samsung Might have done this Well

Starting point is 00:27:37 I I That's just why I hate capitalism Should I look it up Complete 180 Google like Google like Samsung Automatic pausing TV

Starting point is 00:27:46 TV pauses when you Well it doesn't Yeah well maybe maybe get rid of samsung in case it was a different company yeah yeah yeah down that click of that yeah reddit yeah yeah just you i think this is just someone's idea on yeah i know but like someone in the comments will say there's a patent there's a tech giant all right i'll give it sounds like we could get that you're safe at home i'm safe um automatically yeah it was moose's choice i i my pitch is i don't know what it's called we can

Starting point is 00:28:27 probably brainstorm this what i've been noticing lately is i'll be driving to work or driving somewhere and you know i just listen to my liked songs like i have playlists but like they're sometimes they're outdated sometimes you're just not right um and i'll be listening to the music and i don't feel like it necessarily reflects how i'm feeling or sometimes i just feel like i can't like relate to what it's what's uh what's in the song and so every morning you just type in like you know this is what i'm going through this is kind of what's on my mind like this is like the vibe that i'm feeling whatever and it finds songs about like the issues that you're dealing with or whatever yeah and so when you're like i feel like this might exist this is like spotify has like

Starting point is 00:29:12 all sorts of playlist i don't think they have this i feel like one of you pitched this or someone pitched like a mood song yeah but this is like this is like songs that are specifically about i'm driving away maybe yeah it's like no it's like my it's like my um oh no remember when you guys were singing those little songs we made a clip out of it what was that what is it i'm i'm driving that was jingle that was a jingle that wouldn't that would it would turn all your to-do list into like a fun jingle yeah sorry i'm driving to work and i need to go to the mail store but i keep putting it off the mail store yeah where the hell is that where do i ship something out of this town any ideas i don't even know you know it'd be funny the mail store is just you can

Starting point is 00:29:55 buy you can buy other people's unclaimed this girl in my apartment i'm assuming it's a girl this uh what let me guess shopping shopping related i'm joking lauren i'm doing a joke we have a mail we have like a mail room we have a mail room i have a pink phone kayla williams as an ally of mine i love it i don't like kayla we have a mail we have a mail room and like sometimes packages like don't show up but she this person is like convinced that they're getting stolen which is possible but i just doubt it because there's whatever yeah and so originally it was like a note that's like this package like went missing like if you have it like winky face like bring it back or something like something super passive-aggressive like i don't

Starting point is 00:30:40 think anyone stole her package i think it just didn't show up and then now there's a bunch of like like gold like smile you're on camera things and it's just like it's putting me on edge because it's making i feel accused of something that like i didn't like you might have did you steal her package i didn't one chance to come clean and we won't arrest you next time i will citizens arrest you on the spot yeah what's the we gotta do that more say what's the what is the line for when you can and cannot citizens arrest people i don't know but it's just at my discretion feels underutilized yeah you're how is that even google like google like yes brutal citizens arrest

Starting point is 00:31:18 top five citizens arrests no not actually brutal just google like best citizens arrest pursuit suspect tackled in citizens arrest i mean is that citizens arrest compilation yeah wait should i just do this yeah this is so long though i don't really want to watch this yeah can we just maybe do it later yeah it's already the ad just really yeah get it out of my fucking face wait okay but speaking of um the stealing packages people do do that and i have a friend like a mutual but within the mail room like yes no listen to this that's ballsy this girl i like saw her she put on her instagram story someone in her building she ordered like bedding or sheets and

Starting point is 00:32:05 then she because she i don't i don't know i guess talked to the doorman and like they watched the footage back she saw this man like he so he took her package and then he was using the tote bag that the package came in like the next day like there was footage of him like with the shit that she ordered i don't know madman yeah yeah that's crazy i mean i think like i have seen people coming up to your stoop and taking it but if you live in the same building it's like that's great i mean we got do you remember someone mailed us the only time anyone's ever mailed us something and the share pod i know i'm pissed fucking this episode is brought to you by manscaped did you know one man every hour every day is diagnosed with testicular cancer in fact testicular cancer

Starting point is 00:32:50 is the most common form of cancer amongst men aged 15 to 35 with april being national testicular cancer awareness month our friends over at manscaped have partnered with the testicular cancer society to help spread awareness for men's health and early cancer detection visit manscaped.com slash tcs to learn how to check yourself for early signs of cancer and as always you can use promo code playdate for 20 off plus free shipping at manscaped.com i just got my hands on uh like they they sent like a big package with all the goodies and not to get graphic but there was a ball deodorant and it has actually changed the game for me i noticed that yeah it's not as unbearable sitting next to you now i just got my hands on one of these today a little lawnmower

Starting point is 00:33:38 action and uh i'm excited to get in there and get to mowing yeah uh yeah you're gonna let me get in the nooks and crannies yeah in addition to providing the right tools and solutions for comfortable and easy grooming manscaped is committed to raising awareness and giving support for fighters, survivors, and families impacted by testicular cancer. That's why they will be donating $50,000 to the Testicular Cancer Society. Help save lives and balls by going over to manscaped.com slash TCS and sharing their funny educational check yourself video. And while you're at it, grab 20% off and free shipping with code PLAYDATE because like a famous American philosopher once said, take care of your chicken, your balls, and your mentals. Managing and worrying about body

Starting point is 00:34:22 deodorant used to take up a lot of my time i was paranoid about smelling especially around midday it was all extremely time consuming but not anymore since i switched to mando a whole body deodorant i freed up so much time uh i built a deck and i learned taxidermy um i built a lego set on top of a house in all seriousness i have been wearing my mando deodorant i think people are starting to catch notice i think the ladies i'm turning some heads let's put it that way uh and it's safe to use anywhere on your body it's created by a doctor so you know you're not putting all sorts of weird chemicals all over your skin it's making me smell better than i ever have i feel good mando starter pack is perfect for new customers it comes with a solid stick deodorant

Starting point is 00:35:00 cream tube deodorant two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping luckily i have a discount code to help you get hooked on my favorite smelling whole body deodorant on the market new customers get five dollars off a starter pack with our exclusive code that equates to over 40 of your starter pack use code playdate at shopmando.com s-h-o-p-m-a-n-d-o.com shopmando let's get back into the episode all righty let's see who the ass wipe is what if it was am i the ass am i the ass wipe that's our section maybe that's our segment okay i'm having a rough day no you aren't you were having a good day until 30 seconds ago okay so things can turn on a dime correct okay i'm gonna do we'll do we'll call the girl

Starting point is 00:35:53 after this one so this guy says i'm not gonna say his name but hey lauren and friends don't like that so kind i like that it makes me feel small more more more more being nice to lauren no most people aren't nice to me yeah um i'm listening to the newest episode right now and thought i had a Am I an asshole to share? Oh, he said feel free to call, but we can see if we have time. Okay, so. We should ring him. Okay, so here's the situation.

Starting point is 00:36:22 It's here for us, dude. It's worth it. My roommate, Stanley, invited me to go on a double date. All right, dude. I don't know anyone named Stanley. That's like. What were you about to say? That's a cop.

Starting point is 00:36:33 Might be like one of the most common names in history. Not in our generation. Yeah, what? Stanley? In our generation? okay who said anything about our generation i was just saying it's a funny name i do that with every funny name and suddenly this is like no no no that one held a little more you were like stanley i was like he's in our generation what do you mean he's his roommate what are you talking

Starting point is 00:36:57 about you know a stanley you know someone named stanley uh yeah okay all right no you don't no i just meant i just meant instead of being like oh stanley that's a cool interesting name you're like stanley yeah i was like stanley that's a crazy name you you're changing your inflection it was you were pissed oh okay you were fucking i'm i'm so pissed his roommate named stanley i can't even fucking form a sentence right now okay my roommate stanley stanley what fucking shit bullshit is that is that better oh cock and balls stanley now i fit the narrative a little better yeah oh that's what big media wants so you want always a reaction all right s s invited him you have to start it over because i'm lost okay so here's the situation my roommate stanley invited

Starting point is 00:37:44 me to go on a double date with him and his girlfriend tiffany and her friend amelia it kept getting rescheduled which i thought was whatever but i was talking to him about the date and stanley said he really didn't want to reschedule it again when i asked him why he told me he was planning on breaking up with her after the double date on top of that he had postponed breaking up with her because he had to reschedule the date the last time that's so not a good whatever he told me this less than 24 before the date so my question is am i in the wrong for going on the date knowing that he wants to break up with her would i be wrong to cancel the date and lie about why and then also one i'm just gonna say read this one now also one more quick one

Starting point is 00:38:22 i found out my grandmother was in a cult but she doesn't know that it was a cult uh yeah we got i know i like i like that gives us a little peek into his brain and i like what's happening wait so he's is he asking he's the asshole first or stanley's no he's asking if he's the asshole for like like should he go on the date okay here's the thing even it because even if you and this girl now fucking hit it off you are screwed because he's breaking up with the roommate of the girl or the friend of the girl yeah so like i wouldn't even go i would tell him to be like dude just break up with her uh break up with her and let's not go on the double date so that i don't like what if they like what if he like loves the girl and then and then has to

Starting point is 00:39:12 like cut it off because uh stanley bones him i mean maybe stanley and if the stanley and the girl breakup does that necessarily mean he can't be with amelia i think like a second date's gonna be pretty awkward it's not like they're like dating dating already yeah yeah i i don't know i think um the question is like how bad do you want to meet amelia yeah what's amelia's deal i would have to understand more about your relationship with amelia i guess i think it's just her friend yes the friend of a friend's girlfriend is always pretty so yeah maybe just go for it no i don't know i wait i'm gonna i might have missed this but is stanley not want to go on the date anymore stanley wants to he's like i don't want to keep pushing this back

Starting point is 00:39:56 because the second we go in and i'm breaking up with her got it also why is stanley why like he's he's never seeing his girlfriend unless they're on double dates why doesn't he just break up with her it feels like or is he not breaking up with her because he wants to set our guy to meet Amelia a lot of questions I'm sorry I continue yeah let's get my ring no I was gonna say should we talk about

Starting point is 00:40:18 the grandma thing also no one thing at a time yeah I can't even fucking process I just call him that's overwhelming ring well mean I love this sound so yeah we our

Starting point is 00:40:33 phone it makes it it's like way more like calming hello hey hi hi how are you i'm this is so cool um so we just wanted to ask you a couple questions because we're we're trying to you know figure out the best option for you but i think what will and i need from you is maybe like a little backstory on uh like what's amelia's deal like how important is it to meet her so okay so it wasn't like super it was just kind of like we were gonna like it just got set up

Starting point is 00:41:16 right and it was like we were gonna meet it wasn't like super important and it kept getting like rescheduled right like it wasn't even that big of a thing um like we i actually just came back from the date oh it was really awkward because i didn't even really talk to her that entire time oh and so it kind of like what ended up happening is it didn't really mean much or anything and i even told him you should just cancel it but he said he already postponed it once breaking up with her so he didn't want to have to do it again yeah by rescheduling it because he thought he wanted me to have the opportunity to meet amelia to meet amelia but you guys didn't hit it off we didn't hit it off and the other thing he told me was that he just found out that she's planning

Starting point is 00:42:11 on going back to british columbia okay which um is like the other side of the country um so it doesn't even matter if it did really hit off because she would be moving permanently to the other side of the country yeah you're not in in in the vancouver area at all um i'm on the complete opposite side i'm like the quebec ontario area so it is like complete i'm just i'm just gonna say it's it kind of sounds like you got out of this scott free yeah which is nice like it doesn't sound like you're missing out on anything with Amelia did he break up with his girlfriend no so the part that was awkward was I knew the whole time that he was gonna break up with her yeah yeah she didn't and she was like really invested and obviously like really into

Starting point is 00:43:09 him and the entire time he was like didn't even really look at her like didn't want to like even kind of be around her so i knew the entire time and i'm just kind of walking like knowing that that's kind of a bad position to put you i was about to say it sounds like stanley kind of boned you didn't even say he didn't really set you up for success there because if you know a breakup is coming pretty hard for you to put any attention on amelia it feels like yeah well exactly because like i'm trying to like you know be like oh hey like we were having a conversation about like something and like about like names or something and she looks to him and she's like oh like i wonder what we'll name our kid oh no stanley jr yeah it's kind of like it's

Starting point is 00:44:00 hard for me to go like and like try and talk to amelia if i just yeah that happened like it'd be really funny if like you know you're trying to get to know amelia and you're like so like what are you into and then he just starts breaking up with his girlfriend on the other side of the table um yeah it sounds like stanley's got a bite to bullet you get this over with yeah i don't really it's it was kind of awkward i was gonna try and cancel it but if i canceled it um i know what i was gonna yeah well this is this is good though it resolved itself yeah at least it's over yeah i was really stressing out i think i messaged you guys last night because i was like i i really don't know how this is gonna plan out wait the date was last night

Starting point is 00:44:44 it's gonna happen well so it happened so he told me that he was planning on breaking up with her like officially last night because we were gonna reschedule it and i was like man maybe we should just cancel it yeah he was like well i don't want to cancel because then i might have to like reschedule the breakup again my question crazy line of logic will and i have been trying to figure out why why like why did he have to wait until the double date to break up with her why didn't he just he wanted to set them up first oh oh right right right allegedly the double date was supposed to happen like a month ago right gotcha kept getting rescheduled and i was kind of fine i was like it doesn't need to happen like i got her instagram we've it's okay but he was

Starting point is 00:45:38 like no it has to happen i was like i i don't i don't really feel that like i can go on a date with her myself like it's okay and then he was like um no we have to have it and then it got canceled and then he was like really mad about it getting canceled because he had to postpone the breakup there's something going on i can't put my finger on it but there's something stanley had ulterior motives yeah i just don't i just can't figure out what you have like a gift card to that restaurant or something i really don't understand it though that's a difficult part for me like he won like a dinner for four or something in like a raffle um all right fantastic well thank you for thank you for picking up sharing yeah i'm really glad

Starting point is 00:46:23 that you guys read it we like brushed over your grandma oh yeah what was that about oh um i had i had a great weekend with my grandma at um at her farm and so she was telling me i always thought that she at one point of her life had a farm in tennessee um but it turns out that it was called the farm in tennessee and the farm was a cult for com like a commune for hippies wow um and i did some research into it and she doesn't know it's a call she like totally thinks it was like some great really chill place um everyone here's some i just kind of don't know whether i tell her or like just let her kind of like let her be you gotta let her be how old is she um she's like in her 70s but it was kind of funny because she was like because she was a soy

Starting point is 00:47:19 technician at the cult she like made tofu okay there's an article about it on vanity fair called um sex drugs and soybeans wow so sounds like high school yeah that was will's nickname um what do you fear for like the people there seem nice enough or is it like is there a possibility for danger like are they just in a cult for the sake of being in a cult or are they like bad people well it's transformed into so i i so here was why i was gonna tell her because i realized that so she left the cult because her and a group were gonna start a commune here in canada but it didn't end up working because of property rights so they just ended up not having their commune i guess yeah i mean i've always been subscribed thanks that less the

Starting point is 00:48:19 less communes the better i think i don't know maybe just let her be if if she was like 40 maybe tell her but i think like you know she's already made it this far she's probably got some pretty high status in the cult like it'd be kind of a shame to let that go to waste yeah well i mean i never knew it was a cult i would go there we had like a group of people going to like random place every summer and i was like oh this is the greatest oh well if you liked it then it It can't be that bad. Maybe it's just like your grandma went to summer camp. Well, there was some odd parts.

Starting point is 00:48:55 I mean, we all did a chant before we ate. Is that true? Yeah, we all held hands and we'd do like a... Do you remember the chant? You went there? Yeah. Well, no, no. Okay, so there was a cult in the 70s called The Farm.

Starting point is 00:49:11 And it did a changeover to be less cult-like because it was really financially struggling. so like yeah one of the things they did is that like if you had a baby and didn't want the baby they would just give it to a random family in the farm but you could take the baby back whenever you wanted to ah i don't love that anyway so she moved and they tried to make a commune in canada yeah but it didn't fully work out so what happened is they would just go to this like area of cottages back every summer to have like a week of what they wanted it to be yeah like you know just chilling right cult for a week seems fun yeah cult for a week is definitely the vibe cult

Starting point is 00:49:53 for like a week in the summer seems like a blast who was the leader was there like a guy who thought he was god uh in the original cult the farm his name is steven gaskin that sounds familiar was this like a big thing i don't really know fully i just thought it was a farm that had like corn and yeah and stuff but it was a cult i guess interesting um but uh yeah pretty much so then they tried to do a commune but the property had to be in one person's name and that person kind of backed out yeah so then they just do like a i guess quotation marks cult for a week yeah nothing wrong with a little cult retreat yeah a little yeah get your cult on all right all right that's great that was real chill yeah thank you for sharing and and calling in yeah all right

Starting point is 00:50:45 search up the farm it's got a documentary yeah oh i'm gonna be reading about this after yeah we'll check it out all right have a good day you too take care bye a lot to unpack there um we have some interesting people yeah they seem pretty cool um all right should i do the other one yeah let's hear the other one okay that was a lot i know two two and one is kind of sick pretty cool yeah i like that for sure i know i didn't know if like you didn't want to touch on the grandma thing but i was like such an interesting the cult thing was interesting yeah it is funny that she was just like like like that was their grace they just do like a like a chant yeah okay that was that was interesting so also the fact that someone listens to podcasts in canada

Starting point is 00:51:39 i don't know why that feels cool but that yeah it threw me off for sure that's awesome there was a guy who said he was uh from i don't know something else taking a quick break to talk about factor factor meals uh they're easy they take literally two minutes to heat up they're delicious they're flexible for your schedule you can customize your order when you order online uh it's the perfect solution if you're looking for fast premium options with no cooking required i've been eating factor meals they're delicious i act no joke had one last night and it was something like it was a new one that i got it was like mashed potatoes and like chicken and then i had this broccoli with this like cheesy stuff on it absolutely fantastic um seriously haven't had a

Starting point is 00:52:24 miss yet so i'm loving them uh and i think you should try out factor meals too can't recommend it enough guys head to factor meals.com slash playdate 50 and use code playdate 50 to get 50 off that's code playdate50 at factormeals.com slash playdate50 to get 50 off your order let's get back into this episode of awesome podcasting i'm just gonna call clearer because wait can we get a little backstory yeah okay actually maybe we can just ask her no we should i feel like it's good when we have like a little content yeah yeah okay here's my am i the asshole and by far the craziest thing to occur at my apartment i'm a senior at purdue and my guy friends from high school go to IU we have all become friends we've all become friends

Starting point is 00:53:12 uh with our friends at school and take turns visiting every few months a couple of months ago was at the rival basketball game and it was at Purdue so they planned to come up that weekend and watch the game it was just going to be four guys that I went to high school with staying with my roommates and I but last minute they invited one of their roommates my roommates and I said it'd be okay because i'd met him once in the fall and he was pretty valid that's like i've never heard someone like to describe someone i don't know by the time they got up to purdue my roommates and i were already drunk at the bars are these all boys or i don't know i'm like it's all like one long sentence so it doesn't really make sense um by the time they got up to purdue my roommates

Starting point is 00:53:55 and i were already drunk at the bar so we met up and continued to drink for a few hours at one we were all canned and we decided to go home with a few of the guys including the kid we didn't know to eat all was fine and we were having some laughs okay basically long story short it sounds like there was some random guy at her apartment they didn't know okay so and that's it

Starting point is 00:54:14 well she said we could call her oh okay there was a random guy at my house there was some terminology in there that I'd like valid these kids these days huh right I guess we're so old hello hi hi hey how's it going good how are you we just read your story so we left off at

Starting point is 00:54:41 the guy that you didn't know at your apartment what's going on okay so this story i don't know what way you think it's gonna go it's not gonna go the way you think it is ate all your snacks out of the cabinet that's my that's my bet i'm gonna say he he he peed on the tv he put peanut butter all over the doorknobs okay we'll see we got home and we were just like having some laughs whatever and then i deemed myself too drunk to like be hanging out so i went upstairs and i passed out i don't remember anything after that and then i woke up in the morning and i just had a flashback to my roommates um coming into my room in the middle of the night and they were like saying something about the police i don't know i was really drunk so i don't really remember

Starting point is 00:55:33 so i went and i texted my roommate and she was awake and i went to her room and she essentially told me that my friend from high school was hammered and he went on a rogue mission like stole a bottle of Bacardi let's go and ran into the streets and then um I have my roommate here with me too she can talk and explain it a little better that would be great there for it okay yeah so Claire went to bed I was with uh her friends from high school um he we have like a bar in our kitchen he stole a whole handle of Bacardi and went to go to his friend's house and he was like he has no idea where he's going because he's from iu and we go to purdue about 20 minutes later he calls us and he's lost in the middle of the street so we're like shit so someone has to drive um so

Starting point is 00:56:25 we get in the car and it's me my other roommate and then claire's friend from high school and this guy that we don't know so he gets in the car and i'm like damn something kind of smells funny but i i don't think anything of it right so we go pick up this guy we come back on the way back the guy that we don't know starts wigging out and he's like i don't know where the fuck i am like who the fuck are you guys and we're like oh he's being funny no he's having like some kind of psychotic breakdown so he orders 150 uber from purdue to chicago and he's like i need to go home i'm so scared and we're like dude chill out chill out so then finally he's like i'm calling the cops so he calls the cops and he's like if anything happens to me it's my friends they did this to me gives

Starting point is 00:57:14 us the art like gives the police our names and we're like what the fuck i don't even know this kid so we get back to our apartment the police show up they're outside questioning him for like an hour right so me and my other roommate we go inside and we're like damn that's that's crazy so then we walk into the living room and we look at our couch and there's red vomit all over our white couch and we're like what the fuck and it's still there's still there's a smell and i'm like gosh so i walk in our bathroom and there's shit smeared all over the cabinets oh my took a poop on the floor and we were like what the fuck so then about an hour goes by and um can i can i ask just a quick clarifying question just for my own brain yeah what like this is super gross but like i need

Starting point is 00:58:00 i need to know it just to like kind of paint myself a word picture what like what is the consistency of the poop on the cabinets you did not have to ask that i need it it's a very soft shit like he had it on his fingers and he like wiped it on our white cabinets and there's this A little soft turd in the middle of the floor. No. That is. Yeah, but then the cops let him go. After an hour of questioning, they let him go.

Starting point is 00:58:27 And the cop lets him go because he's in the same frat as him. Nice. So we were like, okay. Hey, brothers got to stick together. Yeah. Have you ever. He's like, oh, nice. You shit bombed those girls.

Starting point is 00:58:38 Hell yeah. He's like, what are they? What are they? What are they? Tried outs? Yeah. Probably deserved it. he comes back in the house though and he goes what the fuck just happened bro i literally

Starting point is 00:58:49 shit myself i don't know who i am wait why are you guys letting this menace back in your house i don't know exactly i really the thing is i met him once last semester and he was super valid like he hung out he was like throwing some jokes it was really funny but when he came back he was being funny too and then i went to bed and everything went awry i don't know what happened I came back in and then the police I'm like fuck he's like going crazy again he's like I don't know who I am I'm gonna fuck this apartment up and I was like fuck no I called the cops again they come and pick him up right so they come upstairs they take all my information like my birth my address right on the information they got from him all they wrote on the piece of paper was shit on me

Starting point is 00:59:33 he literally shit on the outside of his pants so police take him to other friend's house and we were told that while he was at said friend's house he has a dog and the dog like he was they were trying to calm him down the dog is just sitting there licking the shit off his pants oh wait did he never got in the uber evidently to chicago we canceled the uber yeah they canceled it yeah so why are the cops just continuously like dropping him off at other what like warrants an arrest at purdue i guess nothing i mean they didn't want him stinking up the station they're probably like we can't we're not letting this fucking maniac in our car

Starting point is 01:00:19 holy no pun intended holy shit uh that's insane am i the asshole for no passing out and my friends had to deal with it and they didn't know him wait i you just wanted to tell that story no no no no no no no she has it she has a point she has a point here's here's the thing here's here's where i might shift a little bit of blame it obviously it's not your fault like how haywire this situation went but i will say when my buddies from college would have their hometown friends over and then go to bed before you and now it's your responsibility not to like prevent that from happening but just like for them to enter like you're now in charge of entertaining someone else's friends that's true i think that's the only part where you could maybe

Starting point is 01:01:11 shift some blame to you but there's no scenario where you would have thought that it was that that guy was gonna like smear his poop on the walls and like throw up and call the cops like that's like that's like he called the cops on himself too it's like a comically like crazy predicament to find yourself yeah yeah no i don't think i don't think you're the asshole no you're not the asshole and sorry continue we laugh about it still yeah this is too good of a story you had to clean it up evidently yeah wait did he clean his friend do it did he wake up at what happened when he woke up so he woke up and i was hell of a night boys sorry he was like uh i guess the morale was really low over there and they decided to stay

Starting point is 01:02:05 they i they said he was just really really drunk but i feel like he was on drugs or something yeah there's no way he wasn't yeah i'm my my knee jerk is probably like pcp or something whenever whenever you hear whenever you hear about something like that it's like almost bath salts there was a kid there was a kid uh in the town next to me in high school who burnt his parents uh house to the ground when he was on pcb and when the cops showed up they said they it was his fraternity brother they're like you're good the cops the cops said that he flat foot jumped onto the hood or onto the top of a honda civic they were like he was a superhero oh my gosh um well yeah wait so they so he did all of that they woke up and they were

Starting point is 01:02:49 like one more night they stayed it's west lafayette he was at the darty the next day and we kept calling him poopy pan that's crazy you guys handled this like i think i would have pooped on him you seem you seem like really composed about the situation i would not be sharing any space with that guy when we showed up at the darty he was wearing a hood and like standing in the corner and i was like wow wow wow look who it is yeah i wouldn't have approached it with the same yeah respect honestly calmness forgive and forget i the roommate did not even fucking go near him i was so pissed yeah 7 a.m with this fucker trying to handle the situation yeah well you guys handled it with class i can tell you that much yeah respect not the asshole

Starting point is 01:03:37 yeah yeah thank you guys so much for that story that's one of the craziest things i've ever heard yeah no problem like i needed to share it because you guys get some well you get some wild stories yeah good luck in the final four thank you so much thank you yeah we'll be celebrating hell yeah all right we'll we'll see you guys later nice that was insane wow i i you know i strive to be as calm as they seemed in like a situation of like pure pandemonium see you in the next hey poopy making light of it the guy the guy almost surely took like a class one narcotic and like ruined your house that's college there was a

Starting point is 01:04:27 there's a kid at my middle school he used to buy fudgesicles and pretend he would smear it on the walls in the bath it happened it happened like once or twice but like smeared it on the walls and convinced like they had to like they had to like caution tape off the bathroom because they thought it was poop on the walls jesus christ oh my god that was a fucking ride yeah should we do some giraffes wow maybe we should stick to calling one person no why no that was awesome i don't know that was so fun yeah maybe let i mean i mean let us know i thought that was great if that was too much calling let us know i think that was the perfect amount yeah i might even go for fucking three well yeah i just don't know if maybe people want to hear us more but i feel like we're pretty

Starting point is 01:05:10 engaged in these conversations yeah i don't know dude there's i've never said anything is interesting i know that's that's what i'm saying like i would i would do all calls if it was up to me honestly that's fantastic um should we draft some uh oh excuse me i already forgot pokemon and what was the other song song lyrics that make no sense all right should we do pokemon first wait what about teach me something oh yeah shit you're right did you not come with one no i did I did I just borderline forget it no I don't I have one for you if you want it no I got it I got it all right lay it on me well teach me something all right this is about that you know the bridge that collapsed yeah so there's like obviously a lot of legal implications to that and apparently

Starting point is 01:05:55 it's like like who's responsible for the damage to the bridge so there's this huge boat that's owned by the shipping company if it's got all this cargo on board it slams into the thing so obviously that company is responsible for the damage which is like billions of dollars yeah maybe i don't even maybe trillion billion no no definitely not trillion trillion that bridge is huge the portland you know the portland bridge yeah they used to be called they used to call it the million dollar bridge oh shit all right i weigh okay that's like almost adjusted for inflation billion maybe a billion no i think the golden gate bridge is how much is a bridge cost google how much a bridge costs bridge bridge for sale bridge

Starting point is 01:06:35 it was oh what a dental bridge he was he was i like how she she she how much will it cost to build the bridge in the where is it baltimore yeah how much baltimore bridge costs you type like really fast how much will the 400 million okay all right trillions 400 million is a lot It's a lot You weren't You weren't You were closer with billions

Starting point is 01:07:03 Yeah Trillions is actually crazy Yeah It's like our entire GDP Yeah Anyway Wait Time out

Starting point is 01:07:12 Dream Dream guy To To commission you To build his bridge He has no concept Of how much it's gonna cost So this will probably be like

Starting point is 01:07:21 A trillion Yeah The bridge builder's like Mm-hmm Yeah I think it'll be a trillion High like a trillion Yeah

Starting point is 01:07:28 so what's up anyway it's all coming under this 1851 maritime law is like the centerpiece of this lawsuit that basically i don't know what what was their motive was in 1851 but the law is that probably just this if that happens you can only be responsible for the value of that specific ship after the wreck and the cargo that was on it and so like whatever they sue that company for the company is going to claim this eight this 200 year old law that like people forgot about so fun and it hasn't really been used since the titanic did the same thing so it's basically the company it can't be at fault for more than the cost of that one ship oh so there's nothing to do with the bridge they hit what do you mean like they can only come out it's kind of like a like you know

Starting point is 01:08:14 people have llc so you can only come after what's under that yes they can only come after the one boats work and it's the value of a lot of money it's the value of the boat after it hits the bridge though oh so it's like whatever the value of like half a boat is yeah what's the back half of this boat yeah that's the only thing they can get sued for i can't speak for like other countries but i always think it's really funny just how like will we abide by these like rules that were made so long ago and obviously weren't meant for like the technological advances that we've made yep yep hilarious um so they're gonna get nothing yeah i mean they're gonna to get yeah i don't know not enough to cost you know it bummed me out not to bring this down but

Starting point is 01:08:59 like when i was curious like because there were people driving on that bridge yeah no one they won't say like death but they were like seven missing no those weren't driving they were all construction workers so they stopped traffic they they the boat radioed in that they lost control so they but you see a car drive by yeah like that was like the last car to go over and then cop cars got there like two minutes before or like a minute before it happened and sealed off both ends. So both ends were sealed off and then there's, if you can listen to the radio

Starting point is 01:09:27 call and they're like, both ends are sealed off, like no traffic on the bridge and they're like wait, isn't there a construction crew out there? And they're like, we gotta see if we can get them off and then the cop just responds, I don't think we can. The whole thing just collapsed. Like all happened in like the span of like two minutes.

Starting point is 01:09:44 But like if you think about like heroes, the cops that got like a random radio call that were in the area and just like sealed off the bridge or people would have driven right off yeah oh which is even crazier but yeah i remember my dad was telling me uh you ever see that earthquake in san fran like during the world series oh the bridge bridge yeah like a lot of people on that bridge when that happened crazy nightmare scenario that's the my biggest fear i think i uh i was always really scared of the of the cascade bridge when i was yeah yeah the i was reading about the bridge in charleston

Starting point is 01:10:14 apparently they they put out like the a statement after they're like this couldn't happen at our bridge and apparently what they do is like under the pillars there's like a big mountain of rocks that goes out like yeah that's like just under the water level like it's like really wide and so like there's a very specific shipping lane that the boats can go in and if they veered off like the ship would be screwed but they couldn't even get close to the pillar so nice the new bridge will have that which is good so this won't happen again but pretty crazy yeah yeah bad either really good week or bad week to be a big bridge builder yeah i mean i guess you've got you're in you got work sound like bridges are selling like hotcakes um all right when i when you see a pirate with

Starting point is 01:10:58 an ipad can't really fucking go what what do you like what's your knee-jerk reaction like why they have that shot in the eye warren can i say got poked out cannonball cannonball cannonball grazed his eye um that was what i thought too i thought like you know perhaps a sword fight maybe like an infection or something apparently it was so that because they were constantly going above and below deck it was like that eye was adjusted to darkness and this one was light so they'd go under and like flip it flip it up so that they already had an eye that was adjusted to the darkness so they could see down below deck like crazy oh they had to see stuff really quick like they couldn't take like a second to are they like sprinting back and forth

Starting point is 01:11:43 sounds like it that's crazy that is cool where do you learn that cool pyre facts i just google if you looked at my google cool uh i don't know what the website was called like if you looked at my search history yesterday it was it's fucking nonsense um can i read you guys another one actually i had another cool one uh there was a guy in japan who you know we we bombed i don't know if it was hiroshima first and then nagasaki after but it was like in the span of two days we dropped two was it nukes or atom bombs yeah whatever the same big bombs this one dude was in the first place he's like so close to the you know like big danger zone got smoked by the first bomb survives is like okay i'm going home to nagasaki oh my god gets to nagasaki he's in a

Starting point is 01:12:36 meeting and the second bomb drops and he survives that as well that's he survived both of our bombings almost certainly died of radiation later right i don't know google google guy that you know like in the blast was like a fraction of who died from the bombs oh it's like people after yeah after like google guy survived both bombings both both nukes both the time you have both atomic bombs the man who survived two atomic bombs oh there's a wikipedia he's still alive oh what a cute man oh my god i want to pinch his cheeks so it's nearing the end uh we dropped on hiroshima and nagasaki three days apart killing at least a hundred thousand souls so sad um but this insane this guy survived both devastating blasts the 29 year old naval engineer was on a three month long

Starting point is 01:13:30 business trip for his employer mitsubishi heavy industries and on august 6th was supposed to be his last day in the city gets smoked by the first one then goes back and it's hit again insane all right um on that note okay at that point i'd be like what the fuck that's wild yeah uh are we drafting now let's let's draft some song lyrics that make no sense i like this first of all i want to put disclaimer i'm sure that they some of these probably meant something to the person who wrote them yeah and like some of these even on genius there were like explanations and i was like that doesn't make any sense yeah i agree but i think they're just if we just got taken at surface value to the average

Starting point is 01:14:14 consumer yep because i don't want to disrespect the art um i'm gonna start out i'm gonna start out with uh human by the killers not gonna lie yeah i still think it's an awesome line it just feels like he kind of mailed it in oh yeah are we human or are we dancer yeah no what the that's the s does that i actually have no idea is there like an explanation did you know i think he was i think he was i think it's just a thing that makes sense to people on like molly it's a great song yeah are we human or are we dancer yeah yeah so that's a good one i listened to it on the way to work dude i just took out my phone to get this and we're getting blown up by caitlin i saw that as well we are we are will and i are late for

Starting point is 01:14:58 something i don't know what it is we're in a podcast i just sent that to her i can't it was stressing me out um okay oh um okay i i wrote down a few so i was trying to figure out one um tonight tonight by hot chili ray yeah it's a great song tonight like one of the fun parts to sing is like i woke up with a strange tattoo not your hot guy not a dollar in my pocket and it kind of looks just like you yeah mixed with zach galifianakis what's going on there yeah i would feel like i'd feel like shit like if someone because i'm presumably it's a woman yeah also like she blacked out you spent every dime you had on a tattoo of a girl mixed with zach galifianakis i mean that's i if i wrote that lyric i would say okay no that's going back to the

Starting point is 01:15:51 drawing board yeah um are you guys familiar with gouda gouda no he i this is the only song i've heard with him on it but you know bedrock yeah i love that song so he apparently this this bar like ruined his career because it's just so bad but he says she don't got she don't oh sorry

Starting point is 01:16:12 she don't even wonder because she knows she bad and I got a grocery bag what was that all about and I got grocery bag and I got a

Starting point is 01:16:23 grocery bag that's like the hardest line that is the hardest line of the song yeah but it doesn't make any sense every time I hear it I'm like grocery bag grocery bag

Starting point is 01:16:30 I've never I've never understood I love that song it's like serotonin to the brain but yeah that makes no sense when I was a kid i remember thinking it was like a much softer song than it was and i would put it on my ipod and put it under my pillow and fall asleep to it yeah it's not weird that is uh that is a weird

Starting point is 01:16:45 one to fall asleep to yep um okay uh robbers 1975 not familiar she had a face straight out of magazine god only knows but you'll never leave her her balaclava is starting to chafe and when she gets his gun he's begging babe stay stay stay stay stay yeah i don't like that one bit um it's like the thing that like it's like a sheisty almost it's just nonsense it's such a fun song to sing though i don't know that one i get it one more night well i know you you don't know that song oh i gotta put you on you gonna love it but i love um love it if you made it that's my favorite song with them that's a good song yeah um you guys know the spice girls wannabe by the spice girls yeah if you want to be my lover you gotta get with my friends i feel like that's the

Starting point is 01:17:36 one thing i don't want my lover to do that is uh i think it means she wants them she wants him to be friends with her friends like the friends got i know but i think that's valid yeah she could have phrased it better yeah yeah yeah no you're right uh okay i've got uh or what if it's like it's like getting jumped into a cult like if you want to hook up with me you have to hook up with all my friends first yeah maybe it's the farm yeah maybe it's the farm you know uh it's called free fall yep rainbow kitten surprise opening four lines are called to the devil and the devil did come i said to the devil devil do you like drums do you like cigarettes dominoes rum he said only sundown sundays christmas yeah pretty sick insanely it like sounds sounds really cool i mean

Starting point is 01:18:20 that's the like all of her songwriting is like that where it sounds cool but when you break it yeah it's crazy it's not rainbow kin surprise yeah her i thought that was well you got some catching up oh yeah she transitioned yeah about a year ago yeah yeah it's like a band right two years ago yeah the lead singer transitioned oh yeah who writes all the songs too nice uh this one like makes sense but i just it just always rubbed me the wrong way yeah uh rebecca black's friday she goes gotta have my bowl gotta have cereal yeah i feel like those things kind of go hand in hand obviously yeah obviously you have to have your bowl to have cereal yeah i guess the other way around maybe but you could have just said

Starting point is 01:18:58 gotta gotta have cereal gotta have my bowl yeah or maybe maybe she's smoking weed before she eats cereal she's probably doing me every morning right yeah amen uh you know garden song by phoebe Bridgers anyone no someday I'm gonna live in your house up on the hill and when your skinhead neighbor goes missing I'll plant a garden in the yard then yeah it feels like an insensitive time to be planting one or it's like why are you why are you on his side why are you why are you building or maybe I think she might be celebrating that the skinhead neighbor yeah yeah I'd be celebrating i'd be jumping for joy yeah um happy i can't imagine what line of happiness a room without a roof clap along if you feel like a room without a roof never once have felt like that i want to

Starting point is 01:19:51 i want her bad but i just i don't know what it means yeah that would be a fun feeling but yeah and it's like presumably at every concert people are clapping along yeah there's got to be some liars out there i i know for a fact most of those people have never felt like that yeah yeah no you're right uh re-stacks bonnie bear song the chorus is on your back with the racks as the stacks of your load in the back with the racks and the stacks are your load in the back with the racks you're unstacking your load yeah i don't want anyone to be doing any stacking with my loads don't touch my load don't stack it don't rack it don't put it on your back don't paint it black turn it back definitely do not paint my load black

Starting point is 01:20:37 oh no um i mean he wrote that entire album in a cabin in the woods yeah he's probably just losing his fucking they're gonna love this one the stack of the back hey bonnie bear quit stacking my load yeah um i think i wrote one more down let me look oh uh this one makes sense but i know i just fucking hate this lyric from raining tacos um what just open your what's raining tacos pull up raining tacos is this like that meme i don't know just open your mouth and close your eyes it's raining tacos what is this it's raining tacos where did you find this all over this guy do you know this song i'm like how's it go it is raining tacos so what is click up oh no all in one productivity software where you can manage all right let's just maybe we do

Starting point is 01:21:37 it later the ads really piss me off oh shoot casey's like can you guys stop playing at you've never heard this well nope wow there you go all right that's enough um harry grip sounds familiar though uh okay my last one was you know snow by the red hot chili peppers yeah just like i think my favorite part of that song to sing is jump step from the road to the sea to the sky and i do believe that we rely on yeah nothing they were dude the 90s were a nonsense time yeah i mean there was most red hot chili pepper songs are just like fun um i got another one i actually got two more katie perry asks us do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind that's

Starting point is 01:22:34 a good one wanting to start again yeah again like i get where you're coming from i've never felt like that once yeah also um i think will i am says this beats so big i'm stepping on leprechauns yeah that's leprechauns are small yeah you wouldn't need it would be more impressive if you're stepping on like sasquatches yeah beats so big i'm stepping on all right that was hilarious um should we draft some pokemon they don't exist i yeah i'm pretty stoked about this one i won't lie um you want me to go first yeah all right these are pokemon that don't exist i've got camo frog it's a frog that's completely camouflaged and it changes colors and adapts to whatever surrounding it's in and it sticks its tongue out and it gets you when you

Starting point is 01:23:28 least expect it nice um i've got indoctrin okay he can make his opponent think anything that he wants i like that indoctrinate them i like that a lot i've got parasleet it's a parakeet with like wintry features and it can make it like hail on you or like snow blast is like sleet probably sleet oh i didn't think of that isn't that like hail it's not the same thing like rain and snow okay yeah um i got blur oh i got burglar rocks uh during a fight he holds the trainer at gunpoint and he just takes all their pokemon kind of op yeah uh i've got skull dog nice it's a bulldog but it's a skeleton and it kind of does like cubone-esque shit where it like throws bones yeah uh i got scrollodex oh i like that he has a rolodex of all of his opponent's parents phone

Starting point is 01:24:29 numbers and so before the fight starts he just calls them and they he tells on them and they have to go home and because they're in trouble yeah before the fight all right i've got gusto it's a burst of wind that can it it can do like a bunch of wind stuff it can confuse the other pokemon too um i've got eclectorn oh i like it he took he looks like really similar to something else you're like a click you're like a superhero i love the word eclectic yeah um eclectorn took a study abroad after pokey school okay and he's just like pushes his new ideas on to like his opponents and is like really condescending and they just like hate being around him so they no one fights him that's yeah he studied abroad in the kanto region yeah uh my last one is ollie

Starting point is 01:25:22 he's a skateboard that has a bazooka nice um i'm trying to decide between these two done with that shit oh uh actually i'm gonna give you two you won't cosmics love it he can harness the power of the cosmos and just like turn into a devastating blow against his opponent yeah or whichever one you like better wave runner yeah he creates a tsunami that like only he can surf and it just devastates his opponent i love that thank you you're red hot i'm red hot today well this is just a blast yeah whose personality are you stealing this weekend i was just brainstorming who learned i'm actually going to take your personality from your first episode of How Cool

Starting point is 01:26:12 because I think you embodied a very adventurous person and you were very down to talk to strangers and I love doing that. So I just, I want to be more like that. Thank you. That made my week. Oh, you're welcome. I will be stealing the personality

Starting point is 01:26:27 of that girl's friend from home's friend who I'm going to shit all over the bathroom. No one can stop me. No one can stop me. when the cops come i'll say the fight fidel the whole yeah fight out to frat there we go um the whole time you're smearing on the wall somebody stop me yeah you wouldn't dare it's just my one roommate chester's older like what are you doing dude um oh not to do more promo for my new show how cool but there's a guy i met a guy who owned a winery yeah uh and he was very cool and he had

Starting point is 01:27:06 a line where he was like i mean he was talking about how he's in the wine business because he loves it and uh he was like you make a good living but you're not gonna get rich to not gonna get rich in this business and he was just cool you know living that life and i think that's pretty cool i loved the line he said about um because you were like what about other people in the town that do the same thing and he was like i don't have competitors i just have a lot of friends that do the same thing as me yeah he said i don't have competitors i just have friends that do this i love that line that's awesome also uh we've been doing this new fun thing at the end of the episode if you watch the end card there is will and i have a hand pick a good a good

Starting point is 01:27:44 playlist a good playlist of youtube videos the one from last week uh was the cheese tax and the one before that was soldiers coming home to their dogs yeah or was it dogs coming home from war to they're soldiers it'd be funny if your dog's coming home to their your dog was your dog got drafted you didn't oh my god have you seen those things lately it's like old broadcasts of how they used to do the draft no it was just a draft board and they just read birthdays and if your birthday is on there that's crazy you're going to war imagine getting drafted to be a drummer boy yeah you get there and they're like he's got really quick hands you guys you better learn quick here's a snare and two sticks for you all right this is a great episode i had a lot of fun

Starting point is 01:28:27 today i did have a lot of fun as well i'm really hungry what are people gonna comment oh yeah um we need to we need to start thinking outside the box well i kind of i'm actually can we make it a real one because i'm kind of curious about the the the phone call thing oh yeah more like are we doing do we like the phone calls yeah let us let us know if you like the phone calls let us know if you want more or less the same amount on the phone calls because we do get a lot of people that do what we say at the end which i like it's good an opportunity for feedback give us and give us honest feedback of the the phone call segment yeah um and then also follow up with a segment that you would like to see that we've never done love it do our job for us yeah please we're

Starting point is 01:29:12 desperate all right we love you guys we will see you on uh wednesday have a great rest of your week and a great weekend and then come back and tell us something cool you did can't wait bye

Will & Rusty's Playdate - Are we human? Or are we dancer?

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