Will & Rusty's Playdate - birthdaymaxxing

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

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oh lordy lordy lordy look who's 40 oh sorry lordy lordy look who's 40 i yeah heard it happy birthday everyone drop a happy birthday rusty featherstone in the drop a happy birthday it is we were recording this the day before your birthday

yes and it will come out five five days after your birthday six days after your birthday yep but a birthday nonetheless

a birthday is a birthday and we have to record it early because you're going on your oh so is this a birthday trip to Hawaii this is a birthday trip to Hawaii got it ooh so Flan paid for it

so Flan paid for it Flan is paying for it in hugs which and kisses and kisses, which the hotel does not accept, so I am paying. Got it.

Nice. But she tried. What's the conversion rate? How many kisses is worth a dollar? From who, Flan? Well, in Vegas, it's like 30. Right. Like, just to get a kiss.

Yes. I would say one kiss, for me, is worth a million dollars. Whoa, you are fucking loaded. I know. I know. we're rich if she do we each get a million if we kiss we what am i what my brain is fucking i was about to say i'm like i'm trying to hang in there i'm gonna be honest i don't know what we're talking about do you want to see the gift that we got you you guys got me a gift yes that

is too kind thank you we did it's gonna be like a bro bro careful because it hurts and it careful with your eyes oh god it's acid it's acid it's acid that shoots in your eyes only pull sticker off this way make sure you pull the sticker off that way oh perfect be careful with my eyes dude careful with those eyes yeah so once you pull it off don't look in it don't look in it yeah do you want to wear my glasses can i just be honest that feels counterintuitive to everything i've learned about presents that's kind of the first thing you know not this kind well i mean most presents oh that's sick

that is unbelievable bunch of fucking paper oh my god it's got like a treat in it too like the movie dude damn it got jammed it did get jammed that's sick but we got wow still came out yeah it's like the letters wow thank you guys so much like from the movie like from the movie and i'm gonna be honest when andrew says this is our gift to you he did uh almost all the heavy lifting so i did not know what was gonna pop out of that that is fucking awesome willie paid for it so i paid for it andrew bought it is it gonna keep going forever yeah i think it just goes like i think so yeah thank you guys so much yeah that is unbelievable of course you're missing a few that's like uh thank you andrew thank you willie for paying yeah um that is like if you guys get

those ads where it's like uh it's like get get your get your democrat mom this card for your birthday it's like a donald trump thing that doesn't stop yes i i don't care where where i sit on the political spectrum because i don't even know if i know but if someone got me that i think i'd i think i'd stab them cry i think i'd cry yeah tears of joy i just don't i don't think that i don't think any mother deserves to have politics on their birthday i agree politics birthdays are apolitical a political so what's going on man um not much i was induced the last night how did it go good we made the first song we made a song okay i don't know you know if it's perfect but it's a song and i had a lot of fun it's very fun to be in the studio with my

is it like a proper real recording studio well we have one of those too but we're starting by just being at my buddy accent's house because he's got like a little in-home studio yep and it's it's in the hills and it kind of looks out over the hills damn and it's fun to get a taste of that hollywood lifestyle yeah i'm moving different today i'm you came in with like a tote bag and you got like an la cool guy yeah tote bag chic barista uh record one song in the studio you're a lakers fan i'm a lakers fan now that's la i just i think the lakers might have it this year didn't they are they out of it oh fuck i didn't watch last night don't spoil it don't spoil it dad does that with sports he'll record that's crazy if he can't watch

the game he'll record it and like turn his phone off until he can get home i can't do that yeah isn't that unbelievable how would you not just i would just google it my grandpa does that with giants games too which giants the football one so it's like you you're delaying you know they're gonna lose you're just your grandpa's a giants fan isn't that unfortunate i mean they got more super bowls in the oh i guess he should have been a patriots fan if that's the alternative he also grew up in maine oh yeah he fucked that up he uh he i don't know why he was a giants fan but he is i mean they beat the patriots in the super bowl right that's true twice right helmet catch yeah david tyreek david tyreek or tyree tyree uh he texted me this morning anytime i play david

tyree do you imagine checking in funny that came up actually oddly enough we were chopping it up this morning he my grandpa texted me anytime i play a word in words with friends that he doesn't know what it means or if he thinks it's like a bullshit word he'll just text me what is a blank so today it was a gin j-i-n and he was like what's a gin and i was i just started like busting his balls whatever and he i had apparently won on that word like i had played that and that ended the game and he goes it must stand for jack win i was like you are the man i love talking to jack jack went off yeah man yeah i think that is what that is i think that might be isn't that like a sweet

grandpa text yeah that's no no beating around the bush must stand for jack win the way you won with that word i think that is probably i wish my grandpa wasn't texting that why are you not allowed to use words that you don't know and you're allowed you're allowed to he's more just like he has always been of like by the book guy okay so i think he maybe thinks that that's like not the not an honest way to pull like he tries to play words that are like like i'm more built i do a lot of like going down the word so it's like six two-letter words yeah and he's more trying to build him out he's a very strategic guy that's the like when i play scrabble with my parents my mom always gets mad because or and my dad like they just they just go for like the

the words that like they know and are like flashy right but i'm like i just do like qi yeah and that's like doubles or points my mom's like that's bullshit that what does that word even mean yeah they're too they're too smart for their own my mom's way better read than me so it's embarrassing when i beat her in scrabble she you know i'm like this i went from like zero to hero i used to be like the worst scrabble player in our family really and now no one wants your hero because i play words of friends so often mop to mvp i do know i know the little ticky tack shit and i also have a strategy or it is not a strategy it's just like common sense where my grandpa had texted me that i apparently was setting him up for a lot of like triple words and that just had never occurred

I mean, it apparently has still not made it onto my sister's radars. That's like, yeah, a big part of the game. You got to play defense. You got to play defense. Like they'll just do what your mom's doing where they like are building a word and they're going to play that word no matter what. Yeah, yeah. You got to be malleable.

You got to be mercurial. You have to be mercurial. Mercurial. Am I saying that right? Mercurial. I've always said this. When it comes to Scrabble, you have to be mercurial. does your family have a lazy susan one more curable more curable you have to be more curable

bad doctor do yeah you're can you just be more curable um lazy doctor lazy doctor does your family have the lazy susan scrabble thing no but we have a lazy doctor like he spins or something i don't know no we don't have the lazy susan scrabble that's that's when you that's when scrabble night becomes a lot more enjoyable because the after a game of like slowly shifting the board so the tiles don't move everyone's exhausted we do not move the board what you just then one guy has like the best seat in the house yeah oh you guys all move we don't move the board we move chairs no we just you just figure it out upside down i my brain doesn't work that way yeah but we got the lazy susan one well usually it's usually me mom and my dad

yeah so we put it in a way that no one's behind it you're all sitting on one side of the table no no it's like two people are on the side but if you're on the side you can just like yeah cock your head a little bit they make one like this andrew andrew that's how you cock your head this well that looks like a renaissance that's how i cock my head yeah you can kind of do it in your own you could cock your head however the fuck you want to cock your head I'm going to cock your head if you keep dressing so cute. Oh, come on. They have an option where you can put your family's name on the side.

Now that is next level. I haven't done that yet. But I think that'll be a Christmas present for someone soon. Like L.L. Bean makes a Scrabble board. It's official, too. It's not like a knockoff. And you can put, like, the Denelans in gold. That might be too flashy for you guys.

keep going so basically it's a gold plate and you can put your family you could honestly put whatever you want you could put like cox on it or something that's my i have cousins and that's their last name cox c-o-x yeah that has got to be yeah that's a bad hand to be dealt why do we let that one slide like i mean it's mostly for my it's worst for my cousin liggan but i would say lincoln cox i saw i saw someone say that they were at their graduation and a kid in the row the row a kid in the row in front of them said a lot of people have that last name because kids they would be like will denell and kumla day and he thought that was their last name i think you should have to start college over you know what's funny yeah wait what if you

If you haven't picked up on that cum laude is not the person's lesson. Have you ever seen that famous cake? No. Someone ordered a cake for a graduation party, and Publix was like, we can't write that word. So they put like asterisks and sent them a note like, sorry, we can't put that. Phil and I were talking about when we were freshmen in college,

we were like, we have to study so that we can post. we have to get good grades that at the end we can post a picture that says like jack kelly comes loudly that's fun but i like flunked a class senior year so you didn't come loudly you know i failed a class in college i remember we knew each other then i was like what class was it accounting no it was an econ econ it was uh micro econ and uh i've definitely told this story but i was with my buddy seamus in nashville in a jazz bar oh i remember this and this kid called us and was like where are you and we were like we're in a jazz bar in nashville and he was like we have our midterm presentation and so the

kid got it was a great presentation and you're like hope that hope the midterm is on jazz or something it's is the midterm in nashville because that's where i am is it on jacks just hands the phone to the teacher yeah never come back how did you forget your midterm i think it was one of those things where you didn't know when your slot was so that everyone would show up to watch every presentation because if you knew when your slot was kids like wouldn't be there on there okay to watch the other kids so you were hope you were just hoping you got lucky i think i might have rolled the dice but i also think i was there all week so it sounds like i was gonna miss it big dice roll i just i'm not saying i'm you rolled like all those like dungeons

and dragons dice hoping for a seven i i am not saying i'm the most organized or like you know responsible guy ever now but agree to disagree back then i think i was just kind of flying by the seat of my pants i also think it was kind of hard to be like motivated i used to be so motivated at times i thought i'd never make it so what did you just get a zero on a midterm got a zero got a zero i might be the first guy to ever hit a zero on a midterm i don't know i don't know if that's true but who else is soaking i guess people don't show up yeah it's a good point and then at that point was it impossible to pass the class like did you even show up again i showed up again and i believe she told me it was impossible to pass the class

so you just never showed up i think i dropped it but it was like late enough that you just get as it's not like that is off your record so i just soaked a zero and i yeah i was under 3.0 because of that which was not that it matters no one is ever asking me about that at this point i think we're in the clear of ever needing that which don't tell my mom i think cum laude is like three five and above but i was it was three six it dropped you from like above a three five to below a three no it dropped me to like probably a three something okay and then second semester not for the record at by the time this had happened any trying in school had gone out the window except for this one class and uh and so i senior year i mean second semester senior year i

think i got like b's and c's oh i told you about my only ever c right what did you get a c in philosophy it was like a freshman philosophy class and i had this like kind of new age professor that was hip and he at the end he was like stand on your desk yeah yeah and he would have you fill out a thing at the end of the semester and like give yourself a grade oh yeah and i had been like really bad when the class was a freshman class and i thought for some reason i was like i feel like he'll respect me being like this is a test yeah i was like he'll respect me being like self-aware so i put a c and then in the first semester i put an a and he gave me an a and then the second semester i put a c and he just gave me a c i was like oh

oh my god, I think he literally just gives you what you give yourself. He probably was like, no fucking way. No one's ever given themselves a C before. He's probably stoked because he doesn't want to be like the professor that gives everyone A's. So honestly, I feel no regrets about it because I think I probably helped him out.

You scratch my back, I scratch yours. I guess your back didn't really get scratched. It was so bad. I was like, oh, why did I do that? Do you think if you put infinity, you'd just automatically be valedictorian? Yeah. I shoot it.

But I remember I was very close to being cum laude or whatever. I thought you were going to say you were very close to being melodic. And that C I gave myself I think might have sank me. My only ever C was in golf class because we had to watch the Masters and I just refused. I just refused to watch the Masters. How did they know? You had to, like, write a report on, like, what you noticed about the Masters.

I was skipping all my other assignments to watch the Masters. i know i think i was like out of town that weekend i was like i'm just not gonna watch this i'm just not gonna do this i'm not can't make me watch the masters yeah i was like there's no way and so i took it past fail so i ended up passing which was nice but it's hysterical my house that i my house senior year had a wide ray of gpas it went from a wide ray a wide yeah clearly i was you know where I felt a wide array of the... I'm picturing like the one that killed fucking Steve Irwin. Wide array.

Harper had a 399. I think Pete was somewhere in the... Yeah. He had a 399. He had one A minus. That's why he was going to be valedictorian. You guys did plus and minus? He got...

We did that. Yeah. We didn't do that. Thank God. It was just A, B, C. Yeah, he got an... Or no, I don't even... Maybe he just got an A instead of an A plus.

I don't know. but he it was a class in italy was his only a minus and he said he wrote her like 50 times and she just was stuck in her ways i uh at the graduation i was at two days ago or whatever uh lawrence brothers there was a kid or the lady i guess there was a lady whose job was just like verify your name right before it got called to make sure there was no like issue and she fainted during the ceremony and so it was like tommy harris and then it was like and oh and the guy reading the names goes oh no and i was like kind of there just like sitting there and then i looked i was like what happened and sure enough this lady oh no and like an asian kid walks across

that's named oh no apollo oh no yeah uh so people come out they like paramedically kind of you know everything stops for a second and then like before anything has been cleared up like the lady is still she's okay but she's on the ground and like there's a paramedic there and stuff he just gets right back into it michael henry and you see the kid and he's like am i supposed to like ai like step over like she's like on the ground in front of him he's like what and so then they like stop again get her out of there and then they're like michael henry and then he goes again everyone cheered the second time it was like but it was so funny like the kid was like what the fuck let's just go around the the teacher that's collapsed have you seen the i thought you were

pranking us because there was that one where the either she fainted or like for some reason she could no like farted or shitted or something sorry sorry sorry she could no longer do her job and whoever was pronouncing it didn't understand that it was like the phonetic like either in parentheses it would be like do like don l lawn or whatever to like help with harder pronounced names can you pull this up put up like like woman can't pronounce graduation names so many names been so butchered even easy ones like victoria elizabeth bruce victoria Lee Zubeth-Bross. Butchered beyond recognition, be it Megan. Michinlu Iyabri. Or Allison. Alessuna Cole-Bishop. And how can you mangle Molly? Malina Zubeth-Khan. The announcer at

Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia was reading off phonetically spelled names on cards, But how hard is it to pronounce Thomas? For the record, Thomas, can you state your full name for us? Thomas Michael Canaveri, Jr. Thomas was the first College of Nursing grad to actually correct the mispronunciation. Thomas. Thomas. It's Thomas.

Thomas, the name of our school. Thomas Jefferson. Thomas says at first it felt like a slap in the face. Time moved me. Then she never even said my last name at all. Time moved me. But now that the video has gone viral. I just cannot stop with thinking of laughing about it.

I'll never forget that day for as long as I live. Neither will Sarah Virginia Brennan. Sire Uvun Jinju Breenan. On her Instagram, Sarah posted a new degree and name. Thanks. definitely some like racist grandpa in the crowd who like thought every these were all just like crazy foreign names and he's like every fear he'd had about yeah immigrants are taking over oh my god that's hysterical why didn't why didn't someone else just be like i'll fucking do it they had no

one else to do oh my god i don't remember did it not have the right pronunciation did it only have the phonetic thing she might i don't know i don't know i don't know i would like to see the card maybe maybe it was like a printing error but usually like what we did was we hand them a card with your name on it and then they read it it's like we'd get in line and you'd like hand it to a guy and then they'd like pass it down the line and so it all like matched maybe we did that i don't even fucking remember those i don't remember either i don't know why i don't think i was partying have you guys ever had problems with your name i mean probably not you do you ever yeah most no one says danellen right everyone says like donald on or don people say like donaldson

they just like invent the ass just um make it whatever they want yeah no one ever says it on right but that's fine i don't really give a crap ass my first middle and last name are like the three most common of all he's really james yeah yeah john james kelly yeah yeah that's pretty that'd be hard that sounds fancy it does sound a little you also have like a normal ass name yeah yeah nelson what's your middle name lamar can you imagine fucking we need to grow up no that's funny not just the mere thought of andrew having a black sounding name it's the funniest thing of all time sending bro sending bro it's sending bro

do you have any cash all right you go now you guys are the first people to ever like instantly not believe me like most of that people like what really and i'm like yeah and i'll have people going this is a this is in your bag this is like yeah yeah this is like bits that i i still have friends that don't know that like that's not actually my middle name andrews he was in my fraternity yeah it's just a good back pocket yeah what is it actually uh logan is that true yeah well i'm like nervous like is it bad to have your full name out there no what anyone could find you yeah i guess but like i don't know could they like everything else could they like take my social security number with my what's your social security number

wait who someone got someone made me laugh really hard the other day really about it was someone prompted like something about their social security number and they just said the number seven and that made me laugh we'll move on i had a uh joke one time about lee corso's being only one digit so far he's so fucking old i was when i went to when i was at college game day freshman year my sign just said tell me your social security number and kirk herb street did not I think it was funny. What did he say? He was like, and then David Pollack gave me like two digits.

Sorry, Pollack gave me two digits. And that is what we call a callback. Oh, I'm getting excited. Remember last episode? Jackson Pollack? You were saying just call him Pollack. Yeah, you said you call it a Pollack. That's just not true.

I'm sorry, Andrew. Like, I believe that you think that, but it's like your wires got crossed or something. you like did acid and like your brain got scrapped i okay i was thinking about when i was editing it and i was like maybe i'm just maybe i was just wrong in the moment and i just didn't want to accept that i was wrong yeah and i am just holding on to that now i i uh i went through an art an art phase in college so i took this one i had this teacher that was so passionate about renaissance it was a renaissance to modern art class and she like got me very excited about it and uh i remember this girl coming up to me at the bar we like sat next to each other and we

were like friends but she was like uh she was like a grade or two below me so we like only really like saw each other out and then in this one class and she came up to me and she thought i was doing like a semester long or however many weeks that we were into the semester like bit to make her laugh where i was pretending to very diligently take notes because no one else was and i was just actually taking like i was excited about this class and she thought i was just like fucking with her like like she thought i was like doing a paying attention bit because we had other classes together prank yeah i tricked you into think i'm thinking i was paying attention that's funny i'm gonna have a pina colada this time i'm so broke i can't even pay attention come on man

oh come on man you're gonna have a pina colada tomorrow are you sure yeah i've been thinking about it all week because when else when do you land 10 a.m oh that's great yeah because the time works the other way yeah i think it's right on the date line like if you go any further you're in it's tuesday you're gonna get carrot cake oh flan told me not to tell you we're getting it i'm getting it come on he won't care at all when we arrive and so i'm just gonna be full i think but they said it's a two-person cake so i'm imagining it's like this big maybe bro's got enough bro's got i don't know you ever seen a hawaiian you got that two-person cake oh like my ass is good your ass is big enough for two people yeah wait i have a question i feel like

i've heard you mention this but it came up on my tiktok thing and i was like this is an insane premise for a movie shallow how yeah it's fucking crazy you should it's a good movie but it's pretty wild have you heard of this it's a jack black movie from like 2000 and with gwyneth paltrow and the premise is that he gets like cursed by tony robbins and he then sees fat women as skinny he sees people for what they are on the inside so if you're okay if you're a really good person then you're like super hot and if you're a bad person you're super ugly god and so he starts dating this morbidly obese woman uh but he sees her as like sexy gwyneth paltrow that's insane it is it is pretty wild he's done a couple he's done a couple movies look at the canoe

look at the back top right how is that like what the fuck is that apparently she's like also like not even that big yeah i remember i mean she's definitely large i remember her being much bigger also the fact that they put gwyneth peltro in like a a fat suit from what the fuck is this movie what were people on in 2000 and they were like yep green light apparently everyone involved like if you look up like interviews about it yeah i saw this everyone's like embarrassed that they did they're like yeah that was a miss on our part i think he's done multiple there's a really shallow how to sorry they're like yes there is yeah no that has to be a uh uh there there he's done multiple

movies that in hindsight didn't age very well it's one where he's able he sees black people as white so he starts treating them the same he's a he's a cop he's a cop who sees people for how good of a driver they are not their race he pulls over a series of white women and realize or white men and realizes his shortcomings like where the fuck is that there's a scene in shallow how where they're they're at a diner yeah and she sits down and all the legs on the chair flattened because she's so fat i that's the scene i saw and that's i was like what the actual fuck and he starts like like this lady's not big enough that she's gonna flatten the seats of a diner chair what no one on earth is what the hell is that he goes there's a there's a really sorry

there's a there's one scene that i still think is funny okay hit me they're in they're about to have sex for the first time and she i also saw this she's like get slipping into something more comfortable in the other room and throws her like tiny gwyneth paltrow underwear at him and but when so when they leave her hand their little lady underwear and when they hit him it is like it's like a boat sale of underwear and he looks at them and then i think they just have said i think he doesn't question it he's like oh that was weird i am perplexed i the fact that i just don't understand there's things about the past that i'm like how are people not like okay this is but this is crazy i just i don't know i mean that this is a new it's a new thing

that that we're like we like care about other people's feelings to me that perfectly encompasses the 2000s because remember like in the 2000s every girl was like paper thin like we didn't have like body diversity yeah in the 2010s you know you mean like in media yeah yeah like there wasn't like i feel like now there's like more diverse like body types that people like prefer you know like oh i like a girl like that goes to the gym and stuff like that and you i feel like you you like a girl that i like whatever body type my girlfriend has but i feel like yeah in the 2000s like every girl was just supposed to look like gwyneth paltrow i also think people were just more comfortable like being cruel there's also a scene it's not just fat like he there's a scene

where he's at a club club club with um fuck who's the guy that plays george and seinfeld george costanza so he no it's uh wait don't tell me don't tell me wait ready ready ready it is uh wait don't tell me don't tell me don't tell me the guy who plays george costanza is um hmm whatever circle back to me they're at a club and george the i'm just gonna call him george george is super mean about all this like he's not like oh my friend is dating a larger woman he just like in insists on being like these women are like uggos whatever and he they're at a club and how is like oh my god like look at those like sexy mamas over there and it's like the hottest like three models ever and then it cuts to george's point of view like how he sees them

and like you can just pull up like shallow how club scene they make his name what they do to these women is unbelievable so those i think are the stats what in the name of all that is oh what you mean like yeah what the fuck what move is it Like, to him, they're like... I see. Also, pause it, pause it, pause it, pause it. What they, like, gave him, like...

Because he's bald, and they put, like, a buzz cut toupee on his head as well. They make him hot. Wait, what's his name again? It's going to drive me insane. I don't know. What? that actor jack black no the one who plays george costanza fuck i know it give me the first name the first name you don't want to look yeah give me the first name i know

his name uh oh oh you don't know jason alexander oh yeah nice uh there's another early 2001 google matthew mcconaughey uh jerking off little little penis movie tiptoes go to google tiptoes trailer i saw this the other day it was fucking crazy this is a real movie carol and steven's life together was perfect i've gotta get going right this second hey baby hey sweetie i love you there's one small problem hi i'm ross i'm his brother we're twins are your parents um yeah it can tear them apart i think you're gonna let me know that everyone in your family's a midget they're not midgets carol dwarfs whatever or bring them together

hey welcome i'm steven oh there you are this is steven's father bruno and his mom kathleen and over behind the bar is steven's brother ralph hi you could have prepared us for this don't you think if you embarrass me i'll never speak to you again so just get it together i think maybe i'm pregnant when the going gets rough it's only the size of your heart that counts would it really be that big of a deal if our kid was a dwarf you knocked up this great What? It's gonna be like a sketch. Is that Peter Dinklage?

Wait, Dinklage is like the cool one? Oh my god. Like, I don't even really know what it's about. It's a walk down the aisle. Uh, Steven's a very lucky guy. I just hope he's smart enough not to screw it up. ...is just a beginning. They'll be rough patches, there's no doubt about it.

Canal Plus and Langley Productions proudly present command performances from Kate Beckinsale, Matthew McConaughey, Patricia Arquette, and in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman. In the role of a lifetime! Tiptoes. very odd the 2000s were a strange time to say the least it reminds me of uh you ever seen good luck

chuck no the premise of it is basically like every girl that he has sex with they find their husband like the next guy that they date and so all these girls are like lining up to have sex with him and so he just like has sex with all these girls but then he also wants to fall in love but he can't because he knows like whatever girl he has sex with will eventually like find someone else to marry how is he like a celebrity no he's just a guy but how do people like know that he it just becomes this pattern so he becomes known as this guy that if you have sex with him you'll find your husband the next person that you date and so like the like one of the turning points of the movie is his buddy's like dude you gotta fuck this really fat ugly girl because like once you fuck

her it'll break the curse because nobody's gonna want to marry her and so like he like has sex with this woman and then she ends up finding her husband and they're like fuck it didn't work it's like really fucked up yeah i was in the fucking water back then yeah jesus oh my god they're like they're like conducting science experiments with his penis that's kind of odd yeah conductors wait so how does he how does he break the curse that's a good question he i think ends up just having sex with jessica alba and i think she just stays i think that's what it is god that's the break the curse he has to have sex with jessica alba like 50 first dates is another one that never really sat right with me do you know the premise of that no but i can't

even imagine that one no this one's not that bad but it definitely feels like maybe a slightly unethical adam sandler works at an aquarium and uh yeah i really don't like it and he goes into this diner and there's a girl that he like kind of hits it off with and when he comes back the following day he like sits down and like does this inside joke they had from the day before and she like reams him out and it turns out she has like memory loss where every 24 hours her memory is wiped and so he like wins her love every day so that he can date her and then at the end they so they get married and he like gets her pregnant and she every morning wakes up and is like what is going on and then he moves her onto a boat and they move to the arctic circle or

something oh and she like wakes up on this boat and has no idea where she is and every morning she has to watch a tape of their lives and then she just lives with this guy that feels wrong yeah it feels a little weird yeah but i like it i want to go to the arctic circle circle can i go to the bathroom please i am gonna bust willie what's your guilty pleasure drink pinnacle vodka what is your go-to drink for different occasions and real quick just rate your bartending skills for me i'm gonna go pinnacle vodka guys pinnacle vodka was born to be the pinnacle of value vodka it's great vodka at a great price it was born to be the pinnacle of value vodka from the beginning they've sought to do two things you

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oh yeah by like a pretty wide margin number one first class by rainbow kitten surprise number two all the debts i owe by camp number three erase me by kid cuddy number four loving me by kid cuddy number five shameful company by rainbow kitten surprise still a lot of rainbow kitten surprise camp i would have thought because i know you love rks but i thought maybe like you had kind of moved to like other stuff that maybe had i mean i've been this is my spot if i've had this account since 2015 so it's rks has definitely been the most consistent they've still been in my top five like every year for 10 years so i feel like naturally okay wait the first song i ever listened to oh mine was september by earth wind and fire my first song

on spotify was the art of peer pressure by kendrick lamar i don't even know what that song is wow i guess it was like some sort of lyricist you're drunk dude my most streamed artist of all time any guesses uh jimmy buffett mac miller mac demarco sorry marco yeah oh damn the jimmy buffett thing is within the last like five years okay wait i want to see my all-time songs my number one artist my number one artist all time i can't say out loud what is it was zach bryan i don't know how though none of his songs are even in my top 10 i've spent 23 445 minutes well that's mac demarco how many people how many hours is that still beating by mac demarco no other heart amarillo by morning by george straight that's

funny call the man come monday angelus by elliot smith 13 by big star come mondays we're doing come mondays again fuck i hate come mondays crumb monday wait how many times have you guys listened to your top songs all time let's see 446 is my number one whoa what song first class by rimboken spread oh wait what 658 damn what song still beating that's like the the big one i want another mine is low life by future and the weekend 262 times 262 times that's too many yeah we're from pakistan what up i didn't know i liked that song that book you roll around listening to future mostly no um my second is double negative by dominic fike and then oakland by childish gambino that one makes sense i do really like

that song damn we're having much different car rides i'm getting back into my like empire of the sun type of empire how's that go it's a band it's a group no i know uh but that because i'll get in the car and if i start the day with sad music i'm just chalking that day up as a wash so i need to get in the car at least make an attempt at making it high energy i've also been drinking a celsius us on the way to work now which is just awesome got you amped i get so excited i had like a full blown panic attack in my bed last night though because i think i had way too much caffeine i was in bed before bed no like like lights off eyes closed and it was uh i've had this feeling like five ish times in my life i used to have these nightmares where a jester was coming in

been throwing bean bags at me yeah i think i told you that before no and there was this feeling of like like in my head like over and over and over and over and over again and i was like holy shit i haven't felt this in so long and then i just kind of was like if i get up and try and like get through it then i think that will like make it last longer like i think i need to just try and fall asleep and then it washed over and the feeling of euphoria when it was gone was like like it carried through to this morning like i was on my morning walk and i was like smiling so i was like thank god that is over but i don't know what that is i don't know if that's like an anxiety attack or a panic attack but it was weird i was not a fan of it and i was worried it was

gonna last through hawaii that's how bad probably nothing yeah i would not read into that i do i literally don't think i i know i'm being dead serious i don't think i should i don't think it's anything well what happens again maybe uh okay start taking opioids i was there was a smidgen of my brain at one point that was like i think i might have schizophrenia now it was really scary that is scary uh i the whole time i was like oh my god this vacation is gonna be ruined and then it was gone in five minutes but that was scary i'm sorry i also couldn't stop this was another weird part of it and this made me laugh during it was uh that song by the growlers where it's like where are you going come back i think it's black memories you know that song come back

it's a cheery song but it was like a sinister version of it playing in my head when the like thing was happening that freaked me out but i think it's good now i almost took an edible right before it happened too so that would have been bad that could have been a problem that would have been a big issue but i used to take these eye drops before i went to bed at night and every time i took them before bed i would wake up in the middle of night like full-blown panic attack like oh my god and i would have these dreams i was like drowning so like when i would wake up it would feel like the first like breath of air that i've had in like hours and then i would literally like have to like throw the covers off of me and then i would like stand up and i would

stand at the foot of my bed like arms spread and be like like i was breathing for the first time ever oh my god and it was only when i took the eye drops yeah and i don't know how that's possible there's got to be something in there that you react negatively to i guess but eye drops yeah there's i mean because there's like probably like a steroid or something that goes in like my brain yeah whoa this is unrelated or like a bug that's eating your brain yes yeah does this do you still use those eye drops no i stopped after like the eighth time i think surely it can't be the eye drops you know what i'm gonna give it one more go i think i'm gonna do it again i'll go for a this is unrelated and i've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while when i was a kid

when i was a kid is this a safe space yeah this is really weird you might look at me different okay i'm ready safe space yes i had a i had a stuffed animal and at night i would pretend we'd go on like space adventures so i'd like put the i'd wrap the cover over my head like it was like a cockpit and i'd be lying down and the addy the dog would be under my leg and i would pretend she was in like stowage and like or like in like an r2d2 type thing where she was like you know like yeah on the wing or whatever she'd be on my leg and i'd pretend we were flying through space and my penis was the joystick it's a true story heart i don't even know if i could get bone if i could it wasn't like a sexual thing

but i would pretend that that was like this space joystick and that we were flying through the cosmos oh my god your horny ass is probably putting that shit in hyperdrive i remember oh my god i remember i would look forward to it all day because i'd be like i cannot wait to explore the cosmos and we'd just get in there i'd put the i'd tuck it in real tight behind my head and just grab onto my penis and just pretend we were flying through space i kind of that could be fun i i there was the other the other try this the other day i was going the other day when i was going to bed i remembered that that was a thing i

used to do and i like thought about maybe seeing if it still worked but it didn't would you like visualize the cosmos yeah well it was like i had a good imagination yeah and it was we'd like so you'd you know we'd like fly and we'd be like flying stars flying and then i'd like in my mind like slow down at a planet and i'd like be like go down to the go down to the planet point my penis down and we'd go down and kind of explore what was going on at that planet and then we'd go back up and off into hyperdrive wow yeah so that's the thing that i used to do you couldn't a waterboard of that out of me really no i'm just kidding i was like i bet i was like four or five i also had a uh night light that alternated between like all the colors in the rainbow

and it would kind of in the summer i used a more sheer uh comforter like blanket yeah so like the light would kind of be in there too that was kind of fun for me it's like a star yeah it's like a star i was traveling towards it's pretty good i miss having like an imagination i know now i just get in bed and fucking i don't think i can imagine anything plug it till it burns and pass out did i ever tell you we were we were with bleep bleep this what are you laughing at till my hands are red oh my god dude i just watched hbo doc uh it's called the dark wizard it's about this have you seen this though it's like about another like he was like a free solo guy and then also did like

bass jumping okay it's really interesting i won't spoil it but you should watch it it's like four parts alex honnold the free solo guy is like in it as like it was like one of his like competitors basically got it but there's a thing this isn't really a spoiler but there's a thing where he was like going down a he's like base jumping into a can't cavern can you kind of a cavern i guess like a big like hole in the ground in like mexico or something and the parachute like malfunctioned and they had like a rope there that they were using like to get back up or whatever so he was just falling into this pit to his death so he grabbed onto the rope and just held as hard as he could and slid all the way down and saved his life but he literally burned all the skin off both

his hands but like he saved his life because he like mind over matter just kept holding on even as his hands were fucking literally like you could see the bone oh oh no thank you that's kind of kind of badass it's the most badass thing i've ever heard of you ever heard alex hondle talking about pooping off the cliff no he says that like an interviewer is asking him like you know what do you do if you have to pee or poop he's like he like doesn't even understand the question he's like what do you mean you just like pee or poop so he said he just he just you just pull your pants down and he just hangs with one hand just shits down the side of the mountain that's awesome he said he's like diarrhea down the mountain before does he wipe no i guess not oh my god

oh we already talked about it that's where i learned this i was gonna say i was gonna i've been telling everyone since we learned this that al roker shit his pants at the white house yeah oh my god call it the brown house after that you know that's not the first time you mentioned that on the podcast al roker uh like shitting immediately like like food going like right through your system when did i say that so somebody was somebody dm me and was like will predicted the hantavirus pandemic like in this episode at this time so I went to it

and I couldn't find the hantavirus part but I did find a part where you were talking about how you when you and Will eat at restaurants you guys eat something and it just immediately comes out of your body and I was like oh my god. But he didn't say Al Roker. He didn't mention Al Roker but I'd be like clairvoyant.

Wait what did I do with hantavirus? I went to college with a girl named Claire. Apparently she said you predicted it but I I thought she was like pranking me because um of what we were talking about but i realized that episode hadn't come out yet so i have no idea why it has to be the rat poop thing because maybe yeah yeah but it was in this office so i don't know huh i don't know why we'd still be talking about it huh it was also funny because it was a part where will and lauren were talking about their preferences

and partners and they were both just like we want really hot people oh we both found that cape yeah yes all right short roadmap tonight we just got drafts but we're gonna get back into the rhythm we didn't we i for the record we prepared everything yeah we just got a little trigger happy i'm talking and now we have to be out in 10 minutes all right should we do historical if historical figures had podcasts or yearbook superlatives you pick why don't you tee up if historical figures had podcasts okay this is if historical figures had podcasts if jesus had one it would either be called god cast or on my best behavior on my best behavior oh got it got it okay i had one for jesus called son of pod

uh nelson mandela's would be called a pod thied Current Events with Thomas Edison. Wait, I don't get it. Electrical current. Love it. Love it. Moses's would be called Potting the Red Sea. I like that.

Scotty Pippin's just me and Mike. Podblow Picasso. That's pretty good. Michelangelo's would be called Podalangelo. No, wait. mike alangelo love it all right should we do yearbook superlatives i would love to yeah yeah these are yearbook superlatives that don't exist scariest thoughts um least likely to become a train conductor most likely to want a yearbook superlative

most likely to develop a fetish most likely to need a hug longest gooch most likely to need a bug lowest butt crack most likely to be a bug most hair pointiest head all right thank you guys love you thank you guys so much for listening we'll see you guys on wednesday motherfucker peace Thanks for watching!