Will & Rusty's Playdate - caught on the jumbotron

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

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will den ellen is coming to you live from where are you willie uh i'm in philly all right so you're in philly you're in the did you go did you lick the liberty bell uh no i went to but there's a huge crack in it right now so i think it's like under maintenance gotta be under repair or something yeah i don't want to get too close it's clearly someone must have damaged it like today what do they know how it was cracked is that like a piece of history that i should know i think that is a an always sunny episode as they reveal they like time traveled and cracked it but i think the real thing is that they like stored it under the floorboards of like a church and then like when they went to get it it was just like cracked what were they hiding who were they

hiding it from the british and the british famously wanted to steal our bells and like i feel like such an annoying thing to steal i feel like there were there were like more pressing issues than them stealing our bells like they were actively trying to stop us from starting a country and we were like and also you can't have our bells yeah it's like a uh like a guy coming in to kill your family and you hide your xbox i think you're probably good yeah dude i think uh i think we're fine speaking of hiding things i uh i'm going straight to the airport from here and i left my suitcase in the back of my car and i try not to leave stuff in my car when i park at the beach do you think

i'm okay yeah i think you're probably fine i mean your car's locked right yeah yeah yeah i had a apparently renter's insurance will pay it if you're something gets stolen at your car that's nice if you're you're like apartment renter's insurance that's what i get i was with uh i was with peter buell's older brother blake and he was like yeah my golf clubs keep getting still stolen out of my car but i my renter's insurance just buys me new ones really i thought that was like for like flooding maybe his renter's insurance like does he rent his car no he owns it isn't that weird it's like that would be like if your if your fire insurance bought you like it like paid for your hulu subscription why is this why is this your domain

yeah it feels like unnecessary maybe they've just like no one no one ever does it so like sure we can make that a thing no one no one's ever figured out that it's for golf clubs also um i have renter's insurance i don't and i apparently you like are legally required to and no one has ever asked me for it i think they just assumed like he couldn't have gotten this apartment without it yeah i mean i think it's more of a liability like for the landlord or something i don't know like our landlord was like you you need to get this is it like in case i go haywire like the landlord's protected and i start like ripping stuff off the walls no i think it's like if the building gets robbed and if your apartment got robbed

then they'd pay for your stuff otherwise like the landlord might have to pay for your stuff so it's like my landlord put up signs everywhere that says not responsible for stolen articles or item that's like you remember when the guy the the fucking cat burglars broke into our garage yes yeah like they get they no one got anything because the fucking i i think there was there was a cat burglar clause if it was regular burglars i think renters insurance does cover that but cat burglars i think they're off limits yeah i mean that is they are sort of the uh rolls royce of burglars yeah the what we've we figured this out isn't it they the guys that robbed me were actually the opposite of cat burglars because cat burglars have to go up for some reason like you can't a

cat burglar can't break into a house but they can break into an apartment on like the second floor right like they have to go up for some reason did i did i make that up i don't i'm honestly not sure if cat burglars have to go up okay wait so a cat burglar a thief known for their stealth silence and agility okay so i'm off kind of off the bat i'm not seeing anything about having to go up but that's feels like maybe they can go down i got robbed by mole burglars that's when they go down that those weirdly go up uh dude i went to the the home when derby was last night how was it i saw you got on the jumbotron i dig it on the jumbotron i got the whole stadium like raining booze on me it was like the loudest booing i've ever heard

in my life because of the mess jersey because i didn't so i caught it was pretty funny we were sitting there and uh as if my buddy ben we had we got we shouted to the mlb they actually it's just it's just mlb so so watch it okay it's on the mlb okay all right um hey i that was like in an email they sent so i'm trying to be better about it right uh how often were you saying it that they sent you like a cease and desist they sent me an email stop calling us that we dropped the the it's like facebook drop the the it's cleaner yeah oh because it was the facebook that's a social network reference but yeah justin yeah i've seen it i've seen that yeah got it i thought that was because he was the mark zuckerberg drop drop the the just mark zuckerberg it's cleaner

why were you ever the mark zuckerberg anyway i um we're standing there and it's like in between batters and they're showing people on the jumbotron and everyone was sitting in my section and we're like oh we the seats were saying we're like fourth row in outfield which is like prime time for the home run whoa okay uh and so i i tapped my buddy ben i was like ben watch this this is gonna i i bet you i get on the jumbotron just out of like this is like rage bait so i stood up the only guy standing in the section of the mets jersey right and like the where the action was and so within five seconds they put me on the jumbotron and it was just immediately like like the whole stadium i was

getting texts from people like i didn't even know there was like i got a text like hey will like we had a class together in college i just saw you on the jumbotron uh hey will it's your ex-girlfriend fuck you yeah why are you at the home run derby it was kind of an all-time like i you know we've We're very lucky to get to do a lot of cool things and we're online and a lot of people see us or whatever, but there's something about being on a Jumbotron that actually makes you feel like that is a different kind of high. Jumbotron is the original reel. It was the first reel. It's in real life like 100,000 people watching your reel, but it's live and you can't edit it. Exactly.

And you don't know when it's going to happen. And the number one thing I've always thought about, because, like I said, I've always wanted to be on the local news and on the Jumbotron. Is this your first Jumbotron? Yeah. I mean, I think at, like, a Lancaster Barnstormers game when I was, like, eight. All right. But, like, first professional sports, like, also, like, a solo shot on the Jumbotron, you know? Yeah.

it's not just like oh i saw myself in the corner like i filled that screen up you were the you were the focal point yeah um there i'm just feel like i'm bragging now but well congratulations i didn't realize that was your first uh your first jumbotron it was really cool and i i've always thought about how i hate when people are on the jumbotron and then they're just looking at the jumbotron jumbotron yeah or at this you know what i mean and so like they're not and i i'm really proud of myself that it all happened very fast but i immediately clocked which direction the camera was looked right down the barrel and i and i went this is our year this is our year like holding my meds thing which i was i had no idea if that was going to come through but then

i would like i went to pee and some guys like oh your year huh you know and like i heard it a few times so people could tell what i was saying too so i i looked the right way i had like a thing like a tagline character idea for you uh yeah guy who guy who gets on the jumbotron but he can't figure out which direction the camera is coming so he like looks like if you completely misgaged it and look the other way your back is too i'm fucking this up i'm fucking this up this is my one jumbotron and my fucking back's to it god damn it where is this guy i also used all at bc games, I would try to get on the Dumbbells run and fake like I got a

really horrible phone call. Which I kind of forgot about. You did that at a Rams game. You remember that? You're right. But that was the background. I was like hiding behind the mariachi band that I knew was going to be on the broadcast. Have you heard about

that, Andrew? No. Wait, how would you... There was a mariachi band playing and Will got behind them and faked like he got a phone call that someone died it is it is one of but i didn't like totally capture the moment on the on my phone but it is one of my prized possessions it's the funniest and i actually in person it was like everyone in our suite was like cracking up i did it two times because they kept we were right next to

this mariage man and they kept cutting back to him so i just kept going over them like yeah at the bc games would you like already be on the phone like trying to know i would like and you'd end up on the Jumbotron or like you'd end up on the Jumbotron and then you'd take the call. Yeah, I was like – yeah, because like I don't know. The BC game is like there would be no one there if it was like a basketball game. So they'd pan across the crowd like you were bound to be in one. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, man. That's funny. That was just awesome. Just being on the Jumbotron. Home Run Derby was sick. We somehow had not one ball hit within 20 feet of us. Interesting.

We're in the fourth row in right field. Five out of eight were lefty hitters. But I think the problem is that when they're hitting these meatballs, like when they're hitting them, they're nuking them. Yeah. They were all going above us. Like no one's like barely making it over the wall in the home run derby. Right.

But. Was anyone's dad pitching to them? I always like when like a guy's dad. Yeah, I think the dads. Someone told me the dads did really bad. like guys who had their dads pitching all lost in the first round yeah unless your dad is experienced in soft toss i don't think that that that's a smart because like there's like a million dollars on right it is a million dollars which is also kyle schwerber was in it and he went to the

finals and i was like he's gonna win like this is like the script in philly and then this other guy won and i was like that's weird and then i was like oh this is for a million dollars yeah there's no part that's fucking crazy what do you think like what's the closest our dads can experience to throwing us balls in the home run derby like tossing us a beer from the cooler or something yeah or like um throwing me the keys like when we're about to get in the car and i catch it like that yeah no it's the it's the over the shoulder like no look like he throws yeah his shoulder and you're behind him that's probably a similar feeling right it's got to be like almost the same yeah when do you think our dads realized we were not gonna be professional

athletes because they probably like that's every dad's dream i think it's the beginning right yeah I mean, my dad, uh, you know, my dad was a hockey player, still is. And, uh, he took me to learn to play hockey, which is like a clinic that I put on at the rink he's, he played at. And at the second day I said, the skates hurt my feet and I didn't want to do it. And I think he was such a good guy that he was like, okay, you don't have to do this just because this is my dream for you. like i want you to be your own man and in hindsight i wish he'd been like shut the fuck up

yeah you're playing hockey you're not gonna make it now i can barely ice skate play yeah yeah yeah but i will say my dad's really good at word play so that in in another sense i did follow his other dream i think if they were real my dad when he was growing up my dad would be famous i stand by it you seem to have like the avenue yeah or like in trouble like i think like i'll hear some of these stories about like my dad and i'm like thank god there weren't reels yeah yeah that dad's dad's love old heads love to say like thank god there weren't camera phones when i was around it's like what were you doing that was so bad you you didn't want it filmed yeah you hear that like guys will be like we we used to be able to do whatever the fuck we wanted

because there were no camera phones like are you doing like crimes like what what could they not have filmed i think people were just a lot looser with their charlie browns back then you know what i mean like i just think there would have been totally there was just like you could flop hog anyway like i don't know yeah like if you were in a macy's trying on new underwear you could just do it do it in the yeah because there's no video right so it's like your word against preventing people from trying on boxers out like just in the kind of department store it was that there were no camera phones you imagine like all of our parents are just not telling us that that was a part of the 80s was people were just naked everywhere because there were no camera phones

yeah i mean like if you were i don't know just coming home from the gym and you were sweaty people just take all the clothes off on the city bus because it's like there's no video so what it's your word against mine with the bus driver they're not gonna fucking believe you you're a guy on the subway naked yeah guys on the subway famously untrustworthy your boss is like this guy tried to tell me that your charlie browns were like all over the seat or you were like you were you clenched the pole with your butt cheeks to keep you stable because you were doing something else with your hands but he's just a guy on the subway so that's not yeah yeah i mean people would clench the pole with their butt cheeks to stay stable like it was nobody's business like it was

the fucking fourth of july oh my god tonight is the actual mlb all-star game yeah and one soda's gonna be there let's go baby are you excited yeah i'm nervous are you gonna shout Te'amu Juan? I am going to shout Te'amu Juan. I am going to give him a kiss probably. Are you going to meet him?

No. Wait, really? Not with that attitude, you're not. Have you talked to your MLB reps? Did they walk you through what they're going to let you do? What they're going to let you do to him? You know what's actually been fun about this?

I just have a ticket to the game. oh cool it's like pretty low i don't know there's no and you're not doing like a stadium review or anything no we weren't gonna be able to turn it around in time because if we like we've already shot videos we have like our programming all done what keep going what's happening i i i i'd never get to see myself in the camera and i didn't realize how far i lift my ass up when i fart it was like i was like three feet off the ground and no one knew i got it i totally got

away with it but i was like if that's what i look like in public then everyone knows i'm farting like i'm at the bar doing that i need to dial it in sorry i think sometimes it's nice to let people know like oh he doesn't give a fuck this guy oh my god does he not know there are camera phones now he's gonna get it's gonna get fired oh my god how's ben fibus guy changing out in macy's uh ben phibus is doing great he's my uh friend from college andrew and uh oh i thought you were reiterating like he's still my buddy from college still my buddy from college yeah and phibus is great i know him from college and yeah he's just been lovely i got to see my cousin and my aunt

and uncle not and um yeah i love philadelphia i'll say it it's a i do i like philly as well i like philly as well i uh i don't i don't know if i'd live there but what uh i would live here if you guys all want to just do it if you want yeah no if you guys wanted to i'm like totally down uh i saw kc yesterday kc uh uh oh my god i already forgot his kc murphy jesus christ our former co-worker sorry when someone when someone leaves for a new opportunity i wipe their last name just for like storage purposes sure yeah i did the same thing with uh is he still looking at me wait so where'd you see casey was this on purpose

um yes well he saw that i was here and texted me but his new job had an event outside the stadium uh so he invited me he's like a hot dog vendor now his new job was outside the stadium he's the one who wraps them in bacon so first guy to do it actually but i guess no one cares at this point right or he works for the guy who was the first guy to wrap a hot dog in bacon yeah he's yeah he's the right hand man to the guy to the guy who came up with wrapping it in bacon i mean he's he works for the guy who is the first guy to think of shouting hot dogs yeah before everyone moves very silently yeah the first guy to go to say beer here

he's that guy's protege now he's they're working on the next beer here get your beer here he was the first guy to say it twice beer here get your beer here before then yeah people would say it once and be done for like a week yeah uh listen i'm right there with i had oh two cheese steaks yesterday cheese stick cheese stick for lunch and a cheese steak for dinner that's the that's the way to do it that's like the philly equivalent of when uh your buddy comes to la and gets in and out like every day it's like when else am i gonna have a chance to do this even though i guess there kind of are cheese steaks everywhere but yeah they were good cheese steaks did you where'd you go there are a couple places there's one with sesame seeds on

the thing that was the best cheese steak i've ever had in my life did he only go to two i only went to two because he did it back in the day where there's a rusty rags cheese steaks where i believe you were you were there to find to rank all the cheese yeah and you went to two places yeah i know i don't know that was back when lucas had kind of a laissez-faire approach to to directing he was part of that i believe that was his we were in philly phil tarling and i were in philly to do a brand deal i cannot remember who i was doing it for and then lucas was like well we're here let's find the best cheesesteak and put it on youtube we didn't have really have a youtube channel yet it was just like whenever we had something and uh he took me to two places and

then we were done that's awesome i mean if they were the best two then that's all you need hey yeah i mean it would be like it would be like finding the best basketball player and the first two guys i ran into were kobe and lebron exactly like i'm done there's a yeah there might be a guy there might be a third better guy out there but these are pretty good um yeah can i tell you something will i would love that yeah so did i tell you about did i tell you about my new like cologne thing that i'm doing you spray all your clothes before vacation so that you don't have to put it on every day shockingly different cologne thing that actually i actually that is brilliant have you heard about this andrew spray all your clothes with cologne before you

go on a trip so you don't have to bring the bottle that's smart andrew do you wear cologne i don't it hurts my stomach for some reason it hurts your stomach are you eating it no i mean i just hate the taste i was wondering how you made that bottle last for so long wait i don't it hurts your stomach yeah it hurts my stomach i think there's something with like the smell makes my like stomach just churn for whatever reason because i'm like smelling it all the time um and i'm taking like polls every once in a while so okay i'm really into cologne now that's like my new it's kind of my new fixation and the one that i'm wearing today was a sample

that came with the bottle i just got and it is there is something infectious about i cannot stop smelling it i smell like a persian nightclub owner that's the only way i can describe like i feel like i need to be showing my chest hair more i think is kind of what this smells like but i heard online some people don't like this smell it's called ood which is like a mold that grows on a tree it's a reason and they put it in these hell are you talking about i know dude i'm trust me i already hate i already hate this path i'm going down but it's the it's the hand i've dealt myself you're wearing tree mold and it's called ood and it makes i'm wearing version nightclub owner which is a good thing it is it makes me smell like a yeah a persian nightclub

owner but in a yeah in a good way i feel like my house needs more rugs i think i'm gonna get like a hookah now um i mean yeah it's this is kind of where i'm at in life and uh if everyone can just bear with me for a couple months i'm sure we'll get through this and go back to normal but right now this is where i'm at i can live with that yeah i mean i'm really into um kicking my legs like sort of so we all got our things yeah we all kind of got our own things andrew's andrew's drinking cologne i'm wearing it you're kicking your legs we're all kind of symbiotic right now are you okay oh my gosh

it's like such a cartoonish way of falling the guy below you i think the guy above me is podcasting right now it's a fucking it's a ruck can you guys send someone up there the guy above me is podcasting for how much i've been kicking my legs i'm not getting very good at it holy shit that actually hurt i like slammed my elbow into the ground yeah dude you fell falling like three feet directly on your back and be like that actually hurts oh man we did we need to start we don't we don't fall very much anymore like you remember when you're a kid like you fell multiple times a day i don't i don't really fall anymore yeah i my leg is all cut up from the river a couple weeks ago and i i feel like a five-year-old

having like scabs all over my legs wait why did the river cut you uh so every year when we go to river it's a tradition that we like grab a leaf off the side and like beer bong from it and i decided uh at the last second to go and grab it right before the really fast rapids got it and so i got out of our little float thing as soon as like they got on the rapids so by the time i got the leaf they were probably like 50 feet ahead of us and so i had to just like walk down the rapids like by myself okay and like all the rocks are super sharp you can't see them they're super slippery and so i was just like flailing and falling for like 50 feet i think my girlfriend got the ick we haven't talked since um and all my legs are cut up and then by the time

i finally got there the leaf had been like destroyed because i kept like falling on it so i just ended up having to get another one it was the most anticlimactic like beer bong because everyone was just like felt really bad for me oh my god and i just had to cut up leg and now i have all these like scars how big are these leaves that you can beer bar they're pretty big i mean they're like size of like a new york pizza or like a philly pizza i don't know what maybe you're eating you're gonna beer out of leaves the size of a new york pizza yeah i mean they're pretty bronson lyric drinking beer out of the leaves this has a new york slices yeah i got faces but i've been wearing pants a lot lately i usually wear shorts around here

but i've been wearing pants to cover up my scabs okay scabs or scraps i feel like i think i grabs well i was i was thinking the same thing i'm i'm not sure but i promise i'll get to the bottom of Andrew, are you saying scabs or scrabs? Wait, one sec, Will. Andrew, are you saying scabs or scrabs? Scrabs. Got it. Is my mic cutting out?

I can't tell if he's saying scrabs or scabs. Oh, baby. Willie, I'm excited to see you tomorrow in Nashville. I got batting gloves. Whoa, okay. Oh, are those Juan Soto's? No. instead of like a instead of a glove to a baseball game just in case i brought my glove hit

i brought my gloves oh my god dude they had geico gave out to everyone in the outfield yesterday the like comically large gloves it sounded like a geico ad but i don't know they they had like gloves the size of like texas and it was so funny because it was like you weren't gonna be able to catch it with it but and it was like obstructing everyone's view so like no i i was holding mine with two hands and i was gonna go like imagine a glove the size of a hundred eggs imagine a glove the size of a new york slice is that kind of is that kind of in the It was the biggest club ever. But, yes, I'm excited to go to them.

Oh, also there was like a creator home run derby, and I lost. I got seventh. How many baseball creators were there? 25 or something. Oh, my God. But guess who wins? Guess the guy who wins. I'm like, oh, I wonder who beat me.

Ben Verlander. I'm like, oh, okay. His last name is Verlander. That's like losing the three-point contest to LeBron James. It's like losing the creator painting contest to Mark Picasso. Yeah, exactly. God damn, why is he even here? Shouldn't he be in a different division?

Do you know Picasso lived to the fucking 90s? Yeah, I think you've talked about that on the podcast. literally i think about that every day why did you think he was like a renaissance no but i thought he was in like the 20s yeah i mean he could have lived to like 70 right painting in the 20s though uh oh i don't know about painting he might have painted as a baby or lived to his 90s what do you think the the prostitute that van gogh sent his ear to did with it no one ever talks about that we always we all know what you did we all talk about i believe it was a prostitute he was in love with really pull that up ender he's in love with his

sister his sister was a prostitute no no no then then go wait uh hillary clinton if she was running like hundreds of years earlier you guys should then go to the polls well did my mic cut out then uh hillary clinton then go to the polls yeah he sent it hey wrap the woman he wrapped he wrapped the flesh in paper and delivered it to a local broth oh my god he hand delivered it jesus it's the only way to make sure it gets there he gave it to prostitute named rachel however the research revealed the recipient was an 18 year old maid and cleaner at the brothel named gabrielle she was working there to pay off her medical bills from a recent traumatic dog bite she's okay a lot of moving parts oh maybe she

needed the ear yeah the dog bit her ear off that oh my god what if that's what happened also how clean do you keep the brothel where a regular is cutting his ear off to say thank you you're saying thank you that was his way do we know why he cut his ear off i don't think it was a bad i think it was a good oh it was a nice thing yeah i think it was just mentally ill yeah i mean that's probably that's definitely possible do we need ears yeah you need ears really you can't just have the hole well you could have the hole but i think the acoustics would be all off really that's a good question i think it like funnels oh that'd be way so much easier if we just had the hole yeah wait i feel like that'd be so much simpler wait how how often

is the what is your when is the ear be like a problem for you i know yeah andrew i just um i think they just get in the way of yeah of see what's of like like when i wear headphones they hurt my ears it's a medical i'd rather just have a hole that like sound we have these perfect things that receive sound perfectly there are it's like yeah i think with i i think without the cartilage and stuff everything would sound off really i mean there's a reason there's a reason they're fucking there there's no what ask what happens can you google what happens if you just had a hole but no actual ear what or at least what has happened in the past maybe look up uh if you're missing the outer ear but have an opening in the ear canal sound localization

becomes difficult okay so i just wouldn't know where it's coming from which is fine i don't need to know i barely do it i know i have eyes like i know the music is coming from like yeah but it's like but it's like um you ever play fortnite and you don't have a headset it's like you get the footsteps yeah it's like you can make it work you can make it work but your like response time is way worse it would be bad for fortnite but bingo didn't have fortnite cameraman's like over here and no i'm not saying for fortnite i'm like making an using that as an example oh it would kind of be like playing fortnite without a it would fuck up my fortnite did i ever tell you about my first you can't play fortnite

you gotta grow up you're you're a goddamn man all right what jack during covid i got my first uh fortnight win and my nose started bleeding i was so excited are you serious we'll put the video right here it was it was it was an interesting time in my defense my no i was and i was like a nosebleed kid so like it could have just been coincidence but i think i got so excited my nose i was talking to my doctor about you the other day um feels like a hippo violation well i just told her that you get um nosebleeds all the time because you got like your like face slammed into a door yeah i they've they've they've stopped pretty much but if it's dry yeah what did she say she was saying that uh probably what happened was there's something like at the top of your nose

that's like off right now and it just like floods blood awesome okay it floods blood oh i don't ever get nosebleeds nice you never wear a nosebleed kid no have you ever had one yeah but not like only once or twice i would wake up and my whole face would be covered in blood when i was a kid it was like i think that are you serious is that bad that's like a i think that was a factor and maybe why i'm the way i am well if you ever want to go to an ent actually you can't go to this one and i'm never seeing her again she i went to this appointment and she was like do you want to do this like fun little camera thing where i can like see up your nose and i was like for sure yeah like shove it up my nose shove it up i was like i want to see what's going on up there and then a week

later i get a medical bill and they charge me oh yeah you told me seven hundred dollars yeah to look up my nose for fun she made it seem like it was just for fun i thought we were like vibing the whole time she was like my age we were like talking about things and i was like you totally sat me in the back i can never go see you ever again and she wasn't even like a real doctor she was like a physician well maybe i get like a rhinoplasty and like like while they're in there fixing whatever's up there they like maybe i could like start mogging yeah yeah oh she's physician assistant that's what it was i mean here's a question yeah what were we oh i forgot what i was gonna say that's all right i uh i like maybe do you think

i'd get better looking or worse looking with a new nose a nose no no you have a good nose actually yeah you're very like nose nose you know like your nose looks like a nose like a comic a cartoon nose a cartoon nose in the sense that it just looks like a there's not any like i've never seen a normal cartoon nose i feel like i feel like in cartoons they all have like crazy noses i have the nose that you draw you learn to draw yeah yeah like squidward yeah uh you have a squid when i was a little kid i was playing foosball in the basement with scott not not new scott old scott there's a different scott and uh or no we weren't even we're playing football in the basement but the foosball table was there and he threw me a pass and i caught it

and as i turned i hit my nose on one of the like knobs of the foosball table up there it went up there and it came out with a booger no it sliced open oh the the bottom just like the part where my nose connects to my face so i could like flap open buddy buddy buddy stop stop stop stop stop oh my god and uh tell me that's like seven in the morning and we went to the hospital and they stitched it did i ever tell you when i went to the hospital for mono and the doctor said she knew me what i was in the i was laying on the i was at my buddy's lake house and i had fallen asleep for like 18 hours on his dock it was like something is wrong and so i go to the hospital and she was like yeah you have mono and then she started doing all these other things

while i was there like i had like an ingrown hair on my like tummy and she was like if you rub that with a washcloth it'll come out and i was like what are we doing right now this is strange and then she goes were you the dad in legally blonde and i was like yes and she was like i saw that play oh it was from a play yeah i was like nice and she was like my daughter is dating the lead and i was like cool man and then she told me how to get rid of my ingrown hair and and sent me on my way hmm yeah you know i got mono with it rub it with a washcloth i got mono on purpose because i was working for my dad and i just really did not want to keep working and he wouldn't let me quit and my girlfriend at the time had mono and so i got mono on purpose

and she told me she wrote me a note that said i couldn't work for the rest of the summer that's insane i knew this kid who got ringworm one time uh which i think you can only get from being like really unhygienic disease yeah yeah that's the type of disease drink gets the hell is that he sat right behind me in dual history and uh he was like dual history yeah we're not just brushing over i have two five two dual history yeah like one two three draw or is it like simultaneously they're like telling you two stories and you have to like understand and be able to write about both of them uh it was a mix of both what was it no it was uh it was like a college and high school credit class so they call it like dual credit okay it was like dual credit

but dual history actually dual history i'm picturing it's like two teachers and like they're both going at the same time and you move over to like who's being more interesting oh my god dude i'm hamilton and burr stood 15 feet apart do not want to go to dual history right now it makes my head hurt but yeah so you're so he like he sat behind me in dual history and he'd always show me his ringworm and i'd be like keep that away like he kept it in his pocket i don't really know no no it's like it lives in your skin is it like an actual worm yeah it's a worm that like lives in your skin no he had it like i thought it was just like a disease it's not a worm is no it's like a real like parasite yeah is that what

rfk i'm googling this didn't he just have another oh it's not a worm it's a skin infection oh thank god i could have sworn i could have sworn he had like a real like worm maybe he had something else maybe he just had worms was your was he a regular worm that was inside of him was there a yeah was he a you guys didn't go to high school with dogs yeah there are a couple dogs did you ever grow up going to high school with dogs yeah actually yeah i did i did do that and did you ever go to high school with dogs we should that should be our first question next time we have a guest all right yeah we're here today with with andrew nelson andrew so let me get this straight you

went to high school with dogs or am i getting rottweilers no i don't know where you i don't know where you got that yeah that's just what they call my friend group in high school dog uh the dogs i might do the philly should i do the philly 999 tonight oh what's that nine nine beers nine cheese instances nine beers nine cheese steaks nine instances being annoying oh yeah oh philly no i'm just joking i'm just joking um sorry guys the people philly oh my god like i heard that in philly not through the mic yeah that one oh my it's like a like what do they call it the sonic blast the ring yeah like it's a like cookies and cream shake oh what are you saying

oh he's starting it with philly oh tater tots do you remember when sonic used to like ride rollerblades oh the waiters and stuff yeah oh yeah that was that was cat you know i've never been to a sonic though i thought i thought sonic was a gas station until like two years ago you've never been to a sonic i don't think i did they not have them in maine i don't think i've ever even seen one oh my god really never wait what they have one on in on route one like outside of boston like anytime you've driven from maine to boston you've gone by a sock is it near the golden banana uh i don't know where the golden banana is but probably it's near like kowloon okay i so i kind of go strictly based when when you're talking about like

where things are in boston i i can i can only wrap my head around if you tell me how close it is to the golden banana is that a strip club you haven't heard of the golden banana obviously not i don't look at guys junks dude it's where the it's where the 9-11 guys went the night before 9-11 they all went like burnt it down in the strip club and apparently like one of the google i don't correct me if i'm wrong here i heard that one of the strippers like called the fbi and was like hey there are four guys from afghanistan that are acting like it's their last stay on earth there's no way yeah there's no also i think there was saudi saudi guys well a boston stripper definitely does not is not gonna in the night in the early 2000s probably

does not know the difference between a guy from saudi arabia and a guy from afghanistan that is true i think she called and was like hey yeah stripper tale becomes 9-11 novel uh stripper tale no public record of a stripper from golden banana calling the fbi prior to oh it was the florida strip club uh this is insane following the attacks jack it is it is approximately a one minute walk from the golden banana to sonic see that is insane literally next door how many times have you been to the golden banana i've never been i've never been but i know guys i know guys that have been um and they think it sound like it would be a gay strip club yeah i think it's kind of a bait and switch where like

you your wife would never she's like he's got to be at sonic like if she checks his location he's she's like he's not at the fucking gay strip club he's probably next door at sonic he's probably getting it because as a man who was trying to secretly go to the strip club it would be a good cover to go to one that sounds gay so your wife knows you would never go there you'd never be there you're at sonic because her gut would say oh it's a gay strip club he then the location must be wrong he's probably at sonic yeah did you do you know the 99 sonic blast yeah i know yeah i've never been but i'm aware of what it is i haven't been either but my mom said that when my sisters were very little they were like at the 99 restaurant on route one

for some reason yeah so i must have been there actually and my sister didn't want to eat there and was like five years old and my parents were like we're fucking eating here and she just started walking she was like i'm gonna walk home and so started walking down route one and my parents were like doing that type of parenting where like we're gonna let you fucking do this whatever but she was definitely too young to be and my dad said the weirdest part was she walked like the right direction like technically she was heading back to maine granted it was a 50 50 shot but they were like she was gone for like five minutes and they were like this i don't know if this was the right call but she came back she came back i was gonna say she came back and ate

at the 99 restaurant wow yeah i think letting her walk on route one is not the right call but i like no i like she probably learned from it i did that it was the 2000s man i yeah everyone was doing it Everyone was walking on Ruan. It was like a freaking national mall down there. I, when I was a little kid, I, well, I used to, my mom used to, we, I walked to school growing up and my mom would walk us to, and then come and pick us and walk us back. And so like, I was literally two years old, but I had done this walk a million times with like my brother and sister to go to school.

And one day, I guess my, I said to my sister, I was like, I'm going to school. i was probably like four maybe two feels like maybe too dramatic but uh and she was like okay whatever like she was watching me and i went and i made a lunchbox with i just put one entire carrot in it and zipped it up and walked out the front door and she like didn't think it was real or something and then eventually she was like wait did he actually and i had walked like half the way to my brother and sister's school it was approaching like a very busy intersection i was completely alone four years old with just a lunchbox oh my god dude that's what the denellans they're they're academics they're born academics you wanted to go to school i wanted to learn man

i wanted to learn and uh if i could tell that kid anything i would say you were gonna go to so much school and then never use it because god was stupid if i could tell my if i could tell my four-year-old self four-year-old self one thing it would be you're gonna go to so much school you're gonna go to a ton of school think about the max amount of school that you can go to that you can imagine at this age and times it by a million we went to so much fucking school that's so crazy to think about and we don't use dig it one ounce of it no that's not true though i don't actually think that i think the only school yeah of course but like what i guess i don't know you definitely use like your major

you know i think the only thing i really took away from college was wasn't he a poli sci major how is he using that because like he's thinking about that stuff on a data and you're like well read on that's like philosophy philosophy is like when you're thinking no i just mean like he's like he has the tools to have like educated opinions on politics on politics okay yeah we're talking a lot of politics on this my public speaking class i think was the only thing that i may be public speaking that's one i thought i signed up for public speaking and it was pubic speaking it was private speaking i was alone the entire time it was a nightmare private my private speaking class for guys who can only talk to crowds learn how to have one-on-ones private private speaking

yes to get like the tony robbins of the world to be able to dial it down a little bit yeah where were you on 9-11 do you remember it's like a regular size hat oh that's cool huge did you get ice cream in them no it was like sticks oh what is that that looks like ringworm you know what it is it's like that stuff they put on

salad that's like little sticks but it's sweet it's like candy coated wait what wait what is that show me that again is that not like pretzels just dipped in like frosting yeah yeah yeah it's like that i don't know why that is giving me like the heebie-jeebie it looks like no it's good it looks like a kidney stone oh who gave that to you um i got it at an event that's my kidney

that's actually mlb gave it to me it was the size of a fucking softball you know i have to say my kidney stone is the size of a fucking frost ball frost ball my my kidney stone came out like a fastball my fastball i'm i feel like i'm losing my fastball i am more scared of getting kidney stones than almost anything in the world it seems like how do you get it it's like uh from like think it's like a salt thing like like if like high sodium diet uh not enough water i also like i know a guy without without naming any names i know a guy who was like predisposed to them and has to deal with it like every year despite what he eats and drinks and uh it just yeah it looks like a fucking nightmare in texas it was really common for people to like drink dr pepper

as like their coffee uh so like Peter Buell does that yeah Dr. Pepper like the official drink of Texas it yeah it is because I think that it started in Texas and they like brew it in Texas or something but people will like drink it every morning and I know people that would have like three or four Dr. Peppers a day and um this one guy literally got a kidney stone from it and I was like how embarrassing to like tell your friends and family like yeah I drink so much Dr. Pepper that it has like formed a stone in my kidney did you see the did you see the knockoff dr pepper at that restaurant called uh professor zesty no that was killing me the other day was it was like this restaurant actually got people out here sipping on professor zesty

i you know i used to be addicted to mr pip oh i've never had it is that oh that's like dr pepper adjacent right yeah it is way better yeah i actually do i actually think it's better go to images yeah wait i can't can you see you can't imagine just like the most generic yeah um wait will when was this mr pibb uh obsession happening craze that was when i first got my first job at lewis barbecue you that was their that was their soda of choice or they had just a soda machine and i tried it

and i was like i don't know i just never had it and i thought it was unbelievable and so i was drinking like four you know how i can put down soda you get really excited about like new sodas i was drinking like four or five dr peppers a shift um and or sorry mr pibbs a shift and then i Jesus realized I was gonna die I was like getting fat Because it was like full body Not diet or anything So I quit I made a rule I said absolutely no

Yeah Those were the good old days man I used to sell the shit out of that barbecue It's like the only reason I go to Chipotle now Is because they have Mr. Pibb there Chipotle does Dude I got Chipotle yesterday And the chicken was like

Nuclear hot like is there not like a set recipe like sometimes i just get a bowl that i'm like whoever made this went haywire like way too hot or it was the spiciest it was legitimately the spiciest thing i've ever i've ever tasted like it was it was spicy yeah it was like half as you remember when we used to try da bomb yeah it was half as spicy as da bomb really it was like i like couldn't holy shit and then ty got it from a different one and he said his was also pretty spicy really maybe they're up in the ante they want you to like drink more like soda there so you're spending like actually that would actually make them lose money because like

free refills that's how mcdonald's makes their uh their food saltier so you drink more soda but that also doesn't but that doesn't that would like just make them lose money right i think they just it is funny like the way that our health teacher phrased or the way our health teacher like described mcdonald's was it was not she like made it seem like it was not about making money they just genuinely wanted you to get as fat as possible like she was like they're like an evil group of guys like it's not yeah have you seen the you remember that movie supersize me yes yeah yeah and it was about like a guy like only a mcdonald's and he got like obese and it ruined his life and then did you hear it came out recently he was just an alcoholic yeah he was just getting

hammered after they stopped filming every day he apparently i heard he he that was his plan was like i want an excuse or i want to be able to mask the fact that i'm like a i'm developing this alcohol issue and so he was like i'll just do a thing that can cover why i'm getting so fat didn't he die yeah i think he did die i mean i can't imagine that well couldn't have helped it definitely didn't help alcohol and fast food every day for like what a month a year yeah i mean i do i'm kind of on a similar similar diet and it it was a month straight and he gained like 200 pounds like it's just not i'm shocked that no one did the math and was like this is impossible because he was eating like let's say he was eating 3 000 calories a day he's only

he's only over by like 500 or something like you gain i think a pound of fat is 2500 calories so it was like to gain to gain like 150 pounds or however much he gained in a month like i don't think is possible just from eating yeah like it had there had to have been other calories yeah i don't know chad ochocinco ate mcdonald's three meals a day his entire nfl career that can't be true really that's true i mean is there any proof he like he talks about it like regularly really that's wild wait who chad ochocinco would eat mcdonald's three meals a day his entire nfl career oh yeah yeah i heard i've i've heard you say that i've never fact checked it but i believe it he's can you pull that up yeah goofball that might be one of those

things that i need to fact check i mean i think you could just keep that one in your arsenal regardless of whether it's true did not only eat mcdonald's but he notoriously consumed it almost every single day during his okay all right that's that's close enough every single every single day is fucking crazy yeah that is i thought i heard him say he owned can i go pee real quick yeah please all right speaking speaking of mcdonald's i was thinking about this when we were when we were in high school uh my buddy's little brother would like always be around and he would want to come to mcdonald's with us and he obviously didn't have any money because he was in middle school and we would pay for his mcdonald's but he had to but he had to eat a filet of fish first

and are they gross i don't know i've never had one it's fish and tartar sauce from mcdonald's so i can't imagine it's like the greatest thing in the world but it's also been on the menu forever so surely someone likes it but we would play 300 violin orchestra and he'd have to finish it before the song was done and what is that it was like every like football edit from like 2005 yeah yeah wait so he just had to eat a sandwich in like three minutes well he'd have to eat a gross fish sandwich to this embarrassing song i think he pranked you and probably just liked that he loved fish fillet he's like this is a lot he doesn't even want the other stuff what you order fish fillet dude i was thinking about i was thinking speaking of 300

violin orchestra i was thinking uh about like i was talking with my buddy his brother just got engaged and the last time i saw him the older brother we were he was picking the color of his penguin for club penguin and like we were watching and now he is engaged to a woman isn't that in crazy how quickly that happens like i remember sitting behind him and being like red solid choice like that is people are gonna love that at at the pizzeria and now he's engaged to a woman are they gonna have puffles do you or i don't know it's still up in the air i mean there's speculation yeah they're trying for a puffle i i know this is kind of a played out joke but the whole telling people that you're trying is one of the most it's the weirdest

thing that we do that we've made it normal to say you're trying to like your parents like that's fucking disturbing i don't want to hear the moment someone says it the first thing i picture is them like freaking out it freaking it it's just just it's so not something i need to know at all i didn't realize it was that hard to like have a kid either i thought you could just have one whenever you want it i was under the impression and it's probably good that i was under the impression i was under the impression that if you had sex without a condom she gets pregnant no matter yeah until like 20 years old yeah which is probably for the best i didn't know like time of day mattered time of the month matter yeah wait so can we can we just hook up with people like

at a certain time and it's fine that's how married couples make it seem they're like yeah it's not in this like our window they have to be ovulating i i think so yeah can you get pregnant on your period no okay i don't think so will we're in the clear we're good will and i were trying that with each other the other day but i was on my that was not my period bro that was not my period if this isn't will's if you're not will's period then who are you all right yeah that's disgusting i'm sorry my cousin just got in my cousin just got engaged in portland maine bang and didn't tell us that she was in fucking portland not that i was like no she lives in florida i don't know what that would be like if i flew to lancaster pennsylvania to get engaged and i

didn't tell you yeah that would be fucked i i almost went to lakers here yesterday actually i was thinking about it but i didn't how close is it to philly train takes like an hour do you have people there um like yeah like family friends and stuff i i part of the reason i didn't go is i was like everyone's gonna be working or whatever like i don't yeah but yeah uh when do you go to nashville tomorrow morning i got my big performance on thursday yeah so are you just rehearsing for the next two days yeah tomorrow we have a rehearsal and then thursday is the big kahuna show does this come out tomorrow uh no this comes out next week next monday i hope we meet some playmates surely we'll meet some playmates right yeah have you sold tickets

and stuff is there like i don't think it's like a ticketed thing i think it's just like at a bar right oh it's just whoever shows up shows up i think it's like yeah it's like have you been to nashville no yeah well it's like all the bars just like have like you're not gonna get this they do live music at the bars i don't know it's not even worth fucking no but it's like every you know like every bar there has like a formula it's like three floors and there's a stage on every floor yes it's like different genres every floor right is what i'm told it's mostly country in my i mean every bar a little bit sometimes yeah i'm gonna throw a chair off a roof can you just do it after my big show can you imagine you're like you're performing on the

first floor and then a chair lands there and you're like oh probably rusty oh that oh that dog of mine oh rusty oh yeah oh no oh that reminds me i packed my uh my boots for you if you still want a pair of thank you i meant to text you about that that stuff um they are they are currently being used as like storage for underwear and socks but you can totally wear them as boots when i take them out of my suitcase it could be storage for feet on thursday yeah yeah i got new boxers let's go baby i read i read on the internet on a reel that you're supposed to get new underwear every six months and i was way overdue so i got new underwear yeah i definitely don't do that but i don't be shitting the way you do but here's the here's the thing they say i can't

tumble dry them so i just am like an i have to get like a fucking clothesline now just for my boxers are they like nice boxes yeah that sun spell i guess they invented the boxer i'm not joking no way i'm not joking no pull up who invented the box i like that i can google things now too they invented the boxer it's a british company sorry the the boxer short yeah it's a british company he designed the trunk yeah jacob galam huh what uh he designed the trunks with elastic waistband to replace the restrictive leather belted shorts fighters previously wore oh that's why they call them boxers but yeah i mean here's

the thing i'm trying to i'm probably not going to get rid of these ones after six months i just am trying to like get things that i have to use every day to be as comfortable as possible like i like my boxers that i have now and i like these new ones next are towels i want to get i want to get nice towels i think yeah i've been wearing the same pair of commence suck down boxers for the last like two years so you should probably get on your wave here's the deal the amount of ladies that i bring home that that go running for the hills when they see my commence suck down boxers is it's becoming a problem it's honestly it's ruined my it's ruined my chances of finding love because i just they see my they see my dually boxers and they want to get the hell out of dodge

i saw someone trying to explain comment suck down to kylie last friday it was so painful to watch i was at i was home i mean is it supposed to be funny what is it even supposed i don't know i'll tell you i'll tell you the origins i learned the origin story from a drunk 19 year old in maine he came up to me uh we had walked in for we were about to have dinner with two of our family friends and this group of like 19 year old kids came up and they were like yo my buddy knows uh sam barrett and a parent apparently when they were in high school together he was always saying stuff like commence suck down and stuff like that and so it's so cool that it's like a company now and i was like really he was he was just walking around saying that like i find that like impossible

to believe that like he was just walking around being like commence suck down commence suck down noah khan liked it so noah khan liked it yeah yeah yeah you remember that willie has like a dm with him where he's like commence suck down it's the funniest thing i've ever heard actually yeah oh my god he said that to me yeah noah khan you remember that commence that is the funniest thing i've ever heard i'm sure it's in your dm says noah khan yeah yeah yeah look at your dms with them search like commence suck down your dms and i'm sure no con will pop up that is unbelievable if true commence like that is the funniest thing i've ever heard says music legend i mean or maybe in text or something willie searches his text for

commence suck down there's just like a thousand every friday oh my god yeah he did wait how do you remember that you talked about on the pod like pretty recently too commence suck down oh my god what do these say exactly commence suck down is an elite pre-beer catchphrase what an intro it's so funny to think about that there are these guys that are like you know legitimately geniuses wait can i screech on this it's not gonna like it's not gonna like no i won't notify him though you screenshot it sends your ip to you yeah he's like did you just screenshot my commence suck down fucking asshole he got a hole in one the other uh yesterday uh no con yeah oh really at what course uh

boston country club boston golf club maybe my yeah sorry just had a hole my friend was like one of the founding members of raya and uh he said to get people to not like screenshot people's profile on raya they would just like as soon as they did they would just send their ip address like to them like it would just pop up on their screen as soon as they screenshot it and they would like freak out thinking that they were like gonna get in trouble or someone's gonna track them down so people stop screenshotting things on raya wait why don't they just aren't there like apps that if you try i tried to screenshot my world cup tickets and it just went black yeah yeah netflix will do that too if you try to screenshot something while you're

watching on netflix how do people not um how do people not like how do only fans people not get their stuff screenshotted and just sent out for free uh they do oh yeah why would anyone subscribe then i think because you can like i think you're just like message them have you guys ever subscribed to an only fans no we've talked about this okay i think i know you have like a hundred going at i uh i have subscribed to to one out of curiosity maybe two two two if you count the person that i like knew and i was like i have to yes i think that doesn't count if you know if it's a person you know and you're like i have to get

my eyes on what they're posting that doesn't count do you think they can see like the credit card name though i made i am not proud of this but i did yeah i made a like an alias to subscribe to you made like a fake credit card no no a fake you oh you think they could see the credit card kind of like if i even if you catch me you're also doing it it's like when you're like embarrassed about going somewhere but you're like if anyone else sees me there they're also there yeah so it's not my friend said he woke up in the middle of night one time at 3 a.m and his phone was just going ding ding ding ding ding and he looked at his phone it was all these only fans charges like all hitting at once and uh he thought someone like had stolen his credit card or something

like that so he canceled his credit card immediately and he found out one of his buddies who had like stolen his credit card one night when they had like or he had taken pictures of it one night when they're at a restaurant and was like while he's sleeping i'm gonna subscribe to all these only fans screenshot like everything i can and then cancel it so that he doesn't notice but he ended up waking up in the middle of it that's not a friend that's an ultimate gooner you cannot be friends with a gooner of that caliber dude they'll yeah they'll ruin your life that's why i'm not friends with any gooners dude they'll literally they'll ruin your life gooners will ruin your life a lot of people don't know that i'd map it up all right we got a

beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna do this guy rocks teach me something uh do i need a lawyer and then the office plots that don't exist followed by drinking games that don't exist i don't even remember what this is but well i i know it's going to be a heater if it makes it into my notes app you know you know it's going to be a certified hood classic this is the greatest thing i've seen in a really long time um i i don't even need to tee it up it's a bison attacks tourists at Yellowstone National Park. These are the heart-stopping moments a grandfather was attacked by a bison at Yellowstone National Park. The dramatic video posted online by a professional photographer shows a bison, which can weigh more than 1,500 pounds, charging after the 65-year-old,

flipping him into the air. You see the man and his grandchild stop to take photos of the bison. Seconds later, the massive mammal then charges, chasing the family around trees before the man is thrown multiple feet into the air seriously injuring him oh my god that looks like a sketch or something the way he's running sam barrett and i were laughing our ass off just like the nightmare that is running through the trees while a bison is so funny he like he leaves the tree lying like a bat out of hell also that was like 30 that was like 20 feet in the air how high do you think his foot was oh my god that was 15 feet oh it had to be more toilet yeah well i hope he's okay and i'm sorry i'm sorry that uh that happened to you but it was really funny i didn't know that

they could like charge you like that or that they were yeah i'd never yeah i thought if you kept your distance like you were totally fine i i don't know if i if i yeah i think for me it comes down to no bison i never thought about it yeah all right do you have a this guy um i actually don't that's all right well all right i do i wait no i do now when you're in mom when you're with mommy you're in mommy's world now i set the rules i make the decisions and you follow my lead and You know what? Deep down, that's exactly what you want. Mommy knows best.

Always. Always. What's so interesting about this show is we spend about an hour and a half, and i'm in so much joy and i feel so much love in this room and i have such a positive outlook on the world and then that is all every day every monday and wednesday it's ripped away from me when you show me a person you found on the internet and i realize how grim the world can be there's a guy mommy's world now i what's interesting is mommy kind of stuttered at the beginning and instead of mommy just not very confident mommy totally could have kind of just

like you know taking a breath and re refilmed it but i appreciate that mommy's kind of a one take kind of gal um i personally don't really want anything to do with mommy but i'm excited that other guys um you know are able to find community with uh mommy good answer did you just repost that on what repost what account is he even on i believe it's his personal account i think he's saving it for later does it matter andrew's gonna be claiming that uh that his only fans got hacked by a friend pretty shortly i think uh i lost all my money to mommy all right i here's my teach me something i am going to be honest i think there's a world i think there's a world that this is ai but if it's not it's the crazy i'm shocked i didn't

know about this so andrew i just slacked you pictures to go along with this but from this instagram account intellect spelled wrong uh which i guess is the first red flag in the 1990s New York in 1990s New York especially during the Wall Street boom years it was surprisingly common for investment bankers and traders to carry huge amounts of cash and blah blah blah but look at these photos if these are real this is like mind-boggling that they're carrying this amount of money that first one is like the craziest thing I've ever seen and they're saying it was partly for like flexing but also partly just like it was hard to get cash like regularly which i don't even know if that's like possible but these guys if that is

a real picture and not ai that's the craziest photo i've ever seen that is like millions of dollars in cash yeah i mean i guess maybe the banks just didn't have as much like on hand yeah or like there wasn't like electronic banking i don't know isn't that fucking crazy if that's real maybe it's ai who cares who gives a fuck anymore i think ai is bad same buddy i got i did i did i got my new oakley meta glasses yeah people were not happy with you i didn't realize that that is uh i didn't realize that that's such a where did you see people not happy with me something you did there were comments that were like on the podcast oh was it the podcast uh there was like one comment i saw i don't know

i got some messages too i i i yeah it's definitely a weird thing but i think they're for for the use case that i'm using them i think yes can i see what they look like on yeah i will say i will say a thing i didn't think about like they're just my only sunglasses i brought so i've been wearing i've had them on but i'm not like filming anyone yeah but then i go to the bathroom and i'm like oh fuck i gotta like hide them tuck these away yeah wait do you think zuckerberg's got they look pretty beast honestly i'm kind of kind of bummed at how can we not talk about family families all that we got all right do you ever teach me something willie i do oh my god i was at the gym the other day and i opened one of the lockers in the locker room

and there were meta glasses like hanging from the door oh and i was like is somebody just like Like, recording people in the locker room and, like, making it, like, seem like they're just, like, hanging up their glasses on the door kind of freaked me out. I love life so much, but sometimes I'm like, the world that we're in is getting, is going to be so spooky. And, like, it's already spooky, but, like, everyone's going to have fucking, next are going to be, like, meta contacts. and like guys are gonna be like wearing them and not telling girls that they're hooking up with that they have fucking cameras on their eyes and people are gonna it's gonna be so bad i don't think i'm gonna have kids i think i'm just gonna spend it all on myself kids kids have kids have kids it's funny that meta was able to like get people to actually buy them because remember

snap did this like a long time ago remember the snap lens yeah but i don't remember people being like i don't remember them being as creepy i think it was just like that's it was like people playing sports yeah yeah yeah this is like they literally the 90 of people that have metaglass are like youtube riz artists yeah yeah do you see that girl who she's like this very beautiful blonde girl and she's like people these fucking riz artists keep coming into my work she's like this has happened six times where because like she's just like a pretty girl that's like has to be at her job she works like oh that sucks like at a register or something she's just a sitting duck while these fucking riz artists come to the mall yeah i'll say it being

a woman is hard being a man being a riz artist is hard i'll say it like being it yeah being a riz artist isn't a walk in the park either um all right willie what do you got for me bud this is a song i wrote holding on to a girl so tight holding on to girls tonight forever in my heart that was beautiful buddy all right should we do uh should we do do i need a lawyer yes do i need a lawyer for yelling at my co-worker in front of my boss last summer i was interning with two guys and one other girl in youth group this week this situation happened we were at camp and two of the camp counselors we brought with us had been very obviously flirting with one of the guys i was interning with let's call him jacob jacob had a girlfriend but he was

not shutting these girls down because he didn't think they were flirting with him it was like elementary playground type of flirting and the weirdest thing was that they would tickle him on the last day of camp all of the staff were hanging out after lights out and i made a comment about how weird that was and how if a guy tickled me i'd be pissed a few minutes later jacob thought it would be really funny to tickle me as a joke as soon as he did i got pissed and yelled without thinking and told him to never ever do that again everyone including my boss just stared at both of us and i just had to say good night and leave the room i felt bad because at this point i was genuinely friends with jacob so i know he just meant it as a joke but i seriously couldn't stop

myself from yelling do i need a lawyer here's the thing sometimes you sometimes you just yell impulsively and it happens tickling is one of those things especially if people are if you say don't fucking tickle me then people are going to tickle you and sometimes it just comes out some people laugh some people scream i don't think i don't think you're in the wrong I think if you say, I don't want to be tickled and we're all adults and a man tickles you, that is weird. I think Jacob needs a lawyer because I'm coming for his ass. Yeah, I think Jacob needs a lawyer because I'm coming for his ass. No, I agree.

I think tickling is one of those things that, like, there are some people that it just, they really, it freaks them out. or it gets them go like gets their goat i'm personally like i'm i have sort of an open tickle policy like go for it try try to make me laugh try it mother i don't i'm not ticklish i don't laugh i'm very ticklish but i actually i just you know any physical contact is kind of welcome on my front so i uh sure i mean you'd be lucky to get it right and literally anything will do for me um my mom when i was a kid was one of those people that like if you tried to tickle her like it was the only time i ever saw her like actually mad was like if you try and tickle her she's like next level so maybe maybe that's what our friend here is dealing with

my beautiful girlfriend lauren does not like being tickled in a way that like she is not fucking around at all like i don't even not that i've ever even really tried to tickle her it'll just be like i touch near her armpit she's like whoa yeah jesus like i'm not gonna tickle you whenever have you ever seen someone cry when you tickle them that's the most heartbreaking thing in the world because it makes it no but i've seen someone cry okay it's kind of like that but the beginning they get tickled because it's like i didn't mean to they make it their reaction is totally valid and then you feel like it feels like the equivalent of like hitting them where you're like i didn't yeah oh thank you morgan and morgan and morgan if if if your buddy needs

a lawyer i think he knows where to go they do all sorts of tickle law all right guys this episode is brought to you by morgan and morgan we're talking power moves today here's willie what's your favorite power move you've seen recently uh when the guy who won the home run derby last night now that is a power move just like you know what else is a power move hiring morgan and morgan bang guys morgan and morgan is america's largest injury law firm they have over a hundred office nationwide and more than 1 000 lawyer with over 30 billion dollars for cover for five with over 30 billion dollars are covered for over 500,000 clients.

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true pouch connoisseurs lucy pouches and lucy breakers deliver long-lasting flavor for a seriously satisfying pouch experience my favorite flavor is the mint breaker right now i have four milligrams but i usually prefer eight i just can't find any for the for the life of me i use them for focus you're like you're like i wish i could double and give it to the next or double it you wish you could double it yes i do and i use them for focus for energy to relax when i'm having a couple beers we got a office vending machine of these bad boys and all these hooligans keep taking the ones that i that i want uh guys lucy is lucy is the obvious guys lucy is the obvious choice for the true nicotine pouch connoisseur that's why they're the official

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only pouch that delivers long lasting on-demand flavor find a store at lucy.co stores or get it shipped with 20 off your first order order at lucy.co slash playdate using code playdate and here comes the fine print lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer is age verified warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical let's get back into the episode should we do the office plots that don't exist or drinking yeah let's do the office tee me up these are the office plots that don't exist oscar gets on jeopardy and michael holds a huge watch party for the office but once it starts he keeps screaming his answers he keeps screaming his guesses so loud that no one can hear what the actual answer to the question

was or who got it so no one can follow it never gets mad at him i like that a lot uh michael sees the tiktok trend that people with red hair are black and insists that meredith needs to get in touch with her african roots he makes stanley teach her about being black and it ends horribly when meredith wraps the n-word in a freestyle wait what is that trend have you not seen that where people are like gingers are black yeah there's a girl that made a video it does it's i think like trying to understand it is like yeah i'm giving it too much yeah uh michael gets swept up in the energy of the world cup and starts giving out yellow and red cards around the office but uh i've over the course of the episode every salesman gets a red

card and he refuses to let them come to work so david wallace has to come down and uh has to basically like gentle parent michael by saying he went to var to overturn all of their suspensions that's fantastic that's so good maybe make that one my first one andrew yeah that was great Michael feels left out that he was never able to be in a fraternity in college So him and Dwight start an office frat Toby shuts it down when he walks in on Dwight paddling Kevin's bare ass I like that Toby, what a bore

I mean, what do you say about Toby? Sometimes sweet and soft spoken, but Michael hate him Annex, corner desk, shit, he can hear Kelly Shit, oh god, he can hear Kelly yapping away hr boring boring toby oh god he's so boring like so boring big time jim convinces dwight that there is an asteroid heading straight for earth and that only he can stop it uh by pretending that he's from nasa dwight believes it and jim tells him that the microchip to disable the asteroid is hidden somewhere on one of his co-workers and dwight

gets sent to hr for strip searching toby that's awesome all right you're drinking games that don't exist yeah i guess i didn't really think about that yeah these are more drinking games that don't exist the 5k fun rum so it's uh four by four relay race the baton is filled with rum and you can't cross the finish line until it's empty so however you want to break it up the four of you have to finish the baton full of rum that's awesome uh the smoothie bowl the smoothie everyone brings a different random ingredient uh and the smoothie master you know with alcohol involved uh the smoothie master starts making a smoothie with all of the uh ingredients and as he adds them and it gets grosser and grosser you can tap out and the last man standing wins but then that

means he has to drink what's in the smoothie bowl i like that in the blender does a blender have apps now yeah i know like a bunch of tech has like yeah you can play angry birds on your blender now great um hear the beer one person is blindfolded everyone else has a beer in their hand you have to crack it and finish it before the blindfolded person tags you and it keeps going with new beers until there's only one guy standing so you're all okay here the beer everyone forms a circle around one guy with a blindfold you have to crack and finish your beer before he can figure out where you are and tag you if he tags you awesome you're out and after he tags someone that new round starts with all new

beers until there's only one guy remaining that's really can you not move to uh you cannot move there you go right well like because it can't be like a chase thing yeah yeah it's like it's like you have to like yeah yeah yeah you're exactly right yeah okay uh no this this one is called uh can pants every can has to go in your pants so have as many beers as you want have as much fun as you want but the cans in your pants they're going in your pants i guess are these more like party themes than drinking games i think i might have gotten confused that one is like kind of a party theme but like kind of a drinking game i don't know it's hard to say yeah we're playing can pants it's a game playing can pants yeah it's like edward 40 hands where

it's like it's kind of a it's an all night thing exactly 40 hands together uh all right you're gonna like this one a lot bong pong it's beer pong but every cup is a jeep filled with a little bit of weed if a ball lands in that jeep you have to take it and then it's just normal beer pong rules oh my god that's that would get out of control uh i okay i've got bottle fingers it's like can pants but the bottles have to go on your fingers have as many beers as you want up to 10 yeah but they're going on as many as you want or you can do toes if you want more than 10 if you want more than 10 beers and your hands already taken just everyone walking around like clink clink clink clink

it'd be like the loudest party of all time hearing like two people go into a back room to hook up and you just hear like glass shattering trying to get a girl's

bra off after bottle fingers with bottle fingers this is a nightmare will I help here alright I love you buddy that was a great

I got bottle fingered getting bottle fingered guys we'll oh god sorry sorry i didn't think about that holy shit yeah like your friend's walking funny and you're like what happened last night i got bottle fingered my ass all right we'll see you see you next week i love you peace guys this family is on the brink of civil war mob land

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