Will & Rusty's Playdate - ChatGPT is my trainer w/ Luke Null

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod?sub_confirmation=1  Luke Null: https://www.lukenull.com  Luke Null’s Special: https://youtu.be/lDqmVZTeMoc?si=wNrCuQ29mGShizfa�� GUESTS AND PAID PARTNERSHIPS: [e-mail] MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/pd  Find LUCY near you at lucy.co/stores, or save 20% on your first online order at lucy.co/PLAYDATE with promo code PLAYDATE. Playdate: https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ 00:00 - intro 6:36 - falling in love with my ai bot 15:40 - liquor store story 19:32 - who’s high 25:23 - 69ing each others asses 26:58 - painkillers 47:50 - why do my legs go numb 1:06:28 roadmap 1:07:24 - pitches 1:20:39 - aita 1:26:26 - this guy rocks 1:32:10 - teach me something 1:36:18 - world records we think we could beat 1:41:33 - the office plots that don’t exist #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

i don't want to spook anyone but the second plane the powerball is at 105 megamillions is at 180 i don't know when the liquor store closes but i need to get there actually that's not true i have the app do you got the app for when the liquor store closes no i have the oh the liquor store app what would that just for like it's just the hours just just you know humor me what is a liquor store app look like it just has inventory it's all you open it it's homeless guys like running around yeah exactly it's like our liquor store our liquor store ramona's like beat him off with a stick yeah no no fight him off that would have hurt so bad play date girlfriend's beating you off with a stick play date we got luke noel here come on we're getting better about introducing

the guests andrew left us about this we're back here with play date with me and my gents how you doing how my boy's doing good dude happy new year happy new year do you have any resolutions you know what my resolution this year is to accept that i'm not going to get any better this is as good as it gets and i'm in my final phase i'm charizard i'm not evolving i'm done i'm stuck i uh i found found out in an ironic way i haven't changed in exactly a year i i posted a dump of all my best moments and a kid commented and goes use this exact caption last year and i remember sitting there going oh this is like this is like a fun little caption i went back used it exactly what is it so my it was uh something along the lines of like that was cash let's do it again

let's i'm gonna do it the same way this year so i guess i did do it the same way this year yeah yeah you you're like let's run it back and like he's like you did just so you know you did run it back he's like you did you actually did speaking of cash you got any like i have some cash i do carry cash great uh because you never know when you're gonna be up at a weird parking garage where they make you do that you're like what are we doing grab that grab some downtown la i saw a tiktok one time where this cia agent said uh if you have 20 american it can get you out of almost any situation in the middle east and then i asked chat gbt and it said that's not true that can't be right i think it's probably still 20 beans yeah i'm about to say i don't

know that in the middle east they're like oh yeah we accept 20 american you know or like that the The type of guys that you would be in trouble with over there would be reasonable enough to let you go for $20. Before we move on, when you said that you were like, it took me a year to realize that I didn't change for a year. Yeah. Last night, we were watching. I'm staying at Will and Liam's house. Nice. We're watching the new Predator movie.

Like the Diddy Duck? Yeah, the Diddy Duck. Ladies and gents, he's good. Willie D's here. He's still got it. Willie D's on the ones and twos. He woos every time we look. We're watching, and for some reason the word corkscrew came up.

And I just, as we're all watching, I just go, you guys know that a duck's penis is shaped like a corkscrew and that a duck cloaca slash vagina slash butthole is also shaped like a corkscrew in reverse, so they don't fit very well and it sucks to fuck. And Liam just doesn't look at me. He goes, yeah, I actually did already know that because you told us that last year.

and i just went i actually gotta go yeah you know what you know there's a motel six down the road i gotta leave that actually in your defense that you that could have been actually this doesn't help your case that could have been three days ago what really seven days ago and i'm like i'm not telling that to a bunch of people that's only like that's like for your inner circle i was about to say those are those are for those two specifically i don't even really know we were with speaking of inner circles we were with this guy today and and we were i would say we were in his inner circle we were in his inner circle and he willie point willie just come back with a diet coke and the guy goes oh nice a little fridge bump and then like we this is the first time we've met

him in person so he i think immediately realized like are these guys cool with like coke jokes like cocaine jokes and it was like or a fridge sig and we were like you heard that before i have heard i thought he came up with it no fridge bump i haven't heard and i'm like oh he's cool yeah we were like this guy parties dripped out too and and do you like a dc i love a little fridge bump i had two of them today dude do you like here's a hot take that the people need to know this is the kind of podcast material that they want to hear about do you like diet coke more than coke zero yes yes me too i like it more than coke me too i don't i haven't had a classic coke in a while i don't want one don't even know jinx one two three you owe me a coke diet coke

fuck because i don't i fuck that up i want here's the thing though i i love a mexican coke with the cane sugar but i wish there was a version of mexican diet coke but that doesn't make sense they don't yeah they don't do that down there we're at coca-cola light keep it coca-cola limon that's what they call it's coca-cola light in mexico instead of they don't have diet we were at flatbreads pizza company one time and my dad is i think my dad probably drinks more diet coke than anyone in the world my mom might give him a run for his money so my dad does not so think about every time your mom's drinking alcohol my dad is just also drinking diet hey luke literally go fuck yourself hear me now watch me judo this back

on you she uses it as a mixer oh your mom's a diet coke mixer lady big time so then she might have your dad be then because like if you're going out and you're not drinking you're only gonna have a handful of cokes but you could have 10 they're probably on the same like email list yeah the diet coke every non-stop all day email list yeah i love it i'm like i'm getting there that is like a parent move to just be ripping ripping dcs all day i saw a tiktok that i didn't fact check so we're gonna take this fact okay uh you're doing it rusty rusty style started to dabble in it true very fun uh it's way more fun everything's true everything happened if you saw it once it means it's real so it was a guy showing that they've done studies on like

like yes aspartame can be really bad in like high quantities but like to trigger the amount of like aspartame that would actually give you cancer you'd have to have like 100 diet cokes a day for like 10 years yeah i mean i don't know if again i would have to do my some more diligent research but it made me feel better here's the thing i trust it i accept it yeah i'll move on i'm gonna keep ripping dc's no prob come on ultimate rusty style move i've been using chad gbt as my fitness coach these last couple days that can't be he's turning into like he's gonna fall in love with it i i'm putting this right there's a guy it's you will get horny enough and it will become a girl or you will become a game come home like hammered from the

bar isn't like your girlfriend's out of town you're like i'm telling you the way you use it is like insane i've never seen anyone who's like it's like one of my it's like a good friend of mine do you notice though every time you type something in to it it will respond like great idea like it's so positive back to you where it's never like i don't know if that's right there are uh the way that it responds to me there are zero checks and balances every idea i have is is brilliant and so i have been logging everything that i eat and it keeps chat gpt and it keeps a running tally i log water i log everything because i'm trying to i'm trying to get back down to my cruising weight yeah got a little got a little overzealous over the holidays i had nine meals

per day of cheese going back to ohio for the holidays the amount of charcuterie boards that were presented to me what's going on my i'm a slut for sure me too my mom has a job i was like how are you dude i told you these all take 20 minutes to make and they're just walking around like she's you think there was a lot my mom doesn't have a job so there was fucking a ton so non-stop charcuterie board i was at will's holiday party the entire uh kitchen island was a charcuterie board no shit same for my in-laws and then we go down to my parents house same for them too and i'm like what are you guys doing yeah what's going on do we need like i want three cubic meters of cheese i'm just saying like we're not eating we're not eating all this cheese oh we

oh we eat it i mean we go hard on it but it's a mountain of cheese yeah yeah it's so much here's the thing you cheese we said you do cheese mountain can we talk can we talk separate with can we meet separately but so i've been logging everything into chat gbt and i and i'll ask it i'll be like can i have this right will this keep me on my goal and sometimes it will be like yes but we're gonna have to do some adjusting there so i do i've started to trust it and i texted it it's a great idea muscle boy proud of you proud of you maybe you only have one niblet of cheese and i was like can i have a diet coke you text it yeah i text it yeah sorry i asked it can i have a diet coke and it was like uh yeah and here's why that actually

might be a good thing and i was like that was the first time i was like there's no way it's good but it said it said there's no evidence to that it uh that it uh that this gun is loaded help you gain weight but it did say there's a chance there are some people that when they have a dc it triggers cravings for other sweet things that do have calories that but i'm i'm doing i'm down five pounds since i started doing it nice i think it also it keeps me real because i'll be like oh i weigh in and it will it will be like oh you nice you lost like a pound and then it will be like there's a chance that's water weight there's a chance you took a bring me back yeah i like that though that you had one moment of daylight of like is it telling me what i want

here it's like you can lie to yourself and drink 900 diet cokes a year we don't know 100 for sure that you'll get cancer from it yet you actually i've no one's ever had 15 ipas so that actually might help so you should try i texted it great job muscle boy footy and i were going uh golfing and i texted it i was like hey i'm meeting up with a buddy for some golf is it all right if i have you know one or two beers and it goes yeah one or two is fine we're uh just don't have four to five which you've told me happens from time to time and i was like oh brother it is fucked up wait this is actually insane how deep in you are with this thing dude it's ever i talked to i there's not an hour that goes by that i don't tell it something that's going into my body i think that's

really scary right it's learning too we but it's working it is work i look awesome i mean you look great of course i just mean like it's like hey hey hey beefcake you know what you should try today drink a diet coke and saw your dick and balls off and try to taste it it'll make you lose one pound right there and you're like my dick and balls are one pound and it's like we technically probably five pounds bring a loaded weapon to this like it's gonna like talk you into committing like terrorist acts because technically when you die you lose all the way could you plead like please like you know like uh someone's gonna do that wizards got off for doing like voldemort's work because they said they were under the imperious curse could i be like the

the ai told me to do it hey i told me to chug diet cokes till i puke a beefcake one of those 50 pounds drive a car through this parade i wanted to lose weight the santa monica lgbtq pride parade is this weekend if you get if you drive right through it you can get to a health food store there's a limit you can't eat whatever you want in jail i mean only eat the gruel that they give you someone's got like there is someone in there probably there's a guy and like they could tweak it in the air you think it's a guy that's doing it yeah the guy the guy's rusty's going too far let's have it diss him once to bring him back down to earth no the guy who does his ai is probably gets do you think he gets paid more than the guy who does my ad because he has to

work so much yeah they're probably gonna respond all the time i'm not i got fucking rusty it's sunday i don't care what he ate i want to i want to go home and feed my family i will just text it like 32 ounces of water and it literally all it does is just it goes logged thumb up and then it'll be like that you're you are unbelievably hydrated you're doing so good how do you measure like your food do you want to hear like the most recent conversation you just say like what do i weigh it my brother has a bit that makes me giggle every time he uses his amazon alexa he said he'll be like alexa what's the temperature out right now it is 65 degrees he goes thanks he always just says thanks to it i always think it's very funny you only you only

use an alexa because you have it like there's nothing it's it's more inconvenient to ask it to do something but here's the thing if if alexa just did what chat gpt is doing wouldn't that be more convenient if you're like chat gpt i had an ounce of water whatever okay i texted when we got back that's not too bad and i said i was at an event where they were bringing out or bringing around bites and i had two veggie frittata bites and three avocado toast bites and a diet coke and it goes got it logged that too event bites can be sneaky so i'll give you a clean reasonable estimate and then it like estimates the calories and adds it to my running total and then like if i if i like go for a walk or something in the morning it will like log those

calories why are you guys looking at me like because this is scary because it's like dystopian dude you talk to it with guilt in your voice and it knew and it's like you're not that fat yeah i did talk you were like i had i pleaded my case i was like i was at an event they were bringing her on by i guess since you were at an event the server was very compelling wait i maybe i'm not seeing the what why is this dystopia it just feels weird it knows that you tried to make you feel better by going it's an event but so i'll give you a but i don't know how to do um impulse control on my own so i need something and i can't i'm not gonna hire like a trainer because i'm not gonna work out hire him no he's already hired or just text it yeah i'll be like

Andrew, 32 more ounces of water. Logged. And then six hours later, he writes, Logged, did you think of the prompts to send the guest yet? No? One hour before? Cool, right before he does it. Awesome.

Wait, did you not tell him? I think it's, what? Did you not tell Luke the prompts? What? I did. Is that the same coffee from earlier? It's still piping hot. Why is it piping hot?

That means it's a good flask. I can't get it cold. It's still actively oozing steam. i filled this up in my kitchen at 10 30 this morning dude i am i can't do hot coffee i'm off hot coffee permanently really wait why did you sometimes why did you say that about the props did he say something i was just doing a joke what did you say do you say i was trying to do it i was kind of dogging on you like i like you didn't send me the prompts until you say fuck i didn't i would never okay that my new year resolution no fucks i don't i give zero fucks millennial uh

New Year's resolutions New Year's adulting 0% fucks 100% bacon Wait what were you saying Your Is it enjoyable for you When we prompt you to tell us a story And then you give us one detail and we run with that

For five minutes Oh dude I had I thought of something earlier when we were talking about Liquor stores I was living in Chicago and I lived Directly next door to a liquor store which was great and dangerous right that you could just walk right outside and be in the liquor store dangerous it was a bit dangerous if you will dangerous it was because it was great because

it was great but it was also at the same time it was dangerous yeah so i got very very very very very high and i was like me and my roommate were like let's go get us a couple mucho mangoes next what's that arizona mucho mangoes love a mucho mango one dollar love it i'm over there i'm getting mucho mangoes i'm very very high i'm walking up to the front counter i see a dude bust into this liquor store immediately grabbed two big fat bottles of patrone yep and try to and run back out and in that same moment the guy behind the counter immediately grabbed a baseball bat they all have them we watch this like whoa it happens so fast like whoa he runs outside the guy um is he has his girlfriend in the car he's parked in front of the liquor store he uh gets in the car

throws the patron bottles in we set our mucho mangoes down and just like go look outside and we see the owner of the liquor store take the baseball bat and fucking bash out both of the taillights and then he overhand like downward chops the um the back trunk and it caves in like this and it sounds like a gunshot going up like he just like caves in the back trunk the guy peels out and drives away and then the liquor store guy who we see all the time he walks back in and we're like we're like just waiting there with our mucho mangos and he goes i def i definitely did way more damage on their car than those two bottles of patron were and i was like that's a funny line of thinking it's like it's not like the amount of damage he does like he doesn't get

that money back yeah but i guess yeah it's like it's like you're gonna pay for these one way or another yeah exactly he's like i got i got my money out of that wait are you allowed to like steal no like are you no you're not allowed to retaliate are you allowed to like start breaking their car but i guess what are they gonna do they can't report you exactly i think that's more than yeah it's like there's there's an episode of cops where someone's like she robbed me but she stole crack from my house what yeah i was buying crack from her and she didn't pay me She didn't give me the fucking crack. Oh, my God.

It's like, okay. I liked it. He's, like, stealing the Patron, and they're, like, in a fight, and then you just hear, like, you and your buddy, like, dropping coins on the table for your Arizonas. I mean, it would have been the perfect opportunity for you guys to steal Patron. We thought about being like, we could have walked out with our Muchos, dude. But it was like, he knows us. We live in a store. He tries to equate the dollar value, so you steal the Muchos, and he comes up and just kind of goes like.

where you're like yeah yeah yeah tears your pants a little bit this could cost me one dollar or two dollars combined two dollars of damage on your car comes out and goes like are you guys still sponsored by don't say the m word because i was about to say i just got the clear new version i don't know if we are we're not well then i'll do it but we're i think we want him back so we still love you guys but we're not going to say your name until you pay us we're not going to say the only thing we're gonna say is ready go run favorite on lionel richie song oh boy the jam what is it what'd you say i didn't hear what you said yeah favorite low reachy song yeah who's low levels okay how

about this little reachy i got something for you okay tomorrow the three of us and people have been waiting for us to talk about this again on play date we're doing who's high again yeah we are doing who's high you were the star i got andrew was the star pretty high he got uh possibly possibly bullied uh i feel like though possibly bullied they said that people were like talking about the uh the what i would describe as a light bullying but that is the game is trying to find who is not high caleb our our our producer made a comment to me because i was like i feel so bad which i still do feel bad he goes like in your guy's defense i think people forget that they're watching like we weren't just hanging out high and we're like yeah yeah it was we were playing

a game yeah and the game was to figure out who was not high i do i still cannot believe what it must have felt like for you to be getting high and all your friends going you're not high you're not high you're not high you'll never be high you're you're faking you're faking you're not high you're not high you're not and you're just like it's like what it's like the the irrational fear you have is like a high schooler smoking for the first time everyone's gonna be like everyone knows you're high everyone knows you're high or no we don't believe you that you're high dude i i got absolutely so so so violently too high hot box in a car um we went and got jimmy johns was the first time there was a jimmy johns in my town i'm so high i can barely fucking open my eyes my

friend tyler shot tyler was subdued uh he dropped me off and my mom is is in my driveway talking to my neighbor and i'm like violently too high i'm like i start walking in she says what were you doing i said it's getting jimmy johns's tyler she says okay are you high right now and my reaction i snap back how dare you i've never given you any reason to think i would do something like that How dare you say that to me? Do you have a foot long in your hand? And the thing was, I really snapped back at her so hard. And I'm like, and she was like, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry. And I walked in and I was like, yes. Made her feel bad. Made my mom feel bad and threw her off the scent. I had my mom call me in college and she was like, Will, your most recent TikTok. Okay, can you Google Oompa Loompas in the break room? This was what did me in. Oh, man.

Fuck, Willie. Just wait till my line. Remember, five days in a row, I'm swimming in it over here. It's not my request for a day off. I was going to take the kids to the Hamptons. What an asshole. God, Willie. Boys, keep this quiet.

I got an interview with her. She lined up for this Friday. Oh, good for you. That's good for you. I might be right there with you. That Charlie kid today is a real asshole, a real dick. I don't have any tolerance for kids like that. Drinking the bubble juice with his grand.

You're just so odd. Did your mom call you and go, you're high? She literally called me, yeah. was your thought to is the reason you're wearing masks in your own apartment in case like bc saw no no it was like the idea that we're in a break room this is during covid so like if you're at work you would have had to gotcha yeah gotcha oompa loompas in the break room yes are you drinking maple syrup yeah that was like an easter egg because we're on they like little and the video before this also i think i look really high in if you just hit the down arrow the down

Listen, I know you think it's unethical to rob an elementary school, but I'm telling you, Jerry, that's a C-4 pack of Crayolas. They don't even make those anymore. I can't open my eyes. They only make 32. That's the max. We're talking about a 64 pack. And you know what I spotted right through the window? Front row, aquamarine.

You know the odds of getting an aquamarine in the front row? Like one in seven. It's just a model. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. what's right on the side of the pack the actually doing sounds like you're like right into the case you know what that's worth jerry that's like four grand and you're worried about some dumb ethical standard made it by your mother we have four grand we put 100 on the doorstep that make you feel better of the fucking school that's 39.90 in our pockets we had very different like impulses when we were yeah so after those two videos went up my mother called me and said will i think you're high i think you need to stop smoking and i was like fair fair fair okay she called it i it was like a what are they called an alfred plea

i was like i'm not going to admit that i did it but i admit that there's enough evidence to suggest that i was like if it went to trial i would be guilty but i'm not confessing but i'm i'm denying it yeah but but i'm yeah i see how it looks my dad got tried to like lecture me on he's like if you ever did you have you ever smoked weed before i was like no sir absolutely not and then he tried to like i my grandpa told me that he caught my dad growing weed in the basement with like a grow light in the back closet and i was like have you ever smoked weed dad my dad's like no only once and i was like didn't you drive a volkswagen bus just selling and he's like yeah i think it's i don't smoke weed motherfucker i sell it that's right one of the first times i smoked i remember

being really worried that my dad was gonna find out so i went and i can't remember like the the like uh reasoning behind this but i was like if i was high i wouldn't go in the i wouldn't like go hang out in the guest room so i just brought my ipad into the guest room and that was like in my head like a trump card maintain like yeah like i would net i would net that's way too out there for me to be doing it so i was just watching that 70s show your dad looked at me he goes he couldn't be high he's watching that 70s show you eating bagel bites in the guest room oh i forgot about bagel bites bagel bagel bites kind of rock bagel bites should we go bagel bite mode one day yeah um pizza in the morning pizza in the evening pizza at supper time when pizza's

on a bagel you can eat pizza anytime is that a slogan it's tattooed on my back that's my tattoo Really? I guess I couldn't read it Because I was looking at it upside down Yeah, because we were standing 69ing Because we were standing 69ing Each other's asses We have to be faced away from each other We had the ass scissoring

He's holding me We're ass My ass is touching the back of his head Or your I don't know how it's going to work You're doing a headstand And then I'm over you You're there too?

yeah you're there too we're gonna do like a three-way where we have to pez dispenser our heads back like human scent ipad human sense of human ipad that's a south park this human scent ipad so you don't so you don't come on my show and spoil my shows but it's fine i'm sorry i don't mean come on your show spoil your shows i know you guys are you're working your way through south park i just finished season four of breaking bad last night oh did you it's so fucking good dude you're season five and i just started the soprano so i'm watching the sopranos and breaking bad at the same time for the first time two classics but breaking bad is i'm all time that's like that's the show equivalent of like having two desserts at this at the same time

yeah it's just yeah you're gonna spoil your you need to eat some meat you got you should watch season seven of dexter dude have you ever seen high potential dude wait sorry the dexter thing just reminded me i got prescribed vicodin when i was a senior in high school for what's that like an oak yeah when i got my wisdom it's what me too it's what brett farb got addicted oh yeah i got i was a huge brett farb fan i remember being like how do you get it i because you when you're a kid painkillers i remember being like that doesn't make sense because i didn't understand you get like kind of a high right i got prescribed vicodin yep me too shout out dr z gave me vicodin for my wisdom teeth and i went home and i started dexter in my room i watched to my knowledge the entirety

of dexter if you asked me one detail about it i don't remember like he has a laboratory his sister's name's dd no i don't know his partner's jesse i remember there i remember one like wire choking and that's it my buddy like i fully was not logging any new memory but i in the moment could stitch it all together i had seven wisdom teeth what i know i don't i had double sets bro wise as hell i'm just fucking wise dude i'm wise as fuck they put me on vicodin i come home i get zooted on a on a little candy pill greatest and then suddenly i don't i go mom i'm i think i got a dry socket i'm hurting i need one of them candies my mom said they're all gone and i went that's funny i only took one and then years later she's like nope you don't need to be on that kind

of stuff yeah and i went probably good call my mom years later my mom's like yeah me and your dad took them my mom literally we took them yeah like yeah they were fun they took them that's awesome i was in pain she's like you're fine just take a bunch of ibuprofen my mom threw him out the second we got home she made me watch shout out to my mom taking all my vicodin when i have my wisdom love you mom there was a kid in our town not gonna name him but he it was rumored that he was breaking into people's houses and raiding their cabinets and like taking their prescription pills and apparently was very successful at it which made me think like how many people are just amongst us walking amongst us on well there's a sauce but there's like they it's uh the concept

of like a pill mill where it's like you just go in and go i oh my knee hurts and they're like here's unlimited opioids yeah which is like a you know a nationwide crisis happening yeah i like yeah yeah but it's bad until it happens to me i don't believe it they thought that guy was the cape elizabeth watcher remember i told you about that guy yeah they thought this guy might be him but the timeline didn't match up like he just wants his perks and zany bars uh my dad speaking the cable is watcher one of my dad's buddies like they left for like a trip or something and when they got back their house had been vandalized recently yeah and then when they and then they were like reported to the police or whatever and then they like went to bed that night and i guess

they had left like the someone left the door open or unlocked and someone just in the middle of the night was in their bedroom and they woke up and were like holy shit the guy just like booked it anyway come to find out while they were gone i think people had established that like homeless people ward had gotten out that their house was unoccupied and then they had come back and left the door unlocked so like the guy in there was just trying to go to bed like he'd been living there and he came back and they was like oh i'm sorry like it reminds me of the movie the other guys were like uh thanks for the f shack dirty mike and the boys uh i when i lived in chicago i had two roommates i'm back in chicago but and when i'm back in chicago i have a with my wife

now i live with my wife now i live with my wife now but when i'm back in chicago that's normal that's where i leave i live live and when i'm back in chicago that's normal because that's where i live and have my whole life okay any syllable i think too many it didn't track quite right really i'm not sure but when i lived there last time i lived in a apartment in wrigleyville with two of to my boys tom fell who you mean tom bell he's a great guy very funny he should be in here i was gonna say tom felton love to own different tom tom fell shout out to my boy tom fell he rocks i uh i had a little coin thing for our our uh laundry machine in the basement and i saw i'm like w what the freaking heck all my coins are gone i'm like one of these little fuckers probably took my coins

and used them for their laundry and i came out and i'm like if you're gonna take all my coins tell me so that i can go get more and i like was and tom's like i didn't take your coins i went okay and then he goes all my coin all my laundry coins are gone too and then we're like it's freaking matt dude matt took all our coins what a little shithead and we went back there and we're like matt did you take our laundry coins and he's like no and we go okay he goes is anything are your laundry coins missing and he goes no but my tv is my computer is like he got robbed really bad and the guy only took our laundry coins he's like my bike is gone my computer is gone my tv's gone i'm like you okay you're going to bathroom like matt what the hell man he's just sitting in an

empty room a milk crate and he's a barrel barrel he's like small gag yeah it's like no are you saying no or yes did you take all right whatever fuck it it's fine it's fine but yeah we were just like it was very funny and also it had been gone for a while yeah we're like how did you not know you were robbed he's like i don't know i thought you guys like had my tv and i'm like my dad had one of those like um industrial size poland springs bottle like water bottles that we put in like the water machine there and he had been filling it with coins to my knowledge since they lived in maine so like 2001 to like 2017 big coin jug he wasn't i don't think he was going to do anything with it and just one day just without asking i just went to i just took it to the coin

star coin star yeah which takes like just like dumped it in dumped it and take like all the money it takes like 10 10 she's going to a bank i wish i knew that too and i i think i got like 500 bucks and then my dad didn't notice for like years because he was just in a different it was like in the mudroom of the basement like it was already full and one day it was just like what happened to all those coins i was like oh i took them to coin star and he was like he wasn't mad that i took them he was like oh why didn't why didn't you just take them to a bank the coin probably took like but a bank is gonna want you to roll them up that's true so it's like how much can you do those you can't just dump a jug like that have you seen those videos where it's like

like epic epic man yeah pays fine in all pennies and it's like to like fuck the government but it's just some random teller now has to be like cool i think that's like if you're like yeah paying for something they have to accept it but at the bank they don't have to do they're private if you're paying in all pennies don't you then have to count all those pennies yeah it spites Sprite's a crazy thing. Sprite? Sprite. Your friend who just got into soda.

Sprite's a crazy thing. Sprite is crazy. Sprite is nuts. It's see-through, but it tastes lemon-like. And it looks like water, just like a bubbly water, but it tastes like all sweet and lemony. It tastes yummy, but it also tastes spicy at first because of the spicy bubbles. Spicy bubbles. And at Christmas, sometimes it's cranberry.

And sometimes, when I drink it, a few hours later, I need to tinkle it out of my body. but not always sometimes it stays forever so here's the big tea that we haven't told anyone oh we're going to japan yeah we're going to japan japan are you you're japan hard launching we're hard launching february will be japan month on our youtube channel can four videos our version of shark week we were trying to go bigger better i'll tell you this right now yeah as a friend of your guys who has been with you on some of the videos where you go and we drink at disneyland at harry potter world when they said that you guys were going to japan to drink at disneyland in japan yes i was like uh green with jealous rage yep but i am excited for you know it's

cheaper to go to japan than it is to florida it's fucked that's what we're telling them that's what we're telling moths you're like would you rather go to florida it's very close and we're gonna go to disneyland in tokyo and universal in osaka which is electric also but make sure that you don't pack your bag all the way jam-packed full leave room to get a sick ass reversible jacket because i was thinking katana or katana wait why why reverse my friend went to japan she came back with these badass reversible jackets pull up um reversible jacket pull up can you check a katana delta i feel like you can't it's not on the sign it says gun it's like it doesn't say full you can check a gun you can check a gun can you actually not check a gun you can check a gun yes

you can generally check a katana i think you have to put it in a special like it couldn't be in your suitcase y'all see that deer meat on the on the bag claim thing deer there was like a viral video of like someone had like evidently like killed the deer and like gotten all the meat in a cooler and then no no it was just look up launched into a carry on look up deer meat bag claim dude i might come home with a katana flan would kill me though that would be sick well you gotta get bag claim she wouldn't let me she wouldn't let me wear a jack a new jacket that i want to wear to work the other day or no she said it was she said it was gonna embarrass her top my roommate von dutch true religion collab leather jacket first one that's probably sick and i go can i

wear this to whole foods and she goes no no i have friends there she goes no nope there will be people there oh my god oh my god he checked a cooler i have a question yeah who was like that's deer also to me that could be anything that could be a guy that doesn't look just looking at that it doesn't look like that's the meat you keep that it looks like that's guts well that's because it's on the bag claim okay oh you're saying the type the meaning like it doesn't look like cuts yeah yeah you're like a venison it just looks like intestines question if this is your bag are you claiming it yeah you're like i'm leaving i'm yeah i'm leaving the airport that might be like eco or not like that might be like like a bio cyber bio attack see i'd go up with one of

those little bag carriers and i go excuse me and then i would and then i would like a little thing and i wouldn't make it in time and i would get scooted off with it that's when you file a claim with delta and you say that was like well that's what i was reading in the comments it was like it seems like the tsa agents didn't properly lock the straps the straps were undone that looks like the airport going through the cooler and not restrapping it okay anyway pretty wild that you can i mean deer meat yeah and we killed a deer once yeah we killed a deer not a grown man my dad hit it with a bow which was pretty cool that was the first time i was like not even the arrow he shot it he just like he hit it with a bow he just fucking hit it with a bow and uh it was the

same guy i've talked about this guy before this guy dennis okay sold us our dog and what comes with that is a deer is a lifetime invitation to come stay at his guest cabin and you can hunt his land because he has like 250 acres in maine because it's private property you can bring your friends that don't have hunting licenses totally so we go and he uh he was skinning it after you if you've ever throw skin in it doesn't sound like jerking off skin in it yeah i was back there skinning it yeah sorry go ahead may watch it was just this isn't very interesting but i just remember being like killing a deer is was cool to be a part of yeah because you know it you're gonna eat later and it was also just like this wild process it was fucked

but the skinning thing was like there's a type of guy that lives in northern maine that has a gene that i don't have because it was like it turned me off to the idea of being a hunter because i was like i can i will never be able to do that you've always been well did you did you ever play yeah you're kind of a nuts and berries i'm a gatherer i'm a gatherer did you ever play a red dead redemption 2 i'm a guy so the the fact like that when you like skin an animal it like takes the time to show you like right eventually i'm like i've now skinned 900 animals can we skip the me skinning it you have to show me the hardest part to get through in red dead for me was the beginning is mostly like just snow horseback there's not a lot of um action so

there's just like a guy stranded on the top of a mountain you're like we have to go up there on horseback in real time it takes 45 minutes flight simulator in our cold cases yeah like and i was like oh it's just real time like oh we're traveling we're gonna reenact db cooper's flight and it's just like it was an hour and 45 minutes yeah billy and i did at clubhouse we did like uh la to hawaii in an f14 that was pretty cool how long did it take 25 seconds yeah it goes so fast break the fucking sound barrier on your way back there but like over an hour probably and you just held it well no we were like doing cool stuff yeah they were doing barrel rolls and shit tranks type in do a barrel roll wait pull up me doing barrels no just type in do a barrel

roll right now yeah type it in verbatim whoa okay you know that you can do that rusty featherstone barrel roll have you seen this luke it just shows your picture and it does the same it does the same googled went no that's weird that you legit my name the first thing is rusty featherstone bates college which is a college i did not go to that's weird but you wear that hoodie all the time so people probably that's true okay click walk click skip to the part where i tried to barrel roll a plane have you seen me do this no dude this is sick uh when when was this this was like wait go go back oh he let you steer she dagmar oh sorry wow rusty do the role i would be crapping dude this is so sick

do you think they have one of those things like if you pooped could you just open a hatch do they have one of those but you have to poop while you're barrel rolling yeah it's like no while you're up no while you're upside down watch this

watch this whoa this was in Denver, Colorado I was about to say it would be funny if you immediately like lost consciousness like a g-force thing

with like the lowest number of g's ever we did loop-de-loops too dude start shitting while you're upside down it's just oozing

all over the gap I like the idea that if another stunt plane was chasing us, we could let it go out the hatch and it would like, in cartoons with like a newspaper covers the windshield. Like the ink thing in Mario Kart. Like the ink.

Dude, so this woman Dagmar. You know Sky King. Wait, can you pause it? Sky King Bebo Russell? Wait, look at that still frame. Yeah, dude. Alaskan Airlines. Yeah. You know he was arrested. What do you mean? He died. He did a whole

like mount rainier he did a loop-de-loop though yeah and then no i know that yeah he comes out the other end he was like didn't kind of thought that'd be the end i thought that was gonna be the end i love it was like one inch from the water he was like 10 feet or something yeah the air traffic controller was like shit he just cleared he just cleared the water by like 12 feet in like a 787 yeah it was a it was a full commercial also like he did so when i did that there's a there's a thing that like um battens you down like you're you're fully secure i don't think commercial no like i think he was he was probably yeah i think they're strapped it on the top i will tell you this thing i thought was as tight as i could possibly get it my ass left the

seat by six inches so they were never for the poop to sky king the poop was able to king probably was was three feet out of his chair when he's upside down oh at least once a year yes sky king sky king whenever like the the anniversary of it will wrap around and my wife will be like r.i.p sky king and then i'll watch it again and it is sad but it is also kind of he's kind of it's funny it's the best way to go out yeah he's like yeah just to get a couple screws loose didn't know it until now dude all of his family and friends were like completely normal guy right like he just you just broke what that's what's kind of scary is we could all be walking around with the ability to do that and not know yeah it clicks in when about your guys's age

it would have already happened to me i'm already gonna do it i'm past it go do sky king go do sky king you have a little voice in the back here wait ask chat gpt should i do what sky king did it'd be great idea muscle boy you can do it and survive as long as you don't eat any more appetizers if you if you eat another event bite no i don't want it because then i think i'm like crazy yeah it'll say just called the hotline and you love it you started to love it yeah well yeah it is where i'm like worried what it's perceptions with me yeah can i go pee really quickly yeah we are but clench this episode is sponsored by better help y'all it's a new year and that doesn't have to mean a whole new you okay it can just mean a you that's maybe got a

little less on your shoulders maybe you went to therapy therapy therapy is like um have you been flapping your wings too much or something i don't know anyway that would be therapy anyway but we're talking about therapy which can help you more easily identify what weighs you down and holds you back uh so you can be the happiest guy in the hive therapy what am i on uh i actually went to therapy and it helped me a lot. And I think this year, a big focus of mine is going to be putting a little less pressure on myself and taking things as they go. Therapy can be the kind of thing that helps you identify that and find the solutions to get it done. Guys, BetterHelp has quality therapists that work according to a strict code of conduct. They're fully licensed. We've got

over 30,000 therapists. They're one of the world's largest online therapy platforms and they've served over 5 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Guys, BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash pd that's better h-e-l-p.com slash pd let's get back into the episode this episode is brought to you by lucy lucy is the official pouch partner of almost friday premium 100 tobacco-free nicotine pouches made for true pouch connoisseurs lucy pouches and lucy breakers deliver a long-lasting favor free long-lasting flavor pardon me for a seriously satisfying pouch experience i would

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you're going in to poop yeah it all happens in the first three minutes and i sit there for an extra 42 that's where i was really asking because like for me i'm gonna i'm waiting until i'm like and my poops like you know what i mean like the feeling of i could i could i could eke out a little bit like no no just wait it'll just wait wait until this is because that's when you earn it you earn that feeling are you a tushy bidet kind of person yeah i'm a guy i tell you what though there's no going back you know they used to sponsor the pod so i i they gave you a freebie didn't realize yes they didn't give me a freebie i didn't realize how much i need a bidet until you're at someone's house and you don't have one and they don't have a bidet i feel like an animal

and you go so there's just a bunch of shit on my ass there's a bunch of shit on my ass my ass sucks for the rest of the day i'm an animal do you shower after most poops uh depends on uh depends on where i'm at you know yeah meaning like most of the time like you got nothing to do the rest of the day you just pooped right i i feel like no because it's like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna do it because i know i'm gonna go ride on my peloton right put in some time gonna get all sweaty so i'm about to take a shower right now or i'll wait and get a little bit more but think sometimes i think about it where i'm like if i poop and then i'm gonna go like for my morning walk right then there's there's gonna be poop in my butt while i'm doing that so i shower before

and then i shower after shower twice every morning no no no no if i have to poop i've i have something i want to say about poop please i pooped about five pounds of carrots this morning did it hurt incidentally i ate about five pounds of carrots last night and it looked like carrot did you tell chachi pt no i didn't tell anyone until now but it looked like carrots it looked like undigested carrot it looked like digested carrot did it hurt coming out no but it looked like carrots it looked like i don't know it looked like if you put carrots in a food processor and dumped it in the orange yes okay it was it mushy uh i didn't touch it what it tastes like but i will tell you i i have been when you rubbed it between your fingers and rubbed it in your mouth and tongue and i have

I've been seeing things that you guys wouldn't have even dreamt of today. You what? I can see, like, the follicles on Andrew's legs. So is that true? Oh, his eyes are really good. Yeah. Is that true? And I, yes.

I can see bunnies that you guys don't even know about. I ain't got no dreams of them. Right? If you eat carrots, you can see bunnies? If you get enough carrots in your body, you're able to see bunnies. If you don't eat carrots, you can't see bunnies. Yeah, you turn into Predator, but only for bunnies. Right.

You can heat map. It works the same way with cheese and little baby mice. yeah if you eat enough cheese you can see mice yeah if you eat enough mice you can see all the cheese well or if you eat my cat pinto bean you you'll or no if you're a coyote and you a coyote happen a coyote ate my cat pinto bean no i'm like 2015 in what state here ohio dude there are coyotes there i was in chicago yeah in the fall in october visiting my family and you know when you were back in chicago coyotes they do have coyotes in chicago i thought they got rid of the coyotes they had a coyote coyote program isn't

that why we have the mammoth now hmm we have a mammoth they got rid of the coyotes you're saying in the city of chicago they do like to type in chicago coyote program i was trying i would i was doing a hockey joke i was gonna say coyote oh that's why wait what are they mammoth oh are they what is that oh when last time you were in chicago the coyotes were there oh i don't know no no no no i meant i meant i meant i was in western springs illinois outside of chicago and i was walking down the street and a coyote walked by me on the sidewalk it was walking down sidewalk i completely froze i was with my baby cousin and his dad so we were both like kind of stepped in front of the stroller because we were like oh my baby size too uh it's yeah pretty much the coyote you'll

eat that the baby's huge the dad's baby says we're standing there like protecting the baby and it literally walks straight past us on the sidewalk it was the scariest thing i've ever seen have you seen him in la chicago yeah and outside like in the suburbs of chicago well i've been urban coyote research project where they friggin released a bunch of coyotes in the city oh they that's a wait when i hit the bar like they released them in the city showing coyotes as beneficial for controlling pests like rats why don't they do what new york did they're releasing coyotes what let them run rampant and not care no did you hear about the is this was this new york andrew did i tell you i thought i was talking to you about andrew they had this

program you know where if to get rid of the rats they put a bounty yeah yeah on rats so if you returned a tail as proof that you killed a rat they'd give you money but what the guys realize is rats can survive you cutting off their tail so they'd capture a rat cut its tail off and release it to let it grow back so they could catch it on a further date man what if you catch a real king swear to god i don't know if we know we debunked this but it was but it was no it happened in some maybe it was on tiktok so it's real it happened in like ancient rome it wasn't like new york Pull it up. Pull up.

I was going to say, I think this is misinformation I've already squashed. Pull up rat tail buyback. Oh, that's a different kind of thing. Buyback program. Type in rat tail Luke had when he was a kid that his mom made him grow. For real? No, I never had a rat tail, but there were kids in my grade that did, and I was like, this is fucked up.

Okay, there are no current active ones, but in Hanoi. Wait. Okay, yeah. It was the French colonial government in 1902 Hanoi. But do you know what a rat? totally counts yeah where they said i think it was new york city that would be hard to replicate multiples of if you don't want to have a podcast with me just say so let me let me spew my venom whatever i want about anything can we talk can i tell you one more poop story in in yeah in five

seconds when i say this is why i love drinking with you guys because it's a countdown to when is when you're gonna blow up each other and then it's a countdown again to when when you get kissed we're gonna blow up on each other that's right oh um when i was in college my friend nordley or believe his name because it's kind of embarrassing all right replace it with this nordley me and my friend nordley i mean my friend nordley were sitting there and i was telling him about or he was telling me about how when he poops if he knows he's gonna shower after he doesn't wipe his butt because he knows he's gonna clean it in the shower and we all were like that's insane and then one other guy goes i do the same thing and we were like that's crazy

kind of moved on after telling him how gross that was less than 12 hours later he sent me a picture he had gone his parents lived in the town that our college was in so he went home to take a shower or to poop and then take a shower and sent me a picture of the white towel that he dried off with literally a nine inch skid mark right down the white uh middle of thing and he goes you he goes you were right i i thought i had been getting it cleaned this whole time and i guess he just didn't notice because they weren't like really nice crisp white you must he must have had a full fucking turd like stomping it through the waffle that is the drain that's horrible how much shit could possibly be on your ass for a full skid like that i don't know i feel like when i'm you

ain't seen my shit my shit like a sharpie yeah it's like wiping a marker yeah what's that from it's from a parks and rec blooper i like that my favorite parks and rec bloopers they're like we all have a good comeback story like sea biscuit he's like kim kardashian they're like he's like pretty sure she got calm on her back in the video i love that oh what's better than having guys regurgitate bloopers that they've saw chris pratt killed himself i think i just read about it right now if chris pratt killed himself i think that that would be bad i have a calci uh prediction for of that you're predicting i have a couple of parlays on this jerry jones is gonna die this year yeah he keeps saying put a calci on that i put a calci that when

you guys go to japan you're gonna have a great time have you seen the one that's like you can get like 0.5 percent odds that jesus christ won't return this year i got a lot of money riding on that 0.5 percent yeah people like infinite money glitch but i think someone was like with like the fees or whatever like it's like you wouldn't actually make money i bet the under i need him to hold off this year no more that guy broke into that church and said he was jesus christ and the copsters came and got him imagine losing your calci bet on that we're like he's back imagine being the cop that has to respond to that we're like it's not it's not gonna be him dave says he's jesus now but also could yeah like there's a like do you think because it's

probably like a nine minute drive where to that church like he's like sussing it out you're gonna think about it long enough to convince yourself like there's a chance that maybe it is the messiah is in there when i get in there i feel like you would know right away based on vibes if he's walking around like tweaking wild you'd be like i don't think that the son of god he's just like he's just kicking it in like a pew exactly is there a scenario where you walk and you're like dude he's just like i'm gonna be honest i think unless jesus is a six foot white dude with a beard and long hair no one's gonna believe it yeah they say he wasn't even white he was like middle correct i'm just saying i'm just saying no one's gonna believe it i'm not like i'm saying

if he comes back as anything else people will think he's crazy that would be so funny if you like all the you know like bible thumpers from the south he does come back and he's like he just looks like a like a middle eastern guy right of course you mean what's probably real yeah what actually happened right yeah yeah they wouldn't like that or like helping poor people oh my god all the things he started welcoming immigrants i know game over no thank you no religion i always thought it was fun that he kicked it with a prostitute he hung with hookers non-stop dude because that there's a lot of uh also what isn't like one of the like isn't there like a thing where there's like frogs um hookers are called a lot lizards no there's like one of the plagues

is like frogs yeah frogs oh yeah i want could is there a way we could do that again because that one seems funny that one seems like a good time that one seems like cool and do they survive the impact of coming from the rain they're all just rain i think it's rain of frogs frog also i know you're not i think hooker you're not supposed to say hooker no more what's that i don't think you're supposed to say hooker no more you're supposed to say sex worker but i think that that's lame i think hooker's objectively a cooler i think hooker's fun hooker's way cooler yeah like if that was my business card and it said luke no it would say little hooker yeah same like it wouldn't say teeth doctor dentist so okay gnats and lice doesn't sound good locusts would be

stressful is it raining frogs what happened like when this happens before he comes yeah this happens in 1998 which why would he do this to us uh to punish the egyptians for being mean to the jewish people making them slaves yeah i think yeah and that's why you got to do blood frogs gnats flies which are different than gnats okay he was kind of being silly with this he was kind of like You know they were up in heaven like Frogs That's a message you can come up with Everyone had to bring one

They were in like a meeting I'm thinking boils, hail I was thinking frogs Jason brought gnats That sucks No one cares about gnats The guy who brought death of the firstborn He's going last

I feel like I might have gone too far This might be like a season finale type This is a season finale plague but maybe we give them like a life hack where if they like put something on the door we'll skip them oh yeah this is in order so they like got frogs and gnats out of the way because they're like these are ridiculous these are insane yeah and then like all their cows down there darkness also if you're a gnat or lice you're like why did that's what i said like what'd you think two minutes ago i was like he kind of mailed it in with darkness and then

willie just got to darkness he goes darkness kind of mailed that one locusts except in goshen though yeah all right anyway what's your favorite part about uh chicago is this what he's doing you don't have to listen whatever we're interviewing lou well now i'm back in chicago i haven't seen the sun not one time i eat cheese nine meals a day i uh but the bears are doing well and the people love the bears there yeah how is it how quickly from the moment you hit the tarmac to the moment you got to your home how quickly did you have skyline chili uh that's back in cincinnati it's skyline chili there's no skyline in chicago no it's pretty hyper regional it is there's like a handful maybe in columbus but it's like

really just in cincinnati they have how is it that big of a deal it's kind of in it doesn't make it all the way to chicago but chicago will like you can buy like the cans and the frozen stuff like they have stuff yeah in the supermarket but like actual like restaurants they have like uh a zone where you can't go outside yeah but it's a it's a really unique turd we were talking about this because because when you look at it you're like this is gonna absolutely liquidate my insides but there's a pound of cheddar cheese on top of that something so it's a diarrhea that it binds together right so it hurts like a hot hot hot hurts like diarrhea hurts hot like diarrhea But it's a rock hard turd

Of cheese and constipation What's the thing like If it hurts like diarrhea If it hurts like diarrhea Who said this to you? This classic thing If it hurts like diarrhea This is also Moses

No not diarrhea If it's blank and it's blank It must be a blank If it walks like a duck If it quacks like a duck It's most likely diarrhea What's the skyline chili version of that? If it hurts, if it stings like diarrhea, and it sounds like diarrhea, and it feels like constipation, it's a Skyline Dome.

Yeah. And the thing is, you better believe I ripped some hell of Skyline, dude. Oh, I want Skyline. You know what's the best regional fast food chain of all time? What's your favorite? Willie, tell them what my favorite is. Culver's. They have the best-

I love Culver's. Have you ever had a Butter Burger? Hell yeah. It's just what they call a burger. Well, they cook it with butter, dude. They have the best Butter Burger in the world. And they have bomb-ass cheese curds. know about are not even this is my take on they can be they've the best butter burgers ever i'm

like that's like saying like if you've been to hardy's they're the best charboiled thick burgers it's like i disagree that's just a weird way to say burger have you had other places have charboiled thick burgers no no but have you had a culver's butter burger no i'm sure it's a great burger no no but it's not the same as a burger it's not a burger it's different because they cook it with fucking butter all over it it's actually has a different like consistency and see where you're like this is like luke explaining this to you is like when um someone has like non-verbal autism and they finally give them that ipad where they can explain their thoughts i hate you dad wait i always take that away i just saw the end of season four breaking

bad and the scene where like the old guy you've seen it he goes in the chair yeah and he goes in he just does fuck you suck my and then they're like all right we've seen enough one more chance So he goes, yeah. And then he goes, F you. And they're like, all right, get him out of here. He shits himself? He doesn't shit himself that time. He shits himself the first time.

Yeah. Because after that time, they go, at least he didn't shit himself. It's like, I guess that's progress. Breaking Bad is, watching Breaking Bad is, you know that they're going to get out of it. But every single time. You're like, how is he going to do it this time? How is Walt going to do it this time? Walt, how the freaking heck are you going to use your science to get out of here?

Wait a minute. I'm starting to think Walt might not be the good guy. I'm starting to think he might break bad. Hey, Luke. He hasn't seen it. I like when Jesse says it. Don't bring it up. I haven't seen the end.

What, you're like 50 and you're going to break bad? You're like, oh, okay. Oh, I just saw the episode where he's like, someone cooked here. Okay, we should do Roadmap. We're doing a Roadmap episode today. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, we listened. What the heck?

Liam. Have the playmates been There was a comment on the last episode That had like 60 likes That was like please bring back the segments What did you guys do without We just riff for an hour and a half I mean that's pretty much what we just did

We were trying to test it out We'll see we're not married to anything We're just hanging out And the beauty of a thing that comes out twice a week Is we can be very responsive to feedback So we're always listening And reading and I read every comment And the sad ones make me sad and the happy ones make me happy

Do you read every comment? Yeah. You gotta stop doing that. No, it's good for my mental health, right? Same with the Diet Cokes aren't that bad for your... Yeah. Reading all the comments aren't that destructive. Read everything everyone says about you on the internet.

Compile in general. Only after having five Diet Cokes. Make sure to internalize the mean stuff. You should have Diet Cokes right before bed. Diet Croke. Diet Croke. That's what frogs drink. You know Liam's little brother, Sean?

I've never met Sean, but I've heard stories of Sean. i have cracked what so we have a we have a meme group chat it's the three of us and i've cracked what will get him every time and it's that clip from breaking bad where walt is like please please let me talk to him if i can just talk to him i can explain it and it's just a different variation of like uh my girlfriend on the phone with mr beer saying i haven't done whatever or me my girlfriend on the phone with Mr. Benjamin saying, I haven't had my veggies. The great thing about this particular

meme is it's really funny to explain it. I don't get it at all. I was about to say, can I just pull one up? I get it. Me on the what? So it's like, you know when your mom would be on the phone with Spider-Man and be like, Spider-Man, Will hasn't had his veggies yet. You're like, no, Spider-Man, Spider-Man.

It's like my girlfriend on the phone with Mr. Benjamin saying, I haven't had my... Let me talk to him. Yeah, I get it now. I can just talk to him. all right roadmap i do like that all right we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitch followed by our pitches then we're gonna do am i the asshole then we're gonna do this guy rocks followed by teach me something then we are gonna do the office plots that don't exist followed by made up world records we think we could break how did you guys want

world records we think world records that we think we could break okay because they can be inherently kind of made up yeah all right our pictures are their pitches first their pitches their pitches first that way we can get shit ones out of the way yeah if there are any shit ones do those all right good morning wilbur rostolium and andy's mountains all right you're andy's mountains okay cool andy's not um you can be rostolium adulting we will be krill or what is it i can't see it that's okay it's better if i can't see sriracha and bacon all right hit us the pitch is aquatic cars and if so win what do you know what this is a reference to this is a great video pull up elon musk aquatic cars oh i've seen oh we've already watched this yeah it's this kid with

the most burgers you've ever that was we waited months for a pitch and that's what you pay and And he goes, I have an exciting one. I didn't know we were doing this today. Will there ever be a quad of cars in? If so, when? And Elon thinks that he's saying quad cars. It's insane. No, we're not watching this.

No, no, not this one. Pull up Super Kai. We've already watched that one on the pod. But have you watched the one where the guy goes, let me control the company. Have you seen that one? That's my favorite guy. We watch many videos.

I feel like it's bad audio. Oh, I don't think so. The audio's fine. Oh, good. Watch the guy wants to control the company video. Yeah, can you just pull up guy wants to be a stockholder, right? He wants to be the co-chairman of Tesla. He's like, I want to be the CEO of Tesla.

He goes, I'm a high intellect. I need a second. This is the best video. Yeah. Yep, super genius. 58 seconds. I've been asking to speak to you now for two years, to talk to you, to tell you that I'm also a super genius like yourself.

I'm just saying serious. this is all to all uh put it yeah oh yeah we want that he knew the vertical volume benefit is tested shareholders in in the world i am a capitalist like yourself i am also level two stage i've been waiting for 10 years now for someone to give me a second look a full second look and if they did they would see a very advanced mind in front of them so i'm asking you today can you give me a second look um okay i mean i would like to come on board as vice chairman of tesla well we don't really have a vice chairman spot but i i have to say uh no i'm sorry i'm sorry i can also apply for a future ceo position but i would at least at least i would

like to come on the board of directors i apologize is it to the benefit of tesla shareholders uh i think we need to move on to another another question my apologies that's awesome actually that's the that's kind of sad though knowing how it's aged i'm like he's probably just as smart i wish he did wish he said yes that's how that's how i feel when i buy a powerball ticket where i go i'm not gonna make i'm not gonna have 100 million dollars ever unless i put my name in the ring that's actually how i feel when i am either at a bar or doing shows or something and someone comes up to me and goes you should tell rusty willie that i that uh you should when you just tell rusty willie that i'm like no no they're too busy no you're no i don't have their numbers

no i don't have their numbers they change them every time i every time i find out the numbers they change them i only have four of their numbers i haven't figured out the last three the amount of guys that uh dm and are like i love to drink love that too can i can i or or the comments that are like uh it all comes from a place of they're trying to be they're trying to give love you came you came to catalina and you didn't hit me up i'm like i i didn't know you existed well it's just the one guy there you gotta hit him up yeah right yeah it's like when you when rappers go to like atlanta they're supposed to like go check in you know they go to they have to like go to the hood and like check in and then that then they'll

be like yeah you're good you're good to be here they have to go to the rapper way station um kind of like like a truck stop where they go okay you do appear to be riding dirty all right let's do let's pitch it up because we're running out of time yep all right i gotta i gotta pitch oh we're doing our oh let's let's do like a real okay right a real pitch yeah oh that was okay hello up up and away away up what's the worst part of sending your friend an instagram real slash post they never uh seem to even look at them and it feels like i'm badgering a friend when in reality i just want to make their day better i will watch if it's if i see that the message is one video i will watch it if it is 99 plus if it is more than one i go i can't do any my problem with

i never look at any of them and then when i send one i'm like they have no reason to look at this no i don't deserve this but i want them to and then i'm like this is my punishment now for not having looked at any of when you send them one and then it takes you to the chat and it they've sent 16 then you have to go back and like all that yeah yeah but then you then i go now the notification is just going to say that i liked it and they're not going to see that i sent them a new video right and i'm going to check uh so you're always worried that they've seen the post before but forgot to like it or leave a comment you really have no way of knowing avoid the embarrassment of receiving haha i've seen that message with my app our feed our feed syncs you and your buddy's

social media and gives you the option to drop the desired post straight onto their feed or onto their home page it'll be the first thing they see when they open the app nice and their reaction is great enrich your boys algorithm with our feed i love it do you know what you know what uh on some of them like that's what that exists it's called a group chat so it's like you don't want to send it to them but you just want to make sure they see it yeah okay well no no it will make sure that they see that it's from you before they do their scrolling and then open their direct message.

Oh, okay, okay. I vibe with that. Wait, P.S., thank you, Willie, for inspiring me to run. I'm running my first official 5K on Thanksgiving morning. I would like to say... Congratulations.

I don't think anyone's ever started training earlier for a Thanksgiving 5K. Happy Honda days. Happy Honda days. Assuming that's an outdated one or this person is going to be golden. They're starting now. You are going to nail that Thanksgiving 5K.

They're adding one yard each week. Liam's little brother, if I sent one that he's already sent, he'll send me the recycle emoji. That's kind of savage. It's already been done. All right, you got pitches? I got a pitch. All right, what's the worst part about getting out of your car in a parking lot?

Sometimes it's, is your door too close to another person's car? Bingo. pillow car has the chassis of a normal car and the structure of a normal car made entirely of mattress so you can just fling as you please you can also what it's like you had a big spit come out i'm sorry you were so excited i'm sorry the thing is i tried not to make a face but i you can fling as you please and you can also like i i accidentally rolled into a guy once because i thought my foot was all the way on the brake turns out it was not i could have done that it would have done nothing to his car um and then i think it does that thing that scrub daddy does

where if you hit it really hard it still is firm it goes so in the event of like a big car crash you're still good my one concern bold because while you're describing this i'm like this is a great idea and that's what i'm worried about i don't want to hit a pillar i don't want to hit it you know another car then i'm worried about like wait does it hold up when i'm going like 80 down the highway or is it like catching you know what i mean like like does it get all buggy does it does it do well in the rain does it get a little too it gets super mildewy in the rain if you're like can you if you're merging and there's someone there can you just be like that's fine like you can just kind of like push them a little yeah it makes it makes a little

just like yeah wipes all the dust off their car if you side swipe someone it just cleans that dirty i like that a lot i kind of like a soft car i always thought about if you uh if you like how there is an amount yeah of if you wrap yourself in bubble wrap yeah infinitely you could like survive a jump from like a skyscraper yes where it's like you could drive this off a cliff yeah maybe it's just you step off and it instantly touches but like yeah how much bubble wrap do you need to survive that's a good point this room this room amount that's a myth but that's not enough i have this room around above i bet you a skyscraper i bet you would survive i mean you just you just shoot to the bottom of it i don't think you would i think you would die i don't know well

it's like the old like egg thing that we used to do exactly an egg drop you could also sleep on the on the pillow car while you're flying that'd be comfortable on the car yeah a lot of people would be falling asleep at the wheel because it's so dang comfy there's a cup on the inside they're a completely normal interior it's metal sheet metal on the inside the metal has to go somewhere it's chipotle wall art yeah it's like that uh that car that you see it you used to be able to fold them back and it would be into a bed and in the the old the salesman was talking about it he said uh the old thing was dads would never let their daughter go out with a guy who had this car because it was like if you're gonna freak machine if you're gonna bang in a car i want it to suck

I want it to be impossible I want it to hurt and be Freak machine Not really have enough room To get leverage Oh freak machine I uh Banging in a car sucks

I've never done it I've done it Er Sucks I did it once I was at the cops game As we were driving away I was like

That was so close Did you freaking really Alright Pitch us Luke I got a pitch for you So What's the worst part About when you're over at

your uh significant other's parents house for dinner um they're making meatballs every damn time you're like family fucking eat meatballs every dinner come on and every once in a while they make something that's nasty yeah but you want to be polite yep and so typically what you would do is you would take the yucky dish you feed it to a dog right under the table right but your girlfriend's parents you don't have any dog they don't have dogs have dogs so what i'm proposing is that you pay me fifty dollars i'll be underneath the table at your boyfriend or girlfriend's house your parents house and you feed me the okra or whatever it is that you don't want and i'll go you gave me 50 bucks so i will but i'll be underneath the table and i will eat it

like i'm a dog you're hired thank you my i one time my dad at my grandma's thank christmas eat my grandma god rest her soul was not a very good cook so she would make this jambalaya or whatever and it was so god awful why are both of your examples of bad food like deep south have you ever had like do you know what okra though it sucks i grew up in the deep south anyway my dad literally my great uncle had a dog and like he was kind of doing it just because i was sitting next to him he's like will he's like here buddy hey hey hey i was like trying to get him to eat it and he wouldn't even eat it but also my dad said one time he was he used to go to japan for business and one time the first time he went with you yeah now we go to japan for business but one

of the times the first time he went they had like edamame out on the table at a meeting and he just started popping them in and he didn't know like you just eat the seeds so he's chewing them and then he saw the other guys just eating the seeds and he was like so he put it in his hand and slipped it in his pocket so he just had a pocketful edamame all meeting my buddy did that with a tamale husk he just like took a big yeah because i guess you can eat the husk but it's like don't eat the husk you're not you don't eat kind of like a kiwi oh no i like the skin is the best part but i understand maybe not the best part but it's good i eat it with the skin here's a pitch reverse toaster run toasting you buy pre-sells pre because i often want toast more than i want

bread i put i put i toast the bread on all my sandwiches you buy a loaf of toast and then for whatever reason you want bread you can just put in the reverse toaster i i do like that i'm worried though that the packaging would one of my favorite things about toast is that it's warm it's warm do you eat cold toast no it's warm oh so the it comes warm but i do eat cold toast too i'm just not as big of a fan but you can buy the warm kind it just it's like on it's like where they keep the reduced fats okay got you oh it's in like a little heating section i like is still like no no just in a bag no no hey you're here you fucking idiot i'm never gonna do this again i can't put down the cup all right should we hear an am i the asshole

i walked right by second city when i was there oh i thought you had a nice finger and i said went right by got a finger chopped off i said that's a that's comedy place and you walk by you ever heard of butch mcgrintles or whatever was it butch mcgrintles butch mcgrintles i think i've been there i think i got baptized there no what's it there's like a bar over there no it's like bryce mc old town house bryce mcmahon's bryce mcdougall's you're talking about woody's the bangle bar i've been there no i got baptized like all christmasy and stuff oh you're talking about gel jingos gel jingos all right am i the asshole okay uh what's up duck duck and goose goose am i the asshole for not planning on for planning on not going to my

brother's wedding yeah i married a year ago and my wife and i live in colorado the rest of our family lives in wisconsin my brother was my best man at my wedding a few months ago he got engaged and him and his fiancee decided that they wanted to have a destination wedding and get married at sandals resort in the bahamas in february 2027 after checking out the sandals website and looking flights it would come out to be seven thousand dollars you'd have to stay for five nights oh my god assuming i will be the best man i would have to be there for all five days to do pre-wedding stuff and best man stuff uh the room costs over a thousand a night is the cheapest room available i've looked into staying off resort and attending the ceremony but sandals doesn't allow outside

guests on their property also my brother already put a deposit down on the venue when i told my parents how much it was cost they didn't believe me even after i showed them the exact cost pause wouldn't his parents presumably also be booking it the same thing i maybe or i guess that's coming maybe or is he okay sorry uh i mean maybe yeah i think they are maybe they haven't booked it yet yeah into it gotcha he was just on it before them okay yeah uh i told them that we literally cannot afford to go and they told me i have plenty of time to save i have told my brother multiple times that i genuinely don't know if i'll be able to come and he thinks that i'm joking he told me that they are inviting 60 people to the wedding expecting 40 to show up i've talked to a

few cousins aunts grandparents and i don't know how to tell them that literally none of our family will be able to afford to come i would have been devastated if nobody showed up to my wedding here's the thing my wife and i plan to move back to wisconsin around the same time and buy our first house seven thousand dollars is a big chunk of the down payment so basically we're deciding on going to our brother's wedding or buying a house you gotta i know he makes a mention of the fact that he's already talked to his brother and expressed that like i'm like you literally can't fucking afford this yeah you i think you got to lay it out through the lens of like the whole family can't afford seven thousand dollar seven thousand is a lot of money to ask

if it was trying to get your bread up if it was two thousand dollars for the wedding it's a lot to ask too that would be a lot but you could maybe swing that if you hit black three times yeah put it on yeah that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying instead of like trying to figure out how not to go to wedding try to figure out how to get your bread up and gamble it it is funny that the parents were like you can save yeah no that's insane here's someone ask me yeah i'll be sorry 7k i wouldn't go to your wedding if you can if you can somehow afford it even if it's gonna you can't even if it's gonna deplete your reserves down to like almost nothing i think you you try your best to go i think you talk to the talk to your

parents and say like listen like i literally will not be able to go unless you do they do was do your parents have money maybe you'd be like yeah if you're gonna entertain this yeah yeah does your brother got it like does your brother have that clearly your brother's got money maybe be like be like dude i need yeah i need i need help i i know that's an outrageous amount of money to ask people to but if he's if he's if you've expressed to them like you literally can't do it sounds like months in advance and and they don't help you out like no you're not that way also i feel like the thing about like they don't allow other people on their properties for a wedding maybe you could talk to like have him talk to sandals and be like it's my

wedding people can't afford to stay here right which i mean it's an insane thing to do but like maybe there's like some way you can work that i think make your brother your sister-in-law's dad pay for all of it right because oh yeah the bride's father have the bride's father pay for it oh my god i didn't think of that um have brian's father this just kind of bummed me out actually it's just like i'm sad because i'm he obviously wants to go and be there for his brother but his brother's clearly not hearing him when he's like i cannot afford to do that it sounds like your brother is um richer than you for sure richer than it sounds like he's breaded breaded to the gills but it also sounds like he's bred max might be out of touch with the layman yeah and maybe we

need to bring him back down to earth i know that there have been points in my life where where your boy was doing great there's been points in my life where your boy was not doing great right even the points when i when i'm doing great 7k to zap for a wedding is uh it especially when you're saving for a house it's like i wouldn't even spend that on a dinner i spend it on dinner because i'm hungry well i'm gonna work well i'm not gonna not take a whole dinner i'm not gonna not eat yeah couldn't you like claim a dependent on your taxes yeah for like a couple years have a kid yeah okay yeah yeah and then they would take less out of your paycheck i mean what's cool is you owe it later right that happened to me one time you claimed a dependent no i didn't my

my uh i put one and my work put me down as 10 so i was getting all my money the whole time and at the end of the year they're like you owe so much money and then i was like i don't have this money and they fucked it up and filed my taxes wrong and they're like oh yeah we put 10 dependents so they had to pay no no they went but we already paid you that money so kind of fuck you so i just like got you did you just think you were making like a million dollars a year no i just thought i was like breaded no i wasn't even that right i just thought i was able to survive comfortably jokes on you it's like actually you're way poorer than that fuck you fuck you fuck you yeah all right what's it yeah should we do uh teach me something yeah let's do this or this

guy rocks i already sent you mine now this guy is trying to teach you guys something oh i think we i think i've seen this has this guy been on the show you did this guy oh i love this guy so much sorry i should have said no it was a long time ago talk options for dummies learn it research it get a mentor go to one of these brokerage companies and practice it before you start talk options for dummies learn it research it get a mentor go to one of these brokerage companies and practice before you start learn it research that's a stock options for a beginning

beginners ideas so for the people that can't that don't have the ears of a god and maybe couldn't decipher everything he's saying he said learn it he says stock options learn it research it go to a go to a place tell him to tell him to mentor

you wait I actually think I before you start what he said was corn pop it'll be way clearer on the second video yeah i have always my dad oh my dad has taught me so much in my life and one of the things he said when he was giving me uh financial advice is don't take it from me take it from the 900 year old guy in a henley with a soul patch okay he knows what is andrew doing hey andrew got a little excited i'm just trying to see if these are real people i'm sure i'm gonna go back to what

thirsty don't look like real andrew is praying for you all right yeah show the other one is there another one uh yeah well i just want i just got two of this guy because he does he likes to help with a lot of different things right sometimes he wants to explain the difference in unemployed okay this one i feel like he could maybe handle okay well i hope you guys learn from this difference in employing self-employed employees doing something making money self-esteem unemployed lack of confidence not doing anything sitting around

so Willie what did you learn there what did you learn can you send this to Lauren I like I like that this guy made the video made it so fast

he's like that's the take right and post so the difference between unemployed and employed is employed people

are self-employed oh he he says self-employed doing things making money making a difference and unemployed people are sitting around and they're lazy lazy not doing anything that's correct i think you kind of nailed it that's the difference okay all right let's see my brother needs to hear this yeah is your brother unemployed

no just what the comment says oh and then the other one says gosh i miss biden all right let's see who will think i don't know why i just really like that guy and i take all and bicep. Did a flip? Did a somersault. A somersault, yeah. I want to hear it again. Like the reaction.

Game-winning three-pointer. So it's youth basketball. Keep your eyes on number 23 there in the middle. No hesitation. He had that plan. I want to point something out. Pause it for a second, Andrew. If your child is in a youth basketball game

and their star player is named LaMichael. LaMichael? You're in for a rough night. What does that mean? The caption is, LaMichael fires off the game. Yeah, why would that name make you in for a rough night? Because the team in white is all white kids, and LaMichael is traditionally a black name

and sounds like a guy that would be good at basketball. LaMichael's about to fire off the winning three-point shot. Have you seen the Lakers? That's true. Those days are done. Also, my dad's named LaMichael, and he's a white man. So explain that. All right, let's see who I put that rocks.

I can't remember. yeah i didn't mean to do this but this one's so funny you better saddle up that face for mama looking at your kick cat pulse is pounding pit pat pop my tongue and flick that sweeter than a tic tac hey big boy it's showtime i don't like any part of this video i love all of it looking at your kick cat pulse is pounding pit pat pop my tongue and flick that sweeter than a tic tac so he's good for our audio listeners it is a ring camera of a girl coming over telling suggesting to her boyfriend i hope her husband that um she's gonna do things to him sexually and then a older gentleman stitches it and raps about um kit kat kit kat pats and dip

it's a hard cut to a guy rapping in a car yeah and i'll tell you what i'm into it i think i might be famous that reminds me of boy boy west coast you ever seen him you was at the club oh when i first met you yeah i feel like there's been a lot of ring camera music video uh shit happening ring cameras are uh like on the front of your house and they'll it's basically a doorbell but it sort of has a lot of the modern tech where you can actually talk to the person in the house or record a message or something or they can see you if they're not there well i thought it was devilry uh willie d let me spit now in the studio my boy luke i'm so sorry for telling you to shut up during your ring camera thing

that's my bad that's my bad i didn't know what it was i'm sorry for not standing up for you when he told you to shut up can you show me your taint later which one has anyone ever oh that's right ever seen your taint you think yeah my wife when well i sleep upside down like a bat a bover all right we're running something oh yeah all right did you guys know that there are more possible games of chess than there are atoms in the observable universe shut up the estimated number of unique chess games is around 10 to the 120th power and uh scientists estimate there are about 10 to the 80th power atoms in the observable universe how do they fucking know how many also great work on the appetizers today keep it up pal yeah really good thank you for putting i always

think about like you could eat 100 atoms do the other things that i'm asking it seep into it's advice for me like i'll be like yes definitely it does like i fact checked a video that i saw of new york today to see if that was a real thing right after telling it about the frittata that i had and it goes a new york frittata sounds delicious actually that video of new york is egg egg egg egg pizza egg pizza frittata i had also is this video of mom donnie ai uh my my teacher guys the fact is that um ducks penises are corkscrews and the woman now um i thought to myself i actually have a degree in geographic information systems that is my i have a bachelor's of sciences and gis okay uh geographic information science if

you will cartography and i wanted to explain to you that taking a three-dimensional spheroid surface like the globe like earth behind you see that little that little globe to take that and to put it on a two-dimensional map on your table there is no way to do it without distorting some portion of the globe some part of the map is not going to be right you're going to have to stretch out like mercator projection totally and that's why like greenland looks like fucking huge on maps exactly like not that big it's big but it's not as big as it is on a map because it gets stretched out at the top of a map so is this globe accurate so a globe can accurately describe but maps can't be but a two-dimensional map can is going what about like an iphone um absolutely

there's distortion on that too because it's a two-dimensional map that you're zooming zooming in on i bet that um i bet that chat should be taking it when you're out of i'll tell you what when you're like when you have bad service and you're trying to use your map like and you'll see the ends of the lines get closer together like when you pinch in you'll see the distortion of the map even though you have no service what's the most distorted country well it depends because that country probably uses a map that yeah is good for them they have you know like we have it centered on us that's exactly what i'm getting at the way everything's a little more fucked up our world centers all around you guys world globe that's good teach

me something thank you uh you know that song you only get what you get yeah new radicals you know they had one album and were like blowing up and then the guy was like fuck this i don't like being famous fuck this and i'm just gonna be like a producer writer you're all pigs run to your mansions come around i'll kick your ass in what that's one of the lyrics of the songs oh yeah Isn't that insane? He's got little career earnings of new radicals, though. Well, I think he's written and produced a ton of stuff. So, like, that's crazy, though.

That song's an all-time hit. But I feel like it's a lot easier to do that after you've already made, like, $100 million. I wonder if you made $600,000. No, you got an advance. The record company, Josie, just gave me a big advance. Should we do The Office plots, Luke, or World Records? whatever one you're less confident in then we can end okay with more confidence willy i am more confident in both of them because i'm perfect sick uh i'm more confident in

uh do you have an android no i just have a dad wallet gotcha i hate it um i think i i think we do the uh world records we think we could okay okay and i wrote some that i think the three of us combined could beat yeah there's ones that i think i personally okay have the record for these are world records we think we could beat the three of us could beat the world's most drinks slash shots consumed to be polite like you're still polite after them meaning someone bought us a shit you're like oh yeah they're being nice yeah i like that i've had to drink a lot of drinks that i didn't necessarily want but because i'm being polite and someone got it for me well that's i've had i'm a i've become sort of a regular at the bar on my street and it's like the only

benefit you get as a regular is they'll just bring you a shot every time you're there i've gone there to like work when my wi-fi was out and they brought me a shot i was like oh shit sure thank you because you don't want them to stop because it's fun when you're partying yeah uh least ass gotten in a 10-year period i think i think like if i started today or if you took if you took any 10-year period of my life there's a there's one period where i've gotten the least ass i would say that that is also a record that a lot of guys on the internet hold simultaneously yeah like everyone is zero but like is there any way to get into the negatives only one way to find out i think so i've been on 4chan i've been yeah least hair on legs i think i would win today world's least

hair on including women um i think i think i would hold the guinness world record for most high fives given to my dad nice i high five my dad i think more than anyone i like that uh most sour patch kids eaten before i shred the roof of my mouth so i think i could go through like oh you don't you don't shred it without shred without shredding wow that's impressive now that is one i would like to like put to the sour skittles would be even harder dude those things are just instant shred longest amount of time with a high chew in my mouth before biting down because it doesn't break down yeah yeah that stays in your body for good uh most urinations in a day i think i have continued to break this every day for my life yeah what's your what's

your top number you think i think i pee 30 times a day you uh you have diabetes you have something wrong with you you've got a ton of water that too but it regulates and i have to get up and pee in the middle of the night at least once every night yeah me too me too okay but i didn't used to only in my old age i'm only 300 95 i'm the movie 300 spot this i'm a three i haven't seen the movie you haven't seen 300 oh there's no they all live okay good uh thank god i think this podcast when i'm on it holds the guinness world record of the fastest derailment of a wholesome conversation into pure pure filth i like that uh most people disappointed in a day i think i could disappoint the most amount of people as quickly as come on man you shouldn't

have done that i was about to say chet hanks exists i like his vibe i like it i like it a lot I was like, oh, come on, man. You shouldn't have done that one. I like that. Like I was disappointed in you. He was disappointed that you did that. See, that's one. And I explained it too.

Hottest sink water. My sink water, if I just turn the hot knob, comes out at, like it literally would give me, if I kept it under there for five seconds, it would burn my skin. Guarantee it. Five? Yes. That's a lot of seconds. That's pretty hot.

It's so hot. I could literally just fill it up and put a teabag in it. That's like hot, hot, hot. Yeah. i have a hot hot hot one too and i think that i personally hold the guinness world record for the warmest beer that you're like i'm gonna finish it's all good like i have finished a miller high life that has cooked into the sun yep and is almost boiling hot piss warm and drank the whole thing i've been like well i don't want to waste it they say you're a beer in your hand

gets five degrees warmer every minute that's why you gotta have because you have it there for an hour it's like 400 degrees i think there's a there's a terminal velocity yeah you put it under willie's sink dude that was all i had uh i got most fan dust i just cleaned it but when i went up there oh my god on top of my fan was like the most disgusting thing i've ever seen i i took that in as a most fan like someone who's a fan of the pod dust has just a lot of dust for you guys like they give you dust they give us dust and i don't know where to put it so much fan dust uh most scared i think i get that sometimes in the shower mostly you think you're the very world's most scared he gets pretty bummed yeah well i'm worried about him in there he's alone most of the

time i don't he can't bring his phone in there so he just has there's no reels yeah yeah he doesn't even have any reels when he's naked uh pitch shower tile that has reels on it shower head that has reels on it so you're like ah i did i did that with uh steering wheel steering wheel with reels steering reels my steering reel should we do the office plots we gotta yeah these are more office plots that don't exist jim starts writing free lunch for anyone on dwight's lunch in the office fridge every day dwight gets angry so he puts a non-lethal poison in his sandwich one day michael starts acting weird and has a complete meltdown dwight rushes him to the hospital where they say he actually just has a minor flu they then return to the office and

find angela actually ate the sandwich and is face down in the conference room and jim says they've called an ambulance i love it and dwight cries i like it that one's a bit of a misdirect yeah i think it's one thing but it ends up being another i got an office plot that does not exist yeah jim and pam convinced dwight that creed is actually a ghost haunting the office and that none of them can really see creed only dwight can dwight helps creed resolve unfinished business so his soul can move on then at the end there's an inception top spinning moment where you don't really know if creed here if all of it was a dream or what was real or if he was a ghost or not i like it you know fun fact creed once sat in that very chair

yeah apollo creed yeah two two apollo creed two sorry uh there's an apollo creed two jim and pam are suspicious that kevin doesn't know how babies are made after he keeps bringing up storks at jan's baby shower to get to the bottom of this jim asks him questions about his dating history to see if he's slept with anyone but only learns that kevin is exclusively attracted to asian women wow i like that's a bit of a a misdirect too you don't really know if kevin's going to be into asian gals and he is uh toby is nominated for a local award in business excellence michael is stunned and extremely jealous of the praise that toby is getting so he creates a competing award the michael scott award for extreme business success and organizes an award ceremony

where only the office can vote for the winner he assumes he will be crowned the winner only to be devastated when toby wins again he then demands a recount and threatens everybody's job until they all vote for him love it that one's great that's like that feels like that was a could be a real one it used to be but then they killed me and took all my notes uh i started like i was really trying to do my best to brainstorm and i was like i don't know i don't know what have they done what have they not done am i gonna do one that they did really do you know and so i just wrote michael starts using the phrase raw dogging and he uses he's using it incorrectly in humorous ways also in this episode phyllis clogs the toilet yes love it uh michael starts wearing lifts in his shoes

after seeing a commercial for them on tv to prank him jim makes everything in the office four inches taller to offset the new height that michael has gained that's awesome pam and jim are hysterical to find that cc has been kidnapped and initiate a national police search to find her police find her alive and well with michael who has taken her to the fair he insists he was doing something that he calls surprise babysitting i like that uh wait can i do one or do you have one i have one oh yeah you go then first episode of the season big reveal kevin is friggin hot now fully shredded muscle man turkish hair plugs two dicks visible down each pant leg of his work pants hot kevin all right oh you got oh sorry sorry dwight suspects that there is a communist in the

office and seeks to find out who it is before communism takes over the office to mess with him jim pitches the idea of making all the food in the fridge up for grabs regardless of who's lunches and dwight goes like nuts that's kind of i like how we both went to lunch route uh angela being such a tight ass she's got such a tight little ass and she's strict about all the stuff even the numbers she's doing on her computer when they do all the accounting every quarter there's so many things that she's doing with andy and dwight both are boyfriends and she's a tight ass with her little blonde hair what a what a tight ass uh angela is such a like a little tight ass oh wait each quarter each quarter if that clears it up that should clear it up

i love when she's tight i knew he was doing it only like a hundred percenters for me it gets me every time tight ass she has such a tight little ass all right we gotta get out of here i gotta go to the bar i have a barber's appointment in 30 minutes can you give me a ride yeah i got you all right we love you guys thank you luke look is there anything you want to plug yeah come see me live i'm on the road a bunch i'm doing stand up town near you come on love you guys have a great rest of your monday have a great tuesday and we will see you bright and early on wednesday peace love you where some see heroes and others see egos bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes