Will & Rusty's Playdate - Chicken 'n' Xplor with Billy Langdon

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Willy and Rusty are joined by their buddy Billy Langdon from the Almost Friday network. The boys discuss bringing a cake through TSA, getting hit by trucks, and whether or not it’s okay to miss your goddaughter’s baptism. They also welcome a new segment called Teach Me Something and draft tourist attractions & DJs that don’t exist in our longest, wildest Playdate yet. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod FOLLOW ENTRAPRANURE: https://www.instagram.com/entrapranure/ FOLLOW BILLY: https://www.instagram.com/stilllwell (00:00) Intro (03:12) Billy Langdon Everybody! (04:32) Roadmap (08:50) Bringing a Cake Through Security (16:39) Bratty Puppy (23:14) Pitch Submissions (30:38) The Woods (37:40) A Bug’s Life (41:13) Pitches (48:19) AITA? (59:55) Lost Dogs (01:08:16) Teach Me Something! (01:20:36) Tourist Attractions that Don’t Exist (01:34:18) DJs that Don’t Exist (01:41:31) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Town of East Hampton hates, like, all the tourists coming in there, all the people there hate them, and they're trying to, like, stop a lot of these clubs from opening up. There's a rule about, like, what makes a bar a bar and a restaurant a restaurant. They enforce it on, like, the newer bars, but there's this one called Shagwan that's been a bar in Montauk since, like, day one. Like, my parents would go to Shagwan in the 20th century, back in the 20th century, and they would go out there. and that they've been they're a restaurant and then they clear they're like legally a restaurant and they clear the the tables out around like 9 p.m or whatever and turn into a bar and people hang out there but they've just let them do it because it's like an institution yeah and then like in like a few years ago they decided to crack down on them there and like one of the things they

can get you with is like if they're if you clear the table there's dancing you're a bar so basically it became like footloose in montauk where it's like if we find people dancing in your bar we're gonna close you down the cops busted and one guy's like in the middle of a sick move but he has to like stop in that position he's like i just hang out like this this is how i chill sue me dude yeah he's like hello officer what's the the water sprinkler or whatever it feels like a disney he's doing like a yeah he's down in a whip dude i was uh i'm on the sidewalk yesterday this was this was probably the one of the it i've it's never ruined my sunday so quickly i'm on the sidewalk in brentwood walking back to my house and uh this guy in a mustang rolls up and he's

got his phone pointed at me like this like already like filming and uh he he rolls up and he just has this shit-eating grin on his face while he's filming me and he just goes hey rusty and he's filming and i just go what dude like like this this guy's about to fucking annihilate me he just goes he's gonna give my red mustang all his boys this guy rocks pointing at me hey rusty like what dude he just goes rank these nuts and then just peel and then just fucking peels out dude it took it took all the wind out of my sails dude that like my instincts right there like at first is like the funniest thing you could say right now is just like hey rusty just like rank something like funny is from the perspective like how sad it would make you yeah yeah that's

way better kind of owned you dude he got me and all his boys were just like classic there were dudes in the back too dude he was the guy it was a two-door mustang so he was like it was one of those cars where you pull the back seat forward and he like climbs in the back it was him like leaning forward through the crack pointing his phone at me that's so fucking actually it was in front of it was in front of noel and um and caroline as well so in front of And in front of your friends Oh nice And Caroline

Timoney She is just the sweetest Why do I know that last name She's funny Are we gonna intro our guest Oh yeah There was no intro I was just waiting

Playdate episode 27 Which is Whose number Will 27 oh uh 27 club wait yeah more people kill themselves yeah chance chance the chance what number was chance the rapper wait 27 oh 27 um hans croft on the kate elizabeth lacrosse team when i was when i was a dude when i was a freshman in high school hans croft wore 27 i believe i feel like someone famous wore 27 is it gonna be a bad look alexander madison i don't know i just made

is there 20 is there something famous that there's 27 of um dwarves dresses 20 27 dresses that's nice okay so it's our 27 dresses episode we have one of probably probably my favorite i don't want to put too much pressure on my favorite guest so far oh yeah he's a he's a blast to be around will and i were talking about how i think you embody kind of the playdate vibe like you're very like bubbly flamboyant so i think this is gonna be a banger i'm on a constant i'm on i'm stuck have we said his journal play date with myself no we still haven't said your name billy langdon billy langdon the way it was worth the episode started with you telling your story but i think you started it kind of at a random point so it's just gonna it's just like a new kind of

episode that's just how benny does that's fine midstream of consciousness msr bill uh we do this thing here that that i really like and a handful of our listeners like but will is not a fan of it's called the roadmap where we i've come around we i just like a table of content i just like to tell the people what to expect oh really yeah so will and i will and i have a new and then we'll get past it will and i have a new segment today that we're very excited about uh but first we're gonna do your pitches uh the three of us have a one pitch each then we have a new segment called teach me something we're gonna teach each other something then we have not particularly in this order djs that don't exist and tourist attractions that don't exist

i think it's going to be a blast before we get into that though i gotta tell you about my weekend oh yes i had also i have one thought about that i was like fully expecting you to like give time stamps with those and be like we are on a tight schedule you gotta get to this by this point you're in the middle of a killer joke my like alarm goes off slacked okay for my story yeah i want to pull up like oh right now just to preface this will texted me and was like i got so much good stuff to tell you about my weekend i'm like dude lay it on me he's like i gotta save it for the pot this is on like sundays i hate about like our existence sometimes it's like i just want to tell him the things that happen just get it off your yeah i have to save it for this one was all

time i mean this i to be fair this first one i documented pretty well were you on instagram this weekend um yeah i was on instagram did you see my well do you want me to pull him up now yeah i definitely saw something from you i'd not like i had a pretty pretty all-time sequence of stories i was getting a lot of love okay uh yeah you were on fire it was one of those ones where i i had to stop liking all of them because i was like it's watering down what this like means but i liked all i wanted to like i was well i was alone in birmingham alabama so i was firing off stories left and right i realized i was like why am i posting so many instagram stories it's like because i have no one to talk to you're just talking to the ether hoping someone out there

listening okay um so yeah i was in dude sick yeah right yeah that's the picture i took in that's birmingham i did not remember way more way more mountainous than i thought it would be all right so i applied to birmingham on friday i took the day off friday left first thing in the morning my connecting flight got fucked up so i had to stay a night the next flight to birmingham was not till saturday morning so i had to stay a night in atlanta had fun got up first thing saturday morning what did they heartsfield jackson international airport i know her well uh to go to birmingham who's heartfields jackson is he uh he had to have been a racist guy he uh i don't know actually heartsfield and jackson are two different people oh yeah it's

a hyphenated yeah they both did heartsfield jackson would be a great name yeah heartsfield oh that is a great name yeah holy yeah but if it's if that's his first and last name I thought that was a good one. Howard Bison's great. Yeah. I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on. Also, oh, my God.

There's so many technical difficulties. I guess I can't just dox all these people. But the list of guests at this wedding was a plethora of all-time names. Is there a way we could do it in, like, blank and, like, bleep them? It's not very fun for the listener. Shuffle the first and last name. I'll just, I don't know. Yeah, mix them up.

Make them more fun. There's no way anyone's listening to this podcast that was at that wedding. Willie, can you guys see them from here? no oh my god yeah that was i'm sorry i don't know what's going on with the tv what am i looking all right all right just stop oh just don't do it yet okay okay i can see all right sorry i had abigail and jack poundstone rams and justin worthington there we go robert cornell trenton and abby fiscus turner spotswood yeah these are all sims oh quinn dude was this on like viv and dawson bullock this is the this is the richest string of names i've ever heard

in another dimension four of those were in order mind you like i wasn't like picking the best robert cornell is sounds like sounds like a diss that like other ivy league people would say being like get a load of robert cornell over here like the embodiment of ivy yeah basically he's just a They're Dardrick Gryffindor, the founder of Gorda. Anyway, so, all right. This is, but I got to get into the meat of the cake here. Oh. Yeah, that noise.

Did you just hear that? We have a lot of gross noises on this podcast. Like actual noises? No, you were like, all right, can't wait to get in the store. And I hear it, which is way too. Enjoy. Yeah. I'll make a gobble for you.

Okay, cool. you should get a sound board of them over time and you could play them someone put a cake through security okay i go to the atlanta airport saturday morning it's like eight in the morning i was at a concert the night before so i'm a little bit just hood up headphones in dialed in not really paying attention but apparently the lady literally one person in front of me in the line i didn't even notice put an entire massive we'll put a picture of a cake yeah picture of it there lauren pulled it up right there put an put a massive cake through the security belt and i put my like luggage in right behind it not even paying attention i go through like the security machine

whatever i'm waiting on the other side and here's what happened dude the cake got like caught in the machine like it like fell off the side and like so it wasn't like a cake came out and it was funny it was that other stuff started coming out covered in frosting and i as someone who hadn't seen a cake go in can you imagine like what like you ever see something you're like i can't i can't conceptualize what i'm looking at shoes pillows things are just coming out covered in cake from the conveyor belt everything's coming out covered in frosting i genuinely don't know where to start i was like i was i was like i didn't know what was going on and they were like they stopped the machine the the lady i mean i guess this isn't surprising yeah there's her like half the size

have got it yeah that lady is also a nut job she starts climbing she's like oh let me go oh the cake's stuck in there let me go get it and climbs up on the conveyor belt into the like she's tried doing her friend like grabbed her yeah that's like rule number one at the airport yeah i like don't fuck with the crazies none of the tsa people saw it but like no one climbed up on the belt their friend like grabbed her off oh they didn't see that part okay and i'm there i mean it was did it not have a top that's what i was it didn't have it i think it fell over in the thing maybe and lost but like she had like this cute little like heart-shaped pillow that came out absolutely covered in frosting and i was that was when i was like breaking point like what the fuck is

going on is my stuff gonna come out covered in frosting why is there frosting in the machine i think i think the frosting had gotten on the floor oh look at that who's who's eating that thing by the time it gets there the funny the funny is an ice cream cake i don't know what do you do with it on the plane well i was yeah where did that go you're in your head in your head you're like you have to start imagining that for some reason frosting is like a key like key lubricant or something like in the machine you're like is there like a leak like why like why does why does this machine run on front what happened is it had gotten on like the flaps of the machine so everything that came through is just like

I was gonna ask yeah it's open top and it goes to the flap so it hits it the flaps like drag across the top of the cake and then someone's gonna eat that are you kidding me where where could she possibly have been going I have wait I got yeah sorry let's just let you continue but yeah so she then then the cake comes out and they like stop the cake that's like that first picture of it like stuck on the conveyor belt everyone's like oh my god what's going on My stuff is in the machine, mind you, at this point. So they have to climb up and, like, take my stuff out and put it through a different machine. Then they take the cake over.

Do you have a picture of it on, like, the desk, the table there? They put it over like it was, like, a bomb. It looked fat. Like, what are they going to do? Honestly, I felt so bad. I was laughing and videoing the whole thing. And I definitely was, like, an asshole. But it was too funny not to be.

But I think I had to leave before they patted down the cake. But I don't know what they would have done. also mind you look at this picture she's not wearing shoes what yeah i noticed she was like evidently in a rush oh she's holding her shoes in her hand with the cake wow i just don't understand what happens when you get on the airplane so here's my also my suitcase was covered in frosting did you show that too it came out they and no like tsa would be so mad it was just like here's your suitcase it's covered in frosting and i'm like i'm like that instagram story makes a lot more sense because i guess like so when i saw the first one i didn't understand what was happening

so i only got the one that was like or maybe you texted lauren and i like at tsa my my luggage is covered in frosting i just didn't get it so i have the same thought process as you being yeah where's this really being crazy again it was just me being a riot uh where would she have even put you're not supposed to bring here's what i think they let her through you're like not supposed to bring uh like smelly foods on the plane yeah like it's kind of a thing like you go on the plane with like tuna fish or something. The guy next to me had Popeye's on the way home. Yeah, I've had that before. It's kind of sick, actually. You had the same

reaction when I told you that someone did that to my plate. You were like, that's awesome. I was like, it wasn't awesome. After a while, it's like, I can't do this anymore. The whole plane just smells like your Popeye's. Yeah, but what's the cake? I think she used to bring kind of smelly foods. People were just like, you shouldn't do that. She's like, oh, I'll bring a good smelling food on there.

Surely, she's not checking it or putting it anywhere. She's putting it in her body. She's eating the whole cake on the plane. what do you that's my like so that box which is now covered in cake on the outside too yeah and like a half you have to throw it out she didn't throw it out she had them pat it down so she could take it pat it down i think they were swabbing it too for like drugs it was a drug cake it was textbook drug cake textbook dude this that thing is full of drugs i just that's actually funny if she was just like the worst terrorist of all time like there was like there was like a gun in there

and she was like, this will fly under the radar. I just can't. It was so big. Do she just have it on her lap the whole flight? No, I think that's what... They don't let you. If you have something like that, you either have to put it under your seat or above.

And you probably put it under the seat, though. Maybe she put it above. If someone tried to put that next to my luggage, I'd be like, get that fucking cake out of my fucking face. Also, what about that moment, you know, like on some of the more new conveyor belts at TSA, where it like gets to that little point. Yeah, yeah.

and then it allows it on before going left like she's watching it and and it goes like it just rolls into the like uh into the back area and she's like god like fully just like you gotta be that's like actually what happened yeah they did they set it down the left way i just like i would hope she'd be like yeah obviously yeah but like i can't believe they let her put it through in the first place i am astounded that the person at the front was like you need to throw you need you eat that or throw it out yeah it was also no accountability for the fact that everyone else's shit was covered in cake like there was no it was just like that but she's clearly not a rational person no but i'm saying like even like tsa like you have some obligation to not put a

fucking huge cake in right before my suitcase yeah like why try it like why not get the cake at your destination why are you it was eight in the morning on a saturday like where was she Just a big birthday party. Like, would she, like, go into, like, a wedding? Right. Wait, wait, wait. Well, she's the wedding cake cake. She's bringing the wedding cake to your birthday.

She lied that she was somewhere else. I think. It was insane. I kind of wish you asked her. Be like, hey. She was a crazy person. I don't mean. Yeah, I guess.

She was, like, not someone I wanted to. That's not going to be someone that would give you, like, a rational answer. You're right. She'd be like, it's Uncle Timmy's birthday. And you'd be like, oh, okay. Oh, of course. Act like that was the information you were looking for. She was, like, the type of person who would say, it's Uncle Timmy's birthday.

Yeah. I guess I said she was going to say something crazy, and then I said the most normal thing. Just, like, a normal thing. I couldn't think of it. I was kind of distracted. That was my cake story, but I also have one more story that I want to tell. Which I just want to get to it, because I know we got a lot of segments this episode. But I went, I get it.

What did, fuck, I texted this to you. The exact wording. It's my phone? No, I texted it and played it. There's no picture. I just can't remember exactly the phrasing of this. wait are we not doing am i the asshole today we can yeah we'll just do and then we also you can add at this end of the roadmap take this one for try this one on for size um we're also

doing two two am i the assholes both from you both submission am i the assholes amazing we had a big day i can't wait uh three hour podcast yeah i have nowhere to be i looked at my schedule I was like, am I free in an hour? And it was just nothing. I told Skylar I would be late for our meeting. So we're good. Yeah, I told... Guy who doesn't have meetings.

I told... Yeah, I told those... Yeah. Yep. I should be good. I told nobody on planet Earth I'm here. So if you guys killed me, I don't think anyone would know. All right.

So after the whole cake incident, I fly to Birmingham, Alabama. I was supposed to be at like wedding stuff Friday and Saturday morning that I all had to miss because of my flight thing. so my first event is the actual like ceremony i haven't seen my buddy who's getting married in like five years or whatever so it's kind of funny like and i don't know anyone at the wedding except the groom so i show up to the church and i just like go and sit in the back church i kind of assumed the place would all fill up so i was like i'll sit in the back like you know family and stuff should be up close it didn't fill up all the way so i was just further back than everyone

how many rows like there was one there was people two rows in front of me and then there was an empty row and then just me and uh when i saw him when he got up to the altar look over and just like laughed i was sitting on a fucking island why didn't you like because i i thought i didn't i don't know it started like right on time i was like oh people are gonna fill in anyway it doesn't matter ceremony happens i don't talk to anyone i don't say anything i leave i'm standing outside the church like tons of people around everyone's like oh danny like and i'm just like i'm like the only alone guy there like i was very clearly the only guy that didn't know anyone there so i'm just kind of standing there i'm like god fuck this is weird and so i called an uber to the reception

i'm just sitting there waiting for the uber everyone in the whole wedding is there and uh My Uber pulls up in a bright blue car that has the largest decal I've ever seen on the front windshield, and it says, he sold the windshield, bratty puppy, in kind of like a goth font, like B-R-A-T-T-Y, puppy, and the driver has purple gloves on, and it was just it sounds like you're making this up but i know it's i know it can't be totally real and the car had like the cars are kind of like tricked out in like all this like weird like goth stuff and well it's doing the like bouncing thing on the way i also can't emphasize enough how big the like i don't know you could barely like see out the front windshield i was gonna say was it the

whole wind ratty puppy it was all the way across the windshield it was probably oh it was this this like tall by like this oh and like the tap on the top yes on the top like right yeah that's nuts and and i was like he drove up on the other side of the street this is my this is like a very like like southern like christian wedding like you know everyone there is i the bratty puppy guy stood out and uh stand out anywhere and then they drove yeah that's true that's yeah it was just like such a like funny like dichotomy right of is that all right yeah that got me yeah bang uh so anyway i'm standing outside there i'm trying to be like oh god i feel weird i'm like the only guy by himself driver pulls up across the street i'm like okay perfect like i can see

the car i was like okay i just gotta get across the street and then i see them just turn around and pull right in front like park right in front of everyone everyone turns and everyone's like what the fuck is that car and i have to walk in the guy that no one's talked to yeah and just get in the get in i think it's honestly a great move though because you now they're like the someone is gonna come up to you at the wedding being like what was that all well that's so that i'm like oh like god that was like so embarrassing whatever get to the reception i our car is directly behind the bus that has the wedding party on it so the whole wedding party gets off right as i get out of the bratty puppy car so it's like the only people that weren't there when i got in it was

the wedding party because they'd already like left early yeah and so then they all saw me too so literally everyone saw me get in and out of the bratty puppy mobile you should have played it off like it was your buddy like i was my buddy who's in town and he was giving me a ride it was terror it was awful i wish he rolled down the window and like was like will just laying on the horn my guy well i'm here i'm here how you been that's hysterical yep putting stickers on your car i think to a very very minute i i'm not about it if you're a parent and you have like your kids college on there like sure yeah but man the people who load their cars up with like personal information why do i know anything about you besides the car you drive i'm behind you yeah

yeah or in front of you i guess surely you didn't know anything from the front ratty puppy was in like it was backwards in reverse like ambulances so it was for the people that'd be great because like you wouldn't you just read it and be like that's weird and you probably later that day that you explained it to somebody to be like if you read it through your mirror that means it was backwards we should start a whole brand of stickers for windshields That's just meant to be read. I mean, this one would have been illegible in a rear-view mirror. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, so, yeah, I got really embarrassed. I saw a guy once driving, and he had, you know how usually you put your, it's the classic, like, college sticker that's a line, so it would be, like, Boston College, like, spelled out, and a lot of people have it on their windshield, like, when they get into college. I feel like it was the only thing when you were either in college or, like, a high school senior. Yeah.

And I saw a guy driving a car, and he had it on his windshield. like he had like boston college like on the windshield why do you want to cover any of your like the front yeah yeah i mean granted it was a jeep so like he didn't really like have a place to put it but it just felt like you could have gotten a smaller like you're not have like a back windshield if the top's off oh you know what i mean he like wanted like no matter the weather he wanted people to know where he was an alumnus of yeah especially in the sunlight yeah honestly all right should we hear some uh should we hear some some fan uh friend of the pod pitches uh yeah i would really enjoy that me too that would make me pretty happy to you how many do

you guys want to do two we can do two let's do two yeah let's stick to two um okay fops so billy if you're not familiar have you been on already no okay uh if lauren basically reads business pitches from uh the playmates and we kind of give our feedback and whether we would invest or not right and i have to invest if i yes yeah yeah like we literally will will put you guys in touch like you have to give them 10 grand right i've i've found it weird now makes sense i gave lauren my routing an account number for my chase yeah yeah we'll wire it and i was wondering what that was over there okay yeah it's just like 15 grand just pull the money you just yank the money out of there we have your money yeah okay the first one is from anthony mcdonald he says

wait wait time out there was a there was a like the coolest guy in high school when i was in like elementary school was a guy named his nickname was amac it's a sick name yeah it's almost a train my best friend in high school was named t-mac we moved into we moved into their house equally sick yeah we moved into the mcfarlane's house and i got alex's old room and i was uh i was pooping once and i looked on the looked on the wall and he had carved amac like like dash oh seven or something so i carved like my initials you carved them into his house no no we moved into their house oh it was like i was in his old room i saw it i carved my initials and now i'm hoping the kid that lives there now yeah we'll do it got the message or the parents saw it and we're just like

why is everyone graffitiing this bathroom most likely what time my friend t-mac got hit by an ambulance awesome do we want to unpack that or are we just gonna move on wait are you serious how fast was that oh i thought you meant he was walking no no that's what i that's what i went painted all over the sidewalk no but he was driving home from school and he got like turned into it was like he was driving here and the ambulance was driving here and the ambulance tried to turn left from the right lane

and just slap like he was just driving straight and the ambulance was like boom right into him it was totally the ambulance's fault but like is there any like it's their fault but is there any repercussions for the ambulance or it's like diplomatic immunity when I was in 8th grade

i got i got hit by like i was on my bike and i got hit by like a pickup truck it was like and my i was like it was a monday i was supposed to be in school and i wasn't and are you skipping my parents let me they were like we're not going back like you're good we'll hang out in long island for for one more day and my teacher announced it to the class he was like they hadn't heard by the way but he was like as you all know um i'm sure you've heard billy was hit by a truck over the weekend everybody in the closet got back told me they they all pictured immediately like like i was hit by an 18 wheel and i'm dead and he had to like clarify were you okay i was i was all right i had to get like i was okay i like cracked my head open a bit and

i broke my collarbone i like got up out of like pure shock at first like i hit the ground i got up i'm okay i'm okay and the guy was like what and i was like hold on and then it all hit me and I collapsed. Dude. And I had to like airlift me. Showing back up to school and your head's like

wrapped and you're just slinging they're like wow Billy's kind of made of nails. Like he got hit by an 18-wheeler and he's like he seems to only have minor injuries.

Unscathed. The teacher's a fucking truant. That's what you deserve. Yeah. Alright. Okay. AMAC. AMAC.

Sorry to hijack your spot. You're like an edging AMAC. He heard that and he was probably like oh sick. Like they're reading mine. We just go on a tangent about getting hit by a truant.

We forget and we move on. Well, also, that's not new. No, we do that every day. Yeah, there was a comment about that one. We'll never get through this. I was like, the messy squirrel happened right after we said we were going to read their pitch. And they were like, Jesus Christ. All right.

A Mac, he says, huge pitch, big deal. Where are they now? Have you ever wondered what the weird guy from school has been doing with his life? Yep. Have you ever wondered what an ex is up to these days, but you don't keep in touch? No. well wonder no more with where are they now with this simple service just supply the name of the person and an estimation of the last time you were in contact with them where are they now

we'll create a two-minute recap of what's been happening in their life since the point since that point including details not available via social media the recap includes music photos and videos all sourced ethically of course to prevent the possibility of this being used for nefarious purposes there are limits on how often you can use it on people and who you can use it on catch up without the effort with where are they now didn't we have a really similar similar oh really yeah it was like a it was a directory of everyone yeah a directory everyone.com i think that one i like that what's really funny about that is like amac was writing this and then he was like wait a minute he was like people could use this for stalking so he's like you can't

check every day it's a stream of consciousness every once in a while throughout the pitch he's like figuring things out and informing who would you guys look up oh i i would look up there's a kid from my middle school i'd look i'm just curious yeah i've i've heard absolutely just radio silence is it one of those kids where you're like you're assuming it's probably bad stuff i yeah yeah yeah he was something else he would like i don't i'm not gonna say any names like There was a point where he got into working out in seventh, eighth grade. He wasn't lifting weights. He was doing calisthenics, but the inspiration behind them was freaking me out.

He would do planks. He would do planks for so long, and I'm just like, way too long. This is scaring me, what you're going for. There was a kid I went to high school with, and not going to name names, but very strange cat. and uh he i think i told this already but we were in gym class one time and he was like wheeling around like i can't remember what game we were like capture the flag or something wheeling around the gym what do you mean like running fast yeah like just like like going so much harder and faster than everyone and he was wearing merrills you know like the oh yeah those

were the and boom he he blew a tire and like like he like flew like way off went down so hard like like i think like hit the ground like fell into like the padding behind the hoop like like went down hard everyone stopped and he just got up and went no injury sustained and then just went back to it and just started fucking going crazy that guy was awesome he would change accents like we'd be in class and he was kind of this pseudo intellectual and he would some days come in with a british accent some days come in with an australian accent it was just like a thing that happened that we weren't allowed to talk about so like you'd be in a socratic seminar and Cademan is

oh fuck that's his name Cademan would just come out with a with a British accent and you would like look at the teacher being like come on

were they good this can't be allowed no they were like he'd kind of go in and out of them and we just couldn't address it and that's who you

check up on yeah dude he like like we or is this kid there was this kid named Seabass that I might look into

there's I can think of a kid there's a kid he used to like bully me in middle school and then in high school I found out he got he got like pulled over for a dui and just took off into the forest there we go and was missing

and they've never heard no no they they caught him like i think he turned i was like i think i got bad news for you bud he was out there for he was out there for six hours and then he was just like this fucking blows i'm just gonna turn myself in yeah imagine sobering up in the woods and being like oh man well i was thinking about the woods recently and just like i've never been deep enough anywhere where like i look in every direction i'm like i don't know how to get out of That would be so scary. That would be horrific. You just keep walking.

There's more woods. Dude, I was reading about some lady went missing in the woods. The woods is just crap. Good reads. Some lady in Hawaii, like, turned up after, like, three weeks missing in the woods. And they were like, if she had just picked one direction and walked on, it's an island. So it was, like, within a day, she would have hit the beach or, like, civilization or something. but like apparently it's like really like hard to even figure out what direction you're going

you're like veering some way or another yeah the only way she could have sort of like been in the woods for three weeks is if she just was walking in like fucking circles yeah that's crazy yeah me and uh me and phil and his dad were hiking a mountain once and we were joking about you guys ever heard about like lost on a mountain main or like those there's a lot of stories of people like on these mountains and they get lost yeah we were talking about it we were like like in theory you could just go down or like you know what i mean on the mountain we were all talking shit being like how does anyone get lost all these trees are marked like just stay on the trail you idiot and then we hit like kind of a dead end and we were all like oh we don't know where we like we could

like we lost the trail and there was like a 15 minute period where we were like kind of regretting talking shit about people that had gotten lost we're like i get it i get it it comes back around to get you when you make that you can't declare anything with any any kind of certainty yeah have you seen that i just watched that new movie society of the snow no i keep meaning to watch it though it's about the this is the uruguayan rugby team and they plane crashed in the andes mountains didn't they eat each other yeah and they survived for like 72 days in the snow and they had oh my well like a bunch of people died in the crash so like after like a week they had no food and they were all starving they were just like fuck it so they started eating i don't want

anything actually i was gonna ask a question but i don't want anything ruined because like they eat the people are already dead but then i assume like they might get to a point where they have to eat you don't have to say anything you don't want me to say don't say it but i assume they'd have to eat i was watching river monsters this weekend and and uh there's this fish that like he's not sure exists but like i like that there there's dude it's so funny when he does it that's that's exactly what it was so he's like he's operating on it he's like sketches of it he's in like he's in like no dude he literally had like he had like drawn like what he thinks it looked like and like it is hilarious he's operating on a hunch but he's in africa and the

story is that like it loves like biting people like like it loves it and so he's got anything so he's he's fishing with like with like normal bait and then he has the epiphany like oh it likes the taste of people and you're like where is this gonna go and so he's talking to the locals and some of the locals there were cannibals at one point and they called human long pork like it translates to long pork because they realized it tastes exactly like pork and so he was like what do i he was like i can't use human so he like used pork as the bait because he had come to the conclusion that that tasted and smelled the most like human this guy sounds insane you've never watched river monsters no never trying to quit oh my god it's hilarious we taste like pork yeah

that's a very good flavor i didn't make the episode the end of the episode so i don't know if he caught it but it was it was hilarious because all the locals are like no that does like the fish doesn't exist and he's like i don't know yeah i've got another non-believer you think someone's every time you think someone's gonna like finally get through to him and then he just goes deeper down the rabbit hole every time uh all right should i do my next one yeah let's do it sorry for that second no red hot today this whole podcast is just tangents but i think the people like that so it's all right they like it okay next one is from cameron kilby hey lauren and friends i have a submission that i wanted to run by you guys i've loved every

idea so far that implements a small little guy in your pocket me too how could you not we have a lot of those in your ear etc we're gonna have a ton of those and i also like the idea of this stranded on an island simulation so i wanted to try and combine these introducing the mini hike a simulation experience where you were shrunken down to miniature size and then taken on a guided hike through a patch of grass a sandbox on top of a snowball and many more terrains to run the simulation you would only you would only need a medium to small sized room with the shrinking machine don't know how it works on high level and a team of guides help hikers on their journey i'm thinking of experiencing things like swimming in a drop of water seeing insects like they're

regular sized animals at the zoo eating food that seems giant let me know what you guys think love the pod one of the best parts of my week what's yeah that blue billy's fucking mind the wanting to see insects human size that's fucking awesome crazy no you know what would be cool is i wouldn't want to do you think i want to stare down the barrel of an ant absolutely not imagine a centipede oh i'd kill myself here's what i think would be so cool about that is like when you're normal size i would get like clay or something and i would build like a cool place that i would build the mountain myself and make cool features and then shrink myself down yeah no that's what i figured like you can you almost would need like a company to come in or

whoever's doing that to come in and build like sick maps oh like you build stuff with like legos yeah yeah imagine imagine building hog like the giant hogwarts lego thing and then exploring it I guess it's solid. You could make some of the craziest shit ever because the practicality of building something like that full scale, it's not there. If you have a room, you could build some insane stuff.

Throwing in a drop of water. Actually, I was hearing about the surface tension of water and insects. I can't remember which ones. Certain ones could just get trapped in a drop of water and drown. The surface tension is so firm that if an ant

or something like that gets stuck in there like it cannot get out so that might happen people draw a line around an ant draw oh yeah what is it that they can't like i think it's like i think it's like they're they're allergic to lines i think their antennas like pick up on like the toxic part of it and are like oh don't go there okay i think they can they could walk across it it's just like mental it's yeah it's all mental yeah they had a good moment like that in the beginning a bug's life yeah we're like the they're like procession gets broken and a guy has a panic attack yeah i have like it's like the opening scene yeah yeah yeah i was just watching they come in it's like it's fine you just go right around it yeah yeah the one guy's like he's like

oh because oh oh there they are okay it was great a bug's life is one of those movies where i thought the animation was so much better than yeah and then you watch it again and i was like oh it's not that's funny that that dreamworks and whoever the other one like they both came out with rivaling bug movies at the same time yeah and it was like someone explained it to me where i was like they had to be stealing the idea and i think what happened was technology just got to a point where it was like someone had had that idea forever like it would be cool to do that but we just for the first time could actually show what it would be like to be that side well it's also like it was the 90s bugs were kind of in vogue they were bugs were in vogue there was also

uh there was actually a big issue with that movie situation because john lassiter was like the main guy at pixar and he was like the guy behind toy story and all this stuff that like brought it up and i think uh they were working with disney for a while and they were butting heads like pixar and disney were kind of butting heads yeah he hadn't made anything great and one of the main guys at disney broke off to start dreamworks and there was a huge argument that like the guy like john lasseter went to disney and pitched like something to the effect of a bug's life and the guy that broke off to start dreamworks heard the pitch yeah so there was a huge argument like and then he made ants and john leis was like what the fuck and the ants came out first like they made ants

and were like pushing along quicker than bugs life yeah so like he he thinks and claims that it was stolen that's like that have you seen that like in the office there's like a classic michael scott monologue about and i love woody allen everybody knew that ants was just a rip-off of a bug's life he stuck true to his film he did that is why i love woody allen that's like Dicks to his guns. Yeah. I mean, what's not to love about Woody Allen, right? Yeah.

Lauren did not like that. I just had to shimmy my boxers out a little bit. No, you always do that. All right, it's been weeks, but... Rusty wears boxers that go below the knee. Right. They tend to bunch just to the lip. You guys aren't...

They start above the knee. You guys aren't capris? What? Capri boxers? Your boxers aren't capris? I was capri boxers a while. Is that just long johns? Pantaloons?

I actually got in like a... I really didn't. i was talking to somebody about this the other weekend like i saw this dude was like pushing this line of uh long johns for uniclo that like i think he lives in london or something and he's like it's great like i layer them underneath like the pants and the shirt yeah like you go skiing and he puts on jeans he doesn't have to wear as much outerwear and i was like oh that's great honestly like you get a good fit you don't have to worry about like a super bulky jacket but i was like if i went out to a bar and i like met a girl and we went back to my place i took my shirt off

my pants and i had long johns on i think that would be the end of it yeah yeah it would be a really tough look yeah my dad wears this thing called a union suit you know what that is no it's like a onesie for adults but it has like buttons down the back so you can go number two it's pajamas dude yeah oh your dad your dad has old-timey like with the butt flap yes i've always wondered like is it like i think union suit might be like the army or something if i was wearing that i and i had to poop like i'm taking it off i'm not i'm not like trusting this like yeah flap also if i walked in on someone fully clothed sitting on the toilet and i don't know that there's a flap back there i'm like what the fuck are you doing oh dude there's a flap that doesn't really

help all right should we pitch each other guys yeah all right you have a pitch i didn't get a pitch i have all the other things that's okay wait we'll pitch you okay wait let me let me can i look on my notes maybe my notes are green because there's no black and white ink i got something ready thanks yes all right new airline but the boarding is done the windows board first then the middles and then the aisles love that come on yeah or is it worked into the usual periodical as well like it's front to back or it's yeah yeah yeah in front to back in front the back ones go first back ones like like if like one guy's off it just fucks the whole thing up yeah if chester collins goes in there any board he wants no you know how like southwest does though like where

like you have an assigned boarding oh yeah yeah like you're assigned like it's in a very specific order and they check that is and they check as you go in and then yeah the first people like sure like people like to board first but i think if everyone was on the same page it would go so much faster yeah people in the back of the plane in the windows would be the first people to board they just walk all the way back people file in i mean it would be infinitely more efficient i am like i think it's called easy board airlines i think the airlines are too money hungry to do it because they want people to like pay for priority and like all these different levels to board yeah but that sucks because like convenience man why don't you care about the customers a little more

yeah they should be boarding at least from the back of the plane yes yeah or the at least the wind the window thing but like i was a window seat and i got on the plane yesterday and the other two seats were already there yeah then i have to hold up the whole line while two people get out yeah you know i had someone fuck you know in comfort plus it's like the the overhead space is just for people sitting there because like i don't know that okay whatever some guy some fucking joker put his bag he was in he was in like the seat behind uh he was in the first row of like the main cabin and i was the last row of comfort and he took my overhead thing because they granted they were full but it says like reserved for these seats and i had to be the

guy being like dude yeah it's implied you should know that well it's also like now i actually would have assumed that's a free-for-all no it says it on the inside in bold lettering like like for these seats because now i have to go back and whatever yeah all right you want to hear you want to hear uh that that's a good picture you want to hear a great one all right a little you're setting yourself up okay uh originally this was just for the rubik's cube but now i'm thinking that you can use these for whatever you want i can't even imagine what it's going to be based on yeah there are there there are gloves that you what's the worst part about a rubik's getting it snagged when you're twisting okay let me rephrase imagine i didn't say anything

about gloves what's the worst thing about a rubik's cube i don't know how to solve it yeah exactly you can't solve it uh i can no big deal but like the average person wants to it looks cool doesn't know how to do it these are gloves that are programmed to like you grab it and it like will do the solving for you yeah they're very lifelike you can't tell if you're wearing a long sleeve shirt you can barely tell they're there and you can grab a rescue and impress all your friends because you can solve it but now i'm thinking it could be for like surgeons yeah i don't know baseball baseball throw like a 90 mile an hour fastball you're gonna need the shoulder and a lot of other things too that's got like a spring in the hand oh it's like one of those

you just pulled it out yeah it's like yeah um you're a fire bender yeah like is this guy okay and then just throws it through the catcher's glove. The batter also has like robot gloves. Yeah. Yeah. Robot baseball.

It's robot baseball. I would like that. That's your idea is robot baseball. That's your great idea. It's like, well, that takes more. Awesome.

Wait, let me see if I have like anything in my notes. Can I go pee super quick? Yeah, I'm going to go pee as well. I'm going to pee too. Oh, wow. Oh my.

I don't have any like clever business ideas off the top of my head. I've had trillions over the years of course of course i have like a funny one that my my buddy and i thought up like years ago it's uh it's a bar experience for just like the modern american and we build this thing and like all the chairs are just these like super comfortable reclining things and you sit at the bar and like you don't have to the whole idea is you just don't even have to move or do

everything you want you sit there and there's like maybe like some buttons that you can like control things with with your fingers the food you order uh the sports are projected in your eyeball so you have whatever you want like right there and then if you want to order food there's a slide that leads right into your mouth so you don't have to pick your head up and you order the food and just comes down the slide into your mouth and if you don't feel like opening your mouth we can just run a tube it's like on your throat yeah and you can just sit there and watch sports in your eyes and eat all you want sounds fucking awesome and oh yeah it's also a toilet there was a there was a restaurant called bingas wingas i think i think it's still racist bingas wingas

bingas wingas i think you're making it like a slur i think you're making it racist and it had the best chicken tenders but the in the booth there were many tvs that you could control the yes it was awesome at wild wing cafe had that probably a very similar actually no it was world of wings okay so you took a you took a bunch of liberties on that first yeah like a ton of them that is a great idea though no yeah each yeah i would go there with my dad and we'd watch sports together it was like it was like the easy it would be like a saturday morning and like kentucky would be playing he's a uk fan and i'd be like cats are on bingos then he'd be like yeah wait who's the uk fan my dad uh cats are on why do you have such a visceral reaction to that no i i got

like bubble i thought you were like i thought you just like hated the wildcats no i don't really have a take on them yeah you're pretty run-of-the-mill you're pretty opinionated guy i know but i know kentucky sort of one thing i don't i don't dip your little fingers i've been to kentucky saw the simpsons movie there and it pause what's up you went there for the simpsons yes well i think you watch it anywhere but your own home is pretty it was in i was in theaters yeah that's what i'm saying i went to the simpsons yeah with my my grandpa and he was he felt kind of bad because there were some mature themes there's dong in like the first five minutes of them in the simpsons movie there's dong yeah bart simpsons his dong you don't see underage dong and oh you

do like maybe like a teeny it's like a teeny tiny little because you know the opening scene is like a schmeckle the opening scene is like an iconic like he's skateboarding and like his clothes get ripped off or something and then it's like this hysterical scene of like there's all there's like a bird flying right where his crotch is and then like a rate like an rc car driving and then like there's like always something conveniently that's blocking it perfectly yeah and then there's a bush and the bush just has a like a line cut out the middle i do remember it's like the one thing that would be the right thing to yeah then just see his dong i forgot about that yeah it was newport kentucky yeah all right uh billy we like to do a little thing around here where you know the

playmates they write in they tell us what's going on tells the situation they're in and we they ask us hey am i the asshole in this situation and we say yeah or we say no now that we have a an uneven number we can vote oh perfect yeah before it had just been a lauren couldn't dictatorship yeah we were doing we were doing reddit i was gonna say yeah we're doing reddit at first and then this is just so much more fun it's what yeah we were doing like once from reddit then people like they're very without even soliciting them people just started sending us it's also way better because we're the first

people to like most of these reddit stories another podcast has gotten them we now have a well of people asking

yeah you're first to the story you can establish what the truth is also guys someone Lauren what was that DM

that someone sent it was someone hit the nail on the head this morning and they go hey Lauren tell Will and Rusty to listen to Naive

by the Kooks and I was like I love that song you would love it I'm not on the roster She knows, I know Ain't no man Wait, you listened and you didn't?

I don't Wait I just, he just said it No, she said it, Lauren Texas Before I read that, Amethyst Can I actually play this voice memo? Some dude had another dream Yes

Remember the guy who had a dream? Yeah Austin Bauer Martin Luther King Wait, do I need any context here? Yo, what was that guy who had a dream? Fuck God

It's on the tip of my tongue No, you don't need any context. It's just one of our playmates. What was the original Dream Again? Should I play it again? Something about me, right? Something about... Oh, it was like Will was hitting some crazy dance move, and all the girls were loving

it, wasn't that it? Dude, that happened at the wedding. I don't know. I can play it again. I gotta say one thing happened at the wedding. Okay. I hit my crazy dance. I have an iconic, you know this move?

Oh, yeah. So I pulled that out in the full suit, which everyone made a circle around. For the record, the groom asked me to. he was like i was like a personality invite to the wedding like when i the first time i saw him for five years dude i'm so happy to be here and he's like yeah man you better tear it up on the dance like i want to see that move that's crazy that's all it's like all you're here for dog it's and i did it and uh it was great and then the bride was like oh my god oh my god wait let me get the videographer and went and got the wedding videographer like do it again did the

move again and then like i did it like looking at the camera and then i popped up and i just walk past the camera and i'm like and i kid you not immediately immediately every bridesmaid there's just a panty size hole in the floor one of the bridesmaids walked up to me right after that and introduced me to her friend yeah and was like hey will you should meet my friend but clearly like made some indication i was like i am fucking no i i i wasn't really interested i just went to the bathroom but nice little funny if like while you were doing it people were like throwing their bras all right all right yeah i will say doing dance moves like that i think i've shown you guys i definitely haven't shown lauren but there's this video of this kid dancing at his

like fraternity formal uh and he does this move where he brings his hand down oh that's right have i shown you i've seen i got this one too he does this thing and he opens the gate like his hands are supposed to like open the gate and the seam of his of his suit rips and he's not wearing under it and his uh dick and balls flop out i think i've seen this it's the funniest video that they do anything less than burst out of his pants like so funny so much velocity dude you know what's crazy is like is like that probably worked for someone like so there was some girl there that saw that and was probably like yeah okay he's the one because it was this dude who's just it was a sick it was like it looked like a magic trick he goes he goes down

opens the gate dude it was it was like they had been it was like his suit was like the only thing holding it back from like barking at people like when it when it burst it like jumped out like it had been tucked up maybe they did not want to be in there the caption it was someone's snapchat too like the video that got sent around was a snapchat with the caption the caption was just hero all right lauren let's hear his dream on me let's hear if someone's the asshole no i want to oh yeah okay hey everybody um so i had another dream last night basically i was doing some video work for you um and like rusty met me at the door to like this warehouse like studio thing and he was just like hey i'm sorry like will's just kind of going crazy right now

better all right that's fine we walk in and will's just like screaming about this like crypto venture that he's working on it has something to do with like an island i don't fully remember how they were tied to each other um but he was very passionate about it and russie is looking at him like sorry like this always happens just kind of get annoyed with it um yelling and yelling and then like the countdown to the podcast starts um and when it hits zero will just like books it to his chair and then is perfectly normal um i just wanted to see how accurate that is to real life and please leave my dreams thanks okay wait i want to clear something crypto island is not some crazy idea okay it's gonna work yeah they just won't shut up about it we've heard we understand

everything no you don't you don't understand we're bringing the island to the mainframe you don't understand the blockchain island crypto island it's all the same thing yeah and it's going through the roof right now it's over six willy we've heard it a million times all right we know i love i love that like we have just hijacked this man's like resting time i'm really it's actually the scariest thing it's like you know there's like endearing like oh people are submitting things like wow that's so cool to build a community

then that happens you're like we gotta shut this down yeah you can't escape you guys alright that's awesome that is awesome

okay our first am I the assholes from he says okay so this is his dilemma my goddaughter's baptism date

has been set for a few months now oh wait I don't even know if I was supposed to say his name I just realized it's fine

we can bleep it up fix it in post it's like yeah um my god there's no way to fix that in post yeah i thought we were alive i was under the impression my goddaughter's baptism date has been set for a few months now i'm on the football team made the state semifinals wait wait his daughter's baptism god daughter okay i i already was like i felt like i was judging on the football team and he made the semis semifinals congrats and the game is set to be played on a sunday pretty much at the exact same time as my goddaughter's baptism

the exact date and time is set about a week before the game based on team seeds so there's no way i could have known when they set the date for the baptism i've signed all the papers and technically i don't have to be the baptism to be her godfather the baptism is for my niece and it means a lot to me that my brother and his wife chose me to be the godfather even though they could have chosen one of the other siblings who are older than i am family's coming into town and you have to book these things at least a few weeks in advance so it's not like it could just be postponed having said that am i the asshole for going to play in my state game and missing my own god daughter's baptism no i don't think you are what level of yeah wait what level of football is this

lauren correct me if i'm correct me if i'm wrong score based off of based off of the time of year i'm almost sure that he must be i don't know because it's state so it is american football but it's it's march how is he still playing i like i guess like how much is on the line with this game dude if you don't have it click on where he's where's he from yeah um because if he's like trying to go to college for this football in the fall yeah but maybe he maybe he plays in like texas and it's like still going on i don't know yeah if it's a big deal he's like trying to go to college for this and like he's playing in the game then i feel like that's totally you're not i feel like it's probably not that though no but i i feel i think it's

something like something i think it's probably just like a high school dude but think about how think about how big of a part of your life that is when you're that age like if you were like i'm boys i gotta miss it for my for my goddaughter's like baptism you're letting all the boys down yeah that's that's just hearing that out loud he's from connecticut he wait he goes to wait no i probably shouldn't say he's in college he's in college there's a college football game yeah state champ yeah you got no you can't miss wait what can you say where he goes can you say where Miami U. Oh.

What? That's the one in Ohio. This must be from Ohio. University of Miami isn't, sorry. Okay. Miami U. He's probably saying this, like, this happened retroactively. Oh, he did this in the fall.

He definitely said, yeah. Did he say it's happening now? I think he's saying, I think he's saying, am I the asshole because I did this. Either way, he was in season. He's playing college football. There's no state championship. I think he's not the asshole. There's no state.

Oh, he's playing state. There's no state championship. So maybe it was back in high school. Did he make this shit up? Why would he make this up? Does he say it's happening or did it happen? No, it's f***ed right now. Dude, your story is not adding up.

Okay, let's picture it's like November. Who cares about the timeline? It doesn't matter. He was in season is all that matters. If he misses it. If he misses the game, is he the asshole? Or sorry, is he the asshole for going to the game? I think the parents should take initiative and be like,

hey we understand this is a huge part of your life right now you'll still be her goddaughter it's not that important it's a baptism the baby doesn't care the baby does yeah i think i think he should play the game as long as like the parents are like yeah he should play the game do you guys even like off the top of my head like i'm struggling to figure out who my god mother is or my god i know mine and i'm going to dinner with her tomorrow okay i guess there are levels to this but but that bill for for the record that's a complete coincidence i haven't i haven't seen her in years she's also my aunt so that it's a it's a baptism religion's dying uh who cares you're not an asshole yeah i don't think you're i don't think you're the asshole but

i think religion's dying who cares that's the final answer yeah i think i think this is what this is what you do they have the regular baptism and then after your game you and her go have a special day you have a special day with the new baby yep you go you go over a bottle on her head Thanksgiving at their house You baptize You do a second baptism Think with me here boys They switch spots

She plays in the game The baby Or the mom No one's going to hit that baby Can't hit a baby Can't tackle a baby I've tried It's so hard to tackle

It's like going for a chicken You always hit their soft spot too Like a small turkey Covered in grease like a bird like a yeah flocking yeah a small flightless bird all right sure you're sure you're the second one ostriches are the fastest what are you even talking about right now sorry he's talking about literally ostriches oh okay you know they're like so fast yeah 40 50 you've seen that video of like them like uh one of them was like running next to a car that's going 80 miles

an hour no that's insane maybe not 80 kevin hart has a bit about it oh it's hilarious yeah i remember that was from one of his like old like old special yeah which just the head just stays there and it's just running they can't out drive yeah i remember being maybe that's what i'm thinking of maybe i'm not referencing a video i'm referencing a kevin hart bit from 2008 could be okay this next one is tough um so i'm not gonna say his name but so he's the asshole uh hey all first time long time i don't know what that means first first time he's he's a first time caller long time listener yeah love it just very busy so he's 23 male in grad school and facing a tough situation his buddy also 24 male lives in boston and has been super generous letting me crash on

his couch every weekend so i go out with so i go out with our friends blank has two dogs one is an adorable shih tzu named abby this past weekend i'd figured i'd do um i'm trying to not say the names because he didn't want them i do blank a favor and take the dogs for a walk while he was at work abby decided to well if he's writing the names you can say them he said you can just change the names yeah blank so far you can keep saying blank that's like the person whose house he's staying yeah blank there has to be one okay the main guy's jerry main guy's jerry you pick names the other one is uh sebastian who which one the guy who wrote in You don't know any of them.

The guy with the dogs is blank. Sebastian has two dogs. Who's blank then? Nobody's blank anymore. Nobody's blank anymore. But who was blank? Sebastian. And the new guy's, and the main character's Jerry.

Yes. Should we pretend like none of this has happened? Okay, Sebastian has two dogs. One is an adorable shih tzu named Abby. This past weekend. Wait, is that actually the dog? Oh my God. It doesn't matter.

Who cares about the dog? She has an adorable dog named blank. So, the dog. Wait, Sebastian. he figured he figured he no he's he's giving so many names this is confusing all right next one's moxie okay i figured i'd do him a favor and take the dogs out for a walk while he was at work abby decides to chase down a turkey that hangs out on their street and completely bolted i ran after her but she's crazy fast and got away anyway i panicked after hours of looking i lied and made

up a story about her escaping when i was getting a package sebastian is crushed he's put up posters and can't stop talking about how guilty he feels for not being there. If I come clean, he might be pissed and not let me crash there anymore. Should I keep my mouth shut and hope Abby turns up, or should I confess? Well, I got bad news. She just wrote a new podcast. That's a really specific story. I know.

Wait. Time out. Time out. Why was it – so why is it better that she escaped in one way than the other? Yeah. Can I tell – I don't even know if I can come clean about it. I've had – This happen?

This exact thing happened. What did you do? I was dog sitting for, I was working on a congressional campaign. It was dog sitting for the candidate two weeks before the election. Took her to the dog, took her to the dog park in my apartment complex. My roommate came over, left the gate open and the thing fucking took off and I chased it for nine miles and I ended up, I ran, I chased it, it ran out onto the highway and So I ran into this bar and was like, help, help, help.

Like, does anyone have a car? Like, I need to chase this dog. They got in the car. This random guy took me in the car. We, like, drove down. We held up traffic going both ways. I got, like, a one-on-one with the dog in the middle of the highway. Dove after it.

Like, busted up my knee. I saw, like, all the stars are from it. And ran into the woods. And it was missing for three days. And I didn't sleep for three days. And I just was, like, running around, like, handing out flyers, like, searching for it. And then after three days, it showed up. And, like, a neighbor found it.

was the politician like really mad at you or was he like i get it no so i told her i don't know if she's gonna listen to this podcast i mean we haven't talked in a while anyway love you kim i uh i told her i was like i'm not gonna sell actually the roommate who did it is the fucking wedding i was at oh no way yeah full circle and uh i was just like we're just gonna say the gate was broken because there's no point in like having a guilty party here yeah because it's not gonna change anything yeah and so i was just like the guilty party more like or like kim would say the republicans right yes that's good they should be they should be a guilty party yep that one counts or something 91 counts he was charged with anyway uh the we i said the gate was broken and then she

took me to the park she's like can i see the the gate oh she didn't believe you and so i went to the park and i like just kind of like jammed the gate and it did kind of pop open so i had like i showed her i was like yeah look at this he must have just hit it really hard and it popped open she said then she believed me and i never came clean about it wow so now if i'm guilty if this guy's the asshole then i'm the asshole wait can what was that so what was the scenario when it saw the turkey what was it doing it ran well he didn't it sounds like he didn't have the dog on the leash was that something he was like told you're allowed to do like walk the dog without a leash right like every time yeah that's that's that's kind of rule number one yeah it's like

don't like unless you have a dog unless you have the world's most best behaved dog you keep it on a leash what about mine was in a dog park that's okay right yeah yeah i let him off the leash yeah yeah yeah you don't like walk the dog on a leash in a dog park yeah that was fine but yeah if you had like i wouldn't walk another person's dog without a leash even if they're like even if they do it without a leash it's like it's not my dog yeah um i'd say i'd say you i don't think you come clean like like the the right the right has been wronged right the dog came back or no wait did it i don't think so it sounds like the dog is still lost this is like this sounds recent he's put up posters and can't stop talking about how guilty

he feels for not uh being there i think that you don't the only reason you would tell them is to make yourself feel better like the the the thing is the bad things already happened that's making him feel worse towards you doesn't fix the problem yeah i think you just pray to god that it resolves itself which which for the most part they almost always do like with lost dogs like i think they usually come back or they're found does if the dog doesn't have a collar and tags on that's kind of the owner's fault as well so it sounds like the owner's kind of beating himself up like saying he's guilty for not being there i think like yeah anything try and make him feel less guilty for anything like hammer that home jeez it's tough yeah i mean my thought process was always like

it's not gonna help anything at this point yeah well like i think the right thing to do is always to be honest in the first place but if you have lied then let it go but in the future if you ever do this again maybe just come clean yeah this is one of those situations where like coming clean about this won't like further like it's not you're not withholding information that would get them anywhere like get you guys anywhere i'm i'm always i've always been subscribed to the belief of of like the truth will set you free and take your beating early like if i whenever i that was like our rule and at home was like if you fucked up just be honest like with my dad initially and he like won't be mad yeah yeah but like now you've already lied i would say just hope it works itself

out yeah i hope the dog turns up yeah it will i would post in like next door and like facebook groups that worked in my situation it was like you gotta get people on the lookout i would say if it doesn't have tags it's probably like at someone's house just kicking it yep and i don't know how you get a get a hold of that you don't at that point yeah twitter twitter you could put it have a twitter yeah get your dog a twitter that is probably the main takeaway from this yeah walk a dog on a leash and make sure it has a twitter yeah all right holy shit i'm not i'm getting like war flashbacks from looking for that yeah but your dog came back it's you're fine yeah it was crazy though yeah kim she would come like she didn't work like it was two weeks before the

election she would just come and like sit in my neighborhood because like the they said like the smell like it might so she would sit just like in my apartment complex like outside and like i had to like cancel all like our meetings and stuff like so close to the like she was running she went to the election she did not win the election you cut you might be the reason she fucking it it was really fucking bad you can't control for everything and there was like when i was chasing that first night too like after this highway incident i followed into the woods and then i was like running around in the woods i came out into this one yard and a lady came out it was like who's there i got a fucking gun and i was like oh my god no no no like i'm looking for

a dog i'm looking for a dog all right should we teach each other some things yeah sure billy teach us something kick it off okay um it's based on this book it's like a piece of information from a book i read so like um i don't want people coming for me in the comments if it's not right but i mean it's a pretty trustworthy book it's like a well-known one it's called sapiens it's non-fiction it's called sapiens i got like the evolution of human beings from like before we were homo sapiens and like how it became that and like how we got here um there's like a very specific reason why like humans crave high calorie sweet sugary foods tell us um it's because um 30 000 years ago we were like middle of the food chain essentially and we were like

gathering things and the only access we had to sweet high calorie sugary foods was through ripe fruit so like otherwise humans were just sort of eating what was left over like the marrow from bones yeah like picked off carcasses and whatnot so like an average hunter-gatherer if they came across a fig tree like full of actual figs in their mind they're like i have to eat as much of this as possible right now before like because if i leave i come back like other animals are going to pick this clean there won't be any so like if they saw a fruit tree of any kind they would just eat as much as possible because they're like if i come back it's not going to be here and like through that just like entrained in our like biology became like part of what we do like

yeah we have sweets we want to overeat it that's fascinating yeah that is interesting do you ever just count your lucky stars that we have like gas stations and like mcdonald's gummy worms dude oh my god we got everything we could ever if you gave a gummy worm to one of those guys one of the like pre like the neolithic guys or whatever would blow their you think they would kill them yeah oh i will that's well can we just say for the first ever teach me something that one was awesome that was a good something that's been one of my favorite facts i learned for a long time you know what you know what else bill no one can ever they can take away your money and your clothes and everything no one will ever be able to take away the fact that you were the first guy to teach

us something on the playdate pod yeah that's something that sticks with you forever our new biggest segment yeah conan just made my day probably a little bit all right will teach me something okay you know ball state university all right yes yes no i just meant like it's it is funny because we all like we got to take so much liberty with this that like we could pick any information and i just realized all of ours are going to be so different what's ball state university it's a it's a college in uh muncie indiana okay yeah and uh anyway it was it's founded by the the ball brothers who are from the jars you know like ball like the company oh ball jars yeah yeah like mason jars but they say ball there's like one you look main version

of jars yeah it's like it's like a like the biggest brand of jars but they're shaped like mason jars oh oh oh i'm about to get into this what like like it's like in cursive like balls yes yeah i think i know that um so they're they are basically just mason jars so you ever wonder like how the hell did that happen well the guy joseph i think joseph mason whatever his last name was mason created the mason jar the free masons no he's no it's somehow unrelated in the 1940s he invented the mason jar and it was like a major development because it's like it was like super airtight and like they didn't it was like big in terms of like food preservation yeah everything used to just go bad and in the olden days for like keeping fruit in particular and he

had a patent on it and then he just i guess i don't know how patents work i didn't get i didn't want to teach you too much but uh i uh his patent expired right around the turn of the 20th century yeah and the ball brothers had this like they were doing like some other kinds of jars and then they're like oh the mason jar patent's about to be up we're just gonna do that then so they just put their name on mason jars when the patent expired and uh awesome ended up becoming like way i think more successful than that's awesome ever was our mason jars do we just calm that and they're not around anymore it's all ball jars i think most i think it's like how we call like tissues a kleenex yeah it's literally like that except it's like ball yeah like most of the i

think mason jars might still exist in some capacity but yeah most of them are ball jars and that's we call them mason jars business strategy just like know about patents and like wait

for one to go up and just do that yeah and there's there's like other parts of the countries apparently like I think in like the northwest

or something they call them like Kerr jars or something because they like have like a different like distribution out

there or something I know a guy with the last name Kerr and man if I find out he's of the Kerr jar fame pretty big deal

I went to school with a kid named I think I've said this a million times I just love saying it I went to school with a kid named Will Diesel

and his family the family that started diesel fuel that's so cool he's also the nicest guy you think you think he'd be like like be like hey badass a sick truck like yeah this guy invented it he's just like the biggest sweetheart he drives a prius that's also uh he drove a cool car i'm trying to remember what he drove he better drive a cool yeah 18 wheeler i don't want to i don't want to put him on blast but i think he drove a nice you hear somebody's last name is diesel you'd like make a joke be like oh like what about like the invent diesel and be like no yeah that's what his family vin diesel we oh we're at freshman he's got his own legacy that's a different vin diesel's got

enough yeah he's got too much we're at freshman orientation and and uh he was one of those guys where like you could see like okay that's a cool guy like yeah i'm gonna go stand next to that guy but like during the ice breakers whatever yeah and uh huge hat on he's like no he's just like kentucky derby he just had like a he's had like a good aura around him like yeah just you know good vibes and i went over he's like hey man like where you from and i was like cape elizabeth he goes do you know chris leprade and i go he's like one of my best friends next door neighbor i was like do you know chris leprade he's like yeah we hiked for eight weeks through like and he named something like montana like the montana hills and i was like oh that's awesome and he was like yeah

great guy and he was like will diesel nice to meet you and i was like all right we're gonna be best buddies he hits you with like a relatable thing and then will diesel yeah yeah he hooks you in he uh yeah diesel and then chris told me and was like you know you know his family invented diesel fuel yeah that's all right um this is pretty great you guys are familiar with the soviet union wow very yes yes imagine imagine you've been you're you're uh a russian and you've been fighting in world war ii for the past couple years and like we win and what's the first thing you do you get back to you get back to the motherland you're at your hometown what's the first thing you do again control the means of production war start warm meal start partying

partying party yeah giant karaoke giant party breaks out like countrywide in the streets just like pandemonium everyone's having a great time like the war is over in 22 hours they had depleted their vodka like the entire country was out of vodka in 22 hours that's all way yeah they drank it all in less than a day that's awesome i i read that i was like that was probably a blast is that this is the world's biggest party i think that's got to be history one of the biggest parties in history i think it was coachella 20 2018 if you think of like that was your landmass though like the most amount of square kilometers or whatever fucking bullshit they measurement they use whatever bullshit bullshit nonsense freak show can i tell you guys another one that i just thought

of yeah i was so i worked as a barback and and uh you guys ever seen like bitters in a bottle like a bitters bottle the wrapper yeah yeah if you notice like the wrapper is way bigger than like the bottle like the wrap like normally a wrapper stops if it fits the jar has a little extra yeah theirs is bigger than the bottle and you're always like why do they do that it's kind of a mess i asked the bartender once and i was like keep in mind i haven't googled this this i actually know okay so he basically was like yeah so they enter these two brothers have their families like bidders company and there was like a bidders competition where it was basically like who can make the best bidders and so they broke it up and they were like all

right you do the jar i'll handle the label and they just didn't talk to each other about how big the label or the jar was going to be and so they got there and he was like i got the label and he was like sweet i got the jar and they put it on the bottle and it was too long and i think they ended up losing the competition but one of the judges was like that's a fun thing that you guys did that you made it longer you should when you're talking about yeah exactly i think any bitters jar has you know like every company does they all do it yeah it's like standard now but they yeah they just kept it like that which i think is hysterical yeah i love playing off a mistake like it was an intentional yeah decision yeah like an intentional creative decision yeah

they're like yep that's great yeah can i give you guys one more please bro's cooking sorry i just keep thinking of cool things yeah um there i forgot the name's dog the dog's name but there was a there was a german i believe dog also in world war ii that uh got like the blue metal maybe not germinate got a metal uh because it was it saw a bomb and it peed on it and that diffused the bomb and saved like so many people got a blue metal for that yeah it peed on a bomb so like it was like i know it sounds fake i read this earlier i chose not to this one it was like an incendiary bomb or something look up like dog gets blue blue cross for peeing on i like the implication that it did that on purpose too i think it might have dude he like saw it peed on

it and everyone was like stood over the bottom of the dog extinction the fire dude that's awesome yeah in 1944 saw it wow it was like this this doesn't look good it was just before whizzed on it oh and then it got a second medal because apparently its owner's store caught on fire and it ran to the fire department and alerted them to a twofer yeah that's an all-time dog yeah dude that dog should be last read that thing and just give it to everybody. All the children want to breed that dog. I want to read that dog. All right.

I got another random act that I thought of. It's like a, sorry, do we need to move on? No, we can move on. No, no,

it's going to be a two hour podcast and I love it. All right. Let's do five hour podcast. Um, this one, like I'm going to try and like recall this off the top of my head, but like the, there are like layers to the brain.

There's like the inner limbic portion of the brain. And then there's the outer neocortex. and the neocortex developed later on like the limbic is more of like a pre like a primal portion of the brain that sort of like directs you're like the why you do things like you're you're very like core decision making and the prefrontal cortex developed to like it was like a language center and like basically taking what happens in the limbic brain and the decisions you make and like rationalizing it and committing it to language so like when you like have trouble explaining like why you feel a certain way it's because like it's two separate portions of the

brain and like it's your outer brain trying to make sense of something that it has no part in so like if you say like like why do you love this person like your actual love for them comes from the limbic portion of your brain and like the why of why you love them like is actually there and then your brain the neocortex processing that information it comes out and like i love them because we have similar hobbies or this stuff. And it's not really always the reason. And that's why when you have these snags and trying to explain yourself

and why you do things, it's because it's two separate parts of the brain. That's pretty cool. Oh, shit. All right, Will, your turn to come up. It makes me feel like a fucking idiot for doing the Ball State one. That was awesome.

Yeah, I know tons of different stuff. Lauren, what's something that you know? Oh, I don't have one. Oh, okay. And that's okay. Yeah, it's okay. That's all right. Next time I'll have it.

Should we do DJs first, or should we do tourist attractions? Should we do tourist attractions? Yeah. All right. Billy, you travel a lot. What are some fun tourist attractions that you've seen? Oh, man. I got two from my travels all throughout my life.

I've been everywhere, all over the place. Let me see. wait how many did we did you do five oh you did five okay i mean i did five oh i thought you because where the way it was pitched to me like we're all doing one so i thought like okay that is my bad that's okay i only brought two i only have one of the djs i don't have two of these okay that's fine we'll just inundate you with ours yeah that was a miscom shoulder the love that's my bad that's a miscom um i can give you one if you wanted to no i'm not taking i'm not take yours all right uh first source attraction is called creepy crawlers and it's an eight-day

summer exclusive haunted hayride up the amalfi coast it's all over europe all beach locations you could do it in mykonos you could do it in abiza the driver is very old very racist and always has spare bathing suits in the back for the women i love that yeah um those creepy crawlers Yeah, and then we'll circle back to you. Yeah, I figured, okay. One, it's kind of more solemn. Yep. But, you know, sometimes a tourist attraction is to pay your respects.

Yeah. And I've always really enjoyed visiting the Tomb of the Unknown Dentist, which is sort of, you know, you know the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier? Yeah. It's in that vein where it's just kind of a memorial there to honor all the dentists that might not have, you know, their own grave sites um who may have died in combat or under you know anesthesia or anything like that so uh can i ask you can i ask you just one question yes why if they died in combat why

are they still being caught like why are they still being classified as dentists well i mean they say your first love is your only true love that's true so i did hear that some of them were drafted and they just wanted to stay dental but there's also dentists in the army probably army definitely needs dentists right yeah actually like during like the wars though like where is that a priority or they've been brushing their teeth probably not a priority well you need like i feel like i think they just pulled them if one got dirty you just pull it yeah until you got nothing yeah okay anyway the tomb of the unknown dentist lauren what are you giggling about she's taking pictures of us i'm getting slap happy i was trying to take a photo of you guys and then

you looked right at the camera i mean you okay whatever it's like you look over lauren's like stop looking yeah all right um one of my favorite is the laziest river yeah it is just completely stagnant and every year every year people try and like float down it but it's just so lazy that you have to like you're basically just propelling your tube through it but it's like a great place to hang because you can just like leave like your cooler floating next to you it doesn't need its own tube and like you don't have to worry about it drifting away because it's almost so like impossibly mosquito yeah ridden oh my god it's a nightmare the water is filthy it's like literally it's basically black yeah that's awesome thank you what was that other

one you went to um oh the chicken and explore spelled xplor it's a discounted private tours of the amazon jungle led by acquitted murderers so they didn't you can't prove that they did it They were acquitted, but they were on trial for murder. They also sell chicken at the place where you sign up. I love that. There's no cell service.

No, you're in the Amazon jungle with a murderer. They didn't get convicted. You shouldn't have to worry about this, but it is an important note that there's no cell service and you can't call for it. You need a machete to get through the jungle.

The place where you sign up, they also sell chicken cool yeah cool it's cool um mine was it's i mean it was funded by the same organization that funded by the previous one i mentioned uh i've got mount brushmore it is carved into the south dakotan mountains and it's four molars side by side and it's a reminder so much dental shit it's a it's a place that like parents can threaten to take their kids if they don't keep brushing it's like yeah if you don't start flossing and brushing we're gonna have to Take you to Mount Brushmore. Well, it's like Mecca for dentists.

Yeah. They make a yearly journey. Have you gone to the dentist recently? No. Have you? No. No. I'm actually going tomorrow.

Nice. That's fun. What? They're getting rid of those fuckers? You're supposed to go every six months? Well, no. Six months ago I went, but I hadn't gone in like two years before that. But yes, you are supposed to go every six months.

But yes. You should ask if they can give you more teeth. They should. i'm worried to go because uh of the tooth gem that's still on like i don't want to have that conversation with my oh yeah yeah he's like still the thing i had three on my tooth the yeah dude i was supposed to be gone a while ago supposed to fall off so long ago yeah i think she just lied to me um all right my one of my favorite tortoise attractions is the unsolvable puzzle oh yeah so like it's kind of a similar vibe to like you know that sword that's in the stone and like people

come and they try and pull it out it's just like we have to wait for the we have to wait for the chosen one to come i think people have like run the numbers and they realize that it's unsolvable just because a couple of the pieces are lost and like some of them are from other puzzles and it's just like it's just been vexing people for years are they too nervous to tell anyone that it's not like that they messed up the no one's even come close so like the tour guides don't know they don't they're not sure but like anyone who's done any research on it can quickly see that they're just puzzles.

They're pieces that like... Is it just a jigsaw puzzle? It's like a standard 1,000-piece puzzle. Damn. Do we have any idea what the picture makes? We lost the box.

So we don't know what it looks like. We don't know what it looks like. Oh, that's tough. Start with the corners. You know what they say. Yeah, through the edges. Yeah, and then you fill in.

All right. Well, I've got The Ruins of Cornton. Yes. It was a Midwestern paradise back in the day, right when the corn boom first happened sure and then um as you know they started exporting the corn and um focusing more on cities like omaha and other ones they cornton just kind of fell

to the wayside and now no one talks about ruins it's thousands of years old is it aging exponentially no it's like way older than anything else i love it i want to go one of my favorite places to visit is is the most room temperature room so it's like it's the room that they based room temperature off of you can go in there impossible to tell um like where the room starts and begins because it's just there's it's nothing It's like they have the kilogram in the UK. Is that real? Yeah, there's like the kilogram over there.

That's sick. So they have the room. Yeah. That's awesome. That sets the room. I think there was a, I think that, I can't remember who came up with that joke, but it's definitely not mine. You said it on the pod before.

Really? Someone submitted something about it, I think. We've talked about it on this. Okay. I got one. Yeah. I just thought of. I don't know.

You didn't think of it because you've been there. What? You didn't think of it because you've been there. I've been there. I'm sorry. Just remember. Yeah. Yeah.

well i don't know where it is i don't know like i have an idea of how to get there my fish my dad flushed my fish down the toilet when i was a kid and he said it was going on vacation and it hasn't come back yeah i mean wherever this fish went must be awesome awesome so it's down atlantis it's down my toilet the toilet for my childhood home it's down that pipe it's like you could get there if you were small enough if you get down if we could use that small guy if we could use that small machine and go down there and we also need some way to breathe whatever that spot is is probably pretty sweet must be a fucking blast yeah i think my fish went to the same place and my dog like it must be right near that farm that my parents said

yeah i went to hell yeah my dog was not a good guy naughty naughty dog you think you can get away with that much humping and just go straight to heaven i mean yeah he was humping left and right we actually you know it was crazy my dog had this like stuffed animal he got it we called it his girlfriend because he does it all the time and he had it like from like when he was first born and then after like a long time my mom was like we're gonna replace it oh my god oh my god this new one got there and i was like that's what that thing's supposed to look like he like humped it into it was just like limp and it had no stuffing in it left and it was like darker colors it came i was like it was the most disgusting thing i thought you were gonna say he

like hated it like they like replaced his fucking music loved it loved it it was like dicaprio dude you had to cycle in the new yeah exactly all right what's your favorite well you know milwaukee's always kind of got that little brother vibe with lawrence hometown of shy city yeah it's like only an hour away but it's kind of doesn't have the glamour well they recently last 10 years they tried to kind of catch up revamp yeah and so they installed right in the middle of downtown milwaukee a massive monument called the refried bean and it just isn't as aesthetically pleasing as the bean yeah like even close what did they change it's a refried you know like a can of refried beans love just like kind of like a clumpy cylinder every time it rains it's like a fucking

nightmare it's almost formless seeps out uh not i don't know what that meant actually like if if there was like one giant refried bean like every time it rained all the brown stuff would like come off and like go into the city it's not a real bean it's a sculpture oh oh the bean yeah i was just picturing that this one was a real refried like a giant no no no it's it's reflective metal it's oh yes yeah sorry sorry sorry that i took a mental leap there i saw the leap you made And I picked up on it I was baffled So it's metal

Every once in a while It's crazy where we draw the line Being like no that's too crazy You can't do that It's the same as the bean But it's sort of formless Because it's like a clump of refried beans One singular refried bean

It's a can, cylinder You got any more? He's gonna cry I fucking hate it. I hate the refried bean. He's going to cry. I'm sorry I did the refried bean. You're going to make him cry on my first episode.

I was trying to force it to you and I couldn't in time. No, you're better. I can tell from here. It was funny because it was like a play on the bean. I got the strongest wave pool. So it's like... It's like... Wait, did you see that video?

Like a guy getting knocked over? Oh, you're actually crying. Damn. I did pretty good, right? Um, it's like, it's like, you've got some tears in there. Yeah. It's like Gale force winds in a, in a wave pool and it's like tsunami size waves and it's just like slamming people like left and right.

And like, uh, you rarely make it out. Like it's kind of a, it's kind of like a lap. This is really throwing me off. It's kind of like a last, it's kind of like a last thing you do on your way out. It's like send grandma. You like die in it. Just send grandma to the wave pool in the sky. That sounds like pure horror.

Dying in a wave that's inevitably going to kill you. You know he's going to kill you. Even if you survived the first one, the second you come up, you see the next one. That would be the worst way to go. Yeah. That or bugs eating you to death. Oh, my God. Bugs feasting on your skin.

Oh. All right. I was at this summer. Creepy bugs crawling. Cliffs of Yore. Have you guys done the Cliffs of Yore? It's like the water slide. it's the biggest water slide at the

classic big ol' LA water park what are you talking about the cliffs of yore what's the classic big ol' LA water park I think he's just drafting you guys are making it seem like a real place you've been I was like really we're leaving you in the dust

it's cliffs of yore and it's this super tall water slide but there's like halfway up the staircase it becomes like this sort of optical illusion of stairs where you keep walking you're super excited you never get to the top That's fucking awful. Yeah.

I don't know what just happened. What's your next one? It sucks, dude. My last one was a mail-it-in job. Lay it in. Lay it on me. The Great Nashville Soup. Pitching it like that sad makes it even better.

It's like a 100-foot, 100-yard bowl of soup that is... You can just go have a bite, but you have to bring your own spoon. You have to bring your own grilled cheese. I love it, personally. I don't think it holds a candle, though, to the slipperiest slip and slide. Oh, man. That's dangerous. Like, there's no – even if you, like, did gracefully land on it,

you just pick up so much speed that it's, like, there's no way you're stopping in time. But most people, like, just touch it, like, to get a feel for it, and it just, like, throws your body. It sucks your whole body in. Jesus Christ. Sends you for miles. All right.

Should we do DJs that don't exist, guys? Oh, man. Yeah, we could. yeah yeah how long have we been going an hour 40 let's go honestly billy our longest episode is like 115 fuck yeah we're dragging our feet today um probably way behind i've only got one dj all right billy what is it he's uh he's an interesting one captain phillips yes doesn't need an agent manager record label doesn't have to book shows he doesn't even need to know how to dj he just gets a ticket to another dj show pushes his way to the front row then puts his phone up

to show the dj a message that says for example play losing it i have a bomb and then the rest of the night he just switches the song out for whatever other song he's kind of feeling i'm the dj now basically i'm the dj now if he like he could change it up he could be like uh play love tonight no funny business or the guy next to me gets it yep and like basically threatening he's holding he's holding the show up yeah so you go to the set and you're like like dom dolla was on stage he didn't play in his me i think we went to a captain phillips it's like banksy like you're not you have to verify if it was a captain yeah he's not in it for the music he's not in it for the fame he's just genuinely in it for the power and the power

hungry yeah yeah um who do you like will i like macro wave yeah oh okay i just thought it sounded cool yeah macro wave i think i saw him yeah i saw him over the summer yeah yeah he cooked um new underground guy dj hi-hats so like a lot of people like yeah well that too so he's known for his use of hi-hats like yeah but he he also has just like the the highest hats like his hat is like a cat in the hat level uh height every show and it changes like it's been it gets bigger every show and now like he can't play indoor shows because it's like 30 feet high oh it gets longer every show well he buys a new one he's getting he gets he's got that high hat you gotta level up yeah i think i saw him this summer yeah yeah i saw him this summer one i saw him this summer

yeah in the summertime he threw down i think it was over the summer you know um i've got no longer bad um just a guy who is no longer bad cool um i saw him i think i think i saw him this summer no longer bad no that rings a bell i saw him he's like um he's not bad anymore right he was pretty pretty tough on the ears you know yeah not he's i'm correct yeah he's um you could even say he's still he's still well so oh i like that it's a good play on words ah for those of you that don't know billy's dj name is still well which is a great name i pranked you dude uh i know you prank this shit out of me i got a uh but you didn't get it i got i'm sorry that took me way too long to get that was good all right all right i'm losing this is the longest i've talked for

ever uh i got a dj that you're pretty sure you've seen him before dj vu dj vu that's good oh dude i saw him this summer good every time you've seen him you swear you've seen him before even though it's your first time yeah dj was good you can't that's why i put it on there yeah yeah yeah yeah Fuck, that's really good. I like that a lot. Who do you like, Will? I like Large Mouth Bass. Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool. He uses a lot of 808s. Huge, fat, girthy 808s. Yeah, his mouth is also massive. You know who I'm excited to see this summer? I probably saw him last summer. Who? Eclipsis.

Oh, is he still touring? Yes, dude. and uh like most countries have banned him because his base is so heavy that it actually changes the moon's orbit and creates a solar eclipse wherever he is and it's like it freaks everyone out so like every town he goes to especially if it's in like rural areas like they're convinced the world's ending so like they he's like a god probably yeah some people he like um he did yeah i think he did he did a set in a hot air balloon like right over the great pyramid of giza it was yes yes yeah just completely ruptured it naked yeah yeah sent it into the

earth yeah and he was naked yeah that was an interesting choice yep i like ice pick me too yep i i used to big ice pick guy in high school yeah yeah not as much anymore this was based on i have a relative that is was a gang mobster and his name was ice pick yeah he was in al capone he ran with al capone i swear to god he ran having a name like that my mom was like a baby in a in his house and they like didn't really know his backstory but you can read about him there's like documentaries about him a baby in his house was part of the same family or just a baby in his house like like my mom's family went to like visit them like they're they were like cousins okay like grandparents i feel like you i feel like we can all picture why how he got his name

ice pick which i don't like you'd kill people with an ice pick yeah it's terrifying yeah um he's doing bad stuff i really like dj can join there it's it's a set of conjoined twins and they can do things that no other djs can do because he has an extra set of hands oh that's actually sick yeah so like he's like doing drops and fades that people are like he must have a partner yeah he can pretend to turn four he just has a tiny hand come from he's a tiny can do like they're conjoined twins like it's like a normal guy but then he has like a little guy like on his hip who like has little hands and it can like i need to just do like the finer little yeah dude he probably he's a mixing master yeah quick mix theory why does that quick mix theory quick mix

theory sounds like it does sound like a sick name i think that's like a dj thing yeah quick mix theory i don't think it is i took a class on hip-hop in college and he kept talking about it but never mind i don't know i'm not i'm not a real fucking dj uh beet salad nice that's fire yeah that's it um i really like this is one i'm sure uh you guys have seen but you probably don't remember it amnesia he's his he's so good at djing that like you forget your own name like you just you lose yourself and you're just a being in the crowd yeah not ringing a bell there no that wasn't me yeah no yeah i'm not getting that one that sounds he sounds cool he was cool i just yeah i'm not gonna i had a friend who's had a ticket to go see him but i talked to him the next day

and he ended up not going he just forgot i don't know he said he didn't go oh yeah yeah right right all right well this has just been one of the strangest episodes of podcasting are we doing are we taking personality oh yeah we got one more segment one more segment one more there was a there was a kid i was i was uh you know your personality no you know i was skiing the other weekend there was a one of the kids that was there we had met there he was a friend of a friend and and he kept going one more time and it was i loved it that sounds like it was good i feel like that could get annoying really quick no it was like he would like time it i don't know he was good his timing was on he was on fire i was also doing it so that might have been why i thought it was

all right lauren whose personality are you stealing this week weekend i wasn't prepared can i go last yeah yeah this is a segment we just didn't tell billy about either whose personality i normally come up with it on that spot um could i go last i could give a gut reaction i feel like it'd be pretty funny if i stole it from like a bird as a man just like i was acting kind of like a quiet but also like a bit like a bird yeah i like that yeah whose personality is still in this week will uh i'm stealing sean evans nice yeah because of my new hit talk show check out that's nothing 60 for 60 on youtube it's really great i'm nothing like hot ones i'm going on in two hours doing it yeah i gotta go

like tighten up the i gotta get ready um i gotta change i gotta do my face i recently saw i might did i already say bob marley last week okay well so i watched bob marley last weekend and usually when i watch a movie and there's a really cool character i like kind of start acting like them even if it's not on purpose and lately i've been saying like a lot of things that he said and i'm realizing that it doesn't go with my personality like i said jaw rastafari in front of will or will um angus earlier and he said okay i think that just means like god is great or something yeah um yeah that's not i i've been asking people if joff feel like instead of being like being like you down wait you saw the movie yeah i want to see it it was good it was good people have been

shitting on i thought it was great all right all right lauren take us home i'm i can't really think of anything right now my brain is just kim kim yeah i gotta i gotta i'm gonna take a cool surfer girls personality because every time today i was driving down pch this morning and i'm like i think being a surfer would just be the coolest it would yeah it would be very cool i see a lot of surfers in the morning i like doing a walk in the morning when i wake up and everybody's like in their wet suits they're getting them on coming out of the water with their boards so cool it looks cold and like a lot of effort but it also looks so cool all right guys we love you thank you guys for tuning in again thank you for sticking around for the longest episode what should they comment

oh yeah we have like a random thing for them to comment if they made it this far they made it this far like last week was like what what's it was what time was on your phone and what's your background yeah oh no i was gonna say like a random word no no it all has to be specific to that person we've just been really putting billy on the spot with zero preparation maybe like comment the color of your childhood home and exterior it's gonna be like white or your last yeah i don't know speaking of dreams your last dream oh that's good yeah comment your last the color of your childhood home and then your last dream yeah so like mine would be like i don't remember mine would be gray gray and my suitcase kept falling out of my closet and i

couldn't get to stay in there there you go i would be like i'll be brown and i was actually oh my god brown i came on this podcast last night i did that's awesome yeah we podcasted last night there we go what if we all woke up and we were just like god damn it that was a dream too we have to do this again that was all like i already heard their stories you guys tell all the same stories um yeah well do you want to like plug anything about yourself um brian bishop oh yeah yeah check out the entrepreneur page on instagram spelled wrong e-n-t-r-a-p-r-a-n-u-r-e entrepreneur i'm brian bishop and i'm a bad guy other than that i got nothing to plug almost friday youtube yeah almost friday tv almost friday tv youtube billy thank you so

much for coming on playmates thank you so much for listening we love you boys dude anytime this has been a riot yeah this is this is we've never had an episode like this it's been we are 10 minutes short of two hours okay i gotta i gotta just all right we love you guys we love you guys let's we will see you guys on wednesday have a fantastic rest your week and weekend and then we'll see you on wednesday we love you bye-bye bye-bye