Will & Rusty's Playdate - constructing the ultimate birdhouse

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

Will goes sand crazy, Rusty’s convinced there’s a man living in his vents, and the gang breaks down Urinetown. The boys dive into their theatre days, accidentally eating weed brownies at school, Cosmic Encounter, and a raccoon sandwich. Plus, Will and Rusty draft ways to tell your friend you’re hungry and how to best cancel plans. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod DONATE TO OUTREACHPARAGUAY: https://www.outreachparaguay.org/donate HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  ACCELERATOR AVAILABLE ON AMAZON. UPGRADE YOUR ENERGY HERE https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/FB06B38E-F0C2-479F-9DA5-FD4A1C852B07?channel=Playdate THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY BETTERHELP. IF YOU’RE THINKING OF STARTING THERAPY, VISIT HTTPS://WWW.BETTERHELP.COM/PD FOR 10% OFF YOUR FIRST MONTH AND GET ON YOUR WAY TO BEING YOUR BEST SELF. 00:00 Intro 03:37 The Biggest Bird House Imaginable 09:35 Watermelon Gate 15:22 Forgetting your Lines 24:49 Old Orchard Beach, Maine 33:57 Our Favorite Cities 39:45 Funny Roommates 48:10 Roadmap 50:52 Pitch Submissions 55:40 Analyzing Will’s Hinge 01:15:21 Pitches 01:20:23 Teach Me Something 01:25:35 This Guy Rocks 01:31:55 Drafts 01:34:10 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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landscape you looked really good today i like you you got like a lumberjack vibe going thank you i was thinking about um chopping down to cherry tree also where the hell's cherry tree yeah i've never seen one i always pictured them as more of a bushel yeah or a bush this is kind of fun it's pouring rain on our heads right now and we never get rainier this the roof above us for the for the actually both audio and visual listeners is like it looks like uh pilgrims built it like it does not look watertight whatsoever and it's not every time because it rarely rains here so when it does i think we had a leak in here did we learn about a new leak i the the landlord stopped by to fix it last time and like somehow came to the conclusion that like i must be the person that like you know

is in charge of leaks you kind of have that yeah i do yeah that would be that is i have the face of a guy who is doesn't know how to fix them but it's definitely like the guy you go to about the leaks and he was just like i think i told the story but his hands were just covered in like a color that i've never seen before and he was like roof's fixed it doesn't feel like it's it doesn't feel like it's fixed and then he was like soaked in blood roof's fixed he has like a pair of antlers in his hand i found the problem i got it like the whole head of a deer do you want to taxidermy this you're gonna take it all right hacked it off i remember in um when i was in high school i built there you go bragging again there i go i built we did like you know you did

like the spirit competition spirit week or whatever like the last day of the week i think i've mentioned this event before but like you would build we'd like decorate a wall for your year or whatever yeah with like a theme and one year our theme was like sparta also i was class president and i would rig elections which is awesome or i would i would go in and i'd be like like rig your own elections i would basically like we would vote as a class on like what the theme was going to be yeah and so like people would submit them and then i i would but i would be the one who would go around to each homeroom and gather the results so i would go and i'd be like all right our two options are aliens or something and sparta which would be really cool

because then we can do this so i would just oh so you weren't like i wasn't rigging the votes but you were swaying them in a certain way very very i was gonna be mad at you i was gonna be like you're not that i care about like what happens to high schoolers but like i feel like that goes against your general belief system so i would be confused it was yeah i would it was more that i would manipulate i would be very uh you know deliberate in the way i delivered each option to show preference to mine it was like that waiter that i was telling you about that clearly did not want to make the tiramisu sundae where he was like we got pistachio cannolis those sound pretty good we got like you know a chocolate cake and we got why would he have to make it that did i not tell

you he had to bring out a cart yeah he rolled out a cart and uh he was fucking he was like and then then we got a tiramisu sundae that last one sounds pretty good anyway i built a we did sparta or whatever and i built like it we built like a seven foot tall wooden trojan horse that i physically fit inside rolled it out and we like rolled it out for the pep rally and like everyone circled around it and then i like jumped out the back and was like ah you know it was actually pretty sick uh like oh it's just will yeah yeah but i snuck in like spartan style you know elliot's uncle jim shout out jim lead him help me build it what that's so much sand that just came out of your birkenstock do you see how much came out of mine or sand so much sand there's like

so much oh holy shit you're going sand crazy it's because i live near the beach because you're a beach bum because i'm a beach bum well it was because we were will and i were clowning and mime in around all right we'll get into that in a second but oh yes i gotta finish the story i don't even want to either at this point but i'm too far in uh i hate it as much as you do man what what are you pointing at on the ground lauren's pointing at what what's on the ground the sand oh no suffocating down there good eye lauren uh so i i i we built a seven foot tall horse out of wood that i could fit inside which is sick and it was the centerpiece of our hall and we did this great thing and we won and it was all fun and games and then

the school janitor when we're cleaning up he's like what y'all doing with that horse i was like the seven foot replica of the trojan horse yeah uh good honestly no real plans why he's like could i take it for my birds i kid you not and i did not ask any questions i was like sure all you you take it on my hands right now he's like great just leave it here and so our school janitor took a trode i don't know like what does that mean for his bird i think he probably created some sort of like housing for the it's like the biggest birdhouse imaginable best case scenario is that he didn't like rework it at all so his birds just live inside the hatch of the because it like it the middle was like i could fit in i bet he cut a window out cut a little

hole in it probably put some feed on the i just like the idea that it still like looks like a horse we had the eyes light up too damn yeah every time you tell me about what you were doing in high school i'm shocked that you had made time for all of these things i didn't have the initiative to do anything like that it was like one day and my buddy's uncle was like a carpenter really helped we would not have been able to figure it out without him we did the school was the school like maybe don't bring that in or were they just i mean it was like we showed up like oh fuck yeah they were definitely they were it was uh they were clamping down on spirit week for sure because yeah the tradition used to be seniors would all bring in whistles and anytime

like our part of the hall was like very central to the schools was like you had to walk kind of had to walk through it and so anytime anyone that wasn't a senior walked through you just whistle the shit out of all the whistles and it's it was like like i remember as a freshman being like genuinely terrified to walk through that part of the wall i i avoided the senior hallway but you went to like a your school was like for like all it was like all nerds right uh it was all nerds but it was it was it was called academic magnet yeah but it was how bad could the bullies but the thing is it was solve this equation pussy pin you against the locker and like pythagorean pythagorean's theorem bitch name it bitch no read it to me here's what i'll always

say is like sure that was technically what it was but it was like that's all based on like who gets the best grades in eighth grade which i feel like has not that much of a bearing i can tell you i wouldn't have gotten into academic magnet fair enough i guess because i we were i remember going into eighth grade i just finished seventh grade we were sitting around a bonfire and my sister had her friends over and one of my sister's friends which i don't know how this doesn't occur to more kids she was like you know middle school doesn't matter she was like you can just start trying in high school and we were all like oh what like i thought she was like no you just like you take placement tests she was like you could literally like you don't fail a class you can still get

into like honors and ap classes in high school and my dad was just like why would you tell him that and then we we like no one none of us tried that actually was not the case for me oh you like needed it because the public like public education is so bad and we're like 40th 48th in the nation in public education in south carolina so it was like you have to go if i couldn't get into magnet yep oh then my parents were probably going to pay to send me to private school yeah so it was there was a lot of pressure on me to get into not the psats like mattered for you what i think that was like it was like the the the ssats or what a ps we had there was like there's one for like perhaps like a separate whole app like you had to take a separate test

yeah go in for an essay i wrote my essay about ladanian tomlinson and they were like we need that it was like who's your hero and why and i was like yeah lt one gave me the first guy that didn't say like yo-yo mom all right let's get some we need some like get more diversity at the school it's like the other way around like diversity for them is like normal guys oh i just meant like because i wrote about a black guy oh they're like he's got the vision he's got the vision but they didn't it was that was a problem the school was overwhelmingly white that's like charleston in general now not really it was really yeah i guess my only look into charleston is southern charm and then my friends that i went to college with that moved there

huge parts of charleston that are i think it's like 60 40 what but wow but then we got in a whole did i ever tell you about watermelon gate no no dude it's fucked when i was a freshman in high school no it was like actually really bad when i was afraid it was like on national it was like on cnn it was like national news when i was a freshman in high school the football team was we went we were like the best our football team had ever been we won seven games in a row like we were so dog shit at like football and basketball and all that shit and uh they started like one of the games they stopped by some like like stand on the way to the game and bought a watermelon and then they started and then they won the game and then they like smashed it after

and they all cheered and so then it became this tradition where they would bring a watermelon to every game and after the game they would smash it and all like cheer and celebrate and then one of the games that we were playing like we beat like a predominantly black high school and some of the parents saw them in the parking lot like and our team was all we had one black kid on the team it was all white otherwise they saw them in the parking lot like smashing watermelons and like jumping around and stuff and chanting and like reported to the superintendent so obviously like obviously not it doesn't look good it was genuinely not there was no malintent you're defending watermelon gate right now well i like i know the kids like they're one of the

kids yeah long story short the superintendent of the school district gets involved she fires our football coach they pulled every kid out of the classes and like interrogated them without telling their parents like i remember like being in spanish class and they were like came in and they got all the football players that were in our class and they like took them one by one and like interrogated them so then that was like they didn't have any they weren't doing this with any malice it was no it was like a bad it was like it was like i like you could understand why it looked really bad yeah but i also knew the kids were doing it and i knew that they didn't even they hadn't even thought of that until it was raised like we were like 15 i don't know like

i honestly didn't even really know that like trope but anyway they good word yeah but anyway they uh they so then the the pushback like they they were so over the top and like immediately find the coach interrogating these kids without parental permission which is like a legal issue that it flipped back the other way and then the superintendent of it was on the front page of cnn and then the superintendent of the school district got fired and the coach got reinstated and uh it's like an episode of one tree hill it was insane it but it was literally the it was the biggest it was on cnn yeah it was on the home page of cnn were they like fuck these kids it was just reporting on the no no they weren't there were some i mean it wasn't like uh that would if you

don't know that that's a tradition though that looks looks horrible but it's also like that's such a stretch because it's like that doesn't even really like that doesn't even really make sense it was you would have to do mental gymnastics to like get to the point of like that's bad it was just crazy because they had like a whole like trial that was like they were like it was like in the news that like they had this whole investigation and like trial where people spoke and anyway it was a big big drama i think the only magnet the only time our school got on cnn was every two years we would do a tedx event okay like ted talks and uh some kid had like the brilliant idea because you have to if you're a junior senior you have to sit through them all

day and they were just like that's gonna be a nightmare and so they made weed brownies and they were giving them out and uh just the whole school like every junior and senior was like stoned at the same time and uh everyone was doing like a really good job of hiding it and then this kid gave i'm actually pretty good friends with the kid that did it but the kid that he basically gave a brownie to this kid that didn't know it was a weed brownie which is messed up yeah and he was like do you want a bite of this brownie and took like one bite and then they told him and then he freaked the fuck out and went to the nurse because he thought he was dying but it was like he wasn't high and so we got caught or i wasn't even in high school yet but the school got

caught they kind of got everyone like kind of got out of it except for this one kid that had to transfer to portland somehow okay he was like the only one that got in trouble but it was like on cnn because like these kids like ruined a tedx event got too big to tedx dude there was one of our friends a kid that was in my grade that i was friendly with was very smart he was going to brown and he got to do one of the he was the only student i ever saw get to do one of the talks that's very cool and he got up there and you just saw him like be like fuck i forgot i forgot i forgot everything i was gonna say and he was like the nicest guy so it wasn't like it was a kid everyone hated and you're like fuck yeah he's forgetting his lines he was like oh no it's

happening to him he rules and he forgot him for like two or three seconds and someone said something that like got him back on track and he nailed it that's great but it was like the most uncomfortable i've ever been because you were just like oh if he like i think he had just gotten into brown like life was good i think they were made this was like gonna be another like accolade he was adding to his resume yeah and if you just like fuck it up like i don't think that counts like i think he it had gotten to the point where he was like he might just have to walk off stage yeah that he couldn't remember where he was gonna start if you can't if you gotta at least get going yeah and i think like our in a real ted talk you have a teleprompter or like kind of key points

that you're gonna hit like i don't think we had that so it was just he was up there free ball and what was it about i don't remember something like way over my head you ever have like a moment like that like where you blanked on yeah when i was in the people when i was i was the dad in legally blonde and uh there's a scene my first scene is like kind of this back and forth song like we're singing at each other my wife and i and and l woods what great when was this this was senior year of high school oh and uh i walked out and just the whole i didn't tell any of my friends i was doing the play they had found out and like the whole front row was like my 18 boys just like had like gotten

there early and secured the front run and so that like threw me off yeah and i forgot it for a second because they're all just like like filming and i forgot it for like a millisecond and then i got into it but i can't really sing so it was like the distracting part wasn't that i forgot the first lyric yeah it was that like i wasn't good at singing yeah so it like softened the blow yeah also no one was expecting like a home run the kid who was supposed to be the dad dropped out okay and our theater teacher no i wasn't an understudy our theater teacher was like i will give you an a if you be the dad oh that's a no brainer and she was like you don't have to come to any of the rehearsals which like is why i didn't know the yeah because i was just like

reading it and then i went to like one rehearsal you had a book did you have like i had the playbook your character just walked out with it no no i knew the things but i hadn't i'd only practice it with the people like once i was doing it with like myself in the mirror got it got um and yeah that is a no-brainer as a senior i was like i don't want to do this yeah class i i remember going to my sister did a lot of high school theater um and she went to like a huge high school like these were some big shows we'd go to it was awesome actually she's great and uh we went one time to see her and i forget what the musical was but it was like i actually don't know if she was in this one but it was at her house it was like piss town or something like i this sounds

you're in town is that can you google that but like you're in town you're pranking no i'm not doing a bit yeah yeah that's crazy it like was search it was up enter just hit enter on the keyboard give me a break what i was getting confused yeah you're in town what an i don't know what it was about i don't remember what it was about at all but i remember being there i'm shocked this was i thought this was going to be some sort of prank and so i'm at urine town right and this like mom comes in with her little kids i've just i forgot about i like i like remembering sometimes this podcast like as i dig through the well of stories i provoke ones i didn't anyway this mom comes with her little kids and they sit next to us and the mom's like they come

like the banner drops down and they're like welcome to urine town and there's like piss decorations and shit and she's like this guy's like she goes and she's with her two like little kids yeah she goes oh my god she goes my friend told me about this great high school musical i thought it was high school musical like it was a high school production of urine town but she brought her kids thinking they were going to see a high school was it a little bit like too inappropriate for babies yeah it was about i mean the whole thing was about like pissing and stuff i guess i don't remember actually but i remembered them it was like before it even started like the banner drops down she's like oh my god what is this it's like an audience

participation when there's like stream shooting into the everyone everyone's wearing those like ponchos that you wear if you're like watching a roller coaster that has a splash zone yep yeah in the front row what are you gonna say learn you guys didn't give the intro to the episode well we're not we haven't even gotten to the intro yet yeah um i remember i did promise learn it was gonna be a shorter episode but by that well no but i think i think just i'm hammered play date is important we'll do that in a second are you gonna do it play date 87 i'll let you get i'll let you take this one sid the kid there you go my hero sydney crosby i had all pictures of him all around my bed growing up i remember when he hoisted that stanley cup in 2008 9 2009 uh

brian wallace had built a replica stanley cup out of a water jug with a bunch of bowls taped and then covered in tinfoil it was like actually the size and me and my dad went out and hoisted it in the street it's the best day of my childhood what about our co-worker travis kelsey also our co-worker travis kelsey shout out travi um next accelerator is on me howdy the problem is i can't i literally can't get out of the house without caffeine and so i already drink mine i normally would have drank my coffee at home but i'm all out and so i don't i don't have one on i've read online somewhere that maybe it's like it's good to like give yourself a little like while you're getting ready before you start drinking caffeine we'll do this oh yeah i think

i've read it i heard in a podcast like you're supposed to give your brain 90 minutes to like naturally release what's making you feel groggy and tired in the morning before you i mean when i'm doing if i have anything urgent i don't do that but usually i don't do caffeine until i get into work i felt extremely groggy this morning gronky gronky put a picture of cronk from emperor's new groove here um picture of padme when she gets her back slashed in the attack of the clones did I thought he was going to say something else. Put a picture of Padme when she gets her back blown out.

And if you have that picture, I don't even want you to DM it to me. Or drop it to me. This podcast is brought to you by Triple Triple is the original high seltzer with 3mg of THC and just 15-20 calories. Triple offers a social buzz

similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer led on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories willie what do you love about triple man uh there's a million different things i would say number one is that it tastes delicious so it's like fun to sip on uh you don't feel shitty the next day here's my new use case that i've unlocked for triple that's awesome golfing yes i went golfing this past weekend about that and it's like the perfect you sip on it between holes nice summer day even though it's not summer it feels like summer every day here uh i don't want to step on your toes but here's something i love about triple yep i like that you can ease your way

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10 off your order that's drink t-r-i-p-l-e.com and use code play date for 10 off your order triple redefining la parte landscape let's get back into the episode what was i gonna tell you oh the the theater talk was reminding me of this like there were a lot of cool kids in theater but it wasn't like the cool thing to do except for one year it was the strangest thing every every when i was growing up like you knew it was such a small time you like knew who the cool kids were even when you were like in middle school and i had older siblings you like kind of knew yeah and usually it was like you know mostly like the athlete guy like stereotypical guys and then there was like one or two like token like cool theater kids yeah and then this one random

year the coolest kids like even i knew it as like a middle schooler were the like artsy kids that's sick and it was so cool we went to we went to see wicked maybe they did something and like all the kids i think the reason they were cool because it is because they were actually like really good at theater yeah and so it's like it is cool to be it's cool to be anything if you're it could be good selling it yeah and then like tucker pillsbury was in that grade and now he's like role model oh and his last name is pillsbury yeah dude we used to call yeah he called his cousin dough boy that that that that guy's for being like the god he's like the coolest guy of all time yeah he just lost a little really i think it's a cool name tucker pillsbury pillsbury

it's funny that's that's uh yeah it was just like full of like cool theatrical kids we got my brother got me a hat for christmas yeah it's like maine like remember the i think you said like your dad used to have it oh the green one with the maine wildlife thing yeah so and now tucker pillsbury is wearing it in all his tiktoks i actually am i gotta go find it it's in my house i i usually like if i didn't know he was from maine yeah i'd be pissed i hate when i hate non-mainers claim maine we got a big did you see the whole old orchard beach drama yesterday no oh boy my parents small town that like this yeah we've talked about it before but like where my parents live is like this very bizarre uh it's like it's almost like the jersey shore for french

canadians or something not where his parents live but like that town in general yeah when i was growing up was like the name itself was like a punch line to a joke yes and so yesterday because there's like this terror like trump did tariffs and now canada's doing tariffs back and like uh trudeau gave like this speech basically about like whatever long story short in the speech justin trudeau goes like and like canadians like we're gonna take action like we're not gonna come visit florida or old orchard beach and and then just like goes on with the speech and i'm like i was like oh it was like that i saw a tweet that was like the little sass name like and like this town has a population of 8 000 people 8 000 year-round residents uh or that

even to me is shocking i feel like in the summer maybe 8 000 in the winter there are eight no in the summer it's like the second biggest city in maine in terms of like actually like if you count like tourists there it's like over it's like hundreds of thousands or something it's insane i cleaned a lot of pools in old orchard beach but off season like year round like actual main residents that live there it's like 8 000 but it is french canadians that come like it kind of makes sense why he would have said that but then like dave portnoy tweeted a video where like the moment he says old it's like and we're not gonna come to old orchard beach and then you just hear dave portnoy behind the camera like old orchard beach what is that a fucking threat you're not

gonna go to old orchard beach who gives a fuck about so anyway it was just all over twitter i at least my twitter if they if the canadians stopped going there like it would decimate devastate the economy for like the state of maine probably in some i mean yeah like in general french canadians i think make up a lot of the tourist revenue of the summer i remember being there as a kid and a guy what i'm scared it's gonna be like yeah it's kind it's kind of like it's almost like a it's gonna be like a nationalist take almost but there was a guy a french canadian guy standing in front of me and like a speedo and like his ass hair was coming out of it they all wear speedos it's crazy that's it's so easy to tell that part of canada is so confusing because

like they're like french and like kind of english and canadian and like they're just like an odd people but they they were standing in front of me and i was like seven or eight and was like kind of made some comment to my dad about like wish this guy wasn't in front of us and he was like you can't say that like i i i think i might have even said like go home or something my dad was like jesus dude at least you didn't say it in french it's yeah and then i also saw videos on twitter that were like people like this is if a big threat this is what old orchard beach looks like and it was not old orchard beach it was like somewhere that looks like way trashier i was like you could have posted a real picture of old ocean beach and so like the there's a bar out go to that

pier lauren that's like third picture there's a bar at the end of that pier that apparently is like a movie i went not in a good way oh in like a like you're in like you're in like the early 2000s in like so you're stuck in like a jersey shore episode well they so that pier in the early 1900s frank sinatra performed out there louis armstrong performed out there it was these old orchard beach was the destination for like boston socialites jfk's parents met on the beach there swear to god and then it had this like downturn and now it's become sort of this like white trash i'm really shitting on it but they i feel like those types of people that maybe would have been in old orchard beach just moved two minutes to kenny buckport yeah or they yeah or

like the cape i guess or something because yeah but it was like the train the train line existed so it was super easy to get to yep from boston like uh the bushes have a compound in kenny bunk kenny bunkport uh that our pool company we used to clean the pool company i worked at used to clean the bushes pool and uh someone almost hit barbara like she like with their van like she was like a pool cleaner she was like flying like she came out of some dirt road on a golf cart jesus and like cut in front of them they almost hit her and then they had to like really ramp up like secret service would like check the van for like fucking 45 minutes when they went in and either we dropped them or they dropped us because it was like this is just a waste of time at this

point but apparently my mom's been in the house and said it is like pretty odd in the bush house yeah it's like not night it's like oh it's like a time capsule from like the 70s it actually probably be kind of cool but it's like not in the way you're the way she described it to me like maybe not in the way you're thinking like you're like oh the bushes mice must have like some lavish mansion it looks really nice from the outside and then it's just like a little interesting on the inside interesting well i when i was a kid we went i wanted to see the end of the pier my mom and dad were like i'll take you and like the end part has like a bouncer but like i guess i was with my parents they let me walk out it was like eight and uh we get out

to the end and there's like some guy doing like stand up in that bar yeah and he just starts going like oh look at these fucking idiots they brought their fucking kid like what the fuck are you doing and like saying all this shit and i just remember my dad was like and then we walked off the pier and i like as a kid i was like i'd never seen my dad yeah he's like the most like peace if you haven't met tim to know and it's yeah it's like a it's like he just did a grateful dead concert without the music um yeah honestly like i never really experienced that part of maine it's gross the pier is disgusting maine in general is truly it's a really great place but it is kind of one of the strangest places um my house is i think to grow up oh well yeah i think we missed out on a

lot of things that like people who lived in more normal places got to experience like we just like didn't like what what do you think i don't know i felt like just like the people you were surrounded you feel like so isolated from the rest of yeah like civilization because like the closest real city is like boston and that's like you know there's only one direction how close and how long is that drive if you're flying you can my dad claims he's gotten there in 45 minutes um no way that's what he claims and uh and literally flying he uh he it it's typically like an hour 20 hour 30 but like if there's traffic it can get bad yeah but uh i really like the train up there the train's great it's like two hours from my door to yeah but like if

i when i go back in the winter i honestly i get like a little anxious like being there it's just like isolated yeah yeah well you just get used to like you have access to more things out here like if you're hungry after 9 p.m you better have something in the fridge brother because no one is delivering to you like you can't get an uber ubers yeah if you like you gotta it's it's it feels like you're in like the 90s like when you're like uber like if it's like you have an early flight it's like you have to wake your dad up at 4 a.m there's a 50 50 shot no one will pick you up yeah um yeah it's just and now like portland is a lot of like new yorkers and stuff like that after covid and like that's what what like people moved there during covid yeah that's like what my family

did oh um no it was before code but port yeah it's just odd like she just went to portland and she loved it who did my sister oh yeah portland's sick portland's great my mom lives in portland uh can i dare i say go to i would say go to but we like the neighborhood that she lit my mom's houses in yeah was like extremely seedy until like very recently like yeah um people used to get like i remember talking i was telling my one of my dad's like co-workers like about the house when they were working on it he was like yeah my parents like didn't even let me go up there and he went to like a rough school he was like you didn't go to the east end and now it's like fucking bougie town it's b town yeah i uh i don't know portland's sick though i i think it's cool

i have a question please if you guys could only spend the rest of your life in three cities where where would those what cities would those be where you can't even like visit other ones no like three places uh and you can't go beyond an hour outside the city so like you can't come to la then oh so like portland i could still go like an hour away yeah okay so i'd go portland so i could go to booth bay you go to like uh portsmouth new hampshire maybe you're pushing it depending on traffic i would do probably here people shit on la i love it i love it here i go through phases where i'm like you know this is odd the longer i'm here the longer i'm here the more i love it yeah well i think my first year here i was really struggling

if you're hanging out i could tell the wrong types of people you don't even know thought you were on h but uh i think it's like like any place if you surround yourself with the right people like i think we have a yeah a good foundation of like we i think we all like our friends and roommates here um but i would do la uh portland and i feel like you have to pick one abroad just so you can like yeah i don't know like i i really liked amsterdam but i feel like that would not come in handy that often maybe like nice south of south of france or something nice i think i would go uh i think i would go uh charleston okay valencia spain and then i think i would have to do something like kind of rural i think i would do like

bozeman not bozeman but like somewhere like in the big sky like i'm definitely thinking montana uh yeah like somewhere yeah like where like glacier national park is oh yeah i would kind of want to callous spell montana there we go i kind of need florida though where brock osweiler is from i'm going to florida we're going to florida we are going to florida wait that's the comment for today oh you guys comment your three cities three cities you'd get it lauren where would you go chicago what made you think of that i don't know i haven't been i forgot every time i go to chicago i've only been like two or three times every time i've gone i'm like this is this place is awesome yeah it is awesome is it is it as expensive as like here in new york no it's

like no not even close like you get like a sick apartment yeah what you're paying you could live on top of my my friend olivia this year's tower my friend and olivia my my friend in olivia my friend olivia lives in the sickest apartment in lincoln park like probably i don't know what floor maybe like the 15th floor huge windows like floor to ceiling uh she can see the full skyline um it's insane like such a bougie new apartment she pays 1500 she has how much 1500 with two other roommates dude ty pays ty has the worst room in our apartment it's 1700 it's insane yeah and it is like his bed touches all four walls hey i think we're going to lincoln park for a live show you are yeah you added to chicago we're it's this is secret but yeah it's gonna happen it's not

well the first they sent us a date but billy can't do it so we have to try to find a new date am i cutting this but it was a venue no that's fine i don't care oh i don't know wait can i come sure can you just also i'll take pictures also my i gotta say this before i forget it my good family friend eileen sosa reached out to me uh she runs this amazing organization called outreach paraguay that i went to paraguay with and they do really important work are you selling ads on the side yes well i'm not getting paid i'm not getting paid but we got like we got into an arms race of like plugging different products without the other person knowing we're like wearing all shirts and all right sorry continue no no but they're awesome uh they do they like

do like preventative like diabetes testing and uh other like medical testing and stuff for people who don't have access to like primary care physicians in rural paraguay and i went and did a really cool thing with them when i was 15 and can we put a link in the description if you want to support them um i told her i would put a picture of will and paraguay right here yeah well that's very sweet i got a job pumping gas while i was there with this guy teo jaime it's sick how long were you there six weeks but yeah i told she's she's the best it's a great organization she reached out and she's like hey since you have a platform yes i love that what i am gonna nitpick you did it for your thing no no i'm not gonna nitpick you plugging now i'm gonna

say so expensive i was scared you guys were gonna be like no pumping gas for six weeks helping car was totally overfilled no no that wasn't part of that that wasn't part of the non-profit i just i was staying with the family and like the uncle owned a gas station and he was like you want to come i'll put you to work for a day and i was like sure it was just a day so i yeah one day i okay pumped i was like that feels like your talents could be but it was better it was during like the copa america so i was like working at the gas station and then paraguay's game came on so they like put like brought out like a crate and put a tv on it and like all the me and all these gas station workers

that i was now a part of were like crowded around eating cheapa and then this ass bread i walked into the apartment yesterday and uh my roommate zach was just fucking screaming at someone and i was like oh my god it's like a stressful day at work and i like walked around because you have to walk past his room to get to my room and like kind of peeked in he was playing apex legends and was screaming at his friend like matt or something because he told him to push and matt didn't follow him and they take this like very seriously but usually his door is closed so i don't hear it he was ripping this kid a fucking new one because he he is like a very good strategist and the kid didn't listen to him yeah the kid said he was going to and then didn't can you

explain what this means for people like me who don't uh you're playing a video game and so much your your enemies are like over there and push means like we're gonna run towards them because like we have them on the ropes okay and the kids stayed back and then he came out in a shirt we'll put a picture of it right here he set the new high score for like most damage dealt in the game and he made a shirt that says his high score or the amount of damage he dealt in the game and then on the back it says uh your record yeah zach he made a custom shirt for his high score yeah wait is it like a record for like the world or i think just amongst his friends hilarious it's pretty awesome he has a lot of funny stories first the championship ring oh yeah oh yeah you know what

he's such a now yeah that combined with that i respect this guy takes pride in his accomplishment for sure he's awesome i respect the hell out of that um we should have another like bowling night soon or yes game night well they changed our bowling alley lucky strike i went it's still awesome thank god wait you've been bowling without us me and bobby me and bobby went um yeah i would i would be down maybe we do the holy moly i heard that's kind of mid holy moly was okay andrew andrew nelson went and said that it was you've been like telling everyone how amazing it is for months well now i'm worried that is that's insane no i know that it's crazy but andrew nelson went with his friends and he said that everyone was all like on top of each

other and there wasn't any yeah there is like a little log jam what you what this this is great you were like you i thought you were getting paid by them for the last six months i basically i just wanted to hang out and i was gonna deal with i was gonna deal with it sucking once we got there and just figure that out but the important part was just getting everyone in a room yeah fair enough didn't work we should do uh i want to do another secret hill or night i think yeah i i think actually i'll let you guys know we're scott and i are working on saturday to redo our patio and if we can get it done in time we might have people over saturday evening for like a barbecue and then we could play a game oh i can't i can't i have drinks on saturday

i could like to hang out like saturday day though that's when we're redoing our patio why are you guys doing the is the landlord like paying you no i mean there she gave us what do you mean she's like adding value you're adding value to the property that you don't know we're not like like we're getting like new furniture and stuff we're not like we're gonna like clean up the garden and like you're gonna like rip up tiles no no we're gonna get like i think maybe like a new rug and new patio furniture our patio is we have a cool patio but it's ass and we never go out there yeah well lights like something we do have like we hung out there for a second but there was something wrong yeah one of the couches you completely sink into

yeah or the bees the bees it was the no it was like something stunk or there were flies or something maybe it was bees it was bees well the bees thing was all time i've definitely told this i wasn't there for the culmination of it but there was one that like first time we started a fire we triggered a wasp's nest dylan and matt got stung and we set off our neighbor's fire alarm within 10 minutes of the fire starting crazy um but yeah yeah all right well then we'll hang out um a totally different time how's that sunday sunday sunday sunday yeah i'm supposed to play cosmic encounter but uh i could carve out what the hell is that it's my new game you can't have a new you can only have one new game per week i told you about he did he did talk about this yeah

he did and then i ordered on amazon last night i got tacos last night that were goaded from where oh put a picture of my new trinket here i got a new trinket yes oh yeah you got elephant i got a green elephant i'm gonna put a i asked a different trinket when you were buying it i asked like is that an asian or an african element and he was like no he said uh asian no no i don't think he said i thought he said i don't know and maybe he said i don't know asian yeah it was just funny that he guessed wait where were your tacos from uh hermanito hermanito hotel nice do you order them no i went there how i ubered you ubered to the restaurant yeah alone no i it was like uh it was like with the live sketch guys in there like our touring managers it was like it was on

the uta's card so beautiful i balled out i got a mexican coke and uh i got mexican coke put it right on their bill nice all right should we do the road map oh and they got their touring manager guy was like hey i'm sorry about that rusty thing i was like oh his name yeah he was like i thought you were gonna come in here like ready to kick my ass i was like oh no did you ask him like how that even happened no it was like the last thing he said to me as i was leaving that's so i can't like how does he how did he he got to the point where it was like it's one of the two and just didn't check uh yeah i don't know i actually have no idea how that happened it's interesting i should have kicked him in the nuts oh great now i'm never gonna get ripped

can we get um can we get like an awesome lunch after this i'm so hungry yeah do we have time for awesome lunch i brought lunch you want to get an awful lunch after this yeah let's get something nasty what's the worst lunch you can think of oh garbage salad anchovies and mushy grapes mayo oh i hate a mushy wait mushy grapes with like barbecue what are you looking at all right ready raccoon sandwich how's your raccoon episode title we ate a raccoon say someone left a comment that was like i missed the old titles because they used to just be like um spoon bread what was the there was one about a horse yeah halfway to horse down sons of cosmic uprising yeah what else i don't know oh it's spoon bread one was literally just called spoon bread i got

it yeah i got it oh i've memorized i got a dm from a guy i was like i bought wingspan since you won't shut the fuck up about it dude we they should sponsor us i was like i don't know if this isn't like an insult or compliment that is funny where it's just like that'll this will shut them up fine i'll fucking get it dude guys you've heard us say this before but you need to upgrade your energy to a accelerator it's zero sugar it gets the metabolism going and it's a hundred percent natural caffeine and there isn't an energy drink that tastes better i'm gonna harp on this for a quick second yes the natural caffeine i don't have any science to back this up but i'm sure someone out there does i used to get very very anxious when i drank caffeine like it just

is a thing that happened to me and i dealt with it because i wanted to have more energy i don't get anxious with accelerator me neither no they're fantastic which i really can't i'm i completely i mean you see me drinking them every episode i drink i drink i probably drink seven a week yeah i could have said i drink one a day i drink one a day sometimes i drink two a day if you need it Maybe next week you try seven on Sunday, so you're good for the whole week. If you need a sign to go try it, this is it, my friends. Go to Amazon right now. Hit the link in the bio.

Get it while it's hot. Get it while it's cold. Ice cold. And now I can juggle. Nope. Okay, what are we doing now? Roadmap. Roadmap.

Roadmap. um i just want i want to apologize ahead of time because i there are three settings on my dab pen and it's green blue and red which like could mean anything like a stoplight red is definitely like i avoided red but i was trying to figure it out so i was testing all of them out without the thought of like oh you're still ingesting yeah you know what i mean yeah and so i got really i got higher than i wanted to be when i was writing these yeah and i think my ways to cancel plans are really good but i think my ways to say you're hungry are not great that's okay i just spoiled the roadmap so you're saying you need to be under the influence to

like no i just brain and come up with i was i was feeling like that was the right way to do it we have a lovely episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment teach me something followed by this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey this guy rocks and he rocks so hard and he rocks on my balls until they're all around um and then i fucked up and i forgot to find a permitting division of the building apartment does anyone have one um no okay i'm gonna look for one very quickly well if you go to if you do a bathroom break you can find it okay uh and then we're gonna do ways to say you're hungry followed by new ways to cancel plans yes sir

sorry i'm really really riled up today cleveland wait i was gonna say something oh yeah also you guys please continue to send in your business pitches to our instagram playdate pod much appreciated and yeah keep them coming amazing i think that was really well said learn thank you i am would you have anything else to say i just don't want you plugging stuff on our show like that oh on your show on our show i said i didn't say my show on on will's show i said our show run the clip it's my show it's rusty's show everyone knows that all right i wish that i was rusty's girl i wish i want to see him turn me inside all right pitches first pitch is from elizabeth michelson she says hi playdate i have an awesome pitch idea for an app that is a map that tracks

where you go in each city and as you venture to new parts of town the map unlocks similar to video games how when you unlock a new location it changes from blurred out slash gray to colorful i think it would make exploring a new city or just any city in general a lot more fun and also help get acquainted with your surroundings i have horrible news what it exists unfortunately it's actually a really cool idea i saw it i gotta add it has the whole world and like as you walk through the world it i i feel awful because that is if you thought two years ago you'd be a millionaire they must have been like whoever came up with this what who was her name elizabeth elizabeth was sitting there and was like oh my god that's like if i

thought i'd come up with or she did come up with it yes someone beat her to it it's such a fantastic idea and i'm i'm very glad that your brain is making the right decisions yep fortunately some other lovely lady or guy beat you to it you know that there's like an episode of the office where michael's like when i was six i imagined something called a unicorn yeah before it ever before i ever knew anything about them yeah that's what we're looking at right now i watched the office last night really which one uh the dinner party dinner party like the tiny tv i was facetiming uh my girlfriend this morning and she there i go gotta stop bragging there i go bragging oh my god okay sorry and she was like why are all because usually my closet door

is open to hide my hamper and my bathroom door is open just because i don't close it yeah and they were both closed and my other door was closed and she was like why are all your doors closed i was like i got so scared last night and i like kind of forgot that i got scared in the middle of the night like went up and closed them but then it was like they're never closed and so the fact that they were closed was odd enough to ask that's funny i uh i got scared there was a guy there because there's this thing sorry to cut you off willy no there's a vent above my toilet and there's like what looks like blood like on it i'll i'll put a picture i'll go home and take a picture of it and put it we'll put it right here and i'm always convinced i've been convinced in every

house i've lived in that there's a guy that lives in my vents but this is like the first time there's like stuff like oozing out maybe it's the imposter he's venting um i lauren are you are you sussy or crewmate i don't know anything about that game crewmate what does that mean oh you don't want to know she's a crewmate she has no idea what it means lauren are you venting or are you sussy sussy are you baka no she's she's a crewmate she's self-reporting yeah you guys last night i my sleep has been so shit lately i woke up in the middle of the night last night it was probably like 3 30 i think i was awake for like two hours and i 3 30 to 5 30 yeah no too long to be would just go back to bed dude i i i wasn't i wasn't

on my phone or anything oh oh you were just like tossing and turning yeah i just know i couldn't sleep but it was fine take a melatonin i did take a melatonin last night at 3 30 no no no before i and it wore off yeah i guess anyway but i don't know sometimes i'll have like i normally will have you're not even listening to my story i'm listening thank you i was telling will you're crazy i keep my journal next to my bed so if i need to write things i can write things down obviously and i remember i had like i had a to-do list of things i wanted to do this week and things i needed to buy and i remembered that i wanted to get flex rods for my like windows like you know how you can just like put a bar between and then get like curtains or whatever but i my light was

off so i was just like writing on this piece of paper in the dark like trying to guess like where the lines were i just thought it was did you did you look at the results yeah it was actually decent it's like ideas and it's like sex for boys what but i i remember i was just like at my pillow like i propped myself up on my elbows and i was like oh like squinting like really really trying to see where to write it i wrote down a couple of things last night that i want to ideas in the middle of the night i was good i'd be right this would be a youtube video but like i don't want to read that one actually new names for your friend group okay i like that and then i apparently i woke up 30 minutes later and wrote new names for your group chat

you're probably gonna be pretty similar should we do i uh i've been trying to get a word in edgewise for like 10 minutes now um i was on hinge.com again oh dating segment dating no i realized i realized you know how you know how like i never you know oh that's what you were yeah no you're a freak all right bleep bleep bleep my hands bleep my hands and play the bleep my hands and play the thing if you know like you know i said i never do it i just take check my inbound yeah and i hadn't really been captivated by anything well i realized that i like i recently downloaded hinge like maybe like a year ago

after not having it since like college my age range was set on 18 to 24 oh you freak hey that's well that's way too high that's such a bummer no but i was like 24 year olds are like so i change it now it's like 22 to i don't know i think i might have gone to like 30 i don't know that's funny you would do 22 would you date a 30 year old maybe i think i might have said 23 is the bottom i don't think i'd want to do anyone younger than me 22 you're 23 i'm 24 22 is a perfectly yeah there's nothing wrong with that i don't know but it would be weird if they were like in college i don't know anyway long story short so then i was going through it and uh one there was someone with

a prompt that was like tell me your weed golf handicap oh did you just swipe up and go it was like 20 under did she believe you i don't know she just sent that picture with me yet it was last night i'm sorry buddy don't do your she's gonna i'm sure she is she's gonna love my body when she sees them um dude i think i don't think you get pushed out enough if you don't if you're not throwing likes just yeah go through and just dislike who you don't like and like the hot people i'm working on it wait well can i i want to look at your hinge yeah wait my profile pull up your hand airdrop your hinge let's let's analyze your profile i don't know if i can how can i airdrop it uh just take a screen recording of you scrolling through it car play

no uh car play yeah we got like a van falls through the roof car play no well we don't have to do now i just want to know i want to do this right now i'm worried you guys are going to eat me alive i also haven't updated it in a while and now this is the as you're in asmr i'm in it yeah let's go we i get a lot of dms of us in other people's hinges really yeah like my sister sent me one of a guy in new york and we're in i'm in his hinge that's funny hinge hinge hinge hinge hinge hinge hinge all right lauren you have to be you have to pretend to be a pretty girl and i am your girl well a pretty girl that would be into will okay um you are lauren you're very pretty i'm sorry for saying that

lauren you have to pretend to be a pretty girl all right lauren try and get inside the mind of what a pretty girl would do all right oh okay so it feels like um wait just a little hurt you look awesome in that photo that's a cute photo and it's fun that it's like this could be us great start it also makes it seem like you have a lot of money because you're not that you don't have a lot of money but you're immediately letting people know that oh you're making you're making high high high high six figures willy because you are on the maybe a misrepresentation you're on hot you're will makes high low six figures do you know what i mean yeah no all right i pick a low six figure and then go to the highest part of that i don't think that's true unfortunately i

need to read this out for the audio listeners so they know what's okay all right so it's okay no i won't talk no please actually we need a girl's wish because you're a girl watching hinge well i thought you asked me to yes yes all right so it starts with this could be us and it is a photo of will at the rams game with a with rampage with rampage the mascot and he's fields he's courtside yeah all right now we have i'm looking for a washing machine that automatically drops okay i have a question really that to someone who maybe doesn't think it all the way through could be could maybe be like a little sexist what like you know like no how is that sexist like you're looking for like a washing you're looking for like somebody to like do your clothes because

women are supposed to i don't think i think you're really okay that's a stretch what i will say though can i make a comment sure i feel like you got to start with something a little like flirtier someone might be like okay that's kind of like i'm bored i'm looking i mean i'm not gonna like i'm ultimately i should just be myself right and if it's the right person like i don't want to like curate myself no you're right yeah you're right maybe i have problems no i don't know i mean you're probably right but i think you need your second you're this one you can't have to so if i stay you might even think about that it makes it seem like you are either obsessed with the rams or you're like spending every sunday yeah i didn't even think about that actually that's a good point

i think we should move that even occurred one all right um are you a dog person because it's me my dog that's a good pick um i'm not obsessed with that one frog in my bed wait i like this that picture oh not the photo i like the most rational fear frog in my bed it happened one time i think you should put that higher up you think i should start with frog in my bed instead of washing machine yeah okay are you a cat person because all right it's will and i with a dog well you need to you need to you need to add updated photos yeah that's old these are old i mean i made this like a year ago okay i haven't really you should add that picture i took of you at uh venice beach bar yeah um what i order for the table a cheesy gordita crunch

good yeah i like mid wait go up learn go up learn my favorite thing to do while social distancing i like that you look cool as hell on that wait i thought that was an old man it's willie playing guitar in joshua tree with a cowboy hat over his hood yep very chill vibes yeah i think my notes are uh are newer photos yeah i agree i think you look you look better i'm worried that this one's giving away my my best asset right off the get go um and then i think that i think we should you should go take another look at the prompts yeah because they're like i think you can i think you can go above and beyond the promise i think that doesn't those prompts don't represent how funny you are so it sucks and i'm never gonna find my wife no i don't think your wife is on

hinge what oh wait your wife is on hinge i'm sorry what does that mean that was rude look at my knees weird no i i didn't mean that i don't think you can find a class when i slipped a bunch oh you didn't come hey one second well sorry you don't think you can find a classy woman on hinge you think it's just like baseball cards oh oh dude no replace it with baseball cards um why do you think i wouldn't be able to find my wife on hinge no i just i feel like for will personally for some reason you think her and i are gonna break up because we met on hinge no my best friend's older sister just got married to a guy she met on hinge so he sounds like the worst

i'm i don't know taking a stab in the dark podcast i have to say something it's just a thing this i don't know why i feel like your wife is like in like new york city or something that's unfortunate yeah that's where my last two were I feel like your wife is Lauren's like I feel like your wife is like

producing a podcast right now what if you guys started dating that'd be crazy that'd be epic yeah that'd be nuts is that like an HR violation yeah we get fired

really yeah that's what happened to Edge and Binder that's what happened to Lupica and Motts all right wait who's the funniest because no one at the office listens to our podcast who's the who would be the funniest couple uh binder and lupica i mean lupica's engaged

uh uh elise and motts flag and flag imagine tuning into your favorite podcast and for three minutes they're just like name you've never heard of another name how funny would that be um all right i'm having a fucking blast today yeah it's a beautiful day in california it is a beautiful rainy day in california and so overall though pretty good right overall great you just need to update your photos because you i'm not saying you were ugly at all but you like you've kind of hit your stride in the last like four months yeah i feel Like you have like more good photos.

Like you have like kind of some like stubble going right now. It's like you're just, it's all coming together. I would say the last, yeah, the last month. It's all coming together. It's coming. I agree. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Therapy can feel like a big investment, but the state of your mind is just as important

as your physical health. Let's talk numbers. Traditional in-person therapy can cost anywhere from $100 all the way to $250 per session, which adds up fast but with better help online therapy you can save on average up to 50 percent per session with better help you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions saving you big on cost and on time i've done therapy i've been to therapy and it helped my life a lot i think it's a really really great way i know we have a lot of young men that listen to this podcast and maybe therapy isn't the sexiest thing but uh i think it's a really really great way to understand yourself

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Your well-being is worth it, guys. visit betterhelp.com slash playdate to get 10 off your first month that's better help h-e-l-p.com slash playdate let's get back into the episode here's a question for you i went to bed last night and i was a question oh here's a question i went to bed last night i went to bed last night um i went to bed last night and before i went to bed i was 180.3 pounds and when i woke up after consuming nothing i was 101 181 i was 101 pounds i was 181.3 pounds i gained a pound in my sleep how is that possible you maybe spiders eating in the night spiders eating in the night yeah one of my one of my friends does that she'll like go into the kitchen and just like start

eating and she wakes up she's like oh great sleep walking yeah i think she had to lock herself probably bugs oh you know what i maybe i probably drank water and bugs but then i pooped and peed and i was still weighed 181 pounds in the middle of the night yeah all for the food i ate in my sleep was the poop and next to me in my bed i don't know you wash your sheets i got a stain from the food i ate in my bed now and i'm like do i have to buy new sheets please no you please buy new i washed them would you only one pair of sheets yeah wait what do you do when the other ones are getting washed i don't i do it during the day same interesting how long does it take you to wash your sheets that's a whole process well like by the time i i don't want to i don't

like having the bed bare because you i mean the whole washing process takes about three hours tops brother you do not know what my nap so i just get home from work i take it off my bed i do them and i put them back on before i go to bed dude the rain is so loud right now and i just did it and there was this stain from the last time I slept on food like a week ago, two weeks ago maybe. Even after washing. And I was, yeah, so in my mind I was like, this is going to go away, and then I washed it.

You got to get new sheets. It's not that big. No tacos on your bed. Mrs. Stimel, yeah, what's next? What else is a bed for? No sleeping in bed? Well, it's like the moment I get new sheets, I'm just going to fall asleep on something else.

That's not the spirit. Mrs. Stimel told me that if you leave your, if you leave your clean sheets like on like folded on your bed when the cleaning people come they'll like swap them like they'll put on your new sheets cleaning people you should get clay it's really cheap it's 50 50 bucks uh 50 bucks for us yeah i don't know and it's like like i guess for our house is really like white and gray and so you can see all the dust and shit it's like yeah we just don't we can't do a good enough job so to us it's worth it but so i had them put on new sheets and then tried to eat thai food in bed and when i was trying to get a piece of chicken it flung

why don't you eat your food or zach food ah thai is my roommate i was eating thai food and i flung the piece of chicken it left this huge orange stain on the pillow and i was like damn it but now it was just that pillow and another one but i was like i don't want to just change one pillowcase so i changed all the pillowcases and so now it was like flannel pillowcases with my linen comforter and then when they came to swap them they got confused and so now it's like like all mismatched and i think nightmare no it's actually lovely live with yourself no i'm saying like i think i discovered the best combination which is the flannel comforter on top of the linen fitted sheet so that you're you're sitting on a cold thing but then there's a warm

thing on top of you i don't have all these options do you think sheets are like a million dollars no they were like 30 bucks and i got them but just get another pair of sheets i don't know i don't need why what oh now yeah i'm probably i just i just feel like i don't have all these different types oh my sisters bought them for me yeah i just i i've never really understood i'm new to bedding i just got the shit cheapest shit on target i will say if you invest in a in just a not like don't go crazy but if you invest in like nice yeah sheets like i i go home and i sleep like a baby i mean i'll be sleeping did fred did freddy beers give you like money to help like move out here uh yes but it like barely yeah i spent all of it on i went to casper

yeah and i got like a legit mattress and that's why like we'll put a picture of it here my room for a while had no furniture in no bed frame it was just a mattress because i spent i blew my load on the mattress that was not what i meant well that's another reason i got a gym but it was like i had this i had this cat daddy mattress but no no no no um bed frame no like like chairs no tv it was just like it was sad it's a bummer should we get our next pitch we really got sidetracked sorry so sidetracked i know i forgot what we were doing um they're like what's going on i had one glass of wine and a beer last night and i am like i'm like kind of hung over i yeah getting older did you drink water yesterday or like last night at all i drank like over a gallon of water a day

also i learned this you know how sometimes my face is like super super red like it's usually red but some days like there's like blotches and stuff like that i was i think i'm allergic to my face wash and then i also i asked chat gbt and they were like do you wash your face with hot water i was like yeah it's like scalding oh you're like yeah don't do that wait you're gonna ruin my pitch okay it's like makeup for boys no crumple all right all right now we gotta dial in for these segments i have like a weird thing in my throat i noticed that yeah i left it there okay next that's not what i meant you're a freak i wasn't the freak will's the freak for making the face pervert i'm not a pervert all right next pitch is now everyone sorry but now i get

called a pervert by lauren you and at home i literally am not safe well the at home isn't our fault but i'm not doing anything pervy just just a guy with a zest for life you're zesty i'm not pervy i'm zesty i'm pervy i'm gay all right let's go peyton ward says good morning lauren willie dean rusty long-time listener from the first app first ever picture i should use nicknames morning what's her name peyton peyton i'm still excited to hear your pitch she says i love you guys what what is the what what's what's one of the most annoying parts of a sports bar you know we talked about this last last episode where it was like lauren will get hung up on like normal words the word she got hung up on there was one what is one of the worst what is what only uh

what do you payton what are you talking about audio is too loud uh nope wait what was the question what's one of the worst the most annoying part about a sports bar sometimes i just want to what's the most annoying part about a sports bar no chicks no you like not everyone is rooting for the same thing maybe you feel like you can't root for your team because you're in like like when we're at at uh jameson's it's like you just have to be an lsu fan yeah what i've never been there for an lsu game so i can't relate but yeah well this is a little more vague she says when the crappy bar napkins or the crappy fake coasters stick to your drink and get all mushy yes that's true i've never even thought about that but that's so odd that it does that continue baby um and get

all mushy and keep falling sticking to the bottom of your drink so after much deliberation i introduced the pocket coaster this is similar to the style of a windshield sun shades that like contort slash spin into a circle to fit in your car for storage but it is a tiny disc made of polyester so that it fits in your wallet pocket purse and can be stored away but popped up at any moment take it a step further and you can get them in different colors and customize it to say whatever you want it is sure to be a hit when you whip it out for all your drinks at your next bar encounter yes yes yes i will find myself uh i do it with beer labels i do it with napkins and i do it with the the shitty coasters where like if i'm sitting at a bar long enough i will just have like

a sea it looks like i'm like building a nest because i like peel everything off i like rip up the coaster i've seen this it's uh it's awful i want to look like a child i want this thing honestly for my own house too because my mom is super particular about yep like coasters on everything uh so it'd be good to have that just to whip out so you don't have to like source a coaster you know yeah i love it i'm in thank you payton payton payton payton payton what's the worst part about making pasta uh your friend overcoating it like a fucking moron wrong it takes like waiting for the water to boil oh it's awful it's excruciating and you can't watch the pot it's like how do i know when it's boiled i can't watch it back and forth you can't watch

the pot what's that like a rule a watch pot doesn't boil oh yeah that's right that's right things that do exist anyway my answer is a why don't we just have my water gets so fucking hot in my sink sometimes that it burns my hands like i swear to god it's like 10 degrees away from being boiling why not just have a boiling water faucet that exists on your sink we had one growing up it's like a little one really i mean it's it's it's a degree away from being boiling but it's like it's for you'd like press it and it would be like for like tea or like anything that you're making the tot and it's like two it was like scalding mr bougie over here that is not boot that was not when my when i was living in the salt mines and my parents were put a picture of will's house

in charleston right here exactly just so people people know i'm gonna say will was the bougie one I'm going to send you a picture of a house in a salt mine. No, no, no. All right. We're going to put Will and I's childhood houses next to each other right now, and we are going to see who is... Will is Mr. Bougie. Jack is not...

It was covered in salt. Jack is not Mr. Bougie. There was salt everywhere. You lived in a beautiful pink house in Charleston. There was salt everywhere. Put a picture of a grain of salt right here. There was salt everywhere. The house looked nice on the outside.

Wait till you got inside. It was like a salt mine. Anyway. What is up with you and salt mines? That's where I lived growing up. It was full of salt. But it's home. We licked the walls.

We licked the walls. I scrapped for parts. Would you rather live in a house made of salt or sugar? Yes. Salt, because the sugar house would be like fully infested. Yeah, I would go salt. And if it snowed, not a problem. Definitely a problem.

Salt house? No. No, salt house is dirty. Salt house, no snowing. snowing salt melt what do you want me to tell you edith i can't build you a house out of candy it will melt what is that it's from dewey cox not if it never rains all right well i guess it exists but it would be boiling water i feel like i should just be able to fill up the pot and then put the pasta i will say you're right that you're right that there's no to my knowledge there's no faucet

that puts ready to boil like it would you'd put it in the pot and it would be rumbling yeah i'll give you that all right you said that in a very midwestern way i don't know if you're doing that as a joke what i don't yeah i don't get what this whole pasta thing is you said where is my phone pasta i don't know i feel like i go back and forth under my pitch yeah all right i actually i don't know who started this but i love the what's the worst part about okay yeah the playmates did the playmates are what you might have i don't know no i i think it was that's why i was saying like i don't know who did it got it uh what is the worst part about like um what's the worst part about like you know trying to figure out how much weed you're about to ingest um doing it

i don't know so like you're like looking to do you're trying to figure out if you should take five milligrams ten milligrams like what's the worst part about that like why are you thinking about that you don't want to get scared you don't want to get too high or you want to know you have no idea how this is going to affect you sure mine is called test the waters you would show it you would show it how much you're planning on taking or how long you're going to rip it or how many triples you're going to drink whatever and it lets you experience how high that would be for just one minute got it so you can be like oh that's lovely and then you're like what about like one more and it's like whoa no no no no i like it so one minute you get to experience what

it's like links into your brain yeah it's like in neural link that's awesome or a different one that's not by elon here's another addition to that you can find someone in a tv show or a movie and you want to uh replicate that like their vibe and then it'll tell you how high they are yeah i'm completely supportive of this i just genuinely do not know what you're talking about like okay okay i want you to be i want you to be happy if there's someone in a if there's someone you thank you i'm really glad you want me to be happy if there's someone you're watching on tv you can experience how high they are yeah why what's so confusing about that no no no like if there's someone really funny and goofy and you're you can feel what it would be like to be them and

you want to be on that level it made sense in my head it made sense lauren peach lauren dog all right should we do teach me something teach me something uh right i need sometimes you the way your brain works amazes me lauren thanks all right uh vince gill you know that is i like vaguely knew who he was before reading this story maybe sound what i meant to say is he the breaking bad guy no that's vince gilligan vince gill's like a very famous like like country bluegrass singer uh pure prairie league was his band which i think they're pretty famous anyway he's in the he's in eagles now the eagles they're still around yeah they just did the residency of the sphere hell yeah but anyway it's sick he's like a legendary musician

whatever but i guess when he was in college uh kiss was playing in whatever town they were in yep and they got the opener fell through and they were like a local like college band and they got a call from like a promoter and it was like hey do you want to fill in like an opening spot at this big venue tonight and they're like sure yeah we're in like big opportunity and then they're like going to the venue and they realize they see all the people with the face paint and they're like oh my god is it are we opening for fucking kiss and this is they're like mellow like folky bluegrass music and uh so they get in there and they go to open up for kiss and apparently the people were just like what the fuck is this and like thrown under the literally like throwing

shit at them doing all sorts of shit and then apparently he yelled kiss my ass and mooned them and walked off the stage and then became like a legendary musician yeah that's awesome but all right kind of in the same vein of yours um it's also about kiss it's also about mine's about gene simmons we all know the song can i kick it yes you can by tribe yeah uh and it samples lou reed's walk on the wild side walk on the wild side and uh basically because it's the exact same yeah riff whatever lou reed owns 100 of the publishing and royalties for a tribe called quests can i kick it the group has never made a dime from can i kick it damn this is a quote from this article a tribe called quest member member fife dog tells rolling stone reed

allowed the group to use the sample with one condition i remember i remember with jive there was a problem with the sample being cleared fife recalls i don't think they cleared the sample and instead of lou reed saying you can't use it he said y'all can use it but i get all the money from that fife says reed took 100 of the royalties and publishing and to this day we haven't seen a dime from that song it's kind of awesome because honestly it was like mutually beneficial because like i'm sure that was so big for their career this is the biggest it's their biggest song but also lou reed has probably made 20 million dollars i don't know how much those songs it's like one of the most popular songs of all time uh diddy had to pay um

why am i blanking on who sang that every breath you i'll be watching you every move you i know but now you're embarrassing me because i also don't know but that whoever sang that song uh diddy has to pay him it was something like seven thousand cure or something like that i don't know it was like every breath you take the police the police i knew that i was thinking that look up how much does how much does diddy have to pay or had to how much did did he have to pay uh for the police pay for uh for i'll be missing you oh oh oh god it's hard 5k daily royalty per day five thousand dollars per day which is like 750 000 a year what is did he have to do with this song it's this it's the song it's the he

may be missing you is like a uh a song that he did that samples oh i don't know it's a fucking bop i don't know any music by him but he's it's about it's about a guy he like he killed him should not have done that did he actually does not pay sting i saw a podcast of sting saying he does i don't want to talk about this yeah fuck him okay but like that one you can't blame on me like i i saw sting on a podcast being like i didn't blame it on you fuck you rolling stone rolling stone don't do an article i don't care how how big my album i'll leave your concert even earlier i don't care oh yeah fuck yeah also fuck the rolling stones all right your concert was ass teach me or this guy rocks this guy rocks

i just want everyone i want everyone to know i just feel bad we i was joking about the rolling stone i don't i like the rolling stones i just i honestly i just wanted to go home and see see someone did you both do teach me something yeah oh okay this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks on the balls and he whoa he rocks on my lungs and he rocks in my yard he rocks till he rocks and he rocks around he rocks around and he takes you downtown lauren this is mine pause it immediately and i mean immediately please please please okay i dropped from jack's phone failed jack's iphone 3 i every iphone i've had has been has been iphone okay here we go um what i'm about to show you it's two

people and they're gonna tell you about like a performance they're about to do okay but it has something to do with bondage if i i tried to go find the full performance but it's like behind a paywall and i was like i don't really want to do that so like i'm gonna show you this and you try and tell me like what the fuck it is okay leaf and icky and i don't i'm not doing this with any hate it's just out of curious like pure curiosity like i genuinely just have never been more confused as to what it is in my life all right let's hit it kind of where the spoiler alerts happen because now we're going to negotiate what you're about to see i'm in the mood for like an arms behind kind of box tie. Awesome. Very fun. I was thinking today that we would

be doing maybe two bent leg ties, two photos, and maybe some waist rope. Sounds good. Awesome. Yeah, I know. That's like one of our favorites. And then I loved also to negotiate for extras. Extras being hair rope, mouth rope, things that you don't necessarily need from a suspension that add more spice to it. No to mouth rope. Great. Yes to hair rope. Yay. Yeah. And I would be really into playing a lot with the waist rope. I'm feeling like that might be really fun. Yeah. Like a lot of like a backbendy kind of. Backbendy. Yeah. See how far we can go kind of thing. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Sure. Yay. Performing is our absolute favorite thing to do. We think performances really help you figure out what your style of rope really is.

come join us and get a really intimate look at our dynamic uh we don't have a plan for today so come find out what we did all right do you want to negotiate yes i want ass rope uh no to ass rope but i would counter with uh maybe ankles behind ears rope down but i want taint rope that hurts i um all right deal but i get to give you rug burn on your nuts done but so like on it like if if this was just if this was just like two people that are just about to like have sex and it's like bondage yeah i think i could wrap my head around it what is confusing is they have like the performer mics on and they're asking people to come see it is it like a sex show is it like i've theater like i just don't i have no gauge for what

it could be i think it's i think it is a sex show or do you think they're clothed i mean i think it's a sex thing well it's surely a sex thing but like is there you know i think it's become kind of like a sport or a practice out of it being a sex thing and like now these people just want to do it because they enjoy bondage interesting baseball it's like yeah it's like baseball i um i have nothing against anyone who is into that i just count my lucky stars that i am not like i think that must be a really confusing thing to navigate where you're like i'm really into this and like when i get a new partner i have to like broach that subject and like yeah probably lose like you probably have lost some relationships because they're not able

to fulfill your bondage needs okay but this page is 500k followers i feel like this is like more common than you think surely no i just mean like yeah like if you went out on a date you'd have to bring that up relatively quickly that it's a big part of your life i do yeah that's like a thing i find it hard to get them to put the rope or in my mouth but once they do it they're once they do it i feel like they usually get the hang of it right all right i slacked you mine lauren this guy is um who i'm voting for for president is this guy gonna rock will of course he is just play it this is cause and effect consulting just freaking go how many networking events are you attending per week how many people are you dming per hour all right lauren pause it mike what you do sounds

cool willie how many how many networking events actually let's watch the whole thing and then we can break it down sorry i didn't mean to hijack yours love to hear more and say about what i do here's my calendar if you want to talk please have my calendar to learn more so that guy changed my life uh i started i hopped on his calendar and i now have a million i don't even know where to begin to hop on his calendar fedora and no shirt bro looks like he eats all the 10 millimeter sockets what does that mean it's like a tool he looks very like his something about his face i feel like captures like so many hot he's not i mean he's not a real guy that is cause and effect consulting

okay well let's think about this how many networking events are you going to how many what was the other one dms are you messages are you sending not i'm this guy has reinvigorated my passion for life and i'm going to a i'm going to one of his seminars in a few weeks at his house alone and i'm very excited he's like okay now we're gonna negotiate mouth rope yeah i mean i want to go this is the guy i would negotiate mouth rope with uh should we get into our drafts let's get into our drafts boy boy lauren you get to pick would you rather hear ways to say you're hungry first or ways to cancel plans hungry hungry are you hungry i'm hungry okay i'm actually starving i didn't eat breakfast i don't really eat breakfast

but these are ways to tell your friends you're hungry i think you just these are ways to say you're hungry i'm so fucking sorry these are ways to say you're hungry i'm losing altitude quick i'm down to my last tomato i could kick a dog i'm so hungry i'm not trying to make weight here my tummy is saying let's get ready to grumble i got a grumble i should listen to sorry i said again i got a grumble i should listen to this might be our worst one this is literally the worst draft we've ever done my stomach is grumbling like there's no tomorrow i need to reload the clip i'm burning a lot of fuel i gotta put some balls in my hoop hungry hungry i want to formally apologize to all the playmates out there for

that draft that was not representative i was trying to think of them and i was like i can't do this i do i suck i googled like ways that exist to get some inspiration there's like none yeah that one sucks um but i i actually am very excited about the ways to cancel plans all right oh my shelves need restocking i guess that was another one that's not good either all right these are ways to cancel plans the line for the jonas brothers tickets is sorry the line for jonas brothers tickets is so long you understand right i sense a disturbance in the force i got drafted to the war it's garbage night i can't what i can't figure out any of the bridge trolls riddles i got my shirt and pants all switched

around again i'm lost in a mirror maze my pets got loose my laser tag team made it to the finals roads are looking real slick those are good we're back we're back we're back can we get cha-cha again for lunch uh no i can't eat that like too often why is it bad for you it's just like a lot i want a cubano is it healthy i don't i just mean like it's like it feels like a lot yeah i was kind of like bogged down after yeah it's delicious but um dude i wish i lived in jamaica all right whose personality is stealing i'm gonna steal bears hammond spurs can you google how to pronounce that b-e-r b-e-r didn't you already steal those guys yes yeah no no yes pronunciation you already saw oh i did yeah um a long time ago i am stealing guess who's i'm stealing

juan soto why because i'm gonna have a home run weekend with my dad at spring training i'm going to three mets games gonna get to really get a good look yeah the weekend after this episode airs and uh i'm just super excited to get to spend time with my dad and get to see the mets and i think this is gonna be our year so to get to see them in spring training is pretty cool that'll be fun oh yeah um i'm gonna steal polly from goodfellas personality nice because i'm gonna do i'm gonna try and do more listening than i do talking which is something i'm working on all right and then i'm not gonna move a lot because he doesn't move for anyone that's a thing that they say in the movie it's true what am i some fucking clown to you that's that's a different

guy okay let's make you laugh i'm funny what the fuck is so funny about me what the fuck you know the way you tell the story did i ever tell you that kid that gets shot in that one scene you know that like teenager that like brings them their drinks yeah he shoots a spider yeah that's michael imperioli who's that he's like he's in sopranos he's in white lotus he's in he's like google michael imperioli like you would recognize him oh like he's he's like a super famous actor as oh that's him in the movie yes spider yes spider gets shot in the foot yeah when he's like 15 we watched we watched goodfellas last night but i left early never seen it all right lauren quick i'm i'm stealing my mother's personality because when this episode comes out her birthday

in two days and i holy shit my stomach is like oh wait is her birthday pie day yeah that's kind of fun 14 yeah um and i love my mother and i hope i feel like she's gonna have a wonderful birthday so i want to embody that happy birthday nancy happy birthday nancy if you're listening birthday nancy definitely did not get it get this far she doesn't make it my dad and i were at dinner the other day and he was like when are you gonna shout out barney butter on the pot and i was like will does it all like will's done it like multiple times and that's how i learned that he doesn't listen my dad listens to every episode denellan tube shout out denellan tube tim denellan tim denellan's the goat he's a goat you'll see him wait next week mr denellan if you've made it this

far you have to text will a series of numbers and letters that like wouldn't make sense in any other context and couldn't be a mistake that's how we're gonna know that you listened to the whole episode it's a test all right bye bye mr when are we gonna see them oh guys we are gonna see you uh we have a great rest of your wednesday have a great thursday friday and we will see you guys after probably the best weekend of your life and then we will see you guys on monday love you bye This family is on the brink of civil war. Mobland, the hit original series, is now streaming on Paramount+. We are the Hardigans.

Don't know the name? Then Google us. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. Do you want to step up the ladder? I want Conrad dead. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and Helen Mirren. Do I have to do everything myself? You want to walk? I'll give you a walk!

mob land new season is now streaming on paramount plus