Will & Rusty's Playdate - discovering a NEW bug w/ will angus

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

Will Angus is welcomed back to the pod for another epic playdate. The boys talk about the allure of disappearing, wandering around New York, and the latest bug to hit the streets. Angus prescribes a d...ivorce to an unlucky Reddit user and joins Will and Rusty in drafting diseases and slurs that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod FOLLOW WILL: https://www.instagram.com/angus_william/ HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  USE BETMGM BONUS CODE PLAYDATE AND GET YOUR $1500 FIRST BET OFFER TODAY https://promo.nj.betmgm.com/en/promo/geolocator?orh=promo.betmgm.com&wm=7123555 GET 20% OFF @CHUBBIES WITH THE CODE PLAYDATE AT https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/PLAYDATE #chubbiespod JOIN US IN DRINKING FIREBALL DURING OUR GAME DAYS THIS SEASON https://www.fireballwhisky.com/. MUST BE 21+.  (00:00) Intro (05:43) Analyzing Lauren (10:51) Winning the Lottery (19:43) Mr. Based (26:35) Lightsabers (31:46) Episode 66 (36:29) First Responders (45:27) New Bug (49:58) Aliens (55:58) Roadmap (58:04) Pitch Submissions (01:06:02) Pitches (01:12:48) Teach Me Something (01:18:48) This Guy Rocks (01:25:47) AITA (01:34:28) Slurs that Don’t Exist (01:38:13) Diseases that Don’t Exist (01:41:05) Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 As always, Playdate Podcast is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer. Redefining the party landscape. Okay, before we're recording, we were talking about Down Syndrome. And so I'm going to tell you a fun story. Wait, you have to do like, well, Angus is here. Oh yeah, Angus. And the lights flash. And then you've seen his special bad words.
Starting point is 00:00:24 What else? I think he did. What else have they seen? Fringe guy. french guy french guy you've probably seen him live lately if you've been in new york and you don't live under a rock what does uh you've probably seen his podcast almost friday podcast one more uh oh my favorite sketch of all time uh from i think you were still in college the pills guy your roommate that eats pills out of a bowl with a little guy pill guy bug didn't you do
Starting point is 00:00:52 a bug for a fish for a pill it was a fish for a bug for a pill that's an inside joke for everyone then went to the live show yeah call back yeah i don't even get it and i spend most of my day with both of you you're gonna love it yeah i don't even want to we can't tell him about it he's you're gonna love that i know i still haven't seen a live show you're gonna love i don't know why we haven't done a big show here in la we've done the ucb shows which are like you know it's a great venue um it's like 100 seats but like i want to do like a like a theater here yeah like uh crypto like a big theater i mean that would be a funny jump crypto just one week you guys were like hey if you want to come to our show we're doing crypto doing arenas now does anyone
Starting point is 00:01:33 do like like sketches to like arenas i can't imagine it i feel like like the like impractical jokers sell out like huge venues yeah i don't know what their live show is are they what does an impractical jokers tour look like a lot of cruises oh they did a lot of cruises that actually sounds kind of awesome are you always on your toes though that anyone you're talking to is You know what's crazy is I think the one thing they do Is they don't do pranks The one thing they don't do is pranks Yeah well if I spend
Starting point is 00:02:01 If I'm spending 600 bucks on a 4 day cruise With the impractical druggers It's like horribly anxiety I wouldn't want to be on my toes Were you guys a cruise family? Never been on a cruise I've only been on one it was awesome Really?
Starting point is 00:02:16 We have different I feel like We were a Trump family and that's that's just a little slice of angus 2016 he had run against uh ted cruz had run against trump at a certain point right it's kind of i think he should have gone with like a like a beto or like a cullen all red you know really established the contrast yeah but a lot of people here aren't going to know as many uh that's a good point texans yeah so i went so what i did was kind of established my ethos first and then i kind of threw a wide net to the audience yeah no you're learning i'm learning you're learning i'm learning i'm hot coffee like do
Starting point is 00:02:55 you see this beer now i thought you said i'm hot coffee no i'm not hot coffee i'm one of them anyway what were you saying yeah what because i had my hilarious bit and then that's kind of all i had planned for the pod oh will and i but i offered will i we should do a vacation in the new year and we realized that we just have such different beliefs as to what a vacation should look like that it would never work with us because he wants to like explore a city and i was saying ty and i want to go to like a remote beach and not move for seven days that sounds way better to me right yeah that's yeah well now you're changing no i was saying that checks i assumed that he would prefer that oh i want to tell you the peter tarling story oh yeah now uh my friend
Starting point is 00:03:40 phil playmate he texted he sent a very nice note about lauren last night that was nice he said lauren's favorite podcast producer wow but um that's kind of awkward because andrew's right here so so he listens to one podcast he actually he actually listens to yours as well i guess well lauren's also my favorite podcast producer and if you're uh if you're uh if you're a listener of will's podcast lauren is hosting that is true you just hosted it would have already come out okay lauren lauren hosted last week's episode and they would have already watched it every single person we were we were talking about like because we're going to move to two episodes in the new year and we were like maybe we should release on thursdays but then we were thinking
Starting point is 00:04:23 that it would just be like i think we get a lot of your of your fans that are just waiting for yours to come out on thursday well vice versa we could turn our podcast into sort of a five course meal right yours maybe is like the the breakfast right comes out at 5 a.m right we have uh maybe red flags netters and red flags those we start releasing those a little bit after and then i'm thinking for the main course it's our pod paired with hold the phone at uh 8 30 a.m and you if you play they have to listen on to listen to each podcast on like double speed no you just cut when one comes out you just start it so you do need a few devices but like you guys are doing the pod and then they're like calling out locks from over there yeah it's
Starting point is 00:05:17 like that pink floyd album and uh and the wizard of oz where if you start them at the same time and you turn one on mute they'd sync up really you seen that if you start what is it the great gig in the sky yeah you start it at the moment the lion roars in wizard of oz whoever figured this out was the highest man in the world it wasn't on purpose maybe no but like maybe a lot of things sync up so like when there's like a part with dorothy where she like jumped or something and like talked about jump or i don't know the words there were words yeah lining up too um okay peter she's googling what you're talking about it's awesome right that's a luxury that we can't afford i know it's awesome what lauren lauren's really good at googling she's kind of on her a
Starting point is 00:06:05 game right now but i've never seen it go that smoothly usually usually the typing is like is like watching a monkey there's like slashes and like apostrophes i can type sometimes i'm just far away from the keyboard and she also clicks the wrong like tab like we'll be like pull up a picture of this and she'll click like news like oh okay that's what i was like shopping that's what i was about to say about emily so no yeah well don't sometimes the tabs you hype me up but I appreciate it, but I'm not always fully listening to them. Well, there's – Either, either.
Starting point is 00:06:42 She's putting on a performance – I will admit that. It's like a high school basketball player who, like, he's normally really good, but, like, if Coach K is in the building, he's going to, like, step it up a little bit. Like, I think she's on her toes a little bit more. I don't know sports, so, like, you have to explain it in, like, a different thing.
Starting point is 00:06:57 Okay. Like, what are you like? Gothic literature. Okay, right. so it would be uh i don't know anything high fantasy right okay she she would be like if rafael was uh painting not gothic okay sorry i don't know i don't know you're not a renaissance man renaissance i don't know it i'm sorry it won't make sense okay someone is carving a gargoyle statue okay and a and a and a very rich man who's looking for a gargoyle statue is watching him so
Starting point is 00:07:27 he's gonna do a better job oh yeah well that's not nice no i'm saying she's always good but you're in the building so she's well who's the gargoyle it's him or him neither of them are the gargoyle lauren's carving the gargoyle well i guess he's looking to purchase she's acting better because she's training andrew or because angus is here is that what's happening i thought he was just hanging out no training okay yeah we have another one of our producers andrew he's just because he's... Can they see him even? You can come in the... You want to come in the frame? You want to come in the frame. Andrew, can you give a wave, please?
Starting point is 00:07:58 Oh, ah! Andrew, first step in your training. Don't knock over that wall. We want to keep the wall vertical. That kind of took all the wind out of myself. I thought Andrew was just like, oh, this is going to be killing. He's hanging out.
Starting point is 00:08:14 And we go way back. Do you? Our first live show. Very first one. Yeah, like a year ago. the live pod you were there he he did the the photography for all of it and uh oh i think i might have met you that maybe well you were blacked out remember yeah yeah that girl uh asked security to kick you out did that happen i mean i tried i tried to give her one little kiss in intermission no i did that did not happen this was america i didn't realize ass grabbing in
Starting point is 00:08:44 between acts was a fucking crime well andrew was doing photography for the los angeles chargers have you heard of them oh is that true before this you ever get a cool picture of derwin james uh no but he's so nice oh yeah he was really nice uh he was super nice yeah he was like one of the nicest guys i've ever met that's awesome he's he's the man i love the chargers yeah oh yeah you ever meet lt uh no actually he would come around but like i never had like a formal introduction i bet i would i would never introduce myself to the nanny yeah even though i went to tcu that's my dream guest we made a wish list
Starting point is 00:09:21 Ladanian Tomlinson is at the top of Will's list every single time for the pod wouldn't that be awesome making him do sayings he could be on glory days true Andrew and I have a fun it's my favorite part of my day
Starting point is 00:09:36 is I walk into Andrew's office and he always has a different snack on his desk and I go Andrew what are those and he pretends he goes along with it and he goes oh man they're pretzels you gotta try them I go are they new and he goes no man they've been around
Starting point is 00:09:50 for a while and then he lets me take a handful oh that's fun and I do it every day and he hasn't complained you have pretzels every day I bet he loves that
Starting point is 00:09:55 wow I bet he loves that you come in and take 10% from him it's more for him than it is for me okay sure you don't even want him
Starting point is 00:10:03 you just know he loves the bit I walk out of the office and I throw him out okay here's how you get LT on you both wear a Johnny Manziel mask print it off and cut it out
Starting point is 00:10:12 trick him into coming on the pod and then say we're using this studio today that's perfect It might work. I feel like we could. I honestly feel like.
Starting point is 00:10:19 If he has enough concussions, it might actually work. I feel like there's actually probably not as much demand as you would think for LaDainian Thompson. Sure, but I bet he doesn't want to do anything. Pardon? I bet he doesn't want. Are you saying there's not a. There's a top 10 podcast in the world.
Starting point is 00:10:35 No, I'm saying I bet he doesn't want to do anything. Wait, is he retired? What's the vibe? Yeah, he was like. Oh, I thought you were saying like. He was awesome when we were like kids. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Not that he's not awesome now. he was my hero growing up um i wrote my admissions essay about him in high school i was talking with someone i think to angus's point of like not wanting to do anything i think this is probably why we're not like billionaires but if i came into a large amount of money you would never hear from me again and i would never do anything yeah and i don't understand why people i don't know i think but i think that you've never like i think not doing anything would get old and then you would want to have some like yeah i feel like that's not true i would give all of you enough money that you wouldn't have to work
Starting point is 00:11:16 again because I think the biggest problem is people get rich and then they their friends can't like what'd you say who would get more me or Willie a Willie if 100% fucked it's insane that you think that I would be cutting it off evenly well
Starting point is 00:11:32 no I didn't mean like that I just meant like I think will would be getting the most out of tight will be tight let me just plug my shit and get out of here will i think would be let's go tied would be in the top three people yeah if i'm like to be i'm happy yeah oh you're yeah you're you're getting a hefty chunk but you need to you need to pay your friends enough that they can so that you don't live the same lifestyle yeah
Starting point is 00:11:57 because all these like lottery winners are now billionaires and all their friends are not in that tech yeah i mean the second i'll get these handouts i'm i'm i'm killing willie And Liam, I'm guessing... You're guessing him? What does that mean? I'm guessing he's getting a sizable chunk as well. Not that much. Then Lauren.
Starting point is 00:12:17 Lauren gets a ton. You'd probably shoot Lauren, then Liam. Oh. And with one bullet, if I... This is just like their dark... Can I... How would I get them in the same room? With one bullet?
Starting point is 00:12:29 Yeah. Can we break down your logic a little bit? Curve the bullet. Now that they're dead, how does that money get from their bank account to your bank account? well in this world there's no rules i just get money it's cash they everyone has it in cash that'd be kind of fun big duffel bags of cash it'd be too easy to like send you a wire i have
Starting point is 00:12:47 to like add some stress into your life where it's like i like draw on all the bills so you can't like bring them to a bank or something um is that a thing no i made that up okay it's there's new rules in this world okay yeah it's new rules uh what was it you were telling the story oh yeah so peter uh phil's brother this is one of my favorite stories of all time he got this scooter for like christmas or something and would go like 30 miles an hour down hills on it and their neighborhood like when you get into their neighborhood it switches from paved road to dirt road okay and he no one had explained to him like you know the razor the razor is great on smooth pavement but like you shouldn't go on the the gravel and dirt road with it yeah and he
Starting point is 00:13:35 came like flying around this corner and when it left the pavement and went into the dirt he like went like ass over tea kettle and just like scattered down the road and he kind of like limped it back to the house and he has this like crazy threshold for pain like just a pain tolerance that like we wouldn't even understand yeah and he's like limping around and we were kind of like making fun of him like dude you're faking it like it's not that bad or whatever and then i think phil's parents were gone and like we were like in charge there was no like level-headed person to be like he might be hurt yeah and then his mom came back and was like peter's leg is like really purple he had been walking around on a broken leg for two days and didn't tell anyone
Starting point is 00:14:15 that's insane yeah and he was in a wheelchair for a little bit holy shit is that like possible for him i guess i mean i think towards the end it was there he was not doing a lot of moving yeah but um yeah phil pervers played a afc championship on a torn acl that's different though but i was just thinking chargers i was thinking uh lions when like matthew stafford got hurt and then like played eight more games and then like barely missed the playoffs and they were like oh yeah he's playing with a broken back the entire time that really happened or no wait was that wait i might be thinking of romo actually this is when i wasn't watching football no it was it was matthew stafford he played with like a broken back the whole season he also there's one
Starting point is 00:14:58 play where he gets sacked like right on his shoulder his shoulder popped out of the socket but they were like it was like towards the end of the game and he like didn't trust the backup and they tried to take him out and he was like he like brushed him off yeah and then threw a touchdown with his shoulder out of the socket and then went off and they fixed it i wonder like obviously these guys are incredibly tough but also like just the adrenaline of being in a stadium full of like 70 000 people yeah probably can make you do some pretty fucking insane things we should i think that's why you guys need to start doing stadiums for yeah it's kind of like us at the live show yeah it's like us at the live show do you remember when it's like we're all so hung over
Starting point is 00:15:32 and depressed and suicidal but as soon as the lights come on we murder the green room fucking dying i will and i i think we talked about this in the last episode we're at the fucking 7 a.m yeah i i saw the sunrise every single night i was there and then uh the day of the show i went down to the hotel to get a bloody mary and a burger which i never do just to be clear um but i was like i know i have to like uh i have to drink to feel better and it took me like an hour to nurse down this bloody mary i took three bites of the burger wasn't it like a 50 burger 55 dollars i think total um and walked up to my room and puked it all up immediately all a waste and then i i slowly uh met up with you guys we went to the show and i couldn't even think about the show
Starting point is 00:16:29 i wasn't nervous at all because the whole time i was like i'm in fucking hell was there a world where you were like i'm gonna throw up on stage no you fought through a little injury there didn't you get a nosebleed like right before oh yeah the best part is when he got the nosebleed it was like at least she like she's the best about like trying to like be like we're like i don't know so she like kind of huddled us all up before right before he's about to go on it's like hey i'm so proud of all of you and we'll go oh my fuck right wasn't literally during our little huddle up and then he was just sitting there like in a full like troll costume is this like he was already in the troll outfit yeah in our opener he'd been going for like 15 minutes and i was like oh i'm about
Starting point is 00:17:09 to like the the first sketch is basically all me true that being said the first sketch he plays a troll which we were like which could have been could have a nosebleed like that's you just got to get together you guys are crunching the numbers like troll could have a nose we actually were we were like this will work this will work was it like a stress-induced one i'll get stress-induced no like if i get like like it's always when i have something important coming up yeah i got a nosebleed this morning i get a nosebleed almost every morning now that it's dry and cold yep i sleep with my window open i should stop doing that i just want to be clear too i don't do blow and it wasn't a blow nosebleed so that i now i feel like that made it seem more like
Starting point is 00:17:51 no i know but everyone kept saying that to me because i kept saying i was up till yeah sunrise every night um well yeah it was the time change uh it's dry climate and i get nosebleeds like once a week i've get i've gotten probably over a thousand nosebleeds in my life oh easily yeah easily I've gotten like had one
Starting point is 00:18:10 maybe ever I was always so envious of I wonder if that's oh sorry no no related to like
Starting point is 00:18:16 you know our hands like don't you have dry hands like clammy hands I wonder if it's like the same thing like why oh yeah you're just
Starting point is 00:18:21 like moist I'm like a moisture guy yeah I do dry out easily I'm getting eczema in my eyes that'll come with age
Starting point is 00:18:28 really yeah wait in your eyes in them no like right here oh that's what that is yeah That made it seem like you had noticed it before
Starting point is 00:18:38 You noticed it It's eczema you can see it Oh that's what that is Wait it's on your eyelids I have it on my hands I always get it Do you have a cream you rub on Me too which one
Starting point is 00:18:52 Just a cortisone Is that prescribed That's like an itchy no it's not prescribed Oh cortisone yes Don't people get like shots of that well it's yeah i thought cortisone was a steroid but you're right it's like an anti-itch i don't know sometimes i just like i feel like also when i'm stressed i'll catch myself like itching without even realizing i don't know i do that too i rub my eyes a lot and so when i got eczema there i was
Starting point is 00:19:17 like oh she'd yeah well don't you like also when you get like drunk then you start freaking out and you go like calculating route to avoid seeing poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org that is fun that's good stuff that's did you go to mr bass house by the way yeah my hotel do you know world of t-shirts they've explained him to me i'd sort of and
Starting point is 00:20:09 andrew you do my hotel i don't know why but the first thing i thought when i sat in my room was like i wonder like i wonder if i'll see josh block out here because i i don't think it's a funny situation but there are funny parts about this dark situation i think it's one of the most interesting things happening uh with like this new wave of social media so when i landed i was like i wonder if i'll see him out here and i looked up mr base address and it was literally a 60 second walk from my hotel so the first thing i did was i walked up to his house and i saw all the lights in the window and i was like this i'm making a pilgrimage right now like this is the mecca that was yeah i mean you'd got new york and you're like what should i like i don't know what
Starting point is 00:20:52 to do in this city i was like there's a million things like parks and museums and you're like i'm going to mr base house people go and knock on his door yeah that's so weird well no it's to be like like they'll be watching the stream and it's like they'll go and be like hey i just want to let you know you're a piece of shit who's mr base he was this pimp in new york city and he went to jail for eight years and then he got out and he saw josh block and was like that's an easy person to exploit and so he hosts live streams and people tune in to see josh block but then he takes like 90 of the money he'll pay josh a hundred dollars a stream and feed josh alcohol and drugs and like whippets and nicotine oh and he'll uh he'll pro like i would i would guess he
Starting point is 00:21:38 makes five thousand dollars a stream like some people say like 10 to 15 how often is this true probably every day yeah because he's rolling in cash oh my god he is completely fucking josh over and josh is so autistic he thinks mr base who's like a master manipulator because he was a pimp his whole life he thinks that he's taking care of him but that's so sad does josh not have people like looking out for his parents his uh mom is dead his dad's in this and brother are like absent like i think his brother's in a psych ward and his dad doesn't care about him good lord yeah he has like a grandpa and a grandma but i think they just don't really have any ability to well they'll they're i've seen videos of his grandma calling him
Starting point is 00:22:21 and like making the effort to be like hey you should come home yeah like stop this and he's like now i'm going to switzerland he also that is another he's a very worldly man like every like month he like flies to a like he was just in germany last week i think it's insane and now he's going to uh i don't know actually i'm not i'm not current i'm not as current as i'd like i know i've kind of fallen off which i'm a little grateful for yeah yeah i'll just wait for the the documentary to come out yeah well i was with i was at my buddy's house who lives also right around there like the east village and uh they were saying that that he had somehow ended up at they have like a cool rooftop where they have like parties and he was
Starting point is 00:22:59 ended up there one time josh was there and my buddy malcolm said like he was like oh how are we doing josh and he's like oh i think i need a water and then threw up over the side of their roof onto the street what was the one he threw up the other day doing something um i think he throws up every single day no no like it was like bad like they were someone was getting him to drink oh he was um what's like one of those drinking challenges he was doing something like it was a drink around the world scenario oh okay but i think these girls were like kind of pushing him through it and then he threw up everywhere it's really like sad to see the way like brings out like all the people that like harass him for like yep engagement on the streets
Starting point is 00:23:44 too that's crazy have you seen someone made a compilation he's much more afraid of black people than he is of white people so like yeah he's i mean he's yelled the n-word oh really yeah have you not seen this he screams the n-word like not all the time but like frequently enough where it's like that's too many times to be screaming that this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories i had a triple before trivia last night how'd that go i mean i didn't win trivia but i don't blame that part on triple right i felt great
Starting point is 00:24:29 while i was playing you know i was a lime guy for a while okay i'm moving into grapefruit a little bit i like to mix it up into my neck of the woods coming to your neck of the woods but sometimes i do like one and one it's like one lime to start finish it off with a grapefruit uh you ever mix all three no that would be insane well might as well try it we'll give it a shot and we'll report back next week how that goes guys triple is born from a desire to blend thc's social buzz with the social ritual of sipping on a seltzer triple is currently available at grocery stores liquor stores bars and restaurants in missouri kansas iowa louisiana georgia and florida and will be available in illinois south carolina arizona and ohio looking at you cleveland uh by the end of
Starting point is 00:25:12 the year looking at you look at oh dark nationally is currently available online to get it now go to drink triple.com and use code playdate to get 10 off your order that's drink t-r-i-p-l-e.com and use code playdate for 10 off your order triple redefining the party landscape i was thinking about this i was watching this show on world war ii last night why dog fighting doesn't make any sense to me like when the planes just like why were they up there because if if one country just doesn't go up then we just then they would just bomb they would drop bombs on the other guys yeah i know but why are the other planes up there the dog fighting ones to play defense yeah it sounds like a nightmare place create a smoke screen for the bombings have you seen the guy
Starting point is 00:25:57 those gunner balls on the bottom of uh the bottom of the planes and it's like the size of this chair the guy sits in there like this and is operating the gun but you're just like a sitting duck for any plane you know what i always think of the um in uh the clone wars the animated show no well the the yeah the movies too the ships with the uh they're like the big triangles with long wings and the guys sit in the balls and shoot the legs oh yeah yeah like hanging out the bottom yeah good luck googling that i don't even know where i don't even know where to help i always thought those are the coolest looking ones uh what ones the ones that he was just yeah i thought that that was my that was like the lego set i wanted when i was a kid yeah i always love the shit like
Starting point is 00:26:40 that they like get them from like the arena in like attack of the clones where like they're like things like fold out i think that's better uh no no no like they like hold like a bunch of people in them oh dude that was the first lego set i ever built yeah it was my friend's birthday and he got it for his birthday and it was uh it was awesome they come with like a hundred guys too yeah were you guys lightsaber kids yeah big time but i never got like the cool ones i always had the ones that were like they would get like stuck yeah yeah i didn't even have the light yeah no they were just like the one you'd flip out yeah and then the sisslemans were our next door neighbors every morning you hear your dad
Starting point is 00:27:20 out of my yard killer guys but they they had the like really expensive light up ones yep they let me and garrett borrow them one afternoon we went in my garage turned off all the lights and had like an epic battle but you're like worried about breaking them but the other ones you could like fucking whack so it was like much more like focused on technique you know what i mean like We're almost, like, fighting in slow motion opposed to just, like, hitting each other. Similar to how actual fights go in the Jedi universe. Right. Because it's all about technique and using the Force, too.
Starting point is 00:27:55 You know what I'm saying. I had a neighbor. Do you ever, like, talk about stories? Sorry, sorry. Made me feel small. That's fine. That's my bad. You had a neighbor you were seeing?
Starting point is 00:28:06 Do you ever, like, tell your parents, like, a story from your childhood? And they're like, what? Like, that's weird that they did that. And you, like, didn't ever think it was weird? oh yeah my sisters and i were telling my mom we were like i don't want to say the neighbor's name but we were saying oh man we were over at their house we're like yeah remember when remember when he used to spray rip queen rip oh my god spray rip queen he remembered we were like do you remember when he used to spray whipped cream in our mouths and my mom was like what we're like yeah every
Starting point is 00:28:37 time we went over he'd be like all right everyone line up and he'd spray it in our mouths and it was like a fun thing it wasn't like sexual or weird at all but like yeah that's the way the way we described it my mom was like how did how did we never know about that wait the dad yeah yeah my dad and i used to do that all the time my mom would yell at us like tim stop doing like my dad doing it himself but he loved like giving it to us i like that idea of the kid the mom sprays in the kid's mouth and then the dog sitting next to him the kid points at the dog and they give the dog a squirt oh that's what i said i had can i tell you my debacle please i want i want your opinion on this so i'm at the uh trivia at june shine last night oh right here we're close
Starting point is 00:29:25 we're close the third going into the last question uh got it wrong anyway uh the guy i show up and there's a seat right next to chester was the first one there was me chester and scott at the bar sitting at the bar yeah there's a seat right next to him available he says or i go to sit down and the guy two over is like oh no i'm saving the seat nope and i was like i mean i'm here yep and he's like i got someone coming i was like okay whatever i'll just stand the guy does not come for an hour and a half yep that you can't save a seat for an hour and a half you what you do next time that guy does that when he says i'm saving that seat you stare at him until the guy gets there i mean yeah i was kind of trying to or just sit down and then when they arrive you can stand
Starting point is 00:30:13 i feel like that no but he like yanked it over that's that's willie that is your seat i know i'm gonna go back and tell him did i tell you that that similar thing happened to jameson's i tell you that story no but i'm pissed about that too now we were i'm angry you know how hard to get a seat at the bar at jameson's like on like saturday impossible it might it was we fell into i was talking to this person across the bar and awesome move by her she goes me and my friends are leaving like come stand behind us like to be like you can grab our seats yeah so we slip right in me ty gavin got three seats at the bar and then there's like gaps for people to come stand and like ordered drinks and this guy came over was alone was really trying to like infiltrate our
Starting point is 00:31:01 friend group and like be a part of it and he just i didn't really like him so we like you know gave him a beat him up no we gave him like a fair shot at it but it was like at some point i just turned my back to him yeah and uh he ordered a tall beer nice would kind of nurse it awesome he was killing and then he would put it he would put a napkin over his beer and like leave and go like mingle with other people and then people would fill his spot obviously yeah and then he came back and these girls are standing next to us and they're talking like gavin whatever and uh he's like giving them the stink eye and the guy the girl goes oh do you want your beer and he goes i want my spot back and we were like i almost wanted to turn around and explain like no that's
Starting point is 00:31:46 not how bars work yeah there's a thousand people in here you do not get to reserve like a three square foot you should have been you should have grabbed his beer chugged the whole thing threw it at him and kicked his ass make out with the chick make out with the chick yes make out with gavin now i'm back into the story hell yeah that's funny that's funny stuff i actually have goosebumps all you guys episode 66 episode 66 mario lemieux numbers mario who this is 66 yeah satanic oh no uh cute oh i was gonna mario lemieux oh mario lemieux yeah that's correct what is it nice but that sucks that you got it because i wanted i feel like i get penguins guess someone
Starting point is 00:32:35 that's 66 yeah i want to guess another guy okay oh hang on so if you're not familiar you can do someone who wore 66 or someone who's currently 66 zach martin little cowboy for you i don't think he wore 66 fuck so i i have to guess someone that's 66 years old or someone that wore the number six do i have the whole episode yep okay all right you know you have no you have to do it right well i don't want to hold up the whole thing just go let me think let me think hostage how many guesses do i get i get another guess brian cranston oh that's not a bad guess at all I love that joke every week Ah fuck
Starting point is 00:33:11 Damn it Aaron Paul Um Stellan Skarsgård I don't know if I'm saying his name right How do I spell that I don't know we're throwing you some hard names S-K-A-R-S
Starting point is 00:33:26 It's up there Lauren Oh What the fuck You look fucking good God damn it hey um he's gonna play is he the professor in breaking or in uh goodwill hunting yeah he's gonna play doug m hoff in the kamala movie oh okay do you think i look like him sure i think he's gonna play jack mehoff and i i just want to say i'd really like to get one right
Starting point is 00:33:56 okay yeah am i gonna hold this whole thing yeah just go just go okay um let me think give me alec lindstrom or sorry chris lindstrom yeah age or number can i ask you guys a question yeah try alec lindstrom now all right what are you gonna do when you get to uh episode 100 yeah we start over i've thought about that it's like whatever so it's like 100 is we have to guess someone that's an under one year of age or zero wait Someone brought this up to me this weekend and was like, you should do this.
Starting point is 00:34:35 I think it just starts over, right? 101 is someone that wore one. Okay, yeah, I'm done. Or a baby. Three is three and so on. The oldest woman in the world died recently. Did you guys see that?
Starting point is 00:34:47 She was like 116. Good lord. Crazy. J.K. Simmons. Fuck this. You're holding a whole episode fucking hostage. That's kind of scaring me, actually. How are these people this old?
Starting point is 00:35:00 Why didn't you change it? Okay. Did I do that? Carl Weezer? No, I was there. That's not a real guy, is it? Carl Weezer? Carl Weezer age.
Starting point is 00:35:13 11. Okay, you're close. You're off by six facts. Will Ferrell. No way. Last night I sent Lauren a design request at 9 p.m. and she completed it. What's a design request?
Starting point is 00:35:30 It wasn't like a word. I sent her a picture and I wanted her to change the text on it. I was making a playlist and I wanted to change the text on the picture so I could have a cool cover for the playlist and she made it. You know the Joe Cool, like the Snoopy with the Joe Cool? I don't know what you're talking about. Martin Short. Okay, this is the last one.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Well, and then at the very end, you can try one more time. Good Lord. Chris Kattan. All right, this is the last. With a K. what oh he plays uh he plays jed mosley in uh wait i wasn't your mother i wasn't thinking chris katan so that doesn't count right i was thinking this is fucking horrible man mario the plumber mario the mario lopez mario lopez last one simon cow simon cow
Starting point is 00:36:23 no no simon cow this is my for real last one wait that's not who i met what's the guy who host that show no what the fuck i met george lopez i met george lopez okay no he's probably how many listeners do you think we've lost oh all right well you i mean we can cut around oh you guys can't cut no we don't learn to know how yeah i don't know how one by episode 100 i'll try to figure that one out that's why andrew's here he's like auditing lauren people are starting to figure it out uh dude i tell you about the guy i almost saw get hit by a car i think i was telling lauren this last night but when i was leaving the office last thursday i was walking down there whatever whatever street that is like cha-cha chicken street yeah there was a guy
Starting point is 00:37:08 walking like right like we i was they were he was like three feet in front of me and he's walking and i was like wow he is not slowing down and uh i don't know what the point is at which i would yell at a random stranger like whoa but he just walked straight into the road traffic flying guy fucking has to slam on his brakes and like oh like literally this close to nailing the guy and only because he was paying attention and then i was like like i was like jumping and like going like this to get the attention of the people in the other lane who i think i'm you know i'm not saying i'm a hero but i might be a hero because then the people in the other lane like saw me and like slowed down
Starting point is 00:37:47 and he made it across but I was thinking the guy like realized how close he came to death he didn't he must have been like cracked out dude he didn't even
Starting point is 00:37:54 he did not break his stride or look or adjust his like movement at all it's kind of awesome and uh just walks I mean he was wearing
Starting point is 00:38:02 like a trench coat he almost looked like a guy from the future and like it all happened we were all like oh oh and like all the people in their cars like stopped
Starting point is 00:38:07 and everyone was like you could see people like freaking out in their cars it was like really scary it sounds like one of the opening scenes from Terminator
Starting point is 00:38:14 like the main character of his movie literally it was insane and then he and then we were like where'd that guy go completely gone i imagine he like he got across the street and then you just see him like spin into like a green vortex and then the only thing that's left is the trench coat falls on the ground it literally felt like that went back to his own but also i was thinking about like you know you ever think i have those like uh you were like think about like what you would do if like something crazy happened like and you were like the first responder right i was in a similar situation where uh something crazy had just happened i was studying for finals with my
Starting point is 00:38:50 friends yeah and we were uh it was nighttime and it was raining and we pulled up to an intersection leaving the library and there was a bald guy face down in the middle of the intersection with his umbrella out clearly had just fallen over and like probably died i don't know and someone was like checking on him and we could hear the ambulance coming but it was it was like i mean it was that was a fun night yeah it sounds like a boy i thought you meant he was like face down he was like still holding his umbrella yeah he literally he clearly just was like walking and just like like either got hit by a car fell forward and i guess i was just thinking like if that guy at that driver first driver hadn't been like very attentive and stopped
Starting point is 00:39:32 that guy would have gotten fucking smoked and i would have been like you calling that one yeah but like i would have probably gone over and tried to like what like take my shirt off and wrap it around his leg or something like you're supposed to i think the leg would be the least of your concerns yeah you're trying to put his organs back put his heart back to do cpr no no i wouldn't i mean i know it's like first i was afraid i was petrified and then i know the rhythm okay when we were at uh when we were in college these two like two of my like best buddies were walking home from the bar and uh for the like for the record this is the only two people that i think this could happen to and they like would survive slash like they didn't tell the school this
Starting point is 00:40:16 happened this girl was drunk driving home uh hit both of them at the same time but like one much more square than the other the other guy like hit her like headlight and kind of flew off to the side and he somehow grabbed the grill of the car and she dragged him like he was under the car holding like this dragged him along the brick road for like a quarter mile and then he got his arm up on the hood and like slapped it being like stop fucking driving he got out they made eye contact they knew each other and she drove off and he didn't tell the school wait what she why would he keep holding on what was he holding so he wouldn't get run over by the car i mean like i guess like your instinct is to hold on because you don't know what's gonna happen like if you're
Starting point is 00:41:02 gonna go on but his legs are dragging on the ground his back he was in the hospital for like two weeks his back i think he had to get like a skin graft oh well like dude his back was dragging on the ground for wait so he was in the back of the car no he was holding on to the grill of her car like this like a miracle like these kids were both like freak athletes and like so he was under the car yeah somehow survived and uh didn't tell the school and we were talking about those are the only two kids i know that like wouldn't immediately be like yeah i know who it was so she never faced any consequence no i think she may be offered to like her family might have like paid for the medical bills but like um that's not i still saw her around hey remember that dead
Starting point is 00:41:48 guy we saw in new york what yeah we saw a good dead guy like yesterday just like on the way to the show just a dead guy and like he was clearly dead because like he was completely passed out in the stretcher and like the cops were chilling and the emt people were like yeah like no one was rushing it was like he was smoking a cigarette dead yeah yeah i forgot about that spooky well that might have no there's no way because that would have been a more vicious scene but on monday that there was an article about like a like a serial stabbing thing in manhattan i'm not even kidding good lord like three people got stabbed to death in just random some guy was walking around with a machete and every hour killing someone in like at the top of the hour
Starting point is 00:42:29 he's at lunch he's like oh this is not real gotta go manhattan stabbing i swear to god i think it was on monday though so maybe you were gone but i was i was walking around manhattan that whole day which is kind of yeah stabbed in manhattan stabbing spree charged with oh he got caught yeah they got yeah they got him man is charged with ever want to live there dude oh i want will seems pretty sold i want to live there so bad i don't know if i could do that oh well yeah that looks yeah yeah honestly if you let that guy get close i feel like it's kind of my friend bridget saw a guy die on the way to the bars when we were like sophomores uh the you know i've told you about fiddler's green before no it's like this irish pub that we all
Starting point is 00:43:13 and there was to get from campus to there you had to cross the train tracks and uh we were all leaving this like post game or pre-game at the same time and there were like groups spaced out by like 50 yards and she was like kind of leading the charge and uh people caught up to her and she was standing at the train tracks like just ghostly white she was walking a homeless guy was on the other side of the train tracks looked at her waved and then walked in front of the like walk started to walk towards her didn't see a train got smoked by a train oh my gosh we all went out still that's traumatizing you saw i didn't see it okay she saw it that's fucked my dad uh my dad's getting into the the storage business where he like sells like crates for people to like keep their stuff in
Starting point is 00:44:01 whatever cool like pods you know like those whatever yeah and uh there was this guy where he was like yeah i'm pretty sure he was a drug dealer like a weed guy and he's talking about like whatever he'd come to the uh the parking lot where he keeps all of them and it was just always kind of weird and the other day there was like a group of people in the parking lot and my dad was like hey can i help you guys and they were like yeah we're looking for you know jeremy's crate uh he got hit by a train yesterday that's insane oh god damn jesus how do you how do you not see it coming train train you ever see those videos There's a guy who gets stuck on the tracks.
Starting point is 00:44:42 Oh, where they're tied up and there's a guy with a big mustache. There's a guy with a lever trying to decide if he kills him or the family. I feel like that was a daily occurrence back in the day. It used to happen all the time. I meant like an 18-wheeler.
Starting point is 00:45:00 Yes, that's what I meant. Wait, wait, he's stuck on the tracks? There's like an 18-wheeler driving across train tracks and then it gets jammed and then they get fucking smoked. dude that happened that happened to my dad uh when he was a teenager they had this old volkswagen bug um that i guess like the new guys in their fraternity would use to like run errands and stuff and it was just like a piece of shit it would break down all the time same train tracks that i'm talking about where this guy got hit the car broke down in the middle of the train tracks
Starting point is 00:45:28 and it's like on a hump so like you can't just like push it off and so they all get out and they're trying to like build momentum to like get it off and finally they're just like all right we gotta just leave it and a train fucking smoked the car did they call someone and be like the way he told i haven't heard him tell the story in years but the way i remember him telling it i think they just like you're just left jesus that's so fucked up do you guys want to get into the roadmap sure what is it the roadmap there's a new bug apparently i'm not i'm not even kidding let's postpone the roadmap it's called a spider cricket apparently pull that up learn where we find it oh do not like him that's a camel cricket what's it it's oh wait what you think can you
Starting point is 00:46:15 click on click on the wikipedia i'm pretty sure it's a new bug wait no that was it i mean this is this is so dumb there's no way this is real i don't know that's what i heard maybe i got bad intel well did you make this wikipedia page i was gonna ask no no no i'm serious what is there anything special about it i just heard i someone told me there was a new bug craters craters they're called craters what's your guys's favorite or spricket or sand treaders i know you fucking made this wikipedia page i didn't make this 100 made this wikipedia this would be a lot wait go down it says where when they came to places where isn't that what this is showing us no that's the families in the genera dude what
Starting point is 00:47:01 do you make this no it's new to the u.s i think oh well that doesn't count yeah what someone brought it over here it's existed for millions of years yeah you fucking made this you made this wikipedia page you fuck i didn't make this that would be so pointless what are you talking about it's all sourced information this would be hilarious if you made this and it wasn't funny yeah yeah for all and you literally spent nine hours no i was i actually heard i hadn't done my research i was just taking someone's word for it that said there was a new bug okay i based off of how short the wikipedia pages and how many links there are i think you made it and the fact that it doesn't google the only thing is
Starting point is 00:47:47 that one wikipedia page what do you mean it doesn't google how'd you it there was like a how did you make it did you like how did you create the camel cricket i made the book i know that's what i'm asking did you did you like sew a cricket in a i just put a cricket have you ever seen will's laboratory yeah it's a fucking nightmare what's that it's where you show all the those legs on a different animal yeah are guys in there that look like you i know in big tanks and tubes i always thought that was weird and they're very naked and they're very torn up it looks like he's been scratching them i was uh yeah i walked in there you get rid of it i hate looking at it. Will stores them in these like giant
Starting point is 00:48:27 formaldehyde jars. Oh, formaldehyde. And one of them had scratch marks all over it and I could have sworn he mouthed help me when I walked into the laboratory. You've been trying to clone me? No comment. Can I give an official statement? No comment. No comment. How long have we been going, Lauren? Alright, what is roadmap? Fifty minutes.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Oh, perfect. Roadmap time. Alright. What that? Roadmap is when we tell it's Will's least favorite thing. We just tell people what they're getting into, what segments we're going to do. Are you supposed to do this at the start? No, but we always do it in an hour. It's kind of the joke of it. It started in the beginning
Starting point is 00:49:00 and then they just started yapping. When this podcast started, we didn't really do any banter. It was just all segments. Yeah, I remember. So now we're adding more banter and so the roadmap just keeps getting kicked up. We just did five minutes of banter. Why don't you give a road...
Starting point is 00:49:17 When you do the first ad read, you go, Hey guys, this episode is brilliant, but we talk about this, this, and this, and this, but before we get in... Because if they want to know what we're going to talk about, they have to listen to 50 minutes of us talking. And it varies by like 10 minutes each week, so they don't know if it's going to be an hour in or 45 minutes.
Starting point is 00:49:33 But they can click. It's timestamped. Timestamped. Do you have anything you want to get in before the roadmap? Because it's all set just after this. Is there anything you were thinking about or anything on your mind? Probably. Are you excited for Thanksgiving?
Starting point is 00:49:48 Yeah. Are you going home? Yeah. Wait, this is after Thanksgiving. Are you excited for Christmas? I was excited for Thanksgiving. I have a confession to make. Confession?
Starting point is 00:49:59 Before we get into the wrap. You know how I said I was watching a show on World War II yesterday? And that's where I was thinking about the things? It was a Family Guy episode. I didn't want to say that. What is that? It's a show about a dog and a baby and they time travel. Wait, I don't even...
Starting point is 00:50:17 What were you talking about? I said I was watching an informational educational TV show, but it was just fucking family was was brian the one dog fighting yeah oh that's good that's good do you guys talk about uh those high-ranking government officials testifying to congress about aliens oh it's the coolest thing in the world no it's what i don't buy it oh i don't i don't buy it either but oh what i'm joking i actually don't know what we're talking about i was trying to like be like i'm doing a cover-up it's probably the biggest uh it's like the most credible group of people so far to be like there are aliens we have communicated with them
Starting point is 00:50:59 not like verbally but like we have received and sent signals to them really and um or i think the best way they described it was like when like if russians came into your airspace you scramble jets to be like hey fuck off yeah and that's like a form of communication and that's what we've done with aliens apparently i don't know if i believe you but like what do aliens like this happened what recently a week ago i think they're like still in front of congress or whatever who are the people i don't know the funniest guy was i don't know enough about it he was some high ranking like military guy and they kept asking him like pretty easy questions to answer if you had communicated with aliens and he was just like i reserve my right to not tell you that
Starting point is 00:51:49 so you're you're not buying it no no i'm saying like he would just be like no we haven't seen them they were like have we communicated with aliens and he was like i don't have to tell you that that's not the clip i saw are you sure that was from last google just google aliens i get all my news from my tiktok the one i always saw is he was saying yes we have communicated with but i mean you know i don't know if i what necessarily good god believe that the aliens have been on earth no that was the thing that i out there and i believe we've communicated all these all these like pretty credible military guys especially like in the air force and the navy are like on multiple occasions like multiple times a year there is we don't know if they're
Starting point is 00:52:35 from another planet but someone has technology that we can't fucking explain because it'll be like 60 000 feet and it'll drop down to sea level and it'll go over here and it's all in like five seconds wow i mean could you imagine if like next year like aliens came i just know the landscape would become well if they were if they were friendly it would be the coolest thing ever yeah but they're not gonna be why wouldn't they be because our hearts are oil for them like our hearts power their cars yeah
Starting point is 00:53:09 and they're here for an oil change what you would think about as a car theirs are different we need their cars to can I go grab something real quick and then we'll get into the roadmap our hearts power their cars and their vapes
Starting point is 00:53:26 bro's probably getting a Lucy bro's an addict To avoid seeing poverty, turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways,
Starting point is 00:53:57 like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at unitedwaygt.org. as you all know by now we've teamed up with betmgm this season we'll be using betmgm lines to make all our picks and we'll have special offers for our listeners each week if you haven't signed up for betmgm yet use bonus code playdate and you will get up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with betmgm here's how it works download the betmgm app and sign up using bonus code playdate deposit at least $10 and place your first wager on any game you will receive up To $1,500 in bonus bets if your bet loses, just make sure you use bonus code PLAYDATE when you sign up.
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Starting point is 00:55:10 only subject to eligibility requirements rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel don't forget if you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet use bonus code playdate and get your $1,500 first bet offer today this podcast is brought to you by chubbies elephant in the room i think one of us has been wearing one of these flannels uh for the last like four episodes it's my favorite thing in the world i i've had to start like holding myself back because i'm like i can't just wear the same thing every day but this thing is so gd comfortable uh and stylish i've started just announcing when i walk into a room being like i know i know i wore it yesterday but i've been treating it more
Starting point is 00:55:52 as like an overcoat than like an actual shirt yeah so i don't feel like i have to wash it every time because it is like thicker and whatever. So I don't feel like people are really onto us that much. Guys, are you spending the holidays with your new partner's family and want to make a good impression? Well, you can make a great first impression with Chubbies. Chubbies is perfect for nailing that holiday look.
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Starting point is 00:56:52 Support our show and tell them we sent you. this holiday season gift yourself and your loved ones chubbies let's get back into the episode we have a fantastic episode for you guys today we are going to do your pitches followed by our pitches and then we are going to do everyone's favorite segment teach me something and then we're going to do this guy rocks lauren's got a couple am i the assholes and then we're doing it we're finally doing slurs that don't exist oh man and diseases i only brought slurs that do exist because i kind of ran out of time is that fine yeah that's perfectly fine do we know his name the one who keep who no no we don't but he'll this is gonna be his christmas yeah this is this is for you
Starting point is 00:57:34 all righty let's get into mine are all about one race christmas same wait three two one native america france hey they're indians isn't that crazy that they just showed up and no but that's not right that's not what happened right it's not what happens yeah but then someone in the yeah but they were also wrong if you google it it's it is there's a more better move not making a good case for myself there's there's a better chance it was what i it was closer to what i was saying than the fact that they thought we were in india and are we allowed to talk about it because i don't know but i understand that
Starting point is 00:58:17 we need to move on is there a way we could talk about it and cut it so that they thought that because like you can talk you can do things okay yeah like indios would be like people of god or something in oh and so they thought that it was closer to that because he didn't think he was he didn't think he was in india for very long so he gave so he just i mean that's why would you call people of god and then rape and kill them yeah that's what i was saying i don't know I don't know. But it's close. And then after slurs that don't exist, we are going to do...
Starting point is 00:58:53 He just got mixed up. Oh, diseases that don't exist. I already said that. Yeah, maybe he was just like... He just got mixed up. Maybe he just like misspoke and they all... I think he just got mixed up. He just got like twisted around.
Starting point is 00:59:05 Okay, pitches. Pitches from the playmates. First one. First one is from Isaac. Isaac Anslinger. He says, Howdy, Lauren and the Desperados. today i have a pitch that is going to knock your socks off that's good do you ever skip wearing an
Starting point is 00:59:21 item because it's slightly wrinkled has a faint smell wait stop wearing an item do you ever skip wearing an item because it's slightly wrinkled has a faint smell or isn't fresh enough to wear again yes introducing fresh wear fresh wear is a smart closet and garment refreshing system that deodorizes de-wrinkles and lightly cleans your clothing between wears it uses a combination of air circulation gentle steaming and scents to keep your clothes closet fresh without the need for constant washing simply hang your clothes inside the fresh wear closet and it detects any odors or wrinkles and gets rid of it through gentle steaming technology fresh wear lightly de-wrinkles clothing ensuring they're wearable straight from the closet customizable scent
Starting point is 01:00:02 options give your clothes a light natural fragrance based on your preferences fresh wears built-in sensors can detect stains and apply a mist to the area that breaks down all stains always fresh no fuss i love it and here's why i my method of getting the wrinkles out of my shirt is to put them back in the dryer yep i do that all the time and with some ice cubes yeah but it's too loud so i just put the steam setting on my dryer okay okay mr rich guy okay okay richest guy in the freaking planet yeah and then you go take your your yacht to the freaking moon Wait what's the ice cube The water slowly
Starting point is 01:00:39 The water slowly turns into steam Cause it's ice Hot pink ice cube But what I have been doing recently Is I just don't If I don't get to my clothes in time And they cool off in the dryer Then I have to run it again
Starting point is 01:00:54 And so this current load That I finally hung up last night Was in the dryer for four days And I was living out of my dryer That's depressing yep i mean yeah you guys share a dryer i do make it everyone else's problem no no no if i leave my hamper there and this is kind of everyone has been doing this and it's just if you have to use the dryer you just take that person's stuff out so we're always constantly moving each other sometimes
Starting point is 01:01:23 jerry does that he loses stuff in the dryer a lot do you hate that about him no what do you what about jerry do you wish was different um i wish he shorter i wish he wasn't from chicago hey what's wrong with that i just don't think boys should be from there i'm fine with you being that is a good point it's very feminine city it's kind of like for chicks and stuff right yeah it'd be like if like a girl was from pittsburgh yeah yeah that's like what what um i would i would invest in the business although i'm worried about i'd be women I would invest in the BIMIS although I'd be worried about the cost or the money
Starting point is 01:01:59 that would be going into it Jack's like what could they be talking about fuck you you'll never know you'll never know it's too rich I have a business pitch well we do one more from them and then we do ours
Starting point is 01:02:15 well mine's really quick and you are going to believe it it's camel crickets it's a new bug they already made them I know that's out the window the amount of r and d i sunk into it you have no idea how upset i was someone beat you to it well i'm just gonna do cricket camels it was like it was the space race cricket camels are gonna be crazy i'm still not convinced that you didn't make that page
Starting point is 01:02:43 i'm i'm positive because like why did you why did you bring that up no offense i don't think you made it anymore what are you talking you think i made that i'm almost there was sourcing on alt click one of the sources no i don't care i think it would go to like or no no no fuck you no google it again we'll do it later then tell then say then change your mind make it you didn't make obviously i didn't make that whole fucking wikipedia page whoa why are you so mad because i'm why you're so triggered because this is my fucking livelihood on the line my i my we're dragging the good danella name through the mud family my kids my grandkids come from a family of wikipedia errors though no i don't didn't you didn't you i used to wait for the record i know
Starting point is 01:03:23 that you used to go in and change wikipedia yeah okay if you change you clearly don't know of washington to a real seal yeah like an animal is it oregon but okay first of all that page would not be up there's no way i could create that and it would still exist right now there people are too diligent in wikipedia editing you can get things out there for very small amounts of time how sad you got to be to be the guy that's like reading an article about camel crickets and being like not i gotta dig a little deeper on this yeah exactly it's it's well yeah anyway i didn't make that article i heard about a new bug and that i thought that that would be cool for us okay let's hear the next pitch i'm sorry i'm sorry my apologies okay this one is from caitlin but
Starting point is 01:04:06 this is also you know in the live yesterday um john pornk yeah this is john prunk we made it you know that guy that says the thing about you riding him in the live sure we made John Pronk a moderator of our live stream so that he can shut that stuff down it is a girl I think
Starting point is 01:04:26 John Pronk is a woman John Pronk has been blocking everyone that comments thank you John Pronk love ya we need to dispel that information right now John Pronk slash Caitlin says
Starting point is 01:04:42 hello lauren and little fellas i have brought you possibly the most million dollar idea you've ever heard viewer driven past an abandoned movie theater and went wow that's depressing well think no longer if you invest in my idea i will turn that old depressing movie theater into a huge bar where every theater room is a different bar with a theme space bar check pirate bar already done there's even a room that vaguely smells like the one that wait what that smells like the one that got way i don't know what that got away it smells like the girl that you miss some of the theaters room you lost me a little bit on that one but yeah some of the theater rooms will have live bands well some of the rooms will use the screen as beautiful background ambience
Starting point is 01:05:19 if you haven't been sold yet i just think just think about how easy bar hopping will be that's fucking awesome i'm actually i'm actually shocked no one's tried to put multiple bars in one building i just don't get and i hate to be to play devil's advocate here i don't think the theater setting is good for a bar i was gonna say the giant ramp in the middle of each theater uh confuses like very steep like i feel like people would be i didn't think about that no you take all the seats out and it's just a huge ramp yeah oh i guess you it's just becomes like a slide yeah every bar has just has to work around having a big slide i guess it's like a huge slot you just lean a little piggybacking off of that i feel like there should be more bars just with like slides and like games
Starting point is 01:05:59 in general there's a one there's one called playdate there's a bar called playdate that has a slide in austin texas really pull it up you've been to play it you should yeah you should host a uh you've been to play me we we need to go it's the one on rainy right i don't know okay maybe it's not austin maybe it's dallas oh you're right i am thinking of unbarlievable no but there's a there's a bar called play date that's not but this is a different thing oh i see oh well anyway okay just take my word for it uh did you just create that me catherine i love or caitlin i love that um pitch love it it's a really really
Starting point is 01:06:46 good idea you're on to something very special i just think you would need to rework the rooms a little bit better because i don't think anyone wants to hang out on a slope that much well yeah but you can do you can you can do some demo when you buy a theater yeah 100 sure yeah all right pitch me willie all right here's what i got ready the phone uncharger all right sometimes sometimes i like when my phone dies because it's sort of like the a way of enforcing myself to not like check it like so like i like when like i'm out and about and like if i know i have a way to get home or whatever my phone's dead it's kind of relieving so this thing is uh you put your phone on it and it sucks all the battery out of it and then you don't have to have your phone or use it
Starting point is 01:07:33 and you have a plausible like oh my phone was dead if anyone tried to reach you i love that i mean it's so unbelievably moronic i can't i can't i can't believe it i would only i would only buy it if it was like one dollar because like you could just turn off your phone it's 150 okay compromise yeah i don't know if i can what about 120 i just like what's the point 101 wait why don't you just turn your phone into airplane mode you can't afford maybe i would do because then you can just turn it back on right it's a way of enforcing because i'm just addicted everyone's just like addicted to their phones no man what about uh what about an app that you download it kind of invalidates your whole thing it's brick that just turns your phone it just runs
Starting point is 01:08:16 as many things in the background as possible and really saps all the energy from the processor. And yeah, it opens all your apps at once and it starts turning the phone. Yeah, that works too. So it kind of invalidates your whole thing. Well, no, that could be it. I never said it was a physical thing.
Starting point is 01:08:37 Maybe the app costs $1 and it comes with a phone uncharger, so you run both at the same time. Okay, deal. 50%? Deal. 49.51. Okay, I want 52.
Starting point is 01:08:47 You only need 51 to control the company. I want 32, though. I want 30. I want you to have 35, and I want there to be this, what is that, 35 left? Yeah, I want there to be 35 that we both have to earn. Via, like, a skills contest? NBA skills contest. Sure, skills, maybe Game of Jacks.
Starting point is 01:09:09 Buzz Chuggy. Love it. um i this is more of just i think this could actually be a feature for spotify okay so if anyone at spotify is listening this is a pitch for you uh i am very into queuing all my songs at once and then putting my phone down and having like an hour's worth of music but sometimes when you're going through all your liked songs then you go through like a country chunk and like a rap you know what i mean like i want it to and i don't want to have to go through all those i wish you could have a shuffle feature of the songs you've queued so it's like everything's queued
Starting point is 01:09:49 those are the songs i want to listen to but it randomizes them so it doesn't go through the phases of music that i've been listening to i like that yeah totally is that yeah i guess that isn't a feature is it so spotify i'll sell it to you for i will sell that feature to spotify for ten thousand dollars it's a very niche feature that i think a lot of people will get a lot of enjoyment out of thank you ten thousand dollars that's my price i like it sold it do i own that now because i said it first yeah like if they did that and i could prove that they listened to this podcast they would owe me money you have to prove that they listened though right which would be almost no they could no they could eat still take it oh but you were saying yeah though you have to
Starting point is 01:10:31 put oh i was just kidding like obviously they can just take it if they want oh really yeah but i said it he said it doesn't matter to put like a patent on wait say trademark trademark ah damn it um this there was a do you guys ever play doorknob yeah no so i'm not but also not really i just knew about it it must have been like a texas thing i hadn't heard about it and my roommate is also from dallas and uh my roommate uh in college and the first time i farted in front of him he punched me like as hard as he could and i was like what was that for you because you didn't say doorknob and go why would i say doorknob but apparently in texas if you fart you have to say doorknob or sprint in touch a doorknob and if not everyone else can punch you really yeah i thought
Starting point is 01:11:18 what was the thing where you had to be like jets giants happy days what well you're going crazy do you know fucking insane can you type that out there's something wrong with you can you type jets giants happy days that sounds like a new york thing just based on the oh man i'm losing my mind this didn't even come up this is scary it was like something you would yell when i don't i think when you farted maybe you ever wizard yourself oh god what the hell is that no but we've talked about this before i like all right guys quick shout out to our partner fireball fireball whiskey is the perfect shot for game day whether you're grabbing some of those sneaky little shooters before going into
Starting point is 01:12:08 the stadium or going big with the fireball keg for your party whether it's a pregame shot in the tailgate lot or a celebratory touchdown shot at the bar no matter the method fireballs guaranteed to ignite your game day we actually got the fireball keg uh last weekend it is insanity. It has three taps on it and we just put it on the middle of the table and when it comes over, bink! Bonk! Fresh shot of fireball. I think the best time to take a fireball shot
Starting point is 01:12:35 too, may I just say this? Please. Is right after a Grayson James passing touchdown. This is the first time I'm talking about our wager with Lauren since Tommy Castellanos left BC, walked away from the team, has entered the transfer portal. It's not
Starting point is 01:12:51 looking good, boys. And while so many things make football great we can all agree nothing beats crushing your rival there's absolutely no better feeling as an athlete or a fan and this season fireball wants to provide an extra spark to ignite football rivalries all season long as you know we bet the boston college would win the acc we just lost to smu by the time this episode comes out we'll probably have lost again we're absolute dog shit our star savior of the program is in the transfer portal uh chocolate cake coming right up lauren's getting a cake with her face on it and smu is probably gonna win the acc which is just ridiculous uh whatever guys fireball's iconic cinnamon flavor
Starting point is 01:13:31 tastes fire and goes down easy making it the ultimate crowd pleaser co-pick up some from your local liquor store and join us in drinking fireball during our game days this season let's get back into the episode all right should we do well do you have a pitch oh i guess you already did your Camel crickets. Yeah, that's true. Should you teach me something? Okay, well, you aren't going to believe this, but my teach me something is also camel crickets.
Starting point is 01:13:55 Fuck. That they're coming in. They're coming? Yeah, so thanks, Willie. When do they drop? What? When do they drop? Well, in certain areas, they're alpha testing them
Starting point is 01:14:06 and beta testing them next month, but I think they're just going to wait until 2025 because I know there's a new bug coming out this quarter and they kind of don't want to like the releases to compete with each other and can't it's like when like ants and bugs life came out at the same time it just doesn't really work exactly and so camel crickets are i mean they're beta testing but they're basically out right and then cricket camels are coming out in 2025 right uh who wants to hear teach me something i already know yours does that bother you yeah you know his already i falbo called me and had one for me and then i
Starting point is 01:14:41 as i was on the phone i drove past the sidewalk and liam angus and um tyler were standing next to each other all right as we always are uh did you know that so will you know humor me a little bit here make the noise that a bald eagle makes wait can we play it on utf play look up bald eagle noise oh no no go back go back go back go back go back go back whoa uh cartoon bald eagle noise like this is what you'd think it sounds like right right that's the bald eagle you'd think that that's what they sound like false it's american propaganda to make it seem more intimidating that is actually the red-tailed hawk noise because the real noise that a bald eagle makes is like super unintimidating and like kind of kind of can we hear that yeah let's hear it
Starting point is 01:15:34 Let's hear it. It's like a seagull, basically. That's a bummer. Wait, that's so interesting. I prefer that. It's sweet. It kind of shows that lighter, soft-bellied side of America that we all know is there, but not in the media.
Starting point is 01:15:52 Add a comment as empty netters. It's basically, we didn't want to look weak in front of the Russians or whoever. So we pretended our bird sounded. and that's how we won the cold war i would have done the same thing i would have done the same thing i saw one in the summer bald eagle yeah cool and sebago did you say hi to it no i couldn't dude aren't they massive their wingspan are like seven feet their their wings go larger than my arms are out right now that'd be awesome and their their talons are like bigger than your fist we should get one on the pot um yeah there is a one of my favorite videos of the guys he's
Starting point is 01:16:33 fishing on this perfectly still lake catches a fish he holds it up there's a bald eagle looking down and he holds it up like this like hey i got it throws the fish in the air bald eagle goes comes down and swoops and just snipes it out of the water that's awesome very cool oh wait can you look up uh original baldwin alec no no no original baldwin boston college this is our mascot is a bald eagle and the old version of it is so funny looking wait where is it where is it oh look at the that one yeah wait look up uh can you zoom in on it yeah please oh what the hell i hate when that i think click on the photo clink on it oh no clink on it everything's all screwed
Starting point is 01:17:23 we're almost there we go back up what the hell here do this uh go back we'll put a picture of it right here okay right click on that and then do uh open in another tab open image open image not link i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry oh my gosh smarties oh why is he like inflatable is that awesome have you ever seen dartmouth's mascot no pull up dartmouth keggy the keg their mascots a keg that's not real yeah unofficial mascot yeah but they don't have they don't like have it's just like the big green and so this is the guy that comes around oh that's awesome they also invented beer pong apparently well they play dartmouth pong it's totally different yeah but they like they like had to
Starting point is 01:18:13 like change it like like they created both they created and dartmouth fun interesting and i assume uh this guy rocks could i do my teaching something i don't think you did oh it was a fun fact it was a trivia oh what's what state do you think produces the most turkeys texas um alaska i'm just gonna go until someone gets it washington virginia north dakota south dakota montana wyoming idaho rhode island maine iowa california hawaii oregon washington kansas texas louisiana nebraska florida hawaii that was even close illinois ohio vermont new hampshire massachusetts pennsylvania new york new jersey maryland Michigan.
Starting point is 01:19:13 Washington, D.C. Wisconsin. Montana. I mean, like... Puerto Rico. No one said it. Minnesota. I know, but just say it.
Starting point is 01:19:20 There we go. Oh, wow. All right, you guys all owe me lunch. Yeah, Minnesota. I already owe Lauren a bunch of treats. That's a crazy trivia question. Lauren and I cut a backhand deal last night where I have to... I owe her treats for this week and the week after Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 01:19:33 Really? Yep. Cut a backhand deal. Why? What was the backhand deal? I did a favor for me last night. The Photoshopping Joe Cool? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:19:42 that's pretty cool that's pretty cool all right should we move on to our next segment yes which one is it this guy rocks and i don't even have one i don't i have one here wait i can give you one i did it on lauren i did it on uh our episode the uh lightsaber that was funny would you mind pulling that up because i do i genuinely believe this guy no this is great i love this video okay wait for our audio listeners can you describe what is what we're seeing um yeah so we there's a group of people standing with their lightsabers at ease
Starting point is 01:20:14 which for the record is completely unrealistic they would never put them in the ground like that they would go right through the ground well they're holding
Starting point is 01:20:20 they're not dropping them well they're right on the ground they would be burning a hole in the ground okay anyway they are standing
Starting point is 01:20:25 in two parallel lines at ease waiting for their new initiate walking through between them to meet their leader I have seen this
Starting point is 01:20:34 and they raise their lightsabers approach yeah this is So, this is awesome. He's knighting him. Which is such a solid name, by the way. Rilo Stormchaser?
Starting point is 01:21:06 Such a solid pick. I wonder how they all found each other. We should come up with it. Jedi's that don't exist? that guy is awesome oh jedis that don't exist that'd be great so good yeah i might be kurt i mean this completely seriously i think it's so awesome that we live in a time where like those people can find each other that's what i was saying is like i don't have a community like that yeah nope i never will no you'll get as you'll get into something no because i can't let my
Starting point is 01:21:35 walls down right i gotta build anytime something happens to me where i don't like it the wall just got 10 feet higher buddy yeah but someday someone's gonna come build a door right in that wall big big big will angus size door i'm about to start crying i'm about to start crying on the play date that was really cute okay all right uh this wasn't on my bingo card crying on the sometimes we do get you said something really cute and inspirational last week oh yeah about just like will it make me feel better nope okay all right let's see my guy uh this one yep okay so liam sent you this no i sent this to liam oh he took it from you i sent this they pulled this up on yesterday or last week oh i pulled this up on our podcast
Starting point is 01:22:25 now when you said this to liam what did he say i think he liked the message okay because he showed it to us and said this is one of my favorite videos of all of all time like saying like the way he said it was like i've known this video forever oh uh i believe i said confront him whoa hey i'm gonna describe it for the audio listeners true so it's two i would say 10 year old girls in all black um and it's the uh it's new year's eve they're spending it in tabitha's room let's see what they're up to hey what's up i'm raven here i said bath princess of the darkness and i'm tara and we're sitting here in tara's room rocking out to mcr and celebrating 2009 or the new year which we don't really understand why people are making such a big
Starting point is 01:23:20 deal about it because really one more year is one more year that everyone's closer to death i will say they remind me of uh south park characters almost yeah like the goth group like the goth group that's so funny it's also like i wish like a video of me and my buddy doing that like me and rusty had a video like that i know i bet those mcr are the coolest now yeah they weren't cool back then but like that is so funny yeah that and they definitely are funny people now it's awesome when you're they're a lot they're probably 15 years closer to death now but there's no way they actually act like this when the cameras i don't think so thousand percent maybe out when the cameras are at least for that year they the way that she said closer
Starting point is 01:24:06 to death that was a thing that they've been saying back and forth to each other for months because she said it in sync with the other um yeah i guess they rock that was awesome thank you oh you should do mine now oh yes so this is actually kind of a teach me something too this is legitimately a new historical development it's not a new bug all right they've they so this is i don't know somehow scientists discovered rich king richard iii's voice and recreated it after 10 years of work this is okay sorry sorry some remote wine and i'm Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street.
Starting point is 01:24:56 Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at UnitedWayGT.org. That video is only going to be funny
Starting point is 01:25:33 if that was the perfect voice. What is that? I mean, it's fake, right? No, it's not real. Is that fake? it had to be like a video the audio from another video played right look up look up they look up discovery of king tut's voice have you seen they did this with him as well well this is like okay but this is so dumb play one more because you can't know no they did they like this analyzes
Starting point is 01:25:58 vocal cords apparently he sounds like what does what does it mean i don't know like uh yeah mummies i don't know how they do anything okay so this how do they know how old rocks are with like radiation carbonating that i don't know that's so dumb it's so stupid right yeah they recreated king tut's vocal cords i think it's king tut and they this is what his voice would sound like have you seen this will i think so but it's been a long ass time great moon's voice by recreating his mouth and vocal cords with a 3d printer it allowed them to produce a single sound Crazy Also the
Starting point is 01:26:39 You're like hit in the head by a cannonball in battle No his His parents and their parents and their parents Were fucking each other for five generations And that's what you sound when you're inbred You know they said King Tut Was like this glorious warrior and died in battle or whatever.
Starting point is 01:27:03 I don't know anything about him, honestly. They found out he was so inbred that he had a club foot and was horribly disfigured and probably couldn't even walk. God, I miss the olden days. Oh, no. Fucking awesome.
Starting point is 01:27:18 All right, should we do Am I the Asshole? Ooh, yeah, let's do it. Are you impressed with how many segments we have, Angus? I'm getting hit with a tidal wave of playdate. I feel like I'm caught in the riptide. no i'm literally i'm trying so hard to swim out to the side and back to the beach and i can't okay am i the asshole for wanting a ring for context my husband and i are approaching our 10-year anniversary and i never had a proper proposal wedding nothing i have a gold band
Starting point is 01:27:49 that we picked out after deciding we wanted to get married at the time it wasn't in the cards for us to have a wedding and we wanted to purchase a house so i said a ring wasn't as important at the time hoping that he would surprise me in the future well here we are approaching our 10th year of marriage and he's considering spending thousands on electric bikes for the family but i can't help but feel frustrated that he doesn't understand the principle of investing in a ring when i voiced my concern i was told i am ungrateful yet i argue that my gratitude is what kept us married the last decade i would take the e-bike nope he owes you he owes you a ring he's an asshole and it's it's actually insane that he's getting away with this i would say that if
Starting point is 01:28:25 you're going to reddit to uh have any part of your marriage uh like if you're looking for strangers advice online and then you're gonna take that to your husband and go see the whole internet hates you you're fucked and you said uh that your family he's buying e-bikes for your family there are kids involved this is over this is so over it's not even funny like that's insane you're toast what the marriage oh yeah if you're going on red yeah that is kind of a good point hey me and my husband cannot reach a compromise on this can you guys like tell me what you think so i can go show like she's not gonna like she's not gonna not show him this yeah and he's gonna go oh you're crazy no but i think he's the crazy one for like he's getting i agree he's not i've
Starting point is 01:29:13 driven her to madness by by doing this i agree he should get her a ring i don't know if she would show him i feel like it would just validate her feelings for being upset which like i would be upset in this situation well then what is she going to do with that demand a ring i would demand a ring if i was the woman i'm just saying this is like a little a little wedge in their marriage that is going to manifest in something horrible i would take a divorce now yeah i'm really not kidding i i yeah insane to go online it is kind of a a good like overarching because i think what you're saying could kind of apply to any one of these that we read it's like just by nature of that you're going on reddit to figure this out indicates that there isn't healthy dialogue in
Starting point is 01:29:53 your relationship that's what i'm saying yeah yeah i didn't think about that but yeah so they're both not the asshole but divorce yeah not the asshole you don't even need to get divorced because you never got married yeah but i would take the e-bike before you divorce him yeah get really on board with the e-bike yeah make sure everything he thinks everything's fine and then blindside him in front of his entire family exactly love it said this a hundred times but i i think i've said this every episode the last five episodes favorite tweet of all time kid tweeted that when his parents got divorced first thing he did ran upstairs deleted his dad's me so it's so sad and like so uh uh innocent yeah yep yeah yeah all righty next next one would i be the asshole
Starting point is 01:30:41 if i refuse to give my friend my copy or give my friend a copy of my thesis my friend and i just finished a master's degree in law and over the summer we had to write a thesis anyway he was he was supposed to but he deferred it to november slash december basically now he called me to ask a few weeks ago if he could see my thesis now that i have my results back to understand the structure i told him that we were doing completely different topics and questions so it doesn't apply he doesn't seem to get that get that and texted me again yesterday if he can see it i feel like i shouldn't give it especially when i asked him for a favor last month and he said he'd do it and then didn't and also i'm worried what plagiarism issues could arise with him having
Starting point is 01:31:18 my whole dissertation so would i be the asshole if i refuse to give it to him i'm just worried that he would change topics last minute to the same as mine and then the submission software catches us both for plagiarism so he's going to do that 100 but here's what you do i don't yeah i've borrowed people's like final essays before to see like the structure or like how they approached it not like to get the same subject or the same information i know very little about this guy i have find it hard to believe that he wouldn't just reword the whole thing no but i think you let him do it and then you hold it over his head for the rest of your life wait i don't think i think that i think she got it sounds like she already got
Starting point is 01:31:54 feedback on it too yeah so that would be extremely helpful as he's done no no i'm agreeing with you that you give it to him okay you are like you remember what you remember when you only graduated law school because of me yeah i also think they're like who the fuck who the fuck cares i would be this one sucks you have to just make sure they're not gonna say like if i give it to you and i find out you copied it i'm gonna like cut your fucking head off yeah and then you give it to him it's that simple yeah i agree but i think what we really need to be getting at is hold it over his head make it feel real bad maybe he has to be an e-bike think yeah think about all the think about all the extortion you could do with that information i think it's the same as
Starting point is 01:32:35 like if a teacher gave you a practice test before a test like that doesn't mean you're gonna it just shows you like what what to kind of expect okay right when you're writing your i also don't know how these work did you you didn't do a dissertation no what was yours on i didn't do it i know what mine's going to be about the infestation of camel crickets in northern america in the late uh 2020s that's good i got caught for plagiarizing uh the week before graduation yeah because you well you use chad gpt not really right we were at brunch celebrating that me and harper were graduating with our families and as we were toasting my phone buzzed and i checked and it said zero out of a hundred in a lengthy explanation as to how she knew i
Starting point is 01:33:22 cheated and i handed around my stepmom harper my phone and harper the smartest man in the world typed out a perfect email just confessing and she goes oh i didn't think you were going to admit to that like within the hour and uh she let me rewrite it i got b damn wow it's a good life it was in art history which i actually loved the class i just forgot i had a paper until the night before and you chat tbt the whole thing whole thing panicked that's crazy this is a side thing where i thought i wasn't graduating but i had uh i was finishing my final accounting final this was when i was going to be completely done and i had like a uh i'd like a 98 in the class and i went into the final that was worth like 40 of our grade which is so fucked up but i remember thinking like
Starting point is 01:34:11 okay i have to get like literally a like a i think it was like a 20 or something to pass and i'm not going to be doing like accounting i don't care so i didn't study at all and i remember coming out of the final and calling my mom being like i i think i might have gotten a 15 i left like literally half of it blank and filled in like two answers and i was like oh my god this is the biggest fuck up of all time did you ever fail a class in college i failed one me and seamus were in nashville we were at a jazz club with his parents and someone called us and goes where are you guys we said we're in nashville and he goes we have the midterm right now and we got a zero on the midterm i had my my own i was all like a's and b's in college
Starting point is 01:34:59 except my my worst grade ever was my senior year i had this really like cool professor who was like had you filled this questionnaire at the end of semester like what grade do you think you deserve right like the first semester i put a and he gave me an a but i didn't necessarily think that was like a direct correlation and so the second semester i was so bad like i wasn't showing up to class i was like not trying it was like a dumb i mean it's like a freshman class and i was a senior and blah blah and uh so i tried to be like self-aware thinking he would like respect that so i put c minus and uh crazy he gave me a c minus and that was my only c of college so i kind of walked right into that one yeah but it's got that's showbiz for you wait will
Starting point is 01:35:39 did you go to smu tcu oh tcu okay if you went to smu we'd have beef right now ah bpc on saturday yeah should we do slurs that don't exist slurs there she blows all right we'll tee this one up all right these are slurs that don't exist do you start with the what the word is and then the explanation yeah okay are you gonna start sure all right rocket rat so when we find out they're aliens this is what i'm gonna call them rocket rats that's great uh router head that's the guy who's always asking for the wi-fi password right when he shows up somewhere i got a by the way i just want to say i went through a lot of something dash heads when i was coming up with these
Starting point is 01:36:28 um a bush burner someone who smokes a lot of weed like it okay a hook hopper this is people who skip songs before they're over they only want to listen to the hooks there yeah strap foot someone who wears sandals all the time uh slack jaw someone who breathes through their mouth i like it isn't that a thing yeah that's like just okay let me do another one uh a jointer someone who has arthritis okay okay this one's pretty mid but echo head these are people who listen to the same 50 songs and nothing else it's a head yeah i don't know you sink soaker a sink soaker someone who uh doesn't do the dishes they just set them in the sink a fat tongue someone with a lisp okay i like that one um guys are fucking yeast hands
Starting point is 01:37:22 it's a for a baker what about uh yeah i hate that guy he's a fucking four pockets someone who wears cargo shorts i mean that it's really diminishing returns on these last couple um thumb cracker someone who cracks their knuckles i like that it's just kind of that's just you guys fucking hate all of them you hate all of them that's just something they do all right those are slurs that don't exist my dad just sent me this tweet that uh and it's elon musk tweeting that he's speed running the hardest difficulty on diablo nice and isn't he like what's diablo a video game for like anyway didn't he just get elected to some like position
Starting point is 01:38:10 by trump he's uh he's part of doge which is department of government government efficiency but also is this all just been a big scheme to get like the doge coin up probably like his new department he's been a doge guy the whole time yeah now that's his like government department i guess i didn't know any of this but yeah he's a big doge proponent like he would tweet about doge and the price would skyrocket and obviously he has and now he's the head of legal doge uh i think crypto is pretty it's like unregulated so i think could he tweet like everyone go buy this stock no that's illegal yeah that's market manipulation yeah but it sounds awesome you could make so much fucking money it does sound awesome i think that's why it's illegal should
Starting point is 01:38:57 we try it one time i did like you ever do those like uh there's like wall street survivors like it was like uh i was in like an investment club in high school and it was like you would buy it's like it was like uh a fake stock market i mean it mirrored the actual stock market but you'd like buy and sell and it was like that as well yeah so it's like a semester long thing to see like who can make the most money and i just i just right when we started i bought my the company my mom worked for was public and i just bought a like a ton of shares of that company and then i guess they had quarterly earnings like that week and announced like a great quarter oh that's awesome i made a ton of money and won the whole thing and then everyone just accused me of insider trading
Starting point is 01:39:35 when i actually didn't know sure but uh it's pretty diseases that don't exist yeah yeah you want to do that you do that no i do the last one these are diseases that don't exist toe girt pus comes out of your toes like go-gurt um i like that testiculosis your nuts fuse together it's they create one big ball that one's really good mono testiculosis okay i got digestive desublimation no more farting all your farts have poop in them now wait say what's the name again digestive desublimation uh the snarks uh all of your parts of your body except your mouth start making loud groaning noises and you can't control it um hypernipolia as your body stops growing your nipples keep growing and after years your chest becomes mostly nipple oh and do they
Starting point is 01:40:33 merge almost like the singular testicle yeah sure hellman's husk disease every seven years you start to build a cocoon and you shed all of your personal memories when you come out but you become better and smarter each time that's kind of okay uh core tips it's from people who uh use a keyboard too much and it basically results in the slow disintegration of your fingertips oh like a pencil um i like that dermia ignis your skin is extremely flammable like if someone lit a cigarette in this room you would catch on fire that's awesome that was my favorite honorable mention uh crab wait oh crap you have to give me one or you can have you and then you do the honorable mention you can uh do you want me to read all of mine you can pick one no just give
Starting point is 01:41:22 me one tristosia okay it makes depression look like a walk in the park okay next one Maybe not that one Plastosis Depression Grundle Plastosis sounds good Progus Okay what is progus
Starting point is 01:41:41 I haven't figured out what it is yet You're the king of comedy Progus What's progus I don't know It just makes everything feel bogus. Honorable mention, crab. It's one giant crab the size of your fist,
Starting point is 01:42:07 and it hangs onto your pubes for dear life. Yeah, I got crab. I got crent. Crentus. These are made-up diseases. Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry. Tristosia.
Starting point is 01:42:26 Treats? you're really sad you can oh you're really sad alright Lauren whose personality
Starting point is 01:42:37 are you stealing this weekend oh man um what's this weekend another segment whoa whoa you guys go first
Starting point is 01:42:46 alright whose personality are you stealing this weekend whatever sad movie I watch this weekend the main character do you actually do that sometimes I'll watch a movie
Starting point is 01:42:55 and then I'll act like that guy for the next four days. Yeah, we're autistic. Of course we're gonna do that. We're guys. We're autistic. We're gonna act like William Wallace
Starting point is 01:43:03 after watching Braveheart. I've actually never seen Braveheart. Isn't that crazy? It's awesome. Do you hear him berating his girlfriend about her boobs?
Starting point is 01:43:12 You mean Mel Gibson? It's the most famous rant. The most famous hilarious rant of all time. Yeah. It's the funniest thing I've ever heard. He goes,
Starting point is 01:43:20 you make me look like a fucking idiot walking around with those things. Can we watch it? No, he says Not on stream. Not on stream.
Starting point is 01:43:26 oh extreme do you want to hear it yeah it's the most i mean this single voicemail got him ruined in hollywood for like 15 years mel gibson rant just look that up on youtube wait wait should we wrap the pod for yeah or oh yeah i mean it's wait let's just cut this part out and we'll resume after will's watched it okay yeah okay all right will is gonna watch the mel gibson rant right now and you'll see him in five seconds all right oh my god that guy made passion of the christ i've never seen a movie about jesus christ i've never seen that either i don't even i actually don't even know who mel gibson is i'm not even lying uh but he's a really good actor he actually
Starting point is 01:44:11 is like yeah what if at the end of that phone call he goes and scene oh it's like almost crossing his fingers right that is horrible all right i'm going to vegas i'm stealing um daniel ricardo's nice oh are you going to the f1 thing yeah we we i guess we're doing french now we very good pull up barry hammond that's who's personality i'm gonna steal he's he's just always on a laid-back vibe and i like he wears those cool 90s sunglasses that are like just cover your eyes and uh he sings a song called rock away and i think i'm gonna try and just be like that i wanna rock away yeah rock rock rock oh no you already told us the sad guy no i can't pick a specific a guy it will be willie d's personality fucking girl lauren i'm gonna steal maybe like a christmas
Starting point is 01:45:15 elf's personality because christmas is like a few weeks away now which is crazy we're already almost in december which christmas elf dasher dancer prancer no not any specific one just I should put up my Christmas tree soon Do you have one? Just like a fake one I think I'm going to get a real one Alright Thank you guys for tuning in to Playdate
Starting point is 01:45:38 We love you guys, have a great rest of your week And we will see you next Wednesday Adios Thanks for having me on What? You want to plug anything? Uh, no Cool
Starting point is 01:45:50 Just thanks for having me on, I can't wait to come back See you later Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty.
Starting point is 01:46:23 Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways. like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at UnitedWayGT.org. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know, the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaia, and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned.
Starting point is 01:46:47 And today, I'm still figuring it out. Somehow, things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem.

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