Will & Rusty's Playdate - Don't Look Laterally

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

In this week’s Halloween special, Rusty learns about alleys after a narcissistic pitch session, Willy discovers the skinwalker, and the boys draft candies and scary movies that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (01:59) Willy’s Dream (08:12) Pitch Submissions (21:45) Pitches (25:55) 7D Movies (34:25) Sixth Grade (39:45) Candies That Don’t Exist (45:30) Scary Movies That Don’t Exist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

what up playmates all right it's episode nine happy halloween episode nine before we get started i got you guys some candy what what you you got me this happy halloween i actually i like this nice hand feet nice hand this is epic this is cat this is actually a christmas themed candy which is confusing mine's peppermint bark mine's also where all of ours are peppermint bark where You got all this peppermint bark Downstairs Thoughtful Alright let's guess

What everyone is Everyone You have two seconds To guess what Rusty is Before we tell you Three Two One

Ice Spice He's Ice Spice Wait Oh He has W. Guillot This episode I am Three

Two One Buzz Aldrin Michael Collins My hat is not seeing And Lauren And it's three, two, one. B-L's, uh, L's, no, not B-L's above.

That's the devil. I'm trying to think of that. What's that chick from Wicked? Um. I don't remember. Elsa? Glenda? No, that's the Goodwish.

Oh. I don't know. L's. Okay. All right, we got a really fun episode for you guys today. It's gonna be insane. It's all Halloween themed. It is spooky and it is scary.

We got scary movies that don't exist. We got candy that doesn't exist. And as usual, we got some business pitches and we got some business pitches from you guys. Do we, Lauren? Do we, Lauren? Yep, we do. Amazing. Let's go.

What order do you guys want to do this in? The world is literally our order. The normal order. Last episode was a nightmare all around. We got to distance ourselves. I don't remember what the normal order is. The normal order is we usually tell like a quip or something at the beginning from like something that happened over the weekend. Usually we make it natural, but now I've outlined.

Well, all right, can I just tell you what happened to me last night? Yeah. I think I told you this earlier, but... I don't think you did. No, I had a dream, and in the dream, I had this crazy experience and then reached or went and got my notebook and wrote down that I wanted to tell it on the podcast. So I woke up this morning, I was like, oh, I got that sick story to tell on the podcast, and then I realized it was all...

Tell Lauren what the story was. the story was that i was on an airplane that landed in the charles river uh like what's the charles river it's like the main river in boston but like you ever see like that you know that like plane that landed in the hudson river yeah it was like that and then i in my dream went and wrote it down in my notebook like oh i gotta tell the story on the pod like that wouldn't be like a life altering event like i'd be at work today yeah normally if i'd survived like a plane crash he was he was telling me earlier he was like he was like i was the whole dream i was trying to figure out why i wasn't in the news which is so funny yeah um but that didn't really happen i was talking

to someone last night about how there's probably a guy who like last night had to come up with names for candy like he worked at like nestle or something and that was like part of his homework and then there's probably a guy who works at like warner brothers that had to come up with like a scary movie title but today last night no no like like you know what i mean like someone we were probably the only people in the world that had to come up with both that's true boy did we ever

I'm very excited about it I started The Wire last night have you guys seen The Wire? if I hear Will has not shut up about The Fucking Wire and I don't care that's a terrible take I care about you caring about it

but I just don't care about The Wire do you know anything about it? you should watch it, it's fucking fantastic I have so many shows going on right now that I can't even fucking... What, Temptation Island? Nope. Nope, finish Temptation Island.

I'm balls deep in One Tree Hill, inventing Anna, Drake and Josh. I'm not yucking your yum, but I guarantee the wire is better than at least half of those. I'm drowning in One Tree Hill right now. I've never seen it.

You know, have you seen it, Lauren? Honestly, no. I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately. Is that the theme song? Yeah. It's awesome. Inventing Anna is very interesting. That was a good one.

Here's what happened, though. She was kind of annoying. She is kind of annoying. So basically, it's this girl, and she's posing as a German aristocrat, or like heiress, I guess, and kind of like cons her way into high New York society, which is a pretty hard world to break into. was pretty impressive that she did it and um true story it's a true story and she got caught in for like fraud and stuff but here's what happened to me i i finish episode one and someone had been on

my netflix account like maybe i had started it years ago and like kind of forgot about it but when when episode one ended and you know there's the little bar that says like next episode in like three two one it took me straight to episode four and i and i didn't notice until i was like until i was like halfway through episode four and now it's like i already know what happens that's brutal in episode four so like i can't go back it ruined the series for me yeah that's tough you don't want that to happen i can't i can't even imagine if that happened to me in the wire wait what is the wire what is the wire anything about it it's like a it's i think well like regarded as like one of the greatest tv shows of all time like the sopranos and like breaking bad

it's uh like a it's about like the baltimore it's like a crime drama about baltimore i couldn't even i've only seen the first three episodes but it's great i think you and i've had this conversation before and i think this is this is a pretty common thing i'm not the first guy to struggle with this when when like everyone tells me like that i have to watch something it actually like does the opposite effect for me where i'm like because you all fucking like it i don't want to watch it and i like i'll probably end up watching the wire like when when you guys all cool off on it you know what i mean i'll be like oh i should have watched it when you guys were watching it but like it just when when it's kind of like someone telling you you have to you have to do it

it's like i don't i don't have to watch the wire i guess that's fair michael with jordan's in it What was that? Michael B. Jordan. Why'd you say it like that? Did I say it weird? I'm sorry. I'm so invested in my goldfish. I turned my mic away, so I didn't know you guys were going to include me in the conversation.

Cool. You had your headphones on. That was like an audio thing. Yeah, it did sound a little like... It was like you made it one word. Michael B. Jordan. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Who does Michael B. Jordan play? He's like a kid, dude. He's like a little... Oh, oh. i have seen the wire then he has dreadlocks or cornrows yeah corners yeah i've seen the wire the whole show no i've just seen an episode where he's like sitting on a car yeah that's like every episode but yeah um all right should we listen to some fan uh friend pitch submissions playmate we keep getting so many of them we also kept i feel like i've noticed we get a lot of people

submitting sayings that don't exist we've never taken a submission on those no i think they just i think they're just like i want like they want to flex their their muscles yeah which is fun okay well um well now you made it sound like i was shitting on no no no no no no um for everyone submitting sayings thank you guys we love reading them yeah i i want to just i want to just get something off my chest here before we get into it um i apologize for fiddling with my mic the entire episode last episode that one's on me guys and it was the first time that will and i tried to you know self-produce and uh it's not gonna happen again we are very we are acutely aware now of why lauren has a job we we get it we get it now all right so our first pitch submission is

from alien insurance from sean gilbert yeah i don't think we've heard it yet i i can't remember if i read it or we talked about it well stop reading them okay so for the low rate for the low rate of eight dollars a month we will cover any damages caused to you or your property by extraterrestrial beings with all this alien hype going around you have to wonder if one of these gray men crashes it's ufo into my house will i be covered today only we have a special deal bundle with super villain insurance for the low rate of 12 a month if aliens are any beans with supernatural powers i feel like you're saying beans okay sorry carry on lauren was the person that thought it was human beans until i still think she's saying human beans move on okay all

Beans Beans With supernatural powers Who fight for evil Damage your property You'll be covered That's it I like it

I think there are enough people To buy that That you could make a fortune Yeah I think here's Here's It's a scam What's his name? Sean Gilbert

Sean It's a brilliant scam I was gonna say Literally the I wasn't saying Sean was doing But I was gonna turn it into that Here's what we do Sean I love your idea

Here's what we're gonna do In the fine print We like We say like They can only it only covers aliens from like a certain part of the galaxy like if like we're like why because like 90 there's a 99 chance that like it's just gonna come from a different part there's a 100 chance that they're not gonna come to you think aliens are gonna come to earth that's what i'm

saying is like is like in the fine print so like even if it even if like they miraculously come here and crash yeah we still are just raking in cash like sorry your claim's not valid i i would like to think that i i would accept that we would go bankrupt if aliens actually came if i owned this business i would i would sleep peacefully at night knowing that i also can't imagine that regular home insurance doesn't wouldn't cover that it would still just be like something crashing into your house yeah i mean i guess it's yeah also like if aliens came you think some guys like oh great i get to file a claim like yeah i think shit would hit the fan in a lot of ways also if they got all the way here without crashing it would be hilarious if

like they they got through the fucking ozone layer they got through that they got through orion's belt fine but like they can't get through brentwood without crashing in here without crashing i think it's genius it's great yeah yeah we're gonna make a lot of money one's a fun one okay next i really hope did we not talk about that we didn't okay i would remember that i would and i just read it and thought it was good so i'm glad we brought it Well, you did just get a concussion, so who knows? I did. Right before this episode, I hit my head the hardest I've ever hit my head.

I feel like we're all being sassy with each other today. I can't figure out why. Yeah. Really? There's some tension here for sure. Not here. It's this way, and it's this way, and it's this way, and it's this way. Oh, so it's just me.

I don't feel tension. So I'm the problem. I feel, I think you're just not, you're not tapping it. My head feels. She's kind of, she's nagged you like two or three times. Really? Yeah. My head is throbbing.

I'm not even kidding. I nailed it on the ceiling like 20 minutes before the episode started on the ceiling yeah it was like a part of the ceiling that was sticking down

and I was like trying to find I was trying to find revolutionary war costumes for us to wear for this episode because I thought it would be funny

and I hit my head so hard I was like fuck it we're just wearing wigs he came up he came up with no costumes and I was like

where like do you find him and his bell was clearly rung and he was just like nope hit my head really hard

just gonna sit down I just sat on the couch and stared straight for 15 minutes before this episode, and I still feel like shit. You're so strong. You are so strong. Okay, that one I picked up on. She's been fucking nagging you this whole episode. It's all right.

All right. Next. Pitch two. Pitch number two. Okay, so this is a YouTube submission, YouTube comment. Thank you, Ray. Thank you, Ray. So his pitch is a stage fright eliminator.

Ooh. Yep. Here we go. Pretty sure all guys know one of the worst things that can happen at the urinal is the inability to perform. Yep. With Stage Fright Eliminator, you would never have to worry about this problem. It works by stimulating the prostate, I think. Okay, what?

Whoa. That took a crazy time. Yeah, that was... I didn't even read this before. Of course you didn't. Bonus. Well, you were probably too busy. Why?

Everyone be nice to each other. Everyone stop. bonus feature you can cause other people around you to experience stage fright additional feature you can activate guaranteed pee shivers every time you pee yeah i love pea shivers i can't relate to this but you've never had pea shivers no what is that it's like when you're like something when you're peeing will like make your body like in like a great way it's like a it's like a it's like a back orgasm oh i wouldn't describe i don't know that i've ever really thought of it as like a great thing oh really it's part of it i liked it i always like it um

i i i'm confused why we have to go through the prostate but i'm here for it yeah i mean it seems like i guess if he's done the work if he's put in the the science then we do i like it i know uh rusty i know you're a big stage right guy i'm a huge stage i'm pretty pretty good in general i here's my thing if i have headphones in like if i'm at the airport yeah i could be peeing with no dividers yeah anything i'm kind of in my own world i could yeah i could pee on myself there's something about like when i can tell that everyone around me knows that nothing's hitting the urinal cake yeah and it's like i just you ever see a guy like you feel like a bad guy you ever you ever like you ever do the fake the fake shake like you finished and you kind of walk out like you did p

but you know you didn't i i don't really i i'm pretty i'm a pretty uh i did that once and then the guy that was next to me you know i could tell he knew what happened we were sitting next to each other on the plane ah and i was like this guy knows that i'm a fucking coward never forget one time uh our shoes got so wet that rusty boarded an airplane without shoes and then the guy was that the guy next to you or next to chet it was it was chester and i walked in we've already told the story but it's a great story did we yeah oh never mind all right we should skip it then the short version is chester and i just i boarded this plane in just our socks like we threw our shoes out and the the guy next to chester was like did you board the plane did you take your

shoes off in the airport or did you come to the airport with no shoes on and then chester told him, and then the guy took his shoes off. Yeah, he was like, he needed, like, validation. Yeah. Did we really already talk about this? Yeah, it was, like, episode one or two. It was a good story. Way back when. Way back when. The OGs will know I told that story. Yep, yep.

Alright, I like that one. I forget what it is, but, oh, the P one. Yeah, yeah. Stage fright eliminator. Thank you, Red. Is it like a butt plug? I don't get how it stimulates your, oh! It's like a butt plug. Jesus, that's better. It's mostly like a butt plug. Yeah, you're like, you're caught on

the net you're caught on the web he's uh um he's just looking for an excuse to like to like make to like yeah to make vibrating butt plugs he's like it's a it's a um a stage a stage fright eliminator yeah all right all right i like that one our next one is from logan or no it's the logan brogan logan brogan on youtube that's a name well that's shit lauren definitely had it no wait logan his name is logan brogan i don't know if that's his name all right that's his youtube username oh is his youtuber name the logan brogan i hope his name is logan brogan that'd be awesome okay so his business idea is the sleep sponge uh i i it is rare to hear the name and have no idea where this is going no we've already i'm pretty sure we already did this one

What is it? I think it's the thing that cleans your sheets immediately. Continue. Oh, my God. We did this on the last episode, Lauren. This is why we don't use AI, Lauren. I... We forgive you.

We forgive you. You guys wanted me to get that episode out in, like, five seconds. Yeah, that is true. Correct. That is true. So I didn't have time. And we didn't want any mistakes either. Yeah.

We wanted this one to be perfect as well. All right. Well, now I'm going to have to find one. i'm just gonna look one up fuck it okay okay i got one of my dms yesterday and you it's a per is my personal so you can't send it to me i'll just read it oh no i have to read it you have to read it yeah okay i haven't even read it yet but oh here you go oh that was sick thanks i guess there's no camera angle that would have lauren's got it all right so our last pitch submission for the day is from elsa finstad on instagram oh yeah so she says have you ever

been out somewhere and realized that you forgot something yeah ever changed your mind on something you didn't bring but now you want yes this is an uber service that will go to your house and get you what you need okay this is fun uber fetch body cam live feed to you in corporate so they don't steal anything and you can watch them dig around your place to find it simple keywords like red phone charger by bed, so it's not super convoluted and confusing. Convulated? Convulated.

Convulated? I don't know what that means. Convulated? Convoluted. Does it say convoluted? Convoluted. There you go. What did I say? You said convoluted.

Well, I'm going blind. We all do it. We're all blue. You can also have them search for something you lost with generic questions. Your unhelpful friends would ask, like, where did you last have it? And what does it look like? But they have a bonus incentive to find it to get paid more. And if they can't find it, they will go and buy you a new one and charge you through the app.

Okay, I like that. Also, if you realize you have it, you can cancel and they can just chill at your house until they find a new client. That seems like an unnecessary addition. I don't know why we're helping the drivers out so much. and he could have a soda from the fridge she says she says it's great for vapes

you think you lost but find in your pocket definitely not sure how they get into your house and how long this process takes but I think of this every single time I'm out great pod love you guys you're my fave thank you so much we love you too I will say

kind of exists you can do that with Uber they just can't go into your house that's the whole premise you have to have a person there you have to have like your buddy drop it yeah to them i had my passport uh one time i was at my sister's house in silver lake and i forgot my wallet it was when we was when you and i lived on clubhouse yeah it was epic and uh and the uber driver drove an hour with my passport in a

in an iphone charger box so that's hysterical so that he wouldn't think it was my passport oh you can steal it yeah billy lang didn't put it in a you know like a discreet box uh i had to get a key to let one time i like went i was at my buddies i like went home at the end of the night and i was like locked out of the house and so i had to get him to send me my key and i like when i facetimed him he was eating pringles i was like yo toss a couple of those in there i was just like kind of in passing uber guy pulls up he hands me a ziploc bag with five pizza pringles and the key and he's just like laughing as he gives it to me he's like kind of awesome that'd be funny if if he couldn't see the key yeah and he just thought you you were he was like you easily

could have walked to the store um what's her name again lauren um it was elsa finstad that's uh that's i love uberfetch yeah i think that's great all right who are we investing in i think i've first picked this week or no no no it's your turn it is my turn okay um what did we have again we had uberfetch uberfetch stimulator he's stimulator stage right no stage an alien insurance i'm gonna go i have to go stage for an eliminator even though just because just out of solidarity for another guy that has to go through that because it's not fun yeah i think that's that's smart i'm gonna go alien insurance i think it's an actual gold mine i think you i think you could actually make this and sell it to delusional people i mean it's like yeah yep yeah all right i'm going to

uberfetch that's what i wanted so perfect sweet all right well it's kind of like can i just say one thing at risk of getting uh the alien insurance is kind of just what organized religion is that's uh it's certain it's like profiting off of something that probably is as far as we know might never happen i would say it leans a little more towards a certain religion than others a certain religion that's not really real where like you well they're all this i mean as far as we know none of them are yeah but one of them's definitely more alien centric oh i see um all right should we pitch each other yeah all right i'm gonna start us off i have i have a confession all of mine today are the most narcissistic they're all about they're all

about me i thought you're gonna say they're all peer-to-peer related no none of them are peer-to-peer related but they're all like actually i guess i guess like they're all about you so it's like about you you you like like they're like podcast idea just let's just see what we got i got yugel that one's about you yeah it's uh it's google for things specific to your life examples how many drinks have i had in my lifetime what's the biggest poop i've ever taken i just said i did not remember poop related how many times have i almost died who's the hottest person willing to hook up with me um have any of my actions led to someone's death like any like that's a crazy one

what sparked this was I saw a tweet about a guy saying I wish I could google what my neighbor does for a living I want to give that person credit I forget who it was but it was really funny I like

Dylan was saying he would use it and search who are my secret admirers I think you'd go crazy with this you'd never leave the computer you just be googling shit all the time yeah i would want to know like like where i've yeah where where are you what where i've been in all my dreams oh yeah what would you google learn um i'm trying to think probably something about like secret admirers or like yeah who

who won the civil war yeah Can you imagine you get Guy gets yugel Guy gets yugel And just starts googling Normal things Top ten quagmire moments Would you guys want to know

Like actually this is Would you guys want to know Like what age you're gonna die at No No It's gonna be It would be so concerningly young Yeah

It would be like Like 25 Fuck well it's like this year yeah like oh i just don't want to be alive anymore actually yugel how do you spell that y-o-y-o-u dash g-l-e yugel sounds like a black mirror episode i think you're gonna say something else sounds like what i don't know okay i like that i like it a lot all right i got snikes snikes yeah yeah the bikes for snails think about it no no no hear me out on this we have no idea what they are capable of as a species that's true they move

so slow that they haven't even had like they couldn't develop maybe they could develop civilizations maybe they could eventually talk if they were able to socialize enough but we don't know because they can never get any they move like eight inches and then they die and so how like how far do they move in a lifetime eight inches i just said so like no that was like in reality like if one wanted to get from like me to lauren is that like a day-long process i don't know seems like it i'm just in my mind it is but if you think about it like what like if you're playing pokemon and like your guy's walking too slow what do you need to get around faster a bike so if you give those to snails it's like a huge yeah i'm rocking with it yeah you guys

hate it no i like it i like it okay i just looked up how far do snails go in a day and it says a snail can travel an average distance of about 50 to 100 feet in a day wow like 30 yards that's pretty far oh that's really cute good for them yeah but like relative that's like like how long is a snail an inch uh snails were like 72 inches how old is it breeding or is it is it in heat is it in heat all right i got snake i got 70 movies 70 70 seven dimensions so here's the idea um you're dropped into the world of that movie and you're not confined to like where the camera is like you can roam freely you can see what other characters are doing like when the camera's not on them and you can get kind of like the full picture i would mostly only i would probably

only use it for harry potter just because i think what i my thought process was like other people can use it for whatever they want to like figure stuff out i would just want to hang out in in like harry potter world i agree i i i do think it would be really funny though because i feel like you would end up missing like major plot points because you were just like at the cafe or something whoa whoa he's yeah he has returned i guess you get like i guess you get like text updates you get like maybe maybe there's like a like a little thing that you can see that's like this is where you should be if you want to follow the story but you can do your own thing yep i I think you also, you have the headphones on like you're on a tour in a museum.

Okay, yeah. Where it's like Harry's and Voldemort's beams are locked. Their beams are locked? You know when they do that thing and it's like... Actually, I watched The Half-Blood Prince yesterday. It's a good one. Or no, I watched Order of the Phoenix yesterday, sorry. Well, the one where their thing's locked is actually Goblet of Fire.

Dumbledore and Voldemort lock beams in Order of the Phoenix. I just literally wasn't talking about Dumbledore. I said Harry and Voldemort so so what I thought of when you brought up this idea was you know in Percy Jackson

when they go into the casino yeah the lotus the lotus flowers yeah the lotus so I was obsessed with that scene

when I was a kid you need to watch it can you explain it to me it's like put up a picture of the lotus flowers right here so I can watch it later

it's called what is it called the lotus hotel lotus casino it's like they eat these lotus flowers they're basically

like drugs it's called the lotus i don't know but they eat these things and then they're stuck in this casino for like weeks and they think that it's only like minutes or hours yeah and i remember when that scene ended in the movie i was like what like that was sick i want to like be in that scene forever so you would want to go there i think that's like a trap like no it looked but it was just like cool and it looked like was it a good vibe yeah were they drinking no they were like teenagers yeah but like there's guys in there that they're like what year is it and he's like 1938 what do you mean oh because

he's been eating lotus flowers yeah they just like keep eating that i don't know it's a cool scene you need 1938 yeah 1938 i'm from the 1900s the guy doesn't realize that people keep coming in like increasingly weirder and weirder clothes every yeah yeah he's like wearing like an old mining outfit um all right willie what you got wait no no what movie would you drop into i would drop into star wars obviously and i would just go to theed which is like the capital in the boot and just hang out. It's like a... You know, like where...

You wouldn't go to that pub and start fucking drinking? Mos Eisley? No, it's like the gutter of the galaxy. I'd go to... Yeah, but that place looks like a fucking lit dive bar. I think it'd be smelly. you go to feed and you just vibe out or you check out course would you try and hook up with a pad

man oh my god a hundred times over i i would try a hundred times over until she said yes i well and if she i don't yeah she's my who was this natalie portman pad may oh 18 year old natalie portman whoa she's a hottie she's 18 20 and 21 we googled it i know and i said when we talking about it i said attack of the clones which is 20 when she was 20 i'm 23 she's 20 i think it's it's fine fine she's so hot yeah she is really hot um do you think she's the hottest character in a movie ever in my personal opinion yes it's like her she's like my number one crush in the history of the world it's like her or like the mom from paddington i haven't seen paddington either i don't know mom from the incredibles yeah alas i tried to make

so will and i you know will and i picked each other's costumes for halloween to have that makeup artist come in i was gonna make you elastic girl and like give you a big butt and boobs but then that she was like she was like it wouldn't be like that long of a process yeah because like the whole point was if you haven't seen it will and i put like pretty elaborate prosthetics on each other's face the other day and she was basically like it would just be a mask and a wig and giant butt and boobs well you had the boobs i did have boobs i was slutty darth maul yep and resty was rango and let's just say we were the life of the party except that we were both so wildly uncomfortable that we left so i left six i left at 906 yeah i said i walked in

said hi to lauren and her boyfriend i said hi to will or no you and i went there together um and then we did say hi though the amount of people that texted me and were like because i told them i was going and were like hey where are you and i was like i left and they're like it's 10 yeah all right what do you got willie i got roof mba roof mba is like a roomba but it it's on the ceiling and it has like a tractor beam and so it like goes around your house on the ceiling and then when it sees like trash on the table it goes you know like sucks it up that's awesome so it cleans trash off of like the like tabletops your mantle your counter your so is it like a long claw that just like extends no it's a it's a tractor beam i don't i don't know what that is

it's like an alien has an alien ufo sucks it up yeah it's not like a physical just like the audio listeners are having a blast yeah keep going ruining them it can pick your clothes up and put them in your your laundry pile and if you you got a program where your laundry piles is and that part is really confusing for some reason the programming part even though the tractor beam technology is super advanced the laundry stuff is really i hate it but i hate when that happens no i don't hate your product no i know i love your product um that's roofing anyway roofing i thought you were gonna say it was like a roomba that like cleans the leaves out of gutters that well that was my okay you spoiled

my next idea all right wrap it up mine of the of the narcissistic uh ones hulu it's hulu but it's all about you so it's uh it's basically it's a show where they hire actors and each season is a year of your life so season one is the first year of your life season seven's your seventh year so on and so forth and it's like the most important moments from your life and you can go back and like relive cool stuff that happened in your life and you get to watch a show about your life i think that would be really scary yeah why i mean is it like is it like do they only do like the cool parts no i mean it's accurate how much scary stuff's happening you know nothing i just don't know if i'd want to watch a show about my own life really i'd watch every i'd watch that'd

be my favorite show i think i would watch it if it was like my childhood and like maybe like high school but i don't need to see like recent stuff because that's like you're obviously not watching season 23 right now it's gonna you're watching like you're you're you're watching season 14 baby you're watching season 18 okay that sounds fun season 18 would be fucking lit yeah that'd be insane just discovered the the fucking season 18 actually would be cool season 18 would be a fucking season 16 would be crazy what's happening when you were 16 just like cool shit that was when you were goth right you were goth line no yeah she remembers she had like yeah we don't talk about on the podcast no season season uh like dude you're you're like reminiscing about

an old relish yeah pop back to season 12 yeah that'd be like not season 12 season seven twelve yeah seventeen i don't know i would go back to sixth grade yeah sixth grade was like literally one of probably the worst years of my life really i mean i was just like you can't do anything you're just confined to wherever like your babysitter is taking you you don't have i feel like i was just a free-for-all like going everywhere by myself like i didn't i don't think that i felt confined by it yeah but like looking back dude you know how much freedom you have right now and going back to being in sixth grade it was like you had like you just had like come up like do homework you were definitely a kuman kid kuman do you know kuman island that is spot on

were you not a kuman kid i don't know what that is kuman is this gonna be like kuman your face like i thought it was like candace no no kuman is like a sugandese kid no kuman is uh you'd take kids would go there after it was like the kids went after there after school to get like more school kuman how do you spell that k-u-m-o-n it was like an after-school program yeah but it was like it was just like fucking you'd go in there and they were just like grind you what i know i went i went home and i would play in the alley the alley where did you leave live where'd you leave live i leaved in a house uh what alley was nearby there was like an alley right behind it Like all the houses on Virginia Ave had an alley

And we were on Northwest End Ave But it kind of intersected So we would all the kids in the neighborhood Like on both On two different streets shared one alley So we would all Just go back there and play like stickball Yeah I mean basketball

We built I feel like I'm picturing the wrong out Like the wrong type of alley I had alleys all over Yeah Alleys? Why are you so Like garages that are in the alley

Yeah like an alleyway behind your house Do you not know No What are you picturing I know what an alley is but an alley is where people get stabbed In Lancaster Pennsylvania No one was getting stabbed in the alley I'm saying like

I guess it sounds like you guys lived in a more Urban environment than I pictured Yeah I mean it was in the city I was not lancaster is a city lancaster is a city like is like bigger bigger or smaller than portland man uh oh god i don't know portland's growing a lot right now but i would say they're probably comparable cool third business pitch what do you got for me uh okay i got oh god i got alleys i feel like we keep going down like such deep little holes into like the most of rand i like

it yeah well it's kind of i mean now that kind of blew my mind but i guess i guess we were just operating i kind of feel like i'm spinning all over the place how do you think i feel uh all right it took me a second to remember what this meant but i have blouch uh you didn't write an explanation you're just like yeah i just wrote i wrote snikes roof and butt and blouch like if someone read that my notes for this they'd be like all right this guy's this guy's going fucking crazy or he knows a different language yeah i found like a flemish person's notebook okay here's blouch yeah that's like the only language it could be uh

i don't know just oh my god uh okay blouch we ah do you hate don't you hate having to every every night with my roommates we like get blankets out with my roommate chester and we you watch TV and then in the morning there's like piles of blankets and then it's like you fold it and drape it back over the couch and it's just like this endless cycle of draping blankets every single day, folding, draping blankets. And one of them is weighted and it's kind of annoying to like fold a weighted blanket. So the Blouch has like a blanket that it's like a couch and you lay down and once you're like ready, you just like press the button and it goes like, and it like shoots a blanket out over your legs. And then when

you're done, you just press it and it goes and it sucks right back into the couch. what is going on um that's one of the stock it's just like one of like the like yeah it's a good idea it's one of the one of the one of the wilder wait that doesn't feel even remotely what we had we had one that was stimulates your prostate yeah i just feel like the blankets are like hiding away they're tucked into the couch yeah they're built into the couch and they shoot out the top of it over your legs um okay i just feel like i just feel like like maybe maybe i'm not using blankets as much as it doesn't like getting the blanket out and then like putting it back away after i'm done with it it's like not it doesn't sound like i am having as hard of a time with it as you are

yeah i kind of like the aesthetic of the blanket over the couch so yeah i drape it over the like ottoman shit all right that was business pitching we have a problem get it because i'm an astronaut should we do uh should we do i like that one give me lauren's laugh lauren's been laughing for the last 40 give me a cracker laughing this whole time i told you in the kitchen crack me i told someone in the kitchen that was me yeah i told you that i was in a silly goofy mood i know I feel, I feel, oh, oh, Lauren's just dying laughing, ooh, oh, what, alright, how did that do that, it was not that crazy, alright, what the hell, what the hell was it, I'm trying to talk to you, do you guys wanna, do you guys, this is going off the rails, do you

guys, I kinda feel like I'm losing my mind right now, do you guys wanna do scary movies that don't exist first, or candies that don't exist, candy, alright, alright, when they I started pitches, so you start the candy. All right. These are candies that don't exist. First up, I have candy cornbread. Everyone loves candy corn, but what if it was in a big loaf? You would just bite chunks out of.

It's just a big loaf of whatever candy corn is that you take just big bites out of. Is it not, why can't we just, why can't it just be, like, banana bread with, like, little chunks of candy corn instead of, like, the whole thing? Because then that would be bread, at least it's candy. Okay, that's fair. It's a full-sized loaf of bread, though. All right. I...

Did you say that everyone loves candy corn? Yeah. Yeah, I was kind of joking. I hate it. Really? I love candy corn. Really? Yeah.

Would you take a bite out of a loaf of it? Mm-mm. It's way too much of it. Yeah. All right, I got Little Stinker's Magic Blow Pops. Okay. each blow pop is made of a random sweet tasting potion they're not labeled um so you don't know what you're getting and they last like 30 minutes so like like in like a pack of 12 there's like

there's like flying oh what yeah like there's like you like you have a potion like you have a pow like a super magic thing that happens to you for 30 minutes like love potion um All I got right now Is flying in love But you get the gist You get the gist Baseball Baseball

Yeah Baseball You're just nasty What other ones What other What other Potion Oh

Did you just fart No This feels Dude this is crazy I kind of Can I go pee real quick Yeah sure Did you pitch another one

No I haven't done a second one Okay That's where we're gonna start it Right from now Okay i've got crips ahoy it's the first god it's the first candy marketed to a gang specifically it's kind of an untapped market it's an untapped market they already have the blue packaging uh yeah it's crips ahoy um aren't sorry aren't chips ahoy cookies yeah but they'll they'll

slip there and you're into your like in your knapsack every once in a while yeah yeah like like the little like you get like a little little babies yeah yeah maybe i think those are cookie crunch but all right i got grundles grundles are like little little clusters of chocolate okay and uh and they have it's got like a fun mascot that's like a rodent I like it a lot It's like Get yourself some grundles Want a grundle? Have a bundle

Have a bundle of fundle with grundles Okay I didn't feel like you had to one up me there I'm just messing around Thanks for the help What do you got brother? Gummy hard boiled egg The yolk tastes like a yolk

and the white tastes like a white but they're gummy why don't you make it like taste sweet uh because i don't know it doesn't say okay that's it got me hard boiled egg all right i got six musketeers i like this twice as long half the fun why is it half the fun i don't know it's just like way too much like think about how much if it's like you have to eat the whole thing yeah three musketeers is already like so much nougat and like six musketeers is just like six times the nougat or twice the nougat all right one musketeer is just nougat yep uh all right i got i got whopper whoppers yep i like it they're whoppers yeah but it's like a layer of chocolate but the inside instead of whatever that other shit is is a burger king whopper oh so they taste

like a chocolate covered burger it's a chocolate covered burger all right all right um i got chocolate too i like that i like that it's a pitch that's a page straight out of will den ellen's book um it's just it's uh it's it's the second time they've done it yeah no i think it's I think this time it's like, because there's already brown, there's already like black, there's already white. This time it's like, like tan. Tan chocolate? It's like coffee colored, I don't know. Coffee colored chocolate, chocolate chip.

Chocolate too, baby. I like it. All right, last one I got is Crazinets. All right. It's Raisinets, but they're Crazins instead of Raisins. It feels like this might be our worst one yet. This feels like it might be our worst draft ever. This draft is definitely tough

I got uh I got griplets I like griplets Griplets are taffy balls that stick For longer So you can carry the flavor around all day I hate that They like stick on your teeth for like a while

Like salt water taffy Like yeah kind of It's stickier So much stickier When I have taffy I'm like I wish it was stickier Yeah me too I'm like how does the flavor all right that was brutal but let's do let's do scary movies that don't exist i think i think you're really gonna step your game up here and i think i am too i hope so all right all right we

got scary movies that don't exist yep first one i've got don't look laterally the monsters can only kill you if you look anywhere in like a lateral plane so you have to either be looking up or down oh and it's and you can only like you have to like close your eyes and then look down don't look laterally you bump into stuff it sucks all right i got um my sister's a skinwalker okay it's about this family who lives in rural let's say idaho okay and they live on uh a a um a native american land that they was was taken away from these people and uh he's realizing that like slowly over time his sister is a skinwalker what's a skinwalker you don't know what a skinwalker is you a skinwalker is this thing that

should i pull up a picture yeah you have one show a skinwalker yeah where's the anakin skinwalker they can they can mimic they can mimic your they can mimic like your loved ones what scream and like and like real yeah is it oh in navajo culture yeah skinwalker yeah but they can they can like shift into anything you want go to the yeah go to that one ew his sister's a skinwalker baby okay that's weird that's scary do you guys ever play um what was that guy's name slenderman slenderman no i didn't know um that was probably during your goth era i played it i played it like a lot there's a show called skinwalker ranch and the funniest part is like they've just never seen one and it's been on for like seasons that's funny

all right i got what are the two scariest things uh um commitment and um death yeah committing death sorry i interrupted i put that's not what i had uh i had ghosts in parallel parking so this is paranormal parking it's a movie about a guy trying to parallel park but there are ghosts everywhere and it's three hours long

spoiler alert he never gets it he rewrites the guy why would you spoil it like that shit I got entities but it's spelled Entities And it's spelled

E-N-T-I-T-T-I-E-S It's about a girl with haunted boobs I like that Why are they haunted? She got a She got a Breast reduction And they were so mad

About it that they are turning on her Who's they? The boobs The entities The entities. The entities. Her entities turned on her. I like that.

All right. Third one, I got... Wait, I wrote six. Okay, good. I don't know which one I'm taking out. Third one, I got horse boat. An innocent voyage turns into something much more sinister when two innocent women realize they're aboard the horse boat.

That's right. The seemingly human captain, crew, and deckhands are all horses. Oh, the boat itself isn't a horse? No, the boat's just like a yacht. But, like, they were on a guest full of... Have you seen, like, Spirited Away? Oh, that sounds creepy. Have you ever seen, like, Spirited Away when, like, the other people are pigs?

And it's, like, the scariest thing in the world? Yeah. So, imagine you're on a boat out on the island. It seems like a normal, like, voyage. And then you realize everyone slowly is, like, morphing into horses. Oh, okay, so they weren't horses when they got, like, that makes sense. No, they, like, they masked themselves.

Is it one of those things where, like, they're humans until, like, they come in contact with the moon, and then they, like, turn into a horse? Yes, but it's not the moon. It's the high seas. Okay, how about you? That sounds very scary.

All right, I got, you're gonna like this one, or are you gonna hate it? I got phobias. I don't like it. It's, um, it's a dinner party, and uh they figure they like have somehow they've been all talking about their biggest fears their

phobias and then one of the people locks them in the house and makes them do all their thing all their phobias phobias it sounds kind of like truth or dare like vibe yeah that movie yep yeah it's like i actually that's not what the plot was originally and then for some reason i just landed like dinner party and that is just literally truth or dare is that a movie truth or dare uh yeah it's like a dinner party and this guy like the winner gets like most of the people there are there because they like need a large amount of money obviously and um they have to do all these like creepy tasks got it all right i've got pool nami this small midwestern town never thought a tsunami could

hit it. Until Pool Nami. The local pool turns into a tsunami. Why are you backing out? That was a good one. That was funny. Did Lauren give you a face? Lauren has been making a face at you.

No, no. I... Like she's been confused. No, that was good. Sorry. I just like... Alright. Pool Nami. I heard it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pool Nami. This small midwestern town never thought a tsunami could reach its shores. Yep. Because it doesn't have shores. But when the local county swimming pool rises up in a great terror,

the people must work together to survive the pool-nami. I love it. It's from the creators of Sharknado. Yep. What causes the pool-nami? It's not on here. Full moon? Yeah, full moon-nami.

I got the girl upside down. it's uh i'm i'm between there are two plots i was gonna go with one is like everything on her body is like on the opposites like it shouldn't like everything's on the top should be on the bottom and like vice versa and she's like this monster that but like actually a really nice person and people are horrible to her or uh she's just like whoever captured her is keeping her upside down and just thinks it's doing fucking horrible things to her. Okay. Kind of like the first one.

Yeah, the first one. That's a little spooky. I was also thinking maybe her whole body is normal, but her face is upside down. I kind of like that, too. Oh, creepy. And her feet are on her head. No, she's normal, but her feet and her ears are switched.

What'd you say? Could not be a worse body part to switch than her feet. Yes. All right, my last one is dare to score. The fictional, this is a fictional football team that I'm making up called the Raptors. The Raptors are a few wins away from the Super Bowl, but they've realized that every player who scored, the Raptors are a few wins away from a Scooper Bowl.

The Raptors are a few wins away from the Super Bowl, but every time when they score a touchdown that player is brutally murdered after the game so it comes down to like the last minute of the super bowl and like a guy has to decide if he's going to win the game for the team knowing that his body's going to end up in a lake the next night oh oh wow that's actually that's probably your best one yeah yeah thank you all right i got the decrepit okay um i don't know what it's about i like i'm just joking it's a bunch of people and they're decrepit and if you get bit by them then you become decrepit okay and uh it just is wreaking havoc on the town i love that you got anything lauren no what's up with you today this has been

the has this been the weirdest episode of all time by far no i i think this is a fun one has it been i feel like i do genuinely think like i think my head feels really weird i think the listeners are gonna like this one okay i don't know i hope you guys do it's definitely been weird but i don't think it's bad i just think it's weird it's been sporadic um is that a word i could use like you could use it i don't know i think you're allowed to use that one cool yeah you could use it i don't know check the list remember we gave you a list of 50 you can use uh no sorry i don't have any um but how long have we been recording for 59 minutes, 21 seconds.

Did you guys already do pitches? What, Lauren? Did you? Did you fucking forget about Rufumba? Okay, no, oh, I remember now, but like sitting here, my brain has just been like in a trance. Will was praising you for doing such a great job. And then you just... No, they were great.

I just forgot. You promise? I promise. You prongle? No, I loved your pitches. You pringle? well hopefully you guys had a great Halloween

mine was fun well it hasn't happened yet oh it's tomorrow isn't it well it was yesterday it was yesterday for the listeners but today it hasn't happened yet so it's like a little time warp alright this has been a weird last minute of the pod

but we had a blast I hope you guys had fun alright we love you we love you guys and we will see you we'll see you on Wednesday ooh

with our special guest oh next Wednesday we got our first guest on the pod we got our first guest on the pod Mr. Zach and Waleed baby

it's gonna be epic it's gonna be it's gonna be awesome alright bye guys later players love ya