Will & Rusty's Playdate - eric clapton stole my wife

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

This week, Will and Rusty talk about their Top Gun sex scene recreation, the Donnellon family break-in, Squishmallows, and meeting Shaq. Lauren also asks a bizarre question and Willy prank calls a Playmate. Plus, the boys draft drinking games and musicals that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR NEW SHIRT: https://almostfriday.shop/collections/playdate-pod/products/building-dept-longsleeve THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY BETTERHELP. IF YOU’RE THINKING OF STARTING THERAPY, VISIT HTTPS://WWW.BETTERHELP.COM/PD FOR 10% OFF YOUR FIRST MONTH AND GET ON YOUR WAY TO BEING YOUR BEST SELF. HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  USE BETMGM BONUS CODE PLAYDATE AND GET YOUR $1500 FIRST BET OFFER TODAY https://promo.nj.betmgm.com/en/promo/geolocator?orh=promo.betmgm.com&wm=7123555 SHOP SKIMS MENS AT WWW.SKIMS.COM AND SKIMS STORES. 00:00 Intro 03:36 Pet Injuries 09:30 Lauren Saved the Day 16:54 Accidentally Moving into a College Town 26:19 Will & Rusty’s Sex Scene 30:24 Dairy Queen 37:36 Eric Clapton 40:32 NOLA 44:56 Roadmap 49:32 Prank Call 54:40 Pitch Submissions 01:04:33 Pitches 01:10:37 This Guy Rocks 01:14:42 Teach Me Something 01:29:28 Drinking Games that Don’t Exist 01:34:02 Musicals that Don’t Exist 01:36:28 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I saw my friend on the other side of the street. I was heading to school with the kids. I let go of mom's hand to wave. I had already forgotten their lunches. I ran over to hug her. She came out of nowhere. And then... It stopped.

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75. Wow. Meryl Streep. What were you going to say? Sorry. No, I was saying it's a quarter quell. What's that? From Hunger Games.

every 25 years they add like a special rule to remind everyone of the capital's dominance i feel like hey i love the hunger games watch the next guy yeah i feel like she probably just made that up for the book well it's the whole plot of um the second book right i think this gets sent back to the hunger games but was there any mention of it being the 74th hunger games in the first one oh that's a good question i think she was like all right we gotta we gotta yeah shake it up this time maybe i don't know also wasn't it like a surprise to them well they knew it was a quarter quell but it was a surprise what rule it is it's a different rule every quarter well the rule was that every district had to send a returning they had to send a winner right it was like a winners

at war who wrote who wrote hunger games suzanne collins i think suzette the senator that's suzanne collins i don't even think she's a senator i think she's a representative she's a senator cool i was right um i think susan collins uh suzanne collins i think suzanne collins was she started to write the second one she's like okay new characters new characters new characters couldn't that's it couldn't fully crack it and just deleted everything it was like they have to be the same this time maybe she had said the 74th and she was like oh perfect what are the odds of that imagine she had done 73rd she'd be like ah yes every 14th hunger games she's like the last year's was a last year's was a throwaway we're skipping to

this one i mean i guess she could have actually i don't know wait it probably does i don't think it takes place the next year right that's probably what it is yeah what number can you google what number hunger games the first hunger games is it's gonna say one or it's gonna be like does katniss win is katniss in is katniss in it's like the 74th or something yeah oh it is the 75 yeah so either she was thinking she was like this is gonna be a hit yeah i bet i bet it was a complete coincidence and she was like oh man thank god thank my lucky stars i remember loving those books um can i show you guys something funny really quick sure you're in your you're in your bag right now in your file i know because you're in your files i'm about to show you something you

know right before we started you were like oh i like your pants i said that i did a jean show last night or that i was like trying on all my jeans what are you talking about she did a jean show i did a jean show so what part of jean show is hard for you to understand i just said that to troy and i said did you ever look at my jean show and then he sends me this he goes jean show oh he's awesome that's fantastic i needed to share that is a great i almost made some dumb joke like that when you said it that's like a that's like a fallon segment yeah the jean show and they all wear that and they talk about their where they're from um all right i just want to address the elephant in the room i got a cool new sweatshirt in the mail yesterday from my good

friend morgan uh if you guys like cool sweatshirts go check out morgan amelia art on instagram okay well we didn't talk about the ad spot here so no it's sick she killed that i was in that looks awesome i was in the elevator this morning kind of like rushing out trying to get down to why have you never heard of an elevator no i just i just forgot i was in the elevator and i was like what continue um and one of my neighbors who's like around our age got in with her dog and it's in this like comically large cast but i don't know the her or the dog the dog it the dog is in this giant cast and we don't obviously know each other well enough for me to be like oh what and i don't know the dog's name so i can't be like what happened to crumble crumble and uh she could

see me kind of looking at the dog she just goes yeah i was like what happened she was like jumped off a roof i was like what she goes i go and then i try to make light of the situation so i was like petting the dog like oh why'd you do that sweetheart and the owner just goes just to feel something and then it was my stop and i was like okay where was the cat where do you live don't you live in a big apartment building what do you mean wouldn't jumping off the roof be like i hope it wasn't our roof okay if it is you know you like squirrels can't like squirrels can survive terminal velocity like this dog really yeah apparently if you like threw a squirrel as hard as you can from the top of the empire state building it would like you know cats land on

we gotta do myth busters squirrels always land on i don't know yeah the squirrels don't have a terminal velocity but um but my question was like how did it yeah squirrels can survive a fall from any height because they can withstand their terminal velocity their maximum speed is 23 miles an hour so if you if you shot dude i like how every episode now we look at how fast animals fall if you if you put a squirrel in a t-shirt gun and shot it off the empire state building directly down it would survive i saw that picture i don't know why this is cracking me up squirrels are hysterical on tiktok the other day i saw someone this guy who rescued a baby squirrel and then he just like raised it as his own as his own pet yeah and then they took it

peanut they took it and it was like a i'm sorry but i'm at i i imagine walking into someone's apartment they have a squirrel just running around yeah i would leave no like even if even if it's house training you'd be really uneasy like watching the game you just like it's like scurrying like even if it acts like a pet i don't the tail no yeah it's weird it's it's someone made a good point where they are they're also like a rodent but we're way more afraid of rats than them you know what i mean it's like cuter it's the packaging though you know what i mean like a rat's not a squirrel could probably do way more damage to you than a rat look at this guy or like even a mouse i wouldn't let him like there was a mouse in my house when i was at

when i was a sophomore in college and it like shut down like we dropped everything to like no one could sleep no one could do anything we like took the day off to like get this mouse out of the house and then there was a rat in your hat there was a rat in my hat and that was a fucking nightmare i uh i want to address my oath in the room too i've gotten to the we're we're getting low on mugs yep in our office so i had to grab the female body i hate that mug i avoided at all costs it's actually really embarrassing that we have this in our office can you smash it well it's got my coffee in it right now when when you're when we're done it's so so i wish you were just like sure yeah i mean it's actually

the wall got you uh it was like it cuts me like fighting with edge like it was for a clip um no it's so embarrassing yeah this is disgusting i'll never forget i don't i don't know i mean i don't think it's funny in the traditional sense but i think it's funny that we have it it's funny in like an ironic way but it's also like can't exist in a workplace i remember when we i think i'm gonna throw it away actually now that i think about it yeah do it continue uh i remember when jacob selzer started here his first day he it was the last mug and he came into the meeting and he was like introducing himself he's like hi i'm jacob first of all this was the only mug wait when was his first day i don't even remember that it's like two summers ago

like were we in college or two summers ago we were in college yeah but it was our it was our summer when we were here like we fully lived here already no it was a clubhouse summer oh okay yeah um wait i have a wait i want to i just want to wrap up the dog thing okay yeah wrap up that dog the dog the dog jumping off a roof like it's kind of the old saying like if you give a dog a roof he's gonna jump off it like why did you put him in his her in a situation where she was able to jump off the roof is that a saying sounds like it saying that don't give a dog a roof he's if he If you put a dog on the roof, he's going to jump. It was probably like 10 feet.

She's probably not describing this well. Well, I mean, his leg broke. It was just a leg cast? It was one purple leg cast on its right. It's kind of cute. It was cute, but I couldn't tell if it was like a sweater. Like, I don't know. It looked like a leg warmer.

But then... Cast on a puppy. It looked exactly like that. Oh, look at that guy. And it was kind of just like... i feel like we have to take some accountability like don't put the dog in a situation where it can jump off the roof put the fries in the bag yeah i agree i agree i mean you should have told her that you should have been like i really appreciate you taking accountability right now

what kind of dog was it i actually don't i couldn't put my wait speaking of dogs can i tell my hero story oh yeah tell your hero story please so yesterday this actually was fate i think like who knows what would have happened to the dog if I wasn't home I worked from home yesterday and I'm inside so I live in like a studio and I had my door open so I could kind of hear what was going on outside and all of a sudden I hear these people yelling um sounded like there was like a dog someone was like grab it like just saying stuff that you'd say when you're trying to grab the dog so I go outside and I house sit slash dog sit for my neighbors pretty often like every month or so um and i noticed that it's one of the beagles that i dog sit for so there's like five

five or six people that got out of their cars like it stopped traffic everyone was like trying to grab him there was one lady like i have a leash like i can get and i noticed that i knew this dog lasso i was like oh my god nike and i just i'm like calmly like trying to walk towards him like he's still very frantic just like running around oh he doesn't think it's fun he's not like playing a game no he's kind of like nervous because he's in the street he's in the street yeah um and it's like a semi-busy road like a lot of the times people don't even stop at these stop signs so that's like makes me nervous but um so i eventually i like got closer and i was like wait i think i know that dog that everyone was around i was like wait what but

i couldn't even though i know them well i was like this also could be another beagle like in the moment i just didn't think that it was him but long story short he eventually the last thing on your mind should be like this is do i know this dog well no but if i knew him it would be yeah yeah with her approaching yeah so okay but then but then this one guy was being such an asshole like i was calmly like i feel like if you've ever tried to yeah chasing the dog is not they're gonna think you're playing anywhere near no they uh i don't i guess whatever people don't uh they don't live at home or like they don't work at home so they like leave them in the backyard when they leave for the day they have a big backyard and they don't live at home wait

what is why were you reluctant to say that because i don't i don't want to like expose not that matters yeah that really narrows it down i know i don't know what is their address though anyway so i eventually was just like yeah this one guy was like why are you all just standing around like we got to get him and i'm like looking at him like i know this dog like you asshole i'm trying to be calm about it and so we eventually just like ran up like calmly jotted over to me and i scooped him up and i like know their gate code so i was able to put him in the backyard he has a sister uh chloe who somehow didn't get out she did she was or he did she was just in the backyard and i just scooped him up put him back there leaving it outside escape again

no i don't know what it's like they have two gates the inner gate like their whole their whole property is like fenced in there's like hedges and stuff so you can't it's like pretty secretive um and then like inside the property there's another gate so somehow he just got set out of like the inside gate do you live on their property no i'm just i live right next door wait but you i don't understand how he got out in a way that he couldn't have gotten out again because the door somehow like i texted them and told them what happened and they said that like they've been having issues with the latch so somehow the inner gate door like was open and i just like made sure that it was actually fully shut got it but so you're a hero i'm a hero and i also just felt

like i don't know he's leaving them outside all day kind of fucked up no i mean that's better than leaving them in like in a cage all day they live they're born to be wild right they just run around they have water yeah beagles and they're i love them but i just i don't know i just think it's sweet because they actually do love me so much those dogs and i don't know he's probably like comfort because he seemed scared yeah he's like i don't know nike was his name nike kind of weird to make it like the name of a company i think the sun named him like the when he was a kid reba okay so kids can make mistakes too what uh i remember critic i remember we named my family named our goldfish lego yeah exactly ass name okay well oh you don't

yeah but like the goldfish is gonna die in like a week like the dog is like dogs around for like you know 25 of the kids life i actually feel like i'm gonna have more trouble naming my future dog and my future kid grow where the hell are you getting a future dog it has like a leather jacket mark mark it can code uh that reminds me did you guys like my story or was that yeah i was i was stirring jarring sometimes sometimes i get nervous to stories because i feel like everyone's gonna hate them yeah i like that one i feel like i've never seen a negative comment about you okay i've seen a few but not even just like the people like that are friends but you guys oh yeah i know we can be tough when i was a kid it was like a constant

battle between is my mic super far away from my face no it's fine okay when i was a kid there was like a constant battle between my dog callie and my dad trying to like she would dig under the the fence yeah and like by the time he could patch up like that hole she had like figured out a new one so he would like rip the gate out and install like like a fence that went like three feet below the grass so like even if she dug under she couldn't and she would constantly just be like figuring out ways to like get it but she would she wouldn't do it when he was watching so he would have to like secretly be like just eyes over a window so like watching her for like hours well she like tried to he could figure out like where the fuck she was getting out that's

hysterical but she also i never really understood because she had an electric fence so it was like if she got outside of that fence she still couldn't get off the property like she would get shocked she just knew not to go near the electric fence got it got it um but he was like insistent on like fortifying the the gate that's funny yeah how deep can dog dig dog can dig deep damn i know we gotta start a podcast this show is sponsored by better help every january brings you 365 blank pages waiting to be filled you can make your life whatever you want life isn't about resolutions that fade by february it's about picking up the pen and becoming the author of your own life think of therapy as

your editorial partner helping you write new chapters and create the meaningful story you deserve to live yeah i mean therapy is awesome uh i've done it myself and it was super helpful for me um and i can't recommend it enough and i think you know it's a new year new opportunity to be a new and better version of yourself and why not have someone help you and you know be open be vulnerable and get the help that you need and deserve and love yourself better help is fully online making therapy affordable and convenient serving over 5 million people worldwide access a diverse network of more than 30 000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost write your story with better help visit

betterhelp.com slash pd to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash pd i thought of something yes when lauren sent that video you sent like a video remember oh for like getting over the for like climbing in a window or something oh yeah yeah and it reminded me when i moved from when i was 11 my family moved from lancaster pennsylvania to charleston south carolina we'll play the video of lauren right here for context yes i got locked out play the video of me moving yeah let it play okay okay it's done i i was moving from leicester charleston and we drove down and when we got to charleston uh we got to our new house and we couldn't get into the house and like the first house we lived in they my parents like leased it in like for like

a year and they like looked at it in the summer and it seemed chill it ended up being like college part college of charleston like frat row we didn't know that but that's what's kind of a separate move in there's like it's literally the neighbor's movie yeah it's literally that movie we had no it was on our whole street and uh doing a keg stand like in your bedroom no they would well they every night they would like we get like ding dong ditch and stuff like they were trying to like like spook us out of the neighborhood and we'd wake up in the middle of the night to like carlos and charleston like middle schoolers yeah like ding-dong they were ding-dong ditching us like and like my parents are like pretty chill but like they

tested that and then they would do apparently my parents would wake up in the middle of night all the time to like toga toga i guess they did a lot of toga parties um it literally is it's comical if you know i mean if you're ben charleston or whatever it's on jasper street which this block of jasper on jasper and morris which is like yeah it's almost like they were like they were trying to fuck with your parents but like let's be as college as we can be it was like i think it was like to smoke us out honestly and it worked we we didn't even finish that lease we moved before we like they like paid the rent and moved so cute yeah we were oh there that was the house the pink one on the seat down on the bottom left this 19 yeah that was my house oh my god did you ever do

a choco party is that gorgeous yeah um wait the whole thing it was like all one yeah wait that's your house it was for like six months when i first moved to charleston how did you pull up the exact house learn i just looked up well it's a tiny street it's like one block um it's a beautiful house that's really pretty and it was bright pink anyway i miss it but do you ever do a toga party yeah they're pretty fun anyway let me finish my story sorry so we're moving down to that house and when we get there we don't like we thought like there was like a lockbox or something but it didn't have a key so like we just move we have all our shit in the car and we can't get into our new house we're like what the fuck and my mom was like like we go stay in a hotel my mom was

like no i just bought this fucking house or like we're leasing it i guess it was like we're fucking getting in the house and uh so my brother got hoisted up onto that see that balcony that's like right to the yeah right there my my dad hoisted my brother up onto that and he was like as he's hoisting him up and it eventually worked and we got in and it was fine but as he's like hoisting him up there was a party on the rooftop next door and these kids lean over and we like look up and it's like these college drunk college kids with beers and we're like oh god and then they just go yeah take the tv oh that's so funny we're like oh great to know our neighbors have our back like if someone is breaking into our house seems like the neighborhood watch is uh pretty solid

she's crazy out like yeah yeah that's right where it was take the tv take the tv what an odd group of looters seems to be like two adults yeah that's like an 11 year old in like a ladanian tomlinson jersey but it was cool dude i miss that house we were just playing in the back alley and the guy across the street was like double a for the mets and he used to like play baseball with me that's awesome wait so why were you guys only there for six months because of the college kids so like so we moved so that was supposed to be more permanent yeah we were like all right we're gonna lease for a year because my parents like we don't know charleston well we're gonna lease for a year and then maybe buy it outright um and we moved the first week of june uh actually it's

i was just talking about last episode i think i said something about my grandpa dying the day that that meth snow hitter happened yeah that was also the we moved that same week and the double a guy was there it was like yeah yeah all watching history it was anyway but so it was like first second week of june so we didn't know we were like this rocks i mean we had that like that incident with the kids on the roof but like by and large it was like kind of smooth for the first three months because everyone had just and then it was it came back and then we moved in like february before yeah yeah i always think like moving into a college town is interesting because like they never let you like we never got the even the

option to stay like i had to move every year because we never had the option to stay there because our landlord would be like yeah i just can't do it again the neighbors were just not happy with it yeah there was a our junior year peter and i moved into this tiny little like bungalow it was a two-bedroom and then we could we shared a pool with this apartment complex because the landlord owned both properties so our gate went into this apartment complex like pool yeah and our friends had kind of overtaken this apartment complex if there were like eight units six of them were like our buddies and then the other two were like full-grown adults yeah right and like watching those people just slowly realize like when august

20th comes around or whatever like we know this pool is just like not ours anymore it's got to be such a like helpless feeling like i think they have like a lovely summer and then like you know one kid moves in two kids move in don't even say three three kids move in but i will say like those kids kept it pretty tame yeah but like every once in a while it'd be like pretty nice we should have like a pool party or something and the the guy you'd see them like the neighbors who adults like batting down the hatches like boarding up the windows shades like got a drop down hey you text billy about that i did yes and like he knows that he does it is caleb should we i told i told him if caleb doesn't know just to tell caleb okay so we're good uh we have to film there's a video

that we usually film during our morning meetings on friday spin the wheel where we spin the wheel and do a basketball shop that wheel uh we're not going to be in the morning meeting which is kind nice we should do pretty nice pods on this but we're gonna miss breakfast oh i didn't even think about breakfast damn i hope it's i don't know what i hope it's the ass tacos warren hates i love those tacos dude i'm like allergic to the tortilla i swear every time i eat them i start getting a weird tingling i hope it's the ass tacos i mean i like them but i think i got a little sick of them oh we just did them every time yeah the key is you gotta text edge at seven in the morning and just tell them what you want so we yeah for context to our listeners who don't work at the company

uh we get breakfast every friday and every friday morning our boss gets his breakfast and for like two years without fail it was the same home state tacos which are awesome which are great breakfast tacos but it's just like i can't eat the same thing every friday especially that thing something with such a distinct flavor profile like i could eat like yogurt every friday yeah that'd be kind of sad i eat yogurt almost every day what do you guys think is the biggest um blue whale no it has to do with yogurt like the biggest trabani the biggest packaging of yogurt that they've ever sold in a store what she what is the biggest packaging they've ever sold maybe it's under a gallon yogurt

under a gallon you don't think they've ever done like a huge one who would that be for i don't know us at work i think they've probably done a huge one what an odd question i've never been asked i've never been podcasting first what is the biggest yogurt they've ever sold i'm at like a loss joe bonnie yeah i mean i said joe bonnie what an odd odd question all right we've done it we've talked about everything ever if that's if that's what we're doing we should just wrap it up um no i love i love that i'll just shut up how absurd of a

question that was i'll just shut up i guess don't shut up okay um when you guys are listening to this podcast at home you can now if you remember a couple weeks ago i told will that i could fly a plane and now the video of me doing it is out on the friday beers youtube uh so if you want to watch me yeah we had to film a scene for it yesterday that's fun i'm glad you mentioned that we had to film a sex scene yesterday yeah i was so confused by that time yeah if you're yeah if you're halfway through the video and you're like i'm gonna save the half for later the end ends with will and i having sex so it it was it was like rusty was like would you do like a sex scene where like parodying top gun it'd be funny if it's like you and me and i was like yeah yeah

of course like i'm down for whatever you know it was really intimate i don't know what how i thought we were gonna shoot it in a way that wasn't like that like a harness but we were both like shirtless with just our jeans on i'm straddling him no no i'm sure you're straddling me and kayla's lying like a pencil and then i am like cowgirl on your cowboy on top and like coming down into frame and like putting his like making out with like right here so it looks like he's making and uh put my fingers in your mouth yeah yeah and then caleb like after the first date caleb was shooting it and he goes like yeah well you're not selling it you're too stiff like i need more out of you so it i'm like oh like i'm the i'm wearing a blonde wig oh that's why you had that on in the

did you get turned on i was saying if i had gotten hard there i think we would have had to cancel the podcast i and this is this is more if i just had an unrelated right it's like when you go to the doctor and you're worried during your physical you're gonna get a boner especially when you're like 12 and it's like i got no gauge on this thing i remember i remember spanking it raw before each thing to try and get everything out so i was like i can't have there can't even be a one percent chance i get a bone in there i remember just sitting on the dog yesterday what now um sitting on the doctor's bed thing whatever sitting on the doctor's bed watching the scalpel driving my skin um it's about a guy who wakes up during surgery but uh i remember just being like

don't think of anything hot don't think of anything hot don't think everything anything hot and then dr walks in it's like boing uh but yeah so a real fear of mine and i think this is more a compliment to you than anything was like i i had never i've obviously never been on top of another man shirtless so i was like what if this is when i discover like that's something i like and i got like a huge like i i i think we would have to probably take like a break from each other i think it would have been a weird imagine we come into the podcast you're like hey lauren i will say i i because i would have to get back up vertical yeah and so i could see like will's crotch and after the first one not on purpose but i like looked down just to see

if you had one and he didn't he didn't have one so that's good where did this happen like where is it in my bed oh you were oh you're actually in it was everything i've ever dreamed of yeah a lot of people have had that dream i'll tell you that but yeah so it was like some some random guy sent me like a dm and it was like me if me and if i ever see will or something and It was, like, someone just, like, injecting a pastry with, like, a cream sauce. Ew. Ugh. I don't even remember this scene from Top Gun.

Yeah, it'd be funny, because Will's never seen it. That would be funny if I just, like, made all this up. I'm taking his word for it. You've never seen it? Take a breath away. Wait, is this the new, the old, the original one? Yeah. I've never seen it.

He, they, like, are in this blue-lit room. I've only seen Boogie Nights. and he they like start making out and you can just see like their tongues like in the silhouette like kind of like flicking each other and then he like gets on top of her and you can tell there's like the the moi moment of insertion for the people at home uh and yeah wow moi is that a thing no guarantee it is wait i haven't i think i wrote something down is that all right if i check my iphone please all right oh i had a new i have a new segment that you know i'm i'm canceling will's parody hour and i don't think it ever happened oh i'm gonna miss it so much

continue how's your podcast now wait what other questions about yogurt you have what do you think the biggest yogurt they have ever sold is um no my it's will's name it's my name hour it's uh where i share an all-time name i found as you might know or may not know i run a sort of a niche underground uh sort of cult following instagram and tiktok account called all-time names and uh i found one last night i was watching the maryland illinois basketball game of course well it was just on during the aftv shoot and uh there's a guy on can you google this guy he is

Google Maryland basketball number 25 25 is Derek Queen if you say it fast it's just Dairy Queen click on it

Derek Queen wait that's not oh that's amazing oh that's awesome where you guys want where do you want to go derrick queen it's like it's like no not again what no i was talking to you yeah that was nice i wonder yeah that guy looks like he could house an orange julius i've never had derrick queen didn't i say orange julius to you like a month ago and you're like what the fuck is that yeah isn't that a thing you've never had derrick queen

in your life i think i've been bro you've never been to oob you know i know the oob you're i know the derrick queen and oob that you're talking about but um i i think i've taken someone there orange julius is a separate company i feel like they all maybe they were just next to each other dude i grew up on derrick queen i think i went every week really yes food too no no no i didn't know they had food until like high school how are you not like a huge chunker i don't know i have a fast metabolism how are you not like spilling out of your jeans i played sports all growing up it was just like a little treat after i used to go all the time every summer we'd go lunch in the old orchard yeah i would ride my we'd ride our bikes to dairy queen we were in old orchard when

we were kids i went every summer of my life what my dad went every summer of his life i guess i knew that but i didn't that's crazy i knew you um whoa whoa wait wait wait wait wait wait go to that one on the bottom left they're not bottom middle left up two over two holy holy shit fuck it's a waffle cone dipped in chocolate with soft serve inside of it don't like how this looks me if i ever see rusty what else is new we be we be tripping i'm joking you know how i be um all right what else are we talking about this morning um oh i made some sprinkles oh sorry do you like them yeah there was a there was a soft serve place that you could get eyes on you you'd be like you'd be like let

me get a let me get a medium half and half with sprinkles and eyes and it's like little candy little eyes on the thing love that and it was like a big big like you didn't get eyes like you were clearly like new yeah it's called red's dairy freeze and in hindsight they were like the size of a sprinkle so like you never really got to even um you never even really got to like taste them like it was just like an extra like couple bucks for like eyes what are you doing over there he's looking for an accelerator accelerator where'd they go you guys drink all of them oh they're on the ground right there oh wait sorry can you say um it wasn't worth talking about i i was gonna say something this is probably awesome to listen to all right and

we're back we just had the most boring conversation of all time but we are back into podcasting mode uh lauren is gonna cut out what we just talked about because it was it was you're not missing anything it was literally horrible it made me it made me want to get it made me want to get up and leave well i wasn't listening at all too i was trying to reach for a drink behind my head that wasn't there i've never felt so hopeless in my entire life it was like it was like lauren and i were drowning in the ocean and you were back on the boat and you had you had the life jacket but you're like one sec i gotta where the fuck are the accelerators um you know someone said they were keeping a tally of all the things all the

names of these things i think this is mike ryan so i named them during our game of life i don't think you guys really noticed yeah i was tuning you out someone that's fine i'm kidding someone was like so what we ended up naming the rabbit or the bunny brandy i think brandy and then i picked uh oh wait who's penny oh i picked patsy for the parrot even though that's your parrot sorry i named it patsy's fine but this one has already been named this is kevin king too okay what happened to kevin king one he's my roommate koala is carl he lives in boston still koala is carl i think i decided uh we had this on top of our tv all of college oh that came with you yeah isn't that insane that is insane i don't know how someone gave i forget where it came from

But I had this in my college dorm all of college, and then I guess I brought it or something Do you guys sleep with stuffed animals? No, but I should yeah, I used to sleep with Kevin King, too But I you know how like I always Like fall asleep on top of food. Yeah, the same thing would happen. I'd wake up I'm like oh roll over and Kevin King twos faces just fucking smashed into the cushions I was a little guilty When I was in when I was in school my girlfriend like slowly took over my bed with those like squish mallows yeah and would like leave them at my house so she didn't have to like bring hers from her

uh room in her sorority house and uh i remember just like having to explain to because we would have people over for like parties and stuff and my room was kind of like well kept yeah but then there would be like a very neat like pile of squishmallows on the bed and i'd be like they're not mine what are squishmallows they're like they're like the bougie uh i have like the world's baby i have two i have a koala and a blueberry you have this guy it's so it's so big and then i have and then i have this guy okay and then yeah i've definitely seen these and then i also have a bear that i've had since like preschool kindergarten do you know what i learned today okay you know eric clapton yeah you know second coming you know what i believe he's the second

coming of christ that'd be funny if that's how christ came back yeah he's just like a he like was a blues musician it was a little song lyric oh uh but so george harrison of the beatles you know george familiar familiar george comes the sun exactly he wrote here comes the sun and sometime or something nice let me know when you remember um and so george harrison was dating or married to this woman oh god who he met when the beatles were filming a movie right they hit it off we get buried two years later george harrison is now in that like spirituality phase you know they were like going to india and just like you leave whatever and uh i guess when he was gone eric clapton moved like near him and his wife's house right so they were seeing each other a lot

more and him and eric clapton and the wife became like friends and then they were at a party together and george harrison was not there and george harrison showed up oh sorry rewind eric clapton had written an entire album about how much he was in love with george harrison's wife nice and showed her the music and she was like oh that's pretty wild and then uh george harrison shows up to the party and is like what's going on here and and eric clapton was just like very bluntly i'm in love with your wife and he was like oh okay i appreciate the honesty and then eric clapton stole uh george harrison's wife and they were still buddies if you stole my guy he's you're gonna have her well he also they kind of slipped this in in the doc i was watching

because they kind of made it seem like oh eric clapton stole george harrison's wife and like george harrison was the completely the good guy george harrison came back from india and apparently wanted to do that thing where i can't remember which god surrounded himself with like young women oh yeah he like wanted to do you know what i mean like chronos you're like he yeah patty boy he wanted to like do that i guess so it's not like things were already kind of going off the rails can you imagine if will stole if i had a wife and will stole my wife i'm not gonna be boys yeah i can tell you that much unless you were going to india and you were doing that stuff the chronos wait can you look up what eric clapton looked like i actually don't know what he wasn't

as handsome as i pictured because george harrison's like one of the most handsome guys i've ever seen young yeah george is better looking yeah yeah eric clapton that could be a song uh should we road map it up um how long have we been going anything else you guys want to get off your chest oh i think i wrote something down actually let me just make sure before i forget you guys excited for new orleans um yeah i am excited for new orleans actually i think it'll be a an exciting little adventure good and i hope did you say you've never been there i get to meet the yellow king uh you've been there i have been there we were there for

one day we had been in baton rouge all weekend lsu had beaten alabama so we had gone out partying and we were the two most hungover guys of all time and we had to go to new orleans for an event during the day and then fly out that evening so we didn't even spend the night we're there for like six hours violently hungover and i remember the event was kind of like not that popping and edge said i was like i've never been to new orleans can i just go like check it out a little and i was like yeah you're fine just do whatever you want and so i just walked around the city and then i got so tired like i thought i was gonna pass out and i went to a subway and sat there for two hours and then uber to the airport i forgot about that day that was such a strange day we got

there and i think everyone everyone knew how hungover we were like we weren't we weren't hiding we weren't doing a good job of hiding it and the guy who owned the bar was just like yeah you can just go sit he was like i'll set you up he put me upstairs in this there was like a mini version of the bar downstairs which is more like sports bar i was just sitting at this like it looked the bar looked like it had been built in like the 1800s and i was just sitting there talking to the bartender and like trying to get a couple beers down and then edge got me a hotel in this it was like beautiful it was like this uh courtyard thing i don't think it was like expensive but it was just like the andrew jackson hotel this old new orleans is that what it was

yeah i think so it was this old like new orleans courtyard and i just went in there and uh yeah it was this i think yeah and i just sat snipe i sat in there he got your room just for the day maybe i stayed an extra day or something but i just like sat there and kind of like nursed it and then i came out and edge had made friends with one of the people that we were working with and we all just sat and like had a you know when you finally get over the hangover and you can like sit down and have like a glass of wine or something because when you're hungover you gotta stand no i mean like yeah no i mean you can like you're over it yeah we sat down and had a glass of red wine and then i think i maybe i flew out but that was that was one of those

hangovers where it was just like i don't think i'll ever feel i don't think i'll ever feel better we're at fred's yeah and we went to the casino off yeah we went to the casino with shack's son oh yeah miles o'neill i think it was the artsy one i don't think it was the i don't think it was one of the ones that plays basketball no yeah it was shaq's son that does djing how did that shaq i met shaq that night oh that was you met him shaq was djing will was like right off stage we're in the we're kind of like in this like section whatever off side stage and shaq finishes the set everyone's losing their marbles and shaq he like walks off stage and will put his fist out put his fist out for a fist bump and uh shack will put your fist down shack just dwarfed his

hand shack's hand is like the size of will's arm he could just swallow and just swallowed his hand it was like later brother nice yeah he kind of like nodded at me that was my shack moment i guess us the owner me will the owner of fred's shaquille o'neal's son and like one other person went to the casino who's the other person i don't remember me either and uh and they all had way and a guy named jackson pollock oh yeah not the painter there's just a guy named jackson pollock he was the man but uh isn't that fun wait i know that name but he's a famous painter but it's not it wasn't that jackson pollock and we went to the casino and everyone had way more money will and I immediately lost the $200 that we had

and then just stood and watched the other guys and then could not get an Uber for the life of us. We sat out there for like 45 minutes. It was the worst night of my life. Yeah. Ooh, look at this. Oh, look at all those eyes. Oh, wow.

That's a lot of eyes. Roadmap. Roadmap of the year. Roadmap, roadmap. Oh, also, by when this episode is out, we had our first Monday episode, so hopefully you guys enjoyed that. What if they hated it?

If you haven't watched it, go watch it. It has like four views. No, it was a really good one. Really? I'm very much enjoying editing it. Because of my snow day question? Yep. That was a great start.

Yes! It was a good one. All right. We have your pitches followed by our pitches. And then we are going to do everyone's favorite segment, Teach Me Something. And then we are going to do This Guy Rocks. This Guy Rocks. This Guy Rocks.

This Guy Rocks Today. Are we doing a call? weird are we doing a a call lauren so we have you did you see those two that i sent yeah yeah that guy one is so no it's really funny so i asked him if i said we're gonna call tomorrow hope he answers and he said he might be flying a plane because he's a pilot but i think he will answer so we can try to call him he's airborne and then um the other guy was it's another fence one and he gave his friends numbers so we can also try to call him hopefully one of them answer but perfect if you are not familiar if you're new okay he's addicted to nicotine so he can't even

do his job if you're new here uh will and i used to do this thing where we would call people and say we were from the permitting division of the building department and that maybe their fence was too high or we're gonna have to bring their porch down or something and uh and i think our shirt is our shirt is available it should still be available yeah it's right here it's not sold out um we made a long sleeve shirt about the permitting division of the building department but we are going to do one of those today maybe two of those today one of those today yeah and then we are going to do drinking games that don't exist yep and musicals that don't exist this podcast is brought to you by triple triple's the original high seltzer with three milligrams

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what if i just say his boat's like it's too big to be in the backyard yeah what if the prank isn't that we towed it but it's like we're gonna have to take a few inches off so the guy said the guy said the guy said that it's unsightly or say that the owner mr hutchins had it towed the owner of the i feel like having it towed isn't as funny as i'll say something like i think what's funny about these is that we've been saying like you gotta take a few inches off it's too big it's too big we had to we had to take the remove the stern we're gonna have to cut it and we're gonna have to cut that boat you're gonna have to cut at least four to five okay okay yeah all right it's like it's like town regulations

his name is levi hello hey is this levi it is hey man uh i'm calling from the permitting division of building department here in clarkston um we had just been getting some reports about a boat that has been sitting in your yard for a long time now okay is that you uh in in clarkson what street yeah i believe i don't have that on me right now it was a mr hutchins reached out okay he reached out about it just being in the back or what yeah i i guess it's a little bit longer than than regulation so i think we're gonna have to come in there and take a few inches off the stern just to make sure that it meets the meets the qualifications for what you can keep in your yard oh well i can just i can just get it out of there i can yeah i can take that out

in no time okay is that gonna work yeah i mean if you want you can also just take a few inches off off the side of it off the boat yeah i mean i have i have some guys that are there they could just saw a few inches off the stern uh i would prefer them not to cut the boat okay all right well that's fine then yeah uh you know kate your buddy caden told me to do this what do you mean you're gonna cut up my boat all right yeah we're on a podcast and caden dm those and told us to fuck with you i'd prefer if you didn't cut my boat uh all right thanks for being a good sport man you have a good

one i take it you seem like a really nice guy he's like hello i'd prefer if you didn't cut up my boat my guys are already out there yeah i mean i could just go tow it he was like a very solution oriented guy he's like no i can just go move it in like yeah i don't have that that was smart for him though to mr hutchins reached out he's like he reached out to you all right and that was a pretty good one that was good i just didn't know where to go he's like he's just like oh great yeah i'll just i'll just move it i actually have nothing to do that's all sawing a few inches off his boat is all time all right my guys are out there they can just you you're saying it like it was like the easy fix my guys are already out there they

can just you know it's all a few inches off the stern his buddy's name is caden yeah i just dm'd him and told him all right well that was fun that was fun all right get our shirt buy our shirt we'll keep doing this if you keep buying the cool shirts we made yeah and you guys we said it before but go back to the old episodes and watch them actually that was really fun i don't know why i got like nervous about it last last time we started doing it i was like i can't do this anymore the pressure's killing me but i'm down to do that every episode every week yeah once a week sure every wednesday i can find good ones because like honestly i yeah can't always find but guys right in we we prefer like fences porches hedges stuff like that as property minor yeah property things

as you can yeah my favorite one is install the new fence or yeah the porch one is my favorite one was the porch one because this guy built a porch that was like i guess on the second story and we said we're gonna have to bring it down a floor he was like what no i like yeah we have to saw off your boat we have to move your porch down there was there was one uh some list some planet the um she wrote in that her mom's fence was like three inches too high and will and i called and said will said he was gonna have to come and take a few inches off the top which implied like giving it like a haircut she cried yeah the mom's mom was she was a good sport over the phone that apparently sobbed after her daughter was like oh i have a

video of it but it is not very funny oh my god all right that was fun that was good let's do a thing now all right let's do a segment all right pitches pitches pitches pitches hey dad mom and lauren what is the worst part about having too many shirts not enough hangers uh the laundry basket gets too full yeah i just like the end like i i always forget about the good ones because they get like buried in my arsenal yep okay he said oh wait i forgot to say who this was this is isaac dershin isaac says you always id check you always end up using whatever's on the top of your drawer and then when you clean them you put them right back on top that is why i have come up with the patent pending tea flipper this product works by lifting the oldest shirts to the top of your

drawer and putting the newest cleanest to the bottom after you do your laundry that's brilliant i like that i like that i always find myself in this weird limbo when i'm folding them i used to fold them out of my hanger but i used to fold them and i'd be like i'd have to order them all your t-shirts i hang everything now oh you have a big claw you're like a walking closet yeah yeah i wish um and i would have to be like thinking ahead like okay i'm not gonna need this shirt for a while because the second you try and get one from the bottom it like unfolds everything that's above it's a fucking nightmare i mean i go through literally just like eras of like okay these are the shirts and pants i can wear now and then i like eventually

recycle i clean my room and like do my all my laundry and i get a new batch yeah it's funny when you get a new batch i just found these jeans yesterday yeah those are awesome yeah because i was wranglers no i haven't seen those old navy in a while i feel like i like have remember you wearing those i wore them like once or twice and then they got buried in my laundry yeah yeah same with this i haven't worn this in a while that's like me with these pants there you go yeah you You turn into, like, a new guy when you get your old clothes back. I guess I'm, like, way hotter. I had, like, three people stop me on my bike ride in and tell me my brakes weren't working.

Oh, and that they probably thought it was hot, too. Did they actually tell you that? No. Tell me my brakes aren't working. Hey! Yeah, I know. I just hit that guy. There's a guy with, like, wire cutters that's like, your brakes aren't working.

I've got to get a bike helmet. I think I'm teasing death. Wait, really? have you had almost incidents i've won almost incident a while ago but i just think in general i think that's what they say about like bike accidents and stuff it's like you always think like oh i bike it's a mile to work but it's like doing that every single day yeah the odds like people get hit are people who bike every day yeah there was a guy in in maine this like really really rich guy that he was part of a bike club and his bike i guess like fell apart

oh or something on or no sorry our friend's dad was in front of him in the bike club and his bike completely like manufacturer error fell apart and the really rich guy like hit him and went down and got really really hurt and like it was like going after our friend's dad and he was like it's not my fucking fault the bike fell apart but like i think he was like seriously hurt biking is a dangerous thing yeah i mean like it's like obviously i'm not doing anything stupid and it's not like fast but it's like dude some an accident happens in a car or like you know some guy fucking swipes his door that's what i'm big like i'm big scared of is when i'm i'm big scared in the bike lane on main street it's like if one of those cars i'm pretty

attentive but if they swung their door open at the wrong time i would fucking nail it and then i fall into the road and my head gets run over by i have like nightmares of like my head getting run over by a fucking car tire you've actually had that nightmare yeah holy shit my dad went down pretty hard on a bike but i don't think a helmet would help that quite honestly no uh he was he was mountain biking and he went what kevin's on the floor kevin king too did you mean him he went down and his shoulder went like directly into a rock oh he's just like it's just never been the same oh my god i my dad had one when he was biking to work back in the olden days um when we lived in leicester i picture him on like a penny far he's going to work at denell and environmental

r.i.p uh what happened to denon environmental folded market crash no it was we moved to charleston and then he lost all his clients i think anyway um he was biking and he hit like a pothole or something and he went over the handlebars and but he did like and he i think he had a helmet on and stuff too but he did like a complete like flip over and so he landed on his back but he had his backpack on and it like broke his laptop and shit but he saved his like he was completely fine pretty much although i think he like yeah good lord yeah i was sure you hear another pitch learn how do we even t-shirt flipper bike accidents t-shirt flipper how do we get into that um yeah t-shirt flipper i would love that late night thank you isaac for the submission

next one is from camden stevens i love the name camden beautiful name yeah i want a kid named shea shea how would you spell that s-h-e-a for a girl it's pretty you want a girl no but if i have to then i'll be shea i'm gonna just if i have a girl i'm gonna name her a boy's name and keep her hair very short and just hope that nature does the rest hey lauren and the scallywags what is the worst part about working out and getting the perfect body that you want you have to do it you have to go you can't just do it one day having the motivation to go do it i introduce to you fit fast it's a daily supplement that you take customized by you and what body type you want that slowly changes your body into that chiseled statue you've always wanted the downside is it

does not happen overnight instead of having the discipline to go out and physically work out you have to take or you have to have the discipline to take the supplement every single day for a month if you quit taking it you will slowly return to your normal self wasting all the pills you took in the previous weeks keep it up and i love the pod wow i can't believe no one's thought of this i know they should make it like an injection form and have people abuse it that's a pretty good idea uh i this reminds me last night i was so i'm like about to crack 180 go down to 179 which is like a big big milestone for me i was at 200 earlier this year this year yeah like we've lost 20 pounds this year so look i can tell you exactly the last time i was 198 that seems

like a lot um one second bear with me bear with me i mean holy i feel like that's so i i was 198 on on 3 15 what day is that march 15th of last year yeah so i guess it's been so i thought you meant oh no not since january this year like the last three weeks yeah i gotta um and uh that was uh the beware the ides of march right right because a lifestyle change is coming and i'm trying to like stay disciplined yeah and i am good about it if i like i used to just post mates stuff and now i'm like only what's in the house yeah had to they had two pints of ben and jerry's lying around was like two well they were both like not like i didn't eat much they were both in the freezer yeah one fish food one milk and cookies oh uh and you know checked my checked my

calories thing i was like i got 380 to spare like daddy could have a little mug of ice cream had that i was like that's not gonna do it went back had one bite of fish food put it back went to pick up my water bottle to go to bed lid wasn't all the way screwed on spilled it all the way over the kitchen and just had a complete meltdown ate the rest of the fish food so if anyone understands discipline or not being able to be disciplined this the it was it was a very minor inconvenience that led to you're just like all right ty ty asked me a question when i was screwing it and i stopped and then i picked up in the middle and he realized he realized that like he distracted me and he was like i'm so sorry and then i just

opened the freezer to fill it back up with ice saw the fish food grabbed it got in bed Throw in the office Ate like a fucking Ate like a pig That's awesome honestly I know It's okay You can't always be perfect

Yeah I mean I had I had almost a pint Of ice cream last night That's far from perfect There's nothing wrong with that So what do you guys Think about this

Yeah I would do it I like it I would do it as well I would make my jawline insane I don't really want To be jacked though I want to be like toned I want to be toned

Tony P Like I don't think Either of us are meant To be jacked No I think we're meant To be like spelt i don't like when guys are jacked yeah thank you i don't like when guys have like a kind of okay

weird looking body we were in florida and uh i had my shirt off we were it was when we were with tanner's family and i'd met tanner's dad that day and he saw me pop the pop the top off felt like we were they're like you know very nice down-to-earth people i was like this feels like a time i could have my top off and mr roberts just goes whoa rusty you got a bit of a beer gut on you i was just like oh put it back on i was like what are we doing why would he say that i think it was because everyone else there had beer you know what i mean it wasn't like an insult yeah it was like one of us one of us but it yeah it stung yeah um all right what is the worst part about birds about music at different times during the day or different places i mean come on what are we

talking about what's the first part about trying to find music for certain times during the day or places i'm still confused uh you are in different there are times when you listen to certain songs that you wouldn't listen to others so like maybe i listen to rap in the afternoon but i probably wouldn't be listening to that like in the morning on the way to work or like if i'm back in maine sure so you just put on something else just hear me out just hear me out sorry if i'm back in maine like i want songs that i would listen to there that maybe i wouldn't listen to here yeah if i'm in florida i'm in a different vibe whatever i have a suspicion that spotify already does this but if they aren't already doing it i want to do it i want to be

able to click shuffle on my liked songs and it's like when he's here he likes these songs okay when he's here he likes these songs because i will say the same songs i've thousands of liked songs the same couple songs come happen on my way to work that don't happen on my way back and vice versa and so i think they literally what i'm 95 sure that you already pitched this no i did you did something with likes and no it was it was it was shuffle cue which apparently someone's they already stole that we came out with i said that pitch and then someone dm me and goes spotify just started doing this like the week after we said it that you can queue a bunch of songs and then shuffle your queued the week after i said it they started doing it that's okay that's crazy

um yeah that's my pitch all right i like it i like it you hate it no think about it think about it you you don't have to do any work you shuffle i just don't shuffle my like songs i listen to like albums or playlists so it doesn't really apply i feel like cool pitch me all right what is the worst part about doing all your other podcast prep and then saying i'll just all i got to do is think of a pitch on my bike ride to work uh you have to come up with the one you realize halfway through the podcast that you did not deliver on that task that you set out for yourself introducing pause cast pause cast is a service for podcast people podcasters they can call pause uh in the middle of a podcast and everyone gives them a second to think about it

okay let's try it out all right let's try it we can put this one into practice what's the worst thing about hanging a painting on your wall make sure it's level make make sureing its level making sure making sure it's level holes it what if you get sick of it it feels like a big investment like if you get a big painting and you hang it up and you're like a year later you're like ah right now you have to find one of similar size so the holes aren't showing right they have ones that are like digital but that's lame reversible painting artist paints on the front and the back you get sick you get sick of it or you just want a different vibe for like you're having a party you could have like a party side to it right

and a normal side to it wow it's actually really good off the dome i was thinking about this oh here's my pitch what's the worst thing about having a really small yogurt there's not enough of it it runs out it's never gonna break the record for biggest yogurt introducing the biggest yogurt in the world it's like the size of a elf mini pool what are those kids pools that you put outside kitty pools a kitty pool what are those pools but it still has it has like a tupperware type top so everyone in the office if you don't have a snack if you don't have lunch then you can just go in and get the big yogurt i love it i love it so much you're on fire i was thinking kind of in the same vein of like

putting the segments to the last moment if someone filmed me this morning getting everything done it would have been like an action movie i woke up was on the toilet uh doing my business having a business my dad used to call it a business meeting like we'd be like sitting sitting around after dinner you'd be like all right got a big business meeting then you go poop i thought um i did that joke the other day and then someone asked me how it went and i said the client was very happy and i got a big laugh but um it's great uh like i was like driving and like shuffling songs to try and like get some inspiration banged him out it was awesome yeah i just yeah i just forgot my pinch but i did it all right guys we want to take a second to tell you about my new

favorite underwear will's new favorite underwear and lauren's new favorite underwear skims i've actually been wearing skims for a while even before we got this partnership so it's kind of a big deal for me uh i like the way they hug my bum i like the way they feel on my body i kind of rotate between like the briefs like the tight ones and like a little bit of the looser boxers i wear the pajama shorts to bed i wear the sweatshirt i wear the sweatpants honestly just overall pretty fantastic stuff best underwear i've ever owned that's a no-brainer i've got the five inch boxer briefs perfect length yep perfect uh tension on your body keeps everything in place but it still feels soft they hit right at the thigh they stay there that's the key they don't

move around they don't bag out they don't give you that 5 p.m wedgie if you're a boxer brief guy like me this is the one shop skims men's at skims.com and skims stores after you place your order select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows and if you're looking for the perfect gift for your valentine or for yourself skims just launched their best valentine's shop ever available in sizes for women men kids and even pets wow i didn't know about the pets part excited to learn about it me too let's get back into the episode should we do teach me something or this guy rocks really this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today okay for the audio listeners where's the remote it says harry potter

but everyone is played by christopher walken and before we play this okay i was thinking about this why do like certain actor like famous people i feel like have much more distinct voices than the rest of us like if someone did an impression of me it could be like anyone you know what i mean but if you heard like trump or christopher walken or like barack obama or like any of these like really famous people like they have is that why they're more memorable no i think that i think that like if you were famous people would do impressions i disagree i feel like you actually have a very distinct voice that's what i'm saying oh yeah okay like if you were famous people could do a rusty oh okay i can't do the laugh all right be my voice okay no okay yeah oh really

that's you when that's you when you get pranked okay what i don't sound like a man you go you go you go what what yeah that that's very good idea all right oh wait pause it this is christian this is harry potter but everyone is played by christopher walken got it until you mentioned seeing pettigrew on the map the map was lying then the map never lies if pettigrew's alive and he's right there me, he's mental no, not you you rat

Scabbers has been in my family for 12 years curiously, long life for a common garden rat he's missing a toe, isn't he? all he could find of Pettigrew was his finger

the dirty coward cut it off so that everyone would think he was dead and then he transformed into a rat i have no clue what he just said what peter pettigrew scabbers seen from prisoner of azkaban where's christopher walking from um mars hogwarts i think i thought that was gonna be a hit yeah i liked it i just no it was awesome i liked it i it was fine i just didn't know what he was saying it was hard to understand i couldn't really hear i only heard like scabbers and i know the scene that it's from but i heard rat like four

times okay all right let's try mine all right set the bar high see if i can top it i hope your guy stinks all right oh i love this one did i send you this yeah all right someone showed it to me reckless human cuts in front of me and then deliberately i know phil sent me this this by a guy called ethan drive safe and it says reckless human cuts in front of me and then deliberately breaks oh yeah just play for anyone not watching that car is nowhere near him the most it was like the most normal like cautious merge i've ever seen this is a joke yeah obviously i don't know if it is look at his page is he insane yeah he's joking

i go to the second one learn this yeah what the is that train drives on the road and tries to hit me it's just him at a that's awesome all right willie teach me something brother all right you know about this me something do you know about the shortest war ever no the the anglo-zanzibar war so the uh the king i want to say king the sultan sultan sultan of brunei of zanzibar okay the sultan of zanzibar was killed under mysterious circumstances and he was very pro they were controlled by england at this point right and i'm listening what what are you doing i'm listening one second just go i'm not doing it while you're on your phone i'm listening

i'm pulling up my teach me something okay all right the sultan of zanzibar dies under mysterious circumstances it's controlled by england and he was very pro-english king uh so england's like all right that's a little sus uh then you got to run whoever replaces him by us and sure enough they don't and they install a new sultan without running it by england and england's like all right that's bullshit we're coming for you and the guy's like come and get it motherfuckers and sure enough the british royal navy and army i guess like descended on this small sultanate in this island in africa and obliterated the shit out of them and it ended between 38 and 45 minutes after the war started oh my god yeah yeah what's a sultan it's like the it was like a king

um all right i'm gonna go on my phone for your whole one sorry that was yours was awesome i i will say what was it what the the sultan was they tried they had to run by who they switched the sultan to why do they switch sultan because he was gone for like something he died he was killed he was a mysterious circumstance can you tell me again can you just say it again and we'll start from here oh no you guys is it awesome yeah fuck he didn't listen to the word i said i was listening i was just trying to pull up a thing that do you guys ever hear about uh what jesus did to matthew when he was fishing no what'd he do um basically jeez oh well you can't see that why this is a family podcast okay can you cut that

can you replace it with this no just bleep it with the bleep it with the um yeah tone all right sorry so uh jesus um jesus and is talking to matthew and matthew's you know down on his lock or something and uh jesus tells him to go fishing what i don't know it feels like a joke or something no no jesus tells jesus so get this jesus tells matthew to go fishing and that he'll find a coin in the fish's mouth okay and matthew's like this is this is just jesus like flexing on me that he has like divine power and he can like create money yeah matthew goes fishing catches a fish and inside the fish's mouth was a coin how weird what that's that's your teaching something that jesus made a coin appear in a fish's mouth that's kind of cool like how do

you think he did that i mean i don't think he did that it's in the bible your teeth you're Teach me something that didn't happen. Where do you see this? It's in the Bible. I feel like we're getting pranked or something. I'm being dead serious. Jesus tells Matthew to go fishing. Yeah, look up.

No, I believe that it's in the Bible. But that Matthew 17. Teach me something isn't like a religious segment. This isn't religion. This happened. Yeah, coining the fish's mouth. It's on Wikipedia. Did you just Google that while I was going?

What? Did you Google that while I was going? what would i possibly 100 because there's no way that whatever you were looking up felt like you were gonna have like some big teach me something and then you had like a kind of weird one from the bible you were kind of weird it's like one of the coolest things that's ever happened it didn't happen there's no okay what do you mean that didn't happen it's in the bible like oh i forgot you're like an i don't believe yeah yeah are you actually an atheist i mean maybe i don't know i'm i'm god curious but wouldn't that be cool if jesus did that yeah

it'd be awesome but that's not how teach me something works we can't start blending from i mean it's a thing from history it's not a thing from history it's objectively not a thing from history what do you mean it's there's a there are accounts of it there's one account of it who who is the one that's like accounting matthew the guy who did it wrote it yeah look at him there's the coin in the fish oh i didn't know there's a picture of it i'm not even trying to come off i'm just i respect religion and i would love to be religious i just haven't found one i believe in yet but more importantly i just think that that dilutes what this segment is will this still happen also what did where why did you pick something

what did you just google while i was going he's really religious I asked Chachibuti what's the funniest thing Jesus ever did and it said it kind of got confused but it said it said Jesus wasn't particularly humorous but one of the funny things that he did

was just like flex on Matthew that he could like make a coin appear in the fish's mouth alright that was teaching me something I guess well why do you hate it so much no I don't hate it that's i don't i it's just not you wanted to hear something about like a sultan or yeah i wanted

something about a sultan yeah god forbid yeah god forbid a guy wants no i only want one thing and it's disgusting stories about sultans i just i just i mean i guess this comes off as some sort of anti-christian tirade that i'm on now but i just i just think it's on history but it happened the bible is in history i don't think that that happened well what's different do you think that happened lauren what's different he made a coin appear in a fish's mouth like no well you're but you believe in jesus christ i mean i think a lot of people that are christian even except that a lot of the stuff in the bible is like metaphorical not my kind of christians what kind of christian are you catholic i'm also catholic i mean i was raised catholic but i i'm also on i don't really

no i was raised catholic the bishop who confirmed me was then accused of touching kids yeah that's look up well did i ever tell you when my friend i won't disparage my what do you ever tell you when my friend dean took the body of christ outside of uh mass big no no uncle kevin tried uncle kevin tried to walk out with the with the with the body of christ is my uncle with like special needs and deacon jerry lost his shit we had a guy named deacon jerry who's the man who's like hey hey hey and like held up the whole mast for uncle kevin how did he see that he was the only one that didn't he didn't put it as well because like you have to eat it right there in front of the altar um so what you're supposed to do if you're not if you're not uh if you haven't

had your first community is like put your arms like this to be like yeah i don't want to receive the body of christ we took our friend dean to i think it was dean we took our friend dean to mass when we were at college and uh he panicked and he didn't he forgot to cross his arm so they gave it to him but he had like the like awareness to be like i probably shouldn't eat it yeah so he just put it in his pocket and we were walking to the we would go get beers after and he was we were walking he was kind of like holding it and like flipping it and we were like where did you get that like what happened he was like i gave it to me and i panicked oh my god what'd he do we had like a little powwow of like okay what should we do here and then we were like it's better to eat

it you want to you guys or he ate it he ate it my mom one time was uh she worked at the church growing up and uh or like did like you know she would help out during the mass or whatever i guess and she was like doing the wine like giving people wine and then i guess after when they went back after the what are they communion or whatever she just dumped the rest of the glass down the sink they were like oh just the blood of christ yeah and so apparently it was like a huge drama and like the priest had to come and like bless the pipes and the sink and they had to do like a whole ceremony because my mom just poured the blood of christ down the sink i guess i've never thought about that yeah there's like a whole like disposal process she beer bongs it yeah she she

chugged and chugged it uh i used to never go for the wine i've never had i've never had the i did it this year for christmas i don't know why i got nervous so you were scared of the blood or the germs um i was just it feels like a more of like a process like you have to take the cup and drink it and i'm like mess it up i did it for like my first communion but then i was like because you can do that you can just take the food yeah the body god i gotta watch myself here i'm coming out yeah god for all of our christian listeners i think i'm really digging myself a hole here but no it's okay you're not trying to i'm not trying i love everyone um i just can't even find it in myself to believe when we went to mass on christmas i was even unsure if

like i should take the body because i haven't been to church in so long and my parents were like it's okay like you're still confirmed in cath like you're catholic but i'm like i don't know it feels like kind of are we all confirmed wrong to not yeah wow look at us um oh my god this is i don't really know what just made oh we were thinking about religion there there was i think i've told you this there was this kid who was muslim at my school and like i don't even know if he was like practicing but like kind of got like radicalized and he's lately been posting pictures of him and his brother with like ak-47s and we were like should we dude you hear about the kid from biddeford that like went to new time square and like stabbed people yeah so we were

like like you knew him or just from no it's just like in the news in maine like a kid got like radicalized by isis and just went to time square and started stabbing cops or something and we but it got sent in our group chat last night and we were like do we tell somebody i don't know because i guess you're a lot i don't know if he's he like if he's in america i don't think you're allowed to have those guns but it was like yeah we'd feel really good no you are ak-47s yeah in the u.s yeah ar-15s whatever you want google if you can if you can own an ak-47 and i used to see I used to see him in South Carolina. Can you own an AK-47?

You can open carry them in 47. In America. I mean, yeah. Is it legal to own a full auto AK-47? Yeah, you just have to pay. No new fully automatic weapons here have been able to be sold to U.S. civilians. Oh, I guess not fully. We didn't say fully automatic.

If you saw these guns, he had... It's legal to own a... Oh, that one says full auto. Yes, you can. Oh, my God. Maybe there's no new one. Yeah. All we were saying is, like, you'd feel pretty bad if you didn't say anything,

but also you might feel bad if you said something and he was allowed to have. I don't know. It just felt like he also, I think, still works at the airport. Like, there's just a lot of. Yeah, I did that. i mean i won't i don't want to get into details but i did i one time like reported someone for like a concerning social media post and it ended up being nothing but yeah i don't think i did the wrong thing we had a kid at our high school who posted a snapchat story with like a private story

of all the kids he liked of his gun being like of his gun you being like you know whatever what do you mean all the like to let like the kids that he obviously didn't want to do anything to no oh i see and the swat team showed up at his house i never saw him again scary shit uh should we do but they do they used to like i'm just thinking like these like like shit i would go to in south carolina they would like line up with assault rifles like civilians because you can carry you can open carry long guns you can't open carry like a pistol oh but it's like why is that because it's like easier to like conceal but you can open carry assault rifles and they would like spit it was like during like the like yeah george floyd stuff and i like went to some of those like

events and they would like line up with assault rifles and all were like confederate gear and like spit at you and like you should clarify you probably went as the opposition yeah i wasn't i wasn't one of them but i and i remember like one time there was like a it was like a protest thing and they were pouring they would sneak up and pour water in the generator for them that powered like the microphone and like speaker so that it would like cut out the speakers and so like the head of like the black lives matter greenville was like all right will your job is to defend this generator so they don't go pour water me and so i was like 19 i'm standing there like holding off these confederate fucking meatheads and then they would they i remember leaving one

time and they fucking chased me to my car and were yelling at me and like spitting at me oh my god and a cop came they were they're really into spitting and like yelling horrible things and a cop came over because i beckoned him over i was like yo what the fuck like these guys are like following me to my car and yelling at me and the cop came over and he came i like waved him comes over comes right up to me and goes hey man can you stop getting out here can you get out of here and stop provoking them i was like what i'm just walking to my car that's insane but uh there was a kid at ron's that went into because i guess it's legal to open carry a assault rifle in florida yeah and uh he like went into it he was just doing it to like poke the bear like went to a public's

with it and we're all like dude what are you doing who is this somebody who just like a kid i like was like kind of friends with yeah that's yeah usually like the i think the store probably would have a rule it was like a whole thing i don't know it's great i mean are you trying you're trying to scare people that's just insane i think he was like hoping someone like like gave him a reason i don't know that he could film like cop tries to tell me i can't have yeah yeah yeah um i did yeah i just remember like that those kind of encounters happened and then the kyle rittenhouse thing happened i was like oh yeah that could have that could happen yeah scary that was a crazy time to be alive um all right great pivot into drinking games that

don't exist i'm really excited these are drinking games that don't wait do it again these are drinking games that don't exist home rum derby wiffle ball game if you get on base you're safe if you get out you take a shot of rum if you hit a home run you get to give a shot of rum to the opposing team love it uh drink or clink this is a play on like friend or foe so you have your drink behind your back as is your opponent it's 1v1 and on the count of three you each whip out your hand and if you both have your drink in your hand then you're both safe and you're you just go away you walk away you clink sorry if you both have your drink in your hand you clink your drinks and you're safe if one person has the drink and the other person just puts out their fist then the

person with the drink has to finish their drink so you and you get a second beforehand where you're like yo please let's just both put out our drinks let's clink get out of here but if one person decides to fuck the other person over then i like that drink um sky kids oh and it sorry no if you both do fists then you both have to finish your drink love it uh sky kids get a bottle of sky vodka and uh the blu-ray sky kids spy kids sky kids get a bottle of sky vodka and uh your favorite spy kids movie yeah and every time the kids try and be spies you take a drink love that uh that's a lot in that i think uh bowling it's set up like beer pong but the cups are empty and then you get one full cup and on your turn you slide it across the table and try to knock over as many cups of

theirs as you want as you can but if your cup spills water then they get to reset it so you have to very especially when you get down to the last few cups you have to be very delicate with your toss because if it goes off the edge or spills at all i like that you lose all your points party boat uh similar to battleship but you're trying to not land on your opponent's boats if you land on the boat you take a drink land so i'd be like e4 and if you had a boat there and it was a hit i have to drink so you're trying you're trying to avoid you use the game battleship got it uh towers you create you put up a barrier in between the two teams and then or two people and then you have cups with beer in them and you build the tallest tower that you can uh but you don't

know so you're trying to build a taller tower than the other person but you can't see theirs and if yours falls over you lose so you're trying to see how tall you can get it to where you think it'll beat theirs but by not pushing it and it falling over i love that and then if you lose you drink all of them um wild turkey love it get a bottle of wild turkey yep and tape it to a wild turkey uh is that it is that a is that a liquor was i right wild turkey's a whiskey one second let me let me familiarize myself with the rules never heard oh okay wild turkey you get a bottle of wild turkey and you strap it to a wild turkey you release it into the wild two teams try and safely keyword safely capture the turkey yep and if you get it without hurting it the other team

has to finish the entire bottle of wild turkey that's fun i used to play that growing up uh balance beam uh you two teams one person has to put a cup on their head and balance it and then the other players have to try to throw a ball and land it in the cup uh if the cup falls you all get spanked and have to drink um good fellas similar to the game mafia but when you kill someone you give them a shot if the mafia man gets caught he has to drink the amount of shots that he gave out i like that too because if someone dies then oh wait no i wish it it'd be funny there's a way where like you had to try to hide that you had just done a shot you know what i mean like whoever the detective like if a detective incorrectly finds the person

they have to do a shot yeah you like look around i like that um bird watching this is a classic take on the traditional activity of bird watching you and your buddies post up with some drinks and you watch for birds and for every bird you correctly identify you take a drink love it they take a drink who cares are you treating musicals that don't exist yeah these are musicals that don't exist audience on the way in every audience member gets a role and their lines and they have 30 minutes to practice they are the musical it takes crowd work to the next level and then the on the stage are all the actors watching i love that the actors yeah like what makes them actors then they're really good at playing audience members uh no escape this is about gorps and

grunkles which you've never seen any of those in the wilds you know why because they didn't make it on noah's ark so it's about the two species of animals that as they were boarding noah's ark realized they had left one behind and so they have to go on this journey through the floods in the rain to rescue their fallen patriot and then try to make it back to the ark in time spoiler alert they don't and that's why you've never seen a gorp or a grunkle in the wild i love that uh wet side story sharks and the jets are still around but now they are in uh an old person home and they're all incontinent so it's kind of a similar storyline but they're all like soaking wet jesus yeah that's awesome yeah when you're wet you're wet you're wet all the way right

uh razor's edge this is a musical about it's a coming-of-age story about teenagers uh that ride razor scooters and the whole play takes i'm just picturing honestly i just want to see dance routines that involve razor scooters where they're like jumping and swirling them around and landing on them and doing tricks and stuff and like in rehearsal everyone's like has like shattered ankles yeah they have to wear shin guards um my last one is three to tango yep it's about uh two tango dancers and one of their understudies falls in love with the lead and it's it explores how hard it is to have a polyamorous relationship when because you can only tango it too it takes two to tango it doesn't take three that's right uh one wing at a time this is about a bird who

is learning to fly and it is sort of an allegory i think i use that word right for uh sort of an allegory for children growing up with uh learning disabilities and it's about just a bird who's taking his time learning how to fly love that he has to do it one wing at a time all right whose personality are you gonna steal willy you know what's hard about this now that we're doing two a week yeah i don't even know like on the monday apps should we say um this is my personality for the next two days yeah and then now it's for the weekend i think i'm stealing mac miller's personality because he's like have neither of you listened to his new album no

he had the same reaction no he just had like a post-humorous album is that how you say it yeah post-humorous it's really good please listen to it posthumous it's so good that's how lauren's humorous it's like a new type of comedy oh here's what i want you to comment if you listen to his album please tell me your favorites i guess he just like i guess there's stuff like it takes a few years but if they send stuff from heaven like you can get right oh i always feel bad when they release music after they pass away because like what if he like didn't want those songs out i mean i'm sure there's a process with his family and well it's interesting because there's one song that says is on and she sounds so young in it like

you could tell that it's a very old like just sounds like a different style of her or like a different i don't know interesting yeah but it's very pretty album all right i don't know whose personality to steal so i'm not i'm gonna opt out of this question today crusty um i'm gonna oh i'm gonna steal um i'm gonna steal that guy from the history channel's personality because i'm going on striders podcast in a couple hours oh yeah we're talking about pirates again oh yeah all right we love you guys have a great uh next couple days and we'll see you on wednesday i'm really proud of all of you nope we'll see you guys on monday this is a wednesday episode yeah what this is this is for i am all backed around guys have a great thursday friday saturday sunday and then

we will see you guys on monday for our monday episode bye taco time Thank you for watching!