Will & Rusty's Playdate - get simpson'd

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

On this crazy viral Playdate, Rusty embarrasses himself at the bar, Willy has a weekend full of non-alcoholic beer, and Producer Andrew gets Simpson'd. The gang also invent kitchen cupboards for your bedroom and teach you how to get out of a sticky situation with your girlfriend. Plus, the boys draft more fantasy football team names that don’t exist and ways to say you’re not drinking this weekend. As always, we wrap up with Rusty’s song of the day. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Use code: SUMMER in stores, online or on the Shack app to get your last taste of summer. https://shakeshack.app.link/summeralmostfriday 00:00 - Intro 1:19 - Rusty Embarrassed Himself 4:12 - Willy’s NA Beers 10:45 - Johnny Manziel x Rusty 13:17 - Get Simpson’d 23:04 - Minnesota 33:11 - 20 Questions 37:50 - Roadmap 42:04 - High School Stories 53:47 - Pitches 1:03:55 - AITA 1:08:05 - This Guy Rocks 1:11:55 - Teach Me Something 1:17:13 - Fantasy Football Team Names That Don’t Exist 1:20:34 - Ways To Say You’re Not Drinking This Weekend 1:22:20 - RSOTD #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

play date damn all my goated shit all right play date play date episode 134 134 paul pierce this is uh we're kind of in primo territory for like a passing down third down back 100 so i feel like i need to pull something out of my a-hole if you will i won't uh did everyone have a good weekend maybe like a david montgomery yes wait yeah i feel like we're also now we know a lot of people that are this age 34 we can get oh five he switched oh he used to be 32 yeah 32 um okay who's 34 years old who's 34 years old like edge lawler yeah there are a bunch of you know what's funny in my head the like the like suits if you will at this company are drastically older than everyone else but then there are random guys mixed in that you would never guess that are like chris

powers is 40 39 39 yeah bobby's like 40 i know jack lawler's like 35 i ain't gonna make it that far i went i went out on saturday and made a i haven't made a grade a fool of myself in that way and in a in a long what'd you do a long damn time just too drunk too drunk way too drunk again where'd you go gran blanco um so we started the problem is is i'm not i used to be able to drink all day yeah i just can't and be completely fine or think i was completely fine yeah something has changed where i cannot do that anymore i we started the day at uh my friend's parents we started at the twins parents house twin parent and they're twins and parents and uh pretty cool and we were drinking by the pool and then went home took a little nap should have completely

offset any drinking that that i did went out and three drinks in was like a problem is it maybe that you got drugged kids used to kids used to qb sneak each other in college you know what that is no drop a xanax in your friend's drink oh oh that is the most this this stopped like the year i got to college i'd never taken a xanax i don't think i ever will um but i remember hearing like war stories they would be like talking about how this was like a fun thing they did these were like my new like normal guys i was friends or i thought agree to disagree the only time i'd ever seen someone get qb sneaked uh he was sitting there and and just started uh realizing like how good he was feeling and then he was like all right who's the funny guy

like he like realized someone had done it to him oh yeah that's got to be like a crazy criminal charge like drugging someone if your buddy doesn't think it's funny with xanax i think it was i think if i ever got qb snuck i'm taking your ass to court yeah i'm looking at you because i know he did it i think i think in their defense these were guys that were gonna do it anyways you know what i mean like what the guy oh they were gonna do i think it was just like like the gotcha was like you did it 15 minutes earlier than you should never for the record you should never qb sneak your friends yeah but in my in their defense of the older guys that i was friends with they i think they were gonna do it anyways cleaning this office having it's gotta be hell

it's gotta be hell and it's also like pointless because the second we also have them clean on of the days that we get bagels so it's literally like they're vacuuming and then someone's like crumble it's literally someone's following yeah they have they the one lady just sits in the vacuum under the everything every time someone grabs and everything's uh how was the music festival not what i expect so it's called it's called echo park rising maybe no um i didn't even look at you because i know your ass didn't hear of it but uh no we thought it was like i thought it was like a music festival like in a park like a what it sounds like yeah like a music festival in the traditional sense of the word

so we like go to the park we like took the train downtown and then uber to the this park we get there there's nothing in the park like what the hell is going on turns out it's like all the bars in echo park just host live bands so they all kind of set up little stages and the bands kind of some of them like rotate through the different stages and like so it's just like a big kind of like block party and then like but like the street streets are all open not like sanctioned i think it's just like all the bands have live music and everyone's out and about it was did you guys not google it i google it looks like a music festival poster i didn't google it that hard oh it's just i thought okay i seriously uh was it like edm no it was like like there weren't like a dance there

was like one place we went that had a dj but it was mostly it was like bands okay because i saw like uh sierra from love island was at like a um dj show and it looked like it was in echo park i mean they might have also we left like at like 10 or something like it might have gotten more dje later in the night okay it's called echo park rising but dude echo dude going that's like the east side right is that kind of yeah dude it was go to like that bar their bar scene that would be a music festival in a park that's like the definition of a music festival in a park yeah yeah it looks like a music anyway it was still great it was just not what i expected at all but uh also if you're not drinking and it's all at bars like that completely changes the

100 so that was kind of my thing is like i wasn't drinking so i thought like oh i'll go there and i like chill in a park like outdoors vibes then it's like all right now it's just basically glorified bar hopping glorified in the right sense because i do i like live music but i had probably 15 na beers which is like kind of a nice perk right now is that everywhere serves na beers right uh but yeah does that make was there any placebo effect no no it wasn't but i also was like just grubbing i was just eating like tons of food yeah everywhere had like there's a i don't know 15 NA beers is, like, 2,000 calories? No, no, no.

The first ones I was drinking were zero calories. It was borderline water. What? And then... How is that even possible? I don't know. Wait, does that mean that it's possible to create, like, a diet beer? No, because this shit tasted, like, almost like...

It was like they put, like, a little bit of hops flavor in a can of sparkling water or something. Anyway. but i was i was i was putting them back uh it's kind of awesome kind of awesome but and then so my buddy kai was like wanted to come meet us and i was like he was like if i i might drive but or maybe i should take the uber train or whatever i was like if you drive out i'll drive your car back because i'm not drinking right and so he drives out meets us he sees you like shotgunning be like yeah what well then he's like then he's out there at like six or seven and we were gonna to go back kind of at like eight but then it's like he just got out there and it took him like

an hour to get there so then it's like all right so we gotta stay so i'm staying out and then they're like i can't be the buzz kill because i'm the guy who's not drinking yeah i have the car so i just have to go with the flow and then they're like let's go to tiny's on the way back so we end up going out till two in the morning so i was sober i was dead sober with people who were drinking for 12 hours yeah you locked yourself in that was not the smart actually yeah still had a very fun day i'm not like complaining at like you know what i find is that the thing is you just have to find stuff to do whatever like we get the tinies i was just ripping big buck hunter for like an hour like i'm like i don't want to talk to any of you anymore how many quarters

do you have i had a five dollar bill i cleaned through it and uh just like i was just like finding all like the like games and stuff at all the bars yeah anyway i still had fun the live music was great echo park is sick so are you the bar scene there is way cooler than here i like the east yes i agree there's just like cool vibes like cool people like everyone looks sick like oh yeah yeah i mean it's like it is if it was if it was if it was closer to here i would be there all the time it's just like yeah i just can't i can't do the no it's so far yeah but it's just like yeah the people i don't just like a cool vibe like i saw that pa that jackson no the one that pretended to be the zodiac killer oh yeah that guy fucking scares me still why because

he's the first time i met him he jump scared me so it's like i still like oh anyway oh i was just gonna say so i wake i the whole reason i wasn't drinking is because i had to run 16 miles yesterday and i was like all right i'll get up and do that on anyway i wake up on sunday morning i might as well been hungover yeah i felt horrible i don't even think i think that hangovers are partially the alcohol but i also think like just like binging on anything that much is gonna fuck your body up just as much just like being at in these like bars for that long well also i can't believe you you thought 15 okay it wasn't actually 15 it wasn't but no those aren't i don't think it was that if you had 10 like if you had 10 like diet cokes you would feel shitty yeah i think

like 10 of anything 10 of anything that's not water is gonna have some effect also you stay up until 2 a.m yeah stay up till 2 a.m dance like moving around on my feet the whole time i got like a 40 sleep i got like a sleep my garmin thing tells me like my sleep score yep i try not to let it affect my day i think you should i think you should like duct tape over the screen whatever that part is because it does clearly no it doesn't it has an impact well it was like as bad as nights when i go out drinking i couldn't believe how and so i just like sore i still like had to like rot on the couch and then i didn't run till like the evening until i absolutely had to but that's interesting it was still viral day the live bands were great the

music is everyone there's so many talented people and yeah like the bar for live music is just so high here i feel like yeah like if you're a shit you're not gonna get booked in echo park yes that's a good point and speaking of speaking of bar crawls hit me you know johnny johnny was in here the other day manziel yeah yeah i call him johnny football actually johnny football was in here and he was walking out speaking of and uh oh go aggies and i gave him just like a little like what's up man on the way out he walked like all the way to the gate and then i could hear him like running back and like his manager or whoever his people were still here and he yelled it i was like kind of already in another room he yelled in and he was like go get rusty johnny manziel yeah

and i was like oh god what and i came back out he was like let's do a bar crawl when i get back from europe and i was like yeah totally and then i thought about it that going out with johnny manziel would be sick but also like i don't think you could go anywhere you wouldn't if you walked into a bar with johnny manziel everyone in the bar would would like enclose on you right dude you've been out with me probably similar what do you think the difference andrew real question what do you think the difference is between going out with johnny manziel or going out with will um with johnny there's probably less people coming up to you stuff like that he's also like wait that's sick though i know yeah that's awesome he's going back

to europe i believe to like he's been just like on tour with drake yeah apparently him and drake are like best friends yeah he had his like ovo chain on yeah the interview so i think that they're the funniest thing in the world is there's a guy who is on his way to go hang out with drake and there was a part of his brain that's i gotta go on a bar crawl with rusty after this i also think it's funny that there's a guy who is on tour with drake and has to fly back to record a podcast in this studio and then go back to tour with drake yeah i know yeah yeah can you imagine drake in this studio yeah he probably will you think he'll do it i hope i mean where would all the baddies sit though because doesn't he travel with like a caravan of baddies yeah maybe we could do like

uh probably hang out with will's girls yeah yeah that's true your your caravan could entertain his yeah oh my god i forgot to tell i forgot to tell andrew this the fucking thing at my dad's company almond butter no no no other things did you just make that up almond butter that's what his dad's company sells oh so that's the thing in his dad's company i don't know what the first thing that came to mind he's like for one of his first jobs out of college he worked for this guy named mr burns i've told you the story we talked about oh i thought you meant his i thought you meant his no no this was when he was like 25 yeah yeah he worked for this guy named mr burns and this is actually insane it was kind of like i guess ambiguous what the company did but it was

like they had some like there was some like nuclear aspect to it it was like kind of when that was becoming like a more um what's the word really like it was like a more prevalent form of energy well there was like a peak where like people thought nuclear was like the definitive future and alternative energy and then shit started happening and then they kind of scaled it back so chernobyl yeah chernobyl and like three mile island there was one in like pennsylvania that people thought was like yeah chernobyl but they were what they were like polluting the lake or so my dad found out that they were kind of like being like willy-nilly polluting this lake and like kind of keeping it on the dl whatever so for context he's telling me this and i start

looking up this story there's way worse than i thought insane shit like the epa got called in it was like a whole thing they found a fit i kid you not they found a fish in the lake that had like no it was not even three it had like 10 eyes insanity like there was like google uh epa spill fish with a hundred eyes yeah with a bunch of eyes um i can't remember what we looked up uh but basically what the hell yeah wait wait google google like yellow fish bunch of orange fish there's an orange orange fish bunch of eyes like take all the other stuff out like mr or mr burns mr burns fish bunch of eyes yeah i mean epa you just got simpsons you got

and that is the plot of the simpsons movie andrew get fucked oh was it only three eyes yeah no i thought it was like a hundred eyes i was trying to say three and you were like, way more. God damn. Simpsons movie fish. Wait, Google Simpsons movie fish. Is it really only three eyes? When Andrew threw that equal sign in the middle,

I was like, oh my God, he fucked it. It's not going to come up now. Damn it. Oh yeah, it's only three eyes. Oh, that one has four. Oh. Yeah. Wow, that was...

I always hear Lauren get fucked on these, and I'm like, what an idiot. i mean that one is kind of obscure but is have you seen the simpsons oh no yeah look it is in the there's there's one with like a hundred eyes it's crazy uh have you seen that movie no i haven't is that the spider pig thing spider that is actually one of my favorite movies ever it's really it's so funny i mean it's also like tied like i saw it when i was 12 and it was i remember like it was like one of those movies i was younger i was probably like nine or what does it say 2007 is that what it said i saw it

in theater so i guess i was six or seven that's it feels even crazy yeah but i remember it being like 2007 yeah so i guess i was seven but do you remember like the first or i feel like there's a handful of movies i remember like being brought to the theater by my dad or in this case it was like my dad my grandpa and halfway through they're like oh we might have fucked up bringing a child here oh it's like dirtier than you'd think i mean it's this relatively tame but i was seven and then there's also like there's like a penis in the first like five minutes of this movie wait what bart's penis is in there's the opening scene of the simpsons movie is one of the funniest things of all time it's like wait what's it rated look up opening simpson opening i mean it's a

anime or a cartoon penis can there be a penis can you look up simpsons movie opening scene just look like simpsons movie penis bro deleted simpsons movie to type soon you just want to see his penis yeah that's his penis no the first the first one so bart is like skateboarding like through the town and basically they do this shot where at every stage something's blocking it yes like see the one and then you go to the window and like he's like whatever he's eating is blocking it and so it's like this whole bit of like it's constantly blocking his penis and then there's a bush with just a line cut out of it at the very end yeah oh that's really funny i was gonna say my parents said i was too young to see it but i remember my entire fourth grade class like quoting

all the time like spider pig spider yeah yeah whatever spider does that's what that's the grandpa does it i never i don't think i've ever seen an episode of the simpsons i don't think i saw the movie but i did go on there's like a there's like a i don't even know if you would consider it a ride at universal but it's like a i think you're just sitting in like a chair and it and it it i mean it like moves yeah yeah it was not very it was not very fun oh you didn't like it no i mean i had it it was like it would be like going going to like another planet and and doing a a ride about like a movie that's very popular there because i didn't understand any of the references i hadn't seen it oh yeah that's true i like the

spider-man one though spider-man oh that one was sick wait oh there's a spider pig ride is that what you're saying no there's just a simpsons ride oh okay wait y'all know spider-man one at disney or rock and wait no at universal there's a spider-man one at universal yeah which one's that one you're in like a car thing and it's like taking you through the city and you'll like fall off a fucking building and then they like spray you with like water and fire and it's crazy oh y'all rocking with millhouse millhouse yeah is that the nerdy kid no i was pivoting now i'm like oh now i'm nervous to like be pranked again no no i'm like should i google millhouse no no i'm talking fantasy football oh oh i gotcha what what i'm talking football jaylen millhouse

milrow oh oh oh no no no no no no you're right jaylen millhouse jayden millhouse who am i thinking millhouse i don't know no no do just millhouse it might not be jaylen millhouse he's a quarterback get Simpsons you got double Simpsons you're getting Simpsons left and right dude dude I'm going

I'm going to Maine fuck I'm an idiot on Wednesday fuck or Minnesota oh yeah you're going to I'm going to Minnesota and Maine on Wednesday

and I'm so excited ooh that that's not that's not the same theme song but I just started one tree hill again it's insane have you seen one tree hill i've never seen it what sure it's about it's about paranoid no no that's actually a show no i've seen it but uh i just started one tree hill again it's my favorite i try and start it every fall because it's a very fall show i forgot

how big how big of a dick one of them is because at the end of the season they all kind of at the end of the show as it goes on they all kind of become like friends but at the beginning they're all fucking like mortal enemies and uh it it is very very uncomfortable to watch like this hill ain't big enough for the two of us three of us my favorite line from that show is when that like producer guy goes up to nathan scott and his wife i forget yeah hayley and he just like grabs nathan by the shoulders from behind him and goes married in high school yeah that'll work what an insane thing to like just say to someone high school yeah it's weird they like live together what an insane thing to say to someone like randomly it's a really odd show you should

check it out you got married in high school and live together yeah and her parents are cool with it uh her parents are his parents he like his parents are dicks fuck them yeah uh dude his is it possible they're reasonable and their son just got married in high school their mom the mom is super normal at the beginning of the show and then i think they needed like a plot hole or they like that would have been a puddle for him to be able to get married so they had to make her like bad and so she'd be just out of the fucking blue becomes an alcoholic damn oh yeah damn the you know the the musician in the show like the guy that's like a huge asshole i think yeah that's a guy is that is that yeah so he is a real musician in real life that that goes under the

same name that he was that his character's name is in the show and i think it was like a way to try and like launch his career yeah but then he became like a kind of pivotal part of the show but the problem with that is he's the most unlikable guy in the world in the show so you would never like listen to his music in real life interesting wow because he stinks in that guys august you know it feels like the end of summer and every time i see a post about cozy season or pumpkin spice lattes i'm having some pretty serious sunday scaries even though it's still hot through september i feel like everyone is saying summer is over and i am sick of it sick of it from august 21st through september 1st shake shack is treating you to a

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That's the Shake Shack guarantee. And I'm the Shake Shack guy now. I'm going to lunch at Shake Shack today with Ben and Sam Barrett. Ben is so excited about it. Look at this. To use the code? Yes. but look at he ben is so excited about it he put he put shake shack lunch on my calendar that's

awesome uh the offer ends september 1st so soak it in while you can guys use code summer in stores online or in the shake app shack app to get your last taste of summer let's get back into the episode what is your favorite thing about minnesota that you're gonna see my favorite ben i have been with you a couple times actually but never like oh yeah that's right um and i was telling you about they have tunnels for sidewalks is that true will set me up for fucking failure never said that he told me like months ago he's like you know the you know the um the sidewalks in minneapolis are tunnels he's like you'll be walking and then he just takes you inside and so i told page that i was trying to come up with a fun minnesota fact and she goes what really and

And I was like, yeah, Will told me that. And Will goes, I never said that. I never said that. Why did you need a fun fact for Paige? It was, we're doing icebreakers. I don't know. A year into her working here, you're like, let's get to know each other. Start every meeting with 10 minutes of icebreakers.

I'm excited about the fair, but here's the problem. You didn't see like a loon? There were loons in Maine. Well, maybe you got to see in Minnesota. we used to tell my cousins that loons would bite your toes off and so when they were in the lake they would get like nervous that the loon was going to come up and bite their toes off it's like a mallard type of mallard yeah uh that's terrifying i'm really excited for you're going to the state fair i'm gonna go to the state fair two million people go apparently which is

insane that's insane but i was really excited and then an amber alert went off and said that like someone like robbed a bank and then like took it to the pull up like minnesota state fair arrest wait what how'd you get an amber alert her family sent a screenshot of it uh yeah they like robbed a bank and then like tried to escape through the fair so now you're not a cartoon ass escape where they're like no you stick your foot out or something maybe like a funnel cake to the eyes no but they like try and lose the cops like in in like yeah yeah one of the rides yeah i feel like those midwestern state fairs are like a whole different breed they said it's 300 acres like it's a giant place that's awesome that'll

be sick i am very excited about that and then a lot of good breweries apparently um brit's pub are you gonna go to the sky mall mall of america mall of america the sky mall i think that's a magazine it's a magazine that you like shop on an airplane yeah they got the biggest lego store in the world america yeah minnesota in the mall of america i'm pretty sure google biggest lego store in the world i gotta go that's like a simpsons reference somehow oh sydney wait go to the go to all go to words sydney australia okay second google second biggest lego store in the world second okay try third okay we get it it's in the top five is it is the mall of america where that girl does that ride where she like yeah so is that you should go

spinner queen spinner yeah something like that that person rocks flan flan's friends were at the mall of america yesterday and she said they sent a video they went to panda express and like got lunch or something and then they like had it they had some like leftover no it was benihana and they had some leftovers they were a little high oh candidly yeah saw the log flume and we're like that'd be fun got on the log flume and it just soaked their leftovers i mean they had to have seen that coming i don't know yeah but it all yeah pump the queen spinner queen spinner right here um dude that's awesome that looks like so much fun yeah but she is she's probably so good at it how does she have enough money doesn't this cost you like a bunch of money every day well i

mean she i think she has a sponsorship i think she's a red bull do you think they let her do you think they let her ride it for free um i thought all the rides at the mall of america at Warfrey, you know? Maybe. You find out. Report back. How long are you in Minnesota before you go, man?

Four days, five days, I think. Where is your lady friend from? St. Paul. St. Paul, okay. St. Paul stand up. St. P. And the Sydney Cup, or the, Jesus,

the Stanley Cup is going to be in St. Cloud when we're there. What are you doing right now? I think I'm tightening. I think I figured out how to. the stanley cup the stanley cup is gonna be over what isn't that over like the physical cup they take it on like each player gets like take it back to their hometown oh who's got it this week uh some guy that flan's grandfather like coached in hockey up in st the flat father uh but so we

might go see that but i've already seen it so i think i've kind of once you've seen one stanley cup you kind of seen them all did your teacher ever do a thing in school where everyone got like one week to take home the class pet and you would like take care of it i don't think we had a class pet yep yeah but i feel like it was like a stuffed animal or some shit really no we had like a real like bunny that we took home really yeah but like what if you just went to like a bad family that's what i'm thinking like looking back back on it i would be so scared to give like a bunch of fifth graders my like bunny or you know like there are those kids that just like they'd get their homework and just like mash it into their backpack and not put it in the binder like that kid like you would

like i wouldn't trust that he's gonna tell his parents that he has it yeah that's i used to do that you'd mash your homework in you were like a smart kid yeah i would do it but i would not be very organized dude my my uh aunt had a um had a guinea pig named gloria not gloria i think that's from something else she had a guinea pig named something i think gloria actually and she fucking left it out on the lawn in its cage she would bring it out in its cage and it would like eat the grass and stuff they would like hang out forgot it outside uh it like basically froze outside they took it in one of the other sisters found it ran in with it my grandmother calls her doctor friend and is like the guinea pig is frozen like what do we do and he goes all right

this is gonna sound crazy uh put it in the oven so they like like lined a baking sheet with like dish towels there's no way this is real i swear to god i swear i can call my grandma if it is i don't know about this episode they they uh they lined the baking sheet with like towels so the metal wouldn't get too hot put it on low and my grandmother swears and my dad says it's true too the guinea pig got up and started running around like they like revived it and everyone was like cheering whatever and then it just died so that it was like it was like they did there was a there was a fleeting moment where they brought it back to life and then and then then the oven got hit 400 they were like oh it's working and just left it in there until it that's they forgot it again

yeah they forgot it in the oven this time that's insane to me my grandmother like notoriously either has had the craziest life that anyone's ever had or embellishes some of the stories yeah but she constantly is like her that one i think is the least one of the least believable she claimed to see but it was true she claimed to see a panther in maine oh yes which was which was like just not possible she called the cops it was like there's a panther in my backyard they were like oh for sure and no one believed her and then like 15 years later she was vindicated pull up panther in maine we i think we on this podcast yeah like five times are you serious i i will let the people say it but um no established populations wait news

wait but we've we proved this right like the other day with caleb remember that we googled it uh i okay there was one i swear to lord i swear i believe you i swear to god there was one and uh and she was proven right like 15 years later panther panther hardly no panther panther yes panther panther one time my friends and i were having like a sleepover and we were all sharing like scary ghost stories okay and this guy was talking about when he grew up in el paso there was like this like on the loose okay and he would like take people into like this like forest area i guess and right kidnap them and he said one night he was driving home and he saw his like aunt like just like running like by the edge of the forest right and he saw someone like in the

trees like over top where she was like headed and he like pulled over and he was like get in my car get in my car really quick and she got in she was like what what she was like dude there was literally a guy in the trees and they look out and they see him like running like deep into like the forest area and i was like wait is that like really real and he was like yeah this like actually happened and a year later i asked him but i was like was that actually real and he was like yeah and i asked him every like year for years and then last year i asked him again i was like hey man by the way was that story real he goes no and i was like damn it dude he had me going for like six years oh my god the fear of imagine being out for a jog and like any threat is usually at like eye level

with you a guy like parachute or like i like like like lands on you from like 60 feet you're like how should we play 20 questions oh yeah let's play 20 questions first ever pre-roadmap segment we're gonna do will and i were like we should play 20 questions on monday oh i love this yeah all right do you have one uh not i can do one do you want me to do it you start okay um all right this is either gonna be really fun or excruciating to listen to all right um wait i'm trying to think of what guy it's gonna be or a thing so it can be a person place or thing wait yeah uh or animal i guess did you ever have that 20 questions game all right i got one yeah the little toy yeah yeah i got it yep i have it

uh is it a person no is it a place no is it a thing yeah doesn't it usually start like animal vegetable or mineral did you guys always do that no oh that was how we always started yeah it's like the like that's the that's the the like academic version your and your family was animal vegetable or mineral yeah because that sort of gives you more of like a all right is it alive yes does it have four legs no does it have wings no is it an animal no is it a plant yes do you eat it no do you smoke it no is that 10 questions 10 questions jesus you're flying uh we get we get 20 right yeah yeah

um would you have it in your house you could but i don't why'd you go plant first time what am i supposed to do a fucking layup god forget like i want to win okay could you buy it at a store i think so i'm pretty sure i don't know for sure but i think so that's 12 does it eat insects yes is it a venus flytrap let's go andrew well done well done when you when you mentioned like can you buy it at a store i was like oh venus flytraps you can buy them at the store because every time i go to lowe's i go straight to the can you buy them yeah yeah yeah andrew well there's like a section couldn't for a second i was like i don't even know if you can't have that in your house all right i got one you probably could but i heard

i heard they only eat like one fly like a week or something so it's not very helpful that's the most overblown bullshit you're telling me they only one fly a week yeah and they're like the poster child for like fly eating yeah i would say they're like like max like fuck that dude because they're usually like they like they don't close like very fast so like the they have to like wait for like a lazy fly i thought that was the whole thing that closed fast it's like no it gets stuck because it's like sticky on the inside i think and the fly gets stuck and then it closes like really slowly oh and then i think it's just like by the time the fly wait for a lazy fly yeah all right i got one i got one all right is it a person yes do i know them no have i met them

i would say 99 i would be shocked if you had but like it wouldn't be it wouldn't be outrageous no i would say no you to my knowledge you have not met them is it a celebrity yes okay is it an athlete yes is it a football player no it's a baseball player no are they basketball player yes are they currently in the nba right now no are they retired no yes yes they are retired i don't know why i stuttered on that yes they are retired were they in the nba yes that don't get hung up on the fact that that was like insane that i got hung up on that okay yes they are retired i think we're at nine nine were they on the celtics no i got this were they in the eastern conference no were they on the lakers yes are they alive no are they kobe bryant they are kobe

all right that was our 20 questions 20 questions segment um all right wait what's the scariest story you've ever heard are they retired you're like i i could see why maybe you got hung up like a little bit well because he did but he did retire yes yeah but that if he had died in while playing that would have been a hard question to answer i know that would have been yeah i would say give away maybe because you would have been like yeah yeah all right should we roadmap it up yeah let's do it all right we got a lovely episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do am i the asshole then we are gonna do this guy rocks can i just say something i don't want to sing the thing anymore

it's i've grown i've grown weary of it is it because we got a hate comment about it did we yeah no you knew that i did not i did not i did actually i agree what did they say uh they were just like i'm so tired of the i'm sick of it the last you can you can go watch the last time i did it i mailed that i think it was like uh what's it's like it's like when they're like when did you know you were gonna get divorced or something and they're like there were some like that last episode it was like we were on our last date and i was like i fucking hate this person yeah and then we're gonna do teach me something and then willie and i are gonna do um we got fantasy football team names that don't exist and then ways to say you're not drinking this weekend

yep i struggled with both i like got there but it took way more work than i thought it was going fantasy football was hard i took kind of a different approach maybe you took the coward's way out no i took the man's way in i remember when i was a sophomore in high school shit was nuts i know shit was crazy i was all like i was all like ola and shit that was when i was in spain the worst the worst day was uh was i i was i got to leave early to go take my driver's test and i came back and failed it and i had already told everyone i was like had planned on driving back to school i failed the first time too i sped in a school zone apparently that's an automatic

fail fucking you know i think i've said you sped into schools under your drivers like how badly like a few months i i was i think i was very concerned with the fact that i didn't look like i was scared to drive so i was driving like the speed limit but then i would go over a little and that was like points off and i was like you should just drive under it like on your driver's test you don't need to yeah your driver says you should always be under this i know i was like she's gonna think i'm like scared a scaredy cat yeah oh oh oh you're like like i want to show confidence right so i'm gonna speak so i spend i gotta i gotta assert my dominance by speeding in a school zone i fucking hated the guy the guy that did mine the first time it was like i think

he had like a nickname like he like never passed people on their first time family but he i remember getting him my dad was like damn it like it was just it was like oh like he had failed both my sisters and then you go take it with another guy and the other guy doesn't give a fuck yeah but it's like if you're the parent you kind of want your kid to like fail once though really just like i feel like having your kid driving just feels so scary i think he was they just yeah wanted to not have to drive you around anymore true what's insane to me is that you drive with someone in the car every time that you drive until you get your license and then they're just like yeah you can just drive by yourself now yeah and it's just like wait should i i remember that first time like

driving by myself i was like wait am i allowed to do this like this is weird yeah i almost died like the first week i had my driver's license there were i think i've told the story but they were the car was skidding and there's a point where you see the right side of the of the skid marks it's good marks like a fuck what is it like a fucking butt shit the right side leaves the ground like it stops so like at one point the car was like on its side we almost nailed the tree oh it was the first first week i had my car we were going we figured out uh a circle k that would sell us beer the kid it was a kid's older brother who who just worked at the circle k and apparently it was like you literally had to show him anything that was even remotely the

shape of a driver's license you had to do that for the cameras but like i would show we went to the same high school he had graduated like eight years prior but like i would show him my height my capabilities with high school id and he'd be like yep good that's nice you'd sell us there that's been back when there were uh do you remember vibes the vapes that were called vibes no we'd uh we'd this is so embarrassing but we used to get them and then we'd listen to it's a vibe but by two chains love that that's the best rap album of all time look up like no no no uh look up like melt like fuse vibe fuse fuse vibe views views that's what it was views vibe no it's not vuse yeah that's not your fault no that's not your fault at all

v-u-s-e melon vibe vape oh views oh vapes okay uh oh i remember these no those aren't even them either oh oh go down scroll down those ones right to the right to the right no no to the left jesus right in between i actually don't know those long yeah yeah the long skinny ones this one kind of yeah that one too but so like that was like fruit medley was red and then there was green which was melon and we used to i had an illidelf bong that we just got that we figured out was the exact diameter of a of a views so you could take the bowl out put that in and uh and and practice using your bong with a vape interesting yeah i the only time i ever bought a vape like in high school i i was like didn't do it at all and then i was like everyone's jeweling and i was like

better to have it not need it right and i was like so scared to like go to a place but then my buddy henry was like i'll uh i'm trying to get rid of this one i'll sell this jewel to you for 20 bucks or whatever with a pod or whatever and i was like all right thanks all right so i brought i bought the jewel uh or maybe it didn't come with the pockets then uh jack my buddy jack had to take me to the gas station to get pods and i got him and i hid it in the car and he was about drive away and i was like wait hang on one second i just go out and projectile mom it don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life you know the same way you can skip an ad i get it i'm ciaya and i live in ice cove i've made some questionable decisions

that didn't end up the way i planned and today i'm still figuring it out somehow things usually get worse before they get better apparently that's how i roll so bundle up and come along for the the bumpy ride stream a new episode of north of north tuesdays on cbc gem i didn't know what i was doing i just wanted to look cool we oh oh i think like you hadn't even taken them out of the package no no no no i like i like got i like got this new jewel and i was like all right i'm gonna be a guy i'm gonna yeah i was like i didn't even like it i was like i'm gonna start doing this to look cool right which is why i bought it and why we all started i just immediately threw up and i was like all right you know what maybe it's maybe it's not my speed

yeah your buddy's like that's your buddy that's what he thinks is cool yeah you did it you accomplished it he's like oh you mix it i used this is kind of messed up but i used to uh i would buy i was like one of the only kids in our high school with a fake id so i would just charge someone if someone wanted a pack of paws i would just charge them double and just get mine it was like fair that's fair yeah i would also uh i used to do that when i sold like weed to like 12 year olds i would sell i'm joking i never sold weed or to a 12 year old i would sell other kids in our high school beer as well and like no one knew what beer cost so i would just price i was like the martin screlly of blood like a 12 pack was

like 40 and kids were like that's a good deal yeah like other other i was i was i was honestly on the on the more lenient side of price capture there were kids that would like i remember thinking about like a bottle of svedka was like 400 because you just like and they'd be like i like i'm cutting you a deal i forgot about those things dude those used to be the i hated it so you know it was a movie dude i know but someone there should be a there should someone should sit you down and explain what like what alcohols taste good with like different mixers like you didn't it was always like we do like vodka and gatorade and i'd be like drinking sucks yeah it's like no it sucks because we we don't know what to put it in yeah when i was in college i would

throw like dorm parties because i was in like a i was in like a sweet thing so it was like two people here two people here but i was like cool with my suite mates so we could use like both rooms so it was like one of the few dorms that you could actually like host a good amount of people and every time we would play stack up yep and the only thing that they sold in like the convenience store at the bottom of my dorm was like Mountain Dew and like Diet Pepsi yep and so we would play stack up with like it would be like half a shot and then Mountain Dew and so it's like half a shot of Sveka Mountain Dew in like little plastic cups and so you'd basically be taking a shot every time you like went around during stack up and people would just get hammered because we were

all like freshmen and we didn't know our drinking limits or anything like that and everybody would just be like dead by the end of the party and like puking all over the place like the number of times i had to like wash my roommates like sheets because someone puked on his bed like before he got home for the night i came i i thought i lived in a triple and i thought i came i thought i walked in on one of my roommates dead because i walked in and he i'd fallen asleep and had his head was off to the side and just the whole pillowcase on that side of his body was covered in his own puke and i was like i literally like checked to see if he was alive because i was like if i if i call the ra and he's alive he's gonna be like mad at me yeah it's like a really

scary time in your life where it's like yeah now you would just be like oh my god yeah my friend's dying i need to like help him but back then it was like he's fine he's sitting in a pool of his own body you're like he's like dude don't call the don't be a fucking narc yeah dude dude you were you had the death rattle unresponsive dude if he's unresponsive for eight hours then maybe we check on him we had a kid one time show up at a party that like nobody knew we don't know how he like got there right but he was like a bigger guy and he was drinking a ton like he was doing these like polls in the middle of party and people would be like go go go go like this guy's awesome or whatever and at one point i was like oh so like did you like drink at high school like

you know your limits he's like no this is like yeah he's like this is like one of my first times i was like okay more power to you you know i think he's a bigger guy he could probably like take more alcohol you know completely passes out in the middle of party like unresponsive like not good and we're like oh shit we're like we got to take care of this guy and it's to the point we're like we're like we need to call like the paramedics right the cops like something because if you don't it that's what's so fucked up is like you're stuck between there either choice you make of the thing that you like you didn't even make this fucked up situation you lose because if he's fine he's gonna be mad at you that like you called the people but if he dies you are like right he

dies you'd be so bummed out yeah so we're like we're like we gotta like call the police call someone to come here and the guy who owned the apartment was like no no there's warrants out for my arrest like i could not have the cops like come here they're like you need to like get him out we should have a kickback in my place yeah and so we're like we're like okay man so we get him out into the hallway and he's just like puking puking puking the whole hallway it's like concrete it's like covered oh my god and it's puke and we need to get him to the parking garage and one of my roommates goes dude this is really fucked up but like i think if we take him by the legs and arms we can kind of slip and slide him down the hallway because he was like 300 pounds right

couldn't carry him slot uses uses uses puke as a slip and slide uses puke as a slip and slide so like we each grabbed like a limb you're right i can't blame the guy yeah and we like rocked him and we just kind of slid him down the hallway that's like that bargetti joke where he's like the guy died at the top of the water slide and they're like yeah i mean it would be they're like it would be easier to just send him down exactly that's exactly what it was and so like we were all like freaking out he got taken care of by the paramedics like it was all fine and my roommate like while we were cleaning up he goes i know we were really scared back there but it's kind of funny what we had to do yeah we got him out of it and it ended up being a pre-game

for a football game that half time i'm going to the concession stand he's there he's at the concession stand like big game like that day that day like literally not even three hours later and i'm like dude are you good like we thought yeah i'm fine like two hours ago and uh he was like yeah dude i just woke up in the hospital they said if i was good enough to get up and leave i could go and so i was like so you went to the football game he just came to the game he's like we're playing mississippi state i'm not gonna miss it that's just terrible exactly there is something really funny about like now now like pushing your limits drinking is like not fun yeah or like cool like no one around you but there is like a culture of like i whoever can

drink the most is the cool or there's something cool there was a few years there where that was that was cool i remember my friend brendan uh one of the first things he bought with his he was a uh one of those uh not a handle but one of the smaller bottles of dr mcgillicuddy's and he was like i'm gonna drink this whole thing tonight we were like don't do that and uh he did it so quickly and then just spent the rest of the night like throwing up and we saw him the next day and he was like dude last night was awesome you were literally you weren't there name one thing that happened last night um are we already road mapped all right so let's hear a pitch andrew oh sorry yeah mets are back by the way the mets they got they got their they

got like hella aura now i can't believe i can't believe that you angled your butt at me didn't angle it was already angled at you roll the clip he literally we went he was already like this and And then he went. But, dude, they got aura now. They got the Little League Mets, they're calling them. I'm calling it right now. The Little League Mets are going to be. Because we played our game yesterday in Williamsport.

Nice. They're going to be like the Williamsport, like the Grimace Mets. It's going to be like the Little League Mets. Because the season's turned around. Nolan McLean. I have a farting question really quickly before we get into our pitch. do you think it'll ever get to a point where where farts are because you know like we're trying to be like more inclusive about like everything now or like you can't like you

shouldn't be like ashamed of like your body or whatever like do you think we're ever going to be in like meetings where people will like fart and they just move and keep talking i mean i think we're kind of regressing in that sense but like now i think i don't think now i feel like now we're going the other way what people are becoming not as open and tolerant and tolerant oh in the last few years but no i don't think that will because here's the thing all those other things don't affect anyone else farting stinks but like i really want to be in a meeting and edge just like we'll go back to when we're when you were a kid like you could fart and no one would say anything i still i don't think that's true at all if someone farted in class i mean like little

little like kindergarten little yeah everyone was like constantly shitting their pants it was like not it was not like noteworthy yeah let's hear a pitch all right um hey barundit conquer to link it and grotten barundi i'll be grittini tony okay i guess i'm grotten oh i thought it said grittini tony oh this is grotten and then next sentence tony tony here from wisconsin uh hold on to your chairs because boy do i have a good one for you today what is the worst part about um a night drinking at the bar you embarrass yourself and then you have to too much drinking it costs a lot of money and then like you yeah you you think you're the richest guy in the world the second you have four beers you buy everyone drinks and then you wake up

in the morning you have no money uh you were close it's actually having to wait for your next drink at your table or the bar or go up to the bar wait request what you like and wait for it to be poured are made introducing booze queue an app that links you to your bar's tab tab list or cocktail menu allowing you to queue your drinks for the night whether that number is 2 or 20 when your drink is getting low you can either press the advance button as you would on spotify and your drink will be poured at the bar and brought to you or you can purchase the qz like a koozie but in the sense that uh the weight in your drink when it is getting close to low prompting the staff to bring you another one or have it ready the best part uh you don't have to put any money down just

leave a card on file in the app and pay when you're finished gone are the days of waiting too long for a beer trying to get the bartender's attention just set your playlist and go i like it i also like that you like said how many drinks you're gonna have that night yeah i it would be yeah that is nice you know you like cue a bunch of songs and then like kind of the vibe changes you have to like skip through a bunch yeah like you you cued way more like miller lights than you wanted or something you're trying to get to the espresso martini yes you just have to like skip through the beers and the good thing guys like oh hey uh i love it i'm in have you ever took over like a touch tunes at like a waffle house all the time all the time yeah every time we go somewhere

i did so much money the other weekend on touching i did like old town road like 20 times in a waffle house and just like like as we were paying and leaving yeah they're gonna have to yeah they're gonna have to deal with there's some song my brother yeah it's like before you get out of the elevator like hitting every button later they're like bye guys there's some song by like the allman brothers or something like that my brother's friend always will just if he doesn't like a place it's like a 20 minute long song yeah and he'll just cue it is that john milaney did that that's like a that's not a bit he's done yeah is that he not almond brothers but he it was what's new pussycat they cued it they cued it like 10 times at a restaurant and he said

after like the second time people start to register that it's happening and then after the fourth time some guy had like a fucking meltdown that's hysterical my friend always does we cry together by kendrick lamar we're just like a couple fighting they're just like yelling at each other so you just think like you're just listening to a couple fighting for like five minutes bobby and i were at a bar and i uh i feel bad about it in hindsight but i didn't like any of the songs he was playing so i just bought a bunch enough credits to just advance my songs past he was getting so mad that's fucked up uh all right let's hear another pitch all right what is the worst part about going to a bar um hurts hurt yeah it stings but this is another

wasn't that the last question no it was yeah yeah we're on theme today you can't figure out where the bar where the drinks are the bathroom line is too long bathroom line's too long um having awful smelling farts while trying to pick up chicks i prefer to call them women but whatever introducing the stinker sinker the world's first gravity enhanced fart pill picture this you just picked up a girl from the bar she's laughing at your jokes twirling her hair clearly clearly into you life is good but wait your stomach suddenly sounds like a mariachi band trapped in a tumble dryer uh-oh you know what's coming the kind of fart that could strip paint off a car normally that gas would rise drift and announce its presence like the world's worst cologne but not

anymore because you took your daily stinker sinker this revolutionary pill makes your farts heavier than air instead of floating up into uh the mist uh instead of floating up into myths could be the one's unsuspecting sniffer your gas plummets straight to the floor out of sight out of snout some guy like drops his keys and like goes to pick him up and he's like oh my god guys like cleaning up a spill on the floor yeah i'm just imagining her like dropping like her phone or something yeah i got it i got it i got it stinker sinker i like this because i feel like sometimes people get carried away with these pitches where it's like the answer be like oh it makes your fart smell like roses or disappear or whatever it's like no it's still gonna smell but it's

gonna be there has to be some yeah keeping a low profile i'm in all right kind of in that vein what's the worst part of uh of waking up after a big night you don't feel good you don't feel good you feel like you maybe embarrassed yourself yep you feel like you are the only guy in the world that fucked up last night introducing i name in progress haven't thought of the name yet but it's essentially sports center for going out so you wake up in the morning you're hungover you go sit on your couch you turn on going out center or whatever and they have like like you know they do like not top 10 yeah whatever it would show like the 10 worst things anyone drunk did the night before oh to make you feel better they would be like having breaking news stories on like a guy

who like his girlfriend's gonna break up with him because he was so bad last night and you're like oh in the grand scheme of things like i wasn't that bad you find out yeah yeah for example one embarrassing thing that i was doing is i i can't every time i finished my drink there was no place to put it down and i didn't realize that people were like still having dinner at gran blanco and so i was like putting my drinks down just like on people's tables and flan and joe would have to go and be like i'm so sorry he doesn't know what you're doing right now and would like take it back up and i woke up and was like those people forever are gonna think i was a fucking asshole those people don't know you exactly but i would i would turn on sports center

yeah yeah and it'd be on the not top 10 though like someone else someone like 10 worse you'd have to if you're on the not top 10 you would know i was gonna say yeah yeah so it's like some guy in like some guy in like Mozambique yeah like pantsed his uber driver yeah yeah like imagine like you turn that on to feel better about yourself and you're number one you're like well fuck do you know that do you know that that's the thing that I did they made it into a sketch Chet wrote oh did you actually do that that is based on wait what sketches it's the the like meet me at happy hour yeah meet me at happy hour oh yeah we passed an uber driver man chet texted me right before it came out like hey i kind of based one part of this character on a

thing you did and he didn't tell me what it was and so i went and watched the sketch we were in we were in a certain city and our driver was like i can't remember like what was happening but he was like talking smack the whole way there and we were like all right dude like let's fucking let's settle this when we get there and we got out i don't know how to fight he squared up and And I just pulled his cargo shorts around his ankles. And the fact is he had a belt on. So it wasn't like they were like gym shorts. He could like quickly pull back up.

And so I like pantsed him and then like kind of like scurried away. And he never fucking got me. You guys can use that move at home. Not on a noob. Don't use that move. If you're ever in a fight, if you're ever in a fight and you pants the guy, he was a poor man. He fucking started it.

There's no way that you guys weren't being dickheads. I need to know what conversation. they were all blackout drunk and he was an uber driver working there's no way this was like a fair fight like we got into a fight he wanted to fight me he's like you're definitely being a fucking asshole there's just yeah there's no way that this uber driver was just like i'm gonna be a dick to these kids yeah fuck these kids yeah like i need to know what conversation led up to a fight i don't know with an uber driver he wanted to he wanted to square up he wanted to square up provoking them pants his ass all right am i the asshole i actually would i would because right now that

story is still funny in my head but if i knew what he was mad about it wouldn't be a funny story anymore because i'm sure it was bad yeah do you have a pitch really oh oh oh i do yes okay what's the worst part about uh your dresser oh uh the pants i want to wear are under 11 other pairs and i have to take them out and then like re-put them back in it takes a lot of space in your room oh okay like clothes storage at least i'm a guy who has a pretty tiny closet so it's just like a lot of my room is just like in the kitchen we figured it out right we put cabinets up there so that we have the ground space oh yeah why aren't there a ceiling dresser clothes cabinets clothes cabinets around your room all your clothes are in a cabinet and then you have

all the floor space yeah i do kind of like that that's baller you guys can keep that i'm shocked that doesn't exist you know yeah why did why didn't we take it to the bedroom i think they tried and it hurt yeah it does hurt i'm in i fucking love it thank you guys should we hear an am i the asshole yes am i the asshole what's up hickory dickory and doc uh hickory doc i'm dickery uh my name is miguel i appreciate the name drop on the pod the other day i actually had a very similar story but was on the other side and i'm wondering if i was the asshole junior of college i started dating a girl we can call her bb is two years younger and we knew each other growing up and then we started dating she ended up going to the same college as me i eventually

introduced b to my friend group there was a few people i introduced to her including friends from my wilder freshman days i never mentioned that i had an on and off friends with benefits with one of the girls that was a prominent member of the friend group and we would hang out as a group regularly also not sure if it's worth mentioning i was bees first uh we've been together for three years and are talking about moving in together after she finished her master's am i in too deep or should i tell her myself that he hooked up with a friend illinois yes here's the move uh maybe you should have told her earlier but now you would be the asshole yeah now told her i think are they still all friends is that yeah okay your move is if it ever comes up you swear up and down

that you've told her that that's your only right that's your only i think you're right that's your only answer is you you are one hunt you've never been more positive about anything in your life then you've told her that you hooked up with that girl yeah i also don't like is that i think dude i think if like if flan found out that you and i like hooked up like years prior and it never came out but you know what i mean like i told you that yeah it would be like what are you talking about i told you that so long ago rarely is the answer like gaslight but i think like you're in way too deep where it's like if it ever comes hope pray it never comes up yeah or actually maybe pray it does come up so that you can be like what what are you talking about

i told you that years ago yeah i think you do want it to come up so you can get it out of the yeah and just see yeah but you have to like play i feel like that shit is only weird if it's buried yeah like you should have just off the off the rip hey yeah maybe like even that's weird off the rip to be like by the way we hooked up it's like yeah i'm saying like you hope maybe you hope it comes up like through a friend or something and you're like oh my god yeah i forgot that we hooked up and then she'd be like you forgot yeah or no be like be like no no you sorry you didn't forget you go like yeah you knew that yeah and then she'll be like maybe i did know that i don't know maybe either pray it doesn't come up but when it and but when it does play it cool

and be like yeah i've told you that before i don't guess yeah i think you gotta gaslight them gaslight and say that they told you told them yeah we're casually slipping into conversations like oh isn't that crazy that we just took off and she's like why is it i told you that yeah it would be weird though to like be like hey these are my friends i hooked up with her her her right yeah right like that would be such a strange intro what about uh all right this is a bad pitch but just for the sake of trying to get the ball rolling next time you guys are hooking up you're like so and so loved this when i did this that i tried i don't think that's a good move actually say her name you try a new move yeah you're like uh aaron loved this yeah that's

a good one yeah maybe okay yes all right during sex say the person loved it yeah no say uh all right wait let's think about this do you does he bring it up or does he wait maybe you tell one of your friends like tell one of your friends to bring it up yeah because otherwise you'll be living in guilt have one of your friends bring it up and then gaslight and say that you told her yeah or just stop being friends with her no you can't do that that's weird yeah instead you should gaslight your girlfriend all right i mean i'm not i wasn't even joking i think that is the i think that is that you have to just pretend that you've told her yeah i think so maybe even try and convince yourself that you told her all right let's do this guy rocks i am this is the hardest

i've probably watched this video 20 times this weekend it is my favorite video on the internet hit me so andrew pause this immediately and i mean immediately what i love so much about this yeah uh i feel like comedy has gotten too conceptual or like too deep and it needs to be this big like production now whatever agreed i forgot how much i love just like slapstick comedy and i've never i've rarely seen it in like sketch form outside of like i feel like vine had a little bit of that agree this is my new favorite video of all time let's give it it says pov when when releasing anger backfires all right let's see it this is this is like 1950s

oh is that his balls wait how is that his balls that's like his crotch you sure oh yeah I thought it was like his arm that's great that's awesome I was fucking losing my mind watching that and

like Flan had to like come over to be like alright what what could possibly be this this funny we're about that 1783 but do you know what i mean like it's it's a little bit it's almost like refreshing it's like what like made made like cartoons funny as a kid i agree what if it platinum during the chaplain era oh that's what that guy said this is how cartoons

used to make me laugh maybe i read these comments that's very funny broke at the 1730 broke up with his grandparents oh my god that's awesome all right that's awesome ready yeah it's like when you have this level of body hair as a man if you take off your shirt to go swimming and there are women and children around it's like they look at you like is he allowed to do that but he is he is allowed it's like when you have this level of body hair as a man if you take off your shirt to go swimming and there are women and children around it's like they look at you like is he allowed to do that but he is he is allowed all right i know they're insane

willie but he actually has a point like that i am i have a lot of chest hair and i will say like when i like if i'm at like a public pool or or like a lake or something and there are people around is like there is part of you where like is it weird to show them my body hair right now wait why was it why is it any different if you have chest hair i don't know i'm just saying that's just a thing that i that goes through your head when you have this much you know what goes through my head when you have that much to say also they have tour dates what yeah they do this live he pops a few buttons in like hour the most insane cities to guilford connecticut oh guilford's hot this year hadham field main connecticut bethlehem is where uh pennsylvania

where those those there are two olympian snowboarders from there oh maybe they're doing olympic snowboarding oh they're a band oh all right should we do teach me something teach me something all right i got a list of things you're gonna tell me what year you think they were invented give or take and i'm gonna tell you the real year they're all gonna fucking blow your mind flush toilets 19 1882 1900 bc oh i guess i was thinking like plumbing but i guess like flush toilet probably just dropped into the ground no i think they had plumbing too like the room like rome was like weirdly because they're used to like you're right they did have plumbing every other every other place was like just the shit was just there

and they like had had enough and figured out a way to like irrigate it out uh vending machines 1975 1804 the first century you could put a coin and it would give you holy water that insane contact lenses leonardo da vinci google first vending machine you could put a coin in it it would give you holy water yeah first century that says 1822 no it said literally no the other one go back yeah that first one that third thing vending machine dispensed holy water that was one literally said like 700 something yeah look at that 700 something isn't the first oh so the the coin like weighs it down centuries 100 years millennium is a thousand years

hero of alexandria is when it invented it wait go down wait you scroll past all the info stop around the first century see oh no i mean i believe that now but that's the first minute i mean that feels crazy i said that the hero i'm not saying you're wrong you said 700 something i was saying that's not distracted i'm reading it i'm reading it i mean i don't know i don't know if i believe that there was a vending machine you would put a coin into wait wait so you didn't believe me and then the article you clicked on agrees and you don't now don't believe it there's a picture of it okay i just i think it's funny it is crazy i believe you i believe contact lenses leonardo da vinci invented them in 1508 how is that possible but then they didn't

He just, like, thought of the concept. They didn't actually, like, make them. Okay. Isn't that what we do every day on this podcast? Yeah. Well, you know, Will Van Allen invented the 400-story laundromat in 2025. What about the battery? 1920.

It was between... It was basically zero. It was either... They'd think it's between 200 BC and 200... What does that mean? They didn't even have electricity. thomas edison the baghdad battery may have been a primitive galvanic cell centuries before modern electricity what does that mean i don't know there's no batteries bc google first battery

first ever battery i feel like all of these things are like technicalities google the baghdad battery this family is on the brink of civil war mob land the hit original series is now streaming on paramount plus from the underworld of guy ritchie do you want to step up the ladder i won't call that dead starring tom hardy pierce brosnan and helen mirren do i have to do everything myself mobland new season is now streaming on paramount plus It's an artifact consisting of a ceramic pot, a tube of copper, and a rod of iron. I don't know if that counts.

It counts as debunked. All right. All right. I was three for five. Nothing wrong with 60%. You're the all-time best hitter in MLB history. Nothing wrong with three for five. You're going to the Hall of Fame if you hit three for five.

Damn right. oh okay i was have you heard of subtropolis no it's like in kansas city they built this like bajormas like facility in look up subtropolis in like a mountains or some shit it sounds like like a sandwich place it's yeah and it's it's like a bajillion acres but apparently it it stays within like a 10 degree temperature range of like 65 degrees or something like all year round what's it so people it's mostly i think people like companies rent it for like storage of like like grains and shit that has to be kept at a certain temperature because it's really it's no cost to maintain the temperature and it's oh just naturally heated it's naturally consistently

within, like, a 10-degree range. That's fascinating. Year-round, yeah. That is fascinating. That's what they do in Canada, right? Most of Canada underground. I think most of Canada is above ground. Most of Canada is underground?

No, you're thinking of the sidewalks in Minnesota. Yeah. All right, funny guy. All right, should we start with fantasy names that don't exist or ways to say you're not drinking this weekend? You pick. What do you think? Fantasy.

Fantasy names? These are fantasy football team names that don't exist. Okay, this is the Peeping Toms. This is if you draft Malik Neighbors and Mike Penix. I like that. I thought you were going to say if you draft Tom Brady. I was like, no. Pot calling the kiddle black.

I like that. The Turtle Heads, if you draft A.J. Brown and Jalen Waddle. Turtle Heading, little Brown Waddle. yours are really like yours are like thinkers we we call that prairie dogging yeah same oh really i've heard both okay this is a kind of a reference to it to that sydney sweeney ad cooper has great da jeans i like that uh the colonizers if you draft rashad white and colston love land tonsillitis yep oh lambry tonsil yes uh diet pepsi if you drive jordan addison and ray davis addison ray well i like it i like she's a singer uh fuck up f-u-h cup k-u-p-p like fuck up

oh oh i got it yeah you don't like no i didn't i got confused i got hung up on the pho i think i was thinking of like the dish oh oh oh as you were saying but uh bye so you just name your team by bye and you hope that your opponent gets a notification on their phone that week and then doesn't think they have to set their wine that's fantastic uh and then i got half chub love that i actually have a half chub right now i've had a half chub before yesterday i was on my long run and i stopped to pee you got a bunner no opposite dude you're like at that point like my whole body was just kind of like numb or whatever and i like peed and i just like pulled it way back and into my running shorts way too early yep and but like the running like i don't

wear underwear with them and it's like a very thin pair of shorts and that's the only thing i'm wearing like i don't are they built in underwear yeah it has like a liner yeah but you that's how you're supposed to oh you're talking like the short like running shorts yes they're like five inch running shorts i'm not wearing a shirt and and then your do your balls like flop around no it's like a there's like a liner like a swimsuit liner kind of in that vein yeah yeah okay anyway though but then i piss in it and so it's just like i'm just like a uh running i just i felt like everyone who walked who passed me was like that guy just pissed himself well that's that's actually good training because for a marathon you might shit yourself during a

marathon so you have to get comfortable looking you're right i did kind of have that i had that thought i was like well i think this is part of it i might get piss in my pants when i run so but it was pretty gross yeah all right should we do ways to say you're not drinking this weekend the rehearsal oh yeah oh yeah exactly yeah i'm gonna have to shit myself on my long runs It's like exposure therapy. I'm just going to get out of the way now. Do you think you would shit yourself for your time? No.

Okay. Yeah. Should we do ways to say you're not drinking this weekend? Yeah. No. These are ways to say you're not drinking this weekend. I'm coaching instead of playing. I'm a healthy scratch.

If you're just going to smoke instead of drink, you can say I'm hanging with the man in green. Love that. my bed has custody this weekend i'm gonna see if i can remember this whole weekend i'm at my other job my liver's on pto all my clothes are in the wash what does that mean you can't come you can't go out because all your clothes are in the wash the train's leaving without me i'm hanging up the cleats i didn't meet my quota i'm so fucking scared of what i did last weekend that i can't stomach the idea of doing it again i'm on sabbatical my mom mama obama my mama obama my mama obama my mom's not drinking this weekend

will you work about my mama bomb oh damn damn he's not drinking he's not drinking this weekend um oh jesus why'd you i'm not aiming it at you are you i'm like i'm gonna get like pink eye um it's something i ate oh yeah i know obviously obviously it's something all over me it's not something you drank it says na beers honestly they probably do give you the farts yeah dude it's all gluten without any of the, like, benefits. They had corn on the cob at the one bar. She was like, do you just get it?

And I was like... You just get it. That's what I was saying, yeah. All right, let's do Rusty's Songs of the Day. Let's see how many people are following this fucking thing. Holy dog. Rusty's Songs of the Day has 4,800 people following it now. Road to 10K.

Road to 10K again. When you fucking follow it, I will give you $101 when we hit that. When we hit 10,000. So go follow it. And that's the rusty promise. Put me out of my misery. We got Santeria by Sublime today. I don't have much to say about it.

I just like it a lot. I'm going to apologize. I think I may have already apologized. I didn't mean to add a song I already did a couple weeks ago. I don't practice Santeria. Have you seen the riff-raff line? Where he's like, when I blow up, I'm going to act like I don't know nobody. I don't practice Santeria.

Dude, no. You know. Wait. That's the thing that Zach Bryan tweeted about us. What? He tweeted that meme. Someone responded to a Zach Bryan tweet and said, Unblock the Playdate pod.

They didn't mean it. And he quote tweeted it with this video. Do you not remember this? I didn't make sense of that. My main goal. My main goal, yeah. My main goal is to blow up and then act like I don't know nobody. Yeah, Zach Bryan.

Can you Google Zach Bryan riffraff meme? Riffraff. He said that about you? Yes, he literally tweeted about us. Yeah, but he deletes his tweets once he's done blacking out. Wait, maybe Zach Bryan playdate pods? Yeah. Should I add playdate pods?

No, just Zach Bryan. Get rid of riffraff meme. Playdate pods. Let's see if it comes. I don't know. He might have deleted it. Scroll down. Twitter.

Maybe put Twitter at the end. Or X. I think Twitter will still work. Oh, he deleted his account? Oh, did he delete the account? Yeah. Well, there was a tweet that said someone in his replies to something random was like, unblock play date.

They didn't mean it. And then he quoted it with that video, which is hysterical. That's insane. All right. We love you guys. have a great rest of your monday have a great tuesday and we'll see you bright and early on i forgot what's after i forgot it's hard sometimes we love you we'll see you soon be safe