Will & Rusty's Playdate - going villain mode on my lazy roommate

Starting point is 00:00:00 boy in the night it's just you and me boy two soldiers bonded for life 58 miles no one's coming for us when anyone else would quit they'll do the impossible i got you and get home part of the beast is an uplifting triumph you're the greatest dog ever bread pit i'll get you home heart of the beast now playing this family is on the brink of civil war mob land the hit original series is now streaming on paramount plus we are the harrigans don't know the net and google us from the underworld of guy ritchie do you want to step up the ladder i won't call that dead starring tom hardy pierce Brosnan and Helen Mirren.

Starting point is 00:00:52 Do I have to do everything myself? You want to walk? I'll give you a walk! Mobland. New season is now streaming on Paramount+. Playdate. Playdate. Episode 113.

Starting point is 00:01:11 Okay, I got a good one. Sam Dresser. Sam Dresser? Who the hell is that? Just another guy I went to high school with. Sorry. You gotta stop doing guys you went to high school with. Adam Thielen?

Starting point is 00:01:21 Tua. Tua Tug-of-Iloa on Alabama. We're starting with you feeling number. No, 19. Look up Tua Tug-of-Iloa, Alabama. That's the one she just nailed. I've heard of that guy. I know, but I don't even know how to spell his last name. No, Alabama number.

Starting point is 00:01:49 Wow, what a poll. Thank you. what about brock purdy what's he wear brock purdy i don't know look up brock purdy no oh okay oh i'm thinking of someone else you thought he was from family guys i was thinking of no no i was thinking of brock turner oh jesus no i know that's why i was like why are we talking purdy google brock turner i'm talking about the bay area that's why i was like wait what are you fucking did you know how brock turner got caught i just learned this what there were these two like swedish exchange students that were just happened to be biking yeah and they saw him and

Starting point is 00:02:24 the guy took off brock turner took off running in this swedish exchange or some nordic country exchange student he tracked him down like closed him down the d1 athlete they closed him down tackled him and held him down until the cops got there brock purdy is 13 there you go um all right i got i got a story for you guys oh great so do you want to hear the one that's going to boost will's ego first or the one that's kind of silly okay i thought the second i thought the second option was going to take my ego down do you want to take it up or down a silly one okay so i don't want to get too hot you know how i told you the the handyman came over with like flip-flops on there's like no screws so he messed around with the water heater and then a couple days go by

Starting point is 00:03:11 we are all sound asleep it's like four in the morning and this noise is like making its way into my dream and it's like this familiar noise like you know when your alarm goes off and it's but it's not that it's like a noise i've heard in movies but i had never whatever so i write it off as like this is a weird dream but i'm half awake and i'm like no that's definitely a noise out loud and it's like beep beep beep beep beep beep bomb carbon monoxide reader is going off like dangerous levels of carbon monoxide in our house jesus christ so we go out into the thing we're all kind of like i don't want to say like lightheaded because we're it was just like the middle of the night but like we're all like super out of it and so we're like okay we call the fire

Starting point is 00:03:57 department they're closed we so we call to call which is like the last thing you want to hear in a big winter they're off season let the boys rest yeah i was like you know what it's fine they this is a small price to pay and so we called 9-1-1 because we called 3-1-1 they also were to close it's not like where to dig no that's 8-1-1 3-1-1 is like i think it's supposed to be for like less somehow we landed on can you look up what yeah ty ty like knew 3-1-1 was the number to call non-emergency request so we were like we don't want to call 9-1-1 and be like got it whatever so we ended up being like all right our only our last resort is to call 9-1-1 so we call it's like a five minute wait like if this

Starting point is 00:04:43 was a real uh emergency it was like what happens when you call like american express where it's just like would you like to hear about our like options whatever so we finally get on the phone we're like all right sorry this is not a life-threatening thing but our carbon monoxide thing is going off and we don't know what to do they're like all right go outside and wait for the fire department so we're all standing out there they come down lights on but no sound thank god and they get out it's like the three coolest guys ever they all like big mustaches they're like jacked firemen whatever yeah tell me more we'll put a picture of them right here lauren hey keep it in your pants lauren keep it in your shirt and um

Starting point is 00:05:19 implying that she like flashes fireman whatever so we're in the elevator going up they don't know what they're there for the woman didn't relay the information so we thought they knew we're going on the elevator up and they're like uh what's the problem and i was trying to be silly and i said our roommate got his penis stuck in his zipper and then like the second it left my mouth i was like why did you say that and so i looked at the guys and there was like a two second wait before they said anything and then they all started cracking up i was like oh thank god we got like we got like a cool group that's a great line yeah we got like a cool group again thank you and then i was like i hope you brought the jaws of life and they were like cracking up

Starting point is 00:05:59 whatever and then i was like okay in all seriousness our carbon monoxide is going off they're like all right so they take a look around he has this meter thing to like measure it he's like there's like dangerous amounts of carbon monoxide in here and uh and he was like if you guys didn't wake up like there's like a real like a real chance like this could have been like bad whatever so they shut the gas off what yeah i didn't tell you this no i think i saved it for the pod crazy we'll put a picture of him like walking through the house right here i took a sneaky video but um they so they can't figure out where it's coming from and the guy's thing is like there's so much carbon monoxide in here the reader is like fucked up because it's like so he takes

Starting point is 00:06:38 outside to refresh it out on the balcony and it spikes again it was the fucking thing it's the thing that the handyman who's not a handyman was fucking around with he like fucked something up and it was just shooting carbon monoxide out and we sleep with our sliding door open so it was going right in the house and filled the entire living room and like it was like he literally could have killed us holy and uh so we shut that off so now we have no hot water because it was like hot water and like chance of dying or like just cold showers until they can come fix it so yeah we almost died what night was it uh thursday night maybe friday morning wow yeah good thing you guys weren't like all drunk and just passed out i know yeah good thing you weren't drunk and passed out like

Starting point is 00:07:30 but dude like there was there was and i partied that night yeah we did on thursday i learned my fight or flight like does not really because i like heard it and was like yeah that'll be fine yeah that's crazy how was your guys big party night we we saw the new big booty mix how was that uh really good i here's my thing i love all those because i know like all the songs i don't like typically like dj music but i like them a lot and but there kept being songs i was like there's no way they haven't used this one before did they reuse songs i have no idea like they did i think they had africa by toto and i was like that's that's big booty mix one yeah i think what you need to realize is there's so many there's so many good songs out there yeah that like

Starting point is 00:08:19 26 is a lot Each And they're an hour each Each mix probably has like What 30 songs on it I think it might be more than that So yeah maybe

Starting point is 00:08:28 They probably Yeah they probably have They probably have reused some I'm not gonna lie I feel like I was barely Listening to the music I was just like Mr. Brightside was one of them

Starting point is 00:08:37 That's definitely been on it Right Yeah 100% Yeah I wasn't really listening Call him out Call him out Matt and Eli

Starting point is 00:08:43 Matt and Eli I love you guys They're actually I've only met them once But they were very very nice I accidentally met them. I was trying to go in, like, the... And then we all get...

Starting point is 00:08:54 Yeah, we were all, like, trying to walk out this one back door, and I got, like, cut off and separated from the group because Two Friends was, like, coming out. So they were all just standing inside, and I was just standing... It was just me and Two Friends. I think they thought I was with them. And so Lauren and them were like,

Starting point is 00:09:09 hey, can we... And they were like, no, sorry, it's totally blocked off. We were like, wait, we're just trying to, like, go, like, have a smoke. It's, like, really not... And the guys try to go have a smoke. The guy's like, no,

Starting point is 00:09:22 like you can't go out there. I'm like, no offense. It's not like it's the prep. Like it's the president. Yeah. I don't fucking know. I just,

Starting point is 00:09:29 it was just funny in that setting. I just like stumbled into being roped in with them and escorted outside. And so then I was chatting with them and they, they were really nice. The DJ entrance is a, is a thing that I've seen firsthand. You can, you can,

Starting point is 00:09:46 if you're not, if you're not with that crew they will just like shove you yeah yeah but it was like somehow i i didn't know them but they it wasn't them that like had wrote me in so it was just like yeah random people thought i was and then i was standing there talking to them and then their guy comes up and he's like listen we got to let people in through this door so you guys can't be out here and and then matt just looks at the guy he goes like i don't want to go back in the fucking kitchen man because this is the event was at a for context it was at a mel's diner so the green room was just the kitchen of a mel's diner he's like dude it's tiny i don't want to go back

Starting point is 00:10:18 to the kitchen he's like i'm sorry you have to it's like oh fine so then they had to go back into the kitchen it's pretty funny um do you want to hear will's ego boost story oh great or wait you had to tell me what you were laughing about oh i was laughing about a guy who's like he's a really it's so dumb he's a really good i forget who was saying this we were laughing like he's a really good hang but his ass reeks that's like way the odds yeah but it's like how do you know it's like his ass like it's not like a funny attribute for a guy to have like his ass yeah he's perfectly lovely guy his ass so nice it's only a problem if you're like sitting in a booth with him and he has to

Starting point is 00:11:00 get up to go to the bathroom he drops his wallet everyone scrambles you go on a you go on a trip with him and it's like he's sitting in the aisle or you're sitting now he's sitting in the window yeah it's a night slides past you excuse me um so i got ass freaks when i i think i might have told this story but there was a new revelation on it so i was going through security at lax yeah there was a flight attendant going through it in front of me okay and she it was kind of like what happened to you when you were wearing your cowboy hat we're like they could not figure out what the fuck was setting off the yeah alarm so she went through like you know three or four times like taking off different lanyards whatever and after like the

Starting point is 00:11:53 third time we made eye contact and i kind of like laughed because it was just like a yeah silly situation whatever didn't think anything of it what about my dad and then i got a dm from the flight attendant oh really and she i'll read it to you it's very funny she's a playmate oh that's so she i like finding out playmates have like jobs you wouldn't expect yeah she goes where is she like congressman rocon all right so bitsy bitsy goes rusty i was ahead of you in line through security today at lax i was the flight attendant that had to go through the metal detector like three times i wanted to say hi and tell you i love the pod but it seemed like the world's worst timing for both of us anyways hope to see you on a delta flight at some point

Starting point is 00:12:35 very nice thing to say right yeah i go just seeing that i remember that that was hysterical it made me laugh i hope it didn't look like any other emotion because i sometimes i'll be like staring at someone and i didn't want her to think i was mad whatever she goes i've legit rehearsed what i would say if i ever saw you or will at the airport uh or on my flight thank you for flying delta and all and all of that went out the window that morning and i'm truly honored it made you laugh i'm like okay this is great and then she goes p.s can you pass on the good word that if will ever decides to look for a girlfriend the success rate over here would be off the charts just now i can't i can't have an interaction with someone unless they want to date my friend will

Starting point is 00:13:14 well yeah i'm sorry late sorry sorry brother it's my abs it's my ass it's just like it's my ass it's my ass it's my ass great it smells phenomenal that is funny though that's very sweet that would be funny on a delta flight yeah yeah like that means they're on a flight that would be funny if our flight attendant was someone who listened to the podcast yeah well that hit she must not run run the same routes as us yeah she wasn't going to uh i don't know i think that the flight the plane flight attendant would be awesome whenever there's someone on the plane that says hello that time that kind of scares me because it's like or he's sitting next to you yeah yeah now we're we gotta now we're trapped now we're trapped we gotta say hello we gotta talk the

Starting point is 00:14:03 whole i'm just so sick of the paparazzi on the press it's it's exhausting and the media yeah and they're always trying to spin their narratives and the spin narratives yes you know will peters will peters uh died almost died he got totaled his car yesterday wait what are you serious yeah you got in a car accident they told the the car totaled his car that's what you were gonna actually i was gonna say something else but that is what happened really yeah how do you know that i was talking because i went into tanner today will peters is like really nice like love i think he's probably the nicest guy i think i talked about him on the last episode saying he was yeah he's like just the nicest guy whatever yeah and i was like every time i think i know

Starting point is 00:14:48 everything about will i learn a new thing like he's gone to he just hit his hundredth spin class oh i saw that oh i think he's his girlfriend is an instructor but it was like that's a new thing i didn't let it's just all he's an enigma to me and then right as i told tanner that he was like you know he got in a in like a uh near death car accident yesterday that's horrible on the freeway i don't know but apparently his back hurts so daddy gonna get that back he was in one of the Waymo's they set on fire. They set Waymo's on fire? Yeah, that's actually

Starting point is 00:15:17 all-time funny protest tactic. People, they were just calling Waymo's to them and then just lighting them on fire. You could just request a thing. It's sort of a victimless crime. Yeah, big tech. It's like you're fucking over Waymo.

Starting point is 00:15:37 But it is kind of funny to... I don't know. I think they had to suspend service because people were just calling them to... What were they protesting? They're like ice raids. Oh my God. Do you see the people throwing like boulders at cop cars?

Starting point is 00:15:51 Yeah. Didn't cops die? No. That's like attempted murder, no? Throwing a boulder at someone's windshield from the highway. Yeah. There were a few incidents of it, but I think it got like, I think the public perception has been way blown out of, like my aunt was texting me like, are you okay?

Starting point is 00:16:10 I was like, yeah, I'm fine. It is funny. Like, California, there's always something going on that, like, aunts and grandparents think that you're going to die. Like, when the fires were happening, my grandma thought it was, like, currently in my living room. Yeah. Like, she couldn't understand the fact that I was, like, in my house. Yeah, well, also talking to them, like, no, I'm, like, a mile away. It's, like, not, like, reassuring.

Starting point is 00:16:28 My street was the border of the evacuation zone. Yeah. And I was trying to tell my grandma, like, it's fine. It's on the other side of the road. And she was, like, it can cross. I'm, like, it's hard to cross the 405. Totally. it's hard to merge merge merging attempted merger

Starting point is 00:16:47 lock me up and throw away the key i'm on the highway what nothing what when i came in here it was 65 degrees and i go it's pretty cold in here and lauren goes leave it i like it that cold yeah i do i kind of like it is that what it is now No, because I'm in full-length clothes. Full-length clothes? Yeah. FLC. F.

Starting point is 00:17:12 What you know about me. Come on in. Yeah. What are you, what's going on in your life? I'm, like, disassociating today. I can tell. Why? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:17:22 Well, I was up late last night working because I, the big party on Thursday night. Right. Made it a little hard to do work on Friday, so I had to finish the episode last night. daddy yo hey daddy yo what what do you want bro come on all right rain it in all right it's uh folks happy wednesday happy wednesday i was just talking to my dad and he uh went out of his way to remind me that it is father's day on sunday which always hurts a little when he didn't give me the chance but thankfully i know what to get a man with taste as good as his which is a little accelerator come on variety pack is five dollars off when you clip the coupon on amazon all right

Starting point is 00:18:10 they got three amazing flavors rocket pop cherry ice pop and tropical punch all rolled up into one easy to carry 12 pack that you can have delivered straight to your door and carried over to dear old papa's house gift one of the old man get one for yourself whatever you want to do i'm not telling I know I'm sending my dad a big old, big old pack. Come on. Come on. Offers valid on Amazon through June 15th. Go get it.

Starting point is 00:18:36 My dad is a big energy drink guy. There you go. And I recently got him hooked on Accelerator. Hooked is the wrong word. I got him excited about Accelerator. Guy will not shut up about it, so I'm going to stock his fridge for a whole year. Stock his ass. That's the new Accelerator slogan.

Starting point is 00:18:53 Stock his ass. uh no i'm gonna fill this i'm gonna fill this fridge with a year's supply of accelerator and see what happens love it go to amazon uh clip that code and uh what does that mean clip that coupon i'm gonna be honest can i just transparency clip that coupon what does that mean clip it you like clip coupons out of the thing all right we'll go to amazon it's five dollars off Clip that coupon, girl. Clip that coupon, girl. Who up clipping they coupons?

Starting point is 00:19:26 All right. Let's get back into the episode. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range. Infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins. Like Coffee Plus B12 to help support immune function. And Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day moving.

Starting point is 00:19:45 Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight. our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on espresso.com texted lauren on on friday morning about something she was like i fell asleep in my clothes and makeup on my couch i'm going to bed i was like it's 10 in the morning going to bed yeah i didn't well we had it was like a work from home day on friday so it kind of worked out i didn't really do anything yeah a little party girl you're turning into a party girl i think i'm in my i think i'm in my party area well summer's summer's starting yeah i partied my balls off on saturday yeah i did all my partying thursday

Starting point is 00:20:29 then i didn't party really friday i thought i did all my part or friday or friday wait i'm thinking of it fried saturday friday or saturday i saw you saturday so you were but i think you had an early night saturday yeah i had some responsible drinks and then i was in hermosa was very fun manhattan beach hermosa that means beautiful yes saturday was supposed to be saturday was supposed to be casual drinks yeah the plan was like two beers yeah bullshit whose plan was that uh it was like a collective that was when you met up with gavin yeah joe well i didn't know gavin was gonna be there so joe and i went to joe and i went to venice beach bar with zach my roommate uh and we were like all right we'll get a pitcher of beer and then we'll

Starting point is 00:21:19 go home and right as we walked up gavin was standing outside we're like all right okay we can still keep this on track we got upstairs gavin's uh soon-to-be sister-in-law and his brother are there yep we're like all right we'll play some connect four his hot ass brother his brother's hot as fucking all get out and like like in a different way like in like east side and like buzz cut like he's older or younger he's a little bit older but he's so fucking hot and i also think he's like secretly like a like like a crypto millionaire yeah i think he made a bunch of crypto money like uh he got that crypto he got that crypto money he got that crypto dough and uh and so we got a picture we got a second picture and we were like all right this is it

Starting point is 00:22:05 and then right as we were about to leave gavin's uh brother's fiance goes what if the next pitcher is a skinny margarita pitcher and we were like okay let's make it to sit like what does that mean what's the skinny part uh i think it's uh i know it's less cow i don't know how though they might not use like a certain ingredient yeah some syrup that they don't use tequila um it's just like a slushy uh and then after that the train left the tracks and we went to jameson's and i burnt it the fuck down you tear it up i well i didn't move a lot but i like i was in one place yeah yeah burning it down uh we did peanut butter shots until the cows came home i think i kissed joe on the mouth love that um i ran into our dance teacher oh yeah yeah oh that's

Starting point is 00:23:00 funny dance instructor was there was that in santa monica where you did that was at jameson's no no but the class with that woman was that around here no that was like hollywood yeah it was so far away i think it was culver maybe culver but yeah our our hip trying to explain to your friends how you know someone and the answer is this is my hip-hop dance instructor it's pretty because it sounds like joke yeah sounds like you don't have a hip-hop yeah well yeah i mean it was two classes yeah but like you're right yeah if you took a seminar class that met twice a semester you'd still say this is my professor that's a really good point yeah that's a good point thank you all right yeah venice beach bar has become it is it's just a ridiculous amalgamation of people from different

Starting point is 00:23:44 parts of my life i think it's impossible to go without seeing someone you know it yeah there was a ucla bar crawl yeah and those kids those kids know how to party really oh my god i don't know if they were cool i didn't really talk but they were like fucking partying their nuts off yeah it was it's interesting it was like four it was like 5 p.m like broad daylight and these kids were going fucking damn it was honestly it was pretty awesome they were on stinko they all had matching shirts on like with like their baby pictures and it said like that's cute uh last crawl before walk that's i didn't i certainly told you about my last bar my last senior bar crawl maybe tell me my pants at the second bar yep do you think that's do you think there's a person out there

Starting point is 00:24:36 that's the only thing they remember about you from bc they don't no one knew that oh you got away with it yeah i wasn't like oozing out of my pants hey man you thought it was oozing down my leg i thought like if i shit myself right now i don't think i would be able to hide it very well i mean in like a pack bar no one's looking at your ass you just kind of get up and you go you were the guy that's a killer hang but your ass reeked i got the hell out of dodge oh man oh me and mia had a big slumber party on friday yeah you guys brought a bed and we moved my mattress into the living room and it was just really fun and what'd you do watch a movie we watched a movie no but we had so many imagine if i'd hit that if i would land it that would have been all what a

Starting point is 00:25:21 swing no we're watching for the fences there sorry what did you say no you're good if you don't swing you might not hit we've been watching the new season of ginny and georgia yeah what is that i've never heard of it until yesterday and fucking everyone is talking is this a popular show it's a yeah popular like wait i keep you know the only reason i keep seeing is that girl from pucker up do you remember that show we went on joe lee yeah she's on it no she like keeps posting with all that i keep seeing oh maybe maybe she worked viral reels production has enough time passed that we can can that we can say why we think we went on that what is this i don't even know what you guys are talking about because it's not nice even in any or why did what were you

Starting point is 00:26:04 gonna say i thought i thought it was we can take this out every month but i thought i thought we came to the conclusion that like one of the producers on the show had a crush on will yes and then that's why they had us on the show and then all the questions like i was getting thrown like softballs and then it would be like yeah will what's your type okay yes we can talk about this it's actually insane we went on the show uh it's like it was like hot ones for like sour stuff yeah for like sourcane she keeps having all the cast of ginny and george that's the only reason i've heard of this but we he knew a girl that was like producing it yeah and that she was i guess like one of the other producers had a crush on me okay i vaguely remember that so this we were

Starting point is 00:26:50 invited on this show which was sort of out like if you look at like the guests like we definitely we weren't there like demo stood out yeah and uh yeah we get there we start doing the questions and it's like it's like rusty like what's your favorite color and i'd be like green and then they'd be like will what do you look for in a woman or it's like will do you look at your instagram dms and i was like and this girl had dm'd me like the producer yeah like not even the host of the show it was like they were using like a vessel to ask these questions that is very bizarre and then when we left and was she being flirty with you she didn't really talk to will but she was

Starting point is 00:27:28 right off camera a little bit yeah but I don't know the whole thing was kind of bizarre and did and they put

Starting point is 00:27:34 that they posted that yeah that interview lived somewhere yeah yeah

Starting point is 00:27:40 yeah I think it was like a smokescreen to like I completely agree it was very bizarre it was in LA yeah

Starting point is 00:27:48 yeah it was out like this like bougie ass like mansion in Hollywood we came out and like was it Ryan Lochte

Starting point is 00:27:54 there was like some like oh yeah who was it it was like like i think it was ryan lochte some some like olympian yeah some like olympian was like taking a meeting by the pool we did it in the pool house and we came out we're like where the fuck are we right

Starting point is 00:28:09 it was so weird and we went to sweet green and my phone died oh yeah and i just lost will yeah i was just running around the streets and he was driving around and we had to try to find each other oh that's funny my phone was dead and that could have been really bad you know i would have found a way because god always because and the stars always bring you home the stars always bring me home that's a song well did did you hear that gracie abrams snippet that she put on her story yesterday that's just the way no no she just teased a song and i can't stop listening to it sounds gorgeous i saw her photo shoot for cosmopolitan shabuya rogo who's the girl that was yeah you're not even like a real fan you just think she's hot

Starting point is 00:28:58 what so maybe i shouldn't talk to you what the heck i am a fan what are you i know all the hits just because he wants to like explore her body doesn't mean he likes her music or doesn't like i never said explore her body i would never talk about you that way grace can i call you grace um i know like eight songs okay but i don't know like the deep cuts who is she singing with the other day on stage there was a girl she's playing guitar and there's this like red-headed girl oh it's that one girl she's always with and people were like so audrey something right why were people mad at her that's like her best friend people were like saying that the girl was something annoying and i was like it's looking completely normal you know when you watch video

Starting point is 00:29:40 and then the comments are like i don't understand i'm clearly missing a step here and then you have to go down a route and i couldn't find anything yeah i actually dream i had a dream about her last night that i met her and she was kind of uh standoffish and it made me feel weird yeah that's so fucked she did that to you no it was sad and then i was like oh my god i shouldn't have said anything do you know those pillows with sequins on them that if you like rub it a certain way it changes colors i had a dream last night that my beard i had a beard but it was made out of that and i accidentally like swiped it and like swiped like a huge chunk of my hair off so i had to like try and get everything to like go back into like a normal spot i don't

Starting point is 00:30:20 It was horrible. Did you like that story? I did. I was thinking about something the whole time. Yeah, I could tell you. Twinsiety. You ever get this when you're talking to a twin and you're worried it's the other one? Twinsiety?

Starting point is 00:30:35 I've only known twins that I know the difference. For some reason, we've hung out so many times at this point. It's Mike and Henry, the Pointer Brothers. I love those guys. They're so nice. and i had a great time with mike a few weekends ago the pointer brothers yeah but sometimes i saw they were at the two friends thing there and just to preface for anyone who has who doesn't know them or hasn't met them which i would assume is the majority truly like two of the nice i've only

Starting point is 00:31:06 met him twice yeah two of the nicest guys have s tier hanks they're the real they're real real pointer brothers not like the sketch are you thinking of like don't let wet ladies don't let wagyu touch you um so they're actually pointer brothers no they have you've seen them on they do like he does they do a thing where he's like he's like we shouldn't get a beer just look up the fucking pointer brothers but like if the porn brothers tick tock i feel like they'll come up first anyway really yeah it's these guys they're so fucking awesome i love they were at the thing they're like the nicest dudes yeah anyway long story short i perpetually am nervous even though i know at this point i just don't want to say a name because i'm scared yeah and i went from

Starting point is 00:31:51 i was with the two friends guys who i know they're not twins or nay even brothers but i it falls into the same bucket i don't know which one's matt and which one's because of the first time i got it completely backwards that i met them and i said like matt that the chain smokers thing no it was that big booty land the og big booty land in boston me and my buddy charlie oh this is actually kind of a funny story we uh sorry i had like a thing in my throat wait i'll finish the twin thing is that i went from being with matt and eli and being scared to say anyone's name because i didn't want to fuck it up and then i turn around i'm talking to the pointer brothers and it was the same thing and i'm like i'm in fucking hell i didn't even know the pointer brothers were twins

Starting point is 00:32:30 they're not they're that's the thing it's doesn't you don't actually have to be twins for this to matter it's worse if they're twins but they're just brothers they're like two years apart is it weird that ident you can still tell the difference between identical twins you kind of yeah like there were two sets of identical twins that i grew up around yeah and maybe it's just because you've known them since like childhood but i feel like i there's like one thing like i'll use the armitage twins for example yeah robbie and reese i can't tell you why one looks different but i can tell yeah it's also a context thing now because it's been a while since i've seen them but i always see reese in nashville because reese lives there right and then one time

Starting point is 00:33:11 i saw robbie in nashville and that really threw me for a fucking and yeah like if like there's one of them had like a huge dumper they both they're both there they both have uh they both have nice bonds for sure but nice anyway first time first big booty land i went to i wanted to go and two friends like i didn't know them but i think they followed me just because i had just started i like just started at friday beers and so i dm them and was like can i come to big booty land and they were like sure i was like oh and i want to bring my buddy but i for some reason didn't want to ask that so i say can i bring a photographer like it was like a work thing yeah i think i remember you saying that then they were like

Starting point is 00:33:51 sure so then we get there we get our passes and they're we have media passes like have you ever like shot a show i haven't but i know what you're talking about okay so it's like you can go in between like the front barricade and the stage yeah and we don't have like a camera or anything but we're like that's the coolest place we can go with our access you can't go backstage so we just go up there and we're just like drinking beers in between and he's just like taking videos on his phone because we're like i guess this is like plausible and we sent him to max like they put it on the friday beer story yeah so i guess it like counted and uh then the head of security for the venue comes out and he grabs me by the collar and he drags me like across all the which

Starting point is 00:34:31 by the way there were like girls that i went to college with in the front row that like was like when we were up there was like sick and then when i'm getting dragged out by my collar it's like kind of why aren't you just like i have the media pass i had the i was like i had the pass he was like you're not fucking working like well and i was like i promise like blah blah blah friday beers like it's on their story with i don't know whatever and he so he drags me backstage and into like the like the holding cell i don't know it was like his office or something and he's like yelling at me i'm like please and then the two friends tour manager comes in and he's like oh god what were they doing he's like they were just drinking beer up in the fucking media pat

Starting point is 00:35:05 and uh i was like the guy was like let me handle him that's disgusting and the head of security he's like all right finally thank you and he leaves and the tour manager is like you guys are fucking idiots he's like you want to just come side stage i don't want to deal with him And so he brought us up on the stage. He was kind of sick. Wait, I don't understand. What did they expect you to do? Like that area is for like professional photographers to be with cameras and like taking photos of the act.

Starting point is 00:35:32 Not like an Instagram. Well, honestly, it kind of was what we were. There was value in what we were doing. But to a guy who's worked a million concerts, like it's impossible to explain. Yeah, it's like I'm drinking, chugging a beer in front of the stage on an iPhone. That's not really where that's happening. It doesn't look like anything that's going to be. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:51 Yeah. What else is going on? Are you guys going anywhere anytime soon? We're going to New York in two weeks. New York in two weeks. New York City. We are going to. Rochester, actually.

Starting point is 00:36:07 Rochester. Guy with a really good attitude. Guy with a really good attitude. Rochester. Rochester. when i went to the when i went to binghamton let me tell you about this binghamton mets bingham the binghamton rumble ponies formerly used to be formerly no they are now i think it used to be uh and it's the it was the saddest place in the world i didn't see anyone we were supposed to go

Starting point is 00:36:31 to this bar tonight called uh tom and marty's and i was like how there's no one in this city how how are there going to be people at this bar we showed up there were literally like 700 people in a bar like this size and uh what is this size size 700 square feet wow whoa people are gonna be like looks a lot smaller on camera and that was the whole story oh i like this no that's crazy i met the guy uh tom or marty i can't remember if i met tom or marty but he got uh he got on the microphone he kept saying kind of like crass things it was like it was this he would get on microphone be like fuck no he'd be like where are the where are the hot ladies tonight and they'd be like anything goes in binghamton anything goes when i went to um the first time that was the

Starting point is 00:37:25 worst story anyone's ever told i just wanted to talk about it actually kind of calmed me down nice story's so boring like brings people's heart rates down i went to buffalo one time with liam color yeah we got there the first night and we're like what do we like do in fucking buffalo and uh so we ubered we got a six pack of high noons and ubered to niagara falls and we just sat on the grass outside and our like looked at the waterfalls and drank three high noons each and then ubered oh no and then we went to the rainforest cafe oh i remember this story yeah can you pull up um pull up like kids standing too close to niagara falls you ever seen this photo no is it gonna be scary no no this guy brought his son there go to images uh okay yeah he photoshopped his son like

Starting point is 00:38:17 standing on the thing and people were outraged and he was like okay obviously i didn't let him fucking stand up there have you ever seen niagara falls without the water google niagara falls without water what the hell does that mean like they stopped the water one year and it's like miagara miagara lauren be like yeah look at this isn't this crazy we were on a family trip one time to we were in canada for some reason and we were on the canadian side of that of miagara falls and i posted a instagram that said more like viagra falls yeah and my family was very upset with me. Really? They were just like, that's not funny. Damn.

Starting point is 00:38:59 I thought it was silly. I've never posted that. I've been to the Canadian side, but I never posted that story you were talking about. Lauren, can you pull up the guy who went over the falls in a barrel? Oh, yeah. That guy was sick. No, I think there were numerous... There was a lot of people

Starting point is 00:39:16 that did that. People definitely do not do that a lot. No, I remember watching a documentary in middle school, and this was like a reoccurring thing. Look, how many people have gone over in barrel? In barrel. Poop paint. List of people who have gone over.

Starting point is 00:39:35 Thousands? And only 16 have survived to the feet. Do you take it back now? I take it back. Thousands? That was one of your lowest stakes misinformation campaigns. Thousands? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:47 So the first like 800 died and people were like, I think I can figure it out. Yeah, I remember this lady. I think they do it to kill themselves. I remember this lady. i remember hearing about her i think most of them are suicides she brought her why would you do the barrel then that sounds like an awful way to fucking die wait look up um lauren look up bam margera barrel bam margera he did it he did it not at not at niagara falls oh just like barrel barrel stunt barrel no no no that's him surfing there's one they shot him off a waterfall

Starting point is 00:40:22 Oh my gosh What the hell is this We can't put that on the podcast You can't put a Dunn on the podcast Or else everyone thinks it's a podcast about guns Iceland Waterfall I think that's the Oh it wasn't Bam it was Ryan Dunn

Starting point is 00:40:38 Google Ryan Dunn Barrel Ryan Dunn Barrel Stop it Ryan Dunn Barrel Iceland Google Johnny Knoxville balls in a hat Ball hat yeah watch this fucking video this is crazy the tiktok one yeah watch this

Starting point is 00:40:56 oh i've seen this he was like freaked out yeah for good reason watch let's see it's jackass dude yeah this is all right second attempt i was actually surprised when we got they put him in a fucking barrel and shot him off a waterfall everyone was like dude as soon as he gets in the second time just put the lid on they flew to iceland to do this all right all right once i was in the barrel the second time i knew there was no turning back but everyone was like all right he's in i thought just go right then don't wait for anything oh my god isn't that fucking mental hard i helped that's this that's my biggest fear and And once he landed, I literally ran so fast to the bottom

Starting point is 00:41:47 and jumped into the water to help Rav get him out. All right, pause it. Why would you not have someone in the water already? That's my biggest fear. I get claustrophobic. Same, dude. Claustrophobic. Wait, what on earth?

Starting point is 00:41:59 Like, why? Because they're badass, man. Apparently they were at a bar. They were at a bar, and they came up with it, and then before they could, like, think about it anymore, they flew to Iceland. I feel like that wasn't even a stunt. What do you mean that wasn't a stunt?

Starting point is 00:42:14 That was a crazy stunt. Is that a stunt? What kind of stunts are you doing? Lauren's like, doing stunts like that. Wait, why do you not think that was a stunt? He just threw him off. He's not doing anything cool. I beg to differ, but...

Starting point is 00:42:32 I thought he was doing something cool. You don't think that was cool? You think there maybe should have been fireworks? Wait, remember the firework cake? Firework cake Oh yeah I thought she was Oh remember

Starting point is 00:42:45 Remember Who put that in the butter Who put that in the butter Is that an AI dog I'm just a regular guy Guess what I'm just a regular guy Why they do that

Starting point is 00:42:57 I couldn't remember the last one Why they do that Can you pull it up again Lauren Who put that in the butter I have Pull it up again I have sourdough bread And salami and turkey

Starting point is 00:43:08 And stuff Nice If you guys want sandwiches Oh really Pull up Hooper Dad in a Butter. You brought enough for everyone? Hooper Dad in a Butter. I gotta go to the grocery later.

Starting point is 00:43:19 But I don't know how to. This is a new one. This is the face I make when someone leaves something in the butter. Hooper Dad in a Butter. I don't like that one. I don't like it. That one wasn't as fun. Go to his page again.

Starting point is 00:43:34 We need to just watch. No, go to his page. No, I know. I'm just a regular guy. I'm just a regular guy. Oh, I fear he posts too much. I think it's I'm the guy. No, get it off.

Starting point is 00:43:54 Get him off. Get him off. I love him. Whatever. Why'd I do that? Banana butter. Did you see the title that Lauren made yesterday or Monday's episode? No.

Starting point is 00:44:07 Today's episode? Yeah. We found the first 60s guy ever. I thought it was the last 60s guy. You guys were asleep. I don't know. I did it so late last night. What late last night were it?

Starting point is 00:44:20 What time? What late last night were it? It was up to 1. Lauren? And then I just set an alarm for 445 to make sure the episode went up. Damn. Lauren, can you tell us about your partying this weekend? My partying?

Starting point is 00:44:32 What did you do on Saturday? Saturday was very fun. Well, I went out in Hermosa. Oh, that's right. that means beautiful that means beautiful we went to shellback i love shellback but it was so crowded we could barely move so we left and went to a couple other places very fun good music um my parents met at shellback i believe wait really believe so my parents met at the dublin i guess in washington i know that what'd you say i said that's cute but i'm like i guess they're not

Starting point is 00:44:59 together anymore i know they met oh yeah it's like a pointless that would have been cute yeah That would have been really cute. I think that if you meet at a bar in Manhattan Beach, you're setting yourself up for failure. I was driving through Manhattan Beach with my mom, and I forgot that they used to... Because my dad lived there when they met. She was like, oh, we used to go to this...

Starting point is 00:45:21 There was this restaurant. She was like, oh, we used to go there after everyone would be wrecked at 2 a.m. I was like, Jesus, man. Come on, mom. I don't want to hear about your party. I don't want to hear about being wrecked. uh mr denellan posted a fucking i don't even get it you don't no hilarious i don't really get it

Starting point is 00:45:38 pull up uh tim you saw my dad's post she showed she he showed me pull up on 99 he has beef with i feel him completely he has beef with uh with guys kind of work with guys that have uh oh because it's noisy it's so these guys it was probably like six in the morning and these guys he goes remember brooms those were the days do you like my comment yeah that's good he's got some gems on there you like it yep wait let me just do one okay comment like a bomb no comment like a bomb threat comment a bomb threat we had a kid uh we had a kid leave a bomb threat on the broom emoji in the bathroom when we were um that's me when we were in i was in fourth grade because i was in mrs ham's

Starting point is 00:46:35 class yeah and there was a bomb threat in like children's handwriting on the mirror or something like a sticky note and uh obviously you have to take those things seriously yeah but it's like if it was it was it a boogie bomb threat come on we're kids we're kids we like that shit but it's like if if it's clear a fourth grader wrote it yeah like we all do go to the church for the whole day. I'm just waiting for that. Can you repent? Like whoever did this.

Starting point is 00:47:04 They send all of us into confession. We're going to get to the fucking bottom of this today. You ever done confession? All the time. Really? I've done it a bunch, yeah. I never got to do it. Lauren, have you confessed?

Starting point is 00:47:13 I had to do it. I haven't. I remember I was always too scared. I went to Catholic school, so they made me go to confession. Okay, can we walk? We're going to do a mock confession. You're the priest. I'm the man.

Starting point is 00:47:24 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been. no you're the priest oh but well i know all the lines okay you gotta come in you gotta say forgive me father for i've sinned it has been 10 years since my last confession okay and then you're like well you're not gonna know any of the parts okay i'll be the father so i say i say like that and then he's like no do it real do it and he's like say the act of contrition no i don't well like you would tell me to say the act of contrition google the act of contrition lauren what uh what's something you've done bad lately that you would have confessed and then i would have to say

Starting point is 00:48:01 um this i think what are like what's what's this like isn't this crazy like sending like a 12 year old kid and being like you gotta tell this old guy who by the way then gets accused of fucking sa against kids your guy did yeah yeah bishop accused or it happened i mean he was never like convicted but he was oh they were guys i don't they didn't have a strong enough case i don't i mean who knows if he actually did it or not but the fact that like that's up in the air is like i'm gonna air on the side of you probably yeah yeah um and then but yeah and then they and then you say your sins and what do you even confess to it like well that's that's the crazy thing it's like they're breeding guilt at an age where like there's nothing to be fucking guilty

Starting point is 00:48:46 for like did you tell them i'd be like i was me no i wasn't even jerking off i didn't jerk off till much later i was late to the game uh maybe a little we actually were just talking about remember with mia you were telling us oh yeah yeah yeah i didn't jerk off until uh after my freshman year of high school and in going into my sophomore year which is when i left for spain so i started jerking off like the month i left for spain and then i was sharing a bedroom with like a a 10 year old kid there so it was kind of like a no a no fly kind of a no fly zone it was definitely a no fly zone correct so i was a a yes fly zone yes not correct no one's touching their fly so i was i was bursting at the seams is what i'm saying uh i remembered i remembered being really excited

Starting point is 00:49:38 about it when i figured it out and then they they're really into water conservation so you can't take long showers in spain because you had to just get in back it was it was a whole thing anyway uh what was i saying oh i'm sorry i would be like my brother i was mean that's my brother and i like yeah like no it's not even like no i haven't even thought about it that way that's so true and like i'd be like i was i did i didn't wait what if you're just like a model model student i mean i was at that point in my life pretty damn good and you were just i wasn't doing any that wasn't i mean obviously i was like 12 but i wasn't like drinking or doing drugs or uh was there ever like a was there ever like a point where you didn't you hadn't done any sins

Starting point is 00:50:24 yet that week so you were like it's like homework let's do tomorrow i got a sin you have to come up well no it wouldn't be i gotta say to be like i have to come up with something so it'd be like i could have been nicer to my mom this morning when she told me to get my lunchbox and i yelled at her or something like it was like literally ridiculous stuff and then you just sit there like in shame and then they like give you like a penance which is like how many times you gotta say hail mary yeah it's like go say two forefathers and three hail marys and then you're like good and it's just like what is it kind of like yeah it's so weird what if you had like murdered a guy like how many would they tell you to do you think like 5 000 hail marys no i don't think your whole

Starting point is 00:51:03 week yeah i know like block off a whole like i already murdered a guy now i'm gonna be like late for work yeah yeah this is an ad by better help guys uh mental health is super important even for tough as nails guys like mr featherstone you put that bandana on you probably think that guy's tough as nails guy he doesn't need uh mental health help well guess what he does uh and so do i and so does lauren and so do all of you probably uh seriously therapy is such a great way to just sort of understand yourself better uh the way that you live your life and interact with other people and just to make you a happier uh smilier if that's what you're trying to get a less anxious person it's been really helpful for me and i think you should give it

Starting point is 00:51:52 a go as well uh better help has over 35 000 therapists and i know what you're thinking that sounds like one hell of a chaotic session you just get one at a time you're not doing all 35 000 at a time uh it's the world's largest online therapy platform and they've served over 5 million people globally again all separate interactions they're not you're not in a room with 5 million people uh it's got a rating of 4.9 out of 5 uh over 1.7 million client reviews and it's convenient you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button uh you can fit it into your busy life and you can switch therapists at any time as the largest online therapy provider in the world better help can provide access to mental health professionals

Starting point is 00:52:34 with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash pd. That's betterhelp.com slash pd. I know what you're thinking. Boy, is that man dripped out. Well, guess what?

Starting point is 00:52:54 It's thanks to Chubbies. Now, I am realizing these are shorts, so I might have messed this up a little bit, but everything about what Chubbies is doing these days, guys, I got to tell you, it's... I'm on board. I had a narrow view of what they offered. I thought it was just one kind of shorts and maybe swimsuits.

Starting point is 00:53:11 They got everything. These things, so soft, so comfy. Those are money. These things that are on my hands, on my arms, are also fantastic. You've got a hoodie. The Leisure hoodie. Fire. I don't have them with me because they're at home, but I got the Seersucker shorts.

Starting point is 00:53:28 Those are just a classic look. Yep. guys summer's here which means it's officially time to let the dogs out and by dogs we mean your legs if your pups have been stuck in stupid little jeans or sweats for the last few months set them free with the lined swim collection and chubby's biggest sale of the year is on which means 45 bottoms both shorts and swim trunks and up to 65 off select gear it's the perfect time to donate your decade old shorts and refresh your drawer give your legs the summer they deserve They're comfy, they're casual, and they are built for life.

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Starting point is 00:54:26 Hit up chubbysshorts.com and grab your favorites before they're gone. miss the sale don't sweat it use our exclusive code play use our exclusive code play for 20 off support the show let them know we sent you and get ready to turn some heads summer's here dress like it and chubbies let's get back into the episode what it's been what's been vexing me lately um oh i i fist what diet why don't why aren't there diet beers diet breakfast diet breakfast i was thinking or like diet gummies like a michelob ultra i was thinking about this the other day diet gummies like weed gummies no no like like just like snacks there are snacks with zero cows zero cows zero i don't know like whatever like it's impossible aspartame give me

Starting point is 00:55:12 whatever's in diet coke yeah but make it physical it's a drink but why can't you harden it you can't harden it you tried i don't know could you oh like a diet coke candy that's what i'm trying to say yeah but i was thinking about this the other day there's no vice there's no vice that is like zero cows because weed is technically but then you want a snack beer isn't because it's like a ton of calories so there's nothing there's no way i guess coke yeah it's actually negative right because then it doesn't make you not yeah but coke meth there's tons of vices i know but there's no one there's no one that makes me feel the way i there's no gambling there's no relaxing coke meth gambling heroin none of those gack gack what is gack i think that's heroin i think

Starting point is 00:56:00 uh i have never done heroin but i've heard it's a fucking hoot i'm using that video that kid who's like in the hospital and i was like yeah we just got you like on some blank and fentanyl fentanyl there was joe was on fentanyl for really for his arm for his arm and uh and he said it was he said doesn't remember but yeah i've heard i remember a kid broke his leg when we were in high school he broke his femur and they gave him morphine and uh he was like laughing when he left the ice i mean i did you get your wisdom teeth yeah i was i was i was straight goofing i was my dad said i tried to order a number nine from the nurse oh yeah i think we talked about it i went live you went live on it yeah he was like in the mcdonald's no they're bringing back the snack

Starting point is 00:56:46 rap i saw that rap get on the floor snack rap give me some more snack rap till you get sore snack rap snack we used to me my brother used to sing that we used to love those ones whatever the one was like ranch the chicken bacon ranch it's this is this is bad for this is bad for me because i i oh oh i got a good story i got a good story i got a good story that reminds me i we went out i told you we went out pretty hard on uh saturday sure i woke up uh on top of my covers butt naked bed made i was like okay like you know could be could be worse and then i looked down and there's a mcdonald's bag on the floor i was like oh no did i get into it completely untouched except the fries are missing and so i go like okay it's interesting the sprite had

Starting point is 00:57:36 tipped over my floor is covered in sprite i had to do a lot of a lot of cleanup and so i came outside and zach my roommate was like yeah you ordered mcdonald's or someone rang the doorbell last night it was mcdonald's at like two in the morning so i brought it in your room and he said he walked in and i was butt naked uh like starfished on the thing with my with my butt and balls facing him and so he put my he put my mcdonald's down and then he left and then when i went out in the morning there our trash was like you know it's like at the top yeah the thing lying on top is a large mcdonald's fry so what i think i haven't asked about it but what i think happened was he brought the mcdonald's and saw me starfish put it down and then was like he's not gonna wake

Starting point is 00:58:18 up and diamond came back and took my fries i think that's absolutely valid yeah that when i was in college one time i feel like maybe gosh fuck i hate this that we retell stories what if people eat me alive in the comments again what's the story we both get one retail i think it's been a long time if i did but it was i always like in at bc you live in dorms through senior year yeah like senior year we're all living in dorms which is there's perpetual everyone's going out is it the thing where you took one guy's cheeseburger yeah did i tell you this we talked about it like two episodes ago no we did not yeah yeah like within the last like five within the last five no way in the last time what did i do you that you opened it up you saw there were like

Starting point is 00:59:00 multiple cheeseburgers and so you took one because you were like they're not going to come back for it that's crazy in the last five episodes no way yeah well we do so many now i just resealed the bag you have like the safety seal and i just carefully removed it took the sandwich and resealed it we used to uh fuck fuck we used to cover peter and his mcdonald my roommate peter would order mcdonald's drunk and then never eat it so we'd cover him in it it's kind of nice sometimes like when you wake up and you're like you're like damn i wasted that money but also like i didn't know part of me is like i wish i had 40 a taco bell when i woke when i woke up i was like i will happily pay the yeah 20 bucks or whatever it was to have not eaten that totally like there

Starting point is 00:59:41 was like relief washed over me when i saw it was still full yeah but then my floor is all sticky because there's sprite everywhere yeah that's tough you got a mop bring a bucket and a mop for this floor i'm getting really good at the wop dance really oh my god yeah have you been practicing I do it in I do it in bed to make Flan laugh

Starting point is 01:00:04 she doesn't think it's funny she doesn't she's not okay I have to record it for the pod bring a bucket and a mop

Starting point is 01:00:12 for that wet ass pussy is that the wop dance is that not that's just humping isn't it but it's the hand dance

Starting point is 01:00:21 oh you're right you're right you're right yeah yeah that's okay so that was not the reaction I thought you guys

Starting point is 01:00:26 we're gonna fucking well i've like seen you do that before i thought confetti when like on your i feel like you posted videos of you doing that definitely flannis sent us videos before i've definitely not posted a video of me doing a wop dance was that not the wop dance i always i've never seen myself do it uh wop stands for wince and pray for when i'm in confession wives and priests it's a section at the football isn't it crazy the pope was like banging people at Villanova. We've already talked about this. There's no evidence

Starting point is 01:01:00 that he was banging people. Situationship does not mean banging, necessarily. Situationship without banging is like a peanut butter and jelly without the bread. Well, sure, but this guy,

Starting point is 01:01:10 he went on to become a priest, so it's entirely possible he was, nay, likely, he was saving himself for marriage. All right, let's roadmap. Roadmap. I love the roadmap,

Starting point is 01:01:20 I'll tell you that. Me too, brother. Me too. Throwing on me. Come on. What do we got? Make it stink. Make it stink.

Starting point is 01:01:29 Stink it. Stink it up. Stinky little stinker. All right. We got your pitches followed by our pitches then. Lauren, do we have an Am I the Asshole? We got an Am I the Asshole, and then we're going to do everyone's favorite segment,

Starting point is 01:01:40 Teach Me Something, followed by This Sky Rocks. This sky rocks. This sky rocks today. Hey, hey, I said this sky rocks, and it rocks so hard. It rocks in your house, and it rocks in your yard.

Starting point is 01:01:55 There's rocks in my yard? my yard lauren there's rocks in my yard thank you someone said that it's a weird power i saw that comment dude that was kind of a crazy comment they say that uh me holding there's rocks in my yard over lauren's head is a big power thing but i don't know yeah it's like a way of like asserting dominance right well we talked about that right yeah that was the whole reason we came up with it and then we're gonna do zach and cody plots that don't exist i'm very excited about that i'm scared why well i've just never seen the show really i like a handful of times i guess that was yeah that was during the bush administration yeah it was during the second

Starting point is 01:02:32 i watched it i watched an osama bin laden documentary oh i heard it's great it's fucking awesome the problem is oh no it's spark tell me he does anything bad i haven't seen the last episode it's it sparked like an anger like i was too young to like fully get like mad at them yeah al-qaeda or al-qaeda i'd sparked an energy or an anger towards them like fucking 15 years too late yeah like that'd be like being mad at like the soviet union you're like you're a little you're a little late to the party here and then we're gonna give we're gonna tell you advice that your grandpa would give you and then we'll wrap up with rusty's song of the day pitch us lauren throw us throw us your fucking curveball make it stink lauren stinkball first pitch is from

Starting point is 01:03:22 charlie hart hi charlie hart charlie hart says be nice chart chart is charia hey life liberty in the pursuit of happiness pursuit of happiness i'm liberty life sure here's my pitch what is the worst part about meeting a bunch of new people at once oh dude uh when they're telling you your name you're thinking about your name and so you don't remember it but then they just told it to so you can't remember their name yeah you can't they tell you your name like if you and i are meeting for the first time and you're about to you're telling me you're currently telling me that your will yeah i'm thinking about how i'm jack and then i forget i can't understand yeah i mean i would say names but i don't know if that's necessarily lauren agreed with me well

Starting point is 01:04:09 no i just well so his is you can't remember their names that's what he says okay no it's good wait i'm not thinking like my name is really yeah i just forgot i don't know i'm thinking that well i'm not thinking that i'm will of course i'm not will that would really confuse me okay charlie says i present to you name drop this state-of-the-art software triggers a projection of someone's name onto their shirt similar to wearing a name tag filled with a name and pronouns up to the person this will trigger after a handshake or verbal cue like nice to meet you and then the name will become visible for you to see with a customizable setting for how long the name is up for.

Starting point is 01:04:48 Skip the awkward moment of forgetting someone's name an hour later and remember names better with NameDrop. And he says, keep up the good work from Chicago. Talk about shot town. Shot town. I love that one. I am trying to be better about it, and then the second it's time to meet a new person,

Starting point is 01:05:05 I forget that's the thing I'm working on. Yeah, it makes me feel like a dick sometimes. especially when it's like they if they know you yeah and you that you can't remember their name that's what's that's what's annoying about meeting like a mutual friend is they're they're playing on a yeah they're we're not playing on an even playing field here because you know you know my name but i don't you knew my name before we met so you already have it right um yeah i just also if someone introduces me as like rusty that's a lot easier to remember than like chris you know what i mean so like if you have a we if you have like kind of a abnormal name like crinkle yeah

Starting point is 01:05:48 they have an easier time remembering my name then eglamises when he introduces himself to people it's yeah never an issue he was on one by the way at bbb i know that was a little much that was a little much hey that's egg that is egg for you there was a car oh sorry what ask about who that is i don't uh it's a real guy no i don't know him you got me seed you got egg with me seed what were you gonna say someone told me that they uh wait no what were you saying no it's not important wait tell us i don't feel it just go there was a guy there was a guy driving in front of me and you know those crazy drivers this morning coming to work they're just like swerving in and out of traffic and then by the time i get close up uh enough to him his license

Starting point is 01:06:34 plate is exactly like egg and his car was like a little white like a small little white car it was just it was just funny wait exactly what he's like uh he's a chicken his name's his name's zach and he and he uh he's a chicken farmer exactly or he's scared of his name he's chicken yeah love it Pitch us, Lauren. Thank you, Charlie. Fastball down the middle. Hit me. Thanks, Charlie Hart.

Starting point is 01:07:04 Okay, next pitch is from Tommy DeSolaire. Stronger back. Say that again. What? It wasn't funny. Tommy DeVito. That's who I was thinking. I'm just having fun, folks.

Starting point is 01:07:17 Tommy says, hello, Lauren, Rusty, and Will. I have a fantastic pitch for you today. Say you're at a function having some drinks. This could be at a tailgate, a beach party, a wedding, a friend's house, or even a parking lot downtown. and you think to yourself, what could make this atmosphere better? The correct answer is a rooftop bar. I think if we can all agree, the best bar setting is a rooftop bar

Starting point is 01:07:41 with great seating and a view, and nice weather, of course. That is where SkySip comes in. SkySip is a fully collapsible luxury pop-up platform that assembles in under 10 minutes. It includes a raised platform, sleek bar counter, raised platform a sleek bar counter platform perimeter led lighting surround sound even a shaded structure all packed into a small crate strew all through the size of a suitcase with sky sip you can with sky see it wow can i i know what that is with sky sip you can create

Starting point is 01:08:18 unforgettable moments anywhere birthdays weddings tailgates or just a spontaneous saturday night with your crew it's easy portable and it turns the ordinary into something unforgettable so the next time you ask what would make this better you will already know the answer sky sip let's raise the bar literally wait so great slogan yeah yeah you brought it that's like the the best part when he said when he said wet uh tailgates weddings or something if you were getting married and someone threw like that thing from fortnight that's what i'm like a huge fucking structure at your wedding venue i'd be like hey get that down get that fucking down i love it um i do wish it had a race platform that sounds fun but that race platform it's like star

Starting point is 01:09:01 wars uh i think i just don't understand where you would be able to weddings yeah i should probably pick a venue that's right we get married this year i know what do you what do you need to do that they like put their name on the waiting list for like an exclusive venue that take the wait list is like five years in the event that they get married in five years that's crazy i would like to do mine in a bohemian restaurant were you just thinking about where i had lunch the other day well and i had no it was bahamian that was my favorite part about your review in the bahamas like we're now in the bohemian waters which is like i think in the czech republic oh my god that's well i don't i just don't i uh they shouldn't spell them that close yeah they

Starting point is 01:09:50 shouldn't spell them that close okay let's get back to let's get back to skysip for a second so can you read first of all gold gold lauren can you read where he said you can use these again i'm gonna put this in my car in the back of my car and then wherever i go i can just whip it out yeah i mean i would do one at the beach that'd be like it's got to be some you gotta get you probably get a ticket for that or something no there's no um i mean i think you could just fold it all up right you can use it yeah it folds up into something the size of a suitcase it's like a harry potter thing i love it i'm in i'm in birthday's wedding all right let me tell i'm excited about my pitch you ready brother so i i honestly think all right here's my pitch and

Starting point is 01:10:33 it's more of a concept but it would be a you know there would be a practical execution of it which is uh crosswalk and and stoplight transparency okay there are systems running the crosswalk and the stoplight right and they only they like keep you wait like i'm i'm sitting there waiting for the light to change just tell me how many seconds it's gonna be right till the light changes right if i'm looking at that orange hand saying you can't walk have a countdown you clearly have the technology to to tell us how long we have left to walk right like if it tells yeah once you're walking it gives you the countdown until it's orange and then when it's orange give us the countdown until when i can start walking yeah yeah because i don't understand why like why do

Starting point is 01:11:14 we have to not know why do we have to sit at a red light and be like wonder how long it's gonna take make it just show us and i know that sometimes that stuff is affected by like whether your car is pulled up there or not just have just tell us man yeah what are you hiding yeah what are you hiding if i'm gonna sit there i want to know i only have another minute i don't want to sit there for fucking eight minutes okay i got two things for you yeah i got two things for you this would have come in handy this morning you know i've been way mowing everywhere yeah so once again you've been doing way more than usual come on come on man i love you i love this community we've built uh you know oh i have a i have a well that speaking of our community like a considerable

Starting point is 01:11:53 portion of of the playmates have moved to spotify spotify only yeah pretty cool stuff my dad my dad said even he switched to spotify because now he realized that there's video on it yeah and he says like he likes to prop it up in his he has one of those like dad cup holder things that holds your phone yeah and he's like i like to watch it on the drive back down to work and his drive is like an hour from from booth bay to portland now that they're up there see that's why we gotta go long but he but he i was like you shouldn't be watching it like he's like if you're driving that there's videos for you well i think that's the beauty of the spotify too is like you can like go in and out yeah yeah but so so you know i've been way going everywhere but keep watching on

Starting point is 01:12:34 youtube too if you want i i actually like when people watch on youtube because it's the only public facing one number i want the number to be inflated on youtube but we get a lot more i digress we get like at least double now on spotify yeah uh but so i call the waymo and it picks me up at this laundry mat every day and once it gets to the spot it will wait five minutes and it shows you the countdown of like how much time you have left and so i'm at the crosswalk on the other side of san vicente and there's 35 seconds left before the car leaves and charges me five bucks and so i unlocked the car a little quick hack if you unlock it it thinks you're right there so it gave me another minute so now i have a minute and 35 seconds left and i'm looking at the thing and

Starting point is 01:13:17 it's just i have no clue when this crosswalk is going to go off and then it hit with 15 seconds left and i sprinted across and got in that's but you would have loved to have known my other thing is uh we already talked about this car most cars most new cars have this now like volvos and audis and a lot of a lot of new cars have the countdown on the thing of when the light's gonna turn green how do they know we talked about it last time i don't know i don't it's just the swedish are smart smart people all right these are swedish swiss really swiss they're swiss big difference it's got the flag on yeah i like those oh yeah my friend jake jones wore those before they were cool shout out jake jones uh all right what's the worst part about

Starting point is 01:14:04 crumbs on the counter oh it's like my biggest nightmare it's the fucking worst scott gets so mad at me about it does he really i get i get mad at mia for it i get mad i get and we have white counters so it's like yeah fucking every crumb you can see scott was sending these texts like hey guys can we please keep the counters clean to me and jerry that's i used to be kind of a uh a cleanliness hound in the house sea hound but then the problem is is like if i take like a like when i'm hung over and i'm like i don't want to do the dishes today if i leave one yeah then i lose like all my power yeah and i had kind of a dirty week last week so i've lost all ability to be like come on guys like let's fucking yeah let's keep it all right but all right what's the worst part

Starting point is 01:14:44 about crumbs on the counter um cleaning them up is a fucking nightmare there's no like you're doing like the sweep into your hand thing you're walking to the sink you're walking yeah there should be a pull out thing on the underside of your counter that you sweep all the crumbs into and it like like sucks them all into like the place the lint goes i like that wouldn't that be great it's like a little like a tray like a toaster has exactly you pull it out and it comes out and covers the whole thing and then you can just in one fell swoop go and it makes all those that's pretty fun glad we did that yeah i like that idea all right lauren tell us who has an asshole whose asshole

Starting point is 01:15:34 whose asshole is this it's one of us i'll give you a hint if it reeks it's probably mine mine's cold because i had to uh i had to shower in ice cold water today really and so the way i did is i'd get my i would get just whatever part of my body that i was washing wet and soap it up and then do it and it was just squatting over that cold water to get the because i squat over the handle to get i take it off the wall and then to really clean my bum i put it on the ground and i really rinse it out of there it was let's just say this morning just do the okay pretty shocking you like that i can't believe that's i mean maybe that's good let's just keep going what how do you clean your bum i have an upstairs shower so i don't ass blast myself from the bottom if that's

Starting point is 01:16:25 what you're asking i don't shoot a jet up my ass and pretend like it's to clean if that's what you're asking all right go hello huey dewey and louie louie louie louie louie dewey got her at malcolm dewey malcolm dewey now come dewey no no no no no no no reese all right am i the asshole am i the asshole for rubbing my roommate's toothbrush on the ground yes sorry i heard an asshole rubbing and i went right back to what he was talking about we are both 21 years old and seniors in college she has never worked a day in her life paid a bill or completed a chore i on the other hand have had a job since i was 15 to pay for all my own stuff it's no offense but this person's kind of annoying wait i don't think they're annoying

Starting point is 01:17:16 yet but okay but the way they're writing it is annoying me i'm just i'm very interested to see how this setup leads to okay okay if the reasoning is just she's like a spoiled trust fund kid so i rubbed her toothbrush on the ground yes okay okay i on the other hand have had a job since i was 15 pay for all my own stuff and complete all of the weekly chores we have had several fights about her being lazy and not doing anything i was so fed up that i decided i needed to get revenge this also sounds fake every morning and night every morning or night i will take her toothbrush off the counter and rub it on the bathroom floor for about 10 seconds everyone says i'm evil but i think it's fair it's fair i'm just lazy my roommate's so lazy that i'm gonna give her like hepatitis

Starting point is 01:18:03 yeah you're the asshole wait maybe there's like a all right uh yeah yes are you insane such an asshole mj okay mj yeah lady you're not only are you the asshole i think there's you i mean i think there's some where there's clearly like something like seriously wrong with your like sense of justice like i agree that maybe she's like for an eye she's awake giving her fucking every day she was every morning and night we uh i understand your frustration with them but you doing something that she doesn't even know about yeah how does that even help she doesn't even know it doesn't help at all of anything it just makes her like probably like madder because you can't figure

Starting point is 01:18:56 out why you're gonna keep doing it tell her what an odd tell her you'll do it every day till she gets a job what what an odd odd odd odd like way to get revenge also no it's not even really getting revenge she's just lazy yeah it's not like she's doing anything to you i guess not doing the chores not doing the chores is crazy like just wait for your lease to end and get a new roommate but you're like you are now you would have been the good guy if you just like didn't do anything or talk to her in a productive way you would have been the good guy and now you did like a super villain you rubbed her toothbrush on the ground every morning and night because she's is this a fake one i don't know i mean it could be that's such i hope it's not but it's such a weird

Starting point is 01:19:39 lie you actually might be evil i'm sorry that is uh that's like when a kid starts like yta killing squirrels and dissecting them and you're like you're like you're not a serial killer yet but you're you're showing signs yeah that's such a yeah you should stop dude that's just uh you're i'm kind of i'm kind of at a loss for words yeah that's shocking hey let's let's turn it around with a little this guy rocks what do you say yeah yeah i think you need to i mean i appreciate that you're a playmate and again we want to like i want to side with i want to side with the playmates but that one is that one's crazy i hope you still like us after that but that was yeah that was nuts all right pause it this is a guy he says his name at the beginning but it's uh wait pause it

Starting point is 01:20:31 all right my name is andrew okay this is andrew lauren go full screen for this bad boy willie you're gonna love this i'm just sending this to lauren that's your name right i'm the only 60s guy in the world. I'm kind of hot with my... I am jump. Ah! Alright, uh, this is Andrew, and he is, he is gonna go

Starting point is 01:20:54 out tonight. Alright, my name's Andrew, and I'm gonna, uh, Andrew, and I'm not gonna get fucked up. Corbin's recording all this. Because you're acting a fool. Sit down. That's awesome. Corbin's recording all of this, and then Cor, it's, it's posted

Starting point is 01:21:11 from corbin's account that's so because you're acting a fool all right my name's andrew and i'm gonna gorgeous where do they live andrew and i'm not gonna get fucked up corbin's recording all these because you're acting a fool sit down oh you can tell he like you like feel bad for the guy realizes it at the last minute that's awesome all right that guy rocks he does rock yeah the guy does rock shut up andrew also i finally i finally feel seen because i cry a lot when i'm drunk do you oh i used to all the fucking time before i got on my legs i'd never do but i probably should this is a guy sean houston 88 let's give it a shot we're here at nico's down the whitney houston

Starting point is 01:22:01 Ew, I, like, can't warm up. oh my god is that fantastic i thought he was gonna throw up i did too stop oh my god i mean we all we all love that song that is oh dude the he must do this all the time the bartenders like just kept doing their job and like people like he was filming like he knew what was coming what he was oh man that's really silly i did not like that oh really no it made me just not feel well oh really why i don't know why it was like super soothing um all right will you want to teach me something buddy yeah you know about the giant african land snail no huge can we just pause for a second

Starting point is 01:23:23 that's it huge this is your this is your uh second or third snail teach me something yes it is too big too big you said snails can uh could go with you know three years without breathing oh my god that's way too big yeah what are they uh oh my god it's a bunny that was kind of cute a small cat it actually looks like a bunny it's like cats if they were gross you would eat strawberries what is it through its snail lissy look at that thing ew it's snail lissy is that what you just called it yeah that's disgusting what the hell is this why does it have a bow on it oh all right hate it absolutely hate it i might throw up absolutely imagine one of those fuckers in here like what would you do wait what was the fact i

Starting point is 01:24:21 I'd hit it with a flame Does that exist? They're huge Yeah Can you imagine that thing right there? No If that thing was in here I would

Starting point is 01:24:32 I would explode it with a grenade I don't Yeah If that was in here I would be working from home For the next two months Yeah Yeah I mean rats put you at home

Starting point is 01:24:41 For a month So I can't even imagine what I would never come back Giant Did one of Kate's friends like die From uh Talking about What?

Starting point is 01:24:49 What was the disease that all the girls were afraid of at the office. Hantavirus. Hantavirus. Hantavirus and all the girls worked from home for a month because they were scared of... I'll admit, it was a good ploy. I would have done the same thing.

Starting point is 01:25:03 Yeah. But they all worked from home because they were scared of Hantavirus and we were like, come on, that's fucking... That's nothing, whatever. And then our friend, Kate's friend, I think just died from Hantavirus or something. Didn't I tell you this?

Starting point is 01:25:14 Maybe not friend, but she knew a guy that died from Hantavirus. Jesus. Have you guys ever heard of the beard ban? Wait, I just want to say before, imagine if it was like talking about like, yeah, we got rats at the office. Like, yeah, fucking giant African land snails everywhere. They're in the kitchen.

Starting point is 01:25:29 We can't keep food anymore. You can eat all our strawberries. They're snail-less-y. All right, what have we not heard about? All right, who wants to hear about the beard ban? Beard man? Beard ban. Oh, for the Yankees?

Starting point is 01:25:43 the russian there was a russian czar who tried to ban beards and he personally cut them off all right late 1600s can you picture it kind of we're in we're in russia we're in russia in the late 1600s okay czar peter the great decided russia was too backward and needed it needed to look more european his solution ban beards at the time beards were sacred in russian orthodox tradition cutting one off was like losing part of your soul but peter didn't care he imposed a beard tax if you wanted to keep your beard you had to pay up and carry a token that literally said the bearer the bearer has paid the beard tax if you didn't pay he would personally walk around with giant scissors and cut off people's beards in public nobles priests even guards victims were often

Starting point is 01:26:34 screaming or crying while peter chased them like a deranged barber with too much power one report said he even ripped them out by the roots with his bare hands if he was in a particularly spicy mood he also created a drunken snoid i don't know what that means of friends and forced them to wear bishop robes and party like lunatics one guy was titled prince pope of the fools so in summary a literal emperor of russia spent the region spent part of his reign playing what are you reading this for i asked you to be okay i was gonna say this sounds like an ai like for a craziest story spent part of his reign playing drunken dress up and roaming the streets shaving strangers against their will there we go and then it goes want want a royal who pooped

Starting point is 01:27:19 during meetings next because we have that too and i said no that's like so in summary i was like what it's like you see that like email like from a boss yeah yeah that was like would you like something more formal you see oh i saw it on it was like i forgot i saw on instagram it was like someone had gotten like an email it's like yes you absolutely may have the day off hope you feel better and then it was like a line and then it was like would you like us would you like us to phrase it more formally or is that okay it was like clearly they'd copy and paste it for oh yeah all right should we do should we do zach and cody plots that don't exist yeah that's it tee it up willie these are zach and cody plots that don't exist cody helps mr mosby file his taxes and

Starting point is 01:27:59 saves him thousands of dollars in exchange mosby lets him stay a night in the presidential suite but when zach convinces him to throw to use the night in the room to throw a big party things get out of hand and they have to get esteban to dress dress up like a cop to bust the party before the real cops get there love it uh zach and cody get really into the winter olympics specifically curling they start using guest luggage to curl in the lobby uh when mr mosby tries to interfere he jumps to avoid a flying suitcase and lands right on top of it crushing the inside the guest whose suitcase it was comes and reveals there was a million dollar vase inside and mr mosby is to blame oh no does that sound like something they would do yeah i've never seen this show

Starting point is 01:28:40 zag and cody get noticed by a talent agent for their beautiful skin and they get signed for a skincare ad they then go to the beach to celebrate and get severely sunburned to be able to keep their commercial deal they turn to london to make them look normal with makeup everything goes well until it's time to shoot the pool party scene and all their makeup washes off exposing their horrible burns oh that's really good thank you zach and cody sneak into the kitchen and catch mr mosby doing whippets they make him pay them each 500 to keep it under wraps they go out into the city to figure out what to buy with their money and curiosity gets the best of them so they buy whippets creating a vicious cycle yeah and london tipped in is there

Starting point is 01:29:27 zach and cody need dates for the dance but all the girls at their school aren't interested after zach pantsed cody in front of the whole school they hatch a plot to get models to come to the dance with them by pretending to be model scouts and convince them the dance is a modeling competition i like that mr mosby takes ozempic and now he looking good as hell zach and cody say let me get some of that shit but then they get like way too skinny it's weird london tipton is pissed all right i'm sorry no those were good should we do advice your grandpa would give you yeah tee it up buddy this is advice your grandpa would give you only date a woman who can lift three times her body weight like an ant never trust a fart don't do business with a man who

Starting point is 01:30:15 can't grow a beard don't be the guy who organizes the senior prank in high school the what senior prank what what don't say the beginning don't be the guy who organizes the senior prank in high school okay uh get your doctor to tell your wife you're losing your hearing so you don't have to hear about shopping and lip gloss seriously don't do the prank you didn't know i was gonna kill anyone and now there's blood on your hands only wear your hat backwards if you're currently playing catcher in a baseball game i mean who even knew lizards could bite and poison what am i a botanist smoking as cool as the day is long anyone who says otherwise has never fought in a war eat your veggies all right who wants like we're on fire those are good who wants rusties

Starting point is 01:31:06 song of the day I'm excited I have officially been converted I'm a letter a lender man now let's just say lender mania is taking the podcast

Starting point is 01:31:21 it's taken over she's leaving you by MJ Lenderman I famously was trying to avoid listening to him because I was trying to be different but curiosity got the best of me and he fucking rocks yeah you can put your clothes back on she's leaving you that line makes me think that uh your girlfriend walked in on you like going to town on yourself and you're like i gotta put my

Starting point is 01:31:48 clothes back on she's she's heading out that is what happened all right what should they comment lauren comment the comment your favorite um comment comment a zach and cody plot and comment what you would do if a giant african land snail um took over comment where you taking the giant african land snail on a date i think the comments should start be one of the comments each episode we should pick a draft and each person comments what they would oh also you guys uh comment your favorite accelerator flavor oh yes one of our lovely sponsors of the pod we were talking about this earlier we're like thank god it's like a good yeah sponsor because we had we if it was like a thing that we had to drink that sucked i guess we don't even have to drink these but

Starting point is 01:32:29 we get we get free product this is my favorite peach paradise tropical punch mine's cotton candy by liby done yeah comment your favorite one we want to hear from you guys from you guys yeah we're gonna take a page out of uh dr squatch's book and do will bath water flavors we're working on a will that's one of the craziest things of all time we're working on a bath water flavor of accelerator of my poop bath water no not poop bath water will's clean bottom but all right we love dude well i didn't think that was gonna happen when i did that obviously all right we love you guys comment comment on zach and cody plot that doesn't exist we love you guys we'll see you have a great rest of your wednesday have a great weekend and we'll see you guys

Starting point is 01:33:14 bright and early on monday love you love you too bye peace Thanks for watching!

Will & Rusty's Playdate - going villain mode on my lazy roommate

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