Will & Rusty's Playdate - Goo Be Gone

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Rusty teaches Willy about wizarding and medieval torture in our first ever playdate. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (02:02) Old Dudes Love Rusty (05:52) Tazed By Preteens (07:59) Welcome to the Pod! (14:25) Business Pitches (23:07) Willy’s Wikipedia Addiction (33:34) Toilet Paper Alternative (36:06) Bidets (39:09) Investing (40:19) Cocktails That Don’t Exist (51:19) Whose Personality Are You Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I was driving over here this morning, I was listening to Scuba Dance Jams, which is my fun playlist, and have you heard Cupid's Chokehold? No. Familiar? Take a look at my girl... You know that song, Lauren? Fire song. She's the only one I got.

By who? Like, Gym Class Heroes, of course. And the whole song, he's talking about how much he loves his girlfriend, and it's a very complimentary song. one of the lines in the chorus is that she's not much of a girlfriend and i thought that that was interesting and i want to get to the bottom of it okay yeah so he's maybe he has some reservations but then the rest of the song he seems he said he's like she got the cutest laugh i ever heard and we could talk on the phone for three hours not saying one word and then and then it cuts

the chorus and he says she's not much of a girlfriend what it sounds like you say after that Very nice things Hmm Alright Well we'll get him on the pod Next episode Well how would you feel If your boyfriend said that to you

Wait this is Gym Class Heroes Is it not Is Well isn't Gym Class Heroes Aren't they the ones that did Sitting in the Hall of Fame Stereo Hearts

Oh Maybe Yeah They've got a couple good ones I think that I think you're right I feel like that song's old So I don't know

Wait This was their first song Stereo Hearts Adam Levine Maybe he's featured They might be That's definitely his voice right They're also the ones that sing That it's too hot

it gets too hot in the room and that they need to take all their clothes off no we have to take our clothes off oh i thought you meant it's getting hot in here that is not that's nelly that's gym class heroes i promise all right i have no i have no reason to lie about this all right resident gym class heroes but why how would you feel if if you were dating a guy and he made a song about you and it was very nice but then multiple times in the song he says that you're not much of a girlfriend i'd be offended right yeah yeah i i'd be like i mean honestly i'd be pretty stoked i was dating the guy from gym class heroes that i'd probably let it slide yeah i think that was probably her thought process i mean he wrote stereo hearts maybe for all i know should

we tell lauren what happened to us yesterday yeah i was gonna say you're talking about leaving work yesterday yeah i thought i i was gonna bring this up because i think it was a hysterical encounter it was super strange so we were walking we left the office together after this awesome video shoot we had and we were we were walking down whatever street that is out there and like this guy is getting i guess like frustrated with the guy behind him so he like swerves around him in traffic and then a guy walking his dog on the other side of the street is like hey what are you doing you fucking asshole like have some fucking patience like there's people walking around here i guess he was from new york yeah yeah and then and then the guy rolls his window down

and like pulls over on the road like instantly right behind the car that willie and i are about to get into yeah and so it was like like we thought that the guy thought that we were the ones yelling like what are you doing fucking asshole because he pulled up right next to us and rolled his window down and we were both like shitting ourselves like this guy's road rage we're gonna have to like defend ourselves we're pretty i would argue i don't think either of us guys yeah we're not fighters and uh the guy's like looks just right in the eye he kind of he's like got a bunch of tattoos and like long hair kind of intimidating looking guy montana license plate which was yeah i was like all right we're gonna get our ass big suv montana license plate we're

like oh we're dead the guy thinks we're harassing him like he's gonna kill us and he goes hey hey you gotta review this bar by the lax airport he was like he just saw rusty and completely ignored the guy harassing him and wanted to he was like oh my god melodies melodies and we're like what and he's like melodies it's right by lx goth girls and fishnets with big butts and we're all like what and he's like he's like best bar in la you gotta check it out and we were like are you asking us to like review it and he's like yeah and he goes he goes i almost just got in so much trouble he like cut around a bunch of people and like swerved through like we caused the rusty caused the whole incident we also we also would have still been there he just

waited we were on foot we weren't gonna like run away it was just just because you were like a little ahead of me so i was like i was like oh i'm like the backup like maybe he doesn't know i'm here i got my clenched fist you're gonna come from the side yeah i was gonna like side i mean he was huge he would have kicked both of our asses yeah and he was just wanted to yeah the guy just was very he was like tell him trinket sent you or whatever it was like we're not based off this interaction i don't want to be associated with you let alone like tell i bet if we went to melodies and we were like trinket sent us they'd be like oh like i was road rage they'd be like they'd be like get out of here we don't want any trinkets but last time trinket and his boys were in here

all hell broke loose where are you getting trinket from is that actually what he said something like it was something weird like that tinker up yeah something like that that is an absurd story it was crazy that's hilarious too your life is flashing before your eyes and then he's just like he was just he didn't look like 10 seconds of him saying it for me to realize what he was saying yeah we also waited for him to like finish his sentence we so easily could have just gotten in the car yeah well and left but you i don't know then he might have crashed i don't it was crazy he wasn't really the my what i thought my key demographic was he did not look like a guy who would watch a beer review if there were if there were like characteristics like

ranked that's your thing that's my thing i like ranking stuff if you ranked like things that people who watch bar reviews have in common he had none of them which would have been he had like long hair tattoos rings drove a porsche yep with a montana license was a porsche it was a porsche suv yeah that was kind of it kind of it was uh it was giving me flashbacks of do you remember last summer when i got tased on abbott kinney yeah wait i forgot about this tell lauren i i'm glad i just remember this this was a ridiculous it was a i left work no i i'd got to play basketball after work and then I was walking back just down Abbot Kinney to get home and uh there was like a pack of like I had my headphones in I was listening to music I was carrying a basketball and there was

a pack of like 15 12 year olds and that's like an average age like they probably range from like 7 to like 14 like little older brothers little brothers that's a crazy group yeah always the scariest squad we're like yeah I was like yeah so it was like I kind of got like lost in like the middle of their group because there were so many of them they kind of had to like part around me and i got my headphones in i'm just kind of walking i kind of like like squeezed by this trash can so i'm like kind of doing a little maneuver and then i just go like and i was like oh oh oh my god like what just i thought like the trash can was electrocuting me so i don't know like like your instinct isn't like my guy just like they normally do yeah i was just like maybe

this trash cans got like a conductor yeah yeah yeah and so i was like so i was like oh my god and then i turned to look at the trash can and i realized all the 12 year olds are like staring at me laughing and i was like it was like eight o'clock there were people out and about there were tons of people on the road it wasn't like it was the they were just looking at me laughing i just took my headphones out i was like are you serious and just stared at them and i actually think i did i was so startled i didn't know what to do so i just said are you serious instead of them and i think that was the best possible reaction because they just got like sad they're also at that age still where they can kind of do whatever they want because you're yeah i can't hit

them no there's no chance i was going to do anything but it was also good because i think i made like the little like i saw one of the little kids being like is this is this the right thing yeah my is my 15 year old brother a good influence on me so i feel like maybe i had some impact but it was it was crazy i mean that there's nothing like being jolted with electricity just out of the blue welcome to our brand new podcast state of the art brand new still smells like a new podcast too which is fun yep that yep what do you want to call it we don't know yet we had a really good name this morning and then it turns out someone already used that i found that for literally every like conventional podcast name there's one that yeah but i feel like there

has to be some standard of like there's a podcast that exists with like 15 listeners maybe we can just take it did the one that we thought were they a popular pod i don't know i just googled the name and it popped right up so no you guys can't steal anyone's name you gotta it has to come from the heart that's true i also was listening to a song called that when i texted you oh why are we beating around we're like we can't say it on air it was the good news podcast right it was the good news podcast good news with will and rusty yeah do you want your name to go first or mine i don't care rock paper scissors yeah rock paper scissors right now all right wait two out of three yeah of course all right

let's go freaking hate and now it's rusty's podcast baby the rusty featherstone show rusty Featherstone Show with Willie D. Welcome. Yeah, it feels good to be here. Should we give a little background? Yep. I was born in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. What do you mean a background? Just like how we ended up here. Yep. Yeah. You want to start? Yeah. So I've been working here for a little bit now. I started ranking beers and now I do a little bit of bars and stuff like that. And Will and I lived together last summer. Yep. We And now we're here. Yep.

Starting a podcast. How was that experience? We didn't like each other at first. Yeah, we did. There was like a month where we were mortal enemies, but I think that was good character development. It was. Because now it's like, I could never dislike you.

It's like, all right, we already did that whole bit and realized that was stupid. There's a point where we're just like, all right, this is dumb. And in hindsight, I don't really remember why we didn't like each other. I just don't think we got along. We were sharing a bedroom, which I think is hard. two grown men sharing a bedroom was tough yeah also and our feet were pointed at each other which is making it weird yeah well we didn't we didn't want it we didn't want it like beds like it was for some reason we wanted it perpendicular to each other yeah and the

alternative would have been us like feeling like we're sleeping in one big mega bed yeah how big was this bedroom literally the size of this room 100 square feet so you guys you guys you guys wake up you just look at each other and smile it kind of was like it was like the same schedule because we work the same jobs and be like all right let's get going did you hold hands when you would leave your room um no because we didn't like each other yeah now we do yeah now we would i have will come over and get me out of bed and then we hold that's what i do we do this every morning are you a hand holder oh question when you're holding hands do you go like this do you like this no no give me your other hand do you do you interlink like you're saying like

with a this like with a woman just whoever like your mom if you're walking down the street with your mom your holy hands are you linking or are you going like this uh i think yeah i'm linking right what do you do do you guys do you still hold your mom's hand do you not if you're walking down the street like we're just having a good are you just serious is that weird i can't believe i can't tell if you're doing a bit right now i'm being dead serious i'm not saying like fucking across the street i'm just saying like if you're walking down the street with your mom you'd be holding her hand sometimes i mean i don't think i've done that that was 10 i'm on i'm on will's side i'm not like adverse to it like i'm not yeah it's i mean it's kind of sweet honestly

but yeah that is sweet you have a healthy relationship with her so props to you well not that yeah kind of imply that we've been we're um we're pretty close yeah yeah i feel like it's weird when someone's too close with their mom so you gotta like well our moms geographically very close that's true that's a weird thing since we we both got hired at this company and then since then my parents moved within a couple miles a couple miles of rusty's parents wow in in maine in maine yeah good memory southern maine so we're pretty uh we've never seen each other in maine though no we also had we were talking about this the other day so when will was at bc me and max spirit who started freddie beers were in boston oh and max got fucked up max got courtside tickets

to the celtics he got four courtside tickets and he hits me up he's i flew there to meet him he he yeah i flew i flew from florida to boston to sit at this celtics game courtside with max first courtside game ever i was very excited and we're sitting there and we're like all right we have two extra tickets and we like didn't have we like just forgot that willie d lived in boston and we gave them to two strangers and sat next to the strangers and then like in the third quarter i was like oh man we should have invited will and we had been like posting stories and stuff and like will had seen them i was on instagram i was like max is courtside of the celtics and flew rusty here from florida and i i was like all right maybe they only had two tickets maybe it was

like a brand thing and then i found out they literally had two extra tickets that they just gave to random people the guy was a delight the stranger was a delight and he got he got us a table at uh this club after it was great it was the the table at the club after was weird because i went oh yeah i met up with you guys at the it wasn't great it was this nightclub called the grand and like the seaport and it was uh oh we were the only people like he was like oh yeah i got you guys you can have this table at this nightclub and then we didn't realize like we were the only people he'd given it to so it was just the three of us we didn't know yeah i invited my i invited my like very new friend and all of his prep school buddies yeah it was just it was

like eight guys at this table it was great you and max left the moment all your friends got there we were like we don't want to be here no offense but you know how that can well it was just it was just nine 21 year old guys weren't they not even 21 i feel like in that situation i would just get up and walk away from my table and you know go try to talk to other people yeah but yeah it was like i feel like it was like a weekday no maybe not it was a weird night like it was a weird night i didn't have the i didn't have the the fight in me should we pitch each other a couple uh business ideas a couple business ideas yeah you know i don't see why we not we not i don't see why we not i have okay so here's the attire so you have one on the right is high yeah

no a pitch no i don't maybe for the next one though so the idea was for first-time listeners which is all of you because no one's listening to this podcast yet willie and i are gonna pitch each other business ideas without the restraints of um like scientific possibility it can be anything we're trying to get rich so if if you hear anything on this that you think you could create hit us up hit us up yeah um and and then at the end we will pick one i will pick one of willie's to invest in he will pick one of mine would you like to start uh yeah i'd be happy to all right so well wait hey doesn't oh yeah you should start you have the tie why don't you start hey should we pass the tie back and forth yeah yeah that's what but you can start then okay

all right um let's see let's see what let's see what i got that looks like like the unabomber like manifesto yeah it's pretty scary it's pretty spooky so um my first one i'm very excited about this one lauren's gonna think it's gross but you're gonna love it uh i'm i'm thinking poop and farts right now it's one of the two baby and a little uh actually no i'm not gonna get into it so it's a filter um that everyone in the world can have installed and it makes other people's farts smell like your farts so that you like them that's good right that's good so now what is it about your own it's just the best they're good yeah do you wizard yourself what uh can i get a can i get a definition um wizarding is when you fart in your hand you throw it at your friend

You can't do that. Throw it. I can't be the one that's... You can't hold it in your hand. I don't know if throwing it would be the right... If Willie was that far away from me, I could hit him with my fart. You could blow it.

No, no, no. You fart in your hand and you go, wow, whizzer. It would work? It's been working since I was seven. Wow, it's been working for 15 years now. Yeah, that math checks out. That was good.

That was quick. So also, if you... But actually, if you're going to wizard your... I'm sorry. I'm just thinking about when you were six trying to wizard There's also called a buttercup where it's when you rub it on their face, but Did this like were you a bully or did you get bullied? No, it was like a friendly thing It was like a term of endearment. Yeah, all the kids loved it. It was great You never smell your own farts like that. Okay, I smell them ambiently cuz they're kind of around

You're never on the couch and fart in your hands want no yeah me neither that'd be crazy okay so let's get back to the filter where where is this filter it's um so you know how like underwear is what it should be oh that makes way more sense i was thinking you know how like girls uh say that they have like a septum thing and then they go and get like while they're in there the doctor gives them a nose job i was just thinking like well the doctor's in there he just like he just like puts it what world do you live in what do you is that thing no no okay that's a real thing for a second i had no idea what you were talking about but yeah yeah um uh deviated deviated septum yeah like a lot of girls on their 16th birthday like have

deviated septums no it's real like brian's gotten his nose broke so many times that when the doctor was in there the second time he just gave him a good nose that's a real thing so i was just thinking like it's like uh you can it's the same thing as getting a nose job but your underwear makes way more sense yeah the underwear underwear is a good i'm gonna take that it's underwear that makes other people's farts smell like your farts that you like the question is how do you get them to wear the underwear do you just be like hey man got you some new underwear it's not like some people buy their girlfriend's lingerie you just buy your homies filter pants yeah they should be really comfy too so that they're like incentivized to wear them well also it's just i think it's like

a communal thing like it's like pay it forward like if i like i trust that lauren's wearing hers and she trusts that i'm wearing mine what are you supposed you're supposed to be wearing ones that make it smell like her farts no everyone's farts smell like oh now i see what everyone's farts automatically smell like the recipient's farts oh it can it's like it's like it's pretty high tech okay it's all right all right that's good stuff yeah first good first one yeah i like that you're not figuring out like the the logistics of this you're just gonna pass on we have we have high level guys we yeah we are big conceptual guys we have boots on the ground scientists that kind of figured out they're on strike right now they are on strike part of the

writers guild but uh hopefully we'll get them back all right ready yep uh here's my pitch it's called charge bed it's your whole bed charges your phone so that at night you can just like i can't my phone is at like 15 right yeah and it's at that every day because i like to play little games on it or read wikipedia as i fall asleep and i always wake up with it just like under my pillow or somewhere in my covers and it's always low on battery because i don't i like to i mean it's probably bad but like i don't like to go plug it in yeah well it's also like you ever you ever play music and put it under your pillow yes bingo although you gotta get careful you gotta be careful with the under pillow because sometimes the alarm doesn't go off yeah or you can't hear

it if you're like sleeping have you ever been sleeping on top of it i've slept through my alarm because like oh yeah like i'm crushing my phone into the i'm like yeah yeah anyway but charge bed is like i mean they already have like charge pads yeah so just make the whole bed electric and it's it's not dangerous either it's the good thing about that was my one thing so i'm glad that you could spill water on it you can i mean yeah imagine like it's charge bed if you pee yourself you just electric you to death no it's totally safe it's fda approved and anywhere that your phone is touching it it's charging i love it you wake up with 100 every morning you don't have to think about plugging it in you have to get a long charger cord that's the i think

that's one of the better ones we've had so far thank you what kind of wikipedia pages are you reading before you go to bed oh i read a lot of different things um um lately i was recently i was reading about some medieval torture it's bad they do bad stuff to those people it was crazy yeah like what the hell how many times do they actually do some of those like how many times do you want to hear the worst one i've ever heard yeah so uh i believe it was king charles yeah right spooky guy spooky guy no it was king henry one of the one of the henrys basically was like people things had gotten out of hand in his kingdom and he was like it's time to put a fucking end to this yeah i want to create something so bad that like no more crimes can

happen that's what i imagine the conversation was like i wasn't there and basically what he commissioned this like artist to build a bronze bowl with a with a chamber on the side and you would put people in it and then they would heat up the bottom and the only air source was the was a trumpet thing so it would the guy would be blowing into it and breathing into it and it would sound like a bowl doing whatever and the guy would boil alive or not boil i've burned to death and this is the worst part listen to this king charles the guy brings it in and he's king henry so he's like this is magnificent i just want to make sure that a human fits in there get in there and the artists got in there and that was the first person they used it on was

the guy that made it what the heck what did that guy do nothing wow that bummed me out dude it's kind of um it's kind of like a like metaphorical in a sense very deep also that by the way great line to just whip out it in in it is wow it's kind of metaphorical that was kind of that was kind of deep also i'm sorry but as you're telling that story i'm like cracking up sometimes i like in uncomfortable situations or like things that are really dark do you ever just yeah i was i was actually a little worried because you were laughing and i was like lauren is a sadistic little yeah little monkey no i just i don't know what it is it's a defense mechanism i like okay so dude i like electro bed for the record you know what you're asking about um oh

electro bed's good yeah yeah charge bed i think it was charge but we can work on the name um you were asking what i look at about week on wikipedia and i wanted to bring this up because i was reading about this last night australia is the size of the u.s that's blowing my mind i just figured that out last night i thought it was i thought it'd be bigger honestly you thought australia would be bigger than the u.s it looks pretty massive bigger oh i thought it would be smaller pretty crazy stuff maybe maybe i'm an idiot no i thought australia was like i just haven't really thought about it looks kind of small on a map but it's like the like map distortion like stuff well that's why like greenland looks so massive greenland in reality is like yeah

I'm actually a flat earther, so. Are you really? No. So we're just getting into the habit of lying to each other on the pod. That's a fun little bit. All right. You ready? You got a pitch?

I got a really good one. Lauren's going to love this one. This one's going to come in handy for Lauren. All right. So we're all familiar with Gooby Gone, right? What? Goo Gone. Okay.

goo gone it sounds like a guy when you say gooby gone sounds like a bad guy i think i would say the other way around goo gone is like is like the dark overlord of some mystical planet um yeah sure i know what you're talking about okay gooby gone right it's just gone it's not gooby it's gooby gone lauren can we get a quick google search it's definitely good i wouldn't search that because it's called goo gone oh it's goo gone all right for this neither of them sound right so let's just carry on but we're familiar we're familiar with right so but we're familiar with what it does yeah right it's just like that but instead of goo uh it gets rid of allegations so um any outstanding things that people are accusing you of it seems dangerous we only give

to the right guys but like control the distribution um it's mostly just for me what if chris delia gets his hands on it then we could just listen to that funny guy talk all day we wouldn't have to worry about who he's dming because there wouldn't be any more allegations no thanks i think he's funny yeah but all right i wasn't saying it's for it's for smaller allegations i'm not i'm not talking rusty's allegations yeah it's like it's like yeah like i realize that you guys don't wizard each other wizard yourselves and so i now rub allegations be gone all over myself and you guys are like i feel like i feel like i had something to accuse rusty of doing but i can't remember what it was got it okay yeah right yeah for small time offenses i think it's

dangerous i'm feeling like a little like you're gonna have like the oppenheimer story arc where you're gonna be like i don't know what never seen it really didn't watch it probably won't but you what um okay well you're this invention that you're talking about reminds me of like this would be like a don't worry darling situation like the world would just become too perfect everyone's like what's the word um utopia utopia what's don't worry no it would actually turn into a dystopia you haven't seen it well actually it's not good you don't have to but um i didn't think i had to for at any point yeah well uh so typically typically you don't tell willie what to do that's fair um florence pew harry styles oh really yeah oh that's the one

where uh where he stole jason sudeikis's wife they were on the set of don't worry darling and then she started she started getting a little affinity towards my guy harry which who can blame her who olivia wild olivia wild oh yeah yeah oh all right so how are we feeling about allegations begun i'm wary i i think it's kind of might create a no hard feeling situation where it's like a utopia is that what it's called you guys keep referencing these utopian movies that i haven't oh no wait what was the name of your show don't worry darling oh i i just made one up so okay i didn't really explain my thought process there if you're if you're getting rid of these allegations against people yeah everyone is just going to be this seemingly perfect person there's

no edge to anyone we're all just like robots that's true i feel like well maybe it's just for things that aren't illegal all right that i could just get rid of the just get rid of the small stuff well yeah okay yeah yeah like like uh like i see you come out of the bathroom and you don't wash your hands and you're just like i'm like i go to say something and then you have to rub like an oil all over yourself rub allegations be gone all over your hands gone i think i guess i'm just a little wary of why you want it so bad that's so that's kind of where i'm at all right all right um now i'm going to change the game with my next i'm super excited my next pitch which is toilet paper as a utility it's you just pay every month like you do for your water and

your electricity and stuff and it comes out of the wall so you never get stranded on the toilet bowl that's always such a um it's always such a turning point in a relationship with your roommate where like you're out of toilet toilet paper and you have to text them be like yo man i know we're not really boys like that yeah can you come come bring me they see you in like the most vulnerable position ever or they do like the like they like stick their hands like kind of through the crack and then you're like toss it toss it and then they like throw it down the floor and you're like oh toss it yeah i like it i like it i just from a um money perspective i think it's it's fiscally responsible i like it i don't even the money is well the money

is important but i think it's it's like if you could guarantee you never would run out do you realize how many times i don't know maybe this is just me i just feel like i'll always be running out of toilet paper i always be running out of like in college we oh my god it was awful my roommates would like we'd run out of toilet paper and i didn't have a car so like i wouldn't ever go get it so i guess that's kind of on me yeah but they would just i would sit down and be like where's the toilet paper and i would just see a roll of paper towels sitting on the countertop and i'd be like oh no they want me to do this i uh i got in a really big fight with my girlfriend in college because she slept over for the first time and i had the very similar situation where

i just was like out of toilet paper and all i had was paper towels in there and uh yeah that was a tough i could see how that would be a little uh yeah my worry with the with it being as a utility is your landlord would start buying one ply i was thinking about that so it's like we got to figure out a way to like um you know there's like tenants rights and stuff there's like laws about what temperature they have to keep and stuff we'd have to set like a minimum ply yeah it would need to be soft yeah um i also if this goes well yes we could expand into olive oil i was thinking oh we're just we're just moving on from the toilet paper things as a utility well i really quickly um i think this would do a great job in this office because what pisses me off is people

leaving the empty roll in there i'm like just throw it away it's not that hard yeah my move is i usually when that one's done i and there's the there's the thing on the ring i just rest the new one on top of that no you what did you say like three seconds yeah well also like i like to i like i'm i'm a showman when i when i'm wiping so i like to yeah i like to like pull it off and be able to like play with it yeah we're learning a lot about each other i don't like it being on the roll i like taking it off yeah i mean it's better than i feel like lauren's the type of person that puts it so that when you pull it the papers flush against the wall instead of having a gap no no no i was just gonna bring this up you're saying it backwards yeah oh absolutely not no it's

like you want to it comes out the bottom no you want to come out the front no you do yes no that's like yeah that's like why i saw it on ifunny when i was a kid and it was like it was like people who put the toilet paper this way i funny last night it's like people will put the toilet paper this way and it was a bad guy and then people put the toilet paper this way it was a good guy and i just was like that makes sense i'm sticking with that and i i've been indoctrinated i like it the other way because it's like a nine that's fun you're right yeah that is a number there's no number that's the other way what do you mean it's like a nine you know nine from numbers or effort you know nine from numbers like it looks like the number nine what it looks like there's the

there's the bing and then the yeah oh yep yep okay i guess now that i'm thinking about that that whether it looks like a nine is entirely dependent on which side of you it's on but you've just only had it on the right side no it's on the left all right well um that was a good idea all right okay i have a good one to counter it thank you i have a counter to yours whoa we've got a counter we've got a counter ever counter pitch first ever counter pitch um this one is this is a this is a skylar fulton joint this is something that him and i talked about dude i am so sick of this there's just yeah it works here Skyler he's great but like he gave Rusty a bowl of chili yesterday and now

Rusty is like his sycophant like he doesn't he got he's now on a fantasy football team with him when he was my teammate last year he's now about to like hype him up in this con I don't know what you're in love how good was that shit it was the best shit like imagine how good it was that I'm reshaping friendships based off I know I thought Skyler and I were close and now it feels like he's like your guy now he's my guy you guys are pals we're chili buddies well he also so he was making he was making me a bowl of chili and will walked in and there was like a tiny bit left and will was like oh are you guys making chili and scott was like yeah i just give him rusty bowl and will's like can i have some scott was like uh nah i think i'm just gonna like save this last

little bit and it's like how do you give one guy a whole bowl and i can't even get a little scoop or two okay i haven't come up with a name for this one yet okay um it's an alternative to toilet paper oh god is this really one you planned yeah it's on my it's on my notecard all right um oh it's so bad it's uh it's it's a giant cloth okay that you drape over the banister and then you slide down you you slide down and it wipes you in one banister what do you mean oh like the the railing on the stairs you have to replace it every time it's like only for a very specific house where the bathroom's at the top of the stairs they come in and they come in and they custom fit it to your oh my god to your house it's fun foul what so you have to like climb up the stairs no you're already

up the stairs the bathroom's the bathroom's upstairs and then you straddle the top of it And then you slide. That's so gross. Maybe it's like got a bunch of layers and then you can pull them off when you're done. You know, and then there's just another one waiting for it. You slide down and it's like a fun thing for the whole family. You're just naked, I guess. I mean, you have your shirt and socks on.

You have your shoes on, too. why does it matter if you're naked if you're in the bathroom you're not you're out you're in the limit you're the banister because you end up you start in that you start at the top of the stairs and you end up in the in the foyer yeah what i mean i feel like you're just i thought it was the okay i'm imagining a bathroom a massive bathroom after you climb to the top of the spiral staircase The banister is in the... Oh, a spiral one would be crazy. For big dumps.

Oh, my God. You're picturing the bathroom contains stairs. I mean, good. That one makes way more sense. Mine was just you ended up... None of them make sense. You ended up downstairs. Then you have to walk back upstairs.

To get your pants. Yeah, you can hold them. You can hold your pants. I was just picturing... someone just oh my god your family's just around the in the living room and they hear a flush and they're like all right and everyone comes out like claps you just come flying down the stairs and then you have a clean bottom oh my god yep it just keeps getting worse yeah oh my god yeah that would be foul the will angus i've been living with and he has a bidet yeah it's the best

i don't like it dude really i it makes me feel like someone's tickling my butt i had one uh sophomore year of college and and my buddies would come over and use it oh they would come over solely to use it it was like a fun thing come over like shit cakes on their ass they drove over um i haven't wiped yet you mind if i uh no it was like it was just like a fun thing it had that it had the heated toilet seat you could change the temperature the water it was fun it was a good time that is cool my grandparents shut off their bidet when we were kids because we used to like not be sitting on it and turn on and shoot the mirror i had one time i was in a hotel with my brother and there was like a bidet and we turned

it on and it sprayed so high that it like like we didn't we'd never seen a bidet before i was actually in paraguay we'd never seen a bidet before and we turned it on and it sprayed like so high up that we were like whoa we didn't know what it was and so we like ran back out like i swear to god like bidets weren't like a european thing yeah we we just they just made their way there was like a european influence in paraguay anyway we turned on it sprayed me right in the face i was like ah we ran out of the bathroom and then it started soaking the floor so my brother was like oh we gotta go turn that off and ran in and just slipped on the floor and then i ran in and i also slipped on the floor and it was a nightmare wow i'm scared of bidets okay um that

was my final pitch you have one more um yeah yes i do have one um i i gotta work on the uh uh the name i think it's like yeah it's like ax con ax con i think okay it's a it's like a way to reintegrate um ex convicts into society it's but it's it's an axe throwing place it seems like the perfect place for them yeah well it feels like they they would know what they were doing you know what i mean yeah are they the instructors or patrons they're the instructors yeah it's ex-cons who were involved in violent crime and then they now run an axe throwing place so it's like an outlet for like like they're wanting to throw axes at stuff yeah

And they get to show other people how to do it. I like that any violent criminal just has this unquenchable desire to throw an ax at something. Well, I mean, we target the ones who have the unquenchable desire. I'm not suggesting that they all have that unquenchable desire. There's a lucrative or an extensive interview process. Yeah, I mean, if we find out through the interview process that you have an unquenchable desire, then you're hired. Then you're hired. And I think, yeah, I mean, it's a little scary.

I probably wouldn't bring my kids there. Yeah, I probably wouldn't either. But you could bring a friend, an older friend. An older friend, yeah. Yeah. That's a good spot for them. So anyway, that's that. All right, should we invest?

Yeah, I'm ready to invest. I'm going to put all my chips on. I'm forgetting. What was your first idea? I don't want anything to do with the poop rail. Oh, the fart filter. Wait, was fart filter poop? No, what was your second one?

fart filter um no the first one was something else the first one was like good oh allegations be gone oh wait no that one wasn't it either all right fart filter are you saying fart filter is not good no no no i'm just trying to think yeah i'm gonna go with fart filter okay all chips in run me three years again um i had toilet paper as a utility yep and also potentially olive oil but we'll unpack that later um charger bed and axe con i'm going to invest in charger bed i think that that's a charger bed's gold but part of my investment is we work on the name oh well i like we might go oh yeah it originally was charge bed charge yeah charge bed yeah okay yeah or maybe there's like um we can work on should we do a draft oh yeah we've

been wanting to draft we're gonna draft cocktails that don't exist oh yeah i'm excited about this one yeah i started the last time so i'll give you the first pick okay all right first pick all right so all right we're drafting cocktails that don't exist first overall i'm going with the spanish armada i love it yeah it's a classic play on a spanish cocktail and it's a crowd favorite and i just like the name i don't know what's in it i don't know what a classic play on that even means but what's what did they do with the spanish armada i don't i did read a little bit of the wikipedia about it uh this morning and then i got distracted was that the nina and the pinto or was that a different thing?

No, no. That was Columbus. But he was Spanish. Yeah. Well, he was Italian. He was contracted by the Spanish crown. It was something in...

They went to, like, overthrow the king of England. I don't know if they did or not. Doesn't sound like they did. Yeah. I don't know. Spanish Armada, though.

I would order one. Okay, so maybe it's... What if it's sangria and sparkling water and lime juice? And the blood of the innocent. Spanish Armada. With my first pick,

i'm gonna go to the possum shot it just makes you play dead for a little bit i like that a lot it knocks me out for like a second it's just really strong for five seconds and then you it's kind of like um what's the like dmt where you where you you like experience death for a second and then you wake up and you're completely fine oh yeah i like that a lot the possum shot sounds awesome yeah that's a great one can i get a possum shot yeah yeah and then he's like oh what's he doing it's like no i just had a couple possum shots why do you why do you want to just be knocked out for a bit um so you clearly don't get it no no i i'm not insane so no i just i'm curious i'm dealing with some things where being not awake for a little bit is not the worst thing

in the world yeah and it seems like you don't understand that no that's fair i just so like what if you're but what if you're having a great night then you don't have any possum yeah so you're gonna go and order one by yourself yeah like when the girl leaves you because yeah yeah you smelled that for the third date in a row and she just can't get over that you get rejected and the waiter's like possum shot yeah yeah like yep make it a double just conks and then five seconds later you're up and rejuvenate it's oh i also forgot to mention you get a full night's sleep that's awesome you get eight hours i would just do that every night it'd be great no but then it threw yeah whenever we'll figure it out okay i love possum shot thank you um

my last my my second one is john wilkes vermouth nice i don't know what vermouth is it's i don't think it's good i think it's like a bitters thing isn't it right i don't know what it is either okay well it's in this drink um oh i feel like that's in like gin and vermouth yeah okay perfect so it's that and the john wilkes part is like it'll get you you know yeah you know what i mean Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the tagline. You have a John Wilkes vermouth, it'll get you. It's going to get you.

Yeah. That'll sneak up on you. That's what they say. Yeah. It'll sneak up on you. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good at the theater, too.

Yeah, it's a popular theater drink, believe it or not. We're all familiar with the sex on the beach. Yes. Okay, right? Never had one. But you know it. They're like too sweet. Right?

Yeah. Is it like a milky drink? I don't know. It's like a... It's got like a weird texture to it. Does it really? i don't think i've ever had one but we're all familiar with with kind of the idea of it it's like a an aphrodisiac yeah yeah this one's just like that but this one's the cry in the shower

and it's um ayahuasca and red wine and it just kind of makes yeah just makes you face all your demons at once i like that a lot yeah yeah sign me up crying in the shower it's like something you make at home um i mean you definitely don't want to be too far away from home when you take it yeah do you sit down in the shower ever uh when i was i remember the first time i ever took a shower i'm not even kidding i remember it when i was a little kid my mom was like all right i swear to god i remember this this is a totally true story my mom was like all right it's time to like time to stop taking baths like you know you're growing up you're in like showers and i used to always play with my little um like what like uh boat no like lego minifigures

i guess they were in the shower in the bath or i don't even know if they were lego but they were like little guys yeah um what do you call them little guys no what do you call it little uh action figures yes thank you action figures so i used to play with my action figures in the bath and then the first shower i was i just got in my was like and i was like okay got it mom and the moment she walked out i was like fuck this and so i just sat down and i was like it's raining oh no and just dude i used to do that yeah i just played with the action figures and pretend it was raining and i had a great time and then eventually she caught me she's like you're not this doesn't count yeah you can't just sit down anyway but no not normally i don't do you um no oh i am uh like

a month ago i had a gnarly hangover and i just had to that is the best place to spend one yeah i i laid down actually face up or face down face up face down tongue in the drain no i was on my bag uh yeah that uh that can be helpful it's just a good place to process things it is yeah confront your demons all right uh my next next cocktail i'm gonna go with next of gin nice you know when someone dies and like contact the next of kin yeah this one is a gin based drink that is going to make your relative... It's going to make people want to contact your relatives and tell them that you died.

I like it. I wish I went with your route. Your route is more wordplay, which I think is fun. Hey, to each their own, pal. We're just having a good time. Do you know what a hot toddy is? Yeah, it's like, what is it? Like apple cider and vodka or something?

I do it where it's hot tea, bourbon, honey, lemon juice. you can get crazy with cinnamon and whatnot yeah it's all of those ingredients um but this time it's iced tea so you can drink it on the go and it's called a boner twister i just i thought you were gonna say cold toddy yeah that's what i originally was but then uh skylar told me that yeah oh it's skylar again dude this chili thing is like completely i know it's getting weird he's a cool guy man i like him oh god um it's it's good for like the golf course because the hot toddy traditionally the way i discovered it was i had a nasty cold in college and my friend made me one and it became my favorite drink like i drink them when i'm not sick now um but drinking that much

hot tea is just a little bit much sometimes and you it's your you are you are confined to your house because you're not bringing a hot toddy anywhere i mean you could put it in like a yeti yeah but that's true i guess that's true fuck okay so no i like the boner twister though yeah the boner twister um all right my fourth one is i got the my tie fighter did you think of that because you were making the tie fighter i guess i was building a type lego tie fighter it's fun on sunday it was a great dude it was sunday was like it was like the best day ever i just built legos all day and watched i watched nightcrawler and the batman that's great that sounds like a great sunday yeah i told emily this but i got banned from tiktok live because i was um i was

building a tie fighter on it and i got so frustrated that i said something that i'm not proud of under my breath and there was a tiktok moderator on it and so that's how it works like if you get banned it's like someone's i think sometimes it's like bots but this one was so quiet there's no like i said it like like no one the kid in the room with me didn't even hear it yeah that's why i was like yeah sorry the mai tai fighter is like a take on a mai tai with an imperial twist i love it i mean um can you does it give you any can you use the force can i oh does the drink yeah no no the force is pretty cool okay so we're gonna have to step the force isn't real um with my fourth pick i'm gonna go to the silent night okay it's uh again

it's sleepy time tea and uh nyquil and bourbon and it's for when you melt some melatonin in there yeah it's for i feel like now i'm realizing all of mine are for when you've had a hard day but this one especially you had a tough day you want to go to bed you want to go to dreamland yep the Sleepy Night. Or the Silent Night. The Sleepy Night. Silent night holy night

all is calm all is bright round yon virgin mother and God holy

infant so tender We kind of had that Unlocked I feel like we were Harmonizing I had the first three lines And then I did that

That was beautiful Last one is The Hellraiser Yes There we go I forget what was in it I thought of it It's got to be spicy

I forgot to write it down Tabasco sauce I think it was Gasoline and Jack Daniels Yeah Makes you just want to get On your crotch rocket And tear it up

Crotch rocket? It's like a motorcycle Is that a word for motorcycle? Never heard that. We're learning a lot today. It kind of makes you think of something else. Yeah. Kodak used to call his pieces Pocket Monster, which I thought was really fun.

That is kind of fun. Yeah. Kodak Black? Black. That's cool. Right? I think he also might have been referring to his gun that he kept in his pocket. But either way.

I just want to roll in peace. Yeah, he did. Yeah. All right. Let us know if we missed anything in the comments. Wait, I have one more. oh wait oh i think was that only that was my fifth one oh oh yeah yeah um i went first though my last one is the is the samurai sunrise oh i like that sake yep tequila something spicy oh

that sounds good i don't know if that's like culturally i thought about that is that bad I don't think Saki is Japanese I believe Yeah And so are Samurai Samurai So

I think it's fine I think it's fine as well Let us know in the comments If we're cancelled Let us know in the comments If we're cancelled Yeah I love it

Oh Before we wrap up Whose personality Are you gonna steal this weekend? Oh yeah We've been talking about How we kind of just Go through phases

Of just Completely adopting The personality of someone We're very impressionable folks very impressionable i mine this is like my class this is like a regular occurrence for me that i'm in this era but i'm going tomorrow night to see zach bryan yep and i know that that's gonna like change me for like a couple weeks yeah that is so i'm gonna be i'm looking forward to it actually yeah you got willie got in my car last night and uh before well i was connecting to the bluetooth

was seeing zach bryan which was chill uh but yeah so i'm gonna be in my like cowboy cowboy that'll be fun era i think you should get a cowboy hat and wear it to the office i had one in maine and i worn it to the last couple of his shows but i do you want to borrow my voodoo ranger hat that i just got do you have one is it a cowboy it's a cowboy hat with ear flaps oh that could be cool yeah i might i need i might go down to the boardwalk and get like yeah there's like a bunch of them down there that's true but i do i have i'll wear my overalls and i have a an eagles shirt he's a big eagles fan yeah so lauren whose personality are you gonna steal this weekend um i think i'm gonna have a pretty mellow weekend um i'm getting my haircut

that's fun how many inches i'm gonna go bald bob should go bald not a bob but like is it gonna sit on the shoulders like around that you're gonna get a blowout maybe those are always fun i don't know what that means like your sister will come home and you're like something's different and she's like i gotta blow out like that's cool it's pretty tight it's like their hair is very soft okay after not that i'm touching my sister's hair but you can see it continue so well my little brother he just got to school it's his first weekend back at dayton this weekend and so i know he's just so flyers stoked to go flyers stoked to be with his friends um having a great time so i kind of want to channel that energy because i've been doing like

not a lot lately i don't really like to go out much anymore yeah i've noticed every time i invite you somewhere no not that like i don't know my sometimes my social battery is just a little low so i'm trying to like fix that i've invited lauren to two bar reviews and she's politely declined both no to be fair i actually did have plans but for sure to be fair i have i've also declined both and we had a great time at the last one you should have been there the one in sautel tiny tiny the chicago tiny tie dye shot tear you ever had speaking of cocktails have you ever had um oh what is that crap malort yeah no i have the worst thing ever um i'm gonna steal this kid max schneider's personality i like how yeah you're always just guys you know i don't know this guy

so he's on tiktok and uh he he uh i don't even know how to describe him he's a silver lake man so he wears like cool trendy clothes he wears like rings and his tattoos and the thing that sold me on it is he calls his girls friends uh the board of directors i like that which i think is fun um his girlfriend's friends he doesn't really specify it's just like he says when i'm meeting he talks about going and meeting her friends aka the board of directors okay and uh i think i'm gonna get tatted this weekend probably just a bunch of patchwork tattoos and i'm gonna get rings probably paint my nails your uh cross dangly cross ear i'm out on the dangle oh this guy's like actually cool like yeah yeah yeah i don't even know if he has the ears pierced

cool guy though that's who i'm gonna be stealing i like that i pierced my ear a couple months ago it sealed back up i just did it for one night i think it was both maybe it was like an emo themed party so i went like i wore oh you did this for a party yeah it was like well it was like a it was like a beer olympics thing and our team theme was like emo so that's very fun i'll show you the pictures of it i looked absolutely ridiculous yeah how do we want to wrap this i think we should wrap it up by telling our biggest fears oh that's fun every week we end on what's what's what's uh what's scaring us right now what's scaring you will i didn't think of one I'm scared of

This is too deep We can't end on this Yeah No Cause then I'm gonna start Thinking about my life And then I'm gonna get That's true

We need a happy ending I'm scared of not Fingering around my role here What? I What? Letting people down Okay

Um We just jerk each other out Um Alright That was super fun Um We will see you guys Next week

Thank you guys for tuning in Means a lot to us Thank you Lauren It's an honor We're excited to Get this going oh also let us know what we should name

this podcast yeah we need a name for the podcast I guess by the time this comes out we'll have to pick the name but we don't know what it is yet

and I hope it's good let us know if it's not no you gotta have confidence it's good it's gonna be good it's gonna be great whatever we pick people aren't gonna like it

so yeah well alright love you love you guys bye bye