Will & Rusty's Playdate - Grinding on my Khakis

Episode Date: November 29, 2023

Willy was featured in a playmate’s dream, Rusty reveals his signature dance move and Lauren reads more pitch submissions. The boys talk through business ideas and draft rom-com movies and music albums that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod (00:00) Intro (03:04) Music Taste (11:19) Playmate Pitch Submissions (21:53) Willy’s Dream Feature (25:29) Pitches (33:17) Rom-Coms that Don’t Exist... Our Best Draft Yet? (42:24) Albums that Don’t Exist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right play date episode 12 13 14 now 13 13 oh unlucky episode 13 oh um that's epic i uh i have a great story for you so i went to the la king's game last night with kenward who's our boss for anyone that's concerned and uh he has like access to i guess like the owner's sweet like a very like plush it was sick and we walk in through this like you like scan in we walk in there are all these guys with like earpieces in like secret service type president was there i was like there's got to be there's got to be like a foreign diplomat or like justin bieber is in here and i'm like sitting and i don't see anyone and they're all lined up in like suits with earpieces like in the row in front of me in the suite and i'm like having a good time i was

feeling loose and like there was free booze so i was a little drunk and walked down to go to the bathroom and on my way back in one of them is like taking his earpiece out so i was i asked him i go like i gotta know like who are you guys protecting one second my phone went off i was like who are you guys protecting and he's like what are you talking about i was like are you guys like secret service or something he's like no we were on the uh we're on the broadcast so i was like oh are you guys are you guys broadcasters he's like no i uh i own the team or whatever and i like was like very drunk in front of this guy and uh wait like they're just listening to the broadcast of the game they like the camera would cut to them and they'd be like yeah we got a really solid team

this year like we're feeling good or whatever and that's what the earpieces were for but like the conversation that led up to that was very drunk in front of them i had like this sobering moment being like i'm in this guy's suite he has no idea who i am and i look like a doofus that's hysterical and then i just like asked him if he was secret service he's like no you're actually in my suite and i own the team you see was he nice though super nice all right cool we had a we had a fun little moment where i was like i'm i'm uh i'm rusty and he's like i'm i was like oh that's my last name and he was like bleep that bleep that i feel like we don't need to believe no i think it's funnier if we okay and uh can you actually and i go but mine

has an e in it like i go like that's the right way to spell it and he was like all right dude just busting his balls ducks game yeah it was uh no it was good it was it was there was a point in time where i hit the perfect amount of drinks and i was talking with quinn about like business stuff like the business end of freddy beers and like i was at the perfect amount of beers where i thought i had just billion dollar idea for billion dollar idea and uh i think i i think i was killing it for like five minutes and then like went over that cliff and was you know what you need to do and uh yeah so i woke up this morning super disheveled i'm not feeling great but now actually now i'm feeling good on the way

here was not feeling good yeah and you were listening to rap music yeah i was telling lauren I was I normally I listen to like like I've been getting really into Lana Del Rey but usually it's like Elliot Smith or like something spooky on the way to work you guys have talked about Elliot Smith so many times just him I have no clue who that is he's just like an old sad guy well he's not old he's dead like an I mean old like older yeah he's like an early or late 90s early 2000s like he's the OG saddest man can you sing like something that I would know he's like boy Phoebe bridges is there any i wouldn't does he have like a one hit that's like uh he did the soundtrack to goodwill hunting so any song in there he did la bamba he's saying mambo number five like that's

not sad he but i listened to like upbeat like rap on the way here like 90s kanye and like cameron 90s kanye or like he was he was the producer back then so it's like you hear him in the background and like come in every once in a while and just drop like a crazy got me going that's awesome yeah i like i do i like rap i listen to like so much rap in like high school that now it's like so nostalgic i feel like yeah you're wrapped out i'm not wrapped out necessarily i just like i'm not up to date with like any like new rap at all but i like when i like the old school kanye cuddy chance to rap or shit like that just fires me up robocop came on the other day what's robocop about the baddest girl i ever seen straight up out of movie scene she said she ain't shake it

to disagree never heard let's agree to disagree sounds like a good one i've never heard it though it's on 808s and heartbreak that's my favorite oh you guys spotify wrapped is coming out soon oh very i'm so scared i think i've voiced this on the podcast before but yeah i'm 60% sure Over My Head by The Fray is going to be on mine. You did tell me that. And that is really scary. I don't think that's bad. Also, I think Morgan Wallen might be on it, and that's a bad look. That is a bad look.

More than My Hometown. Oh, I love that song. I know. I was a line cook this summer before I... Because I quit for our viewers. I quit this job in March and then came back in July and in the meantime I was a line cook. For the record, it wasn't like a quit. It was like I'm going to do... Yeah.

I was supposed to go to the Peace Corps, and then that fell through. And so then, before I came back out here for two months i was just a line cook at this restaurant making banh mi sandwiches and i had like a speaker and for whatever reason dude i was like something about like morgan wallen felt like line cook music yep i don't know if that makes sense at all it doesn't but it was like catchy and like kind of you're you're doing something you're not really like yeah but i just i love his music like yeah he's yeah obviously i feel like the two people we talked about are morgan wallen and kanye i was about to say we've got we're we're we're walking through some of the artists

yeah it's the music separately he has hits i will say that have you noticed like whatever job you're working dictates what kind of music you listen to or like what kind of guy you are yeah in general i worked in a i worked in a in a welding and fabrication place like i was the guy that would like put the steel beams on the cables and like bring them over to the guy that would like punch hole stuff when i was a it was between my senior year and freshman year college senior your high school freshman year college and like they all listen to just the radio like on a fucking like antenna like 909 the snake and you're like this is fucking crazy wait that reminds me you guys should do radio stations that don't exist yes oh yeah mine uh no that doesn't remind

me that was just a thought i had my i don't know why i was acting like i was i mean yeah either way is fine my fake my fake radio station was called 69.9 the drip there you go i mean that would be good yeah save it well you can say it again um all right so we got a great one for you guys today we got we're gonna as usual do your pitches then our pitches then we got romantic comedies that don't exist which i'm very excited about and music albums that don't exist it's gonna be epic i've spent the majority of the week doing this i've kind of just neglected everything and sat in well don't you're hyping it up a lot now they're good they're fucking you're they're legit i have like full there are a couple i was telling will that um there are a

couple that like i would be i would not feel bad going into a studio and pitching them oh rom-coms yes all right or albums or albums all right i would just have to find the right guy i could be a ghost writer but only for album titles they're like uh you know how um albumer rick rubin like he doesn't have any technical knowledge but like yeah he's very good at at like giving direction i guess i don't really know what he does rick rubin is like the greatest like producer of yeah but he doesn't do any of the yeah he just like knows what sounds good yeah knows what to add they're like they're like fuck dude this album's so good but like the title is just not there like we got to bring in featherstone it's like uh 15 minutes of my time cost you 100 grand

who's the who's the guy damn he's on fire who's the guy in elf the that like well feral the small guy that they bring him in in like literally a half an hour with him is like oh it's like a million dollars because he's just like the he's just like children's writing savant oh call me an elf one more time yeah yes i don't know i was thinking he's paid by peter dinklage but i don't know yeah also uh little people that don't exist if peter dinklage didn't exist peter dinklage is the greatest name for a little person in the entire that is a great name it's a little i don't think little that's what they prefer really yeah i looked it up okay well if they prefer you definitely apparently apparently like the m word is like as bad to them as anything like they hate

that is a bad word i actually said it a few weeks ago midget okay oh why did you say it i'm bleeping that bleep it well no now it's gonna sound like i said the n word okay no you said kenward all right should we listen to some pitches yeah yeah do you have some more i do um can i just say good vibe in here today good vibes there's a good vibe it's like it feels like i'm like we don't usually record this early and like it's like my morning coffee okay yeah another thing why the vibes are probably so good me and emily did a thorough cleanse i knew something felt different I don't know why I looked up there like they were up there like dusting

that's what felt different no no no we rearranged all the wires we wiped down all the tables we wiped down the desk so it's spick and span Emily in the meeting this morning said that if anyone gets this room dirty she'll kill them

which got a weird reaction from the room she's not kidding I don't think she could kill me even with a gun I would eviscerate her if she yeah i was aggressive but like like if i had no weapon and i had prior knowledge that at some point during the day she was going to try and kill me i would stop it yeah i could stop we should do that yeah you probably would you ever seen houdini catch a bullet between his

teeth no that can't be possible he didn't actually do i'll tell you how the trick was done but basically he's trying to he's trying to impress like the king of germany or whatever the guy was at the time and he asked for his best marksman and they give him a loaded gun and he's like shoot it at my face and i'll catch the bullet with my teeth and they're like there's no way they're like are you sure he's like yeah and basically what they did was it was back when they would like stuff the bullet in there and so at the end of the rod there was a magnet that caught the bullet and took it out and then the assistant gave it to houdini houdini And so when they fired the gun

It looked like a real thing went off And Houdini opens his mouth and there's a bullet between his teeth And everyone was like oh Harry That's insane You have so many stories You told that like it happened in your family Dude this one time Uncle Harry That's literally what it said

I'll tell you how he did it too You've been briefed It's like one of the greatest tricks of all time I just know it for some reason um oh this is fun okay so our first pitch submission is from ct robinson on instagram sounds like a like a book writer ct robinson that's that fucking awesome name guy needs to write a novel yeah uh all right cg don't bring up novels around lauren noted okay okay um he says his pitch is called the drone the drone occur drone plus curb oh i get it it's the speaker

that follows you combine combine a ball okay sorry sorry i'm like my drunk weird like love you lauren and you're really good at everything reading is sometimes just gets you um he's left no i'm good at reading i'm just in a i'm just laughing and my eyes are popcorn reading was a nightmare for lauren popcorn okay okay combine a follow drone with a bluetooth speaker i'm crying i have tears i don't know why with a bluetooth speaker connected to your music choose between three modes first is the follow mode where you blast your music above you as you run and bless all those who pass you to a taste of your favorite edm hits from 2010 second mode is parked mode you set the drone occur drone curve above the party crowd lasers

included for the optimal listening experience and then the third one is the theme song where you send the drone into the room you're about to enter and blast your theme song as you walk in i love that i love that wow i already know what mine would be too what would it be my theme song would be alive by kid cuddy no i don't i wasn't looking i know no no no Everyone would be like Oh fuck It's Adam Adovino's walkout song And it's fucking sick

I would do I'd probably do the trumpet song Jason Derulo Every time The trumpets they go You walk in the room What's up guys Everyone would be stoked to see you if that was your walkout

Yeah, no, I'd probably do All-Star by Smash Mouth. What trumpet song? The one that that pitcher comes out to. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. They go fucking crazy. Brr, brr, brr, brr. Yeah, yeah. Brr, brr, brr, brr.

Edwin Diaz. I saw a video of Ozzy Osbourne. You know, is Sharon Osbourne on The View? What show is she on? It's a talk show or whatever. Yeah, I don't know. She's out there and one of Ozzy's songs starts like blasting where it's like, and like everyone's like oh fuck like what's about to happen and he just walks out with

flowers and gives them to her and then walks off that's awesome it was so sweet it was like the coolest thing i've ever seen that's so cute um ct love it wait i'm trying what is that song called with the trumpet uh crazy train i think no with the trumpets yeah i don't know i think it's just like trumpet now i can't get jason derulo out of it and the trumpet oh yeah i changed mine i do i do uh replay my eyes oh that would be a good one no that'd be fire people up all right wait which of the three modes do you guys like the best the fall mode theme song i don't the theme song one yeah okay well yeah i think the parked mode when it's above the when it's just above a crowd and there's lasers yeah that would be cool that's sick

I also think that here's a fun way to look at it. When you're in a room hanging out with your friends, you set it to, like, laugh track mode, so it feels like you're in a sitcom. I'd be miserable. Every time someone says something funny, it's just... Or, like, Will and I get in a fight, and it's like, ooh. Yeah.

All right, that was awesome. Just make it feel like you're, like, the celebrity guest star in the show when you walk in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they won't stop clapping, and you gotta, like, say... Hey, man, watch where you're going. But it's like you just, like, wanted to, like, you left your keys in there and you just want to see if anyone had seen your keys and they keep

like cheering and you're like all right all right all right love that one all right our next one is from jesper westra j doves what up and his pitch is a training device for boxers that is the opposite of a punching bag instead of practicing throwing punches it is some sort of punching contraption consisting of two arms that punch you repeatedly bingo the brain cells that you lose get donated to a charity of your picking. Wait, question. Why would it not be for dodging?

He's saying this is to train you to eat the punch. I guess so. The brain cells that you lose when we donate to charity implies that when you lose a brain cell, it falls out of your head. You can somehow harness it. This just sounds like self-harm. Well, I wouldn't go that far. No, no.

I think it's objectively that. Did you know Mike Tyson had a 30-inch neck at one point? What? Yeah, but I got a 50-inch neck. That's probably my... How wide is your waist? 32 inches? 34?

His neck was two inches smaller than your waist. That is not real. Google it. I'm Googling Mike Tyson, huge neck. Probably gave insane throat. This family is on the brink of civil war. Mobland, the hit original series, is now streaming on Paramount+. We are the Hooligans.

Don't know the net? Then Google us. from the underworld of guy ritchie do you want to step up the ladder i won't call my dead starring tom hardy pierce brosnan and helen mirren do i have to do everything myself mobland new season is now streaming on paramount plus oh if he heard that he would kill you dude that's crazy yeah i can't believe he's like in movies and stuff and like back in society yeah didn't he like he's a convicted rapist yep yep gross um all right what was i went to jail for it yeah um cool so so i like i like the idea

of training your, like, tolerance to be able to take punches, I do think it would end up being used more for dodging. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why... The opposite of a punching bag

is hilarious, though. That's so funny. It is. I like that it's, like, training for football players. They just, like, get the CTA, CTE out of the way so that they can just...

That's a good point. ...play. That's not... It's objectively not a good point, but... No, but, like, it could make sense. Yeah. it would benefit them okay

um thank you Jesper our last one is from Zach Ruiz and here we go he says yo yo yo

I have a business pitch I like the yo yo yo start I like it too I already I you know from now on we're only taking pitches that start with yo yo yo

you know how there's like a golden buzzer in whatever if there was like a golden buzzer on Shark Tank or on this one like I don't even need

to hear it yo yo yo we both like alright let's hear it I now know my name sorry oh she came up on my for you page the other day she's like like alt now she's being like like her life is being like ruined by daniel larson grace vanderwaal yeah he's like obsessed with

her and it's like ruining her life what we'll talk about it later grace but he's this character on daniel larson you don't know daniel larson or arson daniel larson larson am i supposed to know who that is he's if you're in if you're in the know i don't know it's honestly your life's probably better that you haven't stumbled across it i don't know okay so he says i have a business pitch i call it video revive basically it's a software you can download to your phone or computer and is designed like a search engine you can search for your favorite youtube video slash tiktok slash vine slash movie that you can't find anywhere on the internet anymore and it'll come up right wait it'll come right up with options to watch or download

etc my inspiration for this was rusty rusty's rusty ranks youtube channel from last year where him and muffler and his frat bros would rank random bro shit like top 10 bros and top 10 beers my boys ski and i used to slug down beers and die laughing while watching those videos and we miss them dearly which made me want to pitch video revive so here's the story behind those videos um i was like told to like start doing stuff with no drinking in it and then and then we just ended up getting hammered during those videos we just went back to the other stuff i love the visual of him and his boy ski watching videos of me ranking bros who's muffler is that one of your friends you did i haven't told you about muffler dude muffler is my boy muffler was

Muffler was Muffler's still at Rollins I don't like those eating noises Can you hear it in the mic? It's insane you always do this Well you can eat it Just put the mic away I'm actually going to read

Another thing that I thought was funny For the record We kind of got sidetracked but I love that idea I do too I think the main use is vines Where it's just like some of the funniest videos in the world were on this platform that just ceased to exist which is really frustrating yeah what was your favorite vine oh yeah oh

yeah yeah i liked uh yeah that one actually probably just probably just close your eyes and point to any king batch video and probably crack up at it dude can i tell you a funny story about king batch always yeah uh you know my buddy brett yeah uh he like brett the lorax yeah great guy super funny he made videos with king batch and like he was telling me he like king batch like invited him over because he had like liked some of his videos and he like came with like some ideas and then king batch was like heard them all and then was like one of brett's like series have been like weird airbnb yeah yeah so funny yeah it's hysterical and then so king batch like heard all his pitches and he goes all right what if we did airbnb host in the

hood and brett is on iran yeah brett is like okay yeah yeah uh how do you want me to but it's like i can't write any of the jokes so he made this video with king batch was like a huge opportunity the guy has so many followers yeah but it's just so funny to me that there's a video did they not do any no they they did it oh it's out there airbnb host is breath the host from the hood no king batch is the host so where's brett in the video brett's like the guy showing up to the airbnb and then king batch is like saying all these things that are like kind of like racial like yeah like it's just like wouldn't like brett couldn't have said any of it brett posted one a couple days ago and it was like airbnb host uh at hogwart like like harry potter

airbnb host and he goes if you walk into this wall you'll go into a secret man cave you walk into this wall you'll get a concussion um um wait really quick somebody sent a voice memo should i just like play it yeah yeah should i just like should we just be crazy and like play this well what if you well are we gonna should we put our headphones on to hear it i think i'll turn it up all the way you can probably hear it all right ready i kind of like putting my Yeah, no, play it out loud. Hey, guys. Can you hear us?

I just woke up. I'm driving to Boston Airport right now. I had a dream that Will was featured in, so I just wanted to share it with you. Basically, I dreamt that I was courtside at the Milwaukee Bucks basketball game, and in the back, I ran into Robin Lopez, but Will's face was in place of Robin Lopez. he was talking to me about how he struck out with this girl at a party he was at because she didn't think he was funny and was bad at dancing that doesn't sound like me i think that's it if there's anything else i remember i'll let you know what the fuck was that i thought he was

gonna say if there's anything else let me know like we were there in the he's like i think that's it you guys let me know uh that's so funny that was from austin bauer video by the way he's a robin lopez like the guy that sings blurred lines no robin lopez no that's robin thick wait why was i about to say rob wait robin lopez like the basketball player yeah yeah he said it was that court side of the milwaukee bucks oh that's so funny and so he came over during the game was like yo i'm back back stage or something back court back court uh that's insane wait but are you sure he dm'd the right account because he's he said i struck out with a girl and was bad at dancing that doesn't sound like it might have been a different will gonna be dude see my

fucking moves i have been uh getting really into all right what was that she just started scrolling no i will look over and sometimes i'm like she's like on her for you page no no no i'm not i swear i was on playdates instagram and i was jumping back to my personal and then it the feed popped you pinky promise naturally pinky promise um oh sorry i've been getting really like i wasn't a dancer and then i've been getting this level of drunk where i think i'm so good at dancing and the only move i know is to spin the girl around and it's so awkward because i'll always fuck it up wait so like you and i are dancing the only move you know i'll just like panic and be like all right spinning what like like this like i'll i'll like put my hand up and i'll just turn around

and then we just start facing each other again it's happened it's happened twice now and it's uh one of them thought it was really funny and the other one was just like what are we doing okay well the efforts there that's it was uh it wasn't like in a romantic way it was just like like we we went out for drinks and then got like really drunk and we're like let's dance sounds romantic have you guys ever taken a dancing class uh try i've tried they used to do like what do you mean tried you either went well there's like a bar in boston okay that would have like line swing dancing or line dance line dancing i guess on tuesdays oh and i we would go and i would like try it and then i just would be like really bad at it but like when would that even

come in handy i feel like if all the dance classes like line dancing is like you have to like wait for it's like a flash mob it's like practicing for a flash mob like you have to wait for line then it's gonna like break out you can't just like do it by yourself what are you doing like taxes remember like all those bars that was square no you're all right semantics all right should we pitch each other yeah i got some ideas i got the drower you guys want to hear about the drawer always hear me out most public public restroom most public restrooms have evolved past the need for dish towels you to wash your hands now you just put it under the thing and it blows hot air on it and you're dry well how come your shower still makes you get out with soaking wet and

rub a big towel all over yourself this is a button on your shower when you're done you click it and it blasts you with hot air from all four sides until you're dry i love it i think that i think you walk out of the shower naked and dry i think like billionaires have that really but also my main concern with it is the hair i need my hair to still be damp when i get out so i can like style it not style it but it's like i like i like if i blow dry blue if i blow dried my hair blue dry if i blue dry my hair it like is just fucking every which way um it doesn't do hair the drower look it says right here you can put on like a helmet maybe yeah or maybe you put on a helmet like no like an astronaut helmet yes yeah like a huge like a comically large astronaut no

one of those one of those hair salon things for ladies comes down and covers your hair yes or you just put like a sieve like a string yep you have a uh yep all right i got uh what's the main problem with plastic straws wasteful killing animals turtles what happens to them get stuck in the turtle's nose fucking every which way you it's a horrible image we make straws that are the size of your mouth they're the width of your mouth so they're way too big to get stuck in in a tortoise's nostril like this i mean they can be a little bit smaller then they would just get stuck in like a larger animal's nostril yeah but like by the time the those liberals figure out that the turtles are fine we can just make them even bigger dude what about this counter pitch straws made out of

turtle food oh so not only is it not hurting them it's helping them i love it i love it what do turtles eat kelp straws are turtles vegetarians straws i like it turned to me as if i would if there's anyone in this room that would know what a turtle eats it would be you we don't need it we don't need to look at it now my congressman loves it on my own on my own your congressman yeah i worked for my congressman in high school and he like is obsessed with turtles he's got I don't like that you're saying my congressman. My representative in Congress? No, no, like, I worked for a congressman.

I worked for the... No, he worked for him. Like, the one in... The one in my home. Oh, oh, oh. The one that represented me. That makes more sense. My president.

My congressman. Not my congressman. Okay. Not my congressman. Turtles eat chicken, beef. That can't be. Turtles eat chicken? Literally...

Turtles eat fucking chicken? Literally, you could not have... How the fuck are they getting their hands on a chicken? Oh, this is like pet turtles. What do wild turtles... Beef? They tracked down a cow? It's insane.

You started listing those off like you were like, oh, that's interesting. That's like a cow riding on the ground and there's like 15 turtles. Fungi, leafy greens, small insects, snails. It's like how humans are... we we can run like the longest for like the longest duration so like animals were much faster than us when we were hunting but we would just keep running after them and like we would slowly tire them down turtles are so much slower than cows but like they just have this drive in them that like it takes two days to get there but like the cow just get like lies

down and gives up they chomp down um one more thing about can do you mind just moving that i'm getting light right by eyes that's okay one more little thing about turtles if you guys want one by chance like a tiny little guy they're like this small they're so cute they have them in the fashion district downtown how long do they live like 11 minutes i don't know but i was no i was i was walking around and it's sad i was walking around and i saw this kid he was probably like five with his parents and he was like he his parents had obviously bought him one and he was like swinging it around i'm like in a bag no no no he they're in like little plastic um tank yep yeah yeah but terrariums terrariums um all right well what do you got i got the home menu

it's an app you pull out you get your like use your camera you scan your fridge and your cabinet and then it gives you a list of things that you can cook with the ingredients you have dude you're fucking that is that's that that might be so far my favorite like practical pitch that's baller right it is baller could happen could exist it could exist but i think the way you do it is is when you get home from the grocery you scan all the barcodes yeah that just seems like yeah more of a hassle but that's that's the beta stage um i like that a lot yeah would you because i like i got you and i'm like i guess i could make a yeah something with that problem you're like i got coffee cake and coffee cake and onions there's

i saw a video of uh northwest uh eating an onion like an apple today and it was a person so off-putting yeah the child i saw that she's funny all right are you guys familiar with the jaws of life no yes it's like fire departments have these like things it's like a hydraulic like jaw that like will like pry cars open and it saves i think it saved more lives than like the fucking moon and um definitely almost certainly yeah and uh and my problem is like i don't have i don't have one it's hard to get your hands on one i don't know like where you'd buy one this is jaws for life for everyday use so like your phone slips under the couch you like slide it under there and it like lifts it up salsa jar is really hard to open

you use it the other way grips it grip and rip it yeah um those are kind of the only two things that i can think of but like uh i love it yep man every time every time i hear the are you crying salsa i think about our boy seth i thought about that as well i know seth we think about you all the time we feel really bad um all right what do you got willie um i've got digital curtains it just gets dark so early dude it gets dark while i'm still at work that i get home and i'm pissed last night i got home and i was just like ah like all right i'm gonna watch i'm gonna watch survivor and so and then i watched like four episodes i was like all right maybe time for bed and i get up and it's 7 45 yeah that's so sad i was like jesus christ like i could have done

something with my life after work like so these display like this the digital curtains just make it like sunny and nice outside i love birds chirping there's like animals that like don't live in your ecosystem that will like come by the digital curtains like an alligator will walk by or like you can make it like underwater yeah like a pterodactyl flies by in the distance that's fun yeah i love it digital curtains are great um oh i got i'm confused which one i want to do all right this is this one's uh no all right ready it's a vape that looks like chapstick okay i like it so it's mainly for high schoolers uh that are like trying to vape in class yeah i just remember how much of a hassle it was to go to the bathroom yeah glad someone's looking out

for them yeah they they're underrepresented and uh now you can be you can be in a meeting and they're like oh that's nice he's taking care of his lips but i'm just getting a nice steady buzz on i like that a lot cute all right uh should we do rom-coms rom-coms that don't exist i think so What's your guys' favorite rom-com? How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Oh, that's a good one. Date Night. Did you just make that up?

Isn't that a Steve Carroll one? Steve Carroll. Ooh, I like... What? I said that. 40-Year-Old Virgin. Is that a rom-com? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. I think so. Is Date Night the one with Steve Carroll? Oh, no. Crazy Stupid Love. Oh, I watched that on the plane recently. That one's cute. That's a great one.

All right. We got rom-coms that don't exist. my first one is i think i'm balling for you it's about two nba basketball players that the ball comes off the rim and they both come down with the rebound and and uh they have this like meet cute where they like get lost in each other's eyes and they get a eight second like violation because they're because they're like staring at each other for so long and like time stops and then they have to figure out like their rivals but they're uh but they love each other and so and then like they're like they meet in

the championship i think and they have to decide if if the game is more important than their love that i mean that's fantastic thank you and it's it's just funny because my first one is called the heartbreak point and it's about two tennis players oh my god it's two it's two dentists the players that are paired together for a mixed doubles tournament and they the the guy is like not as good at tennis and is like hurting the team and he's never gonna or they're they're falling in love but like she can't look past the fact that he's like holding back her career because he's not as good um and so she wants to find a new doubles partner, and so he trains

his butt off to get good enough, and then they win Wimbledon. That's so sweet. Alright. Spoiler alert. Sorry, I should have warned you. Love it. That's heartbreak point. I got I Love You to the Moon and Back.

It's about... This is a great draft. Sorry. It's so fun. It's putting me in a good mood. It's about the Apollo 11 mission, and Neil Armstrong and Buzz aldrin fall in love on their like four-day trip and they have to on their way back they have to figure out how to tell 1960s america that their two biggest heroes in the country are uh homosexuals

and then they also have to figure out how to tell their wives that's great and it's it's specifically neil armstrong and buzz aldrin yeah um fun story my neighbor i think i've already told you this was supposed to be the first guy on the moon and he was too tall for the shuttle and so buzz so Buzz Aldrin took his spot and he like fucking hates Buzz Aldrin like you bring him up he's like that fucking cow that short little bitch that's hysterical was he super tall or no you had to

you had to be like 5'10 and under and he was like 6 feet or something that's brutal okay I've got Unmasking Love which is a minor league baseball player who falls in love with the team mascot or it's like the person who plays the team mascot yeah um

but I just wait wait he's in love with the character or the person under the person under the suit but i i think the the what i'm picturing is there's just like a lot of shots in the movie where like something happens and like he kind of makes that like suggestive like glance over but it's just a step like a stoic mascot face because like he can't show any like emotion he's just like permagrant he like winks and like waves and then it just pans to just like a bear that like isn't showing any expression uh that's awesome and then i think he's he i think there's some reveal where it's like there's multiple people that play the mascot and so he

like starts like feeling up like just a random dude and it like cost him his baseball career wow yeah i love it yeah i got unmasking love i got make love not war uh a it's december 16th 1944 and the battle of the bulge has just begun okay um and a german soldier named heinrich looks across the battlefield and he sees his wife in an ally uniform what and so he has to spend and he's looking at her right in the crosshairs and uh he doesn't pull the trigger and he gets scolded and now he has to figure out a way to get into an ally uniform to be with his love what's it called make love not war i like that a lot and they make love in the trenches yep damn it's muddy as hell that's that's good i've got uh allergic to love this is a girl fakes a peanut allergy so that

the hot guy she's into gives her mouth to mouth and then they start it becomes very romantic but then she confesses that she isn't actually allergic to peanuts and he has to grapple with how he feels but yeah their relationship was rooted in a lie yeah i love that yeah what um do we get to know like the what is he is he mad about it yeah he's like what the heck he's like this last girl did this to me yep and also he sticks her with an epi pen which is like weird side effects yep she's like oh wait no that's like when she's like she's like i need mouth to mouth mouth to mouth and just like jabs her with an epi pen he's like oh fuck what does that do if i'm not allergic to something what would happen if you just get

jabbed with an epi pen like on it uh i think you just get better you just get even better than like if you're not allergic to anything yeah what's the what's it called penicillin like i think penicillin takes care of like all sorts of things so it's like it's like oh my god any i feel like a million bucks um i i got on the rocks okay i like it uh a i like this a couple's getting married and their brother and their sister are there so like the the bride sister is there and the groom's brother is there and they hate each other and for some reason the sleeping situation it's like a lake como wedding or whatever so the sleeping situation is on boats which they thought was going to be like this fun thing actually no it's not like como because it

has to be in the ocean they're on these boats and they get stuck in the same boat together and in the middle of the night it drifts off out into the ocean and so they're fighting fighting whatever and it washes up on the rocks of this uh island and they hate each other but like kind of through the process of survival they start to secretly have feelings for each other without telling the other person and by the time they're about to you know confess their love for each other they get rescued and go back to their normal lives and they have to figure out how to tell the other person like no i was actually in love with you that's great that was awesome thank you i want to see I was picturing something like a cocktail.

Same. Yeah, on the rocks. Right on. It's about two bartenders. Yeah. I've got Love on the Run. Nice. It's about a hostage negotiator that falls in love with a criminal in the midst of a

high-speed chase. Oh, God. So it's like someone kidnapped someone or some shit and was driving and being chased by cops. it's like all on tv and they're like and then they're like just through the conversation they fall in love just pull over like he's like i can't my washboard abs are in the way yeah he's like fuck you sound kind of hot yeah it's like oh shit sexy as fuck like sexy as fuck i'm not stupid enough to pull over i got a 4.0 in high school and she's like god he's got brains too brains and

brawn brains and brawn yeah um anyway that's i love it all right my last one i got uh how to bruise his eyes in 10 days okay it's the sequel to how to lose a guy in 10 days and it's about um sounds abusive annie no annie is taking a self-defense class because there's like a stalker whatever and uh she falls in love with her sparring partner and they have this like cute moment where they fall on top of each other and everyone's like pin him and then but she's like i want to make out with this guy i don't want to pin him yeah and uh yeah but then like i don't know he beats her in the big tournament or something and and they have to like get past that oh man yeah i'm already hooked all right i've got my last one is called layover love it

And it's two people who their flight keeps getting delayed, and they slowly fall in love, and it's one of those flights that just keeps getting delayed for days, and they're stuck in the airport, and by the end of it, the pilot actually marries them on the flight. Uh-huh. Yeah, I know. That's great. Yeah. Okay, that was probably my favorite draft we've ever done.

That was awesome. I loved it. Let's do some albums that don't exist. yeah i don't know what your thought process was with this but mine are all nonsense okay i don't even know if i have an x but all right i've got i've got three man circus yeah i like it that's it you got it you got it what give me a genre give me three man circus is a alt ska punk album from a trio can i help you out a little bit yeah uh the blue man group realized that it's time to get a new like gimmick and so they play music well like on a trapeze or something it's called

the three-man circus yep all right i got kuman centipede it's a death metal band talking about the horrors of after-school learning at kuman and there's like you guys are just fucking with me now i mean lauren has no idea what's happening she's on her phone what sorry do you get a text i was getting a text oh for the last 45 minutes from mia mia is her best friend she lives in orange county the blonde one yeah she followed me on instagram that's fucking sick she's so hot pretty epic she listened to this now she's going to what's up girl what up man all right i'm off my phone i'm listening all my attention no it's cool next time i get it'd be when we get texts why don't we just interrupt the body it'd be so funny if like a like a surgeon got attacked i

always compare lauren to lebron but like imagine if like lebron got a text and was just like yeah one sec guys yeah this is you're the lebron of podcast lauren you can't just take a break for a text lebron's the uh they're the dr house of podcast lauren's the richard richard jefferson of podcasting bald who's he's just like a solid like journeyman yeah all right rj i'm listening now okay sorry i didn't mean to call you out but we were talking about kuman again kuman oh i love kuman yeah you would have loved this i would have loved this all right well you don't even get to hear it anymore i liked your idea thank you edit it sorry i have half-assed confessions it's like it's like sad it's an apology it's an apology like the guy was almost forced to apologize

to his girlfriend he's like all right fine fuck it's like fine i'll write a fucking album fine i was wrong i guess like he it's like a lot of songs about like how it's like very like singer songwriter and it's like expressing remorse and then kind of insinuating that it wasn't that bad yeah fine jesus fuck if it'll get you off my back i'll write a fucking album yeah if i get it off my back i'll write a song about you all right i got songs for skylar it's uh every band is out here writing album like um maroon five has like songs about jane or whatever and it's like an homage to like their their romantic relationship no one's out here writing full albums about platonic male friendship it's true and um it's true all the like all the

music videos are just like us doing guy stuff just like hanging out yeah and uh like yesterday skylar and i were walking down the street and i almost stepped in a pile of dog poop and he pushed me out of the way and we go uh skylar fulton pushing me out of the way from the poop on the sidewalk that's eleanor rigby yep it is i love that i could like you could uh no that's awesome all right i've got high speed snail race it's an electronic album that is kind of all over the place hence the oxymoron that is the title of the album i love it you love snails finally someone noticed do you really yeah he's just been waiting for us have i been talking about snails a lot you did snail fingers last episode the slug finger what's the difference not last

shell slugs are different animals i mean yeah the shell is part of it well and you made snikes a few episodes ago oh that was awesome that was awesome that was i wonder like that was my peak when will is sitting at his desk if there's like a like a colony of snails outside his window and it's just like subconsciously i like snails and horses oh yeah will will love horses speaking of slugs or wait are they slugs i've been coming home from work and seeing slugs like all over the place not okay not in my place like outside on the ground or like on the wall because they love wet and they love dark they do love wet have you guys seen any i saw like a shit ton the other night i haven't seen any they're kind of cute no all right i see termites i got i got donde esta la biblioteca

it's a spanish album by mrs klein's seventh grade class and they're getting really good at conjugations so they can they can almost always tell you where you look past participio past participio past participio i don't i haven't taken spanish since sophomore year college cc all righty all right i've got i've got next door neighbor okay an album confessing your love to the 75 year old woman who lives next door sorry can you say it again i zoned out it's called next door neighbor okay yeah and it's a it's a singer songwriter piano album confessing love to the 75 year old woman who lives next door and is still clinging on to the fact that she was the she was married to Orville Redenbacher when he started

his company. Oh, Lauren's getting a text again. Oh my god. Hey! Stop. Continue. No, tell me about, what was I just saying? Your 75-year-old neighbor. Who was she married to? Orville

Redenbacher. She was married to Orville Redenbacher when he started the company, and they got divorced, but she had a lot of equity. What did Orville Redenbacher do again? Invented the popcorn. Right. He invented the popcorn? Popcorn! Or did he just make it the tin pan thing? No, that's Jiffy Pop.

Jiffy Pop, all right. No, Orville Redenbacher and Brandon Popcorn for sure. Okay. I love it. I got songs to 420 too. It's just like a lot of good vibes to get high too. I like it. And everyone goes,

Everyone goes, What's up? What's up? Actually, no, it's not rap. It's all reggae. I had like a cousin of mine. without like i thought you're about to start singing reggae well i am i'm leading up no i'm serious like i'm about to just bear with me here let me tell the story i will be singing reggae

in this story just bear with me there will be when i was like 12 or something like one of my cousins put out like a reggae album we're like at my aunt's house and she was like oh you gotta like listen to to johnny's new album and like put it out like put it on it was like pretty good like reggae music we're all like wow this is pretty cool and then like the last song that i don't think she intended the moment like we heard the chorus she was like oh my god i'm sorry i meant to stop it for this one it just goes the chorus is just i i love to smoke i'm out of one and it was just like i was like 11 or 12 and i was like oh my mom was like my mom like hates weed so she was like mortified and my aunt was like oh my god i'm sorry like i swear he's like a good kid and

Like, the rest of the album was great. The song comes on, he's like, Rastafari! And they're like, no, turn it off. It's actually a banger, though. I love to smoke a marijuana. They trying to make me a monster. The natural remedy, I'll keep it nice and proper. Ooh, I don't know that one.

I'm going to have to listen. My cousin, I don't know why you would know it. Oh. Yeah, I haven't heard that one. Like, Lauren was super tuned into the reggae. I haven't heard that one. Lauren is in a different, it feels like you're in a different room. I'm in a different room.

what are you guys talking about over there yeah you have headphones on connected to our microphones um all right i got grinding on my khakis okay it's country club rap for affluent white affluent white kids that like to party i like that and it's all just like about like keeping glocks in your golf cart and like fucking partying keeping clocks in your golf cart i got a glock in my golf got it i got it yeah it's about like yeah it's also about like how homework sucks parents how parents are um my last one's called thornton avenue sunset there we go there we go that's that's gonna be my debut album what is it thornton avenue sunset is that where you live oh yeah thornton court i live on probably shouldn't be saying i live on thornton avenue i'm

not believing that um that's fine and will lives on the porch will lives in the greenhouse on thornton avenue in venice california oh my god that is like so like that's a tiny street like they could actually it's the it's the big greenhouse the washing machine on the patio um all right great can i give you a sixth one just to round it out yes all right i got the fountain of truth it's a psychedelic album where if you dose the correct amount of lsd you will uh it will tell you all the secrets to the universe oh no way yeah it's oh no way that's sick i should check that out it's uh those it's if it's all like sitar okay so listening to it not high is miserable a nightmare yeah it's also not very enjoyable when you're on a psychedelic

but like it's worth it because you come out of it and you're like you like have seen triangularity and you like understand like how the you've looked you've looked god in her face yeah in her face oh god is a woman all right that was one of my favorite episodes we've ever done yeah and we finished just in time for lauren to go walk uh poopsie noodles lauren is walking this dog that looks like it looks like it smells like hot garbage no it it looks stinky i'll send you a picture noodle put noodle right here right here it's uh it has bang turns out like the the owner of the dog is like a listener yeah what the fuck wait what no i just think it's funny that lauren's texting us last night like we got to record this thing first thing we get in because

i gotta go walk noodles at 12 40 i'm like like forget like we have a we have a this is a job like we we come into the work from from nine to five like she's she's making money during the work day it's crazy that is hilarious to have a side hustle that just in the middle in the middle of the day i'm gonna go walk noodles like are you gonna come over are you coming to the party tonight uh i cannot why l l riz common lauren l uncommon lauren i'll give you the benefit what uh what are you doing instead why can't you come to our party i have to do laundry that camp are you serious that is i'm serious do you realize like will and i's livelihood is like this is like a big deal we hinging on this party uh i didn't get much information about it what we literally talked

about for maybe 45 minutes this morning in them four to seven today uh possibly sweet lauren's in all right that's a maybe from lauren all right this is a great episode we love you guys we love you guys so much and uh we got a lot of new faces around here which is cool and we love you guys and you're on a great november we'll see you in december we love you guys and oh also a lot of people commented on the youtube video like saying what they were doing well while they were oh yeah it's just like eating driving packing someone is packing packing listening to a podcast is a good vibe it is yeah all right we love you and uh hey once again wait let us know no we should tell them something else to comment so we know who that's what i was gonna say let us know let us

know again what you're doing and what your favorite color is so go like packing green yeah just say two words what you're doing right now and don't don't give any other context either and all the people will be like what's gonna be like what the heck what the freaking heck that's gonna be epic all right we love you love you guys bye bye don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life you know the same way you can skip an ad i get it i'm cia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned.

And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem.