Will & Rusty's Playdate - Halfway to Horse Town with Luke Null

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

Luke Null, actor and comedian, joins the pod to serenade the boys and help them write love songs that don’t exist. They also draft children’s books that don’t exist and discuss Will getting bullied by teenagers. Luke tells us about his experience working on Saturday Night Live and what the original Four Loko was like. FOLLOW LUKE: https://www.instagram.com/luke_null FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL. GET 20% OFF + FREE SHIPPING WITH THE CODE PLAYDATE AT https://www.manscaped.com/. THE SUMMER SUN IS HERE TO STAY, SO TRUST MANSCAPED TO KEEP YOUR PUBES AT BAY. (00:00) Intro (00:15) Meet our Guest! (03:44) Awful Flight Stories (12:15) Bullied by Teenagers (Again) (18:28) Luke’s Experience in Dayton, Ohio (23:31) Running from the Cops (32:35) Eating Sh*t (37:05) Roadmap (40:26) Pitch Submissions (43:23) Luke’s Time on SNL (46:24) Traveling to Alternate Realities (50:49) Pitches (01:02:30) AITA (01:16:22) This Guy Rocks (01:25:11) Teach Me Something (01:36:41) Children’s Books that Don’t Exist (01:45:52) Love Songs that Don’t Exist (02:11:33) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention.

Donate today at UnitedWayGT.org. What does a sunny getaway with Air Canada sound like? Sunny Jamaica moves to its own rhythm. Rio comes alive long after the sun goes down. Philippines slows everything down. And just when you think you've heard it all, there's sunny Lima. However you imagine your sunny escape, Air Canada can take you there. Book hot fares and vacation packages today.

Nice travels. As always, Playdate is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer. Redefining the party landscape. Welcome back. Playdate, episode 40, the big 4-0. And we always said, 40th episode, we're getting our hottest guest. World's hottest guest right here. Luke Knoll, welcome to the show.

I'm 40 years old. Are you? no but we always do who's the number 40 we always say it's the blank episode we had Danny Woodhead episode last week didn't Scalabrini wear 40 at one point

40 is a weird number like a fullback maybe I'm saying yeah it's like a fullback number maybe like a safety he's 44 I think maybe I'm trying to think now too next week we can do Pat Tillman I think 41?

friendly fire Yeah I was I've been waiting Wait we gotta think Of what it is Oh yeah yeah Can you google

Athlete number 40 I'm gonna take We are gonna take a stab I'm gonna go Austin Eckler Ellie Dela Cruz To be 30 Oh No

Just go to photos Is that BAM? No MLB Wait I'll do MLB Oh Pro athletes who were Number 40

Or you could just do Uh Who are these people Is that Oh Uh Lambeer War of 40

Lambeer Yeah An enforcer He's one of the nasty boys Oh Bartolo Colon He's like a I don't know who to click on That's fine

You can just get rid of it I'm a big Lambeer guy I like Bartolo I like when professional athletes Grew up really rich Wait that's what Lambeer was? His whole thing was like his dad was I think like a really successful finance guy

And then he was also an asshole on the court he was a huge dirty like player didn't do it got it yeah they called him the nasty boys this was like wait this was on the celtics this was uh piston oh oh oh like the early 2000s no no no no no no like this early early 80s early 90s they would like beat the shit out of michael yeah they were like jordan rule rodman was on that team isaiah thomas was on that team uh ron uh or what's his name wait the nat i thought it was like the the something They were the bad boys The bad boys, you're right

The nasty boys was pictures For the 1990 Reds The nasty boys Oh my god, how could I forget Talk about a group of guys You don't want to run and do This is like the Barry Larkin years I was getting my hair cut

The other day, I've been waiting to tell Will this story My knee-jerk reaction was to call you and tell you this But I was like, I'm going to save it i was getting my haircut and it was a new lady that i hadn't met and you know when you're kind of like dipping your toes in the water and we're trying to like i was trying to ask her about her life whatever and right as i'm kind of getting her out of her shell she just goes like oh she cut her finger like really bad she's like this never happens i'm so sorry goes back puts on a band-aid you know we get back we move past it and i'm like uh i'm like do you have any kids she's

like yeah i have like son he's into you know we're talking about it two seconds later like oh my god cut her hand again and i have to be like i have to be like yeah this is fine like no like don't worry about it at all scraping the blood yeah she she does the she does the mirror so you can see the back of your head and it's just covered in blood and then she went and put a she went and put like a safety glove on she was like her her rule of thumb was like if it happens twice you just put the glove on how often is this happening she said it never happens but it happened twice in 35 you know this i got i had my big cut too yeah wait what happened i i was on tuesday i was flying back from oh i was in the cape for memorial day weekend cut yeah and i was

so i'm flying back to la on tuesday 6 30 a.m flight out of boston i get to the airport board the plane then an hour later they're like everyone get off the plane there's something wrong with it i ate it seven hours go by finally get back on the plane i'm like just fucking get me home i'm exhausted six hour flight 30 minutes in i decide to reach into my bag for a pen grab my razor pull my finger out just gushing blood like and there's like i'm in the window seat too i'm like oh i like i don't wrap my t-shirt around it like make like a tourniquet and then like wave the lady down like this that's a that's the worst flight ever yeah it was the worst flight of my my whole life i couldn't then i couldn't sleep because i was like throbbing pain the whole time will and

i were joking about it like it's definitely like sad because you cut yourself but that also that also implies you have something sharp enough to cut yourself which means yeah you have something sharp enough to cut someone on the plane and it's like oh yeah how did he get this like help my katana was in my bag yeah i think she was i actually watched she was keeping an eye on me after that i had a worst flight ever uh down to new orleans one time yeah and i was on the plane and i was in the middle seat i'm not gonna hold it against middle seat but that not starting off good yeah yeah the guy to my right is green and i'm like and i'm like he's green like a lizard and i'm like are you all right man i'm talking to him he's like i'm not feeling good and i was

like what are you going down to new orleans for he's like i'm gonna go in and see the bangles there's a bangles game down there i went no shit i'm going to see the bangles too i'm striking conversation yeah yeah uh i'm like we're both bangles fans cool this guy ralphs chucks all over the back he does not okay we've all vomited i vomited we've all vomited at home we've all vomited there's a minute there's a there's a at least a 30 second window where you have like a water burp or yeah or you know it's coming yeah like and they have the bag they have a bag they give you a bag like dog you're really gonna like like he puked and it splashed all over my leg and then he gets the bag for round two yeah and he's puking and puking and puking he's

to his credit very apologetic he's i'm so sorry dude i'm so sorry i feel so bad i'm like it's cool it's fine it's cool uh i flagged down the lady i'm like hey he's puking the guy goes to the bathroom and she comes back i am my leg is covered in puke she comes back with like a pinch of cocktail napkins for me i'm like i'm on a 9-11 this plane if you don't get i know you have a hot towels i know for you give them to the rich people she gave me one little pinch of cocktail napkin i'm like i'm covered in vomit when we were kids we were we were flying somewhere and it was like me my sister and my other sister in like one row and kids are like curious so we're all like looking through like the pamphlets and like i think it was pre-ipod touch it was like nothing

to entertain you and my sister was like looking in the barf bag it's like oh and you hear me out it's the this is the most foul thing i've ever heard and polite kids like she didn't know like what to describe what was in the bag so she like the flight attendant saw that we were all like ah and we didn't know what was going on in there so the flight attendant comes over she's like is everything all right and my oldest sister was like um ah there's like uh she was trying to like rack her brain for the best way to phrase it she's like there's like a there's like a turd in my barf bag and it was like what and she's like there's like a there's like a turd in the barf bag there's a fun size we opened it up stickers of poop it's like i was expecting like maybe like

a dog pooped and it was like a little nugget there's like a full-sized human log of poop in the barf bag and my parents if my parents are like on the other side of the aisle and so like they don't really know what's going on there's like a commotion what kind of terrorist we were like how do you even execute that that's we've been it's been it's been 10 years you got no one has like even come close to finding a uh even remotely logical theory about you had to taking it to the bathroom maybe maybe they were like there's been times there's been times or i'm on a flight and i'm against the window yeah and i'm like and there's like people who are asleep and i'm like i could pee i don't want to wake them up yeah yeah and i don't want to do like i don't

want to like be over top of them yeah so i'm like you know what i'm gonna pinch it i'm gonna hold it man not gonna wake these out of the sweet little slumber they're getting their honk shoes right now right but how do you poop without pee no no poop is a different story poop is like but i'm like imagine just being like i don't want to wake them up maybe i'll just go and they wake up and you're like you're welcome it was also like and then to put it back yeah well it was what what was most disturbing about it was like it was like a shockingly like clean bag other than that like there wasn't any sign like there was like skid marks or anything like it was just like a a clean turd

just a pristine perfect turd that's insane I feel like it had to have been a dog no it was like it was like literally like it was the

full length of the barf bag when you like opened it up it was peeking out of the top maybe it was like oh no

a full snake unbroken in like no smell like it was like it had been there like fossilized for like months

and petrified I think I told Will this story I don't like that at all I'm like scared that's gonna happen to me yeah we got uh i got upgraded to the to the ones that lay down nice he fucking can't go an episode without flexing all right my wife was crying that we didn't have the lay down seats coming back from vacation yeah well can you imagine you you didn't have

a new look at a guy like and has one i know the guy the guy next to me the second the plane takes off immediately reclines and i immediately have to pee but it's like his feet are touching the thing i'm on the inside one and so i'm like i don't know if i like i don't know like what the best way to like get around him is i was like i don't really want to go like away from him because i want to keep an eye on like where my body is i successfully did it and on my way back i was doing it and it's like there's a brief moment where you're like straddling the guy and he he was sitting like this and like right as i'm like over him in like you know straddling him he opens his eyes we made eye contact that's what i don't and i have both my hands on like his like armrests

i had to be like i'm sorry like get over it there was like a moment where i think i was making a move that's hysterical uh should we do a roadmap we knew a roadmap i didn't mean to interrupt no what's a roadmap what were you gonna say no i was just making kissing noises oh my god wait this is one one more oh i wrote a bunch of shit in my notes i have to talk about skylar and i are checking into our hotel this this weekend and uh we were sharing a room so that like the the crew guys that didn't know each other could uh have their own rooms just because i feel like that would be awkward and i go to check it well skylar's finishing the check and he gives me the cards and i'm like i'm gonna run to the bathroom

and then i'll come like help bring all the stuff in and while i'm in there uh i called him and i was like hey this is actually one of the single rooms we have to switch and when i got back they're both like shit-eating grin looking at me and skylar had told the woman i was going to the hotel room to pee but i didn't the second i realized it wasn't uh a double i i went back and skylar looks at me and he goes um do you pee all over the seat in front of the check-in lady putting you on black and i was like no i didn't go to the bathroom at all and the lady was like well if you did like i'm gonna have to go in there and like check and like make sure that like it's okay for another guest and i was like i didn't pee all over the seat like why would you why are you coming why

would you accuse me of that yeah that's brutal wait did you get to the bottom of that i just told her that i didn't she like took my word for it i don't know if she went and checked after but oh i know what fucking happened the poop no no i thought you were just still thinking on the poop in the in the barf bag i got bullied again on abbott kinney when i got tased yeah oh have you told luke this i think i told this on the other pod not on playdate i think it was almost oh did i okay anyway it was a while ago you got tased i was well like like some sort of like joke taser like a taser like a hand buzzer yeah i don't know what it was but i was walking down abby kinney coming over and playing basketball my headphones in a taser and there's like a crowd

there's a crowd of like 12 kids that were anywhere from like 8 to 15 nothing nothing scarier yeah i know it was really kind of scary and then i got caught like at one point i was like in the middle of their like jet stream like they were kind of we're going opposite directions and so they're like all going around me and as i'm like going through i'm like oh excuse me and i'll just get like i was like oh and i like turned around and they're all pointing and laughing at me and there was like another couple that was like behind and they like saw and they're like what just happened i was like they fucking tased me they're like are you okay i was like yeah i don't and they're all like ah and then they all like ran away anyway last thursday that was the first

that was like september okay gotcha thursday i'm here same group i'm going to yeah i know i'm going to get tacos my friend is picking me up and like i'm waiting for her car to pull up and the car like two cars in front of her just drives by and like slows down right in front of me and they all lean out the window and go like like and they're right here buddy and i was like what and i just my oh man and they're like a drive-by bullying sucks yeah it was the exact same spot on the same street where it happened in september too i don't know what's going on you got a trauma zone i got a trauma zone it's a block that way rooster fish my tz yeah i got i got drive-by bullied i've already told this story but i was on the i was coming home from brunch and i was

standing on the corner of the sidewalk there's a video of it oh yeah there is a video of it we can pull it up but the the kid posted the video after we talked about they we posted a clip of me telling this story and they replied with the video but yeah i'm standing on the corner i'm having like a great sunday just had a great brunch and this red mustang pulls up and the guy is just already filming and i was like this is gonna be bad don't love it hey rusty and i was like what and he goes rank these nuts and they just peeled off oh i didn't even show nuts yeah it would have better if they expose their oh rank these nuts rank these show your nuts and then you go then you're like yeah wait can you pull that 7.8 look up uh look up viral video uh look up rusty rank

these nuts there was a uh time in chicago i was coming home from the bangles bar i'm a big since yeah yeah oh wait here we go i think it's this one well oh i thought you wanted the video of yeah yeah oh i don't want to hear we're gonna there's they put go to the sound is this this is their response oh this is this is your this podcast go to go to telling this yeah there's a video already yeah watch this hey watch this story that we've already told on this podcast i want to try click on the sound what do you mean the sound like the sound no like the tiktok sound like the is there a button for that no i want to make sure the sound works for starters oh um oh i thought it would show up there it's it's just his it's just his

point of view he like released the footage from the car it was pretty funny i mean it is funny that they found but you didn't give them exactly what they wanted yeah yeah which is fine honestly i feel like they earned it wait you were at the bb so there was there was a i would i would always go to the bengal bar in chicago when i lived in chicago and uh i remember i was just like like, riding the train home, and I was walking back to my apartment. I'm wearing my Bengals stuff, and I got my Beats by Dre on, and I'm just, like, in the zone or whatever, just really living up the Andy Dalton era.

Yeah. Just really living at large. And some guy drives up in his car and slows down and leans out the window, and he yells something at me. And I see him, and I don't hear what he says at all. I just see him slow down and lean out the window, and he looks like a little bit of a douchebag kind of look on his face he yells something and i just was like fuck you and the guy gives me a look like this i'm like yeah i just take

off my thing like fuck you dude fuck you and he drives away and then i realized i was like oh he just yelled who day calculating route to avoid seeing poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org like he just was supporting the same team as me so he was just like go bangles and i'm like fuck you pussy i'm sorry dude so shout out to that guy i'm my bad dude i who did hey if he probably

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Triple, redefining the party landscape. Let's get into the episode. Wait, also, you were going to say something. You said you were going to hold it for the pot, some story about Dayton. Lauren was telling me that she went to the University of Dayton. Go Flyers.

You can attest to this. More murder in Dayton than you'd think for a city that size i was always like yeah pretty good at murdering for a small city yeah it's not a great what types of murder um killing stabbing stabbing shooting unaliving yeah you're not allowed to say any deletion dirt naps take a dirt nap go to sleep for good is it like gang related or just like i think probably yeah it's just not yeah drug stuff the college towns that surrounded by gangs are always funny to me like my buddy went to uh trinity in hartford and apparently like his road to his path home from class is not good right between two rival gangs

and uh he said that the new guys in the gangs uh would jump you multiple times have have shot trinity students with paintballs and so like you see a a group of gang members driving by and they pull out a gun like you you can't immediately be like that's a paintball gun yeah no and so like you'll get hit you look down you think you're dying you think you just got shot in the chest and it's a paintball yeah that is scary but i went to ou ohio university big big party school go bobcats go cats my uh auntie diane went there there you go my uncle mike hey we're d1 we're the absolute lowest is that the green green green white yep yeah um but yeah we were big party school but i went i had a buddy that went to dayton and so we went to dayton for a weekend

and it was one of the in college one of the craziest party weekends i ever had and the story from it was that it was the weekend that officially uh this is gonna date me this can make me an old guy but it was when um four locos were changing their formula because they used to make it with like a thousand things like it was like five cups of coffee and five beers it made some dudes heart stop like it's just like uppers and downers just a speedball in a can yeah the good old days and i we went to this party at university of dayton where a guy had bought a full pallet of them he bought like it and so it was just this overflowing into the yard party and it was like everyone knew it was like this is our last chance like this is the going this is the clear

going out of business like he bought like you could not buy four locos in dayton that that weekend because this dude bought the pallet off the truck and so people are just like ripping four locos and four locos it's like you drink two of those and you're like you're cashed for the night like you're going to bed but you're also staying up all night yeah you can't go to bed you're going to bed some guy who used to live in this house at this party with like i didn't i'm there with a friend and he's like i know this is it was a friend of a friend's party and that guy was like yeah dude zombo's back in town that stuck in my head i was like oh zombo's back dude zombo that's the worst name i've ever heard yeah dude zombo's back like he used to live in this house

he graduated and he's kind of like hanging on to the like he keeps coming back uh but he's here for the four loco party like oh cool and zombo depressing um the party's overflowing in the yard the cops inevitably try to break the party up zombo's there the cops see them and they go we just broke up a party two streets over and you were at that part zombo had made the round had made the rounds of two parties that were broken up but zombo um i don't know what how it escalated to the point where he immediately was running from the police but he was on that you know those those like little rows of like i guess i don't know if it's the fraternity houses but it's the ud campus yeah it's a bunch of little houses a little bunch of little row houses he gets in

this street like in the alleyway or something and it's a not enough for two-way traffic it's in his car is like he's driving he is now in he's now gotten in a car i didn't i skipped to that point he is he has gotten to a car there's no point if you're leaving the four loco party there's no plausible like i only had a couple drinks zombo's in the car zombo's in the car and it's a one-way street and these cops are at the one end of the street where his car is facing he throws it in reverse and this is like everyone in the party is watching this happen and he throws in a reverse guns it backwards and ping pongs like like like gutter ball like if you're bowling with with bumpers like ping pongs off of three cars and uh going in reverse taking off uh uh rear view mirrors

and we're all watching this like dude university of dayton goes so hard this is like a good thing at this point. I'm like, Zombo's a legend, dude. Yeah. And did he make it out? I think he made it. Like, he at least got

out from the alleyway and they had to, like, go after him. But I just remember being like, dude, Zombo, have you guys ever run from the cops? Yeah.

How'd that go? Went pretty good. Isn't it shocking? Like, the first time you do it, you're like, oh, I thought everyone gets caught.

Like, it's just, you can just get away. You can get away. I don't think I ever have. Really? I ran and I got caught. I think I told this story on here and I gave a fake name

and it was so embarrassing. Oh, they found out? What was the fake name? Crimble Tunts? Zombo? Yeah. Zombo. I'm Zombo.

What happened? We were all running and then my dumb ass... Wait, what were you doing? What was wrong? It was sophomore year. It was just a classic, like the cops are here

and everyone has to leave. Wait, sophomore year of college? High school. Oh, high school. Yeah, and we're running. I run down a driveway. There's nowhere to go. There's a gate.

I can't go anywhere. I just run into the driveway and then I turn around and I see the lights And then I walk up to him And he's like alright what's your name And I'm like panicking And the first thing I can think of is Marie Mary Smith

Marie Mary Marie Mary Smith Why did you say a middle name It's more believable Why would it be one letter off of your first name Marie Mary Imagine your parents arguing like I want to name her Mary I want to name her Marie

It's like alright we'll do both They put me and then a couple other kids I was in my grade into the back of the police car to take us to the station. Really? And my mom just had to pick me up and one of the guys I remember was messing around with the cop and trying to take his hat and put it on. I'm like,

dude, you need to stop. Don't. Dial it down. The one drunk. I mean, it was fine. Luckily, I didn't get a ticket or anything, but it was just so embarrassing. Because there was only four or five of us out of so many kids over there. So it didn't need to happen. I think the statute of limitations is passed on this now

so I can tell this story. uh-oh you just confessed like murder i killed a guy like uh we were we were uh we were at a halloween party and uh and we all went as teletubbies so i was tinky winky i think purple and like if you're committing a crime just a little bit of advice like there's no more recognizable like thing to do it in than maybe poe but oh yeah if you saw the sun baby like robbing a bank but what's the vacuum thing so we were walking we were walking home uh down i don't want to say where this was but we were walking down this road and there are like a lot of storefronts with big glass i know where this is going there are a lot of storefronts with

um you know like big very breakable bay windows and uh the fun thing about uh the town that we were in is like a lot of the bricks come loose in the sidewalk okay and so we were playing pass with this brick we've got the weapon and the target oh you were playing pass you weren't you so something was going long playing pass with this brick and uh you know one thing led to another and it went through this storefront window and like it took everyone like kind of a minute to process what happened but everyone had the same knee-jerk reaction where it was like we need to get out of these teletubby costumes like immediately yeah and so everyone takes off like the scene of the crime is just shattered glass and then a bunch of teletubby costumes like it and there was like

three different groups walking so kids three groups back didn't really see what happened but my buddy gets there he's alone he like doesn't really know where he is but he's just like i need to film this this is so funny and so he's taking a flash video and like the cops show up obviously assume like the guy filming it yes yeah just did the crime he the cops stop him like hey what are you doing and he his knee-jerk reaction instead of being like oh i was just filming this is to like take off running and uh once one guy runs yeah it's like a bear like he's got to be faster than the slowest guy he says he says that like he heard the cop just like fuck like god damn he was like i don't want to chase this kid and so like one cop gets out on foot and is chasing him and

he's like for some reason he was like it's easier to lose him on the train tracks and so they're running down the train tracks oh my god uh he somehow loses the cop and we're telling the story we don't know that he he doesn't know it was us we don't know that that he had this interaction so the next morning we're like that got pretty weird last night and he was like oh my god that was you guys and he he got away but so everyone got away i went hit out for like a day i was dog sitting for my aunt and i stayed at her house and was just like i'm waiting for the cops to to come we had a uh i i definitely uh was was reaching the drinking age at like i feel like the peak of jackass okay okay i like this that's a great setup for wherever it's always good which

was like all of my best friends in high school and stuff were like we were just so mean steve it was a lot of like the culture of like being mean to my best friends was like standard i remember our buddy ian i'm naming names our buddy ian had just bought a bike from a thrift store for like 70 dollars okay and he was so it was like old timey old bike rickety bike and um this was like our first friends who were 18 that like had their own like apartment got it and so they were 18 and they weren't in college okay they were just like this was back when you were like getting a man and we were like 14 15 yeah and so that was the place to go drink and smoke and that's killer but ian left that bike he had he had gone to that thing and he left the bike and so this is during

the the jackass years we're we're taking bong rips and we are disassembling the bike uh which is so mean it's so mean but we like wire cutters to the spokes like full like destroyed it in a way where there's no going back. I'm talking like power tools. We took it apart. What's the mood in the room? The room is like we are all very high and we have stations.

We're a little like evil elves. Okay, so you're snipping the spokes. I'm undoing the nuts and bolts. That sounded like a jackass thing. There's no like... Oh no, it's just being mean. And then we wanted to give him the bike back just in pieces.

but we're doing this and we like we're you know we're getting drunk and we're smoking uh your big bong rips and we go and we go you know what uh we should walk to the waffle house there's waffle house down the road and we can walk to it from here and so one of the guys thinks yeah we'll take the bong we'll put the bong outside the waffle house so we can smoke on the way okay we're walking immediately the first second we we hit the road someone takes a big bong rip spotlight right on his cuffs and then the driveway spikes the bong onto

just smashes it and we scurry. It's a bit of the evidence. Yeah, he's like, it was a vase. Like, how could you, like, you have to piece it together to figure out what it was. They're piecing the bike together too. This seems like a bike. Where did the spokes go? What could these guys possibly be up to?

But I just remember we scurried, we ran in different directions and I ran and I was just like in someone's backyard like in a like in a bush and i just remember like shaking with fear like my parents are gonna find out i'm smoking weed and i ruined ian's bike we uh our our go-to place to hang out was uh phil's beach he had like you know this place that uh people you couldn't go there unless you lived in this neighborhood it was like hard to get there and uh we would have a bonfire it was like uh main cool very like laid back we weren't really like doing anything wrong yeah but like uh another

person was coming down but they had their flashlight on to try and get down the like rocky path but like if you're a drunk 14 15 year old like you think it's the cops that's the cops and so everyone like takes off and there was this uh do you have a friend that's like constantly getting hurt like they always like they always like are the like if there was something wrong it happens to them there was a i don't know if it was like a like surf related sign it had something being like you know don't surf during these hours whatever but the pole or the wooden thing that was holding it up had kind of like bent down so it was like right at eye level and we were all like running and it was in like a you know we were in formation and then i remember just hearing like

the loudest like loudest noise i've ever heard my entire life and then brendan was just gone you just you just hear him like he he had like a funny you know like peter griffin will fall down he's like he was like he was like kind of milking it I think he kind of did

like the grape lady the ow ow ow you know what I'm talking about that old YouTube video the woman that falls off the grape stomping you know what I'm talking about no

that's a classic woman fall what is that grape stomp grape stomp fall it's a classic you'd hit the sign and you could hear it

going like and he was on the ground just like yeah you guys have never seen this is a this is an OG Crepe Lady Falls.

This is an OG YouTube war. I miss the days when people just titled YouTube videos exactly what it was. It looked like when you were turning this on. We are not exactly the people preaching that. When you were doing the thing, it was like only, when you leaned over with the remote, it was only like one scooch of volume. Nice. Well, that was a good snack.

Nice, it was. Oh, here we go. Having wine tours and tastings and your tours, seminars, arts and crafts. It's a lot of fun. Oh, my gosh. Wait, keep playing, keep playing. i think that woman like actually like broke a rib or something too like she actually like that's what i thought that's what i thought when you said brandon's gotta yell

there's a there's a type of fall that you can take we're in the moment you can't convince yourself you'll ever be able to breathe again i do feel like getting the wind knocked out of you feeling like no matter i when you you know that's what you're feeling it's that you're like i'm dead and i'm gonna die oh my god i'll never forget look up um look up i forget his name he's he's definitely like he would fit into this guy rocks if you know what i'm saying look up uh look up uh put it on 60 seconds just in case monkey bars fall oh you were telling me you referenced this i put it on 60 seconds just in case monkey bars fall a lot of words oh this i think i think it is this

okay wait pause it pause it pause it so oh i've this this i follow this guy i do this this gentleman i love him he so this is the original and it like blew up and actually i'll tell you after just watch it he uh his mom films it and you'll notice at the beginning he says put it on 60 seconds just in case because in his head this is a minute long video yeah this is gonna be a good let's give it a shot put it on three minutes okay oh three minutes He's kind of milking it That one blows up He's done it again

On purpose like multiple times Because That's sad Something about that bums me out It clearly hurts so bad but he's trying to keep it together It's like in the office when andy's like the funny guy and remember that he's like drink some soap drink some soap and he's like crying oh all right should we roadmap it up roadmap are you ready for a roadmap

so i know you listen to a lot of these episodes yes but to refresh your memory yeah you guys have 11 different segments that we have not hit one of them correct that's all post roadmap okay cool okay um yeah we sent luke oh wait yeah you sent you've been in europe for a week i did do it on on a train in the alps all right i actually i actually have one more one more video and then we can get it but also it was funny he just said one pitch and he hit us up last night he's like by the way what is one pitch what's one pitch so it says he's a 10 but he has an odd way of cleaning his dogs behind let's give it a shot this came up on my my fyp yesterday similar algos mine there's no way

can you imagine so for the audio listeners good way of cleaning he's spitting water into the dog he's like a big drink of water and then he pulls the dog's tail up and he blows it what's like who's asking him to do that i also like what what's up with your dog's ass that it needs to be blasted there was a hose yeah he's holding a water bottle squeeze it there were comments that we're like no as a corgi owner i get this that's great yeah my corgi needs me to spit it hard back secrets bring back secrets all righty we have a fantastic episode today we are gonna do your guys pitches our pitches then we have everyone's new favorite segment this guy rules or this guy rocks then we have uh teach me something followed by love songs that don't exist you missed am i the

oh and am i the asshole fantastic and uh children's books that don't exist and then we'll wrap it up with his personality that i have a good personality this is not we're not like other podcasts where we just riff the whole time we got fucking structure that's right we do a full podcast worth of riffing to start and then we start the podcast bingo it's like you guys um we're talking about what your podcast was gonna be about and you're like let's do all those things let's do it's actually we keep adding but we like like literally it started with we just did the business pitches and then we added the drafts and then we added the and we just keep the draft i'm excited for a draft yeah i'm pretty excited as well do you have a do we know what the draft is i wasn't sent that no it's the

it's the books and the oh you get to draft them yeah we're drafting them yeah and we and luke brought his guitar oh yeah for those of you that aren't familiar luke uh luke is very good at guitar and he's gonna sing some of our songs today well we're gonna we're gonna write it we're gonna we're gonna draft a hit we're gonna draft a hit damn right fellas blink if you haven't purchased a father's day gift yet yeah i thought so today's episode is brought to you by manscaped the leaders in below the waist grooming maybe your pop says how to bush since the 70s and that's okay our friends at manscaped have crafted the total package for his special day whether it's for the Boys downstairs, his beard, or even the best pair of underwear out there, Manscaped has his bases covered.

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into the episode. Let's get back to the episode. Alright, should we get into other people's pitches? So, these are users fan-submitted business pitches. We're the Sharks. You're Cuban. I'm Randy. He's Paula. Here we go. I'm also kind of like a

Damon-John hybrid. Yes, that's what I was thinking of. Alright, first pitch is from matt lansdowne he says business pitch the funny buddy have you ever been in a social setting and delivered an absolute slum diggity danger of a joke but no one finds it funny yeah yeah introducing the funny buddy the funny buddy is an ai controlled human-like robot that comes with you to parties ragers neops woohars what's a neop i don't know matt's throwing in a lot of slang in here that i feel like he's trying to trip us up with because you guys do a lot of new slang shit. I feel like he's slipping in a couple

new ones in there. It's like a Trojan horse. He doesn't give a shit about this thing. He just wanted, because we don't take submissions to the slang words, so he's Trojan horse. Or maybe Lauren is reading them wrong. True. Yeah, it's like a word we all know. Lauren has been

criticized a few times. She's not the best reader, but she's a great producer. Everyone's convinced that I can't read because I sometimes stumble on my words. We think Lauren has just memorized a bunch of words. You guys did a podcast together once. weirdly. Emily was mad.

Emily was out when Luke was on the AF pod. People were loving Lauren in the comments on that one. Okay, and laughs at all your jokes, finally delivering the desired reaction to your unappreciated poop puns and willy-wise cracks. The funny buddy, a buddy that always finds you funny. So it's a robot that laughs at everything you say.

As a real life, I feel like a room full of real life funny buddies, I feel like we're trying to replace people with AI now? Yeah! How about just have a real friend come with you and be that funny buddy? We're going to make that AI? We're outsourcing that? Yeah, that's true.

Bring the funny buddy. What's next? What's next? In order from a robot at McDonald's? You are. Yeah. We're there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something else. Chipotle. Chipotle. Yeah. Chipotle. What's next? And then the robot's not giving me enough portions. I'm going to show him.

Yeah, robot's not going to know if I'm filming. I'm going to have to agree with Luke. I think that you should just probably find better friends. We're going to divest from this. The other thing about AI stuff is like, I'm like, man, there's so much crazy AI stuff that like, it just keeps getting better and better and better. But the one thing I'm like, the AI jokes are so bad. Yeah.

Where I'm like, we're putting a lot of faith in funny buddy to come through with a good I don't think he makes jokes. What I heard was a poop pun. No, he doesn't. He laughs at your poop puns. He's just a laugher that laughs at you. What's this guy's name again? Matt.

Matt. Matt. I would say, Matt, one thing that you're not taking into account is if you walked in with a robot that no one's met before they're not going to think it's a real guy yeah you want the robot to be someone that we're already familiar with like you need to have a good report like put someone's skin on him yeah yeah maybe you can have like a real human skin matt these are things you should have thought through before you came to the sharks wait i have a question this just started making me i was thinking about like laugh track shows of laugh tracks like has there ever been

an episode of like a show where like all the jokes just fall flat like when it's a live studio audience not a laugh track it was wrong but you know what I mean like Seinfeld was like live studio audience for every episode right

and they're getting multiple takes too they have to laugh anyway they have to? put up like signs like laugh really? well not only that

but there's also they'll hire comedians to be like a warm up to in between takes because you'll see that scene three or four times if you go to a taping of like a multicam

oh have you done that? I've been to a taping once and it was like you do where you see the same scene like four or five times

And so you're gonna laugh And they bring in a comment We're gonna do it again On SNL I guess But those are all You only get one Well you get two technically because there's a dress rehearsal But it sucks even more when you do a sketch

At the dress rehearsal and it kills You're like let's go When you were at SNL Was there one that like just murdered Like a table read And then fell flat you mean yeah oh that i mean a big big one of them was like one of the sketches that i got in that made it in the show was it the wedding speech one no not that one that so that i just wanted to show

that was the dress rehearsal taping because it got cut for time so i didn't get to do it live that that one like it was at the end of the night and it got we ran over and didn't get to go so they just aired the dress rehearsal version got it um around youtube or whatever yeah there were routinely ones that were like so fucking funny that people would write that you just know they're never gonna put this on you know what i mean yeah that's one thing but it sucks more when it's like you do a thing for the dress rehearsal and it's really funny and everyone loves it and then it goes to the live show and you're like they all hated it who was your who was your favorite like uh host that came on probably john mulaney but i'm partial though because like the whole

year i was there i think i got five four maybe five sketches that i wrote on the show and that week he picked two of mine to be in the show that wedding including that one yeah yeah which was like very cool so i immediately was like he's i love him the most because he likes my shit wait what it felt like i cut you off and you're about to say a specific sketch that oh it's a the i have one that people if they know me from snl though it's one where i'm like a bully on the last day of school oh yeah and i don't know anyone i like or it's first day of school and i'm a new kid and i don't know and i like but it was at the dress rehearsal murdered and then live nothing i thought it was hysterical well yeah i think i might need to watch that one it's a it's a time bomb of a

sketch where like i'm intentionally eating shit for the first two minutes before you know what the joke is yeah got it but yeah rough to have that be the first one i ever did we don't yeah Wow. Hey, dig up my war. Should we hear another pitch? Yeah, let's do it. Alright, next one is from Slim. He says this is my pitch. Gentlemen, we've all been there, drawing massive stick figure

battles in class and creating infinite universes instead of taking notes. My invention is a scanner that scans the pages you've drawn and then generates an alternate reality that takes you into your fictional drawings. Personally, I know I've drawn a couple of kick-ass cars that I would love to whip in a Mario-type reality.

You can fine tune the alternate universe to meet your needs And if you die, stay in the face of battle You just reset Would also be dope for pirate drawings Anyway, that's my pitch, much love Okay, first of all I'd like to make an offer You know like Oscar bait, that's rusty bait

The pirate thing at the end He just threw that in to get his endorsement I had like one foot in the boat At the beginning, I'm all in now No, I think that's awesome I used to draw the same shoe over And I got really good at drawing Which one?

It was a shoe that I made up. Like it didn't, shoes that didn't fit. It's like, it was, I got really good at it, but it just kind of looked like a, do you remember like Nike Roshi runs? Kind of just looked like that. Are you a big shoe guy? No, not at all. That's funny that you were just, you're like, but this one would be cool.

He would have been a fan of this one. It literally just looked like that. And I can only draw from the side. You're quite the artist. Did you ever see the original Jumanji? Yeah. I love that. that shoe that he makes in the factory is so sick yeah isn't that a uh it's like Patrick Ewing's

shoe or something it's I don't know I mean it was David Alan Greer was the actor I don't know if it was I haven't seen it oh well in uh Jumanji there's kind of like um an alternate history situation thing where um uh one of the guys gets fired from the factory because he's he's trying of revolutionized he he made like a kick-ass sneaker but but young robin williams accidentally like puts it through the grinder and it gets destroyed and so it and you know the guy becomes a cop and it's david allen grier but don't worry everything gets fixed and he becomes uh he becomes jumanji he becomes too much so everything's cool calculating route to avoid seeing poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines

of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org i was like when he becomes a movie on address like what would be happening during that time period like someone tweeted one time and it was like uh harry potter takes place between 1991 and 1996 and at no point someone says like the bulls are making a hell of a run yeah i always thought it was funny harry potter stuff that they don't acknowledge is that uh um in the harry potter universe it is acknowledged that some people who go to

hogwarts are half wizard half normal person a mudblood yeah like you're a mud hermione they're like you're a mudblood like your dad's just like a dude from philly yeah and like but he but then i'm like okay then we're not acknowledging that like wizards are fucking normal people people are having sex with normal women yeah how does that work can they tell them i i know because like the dursleys know that harry's yeah like uh it feels like word would have gotten out seamus is like uh he's like we'll kill you mom's a wizard my dad's a mother and it's like well how did they meet how they meet at a bar right my dad he's a big eagles fan strange thing about Seamus that they don't address. He's a child

who's constantly trying to get drunk. Which one's Seamus? He's the Irish kid, and he's always trying to do that spell to turn water into rum. And he keeps blowing himself up. Is he the one with the... Is he the brunette? Yeah. Blowing himself up. Oh. Yeah, that's...

With the ashlover's face, that's after he tried to make rum as an eight-year-old. Got it. Kind of badass. We just don't address that. Just an Irish stereotype. He's a fucking rock star. Yeah. Should we do some... I was going to say, wait, I have one thought before we move on. This feels, like, very close to possible because, like, you know, what's that thing Angus has?

Like the, oh, the Kindle Scribe or something? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? It's like a virtual notepad. What are we talking about? The pitch was, like, you draw things and it turns them into, like, little. No, but you could go into the universe in this. So you draw the car and now you can draw, you can.

Oh, I thought it was just like a mix in a little video game. I'm all in. What's this Kindle thing you're talking about? It's like a notepad, but it's just... Virtual notepad. You can save it. It's like a virtual... It's like an iPad, but it's just for taking notes,

and then you can save the notes and access them on your phone or computer and shit. Should we pitch each other? Yeah. I'm excited. I don't know why you would be. My pitches are very bad. Come on.

Give us your fastball. Come on. My fastball? I think I have two. What's gnarly barley? Oh, never mind. gnarly barley is a sweet uh beer uh brewery in hammond louisiana and they're sick they're always really fun i always do a show down there when i go down there shout to gnarly barley they're

awesome we're gonna have to cut that they don't pay us oh they don't pay him never mind send them money oh i have a really good pitch all right so pick put yourself in the shoes of an adult who collects Funko Pops. Done. Wait, what are Funko Pops again? They're those little big-headed things that they make in every pop culture. I've got a few on my desk. How old am I in this?

I'm talking that you have to be an adult man or woman who collects Funko Pops. Now, let's say if you're... Yeah, type in Funko Pop just so we can get a visual here. These. So if you're an adult man or woman who collects Funko Pops, what's the biggest problem in your life?

Everyone thinks you're free. That's right. no one will ever have sex with you ever no one will ever ever ever touch you or have sex with you because that's what you like and you collect those and you spend your time doing that and so my pitch to the sharks is that if you're someone

an adult man or woman who collects Funko Pops again never going to receive any sex of any kind no oral no hands no kissing no intimacy of any again you spend your time and money doing that i liked when you said because that's what you like because this is what you like

i my business pitch is this would be a simple service where you could as an adult who collects funko pops you could give me you pay me you venmo me cash app i don't have it no what it is you pay me 40 cash and what i will do is i will have sex with your body i will come over to where you are so that's forty dollars cash you do need to do transit too and and lodging so i will i will need logic do you spend the night uh no i need my own room okay but i will go and i will what i will do is i will have um i will do sexual acts on your body you like funko pops yeah this is going to be a new experience for you this is not something that you're going to be able to ever have experienced um before or after yeah yeah but if you pay me 40 cash i will um do hand job i will

do you do hand job i'll do any if you've heard of a sex thing job i will do that thing to your body that's um so that you are able you like orca whatever you want whale name a thing poke yeah poke a hole in the and fuck that i'll do that whatever you want you can put your legs behind their head anything you need forty dollars cash arms and that's just and that's me trying to do you a favor because again you like funko pops so you're not ever gonna get uh and no one's gonna have sex with you i love you can pay me to do oh my god i'm going home and getting rid of all my funko pops i have three on my desk right by my bed knowing that where i was gonna go when you're like i have a couple right now i'm like i'm about to really really go for you i'm about to be really

you know what i think it's okay to have a funko puffs but you're like devoted you got 40 bucks too so that's right there's no complaints on this and you can only do the service once yeah they're just like collectible they're just like that i think the thing that they do no look up look up mcdonald's vampire at the end of that i think there's one on brian type mcdonald's vampire this is the one i have all of them though is that vampire make them in everything like they've got the licensing to every single oh i got one of these in my happy yeah but look at the funko pop version i want a funko that's what i have vampire mcnugget all right that's cool right yeah i ordered the grimace meal and they put one not a funko there's no it was like

a it was the it was grimace uh okay but the problem was so i i postmaced it and i specifically said i want the meal like with the toy but the guy who was making the thing just put the food in it and didn't put the toy so i had to drive there and get the toy you went just to get the toy That's why I ordered another meal. Okay. This one is super scary. It was the Travis Scott. It was the Travis.

The Travvy Patty? Is that meant to be here? No, it was the Travis Scott Grimace Meal. It's got like, the eyes seem like drippy. Evil. Yeah. I don't like a drippy eye. Not at all.

No. Yeah. Yeah. So that's to any Funko Pop people, I'll do any sexual act to you. $40 cash, but only once. One time. And you cannot, don't ask again. Can we text you about other stuff later?

Nope. Okay. It's a one and done. I show up, I do the thing. that's good i love it you want to pitch me willy pitch me willy yeah all right this here's here we go it's called morning joe and it's an attachment this might exist if it doesn't this really should exist it's an attachment for your coffee maker that's connected to your alexa so alexa thought too so you wake up in the morning you say alexa start the coffee go back to bed 15 minutes later

when the snooze goes off, your coffee's hot and ready, just pour a cup. I'm going to build off that. Build. When your alarm goes off, it's auto. It's automated. There you go. Now, coffee machines do have that. Really? You can have a

timed coffee machine where your coffee will... You can have a timer, but I don't always know what time... I don't wake up the same time every day, so maybe this is a niche problem. Will has like a four-hour window when he wakes. There's some days where it's 7, and there's some days where it's 11.45. I know what you mean, where you're like, you want the flexibility, too, in a drunk, or

not, in like a... In like a hazy, you just be like, start the coffee. Yeah. Gotcha. But now what I do is I keep a case of accelerator right next to my bed. I'm not even kidding. I literally, I wake up, I roll over, I grab one, I sit up. So there's no point in the day where you're not high on caffeine.

Yeah. What's your little coffee, like, what's your preferred method? Dude, the best coffee, number one, all-time best coffee is the coffee from a pot. black that you pour in a mug that you own yep that being said if i go to the coffee shop i don't get a hot black coffee i would get a cold brew or like an ice latte with oat milk i i don't like hot coffee anymore at all even at your own house at my own house it goes nuts i do drink hot coffee at my own house but that's pretty much the only place where i will correct yeah i agree with that you need to be able to taste like a little bit of the rust in it unless that's

coffee maker from like 80s yes or it's just like something about like when it's like a mug and it It has something on it that reminds you of being a kid and you feel like a kid. I use the same mug every time at my mom's house. It has a little house on it and there are bees flying around the house. See, you know it. That's awesome. I love that. You know what we do?

My parents live in this little beach town in Maine. There's a store a couple blocks away that sells mugs with your name on it. They have a little picture of the town and the names. For some reason, they developed this tradition of every time that someone comes and visits, we get the mugs with their name on it oh that's awesome yeah to the point where it evolved to like there's names that they don't have and they now have a relationship with the guy because we bought so many mugs that he orders custom ones with like names that urkel so yeah urkel yeah urkel came to our house i've been to will's house there's a jack one three times and there's

no jack one uh you were out there for coffee maybe it's john he was yeah we have i think we actually might have but there's it's also nice because you get a lot of duplicates like at this point like if anyone with like a normal name comes you're fine you have like uh you have the same amount of names as like those trinket shops with the license plates where it's like yeah every name we're like creating our own yeah and and then we have a graveyard in the basement because there's been a few who have died x well no it's like x lovers oh it's like oh that's there's there's like four that like my dad i think my dad like does it kind of as a bit like he could just get rid of them or keep like no one's like really that worried about it but if you go down in the

basement and you go in the back there's like a little be funny station of five mugs that are all x's of people in our family and it's all like the same kind of name yeah they're all the same name there's a denell and family tradition that when you break up with someone you guys like go out in the middle of the night and beat the shit out of the mug with a bat yeah exactly that's how you that's like your burn book i'm glad you said the mug okay mine sucks and i apologize in advance I invest What's the worst part about road trips I know

Pissing Your legs cramping up You need to stretch Being hungry Oh do we keep going Getting t-bone Your mama music suck You want to punch your siblings

You get bored Everyone's bored as all get out Introducing working title Road trip central Everyone has a screen on the back of their seat or the dashboard or the driver can have it on the wheel. And there are different prompts, right? So before the game starts, there are different prompts.

You answer a bunch of questions about yourself. Okay. And then this is just the flagship game. There are many other games in there. But the flagship game is everyone puts in a bunch of things about themselves. And then the game will start and it'll be like, which person uh studied abroad in amsterdam and we all vote yeah and and you get points based off of like how many you get correct how quickly you guessed it and that's a fun road trip game

dude have you seen the game i forget what it's called whiplash whiplash is awesome i love it got through covid yes is that what you're talking about whiplash got you through covid that's a party game yeah but you can do it super spreader no you can you can do it uh oh remotely yeah i can see the headlines already luke yeah i did start covid as a joke the guy who started covid is breaking his silence as a freaking joke fucking hammered yeah it was a joke and it got like way out of hand the guy in the wuhan lab just kept acting like he was gonna spill it like fake drinking it and then like a drop lands on us don't

Dude, stop. And the guy was pretending to eat a bat. Like, don't eat a bat. No more pitches? Anyone have any more pitches? Oh, mine wasn't a real pitch at all. It was another bad pitch, but it was about, like, it's always the worst part about having your Alexa.

The worst part about having your Alexa is that whenever you have sex with your Alexa, it always gets pregnant. And so this is a little. Lauren's face when you said that was just shock. Just not liking it. Well, yeah, Alexa just has her monthlies just like any other. You got to time it up, right? Sometimes if the cycle isn't right and you accidentally knock your Alexa up.

Birth control for Alexa. Well, it's an extension to be able to terminate a pregnancy for Alexa. Good God. Yeah, because you don't want to have your Alexa come to full term with your child. You want to be able to end that early. Within the first trimester, of course. yeah but that's her decision it's her decision to be clear i mean but at the same time her speaker it's my extension so this is kind of my add-on that i downloaded it's an it's an alexa that

doesn't hurt when you have sex it feels really good um all right should we do we have any callers today yes we have one caller oh yeah this is a real person okay well we're gonna okay read one okay oh yeah we're gonna call so the the first one is not a caller okay this is a non-verbal so luke the way we do this yeah yeah you're familiar playmate but the we we farm these these aren't from reddit these are real playmates real live playmates and they're gonna tell us their problems and then we're gonna try and help them with it okay okay this is adeline she says one time i was at a concert and was eating a burger with ketchup on it when i was done i crumpled up the tinfoil to throw it away i felt a little squish but didn't think anything of it

when i came back to my spot i realized the tinfoil squirted a massive glob of ketchup onto the back of the woman in front of me it had already been like 10 to 15 minutes and everyone around me had already seen me walk away i felt like this is a great one i know i loved it i felt like a dick but didn't want to make the situation worse or make a scene so i just kind of ignored it and moved a couple people over like what was i supposed to do grab a napkin and just start rubbing some random woman's back dip my fry in it i don't know but i felt so anxious the rest of the concert and the woman was a mother of a girl my age and definitely didn't want to be at the concert i feel like this may have made it worse am i the asshole for not saying something i don't

know if this is me but i can't i'm racking my brain trying to figure out what kind of concert this was yeah the concert would add a lot of flavor because you can move seats and you're eating a burger if you're at a fish concert everyone's current this is a bit of a billy madison only cool kids pee their pants yeah yeah i don't know i think you are the asshole in this scenario for not like giving them a i think i get you thinking that the like window of time had passed but i think no give them a tap oh my god hey so sorry but what how would you approach it i would give him a shoulder tap and go hey i'm so sorry i blasted you you have to be really sorry yeah and i also i feel like the implication is that the people

around her are not people she knows she was there with a daughter it sounded like no that the ketchup i was like everyone around me had seen it like if it was your boy you'd be like yo you just fucking cake that yeah you just kick that b you cake that b you see that um yeah you're the you're you're the asshole but like it was an accident yeah you didn't i think you should have said something but i guess i don't know i i i get because she went to go throw the thing away and everyone had seen the yeah that she that part of it was the shame of like it's already perceived that you've left the crime uh that you've hit and run where i'm like i think in that moment you could have especially if you're feeling anxiety over it the rest of the concert

that's when you go i fucked up baby doll i scored i blasted you all right okay let's get inside the mind of a bystander if you watch someone else do that are you telling the woman or are you just like i don't honestly i see the lady how long away i think maybe i go like hey just so you know that you got she blasted well i don't know because like the quicker you react to that kind of thing the more i wonder how big the glob was i bet it was i bet it was like colossal silver dollar sized that's that's kind of what i was picturing yeah a glob was it shoulder or hair you think i was picturing like not that big of a glop but gravity uh made it a drip drip drip yeah i guess the damage is already done the damage is done i think you it's too late now although although on the

flip side she said it seemed like the lady was just there for a daughter and didn't want to be there you could have been giving her the perfect out oh could have been throwing her a bone but also like she's basically trying to be like she was not enjoying the concert and this would have really sent her over the edge and maybe oh she caused her to like to finally get the divorce or Or, yeah, beat someone up or freak out. Yeah, I guess if it's the kind of concert, like if you're at a Slipknot show and you might get beat up. Yeah.

Yeah, but if you're at a Slipknot show and you don't come home with a condiment on you, something went wrong. You didn't have a good time. Were you even at the Slipknot show? Yeah. Oh, my God. Wait, we have to address the guy from Scotland

that his girlfriend wrote in. So, basically, Luke Tufelio and I was asleep the other day, and for some reason when someone calls the playdated account it like gets through to my phone and so he called me like 30 times and i'm picking up being like what and uh we couldn't there was we couldn't get a conversation going and i was like stop calling me i didn't know what was happening it was like seven in the morning it turns out he we had told him to call in he had gotten the time zone mixed up and was calling and then basically the episode later i was like kind of making fun like calling that guy like chirping him yeah but hey this was the guy that

stopped in the car and said yeah he's not yeah his name was l l if you're out there and you're listening i am sorry i didn't realize what was happening luca i'm sorry i didn't realize what was happening and we would love to get him on the horn he was in scotland it was me on vacation um all right let's hear the second am i yes all right so this next one is from oh wait so what's the consensus not the asshole you're the asshole but i don't think i would have been a better man yeah i think i would have done the same thing i i think you gotta i don't know man it's tough and it's tough i think you're i think not saying something is is uh not the right move yeah i would agree i like your approach hey i blasted you i blasted you enjoy the show enjoy the show enjoy

the rest of the youtube concert okay this is from emma she says hi guys i'm a funny emma the asshole for you basically i got the guy i was talking to at one of my college bars arrested um my friends tell me i'm not an asshole but i still feel guilty call me for the details so now we're gonna call her love it i'm what nothing personal stuff okay hello hi hey it's play date oh my god hey and luke and our buddy luke is here too hi i'm here as well hey luke what's up we we read your the first little blurb so we're ready for the rest of the story whenever you are okay okay sounds good i'm so excited i like love the podcast thank you thank you who's your favorite

who's my favorite don't answer that no answer it yeah okay just keep not okay um anyway so basically the story goes um i was out one weekend last semester um i'm in college and can you set the scene for us what state is yeah where where do you go to college i go to college at the university of notre dame nice well done go irish safety school bc it's our rivalry yeah okay yeah it's like kind of awkward yeah so um i was out and i went to our local jamaican bar called cool running whoa yeah it's the only name it was gonna ever be right wait oh no i think she cut out hello i think she hung up because we're a bit annoying no it's so no she's hello oh hey emma sorry sorry all right so you're out you're at cool runnings

yeah yeah so we're at cool running um and it's known to be an underclassman bar which you know like can sometimes be a little iffy you know if the cops show up and um but it was you know just a classic night thought it was going well and i was there with all my friends and i met this guy and we were just you know chatting it up pretty casual and i didn't have a drink so he offered to buy me a drink which I was like wow that's super nice of course thank you um and so I walked we walked up to the bar and I kind of like led the way like I was walking in front of him kind of and I get to the bar and I turn around and a cop just spawned out of nowhere like did not see that coming from my left or my right was so confused and stopped this kid and I'm just standing there

like really awkwardly and he asked this kid for his id and of course he was not 21 but he had a beer in his hand and so i was just like awkwardly standing there watching and kind of like stepping away and then like the cops kind of like pulled him over to the corner and so then i just left and i felt i felt really terrible because i basically uh walked this kid into a cop without realizing like i didn't see it so and i felt really bad i just laughed like i didn't want to get in trouble all my friends were leaving um so i just walked back to campus and never saw him again didn't like get his phone number his snapchat never saw him again um but like the the bad part is like it was just it was really dark and like late and i i don't really remember what

he looked like so i like i easily could have um passed him on campus and just like not even know And I'll never know To this day I don't know I've never seen him again I think there's beauty in that It'd be worse if you knew what he looked like And then you felt bad Wait Emma can I ask you a question

Had you met this man prior Or was this the first meeting No this was like the first meeting Like I had met him that night At the bar So I'm gonna say Definitely not asshole But also

you at all the only like if you had dove on that grenade you would be like a hero like that no no one is no one was expecting you to do that i think it would honestly have been strange if you were like was the officer that's my drink was the cop in the bar yeah hammered has that ever happened and that's weird like i i don't know my college the cops would like kind of troll outside the bar a little bit yeah emma can i ask you a follow-up question yeah how old are you i am not uh 21 either okay yeah you couldn't yeah if you were telling the story i thought it was about to be guy buys you a drink you are which you are underage uh he gets in trouble for buying you an but he's underage too so it's like no yeah the only the only scenario where you could have fixed it is

if you were 21 and you said he was just holding my drink? I mean, he would have still gotten it. Yeah, I don't think they would have been like, oh, okay. He was cooked no matter what, I think. I'm gonna go not-asshole. I'm gonna go not-asshole.

But I do feel for that guy. He's never gonna ask a girl to buy her a drink again. No. Yeah, that guy's... I agree. Did you find out what happened to him? Did he get taken downtown? I literally, I don't know. And the thing is, I saw who he was with, like, who his friends were, and then I saw

them, like, lingering around the bar, and see, this is where I also feel bad. I probably could have, like, said something to them, but I just decided to, like, leave. Oh, they didn't know that their buddy got taken. You Jamaican goodbyed. Nah,

don't do that. You have no masterclass. You gotta put yourself first. You don't want to get arrested. You've got a bright future, Emma, and you can't get an MIP right now. Yeah, you just met the guy, too. Just for a random guy, yeah. yeah man was he was he was he really good looking she doesn't remember in the moment fine but yeah i didn't like i for some reason i just can't remember exactly what

he looks like that like if it was broad daylight like walking to class and you passed each other that's where i also feel like the asshole like i i don't know like i i'm never gonna know what he looks like where i could like apologize for that situation so i've just to karmically make it right in the universe like i think you gotta buy some random other underage guy a beer and then get arrested i was gonna say i was gonna say the exact same thing yeah you you should go into you should go into the bar and just sit there all day until a cop comes in and then the second they come in you buy every guy around you a drink and you make a big scene about it yeah and then you get taken down maybe they put you in the same cell he's still in jail yeah amazing all right

Well, thank you for sharing and calling in. We appreciate it. Yeah, thanks for calling me, guys. Of course. Go Irish. All right, have a good day. Thanks, you too. Bye.

Now that she's up for an asshole. Fucking asshole. She had a Cleveland area code. I was like, ooh, girl. Cleveland. I heard it in her accent. For cash. Like, cash.

All right, Luke, you're the guest. So you get to choose. Do you want to go, this guy rules first, or teach me something first? Yeah. I think it would be it could be fun to do this guy rules first let's do it

what about what happened to rocks what happened to this guy yeah oh this guy rocks this guy rocks it's changed every week what did it start off as

I think it was the best guy ever yeah but then that felt weird this guy rocks this guy rocks I slacked mine to Brian your guys' segment

is a has a better name even if it changes every week than what Will and Liam Racker of the week yeah

going to get in trouble Yeah, it does feel dicey. Having a white slur has the thinking. All right, well, are we done? Are we going to shoot this off? Can I send you mine? They don't give a rat's ass. Yeah.

Email it, which I did. Airdrop works well, too. So this is a really cool guy. And so he had a lot of, he was very public and got famous in the early YouTube days. Okay. I fancy myself an early YouTube historian. Okay. Yeah.

If you ever really want to let me teach you that class. Smosh. All that shit. That era. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a weird encyclopedic knowledge of these kind of guys. Can you just, for the audio listeners, describe kind of what this still frame is for you? So this guy, this is an older man.

He is in love with Selena Gomez. And early YouTube days, we're talking old guy glasses. Wait, was he big or just this video? He got popular early YouTube for being a creep towards Selena Gomez, but he thought he was talking with Selena Gomez and having a relationship. So this is him setting the record straight about Selena Gomez. Got it. Lauren just liked the video.

Good, good. Wait, Lauren, it's still on mute? I just wanted to give him a... What is? The YouTube video. Oh, all right. Ready? There is all this gossip going on about me and Selena Gomez,

And I have been laughing the whole time. It's so funny. I mean, it's harmless. I keep telling Selena not to worry about it. I mean, people are going to talk about you, good or bad. If a person gets mad, they get teased more. I mean, me and Selena are famous, so they're going to talk anyway. Then my 14-year-old son, Jacob Herrick, gets jealous and mad, so I have to settle him down.

His 14-year-old son? You should have heard him on the phone about this. Look, young women like me, and I like them. It's always been that way. Luke's about to be the first person to ever lose this segment. I don't look my age, and I really know how to please a woman. Yucks. Okay, I'm turning around.

I don't care what people say or think, but what Selena thinks about it is another matter. Life is too short to take seriously all the time. Yes. It's weird that there are good bits of sound advice in here. Yeah, he's having a good time. It's all harmless. The only person I hear from on a daily basis besides Jacob is Selena. He's getting caffy.

I was about to say. Selena is a good, caring woman, and I think the world of her. To those of you gossiping about us, you can kiss my rear end for a while. I feel like from an audio perspective, this is going to sound like a presidential address. It's like Nixon. Yeah, he's a state senator. Luke, can I just say? That's amazing.

well done but also i've never seen a microphone like that like it's like he's in a different universe oh wait or just like that there's we gotta watch the first 10 15 seconds of that other one that selena gomez totally control me yes that's the name of the video oh my god i like all these three thousand subscribers but these all have like hundreds of thousands of views selena gomez look at that microphone control of me yes let me tell you why first i am head over heels in love with her oh okay that's about all you need can we google what happened to this guy because i almost almost surely has done something he's in congress now uh it can't be good i'm back you guys and still alive kicking yeah that's a lot of this is a lot of my feed

Oh, he posted two years ago. Luke, can we speculate real quick on something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's on the other side of that camera? Probably Selena. Probably Selena, yeah. She's like, set the record straight. Do you love me or not?

Make the video. You ever been catfished? No. I think I luckily did most of my damage in person. His one short. Help, it's raining so hard I'm drowning. Oh. That would be funny if he was in a real emergency situation.

situation he was like this is the best way to get the information about this somebody help all right should we check out wills this guy oh yeah sorry that that was a weird but i thought when i'm glad i know about that uh i just like that he really had to set the record straight about selena gomez and now whenever i hear the name selena gomez i always You ruin it in that voice. Selena Gomez. Now, let me set the record straight. Nothing is happening between me and Selena Gomez.

Okay, this is Will Denellan's This Guy Rocks, okay? Have you ever heard the national anthem whistled before? Nope. All right, here we go. All right. Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food.

Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at unitedwaygt.org. oh he can harmonic he can do two two tones pretty cool right mongolian throat singing

is that his move yeah he's got some gusto i like that it's at an orioles game too yeah they're like actually good too this is like oh nice there we go and there's a cool moment because when they sing it at the end they all go oh at that stadium you ever seen that but they still do it even with the whistle nice i saw i saw a comment that was like the guy behind on the left is the only one who can understand him. Oh. Oh, that's funny.

Nailing it. This guy rocks. He's no Jay Harris. Well done. Pretty cool, right? So cool. I don't know how to whistle, so I'm really envious.

How hard do you think that guy had to really sell his thing to the O's? He had to be like, trust me i nail it i think the first their first three guys in their list canceled and they were like all right yeah it's not this on a ring i have i have two this week um i'm gonna set the stage of this first one we actually follow each other on tiktok okay no big deal his name is

morgan barnett cool planes and what morgan likes to do is uh we're all familiar with guitar hero yep you know how the singer only has like a handful of moves like they have like it's very robotic morgan found an interest in like the way that these singers move and uh he's had a couple blow up this one didn't gain a lot of traction but it's my personal favorite and what you'll notice in the middle of it is uh you know how europeans play like netball instead of basketball it's like the women's basketball thing with no backboard oh yeah a ball flies by and uh he comments and he just apologized and he says uh sorry if you guys noticed the ball my sister was practicing her netball skills but this is morgan doing his rendition of sunshine uh in the way that

he does it morgan barnett cool planes everyone what is sunshine oh my god so these are the guitar hero movements he likes the he likes the way they move um and then my what is sunshine it's just that song just the first time i've ever heard it um And then my second one is this guy that Liam and I like a lot, and he just finds pleasure in the little things, and I think that that's very cool. So let's give it a shot. Today I'm grateful for palm trees. They're normal for some people, but not for me. So I enjoy getting to see something that's very different.

It's fun to see different types of foliage than you're used to. That's awesome. Isn't that awesome? We were like, it is cool. There are things that we take for granted. I like that there's a guy out there that is not taking them for granted. Because they're normal for some people, but not for me. That's great.

Now having seen the ones that you guys picked, I misunderstood this one. I thought the this guy rocks was definitely more of a like, this guy's a fucking creep. No, it's okay. You had your own spin on it. You know what? In his own way, he does rock. He does rock. In his own mind.

In his own mind and only in that poor 14-year-old son. Yeah. All right, teach me something. Yeah, Luke, teach us something, brother. I was going to teach I was going to see is that a little piece of string or is that a little cord

underneath okay I want a little piece of string I was going to teach you guys how to tie a cool knot oh very cool oh that's awesome

wait that does seem like a blast oh that's a zip tie it's a zip tie dang it oh no never mind I'm going to do you need a big string

or no I wanted a string I was going to teach you guys how to tie a cool oh Will take one of your Will take one of your shoelaces out

oh yeah take one of my rusty shoelaces I'm wearing Birkenstocks. Take one over here. Never mind. Do you want to do it with this charger? I don't want to fuck it up. So now you're not going to teach us anything?

No, I'll teach you how to play the sweater song by Weezer. Okay, yeah. Yeah, do that. Oh, can you do... What do you have? Can you do the one about the Coke can? Oh yeah, sing your song. That's my favorite one.

That's Will's favorite. Your dick's a stage. Like a Coke can? Like two Coke cans? Um, oh shit. Well, now I feel bad because my, I was going to do a fake out knot. I was going to teach you guys how to tie a taut line hitch, which is a very fun and handy slip knot to use if you're ever in a pinch and you need it.

What's this? Like, it's like a fake knot. No, a slip knot can tighten up. Um, uh, but then there's also another variation of a slip knot that I was going to teach you guys how to tie and it's in the house of news. Oh, fun. I learned, that was one of the things that stuck with me from my. You didn't bring, you could have brought it straight.

I know. Oh, I was looking around, and I was like, there'll probably be some at the office. Truthfully, the Teach Me Something was the one that I kind of phoned in. That's fine. That's fine. And I thought to myself, oh, I'll just tie a noose. Yeah. And then we're like, no, but I'll do a taut line hitch, which isn't a noose, but it does

the same thing a noose does. Got it. It's not as pretty, though. Yeah. Aesthetically. I don't know what I'm teaching you now. Here, you guys start out. Okay.

Me, and then I'll teach you guys. I've got, this was, I read about, there's this plane crash. It was, I think, the deadliest plane disaster ever. Oh, boy. So you guys are going to like this. This is something that we want to learn about. 1977, the Tenerife Airport disaster. Have you heard about this?

No. Tenerife, it's Canary Islands. Okay. 1977. Which, the Canary Islands, of course, are off the coast of Africa. They're part of Spain. Spanish speaking. um anyway the there was a a flight flying into tenerife and someone there was a bomb someone

bombed they were trying to get independence for the canary islands from spain which they still have it didn't get there yeah uh if only this plane had landed they said someone set up a bomb at the main airport so this plane got rerouted to their like smaller airport as did a ton of other planes there was like a clusterfuck and it was really foggy and hard to see at this other so plane lands there's like all sorts of planes another plane has to take off from that airport so and and they like miscommunication on the radio so basically one plane like gears up and there's just a plane like right in front of it that it can't see so it does like full mode full speed about to take off and right as it starts to pull up it just nails a sitting plane both are

full of people 90 of the people involved not a hundred percent there's a few people who survived on one of the planes but yeah one plane going full speed about to take off hit a sitting plane on there yeah horrible that sucks when you said it was the most deadly plane thing i'm like how if it was like a real giant one that's what yeah it's on a plane double decker yes i'm like no no it was a twofer yeah i tell you i i was my mom thinks that i was the one that came up with snakes on a plane the movie yeah we were on a plane uh when i was a little kid and i thought that someone's seatbelt looked like a snake so i started yelling snakes there's a snake on the plane and the movie had not come out yet and then two years later snakes on a plane came out and my

mom is convinced that i was someone on that plane guy that holy yeah imagine hearing a kid yell that and be like that's gold yeah he's like all right that's weird you ever watch the uh like air traffic controller fail moments uh no that's how it's one where no it's usually small miscommunications but there's one where a chinese plane is trying to take off and the the air traffic controller only speaks english and the chinese guy thinks that he's giving him the good to go and they have to be like no like don't don't okay uh air china like like taxiing and they're like no don't do that he like keeps it terrible yeah how's that dangerous yeah you gotta look i guess you gotta have like a codes or yeah translator right okay my uniform charlie kilo kind of thing my teach

me something is a fun you just spelled fuck he spelled fuck with military codes there we go wait do it again i missed box chart uniform charlie kilo there we go you've done that before that's a what you call it bloodhound gang it's a song okay um you guys like the tour de france we love it i actually i watched that netflix thing about it like a year ago with my brother pretty cool stuff yeah like you know how they do that for every sport now yeah it's fascinating so into it This is a fun thing that the riders used to do in the 70s, and I am almost sure they don't do it anymore, but I think this was back when they were more renegades.

It was before the Tenerife thing. I'm airdropping it, Lauren. This is a video of how before they had proper refueling stations and stuff, they used to just go into bistros. So it says, during the early days of the Tour de France, riders would stop at cafes along the way and take whatever they want for free. That's hilarious. They would rob the cafes, and then the cafes would send a bill to the Tour de France.

So this is all of them running in and grabbing wine and bread and stuff. Wine? Yeah, they were drinking on things. That's so funny. They just haul ass in here and take wine and bread. Wait, this is so cool. You know these guys just poop down their legs? Dude, watch.

Yeah, they take red wine champagne here. And then it would take them like 10 miles. That doesn't seem smart. No, dude, it would take them like 10 miles to catch up to the pack, apparently. But watch them. There's like a... They're taking it on the road, too. Watch, they share it with each other when they're riding.

Could you imagine riding a million miles just to get a free baguette or something? Yeah, but it seems like they didn't even take food. They only took alcohol. Yeah, I think back then these guys were more booze bags than us. They're sharing beers with each other. I don't get this. That is insane to me. These guys look the most French ever.

That's really... That is super interesting, yeah. Well done. When I was in college, I took so many... To do a lot of my gen ed stuff that weren't in my major, I took a lot of history classes. I took so many history classes in college that I accidentally, when I graduated,

they were just like, you have a history minor. You just took so many history classes. And I was like, oh, fuck. So I accidentally got a history minor. but i remember um having to read some book about um the japanese perspective of uh during world war ii so this is a little history fun fact it was it was very interesting uh class and i remembered um having to read this book and there was a moment where i'm reading the book and i'm just like this is the i think the darkest thing i've ever read in my entire life and it was like a real story

and it was the during the end of world war ii uh it was a foregone conclusion japan was going to lose the war yeah they had they had pretty much like all of their navy vessels had been like pretty much like no no more aircraft carriers it was over for them by this point though they're like the only ships we have left are like old um cruise liners right and so there was a moment where they were transporting american pows back to mainland japan which not good you don't want to be on that yeah it's not going to be good they're starving these guys out it had like slides and stuff so down yeah exactly down but they kept these guys all these american prisoners down in the brig like just they were starving to death they had no water and no light and it was cooking

hot in the basically the underbelly of this um this this boat and this story i remember having to read for this class is from the uh an american guy pow being like we were all dying of thirst and a couple guys went fully insane and started to stab a guy so that they could drink his blood just to be able to get anything to drink and so as they were doing this it was like he's like this was like the most fucked up thing he'd ever seen um the americans attacked the boat and blew the boat in half at which point he's like we're all naked and starving and he goes we jumped out into the water and we swam to shore like we're really close to this little island and he's like and we stood there and we watched the ship go down and i'm he's the guy's like i

was naked i was starving to death i just saw a guy get stabbed and get get his blood drank and a japanese soldier was next to us and he like wasn't even trying to fuck like he wasn't even trying to like be like he's like we were all just watching uh the ship go down and he in the and i remember our professor had us read the selection in the last line and we was the american guy goes as i watched the ship go down it was the the first time i i was perfectly clear 100 sure there was no god that does sound like the fucking worst well that's a little that's just a little teach me moment that was the yeah there was a ship that went down titanic they were all like all the soldiers were in the water on the rafts and i guess they were in like tiger shark like

oh that's in jaws in jaws he references that yeah the guy's like yeah 123 of us went in i hate that Five of us came out. Did you ever hear how JFK got that guy back to shore with, like, broken legs and a broken back? Something like that. He got medals and stuff. He, like, put the guy's life jacket in his mouth and swam with, like, no, like, no legs.

He just, like, had, like, shattered. He didn't have legs? He, like, had shattered, like, all the bones. I might be mixing, like, five stories together, but... JFK got a purple heart, I think. I believe it. No, but, like, which guy had broken legs? Him or them?

He was... Both of them were fucked up, but JFK could still swim and put the guy's life jacket in his mouth and swam him back to shore. Wow, that's badass. That also might be George Herbert Walker. They probably made that up because they wanted him to be president.

That also might be H.W. I think I'm mixing three or four stories together. Fuck. All right, Luke, do you want to do... Maybe they were the two guys. Do you want to do love songs that don't exist first or children's books that don't exist first? I say we do...

I think we do children's books. I say we bring it home with love songs. yeah yeah i agree all right we'll t us up and t us up with a good children's book that it doesn't exist well this one we'll do that intro yeah these are children's books that don't exist uh one thing i noticed about this i don't know what what like are young adult like mine are like little baby yeah mine are mine are two mine are pretty young okay mine are not really young adult minor fun minor baby to uh to chapter book okay all right all right these are all right these are children's books that don't exist i've got flashy frog i you know i i'm trying to remember i really

what this was yeah what this was it was didn't write it down oh i remember no i just write the names and usually i remember them but this episode's been so fucking long i forget everything okay flashy frog is about a frog who is hot shit or thinks that he's hot shit and he he just jumps around the swamp like booga booga booga and you know he like he like his tongue is really long i think which is like so he thinks that gives him the right to kind of flaunt and anyway i think it's a good lesson for kids to not be a show-off okay i think i misunderstood this because mine whatever no mine are in that lane but mine are darker i my first one is my first one is why are farts funny farts are funny but we act like they're bad farts are funny when you blame them

on your dad they can be silent and deadly or loud and heavy they're especially funny when you do them i forgot to write the end of this they're especially funny when you do them he ended it mid couplet. I think I thought I was going to finish these. You're like, I'll think of a rhyme. They're especially funny when you do them at the levee. I think it's probably something. Cool. When you do them in a Chevy. There you go. There we go.

There you go. With a bevy. I love ending it mid couplet. I'll get the rhyme. We'll figure that out later. Charlie bit my finger and now every full moon I turn into a were Charlie.

That's good. that's good i love it that's good i like it all right i'll throw another just a title shrek 5 the book shrek no in this one that's good that's now in this one i've got aisle three it's um about a kid at the grocery store that loses his mom and she said and he said where is my mommy and she said she's in aisle three and then he it takes him through all the different aisles and what he sees and different treats and snacks oh i like that that's a good one yeah i'm sure i thought you were gonna do a rhyming thing there it gets it started as though you also had a rhyming couplet but then it was

just like no that was just uh you were a poet and you knew it i know it minor minor i i i should have done this differently um lucas leach and the very sandy beach i also you're doing the same as we did for dr soup i know i fucked this up i like no no no no it's fine it's fine when luke went to the beach there was sand far and long there was sand in places that sand does not belong he found sand in his ears his hair and his thong his pockets were filled with the peskiest sand sand made its way into every one of his glands that's good these are just poems now that i'm i like that well there could be there could be just the first part of a book into every one of his glands yeah it doesn't How many glands do you got?

A lot. Pituitary gland? That's what starts your puberty going. So Gary Coleman, he was stunted. He was a little guy. Really? He's a what you talking about Willis guy. Oh, that's funny.

He had a weird pituitary gland. He's the what guy? Different strokes. He was a little guy. What you talking about Willis? He's a little guy. Nice. All right, you got more?

Yeah, we've got a couple more. Just some good, just some good. children's book children's books that don't exist the very very hungry human centipede join everyone's favorite human centipede as it judges the chewy cook-off down at the church that's good i like it i mean if it if the human centipede likes that chili chili then it must be pretty good chili yeah because that's a that's a rough dump that is a rough dump okay i've got the bug doctor he's the doctor who takes care of bugs what does he do um he just it's like they're constantly like

running into windows and getting caught up in lights and he brings them back to life so that they can roam your house freely i feel like bug hitting windows like there's no coming back from that you're mashed a lot of times not always he's got this thing he he plugs it into and then he pumps in it he reinflates your juice yeah he reinplates your bug juice yesterday on the ride home on the highway there were a bunch of mice trying to run across and that was wild to watch how would you even notice that on the highway because they're like there were no street lights the only lights on the highway were people's headlights and you just see these white things oh you were like step on it i've got where do dogs go it's to it's to help

children cope with you know their dog leaving where do they go where do dogs go when their time is up where do dogs go when they're no longer a pup i have an idea and it's one i think you'll love dogs go to a place where there's all of the above i love that thank you i love that mine is on a similar vein of that yeah this is just a a children's book titled Afterlife for Goldfish

it's a Christian children's book meant to explain that Chloe the goldfish was unbaptized and is therefore going to burn in hell for all eternity I think I read that one yeah it's dark should have gotten saved

her fault didn't get saved and then she got flushed I've got the portrait it's about a portrait of a grandparent that hangs on the wall and all the

things that they see going on and then at the end maybe dying isn't so scary at all cause one day I'll cause I'll get to be a portrait on that same wall after all that was something I always thought was weird

in the Harry Potter universe of like oh oh the portraits like get to move around and do shit and they're like someone's empty and yeah well they also they don't they don't help in solving any of like the mysteries either like they they see it all and they're just like not on yeah i've been around the block though they've been through like all this shit they're tired of it yeah my my final one is called people are strange okay people are strange and that's all right with me people are strange that's what makes us all unique if we weren't all strange life would be a bore if we weren't a little strange what are we doing this for that's good love that that one makes you think yeah that's kind of what

i do here i'm just trying to what am i doing i'm just trying to get the gears cranking why are we fucking here luke no we're here because these are good like listen to this one you're gonna want to want you're gonna want to read baby choose baby choose your baby can choose which picture is a doggy in which picture is a barista with an asymmetrical haircut who plays in a noise band and here's the thing it's harder than you think you don't know oh it's like a interaction it's a one it's a baby has to choose got it is that is that a barista or is that a dog a doggy i like that a lot i've got the shelf with no books um it's like they got they got a new house and this kid has a shelf in his room and it's got no books on it so he starts filling it up so he goes on a

quest to fill up his shelf so he's reading all these books and he becomes in like the smartest kid in the world i like it because it promotes early childhood reading yeah yeah and he like solves like all the crimes and like world hunger there's a book with that encyclopedia brown is that what that's about yeah it's a kid who reads all the books and he's mysteries okay well okay this guy doesn't solve that many mysteries that's only part of what he does gotcha gotcha i feel like that guy was all mysteries encyclopedia brown all mysteries also what are the odds that that his name is that and then he i mean yeah yeah when you're named encyclopedia like the pressure was on from a young age and now that i'm saying that i'm not certain that that's what

the book was called no i think that was i think i read those as well actually yeah yeah yeah yes yes okay i'm i was right yeah kind of hijacking i got i got one i got one last one and this is a good children's book that i think we we could have all learned from and that's called mommy got remarried in jail to survive this is a pop-up book about mommy doing a stretch in a women's prison and grappling with the decision to enter into a same-sex marriage for protection so she needed to get married in in prison in order to protect they say so it would be a fun little pop-up book oh it's yeah i like that it's like one of those cards it's like a gang initiation a little bit yeah i mean that's great that was really well done i think that was

our best one that was fun oh really no yeah no it was all over the place we all had completely different visions for what that was yeah but don't worry the love songs are going to be on yeah the love songs i'm ready for are really going to be all right so how do we want to do this do we want to say the love songs then we pick some that we should i think i think we'll know when we get through some we'll know which ones are going to be good and then we can just riff them out all right these are love songs that don't exist uh should i start yeah oh yeah that's good all right i've got dance you through the dark it's about a guy who's really sad but his the love of his life won't leave his side and helps him out of it and she's just saying

just let's you know come on i'll dance you through the dark oh i love that it's pretty good right that's pretty good it's a it's close to a springsteen song well that's kind of the fun of it too maybe that's what they're listening to just put some springsteen on the vinyl and i'll dance you through the dark all right you go should we keep going yeah yeah i'm just going to go back and try that one you said it was a sad i have a happy maybe my first one is it's called she usually isn't like this it's it's this guy brings his girlfriend home and she's like nor she normally rules but then she kind of clams up around the family and like it just keeps being really awkward and makes like a couple off-putting jokes and he has to tell his parents like she's

not normally like this she'd normally uh and he says all these nice things about her got it i like that so it's like a love song but the root of it is kind of like she did something bad yeah yeah She normally eats spaghetti With utensils But she didn't use them at this time At this juncture She's eating with her mouth With her hands and stuff

And please don't do that Please don't do that Stephanie, you are embarrassing me She's not normally like this Well, she usually doesn't yell so loud When she's in the bathroom This one must have just really hurt But you can't blame her

She's grunting it out She doesn't normally grunt so loud she's not normally like this yeah that's a great one well done what do you got logy i have a couple that are just not even uh that are just fully garbage um that was fun i like that one this is a ballad are your boy robbie song about your boy robbie violating his house arrest to meet up with his main squeeze perfect you know what i mean like he shouldn't leave you I'm like, yeah, you should not leave the house, but he's got to see her. He's got to see her.

He's got to see his main squeal. Maybe if you wear some long pants, they won't see the ankle monitor. He's got to wear because he did some crime. Just a little bit of crime. Yeah, that was good. That was really good. What kind of crime did Robbie commit? Arson.

Arson. Arsenio Hall crime. That was fantastic. What do you got, Willie? Oh, I forgot I'm up. I have a seat for the concert. Shotgun in your life. It's a love song where he's just saying,

baby girl, I just want to ride shotgun in your life. He wants to be along for whatever ride she's going. That sounds a little more like a country song. Yeah. Well, time. You're riding shotgun in your life. Call shotgun, be my wife. I'm riding shotgun in your life, but you still got to drive.

Tonight, you got to drive. Because my license got suspended back in 2008. I'm not going to tell you why. I'm sorry, though. It wasn't great. It was 2-D-Y's. I got 2-D-Y's. They don't take your license away until the second one.

If I had one, I would be driving. Only have one. You'd be riding shotgun in my life. Riding shotgun in your life, baby. In your life, shotgun in your life. Thong song two in parentheses. Two thongs at once. get that one that one you don't need here we don't need that's a that's a that one is

you just i think you're up okay um i have you had me at goodbye so this boy and this girl grew up together and they're best friends and neither of them see it as a romantic relationship or maybe she does but he doesn't and then when she says goodbye to leave then he realizes oh those feelings of friendship were actually love and you had meant goodbye that's really good calculating route to avoid seeing poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food

shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at UnitedWayGT.org It's like Daniel Caesar. That one feels like it needs a full story. I know. You know what I mean? You need to really live in that one. Also, can you hear the guitar?

Mm-hmm. It's plugged in. It's plugged into the mic. Oh, what? Yeah, it sounds good. It's going to be clear. You're goaded. Stay goaded.

He plays Jesus, et cetera. All 11 minutes of Jesus, et cetera. And these are all very bad. And I was, again, I wrote these on the train in the Alps. And I'm turning to my wife and I said, this is a good song title, right? My wife just was like having to take her earbuds out every time. I'm like, what about I love you so much. i would eat one of those beef bullion cubes like those yeah it's like a sugar those really really

salty really they're really salty really really salty do that one do that i love you so much so much so much i would ever eat i would ever eat one of those little people young cubes Really, really salty Really, really salty cubes That you put in soup Does it make soup? I think it makes soup

I think it makes soup And I would eat one of those with you And that would prove to you Oh yeah That I motherfucking love you Really good stuff. I love you so much I would eat one of those beef bullions

Yeah, I mean, that would be a nightmare to eat. It's so salty. It would be really bad. Yeah. You must really love that. You must really love, yeah. Yeah. All right, Willie.

Oh, I've got, I've got Forget to See the Sunset. It's about you're with a girl that you love, and you're somewhere beautiful with a beautiful sunset, but I forget to see the sunset because I'm looking in your eyes. Nice. It's the opposite of the sunset, yeah. Still, I'm distracted. Distracted by your beauty, yeah.

Distracted by your beautiful face. But now that I think about it, we're in Cabo. I want to see the sunset get out of my face. He's annoyed by it. He's like, I'm actually, I'm back to wanting to see the sun set. We had a great day on the beach, girl. I want to see the sun set now. I want to see the sun set now.

I'm moving out of my way. That's gorgeous. Gorgeous. Just some cute, just carving them off the bone, you guys. I have a train related one for you Luke Love that It's called 11 stops And what I wrote down

Is a singer he's on tour And his wife calls him saying that she's gonna leave him Because he's constantly on tour And she never sees him And so he cancels the rest of his shows And he gets on the train and he's saying There's only 11 stops between me and you babe Oh I like

Is it supposed to be kind of a plan Like maybe he cancelled his last 11 stops of the tour Sure Yeah, exactly. You know, I was singing like that. Yeah. Yeah. You've got 11 stops between me and you.

Go ahead and list them off so you know where I'm at. Geographically, baby. I'm down in Miami right now And you're in Seattle First stop, Jacksonville Not getting off, don't wanna get off here at all Gonna be a long train ride, should've probably got a flight Next stop, Atlanta

Not making too much progress yet But we're going to make our way across the U.S. Across the U.S. Your third stop. Let's think about where it is. Nashville. We're working our way up the American South now. Stop in Cincinnati.

Get some Skyline Chili for me. I grabbed some for you. It will not keep and the cheese will melt and it will get gross. But I'm going to bring it back for you. On the train, my girl, I'm gonna bring some skyline chili for you. Bringing you home, skyline chili. Riding on the Amtrak. And I'm shit-racked right now.

I'm getting drunk. There's a bar car on the train. And you gotta get drunk on the train. I don't remember what number we're at. Let's stop in Chicago. Fuck it, we ball. Stop in Chicago. For a minute, yeah.

Then, where do we go from here? Maybe like St. Louis or some shit. And again, don't get off. Nothing to see there. Sorry, St. Louis. Gonna just keep on going right through it. St. Louis, Louis. Then we're gonna hit Denver.

Eventually, we're working our way west. Denver's fun, but again, it's like, What do we do here? What do we get here? What do we see here? I guess there's mountains out. I don't know. I don't really care.

Then we keep going. Keep going to Wyoming. Look out at all the cows. Lots of beef. So much beef. Too much beef. It kind of smells. In Wyoming, have you ever been?

It kind of smells like cow shit. Keep on going, keep on going, keep on flowing. Up in Boise, hard pass, we don't need to stop. We're almost home, we're almost home. Eleven stops back to you. Don't know how many there are yet, but let's do Portland real quick. And see what's up in Portland. There's nothing important, you're more important than Portland.

Baby doll Baby doll Baby doll Eleven stops A long long ride Across the United States Now we're here In Seattle

Finally here And I'm too tired To fuck Did you forget? That was Unbelievable Really had to go through it Really went through it

Yeah My mental map I wonder how many stops that was Not eleven I think it was like I think it was eleven clean Really? I started counting

Then I got distracted Yeah I did I feel like it was like nine You lost me in Denver on the counting. Yeah, sorry for Denver. I've had fun every time I go to Denver. Yeah, Denver felt like a weird one to diss. Yeah, I like Denver.

Every time I go to Denver, I have a great time, but there is something every time I go there, I'm like, I don't know what the thing is. Yeah. I guess outdoor activities and hiking. Red Rocks, wearing Patagonia. Yeah, it's like going to see the Rockies game, fun, but like optional.

A lot of dingers. A lot of dingers. A lot of dingers up in that ballpark. All right, we got more? I got more. Yeah. Keep her. I don't want her to go that long.

We can just do little tasters. No better start than a broken heart. Ooh, well done. A guy who's like, I can't. Like, I just went through a breakup. And she's saying, hey, there's no better start than a broken heart. Like, you might as well start there. I mean, it's all up from here.

You want to sing it? Yeah, it's all up. Yeah, there's no better start than a broken heart. Like, you don't. No better start than a broken heart No better start, no better start than a broken heart This is where we build You're my rebound girl

I'm kinda tryna fuck my way through it No better start than a broken heart Than a broken heart Than a broken heart really did oh yeah oh yeah well my heart spoke because i lost all my money on that oriole's over it's not even romantically related but i still need a rebound either way so come on here let's fuck come on Fuck the money away.

Fuck that money away. No better start than a broken heart. Oh, yeah. Again, fuck the money away. I'm going to go with... These are like... You guys are right. Those are actual good love song titles.

Mine are all garbage. Mine are all garbage. Well, that's okay. That's why I bring it on. You're a garbage friend. I'm going to, I want to hear, I wrote this last night. I wrote the title down for this last night. It was either going to be a children's book or a love song.

That's funny. This one's called The Speed of Smell. It's a man with dementia. He doesn't remember anything, but when his wife comes in the room, he smells the perfume and it takes him back and he remembers a lot of things about their relationship. That's awesome. Honestly, smell does do that to you. It really does.

Yeah. you smell like a like a food sometimes that yeah yeah i feel like a lot of times it's uh the smell that always gets me are like you know how like certain friends of yours have a smell yeah where it's not like it's a bad or good it's a neutral smell but it's like it probably ends up being like their detergent or whatever like just like where they wash their clothes with but there's certain people where i'm like that smells like this kid yeah like oh you smell like him you smell they had two of them in the same room like are you guys gonna hit it off you guys are gonna get along you guys both use you know downy you ever walk into someone someone like news house you're

like oh your house smells like garrett's house yeah i feel like like families totally do that like growing up i remembered what each yeah that's a real thing yeah what else you got willie oh will it work i got one for you all right yeah um this one is a it's a bit of a longer title but it's it is a love song and it's a i think it could be a hit it's called i know we met at the family reunion but i looked it up and second cousins can fuck with minimal risk of mental birth effects in the offspring oh my god that's great yeah let's do the sweet oh girl i just saw you all across the park at the family reunion girl and you're looking real good which side are you from oh your

second cousin's on my dad's side it's not so bad oh yeah and you're giving me the eye let's try some stuff i don't know there's a bathroom in this park get in there there is a on the door you can get real weird and we just don't make too many noises and did i mention i don't have condoms and i never like to pull out nobody really likes to pull out not a single one of us likes to pull out and you know i only lasted three or four pumps and i shot my nose up inside and i could tell i hit a bullseye you are pregnant i could feel it sometimes you just know sometimes you blow on i'm talking a really thick and spicy full load and you know that our baby's gonna grow and you know that our baby's gonna grow from the load inside of your womb

let's do some googling we're second cousins second cousins what's the risk here oh cool it's pretty low let's go i like that it's a it's a retroactive risk assessment if you know you're having the kid so now you know you're having the kid let's see if there's gonna be some funny yeah and just for the record i don't know i think it's still not a good idea I think third cousin is when it's, like, fine. Sounds like a guy who wants it to be fine. The royal family is, like, mostly cousins. Really?

Like, the queen and prince, or the late queen and prince Philip were, like, second or third cousins. That's pretty gross. Pretty gross. Pretty, pretty gross. Also, they met when he was 18 and she was, like, 14. So, a lot of stuff going on there. Fuck these cousins again Everyone's doing that shit

Do you want to do another one really No I have one more but it sucks Stunks Oh I've I'll end on this I just deleted my entire All contacts

Oh Alright let's go with Too slow So this guy normally rushes into things And that ruins the relationship so when he meets this girl that he really likes he decides to take it slow but she thinks that he's not into her

because he's taking it so slow around her and so it's a lose-lose yeah so he's like fuck I'm going too slow he tries to take it slow and be romantic and then she thinks that because he doesn't want to have sex on the first time they hang out that he doesn't like her

and so he loses her Taking it nice Taking it nice and slow A little bit too slow Now you do not know If I even like you taking it too way too slow yeah even though we're naked in my bed way too slow you are naked yes and i still have my whole outfit on

You start kissing me And I'm telling you That's not my thing I do one of these I pull away I wanna fuck though I'm just playing hard to get girl That was good.

That was good. That was fantastic. There's a good love song I wrote that was called Blastin' Pissin' Da Moanin'. Taylor's version. Oh, I love that. I don't want to play it, though. Okay. Now, there is one last love song that I wrote the title to that I was like,

oh, that could be a good love song. Yeah, let's hear it. If you love me as much as you say. Oh, God. You could stab me a little less. That's good. That's good. Yeah, let's see if there's...

It's got to be a little bit of a sexy chord progression, I feel like. Or no? That's safe. Maybe I'll go. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. If you love me And I know you've said it seven times

Yes, I'm counting You know I gotta be You know I gotta be counting All of the times Cause you're the only one Who's ever said you love me Baby Oh yeah

If you love me As much as you say Maybe Oh maybe You can put that knife away And quit stabbing me As much as you keep on stabbing me Cause I'm like you're stabbing me a lot

For someone that you claim to love Once or twice would have been enough I would have been like she loves me She's got a weird way of showing it But now I'm like 150 times In the back and in the nutsack That's a lot of stabs to do If you're really in love with Julian

That was powerful. Yeah, I loved that. We did our best. Yeah. We did our best. Are these metaphorical stabs, or is she literally stabbing this man? In my, I think you could go either way, but since it is like an Ed Sheeran-y song, it probably would be real stabs. Yeah, yeah.

Is he getting stabbed? Yeah. He's getting stabbed a hundred times. That's like his thing, right? I think he's into knife play. He's into knife play. Yeah. But it's consensual, so have fuck it, we ball, you know?

Yeah, consensual KP never killed anyone. I think it did kill a guy. Amazing. All right, should we do our personality segment and wrap up? Yeah, this is our last. This is how we wrap up. First of all, that was fantastic. We did our best, you guys.

We did our best. We made up some tunes. Thank you for sharing your artistry. hey guys anytime that i can just play uh random chords and not real rhyme once yeah i thought you had a couple good no i thought it was great we stumble our way into some some tunes i like i think you have a good like strategy when it's like you haven't locked in the rhyme it's like it always keeps going like it's like you add like an extra yeah so it sounds like you're like All right, Luke, the way we like to wrap these up

is we say whose personality we're going to steal for the rest of the week and act like that person. Ooh. Yeah. Lauren, you can start. I'll go last. She always goes last. Really?

I don't know. And this could be anyone. Anyone. Anyone. Ooh, here's what I'm thinking. Yeah. I just got back yesterday from vacation. right rode the train around with my wife in europe we had a great time yeah it was not in

any way a restful vacation we didn't we stayed in all these cities for like two days at a time okay so like a lot of going and going and going and going very exhausted came home last night and was like oh i well my whole life is waiting for me on monday that i got a bunch of shit to do and so this week i gotta like i gotta be on top of it i got you know i gotta unpause a lot of stuff that's been on pause and so because of that i'm i think i'm needing a channel a little like parks and rec uh what's her name leslie nope leslie no i need to like be type a this week and i need to be on top of it and keep a binder and a schedule and i need to like i'm pretty sure answer emails i think it came out she was just on a lot of adderall she was just doing adderall yeah

just doing adderall so maybe that's what i need to do is i need to do adderall this week uh to just get my shit together so leslie nope i think i'll go leslie nope i like that i like that all right i'm gonna go i'm going to new york on wednesday we we are going to new york yeah it's true both of us are going to new york so i'm gonna go andrew cuomo i want to walk around that place like the fucking governor you know what i mean i want people to treat me like be like what up gov what up gov i'll be like anyway the cuomo cuomo sexual dude yeah i'm a big fan of the cuomos oh fuck he did all that yeah wasn't he diddling yeah i think he did no i think he was cancel i think diddling i'm pretty sure you're diddling i don't i think he was doing like sexual harassment

to his like secretary oh i thought it was like i thought it was like white collar i don't know no it was like a virtual deal he probably did that too i think it goes without saying any time that any politician i just assume they've done like financial yeah yeah that's yeah i might have given him the wrong benefit out here though like all right well fair enough i don't want to do anything illegal i have a i have a financial crime financial crime yeah i have a play date first oh i'm stealing two people's personalities and i slacked you a video of them oh please tell me jay harrod jay harrod yeah so these are two john and kate two lovely best friends oh i like that they're in their 90s and they still swim their hometown river

invigorating it's like a social hour for some of us we talk about everything that's going on and what's coming up that's gonna be you if you want to be quiet give me the dog one way there's lots of room yes i keep my thermometer on my uh that's that's enough but they basically adorable i liked one of the lines where she said if you're done talking uh there's a lot of room you can just drift away and so she they'll just swim away from each other when they want some of them that's beautiful i love it lauren whose personality are you gonna steal yes i did think of something i'm gonna steal my personality from me in high school because i'm going back to chicago this weekend which is like where i grew up and i'm gonna see a lot of my best friends from high

school people i've been seeing in like two years and i think it's just gonna really ground me and bring me back to like this my this old version what are some high school habits you're gonna get back into when i'm back what what are some high school habits you're gonna try and get back kendo um locos or locos i don't know just like running from the cops being like really social giving each other wedgies you got to see a lot of peeps yeah yeah being more social with like big groups of people probably what part of town you hanging in um staying in wrigleyville but my friends live in lincoln park too nice i lived in wrigley for three years yeah i loved it i'm so excited oh that'd be great you can't put any freaking ketchup on your hot dog though is that

a thing they don't allow to i like you can't put on a deep dish either now you well you can my first first stop when i land i'm gonna go to portillo's and get an italian beef you got i've been i'm so excited do you dip it you go do you dip um i get it like medium wet that's right that's the correct or medium so you order it like tell those what yeah hot dog no well you can't get dog hot dogs you want to tell luke about your brilliant Italian beef Italian beef so much meat you mean my your boars in a trench yeah boars oh I watched that one yeah of course you did I loved I loved that you were like you're you you really you came close and you just missed what the mustard all kinds of mustard I know I like that you're like this is gonna make oh oh keep the blanket yeah

You got the wrong girly part. Luke, is there anything you want to plug for the people? Where can they find you? What do you got coming up? What are your hopes and dreams? I'm editing my stand-up special right now. Don't have any release date on it yet, but hit me on the socials. It's always helpful.

I'll blast it out there. Luke Null. Luke Null is my name, so I think that that would be the best way to find me. I don't want to ride you too hard, but I will say I watched Luke live in Cincinnati, and if you have a chance to watch luke live it's you were you were crushing it was it was the hardest i've laughed in a while granted casey and i had you were about eight to ten cores lights in us but uh everyone else was having a good time i was glad that you came i was appreciative that you came liam uh was there too you opened for me that night it was a fun time you guys came from

oktoberfest which that's yeah big party that's a big part it was it was behind uh the comedy club was behind a GMC dealership. It's weird. Go Bananas. Fun spot. The bar next to it, a blast. Got hammered. Yeah, we got mixed up there that night.

Yeah, that sounds awesome. Also, I was going to bring you guys to, you had had a whole day of, you guys were putting in the hours. But I was going to take you to my favorite bar in Cincinnati when you came and saw that show. It's kind of you to say something. Yeah, I'll plug myself.

Come see me live. Yes. See me live. I'd take it right now. i go around i do live shows i do i do this where we just uh i do non-rhyming garbage but i almost took you to murphy's pub which is my that was my first like legal drink was there that's 21 you always a lot of people get jumped out in front uh but it's the kind of bar where you like a lot of people accidentally walk in just like with a lit cigarette and no one really stops

you uh but it's unlimited free hot dogs and popcorn that's why i was gonna bring popcorn people do that but unlimited free hot dog is crazy by the end of Luke's show I don't know if there was any bar in Cincinnati

that would let us in yeah fair enough sounds like you were red hot well Luke thank you so much wait there's one more thing we usually tell people

who watch on YouTube to comment oh yeah something we've done like your favorite bird or something like that so do you want to

come up with something that they can all comment yeah yeah comment where you think what you think happens when we die perfect that's fantastic

money All right. Luke, this has been a blast. Thank you for having me. Let's all do that. We all put our hands in when we have a guest on. We've always done this. Three, two, one, guest.

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