Will & Rusty's Playdate - he caught me with my fly down

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Rusty panics about a mistake he made at dinner, Will fangirls over MJ Lenderman, and Lauren relives a weed nightmare in the dining hall. The boys also talk about how songs are associated with certain memories, cool versus evil professors, powdered alcohol, and New Girl. Finally, they do one of their favorite segments—country songs that don’t exist—and think of ways to tell their friends their fly is down. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://almostfriday.shop/collections/playdate-pod/  HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  USE BETMGM BONUS CODE PLAYDATE AND GET YOUR $1500 FIRST BET OFFER TODAY https://promo.nj.betmgm.com/en/promo/geolocator?orh=promo.betmgm.com&wm=7123555 ACCELERATOR AVAILABLE ON AMAZON. UPGRADE YOUR ENERGY HERE https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/FB06B38E-F0C2-479F-9DA5-FD4A1C852B07?channel=Playdate 00:00 Intro 00:14 Chance the Rapper 04:55 Rusty’s “Fatal” Error 10:34 Will Broke -18 15:40 Evil Teachers 23:50 Traveling Abroad 28:58 Will’s Exciting Plans! 34:26 Getting Too High 46:33 Roadmap 50:05 Pitch Submissions 01:05:39 Pitches 01:07:41 Teach Me Something 01:13:36 This Guy Rocks 01:17:35 Country Songs that Don’t Exist 01:25:34 Ways to Tell your Friend their Fly is Down 01:27:48 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As always, Playdate is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer. Redefining Le Party Landscape. We recording? Yep. Playdate. Playdate. Episode 80? Episode 79.

79. 79, 79. Ooh. Sorry. What? Look at the channel from 79. What's that? Chance the Rapper.

he grew up on 79th street so he references a lot in his lyrics that's pretty cool i've been on a kick chance the rapper episode i don't think there were 79 streets in my town like total yeah yeah but i think there's at least one in the south side of chicago right so i remember i visited chicago once when i was really into chance the rapper and i almost went there isn't that like oblock what's oblock it's like uh it's like a very bad area his dad was an assistant to barack obama oh okay um wait you almost like went yeah like i was so into the music i was like i'm gonna go i gotta go see 79th street and i was i think i had what were you gonna do when you got there nothing what about 65th and angleside yeah

maybe that is one of my favorite chance that one hadn't come out yet i don't think this was like what do you think his fixation on like streets is well it's his that's where he grew up like i might make a song like alberta ev i hope it's not in that voice alberta bad alberta ev alberta bad i feel like a lot of people talk about their like uh that j cole album is like a street yeah yeah i i guess i just don't know a lot about chance and the only now the only two lyrics that i know are uh no you know you don't want no problem with me what about we don't do the same drugs no more we don't do that we don't do the same drugs that is i love that song that song is awesome i never got into him he's amazing he's awesome no i don't i don't i i'm sure he's amazing i just

remember like the the one song that was like kind of making its rounds in my circle growing up like it just didn't hit with me which one was it i think it was like sunday candy or something sunday candy didn't hit i liked it for no no i think it i liked it for like a week and then i was like it just his stuff kind of makes me sad for some reason or like it gives me a headache it has a feeling like candy is like one of the best songs ever i think no it's great it's great i just think you know those songs that you associate with like long car like i remember just hearing it in the car one day when my head hurt and i was like like i didn't like john mayer for a while because i remember we had a cd of it and we played it so often and my mom's new car

smelled so like new car-y that i had a headache the whole time and i started like not being able to listen to john mayer without having my head hurt i guess that's fair yeah we gotta be careful uh talking about artists the guys that we talked about on the last episode do you remember it was like you're teach me something or you're this guy rocks yeah it was like them singing and then we all said like oh that was great and then progressed to maybe like something about those kind of people could can be insufferable like i was just talking about like that wasn't specific to them no but i just felt like big groups were like they just all get together and like sing and like i don't know but i was honestly probably i was jealous

but then i got a text from my friend carolina that was like that's my friend from high school and he she sent me his he had posted on his instagram story and been like yeah i guess we're insufferable and so then i swiped up i was like i'm sorry dude i didn't mean that he's like no i was joking i didn't like it wasn't you're totally fine oh that's it was totally fine i don't think it was anything i don't think i granted i don't remember the full conversation but i thought it was like those guys rock but it was in our experience guys that do that can be a lot sometimes yeah it was that but it was yeah it was funny he was he had a good but it made me i forgot it sometimes i forgetted that this is going out to all these people okay sometimes i just say

like off the cuff stuff like i'm off the i'm a i'm a boundary pushing comedian and sometimes i you know cross the line and i forget that yeah man i mean you you have your pedal to the metal you have your foot foot all the way down the floor if you're on the cutting edge sometimes you're gonna slip over sometimes you're gonna yeah sometimes you're gonna spray some people with some dirt i did and i want to don't come don't come to the rally track if you don't want to get like willie blasted write that down for next things don't come to the rally track if you don't want to get willie blasted um i made just a fatal a fatal error at dinner last night twice um i feel like i feel like sometimes you lead into these stories with like really we'll see

like exaggerating i sexted someone it's like that wasn't what it's like i think if you if it happened of you you would agree but i don't know if i'm going to be able to convey like the gravity of the situation or how it felt in the moment i'm ready uh let's start it off with a role play just to see how you would have handled this so you're me i'm my girlfriend okay we're sitting across the table from each other having a lovely dinner my her her burgers got there my steak just got there hey baby girl okay well uh so she it was too big to eat so she was kind of like deconstructing it and like eating it with a fork and knife right and that's some shit girls do right but she was like do you want to try i was like of course because we i'd been looking it up

all day i was really excited apparently it's like one of the best burgers in los angeles it was but she like put the fork out and we're sitting super close to each other so i just ate it off the fork yeah i'm just telling you what i did now would you have done that if i put the fork out would you have eaten it off the fork yeah yeah i thought that was completely normal and then i was like do you want some steak and she was like yeah and so i cut it up and i put the fork out with the steak on it and she took the fork and like put it on her plate didn't think twice your brain is kind of fascinating just hear me out just hear me out she goes to give me another bite of the burger and i ate it off the fork again and then she made she made a comment something along the lines of

like i don't know if eating off of each other's forks is like restaurant appropriate and i was only doing it because i thought that's like what she wanted me to do i didn't like i wouldn't have done that if i knew that she didn't i thought it was like oh she thinks that this is like romantic like i'm gonna do it off were you like no i didn't even make like a big show out of it also our role-playing ended super quickly uh i don't think that's a big deal at all thank you so she thought that because you're at a nice restaurant that that's not let's give her a call because she had she's gonna explain it better than i can can we call her real quick sure sure plan no he's already said her name cran cran cran we knew it was gonna be an exaggeration no i'm i'm like

missing details or something because something like really insane happened she said she's in a meeting yeah that doesn't sound bad at all i feel like that's fine you know i must be missing a detail because it was like it was a waiter come over and like try to take a bite off of no detail could be missing it just made me want in the moment it made me want to like crawl out of my skin that like maybe people had that she didn't want to do that she said she can call me 30 that's way too long um she's gonna be calling her and freaking teach me something teach me something say sorry babe that's when i do teach me something sorry babe no we won't even be at the row mountain when i do teach me something um no i think i think that is a perfectly fine

situation but i guess what i'm trying to say is like i didn't want to do that i thought it was like a thing she was trying to do and then she made me feel like that was weird when in reality i thought that was so you were supposed to grab her fork yeah and then put it on my take it off with your fork or or she said okay babe i i don't like you guys brought babe into this i she thought i was just gonna take the fork and eat it and then hand it back it's like why are we adding an extra step yeah so you guys are on my side that that would be normal yeah yeah okay that makes me feel so much better i gotta tell you guys because i had the absolute worst thing in the history of the universe most embarrassing thing ever that's happened in the history of the universe happened

to me i stepped in a puddle yesterday fuck you i think if you were there i agree that it probably feels that way the way she did the way she just was like i don't know if it's restaurant appropriate to be eating off each other's forks yeah it was almost like am i like a little kid yeah i was like am i am i like a huge perv you're paying so much money to don't make us answer that i think you can do whatever you want as long as you don't like jump on the table and like get naked or something well do i have a quick let me finish let me tell you how dessert ended um yeah it was almost like she was like it was like what do you want if you're holding your fork out she was airplane no but like it felt like that i think if you put your fork out don't be expected if i eat

the food off of it that'd be hysterical if she was like and then you took a bite she's like wow come on we're in public oh my god did you ever do that superman thing where like you'd you'd go like on your dad's like of course that was awesome airplane we call it superman here we go you were a hands out in front guy yeah i was and i'll go i will go comment on below superman or airplane comment comment uh big lauren dub comment lauren dub um everyone comment airplane dub lauren what else are we what else i i have a big announcement please i had the best thing ever happened to me it's not really an announcement you guys know i finally broke 18 under in weed golf oh yeah i've been streaming it playing it in my

spare time for years now uh has it been a year while streaming from the last yeah it's been over a year since i first did it but then i got into regularly doing it this year but i've been playing it since freshman year college i finally was able to achieve not only 18 under but i smashed my record and i shot 20 on it's insane if anyone can shoot 20 on the picture of your face right here yeah that selfie you sent me i have never seen you that hubby day would be i would actually be shocked if i ever saw you that happy it was a big it was a huge smile it was like we don't see that smile did you have did you have any feeling of like you know guys like when the like masters or something and it's like insane for a second and they're like oh my whole life was like

for that 100 you had a little bit like sat down there i like kept the stream going i was just sitting there i was like okay now what you know what time did you get it at i got like 8 45 or something maybe i could we had kava right before that might have been you did get kava and i liked it yeah you like okay i was wrong yeah we got kava because something about rusty featherstone is that when he's wrong he admits he's wrong it's true sometimes yes then one time i've been wrong the pay the pto when you thought people get paid for pto because i still don't i still think i'm right i know that's what i mean but that's exactly my point if there's a definitive there's been definitive evidence we've had multiple sources online sources in-person sources we've asked

motts we've asked edge we looked it up online there's absolutely no way you're right and you still think you're right that's exactly my i mean i was on his side until we kind of dove deeper into the conversation um exactly yeah yeah you're right this argument for the for the viewers at home because i don't think this was ever on the podcast yeah was that it's the dumbest this is the dumb this is the kind of shit we get in arguments about if you get paid out at the end of the year for not using your pto if you don't use days in your pto do a lot of companies pay you out for that money or for that time which would be like double money yes i mean i thought it too i'm gonna start a company that does that i'm gonna have one employee and i'm gonna do that

just to be right um we went to a we went bowling yesterday during the middle of the day you went bowling oh oh for could it could be the move shoot and bobby got beers because it was supposed to be like a super bowl thing and so we all had like two or three beers and then i tried to come back to the office and like get back into like the swing of things and we're just like nope that's funny yeah i was wondering i feel like you normally say bye and i was like i texted you and you were like no i'm home i felt like buzzed i was just like this isn't good to be around yeah i knew i was buzzed too because i would kept i talked to i went into like everyone's office i was like okay you're being too social right that's low key me on adderall i like go go around

and just want to talk to everyone 56 and um do you guys ever you ever like singing a song in the car and you're like cool all right what else um and you like fuck up a lyric so bad that you just have to like skip the song like there's no recovering from this by yourself no i was rapping i was rapping around town uh yesterday on the way home and i just like completely fumbled the lyric and instead of like trying to recover it i just skipped you know no more rap for me what song what song i don't know i only wear shorts with no pockets um i was raining yesterday that was pouring i had to but we had this shoot for ftv and uh it ended and i had to bike home and it was dark out it was like eight o'clock

and it was pouring rain and it was soaking i got so soaked it was the soak it was the most soak fest man the most soaked i've ever been it's just like it's so like you take like i don't even look at the weather here really yeah and then it we're also in a weird spot because the city is not built for it like yeah in other cities where they would probably fix things that like turn into puddles yes like everything's a puddle here because it's never an issue it's yeah it was i was like a total soak fest and i had to go up big hills i just i was it was horrible oh we should have a playdate soak fest yeah i don't like the rain but last night when i was walking in the parking lot i i kind of had a little moment when i was walking i'm like this is nice i was

romanticizing the rain i love the rain i felt like my favorite i like it if you're not in it in cold yeah yeah but dude coming in like a little wet and like getting under the covers and being like oh harry potter time yeah do you watch harry potter have you seen harry potter no what happens well you know malfoy yeah he's the bad guy yeah um why do they let him stay at the school why do they let all the evil teachers and kids stay at the school well there's like good and evil in the universe all must be protected i guess there are like evil teachers in real life that they're just like what are you gonna do yeah well who was the most evil teacher you had or let's start with who is who is the best teacher you've ever had and just to we'll do a compliment sandwich for

the school the best teacher i ever had i don't know you go first karen or like jill or one of oh karen and jill that was good that was yeah and who else uh jean katherine and kelly yeah and then uh ever tell me about amy's butt your teacher's butt we had a teacher we didn't know why we liked her butt and we went home and told my mom no i wasn't it you didn't know why you liked her jeans so much oh yeah we were like we really like the way her jeans move and my mom was like oh yeah that's she was like i can't really explain like why right now we were in like kindergarten i really like you know when she walks across the room like i'm really i'm really fascinated by the way her jeans move and my mom was like yeah no that's i mean nothing to look

into completely normal but like don't tell her that um my i had an evil teacher once evil kenevil what happened uh she told my friend in front of the entire class that he was going like you know like rappers i think i might have told the story already but you know rappers are like teachers told me i'd never be nothing and you're like no teacher has ever done that we had a teacher that brought our friend up in front of the class said he's going blank is going nowhere in life you guys should not be friends with him i do i remember you seeing that that's so messed up and then we hid his ipad in the back of the class like on recording to like try and bait her into saying something else we could like never get anything that was like that bad but we got a

couple like quips that like taken out of context were like devastating and they don't let her teach uh i don't know about now but they sent her down to like elementary school the minor leagues well because she was just more impressionable children i will say she was good with like kid kids yeah she just did not have the going ads to yeah play in the big leagues that makes um i had do professors count yeah i had a great professor nice how'd that go for you it was really good ryan ryan heffernan so even at bc it was first name no i called him hef i was just saying his name i don't know why i was yeah but we he asked everyone called him hef and he was really cool i had him freshman year for this class we had this class on courage to know it was like a made-up

class it was just like courage to know yeah oh fun fact what are the what are the tests there were it was like essays on like books that were like are interesting like it was like it was just it was like for freshmen only and it was oh yeah they have they have someone's class to like ease you into college and a lot of this class was just like getting to know each other get a couple a's on the board yeah yeah but he my dad went to like orientation weekend like it was like they would split up like the kids would go do stuff and then the parents would go like find out about bc and stuff um and he was like we met up after orientation he was like dude this i went to this like seminar that a senior was giving at bc and the one thing he kept saying was make sure you

take this guy kurt schnell like you're gonna love kurt schnell make sure you take and i was like i was like i couldn't find him anywhere on the things i was looking everywhere anyway it turns out it was this class courage to know my dad watched this whole seminar about why your kids should take courage to know and he wrote down make sure will takes professor kurt schnell oh that's so funny it feels like your parents were a lot more involved like hands-on with school uh like they were going to the like sex talk they were going to like seminars they were like there at orientate like my parents yeah dropped me off and then they lived in the town that my college was at so like i could go see them but like i didn't there was no there was nothing like that

i mean they were never like in like the pto or anything or like yeah but they dropped me off i mean they went to my orientation and my sex talk yeah i think that might be um they weren't like they weren't like those like you know those kids whose parents were like hyper involved in the school right those were the worst pta yeah pto actually called it i think pie at my school ours was seaf but yeah pta pto whatever seaf yeah cape was with education fund okay um when i was in college you know those guys that like like the coolest things about them contradict each other does that make any sense where it's like okay hit me like he's super crunchy granola and like bikes to work but he also like smokes like marble reds and you're like those things don't really

you know what i mean like so i had this professor and he had like a ponytail and he was like a history teacher i thought he was the coolest and he would like bike to work i guess the only contradiction was like he would sit outside i'd see him smoking cigarettes on like a bench i was like that's pretty cool like that kind of tracks i know i guess now that i'm saying it out loud it did but it was like his whole thing was like a holistic like yeah and it was it was it's funny how like some of the smartest people in the world are able to like put reason aside for certain things you know what i mean like any any rational person would be like i shouldn't be smoking a pack of cigarettes today yeah and he was like one of the smartest guys i know

but he loved cigarettes you know the our personal trainer in new orleans yeah was like reverend she was just ripping us oh yeah i had a personal trainer and then she starts ripping a cigarette and we didn't get it on camera it makes you feel a lot better about like no it made me feel like this person doesn't know oh her health from her ass her ass from her helbo health bowl yeah her helbo i yeah i wasn't looking at her ass i made myself cry this morning why i was writing country songs that don't exist oh i was writing country songs that don't exist and i wrote a really sad one damn it isn't that funny that is that what you guys were doing yeah we're in country songs and ways to say you're we'll tell you in the roadmap but isn't it funny that your brain is

capable of making something up that can make you i didn't it's not real yeah like i didn't do anything real i didn't make anything real yeah um how's everyone doing i feel like we're on a very mellow vibe this morning i like it i know caffeine so that might be part of it yeah i'm I haven't had as much caffeine as I've usually had at this point in my day but I'm I'm good I'm drinking the accelerator now

if you want to see the effects of the accelerator skip 45 minutes in the future I'm excited for next week why? best guy ever I'm stoked for next week it's Friday and I'm thinking about next week

do you know what episode this is? this comes out next Wednesday i wanted to see if you'd figure oh sorry i wouldn't sorry i wouldn't have pieced that together you would not have sorry we had that we jack and i are fuck rusty fuck i don't understand why we get why you guys get upset it is funny still in the comments like the this is a lot of people's first time like hearing that oh interesting like a ton of people and like i mean we're our listeners are growing so there's always going to be more people learning that people always like they've said his name yeah uh no but i was gonna say that you and i are going to nashville and

will be there monday so we're having to pre-record this we usually record on monday and release wednesday this whole two episode thing is i literally don't know what day of the week this is the third episode we've recorded this week don't you think the weeks are like flying by because of it yeah i mean i do yeah i don't feel like burnt out not at all no no not that's not what i'm trying to say at all i more meant like uh i'm very grateful that we most people have you doubled their work that would be bad but i think we will all like it well what about you lauren are you stressed um i'm a little burnt not like bad we'll get you a vacation but well i'm going to spain look at your hat uh april oh yeah i gotta give you all my recs yeah i don't know if

i have good ones honestly you lived in valencia yeah but like i lived in like a small town outside of the city okay well really i don't know i don't know if you can even give like input on this but so we're deciding we're gonna fly into barcelona and then we're either gonna do like barcelona barcelona to valencia and then granada and seville or barcelona valencia and then go to like majorca and do an island uh i think granada is really worth but i'm like more leaning towards like the south of spain i have been to granada never into sevilla but yeah i that would but i've never been to majorca so i don't know i need to do more research playmates if you guys have a lot of uh spain expertise i want to go i need to go europe's so odd because there are still like medieval

like cities but like normal people like live in them you've ever gone to like we were in i think like the north part of sicily a couple summers ago money summers ago and we were walking around it's all like very very italian people and we were there to look through the records like our family records because my grandparents wanted to see where they were from or not where they were from like where they like literally came from and they just wanted to see if anyone like still lived there yeah and uh there was a brief moment where they thought they were cousins which was very fun uh parents they're my grandparents and then we're walking around it's all completely italian people it's very clear we're from america and this one woman

was like americans we were like yes and she was like i'm from buffalo my grandparents were like we're from buffalo what are you doing here she was like i live here and they were like oh and she was like oh all my grandkids are in town how old are you guys we told them our age she was like yeah all the same ages so we like met this group of like cool kids like i still follow them from buffalo from buffalo but they were just visiting their grandmother oh that's for the summer and then we were supposed to hang out the next day uh i was trying to pull a fast one and stay at the house because i hate walking around and so i said i had i said i had diarrhea and then i and i was hoping everyone would leave the house and my grandpa was like i'll hang back with him i was

like well that defeats all burgers and i have to act like i have diarrhea all day and then there were these cool girls and guys that were our age and they were like where's jack and my sister was like yeah he has explosive diarrhea and i now i never want to see those people i like how you said that you could have been like nah i buy my i rolled my ankle or something right but that i needed a one-day illness yeah i have explosive diarrhea i'd try that one this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural

gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories willie what do you love so much about triple man well you know what i love is that it's now available in stores in south carolina my homeland the mecca uh i'm going back to charleston in a few weeks and i'm very excited because i'm going there for a race and i the night before now i can get triples and i can have some triples and still wake up the next morning feel great go for a run not have to worry about feeling hungover or grumpy or anything like that tell me about how you celebrated your golf thing oh yeah i did when i hit when i shot 20 under in golf i immediately cracked a triple and cheers with all my viewers had two of them honestly and i'm crazy for that i'm crazy for that and then i was just alone in

the office like kind of high it was pretty fun guys triple is born from a desire to blend thc's Social buzz with the social ritual of sipping on a seltzer. Triple is currently available at grocery stores, liquor stores, bars, and restaurants in Missouri, Kansas, Iowa, Louisiana, Georgia, and Florida, and South Carolina now. Wow. It will be available in Illinois, Arizona, and Ohio by next year. Looking at you, Landon Hardine.

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Let's get back into the episode. Wait, what were we... We were talking about Europe and... Oh, no, I was going to tell you why I'm so excited for next week. Oh, we, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't even get to it.

Yeah. It's going to be a great week. I'm excited. It's going to be great. My friends are visiting. from boston when are you gonna run out of friends that that's what i'm saying you have well this is the same ones that i mentioned last time you accused me of always having friends visit i think now you've just been talking about this trip trip for a while oh that is no but you

literally just had ben five this year i did just wait no that's true i think you brought this up because i was asking what you were doing on the 15th and you said you were going to that national park so i think this is the same story yes like i have two buddies that i would want to stay with made for a week outside of i got jake and cy coming in march and then i got maybe april off but how do you ben is coming back in may how do you like plant why are you like blocking these out so far in advance well they have to book their travel and stuff they're all coming from the east coast um but this i'm going to mj lenderman on friday night who's that he's awesome i feel like i sent you i think i've heard of he's like the bassist of future birds or something

no he's the guitarist of like he's the guitarist from wednesday is that true yeah he looks cool oh he's only 26 yeah and he's like where are you finding these guys online too many on the web you can't have you can't be into this many guys no this is the biggest guy right now we gotta kill it you can't that you're that phrase gets watered down when every week there's a new biggest guy for you but this is the biggest guy right now this is my number one artist of this year like his vibe but you you have they can change like your music taste changes month to month what you're listening to i know but if you're calling it he's my number one artist this year and you say that every week this year he it's him or waxahachie and he has a song with waxahachie and he might i think he

might bring waxahachie out oh because she lives in la um that's what i'm banking on well my number one artist this year is stands with fist and i think he's gonna come out with wind in her hair okay well anyway um mj lenderman chester's going dylan's going angus is going oh he's already gonna be back all my all five of my friends are going yeah it's gonna be awesome it's on valentine's day so it's like all of our lonely single dudes are all gonna go to mj lenderman which is gonna be fun um did you say all five of my friends all my lonely well i have three friends visiting and then scott so the five of us all of my college my college career was five of people and then three single dudes from work skylar's going the night before he's really is

he going with his girlfriend he's a lender man too i think so yeah or no he's going with a buddy but he couldn't come to our show because he has a girlfriend so he can't go on valentine's day which is kind of fun it's kind of fun to have like a bunch of single dudes doing a thing on valentine's day plus i figured yeah you're probably gonna get your rocks off if i don't like that language but i figure if there's any alt baddies at the concert it's like unless they're with a person then you know you know they're single yeah because they went to a concert on valentine's day and he's like lonely single dude music too it's gonna be perfect is it like good for grinding no it's like good for like going like oh yeah that's good for going like your

Put your clothes back on. One of his lyrics is put your clothes back on. Yeah, that's the first. It's the opposite of good grinding music. Put more layers on. All right, if you love this song, put that coat back on. I hope you guys are wearing your long underwear tonight because things are going to get weird.

I got to stay fit. One of his older songs is called Dan Marino. Yep. And I got a Dan Marino jersey on eBay that I'm going to wear. Damn. I planned out my outfit. It's awesome. I'm excited.

It's a little big on me. I'm looking into this coverall. You know coveralls? Like overalls? But with sleeves. Coveralls. Google? Coveralls are where like mechanics wear.

And it's the... You got them? No. But there's a... You know Laughing Clown? At Circus? Laughing Clown at Circus. They're selling...

That's a little dark shit. That's cool. they're selling the what do you say i thought it was our shirt when you took yours oh no um uh they're selling the like original ricky bobby laughing clown uh racing suit for 2200 bucks what is what are you saying what is laughing yeah wait what am i looking at it's just laughing google laughing clown ricky bob is it his sponsor or something in the movie yeah oh yeah laughing clowns like a like mall liquor um but i think i'm gonna get into overalls this year so confused i've that one pair but i haven't worn them in a while oh that could be good for my

i'm picturing like corduroy corduroy overalls that'd be cool last time i wore my overalls were noah khan oh yeah or mine too lauren wore coveralls the other day yeah oh yeah i guess i did see i would call that like a jumpsuit yeah i guess it's the same i feel like a jumpsuit implies there's some sort of like maybe aerobatics happening yeah oh well yeah i went to my aerobatics class that night um did you ty was telling me about his friend in college that uh every time he smoked he was convinced his balls got twisted like like i thought about i've had that fear too i'm like are they switch sides yeah you're like sitting on your lauren if you this isn't the fit this is a real thing no i believe it but he like you and i can talk ourselves out of it pretty i

think the average man can talk themselves out of it pretty quickly he apparently multiple times uh would smoke be fine would sit there and have an absolute meltdown and have they'd have to be like dude they are fine and then he'd be like you have to take me to the hospital you have to take me to the hospital and they'd be like dude they're not they're not twisted this boulder i feel like that's kind of the equivalent uh this is more common but thinking that you like peed your pants when you get too high does that happen that's happened to me so many times like not recently but like when i like at the beginning of when i first started what is that smoking just like what do you mean like what is that sensation couldn't you just be like oh no no i know but

like i think it's just the anxiety of like oh my gosh uh and then you just i don't know i don't know what that is but i do but i do remember um like freshman or sophomore year of high school the first time i got high i was with my close one of the first times i was with my close girlfriends and we're at her lake house and lake uh no not like geneva near lake geneva in wisconsin delavan and i was like freaking out i i was like fully convinced i'm like i need to text my parents like that i love them like that no that was so bad never gotten that yeah it's scary oh yeah that doesn't sound fun the only time close to that was we discovered we discovered the we used to call it the anti-gravity bong but i think in hindsight it was just a gravity bong we thought we had kind of

reinvented the wheel and what does that mean this kid ryan was really good at like drilling holes in glass and so we would like get it we got a snapple bottle and he drilled a hole in it it was just a grab bong but uh i remember doing it at my friend mike's house and then thinking we were going back to my house so the second i was done i just went and sat in the car and they were planning on like kicking it at mike's and so i was sitting there for like you know i felt like 20 minutes i was like watching i remember like watching these like little characters on the dashboard like just like too high and then being like where are these guys like i it's like getting like really cold out here and so i went back inside i was like come

on man i've been waiting out there for like 15 minutes let's go and they were like where have you been i'd been out there for like three hours i must have like fallen asleep or something and then woken back up and there was like a whole like scene happening in the house like someone was having a bad reaction to the anti-gravity bomb yeah it's dude not a good not if you're out there and you're thinking we should reinvent the anti-gravity bomb do not

um you'll regret it and i remember just being like i have to um that's a bummer being like 14 and someone like thinking that they're like dying from weed is really really yeah i never you notice i never i like

never did weed until i was very late to the game so i feel like i got all like the that stuff out of it out of there yeah does that make sense like when everyone was like trying and getting way too high and like freaking out i was like i'm not doing it and then like by the time i started doing weed everyone i feel like everyone had it down to smoking for the first time around people who are all like chill and not freaking out like you're not gonna like oh i low-key agree but i might or disagree but i might have just been with the wrong people yeah i don't think i've ever had like a i've never had like a weed meltdown well not since i've been

an adult not even close not i'm saying like ever but i started when i was like in college imagine like how stressful would it be now like the reason it's not stressful is there's not you don't have to like hide it from anyone yeah like back yeah it was like i have to like get super high and then figure out how to like mission impossible my way to my bedroom without having to talk we would do we would do the jeeps in our dorm and then just blow out the window i remember i had like a panic attack in the dining hall sophomore year i smoked we were i was smoking jeeps with my friend hallie and we like thought we wanted to go to the um for any for any dayton people listening the what dayton people ku like they're just they'll understand what i'm talking about the student

union i was for all you dead heads out there for all you flat frequent flyers yeah uh we got there we're in line like ordering pizza and all of a sudden my like vision start i don't know i was like doing okay outside and then we got in this place and my vision started getting like splotchy and like i thought i thought i was going to faint in the dining hall i like set my pizza down and just like sprinted outside the pizza lady's like do you want sklorp on your pizza what is that just puts her hand through her own forehead grab some out of grab some sklorp out of her brain willie and i got too high around his campfire one time i think that's the only time i've been to where on fourth of july this year oh yeah and we were just i remember like thinking we

thinking only will and i could hear our conversation and we were just picking nitpicking everything everyone around us was doing and then dylan was across the fire and was like all right what's going on with the peanut gallery over there we had to realize we were in public we're like oh yeah wait is that the is that when someone threw something in the fire yes that is when that is when at the end of the night jason or something yeah i think it was jason mr featherstone himself put a full oh that is so bad that literally could have been he put a full bottle of topo chico with the cap still on it in the fire everyone like scurried away because they're like jesus christ what the fuck are you thinking well you weren't at the outside when it

happened yeah but when i came back i was like what this and liam was like dude that they walked out and everyone's hiding behind like trees and stuff what could possibly be in the fire and liam was like yeah i had a buddy who like got his face all fucked up by like a bottle exploding because it was like a sealed bottle of sopo chico oh and all the metal and it was glass bottle oh and and then it wasn't nothing was happening we're like all right maybe it isn't and you and brett walked over and like my buddy brett and and rusty like walked over and like peeked at it and then stepped back and like right after they step back it actually exploded it's like i picked up the glass that i swear there's glass like six feet from the fire pit so like if it had happened

while they were looking over it like you went lost your vision brother dude can you imagine yeah there's an alternate universe right now where you and i are podcasting and my eyes are just like slits you're an ipad i'm like all right tell me what's around you're like all right this is for our audio listeners and me um it's like can we not do this guy rocks this week um what else what else what else what else is going on um hey biden i'm he's gotta be doing something he's probably up to something he's he just signed with wme oh yeah it's kind of awesome yeah what is he gonna do uh he's dropping album sort of ranking beers yeah first aftv sketch up and i bought by now did you hear how i just said

by now i liked your little uh kyle rittenhouse feature i was kyle rittenhouse in this viral sketch uh jerry my own roommate edits the videos spelled my name wrong oh says will d-o-n-n-e-l-l-o-n bingo he put one in i typed it really fast the other day and i was proud of myself i'm it's yeah i mean it's a weird it's a weird it's a weirder one of the first words i ever learned is my best friend growing up was his nickname garrett we're still good friends but uh i remember i could i could just fucking go g-a-r-e-t-t and now he never responds to your text yeah that is the same garrett oh i you know what when i was little i learned how to spell pittsburgh penguins really fast yep p-i-t-t-s-b-u-r-g-h-p-n-g-u-i-n-s um i'm thinking i i texted

well a new shirt idea today did you well in the in the in the moment it wasn't a shirt idea but now i'm thinking it could be on a shirt it just says oh i'm not putting this on a shirt it says reverse cowgirls so we could both watch play date he's a perv oh that's that's hilarious but we're not doing that that's not happening that's really funny though because both people are facing that no i know you're perv that is very funny though if you guys are having sex to play that right now slap it down into rg i think wait okay so when this episode comes out the elise episode will came out on monday and like just the contrast of reg jack before you came in here like just

how not creepy it gets when we have guests is it not creepy before me wait is it creepy now no well just like we just say shit that like we you guys guys man we're pervs we hope you guys like the elise my parents had a really nice friend named merv back in the day and we used to always me my brother called merv the perv yeah but he was then he was just a very sweet man and he didn't deserve that but it was just if your name's merv like m-e-r-v it's literally it's like teeing it up for you yeah if you name your kid anything that rhymes with anything like perv or what was short for merverted too mervert i remember there was this uh like computer lab teacher yes and uh mr phillips maybe or no we went to different

right high school maybe though i can't remember his name but he hated he hated my friend and all of his brothers because they would just torment him same kid that the the spanish teacher said the mean thing about and they would sing each brother would add a new verse to the song when they got into this class and the only part i remember was if you like penis a lot of touching balls in the rain it's not bad if you're not into yoga maybe it was just normal after that but they would add a new verse and he'd be like enough enough just has to stop wait will did you see the did you see the name of the week that that girl sent in oh gooey tip i had already sent that i had already seen that because we i have a group chat just for names gooey tip here i'll pull up

I'll do a name of the week, though. Name of the week. Look up New York Jets special teams coordinator. Chris Banjo? Chris Banjo. That's awesome. That's a good one. Or look up...

If you guys could have... Actually, I don't know. What line? Say it. No, I'm just going to say if you could have any last name, if you could pick your last name, what would it be? That's a hard question, though. I don't even know how to do that.

If I could pick my last name, it would not be Danella, I'll tell you that. I think I really like Italian last names. I feel like there's a lot of cool ones. I want something that's like... My mom's last name is very Italian. What is it? We can bleep it, but... Grable.

Grable. I think Grable. Fumpus. I'm going to add like an O to my name. Featherstone. Kelly-O? Not like O, Kelly. Featherstone-io?

There was a Jack. Rusty O'Featherstone. Should we get into the road map? Rusty Featherstone. Rusty. Rasta Featherstone. Road map. Road map.

We got your pitches. We got Will's pitch. We got the permitting division of the building department, baby. Who has to do it? It's you. It's me, but he didn't pick yours up. It doesn't matter. I don't want to do it.

Okay. It's me, I guess. Then we're going to do Teach Me Something. Then we're going to do This Guy Rocks. This Guy Rocks. This Guy Rocks Today. And then we're going to do Country Songs That Don't Exist, followed by Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Down.

Lauren needs this one today. Do you? Fly Is Down. What? No, it's not. Got you to look. Girls don't have flies. Yeah, they do.

Did you see that video that a homeless woman passed out and there was a bunch of flies on her crotch. It's a real bummer. You know how bad it would have to smell? Why did someone film that? That's so disrespectful. Wait, what happened? There was like a person passed out on the street and all the flies were concentrated right on her crotch.

I don't like that someone took a video of that. It was really foul. Okay, do you want to hear my pitch? Wait, we have to hear their pitches. I'm excited. Do you want mine since you didn't do a pitch? wait also um that girl that girl with the that we were maybe gonna try to call she finally sent the oh wait the girl with the dragon tattoo do you know who you're calling for the prank call

he's calling i don't know who i'm calling oh i want to do the fence one is that the one that the girl sent in why don't you want to just skip it today and do it next time because i have like wait do we not have someone's phone number i don't think we do no like this she just said the girl sent the phone number yeah but then she said she's on vacation this week but for sure but for next week her number is okay we don't have to do it this week that's fine i'll do it next week all right let's hear their pitches let's do it all right we're skipping the permitting in the building skipping the permitting not for good but for a little bit for this week just for today actually we'll have it tomorrow you'll have it wednesday wednesday today is wednesday

as you all know by now we've teamed up with bet mgm this season we'll be using bet mgm lines to make all our picks and we'll have special offers for our listeners each week if you haven't signed up for bet mgm yet use bonus code playdate and you will get up to a fifteen hundred dollar first bet offer on your first wager with bet mgm here's how it works download the app and sign up using bonus code playdate deposit at least ten dollars and place your first wager on any game you will receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets. If your bet loses, just make sure you use bonus code playdate when you sign up. See betmgm.com for terms. 21 plus only. U.S. promotional offers not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER,

available in the U.S. Call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY-467-369 in New York. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP in arizona 1-800-327-5050 in massachusetts 1-800-BETS-OFF in iowa 1-800-981-0023 in puerto rico first bet offer for new customers only subject to eligibility requirements rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in seven days in partnership with kansas crossing casino and hotel don't forget if you haven't signed up for betmgm yet use bonus code playdate and get your 1500 first bet offer today let's get back into the episode first pitch is from Oh, the Mets got Pete Alonzo, by the way. Jesus.

We're going to be so good. I know. All right. We're stacked. This pitch is from Coop. My dog's name. Well, he's not alive, but that was my dog's name. Dave C. Coop.

I don't know. Okay. He says, hello. You always say that. You always like really have zero confidence with the names. You're like, I don't know, Pete Smith. I don't know. No, it's because it's like I'm reading their username, but I don't know if that's their

actual name. So that doesn't matter. coop hello rock paper and scissors i have rock paper excuses i have a pitch for you guys never seen scissors before scissors scissors scissors i might kill my don't show what i was doing i'm gonna no don't um what is the worst part about hanging stop it's illegal what's the worst part about hanging

slash staying with your friends dude uh what no personal space um no alone time um what the fuck what the fuck featherstone that was

personal space and other guys like what the fuck featherstone the fuck featherstone fucking bitch all right well he says wondering if you truly welcome there or if you're overstaying your welcome oh true true true allow me to introduce to you time to go time to go is an app that can be installed on your phone or smart watch that can read and sense the energy of the room and let you know if you're overstaying your welcome or not perfect for the overthinking mind never oversee your welcome again it's time to go i know i can think of a guy that the sirens would

going off dude i'm right here i love kicking it with you on the podcast um i love that because here's the thing there will be someone who i think i'm i think we like are each some of each other's favorite people in the world but it's like after a week at their house or something it's like dude is this person like like i think we're all ready to kind of pack it up here yeah i'd agree it's probably especially if you're the host like after a week of hosting someone i'm like i am beat from but you have to like be on all the time because you're worried about them being bored yeah you know what i mean so you're like doing stuff you'd never do like let's go to the future birds yeah that is when people are visiting it's when do you have when do you have

someone coming for when you have someone staying with you for a week where there's no end date i feel like that's a weird situation did you say there's no end date like no did i say that well just i just mean like towards the end of like the vacation you're like i feel like i'm kind of like i need to get out of this person's hair a little bit yeah i can be a lot i don't know i feel like going for staying for it's gonna be funny if my buddy ben listens to this but staying for a week is a lot yeah but as as a host you can also you have the autonomy to be like no i only want you heard for like four days yeah so i mean it doesn't apply to certain people you're just saying you like hate when ben fabis then i was happy to have you for a week just ben has been a playmate

yeah i don't know if he actually listens to the episodes though apparently my sister does i wonder who our first hi laura i wonder who our first follower was our first follower like people people that like don't work here uh mike shoes i think yeah mike shoes or terry canopy anyway wait no I have another one okay thank you Coop next pitch is from Alex for the record I want to call my shirt

I'm going to be coming up with my pitch live so if you're excited for that drop a hell yeah in the chat thank you dirt comment hell yeah if you're excited for my on the fly pitch comment thank you

comment hell yeah if you like this podcast so far come hell yeah if you think if you bit your finger it would break like a carrot do you guys is that actually apparently it has the same like everyone always says that like i could bite your finger off easily but i couldn't bite my own because your brain wouldn't let you i couldn't oh no okay my teeth are second i bite those i bite replay it was like actual like shit like slobber came out when you did that all right let me do this next and we're back for the second pitch will just threw up everywhere but gross all right thank you coop next pitch is from alex ingles he says i have a friend named allison ingles alex ingles

isn't that someone famous what's up jess nick and schmidt have you ever yes all right no sorry nick Jess Nick I'm Jess wait oh you're Jess I'm Nick you're Schmidt

Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt 29 29 I've never seen New Girl dude you would

love New Girl oh my gosh Will that is so up your alley 29 you would love New Girl it's a funny

it's a funny when he turns 29 he just keeps going there's a video Lauren look up Max Max Greenfield 29 on the street

some girl saw him on the street oh it's not it's so funny yeah this one 29 29 29 oh he seems so cool just hitting someone with the hang loose that's awesome you and i don't even have one we need that's that's the key you need something quote bless you need something quotable bless you well you would actually love new girl okay it's so funny oh fine you're not gonna watch it but i know you i know that's what's so frustrating is like i just feel like i can't get you to do anything like that i'm not okay that's not true i don't think anyone people tell me four different

things every day that i have to watch and i'm i'm gonna i've never told you anything you have to watch new girl is like a must like i think you would like make your life better i never finished it but oh really i haven't finished a lot of shows just because my 29 i just don't watch how much television i don't think that's true though don't you watch a lot of tv at home like i'll watch shows with scott but like we've i don't know i still haven't finished peaky blinders which is what i've been watching for six months now like last night i had the apartment to myself jerry and scott were both gone i didn't watch anything i didn't even turn the tv on i don't watch that much i only really do it if i'm like with other people i don't watch

how has been how's uh living with me it going so far it's going really well she's been out of town she had to go back to laguna to finish her shifts at her laguna starbucks but she's coming back later today and we're gonna have a little wine night i love our living room it's so cute when's your wig party lorna's supposed to have a wig party today and she can't no no i always said it was gonna be the 15th i don't know if i can come i know you said you're going well maybe at night though i'd be back actually yeah it would be a night where are you going the 15th i think i'm going to channel islands i remember yeah we talked about that it's always something wait let me can i read alex's pitch yeah but that might actually be sunday i don't know i'll let you get

back to me okay what's up just nick and schmidt have you ever wanted to sneak your own drink on the plane but tsa won't let liquids through yes introducing just add water alcohol powder this revolutionary product transforms your favorite bevs into an easy to carry ready to go drink no more cans bottles or bulky mixers go to the beach with an ice-cold margarita concerts with your favorite mojito or even sneak a 12-pack into the big game just tear the packet open and mix into water never before has fun been this convenient i don't know i don't know if alcohol can come in powder form but if it can that would be fucking brilliant yeah i like that i guess the funny part is is like in alex's head like they're not gonna they're not gonna ask where you got

the margarita wait look old-fashioned that's cool oh but that's no that's mixer so that's not alcohol oh it's just the syrup did i ever tell you when i sat next to this couple that snuck up like a shit ton of shooters onto a plane they got onto the plane they had a grocery bag full of shooters and they were they both ordered like lemonades and then they were making vodka and lemonades and they could see me looking at them and the guy was like you want in i was like hell yeah i went in and we were doing it and then i was ordering real ones too but they weren't like i think you have to order real ones to like make it like blend it in right like money laundering style and then they came the flight attendant came up to them and was like did you

bring those on the plane and the guy to his credit was like he just played dumb i think you can get away with almost anything if you're just like oh i didn't know that was a thing he was like yeah we brought up what's the problem she was like you're not allowed to bring outside alcohol he was like oh i'm so sorry and just gave her the rest or just blame it on tsa like they didn't well no they say bring shooters through you can bring them through you just can't drink them on the plane like nips are smaller than three ounces oh wait yeah right yeah and uh it was awesome you're allowed to have them in your bag you just can't drink it can't drink it i was that's it i wouldn't have known that honestly i was driving the other day in my ski coat like the big puffy one because it was

cold yeah and uh i was like there's something in my pocket and there was one of those like it's not an actual bottle of fireball but it was like the like little flask one yeah and it was like half drank and i was like if i got pulled over and i had a half drank thing of fireball it would be pretty hard not a crime open container crime it was it was open well i mean like cracked that doesn't count oh interesting no i think you're wrong if you if the bottle's sealed you're fine no it wasn't sealed though it was the cap was on yeah oh do you know if you've been drinking and driving you're supposed to you're supposed to just drink everything you have you're supposed to take your keys out of the ignition throw them out the window and then

very publicly drink whatever alcohol you have in the car so that you could just you'd still go to court but you would just say that you got drunk then and not while you were driving i saw that i'm like i saw like a dui lawyer do that and all the comments were like why are you helping these people just got in the car or something and then like you joe you got drunk after you got drunk after you got pulled over you were like fuck it keys out the window no well that wouldn't make any sense because i mean you could have like a bottle of liquor in your car that yeah but if sealed open like that there's no i don't think there's no proof that you weren't drinking it then oh my god it would have to be sealed i'm almost like you can't travel you couldn't travel

if you had a half drank bottle of liquor that you want to bring your friend's house that would be i think that's different i think what i was worried about is that it was on my person do you know what i mean yeah wait unseal cannot have an unsealed open container while driving unsealed or open that's not what we're don't unsealed or open unsealed means sealed is like they it has it's like the it would make the crack noise i feel like unsealed isn't can you can you travel with a half drank a half drank yeah dude you're so wrong i don't know if i i really don't you're wrong um my friend peter you cannot drive with a half-drank bottle of alcohol i mean it

makes like yeah i think you could i think like most cops if you were like i'm just bringing this handle to somewhere else would be like that's fine but i think the fact that i had a half-drank little thing of fireball in my on my person in your coat bag um my friend peter sent me a snapchat memory today uh from 2020 it was today 2021 he was we were at a party and some kid rode there on a one wheel so all the houses were kind of like near each other yeah so peter's like can i take your one wheel for a spin he was like yeah and he was just like zooming up and down the street and like a couple of us were out on the lawn watching it it was kind of like a very similar cadence so you'd like be like you know what i mean like you could expect when he was going to come

back and then one he was going super fast and then he didn't come back and we were like he went down and then you just see him walking and he's holding it which is like i fell and he walks back and we were like dude are you okay he was like yeah i fell but like i think i'm fine and he walked past us and then you just hear the door shut to the party and like literally the record scratched like music like oh my god like good lord he had cracked the back of his head open and so like we didn't see anything because there was nothing on the front of his body but his entire back of his shirt was like soaked in blood and so i took him to the hospital and uh yeah we were just sitting there they put staples in his head brutal oh gnarly i've got you're gone down on a one wheel

what is a one wheel it's like where there's the wheel in between your feet it's like a imagine like a skateboard but it's only on one big wheel how does it move you lean forward it's like electric yeah it's insane oh yeah oh it's like there's like hoverboards yeah i don't know that's different maybe i went down on one uh in like the way like the quad essentially you know like the there's like a green in the middle of most colleges yeah everyone saw it it was just like there's nothing you can there's nothing you can do there's no coming back as you may have heard we love accelerator it is seriously the best zero sugar energy drink on the market and it is now available on amazon so you can get it on your own and be as obsessed with

it as we are i will just candidly say i one of the first things in the morning that i do yep is an accelerator i will say i was a little scared of energy drinks before accelerate i was strictly coffee accelerator is my jam you can watch this episode and watch me start without any caffeine and then i crack one and i think i got white hot after that 100 it honestly tastes better than uh that that big big uh yogurt thing lauren was trying to make us eat the other day yeah that 40 pound yogurt yeah better than that you ever like hug someone after like a long trip you're like this is the best feeling in the world it's not i think this every morning i think it tastes better than granny murphy's cincinnati chili i think so too but i

think i don't even think it's close you're a dick uh granny murphy's chili is pretty good but it is no accelerator guys we love accelerator the link's gonna be in our bio but upgrade your energy and hit the link in our bio to go straight to their amazon storefront personally i had a rocket pop today but i like the orange ones i like the i think the paradise i actually haven't had peach paradise yet but i will say i think the cherry one's a little slept on yeah cherries for me the power ranking goes cherry rock pop orange okay i think i go orange peach everything i like orange one last thing before we get out of here i put one over ice the other day oh that sounds like game changer it's also clear so that makes it feel like yeah you know what i mean you know

when you're drinking something that has like clearly like dyes in it you're like this can't be good clear all right thank you we love accelerator we'll see you guys later let's get back in the episode okay ready all right so we're talking about h and r block yep eight this is i don't even know if this counts as a pitch it's a proposed merger uh it could or it could be its own company it's a proposed merger between h and r block and spirit halloween yep think about it tax season and halloween are completely inverted they're opposites on the calendar right so h and r block is probably popping this time of year spirit halloween's dead spirit halloween's popping in october no one's filing their taxes they should just share the same brick and mortar

shops and uh make twice as much money i love it yeah i love it a lot what do you do what do you do if you work at a tax place like in like the beginning of the year or the end of the year the end of the year uh i don't know there's other stuff i guess there's i mean there's probably i think like big businesses and stuff like they right they file you can file quarterly if i think that's what i can choose like i don't i think i'm like good already yeah i don't know do you do it no someone else does it i don't know i mean i think some people file quarterly all right i do yearly weren't you gonna come up with your pitch all right you guys ready to watch genius work lauren give me a word butterfly give me another word hammer hammer uh hammer

for kids what's the scariest part about hammers you can you can you never know uh all right ready the hardest part about hammers is you have to like pinch the nail and like hit it and then you have to like kind of pull your fingers out after you get it already this is a hammer that it's an attachment for a hammer that holds the nail in place and then you bang it and as it as you hit it it goes into the hammer so you put the nail on the hammer hit it and the thing retracts in so you never even have to touch that now yeah genius i haven't really cracked how that makes sense but i like the idea i think you actually might be onto something yeah that was pretty good thank you all right teach me something willie teach me something uh i was reading

about slovenia my parents were supposed to go to slovenia but they had to cancel their trip um but i was reading about slovenia and do you know how big the capital of ljubljana is no 280 000 people okay which is about the size of plano texas or lincoln nebraska just thought that put that was just interesting perspective so that's small yeah anchorage alaska wait what what's the name of the city lubjilana L-U-B-J That's where Luka Doncic is from Oh

Oh this is real Yeah Ljubljana Oh gorgeous Ljubljana Wow Oh my god So your teach me something this week

Is there are the same amount of people In Plano, Texas As there are in the capital of Slovenia Yeah what's yours? Ljubljana Ljubljana. Oh, Ljubljana. I mean...

What do you guys think that plane's doing? Or where do you think... Patrick Crash, probably. Maybe that's perspective for how big America is. Right. Also, Luka Doncic, small town kid. Well, yeah, I guess. Kind of.

It's still pretty big. Plane hotel. 280,000 is a lot. How about this? Here's something fun. Ready? who wants something fun jack does all right uh now i'm gonna ask you to name the list of u.s cities by population are you doing daily tens no i'm just on wikipedia all right ready

you're gonna ask me this is this by the way i believe is not metro area this is like the actual city okay you want me to guess top 10 in the u.s new york city yes los angeles yes chicago yes uh dallas yes that's nine austin no um houston yes it's four orlando no miami no Atlanta. No. Atlanta, no. That's Camp Peter True. It's one of the biggest cities in the world.

Sacramento. Atlanta is 37th. Or sorry, San Francisco. No. Wait, what are we? This is the top 10? Yeah. Seattle.

No. Boston. Honolulu. No. What the fuck, Lauren? I don't know. I mean, it is Lauren from the parking lot. It's weird when you do the city population.

I feel like metro area. um all right is who wants to hear jack's philadelphia phoenix san antonio san diego jacksonville um me well did you ever hear about the uh woman who was trapped under ice for a year uh yeah you did hear see atlanta is sorry sixth if you do metro area right so why would that be like we're playing basketball but there's no hoop wait you're taking out a big big part yeah well it's just a difference it's like basically like the city limits versus okay they're like actual wait it's new york la chicago what's for houston houston i'm pretty sure that's probably the same for like metro area all right lady trapped under ice ladies dropped under ice for a year there was

this woman in anchorage that uh i don't know if she was like a logger or something but she likes yeah thank you to our loggers the backbone of our economy yep blue collar but she slipped under the ice um and fell into they like sucked her into this like kind of like damn type scenario and there was like enough like um what's it called like algae or like moss on the thing that she could like eat it but she was literally trapped in there for like almost a year and uh they got her after a year where it's from family guys alaska it's not from family i swear to god it's not from philly what do we look up peter griffin moss cave maybe dude what is it what do you want us to go for your prank that's just the story that happened

i don't there's no what's her name how do we look it up i need more information on this uh i don't know she'd look up like anchorage woman logger trapped under ice um survived for how did you read this did you just make it up dead where did you get this it's from a show it's not from a show it's not from a movie what's it from it's just a thing that happened i don't know what you want me what are you talking about no but i need to know what's the bit where you found there's no bit where did you find the information i saw it on uh i don't know dude i think he just makes i think he just uses this

as an opportunity to make things up you just make it up maybe what he made it up all right now teach me something just no some kid some kid dm in just said just lie to lauren on your teacher something that would be you made fun of my tp something people have people at home We're probably like, wow, I didn't know Ljubljana is the same as Lincoln, Nebraska. And then yours is false. One guy slams on the brakes. He's like, what? Well, I liked yours because now I want to go there.

That city looks gorgeous. I added it to my Europe list. I know. My parents, they had a whole trip planned for next week. And then my uncle got sick. So now they got to push it. We'll see. I'm sorry.

Should we do This Guy Rocks? This Guy Rocks. This Guy Rocks. This Guy Rocks. Today. Have you seen this video of Willie in the future? You're about to. Yeah.

look up total hunk in the future total future future hunk future hunk alright I don't know

it's into a poor house this is a video that I found of Will in the future um it is him

in a nursing home and he's got a Wii controller and let's just see what he's got oh I'm gonna cry look at that lady she's pissed

that one she does not want to be there he's got it oh my gosh what wait this is my this is my area glenview northbrook evanston will met this is my this is my home click on the account it's in glenview chestnut's great you gotta go you gotta go wow it looks lovely wait this is like 10 minutes from where i grew up oh lauren you've got to go volunteer there we lauren wouldn't be caught dead volunteering okay i saw the shut up i saw the cunis old woman when i was getting coffee yesterday morning she had her little walker and i just don't understand like how they move around

that slow it's probably so boring it takes so long to like get from your car i think it's a It's such a battle that it's probably not boring. It's probably just excruciating to get anywhere. My brother just DM'd me that the Mets posted a listing for careers, one of which is mascot handler. He just sent that to me and said, Mascot handler, how do you do, Mrs. Met? Wait, what?

Have you seen Google Mrs. Met? Giat. Okay. She's hot. Why does she have a butt? Yeah, go to the next one. She's got a donk. Is that real?

Yeah, she has a notorious leak. Look at that. Come on. Wait. Ugh. What if it's just like a really thick guy? All right, well, dude, who rocks? Is that your rocks?

No, I DM'd with you. This is Austin Collins music official And I think it'll be self-explanatory Just fire her up He looks like AI Do you wish you could tell your crush exactly how you feel Like right now in this moment Well yours did

And that's why they sent you this video Here's how they feel You've got a way Of making me rethink Everything Soon as I get your name i couldn't take all of the ways that you would say so that guy rocks i would grind a hole in someone's jeans bro's voice is good 75 percent

of the time no he towards the end he got you at first at first i was i was cringing at the same time i wanted yeah i wanted someone to polish my belt buckle he rocks yeah um all right all right you buy a shirt from him that just says the goat wait go to go one shirt over what's the bag awesome that's awesome he needs a little help on the font yeah that's not great um all right willie should we do countries can we start with country songs that don't exist country songs they don't easy yeah these are country songs that don't exist collar on the rear view this guy's dog passed away and he takes the car and he puts it on like the rear view mirror to remind him every day of how much he loved the dog and he looks at

it every day and he gets really sad and then when he gets a new dog now he gets to look when he looks at the collar he sees the reflection of his new dog in the back seat and he was like they would have gotten along is that what made you cry yeah uh boots don't break from dancing this is like i know that you're out tonight looking for an answer well your heart might break from loving but those boots won't break from dancing um you guys looked at me like oh god here goes lauren i just when you start singing lauren i look at you because it's like it's just funny we have a very different approach i you have the ability to flesh them out a little bit more than and and i like after you say the title you're like it's something like and then you know exactly

what it is well i hadn't sang it i just wrote it um this one's about like a everybody let me think all right this one's called boats just a sea truck okay it's about a cowboy who gets lost at sea and he's like boats just a sea truck whales just a sea cow dolphin is the dog and fish is the cat and it's him like trying to rationalize the ocean in terms of like what he understands it's like overwhelming if he doesn't he's like freaking the fuck out boats just a sea boat's just a sea truck whales just a sea cow dolphin is the dog and fish is the dolphin like a cowboy but i think he's just like about to lose his marbles and like the only thing keeping him sane is like trying to pair it with things from home all right i've got uh only so much hay

well there's only so much hay that a horse can eat and there's only so much pain that a man can see that's all i wrote yeah it's true uh mine's called um mine's called reverse cowgirl and it's about um it's about a cowboy who was born a cowboy but deep inside he's always been a woman and so he has a surgery to become a reverse cowgirl i haven't totally fleshed out the math yet but it's beautiful i've got tied to my trailer hitch she let me down in dirt stuck in the darkest ditch only way she would have stayed is if she tied if i tied her to my trailer oh my god oh i was like sure it's like she's born to leave you know right i was surely i was like surely this isn't about dragging a woman through the streets no no she's like that's the only way

you could have kept her like she was she was she was bound to leave like yeah not like he would ever do that to a woman yeah um my my that one sounds a whore i like that one it's like it's like a it's like a serial killer it's like what like isis does um something funny about how you talk this kid grew up in the south and everyone is like there's something funny about the way you talk because he has like a weird southern accent and then he meets this girl this city slicker girl she says there's something funny about the way you talk and he's like i don't know i have like a silly southern accent she's like no like it you know makes me i didn't i love it i like it it makes me happy or something yeah i've got clocking at the creek well the working

life just ain't for a boy like me so i'll take my fishing rod and i'll clock in at the creek you would for sure be a bass player me yeah i'd be drums oh drums oh yeah um the stars are brighter out here cowboy moose la there's all these movie stars everywhere and he's like stars are brighter back home no light pollution he's talking about how much he misses the sky i love that thank you uh a field on a farm he's talking about some he's talking by bringing this girl back to the country life and it's like somewhere there's a field on a farm and you in my arms making sweet love all night long is that pervy no it's sweet love they're making sweet love on the lawn i've always thought about this when song country songs talk about

making love all night long sounds exhausting it sounds exhausting but it's also like both of you like something is going wrong if it's taking all night it should be like we made love for seven and a half minutes some guys just need extra time um all right should we tell people ways to tell someone their flies down yeah like something like getting extra time like kids do like tests in college what like in sex uh we made love all that long his doctor like so he gets extra time all right what's the longest you think you've made love okay nope can you answer that oh less than less than 45 minutes i can tell you that was eight and a half hours it was grueling yeah i literally had like split the book in half i rubbed of it

ew all right let's not oh there's jack kerouac's on the road oh you rubbed yourself raw put bother cut all this all right um willie tee it up for us all right double it then double it double or nothing play it again all right willie tso why do i wait uh all right these are ways to tell someone their fly is down wait i think flan's ready to tell the story can we can we do that sure sure it's not gonna sorry that was a mean reaction hey hi can you explain the eat the feeding me food story because i explained it and apparently it didn't sound embarrassing i mean i think it depends on who you're taught like i think some people think it's not embarrassing yeah i didn't think it was that bad you were gonna know was

embarrassed about it can you just tell the story for lauren and will and the podcast right now yeah um yeah so we got our we got our entrees and i was cutting you a piece of burger to give you and i held out my fork and i thought you were going to grab the fork and take a bite and then you just decided to take a bite off my fork as i held it for you mm-hmm okay this is the same story i told the exact never mind but thanks flan do you want to say hi to will and lauren hi flan hi flan all right bye

that was the same story that was the same story all right tee this up william we can cut that oh do it again do it again i don't know how to say flies down these are ways to tell your buddy his fly is down wait these are ways to tell your friend their fly is down make it more gender neutral little john and the yin yang twins are little john and the yin yang twins are gonna get out all right okay uh batting down the hatches your driver door is ajar close the blinds you're showing your hand uh there's a weakness in your reactor oh

what does that mean again star wars that's how they destroy the death star oh i like that yeah uh bees are gonna get out of the hive i like that uh your flag's at half mast kind of makes it sound like it might be hard um my last one's bad close the safe mine just says titan titan

walk past a guy on the street titan at ease at ease um put your sail up raise your sail zip your slit before I grip your zip that slip

before I lick your tip. We have the best podcast. We are awesome. How many playmates do you think we lost this time? No, I think that's going to happen someday.

We're just going to slowly be getting less and less each episode. I don't think so. I was telling Edge he is telling us that podcasts have very high margins and he was like

we're getting to the point where play it pays for everything and then we're the rest is just for fun for our salaries you mean yeah and lauren's i mean mine is different because i do like like i was already doing that on my uh personal yeah but like i think the dream is to get to a point where it pays for everything and then we just do whatever we want all right what personality are you stealing um is this for the weekend or for the week um this is for the weekend it's wednesday today yes okay it's the third time this episode this weekend i'm gonna steal the hell do you look at squag meyer oh aquamarine i love i'm gonna steal i'm gonna steal i'm gonna steal the uh girl from

aquamarines personality because i am going to be doing a lot of hanging out in water towers i'm going to start putting salt in my now i'm going to do let me think oh i'm going to steal that girl who's refusing to leave pakistan's personality because i am going to know my worth and i'm going to get as much money from people as i can i don't know what that means so she went to this girl went to pakistan to meet a guy he didn't want to see her and now she's refusing to leave pakistan and the government and her like negotiating how much money they have to give her to leave lauren pull this up like the pakistani government yeah it's really bizarre look up like pakistani woman or woman will not leave pakistan oh look at that

book on the ground whoa what the hell where where it's like on its back oh put him out of its misery is it a is it a rolly not anymore i love rolla police you just murdered that with not even a second thought lauren told me yeah oh okay yeah go to the video lauren wait yeah now i feel bad for saying it's crazy american woman should i do this yeah when we're feeling american woman has gone viral for refusing to leave pakistan after her plans to marry a 19 year old she met online fell through 33 year old onija andrew robinson traveled to pakistan in october hoping to marry nidal ahmed memon but his family ghosted her her tourist visa has now expired but robinson's refusing to go home claiming she needs one hundred thousand dollars to rebuild the country and has

demanded twenty thousand dollars in cash she's always like pakistani government has now placed robinson in a psychiatry department for a mental health examination oh yeah has also labeled her man i forgot the way you said this implied like she was like gonna get a lot of money out of this something like okay you're crazy um but they were like giving her a platform to like i've seen like multiple interviews oh that's true um yeah i forgot at one point she goes off the rails and she was like i need money to like make pakistan great again so you want to steal her personality i'm just gonna know my worth this weekend okay i'm stealing mj lenderman's personality i'm stealing candace's personality candace candace flynn candace can candace candace dick fit in

your mouth get out and blorin uh will it oh i also might because i'm also going to henway this weekend you already did that one another band what's a henway 140 pounds alright we love you guys have a great rest of your weekend a great weekend and we will see you guys

on Monday oh we didn't ever guess 79 79 year old I can't believe we missed Luka Doncic by the way that's insane 79 is gonna be Robert De Niro show me

um i'm gonna do who's the lady from princess diaries mine uh julie andrews 89 she looks awesome oh my god she always reminded me of my nana um all right hurry because ducky has to poopy okay uh it is no remember in the beginning you said 79th street so it was the chance to wrap oh yeah that's right all right bye guys Thanks for watching!