Will & Rusty's Playdate - hivemind drafts country songs

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Will and Rusty are joined by Riley Savage and Graydon Weaver of Hivemind TV! The boys discuss growing up in Toledo, Ohio, share their thoughts on Ty Pennington, and break down Playdate’s second beef with Venice party goers. They also pitch their best business ideas, talk nightlife in Detroit, and Riley recounts a mouse nightmare in an old apartment. Plus, Hivemind weighs in on a jaw-dropping fan-submitted story before drafting country songs and sayings that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SUBSCRIBE TO HIVEMIND: https://www.youtube.com/@HIVEMINDTV FOLLOW HIVEMIND: https://www.instagram.com/hivemindtv/ THE FRIDAY BEERS BACK TO SCHOOL MERCH COLLECTION IS NOW LIVE. VISIT https://fridaybeers.shop/ BUY OUR CARD GAME AT TARGET, AVAILABLE IN-STORE AND ONLINE https://www.target.com/p/almost-friday-by-what-do-you-meme-game/-/A-90178530 DOWNLOAD THE APP AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES WITH CASH APP. IT PAYS TO GET PAID ON CASH APP! https://apps.apple.com/us/app/cash-app/id711923939 HEAD TO https://rikispirits.com/ TO FIND OUT WHERE TO GET RIKI NEAR YOU. FOLLOW @FRIDAY.BEERS AND @RIKISPIRITS TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH UPCOMING RIKI CONTESTS AND GIVEAWAYS. GO TO HTTPS://WWW.LUCY.CO/FRIDAY AND USE PROMO CODE FRIDAY FOR 20% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER. WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS NICOTINE. NICOTINE IS AN ADDICTIVE CHEMICAL. CONTROL BODY ODOR ANYWHERE WITH @SHOP.MANDO AND GET $5 OFF YOUR STARTER PACK (THAT’S OVER 40% OFF) WITH PROMO CODE PLAYDATE AT https://shopmando.com/ #MANDOPOD (00:00) Intro    (02:53) Meet Hivemind    (06:38) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition    (10:58) Beef with a White Party    (14:45) Skee-Ball    (23:21) How Riley & Graydon Met    (28:20) Roadmap    (31:18) Pitch Submissions    (41:56) Pitches (Presented by Cash App)    (51:53) Plunging Toilets    (59:04) Karaoke Bars    (01:04:52) AITA    (01:24:52) Prank Calls    (01:28:18) This Guy Rocks    (01:33:05) Teach Me Something    (01:38:04) Country Songs that Don’t Exist    (01:46:13) Sayings that Don’t Exist    (01:55:05) Whose Personality are you Stealing?    (01:58:24) Trivia Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. ScotiaBank. You're richer than you think. The DFP? For us, actually, though. No, actually, I wasn't really. Like, our management will, like, say other things, but we're like, oh, that's cool.

Like, that one, he was like, hey, they want to profile you in the Detroit Free Press. Yes. Imagine you open up the Detroit Free Press, and it's just like a hate feed. That's what we were saying. Two white guys talking about rap music. Claiming Detroit as their home. Out of towners. Coming into Detroit to gentrify.

What did they have to say about you in the article? it was basically the angle was and i liked it it was like an intern guy who's like in college who's a fan of ours and he was like look the people who read the paper want to know what this job's like yeah they were like they don't get it when someone says they run a youtube channel and so it was like a lot of those details and then like our origin you know how we met and shit like that yeah and kind of just like our dynamic and what we want it to be or whatever they seemed like they they asked a lot of questions about that yeah it was cool though yeah it was nice yeah we did it at the you don't go to the we went to the coney island which is like in detroit they have coney islands

which are like hot dog spots that are open like 24 hours but it's like diners it's like greek food and canned beer it's got like chili on it chili dogs yeah it's like chili onions mustard is the detroit way to get a coney cincinnati so i feel like that's that comes with spaghetti on it or whatever it's not the coney's yeah we went to the university of cincinnati oh really yeah we both went there? My sister went to Xavier. Oh, rich. You guys are rich. We keep giving you

things that are like... Golfing in Maine. My sister went to private school. Your parents just moved to Maine. They have enough money for the rest. They have enough money to move. Where's the Legos? Yeah.

She went to Dayton. Oh, let's go Flyers. Wait, when? I graduated like two years ago. okay my brother went to dayton okay uh-huh keegan savage don't know if you know who that is he graduated maybe four years ago okay yeah four years i love you guys so i'm from chicago my mom's from detroit so i like the the midwest absolutely nice we're in detroit she's awesome big troy oh troy yeah yeah yeah yeah troy or like bloomfield hill she like moved around a bit right yeah right the burbs love it up there i got a lot of family in um birmingham yeah yeah that's another one rich

i believe very wealthy up there we started sleeping in like blue collar things like my family works at the mine yeah they're all they're janitors my dad's a construction worker My mom has a deep hop. Are we rolling? Mm-hmm. Oh, nice. Nice. All right.

Play date, episode 51. Yes. We've got some special guests with us here today. The gentleman from Hive Mind. Thank you for being here. Hello. Thank you for having us. Which camera's mine?

Yeah. You got this camera? I actually don't know. All right. I'll try to. Maybe I'll just stare right here. I don't think there's one on. You guys want to tell people a little bit about yourselves?

Go ahead, Riley. I'm Riley, and I am on a YouTube channel called Hive Minds with Graydon. Yes. That's him. That's me. He's Graydon. And we are on YouTube. Tell them you're 6'4".

I'm 6'4". And I'm 6'1". It's true. I noticed it when they walked in. Yes. It was a little intimidating. Yeah, I couldn't make eye contact. We like trivia games and rap music and improv comedy.

Yeah, those are the things that we like. They're our pillars. Yeah. And you are going to love this podcast. Yeah. Because we do a lot of rap music. We're actually going to freestyle later. I was wondering when the cypher was going to be.

Mama's hands running water, standing still. Endless fields of daffodils and chamomiles. Rice under black beans. I walked into Apple with cracked screens. Wait, is that a later, right? Yeah, that was just a little text. That was just like something I was working on. That was good, man.

I wrote that. So who's the number 51? Don't you guys do that? Oh, yeah. Good, good. There we go. This is good. I don't know.

A player with the number 51. Okay. A long snapper. You know who I missed? Last week was Manti-Tayo. That would have been fun. Manti-Tayo was on here last week? No.

I was going to say, can I have this cushion? You have some big shoes to fill this week. 51. Come on, give me a 51. Wait, let's think of a Detroit guy. Okay. How fitting would that be? Dan Campbell?

What did he wear? Kind of boxing us in. Was Teddy Bruschi ever 51? No, I think Andre Drummond was. Andre Drummond was 51? Definitely never 51. I'm telling you, it's going to be a long snap. What do we have?

Oh! Ichiro. Oh, what? You Googled it? What is Googling? Oh. Well, you guys weren't, like, no one was giving anything. There was no momentum.

There was no momentum. You Googled it. Now we try and guess someone who is 51 years old. Oh. LeBron. I can't believe you Googled it. Ryan Reynolds. That's a good guess.

Ryan Reynolds, too. I'm going to go, what's his name? I'm going to go Chris Rock. No, that's too young. Yeah. I'm going to go Will Smith. Oh. Do you think he's younger than that?

J.Z. J.Z. Will Smith? All right. Will Smith? Ooh. 55. Good line.

Give me J.Z. J.Z. He's definitely older. J.Z. 54. Damn, really? I actually thought he was like 65. Is that a crazy?

I'm going with exhibit. He kind of looks old. Exhibit? Exhibit. The rapper? Yeah. Conan's way older. Wait, wait, wait.

I'm going Royce to 5'9". There you go, Detroit. What is that? Royce Da 5'9". Da 5'9". Oh, wait. Who is that? I was a rapper.

Royce Da 5'9". Is an insane guess. What about Exhibit? The leader in the clubhouse. Who? Exhibit with an X. It's X and then Zibbit. Like a frog sound with a Z.

Wait. I'm like lost. Exhibit? Exhibit. Exhibit. Then Zibbit. X and then Zibbit. Lauren does this one every week.

Rapper and host of Pimp My Ride. Exhibit. Oh! Yeah, I don't know. So I guess that wins and, like, the price is right. Okay. I'll take it. Yeah?

Yeah. Or in any context, it would be just the closest one. Are you okay? Oh, he's choking. He's coughing. So we do a fun thing with whoever's closest to the person gets to meet that person. Really? Yeah, so we'll get...

Ladies and gentlemen, exhibit. Oh, he's camera shy. We have hundreds of celebrities out there waiting to get called. Ryan Reynolds. Fuck. Jay-Z's like, I flew all the way here. Yeah, we did go to West Coast Customs last time we were here. Yeah, we did.

Is that a real place? Yeah. Like from... Pimp My Ride. Yeah. Oh, I used to watch that. I was picturing GTA. No.

Well, I think it's in there too. It's probably in there. Is an exhibit on that show? Yeah, it wasn't there. Yeah, I guess... They used to be associated, and then they parted ways at one point, and it's kind of a... It's a murky history.

It's contentious. That would be pretty crazy if he was still working there day to day as like a mechanic. Like he... Yeah. Like, oh, really? He looks up. He's like under the car. He looks up.

Covering the lease. Taking a smoke, boss. that uh what was there was one lady who was a she was like a nurse and so they put a cat scan in the back of her car yeah they're always like you love sewing so we put a bunch of yarn in your car all right sean merriman can you i have to do one he's 51 he's in the 50s right no not the age the number every time he's number 56 all right cool i gotta guess out there i just had to do it I thought Sean Merriman extreme homemaker.

No, he beat a woman. Sorry. We're talking about two different things right now. Your topic sounded a little more fun. Let's go with that. There was,

I just liked the one episode. Junior Seau, that's who you're thinking of. It was similar to Pin My Ride where there was one episode where the kid was like, they're like, what do you like?

And he just didn't like anything. He was just like a normal kid. He's like, I don't know. Did he just take his car? Like, what are you doing this weekend? And he was like, I'm going to paintballing.

And then they made his entire bedroom paintball themed and he like hated it. Oh, it was Extreme Home Makeover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd be like, yeah, she loves to swim.

And I'd be like, it's a pool. He rooms a pool. Oh, you shit's so... We drenched your bed. Ty Pennington. How old's he? Ty Pennington?

Yeah. He's at least 60. Really? I think so. I don't know. Oh, I was thinking of Chad Pennington. I was like,

he's a quarterback. He'd be in the teens. 59, damn it. 59. Adderall. How do you remember his name that quickly? Oh, he's...

Yeah, I don't know. He used to love stuff like that. You have like a fat head of him on your wall. He used to love stuff like that. Oh, is that the guy from... The host of Extreme Makeover. That's the Extreme Makeover. Yeah, yeah.

He was addicted to Adderall. Kind of one of the early Adderall guys when you look back on it. Kind of ahead of the curve. He was. How vocal was he about this? Well, he was very vocal, and that's how you do it. Oh, this house sucks. We're going to knock it down.

Yeah. Half of his job was demolition. Yeah. He just hit shit with a hammer. They also brought that giant... Sounds like a blast. ...RV bus. Yep.

and it just definitely wouldn't block the whole house. No. Yeah. We should, yeah. And they recruited the neighborhood. Remember that aspect? Yeah. Like during the demo,

they'd be like, everyone come down. It'd be like all the neighbors would show up. Everyone gets 15 milligrams. My parents have a friend who's an architect and he was talking to me about it and he's like, I have fixed 20 houses

that have been built by that show because they build them too fast and they just sink into the ground because that's not how houses are supposed to be built. He said, I'll get there and it'll be like Lopsided sinking into the ocean And they'll be like

Ah shoot It's Ty Pennington Just like wired out of his mind I don't know Just figure it out Slap it together Granite More granite

Every bed in the house Is a race car And they always get foreclosed on The family can never afford them Yeah Because they increase the value By like triple Yeah

They'll go from living in a shack I don't know I don't even know about this show Extreme home makeover I've never seen it What did you grow up watching with your family? Oh, tell them. Tell them what happened.

In 2004, when George Bush was reelected, my mom said she didn't want to see him on the TV anymore, so she got rid of cable. Oh, our parents were very different. We had a picture of him in the kitchen. You got cable because of it. It's like how North Korea has Kim Jong-un in every room. You guys have George Bush.

She made us get it back to watch Vancouver Olympics figure skating. So from this very concrete timeline Of when I didn't have cable She must have loved the Trump presidency Oh my god she loved it Oh wait What is she If you don't like George Bush

You're going to hate me I know The next program is not for you Go back in time You're like mom you are in for a In retrospect Enjoy this while it lasts I wanted to bring something up

we got in our second ever not you guys but we got in our second ever beef as a podcast this week oh no i thought we could tell you about it and address it yeah uh the party oh so there was i leave for one week god forbid and he does the episode with our friend liam and i guess part of it was like shitting on some party they'd gone to the weekend before this is what this is what happened it was edited out of context but it was we were talking about it we were going over our weekend and there was basically there was this house party down the street and we had taken mushrooms and gone to this party great idea so it was like a normal it was a normal party but they were it was like a white party theme we weren't like making fun of it i was more just talking

about like how horrible of an experience it is to show up somewhere on mushrooms and realize you're the only person not wearing all white yeah that's a bad prank they said they edited the clip lord Do you have it? I can send it to myself. They edited it. It made you look racist? Wait, like the people through the party

edited the clip? Edited the clip and put out like kind of like a diss track on it. It turns out it's like it wasn't just like a one-off party. It's like they have

like an Instagram account with like 2,000 followers. It's called like Party... Party Time. Party Guys. They're like promoters kind of. They're like

they have some sort of recurring party that they host I guess in Venice and like have like a following for. The difference between how they react to it online

And how it was when we were actually there We were like having a nice time with All these people for like 15 minutes And then Will sent this video to me They like tagged us in the comments Like fucking nerds I got tagged I was like I wasn't even there I'm not in the clip

So wait these guys threw a party And it's based on the Dave Rubin White party Is that his name? Michael Rubin Is it Rubin Studdard's party? Rubin Studdard was there All right, but look, they edited it kind of like a...

Make sure the volume's up. Rumblings of a party down the street. So we're like, all right, we'll go. Immediately realized it's a white party. That would guarantee the party. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range. Infused with functional benefits.

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Everyone there must have suffered, must have suffered, must have suffered. There's a thousand people. Oh, you got clowned. We got ripped. I think they kind of owned it. Your college party dropped in the middle of a nice little family neighborhood. He's not even funny. It was just strange.

You guys got owned a little bit, but I feel like that's kind of bald. That kind of looks like a bad party. All I said was there was a thousand people there, but then they made it, which is true. There was a thousand people there. It sucked. It was awful after this dude showed up. Well, we were the ones being awkward. Clown emoji.

Oh, you were there, too? Yeah. We were making fun of ourselves. We weren't like, this party's... Liam did say... Liam went nuclear. nuclear even there so he didn't even wasn't there it would have been crazy if like there was more than a thousand people in the clip clearly yeah like you're like there was a thousand people there

and they're like yeah well check out this clip of 50 people yeah it's like all right well i just i want to take this moment to apologize to post office la uh your party was great i just wasn't in the mindset to be like look at it was like it was a lot i'll double down on yeah i was gonna I'd like to take this moment to start a... Yeah, I'm never going to go. I don't want the invite. Seem too loud. Yeah, I would never go.

Yes. Seem too loud. I like chairs at a party. I agree. A lot of chairs. Mostly chairs. I like bar games. Two-to-one chair to people ratio.

Ski ball or something. What's a... Ski ball. Shuffle board? I love ski ball. Dude, I used to... Okay, we got something here. Yeah, I got this.

You opened a train of thought here. last summer i was living in maine um before i moved out here back at my my parents house clap it up and i was working as a uh i made banh mis at a brewery i was the line cook and uh after my the town i live in is like this weird like there's like an arcade downtown okay it's like a known thing in in like it's like southern maine it's it's like uh myrtle beach of maine sure you know what i mean and a boardwalk chucky cheese type deal exactly all people from quebec but oh nice i would yeah oh it's french canadian disneyland it's yeah okay and uh after my shifts like i would i would put my headphones on and just like walk down to the arcade and just

go to the skeeball and i got i would go like after every shift i got so fucking good i would just hit the hundred after hundred after hundred and win the jackpots and then they i swear to god they like nerfed me or like i don't know i don't know if there's like a switch they were like oh he's coming in he's coming in but like mind you i look like a full-blown autistic man walking with over ear headphones not smiling and just going right to skeeball and doing this for an hour and then leaving like around families and kids but the hundreds just stop clicking like they're not going they're not registering and so i won when i like screamed out a 15 year old uh employee and then i kind of had like a come to jesus where i was like oh this is a worse look for me than it is for him

he's like i don't know like i don't your shit's broken i don't know how the machines work i was like i just hit 600 in a row and he's like i can't prove that it's like you're arguing like at the sports book of a casino yeah it's just like an arcade in maine i was like i can give you a hundred tickets i was like i don't want the tickets i want the fame i want the grant i don't want a fucking stuffed animal i want a parade he's talking to his co-workers he's like dude i don't it's really strange this guy comes in like full sweat every day grinds and then leaves he doesn't say a word to us and then you just snapped at me it's covered in plum sauce there's a there's a glow-in-the-dark mini golf place like right next to that have you ever gone to that one no i know

what you're talking about it's like really strange we were in there and we were probably like too old to be that opened like three years yeah there was there was this was last summer or last winter and there was a family in front of us like taking their time having like a family day and like my friend had a similar like kind of meltdown where you pace of play keep it going we like he was like dude let's just skip

them let's go in front of them we were like we're not skipping them at mini golf dude he's like mind if we play through we're like home on winter break we have like nothing to do we're in like a time crunch right now you're like you can't play five everybody knows you can't play five we had

We had a group of golfers in front of us a couple summers ago and kind of like a, you know, stuffy-ish place, whatever, and it was after 6.30, so we were like playing with our shoes off. There was this group in front of us. It was like eight of like the best players at the club, like gone after. But this is full adult golf? Yeah. Okay.

Big boy golf. Is it still glow-in-the-dark? You're barefoot at mini golf. It's like gross. It's not like an etiquette thing. They're just like, for like your own health, I think you should probably put those back on. but this guy kept yelling at us and then so we went in after to apologize and we're like hey i'm

sorry i don't know like like i didn't know it was going to be a big thing he's like buy my next round we were like okay and so we bought his next round he was drinking 80 a glass oh tricked us into doing it wow wow yeah you got to be careful when you offer to buy people drinks yeah yeah that's why i never offer to buy people drinks yeah i make that mistake way too often yeah no i i wish i could get them around and i'm like oh fuck 18 year glenn levitt all right sounds i love that stuff too man sam sam barrett always one of our friends always says that like um getting recognized at bars is like lost me more money than oh yeah because they'll be like let's do a round of shots i go buy it for you and i'm like no i'll buy it for you yeah and then i like don't have the money to

be doing that i wake up in the morning with see i always just go okay yeah yeah that is the all the time you should do it hey let me buy you i'm like thank you i had one i was at a wedding in philadelphia a few weeks ago and it was like we had like a section that was open bar like for like the wet it was like the drinks the night before kind of thing and then i went into the bar to like pee and then some guy was like let me buy you a drink and i was like sure and like i let him buy me a drink and then just took it back to like the open bar area and i was like that was just malicious yeah like no i have it that's the classic dad joke at an open bar what like oh Let me get you one, man.

One of the employees came up to me in the open bar area because I guess they were serving it in different cups. She was like, where did you get that? I was like, a guy bought it for me. Some nice man. He's going to pour that out. Get him glass here. Willie, how do you like to pregame?

I like to pregame with Almost Friday the pregame, the new hot card game that we brought directly from our houses. We made it, and it's now in stores in Target or on Target.com. Check it out. It's really fun. There's like a horses game in it that I love. You get to learn a little bit about your friends, get to quiz each other, have a blast, have a couple drinks, get it going. I also, when this game was in early development, I was in college and I was reached out to and I helped write some of the cards.

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We came to the realization that, like, you're allowed to drink in public as long as you're going somewhere. As long as there's a big event or something. There was, like, a woman selling beers on the sidewalk, and we bought them, and we were like, I guess it's allowed because we're going to the Rams game. This was just, like, a neighborhood, like, adjacent to the— Yeah, we weren't in the area. And there was just a lady on a street corner, like, beer here, beer here, like, not hiding it at all. Yeah, it was great.

And you grow into a place where it's $20 beers, so everybody kind of makes the exception. they're getting one in they're getting their buzz before they got a pay exactly you guys ever go to like when you're kids like go pedal like popsicles or something like at like a high school football game uh i was so country we would sell our vegetable garden by the roadside yeah guys you're buying like tomatoes in case the team stinks we'd have like squash and stuff and we just set up a sign and this is like a town where a car would go by every 15 minutes yeah and so It's just bad business. Yeah, someone just pulls up and would be like,

all right, take one squash, and then leave for like 50 cents. One of our best friends, though, he started a little popsicle business. Yeah. And his mom commissioned a logo for it, and that logo won an award. Yep. And so he had a little, was he on a bike? It was a tandem bike his parents would ride, and it had a cooler on the back, and it said Hunter's Cool Treats on it.

And they'd go to the county fair and ride a tandem bicycle around the place. Who's like the governing body handing out awards for... The logo? Yeah, I don't know. Small business logos. It's like a banquet with like 60 people.

Feels like his mom made that up. Yeah, it's a popsicle. It's a vector. It should be cool. Thank God. Should we hear some pitches? No, I'm not ready yet.

I have something I wrote in my notes app. Oh, you got to do your roadmap anyway. Oh, yeah. Wait, so are you guys like childhood friends? Yeah.

Yeah. We met when we were like 15. Yeah. 14, 15. yeah what was that what was that meeting like oh electric chemistry no it was like we met through friends of friends and then we always just hung out in a group yeah kind of deal and it was like i knew riley he knew me but we didn't hang out one-on-one until like my senior year pretty much yeah so i'm a year older so i was 19 he was 18 and then that summer we started hanging

out solo and yeah we were we were smoking weed and playing ping pong a lot of ping pong all this right or bleeping a lot of ping pong really yeah we're making out with chicks nice my parents are playmates but yeah we uh i don't know i feel like we developed it in our 20s like early 20s we kind of like had chemistry we would like run bits lie to people at parties stuff like that and then we were at college and we were like i was starting a thing and i just asked him to be a part of it what were some of the lies at parties oh always like where we were from our names is a classic one just like thinking of a funny name and going with it yeah i'd say i was from queens they like obviously believe you guys look at each other like i can't believe you pulled that off

people like at parties nobody thinks they're gonna get lied to about something biographical so it's so easy to get it you can say anything people are going to be like oh shit that's cool hell yeah

what's that like what's the ornithology I'd say I was an ornithologist for him what is that for who

for he doesn't know he doesn't know do you know what it is any guesses I got two more I'm going to go like something in the something in the vein

of like taxidermy birds it's birds it's birds fuck what about a chirologist do you know what that is someone who

they study Mexican disease No, it's somebody who reads something on your body. What? What do you mean? What does that mean? Chirologists. They read something on your body. Reads something on your body?

Is it a palm reader? There you go. Really? Yeah, a palm reader is a chirologist. I thought that was the description. No, you don't. It's a guy who comes over and reads all your tattoos. That one's in Spanish.

I don't know. I'm hyper-religious, so I don't believe in any of that crap. That's good. Yeah. It's like witchcraft. I just don't. Yeah. It's not for me.

Go ahead with the third one. I didn't know he was religious. Well, he just started. He was telling us. Yeah. He's just starting on it. I didn't have a third one. I lied about that.

I was trying to be cool. Well, I was, my buddy Brett did a thing this weekend at the bar where he, like, pretended like he knew someone's friend. Like, they, like, said a name, and I was like, no way, you know Billy Crimmel or whatever? But then the escalation of it, which I hadn't seen before, he was like, send him a picture of me, dude. He won't believe it. And so she stands up and goes like, and she texted the guy a picture.

She was like, I haven't talked to that guy in years. We're sitting abroad together. Like, he won't believe this. And then we left, and never, like, no payoff. I like when you're at the bar, and you've maybe exaggerated how well you know their friend. Yeah. Oh, my God, let's call him. Yeah.

FaceTime, you're like, hey, man. That one time, you remember? We were in the same econ class, I think, or something. I sat in the back a lot. I missed a lot of class, too. You might not remember me. I do love getting the texts for the wrong people, where it's like, hey, Alyssa, still down for dinner on Thursday? Aren't those, like, scams a lot?

I don't know. I always respond. I literally am always like still good might be 15 minutes late but I'll be there we were doing that in Patchaw we were in Patchaw, New York

we were in the P-Town Patch Vegas is that allowed? yeah just like if you get really high then it might be an issue it always throws up but we would do it where people would walk into the bar

and you'd see how long you could convince them that you know each other. She'd be like, oh, my God, so good to see you, or whatever. And most people don't want to be awkward, so they would go along with it for five minutes and then be like, all right, dude, it was so great to see you. And they'll be like, I don't think we've ever met you before. I think, didn't you send that video of the lady

calling random numbers on the East Coast? Oh, yeah, I saw that. How long people on the East Coast will chat. This weather's crazy, man. Have you guys seen Johnny Hamcheck? Oh, my God, dude. we've been dm hey buddy yeah well he doesn't show his face yeah i know well i found have you ever done the you can yeah he's like you know he raps a lot too really yeah he's got old raps from back

in the day i've only said he is something like car dealership video yeah he's the best yeah he's the coconut corn huskies just want to shout those out they're battle dogs i like plenty of ham.com he's like i got the i got the six the six foot pipes for like six foot chains yeah six and a Half-inch cables. Is Tommy Toughknuckles running this shit today? Who's running this shit? He's an Ohio guy. Yeah.

Columbus. Seabus. Yep. Great town. Should we roadmap it up? What's roadmapping? We like to... Will hates this, but I like to tell people what segments we're going to do.

Did you guys prepare for our segment? Of course. Yeah, we obviously did. Except for one of them. Our last guest didn't. We did all of them except for one. Who was our last guest? What's the one?

Don't worry about it. Manta Hideo was your last guest. We... Manta Hideo. No, Lil Sass. Well, no, he was like, my manager said it to me 15 minutes before I got here. Isn't he a comedian by trade? Yeah, he pulled it off.

He pulled it together. Yeah, he was great. All right, we have a great episode for you guys today. We're going to hear some of your business pitches, then our business pitches. Brought to you by Cash App. Brought to you by Cash App. It pays to get paid on Cash App. Lauren, do we have a prank call today?

Oh, I thought you guys had the prank call. Oh, I had a really good one. Oh, I saw someone send their phone number, so maybe that was him responding. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me check. We do this thing where we pretend to be from the permitting division of the building department. We call people's friends and tell them that their house isn't up to code and just stress them out.

Two weeks in a row. We've been on fire. Laura, do we have any Am I the Assholes today? We do. Okay, beautiful. Then we're going to do everyone's favorite segment, This Guy Rocks, followed by Teach Me Something. And then we're going to wrap it up with country songs that don't exist and sayings that don't

exist. Got it. A jam-packed, jam-packed episode. There is no podcast that has more homework for its guests. That's not true. Oh, really? Not true at all. Not true at all.

Who's worse? We've had... I feel like sometimes people just want to do our games, and so then we have to like... Build them for them. Yeah. You're on our turf now. Waleed made us build like a whole tier list for him. And then he thought all we did was brackets.

Yeah, it was messed up. It was messy. That guy's got some problems. He's got a lot of problems. They came on and it was clear they had never listened to an episode. Oh, it was hysterical. Or I don't even think they'd watched it. They're too old.

Yeah, yeah. They're too old. They couldn't figure out how to find it. That's more common than the opposite, though. Yeah. Like when we go on a show, it's like, who knows? If they know us or we know them, they show up. Yeah, just kind of wing it.

Well, you guys have been doing a bunch this week and shit? Yeah, you're our first. And then I think there's four more. Yeah, four more. Damn. You're doing, who do we? Are you doing Chris D'Elia's? Yep, doing Chris D'Elia's.

Doing Louis C.K.'s. You know Davis Clark? Named Locked In. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I interviewed him for another show I do, and he showed up, and his manager was like, I was like, how's it going? His manager was like, I made a mistake, dude. We just came from Chris D'Elia's, and he got eaten alive.

No, I didn't hear about that. It seems like not a good fit. Not at all, yeah. I actually don't know if that ever aired now that I think about it. I don't think I ever saw clips from that. Yeah, it was probably just him bullying Davis for a while. Yeah, apparently it was really weird. I'd never let Chris D'Elia bully me.

He wouldn't stand a chance in the room with me. I'd stand my ground. All right, should we hear a pitch, Lauren? Too old for him. So we hear business pitches from the listeners. We're the Sharks. Oh, okay, cool. Let me sit up for this.

You're Damon, Lori. I'm Randy. Yo, dawg. Randy, and I'm Paula. Who was Mark Cuban? He's not on it anymore. Is that true? Yeah, he retired.

He retired and he sold the Mavericks. You know what he hasn't sold, though? Us. Oh, yeah. He's an investor. In you guys? In Playdate, specifically. No, no, no.

In the parent company. Wow. That's awesome. What's up, Mark? I think he made a pretty small, in the context of Mark Cuban, investment in the company. but on reddit like i don't know if you've seen like the high like high quality youtube sketch stuff those guys do oh of course and yeah and so there's like a lot of people on reddit they're like are these guys industry plants like whatever and there's these reddit threads where people like

i figured it out they're funded by mark cuban like a weapon of mark cuban's like liberal like there's like all this like weird like yeah yeah i think he just made like a kind of small donation in or like yeah you know yeah yeah i like his arc though i saw him on the daily show yes you've been And I was like, dude, he's the guy to root for. He's kind of, yeah, I kind of like his, yeah. Especially, or what were you saying? No, you're good. The week he invested, I had one of the worst,

one of the most awkward interactions with him of all time. We went up to him. We were like, hey, man, like big fans. He's like, yeah, yeah. We're like, can we get a picture? And so me and Angus are taking a picture with him. And I couldn't think of anything to say. Like, usually they leave after you take a picture.

And he was just like being nice and hanging around. I couldn't think of anything to say. And so I go, you really dropped the ball on Scrub Daddy, which is, like, the one company he didn't invest in. Like, all the other ones have been, like, home runs. And he goes, like, yeah, I mean, it didn't really make a dent. And I go, cool. He just walked away.

I feel like that's the clip, like, you always see on, like, Top Shark Tank. Yeah. All right. All right. Let's hear him. Let's do it. OK.

This is a pitch from Clayton Alexander Peterson. I guess he wanted me to. attaboy cap yeah put the full name in there okay what's up to lauren and her b words today i have a pitch for you that's going to knock your socks off i'm just racking trying to think of what that could be bitches oh fuck oh my you've heard of golf right what about beer this idea is a whole new spin on the combination of those two staples of our lives my idea is a golf course that is attached to a bar crazy right the catch is that the course the course is totally free to play but you aren't allowed to bring your own golf balls the only way to get a golf ball is to

purchase a beer or other alcoholic beverage and then the ball is at the bottom of the glass that way you have to have a couple drinks before you can play and if you aren't playing good and keep losing your ball no problem have a couple more beers get a couple more balls i'm thinking maybe rentals come with a pitcher let me know what you think i just picture like some guys having a tough day out there whacking out he like keeps losing his balls and then he's like the only way to get more like get drunker and he's like having like a full-blown meltdown but it's funny that they're like correlated when they're like yeah like the the bar's already at the course yeah i don't know like i think he's solving a problem that doesn't exist yet what if you're like on

like the eighth hole and you run out of balls you have like sprint back and like chug a beer yeah yeah how do you get there's probably a bar at each hole i would say now that i can get by and also i do think there's a good idea to build on this one which is if you're going to the driving range you have to get a keg and the balls and then so you have to drink a whole keg by yourself in order and the ball the balls should be frozen right yeah frozen balls so they help chill the drink ice spheres and i know a guy who brings a suitcase out on the golf course that's cold because he only plays with cold balls because they go farther is that real something yeah he swears it is yeah i thought it was the inverse where did you get a cold suitcase he's got one

I don't know. It's custom made. Yeah, I don't know what's most surprising about that whole situation, that he has a freezing suitcase or that he believes. It's like you ever fish with a guy who puts WD-40 on his lure? No. There's a class of characters that think they can get an edge, you know? What?

Cold balls, WD-40. What would that do? Red 40 or whatever, you know, like the dye that they use in food. People put that on their lures. Just to make it stand out more or something? They swear by it, yeah. WD-40, dude, if I was ever an athlete, I could be number 40. Those are my initials.

WD-40, that's a bad idea. I know. Missed opportunity. I don't know if I'm going to invest in this one. But I think you need to go back to the drawing board and then it's good. Yeah, I can't imagine liquor laws would permit this. I'll invest $500,000 and I want 90% of the company. All right, that's my offer.

I'll let you take this one. I'm out. It would have to be like a shuttle to and from the course. Guys drive there and you have to drop your keys off. Hammered by the time you leave. Unless you're good. If you have a killer round, you can't drink. You can still have the balls in your pocket.

I don't golf, so I don't know. But it seems like that would work. All right, next pitch is from Reagan. Reagan? It's breakdancing. Here's my pitch. hey lauren the peace corps reject and the traveler okay fucking cold i kind of i kind of got out of that one unscathed yeah you got rejected from the peace corps i got rejected

from the peace too violent too yeah too violent no they said yeah they found his man they just they knew this you were born to be a podcaster we don't want to take that from sorry to hear that man it's okay it was fine thank you for your service though yeah i'm still technically a war veteran because of it she says what is the most annoying part of your weekend uh well on saturday night i thought it was sunday it was sir we're having this text conversation where he's like i'm like all right you got like we have this account the tiktok account i was like you gotta post once more this week which the weekend's midnight on sunday and he's like i can't dude i got nothing i was like it's saturday like like if you don't have anything you can't

know that now like you're just saying i'm not gonna do this it was like 9 p.m and he was like there's still time and i'm like yeah there's three hours i don't have anything yeah and then we came to the conclusion that I... I took a really high nap. A big nap, yeah. In the middle of the day and then when I woke up, I don't know,

I was all back around. Okay, well she says... So that's our biggest problem is thinking it's Sunday. Right, okay. She says dreading work or class the next day on a Sunday.

I propose the de-weekinator. It's a pill you take before bedtime Sunday or whenever the night before your work week starts. Throughout the night, it subconsciously simulates a full work week

through Friday afternoon. This way, you wake up with all the relief of the weekend, oblivious to the inherent terror that it's 7 a.m. on a Monday but still ready to accept responsibility for the week.

Important to note that the effects are distinctly different and separate from anti-anxiety medication. Keep up the good yapping. That's like severance. Sounds like perks. Yeah. It also sounds like you'd wake up

being like, thank God it's the weekend and then it's Monday. Sounds like the worst case scenario. It's like you work two weeks in one. Severance is awesome, by the way. I got to watch that. That's great. If she has the technology to do that, I propose the pill lets you simulate another weekend.

Yes. And then you've had four days instead of a – I don't want to wake up thinking it's Saturday. Like simulate like a good date maybe. Like you met someone nice and you wake up and you're like, all right, everything's going to be all right. Yeah. That one was strange. That one's scary. There's no science behind it either.

I don't believe this. That is typically an aspect of these. wait what did this have to do with severance because she they separate her work and her work life and her social they like clone you in the show yeah and you're like you have like a work self and as you go down the elevator it like clicks off your outside self and you don't remember like anything that goes on while you work that would be funny for like this job like i don't know there's probably not podcasters in that world but like a lot of our job is like recapping what we did over the weekend you can't tell any story yeah exactly no last thing i remember i was in

this room um yeah that's that's about it always in this chair i'm wearing different clothes there's a sweet uh homoerotic relationship in that show with christopher walken that sounds great that's awesome yeah who's it's just it just him no it's him and uh someone else that'd be sick because he's an actor so he could do it it's not just homoerotic it's just erotic yeah i wanted to correct myself there thank you thanks for doing jason bateman's new look i don't like him got like a full beard and like the longest hair he's going joaquin i love him you don't like him no i don't like it's a bad take fuck you bateman i like it oh sorry third beef it's uh it's not patrick pat you might be thinking of pat no i'm

thinking jason bateman i don't like him like ozarks i haven't really watched much of that i just like i love arrested development i like arrested development that was going to be my one caveat there he kind of looks like he's doing like a big lebowski thing yeah like when joaquin went shut in mode yeah when he was on letterman yeah uh-huh yeah i want to take a quick minute to talk about a new sponsor of the pod lucy lucy is intelligent nicotine for adults designed by scientists who deliver the most satisfying nicotine experience and always tobacco free whether you use nicotine to enhance focus boost your energy or relax there's a lucy for you they offer products ranging from hydrating breakers to pouches to lozenges to gum with individual

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We should go on Letterman. Are they still doing that? I've always wanted one of the jackets. In this scenario, the only thing holding us back from going on Letterman is that we just didn't want to. We haven't thought about it yet. Did you guys bring pictures, too? Oh, yeah. Oh, really?

You brought a business bitch? Yeah. Oh, okay, cool. I got a couple of them. Oh, good. I'm with him on these. We're partners. A couple of them are bad, and I'll just rip them off.

Most of ours are bad. Yeah. Uber, but it's naked with guns. I don't know. There could be something there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a hookah bar slash pharmacy. Those are the two quick headers.

Take them or leave them. The real one I wrote is... Let's dive into the second one. I think there's something there. I'm willing to skip the first one, but the second one... There's something there. Yeah. What does that mean?

A hookah bar with a pharmacy. Okay, so you can get... Are the pills in the thing? They can be, but it's more like while you're waiting for your script, you get a nice hookah. Oh, that would be... What if... I like that maybe the delivery method of your Ambien is through the hookah. We used to put ibuprofen in our hookah.

Is that real? Yeah. Can you do that? Give you a headache. That's awesome. He's a little rice thing with the hookah. What would you put in the hookah? Ibuprofen.

Oh. Yeah, when we were underage, a guy at the hookah store that would sell us hookah told us to do that. And of course we did. Wait, I can't tell if this is a big problem. No, it's dead serious. Wait, to like relieve the hangover? No, just like supposed to fuck you up or something.

Ibuprofen. He said, yeah, you should put a bunch of ibuprofen in there. It gets you all fucked up. And it does. It does. But it just gives you, like, a bad headache. Isn't that the opposite of what ibuprofen's supposed to do? Yeah, but when you smoke a lot of it, it kind of turns out that it doesn't work as well.

Smoking prophen is crazy. Yeah, yeah. Me and Will were twisted off the prophen last night. Yeah. It gives you a bad headache. You know what I really want to do is, you know, I just discovered these, but apparently everyone knows about them. Like, Jack Link sells, like, dip containers of...

Jerky jaw. Yeah. Come on. Has anyone ever rolled and tried to smoke that? Oh, smoke it is interesting. Smoked beef. Yeah. At my high school, there was a kid a year older than me on the lacrosse team, and he

had never dipped, and all the lacrosse players were making fun of him, and then they were like, well, try it, and they gave him the jerky dip, and he put it in. And did he act? Yeah, and he was like, oh, I'm starting to feel it, like, the whole thing, and then he did not live it down, like, till he graduated. That's the stuff. Like, bah, remember when you pretended to be... I had this idea for something called a Neapolitan spliff, which is weed, tobacco, and beef jerky.

Weed, tobacco, and beef jerky. One part each? I thought there was going to be insulation in there for the pink. And I was like, you don't want to smoke that, dude. I've smoked fiberglass. Don't want to do that stuff. I used to, we smoked spice. Did you guys have a spice craze?

Like K2? Like K2 stuff? Isn't that like horrible? Oh, it was terrible. I'll make a trip. It was like salvia. How did you even get your hands on that? Oh, it was all over the place.

They sold it at like gas stations, right? Yeah. There was an office. It was like when people would get like tested in high school for weed back in the day. They like, everybody would just go by over the counter, K2, and smoke that. What does it feel like? Oh, it's like, you ever smoke salvia? No.

Of course not. What is salvia? Salvia is like a barbiturate. It's a terrible. You have another life. Yeah. There was that guy who smoked it and said he was a ceiling fan for 15 years. YouTube guy smokes salvia and drives.

And he rips it in his car and he never starts the car. He's like, that's better than it is. Girl I dated in high school smoked salvia and she hallucinated that she had a chicken body and was in an all white room and said it felt like a year. I hallucinated that I was on the magic school bus in that episode where they go through the intestines. And I laid in my bed and I thought I was dying. How long were you in there for? Long enough. And I also had an auditory hallucination where I could hear my mom in the next room calling Rite Aid to buy a drug test.

I could, like, hear her clear as day. She was like, yep, we're going to need a drug test. He's fucked up. And I was like, no. Was she actually? No. I, like, walked out scared and she was like, are you all right? And I was like, I'm really tired.

How does the rest of your day go after smoking salvia? Oh, it's bad. it's like ego death like you are like feel like a little baby you're like at dinner with your parents like disassociated yeah all that to say i smoked an off-brand k2 that looked like insulation one time oh fun i fell out of a moving car oh so stay away from that stuff i had to get out of the car that was the thing oh and like my buddy pulled up and i was like i'm out and i like rolled out jeez he could barely drive i smoked k2 by accident one time because somebody just told me it was weed and i got my friend's house like half an hour from where i live called it the

deuces and i would yeah everybody'd be like oh yeah that was the deuces but i didn't find out till a year later that that's what it was i thought i just had a bad weed experience and i was 17 and as soon as i did i started like tripping and just like seeing shit and then for some reason in my head like i grew up drawing i'm like an illustrator and i was like i have to draw to make sure i still can and so i had my friend get me computer paper and i started drawing and i sucked at it because i was tripping and then i was like oh my god i smoked weed and lost my ability to draw my life is ruined and then i texted my sister and said our mom and dad awake i'm driving home and i drove home tripping and because i didn't know i was tripping and then a year later the

dude was like haha dude that wasn't weed that was k2 was that the same dude that lived in the shack down by the river yes it was yeah yeah actually yeah matt fuck matt foley matt foley it was not different guy are you guys still boys with this guy oh no no but he sounds like kind of a bad guy he was yeah he turned his life around though i saw his facebook status the other day i went to look up somebody from high school and the first one that popped up and he was like if you're not on some positive shit get out of my way oh i feel like i feel like if he's still posting facebook statuses he in fact did not you're letting people know you're doing well on facebook you're not doing well yeah for sure i recently found out my instagram stories were posting to

my facebook stories they got you i mean i don't yeah i was like okay i don't know like yeah my my aunt and shit is seeing this yeah and the people you went to high school with know what you're up to yeah yeah and they think i'm using facebook i think that's the worst part that is I didn't even know Facebook had stories. They do now, and apparently, like, unless you turn it off, or maybe I click something, I don't remember, but it's linked. You got zucked. Yeah.

I'm really hoping, the only people I'm friends with on Facebook are, like, distant aunts. Yeah. So if they got, like, my Instagram stories, they'd probably be pretty confused. It wasn't my personal. Yeah, aunt. What do you guys say, aunt? Aunt. Well, so I have, there are some aunts that are aunts and some aunts that are aunts.

Interesting. I think it depends on their name. Yeah, like Aunt Anne, Aunt Sarah. It can't be Aunt Anne, yeah. Yeah. Well, I say Auntie Anne's, though. See, I have an aunt whose name's Anne, and I call her Auntie Anne. There we go.

Auntie Anne. Mutual friend, the pretzel Anne of mine. I'm going to do with it. She's from Lancaster, PA. Really? Yeah. Fun facts. Yeah, my brother, like, shot her with a BB gun or something once.

He had, like, some... Wait, sorry. No, that didn't happen. Who did he shoot? Auntie Anne. like the real Auntie Anne is from like Lancaster like an assassination

my brother no there's some story about or maybe like he like played airsoft at her house or something I don't know but this is your cousin did this

my brother your brother yeah I think he met Auntie Anne once oh nice and he shot her with a BB gun

no I think maybe Wetzel from Wetzel's my brother yes Wetzel on the grassy knoll on the grassy knoll

alright I have a last real business oh let's do it hit me alright it's like arbitrage betting are we familiar no

where you like take two sports books that have different odds and you're guaranteed to win you bet a lot on each but you win like a small amount okay okay um but this is with life insurance yeah so you go to different life you know you can take out a life insurance on anybody yeah so i'd go to a life insurance place wait you can oh yeah yeah like i could take one out on you yeah yep but there's different rates based on like my medical history so i've had like major surgery i have history of mental illness you know i own a gun a couple guns and i drive a motorcycle yeah that makes my monthly premium higher. Yeah, because I'm more likely to die. Some of those things are true. Not all of them. It was just for an example. But I would call multiple health insurance

suppliers and ask for a policy. And you know, and I'd pit them against each other. And I'd be like a broker for people. So you'd come to me, and you'd say, I want to take out a life insurance policy on my friend, and I'd give you two books. And then we'd pit them against each other. And then when your friend dies, you'd get a little money. New from Nespresso, blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added b vitamins like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change

you discover coffee plus on espresso.com wait i don't understand how you pit them against each other yeah i don't really either i'm still kind of working out those details but i think there's something there is it why do they let you do that it's a dirty business wait does this seem profitable wouldn't you i think it's if you you take out life insurance policies on two guys and then pit them against each other two oh that's better two enemies yeah no two people like and then you murdered them oh like dual yeah paul and mike tyson yeah life insurance policy on each of them yes yeah that's pretty good yeah it sounds it almost sounds like you guys know like death pools yeah yeah i'm a part of one new movie what okay it sounds like no spoilers it seems like a

better way to do a death pool like i would just go take out a life insurance policy on like world of t-shirts right now yeah oh god you wouldn't it would be like no payout that's dark and it'd be an expensive premium i've been i can't stop you guys into that like i can't like i i like check every day yeah i think it's coming to an end unfortunately it's so what are we talking about world of t-shirts i don't know he's like this guy with autism and he's an alcoholic and people like take advantage of him and he uh he's got like three million followers on tiktok it's gotten to the point now where his liver is like shutting down he's like growing like literal like barnacle lesions they think it might be monkey pox oh yeah that came back negative oh did it they go into the

they go into the doctor's office and they're like we think it might be like psoriasis or something and the woman comes back and takes a look at it and she's like kind of looks like monkey pox to And then she leaves, and they start smoking cigarettes. Like, they're just like, he's going down a dark path. It's dark. It's very dark. It's dark. Wow.

All right, Willie, you got a pitch? Yeah, it's the plunge-oil-it. Here's my problem with toilet, with plunging toilets. First of all, not that I do it a lot, but sometimes I think of monster crap. I hate when, like, if it's too full or, you know, sometimes there's splashback. Yep. Let's just, no one wants to talk about it, but it happens. Uh-huh.

that seems like that should be avoidable so this is what it is the seat the toilet seat has like a like the top part of the toilet seat has like a like a ring in the middle that's like a like a fanned kind of like a like i'm with rubber things that you know you stick the plunger through it and close the lid you close the lid and then you can plunge it and all the flashback yeah yeah well no i don't think butter churners have that do they it's like a hole in the top and you like okay yeah yeah yeah i haven't churned can you turn poop into butter yeah yeah yeah you try hard enough heavy milk i feel like that's a good idea because i i'll admit i just close the toilet seat and put the plunger in i close it as much as i can and really yeah that's funny so that it

doesn't yeah yeah like what there's just a hole in the top you just yo that'd be better sure but I'm just saying, yeah, like, I always just close it as much as I can and, like, just kind of... It's like you guys all have, like, very unique methods. Like, I don't... I think I've plunged two toilets in my entire life. Oh, good for you. Oh, because...

So dainty. So dainty on the pooping. I just meant, like, when it does... When it does happen, I feel like I just use the old-fashioned method. like how how hard are you going like squirting back at you like if it's full like if you try

to flush it sometimes then the bowl fills up so then when you go to do it there's the water levels like already so high that like any amount of back suction is gonna squirt onto you and then it's like yeah you get like no but you get like a little bit on your shins and you're like oh do i tell anyone like why would you drive to shower hey guys a little bit of poop on my shins you walk back into the room just like you know stay away from my shins maybe not tell anyone but like do you take a shower probably sometimes i just paper towel yeah yeah i get other people's houses no so then why wouldn't you shower your own because like what if i just showered yeah then you don't want your skin to get dry you didn't have poop on your shins like before you

took the first hour maybe maybe at other people's i don't know i'm not usually plunging in other people's i grew up too far i like this idea yeah okay it's a good idea i'm all in all right you don't need to talk about you being covered in poop anymore when i was a kid i clogged our family friend's toilet and their mom was like uh their mom was like out in the living room and i came and like very quietly was like i just clogged your toilet and you could tell she didn't know how to unclog a toilet either and this is like one of my first memories she used a coat hanger to uh unclog the toilet and then it like worked we both looked each other like pretty cool has anyone tried that yeah even that their same her son like two years later

uh we were at the same house again the toilet clogs but it was because someone had put an apple core down the toilet and tried to flush it and it was like it like ruined the trip like everyone was like turning on each other and being like i know it was you and like i knew it was you but, like, no one admitted to it. All right, I got a pitch. Hit me. It's an app, and it's called Prank Call Roulette. Okay.

So if the four of us were playing, we would all join, and you would spin the wheel. It would land on one of our names. It has access to your contacts, so then it shuffles through your contacts and picks someone, right? You have, like, three, like, no's because sometimes you just can't do that. And then you spin a separate wheel,

and it has a list of like prank calls that you can do on that person okay like if will spun it it would be like uh like your grandma and then it would spin the wheel again and it would be like it would be like oh fuck it's almost like on purpose that wasn't on purpose and he did this last week too no i don't care i know we all still have her contact though i still have my grandma he did this last week he's like if it was will for example it'd be his grandma that's dark man i didn't know you guys were i didn't mean it okay it would be that's okay i appreciate it it would be sarah and um and then and then it would be like you have to tell her like her refrigerator is still running or something nice classic classic it

gives you a prompt as well of what so it's like it's like you have to prank all this person you have to do this prank call oh okay that's kind of fun i like it i think it'd be good i don't know where you're gonna make money on it ads there are more more pop-ups than you've ever it's a fucking nightmare yeah it's like gives your phone so many viruses okay cool yeah i was looking through my search history because i was trying to find you know we do a segment teach me something i don't even think do we tell you about this one oh you're gonna love it uh yeah we just like but like usually to find my like fun fact i'm a big like wikipedia guy so i just like look back through my wiki or my search history to find something on google in the last few days yeah and there

was something there that was like the most insane like porn title thing i'd ever seen i was like what like i did not get it was i was like streaming a football game on saturday and i think i accidentally clicked like a link but there was something egregious rip streamies by the way yeah i know well thankfully oh what happened they shut it down homeland security yeah damn like recently i thought someone yeah like recently they they took the domain off damn i saw a picture of lebron at his son's basketball game watching streamies. All the comments were like it's funny to think LeBron

also has to deal with porn pop-up ads and stuff. Yeah. He probably went to some of those same sites I did. What was the title if you don't mind me asking? I hope the payoff's there, but it really was egregious. It was like something I was like okay, I know I didn't. I know I had

a weird Saturday, but I know I didn't look that up. Sexy MILF unclogs toilet. yeah it's like something like severe splashback it was milf covered in splashback guys and as always the pitch sesh is brought to you by cash app it pays to get paid on cash app want us to say it one time yeah all right as always this segment is brought to you by cash app it pays to get paid on cash app except for when you want it instantly they take a little bit barbie hump xxx what barbie hump yeah what's wrong with you man that's way worse barbie hump xxx cam model free live oh i was like oh god it was on there like three times

i'll text you the link later what i'm picturing is is the doll is yes barbie and a human man is humping it oh that's gross i was just picturing dolls oh yeah yeah it's just like it's like the dolls together uh your your pitch did remind me of a pitch that we've talked about before an idea that we had for a karaoke bar but it's a roulette and so you don't get to pick what song you're doing sign up and then it's like shuffles it and you gotta try because i feel like a lot of people get nervous to pick yeah because like if you suck yeah you picked the song but it takes all the pressure off you're on equal playing that's true you might go up there you have to be on the list if you tend to the bar i think so yeah yeah and then they just be like yeah it's

like oh and okay robert will be doing and take it easy by the eagles and he's like i've never heard this song oh and it's not even like an order based on who signs up too maybe no it's all and then each night of the week is a different theme yeah so you can go you can go on the night where it's more your genre it's r&b night wait that's 60s music night then there's one night that is just random and you don't know it's like a shuffle night so like you might never heard the song ever will's a huge karaoke yeah but i'm but admittedly this i mean part of the only part of the rap i get is i just go up there every time i do over my head by the fray and i bring i bring the house down yeah but it's like yeah because that's right in my q zone like i'm not right and

i'm the same way i do wet dreams by j cole every time exactly and i'm sick of doing it yeah because It's like, all right. Their parents are covering their kids' ears. It's like you and Skee-Ball. He does this every week. I ain't never did this before. No, I have. A hundred times.

I'd like to have somebody else pick for me, you know? My only concern is that I always feel like when you're going to the karaoke bar, there's usually people driving that movement. Like, I tend to be in that department. Like, what if we went to the karaoke bar because I like to sing? But then there's always people that are like, all right, yeah, sure, I'll go. But they're not really in it for the karaoke. yeah but they're on the hot seat if they're in that bar oh yeah do you worry that there's a maybe

maybe there's like a you know like uh you go out to communion you do like this if you don't want oh yeah like maybe there's like a thing that you do if like you and so you can't get picked that's what i'm saying yeah maybe yeah like if you put your hat sideways they can't call on you or something yeah i want there to be no way to bow out okay all right it is like a full participation you are there and you gotta sing all right i would say i think that that would like i wasn't a karaoke guy until i met will and now i like it it is fun once you force people to do it then they'll realize it's fun yeah yeah my my friend dev lemons if you know yes i love devlin yeah she we went to karaoke that was just like a funny name yeah no way that's a real oh no

no she's great that's like the making songs not listening yep she's a great musician great youtuber content creator and she we went to karaoke with her and she picked wrecking ball by miley cyrus and did stand up over it that's hysterical didn't sing a lyric was just like traffic's crazy isn't it but that's a great bit with the traffic wait was that here yeah yeah it was at la is that gaslight i don't remember did people think it was funny or were they like no there was like two people in the bar yeah there was no one and one of them was old and i agree whenever will does it it kind of like brings it up a notch like we were at this bar in new york and i've told the story a million times but it's by one of my favorite will denon stories

we're he's not at the bar yet and he's like just put me on the list put me on the list like i'll like i'll sing when i got there and i'm like okay you didn't do you don't over my head and he's like yeah so we're down in this like kind of speakeasy situation and like it's getting really close to will's name and he's not here and so i'm like looking at the dj and i'm like i don't know if he's gonna be here in time whatever i'm texting him he's like i'll be there too just like it's fine i'll be there they go now will denellan's gonna be singing over my head by the fray and the door uh to get into the bottom level is like saloon doors yes kicks open the saloon doors grabs the mic turns it into a duet with a girl he's never met before they like burnt it down

and then he just like handed the mic and like sat down everyone was like who is that it was really cool it wasn't like i wasn't like standing outside the saloon i was like waiting for my cue i legitimately just got there at the perfect time i was picturing you like when it happened i was like he fucking was sitting there with his hand he's in the green room he gave the girl a script when eminem's like shadow boxing before his rap battle does the morgan wallen walk out yeah yeah like with the hostess and like that where do you get a boom box um that was a fun karaoke yeah that was a great night should we do oh, that also, that's why you never

film yourself doing karaoke. I did sitting on the dock of the bay and I woke up in the morning and I was like, I fucking nailed that. And then Will sent me a video of it. You can't tell what song it is. It's like you're like I think he's like, I think he's doing like a rock rendition of an Otis Redding song.

Okay guys, let's take a minute to talk to you about Cash App. You probably know Cash App is a place to send people money, like when you need to settle up with your buddies after a night out on the town. Well, we're here to tell you that cash app actually has a lot more to offer don't overlook cash app the way that rusty was overlooked in high school cash app is the place for a faster simpler way to manage your money you can start saving with as little as one dollar as there are no minimum balance requirements with

cash app savings you can get the most from your money with no hidden fees and no account fees cash app gives you control over your money guys get control over your money like i get control over my pet iguanas with overdraft hundreds of them with overdraft coverage and security you'll have more peace of mind and can spend more time thinking about fun stuff like will playing with his iguana download the app and take control of your finances with cash app join the millions who already manage their money with cash app and start saving today make the most out of your money it pays to get paid on cash app let's get back into the episode do you want to do prank calls first or am i the assholes first um i don't know am i the asshole sure all right so these are also

like fans submitted they write in their stories and we need to tell them if they're the asshole yeah oh okay all right yeah we started off doing like act just the reddit ones and then we realized that people send some very interesting stories so yeah a lot of lies yeah we've always worried about that but some we i feel like we just pick we've typically picked ones that i think are real a lot of times we call the people and have them like talk about it unless they're all like really good at improv but i feel like that's that's the thing is because they watch you guys a lot of people would be like what's the funniest thing i could put on yeah that's our biggest problem i actually try not to think about it yeah i'm the same way i like to believe that that the listeners

are good enough people yeah and if there was one where we were like that didn't happen but i think it's only happened once if you are thinking about submitting one it's fake you're going to hell so it's on your conscience now this is from evan he says hey lauren and the crazy boys it was me and the boy or me and my boys on our first golfing trip me and my boys went on our first golfing trip and i mentioned that no i know he said it he said it twice and i hit the ball on hole 13 i drove the ball far and fast however in the middle like he's like telling it like it's like a novel sorry sorry i drove the ball far and fast however in the middle of the fairway it hits a goose who was standing in the way then me and the boys all kind of laugh and don't feel bad

about the goose we joke around a bit but when i got closer to the goose i noticed the golf ball striked the beak of the goose perfectly so its mouth was hanging from its head and the goose was making an awful painful dying noise oh i looked at my boys and they understand the only right thing to do in this situation was to put the goose out of its misery. Pitching wedge. So, I start to beat the goose to death with my golf club to fix the situation. Am I the asshole

here, or was it just a freak accident? That's why you bring your gun to the golf course. I thought it was going to be like, and then I humanely snapped its neck. Yeah, in a nice... I started beating the fuck out of the goose with my golf club. You're an asshole.

This teeters the line on the real thing, though. This was the exact last AFTV sketch. The most recent AFTV sketch. They hit a goose with a golf ball. Yeah, I watched that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say a similar thing has happened to me,

not with its beak falling off, but my friend Tom Higgins one time. Great name. My dad is a friend of Tom Higgins. We all have a Tom Higgins. We all got a Higgins. The ball hit the goose's leg in the air, and so like all the other geese were

all the other geese were leaving it and it was like limping after them there was never a point where we were like we should beat it to death beat it to death is crazy it felt like you were waiting for the chance to beat something if you have the heart to like

snap its neck I think maybe you're not the asshole but like you also gotta keep playing they were in the 13th hole the people in the tee box were like come on So it's just kind of like You made that decision too quick I think you just

You go that was an accident This is the trolley problem actually All of them are the trolley problem Probably but like I'd say you just don't do anything You also have five more holes You guys are just going to sit there and be like That was pretty crazy

I'm also like I can't get over like this is disgusting But like it took the beak off Yeah the odds of that are Well you hit it far and fast you can't well he was playing golf imagine a uh being that goose and you're having a good day and then you look down faces hang oh i can't imagine being a goose in general though yeah i'm gonna be in a goose do you guys want to weigh in first on asshole asshole uh yeah asshole i think you're i think you're the asshole i think that's a weird remedy i think you have to do the most humane if

You're going to kill it, which I can understand being in the mindset of like, we got to take. Yeah, I think you just let it go or you like snap its neck, I guess. Yeah. Would you guys be able to do that? No. No. Yeah. No.

No. Have you ever hit something in your car? Yeah, I feel horrible. Yeah, but like there's the thought where you're like, oh, I should turn around and if it's still alive, I should put it out of its misery. Yeah. I don't have the heart to do that. Oh, I've never had that.

I'm not turning around and being like, no, sorry. Oh, I thought you meant turn around and run it over again. Well, you could do that, too. Don't turn it around. You should just back up if you can. We had a little bit of a... This might be oversharing. There was a...

Well, we've already mentioned the rat problem. We've had some rats in the office. They're good right now. Right now, there's, like, none. They're out. They're out. Okay, all right, yeah, but... We won't tell, by the way.

It was caught on a glue trap, and... I haven't heard this yet. What do you do with it? Light it on fire. Really? Oh, well, that's just what our friends do. No, but if it's, like, caught in the glue trap, it's, like, it's suffering. I have a story.

One of our editors ran it over in his car. Tanner? Yeah. No, I mean, there's no, you can't let it go. They can't get it out of the glue trap. Yeah, but he saw it come. Did he at least face it away? No, they put it in a trash bag and sealed the trash bag.

I have two stories. That's kind of insane. One time in college, my buddy, my roommate, Brett Berger, stomped one out. I found one under my bed, and I was, like, freaking out. I was, like, I can't do this. I can't kill this thing. And then Brad was like, I'll do it. And just went.

But yeah. Why was it sitting there and letting you guys do it? It was in a glue trap. That's what I'm saying. If it gets stuck in a glue trap, there's no getting it out. Dude, can you imagine being the first moment it realizes it's stuck? It's like, oh. He had a bag of rats one time.

Well, so the first story is when I was in college, I had a lot of mice in my apartment. Okay. And I was catching them on the glue traps. And I honestly, like, I would just take the glue trap and throw it in the trash. While they were still, like, squealing and shit. but not like i just i'm not killing something no i agree like you tortured it over a long time want to do it like you started you know whatever there was too many mice and then one day i walked into my kitchen and there was a glue trap in their biggest mouse i've ever seen like to the point i

sent a picture to my mom and said is this a mouse it's like a cat and she's like oh my gosh i have no idea and i couldn't pick the one up it was too like your neighbor's grossed out by it so i went to class and then i came back and when i came back it had chewed its own arms off like 127 hours vibes and i was like james franco super grossed out it was still stuck and i was like grossed out by it more so i left and slept at my friend's house came back the next day and it had given birth all over it ew so there were babies glued yeah that's one of the worst things i've ever heard right it's like a saw movie it was like my fucking god that's pretty sad it was so sad but i was like i can't do it i was like paralyzed every time i saw it yeah you burned

your house down yeah yeah i guess the moral of the story is like oh don't why don't we just Getting born onto a glue trap. Wait, so what did you do? I honestly, I had one of my friends come over and throw it away. I wouldn't touch it. I was just like, and they were like, I feel like there's even more details. Like the babies were like, oh, they were just that new. And like, they weren't like, they were not even supposed to be born.

Maybe. No, the mother just died. That's really gnarly. It was, oh, it was, it was bad. Sorry for telling that. That's all right. When I was a pool boy, I would always find, I would always find, like, mice in the pool. And, like, usually they're dead.

But, like, everyone's father would be, like, swimming around. So, you, like, get it out with the net. And then you'd, like, leave it on the thing. And all the other pool guys would be, like, all right, like, let's go. And you'd be, like, I don't really know, like, you're, like, leaving it for dead, basically. So, it was, like. Why? Because it's, like.

Taking on a lot of water already? Well, like, all, it's, like, whole, it's, like, a baby. It's like a baby mouse and like it's like entire family is like in the filter and then you would like leave it and it was like cold and like didn't know what to do. That's all right. While we're on the topic, I hit a nest of baby bunnies one time on a lawnmower. So sometimes shit happens, you know, mother nature. This is a bad time to find out they live in nests.

I didn't have enough time to like process that. I just want to remind everyone this segment is brought to you by Cash App. It pays to get paid. this is the last this is the last like killing something cute sorry i think we could move on we were driving him from school one time and there was this family of skunks walking across the road oh yeah and my friends like braked as hard as he could and uh i think we just nicked like the back too and he looked in his rearview mirror and he's like two like like 17 18 year old boys and he just looked at me and was like i wouldn't turn around if i were you and i was

like why and he goes it's so bad and he told me like lost sleep over it so you don't know i mean yeah i got out of it scot-free but um i felt it right yeah yeah how did you know the skunks were 17 or 18 no we were ah yeah one had like a backwards hat and like a skateboard fingers crossed you guys want to do the other yeah let's hear the other ms so hopefully it's not. Something fun. I hate to be this guy.

I really have to pee. Can I go pee? Sure. I'm going to go pee as well. Yeah, go pee. We'll keep doing the Cash App thing. Guys, our new back-to-school merch collection is live. You can get your Almost Friday University gear.

We've got a new Almost Rush tagline on our website where you can go and order custom Rush t-shirts, and we've got some crazy deals that are going to make your head go bonker wonkers. 15% off if you order 10 shirts or more. 25 off if you order 20 shirts or more this is some of the stuff we're looking at look you got this one oh a guy probably has one shirt no i also got this killer sweater and and this one and the one that this one we let's say we got shirts go to fridaybeers.shop all right guys

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back into the episode i went to detroit one time what for what the airport i was going to ann arbor which is kind of near detroit right 40 minutes 45 minutes yeah pretty close do you date a jewish girl or something no uh we had an event at skeeps you ever been there skeeps yeah i love skeeps oh yeah it's a good time all right should we hear the final animal asshole yeah let's do it so there i am like sawing the turtle's legs off just heard me like two of the people i know closest that went to michigan ufms yeah a lot of jewish people there yeah wow yeah it's like the jewish american princess like hub yes that's what they say and that abbreviation is what i can't say it online I feel like Miami

I've told my jab story haven't I pays to get paid and that is brought to you by it is now just Rusty's play date I worked at a barbecue place in high school and we sold pickled jalapenos and I was a cashier and the button on the

cash register just said JAP and so they would call out the order and then I would type it in and someone was like all right like you know sausage whatever like brisket blah blah and they're like two pickled jalapenos i go two jabs it's an asian couple ordering oh no that's really like yeah and i just that's like a curse where was it i just at lewis barbecue in charleston south carolina dude they were like two jabs and turn up and they're i was like you're

totally south carolina doesn't have a reputation yeah yeah exactly all the south carolina they know you mean well you know they're they're walking around they're like do you guys hear that yeah yeah it's like the sirens calling us too yeah um all right all right uh second i just said second name of the asshole this is from jack he says i went to chile's a few nights ago and encountered quite the moral conundrum our waitress was a high school friend of mine we both did choir together she's very pure innocent christian college so with her high school sweetheart in fact this high school sweetheart bust the table when we finished oh that's cute i introduced her to my co-workers and when he left the table i said that's our

waitress's boyfriend flash forward after we finish and pay i'm standing outside with one of my co-workers and the boyfriend comes out he waits in his car for like 40 minutes and eventually drives away a few minutes after that time out i'm so fucking confused how long were you chilling outside this chili wait 45 minutes at least oh man yeah i got lost i'm like i'm super confused okay high school high school sweethearts are a tag team duo one buses one waits at chili's yes god they are waiting on a kid who's writing into us named jack and he's eating there with his co-workers and he went to high school with them and he went to high school with them uh he mentions to his friends that's my that's her high school boyfriend or something yeah they're still together

High school sweethearts. I guess. That's what he says. We'll see. But Jack also chain-smoked cigarettes because for some reason he was outside of Chili's for 40 minutes to know that's how long the boyfriend was out there. Maybe he was trying to pick up chicks. Outside of Chili's?

Let's hear the end of it. It might help. It might help. Sidewalk outside of Chili's, you can be on for 45 seconds. You're getting railroaded here, Lauren. The thing about this segment is we cannot get through one story without them interrupting me 12 times. Yeah.

And people love it. And that's why we make millions. People love it. Thank you, Q. Okay, so he waits in his car for, like, 40 minutes and eventually drives away. A few minutes after that, she comes out with some coworkers. All of them leave except for her and one other guy. They hang out for, like, two hours.

Yeah, why is he here? He's stinking out of Chili's. Yeah, wait. No, there's got to be, like, he's, like, made up. They hang out for, like, two hours, and eventually we see them making out in the Chili's parking lot. What do I do, man? Oh, oh, oh. He's not outside yet.

He's not outside yet. He watched the guy sit in his car for 45 minutes through the window at Chili's. They're inside the Chili's, like, drinking. He has been eating at Chili's for three hours. Yes. That's the problem. Nothing wrong with that. We've all done it.

That's actually kind of baller. Okay, I don't... He's asking... He's just asking, what do I do? Wait, so he... Oh, my God. Wait, I have some follow-up questions. Okay.

So, he saw the boyfriend in the car for 45 minutes? Yeah. Why was he waiting? The answer isn't going to be revealed today. Jack and his co-workers are having a happy hour in the Chili's. They watch it happen through the window. That's my guess. The boyfriend was out there for 45 minutes and then left?

Yeah. And then the girl came out and started making out with another guy. Why does it matter that the guy was there for 45 minutes? It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. Okay. Why was he there for 45 minutes?

Maybe they got in a fight and then he was decompressing in the car listening to Radiohead or something. Yeah. Okay. Weird fishes. Creed dropped a new album. He was listening to the whole thing. Moral conundrum. I guess if you don't talk to that person, I don't know.

I'm not calling the dude back up and being like, hey, by the way, great to see you the other night. Yeah. Your goody-two-shoes girlfriend is making out with the manager. Who's the manager? Well, no, no, no. Who's the mayor? He's got a problem with the mayor. My ex-wife hooked up with the mayor.

Really? Yeah, and I caught him. He was at a cantina. Did he dress like a mayor? He was. He was married, and we know the mayor. We know who the mayor is. Mike Duggan.

Mike Duggan. Of Detroit. Damn. Can we pull him up? I know a guy named Mike Duggan from Detroit. No, we're not pulling him up. That's just a weird coincidence. Are you sure he didn't govern you? No, he didn't govern me ever.

Does he tell the girlfriend or not? Let's gloss over the whole marriage. I'm sorry about that. It doesn't sound like they're friends at all. This is the first time they've run into them in forever. Maybe they're in some sort of polyamorous relationship. Yeah.

yeah I just yeah it feels like everyone is like waiting a lot in this I just can't really

get around he was waiting yeah I know why was he waiting I guess I'm hung up on that I think he's I think you don't have to tell anyone

yeah you're not an asshole what Will's trying to say is if you didn't hang out at Chili's for so long you wouldn't have found yourself in this conundrum yeah get in and out of Chili's

going forward he's dealing with the burden of information he has information that but he can't you can't act on it it's not your place

you should probably call into a podcast and tell the whole story hopefully they hear this we're on to you can you imagine that guy's listening he's sitting outside Chili's waiting for 45 minutes he was listening to our podcast

if you went to high school with a guy named Jack and you have a Christian girlfriend and you're a busboy at Chili's you're fucked we have bad news You're cooked, pal.

He's bussing tables and has his headphones in, drops the whole thing. What? All right, yeah, no, you're not the asshole, but the mayor, or the... No, the manager sounds like the asshole. We don't know who's the manager. Yeah. I'm just assuming if you're going to cheat with a co-worker that you also work with your other boyfriend, you might as well at least climb the ladder.

Yeah. Agreed. that's I don't know about that could be Mr. Chili if your name's Jack and your girlfriend gets promoted to hostess

this week something might be going on something's fishy you get promoted from waitress to hostess no hostess that would be a demotion that would be a demotion

I always thought the hostess was the cool one no hostess hostess is like the first thing you do you can be like 14 if you're a hostess they didn't let me host

at the one restaurant I ever went to you're not pretty yeah that's true like traditionally you're handsome I had to well

hey look at you now you're a host yeah oh there we go all right podcast our podcast hostess lauren um all right should we prank call yeah oh my god do you want to do it no you did i'm excited for country songs yeah yeah i know we got we just gotta call this guy and tell him do you know the guy who you're calling no it's some guy we solicit dms people send us their friends numbers and like the problem with their house and then we'd call you guys have legal over here because this feels we have a lawyer we've been impersonating the government though yeah but one guy who actually does the job that

we do said he thought it was funny so i think we're in the clear oh okay who's who did some guy who actually works in like the building or the permitting division of the building i think you could always just and us no he like commented and was like i work there it's fine i think it's wow you could always just say like it was it was a fake prank yeah yeah i'm gonna so this guy cut down trees in his yard that he wasn't allowed to so i'm gonna call and tell me has to put him back up i like that are you still wait what what county is he from this is bonneville county idaho okay i'm gonna change my i have an app to change my area code so it'll come from a local classy okay and are we yeah are we supplying comedy in the background um yeah i think you

just like i got those chains you need it maybe do like funny faces or something yeah i don't really know how to he's not gonna see my face time it doesn't really look like a traditional office were you guys big prank callers back in the day oh my god what was your go-to restaurants sadly after working in restaurants and appreciating small business i would i'd order 500 egg rolls and i'll pick them up in an hour no i'd order a taco bell or call taco bell right before they close i'm around the block my boys just finished baseball i need 50 quesadillas and they get them ready and then i'd never show up that's that's it's fucked up the people that they there was this trend going around where they thought that like minimum wage workers weren't

allowed to eat the food at the restaurant so they would call in a bunch of food and then not pick it up so that they could eat it but it was like you're just making them make this food that they definitely could have just made anyway yeah right this is matt hi there matt wait am i country again no you're normal i'm from the permitting division of the building department here in bonneville county yeah i'm gonna have to do an accent yeah just think rustic i heard you cleared out a few few trees in the backyard are you aware that's a violation of forestry policy yeah there you go all right perfect this is gonna be viral here here goes nothing put it closer to the new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range

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Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. god is that so good I'll just leave a voicemail and then next we'll call him back later fuck should I just hang up or should I leave a voicemail I don't know I kind of like the

oh he sent me a sorry I can't talk right now say that's okay big news coming soon wait text him text him if he can talk later and then we'll call him after the pod just like just to record no no like like uh we'll come back in and record it yeah what do i say just we'll respond all right say it's urgent and that was it's urgent 911 emergency great prank

by the way i got his uh thank you i have a gift in case he calls back should we do this guy rocks or teach me something oh yeah yeah this guy rocks sounds fine all right yeah let's do that one so are this guy rocks are people that we've found on the internet uh lauren pauses when it comes up you guys are probably familiar with this guy uh he is a detroit guy oh yeah so his whole thing is defense yeah right self-defense and uh he uses like his like students or co-workers as like the people that he he's a rex twike typically yeah typically it's like wrestling moves right yeah um i guess i want you guys to watch this one this is for uh in the event someone is trying to attack you with a chair apparently this is how people in detroit handle it i wanted to let you

know i looked into this and made sure this is 100 real yes what we are watching he actually does this to the guy this is a real thing that he did to someone that is his employee now they try to take that weapon used against you you come forward lock it redirect it take the eyes now you have a weapon now it's also apparent remember that you also burn is that a gun he shot him he shot him with a less lethal bullet which if you're not familiar Hurts just as bad as a bullet Yeah, it's a rubber bullet That scream was like the Wilhelm scream

Oh my god, yeah, that was I never thought that scream could come out of that Yeah, yeah Isn't that actually just like a It's a bullet It's a red-headed scream No, no, no, that is his scream That's insane

It's like rubber pellets that come out at the speed of regular bullets Yeah They can't penetrate your skin that Jesus that guy's awesome and also the place that he used to have in Detroit our friends bought that place and turned it into a club now it's a nightclub and we go every we go like every weekend that's awesome really shout out big pink big pink if you're ever in Detroit go to big pink it is yeah it's the best how is Detroit's nightlife it's awesome it's the best if you like house music and stuff it's it's really really good it's like house and techno is like the standard like you if you go

out a place that isn't playing that it's because there's a theme yeah the rest of the nightlife and you'll catch like classic real legendary djs out at like a little bar yeah you're like oh you'll see people like starstruck by like a 60 year old man yeah spinning vinyl like a dive bar they'll be like oh my god that's him it's a grandmaster flash kevin saunderson yeah the saunderson brothers yeah wow but it's awesome i love it there that's a good way to come visit get attacked by a chair I know people defend each other

you guys see that shit all the time every day honestly I have seen people pick up chairs in bars and start to do

something like that too many guns in Detroit though I'm not picking up a chair yeah that scream is like a is like a noise

that I don't think your body can make unless you get shot rubber ball yeah I felt like that guy couldn't have known that was gonna happen

or he wouldn't have signed up for that I think he I think they're like to them this guy's like a god I slacked him

Did you say you got to keep a burner? Looks like he hit him right in his ding dong. One of the worst places to get hit with this. Will, who is this? That's Hot Dog Landlord. Okay. Can you explain to the audio listeners what he looks like? He's got a purple outfit and he's crouching by a dumpster.

He's wearing Kobe 10s. I think the best thing for the audio listeners is just to get through these. nice awesome good job good job he's looking good today so that that is what happened what is the i like how he just he's like just leaves what is the relationship here like i don't know he's very supportive that's what happens when you surround yourself with yes men she's like you're looking really good today like no he's not there he goes he could he could he could not look worse he looks like george clinton he just lifted a trap i mean the trash can lift was pretty impressive i'm assuming it's empty but like it

sounds empty did they text each other and be like all right meet that meet this specific dumpster i don't think he texts i don't get the vibe that he does he's a pager not that he couldn't i just don't yeah i don't think he wants to yeah it seems like he's got bigger priorities right wow yeah that was awesome yeah those guys rock those guys those guys rock or what they really rock all right now this is teach me something teach me something uh you are 10 times more likely to get bit by a new yorker than you are to get bit by a shark you are also more likely to get bit by a new yorker than you are to get bit by a rat in new york wow interesting so there don't even bite people get bit a lot apparently more than there are shark bites wow i feel like

there's a lot of stats like that with shark bites but yeah there's a lot more to get hit by sharks true and a shark bite is definitely more deadly i think there are more sharks google i think they're like hundreds of millions more sharks than new yorkers yeah in the world yeah they're like way more than you'd think but shark there could be a shark in here could be a billion or more sharks more than new york and how many in new york it's gotta be close i think there's like eight million people oh okay um how do they even like it's all like fucking it's all wild gas sharks are older than trees that's another one there we go that's another fact for longer than trees yeah not like a singular shark

It's older than trees. Oh, my God. There's that one in Greenland that's, I mean, he hasn't actually watched them, but he's been around for every war. A shark? He's been around for every, he's been around since 16- My New Yorker shark. 16-something. That's like Jonathan the Tortoise.

Oh, yeah. Jonathan the Tortoise. Yeah, he's like 230 years old. And there's pictures of him from like 1860. There's like pictures of him like at World War II. At the Nuremberg trials. he had a bit he had a lot of nazi bands on speaking of sharks thank you mark cuban yes yes shout out gets paid to get paid to get paid to pay cash yeah yeah all right let's get let's

get willie's teacher something then we can do some country songs oh yeah i was um reading about tarantulas that keep they like how you said that by the way thank you they in i think in like brazil or something uh they keep frogs as like pets quote unquote like in their like tarantulas a den it's like a really safe place for frogs and it's this like mutually beneficial relationship where the frogs eat the ants that would like hurt the tarantulas yeah something and then the tarantulas protect the frogs that's nice from what from predators anything that would eat a frog it's like the birds that eat uh clean the alligator's teeth yeah yeah alligator agrees not to eat them it transfers and frogs like live together yeah that's beautiful didn't you have a

tarantula named christina or something oh yeah you're growing out yeah i used to let her inside my mouth yeah oh yeah yeah i remember that don't the female ones live to like 35 or something what's that supposed to mean he ate a few yeah i was trying to do the prank he's doing the prank and he got really hungry he beat it with wait ah that's so they're like harmless what tarantula oh hell no no way wait what yeah you gotta train them they're poisonous it would only let me put it in my mouth oh what did you gain yeah would i gain from it a prank chicks oh you just show us yeah i'd walk into a room and they'd be like what's up and i'd be like and they'd be like you all right i'd go close the mouth around it oh yeah what did it taste like furry yes yeah

kind of like a kiwi oh i don't want that in my mouth that's all right you don't have to i promise you could probably never gain the trust of one anyway it's very delicate operation First of all, I'm sure I could get it. How long did it take for you guys to build that relationship where you were able to eat it? Six months. That's pretty close. He's quick with animals, though. I'm good with animals.

Bad with people. You guys have animals now? He has a dog. I have a dog. Kind of. Don't say kind of. I mean. Kind of have it. No, he's ten pounds. He has like a rat, but he's a half wiener dog, half Maltese poodle. And he's ten.

You type in Riley's Hank, hive mind hank it might come up yeah is that his hive mind hank it might come on hank he might be that famous oh go to the reddit yeah look at the first one wait on instagram read the first right there we'll probably have there he is oh that's so cute and that's me with longer hair i love when dogs feed that when they like face oh his are like that all the time so cute and then he had a he had a herniated disc earlier this year in his back here we go it was like come on there we go here Here come the waterworks. He's going to cry.

It was a tough time for him. He was on gabapentin most of the time. He had three months of rehabilitation, and now he's back to about 95%. He'll never play in the league again. He'll live a happy life. You had to give him Tommy John. They're going to take care of him, though. I mean, he was a great player.

You guys are the guests, so you get to pick. Would you rather do country songs first or sayings that don't exist first? sayings than country songs? Or do we want to ramp up to sayings? Your sayings are so good, let's go with country songs. Okay. I'll pull mine. These ones always make me nervous.

Do you want me to do all three of my country songs first? No, no. One at a time. Yeah, like a draft. We're drafters. One at a time? Yeah. We gotta tee it up. Ready? Yeah. These are country songs that don't exist. You guys told us that we had to do this and I woke up and the first

thought in my head was this And I don't know what it means And the name of the song is Playing Soggy Knuckles at Redondo Beach Yes And I was like Come on over baby Get on your feet

We're playing Soggy Knuckles at Redondo Beach Pretty good I like that I did not prepare Is that a game? No I don't know That's what I'm saying

Soggy Knuckles sounds like Exactly what it is It sounds gross But I don't know what it means And it was just in my head And I also I think I've heard of Redondo Beach once so it really is like

came to me I think it's outside Detroit right it is outside of here from what I've read about it not a very country place

yeah I don't know anything about it I actually don't know what that is either sounds like it could be though it's like 30 minutes Will you want to

come over to my place and play Soggy Knuckles yeah well why don't we just head down to Dondo like the song alright I don't know which one I want to

go with first I'm going to go with my long one it's There Stands the Bottle aka my brother aka my love aka the only thing

that's ever loved me. I love that. Wow. I like that. I like that. I've got caught in the fiddle. She's telling me I gotta choose, but I'm so damn noncommittal.

I'm stuck here at this country bar, and I'm caught right in the fiddle. And then it's like, it's like he's trying to choose between two girls, but we'll play on words at the middle, fiddle. Yeah. I like that. I like it.

It was like everyone brought the choruses. Yeah, I didn't do that, did you? That's the only one I did that for, by the way. My rest is... I've got Fishing for Compliments. It's about a cowboy who is new in town and he keeps wearing really big hats and really white boots.

And it's about how he's fishing for compliments. I like that. He's not a real cowboy. I like that. Thank you. This one's... It's bad. It's not good.

It's not written by a good guy. It's written by a bad guy who makes country... Kid rock. And it's a song about guy's night at the country club Okay Down by the docks And it's called No Shoes, No Shirt, No Cervix Oh

Yeah I like it It's a guy's night, you know It's guy shit, that's guy shit I was trying to get in the head of a bad country guy Yeah, yeah, yeah He's the bad boy of country Yeah

Maybe that's like his shtick Yeah Wait, also, they're at the country club also? They're like rich cowboys No, it's a country country themed beach bar Yeah, that's for sure It's not Inverness

Alright, my next one oddly enough, Toledo themed It's called I'm Hitchhiking to Toledo and then in parenthesis, to see the Mudhens Who are the minor league baseball team? I feel like I've heard of them The Tigers farm team They play the Seadogs

That's how we know That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sea dogs, mud hens. Yeah, sea dogs fans. So, why I ought to. We bleed teal.

All right, I've got Let My Horses Run. Okay. You going to sing again? She tells me she's worried. Say, girl, I'm having fun. She says, hold your horses, but I let my horses run. Oh, that's nice. Very well done.

That's good. It's like letting your inhibitions go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like, I'm living that life. Like, whoa, slow down. You're like, nah, I was born to run. Oh, other song idea. Baby, I was born to run.

There's something there. We'll write that down. Really quick, I just want to comment on this. It's so weird to me. Young people think that Bruce Springsteen is a country singer. Yeah. Because of that one song. There's like the song that's not Bruce Springsteen, but it says Bruce Springsteen.

Oh, Eric Church. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've met so many people now who are like, oh, listen to some Bruce Springsteen, but they've never listened to him. They just think he's a country singer because of that. That's interesting. Yeah. That was one of my favorite songs going out.

Born to Run? Springsteen. Oh, really? I love Bruce Springsteen. I've Got Not Hung Over You. So this guy breaks up with his girlfriend. He wakes up after a night of drinking, trying to get rid of her memory. He's really hung over, and he realizes that he's not over her yet.

that's really good he's not hung over her yet that's good i like that yeah i like that beautiful my last one here is uh dear jesus could you turn this water into whiskey that's good yeah my last one's just you play keno question mark oh yeah i know it's about a guy's like his first line at a bar he's like what is that you know everywhere i thought there's like a massachusetts don't get me started i'm glad i'm glad you asked because i don't know what it is Like the old guys at the bar in Boston would just pull it. You ever seen the screen at a bar that just has numbers on it? Yeah.

Oh, I've never known what that was. I thought it was the Powerball number. Get into it, buddy. No, that's Keno. My aunt and uncle won $300,000 on Keno in one year. Holy shit. Just two wins. So it's just like printing money.

How much cash does this bar have on hand? It's a statewide thing. Like every state has Keno. It's like the lottery, but it's distributed amongst sports. And you just ask the bartender for paper, and you can choose as many numbers as you want. You pick your numbers out of 80. and then you pay for how many draws you want.

So me, I'll do a four box and I'll give ten bucks and I want to do ten draws, dollar a box. How do they know you didn't just fudge it after? Well, they run it through a machine. You have to fill out this little thing. They run it through a machine. They print you a ticket. They got your numbers on it.

It tells you how many draws you go through. And during those draws... And then it's happening like live while you're at the bar? Yeah, while you're at the bar. And then if you hit all your four numbers, you get like 75 bucks. Sounds like a blast. Was your uncle like the coolest guy in town? my aunt and uncle

I don't they just were always at a sports bar yeah and so when they won it was like a big deal

in my family I mean he bought everybody in the bar both times bought everybody in the bar you know in the you find out in the moment oh yeah

he's at the bar if it hits it's not like a delight sounds awesome it's great it's like Poltaz I did that when we were in Minneapolis

he won hundreds of thousands of dollars at the bar well if you win over like 600 bucks, you gotta go to the office and claim it. And there's like a Kino office. Right, like he didn't get the money right then.

He was like hammered at the Kino. I was like, let me in! But he bought everybody drinks because he realized that the money he did have was not the only money he wanted to have. That's sick. That's kind of sick. Kino's great. Alright, what do you got, Willie? I've got gene pool. But it's spelled

J-E-A-N. He's like, well it ain't your fault, you got Yankee blood you got skinny jeans mine's cowboy cut well girl we ain't from the same gene pool oh i should have wrote something how did you have time you started doing it this morning how did you have time to come up with i'm killer i can only do things when i have a deadline so i could have started yesterday and we're taking twice as long to the same well those were great thank you yeah fantastic stuff i appreciate it do you want to hear i have two last ones and i don't know which

one to pick what do you want to hear uh fourth and long gone or or big boots to fill fourth and long gone fourth and long gone is about a group of high school friends who are getting back together like 10 years later and they lost the championship game in high school and they're reminiscing about it and their wife comes out and is like you guys need to stop reminiscing on this high school football game that's fourth and long gone wow thank you thank you pays to get paid Pays to get paid on Cash App. Should we do sayings now? Yeah, let's do some sayings that don't exist.

These are sayings that don't exist. All right, who's going first? We'll do the same snake. Same order? Snake draft. Snake draft. All right. Wait, that's not a snake draft.

I'll start with my short one. Living room lazy. So this refers to the origin is someone who's so lazy that they sleep on the couch despite having a bed and bedroom. They're just too lazy to make the walk. I gotcha.

But then I'm like, oh, that guy can't get his life together. He's living room lazy. He's living room lazy. I like that. It's a little close to home, but I like it. Oh, no, trust me. That is autobiographical. You do sleep on your couch a lot.

I do. I have a great couch, though, in my defense. My roommate actually brought it up to me the other day. I was like, yeah, the other night I slept out on the couch because I was too hot in my room, slept next to the AC, you know, whatever. And he's like, you also do that a couple nights a week. Not for hot. You sleep on the couch.

And then I was like, no, I know. and he's like for the record i'm cool with it you can sleep on the couch sleep wherever you want like i'm not mad at you about it just acknowledging that you do that my first semester my senior year both my roommates were abroad and my bedroom was downstairs and i was like scared to go down there when there was no one there so for the whole first semester i slept on the couch and i like kind of made that my room and they came back from italy and were like what have you been doing The fact that they were gone would be more of the reason. Were you sharing a bedroom with them?

No, no, no. I was scared to go down there. Scared of the basement. Because they weren't there. Got it. That's a rational fear. Yeah, I'm sure something would have happened. I'm sure there was a monster down there.

I'm glad you took the safe route. It's better to sleep right by the front door. Yeah. People wouldn't be here if that hadn't happened. My first saying is, two clams at the raw bar. This is when you and your buddy are outclassed at an event. So you go to an event and you realize it's way classier. You're the clams at the Roblox.

Everybody wants the oysters and the shrimp and stuff, and you're just like the two shitty clams at the Roblox. I like that. I like that a lot. Yeah, that is not. My mind is going every other direction. It's you at the white party. Yeah, yeah.

You're a clam at the Roblox. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was crunching some numbers when he said that. I've got, don't forget the roller coaster has a camera. Like, you know, every time I get off a roller coaster, i see the picture of me and i'm just sitting there like so you know when you're going through life don't forget to smile and enjoy every little interaction because you never know when someone's gonna have a you know interaction with you or perception of you that might just you know be a

throwaway in the context of everything but it could i like the moment turn on it because i thought you were like i was thinking about it like you're getting fucked up no like you don't remember like you could get caught at any moment oh oh no yeah i was thinking more like the guy that comes up to you that might be the only time he ever sees you so be your best self make the best impression you can at any given moment that's beautiful yeah i've got there's no such thing as a hole in zero like to get something done you at least have to hit it one you have to give it a shot like yeah some people are scared to try but you're never going to succeed unless you take a swing at it oh i like that you guys are way more wholesome the ones i got coming

up or rough wholesome yeah uh my next one is his brain built the plane and his mouth crashed it oh so this is when somebody has a great idea but can't deliver it wow you know really good that's awesome that's beautiful man yeah great job sorry about your dog by the way and the disc good the herniated herniated dick good now um thank you gabapentin it pays to get heat on gabapentin yeah is that his doctor that's his dog medicine but it's also human medicine okay anyone can take it it's fun um you think you put in hookah yeah probably you can put anything in there um my next one is sold ajax to the chechnyan this is when your buddy's so down bad for money he did something like that is definitely gonna get him hurt or in trouble that'll get

i don't even know if you sold ajax to someone you're selling them like fake blow oh okay and if you do that to a chechnyan that's just extremely rich a chechnyan is like a little country outside of Russia it's a Russia it's a dangerous country outside of Russia if you saw the video of the mounted Chechnya Chechnya yeah it's a country you see the mounted machine gun on the cyber truck no that sounds awesome that's the leader of Chechnya did that oh my god I went to high school with a Chechnyan guy and he one time told me that he was up for a week straight because he'd been doing cocaine we were 15 and I was like I've never heard of anybody doing cocaine that i know personally and then he broke into the school with a sword but not when this like

when the school was closed and then he got expelled and he was just kind of swinging it around in a classroom you remember when there was a mutiny against russia and their own like paramilitary force like did that march on moscow sure it's like a year and a half ago it was like some of their own like uh mercenaries turned on them and they were just marching on moscow yeah you know you know yeah sure so yeah that was a picture it was a chechnyan military force They are, like, known as being some of the scariest military operators ever. Got it. So if you sold fake blow to a Chechnyan, you're so down bad for money,

you're probably going to die. I'm tracking. Yeah. I like that. Thank you. Sorry. No problem. I liked it.

It was fun. I've got cueing in the chorus. This is something I do sometimes. Like, I'm already thinking about what the next song is going to be, so I'm cueing a song, and it's at, like, the chorus of the song I'm listening to right now. And then I think about, like, what am I doing here? I should be enjoying the song I'm listening to.

Enjoy the moment. don't worry about what's in the future until you know you're just until you have to but you know don't think about the next bar while you're while you're at the first one exactly yeah you know what i mean yeah or the next yeah woman when you're what the hell man yeah or man sorry i probably i forgot or non-binary person non-binary person thank you or dog with her easy no one's had sex with his dog knowing this guy I've got

stealing the keys to a broken down car you're like putting effort into something that even if you pulled it off would have no payoff I like that a lot my last one is surfing on a shoebox it's like a guy who just isn't prepared

for a situation and everyone knows it and so he's just ill prepared but he's gonna do it anyway that guy's surfing on a shoebox that's nice yeah I like that a lot that would be really hard to do yeah it's not going to work out

it's not going to work out you're going to sink you're going to get one wave tops you're going to be so watered along my last one is leave in town on a rocking horse this is your friend who's always threatening

to like move or like bail on the party even like ah this sucks I'm going to leave and then they're like they never actually leave they just want the attention that's great

You're like, ah, I think I'm going to move to New York. And everybody's like, oh, don't do it. And they never do. Like, that's all they want is the reaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if they are leaving, like, sometimes they really drag out, like, this is our last Wednesday brunch. I'm like, I can't. You get one thing.

It's like six going away parties. Yeah, yeah. And in all transparency, that was the title of one of my country songs. And then I was like, that's a better saying. Switched it around. That's funny. I've got a pen in the dryer. that's someone who just makes everyone around them worse

and brings everyone down. But he's a pen in the dryer. You ever had that happen to you? You get a little pen in the dryer, it sucks. It ruins all your clothes. It's over. There's no getting that out. If that guy's a pen in the dryer, you got to cut him out, you know?

I love it. My last one is shaving with your eyes closed. Taking unnecessary risks. We're setting ourselves up for failure. Surely that's going to end poorly. That's similar to surfing on a shoebox. Ours are like synonyms. I like that.

I like that. That's awesome. Yeah. Wow, that was fun. That was awesome. It was so fun. You guys were great at that. No problem.

Thanks. Do you want to do more? No, I just, relative to our other guests, I was very impressed. We don't get to write a lot. Walid, specifically. Yeah. That guy's got issues. Yeah.

Who? He's got a food cart to worry about. Oh, Walid. Okay, yeah. Yeah, if you come on our podcast, we are going to shit on you the next guest that comes on. Correct. Yeah, you guys will be fucking eviscerated. I like that

that's fun yeah too much positivity out there you pull up Hank again look at this stupid little dog remember we all pretended like it was cool

we had a herniated disc we didn't even know dogs could get those the next episode there's like a dartboard with Hank on it why do they have that I basically don't do that

that's all we got for our except we have our one last final segment oh yeah which is whose personality

are you going to steal this weekend but it's like I don't know what you guys got on the docket this week yeah but who who's whose head are you trying to get into out of your guys's no anybody the world oh the world uh probably tim walls yeah yeah probably go walls on them you're going balls to the wall i'm going balls to the walls this weekend i'm just gonna say crazy run-on sentences we should make shirts or something i'm gonna kind of just disguise

my extreme liberalism by with like a likable football kind of mask that sounds fun yeah yeah I have to pick somebody? What? Is it Freaky Friday? Or, like, give me one of the details. I think you're, like, tapping into their psyche. You're just acting like them. I'm just going to act like them?

Or just, like, emulate their qualities? Introduce some of their, yeah. Oh, okay. You're stealing their bits. Probably Derek Jeter. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'd like to get inside of his head. Shave your head.

You're going to date Madonna? I'm going to buy the Marlins. Yeah. At least put a bid in. Yeah. Yeah, but, yeah. Can we move? Just throw in a bid for your favorite team?

I'm going to buy the Marlins. I'm on cheer mode this weekend. How was your weekend? It was pretty low-key. Bought the Marlins. Broke up with Madonna again. I'm in a lot of debt now. They suck.

I put a swimming pool in my house. No one goes. Down payment was $5,000, but the monthly. It's going to pay off. I rented the Marlins, actually. I'm leasing the Marlins this year. I should have had Dontrell Willis, by the way. Whose personality are you stealing?

I picked you. Oh. I don't know mine yet. No, I'm not picking. No, no, no. You want to take mine? No, no, no. I don't have a specific person, but I'm going on a little road trip up to Monterey next

weekend. Oh, no. And I think I'm going to go to an aquarium. You're going fish mode. Fish mode, yeah. Maybe like a turtle or like a dolphin. Oh, great. Lauren's going fish mode.

I hate when she does that. Yep. Willie? um i'm thinking still i i'm gonna go with uh billy bean i'm going with billy bean canceled did he actually from moneyball is that what you're talking about is that the same guy i got my fantasy football draft this week oh so you're going bean mud he's flying to charleston flying to south carolina to do it in person you're a beast he flew to a sports bar yesterday to do his supposed to go to malibu and my girlfriend canceled our date because she got a migraine

And it was right in time, though, because I was going to forego my draft. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I just pulled off the highway to the nearest sports bar I could go to. This is kind of a long-winded story. So I'm excited to get in there. The bartender's from Cleveland. I'm sitting next to a guy from Chicago, and the Tigers are on the TV. And I'm like, perfect.

They got microwave pizzas. I order one of those. And within, like, my countdown is at, like, three minutes, and I hear on the microphone in the bar, all right, everybody come grab your answer sheets. Sunday Trivia is about to start. This is a dream come true for me. I love trivia. I play trivia every week back home.

I go grab my sheets. I do my fantasy draft. I eat my pizza and have like six beers with this guy from Cleveland. My girlfriend's like, sorry, we can hang out later. And I'm like, oh, it's all right. It's all good. That's great. All the guys in your league are like, why is he on auto draft?

You're like, I think Hitler was 1913. You guys got any good trivia questions for us? Oh, the chirologist was one of them. How many teaspoons in a tablespoon? Two and a half. In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025.

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for the Cadillac definition of luxury. That was very matter-of-fact. I'm going to go with four. Three. Fuck. What's the difference? What is the largest coastline in the world? Wait, what state?

As a nation. Australia. Oh, because all the, yeah. All the land. All the inlets. Do you know the five colleges? No, go ahead. Brown, Yale, oh, sorry.

The five colleges that have produced a U.S. president and a Super Bowl winning quarterback? Oh, fuck. No, not even close. Michigan? Michigan's won. Gerald Ford and Tom Brady. Penn State?

No. Penn State, no? No, and I think no. Super Bowl winning quarterback? Wait, so you're asking the question, but you don't know? No, no, that's not one. That's not one. That's not one.

Confirm. Tennessee? No. Louisiana? No. Vanderbilt? No. This is a great trivia question.

This is, yeah. Five of those? Five. They were all KVU. Wait, wait, wait. First time I told this joke, there were four. Texas? No.

Somewhere in Texas. Boston College. I wish. Wait, did you know I went there? No. Oh, you did? Yeah. A bunch of my uncles went there.

Go Eagles. I was just going to say, I wish Matt Ryan won that Super Bowl, too. Yeah, no, facts. Actually, John Kerry and Matt Ryan. That's actually pretty funny. We're like the cuffs. They're close. Almost.

Right there. That's crazy. No, I don't know. Okay. Do you want me to tell them? Notre Dame? You said that already. Oh, you did?

Think about what school. I feel like one of them is like a layup in terms of academic excellence and athletic excellence. Harvard. Yale. Stanford. Stanford. Stanford, yeah. Cal?

No. It feels like you don't know. I do. I do. No. I do. Navy. Roger Staubach.

Fuck! Sorry. Someone else. And then Jimmy Carter, I think. And then Miami, Ohio. Yeah. Really? And then Harrison.

Ben Roethlisberger. Ben Roethlisberger. and then the most recent one was delaware is joe biden and joe flacco oh so those both hit in the last 10 years that's crazy okay i have one trivia question and then we'll be done okay when was the last election that didn't have a biden bush or clinton in it 88 well we already talked oh that was bush what's bush was vp what he already asked us this oh yeah i love this question yeah i think i told liam that is it you asked so it is 76 yes yeah that's crazy 70 no it's 70 we talked about it yeah yeah it's are you doubting that nuts 84 was

duke hawkis and bush and then 80 was 80 was uh biden ran i don't think 74 existed We didn't say 77. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Wait, who was 80 then? I don't know. 80 was when Biden ran early on. One of them was in it.

Oh, really? Yeah, Biden ran really early on when he was like 30, 40 or something. Oh, I thought it meant like major nominee. No, no, no. As a vice president for 1980. It wasn't like, it wasn't. No, I know. But now I'm.

Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter. and was it... Oh, it was Reagan Bush. Wait, click on it. Reagan Bush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, and then... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Hmm. Alright. Oh, cause then he... Yeah. Well, this has just been a blast, man. This has been awesome. Do you guys want to plug

anything? Um, Sunday at the Oaks Tavern. They're doing trivia again, if you guys want to think up. Wait, here? Yeah. Oh, yeah. The Oaks Tavern, if you guys want to do that. Okay, yeah. And we are Hivemind on YouTube. And Hivemind Unlimited on YouTube. and

Highbind Cheap Seats coming soon and the Red Cross what's that mean? we're doing an NFL channel yeah we're doing sports oh that's sick

yeah yeah yeah it's been fun we've been filming it and then we're gonna do like weekly recaps and predictions and stuff and then a lot of the games that everybody likes

from our main channel we're just like doing it all NFL so Jeopardy and Feud that's awesome I assume you guys are Lions fans?

no Browns fans oh yeah Lions or NFC? I bet you wish you were Lions fans right now

um no Our roster's better, and we have a sexy coach, and he doesn't take unnecessary risks. What, Jameis Winston? Doesn't take unnecessary risks? Kevin Stefanski. Oh. Jesus Christ. Wow.

Yeah. You should have put his eyes closed. Wait, were you talking about, like, the crab legs thing? No, we're talking about Deshaun Watson masturbating. Oh, right. Those feel like some unnecessary risks. Unnecessary risks. Hey, he took a shot.

Come on. Can you blame him? Dan Campbell goes for it on fifth, though. All right. Thank you guys so much for coming on. Guys, we will see you next Wednesday. Have a great rest of your week. Bye.

Sweet. That was great. Yeah, thanks, guys. Thanks for coming on. We're some sea heroes. And others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise,

we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.