Will & Rusty's Playdate - hopefully we have 32k subs when this comes out

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

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are we going we are we're really like usc-ing it up today oh i got south carolina and you got southern california i got southern california play date episode 190 here's my thing with the two uscs the cox and the trojans gotta be like something there match made in heaven cox and trojans have been going together since like the 70s when did trojans come out trojans have been around since the romans when did trojans come out it's like the it shows when they like invaded greece or something yeah 1916 dude imagine pulling out a magnum trojan in 1916 were people having promiscuous sex back then people have been having whatever whatever you think is the freakiest thing you've done people did it in the year 10 000 bc i've just been i've

been struggling with that a lot recently we're like because the oldest people we know are all very like conservative so in my head like bernie sanders it's good that's a good point he's all the shit it's a good point but like so i figured like no one was silly or sexy back then but i think that's just because we met them when we were old like i think grandparents were still freaky when they were our age, right? My grandparents were insane in bed. Freaking insane in bed. Yeah, I'm sure.

Just, I don't... I can't picture a guy putting a condom on in 1915. That doesn't sit right with me. Now picture this. It's like... We gotta be safe, lass. Actually, was 1915... No, there wasn't...

The First World War hadn't started. People were still in pretty good speed. I think it had started, but the U.S. hadn't entered it. when did we yeah it was like 19 we ended in 1919 or something right all right all right i like that i like that i like that i like that all right can i tell you i'm having a bad day no well it's getting better but okay get it off your chest started off really bad so i've been having this thing where have i told you guys this that i've been hearing what i think is like a guy on my patio so last night i wake up in the middle like at 12 45 to what sounds like a guy walking onto

my patio oh and i hear like steps and then it like stops and i'm like laying there in bed like that like immediately like wide awake i'm like jesus fucking christ i've been sleeping with pepper spray next to me oh yeah you talked about because it's like i was so i wake up and then i'm texting lauren because she it's like normal time where she is and i was like i've got the pepper spray she's like yeah that if i saw you pepper spray a guy i think i might get the ick i was like all right i gotta get it it's almost better to get your ass beat trying to hit him with like a baseball bat to get to win with pepper spray i know but i was cowards way i was just like kind of tweaking and like i had taken an edible before bed and so i feel like it was like higher than

when i had gone to sleep too so i was like terrified and uh yeah wait waking up in the middle of the night because usually i fall asleep before the edible kicks in so the only time i feel exactly i wake up to pee and i'm like oh my god yeah yeah exactly it was like that i was like oh my god and like i don't know it's just like tweaking and like like the one time when it happened when lauren was there i was like more motivated to like i gotta go up and like make sure like you're safe but like when i was there alone i was like i kind of just want to kind of want to just wait this out but then it had been like 30 minutes and i was still hearing like movement outside so i was like just like yeah and then i started hearing like a

he's eating peanut butter that's what it sounded like it sounded like a guy like chewing gum or something but it was kind of irregular and i was like what but because in my mind i was like maybe it's like an animal but then i started hearing this like lip smacking noise and i was like what the fuck it's not what kind of animal is that so i go out there pepper spray in one hand flashlight in the other no one wait do you do it like tactically yeah yeah like with the iphone flashlight and a like girl's pepper spray anyway it's pink yeah no and i go out there and of course there's i don't see anything gates unlocked but like sometimes our neighbors leave it unlocked so i didn't really know whether to read into that i go into my patio i look over i don't see anything

and i'm about to go back then i'm like all right i gotta for the sake of like my own sanity i'm gonna check like behind the couch yeah in case and so i point the flashlight behind the couch and sure enough it's the biggest possum i've ever seen didn't i say possum like two weeks ago well because i i think i said that i've been seeing a possum around the yard but like or no yeah you told me you saw something shaped like a pot i will get we'll get it i what and i i saw a possum on saturday like i know there's a possum but like the noise i was hearing like didn't seem like it could be i was hoping it was a possum right but like it was i don't know and uh maybe it's like it was a massive possum did he play dad when you he was his back was facing me and so i just saw

like it's back with this huge tail okay i'm like hi it's one in the morning i was like and so then i tried to switch like a camera because i like wanted to get a video and then it was gone but it was like what what i realized is the biggest issue is that it sounds like someone like walking on like crunching leaves then i was like i don't have like crunching leaves on my patio it's there's a big bush kind of and i think it just lives in there and so the way it moves around the bush sounds like it puts it so then i go back in and i'm like well what the hell is that clicking sound it's like google possum clicking sound when they're mating google possum clicking bro's getting freaky on their patio it was just a possum trying to fuck and i

was like going out there to like pepper spray wait was he is that the sound they they do when they want to mate or when they are mating listen no when they want to that's they're like you up yeah it's like i don't like them is that okay and i think the other thing that was throwing me off initially is that no it's totally okay it's not like a rate like i feel like most animal noises are like a regular pattern and it was just kind of a random like i thought i i and then i was thinking maybe it's like a lighter and a guy's like trying to smoke crack out there or something which is very plausible where i live it's almost more likely than possible i know i

was like kind of like i was like not i didn't really think the guy was gonna be a threat i was like if there's a guy out there he's gonna be like oh i'll get out of here like but anyway so then i i was like wired and i couldn't fall asleep so then i just like got really shitty sleep but whatever oh i'm sorry it's fine at least i now know yeah now it's now it's okay yeah i mean lauren still claims the first time she saw the silhouette of a man but between you and me i don't think she's gonna get this far in the episode and i no longer believe that can we rule out can we rule out shapeshifter well i my idea was that it was a few possums stacked in a trench coat which is not out of the picture is that better or worse than i'd almost

rather have no that would be fun one guy than a group of organized possums no but i could like sell a movie script out of what i saw if there was possums in a trench coat that's a good point and and that script is no good unless it actually happens based on a true story it's like they can't sell this yeah what if i told you it's based what if i told you i saw it my own eyes so netflix yeah yeah anyway so that was my night last night i mean it's just i think another thing that's been hard for me is like when you're there's no cool way to be texting your girlfriend that you're scared and then it ends up being a possum yeah because now i'm worried she won't she thinks i won't like protect our family how do okay wait let's go back to that

her future family when we next year when we have kids so you're she thinks is this something she's vocalized to you or you're just thinking that she's thinking that i'm just like i it's i'm all i want to feel like in that moment is like a little baby boy who's scared yeah but i feel like in the communications with her i have to sort of like tough demonstrate like strength is that fair maybe you should be it's like a weird like if i was with scott i'd be like i'm fucking freaking out like but like to her i have to be like i got it like yeah yeah yeah i'll do i do get i get a similar thing where you have like bravado yeah in front of her like she we were uh i heard like you know a guy putting stuff in the trash bin yeah at flan's house and

i knew it wasn't in the house so i took an opportunity to be like i think someone's in the house i'll go check it out and then i went out and i was like it's all good i should do that more yeah like there's someone out there because you can offset the times it's real like she'll forget about this if just like you make her think that there's constantly a threat and constantly you're i don't want her to be able to my in my own home you have to do it at her house and it like kills two birds with one stone she's going to come over more that's a good point yeah yeah yeah yeah because that was the other thing is like she's gonna be staying with me when she gets back from europe so i don't want her to be like scared of staying at my house so it's really

like tiptoeing around it do you ever like when you're out be like if anyone if anyone tried me and her like they i wouldn't be able to do anything like defend her yeah i mean i would definitely defend her no no i know you're saying like if a more jacked guy i'm just i'm just saying statistically most guys out where we where i go out at least yeah are gonna like they if they knew if they knew my abilities they would be attacking me left and right no but i think i think you gotta you gotta think about like most people are good right if you're a victim people will come so as long as you lead the defense people will back you up i just said as long as you don't cower people will come back you up yeah i've just heard like reddit stories where people would be like i feel

horrible but i'm no longer attracted my husband after he got his ass beat like they were like we were out and some guy like smacked my butt and he like defended me and got his ass kicked and she's like i can't have sex with him anymore it's like the tim robinson sketch when the magician brings him up to yeah yeah the magician brings him up and like embarrasses like like makes fun of him on stage and then that night she's like you just let him fucking walk all over you we'll stay together for the kids but the moment they graduate we're done i'm fucking out of here i forgot that's a great one actually yeah um speaking of like ass high nights i kind of had an ass high night last night i what i don't know i was just like i was like couldn't there's like a those

three words in that combination could mean like four different things oh an ass high nights like getting like railed or just like a night on face down ass up yeah i had an ass high night oh speaking of ass nights did you watch the i did yeah i am the last finale they very stoked i have a lot of thoughts if you're if you've caught up yeah i'll finish it uh are you watching yeah but you guys can no no we'll talk we'll talk we'll talk about it off yeah it's probably not that interesting for people that show is interesting no i mean that our discussion of it if you haven't seen it The amount of, so we did a deal with them and it has ruined me. You talked about this last episode.

I did? Yeah. It happened again yesterday. Yeah. The guy at the golf simulator was like, he was like, you've been, he's like, what are you going to do tonight? And I was like, I'm going to go home and watch the season finale of Another Seven Kingdoms. And he was like, do you actually like it?

Or he's like, are you doing it? He did. Yeah. so ass high night my sleep ones are in the camino thing which i told you have been impossible to get open you haven't gotten it open no i did with a screw with a knife with pliers wait i'm i feel like you guys are speaking another language so there's this tin there's a tin of edibles that is hard to get the edibles out of because it like it's just the packaging sucks okay and if you get a slightly defective one you can't twist it to open it it's just like shot okay and so to get

it open the first time i essentially destroyed it with pliers and then closed it again to keep them fresh and that made it you don't need to keep them fresh what do you well i don't want them like out for bugs or anything oh um and uh those fried ass bugs i know wait what's ass high night is that what what is that i had an ass time being high so i okay i finally get into the edibles i take one while it's setting in i literally in the span of 45 seconds stub my toe jam my finger and hit my head so i was separate incidents three separate things and then i almost you know the um i'll walk you through the series of events i walk into my bathroom to put the caminos back trip on that my toe like grabbed the bath mat and lunged me forward

and just went towed directly first into my like glass shower wall it was like oh my god it was like it's fine go to get go back into my room took my shirt off and went to throw it over my door into my hamper lost it completely right it hooked on to the um the starry night lego thing that's hang on my wall and i was like oh because i thought it was gonna pull it down so now my adrenaline has completely spiked i was like ready i was on the verge of falling asleep i like freaked out about that went to grab it off that hit my head on the door put it in went to get in bed and for some reason like you know when you like put your fist down as like a you're like a load bearing thing when you're getting into bed sure i had forgotten to close my hand and just

went fingers in all my weight splitting these two fingers apart like literally into your own bed it was the dumbest it was one of the dumbest things i've ever done in my entire life what do you say it's like a tom and jerry episode i literally felt like one of the three stooges i I was, like, how am I, like, just left and right, like, bang, literally, and was, like, so jacked up on, like, adrenaline from just, like, hurting myself and, like, almost losing. If that Lego thing came down, I think I would have, like, gone into psychosis, but I sat in my bed and was, like, all right, calm down, and, like, it was one of those ones where, like, I couldn't relax my jaw.

You know when you're just, like, clenching your face? Like, I would, like, go to relax and try and fall asleep, and then it would just slowly be like back in and so i watched like five episodes of malcolm in the middle and was exhausted when i woke up this morning that sucks the finger thing i could thank you i couldn't believe i couldn't believe that that was a mistake yeah that one i i can't really wrap my head around quite honestly the other two i could like sort of picture that one i'm not i don't know that i feel like i get into bed with my i was like i don't know how i get it so like let's say this is the bed yeah i went to be like and like get in like that got it and just went all my weight

on my pinky pinky stinky pinky stinky ain't no drinky i'm going to the usc ucla game today it's a big rivalry couldn't tell by my gear what uh you order that online i did order this and i got a hat nice uh and no pressure but if the trojans win tonight esp or like i got a notification flying out a notification that was like the trojans win if the trojans beat uh ucla tonight they it would like you know seriously increase their chances of being able to make it into the tournament are they not okay that's what i was gonna i think they're like bubble right now i have no idea i've watched zero of either team pull up a usc basketball room i mean they got bonnie so so their tournament odds oh yeah they're on the line that was perfect that was exactly what

i'm saying their tournament odds are on the line in rivalry game versus ucla and it's in westwood so it's like right by my house and ucla is also that's that'll be a good game then that's really fun wait where is it it's in westwood yeah it's just like on the i guess their gym is just on campus that's great i know i'm very that's really like a fun project for you thank you i uh are you going with just your girlfriend or any other squad uh it's i mean her yeah her like familial squad is going to be there but we are not sitting with them here's something not for any family beef i think we're all in good terms we just you want to make out what you want to make we want to make out and uh and yeah we you know i'm hoping the kiss cams yeah like his cam chris can chris cam

yeah just like all like guys named chris yeah my buddy my buddy c-lap beats would go nuts on on the chris cam i agree chris lepros i'm totally there with you man uh but he heard i don't think she was going initially and so when she said she was in there were no tickets next to them wait why are her parents here they heard their they do kind of do what my mom does a couple months and uh they're on the parents council at ucla so at ucla because their son is at ucla what yeah is he gonna be there he will be there but not with you guys i think he's actually because he photographs all the sporting events for ucla so that's sick unless he's there for leisure this is cleveland is that his name what's his name cleveland brown

i was thinking flan's brother would be named like tiramisu or something nice thank you nice thank you that's good that took me a second i'd be like if lauren's brother was named like um sheet cake or something or wait what are we doing dessert birthdays dessert brothers dessert brother the dessert brothers the cannoli twins imagine going to the tiramisu you can see like a fucking giraffe cupcake or something you have to be my my oh the tiramisu this is our new one this is what's the tiramisu they what you ordered they whip cream the animals if they're being bad oh yeah at the uh the tiramisu wait no i think we need ice cream i think we need dessert terms yeah if you go to

the tiramisu you get the mice cream you get the um the chocolate snake nice the um oh at the tiramisu you could see the chupacabras sure is that a real that's not a real animal is it chupacabra i don't know man i think that's like a mythological thing at the tiramisu the rabbits eat carrot cake yeah um wait i'm about to crack something huge actually gorilla caramel apple no tiger frozen yogurt at the tier plan at the Tiramisu some of the animals have lice cream mice cream cake this is probably no no this is good oh wait at

the Tiramisu there's moose that was a no-brainer yeah yeah keep going yeah with the um oh man and you get the um the oh oh oh oh wait ready um um um um tort tort tortoise tortoise tart tort tart the tortoise the tortoise yeah we are fucking on fire right now actually at the uh chunky monkeys at the wait wait stop at the uh tiramisu there's fig newt ends oh like a newt yeah she turned me into a newt i got better um at the tiramisu maybe we just go to the next thing we talk about andrew what were we gonna andrew what's our next topic

the mycin people oh wait those are two animals people find out we're scripting these yeah when you guys were talking about someone breaking into your house i lived in like a really bad neighborhood in college and we lived across the street from thank you um anyway i could have sworn that there was someone breaking into our backyard every night because i could hear like steps walking around so one of the nights i woke up and i woke up my roommate and i was like i think there's someone in the backyard right now and he immediately pulls open his desk gun and there's a gun nice and i'm like we got to talk about that yeah you got

yeah i'm more afraid of you yeah we got it when we're done with this we got to talk about that Was it a handgun? It was a handgun And I was like Do you have a license for that? He's like no Oh my god What kind of guys

Were you living with? I don't know We were in a bad neighborhood He already lived In the bad neighborhood You just like moved in Yeah He knew the protocols

Wait That If I feel like I would like Not be able to be buddies With a guy If I was like You were

Secretly You secretly were Keeping a gun in our house Yeah I felt safer No but like you have to disclose that yeah also statistically you're much less safe like we had a party yeah we had a party one time we found out in college and we found a guy was there with a gun he got

blacklisted yeah was he like he was like a friend of a friend he just like had it on him didn't you say what was the thing like there were guys there was a guy that hung out at your parties that would just wait until like ladies got drunk and be like i'll drive you home oh yeah colin yeah wait anyway keep going though you're uh well i have another story actually about that please well was there more to this one yeah yeah there is so anyway i was like we we have to talk about that once this is done so we go to the backyard uh we don't see anybody and we're like all right i guess this is like a squirrel or something but we buy one of those like camera things to put in the backyard and we found out that it was the sprinklers the way that it sprayed our dye table in the backyard

Sounded like people walking around So we got it all figured out But at the same time I was still like You own a gun I had no idea for years I have to pee really bad Can I go to the next story Seat Geek

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at shopify.com slash playdate go to shopify.com slash playdate one more time for the people in the back that's shopify.com slash playdate and andrew play the sound effect we love there are traps in the mirror in my room i think i look bad so i take a hundred oh i'm trying to get some beaver tonight jesus it just says beaver on the screen so i did like a weird thing but obviously i'm not trying to get beaver tonight whatever sick twisted individual made me say that no yes but also started calling it beaver i hope he got none it's the one it is so strange that there's no like there's no like pretty word for it like every slang term for a vagina is pretty like grotesque yeah or aggressive at a bear oh flower

okay gulp but like if you like said flower to a lady they that would also be weird speaking of flower growing up like penis really rolls off the tongue can i say something growing up i loved the penguins a lot and i really loved mark andre flurry okay who they call flower i went to is that what floor of floor yeah okay he's french canadian or french no he's french canadian anyway i went to a hershey bears game when they were playing the wilkes-barre scranton penguins and i was rooting for the wilkes-barre scranton penguins i think even though it's a little bit of a traitor stuff but i just love the penguins and i had the ahl team yeah that's fair even though i'd grown up like going to hershey bears games all the time because that was like

close to lancaster anyway i had a penguins like hockey stick i had bought and i don't know what how this satisfied me but my dad just signed it with the names of he just wrote like signed it like in cursive mark andre flurry with his number and i like had it growing up it's like it was like a little like play stick you know that it was him like i i he did it at a wilkes-barre scranton penguins game that's the a like yeah but you there he wasn't trying to like deceive you no he was just like i was like i want to get the sign and he was like i'll sign it i don't like i'm thinking about it now and it feels ridiculous but i had an audit a stick that was autographed and said mark andre flurry in his number but it was just my dad did it that's awesome and then i had a

little baseball bat from Lancaster Barnstormers, and I remember I got it signed by the mascot, Silo. Which is also a funny thing to get. In or out of costume? In costume. Silo. Look up Silo. He was a great C-Y-L-O. What was he? Wait, why are we not searching? Mascot. Yeah.

I don't know. I thought maybe he had it like that. Kind of a great mascot, right? Wait, did we see him somewhere? No, I'm being dead serious. I think he went to Rollins. Were we? he looks like the philly fanatic a little bit yeah i think that's like some of the inspo huh

i was i had this silo autograph that i remember i was so so nervous as to walk up and ask silo for my autograph i i'm impressed you could do it with those gloves on i was at a portland pirates game one time fort nap current presently the main mariners used to be the portland pirates and uh i was with a friend like a family friend like his him and his dad and i had been to many pirates games before yeah but i made like one slip of the tongue and i said quarter instead of period which as like a seven-year-old boy who wants people to take him seriously not good was devastating yeah and it was not helped by the fact that the dad would not let it go it was just the three of us and he kept being like i thought you said you come here all the time

i do i thought it was gonna be the kid that was being no no the dad the kid i don't even think like i think was was super mature about it was like yeah it's a slip of the tongue that's and the dad would just be like but you said you come to these i was like i do i come to i know i know that it's periods he's like doesn't feel like it you wouldn't know a period if it hits you across the head you wouldn't know a period if it got all over your shirt we our good friend our good friend was the uh was the coach of the portland pirates for many years oh and then he went he was the head coach of the panthers after that and florida panthers yeah nice he won uh he was an assistant coach when the blackhawks won who kevin denine no way

oh he was i'm not trying to be a dick no no no i wouldn't i wouldn't expect you to know i don't know any nhl coaches but he was the captain of the hartford whalers back in the day that's cool legend he used to we'd go over he'd pick us up and he'd uh after school we'd sit there and he would just put in a vhs tape of his old like fight tapes because he was like a he was like a goon no because he was a captain so he was like i think he he did it in a respectful way but yeah he was he was more of an enforcer than a goon um but he took us in a locker room one time and it was just guys hanging brain left and right and we were like at like eye level with it and i remember being like this is pretty crazy it was like steaming in the room because they were all

like showering then like some of them were playing xbox and i was just like this is crazy it's like you're heated rivalry 20 years before heated rivalry if i had a pen and paper with me i would have written heated robbery 20 years before it came out it's like when i saw the market master naked equally is that the market dad is that the market master naked you heard that right was he hanging was he packing oh my god dude it was like i mean i i knew where they i knew where i knew where he got the inspo for the zucchini from come on hanging dong i'm talking dong we're talking dong if you don't want to hear about a tune out i need cash please i i will say say it the portland pirates locker room back in the day i'm not going to give a specific year to out anyone

but it made it made me feel better it made me feel more more secure in my own body even as a young a lot of a lot of these guys were not packing that's great yeah i think if people realized if we all just saw a little bit more real world penis everyone would mellow out a little bit more because on the internet they're all huge but in reality everyone's kind of small when when i was at the chargers camera adds 10 pounds um a 10 pound cock i i think a lot of people don't know like in the nfl that like reporters like male and female like just walk around the locker room well people are changing wow guys are changing like after practice after games like and they're just like a lot of times like openly just like naked yeah and uh i think they try to like cover

themselves like i feel like they should not be allowed in there it's it's a controversy that is ongoing like if there were if there were reporters in the locker room when like a women's team was changing that would be yeah such a violation of their of course of course but i maybe it wouldn't be maybe it wouldn't be no i mean all the players are like very vocal about like we don't like it why do they let that that feels like uh weird right i one time i got i i was in a my uncle was a reporter for the philadelphia daily news and he brought me to the i was doing a project for my high school i do like a thesis in high school anyway it involves he brought me to the phillies locker room to talk to some of their players we see chase out lee's brain and i

and i saw as do osdruble herrera's penis and it was 10 feet long no i didn't i didn't see brain but but it was uh he was a he was in the other room and it was still at his locker yeah it was like spraying into our really no but we i remember like getting yelled at for like being i don't know Me, like, I wasn't technically media, and, like, they were like, he can't be in here, and, like. I got yelled at for, like, looking at it for too long. Really? No, no, no. I think they were like, oh, yeah.

Like, everyone knows you can look at it in passing. Yeah, enough. It hit me in the face. We got in trouble. And so, anyway, I was in there getting, like, media content for the team, and I was faced the other way, but a girl reporter was coming in, and the player behind me was like oh shit and like accidentally like had his dong out and she like walked right by him and he was like oh i'm sorry i'm sorry and he like covered up like really fast yeah uh i'll have to bleep it but it was he's probably packing probably you know what's

also funny about him i'll have to cut this but it's hilarious every day at practice he would wear underwear that was like completely ripped to shreds that he had to tie at the waistband It's probably his lucky underwear That's what I'm guessing but I'm like You make way too much money to be Tying your underwear at the waistband I feel like you can keep that in If you just bleep his name

I would say like I make like a decent living and I don't wipe my ass So we've all got different standards I've been throwing out my underwear The like old pairs Cause I want to have like Every time you wear them No no no I want just uniform

I ordered a bunch of new underwear i want that to be just my underwear so i'm getting rid of old ones and i sent out like kind of a warning text to uh everyone that was coming over that night and i was like all right just hey guys just as a heads up like you may and i was kind of trying to be silly but i was also like just getting ahead of this i was like i want to get out ahead of a story when you come over you might see a pair of underwear in the trash can i did not poop my pants they i just like am getting rid of old underwear and i ripped this pair and everyone was like thought that i said that because i pooped my pants wait why you're putting it in like your kitchen trash can they're complete

they're they came out of the wash and i was like this has gone too far don't you have a trash can in your room yeah i mean i have a small like bathroom trash can i just figured like i don't know i didn't think that yeah i didn't think that much of it but i was like if i did shit my pants i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm not gonna leave the the whole room would smell like poop if there's poop in the trash can right so obviously they're clean yeah and everyone was like thinking i pooped my pants i was like i didn't also i could have died this was a this was a what i kind of i left out an important part of it i don't know why i thought this was gonna be embarrassing i went to step into them and this is what started the whole ordering new underwear and getting rid of all the old ones

i stepped into a pair of j crew briefs and my toe got like kind of grabbed on the end of it and i just stepped like just ripped the biggest hole in them because they're like i've literally had these since freshman year of high school like they just i think they've one good tongue and they disintegrate and so i was like this is the final straw i'll throw them out you could have died i could have tripped and died i like pulled through and my toe got stuck in the thing And I was like You probably wouldn't have died though You could have just let your hands go and caught yourself

You could have hit his head Passed out But it's kind of one of those things where it's like You think he might have died from his underwear? Do you know what a whiskey throttle is? Like I cut a whiskey throttle Where it's like sometimes If people are on a motorcycle

They like panic and try and hit the brakes But they just hit the gas harder So like I could have done that Where like I just held on to the underwear even tighter Like you don't in the moment Instinctually think just let go and everything's gonna be fine I didn't know Hold on for dear life

I didn't know all right here's something i'll tell you yeah when you pitched your idea about the trash can that just goes all the way through i saw a comment that was like how does that work from floor to floor from floor to floor what do you mean like when it goes in the hole in your floor so think of it like just one big column think of like no there's a normal trash chute in the middle that goes from you know the top floor to the bottom and then ours all funnel in towards that central point from our different so it's a big column that goes all the way it's what i mean it's not a it's it's no law it's no wider than the seat i'm sitting but it can't look like a

trash can it has to go all the way to the ceiling sorry sorry sorry sorry no no no everyone has their normal trash can right but when you put yours in just i'll fucking explain it there's a main shaft in the middle and then there are 45 degree angle like diagonals from all of our apartments into the main center part yeah andrew andrew illustrate what i'm talking about right now that would be the main shaft right draw a bunch of yeah so yeah and then go off the right so no matter where you are they all kind of funnel to this main i don't understand how that works though practically like where does the how does it not there's an opening in the floor right yes on top of that is a built-in trash can that has no bottom and when i drop the trash through

it will fall down that diagonal thing to the to the center shaft where it will then plummet all the way to the bottom so there's like a diagonal thing in the roof of your apartment oh oh oh i didn't even think about that yeah that someone's directly below me that's what i'm saying oh i know yeah this would still work no so yeah you're right there would have to be a huge column in the middle yeah interesting what what if the column's like not touching the apartments damn that's a good point maybe we could build it into like the aesthetic of the room like or it's in the wall i think maybe it's the way andrew's doing it like it's yeah but then there's so much wasted space in the middle i didn't even think about that right oh that blows that blows

all right maybe it's just for like flats it's just for townhouses flats i was i was like a british guy called an apartment date yeah like my flatmate also we should start saying my flatmate instead of my roommate because we don't share a room we share a flat see this is making really good sense to me right now yeah see how this wouldn't work i'm having a so the trash can's up against the wall yeah i guess everyone does have to no it doesn't have to be like no willie's right there has to be right here and then it just but the problem then there's like i would go through someone else's apartment there's only like this much between your apartment and their apartment okay if if these are two apartments next to each other okay then the shaft is just

in the middle here i know but think about that so draw a line like here and then and then show me what the apartment directly below me would look like there'd be a oh okay well no i mean like there could be like roof like this could be i know but that i think i mean from from what i've heard from the guy that lives below me there's not a lot like i think there's only like this much between you and your downstairs that's all you need i can hear him snoring in the moment for like a trash chute you don't need a ton of space so but at some point somewhere in the building there's a yeah whatever the problem the problem is is like the the closer you get to the actual shaft the less steep yeah the thing can be so it needs to it's a yeah it was a flawed idea

i didn't i didn't realize this no it's a great idea but it's still there'd be wasted space can you draw a penis now oh lord look at whale bro's got a flat head Yeah girls are like That's what they all look like right Girls are talking about you He was a total philips head I heard women talk about

Penises I heard they talk about our sex life A lot more I have never shared Legitimate details About sex But apparently girls are talking about it In great detail

It's terrifying That's what I was going to say about so in the locker room or whatever the girl reporter walks by the guy's like oh shit still has his dick out or whatever player and then he the player look like looks at me he goes hey would you be cool with that and i was like be cool with what he was like would you be cool with your girlfriend like walking around player locker rooms when they're all naked it's interesting and i was like oh uh i don't really know because we're not really allowed to talk to the players anyway i have talked to this particular player like a lot though so you're not allowed to talk

to them no unless you're allowed to talk to them if they talk to you jesus that's kind of the rule was it like hitler's rule that feels like a little intense i think they're not like god they're like celebrities do that with like their like cleaning staff and stuff i've heard that i do that with my cleaning staff i don't talk do not don't even fucking look at me unless there's some celebrities that have that rule too you can't even look at them but uh anyway so you can't even look at them oh yeah you told us that a couple weeks that is so crazy and so i was like i was like uh i don't i don't know i don't know if i would be cool with my girl doing that and then he asked the girl next to me who was also my co-worker and he was like do you think uh would

you be cool with your your girl doing that and she goes why wouldn't you just trust your girlfriend and i was like oh that was a better answer that's how i she's not gonna just like that one jump on his penis in the in public like look there's nothing wrong with looking yeah i think you can you can peep hog or right now glance shaft if you will yeah there was a girl i went to college with that told a lot of girls at our school that i had a micro penis and uh and i didn't find dude i didn't review bombed you she fucking i don't even really remember like the content yet but she apparently told everyone including a girl that i would date like two years after and uh that girl was like yeah when we first started talking i was i like thought you had a micro penis i was like

i ought to yeah it was kind of flattering because it was like oh you and you still you were that yeah i was that interesting yeah wait i have an insane photo actually i forgot i have to show you guys if it's the peppa pig penis thing i i'm gonna throw your phone through the wall what i'm not gonna do that i just it's like i it singed into my brain i can picture where every like vein and crevice is i couldn't believe you showed people that in tokyo i could have sworn that was a crime there no they actually love it yeah apparently right up their alley willie sent me a great text yesterday that was uh he said scott really had to poop and willie told him that he was frothing at the ass

because we didn't have tp and he's waiting for me to bring it home and i was like what are you frothing at the ass right now that makes a lot more because you texted me and i was like driving so i just like responded quickly and kind of like went back and i was like wait what do you mean like i don't know when my my roommates like really have to poop i was like how close are you guys wait i just look at what i just like bros this is from yesterday this is actually insane you kind of called me you kind of called my blood i can see it coming from a mile away whose is that whose penis yeah no one we know i hope it's a guy we know it's uh yeah that's not wait i got another thing to send you

no this one's good this one's good oh did you see the new playdate shirts yeah they look great gas got new merch got new merch coming out we got new merch coming out come on baby oh i was gonna say um with the drug dealer we were at this guy's house and he was like you guys want to come into my room i want to like show you something and we were like okay yeah cool so we go in his room and he has a gun on the nightstand and we're like why do you have a gun and he was like oh because i'm a drug dealer yeah and we were like oh shit and then we kind of felt like trapped in his room after that because we're like this guy owns a gun and he was like you know i've been getting really into like tattooing people and

he's like could i tattoo one of you guys and we're like we can't say no now he has a gun yeah you can totally could he had a gun we were scared i'm gonna shoot you if i can't tattoo you i i don't know bad business yeah that's bad business well so we were you thought you had to say yeah we were worried about it and i said i so my buddy took one for the team i was like yeah you can tattoo something on my butt cheek if you want and the guy was like yeah i'm down and do you want to see what he got yeah wait that feels like riskier than saying like being like yeah man you can tattoo my ass like a drug dealer with a gun i'd be like that feels yeah nobody's gonna see it i'm no no i'm saying the drug dealer would not want to do it on your ass right this is the tattoo that he got

oh that's actually really nice bro hit him with doodle bob mahoi he drew that by like freehand yeah kind of good really you think so i mean with it isn't that hard does he still have the gun because if he does i'm not going to critique him very much but yeah he's a great guy there did i ever tell you the girl at rollins that got a butt tattoo it was a stinky pooper did i tell you guys this no her freshman year they were the grade below me her freshman year one of my like best buddies was in a dorm room with her and some other guys and some girls or whatever and they were all drinking and this girl was like oh my god i have a tattoo gun and the other girl was like you know i would like an ass tattoo and my friend was like bleep it but it was i've heard that name i don't

know he was like i'll do it and she uh she was like he's like what do you want and she said you can do whatever you want and they all kind of like brainstormed for a second it was right when um game the whole game stop thing was going on so on her butt she has a crudely drawn uh game stop to the moon tattoo on her butt as far as i know it's still there that's a bummer no pun intended that is that is my worst nightmare as a future parent is that you cannot you cannot prepare them for a like a a game stop to the moon level craze oh we're out of their minds they're not thinking i think as a parent i'd be pretty thrilled if my you know child took an interest in investing that young my friend's roommate was doing stick and pokes in his uh

dorm and one girl like came back a week later and just had like hives and stuff all the way down her leg and she was like hey you like cleaned those needles right and he was like what oh and then and then she was also like it really hurt when you did it like what size needle did you do and he was like i think it was like a size 12 she was like you know you're supposed to do like a size three i don't even know what are the sizes like how big like are these like sewing needles yeah it's like shoe sizes you like dip it in ink and then size size 12 like this big yeah wait check the video i just sent you is this was from american idol have you seen this Sisterhood of the deceased.

Friday night. I'm thinking that we just might fly away to someplace. Wait, how did you do that? Did you start Levitt? Yeah. Now you're riding shotgun in my car. We're driving through the city like explorers going. Wait, how did you start floating?

I'm floating. Wait, did he do, like, that zoom where he... Okay, all right. That looks just like me. How did you start floating? I don't know. i've never seen that before it's actually really good can i ask you were were there any substances involved with that uh i wish okay and i probably did a few beers i just so when i first started

my tiktok account all it was was every friday i would post a video of me singing that song really yeah there's a dozen of them do well and then i would do like sometimes random sketches that started to blow up but i would still every friday do that so then it became sort of like the real detard the real og detards yeah i got a dm recently from someone who's like i are you the guy that i used to watch sing friday night every friday night like six years ago actually yeah lauren ran into someone in like france that was like recognized her and it was like oh my god she was like an og willie detard from like the tiktok days yeah and it was like you're dating him now i i like dm'd him back in the day and like i had told him i wanted him to

be my first kiss or something it was a girl yeah but she was in high school so at the time or something anyway it's just it's a it's a different era her chance has passed yeah no i'm yeah can she can you still be her first kiss or no my first kiss oh i just meant like she's like too old for will now oh was she like 18 yeah lauren's almost aging out lauren's almost 18 no but anyway that There was a crew back in the day that was viral, I guess. Would you just post the same video every time, or you would actually sing it? No, I would redo it every Friday. You would redo it.

And was that, in your head, your ticket to the big time? Yeah, and it worked. It kind of did work. Max Barrett hit me up. Was that a broom, too, in the video? Yeah, I would use different things for the mic. That was a Swiffer. Oh, my God.

The cleaning people at our office today, one of them was Swiffering the sidewalk. W? Like the concrete outside of our office. What? It does look like it's dirty. I feel like that's not, is that crazy? No, I do think that is crazy. The Swiffer, it's outside.

It's going to be dirty all the time. Was it like a wet mop? It was like a Swiffer. Maybe you should like power wash it. It was, I think she just, like maybe we just were really clean this month and like they have to be here for a certain amount of time. So she, I think I'll just, what are the- I don't know.

Don't look at it. It's hurting my eyes. willie what's your experience with mud water been like i all right i'm i can't say good enough thing about mud water because i always wake up a little grungy grungy and sometimes i like you know coffee but sometimes caffeine you go like big cup of coffee right in the morning just kind of it's like a little too much and it kind of like gets you jittery and there's some side effects that i don't love so what i love about mud water is that it's got functional mushrooms in it which if you live in la you've heard or if you've heard about la you might think oh they do functional

mushrooms well i was a little bit like what is this and then i tried my water and i was like oh i get it so it's helps you cut through the brain fog but it doesn't give you like the jitters yeah and they actually for i love the taste of like actual coffee mud water actually now has a coffee it's a low caffeinated coffee made with arabica coffee beans l-theanine and the same functional mushrooms that you get in their other blends so it's rich smooth everything you love about coffee but it's only 45 milligrams of caffeine so you get the flavor without the jitters crash spiraling thoughts bugs in your bed ants in your hair you name it all right so whether you're mixing up the original blend because they that that original they've got is that uh cacao chai turmeric thing

delicious or maybe you ease into something you know gentler than your usual brew mud water makes it ridiculously easy to start the day feeling good and now you can get at target and sprouts nationwide making better mornings easier than ever ready to make the switch to cleaner energy head to mudwater.com and grab your starter kit today right now our listeners get an exclusive deal up to 43% off your entire order plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use code playdate that's right up to 43% off with code playdate at mudwtr.com after your purchase they'll ask how you found them please support our show and let them know that we sent you guys the big tournament is right around the corner and let me tell you i have been

having a little 11 seed energy if you know what i'm talking about we got some legendary 11 seed upsets always seems to happen every year and let me tell you voodoo ranger is looking to a part of that with their new g-force it is 11 abv ultra juicy supercharged ipa in a 19.2 ounce tall boy i've always said i wish beers were 19.2 ounces instead of 12 it is bold it's juicy and it's made for the biggest moments buy a g-force upload your receipt at bet on 11.com and you're in if an 11 seed wins the college basketball tournament you could win big it's the juiciest bet on the tournament one lucky fan wins eleven thousand dollars plus eleven hundred fans win five dollars for another round all you need is a can of g-force and a receipt grab a voodoo ranger

g-force the 11 supercharged ipa upload your receipt at bet on 11.com and if an 11 seed wins you could take home eleven thousand dollars your beer is your bet slip must be 21 plus no purchase necessary full rules on bet on 11.com thank you so much voodoo ranger guys go grab a g-force let's get back into the episode uh true to your drafts all right i'm excited about these these ones yeah would you like to do the office cold opens that don't exist or yo mama jokes that don't exist uh you pick let's start with uh the office all right these are the office cold opens that don't exist ryan is bragging to the whole office about his nfts sick of hearing about it jim prints out a picture of it and hangs it up at his desk ryan is enraged and threatens to sue jim

jim doubles down and hangs pictures of ryan's nft all over the office that's fantastic dwight is working on a rubik's cube and is freaking out that he can't solve it he's yelling that he watched a youtube video on how to solve it but it still won't work and then it cuts to jim swapping all the stickers on the cube earlier that morning making it impossible to solve that's awesome uh hank shoots an intruder to the office building everyone hears a gunshot and panics who's hank the security guard oh oh yeah yeah sorry uh everyone hears a gunshot and panics it turns that the alleged intruder was just toby returning from a trip to turkey to get hair plugs michael is relieved and everyone else is very concerned when michael comes into the office he's visibly

distraught and hurries into his office when pam and jim go to check on him he tells them that he's freaking out about the housing crisis they are confused because the housing crisis happened years ago when they prod a little more they learned that michael is watching old recorded episodes of the news and is years behind on current events that's all dwight has trained a possum to follow him like a dog phyllis protests him bringing it to the office because it's disgusting but eventually everyone including phyllis accepts it once they realize it eats all of creed's stinky food uh andy and jim are playing online chess and jim keeps checkmating him early in the games and he's how andy is having a meltdown saying that this is impossible

and that he was the captain of the club chess team at Cornell. When we see Jim's computer, it shows that he's using a bot that shows him the best possible move, making him impossible to beat. Love it. Kelly, keep on yapping. You know she's going to yap. That little mouth of hers just running all day long, driving Ryan freaking crazy.

But yapping's what you do, so I guess she'll keep yapping and maybe a little shopping here and there. Thanks, Kelly. We love all you did for the show behind the scenes too. Keep yapping. love will and rusty as we do yo mama jokes that don't exist these are yo mama jokes that don't exist yo mama's so old she calls the old testament the testament yo mama so stinky when she farts people think it's febreze yo mama is so nice because she smells so stinky organically does

that make sense okay yo mama is so nice when my parents were fighting she let me stay with you guys as long as i need it yo mama so lazy she hires a task rabbit to snooze her alarm yo mama's so fat when she steps on the scale it says ow yo mama's so dumb she's never even made the first guess on the wordle that's awesome we said we were the scale ones we had your mama's so fat when she stepped on scale it said one at a time please yeah mine was uh my favorite was yo mama so stupid this one i guess doesn't really make sense but my friend garrett used to kill me this he go yo mama's so stupid she threw a rock at the ground and missed your mama's so fat she walked out in a yellow

raincoat and everyone said here comes the school bus me i used to love that one that was like that was a home run the absolute yeah i remember someone said this one and it it like i think it changed me as a guy it was a yo mama's so fat when god said let there be light he had to ask her to move yep i remember that i also today was working on my yo mama jokes that don't exist and will angus was like hey do you have time to like go over this like sketch we're trying and i was like no i'm busy right now and he looks at my computer i was like i it's it's job it's job um can we do mailbag yeah mailbag three at a time mailbag making it rhyme will and rusty andrew and bobby okay bobby well these are all christmas cards from this guy

Sean K. A little late. Wow. This is, how long has this been here? Willie D., thank you to you, Rusty, Lauren, and Andrew. I think back to March of 24, coming home from my first real breakup and putting on 50 episodes of Playdate in my AirPods while I chopped down a tree over the span of three days.

Couldn't have done it without you guys. And Willie, especially for being vocal about what is right and what is wrong. W. Makes me laugh that they somehow turned woke to mean something bad. Also, Willie, love you, man. Also, I'll be at Princeton Seminary next year, so you can say Playmates are Ivy-educated. Cheers, Sean K.

Shout out to Sean K. Love you. Merry Christmas. Rusty, I need cash. Do you have anything you could spare? Is that what he said? I really need money. No.

Rusty, first off, love you, man. Second, a pitch up in workshopping. People use deodorant and their pits will smell fine, but what about a sweat everywhere else? my idea the aw chew like the sneeze sound chewable tablet that changes the odor of your sweat would you imagine soaking up rays and smelling like a chocolate starfish yeah no instead of smelling like a chocolate starfish you smell like a chocolate chip cookie nice size effects sneeze and it hurts also you must try new glare a spotted cow it's the elixir of life nice all right i got