Will & Rusty's Playdate - how to free a house elf

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

On their very first Monday Playdate, the gang does a deep dive into Will’s instagram, recaps their intense Secret Hitler game night, searches for old school diners, and Rusty reminisces on the beauty of the beer bong. Lauren also pulls off a successful prank for the first time and proposes another check-in on Will’s dating life. The boys wrap by drafting trivia team names that don’t exist and the classic sayings that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR NEW SHIRT: https://almostfriday.shop/collections/playdate-pod/products/building-dept-longsleeve HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  GET 20% OFF @CHUBBIES WITH THE CODE PLAY AT https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/PLAY #chubbiespod VISIT https://us.dollarshaveclub.com/collections/playdate-podcast AND USE PROMO CODE PLAYDATE FOR 20% OFF $20 OR MORE. HEAD TO https://rikispirits.com/ TO FIND OUT WHERE TO GET RIKI NEAR YOU. FOLLOW @FRIDAY.BEERS AND @RIKISPIRITS TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH UPCOMING RIKI CONTESTS AND GIVEAWAYS. 00:00 Intro 01:00 Our Favorite Snow Memories 08:22 Will’s Past Lives 16:38 Dobby 23:59 Pranking Will 28:52 Working in Restaurants 38:00 Love 45:56 Country Clubs 52:06 Playing Matchmaker 01:00:51 Roadmap 01:04:15 Pitch Submissions 01:09:08 Pitches 01:12:11 Teach Me Something 01:18:40 This Guy Rocks 01:23:18 Trivia Team Names that Don’t Exist 01:26:20 Sayings that Don’t Exist 01:34:26 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know, the same way you can skip an ad? I get it. I'm Siaya and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll.

So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. new from Nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with a coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added b vitamins like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on nespresso.com As always, Playdate is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer.

Redefining the party landscape. Wow. Wow. Are we going on? Are we live? Podcast. Podcast Monday. Monday.

Monday. I hope everyone had a great weekend. Mondays. Case of the Mondays over here, right? It's like we're way grumpier this episode. I was telling Lauren, should we, like, pretend to be, like, more hungover? Are we, like, scared? I'm terrified in general at all times.

I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to get out ahead of it. I was peeing before this, and I put it in my pants way too early. So if I seem a little off. You're soaking? Soaking, maybe not. You know, slightly wetter than normal. Sure.

Cool. Cool. monday episodes are after a hot start hey i had a fun uh prompt that i thought we could talk about please um because i know we're in los angeles so we're not getting any snow but i think a lot of the u.s is right now yeah places that don't normally get it i'm so confused no we're going to new orleans this weekend and there's they got i think like nine inches yesterday or something the most they've ever gotten wow isn't it in texas too texas my friends in charleston got snow whoa crazy so i thought we could all share our favorite snow snow day memories oh uh i remember

my friend uh woodsy came over woodsy he would ride his snowmobile like on the street to your house that's like before they plowed if it was a snow day we were gonna go smoke a little ganja no and god every time i get start to trust you there was it was a foolproof plan there was this like back road that connected my neighborhood to the main road okay took the snowmobiles down there we're gonna smoke a little smoke a little gone oh it's like another dagger and uh and he had gone someone had gone up to like get something from our other friend's house on the snowmobile and had passed uh his parents walking to us like another kid's parents who was there yeah and so he like turned around like uh who's he turned around like paul revere style and had to like

haul back be like they're coming they're coming and so we were all just like sitting we were like too old to be having a snowball fight but like that was the only like reason why we would be out in this like field yeah and so we just like like hid the bong and we're like kind of like it's like waiting for them to come because we only had a handful of snowballs like when they turned the corner we were like they were just like i don't think so but they were like what are you guys doing we're like just having it you know how we'd be having a snowball like we don't know how you'd be i've never seen you like this we've never seen you do this once um that's awesome yeah and then we just went back to his house and had to pretend like we

had a big snowball fight that's fun yeah what's your favorite snowball memory snowball memory what's your favorite snow day well now i'm trying to think my favorite snowball memory man i have a lot of snowball memories i don't even you know it's funny for a guy who came up with the prompt do you think i'd have a good one yeah i thought i thought you were like teeing yourself up to like get a home run no i remember building a sled with my dad once i really wanted to build a sled and we went and got stuff at home depot and it fucking sucked like i showed up i show up to the hill like yeah built mine and then everyone is just zooming back like a great depression era like toboggan yeah it was it was like wood and then we got like rusty nails coming

i think the problem was that the metal that like the blades that we put on it were like 90 degree edges right so anytime it like dipped into like a little divot it would just stick and send me flying over the front of it and i just remember getting yeah my friends whizzing past me and like come back to my dad i was like dad we i want a normal sled i don't want to i don't want to be he was trying to do something like he was trying to create like a lifelong memory yeah yeah like remember you built your own sled and it just you still have it no were you guys were you guys saucer people or long ones i would say dude the the only good the only good the saucers are like npc sleds like actually dude they're so fun you go you like go zoom in no the fact

the best ones are the ones that are shaped like a fucking i don't even it's like a foam with the handles on the front two handles and you dive running start yes um the saucers is literally like an npc sled everyone else is having fun on their like fast ones and there's one kid like spinning out of it it's like oh my god you pull up with one of those you're or the toboggans it's like you're stuck in the past i don't even know what that fourth one is on this thing lauren but no you guys look up like the foam sled foam yeah foam yeah foam sled foam with a plastic literally that one with the arrow on it those things go fucking insane oh those things would go haywire dude i'm actually missing this now that yeah the aurora would be on the sauce dude

what i would give to for another another afternoon i was literally on one of these yeah yeah that's mpc behavior it's for yeah yeah in college we would do like uh like trash can lids which oh nice or like people would go get uh there's this big like mystique at bc where it was like when on snow days it's awesome like you would hear this from upperclassmen like it's awesome everyone goes and gets trays from the dining hall right and sleds on them i heard people doing that yeah and that was like kind of the lore and so the first snow day we're like bc tradition and we go you can't fucking sled with a tray from the dining hall i don't know what physically or the lunch ladies are like yo no no i mean you can but you can get them but

it's like tiny a tray from the dining hall it's like this big that's like a that's like an 80s thing yeah you know what i mean like you're like your parents could probably figure it out but it it was practice it's not very yeah it was like this is the worst possible thing on this campus let's just let's just use real sleds yeah and then but then it was cool we would build ramps by like the railings of the walkways and stuff and like have their because kids would have their like snowboards yeah oh you're like a you're a freshman and like all the like cool seniors are like yeah like we were literally doing backside fakies on it yeah it was kind of kind of sick there was a our gym class whenever there was snow he would like make us go out and like nordic ski

or something and you'd be like dude i didn't bring you're like i'm 17 years old like i didn't bring my snow pants for this like i have four classes after this gym class i don't really want to yeah you're like trying to just like not get like wet and stuff there's one kid thomas that was like kind of talking a big game like you know next big snow like i'm gonna jump the nordic skis there's this huge hill what are nordic skis they're the thin ones like cross country okay like it has not they're not meant really for downhill unless you're like a pro you're barely clipped in you of like rubber you guys went skiing in gym class yeah we'd like go out onto like the track so it was like flat it like wasn't fun you'd just be like walking around in the skis and most kids

were just like did they have them at the school yeah wait was it um was it wait you went to public school right yeah and they had like ski gear in the budget that's kind of cool wait did you lift could you lift the backs up yeah so your heel is it's like not there's you should not be getting any speed on them yeah and i just remember thomas uh like kind of gathered a crowd and like it was like a really short but really steep hill yeah and then the jump was just where the plow had pushed all the so like it was never gonna work and he just went straight and his skis went into the bank and like sent him out of like he like double ejected out of his skis and like kind of like scattered across the like outdoor basketball thing and everyone was like oh

our gym teacher was like all right back to class he's like in like math class just like covered in dirt and grass that's funny they didn't have everyone cheer yeah it was just like it was like oh it wasn't like there was nothing fun about what happened to him you know about when i did a double side twist fakie mc twist so that's not a real trick but i want to hear about it can you look up can you go to my instagram your instagram yeah i put it's on my it's a really old photo no when i was that's what it goes to it's like yeah i want to join that so bad um first of all viral um scroll down scroll down scroll down scroll down scroll down i'm scrolling scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll you gotta keep going damn dude there we go there we go

there we go on the left on the left that is actually me wait did you so obviously you fell but it's looked so that is the most i've ever hurt myself it does look like it kind of looks like you're doing like a nose grab yeah so that looks like you know what you're doing if you didn't know that you don't that is the trip where i learned how to snowboard that was like my third day or fourth day i went it was when i lived in spain i went with my host family and i got this guy and on like the fourth day they were like come like i was good enough to like go with the family they were like oh we'll do some like simple ones and then they're like do you want to go try like my my little host brothers are like we want to go try

like the big slopes right and i was still like 14 15 so i was like you know like back then like your bones were kind of like fine like now i would never fucking do that yeah you were like made of rubber but it was like same way we're at recess you would do like backflips off the yeah the swings would you guys not do that i didn't go i didn't get to go oh the like half one where you're already there and then you just let go yeah you're like fully in the air i would never do that yeah you could like throw you could throw like any 12 year old down the stairs and they'd like shake it off yeah i mean i was i was very confident and i was like fuck it and i just sent it and it looks like i'm grabbing the board so it looks like i'm doing the coolest trick of all time

it looks like you're about to twist someone got the perfect two photos good angle and then i fell and I land on my back and I completely knock the wind out of myself could not breathe like you know that feeling of like I haven't felt that

in a long time like where you're like oh yeah yeah yeah I used to knock the wind out of myself like every other day yeah why does this happen all the time

I haven't done that in a while that was me Lauren's getting a little distracted wait that's wait look at that one look at the one of me uh

what that is no with the basketball team I posted this whole thing like it was an honor playing and representing the town of blah blah when I left

and there's a comment from Hugo Guillamon and it just says but dude you're terrible and that guy was on the Spanish World Cup roster oh that's so funny is he in this photo he was like no no he went to my school

now he plays for Valencia and I watched a game two weeks ago he actually plays for Valencia he played on the World Cup team for Spain in the World Cup was he your best player no he wasn't on the basketball team

he was just a friend of mine from school that year and he lived a lot of lives a lot of lives a lot of people a lot of memories it's crazy but anyway i watched a game the other week so i had to check in on my buddy and he got subbed into the game while they were beating real madrid and then gave up two goals that were like primarily his fault and then i read all the comments on instagram and i was like get rid of hugo you should comment you should comment but dude you're terrible yeah and i was like yeah that was me when i oh that was in spain i did a i was thinking i was doing a lip sync of hotline bling this might be just kind of showing my hand of how unworldly i am those are those are the whitest girls i've ever seen in my entire life are spanish

are people in spain mostly white um yeah those are all yeah they look white like that girl has red hair yeah that's oost that was her name i don't know why it was like her instagram what do you mean you don't know why it was like her instagram i don't think it was her real name but yeah that was oost i don't know why her parents gave her that stupid fucking name this is i forgot about all of this yeah well sorry for the audio listeners yeah for the audio listeners that was a deep dive into my instagram um but you can go now you know what this is good is gonna drive traffic to my instagram people are gonna be like i gotta go see that photo i had a funny i had a funny thing happen last night i was having like a semi-serious

conversation with someone but we were all also playing words with friends at the same time so like in between like not like arguments but like having like a like a you know yeah get getting to the bottom of how we're feeling about something and then it would just be like they've played you back in words so it was clear like we would send a word was like the other person would go to the words of friends and be playing that but it's very funny yeah i wish it was like passive aggressive words yeah bitch oh that's funny um oh i got something else i wrote down please tell me i'm writing stuff down i love that shit all right oh i had an idea it's a sketch i want to make i actually ordered i

forgot i ordered god damn it i ordered not god damn it i just i sometimes at night i order things and i'm like i should not have spent 50 on a customized garbage man outfit well you can you can rile yourself up at night because there's no like checks and balances like if you were doing it here i would be like what are you doing i don't know i order customized on amazon or like oh does it say like will it says waste management then it says willie d is it cute it's a vest to the garbage man you should have opted for like the cool like workers yeah like uh well i needed to really look like garbage man because it's for a sketch idea and it's called it's uh it's like a guy playing video games and he goes bam like he like so he's like you're trash man and then

the other guy goes can we not talk about work right now and it pans out and he's a garbage man so i had a fun relationship with did you ever like build a relationship with your garbage man can't say that i did never he he just like didn't he wasn't the biggest fan of our house in college because it would just be like overflowing with like it was like mostly chick-fil-a and then we there'd be like it'd be like all glass bottles in the other one yeah and so you could see him like kind of like cautiously trying to like hook it up to the thing and then you would go up and And he would just be like, the loudest noise of all time. Jesus.

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Triple is the original high seltzer with 3 milligrams of THC and just 15 to 20 calories. Triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer. Light on calories, high on life. It's all natural, gluten-free, and again, just 15 to 20 calories. Well, folks, I love Triple. that was my um i was like barack if he was drinking triple yeah i had triple this weekend i was playing ncaa football with my buddy ben freibus and um i threw a touchdown several touchdowns but i was drinking triples while i was doing it nice it was it was a good time oh i was drinking triples during

the national championship yeah will was drinking while we were playing secret hitler and he won so Yeah, and I went sicko mode. He went sicko mode. Well, you got to drink triple. I'm going to drink triple. It's 15 to 20 calories, and I love the grapefruit flavor. Dude, Barack would have loved triple. He would have loved this.

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oh it just says big justice is like dobby if you give him a worn sock he won't have to make videos do you get it why like you know like dobby just needed like a used piece of clothing and then he was free oh i don't think i don't think it was a used piece of clothing i thought it was just like you have to like gift him what is it i don't remember much how to free dobby i'm i'm pretty sure it was just like he needed to i thought i had to be you needed to give him something what is i feel like he was cuter than i remember i mean he you're thinking of creature creature was not cute creature is the other one that's i live no no i meant i am creature i meant to say i remember him being cuter than he looks in these photos does it have to be

a worn sock no i think that was just like the easiest way to free can you google can you search how to free a house elf i need a more generic blanket right now when their master gives them clothing you're right look at this lady but here's my thing harry wasn't harry wasn't um he put it in the book and then mal and then lucius gave him yeah and then he opened the book and it kind of feels like a like a technicality that shouldn't come into play though right it's like okay well no i wasn't giving you that yeah you're still my i'd be like hey harry why don't you mind your own fucking business yeah this is my house elf i paid for him with my own money i agree i agree wait did you hear i saw something on like instagram that like harry potter's stunt

double like got injured doing harry potter stunts or something look it up google harry potter stunt devil like he like was like in a wheelchair because of it and he wrote a book called the boy who lived i think he broke his neck during a rehearsal god jesus christ he was rehearsing a stunt sorry the um oh my god he's like fully paralyzed yeah and he wrote a book called the boy who lived oh it says throughout the scene harry was propelled it through the air as a result of an explosion cable was supposed to pull him um oh it it propelled him with too much force and he crashed into a wall he will never move his body from the waist down again i bet he got i bet he got a hundred million dollars yeah and barely probably more than that i here's my thing who's

enrolling their child to be a child a child stunt double yeah that's also yeah you know what i mean how old was he he's probably like no it was probably an older one i think it was the i think it was the sorcerer's stone when harry gets exploded in the or no it's ron what am i thinking of i don't know either way yeah i don't think you equally there's no way he was a child there's no way he was under 18 equally on the well he was what was he like he was like the kid from the middle that's like a permanently a child well i feel like harry's older the oldest harry is like 17 no but like daniel radcliffe's older i'm like just now realizing that harry potter's not a real guy

wait he no he is way older than that i think i think the oldest he was was like 18 daniel radcliffe there's no way maybe then how old he was like nine when they started in the last harry potter he was 21 oh see i would have said like 25 wow i would have said like 28 yeah how old is he now like 30 but think about it he starts as a he starts as a first year and he ends as like a junior in high school yeah also you know what's funny is it's like they give him enough time to fully that's a weird like you don't start school until you're 11 and you end when you're 18 what do you mean oh that's not because yeah he hadn't gone to school at all at that point you think well he had been going to he had been going to the shitty public school

yes so maybe it's like they get that shit out of the way oh my god i can't believe uh the the funny one is like outer banks where john b is like 30 i think and he's supposed to be a high schooler yeah i always i always thought that was strange like i get you you take the roles that you take what you can get as an actor but like i mean that made his whole career yeah but like like pretending to be a and then i think it's like when in in that 70s show like ashton kutcher was like 19 and mila kunis was 14 he's like i guess i gotta make out with her wait what yeah when they were when they were boyfriend and girlfriend uh in the show she was 14 and he was like 19 what is that even legal uh it was the 70s wait like his character the no the actual oh no i

think they were both kids uh mila kunis lied and said yeah she was 14 at the time she lied and they asked her when she was gonna be 18 in the casting process oh i have heard this she said on my birthday or something or like on whatever day but she didn't specify the year and then they were like oh you got us and let her do it and then they were also like dating in real life and she was like still together yeah yeah wow it was the 70s man everyone was doing but it wasn't the 70s right but in the show it was it'd be funny if like the cops showed up to filming they're like what it's the 70s i'll get you out of here you ever like talk to like an old couple no in the the the old guys telling you how he met his wife and he's like she was 14 and i was home from the

war i actually haven't talked to an elderly person in a long time you know what i want to do is there was this diner i went to one time with bobby and it was really nice and i want to start getting in the habit of like was that for that video you guys made yeah the vibes were so good i want to find a place like that that i can bike to and make it like a your thing sunday every sunday i go do my little breakfast i don't know how i told you this has been like a this has been like a goal of mine in los angeles i can't find like a real diner um that place in i don't know where that was though it was like lagoon patties uh like the real like like you know like when you're in in like a main diner yeah like becky's yeah you're like what is this yeah i didn't i'm

a bacon guy so i don't know you guys should go to apple pan it's apparently it's a very famous restaurant i don't know exactly where you describe it is i guess like century it's near century city but it's been there for a very long time they have like apparently the best tuna melt in la i think that's too far or it is but for me there was a guy in maine called uncle andy and he had a diner called uncle andy's that's a good name and uh you'd walk in yeah and he was like actually the one cooking you know what i mean like you know maybe they use the guy's likeness as like the thing but like this was actually him and it had to close during covet after 60 years or something it's cool it's been there since the 40s it was one of those restaurants where you know

like you know like when like a historic restaurant's going out of business in the city i'm sorry i'm about to crap my pants we're like five minutes in should we pull a prank yeah what do you want to do oh tell him tell him you saw andre 3000 no i can't he's not gonna believe that yeah he'll have a meltdown he'll be so mad tell him you saw tell him you you you actually met under 3000 this morning or yesterday okay all right sorry about that finally all right will is back from sharding his little brains out you guys were you guys talking all that um no but i just thought i remembered something funny oh when he was when he was telling the story about being in a text

argument with someone and playing words with friends back and forth between it. It reminded me of when me and my ex were breaking up and we were like passing the vape back and forth. As you were breaking up? That's fucking hysterical. We're like on the verge of tears. Were you guys crying?

Probably. 100%. Yeah. Oh, Will, also you're actually not going to believe this. Guess who I saw? Andre 3000? I literally did. No, you did not. No, I'm not kidding you. I'm not kidding you, because I would not have known what he looked like. And then I had to look it up, because I was like, you guys were just talking about him.

There's no way. At Groundworks in Venice. What's today? There's no way. You realize how fucking ridiculous this is? It was on Sunday. No, I literally did. There's no way.

You saw him at Groundworks? At Groundworks. What did he order? And I never go there. I don't know. There's no way. It was like kind of in passing. Did he say hi?

No. How did you recognize him? Because we've been talking about him and looking him up. He was like rapping. if we haven't been talking about him i would not know but i had to look it up and be like oh my god baby's mama mama don't like me no will insane how does that make you guys why would i make that up i don't know but i don't believe him you i kind of believe i saw him i also saw him while you were listening to miss jackson the day after i told you it was awesome that is crazy i mean

that's not real yours i kind of believe get 3000 crazy you got 3000 it makes sense now knowing that he lives in yeah but no one's ever seen him and then all of a sudden everyone sees him i feel like that happens when you start to talk about them it's like now it's ingrained it's in my head he doesn't even live in venice you were at least in venice what was he wearing i don't remember willie we have good news for you you just got 3000 she didn't see him got your ass got your ass bitch you actually believed me too how'd i do fucking hate you guys i fucking hate you guys i nobody three thousands me all right you actually three thousand you got three i did believe you i was pretty i was pretty good ah wait so is yours real yeah no i saw i saw i still actually

i swear on my life there's no way i i believe that you think you saw him but there's no okay i think a playmate saw him known silver lake i it was one of the coolest things i've ever been a part of i rarely listened to miss jackson i was listening to it there's no way there's no way mama mama don't like it was because he i had mentioned that he lives around here yeah and then he was listening to the song so he was thinking about him and then he saw a black guy across the street i guarantee it i'm not calling you racist i'm just saying that's what happened he may as well have been singing hey yeah that's how that's what you keep saying that doesn't mean anything that's nonsense that's how close it was all right tell me about andy's house andy's andy's diner oh i don't

know i about the breakup thing i that this was making me laugh i was like uh you've ever dated someone who has like a little brother that you like like thinks you're cool i was dating this girl and uh i was like kind of buddies with her little brother like i we had like a nice rapport and him and all his boys were upstairs like you know doing seventh grader stuff and we were downstairs breaking up and uh i came up and it was like wiping tears out of my eyes it was like sup boys and they were like oh like i think like any any thought of like me being cool to them went out the window yeah they're like thank god you got rid of that softy yeah they're probably saying uh uncle andy's was on one of those like home or not home like like save my restaurant

oh shows or whatever and uh we went in after they like renovated it it was just like kind of the same they painted it like green yeah it's uncle andy right there in the blue i feel like this is we've looked this up yeah i remember this photo so vividly and this yeah oh yeah he'll make like he'll he'll yes they're like kids that come in he'll make whatever shape animal they want it's like a really good campbell pancake yeah that's that's probably the best cp i've ever seen owning a restaurant would be so fulfilling obviously such hard work yeah but i would like i i think i will yeah i like working with my hands a lot but it picked a job where you but it feels like it's hard to like

like there's not a lot of money in working with dude i agree with you i actually think that's why i miss waitressing sometimes i did i was a server for three years and i enjoyed just actually getting a like i i understand like when we when i did that when i uh was a local hero and volunteered uh like all like i it was like all day just like moving boxes and packing stuff up and i was like the time went by so much quicker than a work day yeah and i walked out feeling like way more fulfilled because i could like see this stuff like i really did something physical yeah yeah i feel like i don't know there's like a tangible result yes and also like i really liked waiting tables and like bartending because it's like you get to meet people and yeah i i was i was kind of

on board with uh with the whole like i was a bar back that was like kind of fun um but i don't have any interest in doing that long term yeah i mean it's it's grueling like it's like not well yeah it can be like there's i just enjoy like tired and you got you have to go i remember i had such a crazy panic attack at one of my shifts what happened where were you later um uh when i was back home in cleveland after just said cleveland this is free so i was i was actually a server at a country club for a couple summers and that was serving you're serving country club members i was yeah um that was fine i feel like i've talked about that before i don't remember but anyway at this restaurant i was it was already so busy it was like a saturday night i was already feeling

kind of anxious i don't know why and i'm in the kitchen like this place was just a shit show like i'm sure you worked at some places whereas just like the management was you know the management was just very poor at this place and i walk out i'm already on my last like i'm about to be sent over the edge and i walk out and someone's like oh you have that tent top it's like a homecoming dance a bunch of 17 year olds i'm like you're all grinding it was no it was bad and then i just go in the back and i just had a meltdown someone had to take over all my table well that person have probably fucking hated you i'm glad you kept i was like uncontrollably like it was it was not working if someone if one of the other servers had a meltdown and i had to take all their tables

okay i had like two other tables and they were basically done but someone else had to take that party and i was like i like couldn't i had to take a five minute like i told the restaurant that i knew how to tap a keg because i was too embarrassed it's like not not not not hard but also not unreasonable to be like no i don't know how to do it like you're training me how to do the job for some reason like i felt like a pride to be like no i know how to tap i'm a guy and uh it was like rush hour the most popular beer went out and they were like all right this is your time to shine like go swap that keg or whatever and i went and didn't know didn't know how to identify which keg was which and then also didn't know how to change the tap once i did and i was in there

for like five minutes just kind of like banging around shit and then the bartender came in was like yo what is going on like we got it we gotta get that saison hooked up and i was like was this uh bats and river oh yeah a family friend is uh one of their owners and uh hooked me up with a gig when i quit my i quit my pool boy job never tell you that i didn't know you quit my friend john i like got him i'd kind of sold it as like a way more fun job than it was it was like 7 a.m to like you know 3 or 4 p.m and it was just kind of like long days he lasted like a week and quit and so i got taken off they'd given me my own truck and i get they gave me the easiest pools i would do it on my own and uh when john quit i had to go back to being like a an assistant yeah

and uh i just couldn't do it and i texted him texted the guy that owned the company i was like i'm so sorry dude like i have to quit and he was like dude you cannot do this to me right now and i was like i'm sorry and i think i'd maybe use like i just got like an opportunity that i can't pass up i had no job prospect it was like i got an opportunity i can't pass up it was like unemployed for two weeks and then my mom was like you have to go do something and so i went was this bar back and the guy who i texted that i was quitting came into the restaurant like my first day i was folding forks and knives into napkins after i just told him like i got a big opportunity that i can't pass up and he walked by i was like yo what are you doing i was like i don't i don't

know i always remember like every time i quit a restaurant or bar or whatever it would be like i would feel like oh god they're gonna hate me like and then they would be like okay and then i was like wait yeah there were like eight different people that quit since i got hired like the turnover is insane yeah it's kind of expected there was a guy i worked at this lobster shack type vibe lobster kettle cove probably seen it men and uh i've never seen it there was a guy who is honestly kind of a brilliant scam he would just go to every every restaurant that served lobster because it's like the most expensive thing like bang for your buck whatever and uh he would i can't remember the exact scam but he

would order like a bunch and then claim that they were like bad or that he didn't get them or something and get like hundreds of dollars back from the guy and then he didn't realize that a lot of the restaurants in cape were owned by the same guy and like under the same management staff and so they put two and two together like all right how does this keep happening and then they went back and realized it was the same guy and waited for him to do it again lobster maxing yeah it was like but they they set up this like sting operation to catch him that's awesome and they got him they got his ass damn hell yeah all right i actually can't believe i didn't wear it today i wore it yesterday and i almost put it

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remember whatever you shave welcome to the club random pivot question it's almost february which gets me thinking about valentine's day well not in like a great yeah you guys want to do valentine's day great i bet you two want to fucking talk about valentine's day don't you no not even in that sense i just want to know if you've ever had like a funny valentine's day experience or any oh i have a good one yeah we i was like kind of seeing this girl when i was in college and i wasn't aware it was Valentine's Day and but we weren't like even remotely dating we would like see each other out at the bars stuff like that and I asked her to hang out like on Valentine's Day and I went to her like dorm like Rollins had dorms that were like apartment more like apartment style for the

sophomores and older and I like went over and it was like really clean and like kind of like candle lit and like romantic and I was like I just didn't think anything of it and then like halfway through uh saying i was like oh i'm at like i clearly sent like a the wrong signal because i'm like at this person's house on valentine's day didn't say anything and then i got back and harper was like oh i didn't realize you guys were like that serious or whatever i was like i didn't know i didn't know it was happening last year well not that but i i've been on like you went on a date on i had been on like three dates and then we were like had plans to hang out and it was on valentine's day and i kind of freaked out and i canceled our plans and ended

things oh wait should we should we do another uh will's dating life check-in yeah people actually have we done those no just like last time last time we had that look you got you were giving him advice and having a deep talk a lot of people in the comments were like that was actually really sweet oh so i think they just like when we have real talks sometimes oh let's have welcome back to real talk will what's going on in your dating oh my dating life's insane let's talk about it on the internet it's awesome um i got i got my uh i my brother texted me that his friend wants to set me up with her friend that lives here nice you also don't even have to have a dating life i just it was just something to say so i'm gonna check i don't know is she older i don't know but i also

have i don't know what i don't know it feels weird to talk about on the internet what if they listen to it we also don't have to talk about it no we thought i don't know i don't know well i i've been on some dates with that other girl but i feel like i might have lost steam there so i don't really know how to like lost you know like you know when you're at that point where it's like we got to make a decision here i feel like i'm losing steam on it but i don't it feels like it didn't it was like two dates so it'd be weird to be like this is over you know what i mean like i don't know how to navigate this right you almost have to take her on three more so that you can break up yeah like what do you do after like two dates if you're just

like i think two is you can probably just not i think you just have to phase them out and not really be responsive in text and then that's kind of what i'm doing right now like where i'm just not responding that is she texting you like we're texting like she's on her podcast right now being like i do not know what to do no she's great i just like i don't know i just think i've lost steam on it i don't know but yeah i i don't know i don't know do you want kids whoa not with her but in general i want them with her do you want kids do you want kids no i do want I do want kids, yes. But not for like a long time.

I think I was put here to be like a funny dad. Yeah. Not like jokes funny, but like make everyone uncomfortable. Yes. I want my shorts to go below my knees. You want to grill one time. I want to grill one time. Yeah, I think I want to be, I definitely want to be a dad.

And I'm going to find true love soon. I can feel it. It's on the horizon. I just have to meet someone and talk to them. i i think i i think it'd be fun to adopt without having like a wife like i just have like a kid from another country i don't know about that why why people do that for you right now no not like this week right now i just i just remember we talked about a dog and you decided you weren't ready so i figured maybe a kid would be

in the office when he's like uh he's like michael michael's looking into adopting and he's like oh it's gonna take eight months i don't even know if i want a baby in eight months and uh and he makes his profile or is that what i'm dating at that was a little kid lover i want women to know where my priorities are at yeah yeah well anyway my that's my check-in it's going terribly but that's okay but i feel like i'm doing good so i'm that's my whole method that I get myself on where I want to be, and then I'll find the right person. Where do you find a girlfriend?

You got yours on Hinge, right? Yeah. And you got yours in a barbecue? Barbecue. Pre-game. It was a pre-game at his house. God, I've got more pre-games. You've got to start pre-gaming.

Hey, when me and Mia move into our new place, we're going to have a little party, and then maybe you can meet the love of your life. The love of my life. um just kidding i don't have that many friends yeah we lauren's like yeah we locked eyes across the pregame he asked me if i wanted to grind and the rest is history yes if i wanted a shotgun and addy and that was it honestly he was like so much faster than the other guys and i was just like yeah that's uh he put the beer funnel up his ass and i said he's the one i got really into

beer bonging uh my sophomore year of college oh my gosh i was like my favorite way to it was my favorite way to like the funnel i was beer bonging left and right we had we had one with serious oh i'm dead ass we had one with the valve yeah yeah so you'd like it was like it was like legit someone had a nelk brand a nelk brand funnel and we were like oh this is this is gonna be good and i remember like doing it that that's can you imagine like approaching your life the way you approached your life sophomore year of college like i remember being like all right boys we got class and everyone's like all right get the bong out yeah let's bong cut let's bong couple natty ices and then go to class learn about econ yeah what a sad yeah but it wasn't sad it was fun

like because when you're 19 it's not sad yeah it's like this is college was fun god i miss it you guys are in college right now do never leave never leave there are kids there are kids in my grade that are like just still there nil what are they doing i guess there was a girl i went there was a girl i went to ron's with that was like a junior when i was a freshman i remember her being older and then we graduated like i think she graduated a year after me and you'd be like what do you like uh what class are you taking this semester and she would just take like two classes fail one time nickel and dime it down yeah that's wild yeah i don't miss it that much i obviously like life more now but it is funny like like i'll be sitting there

and like if i don't have anything to do like my my urge isn't like beers like it used to be like if you have like if you have like three hours with nothing to do yeah there were like nine guys that were like all right let's go let's go i i guess i feel yeah i feel like everyone is like god this is the best time of your life like you'll never be happy again when you leave But I don't really agree. No, some people, yeah. Well, I think we got a better job out of college than that's the point. Oh, Phil just got a promotion.

Okay, when I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my head of office has a forever setting. an ig private wealth advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business your family and your dreams get financial advice that puts you at the center find your advisor at igprivatewealth.com yay phil went through eight rounds of interviews wow and got a promotion he's first mate now he is uh sorry i i it must be a pretty significant one because we were texting

about it yesterday and he was like he was like talking about like looking into joining a country club and i was like how are you i was like that hasn't even crossed my mind once yet jesus i don't think i will ever belong to a country club why yeah i probably won't that's not my speed really i would i would rather put my money towards like traveling yeah same this is my last year apparently when you're when you hit a certain age you're like not no longer under your family's like family membership or whatever and you have to get like a junior one which is like country club yeah and uh my sister i think my dad said this is my sister's third summer being 23 so i need to either just hope they don't notice or it's all going to be like the first day when i make a tea

time see if it happens it'll be dicey it'll be dicey for sure well were you a country club family no i've never really been there i used to we sometimes in high school we'd get to play them because our high school would play against the bougie high school jack that's the difference between you and me i worked at it i worked at a country club and you you were you were i was a i was a caddy and then they stopped letting members caddy why is that i don't know it was like i think they wanted some separation of church and state because it didn't feel like like they couldn't like reprimand you if you like weren't oh because you that makes sense yeah um but yeah i remember i started doing it when i was like way too little to be carrying like a

grown man's bag yeah so like one my favorite guy to caddy for was this guy jim mcfarland and he would put his most of them would like make you carry it because it was like a point of pride yeah yeah you just throw it on like a push cart and i'd just be out it was just like essentially just golfing that's awesome but he'd give me 40 bucks at the end it's like a blast two 20s two crisp 20s in your pocket that was the best as a $20 bill yeah hit dude 40 40 bucks when you're like 11 is like i might as well have been it's game changing i leave babysitting with 100 bucks i was like holy i used to i spent so much money on oh i was so irresponsible with my money oh when i i got a job at lewis barbecue and it turned into the hottest restaurant in

charleston and i was getting tip share i was making like some shifts i'd make 40 an hour and i would just go to the record store and just buy records and i have you know i guess you grew up in the 70s i feel like that's a great use of your money at a young age yes except it's like i didn't save anything i got to college and i was like oh my god i have no money i have 300 records that i've all bought brand new yeah like i was buying all new one i mean it's cool to have i guess now but that's one thing i do not speak of like why college was cool i do not miss just feeling oh i don't have any money for the next two weeks yeah yeah we i would save i would try and save a couple thousand dollars every summer and then just blow it week one at college and

then i would have to wait for my my weekly money to come in my senior year i was i worked wednesdays i bartended on wednesday nights and i would bartend and i'd get like depending on the anywhere from like two to four hundred dollars that would be my money for the weekend i'd spend i get it cash pay for everything cash and then i'd be have no money till i worked again wednesday and then i'd get mine it's just a rotation i remember yeah just i got really into sports betting freshman year yeah all down the drain same or i'd make money and then i'd lose it all in virtual roulette and then dude and then yeah and then my but my i was losing a bunch and i was like i'm out and then my buddy george started using my account and he won so much money and i still had to like

facilitate the venmos and then the bookie one time ghosted us oh and his name is josh watkins and he owes me 296 dollars if anyone here knows josh watkins tell him i will never forget damn never forget so you couldn't even like find him on social media i know exactly where he lives but i'm and i'm coming to rough him up keeping it no you know it was my bud my brother like knew him in college and uh but like not that well and then my brother was like yeah like i don't he's like i don't really want to like go to bat for your 296 dollars like and then i was with my buddies my brother's buddy mike in atlanta mike and i was with mike in atlanta getting pizza at that at nina and rafi's great place yeah and uh i came up and he was like oh yeah i still

or no i think i saw him like on snapchat and he was snapchatting josh watkins and i was like is that at josh walkins he's like oh yeah like he i was closer with him like we're still in touch and i made him send him a picture of me and flicking him off and saying you still owe me 296 dollars which i don't even know why i remember this is freshman year so this was seven years ago now that's still a significant amount of money you could do some damage yeah that's so scummy but it was he didn't even owe me he owed george yeah i guess and uh like airing it out right yeah maybe i shouldn't say his because that's like illegal gambling i don't know he owed george and uh i was in the middleman thankfully george wasn't like he didn't make me pay him

right oh yeah like i didn't i mean i wouldn't have but anyway long story short josh watkins i'm coming for you i'm never forgetting i used to request him on vemo every single year on the anniversary and he's a fucking coward and his whole thing he was like well it's a system someone else didn't pay so you don't get paid right i was like that's not how it works you accept the responsibility as the bookie fuck you josh i hope i hope you honestly i hope you have a good life i don't really care that much anymore it wasn't even my money i used to if i had no money and i really wanted a pub sub i would venmo request all of my friends one dollar no one's gonna miss a dollar wait until i get 12 go to publix i like that move i was you want to know another fun story about when

i saw mike in atlanta so i was flying to birmingham to see my buddy turner he was getting married i was going to turner's wedding last february and uh i got my flight got all fucked up so i had to stay in atlanta for a night so i hit my my brother's buddy mike stayed with him all this josh watkins nonsense happened that trip but also we ended up going to a briston maroney concert and going out after and met these people at a bar and he's now been dating that girl since i introduced them at the bar oh nice and he's been with her now for like a year so it's kind of fun i like that that is fun I've never been a matchmaker

like that I know I've only done I've only done the like introduce my friend to a stranger at a bar once it was my friend Goober Goober

and uh he was I feel like like did you were all your friends did you guys have like a hockey team or something it feels like you all

have like hockey team nicknames uh no he looked like Woodsy Goober Woodsy and Goober were from different friend groups

but Goober looked like Goob from uh Meet the Robinsons oh nice He had the kind of like pouty eyes. So we called him Goob. But we were at a bar and he was kind of like a shy sweet boy. This guy was so cute.

So he literally looks like that. He's like the biggest sweetheart in the world. Him and Angus went to the same high school. They both went to Cistercian in Dallas. And Goober sent me a picture with Angus. And Angus told me that he just came up to him at the bar with his camera open and was like, I'm friends with Rusty. And Angus was like, oh, cool.

Send him a pic. and then he took the picture and just walked away that's awesome but i uh i introduced him to a girl at a bar and i looked over and she was just making out with him and he's he's like so little and sweet that it like looked even though he's completely of age it was like oh hey get off him um i saw something on the way to work today i want to and i want to ask the if there are any cops that listen to our podcast if there are any police officer playmates i've always wondered this there were like nine cops all with their sirens on flying down to pch and it looked so fun like they were all driving in like a line and like flying like maybe this was

my own imagination but it looked like they were all like smiling like it looked like kind of a blast like that's got to be one of the best parts of the job is just like yo boys meet up on pacific we're just gonna fucking fly they didn't have their sirens on no they all did but it was like they were all with each other you don't think they were going to like a horrible crime scene but how would they all have been at the same place at the same time station oh you think they all left the station at the same time that's gotta be a fun i saw that the other day too but i was going east on the 10 yeah like same thing with like same thing with like you're like wow that looks like a blast then it cuts them and they're like yeah we're responding to a

quadruple homicide someone's legs got cut off i i think uh i've always thought firemen would be a fun job yeah like if we didn't do this i think we'd be good firemen yeah i'm new a newfound appreciation for it after all this shit okay yeah maybe i'd want to be a fireman in like portland like i'll draw portland maine oh like i'll walk past the fire station they all like office chairs they're just like playing cards never seen them respond to a fire the great fire of portland yeah that's when the whole city was made of wood and one uh one bar caught on fire yeah and burnt down the entire city of portland whoa when happened in chicago 18 yeah 1814 or 1842 that's my guess look up the great fire is it crazy that the chicago soccer team is called the chicago fire

yeah oh yeah 1866 when was the chicago fire i feel like every every that would have been you're 64 71 oh you are not a real city until you have a great fire yeah charleston never had a grape fire um the grape fire of wait 1812 you saying how you've thought you wanted to be a fireman i used to want to be an fbi agent i always thought that seemed sick yeah but then you got like you started smoking gaunt right yeah what is that joke why does everyone say that they were also saying you were doing there i don't even remember what this was in reference to a lot of the comments from last or the episode that came out today so or wednesday last wednesday last wednesday are uh about lauren doing like racist i know that's what they do for emily so there's bringing that over to

yeah i like that a lot oh emily did blackface at the end of the episode again the four of us are the six of us are playing mafia today yeah viral video that's gonna be fun i hope i don't embarrass myself i think you might i think you're probably gonna embarrass you i think you're gonna be a villain well i actually did better at secret oh you guys we played uh oh i was ohio state one so actually our our outfits did age well which is great in the last episode yeah i showed up to will's house uh with my with my crew to watch the game and i didn't realize what i was wearing under my sweatshirt i was wearing just like a normal gray sweatshirt it got a little hot in there i took it off i'm wearing my only rugby shirt that is like it looked it looked like i

bought it at the notre dame yeah it was their exact colors and then i was wearing green striped green and blue socks yeah it was fucking ridiculous and so that embarrassed yeah well no i was rooting for you guys but i took it off and i was like oh it is hot we played secret hitler yeah and uh such a beat no what i was gonna say is that i feel like i did better at that than i thought i was i thought i was gonna make a fool of you you did really well at secret hillary but could not figure out the game of life i'm the only one here won both games fun fact yeah that was fun i kind of went head to head with jack rusty sorry in the second game we came to blows yeah will and i came out on top will fucked me over and i kind of dug my own grave in the first game because i

was like swearing on my mother and swearing on like people's graves yeah and then like that kind of loses it's like that's like a watered down thing once you've said it a hundred times like the first time everyone was like oh all right i guess he's yeah i guess he's serious and then the second time you blew your load in the first yeah you can't actually you can't swear on your the evil in your eye will gave me if you're not familiar will can give me the choice to play either a fascist card or a liberal card and he gave me two fascists which means he's a fascist but he lied about it and said he gave me the choice and everyone just took his word i know i didn't know because you would create i mean it was you were the perfect person to do it you had

you had created an unlikable like persona in the game because you were just yelling talking accusations i got excited talking the whole time yelling people's that you had mentioned everyone's name at least once so no one trusted you i immediately said we got our things and i looked over and i said my girlfriend is hitler and yeah but the previous game you said i know for a fact zach's a liberal and he was the fascist like until the end i switched yeah but you had been saying so much shit that you had lost the trust of everyone so you were the perfect person to pit against me driving home with your girlfriend after she was hitler is just a feeling i don't his girlfriend got not got elected after three fascist cards well did you see i left that card on your desk

oh was that you yeah i was so confused i accidentally took it home yeah we were in the car and he was like i got my liberal cards in my pocket wait then how did you no no no when we were walking in the car oh you were too never mind um all right should we rm it up no i was gonna say something mean i was gonna be like you were too blacked out to know but you weren't you said you were you were sad you were hung over the next day but i'm just giving you yeah i have a i have like a fitness app where i log everything i eat and i was like putting in i like typed in pacifico and then clicked it seven times and my girlfriend was like jesus that's hilarious to me like why do you even log that what why do you even log your drinks we you have to log everything so you know where

you're at i feel like i don't know i guess uh i i gotta get rid of that buffalo chicken dip i've been nibbling oh you still have it we'll we'll pivot it we were originally gonna watch at the office and then will was like i think we should watch your mouse i do not want to walk that far with my dip yeah well we were talking about we had one we're like all right how are we gonna get the dip to the office by the bike with dip but you know what i do want to do and then we should probably get into our roadmap but i we're i did trivia last night we got smoked i don't want to talk about it but uh the it's like bring your own food at june shine yeah so it's like usually i'll like get like something next door or something but i think it'd be really fun to one day like

make a lasagna and bring like the casserole dish and plates that is close to my house sit around everyone just helps themselves as we play oh my god everyone would love you um should we roadmap yeah let's roadmap it up road roadmap roadmap the first monday roadmap first monday roadmap if you guys are listening uh comment down below how your monday's going uh all right we have a beautiful episode for you guys today we're going to do your pitches followed by our pitches and then we are going to do everyone's favorite segment teach me something and then we're gonna do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today and then we're gonna do trivia team names that don't exist followed by everyone's favorite segment sayings that don't

exist i think i just said to him when we sat down i was like i think sayings i think i'm losing my my gusto i've i'm scared that they suck well uh we'll be we'll see my first six sucked so bad so you have how many did you do well we did oh you mean my first six i think for today's my first six aren't great but my second but i really hit my i really hit my stride towards the end uh all right lauren let's hear some pitches pinches wait also notable thing on mondays we do not do am i the asshole yeah i don't even know if we're gonna do i i kind of i don't even really like it that much yeah i don't really care but if you guys have an idea for a replacement segment i should probably try a new segment we've done that yeah we used to be

adding one like every week yeah maybe we do like our baseball segment baseball segment where we go outside and we like bring all the cameras come back like sweaty covered in dirt now yeah we are stoked to continue our partnership with ricky the best canned alcoholic beverage on the market just got bigger and better ricky has a seven percent abv they've just launched their 24 ounce big boys with three shots per can which is absolutely ridiculous the flavors are all your favorite cocktails packaged in glorious resealable cans get three times as drunk for under four bucks guys all right you see this can give me your can ready i want to try something

boom double 24 ounce well it will be one can but i just we just don't have one in the studio right now but this is what we're talking about looks like the size of my head it's actually bigger than my head right it's bigger than my head or is it the same size okay it's something i'm getting mixed signals i got rickied last weekend uh we were playing wingspan my favorite new board game and got a little rickied and can i tell you it was a fantastic time and this weekend i'm ready to double the fun and get the big boy going and you can even put it on your head you can do whatever you'd like what's your favorite flavor uh i like the cranberry what do you like keep going one saying i'm about to get it say i like the cranberry again what do you like say cranberry i like the

cranberry again i like the cranberry too all right worth it head to ricky spirits.com to find out where you can get ricky near you follow at friday dot beers and at ricky spirits to stay up to date with upcoming ricky contests and giveaways let's get back into the episode yeah all right lorenz here's some pitches all righty first pitch is from greg biscadoros attaboy greg biscuit that's what i'm calling him he says greg says what's up legend in the hidden temples i feel like indiana jones that's awesome what is the worst part of being in charge of the tv uh the stress of making sure everyone agrees on the show yeah pausing it oh yeah um putting on something that you think everyone would like but everyone clearly isn't vibing introducing a new

streaming service called vibe change if you can tell everyone is on their phones at the push of a hidden button on the remote the tv will discreetly and seamlessly change from whatever you put on to random survivor episode pirates of the caribbean mid-2010s bowl game highlights or a documentary on a government cover-up, depending on the room's vibe. I am on the edge of my seat. The first streaming service to ensure everyone's going to walk away thinking, wow, that guy killed it running the TV tonight.

Yeah, that's awesome. Done, sold, 100%. Bang, bing bong. I would like a $1,000 investment, and I would like it ASAP. Bing bong. Yeah, I have this all the time. I don't know what to put on.

Yeah, you put on like a... The worst is when you're excited about it, And you're like, oh, everyone's going to fucking love this doc. And then everyone's just like yawning, leaving. Last night I put on the Moogies documentary. What's that? It sucked. The Moogies documentary?

The Moogies? The Moogies documentary. What is that? It's like a sub shop in Boston. Wow, I'm shocked that wasn't a home run. Everyone come over. We're watching a documentary on a subway. it's moogies first of all oh man oh man greg i love it i love it a lot you really killed dude

i had i can't even tell the story i'll tell you guys off camera wait just tell it you can't say that you can't leave them hanging okay i i gotta keep it very vague to protect people i love okay but they're no i can't do it dude come on no i actually can't i can't i'm sorry i'll tell you later okay boring i'm sorry it's like a friend of mine murdered someone yeah all right um thank you greg next pitch is from sarah elizabeth grace sarah says it's like an actress name yeah it is new pirates of the caribbean starring sarah elizabeth grace well i think it's just because they all have to like add their middle and the olsen twins yeah and wow the olsen twins are jack sparrow one on top of the other

yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me all right she says oh this is her first pitch or she's a first time pitcher um have you ever seen a coffee or cafe drink that looks literally delicious in a tiktok or real they always ask would you try and i always think yeah but i don't want all 12 ounces my pitch is coffee shots working title it's a shot-sized amount of weird coffee drinks like an orange an orange juice latte or lavender americano that way you can try a new flavor and choose to order more you guys are great wednesday is my favorite day of the week now monday is your favorite day of the week i i love that what the hell is an orange juice latte i don't know i've actually i've had i had a citrus latte from motoring in sawtelle delicious

it wasn't orange juice we don't want to hear about you motoring lauren wait what is this what does that mean is it instead of milk it's orange juice okay i don't know what an orange can you google orange juice like that i think it's gonna be exactly what you think this just had notes of citrus it was really good here's how here's how we're gonna elevate this pitch a little bit they send you it in like nespresso i love orange juice so i actually think i would like this coffee and orange juice yeah no thank you maybe we should try it all right go they send it to you in like espresso pods that you put in your coffee machine

and then you fill out a card of which ones you like and next week they have those ones in your pods wait what they send you like six to try you're like I like these three oh I thought this was like at a coffee shop I think she kept it a little vague that could work

like I think they do have pods at a coffee shop would be awesome though you get it like a it's a what do you call it a flight coffee flights a flight coffee flights there we go and it could be airport themed and the whole cafe can be airport themed why oh because flights nice all right i love it um no no what is the worst part about listening to someone tell you a story you have one just like it but

better yeah these are these are a pair of glasses that uh have logged every story that you have and every time someone's telling one it will tell you if you have one that's better so that you can interrupt them and tell it the way you want to tell it you know i actually had a pitch for a pair of glasses that's uh they're like ray bands and they're really high quality and they recollect every story that you've had and they have additional made-up stories that they'll supplement so that you can always one-up someone's story. I love that. That's awesome.

Pretty good, right? Yeah, that's really good. Do you want to die today? Is today the last podcast ever? You want to die? I don't want to get lost in those lies. All right. Get it?

Pitch, because I'm doing your pitch. Yes. I liked your pitch, though. Thank you. I don't even remember it. No, I actually don't like it because that's rude. just sometimes remember remember what you're trying to work on this year stop walking stop walking away from people i've been intentionally going into page's office and staying for like

five minute conversations so that to retroactively get rid of any thought of me doing that all right i've got pre-packaged cereal no one's drinking milk the only no one drinks milk anymore milk's out milk's my who's out of 20 completely disagree i love milk you drink milk i love milk i buy two percent milk and i drink it okay i'm not drinking milk anymore it's a great source of protein all right continue really sorry calcium not protein and protein nope there's protein in it is there protein or not is there protein or not eight grams of protein baby protein and milk okay um what's the okay well milk's i don't drink milk at least oh the rusty rearrange the first monday rusty rearrange uh the milk the only time i would ever want milk is with cereal

so it's a little bowl and it has milk in it and it's got the it's like one of those yogurt things where the granola is in like a little thing on top but it's the cereal there it's then you open it up you peel it off the cereal drops in and then you have a fresh bowl of cereal that's fantastic i will buy like a gallon of milk so i'm like i'm gonna be eating a lot of cereal exactly i always have like the top eighth and then i have to throw it out once it expires because you're not drinking the milk agreed you're just using for cereal yes yeah bingo oh i love it okay i like that except you obviously have to refrigerate the milk i don't want the cereal to be cold that doesn't matter it's gonna be cold once it gets in the cereal milk anyway yeah but i want it to be room

temp i don't think that matters i don't think you would notice at all i think it gets cold the moment of gypsum cereal moment of gypsum moment of gypsum cereal moment of gypsum cereal uh all right should we do teach me something ladies and gentlemen teach me something uh willie are you familiar with vasily arkhipov no he was a soviet uh submarine guy worked on worked on a nuclear sub and if you're not familiar with the cuban missile crisis are you familiar lauren uh yes but not that well basically uh russia had secretly you know delivered nukes to cuba which was like a huge threat for us because they got there and they were so close and basically uh vasily was you know in charge of

like actually launching the warheads if they if it came to that yeah and our u.s sub was hunting them and the captain of the soviet sub told vasily to uh launch the nuke thing or whatever the warhead at us or maybe at the i don't know at us would have been the start of a nuclear war probably the end of the world if he pressed it and keep in mind this is soviet russia so like they you know they he has to do whatever his captain tells him to refused and probably saved the world who what is this guy's name vas vasili arkhipov during the 1962 cuban missile crisis a soviet naval officer named vasili made a decision that arguably saved the world when his submarine was being hunted by u.s forces and

his captain wanted to launch a nuclear torpedo arkhipov refused to give his consent effectively preventing nuclear war and probably saved the world that's awesome so this guy that's the face of he the goat like all all jokes aside he's probably top 100 most important people of all time or like that's the probably the most important decision that's ever been made was him refusing to do this damn that's pretty sick is that awesome yeah that is really like we wouldn't be sitting here podcasting well who knows but so we'd have like four heads we'd have four heads we'd all be mutants kind of an unrelated question what would you recommend um someone like me who has never really been very interested in history but wants to get better well how would

you recommend that i i learned that's a really good question do a podcast um well first off you have to find out like what piques your interest yeah like when i hated history until very recently because i had a teacher i had i had horrible classes all growing up they made it so boring in high school my teacher was the worst and she uh she like made it not fun when in reality learning about history is very fun find out what you like and find like a cool doc on it on youtube um and watch that okay uh i just got into the reading aspect of it but that's not as fun yeah okay but like i honestly not to beat a dead horse not to beat a dead pirate pirates are really fun i would listen to oh you know what never mind go on spotify go to the podcast a short history of

and scroll through there's any person you would want to learn about they probably have it you know might be a little biased i think the blackbeard episode is the most interesting one uh they have a princess diana they have everything so if you're interested in that that's podcast that's a good place to start is a short history of yeah i feel like podcasts are thanks guys all right willie teach me something brother all right do you know what my teach me something is i feel like it always has to lead with a question um do you know about the white throw it a needle tail no but i remember us talking about how that 80 mile an hour fish yeah got me thinking got my brain stirring and i was like that's insane and then i was like how

fast can a bird go i looked at the fastest bird fastest bird is a peregrine falcon right 200 miles an hour but that's but that's when they're diving yeah so i was like what's the fastest one for real and it's whatever bird i just said i don't remember the name already white needle anyway it's the size of a white-throated needle tail it's the size of a cigar and it goes like 100 miles an hour look up white-throated needle tail oh that's sick maybe it's like the size of your hand and it can go up to 105 wait go to the bottom right one so see that picture yeah it looks like a fucking little tub of lard that's the that is the like exact shape of like the stealth bomber wait sorry is it crazy how like oh yeah yeah they'll compare the stealth bomber to like birds

yeah because like they are like nature has evolution has turned them into like the most efficient possible yeah right wait is that the jet that did that did the amelia fighter jets that no that's the big one that's like you would never even hear it those are like shaped like a giant dorito oh the jets they use in the civil war there's that wait i want to see this guy flying um yeah it goes a hundred miles imagine a of something the size of your hand going a hundred miles an hour and hitting you uh you've clearly never seen me explode your head you've clearly never seen me go to town on myself because i've seen you i've seen something the size of my hand go that fast every time they're buzzing oh yeah there we go oh yeah imagine getting hit by a bird

without a by at a hundred miles an hour but you're gonna say without a harness without a harness worst worst podcast ever imagine getting hit by a bird without a harness yeah and what oh that's like catching a squirrel without two worms all right let's go uh all right where why what What are you in such a hurry for? I don't know. I just didn't like the noise that burned. Oh, you didn't like this? Yeah.

All right, Lauren, here's my This Guy Rocks. I was just going to ask another question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you guys feel about bats? Not a fan. Our neighbor's house, they bought it, and the guy didn't disclose that it was filled with bats. And they've spent the last three years

trying to find whatever hole they're getting into. No. And just every summer they come back and it's filled with bats. All right, pause it. this is this but didn't you send this to us i sent it to just will i haven't seen this girl though so she is fantastic this is uh her her rendition of the sweet life of zach and cody lyrics and it shows just how deep uh these are new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee

routine with the coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function, and coffee plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. That's a sick guitar. I like this a lot. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. All the comments are like, Yeah, it's deep when you sing it like an angel. Did you see the guy doing acoustic flashing lights? No. Oh, that was good, too. I just think that this person is a beautiful human being, and I want to listen to their voice for the rest of my life.

Agreed. That was incredible. Yeah, that was awesome. All right, let me... I'm trying to find... Sweet Life by Phoebe Bridgers. Yeah, that was awesome. Damn, that made me, like...

Yeah, isn't that crazy? Yeah. just actively scrolling tiktok no no this is the video sunshine lolly this is the video okay this is the video good morning slack it to brian any comments about like did they call the computer brian oh yeah for context brian is a guy or yeah someone was like is there a whole guy whose job is just to pull up the videos or something brian is just logged in on our podcast studio computer he's a guy who works here he's a podcast producer for a different podcast okay well what are we looking at these are people who made tiramisu in the uh center console of their car and it looks

good is the scary part they look pretty normal too that doesn't necessarily look like a girl I would expect to have a center console She's kind of bad I don't know if she's 18 Ew but why would they do that Is she not 18 She looked pretty young to me Oh no

Dude how do they clean that out Imagine going to the car wash to get your car detailed And you're like I spilled a little bit Imagine you're cleaning your car at the car wash And you open the center console It's like god fucking hear me sue again This trend has to stop um that is no bueno yeah um all right i'm gonna pee really quickly and then you want to do our

drafts yeah all right lauren and rusty are both gone when they get back i'm gonna pretend like i got a phone call or something now we're gonna go into our next segment which is drafts Yes. One second. Hello? Will and Alan? Yeah.

I got a second. One second. Yep. Okay. All right. Love you. Who is that? Can't tell you.

Well, he has a girlfriend that he loves. Oh, you got phone called. That was a fake phone call. That was a fake phone call. I wasn't on the phone with anyone. Fuck. You guys got so phone called. Ring, ring.

Lauren and Rusty just got phone called. When you guys were gone, I said into the mic, I said. Did you actually? Yeah, I said, Lauren and Rusty are gone. When they come back, I'm going to pretend like I'm on the phone. Oh, man. These are trivia team names that don't exist. The Quizlomic State.

I mean, that's your name. No, my name's Will. what i can't i gotta use it no i like that one um quizzed my pants love it tropic of answer i was gonna do terminal answer or stage four answer but i thought those might be in bad um jam fact schedule jam fact i like that uh which is not a lot my vision for this one is that when he's reading the scores he goes like the the you know rusty's team 43 points which is not a lot 52 points so it kind of catches them off i like that um this one's for a group of like guys that are in the army yeah general knowledge

love that thank you uh round three i again i feel like this would induce chaos when he's reading the names it's like rusty's team 43 round 3 42 and then people are like wait what was 43 my score for round three or you know um the trivial pursuit of happiness love that thank you love that uh cheese quiz oh i like that cheese whiz yeah of course yeah uh the great dequestion i like like the great depression but quit okay yeah i kind of mailed that one in did you look up rhymes for question too because i did that and i almost did clinical dequestion as well as manic dequestion but then i realized that doesn't actually sound like it but it does show up when you google yeah um i have a couple like honorable mentions yeah uh the multiple choice freshman

yeah okay like the multiple choice question but it would be like a group of like new first years um yeah i don't i don't get that that's why it was an honorable choice freshman that's why it's an honorable mention it didn't make the list without the context of it being like a team of what about uh what about filling what about filling the drink what about fill in the blank sophomores brew or fill in the drink like brew or false i like a bunch of like brewers yeah okay freshman it was an honorable mention i wish we still did like old time like remember our

original pod episode titles would just be like yeah it was like gooby gone or like whatever it'd be funny if it was this one would definitely be multiple choice

freshman all right it was awesome it was a all right it was a it was an honorable mention honorable mention honorable freshman

i'm sorry all right oh i'm getting abs right now whoo nice whoo all right these are sayings that don't

exist uh making your bed when the house is on fire like if there's a huge project and someone's like doing something that doesn't matter like all right you're making your bed while the house is on fire like let's focus on the big picture i like that it's a little too soon sensitive yeah uh if you tap the glass you might break the window all right yeah even if you think you're doing something small and insignificant you got to consider the possibility of the larger impact i like that because i was at chester's helping him like read lines for some audition and i just very like calmly leaned back against the glass broke his window is that real yeah and then

apparently his landlord came like a week later and was like has that always been like that and he's like yep since i moved in just kind of nice like he lied but for me we had a buddy that uh did a similar thing he was sitting on like the top of the couch yeah and leaned against the glass and just went through it yeah i mean sometimes you can lean on glass and sometimes you literally just go through it um oh cotton candy in the rain like something that's not gonna last like maybe like this guy's a new relationship but it's clear that it's probably not going anywhere you're like yeah it's cotton candy in the rain dude didn't you just come up with that recently i think so like yeah i can't remember what what prompted it yeah yeah i love that uh you can't call every play

on the wristband so sometimes they're you know just because you can do something doesn't mean you should right so you know be selective and and you know timely with things and don't just do something because you can i like that uh sometimes the fastest car is the first one to crash so even though someone might be doing better than you or they might be a little bit flashier it might not be sustainable slow and steady might be the better choice that's a great one thank you it's like a turd tortoise and a hare type thing i was driving home and i watched a guy drive directly into a pole and was like all right no no like weeks ago like uh is he okay yeah hey man i'm always working it was my that's actually hysterical i didn't tell you that

no but that interaction no is he okay no it was weeks ago i was driving it was honestly like you know when someone's making like nascar moves in the car and you're like oh i'd love to see that guy like maybe not like fully crash but it's like i'd like to see him like pay the piper a little bit it was like he kind of sped by me and then just drove directly into a pole and i was like all right did he see was he alive it was we were going like 20 miles an hour okay uh but it was yeah immediately wrote down a saying that doesn't exist i like that all right uh waiting for the river to change directions all right this is like you know trying to trying to wait for a problem to solve itself instead of just accepting that

it's a roadblock and you got to figure out how to get around it it's kind of like uh my grandpa used to say dance with the one who brung yeah yeah like if we were golfing and like you're hitting a slice that day like instead of like trying to fix it on the course it's like all right maybe just play the play the slice yeah exactly i like that all right that was our first monday i got another one half the world knows how cricket works that's if you ever feel if everyone like knew something that you didn't know and you feel dumb

yeah and you don't want them to feel dumb you're like hey brother half the world knows how cricket works and none of us do it's kind of a way

of putting your ignorance in perspective I like that because I don't know how cricket works at all no and that is a big part like that would be like

I think it's like the biggest sport in the world yeah is it really I think so yeah it's huge in like India and Pakistan

huh uh alright am I getting dandruff I haven't been like we gotta start doing scalp checks again I don't know I don't know.

Uh-oh. Ew. What? What? You're getting in, like, real time. Like, just got it. Like, on your neck. Ah!

No. Wait, those were good. I think those were some of your best. Thank you. I love. Well, yours were good, too. I just... No, they were great.

You started with his, so probably his. No, I think yours were better for sure, but maybe I haven't completely... Maybe we haven't lost it totally. No. No. You were making it seem like yours were going to be like, a nickel is two is five quarters.

A nickel is two is five quarters? You know? You know what my great-aunt Marjorie says, a nickel two is five quarters. Like, no, she never said. She was going a little senile towards the end, though. Every time I went with my grandpa, I thought he invented 7-Up. Did I not? Like, in my later years, I feel like I did tell you this.

In his later years, he was losing his mind, and he'd be like, I never tell you about the time I invented 7-Up. And we were like, no. Implying it was like a very brief thing. it was so we were like no no papa what happened and he'd be like oh we make we made this drink and we were in the garage and there were six other guys and we said let's call it seven up and he like told the story to like multiple different grandchildren and we like cross reference it was the same story yeah and watching the watching the grandpa kind of slowly lose it is

is sad but but uh if it's not like actual like my grandpa has just kind of the like funny one right now i tell you we were at thanksgiving and we were having dinner like the day before thanksgiving my sister walked in and very loudly he looked at my dad and he goes steve who is that that's hysterical and she like is the one that like even if his like memory wasn't going like i think she just is kind of forgotten by him so like it was it was kind of funny oh we were at breakfast and he goes is Steve your brother I was like no he's my dad

right yeah he went out with a bang dude he invented 7up he thought he invented 7up that's a great story there were 6 of them there were 6 other guys

let's call it 7up we were in a garage he met some guy in the nursing home one of the last guys he met I think he had played football back in the day and so every football game he'd be like that's Mike playing out there it was like this guy that was a few doors down

that I think had died already Mike is a lot quicker than I remember that's Mike he lives here it's like oh Papa I don't think that's him and I think that guy died yeah it's kind of sad back in my day we called it pig skin

but he also used to go to oh my god he used to in his later he always loved like trinkets and stuff he died he died in 2012 so this was all like when i was like very little but like you got to see coney yeah he got to see coney thank god he didn't see him caught yeah but he got to see that video uh and uh no he he used to just in his later years he would go to target and he would just buy he just wanted trinkets and like toys and stuff and like hello kitty stuff and like yeah my dad and i like take him to target i'll never forget and like he's just like oh yeah we gotta

to get this and got six hello kitty hello kitty laptop cases he was like for all the grandkids they're all gonna want this i was like i don't think anyone it's the hot new toy but it's also like it's his money yeah like i can't stop it can't tell him not to yeah that's funny yeah that'd be funny if he right before he passed was like he was like we gotta get all these and it was like beanie babies yeah something made actually thousands of dollars he's a visionary but also then he died the day it was my brother's

high school graduation and the day that Johan Santana threw the first no-hitter in Mets history he went out the day of the first no-hitter ever

that was special that's a special moment that's awesome yeah I love like little synchronicities like that I have

I grew up I got like this poster of Johan Santana from that game that I had on my bedroom growing up and stuff now my brother has it

yeah especially Jimmy Buffett went out on Labor Day weekend really Yeah, and if you go like read any of the comments on the music videos, they're like, that's right when he would have wanted to go. That's great.

Yeah. All right. We love you guys. We will see you on. Wait, whose personality are you stealing? Oh. I'm stealing. We're playing Mafia later,

so I'm going to steal Sherlock Holmes' personality and get to the bottom of which one of you guys is the Mafia man. I'm stealing Biden's personality. I'm straight chilling. Nice. that guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks

Lauren whose personality are you going to steal? so I'm moving on Saturday when this comes out I'm moving on Saturday oh really? that soon? February 1 I don't know whose personality should I steal? this is a two for one

I think Matt Light wore number 74 oh yeah why do we keep forgetting? look up Matt Light number he was a Patriots player apparently he used to 72 damn he used to wear or he used to swap out the mouse

for like a trick mouse on the coach's computer like whoever the lineman coach was and it would wander and so he would call the coach would get pissed and he'd be like this fucking computer doesn't work

the IT guys suck and he would call the IT guys in and then he would just swap it back out for a real mouse and it went on for like weeks that's terrible I think DJ Fluker damn 70 all right what about a 74 year old

meryl streep yeah why is that why is that the only name that i can um oh wait oh my gosh she's next week martin short no hey bang she clicked on it what no i didn't click on Meryl Streep is next week. Okay, what about De Niro? Wait, we just got it. It was Martin Short. She clicked on it when it said his age. Fine, fine.

Someone knew. Show me De Niro. He's like 100. What's his name again? De Niro? Okay, I know 100. He looks good, Freddie. He does look good. Oh, he kind of looks like my poppy. He's kind of hot. Your puppy? My mom's dad. He's kind of a hot old guy. You call him poppy?

P-O-P-P-Y. Are we going to be hot old guys? no oh al pacino okay he's older for sure oh oh 84 i was off by 10 years wait i want to steal a different personality okay i want to do a real one yep i want to do a uh i want to do um i want to steal um no we're going ghost hunting oh in it's gonna be spooky the salem witch i want to who's like a ghost hunter who's who's scared of ghosts who talks to ghosts scrooge i'm gonna steal scrooge's personality i like that okay wait i'm gonna steal barbie's personality barbie Because I'm about to decorate my Barbie dream house this weekend and make a very cute new

apartment. And I'm excited to get new decorations, a new rug, new couch. New hats. Put things up on the wall. Can you put a picture of the three of us? Yeah. Yes. I think we need a better, we need an updated new cute photo of us.

All right. We love you guys. We'll see you on Monday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Have a great rest of your week and weekend and then we'll see you on Wednesday. have a great two days see you guys soon

bye bye