Will & Rusty's Playdate - i taught rusty how to chafe his nipples

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

The gang defines the friend equivalent of a cougar, and Lauren reiterates her love for the Playmates. Will recaps a dangerous shopping spree, teaches Rusty about nipple chafing, and breaks down the Holy Trinity. They also reflect on every birthday ever, revisit Rusty’s intrusive thoughts, and hear a Playmate pitch that could revolutionize the Spotify queue. Finally, the boys draft bar specials and prank calls that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: USE BETMGM BONUS CODE PLAYDATE AND GET YOUR $1500 FIRST BET OFFER TODAY https://promo.nj.betmgm.com/en/promo/geolocator?orh=promo.betmgm.com&wm=7123555 CONTROL BODY ODOR ANYWHERE WITH @SHOP.MANDO AND GET 20% OFF + FREE SHIPPING WITH PROMO CODE PLAYDATE AT https://shopmando.com! #mandopod 00:00 Intro 02:38 Vintage Goods 09:35 How we doing? 15:26 Bedroom Furniture 20:29 Phone Usage 26:25 Viral Housekeeping Prank 31:34 Lauren’s Departure 37:16 Roadmap 45:34 Pitch Submissions 52:05 Shrooms 59:17 AITA 1:09:32 Pitches 01:15:11 This Guy Rocks 01:24:53 Teach Me Something 01:27:32 Drafts 01:34:12 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, when I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my head of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth Advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IGPrivateWealth.com.

New from Nespresso, blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range, infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins, like Coffee Plus B12 to help support immune function and Coffee Plus B6 to keep your day moving. Or go with the flow and choose Ginseng Delight, our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning, let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. we are recording a podcast what the helly have you seen that what the helly what the helly on tay playdate episode 124 all of us you're gonna cut that right it's the us episode we're all 24 years old yes oh yeah for like another week and kobe kroby rest in peace i mean your birthday is

not until september ah you forgot cougar what's the cougar what's the friend equivalent of cougar co-worker equivalent of cougar co-worker all of our co-workers are cougars i think that um i think that we're all going to be 25 within the next year that is my prediction what what are you doing ah fuck what was the candle i thought it was a knife wait you know i thought it was a knife so it so i acted remember in the last episode when i said i wanted a pocket knife oh yeah one of our play date playmates caden or cadent said that what how can you not figure this out he said i shouldn't get one story he said i shouldn't get a pocket knife what was his reasoning there wasn't one he just texted you texted me he messaged me saying that

saying you should just you shouldn't you don't need a pocket knife well he's not raw do you just sear the top of your no did you um that's interesting why okay let's think about this why does lauren what are the things lauren would need a pocket knife for no but uh bad guys but if she falls while she has in her pocket that's how harry houdini died you know that's how houdini died really yeah he was running and he tripped and his pocket knife went straight through his There's no way that guy was running. That's the part you're... No, yeah.

Harry Houdini was running. One of his tricks involved he had to get from... Nice. One of his tricks involved him. He had to get very quickly from the back of the theater through this passageway to the stage.

So it looked like he reappeared. And in the underground tunnel, he tripped and fell on his pocket knife. And died mid-show. And stabbed his abdomen. Oh. Isn't that insane? i'm not harry houdini that's true that is a good point that is a good point all right let's think

about things lauren would need a pocket knife for opening uh packages of vintage stuff sent to us yeah i got it you threw out speaking of you did you know that did you know that we got it wait what yeah that's the surprise i got spoiled to me this morning edge came in so yesterday i left work i stuck out of work early to go to a thrift store vintage store i'll make this quick wait you lied to me why did you lie to me to protect me no no i did go to walgreens first because oh yeah that was also the funniest it was four o'clock and rusty goes all right i gotta go to walgreens so i'm gonna call it a day walgreens is open till nine o'clock and there is not one damn thing in there that is urgent no i i it was time sensitive i was picking up so i got flan

i got flan two birthday presents and then i got so excited about them that i gave them both to her before today which is her birthday happy birthday happy birthday fun and sean hoagland happy birthday sean hoagland out uh and so i realized it's probably not a great look to not have a gift so i went to walgreens printed out three photos of us and then i went to a thrift store that lauren told me about more of an antique shop to get vintage frames to put the photos in and so i had to get to walgreens first to then go to the uh yeah whatever but so did you go i went cool right it's the coolest place in the world it's 16 000 square feet of just how big are the photos huge but um shout out the mark collective 16 000 square feet oh the mark collective on the

mark collective yes sorry lauren no you're good no more no more selling ads on our fucking pot i'm just kidding it's ginormous and it's like it is it is heaven for guys like you and i it's all trinkets okay that's it's really cool wall to wall trinkets you couldn't even i almost i had to talk myself off the ledge because i was there on a mission i almost left with a world war one helmet which how much was it it was gonna be like 300 bucks yeah that's why i left yeah um can we get into the good stuff wait one second one second sorry there's the reason i started this the reason i started this what were you pocket knife would be damn handy right now i know sorry the reason i brought this up was i only told will and lauren i only told you two that i was

going to this store and then edge called me in this morning which obviously i wouldn't be in trouble for we can leave but uh he called me into his office and he was like what's the whole like vintage thing like thrift vintage thing and i was like how do you know what how did you know that and he was because he has my location too and he was like uh he was like i don't know lauren was telling me about this like vintage thrift thing and i was like oh yeah i went to the i just had to go get some frames for flan yesterday and he was like what what are you talking about and then i was like what are you talking about and he's like oh i think i might have spoiled the surprise so i i kind of knew okay the surprise so we talked about so this is from aml vintage alec

livermore has a vintage store in charlotte he sent us char vegas yes aml for alec livermore are you sure it's not alm no he's probably has a middle name yeah wait what are you saying anyway besides the point we were freaking out well i was freaking out i was very hyper fixated on the fact that our package got delivered on july 5th which was during the holiday weekend and then long story short our boss i don't think looked in the correct mailbox so we have the package and i am very excited uh like right outside but edge also told so mott's was the one that was supposed to be mott's our finance guy and for some reason is also in charge of the mailbox he's a mail guy and well i think he used to be a mailman so he just kind of knows what he's

right and uh and edge was edge kept hinting at the fact that motz was not checking both mailboxes yeah and he was like no i got it i fucking got it i fucking ran these routes i know these routes like the back of my fucking hand that's so sick oh my god i'm so excited lauren got a goaded sweater i got a goaded shirt will got a shirt ready yeah it's a far side comic that my best friend will used to have hanging in his bedroom in college. Jack got a sick hat. So it's like insanely fitting. This is so dope.

Will look, Will look. Whoa. Frisbee-a-saur-do. Oh, sick. Oh! Frisbee-a-saurus? Oh, it's so cute. This is awesome.

I'm stoked. Alec, thank you so much. My buddy Will's going to actually be mad that I have this. That's really cute. Wait, what's the context of it? Like the guy that I started all my career with, that other will he used to have this on his wall so sick it's a it's the far side have you heard of that comic strip i don't think it's very funny but this was like his favorite one he had it on

his wall in college and now this is so it's and then they made a shirt basically so they made a shirt about a guy i'm talking about shotown do you think about me now and then wait wait he put a little note it's a okay what's good it's like two paragraphs all right i feel like we got to stop reading so much you're turning into a male male podcast i don't think it's that weird i mean we're already talking about it i know lauren after you after lauren leaves we're gonna be a fully male podcast too so we need to oh a little word play double 100 yeah and that i like that was lauren's impression of we love we love that you love it we just i think we should read all our mail at the end of the episode i agree because i think that is probably not always as

entertaining as we think for other people like when someone else gets a present it's yeah you have to sit there to watch them and then they're reading the letter it's like dad just get to the cake your dad's standing behind them with a giant with the biggest trash bag of all time waiting to pick up the scraps yes and your mom standing there on all fours it speaks um really love this shirt though thank you it's so sick every birthday ever every birthday ever is like your dad's there with like everyone's opening the presents your dad's with the big trash bag and your mom is crawling up the wall and her hands and legs kind of stick like a bug right right and then sister turns to goop yes oh my god and your brother's like oh i just want to

this over with and get to my birthday and it's like dude come on like let me have my day right right couldn't be more right every birthday ever how'd you guys uh how'd you guys how's how you guys doing you know i'm doing okay i bought i went on a shopping spree yesterday tell me about it shopping come on lauren's ears perked up she went um i hope there's lip gloss what can we talk about next uh purses i showed you my i got the most breathable shirt god has ever made all right pull it up literally what it's called breathable shirt the one that's like see-through shirt god has ever made yep why the most breathable shirt god has ever made wait what i hear you muttering under your breath there it is just we know it's not gonna what i tell me

I got that. That's literally that. That's it. Is it actually? Yes. No, I went to, there's like a Heartbreak Hill running store on Main Street, which is, I thought it was just a little local shop by BC, but apparently they got hot and they opened up a new location in Santa Monica.

So I was like, I got to support the brand. And I went over and I was like, I want a good, a good low friction shirt for running. And the guy was like, has friction been a problem in your previous shirts? I've had some nipple chafing on the longer end of my runs, and I'm about to be really ramping up the mileage, so I was like, I should get a good running shirt for my long runs. Do you put Vaseline on your nipples? No, it's never been that bad.

I've never really noticed it in the moment, but then after when I've been hanging around, I've been like, ugh. Yeah. Do they look chafed? There was a little blood one time. Really? Like a little bit. If my nipples ever had anything but milk coming out of them, I would be confused.

Blood is crazy. Not coming out of them like in a hole. It was like the skin around them had rubbed a little bit. They're not like oozing blood like they would milk. That's what I was picturing. It was just like the skin around, I don't know, chafe, whatever. Where I come from, that's a sign of a good night. Yeah, exactly.

You wake up with chafe nipples, you go, oh, I got into something crazy last night. If I go in there and I'm like, I want a good shirt. And the guy's like, oh, there's a shirts option. He's like, this is the new one. Nike just made the new most breathable shirt ever God has ever laid his hands on. Right. He probably didn't. Sounds like quite the salesman.

And it was like a little bit more than the second most breathable shirt. And I was like, you know what? Fuck it. So I got the most breathable shirt. Gotta treat yourself. Treat yourself. I am trying to get better about not treating myself. Same.

Because I, we are, I, every impulse I have, I immediately act on with zero thought of like how it's going to affect my bank account or my overall health. Is that why you were humping Angus all morning? That was, I just had an urge. I had an urge. and uh i don't think that that i think that that does something not good to your brain or just anything you want at any moment i did it i i i exercised a little bit of self-control when i got my new car because originally i was gonna originally i was gonna get a a defender which would have been not good they're just i i i want to i want to start living more modestly

in all walks of my life i think yeah same lauren irish you're just kind of talking about that what were you guys talking about just spending the spending is getting my credit card statement right now is what are you at i'm not gonna say oh is it like an embarrassing amount no i just i just think like yeah i don't think a hundred thousand dollars but i agree my credit score just went up a my credit score just uh doubled i'm actually just finally got triple digits which is kind of huge i saw this commercial the other day and it's a furniture it's an old like uh like early probably early 2000s furniture furniture commercial yeah and this guy it's one of those like good credit bad credit whatever like we'll take a cop bad cop no no good credit we get we

get criminals to confess by we have one really like fiscally irresponsible cop and then one guy who has an 850 uh no but he was like he was like do you want to get your couch on loan uh do you have good credit and the girl was like no and then he's like go talk to the special guy can you google google go talk to the special guy furniture commercial go talk yeah frankie and johnny's furniture see the special man this is a real commercial i like to buy a bedroom set do you have any credit no i receive social security and welfare you have to see the special man with no problem i like to buy a living room set do you have any credit no i filed bankruptcy you have to see the special man with no problem see frankie and johnny he's the credit man in

town for only 50 dollars he puts you in a little room set a bedroom set special man i like it was clearly the same clip too that's great i like i like that that they probably could not i think his name's len ivory is what he's saying like he's just Saying his own name? Let him have it. Is he? Let her have it. Oh, oh, oh.

Go see the special man. Len Ivory. Let her have it. But I think if you have... The person goes, no, I just filed bankruptcy. Don't get a new living room set then. I don't know. Seems like maybe a life hack.

We'll put a picture. Why would that be a life hack? Oh, oh, just every time you want a new living room set, go see Len Ivory and file bankruptcy. and ivory we'll put a picture of it right here when i was tight on funds my my chair in my living room was a cardboard box we'll put a picture put a picture of it right here uh when brian when brian and i lived together we didn't have a couch for the first like month and we used to sit in cardboard boxes and watch tv a true uh rags to riches story i think it was more made it it was

less rags to riches and more just complete laziness i don't know if you remember this when i moved into my my apartment now for the first six months i owned a bed frame yeah but it was it was still in the box on the other side of my room and my bed was on my mattress was directly on the floor if it ain't if it ain't built don't build it if it ain't built don't build it that's what they say my z z my roommate has his tv still in the box in the hallway between my bedroom and his bedroom he moved in just over a year ago a year a year ago today july 15th and beware beware he has not even made an attempt to put it up and so when flanna's moving into her new apartment she's looking for a tv that exact size and i texted him was like hey is there any

chance you want to uh sell that tv he was like no i'm putting it up this weekend we were like you're absolutely it has been 52 weekends since you've lived here and he said that probably 36 of those weekends well maybe he's just waiting for it to be time that's that's a fair point is it or is that just nonsense i think that was just like a guy realizing he has a podcast so he has to say something i think that was you i think that was you were done with that you were done with that that story and you wanted to move on no no no no absolutely not keep um i want more in toronto every arrival is a statement and nothing says it better than this Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025.

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and you will get up to a $1,500 first bet offer on your first wager with BetMGM Rusty. Tell them how it works. Download the BetMGM app and sign up using bonus code PLAYDATE. Deposit at least $10 and place your first wager on any game. You will receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets. If your bet loses, just make sure you use bonus code PLAYDATE when you sign up. Don't forget, if you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE and get your $1,500 first bet offer today. Let's get back into the episode.

Lauren, do you have a TV in your room? I do, but it's so slow I never use it. It's so slow? Better go catch it. Yeah, I can. Wait, what do you mean your TV's slow? It's just old. well like the video plays slower

or like takes you longer to get to Netflix it's just old someone gave it to me a few years ago and I don't really watch TV anyway like by the time I get in my bed I'm asleep in five seconds you read? I try I just got a book light

what are you I got your book light you don't watch TV and you don't read I just said I do read you said I try to I try to read i don't i don't watch tv when scott's not there i've realized i don't same with me i only watch i haven't watched yeah i prefer to watch it alone in my room but sometimes i feel bad because i'll

i won't leave my room all day and i can hear people out in the living room and i feel bad that i'm hermiting in my room i don't i've never had a tv in my bedroom don't you have one right now never had my whole life i feel like my my mom was like super anti that growing up tv in the i think it just rubbed off i don't have any like moral stance on it i just like yeah i've never even thought about it honestly i think my parents were probably anti-tv in the bedroom but i just never asked yeah so by the time it was like it had been in there for so long before they noticed that i think it would have been weird to do anything take it out yeah but i uh i think i i put i put one in my bedroom far far too early because you're

already what do you mean like like when your brain is like a.m when your brain is like developing i don't think it's healthy for like an eight-year-old to just be able to like watch tv until yeah i mean i think i think there was like a i'm glad i didn't have it when i was like a kid kind of thing now i'm like well now i just fucking go on my phone which is probably worse same i think watching i think watching tv is actually kind of a healthy option all things considered now yeah at least it's like one like a longer term thing that you're committing to rather than just like i fucking hate i'm so i hate myself no i was really bad last night i was just on my phone for so long wasn't even watching anything in the mornings sometimes i'll just be on my phone

in my bed i'm like what the fuck am i doing this morning actually i told myself like right when i woke up i was like i'm gonna go put my phone in a drawer in my kitchen and not touch it till i leave for work did you i just turned on music on the like i turned on spotify on the tv had music playing while i got ready didn't that take forever what do you mean to put on the no no the one in the living room is nice the one in the living room is nice um but and i felt way better mentally and then i checked my phone and i'm like i think i need to start doing that yeah or just or i have like the brick thing yeah i like got used for like a week i think i should start like breaking it before bed so then it's like i can't use it wait what is that it like locks you out of all

your apps and then to get back in you have to like physically go back to like the fridge or wherever you put it i have like one of my backpack one of my fridge and it's like if you tab your phone on it you set what apps you want to box i have it set to block all the social media but i feel like we're i feel like we we are trapped because i like physically like something like bad could happen if you like didn't have your phone or you would like miss like an important but i have like my text not bricked no i just meant like we couldn't even like i have to i could brick it but i still have to have this thing with me everywhere i go because like you could miss like an important message or like if someone got like hurt or not that anyone ever

would but like if someone's trying to get in touch with you they need to be able to get in touch with you that's what i'm worried about like i would i would like to go like off the grid but our job definitely doesn't permit that i think it does more than i think i think i've i've felt that way too but then sometimes i'm like i think we maybe like like realistically like how often am i actually like posting something it's kind of the only time i need the social media other than that i mean i guess it is relevant to like stay up to date with like what's i don't know i don't know yeah i guess it's a heart like i feel like if i agree with what you're saying like it's really hard given that we work in social media to like disconnect from it but i also think we probably

could more than we do but i'm not i don't i'm on it so much selzer was talking about how when he was in portugal he completely unplugged and i'm i would i would like to do that when i go to maine i was like i don't think that that's like possible i think it could be if you just like gave us a heads up i don't think that would be it i don't even mean like work i guess not lauren because why are you going she'll be in antarctica i'm going to minnesota on august 20th and then i'm coming back or i'm going to maine and then i'm coming back from maine on the first of september oh that's long do you remember the first of september of course you guys want to celebrate with me on my birthday oh yeah it's two days before my birthday but i texted you back i know

well i was with at least somebody cares i was with you i know well after but we didn't talk about it but we didn't talk about it but yes i'm done i i also as part of my huge shopping spree yesterday i did we even talk about what you bought what about the most breathable shirt oh you didn't say the other thing and then i brought i bought shorts they're kind of like the same color as the your logo yeah they're like this color okay like running shorts they're kind of fun um and i bought a watch a garmin watch but it's kind of in the vein like i it it i didn't want to get apple watch because i was like i don't want more notifications more accessible so it like has an expense i ordered

it online it's like a nicer it has like music that'll connect my headphones that's nice um so i don't have to bring my phone if i go out or go on a run or something down with like spotify yeah it connects to spotify and it has tap to pay so it's like it has like all the stuff that you would need yeah like if i want to like go out and not bring my phone but it doesn't have like i'm not going to get texts on it and shit i have an apple watch somewhere when i was when i was uh trying to be more fit and it was a fucking nightmare yeah it goes off for and i would even like like oh i would keep it as like just messages calls and stuff like that and it's still like you don't realize how often your phone is going off until it is like directly on your wrist i i think

i'm gonna try and go through all my messages and and read them all oh i don't want to do that i scary what like ones you haven't read i've i just have let it get to a point where it is it is honestly like disrespectful to how many unread messages do you have it's a lot let me see damn i 1535 holy shit is that what it says on the app or when you click into it on the app i feel like it always goes down when you click into it does because i think it's only recent recent ones are 359 um but i'm worried like there what if there's what if someone texted me something really important and i just missed it what if someone called the cops it's like uh oh someone called the what why would i get notified i don't know were you a big prank

caller i don't know what kind of phone you have that's our draft today oh yes that is one of our drafts today um i i've prank called in my day lauren oh yeah wait did i tell you about my dad's time viral prank i think i did tell me the episode literally yesterday that we recorded didn't no the viral housekeeping prank oh yeah yeah oh wait was that i feel like that was in a real live conversation that wasn't on the pocket i don't fuck it all blends together did i just my dad he woke me my brother up at 9 a.m and had his freaking out thing we had to check out of our hotel by pretending to be the housekeeping was that not on the pod you didn't say it you didn't say it on the pod i think you said it when we were like standing out there talking oh positive

yeah i don't know tell it i love this story well just my dad came to the door and he's like housekeeping housekeeping and it was 9 a.m and like we were supposed to meet in the lobby at like 9 30 and uh like just meeting my family and i was like dad my brother and i were both like dad leave us alone like we're getting ready and he was like housekeeping housekeeping we're like oh fuck that actually is the housekeeping guy and we're like oh sorry uh we don't need cleaning he's like check out we're like what he's like check out nine o'clock we're like what check out oh my god okay like i hadn't taken a shower we're like okay we're coming and then he was like housekeeping he just kept going like jesus fucking christ and we opened the door and it was my dad

the whole time but he was so persistent we were like i would usually like shut up that and then we were so he was so persistent that we actually believed check out what 9 a.m why is it so early did i tell you about the housekeeper in uh in sicily when i was a kid maybe we're at this no we're at this hotel uh and me and three of my cousins they're triplets were sharing a room that was meant for like two guys but they we had a cot up and then two of them were sleeping in a bed the other one was sleeping alone and uh two of them left and i think the housekeeper thought because two people just left like that's the amount of people that are sleeping in this room that room's now good to go clean in unbeknownst to her i'm sleeping in this cot that

was like tucked in the back like you wouldn't see it unless you were like looking for it and uh I hear her like kind of like rustling around and so like I wake up and roll over and she is going through all of our backpacks and like had like money from like my backpack or my cousin's backpack or whatever and I woke up and I was like yo and she turned around I was like so sorry I'm so sorry like put the money back so sorry so sorry so sorry ran out I woke up my other cousin I was like oh my god like this just happened he was like should we tell anyone because we were like if we tell anyone she's definitely getting fired we're in like kind of the middle of nowhere in sicily this is probably like one of the only places she can work and then

like if she gets fired here everyone will know and so finally we were like we got to go tell my aunt and we told her and she thought about it with us for a second and she was like it sucks but i think we have to tell the hotel because she'll just like yeah i mean think about what else she could take like important value it's like not safe to whatever and so we told the hotel manager and she went and fired the woman and then or he went and fired the woman and then i just remember her like riding off on a cool motorcycle and feeling very conflicted about whether that was the right thing to do and you realize it was like one of the other guests motorcycles some some guy walks out of the hotel in like in like like fresh like leathers that he

just bought he's like can't wait to ride that would be all done on our way out that was very white lotus really just picturing white lotus yeah i really really think that's it from the lotus i saw a uh i saw a reel no yeah you were watching reels again get this what's next sharps what's next sharps get this it was uh three guys on motorcycles and they were like how how the world sees us riding down the highway and it was the three of them and it was like how it feels and it was three sharks swimming through a school of fish and all the fish were like separating around them and then i was like okay let's check out the comments and people were people were giving them giving them the business and uh they were not they were not taking it very

well i'm a big fan of the comments in general i like the comments i like trying to predict the tone of the comments i'm i feel like i'm pretty good at yeah you see a video and you're like oh people are gonna eat this alive or but sometimes you'll be like oh people are gonna eat this guy alive and all the comments are like beautiful keep going yeah okay the uh it seems arbitrary sometimes i will have a post liked yeah and then i'll go in the comments and everyone else does not like the person for some reason and so out of peer pressure i go back and i don't like it i don't like it yeah that makes sense should we road map it up well oh was that the quickest one ever or no i don't know how long we've been going kind of 35 minutes oh all right we'll keep

no keep jamming we did i oh we're doing a shorter one it would be nice it could be shorter because i have a lot to do today but she's gonna uh she has to get a head start on her new job no are you getting excited for your new job antarctica yeah yes also i don't know if we said this on the pod yesterday or that came out wednesday yeah but to be clear lauren is leaving because she got a cool other opportunity too yes not like a there's no like yeah oh yeah i guess i maybe didn't i realized we kind of just like made like a silly joke about it but i don't want people to think it was like anything happened between us right yeah yeah it's literally just she got a really cool opportunity we're happy for her we're excited for her yeah i think it's gonna

be great um we're not talking about it has nothing to do with how handsy you've been getting with the guests you know i a lot of cool people come on this pod they want to feel comfortable and we love you but at the end of the day we have to put the guest first and you were it was a feeding frenzy when they came in um yeah mary shall be you'll practically pants her okay i love mary i dude mary shall be i want to see her mary shall be is you know when you meet someone and you're like this person rocks yeah and then every other person that you've met that has met them just or uh um validates that feeling and like before you can even every person i've met that knows mary also is over the moon about her she's so cool she didn't want to work with us so i know

we tried to get mary shall we to move out here and work with us we tried to hire her and she did not want to i guess she said uh she hates us no i'm just kidding she said she didn't want to move which is fair that is fair um no yeah please can i love i love getting messages from you guys it actually makes me very happy people haven't messed people don't know yet what tomorrow you're gonna get a bunch of messages yeah when the bombshell drop have you already been getting messages no no i just mean in general like talking to like playmates is like it that's been my favorite part of this job so truly i don't want like i still want to have these relationships with you guys so i think we should name the episode tomorrow it should be like

something like really dramatic lauren like it's time we need to talk dot dot dot can we do that sure like some sort of like youtubey like i was watching that i was watching yesterday's episodes to leave yesterday's episode to leave notes and i was thinking about what are we going to do with lauren's block after she leaves i think it needs to go on the shelf as a or we could burn it it's actually no no that is a that is a sign of utmost respect in many indigenous cultures really yeah pretty sure they said each other's blocks on fire wait you actually can't throw it to the curb no we're not gonna throw it to the curb we're gonna add it to the twee one so it'll say tweel sure i think i think either we either we hire no it's

We hire another girl whose name starts with an L or it goes on the shelf, but I refuse to get rid of it. No, no. Or I'm taking it home. Also, they can't also use bunny. They have to put a different one. Where did that bunny come from? I don't know, but it's mine.

I didn't vote for that shit. I did. Oh, okay. I voted for Kevin. So someone else can put a new animal there. Are you taking that one? No. So where do you want them to go?

Maybe on your guys' blocks. roadmap episode 24 episode 24 who else who else is actually 24 though oh who else is actually 24 though is um a really good question sabrina carpenter is she's like 26 i want to say oh no she's 25 26 fuck okay olivia rodrigo nope how do you know she's right there I'm going to nail one I'm going to fucking nail one so hard Nail me brother Nail me

The guy from Enora Paul Skeens Fuck Livy Dunn She's right there too You keep naming ones that are on the screen Mark Who?

Who the hell is that? Mark Edelstein fuck that was my guess sue me i want to be wanted sue me i want to be sue me and the bowling alley one is kind of good i still haven't listened to that what about fernando tatis google fernando tatis junior no no his age dude he's not 24 oh you weren't far off i don't even know name and age are right there right right around the same right there okay what about uh francisco alvarez god um all right brawny brawny james is he that old he's 20 gosh darn it um

um no we can get this we can get this someone who's 20 flan flan flan's 24 Or no, she's 25 today Damn it Okay Um, fuck me She's really a coug Fuck, bro, fucking hell She's really a coug

Show me Ronnie Mauricio My girlfriend's not a coug Ronnie Ramesio Mauricio Bang Ronnie Mauricio app Alrighty We have a beautiful episode today

We're going to hear your pitches followed by our pitches. Then we are going to do, am I the asshole followed by everyone's favorite segment? This guy rocks. This guy rocks. This guy rocks today. Hey, hey,

I said, this guy rocks and he rocks so hard. He rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard. There's rocks in my yard. And then we're going to do teach me something. and then we're gonna do prank calls that don't exist

what was that? what is that? I don't know can I use the bathroom? yeah do you need to? yeah oh okay

is that okay? yeah dude cool and after prank calls that don't exist we are gonna do bar specials that don't exist

followed by whose personality are you stealing? oh yeah we're bringing it back and then we're gonna do rusty song of the day what you you wrote lauren gets one million dollars by justin bieber oh you're a little prankster yeah

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to pack light for the record it is this big oh yeah you have it right there slips slips right into your little dob kit yep or wherever you pack it yeah da dob kit dob kit dob kit dob kit dob kit maybe i don't know i don't know what that is it slips right it's that little toiletry bag and uh and then you're good for your whole trip for guys that travel or girls that travel it is an absolute game changer it's all baking soda free paraben free and created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal bo was being misdiagnosed and mistreated clinically proven to control odor better than a shower with soap alone guys mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers it comes with a solid stick deodorant cream tube deodorant two free products of your choice like mini body

wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping and as a special offer for our listeners new customers get 20 off site wide with our exclusive code use code playdate at shop mando.com for 20 off site wide and free shipping shop mando.com please support our show and tell them that we sent you mando's got you covered and man do i love this stuff come on protect your pits and smell great doing it let's get back into the episode why do you crack open a mug before finishing your coffee so i have a thing i have sort of mastered and i used to be insecure about it but now i'm not and it's called the holy trinity and i like at all times you usually can find me i'll have some combination of a little sody pop a water and a coffee or beer so like if i go out to a restaurant

i'll get a diet coke a water and a beer if it's the morning i'll have a coffee a water do you actually i've never seen you do that at a bar diet coke a water and a beer yeah i mean not if i'm like going just to drink but if i'm gonna eat dinner oh i'll get i get one of each and um i can't tell if he's lying or not i've i've never seen this yeah i did it in uh buffalo i did it at that brewery we went to in buffalo that is true that is true i will put a picture of it right here i saw this picture the other day i the most hungover i've ever been in my entire life was uh the day traveling from amsterdam back to boston after two weeks of two weeks of partying it up party and uh got through security went to the first bar i saw sat out by the window

with my headphones on yeah and i had brought a bottle of water a diet coke a large sparkling water and then i had a bloody mary from the bar and i think just a regular water and uh that is if you ever if you ever want to beat a hangover those drinks in no particular order will probably do it i that was the that was i think i told you about this that was the bloody mary i thought the guy poisoned me with because i i were hungover i came in and i said can you make me a bloody mary and he said would you like it spicy or not spicy and i said can you make it the spiciest you could possibly make it and uh he he took that literally and it was it was almost inedible but it got it got me back on the right track all right should we hear a pitch lore pitches what that package

is going to distract me can we open at the end of the episode someone sent that i kind of wanted yeah let's just open it let's just open it we're not going to read the whole letter i think that's where i that that's the only part that i think and i do love all the letters and we read all the letters yeah i have all the i have a bunch of letters hung up in our office yeah um and i have a bunch of uh under my bed i will made a pillowcase out of them it's like when you're a kid and your parents put the presents out like a week before christmas yeah and so they're just sitting there and you're like my god i know i used to go in with an exacto knife and get under the tape without breaking the seal yeah and then i would peek at what it was and then

one year the one i tried to not do like the big ones i was just curious about some of them and it was a new xbox and i was like furious because like that would have been so fun yeah you're knowing it knowing it if anything makes it worse because now i'm just like oh i own an xbox but i can't play these camp half-blood shirts what's camp half-blood uh those are sick these are from noah um he will read it at the end no i'm not reading it i'm just he has a brand called a dude made it oh that's sick they feature his logo beautiful pegasus it's called the dude made it a dude made it that's a good that's a good name like where'd you get that shirt a dude made it yeah i like that all right can we see him yeah can we get him also google camp half blood logo

is there an xlr it's an xl and a large i'll take the xl actually will's you know what i'll take the large no i'll take the large i'll take the large oh no i mean if you want okay all right perfect thank you so much noah half what what am i looking up camp half blood a dude made it wait is this a youth larch i think they're just cropped oh well they don't fit you guys i will take all of them yeah yeah uh all right lauren should we hear a pitch yeah look it is the nice what is camp half blood the way you say nice like that i'm like i don't give a shit about anything you've ever said really that one was really not nice cool good man

wow hell yeah i have i don't know who told me that for the first time but someone said someone said that the same thing they said when i when i am clearly done with the conversation very cool you're like interesting how was that for you yeah all right pitches Sippin' on You tip your hand What? Wait can we Can we read the notes at the end?

Yes Yeah Okay Um thank you no Those are And then can we also do like Some sort of I would like

I think we should start scripting The first hour of these Do you think they would notice? Do you think we could memorize An hour of dialogue? Yeah I don't I don't think we could

Okay Pen Chis This is from Madeline Let's do it one episode and see if lauren notices all right this is from madeline or madeline she says hi snip snap and snop snip snap snop it is let's get into the bitch what is the worst part of sending your friend a song to listen to they know you're you're worried they're not gonna listen to it or

they're just gonna like love the message and you can tell they didn't listen to it or yeah they're you're worried they are gonna listen to it and hate it yep she says not knowing if they will actually listen to it i know i'm guilty of it i almost never if someone sends me a song it almost makes me there's a there was a higher chance i was gonna i was gonna listen to it before they sent it there's a better chance i was gonna find it on my own yeah introducing the q hack a spotify add-on that does exactly that lets you hack your friends cues simply download the app connected to your spotify and then begin adding your friends the friendship will the friendship has to be mutual and then this will allow you to hack your friends cues once a day want to do more than one

a day you can hack two additional times per day for an eight dollar a month subscription fee love you guys and can't wait to see y'all at the next viral burger off i i like that i like it here's the only here's my only thing uh and i want to preface it by saying i do like it okay i when i'm listening to music i'm usually i go through my life in a in a pretty fragile state where any disruption to the way i want things to go could send me into a tailspin and if i am driving to work and anything happens to the queue that i've queued before i start driving uh i would probably start crying because i'm the only reason i'm listening to music is to uh prevent myself from having a mental breakdown yeah i would agree with that i have very small hyper specific playlist so

i would immediately know i would know as well but if i liked it but i i would like to use it on i would like to use it on there's one my my best buddy from home phil i can tell never listens to songs i wish spotify had a feature like you know when you send someone to tiktok yeah it then shows you in tiktok when they open it oh yes yeah yeah i would like that i also like that uh have you ever been sent to tiktok and it's like it has that thing like from blank yeah so you can tell who sent it to them does that make sense oh i've never seen that maybe it's not tiktok or is that tiktok or is that like like if you open it in safari yeah and it'll be like from yeah so i like to sometimes i like to do a little little detective work got it and uh try and figure out what the hell

is going on uh sorry what the helly what the helly have you seen that lauren online yeah what the helly have you seen that on what the hell is that from a song yeah okay what the helly what the helly berry what the helly berry what the helly auntie okay thank you i'm gonna be real with you i don't understand half of the references in it i don't know what i don't know what the real version of hellionte is i think he's just like what the hell yeah he's just i think it's dante cold pepper hellionte okay thank you madeline next pitch is from please say ryan oh wait he didn't even say his name it just says my boy gavin and i nice so i don't know your name but shout out gavin i he says what up frodo sam and gandalf

Frodo. Sand off. Gam. My boy Gavin and I have a pitch idea y'all won't want to miss out on. This could very well be the next Facebook or Amazon. What is the worst part of going out drinking with your homies? It hurts. All right.

Let's be serious about this. What's the worst part about going out drinking with your homies? There are a few things. There are a few things. uh when you are walking down the sidewalk and um you are walking faster than the group but you don't want to look like you're submitting to their pace so you have to look over your shoulder and see if they're gonna start following you faster um keeping track of everyone uh your friend oh you get too drunk and uh it's clearly embarrassing your girlfriend

okay he says hungover waking up with your pants soaked in piss okay introducing we're close we're close painting the corners introducing dry hard the world's first self-drying party pants nice engineered with hydro no more tech these bad boys wick heat and evaporate your regrets faster than you can say who peed the couch whether it's splash back sleep leaks or the classic blackout bladder betrayal dry hard has your back leaks picture this you're at one of willie d's famous killer barbecue sounds like a website you should yeah it should not be it's like you can hack into people's security game sorry continue uh you're at one of willie d's famous killer barbecues the party's raging and

you realize the only thing wetter than your dance moves is your pants no worries dry hard has got you covered it dries you off while you drop it low drink hard dry hard because shameful should never come with a soggy waistband i love this is well well written i agree i have a question i've only known guys we called them wizards who pee themselves in their sleep after drinking are there guys that are out still standing up and pissing themselves i don't know yeah because That's what it sounds like. He's saying, like, he's current, you would be, his example was you were currently dancing at your barbecue

and you looked down and your pants are soaked in piss. I guess maybe if you had this, then you could just pee. Oh, it would be good for, like, concerts. Yeah. I would love it. I like to think that it has, like, originally I thought it was going to have, like, a fan on it. And so you, like, walk past your buddy,

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calendar year 2025 for the cadillac definition of luxury uh i've never heard of a guy i think if you're drinking to the point where you are pissing yourself while you're still awake it's probably best you just pack it up i don't know that i've ever done that well remember that video we saw that guy at the tattoo shop yeah oh and he just started fucking pissing yeah there was one time i had uh i had taken maybe some uh hallucinogenic mushrooms okay we've all been there we've all been there sorry dad if you're listening uh and i i did pee my pants really yeah what was this i was just like really i was just in my dorm room in college and uh me and my roommate were just laying on the floor listening to rainbow kitten surprise yeah of course and like had some

music or some like cool lights playing on the ceiling and stuff yeah and then i was just like uh-oh i just like felt my pants i was like well that is that is p um so i changed there i guess now that we're opening the can of the can of worms that we're admitting that you know we've we've dabbled yeah i just opened it i just i just opened a huge can of worms there's this there's a story that i think i wanted to tell when it happened to us but we like weren't to that phase yet willie had a barbecue as he does all the time uh at his old house and two years two years ago it was on fourth of july and uh and you know the night winded down there were only you know a handful of us left around this fire and uh our old co-worker jason

had had some mushroom chocolates and offered willie and i them and uh i'm not great at eyeballing doses i always thought one square one dose that's been my experience yes he gave willie and i a square each and uh we're feeling good and then like 40 minutes in one of us was like we have to go talk to each other in the kitchen and you and i went into will's kitchen which is the most normal or was kind of the most normal looking kitchen of all time and it was the first time i'd ever was like oh something like this is gonna get serious so we were in there i thought we were talking for like a couple minutes we came back out to the bonfire was like half the size and dylan walker was like where the hell have you guys been and we were like oh we were like in we're just grabbing

something out of the fridge he was like it's been like 45 minutes and then we sat down we were kind of critiquing amongst just between the two of us critiquing everything everyone was doing around us which i thought we both thought was kind of just between the two of us and then we realized no one else is talking anymore and we look up and they just could hear us being like dylan looks fucking insane right now and then yeah this is the only interesting part about the story yeah everyone's experienced that on mushrooms this is the only part that i thought was interesting we looked over at the guy who gave them to us and i've never seen a dead body he was the most asleep like dead in his chair i've ever seen a guy and we're like oh this is gonna get bad and then the big climax was

willie went to the bathroom amongst ourselves we thought what would happen to a glass bottle of topo chico if we put it in the fire put it in there we're kind of all like looking around waiting for it i i came back out and had the wherewithal to hide behind a pillar and say guys get the fuck away from that brett and i were like looking in the fire like fanning it and then willie like urged us to get away literally the second we turned our back to it it exploded and shot glass all over the lawn liam told us in hindsight a kid that he knew got like horribly disfigured from that exact thing so we dodged a bullet there it could could have died i thought yeah the funniest part about that was so the jason who had like given us these chocolates was then he was not

only passed out in his sleep but he was like sitting in it or passed out in his sleep passed out his chair but like he was in a part of the yard where i guess like the soil was pretty soft and his chair was like sinking into the ground so we were like whoa like we did not expect this to like hit us that hard like where did like jason gave us like how's jason doing and we look over and he is melting into the earth the earth is like reclaiming him it was i mean mind you he's like fully like breathing and like he wasn't like anything nothing was actually wrong with him but he was just completely asleep falling sinking into the earth oh it was like okay probably shouldn't have taken him from that guy but so funny that was college man college there was

oh this is my last mushroom story we are my good for our good friend sorry joe bleep that first one what the hell our good friend joe uh was having a wig party for his birthday at his house with another girl upstairs who it was also her birthday and there was this guy there wearing a crazy wig but he also had we'd taken mushrooms again he had one of everyone else's face looked completely normal to me we didn't take like a crazy high dose and there's just one guy who looked like fucking insane like he looked like an alien his his eyes were like you know the majority of his face his face was a shape no human's face has ever been before and we kept being like oh my god like that's fucking like these mushrooms are crazy that guy looks insane and the wig wasn't

helping and then i saw him like a couple weeks later completely sober he just looks like that we were like oh my i when i saw him i had like like there was a second was like oh my god i'm like slipping back my mom told me like never do psychedelics because you they can have like a delayed fuse and you can have like a 20 year long trip and when i saw him like a week later i was like oh my god it's happening it's happening yeah that guy uh that guy was actually my uncle so that's kind of mean he kind of looked like rango wait who is it i'll believe it but i don't know the guy's name it was he was just he was just at he was just at this party that we were at the names uh all right second pitch i already did it oh okay should we do am i the asshole am i

um oh can i tell one more story i learned sure uh you know you ever heard the story that hey there delilah the guy that or the girl that hey there delilah is about uh like has a restraining order against the plain white tees i had heard that story and that he was obsessed with this girl turns out not true he met her at a party he asked her out and said he would write a song for her she said she had a boyfriend they remained friends she called him like a year later and was like where's my song and he was like i'll make the greatest song ever and then he made it for her he kind of delivered but i always thought that it was like he was like this creep but apparently he was just he was all fun and games do you think it was a creek no i just heard it

maybe that was just a rumor in my circles but people were always saying uh that he wrote it about this girl that didn't want to be with him and that she had like a restraining order but not true according to a tiktok comment i read so again could be misinformation lauren stop trying to read the letter early okay sorry am i the asshole it's okay yeah am i i think sometimes okay what is up cornbread beans and collard greens beans cornbread collard greens all right all right what that was that was the closest you've ever been to get canceled she's getting loose because she knows she's on her way out that was toe in the line dead dead man walking over there have you seen i was like when you've seen chet holmgren talk

about like his favorite yeah yeah he's like what does he say i don't know but i don't think we should do it is he black no okay i was just what you went you went i said beans and will said cornbread and you went collard greens like an old jazz legend oh my god collard greens stop it okay jesus i don't know this person's name oh i do his name's brady my name is brady and i moved across the country from cincinnati to dallas about two years ago with a friend from college the town i had never that's across the country i guess it is just in a different way yeah okay well it checks out with will i had never previously lived with him but he had lived with numerous other people from my friend group before me he was notoriously a

difficult person to live with but i thought i was up for the task he isn't the most social person and relies on me for most of his social interactions i had recently had i recently had my office closed down leaving me fully remote for the next four months or so sounds great right the only issue is my roommate is also fully remote meaning we've been constantly clashing heads and going at it the main thing that drives me insane is his refusal to clean the kitchen after he uses it every night before bed i prep my coffee for the morning and clean up his mess anytime i bring it up he lashes out yells at me and calls me a lot of names he's insane he's four eyes you tell your roommate to clean up he starts calling you names mike he's insistent that he

cleans up and i'm just being a nag this has led me to start documenting what documenting the messes before i clean them up i feel like a psychopath taking pictures of crumbled up paper towel and dirty dishes this has also led me looking at moving out on my own or possibly with a new roommate roommate i feel bad though because he's the kind of guy that will take that very personally and possibly will ruin our friendship am i the asshole for wanting to leave my roommate no but i have been minus the like getting called names and asshole thing i've lived with guys that the kitchen cleaning up the kitchen is just not there it's not their forte yeah i don't know if there there are people out there that their brain is just not wired that way or they don't

notice it or something but like that is one of my or that has been one of my biggest frustrations with past roommates is just like leaving shit on the counter and i know how frustrating it is to clean up after them i think that this is only going to staying there is only going to further hurt your relationship I think the best way to do it is to just say like listen I want to

go out on my own it's like nothing against you but I think I think it's time we shake it up I also think you both working from home is going to make that worse you should get like if your company makes you go work from home

I think they should pay for you to get like a we work or something yeah i've just i've heard from experience that work work from home jobs are much less fulfilling than in the office jobs and i think that you know sometimes there are better options out there but i think sometimes being at the office with your friends is kind of the best option sometimes yeah you know i've heard it both ways okay i'm just joking i love you lauren i just i'm gonna miss you a lot same um i think that okay so how would you lauren how would you tell him to tell his roommate i think if you're good friends i know you asked lauren but i think if you're good friends

like you should be able to have that conversation like i have my i think about my buddy ben there's no way in hell we would ever live together yeah because we would just not work well as roommates is he messy no i'm the i he's like very like hyper oh you're messy i'm i'm messy to a degree like i think i i yeah yes i'm on the that side of the spectrum i'm like i tried to i don't think i'm ever messy in a way that's like affecting other people yeah like my room will get a little messy sometimes i'm not oh but i i i just wouldn't want to live with ben because i think we would drive each other nuts yeah i think that that there are and that's but i could tell him that And he would be like, yes, I agree.

Yeah. I think most of my friends I wouldn't want to live with. Yeah. So if they're good friends, which it sounds like this guy's maybe not a good friend if he's calling you names and lashing out like that. It doesn't really sound like you're friends. If he's really your friend, you should be able to be like, all right, clearly we don't work together.

I'm moving out. Hey, man, could you please clean up your tinfoil thing? And he's like, idiot, you fucking freak ass. caught myself were you gonna say white boy no he gets your roommate starts calling you a punk ass white boy white white boy what we're both white here let's see if i can hit lauren with this don't move let's see if i can hit you with this nailed it i got something deep in my eye oh no i heard that that i know this is a myth but it's something i'm still it's kind of like along the lines of, you know how I'm worried

a snake's going to come out of my toilet and bite my balls? Right. It's kind of like that, where I know it's not real, but it's still something I'm worried about. I saw one time a piece of misinformation on the internet that hair can get behind your eyeballs, and that really scares me.

Oh, no. That's something I'm worried about. Oh, no. I don't like that. Now I'm worried about it. Isn't that worrisome? Yeah, what the fuck? My snake feeder has really been ramping up really i've been double in the i've been double layering it before i sit down wait wait you put it on the water yeah so if it's so wasteful i don't even care like i know why the environment but like the the amount of i use of a day so that's the

only thing i'm using toilet paper for right now is to cover up why would that stop a snake because it would think that that's the end of the line it would turn around that's great i don't know it's better than him poking out and it's like free lunch my balls are like dang it's like waving a baby in front of a pit bull drown the snake yeah sea snake okay well then it would suffocate when it came out of the water there's no sort of amphibious snake it could leave actually don't quote me on that it could leap out and bite my beanbag it's not gonna leap out there's not a snake in your toilet man you gotta stop i know that no i know i'm just saying i can't there's a part there's a part of me that

is just going to be stressed out if I'm on the toilet. Is it your balls? I know it's insane to be worried about. It's just a thing that's happening in my head right now. I don't know what to do. Do you have any irrational fears, Lauren? Not really.

Do you have any irrational fears, Will? Are there any playmates out there that can... can where did you get this idea i don't i it just happened to me one day it happened to you no no like the thought when i was standing over it i was like a snake could come out of there and it like has just taken over my brain it's like an intrusive thought it's not i know it's not real no i know i just can't get it it's um i don't know if any playmates have experienced anything like that let me know it's like yeah i don't know what that is very weird i saw a guy talking about his intrusive thoughts uh on instagram the other day and he admitted to thinking some pretty

it was brave of him to admit it but it was something i would have kept to myself what did i it was he was talking about how he has like incestuous thoughts and he's like he's like i don't think that obviously he's just like i think he has like ocd or something and he was like it's just a thing that pops into my brain i can't get rid of it that would be a fucking nightmare yeah oh kevin king 2 kevin king 2 how's kevin king 1 doing i don't know i haven't talked to that guy in like a year we hung out in boston kevin king 1 was there when you were kicking that car what's that story you remember when we left oh oh outside of the pizza bananas that was with kevin king 1 we didn't come back kevin we can cut this did i say anything bad no oh okay no that's

fine yeah but weren't girls like filming me you were threatening to say something bad you kept saying i'm gonna if you film me i'm gonna say something bad okay we can't take that yeah we can't we can't keep that we can't take that that's gold i found a video on my on my swipe wipe the other day that's gonna be i think i might have already talked about this but it's gonna be a problem if this ever comes out what is it's my friend chris and i in uh my house and he was trying to take a video of me and i pulled my balls out and i said look now you can't use this video wait you didn't you show us this on the pod the video we talked about we talked about oh okay okay yeah yeah but that one's gonna be a problem do you guys do your pitches uh we just

did them yeah why don't i not no you didn't really you would hear the whole you didn't do that fork wad fork wall lord fork wallet all right i'll give you my pitch ready she want to pitch i said soap jugs soap jugs i i'm in let me just say you put two of my favorite things together i'm gonna invest i just it it would you say soapy jugs or soap soap jugs i'm not in i am baffled by the amount of times we work in this office or i work at my house i live at my house sorry i work here i live in my house i work in my office and i live at my house and i sometimes go other places but i mostly live at my house work at the office um and so as i come

in every day working at the office and living at my house i sleep at my house and then in the mornings i'll come what the fuck is happening right now what there's constantly at both my house and my office uh i'll use the bathroom and it'll happen there's no soap in the dispenser right and it drives me fucking insane because there is no reason why we couldn't just buy massive gallon jugs or like the water jugs of soap and have them like on the fucking ceiling or under the sink or something there's no reason we should ever run out of soap the second doesn't go bad probably better soap doesn't go bad i mean i've had this idea before i mean maybe we just make soap a fucking utility oh yeah but i think maybe a more practical application of this is

just a big soap jug under the sink that comes out you just refill it like once a fucking year not even you have to do it once every couple years but big soap doesn't want that because they want you to come by and buy your stupid little fucking soap for ten dollars every month and and and i'm so fucking sick of it i love it dude i love it and really think about it this way it it there could be a nozzle that you that you just screw on and there's a fixed pump already on your sink yeah i'm in it's like the water thing it's like a hose that goes down i'm in uh all right i'm in all right good guys what is the worst part about dreams scary you can't watch them again sometimes you don't know what they mean i had a dream last night

i'm not gonna say out loud but i had to sit in my bed for like 20 minutes and be like what does that mean like why what is my body trying to tell me yeah there should be an app where you type in as much of your dream as you can remember and then it will spit out this is probably what you're trying to deal with because i had something happen in my dream last night that what was it i i don't even want to say but it was basically like a person in my life did something that like they would never do and i was like what i was like why am i like even thinking that they would do that could i vote i voted red i voted twice i voted twice and i had to literally like have a moment with myself this morning being like why would i be why would i be thinking about

that and it kind of threw my morning off so i want to know what my dreams mean i think that would be good i'd be down for that what is in your eye look i don't know it's very irritated but it's fine i wouldn't want to know like too much though i don't know if i want to know anything i don't know like about like the future or like do you think your dreams can tell the future i think so yeah like what is one you've had like one time i dreamed i kid you not i dreamed that the thunder were gonna win the nba championship when i was five it's pretty i feel like that's kind of a pretty standard like five-year-old dream did they yeah just now it just did a month ago i mean it's kind of like i dreamed i dreamed dreamt dreamt i dreamed that i would get a coffee

when i was 24 and guess what i did just an hour ago that's fucking crazy also when i was five years old that's crazy i dreamed i dreamed that we would be all together in this room uh did i ever tell you that's kind of like did i ever tell you i wrote snakes on a plane yeah was that crazy lauren i was for the people that haven't heard the story i i wanted the guy out there that actually pull up who googled who uh read it wrote it who googled read it okay when i was on a plane when i was a kid what year did this come out 2006 okay so yeah that makes sense my mom said when i was like three or four i thought the seat belt on a plane was a snake and i started yelling there's snakes on this plane there's snakes on this plane

and then she said a year later snakes on a plane came out i'm gonna make quick turnaround and she's thinking she thought that the guy who wrote it must have been who wrote it yeah you didn't you didn't look up who wrote it oh you google writer thanks yeah david rl hey i went to high school with a david alessandro i like to think that there was a guy up in first class who was having some serious writer's block yeah and he was just he was he could not meet a debt like he was flying to a meeting where he was supposed to have a script snakes on a plate he was on a zoom call like uh and someone else heard you yelling i was like wait what was that idea uh all right should we do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey this guy rocks in a rock so yeah

he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard we did them like out of order very out of order i think that's why i got confused because we did the pitches all right i this is my favorite oh willie already has this sorry all right this is your favorite who's this all right who's this Stripe for Dramas. All right, go. Sun goes down on my side of town. That lonesome feeling comes to my door and the whole world turns blue. There's a rundown bar across the railroad tracks.

Got a table for two Way in the bed Did you see that guy scamper by? Every night Beneath the light Of a neon moon If you lose your one and only There's always room here

For the lonely Watch your broken dreams Dancing out of the beads of a neon moon all right i think we've seen plenty of this wow that is those are two guys that i think so here's here you know i'll preface it by saying what makes america so great is that people are allowed to be whatever they want you can this is the land of opportunity you can come here and do whatever you want with your time here uh i think that there are some exceptions to that and one of them is whatever the fuck this is fuck you fuck you i love that shit do you actually like

him yes what do you like about him his moves his swagger his confidence and that guy i fucking love that guy too i love his whole cast what do we think their relationship is to each other love just love love i don't he reminds me of sack man and robin or sack man and throbbing remember that video i showed you i can't believe in the hate that you show towards my loves what do you think they're on be honest what do you think they're on the floor they're not on drugs they're on life that's not i actually don't know if they're on you guys are You're on drugs. You're on fucking caffeine, aren't you?

That's a drug. These guys are on fucking life, bro. You were drinking on ice cream. I'm on drugs. You're on drugs. These guys are on life. There's no way any of them had coffee. He doesn't really look like he's on drugs.

Yeah, he looks fucking good. Play that and tell me that guy's not on drugs. I don't think he is. He might be. And sometimes see you in the shadows. this smoke filled room all right pause it again pause it again i didn't i can't believe i didn't even realize this they are listening to neon moon which is one of my favorite songs of all time the if you showed me this video with no sound and you gave me a hundred thousand guesses as

to what they were listening to neon moon is probably the last thing i would guess uh disagree look at this video and tell me that neon moon's playing well i'm just saying if you had a hundred thousand guesses you would have guessed neon moon just because it's a song you know really well right probably just top oh okay okay i didn't even know about this part wait this is good let me see this this is i don't um i don't love these guys man i don't think you do i don't think you do okay well you think i'm a liar where do we think they live where do i think They probably live in, like, Colorado. They probably live in a mansion.

If they do this for a living, they're probably fucking loaded. I would honestly say they're within a mile of us. They are probably very rich. Yes. You have to be. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's the only way you can afford to do that.

Oh, I meant it the other way around. They're rich from that. Oh, okay. All right, Lauren, pause this immediately, and I mean immediately. Immediately. All right. Oh, I love Carton Arts. this guy i was familiar with his work this is my i know i've said this before this is my new

favorite guy on the internet i have never watched so many videos in a row from one person i saw i think this one and i think i've watched every video on his page now and i shamelessly like seen the matt king one yes okay yeah yeah i shamelessly liked every single one that's how good they are for the people at home this is a guy uh who runs a page called carton arcs he waits in grocery store parking lots and waits for inconsiderate people to not put their carts away and then he goes and does this sir sir you got your car right here and like you're even blocking your own door from opening you think you'd understand how that could block someone else's door from opening right 90 of the time i put it back but you're very tired right now and that's

Causing an error in your judgment lazy bones No, sorry, let me explain so you can call that What's going on my gift to you? Why are you running after me? Where Marvisa Marvisa why i'm not on the ground at all oh i've been to this one too yeah that's crazy number two you know what because i'm a fucking fat asshole no sir because i'm what it is because i'm highly trained in running and let the record show i did not call you fat i'm a nice guy we don't body shame are you making a video sir this is in case someone tries to hit us or something which is

might be happening are you making a video sir this is a body cam for our protection might be happening let's test out the running skills okay so far so good my favorite thing is this guy probably chased so according to the caption he chased them for 15 minutes it would have taken him three and a half seconds to put his car back yeah i know that guy's a lazy bones if i've ever seen one that is my favorite lauren his like go-to diss when people aren't putting their cart bags he calls them a lazy bone he also makes like he's like whoop whoop Yeah, play the beginning. I think it already played.

Okay, this is funny, but also this would piss me off. Pull your card away. Do you not put your card away? No, of course I do. I just like this behavior is annoying. I kind of I am a fan of him, but I do kind of agree. It's like it's like almost in the vein of like when we're talking about. Okay, this is a crazy comparison with people catching pedophiles.

it's like he he goes he like gets off on it totally like takes like a minute thing and makes it like the but i agree that totally put your card away and i know i always wait lauren click on the one on the left right now that says you're what dude scroll down one row you're what new agent sebastian with the carton arcs for instance you ever pulled into a spot and then had a cart block do something more beneficial to this world give me an example what would you like me to do Why don't you tell people that if they don't find salvation through the blood of Christ, they're going to perish? Jesus picked up after himself, right?

He picked up after himself. And that's all that we're asking. Read your Bible, dude. Genesis 34, 16 said, and God created the carts and he was good. And God created the cart. And the cart was returned and that was good. Yay. You need to find something more productive to do with your time.

Maybe build. Oh my God. No, no, no. Keep going. Keep going. maybe go feed the homeless is that where you're going right now to feed the homeless do something like right this second let me ask you are you right this second are you gonna go feed the homeless right this second no but i do feed the homeless maybe i'm doing that too in my spare time

but i'm also doing this good for you dude way to go you big car saver way to go how angry would you be if lc they always try to they always run away the funniest part is awesome he is actually like a pretty decent like arguer yeah like he will the reason it's so annoying to these people is he has i think he's dealt with so many people and he's heard every excuse in the book that he has like who knows a pretty good response to every yes thing they say but that's the thing it's like he needs people to fight back yeah but like i'm honest i agree that it's like kind of a crazy like i would never go to these lengths i think if you don't put your cart back you're fucking asshole yeah so i i i don't it's kind of like the i'll never i think the pedophile hunters

take it a little too far but i'm never gonna knock their line of work yeah yeah i agree i i went to the grocery store last night actually how was that i've just it was good i got just enough that it exactly fit in my backpack and i think i've decided that's what i do i just have to go once a week and get enough just to fit in my backpack and then i don't then grocery shopping isn't an you without a car you know are you are you and scott still gonna split a car yeah i'm gonna get the front half and he's gonna take the trunk yeah we're gonna i think we actually our friend is moving back to the east coast and might sell her car what kind of car is it 2011 nissan rogue you can get more get more acid you can shake a stick at in that thing so we might just buy that

cash in september we'll see come on come on all right should we do teach me something teach me something all right did you know that peruvian jockeys race without horses for charity events sometimes wait i saw this i did see this yeah the jockey race yeah yeah damn it all right so we don't need to watch the peruvian jockey race thing but they basically these jockeys race on foot yeah for charity and it's a very fun site yeah i know it's funny the two that were like beefing and from the jump they're like pulling oh yeah so funny that is very funny um i've got a fun fact come on buddy um okay let me see ah yes yes yes so i am now older we are all now older than the longest the oldest squirrel ever but there was come on one time a squirrel that lived

to be 23 years and six months old which apparent which i was like that doesn't seem very long did you know that most squirrels live for like four to five years that kind of bummed me out yeah that i mean i guess how many winters can you how many you know you get tired of storing so many nuts after a couple winters it was just like they just kill themselves because they're tired of storing nuts i don't know i just have seen i especially the squirrels out here they've lost their they've lost their edge a little bit they're not they're like the la squirrels are kind of coddled coddled and they just i don't think they've ever seen a real winter like these main squirrels yeah that were just hard nose there we'll put a video of it

right here there used to be black squirrels that look like cats on this golf course in florida now those were real squirrels you were scared of them they would like bum rush you the la ones all they want to do is hang out but i think even the la ones i think they only live like four to five years that's what i'm saying they've lost their edge like they you can't you can only survive for so long when you're that when you're that lazy but what about the main ones they also live that length yeah but they have to even with that amount of grit the winters are so gnarly got it so it's just i just thought that was an interesting i just didn't really i kind of thought squirrels would be around like a long time like lobsters maybe they never died do you think that um do

you think that has anything to do with like all of our dads or like dads in general being like blood thirsty when it comes to like shooting squirrels on their property does your dad shoot squirrels yeah man i don't think my dad is bloodthirsty in any context my dad will sit on our porch and wait for chipmunks to come in the yard really it's pretty gruesome dude remember the squirrel but he says he just stuns him he's just trying to get him out i think a playmate wrote in and said her mom taser no no he shoots him with a bb gun all right judy you're drafting let's do our drafting willie would you like to start with beer or bar specials that don't exist or prank calls that don't exist let's do some bar specials yeah okay these are

these are bar specials that don't exist one dollar off your tab for every foot tall you are so it encourages tall people who drink more to come into the bar love that buy you a drink night uh drinks are half off but you can only buy them for someone else so you just have to really really try to make your case and hope that someone buys you a drink you might end up completely sober by the end of the night or you might get hog wild if people are really targeting you i love that drink it in under four seconds it's free so it encourages people to keep buying drinks trying to get it in under four seconds but most people can't finish a drink in four seconds so they're just gonna rack up a huge tab sounds safe uh nacho night they just give you the chips to start and

then you get one topping for each drink you buy nice okay uh buy a stranger a beer get yours free so it encourages people to get out and mingle and uh and you know you get a couple free drinks out of it love that drinkle till you tinkle free drinks until you pee i love that make the bartender laugh get your drink free love that uh perfect poor night you get to pour the beer and if you pour exactly 12 ounces with your eyes closed you get to take it for free that's actually pretty good split the g on your guinness get it free because the odds of someone getting it are i feel like it'll get contentious because sometimes it's like yeah yeah like the foam settling totally but it encourages people to just keep buying them to try it yep uh and the amount of times they get it

right will or the amount of times they get it wrong will greatly outweigh the amount of times they get it right so you'll end up still making money grab bag night they only have weird drinks and if you guess one that they have you get it for free but if not you just have to pay for it these are prank calls that don't exist all right so right when they answer you just go hey my phone's about to die i need you to write this down you can probably get them to write something down boy in the night it's just you and me boy two soldiers bonded for life 58 miles no one's coming for us when anyone else would quit they'll do the impossible i got you and get home part of the beast is an uplifting triumph

be the greatest dog ever bread i'll get you home part of the beast now playing uh this used to be my high school sweetheart's number and i'm finally home from world war ii uh you just keep being like yo you're cutting out and see how long you can drag it on be like sorry i can't hear you you're cutting out yeah like who is this sorry you're cutting out and you can probably get them for like a minute on that i used to live in your house and i hit a million dollars in the wall start digging uh say hey it's uncle trent your dad's cousin i feel like if someone did that to me i would be like oh shit is there my dad like dad's cousin is kind of ambiguous you got him in the palm and you're like i don't want to be mean to a family member so

you'd probably go on for a little i'm you from the future buy this obscure cryptocurrency you get them to buy it and then you rug pull them you probably just did that to enough people it would work that'd be a crazy yeah um uh damn what is hard-boiled egg i don't remember what i was thinking with that one oh i know you call them and you go hard-boiled egg that's it i'll get them so good it'd be fucking like oh shit uh you call them and you go this is the u.s census do you feel a very patriotic when you touch yourself b mildly patriotic when you touch yourself or c feel no patriotism at all when you touch yourself i like that say hey it's a postal service that huge package of gold got lost in the mail so people like god damn it i was gonna get a

huge package of gold did you only do three um no but i don't know what either of the last two mean send me that thing and you give an address and hard boiled egg they are I will prove to you that they are written down but I sort of blank this is why I gotta write more descriptions for them this is Jesus Christ I have risen and I have chosen you to spread my good word

also please whatsapp me a flash photo of your bum hole I will let you join me at the right hand of the father that is good I think if someone asked me to whatsapp them a picture of my bum hole I would do it I use whatsapp for my family group chats why because some people have android some people have oh like larger

family group chats yeah like my like cousin we like a big you have a cousin uncle i have one cousin who's also my uncle you know um woody allen's dating his daughter he's married to his daughter no yeah really like adopted daughter but yeah oh and i saw some i think it was chelsea handler is that a person yeah i saw her talking about she was sitting across from them at dinner and uh she asked them how they met all right lauren and then he made a bug's life come he made a bug's life or ants he made ants i think he made ants oh speaking of ants there was a bug in my car it flew into my car and then i rolled the windows up and it never got out and then i saw it on my windshield like the next day and so i smushed it and it fell and i lost it and then

today i looked in my car and it was alive but like struggling on my floor mat and so i had to think do i want to put it out of its misery or kick it out of the car and so i whacked it with my shoe a bunch of times and it's kind of been eating me up all day i had a bug this happened last night actually i forgot about this i peed i was like i think it was like it was like middle of the night pee maybe even and i was like peeing kind of like out of it and i look in the toilet there's like a weird bug in there and i was like did i just pee that bug out of my penis did that pee bug come out in my penis while i peed but i i still don't know but i i think it was probably in the toilet already yeah i had one uh i i had a midnight pee last night it was

the first time in a while where you like wake up well you're peeing oh what like like i like kind of like drifted my way to the bathroom and like wasn't like conscious until i was already peeing and i woke up what the fuck is going on here uh all right lauren whose personality you stealing this week you go first um this week i am going to steal google famous architects or famous boat makers you've had me look up that exact thing so many times really yeah famous famous architect frank lloyd right okay i'm gonna steal wait boat makers my cousin sean okay i'm gonna steal your cousin sean's personality because i'm gonna finish the endurance i started it's the first lego set i've ever

started that i kind of just like let you know what the pisces 21 no google pisces 21 that's my cousin sean's boat that's cool he and his dad make oh it's sick yeah in bar harbor there's only 51 of them in the world oh all right willie whose personality you stealing uh i'm stealing i'm going to uh san diego for a quick trip so i'm gonna steal juan soto's personality why because he was there for like a season oh so he made a quick trip to san diego lore i am going on a boat on saturday for my friend's birthday so i'm gonna steal i'm gonna steal aqua aquamarine's personality because i'm gonna be swimming all around all right who's ready for rusty's song of the day hit me dog we have we currently have

3 800 saves if my math is correct uh and when again if we when we reach 10 000 two of you guys are getting 101 followers or 101 dollars 100 on followers if you follow the playlist today's song is gonna be young folks because it makes me feel like i'm in gossip girl when i'm listening to it because serena vander did you already do this one or was you a different song from gossip girl i think i must have done it that one song yeah i'm trying to make a i'm trying to make a because there's a very specific genre of music that i like where it makes me feel like i'm the uh the poorest kid in gossip girl and i want i don't know how to convey that in the title but there are a lot of songs that make me feel that way so i'm gonna uh but in a good way

like i'm like the cool poor kid at uh um what's their school called i've never seen i don't know what is it i don't know uh but yeah i'm working on it do you want to read our letters now yes So let's read them quick, quick. Come on. Okay. The one from Alec, the sick vintage stuff. He said, what's good? Play date pod.

My name is Alec and I'm a huge fan of the pod. I've been reselling vintage clothes since 2019. So I figured what better way to show my appreciation for y'all than sending over some pieces to rock. Hopefully by now you've seen my tick tock with my logic behind deciding what item to give each of you. If not, go check it out. We did see that.

We saw it. It was fantastic. Yeah, it was awesome. That's what got me so excited. um i'm super excited to watch i'll open this on the episode but even more excited to see y'all style it let me know if you guys are ever looking for something specific lauren i know how much you love to drink so next time i'll get you a vintage flask that would be fucking sick that would be very cool my apologies for the bad handwriting but keep killing the pod rusty keep killing and

ranking beers always love tuning in come on oh p.s willie d i think this shirt will help you win over gracie abrams really i'm going i'm gonna see her in august wear that shirt that'd be hilarious you wore that shirt and then she uh like went nuts on your body i just have to kill paul mescal before then okay and then from noah dear jordan pippen and rodman my handwriting is something i haven't wanted anyone to look at for some time so i had to type it my name is noah schloss i'm 23 years old born and raised in san marcos california blah blah blah i love you guys so much your podcast truly gets me through mondays and wednesdays at work i clean pools monday through friday so i know rusty understands that being outside all day by yourself going house to

house same checklist to do each time it's much better time when you have something like this podcast in your ears so i wanted to shout out y'all first say how awesome and important you guys are oh also willie boy when can we do a joint bday party you're 9 11 baby and i'm 9 10 oh one it's meant to be let's do it uh noah i make sure that you're keeping an eye on the alkalinity at every pool that's you know an underutilized measurement and it's very important for um for just the general swimming experience i think our beer is like four percent right four four and a half um i feel bad i feel bad too because i didn't say anything to lauren but i will say chicago bulls were my team at all as i grew up you couldn't find a bigger d roast man

than me out in california and then the big bang happened to him and i couldn't care about the nba the same ever again the city itself is gorgeous too i just hate how sticky it could be in the summer that is true the big bang is that what they call derrick rose's injury Anyways these are three t-shirts from my brand A dude made it He says I tried to size you guys out Best I could but truly if they don't fit That is all good

I know mine will fit for sure I'm hype thank you I think mine don't fit It is like a little cropped I think that's why But also anyone that lives in San Diego He works at a shop called Woe Town If you guys want to pull up

Love you guys the mostest Noah love you brother love you alright thank you guys have a beautiful rest of your

Monday have a great Tuesday and we will see you bright and early for our Wednesday episode Lauren play that

MF theme music girl play that shit girl part of the beast is the must-see adventure of the year it's just you and me boy one of the most extraordinary on-screen barge you'll ever see i'll get you home brad pitt part of the beast september 25th get tickets now