Will & Rusty's Playdate - i threw a porcupine at an intruder

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

On another viral Playdate, Rusty almost gets hit by a dildo at a WNBA game, the boys ponder Megaladon, and Willy unveils his idea to get rich off race horses. The gang also discusses launching a porcupine and a pitch that will normalize your awkward interactions using Katy Perry. Plus, the boys draft Rick & Morty plots that don’t exist and that hottest fashion trends of Fall 2025. Lastly we open mail from the lovely Playmates. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com/pd 00:00 - Intro 2:18 - Dildos on the court 18:19 - No Throat Guy needed 20:21 - Surf culture 22:12 - Growing up in the cold 31:30 - White water rafting 35:45 - Megaladon 42:32 - Buying a racing horse 46:45 - School stories 1:00:00 - Porcupine Launcher 1:06:37 - View from my seat 1:09:32 - Roadmap 1:13:17 - Pitches 1:21:24 - AITA 1:26:27 - This Guy Rocks 1:30:17 - Teach Me Something 1:35:16 - Rick & Morty Plots That Don’t Exist 1:41:52 - Hottest Fashion Trends of Fall 2025 1:45:01 - Mailbag 1:52:41 - Rusty’s Song of the Day #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

that's like when we were on a we knew we weren't going to make our connecting flight on like a trip last fall but we were already sitting on the plane and we canceled those tickets or something we didn't i wait i was like i'm waiting till we get in the air because i was worried because if we cancel the second leg it would cancel both legs and we're like what would happen are they gonna come get us from but we had already left the we had already left the thing but we were like the reason we were gonna miss the connecting flight is because we were clearly at like an like a full stop yeah and so i canceled the second leg which canceled the flight that i was currently sitting on and we were like this is gonna be the most awkward thing in the world if they come and

they're like hey that fucking joker in 11b just canceled his flight yeah get off uh we going we are rolling play date play nate episode 130 for an athlete 130 yeah wow number 30 which is steph curry that's so good you are so good at numbers sometimes all right now let's name a 30 year old uh wait i've got another one um ready all right ready everyone's gonna love it when i say it rudy johnson rudy giuliani r-u-d-i rudy johnson it's with an i i think no rudy he's 12 or 32 is that 32 32 all right now try cedric benson wait wait before you google that that picture of him like if he's a running back oh another 32 that picture of him like throwing the ball is is the same energy as that like uh when they showed dave matthews dancing they're

like he doesn't have one song where he should be doing this like you're running back you should never be in that position uh fuck who's a 30 year old you got 30 you're better with the ages i'm better with the numbers no i'm better with the number or i like the numbers way more i never wanted to do the ages oh i don't like i think both of them were your idea no the ages i was you can run roll the tapes you guys came up with it and i was like no all right whatever um okay i went to a i went to a fever game last night fever versus the sparks what fever who's number 30 on the fever so i didn't see any 30s on the fever oh damn it uh this dude this um scene at crypto yeah oh my god it is the most and i'm not just saying this to be like the guy that like the

wmba is cool now this was the most fun i've ever had at a because they they have to make every second yeah super entertaining because i think they're worried about anyone giving anyone anything to be like this is boring yeah the most entertaining two hours of my life they they had they play music like almost the whole game i think they do that in the nba too no i think they have to stop when they they have to stop like when they get over half i don't know there's something like it was crazy and then uh there were like nurses like shaking ass and it was like fucking there were nurse pause there were nurses shaking ass and you didn't send text me or send me a snapchat or anything and you didn't buy me a ticket you didn't buy me a drink it was

well the nurse next to me was a male nurse but he was still throwing that thing around wait wait they were in the crowd yeah in scrubs so my sister works for a scrubs company the guy came in and was wearing her brand of scrubs and we started talking to him completely normal guy and then like someone hit a three and he lost his fucking was like shaking ass oh so that was i thought it was like some sort of dance troupe that was like nurse no no scattered just all i didn't see any pairs of nurses it was like individual nurses all over the stadium like losing their fucking mind i don't know if if like they just got out of a big surgery or something like this guy this guy was fucking throwing that thing around and i was like this is awesome they just got like they all just got

like a huge they just saved some guy's life and they're like to the sparks game and and uh and then there was like a flex cam oh so i guess i guess kelsey plum like that's her thing okay whatever so they put kelsey plum up and they're like flex cam and everyone i must have been the only guy that this was my first sparks game because everyone like without missing a beat like got up and started flexing and they would like put different people on the camera there was like a you've seen those like really jacked babies like there's like a kid that like is like three but he already has like muscles pull up like jack baby what what do you mean like you ever see those like jack like around like on the like literally that the third kid that third kid

that was literally exactly what the kid in front of me like it was shocking so he starts flexing then a woman like in front of him stands up and like mogs him and she has like giant it was it was i was laughing the whole time it was the funniest thing ever caitlin clark was hurt but it was it was like good it was a good brand of basketball i think granted these are two like good teams how to bring play really good and then there was a girl number five on the sparks had a fucking game it was like 95 to like 80 not like it was like a that's awesome it was like a legit now i want to go to a dude it was fucking sick i would highly what is the seat what is the season what is the season yes i think it like started like a month ago and i think it maybe

goes it probably goes a little bit into the nba season because what nba starts like begins may and concludes on 9 11 damn uh someone threw a dildo on the floor again dude what is why do they keep doing three times actually three times in the last five days yeah dude it was you can bet on it now did you see that that's what my friend my sister's new lady she said i i'm like you can bet on it and it cuts to me and i'm like decked out in like gold chain like i like won a bunch of money last night like i'm like covered in like gold like i won a bunch of money betting like i knew i threw a dildo on the court and all i got was this lousy shirt why would you just bet on it and then toss the dildo because you get a rat the guy the first guy that did it that started

all this is like it's still in jail like you it's like actually yeah google it it was like google dildo cron google the statute of limitations what's the statute of we need to have like a lawyer on retainer yeah uh yeah he dude they were mad yeah this was the game i was at last night rightfully so um but so okay so it came from right over my don't it didn't it didn't do that like that the dildo came okay the dildo flew right over my right shoulder okay like on the suspect dude on the literally on the perfect trajectory of like if i had thrown it yeah and we had kind of like just sat down we had like went to get a hot dog or something and like sat down so people were already kind of like looking at us because we had to shuffle through the row and then once

their attention went back on the game a dildo flew right over my shoulder and landed on the floor all the players look directly where we're sitting everyone in front of us looks directly where we're sitting and so we have to be like yeah like join the thing or we look we look suspicious and we were already kind of being wouldn't you want to look anyway yeah but it was like i didn't even know what happened like because it landed where it was blocked by the people sitting on the baseline yeah so i had no fucking clue what was going on and everyone's now staring at us yep and i'm holding a hot dog it was like i'm holding a hot dog helps your case why is that you were you were holding a hot dog and a dildo well no i the dildo was on the court yeah yeah but you know i mean like

it would have been harder to throw yeah you're like guys who are holding something are less suspect than guys who aren't holding anything right even that they had to have had a hand free i will say what in my section yeah i i was suspect number one because there weren't a ton of men right and so it was just and i would assume a man probably did this like men ruin everything is that like i don't even get what that means is that like supposed to be like a i think it's i don't i like a i think trying statement like why the wm what does that mean trying to get in the head of a guy who's going to a WMEA game to throw a dildo is like a pointless tat you know what I mean we're never going to be able to is there like a motivation there like is

he trying to I think he's trying to like belittle them to the point where he's like this is all you're good for I don't know oh I don't know if it's that that seems a little intense yeah I don't know I don't know I that's kind of what I was getting at like I was just going off of like there's they get so much hate from these like incel guys that I was I'm not saying I think that if i was trying to get inside of their like deranged heads that's probably imagine if like lebron got hit with a pocket pussy yeah like in the middle that you like oh but there's been dildos like there was a dildos at the bills games for a while right can you go dildo can you go josh allen dildo google google worst dildo crime possible dills game bills game fan throws yeah

yeah six years ago though i guess oh yeah like you could see it it looks like a flag chris collinsworth like we got a flag oh not a flag i'm just thinking about like everyone turns around looks at you you're in like full bdsm like wasn't me wasn't me wasn't me i still have mine on yeah yeah you have to like pull the ball gag out i didn't fucking throw that oh man yeah it was uh that sounds if you look up their schedule can you look up i'd go to another it was sick um wait when is which one is home this when they're on the bottom wait wait scroll back up bottom is okay tomorrow tomorrow put your money where

your mouth is william i'm not going tomorrow but oh i'll go on tuesday august 12th when they play the liberty and see my girl sabrina unesco it would be funny if a dildo got thrown at that game too and everyone's like didn't willie say he was gonna go to that game yeah honestly i would keep i'd maybe keep it to yourself all right i'm going to a game it is really funny though that like like i think they're doing it somewhat in protest right of the w like you're making you're trying to make fun of them or is it is there a chance it's just like a funny thing that they're doing i think there's a chance like people did it at that football game i don't think that was it so i went yesterday with almost all lesbians again yeah and like that is the crowd

that's using them so maybe it maybe it's like a sign maybe it's like they're like extending like an olive branch yeah this is my this is my favorite dildo this is that yeah it's like uh yeah it's like when rock stars get they all like when they throw us on the court it's like a top five respect moment everyone's like all the players like nod and take their hats off or like someone gets a triple double like instead of like a hat trick where you throw everyone throws their strap-ons on the court so they're saying that this guy could be charged with like public indecent exposure the first guy i don't know where i read this in an affidavit the man allegedly said that it was supposed to be a joke and go viral it worked went viral check and check we're talking

about on the playdate podcast yeah we know comedy we know comedy yeah that's uh yeah you look you're it looks like you're right like the first guy that did send a message that their athleticism is invaluable is their sexuality i guess yeah yeah um and then the energy that the players brought from like the bench was very fun okay yeah like uh someone on the someone on the fever traveled and all the sparks players got up and were like dude you know like in the nba the guys will just be like yeah they were like hey hey and like like really like taunting them and no one did like it was stuff that like nba players i think this is what's so fun about the wmba is i think you can probably get away with a little bit more because it's not as like buttoned up yet as the

wmba but they want it to be more fun yeah so they were like fucking like golf yeah exactly but it was i highly recommend you go i'm gonna go i'm i'm actually super down yeah they didn't uh but they didn't like the you know when you go to a um you go to like a baseball game or an nba game or something they have like a wide array of beers yeah they had uh they just had american and then premium like because i don't think a lot of people there were drinking beer so the that was my one wait they don't tell you what it is i was like i'll do the american beer and they were like okay well usually they list it on the menu but then they have like different tabs they just have different prices oh domestic versus okay that makes more sense that's almost surely

what happened yeah it's like usually they they price the domestic beers at the same and then the imports at a different price but i mean they might not have had a lot of options it didn't even say american and domestic or and uh and import it just said american and then premium okay interesting do you see trump on the on the uh on the roof of the white house yeah i think he's lost like what are you building up there he was like more ways to spend my money and they're like what that would be all time if he was like legitimately just lost he like could not figure out how to get back down none of the security guards could either one of his like uh all right just play it off like we're building something his uh his guy that usually like brings him because i would assume

he probably has someone that's like all right now we're going here to this meeting or whatever he was like i got it today i got it he took a wrong turn he ends up on the roof yeah like the whole cabinet is sitting there i was like where the hell is he on the roof shouldn't have smoked that shit now i'm on the roof of the white house someone said uh who just lawler just told me jack jack lawless just told me that uh that's what moths was doing a trump impression we were talking about how like you know trump just gets on twitter and he's like nancy pelosi's an idiot or whatever like yeah if we we should just start tweeting like shit talking other our own co-workers on twitter and so mott's and i were like all right what would be like the disses and he was like

jack lawless i call him jack lawless because because the way he just posts these stories without checking them or whatever and then we were we're like okay what does someone else do and what you know whitney always like microwave salmon whitney walked by and we were like stinky whitney we call her stinky whitney the way that microwave smelling after she's done then we were like oh all right maybe we should probably shouldn't be he's like he's like a like an executive at this company we were like we shouldn't we probably shouldn't be calling calling he came in and demanded a raise the two i'm sorry i'm sorry calling one of the two remaining females here stinky whitney no we got more we got more especially because of a fish

smell yeah yeah it's okay that's not gonna hold up in court stinky whitney i color stinky whitney the way that fish smells i've never noticed is that a real thing she microwaves fish all the time yeah really you've never smelled that like in the office i think i've never really got my scent back from covid i'm not even kidding oh like fully like obviously i can still smell yeah this is an ad by better help guys uh have you ever felt overwhelmed because these days it feels like there is advice for everything there's suggestions and solutions for how to live your life and all this stuff that you're consuming and it's overwhelming to me there's uh mental health stuff that you don't know you know what to listen to and what not to listen to

it can be a lot and i hear you and i get that uh i can't recommend enough seeing a therapist it was helpful for me and i think it'll help anyone who just wants to get a better grip on maybe what mental health practices will help them specifically for whatever they're dealing with whatever you're dealing with i should say um and i can't recommend enough better help guys they have over 30 000 therapists it's the world's largest online therapy platform and they've served over 5 million people globally uh and it works they have a 4.9 out of 5 star rating with over 1.7 review 1.7 reviews 1.7 million reviews uh it's super convenient you can join at the click of a button and you can switch therapists at any time uh if you if you want a different fit um

as the largest online therapy provider in the world better help can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise talk it out with better help our listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com slash pd that's better help.com slash pd uh guys check out better help i think you won't regret it let's get back into the episode i still smell stuff but i i will say i've been stuffed up for the better part of four years yeah which i don't know what that's all about i want to go to an ear nose and throat doctor an ent just for the just for my ears and my nose my throat you can be like you can be like i got good news for you i don't even need the throat guy an ear nose and throat doctor is like

a uh they're it's like they got like three it's like three guys attached in like a burlap sack and they each do one they're uh yeah all their arms or it's like a three-legged surgery leg tied to the other guys can i get 30 off if i only take two of them when i uh when i make enough money you best believe i'm gonna have a throat guy come on who's your throat guy but uh yeah my ears and my nose are trash i every time i go to the doctor and they put the microscope in my ear they're like jesus the most ear apparently i have more earwax than they've than they've ever seen that is uh honestly something to be proud of i don't think so i mean it means your ears are really making a lot of wax in them i got i had a doctor one time and he was like do you want to

see rusty we caught him waxy rusty the way he can't hear anything and uh he was like do you want me to like scoop it all out and i was like yeah totally and for for like an afternoon i could hear for like a mile but then i immediately went home and got in the ocean and that part of my ear had never been exposed to the elements because it's been like protected by wax double ear infection could not sleep on my side for like a week well wouldn't the ocean clean it that's what i thought that's right the ocean's very good did you go out here no i was in maine okay because here i think the water's like horrible for you when we had that bonobos shoot bonobos bonobos when we had that bows bonobos we went out in the ocean and i got sick the very next day because

that we were in the spot where all of la's poop gets shot out like a fire yeah yeah there is that we were right by the poop shoot actually i went to the shoot we did a poop shoot yeah shoot i see those people like surfing every morning from our parking lot i'm like good luck i went in the water i was i had a weird when i was i was in manhattan beach on saturday i was like i want to go in the ocean right now but there were like surfers like everywhere yeah i'm like what is the ethics of or not ethics maybe but like what is like the policy i'm like i was worried like if i went in there they'd all be like get the fuck out like we're surfing i just am scared of surfers i know that they get really like territorial they do yeah but how does that apply to people swimming

i think you could i think like you're not fair game to yell at or like beat up like they like getting fights in the ocean i think as long as you're not on a board yeah like we're but like and you're staying out of their way i don't know i think maybe don't for your safety because they're like run guys over have you like i just dunk i went and dunked and got out because i was like nervous about a confrontation yeah and there was it was because of that volleyball tournament there was like a hell of people on the beach watching me do it so i was like they're all gonna hate me i was like i don't know why i was like so like paranoid but it was the whole stretch of by the manhattan beach pier was surfing for like miles is that the least is surfing the least like

accessible sport in terms of like getting finally getting accepted by oh i was like in terms of like socially yeah because like you could go golf and you might like piss some people off because you're playing slow but no one's gonna like beat you up in the parking lot like surfing like you have to like go to waves that real surfers don't care about until you've like earned their respect well there's like a whole like priority system sense but also like i would say like if you think about it like like i feel like people talk about accessibility in sports like financially it's like a huge or like getting like hockey is like because you can't just play anywhere and you have to get all the fucking gear you know what i heard about hockey that's kind of fucked up hit me the dallas

star has ever heard of them yeah that's my team so they own they own the majority of the ice in dallas like ice rinks are owned majority of them are owned by the dallas stars and because they own all of them they can literally just make the price whatever they want so like men's league teams are like having to like stop playing and like youth teams like don't know what to fucking do because they'll just like jack the prices up because no one has anywhere else to go that sucks isn't that insane yeah it'd be one thing if you it was like a company who like they're one yeah let's oh yeah how the dallas stars monopolize texas that's bizarre it's like a weirdly like evil yeah because also like you would you want if you're the stars you want kids in dallas

to get as excited about hockey as possible yeah so you would god you would want to make the ice as cheap as possible because you already have billions of fucking dollars oh listen i'm on your side yeah okay angus probably wouldn't know he's a big stars fan but i would be like if like the bruins owned all of like boston ice and we're like price gouging that would be insane i mean new england has the luxury of like that there actually are places you can play hockey in the winter that yep you ever play great pond you ever rip around great pond no we just got the marsh right behind our house has ice that we can play on in the winter but i'm so bad at ice skating i can barely stay up on my skin oh you didn't but you grew up in pennsylvania till i was 11 and i did i did like

a little bit of youth hockey but i lost it completely and then i didn't ice skate for 10 years and then this past winter was the first time i tried and i was really bad but i got better by the end of the week we were going out yeah ice skating is one of those things kind of like um honestly in a weird way it's kind of like golf where if you haven't learned if you haven't learned how to do it well by like yes well it's a lot really fucking hard like i haven't learned anything more about skating since i was 12 but i figured it out that's like snowboarding like i can like go and just like do that now because i learned when i was younger but but the when we were playing it was like we were playing hockey and uh i was just every time i shot the puck i

just fully ate shit like it was like i just couldn't figure out how to like shoot and stay on my feet so it was it was like it was like you got one like i think a big way that you score in hockey is like deflections or like second get a puck on that and then like chase it yeah it was like i had one bullet in the chamber every time it was like if this doesn't go in so i think i think what we do this winter willie yeah we get you maybe like with we get you with just a shooting coach and then you get so good at shooting that it doesn't even it doesn't even matter that you uh that you fall over andrew pull up great pond frozen main this is i think the prettiest sorry i burped wait can you cut my burp i saw people saying to cut my burps i'm sorry on the last

episode yeah or two episodes ago i burped like three times oh really twice as slow actually slow that moment down and make it twice as long go to images andrew this is i think the greatest place in the world it is i think these might just be great ponds oh no there that one is definitely the right one yeah the top on the reddit thing but kids i've never had to like shovel the rink kids will like make dude that's what we had to do regulation size like rinks in there and they'll like leave shit there so you can go play and it's fucking awesome that's what yeah i forgot about that part that was the the shoveling i could do because the shovel is like a third skate almost like it's like you can kind of lean on it and i would just go zoom zoom zoom zoom but yeah

we spent like a whole day shoveling out of the rink yeah and then it was too tired to play yeah and then i was like couldn't even pull stay on my feet to play because i'd been using the shovel as crunch we used to snowmobile pull up songo pond we saw bingo bongo we used to we used to snowmobile around songo pond when i was a kid in the winter and uh a big big fear of mine was the ice breaking yeah and one thing you learn if you grew up in maine and you're snowmobiling or i guess i guess if you grew up anywhere what do you learn if you grow up anywhere you are if it breaks you're supposed to just gun it because they can like you can snowmobile on just water pull up like like if you're going fast enough it'll stay going and you just have to like go until you hit land i

don't think you can steer but yeah pull this up andrew go to a video you can snowmobile on water wheelies on but i don't think you can really steer so you just have to like go until you hit the yeah mute this andrew actually like isn't that insane so if you just gun it and you trust that it's gonna happen you can make it out by just gunning it until you hit land that's insane isn't that insanity but kids would die like yearly sammy sammy d as i as a lot of people call him right just drop the foot through the ice this winter oh they like went out to like because it's like the marsh with like the little like i don't know like estuaries or whatever you can just kind of like and they were

like let's see how far we can go and at one point my brother just fully put a leg through and it's like oh turn around and he was like fine like he just it just cracked one leg and he pulled it out and they went back but i always was like and i think we'll probably realize that this is not the case when we become dads but you know you're like my dad literally knows everything like if he's doing something yeah it's safe he used to bring his truck out onto the ice and like plow the rink and just get it done really quickly and then pull off and i remember asking him like is that safe and he was like yeah it's completely safe but now i think if i asked him again because he didn't he's not like a fucking expert on any of that i think he would say like yeah we

did we probably just didn't really know he was like i think i had a feeling he would probably say he had a feeling that he that it was fine but like they don't know yeah like he would and i knew he didn't know because the windows were down and that's the thing you do when you're like preparing for the truck to go through the ice that would be scary if uh driving a truck uh straight into frozen water yeah that would be i deserve a podcast that would be really scary no that would be scary uh my dad uh my dad had like a bunch of bones he does 392 how many bones are in the human body 538 that's why is it really website yeah i just thought it was 392 no i'm joking that was that's the electoral college 206 you have electoral college google how many what's the

most amount of bones you have in your lifetime what's the most amount of bones you haven't what does that mean because at certain points in your life you have more and some at certain points you have less like i think babies either have more or less yeah babies have around 300 at birth and then they like fuse into 206 that the human body evil kenevil broke 433 bones what the fuck at what point do you quit being a fucking weirdo and once you fucking jump the grand canyon that's why you'll never jump the grand canyon because i don't want to jump grand canyon i i uh i i don't want to jump the fucking grand canyon and you keep fucking putting me in this position where i have to sound like a fucking pussy on my podcast but god forbid a guy doesn't want to fucking jump the

grand canyon not everyone wants to jump the grand canyon dad god damn it dad i'm not gonna live up your dreams evil evil kenevil talking to his kid not everyone wants to jump the fucking grand canyon dad leave me the fuck alone i want to do theater i want to drive a car on the street i don't want to jump the grand i want to go i want to go the speed you think he jumped in a car i don't mean he jumped a motorcycle or a rocket ship he jumped a rocket ship that would actually be a good like a good clickbait stunt like evil kenevil jumps the jumps a rocket and you're like oh he's gonna like take the rocket but it's just him like driving over it jump what would that mean like there's like a small cruise missile laying on the ground and

he just hits no no what would people be expecting that means something awesome that sounds way cooler than that rocket jump uh rocket pops icies words word associates keep it going andrew come he's drowning over here i see snow cones summer summer this is good stuff guys come on this is what this is what podcasting is all about this is what oh sorry so uh did i ever tell you about my my grand canyon story my grand canyon excursion no i went and here's the kicker hit me tons of water in it yeah isn't that insane it's a river we went white water what we went white water rafting through the grand canyon which genuinely i thought was a joke until we got there my dad was like but that's like why it exists the great yeah totally but i thought this i thought maybe

the water happened 10 million years ago got it got it because it looks pretty barren yeah my dad it was like we're gonna go whitewater rafting in the grand canyon we were doing a cross-country trip he had just for some reason he had just come into possession of a toyota fj cruiser which if you're not familiar is the old ones were like literally the ugliest car in the world it's like a cube and uh he had to drive it from fresno california to orlando florida yep could have shipped it for probably probably the same amount of money yeah but he was like this will be a fun father-son bonding thing we'll hit all these cool stops on the way and he was like we're gonna go he's a jokester andrew as you could probably imagine and he was like yeah we're gonna go

whitewater rafting in the grand canyon it was like oh good one and then we just went and it genuinely blew my mind that there was water there well it's like super dangerous isn't it we i think did kind of the like more like tame one like we there weren't there were rapids but they it wasn't like we were going over rock i don't even think we were wearing helmets like it was just like really we got like dunked a couple we now that i'm thinking about we were probably yeah were you strapped in no no and i think a woman i think a woman fell out but it wasn't like a it was like the easiest like the guy just like put his oar down through a fish hook yeah my buddy took like a white water white water rafting class yeah in college and like the final

exam is they flip you like underwater and you have to like get yourself to like flip back over like in the raft now now that i'm thinking about it if you die do you get an a or an f uh b minus they just they still let you graduate they wheel your it's like pope formosus they like wheel your corpse through graduation it's pass fail and it's just whether you survive or die yeah yeah exactly you're like dude my cousin is uh has been working on dead bodies he's in uh like med school or something and uh or he's in i don't know how to describe this he's in uh this graduate program between undergrad and med school so it's like you get like your master's in something and then you go to med school and so he's no he's like teaching like dissections and like showing kids like

through this and uh he likes it like i love you mikey but it seems like he likes it like a little too much so my grandfather was a surgeon as well and i think they there's some gene that that he shares with my grandfather where that's a thing that they're excited about but like that to me sounds like he kept being we're out in the water and he's on his surfboard and i was on a boogie board and i'm we're catching up and he's i'm like what's like to take any was there any grace period between like when you join this class and when you start doing it he's like no literally none and i was like what's the worst part and he's like the smell and i thought he meant like rotting corpse but they're all embalmed so he's like the whole room

just smells like body chemicals because they like inject them with something to like make sure they don't rot but he's like yeah you're like cutting he just cuts guys open and like looks through them and did you ever find like uh something cartoonish in their stomach it's like yeah when they cut open a shark and there's like license plates and stuff how the hell it's like a when they kind of in the shark and license plate i watch sharks what if sharks had to have license plates it's like did he bite you he's like yeah but i got his plates on the way out you get sideswiped by the great white uh i was watching a megalodon video the other day i always thought that that was like a myth it just is a thing that existed yeah like forever

ago yeah i think they say it still might exist right three three point three million years i believe is when the last time they like know it was around there was it was this dude it used to eat whales like that's how fucking big it was so here's an interesting thing andrew you'll like this 3.6 sorry but uh close like the effects or like this thing was such a fucking 20 recent sightings on camera look at that this looks real all right pull it up andrew here we are again making another video about bass yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna go on i'm gonna go out on a limb and say there are zero sightings or just eats that sailboat it's like the grainiest video possible yeah oh what if what if bigfoot just is blurry yeah uh oh but here's what i learned

that was interesting the megalodon was such a problem that it yeah we're still seeing like the effects of it being around in like other species so like whales had to get fucking bigger because like he would eat all the fucking small ones and then like the mako shark the reason it's the fastest shark was it had to like get away from this fucking thing yeah and then like the only i think they think the only reason it ran out or it went extinct is because it ran out of shit to like it dominated so much that there wasn't enough for it to eat and then also like the ocean uh warmed and cooled at the same time what if yeah i'm now i'm just going one further i'm like what if sharks had to have car insurance or shark insurance i guess well it's like registration

please sound like the age-old question like would do the cars from cars have life insurance or car insurance that's a great question oh by the way great white shark yesterday was right off the pier of santa monica i saw that really yeah it's like very visible i'm a little worried my dad is my dad said that the water in maine is very warm this summer the thing is it's the seals have repopulated so that's good for us though because before well it's means more sharks yes but before they were there and also like didn't they were like fucking ravenous because they there were not enough seals there but yeah it is my cousin's like a meteorologist that was telling me that he's got some app where he tracks sharks and that this is the this summer he's seen there's

been more sharks on off the coast of maine than ever before and it's because seal they like have made a conservation effort to repopulate seals and so yeah they had been completely extinct from Maine and they but they came down now back from Nova Scotia and now they're like repopulating Maine I uh I really there I have a lot of irrational fears I think this one maybe falls more on the rational side the second my body touches the ocean off of the dock in Maine because our our dock is sits over 30 feet of water so it's not like you're like jumping in and you're kind of like still like splashing around in the shallow and like it's essentially like the ocean and so you see this chain that like keeps it there are two chains that keep it like

in place and you just watch it kind of disappear into the depths after like six feet and so that's what scares me is that like if i could see yeah what was down there i don't think i would be scared but like something could be right there and you jump right on top of it my dad and my sister like hang out in there and like so you can stay in the water the longest i jump in and then immediately come back i think you know you're probably gonna get bitten by a shark jumping off of there oh fuck no that's not oh did that make you did that make it worse i was trying to be like oh it's inevitable so we were we were coming back from somewhere on the boat one time and uh there was like this thing floating in the water and we were like oh that's weird there's

like a tire in the water and we like floated past it just seal bitten in half loose seal which half it's a good question i don't you can only see it's like back but it was like gory that was a good question i like or no andrew andrew it was the top half like it like it like cut it the long way yeah like a sandwich or like how like sushi chefs like like open like gut a salmon to like get it on the inside if a seal was cut in half would it be cut this way or this way if a seal wore pants i saw a new thing about like if a worm was typing on a keyboard what do you mean you saw this online it was like it would go like boop boop boop or would it go like i think it would sit on its bat on its like the bottom part and be like

yeah but it would be a lot faster if it was like going okay andrew here's a question for you horses wearing jeans does it wear them do they do they wrap around here or does it cover all four legs and wrap around it the long gotta be all four legs i think it's like one leg like through the head you know yeah yeah so oh it wraps around the neck yeah yeah yeah so it's like a jean denim jumper it's like the full body is covered in jean yeah not even fucking hey andrew not even fucking close i think everything but like the head is all gene okay yeah i like andrew andrew i like the way his brain works we gave him we gave him two clear options and he took them both balled them up

threw them in the trash i think they call that a canadian tuxedo tell andrew tell and that's why you have a podcast tell andrew when we get a horse what are you gonna name it the mayor of hoofville like m-a-r-e and then h-o-o-f it's a little play on the mayor of whoville when we when we make it big the mayor of hoofville is gonna be in the kentucky derby i literally put that i'm actually not joking when we have enough money to where it wouldn't be a big deal yeah we have to buy like a million dollar horse okay that like has a chance to win i would love that we put him in the derby we buy like a bob baffert horse name him the mayor of hoofville and then i i think like there's a like there would be so much buzz around him oh

my god he'd be like he'd be like fucking we'd make our money back secretariat dude yeah whatever happened to secretariat if he's dead i don't have a fucking meltdown he's still dead uh he's still dead no no he just came back or you know what i mean is he dead he's got to be i think they they live like not long so you know if you have if you have secretariat dead horse so just google secretariat oh you didn't have to delete it well though he put no it's secretariat not secretarian what is it secretariat horse all right we got it we got it it died in 1989 he's only five six lived to be 19 he's like he's a short king he's like mugsy bogues um that's really funny

wait where do they measure the height is it like ass to nose or is it like ground to back ground to hole it's good it's just the length of his gooch um it's like the length i think it's the length of his gooch all right here's willie you ready for this i'm gonna lay out i'm gonna lay out the rest of our lives for us is good are you ready the gooch length yeah sorry what's your gooch length you're getting you're getting a suit fitted he's like all right bust like you know neck uh arm length bust that's like a real measurement they take because that's like where your shirts all right bust done bust no what all right sorry uh that's like potty humor what all right you ready i'm gonna lay out our lives once we make it big okay we have

the mirror who we have millions of dollars we approach bob baffert okay we say we would like to purchase one of your prize-winning horses how we gotta do this soon that guy's old as shit okay whoever takes over we buy a horse he's gonna be one of those ones that's gray with the spots yeah we name him the mayor of hoofville okay we enter him into the hunk into the kentucky he wins he wins a hunger game he wins him and peter now he's got a chip on his right to eat the berries so then they liberate them from the arena now he's got a chip on his shoulder and a crew rallying around him we enter him in he wins the kentucky or sorry he wins the kentucky derby do you know how much i believe it's like a million dollars per time you let someone breed

with him right so we just live off in season literally whatever they want he we have him fucking around the clock oh my god he's gonna rub that thing raw and then we've now tripled our investment in like three days yeah we we we say you did good buddy we put him out to pasture Jesus. No, literally. Like, we set him up with an awesome pastor. Okay. Oh, is that like what...

That definitely means to kill him. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, kill him as we send him to the glue factory. No, if you say put someone out to pasture... No, it means you, like, retire them. Google put out to pastor. Put out to pastor.

For someone to retire. You don't kill them. You literally... It's like a reward. Retire someone. now google now i feel like a fucking now google google send someone to the glue factory i shouldn't have a podcast i think you're on fire today no i'm cash yeah or i'm that's you see what i'm saying you're right send them to the glue factory it means you shot him in the head because they use

the like thing they use the like gelatin from their hooves i think for glue no it's made from the hides and bones of cattle and pigs now rather google google jello horse hoof oh yeah jello is made jello is made with horse hooves yeah it's kind of gross i feel like that's like it that's jello is not made from horse hooves brosfeld hoof so wrong oh it's like college that's like jello horse hoof is like og like fifth grade fact yeah one guy finds that about and oh my god like whoever finds that out first is like the man i had a friend named uh what were you saying well Do you remember mascaras made from bat poop? No.

You guys never did that one? No. We did that one? Yeah. You guys never spread that one? In middle school, like when girls started wearing makeup, we'd be like, oh, mascara's made from bat poop. Like, that's gross.

You're putting that in your eyes. Really? What were other ones? There were other like playground shit that you'd hear. Like, what? Yeah, yeah. It'd be like. This episode is brought to you by animals.

How far would you go when someone threatens everyone you love? Who can you trust? From Academy Award winner Ben Affleck, Animals stars Affleck, Kerry Washington, Jillian Anderson, and Steven Yeun. When a Los Angeles mayoral candidate's son is kidnapped, he and his wife are pulled into a web of deception, forced to make choices that could tear their world apart. Watch Animals, only on Netflix, on October 9th. Rated R. did you know touch my weenus oh yeah i meant my elbow yeah uh i had a friend named evan

metanitza that could put his legs behind his head we all gather around him on the playground we just watch him do it that's kind of fun it was cool i used to go to the playground all the time nice how was that for you really good yeah you know i once i uh like injured my the only like injury i as a kid was i was doing parkour during you remember the parkour craze yeah dude i got part of it i was leading the charge yeah do you know what i'm talking about though when there's like videos of course yeah that was the best we had like a sick gym teacher shout out janine and she was like she was like incredibly ill no she was no no she was very well uh and she was like parkour we're doing a segment on parkour it was like kind of just let us run wild it's

I, like, set up, like, a picnic table right by a tree branch. I, like, ran, jumped on a picnic table on a tree branch. And I was like, oh! And then I swung on it and tried to do a flip off it. No idea how to do that. Land on my wrist and, like, fully, like, spring it back. It was like a spring. I will say, to her credit, like, she clearly instilled enough confidence in you.

That was a thing you thought you could do. Dude, she was the best. You've never done a gator in your entire life. you were gonna do it you were gonna do it from from off of a tree on the playground of my school it was just it was like insane that we were allowed to do that yeah it feels like a huge liability 100 you like go to the nurse's office it's like what happened i was like i was flipping off of a tree in gym class it was the parkour it was like parkour yeah what is it what is it like in our brains when we're that age that like like now now if one of your friends got like horribly

hurt it would be like news but like every other week someone was like maiming themselves and like there was a i remember there was i went to school with this girl named olivia and she tried to do kind of a similar thing where you know when kids figured out you could do like a backflip off the swings like fairly easily like if you go all the way up you can kind of like drop off and she uh landed on her arm and compound fractured it like the bones came out of her and we were like yep that's like a normal thing that happens here there was a kid i remember that happened to tiki barber when he was a kid compound fracture is some shit like that and he there was a my favorite like killed kids book was like tiki and ronde barber you know those guys yeah i don't

i know them more from football than they're like children's literature but look up tiki and ronde barber book and they had something a thing in it where they showed his bones sticking out and it made me so scared of breaking oh my god i do remember these yeah holy shit i think it was by my brother's side dude they must have made a fucking killing off this because these were make a bunch of them yeah yeah wow can you do a broken bone no no at the end i really don't want to really oh it's like it's a children's image it sounds like it rattled you pretty hard is it arm oh well never mind i meant from the book it doesn't matter um i don't know if it was his arm i don't know i'll just buy the book i'll just buy you guys the book i remember okay fine we're

sponsored by this book i'll say it andrew in my in my i kind of missed gym class i wish like work head gym class it's such a fun way to burn off some steam yeah there was this kid in my uh in my gym class i've told this i'm gonna get a bunch of comments i've already told this story you did go three for three last episode and i did i just get excited i did kind of notice it and then i was like i don't know what to but it's a new guy i'm excited to tell him one of the probably the hardest i've ever laughed in my entire life gym class there was this kid that i went to school with who was famously like there's nothing wrong with this but famously like the strangest guy in the world like was kind of this pseudo intellect where like he was in my

classes so he's not the smartest guy in school but he would talk in like a fake british accent or sometimes it would be australian and like he clearly was somewhat well read on what we were talking about but just it was a little bit pretentious and you were kind of waiting for him to get put in his place a little bit and gym class was one of those places where he didn't necessarily thrive but he was giving it his all and i respect that and he he wore those like laceless merrills remember those no pull up merrills like i don't think anyone wore merrills outside of maine as kids but you know what they are right i know what they are now but i feel like they're like yeah those for literally the first ones those like brown ones these were like a

popular i think it's like a new england thing they were very popular amongst like the stranger crowd it's like granola woodsy maine yeah i guess yeah and hi comment down below they make like hiking shoes yeah but did anyone like so i'm the only main was the only place with whatever he was wearing those famously not great for making like sharp turns because they don't have laces and they're not very tight blew both of his tires uh they his shoes flew like 60 feet across the gym and he's kind of like scattered into the wall and uh he was one of those kids were like he was there was nothing like he didn't have anything but he was so kind of odd that like you couldn't it wasn't kosher to laugh at him the same way that he would be so everyone has to like keep a straight face

when like literally like i think one of his shoes hit the ceiling like it was like it was like i've never i still just have no idea like where the propulsion came from and so the gym goes silent because we're waiting to see like oh my god did he just like die and he kind of pops back up and he goes no injury sustained and then just goes back to playing whatever fucking like made-up game we were playing it was it was the hardest i've ever laughed i wish there was a video of how because his shoes i don't think if you were trying to kick your shoe across the gym you could make it go that far it was to this day the funniest thing i've ever seen i think it like changed my perspective my like sense of humor of shoes i was like that's what i like it was the first time

where i was like that's what i want that's what i like no injury sustained no injury sustained we had a kid one time uh we were like riding a school bus and he was a self-proclaimed like carbotarian which meant he only ate carbs oh what yeah he's like so morbidly obese no he was super skinny it was super weird but he like had to have weighed like 80 pounds but uh his name was keaton fam and uh he was like he was like yo check this out and we hit a speed bump on the bus and he got in the middle of the bus and he just flew up his entire like back was he like hurt it was yes oh my god it was like a scene from the exorcist you know they like fly up to the ceiling

and we were like why did you do that he was i didn't know how to go that high he was like i thought like a couple feet max oh my god i think my whole body was gonna touch the ceiling was the bus driver like in on it no because like we had a bus driver that like the whole year he was it was bus 11 and his route had like the one speed bump in town and so like you know day one we're like uh what was his fucking name crink mr murray furkle whatever it was furkle the bust we were trying to convince him like all year like one of these days you gotta just nail it like it was the perfect bus length and it was one of those kind of like wide speed but like it wasn't a it wasn't one where you hit it in the whole thing like

jolts like you could ride over it smoothly but the back will whatever and on like one of those second to last days or last week of school he was like today's the day like we're doing it and so we all sat way in the back like no one sat in the front we were like three kids per row and he hit this thing going like 30 miles an hour like it was it was like way more intense than we thought it was going to i think every kid like hit their head on the seat like he like he to his credit like he was like if we're gonna do it let's do it right and he fucking launched us and then like looking back on it it's like that's so fun but they're the risk to reward for him like if someone had like because these are a bunch of kids with like kind of uptight moms and whatever like

these were the type of moms that would like sue if something happened and uh i gotta respect that he was like i want this he was like yeah he's like i i need this he used to let us he used to let us get out from the emergency exit in the back to like he was just an all-around like cool yeah cool guy it's awesome yeah just to feed his hot dogs on the way in you go open up slip one back you couldn't chew it though you had to just like a sword swallow dude bus drivers it's such a funny profession because i remember just seeing them like in hindsight like that must be so fucking boring you do it in the morning and then they just sit on the bus until it's time for you to get back on like i think like a handful of them had like some custodian-ish duties like

during the day but i knew a couple that like they drop you off and then they'd pick you up and that was their whole day yeah i remember being on the bus and i had this um fucking i need like a story no i was just i would ride the bus every day with my buddy finn and we he was just a character and he would read we were 14 and he was reading uh atlas shrugged by ayn rand which is like i don't even know what that is she's like this like i don't know far right philosopher lady that oh uh i think the whole nature of atlas shrugged is comf-esque i think it's like fuck everyone nice and care about yourself or something i don't i just remember like he would be like just spewing stuff to me yeah i don't know what was her uh or wait he or

she she did uh anthem did you guys ever read that oh this is like old literature yeah and he would just tell me stuff from the book and i would just sit there and listen to it and uh then we would get arnold palmer's i didn't have a good bus story that was just what i did on the bus dude this kid finn this is not in the vein of what you were saying but we i would go to his house every day before we went to the bus i don't know if i have told this story it's hard to remember sometimes but one time i showed up at his house in the morning there were just like 400 boxes in his living room and i was like what the hell is this and he goes we have enough beans and ammo to last us two years oh they were like doomsday i was like what and it turns out his stepdad was like

a doomsday prepper yeah they had enough canned food not beans only but it was enough canned food an ammunition to last them two years i was like how much ammunition do you need to last you two years like what what are you accounting for like is this a zombie apocalypse so so far a year's worth of ammo has been zero bullets yeah exactly like how much of this is ammo and how much of this is beans and uh what's the b what's the bean to ar-15 ratio but it was crazy they it was a legit doomsday prepper and uh i it hasn't happened yet but was that did you tell your mom i did yeah they didn't really like me staying at their house because they knew they had a lot of guns yeah like he had guns in his bedroom which is a little scary um we had hunting guns but not like

you wouldn't have had one in your bedroom no it was in a safe i didn't know the password to yeah you know what i mean like i don't like a rifle in his closet my dad my dad uh i don't know where he falls on the gun debate but i know he's only had shotguns for hunting like i remember i think i told you when my aunt passed away he was in charge of like uh like figuring out what to do with all her stuff and he found a bunch of handguns and they were on our kitchen table when i got home and i was like what are those and he's like i literally don't know what to do with them like he like even he who's like a i think fairly pro yeah guns at least in the hunting sense was like kind of off put by like self-defense or like offensive weapon i don't know it was just like

i think you should never have yeah i don't even ever want to have one i like i'm not morally opposed to having a gun but i just like something about it just i think there are guys that that would know what to do with it i think me having one yeah the odds of it going the way the odds of it doing any good in like protecting me or anyone around me it is almost i've done nothing to prove that i can handle one 100 yeah i guess maybe like you want to have a family like maybe that's like i think baseball bat like just like like yeah apparently what's the statistic that like uh like if you have one for self-defense it's more likely that you're gonna like hit one of your family members or something than like the intruder or whatever yeah i don't know that's

probably nonsense i think i think it's way scarier for an intruder for a guy running at you with like an eastern stealth than it is with like a handgun or like what about like i i don't even know if you can do this but a porcupine like if you if you porcupine in a slingshot yeah keeping it in the safe you call that you call the cops you're like a guy broke in i have like immobilized him they're like oh my god did you shoot him you're like i just get down here the guy they get he's got quills in his eyes he's like who has this why would you have this he's like shoot me please i don't have a gun shoot me please he said he's up take me out of my misery he's at the end of this

at the end of the stairs with like like quills in his eyes and face and he's just like put me out of my misery why would this be what you have this is an option have you been keeping him how long have you had him i came in you're like kind of ready to die but this is worse death by porcupine oh man i remember uh i remember when when there was like like it's 2020 okay there's a bunch of shit going down and i had to spend eight hours a day with that guy who i worked with at the pool cleaning company who was like addicted to percocets and he was just like he had a lot on he had a lot of of opinions yeah and so he was the guy i would

talk to about this and i remember bringing up one time i was like why don't cops like if you're gonna shoot him why don't they just shoot him in like the leg or something and he he was he got so fucking mad at me he's like they're not allowed to shoot to maim they have to shoot to kill i was like why can't you shoot to me like that would you know shooting the maim seems like the move that would solve so many problems like like if i was like if i was like being a nuisance to a cop like just shoot me in the ankle or something you know what i mean like i'm gonna stop putting up maybe we try the porcupine slingshot thing it's like uh oh or not you get you get pulled over by the q9 unit instead of the canine unit they like mean fire quills at you you're like ow

like open season or something i don't know what i left my porcupine at home porcupines are like a real thing yeah yeah my aunt was just telling me like her neighbor's dog got porcupined you got quilled and they had to they had to go over to her house and take all the quills out and i was like i kind of forgot that they existed yeah there are a couple animals like that animal their defense their like defense mechanism is so yeah cartoonish is the word like my sister armadillos yeah oh i got an armadillo story for you but before that my sister uh my sister's dog was barking at it there's a skunk that like his territory is their like courtyard her apartment's complex is like courtyard yeah and uh rosie barked at it and the thing just sprayed her so hard and so long and so

close in the face that it like swelled her entire face shut and she just reeked and they were like we don't know what to like why is that just bite her or something or like scratch her or something like this is farting on her this is insane i thought you were gonna say like it was like so close that they like just had to throw the dog away you stink so bad we just gotta throw the whole dog sorry yeah dude her other dog it's like when you get the assessment from the car dealership it's like at this point your dog's totaled we uh her other dog she just has the one now she has birdie who i preferred anyways you've met birdie yeah and uh and she was on play date birdie was on play date yeah birdie sat right here on

play when they got her some fucking asshole left this litter of puppies on the side of the highway like presumably to die and uh they got rescued and when they rescued this litter birdie who's the dog my sister has now had three had like a huge talon mark on the back of her neck and so they think like a hawk came down and tried to like scoop her out of the box but she like somehow fought it off or it like dropped her because she was still in the box so it wasn't like it got her out of got her in the air or got her in the air and she was such a nuisance that it came back and like dropped her off but uh yeah i was like all right you can go she like they're like have you seen dogs walking around your neighborhood their vests have like quills coming out of the back to

prevent like hawks from coming down and getting them like that's a real it's a real threat there were uh that was like uh fisher cats ever show you my fisher cat picture no my dad shot off my fish cats uh that's he couldn't tell which one it was so they just called it the fish or a cat and cat i killed either a fisher cat um and there was a fish got under our porch and it scratch my doggies my dad shot it whatever but they uh they like terrorized our part of maine and apparently the thing it goes after are cats babies and little dogs and it's pull up a fisher cat scream it is the most haunting sound in the world it's an awful sound oh is that horrible yeah i hate that seat not an ad not an ad unless they send me to another

daughters game for free tick pick when i was on when i went to get my sparks thing you can sit in your seat and when you move your phone it shows you the whole stadium there's like a guy next to you that's like really weird you turn like oh i don't want to sit next to him these seats are awesome but there's a guy it's just like an ai version of each guy who bought that is what it's not ai but it's uh it's they're all like cartoons no but i mean like what it's like you once you buy the seat oh it's your avatar yeah so you can like see what kind of crew you're gonna be a guy whose jeans are like oh i don't want to be next to like a family with like kids like you can there's a guy covered in blood with a machete yeah there's a guy covered

in nacho cheese you're like oh god this guy sucks at eating probably speaking of how the fuck are people getting dildos into crypto you just put it in your pocket it was this big i mean in your pants in your bag and your shirt it's not gonna set off any metal detector i don't think you can bring it back you just put in your coat pocket or your i just think like bum like butthole but like that's what there's a moment where you're prepping oh no you wear pants and then you just strap it to your leg there's a moment where you're prepping like getting ready yeah if he's trapping just like there's a moment where he's sitting there before he leaves like strapping up getting ready to like go like it's not like i ended up there and like got drunk

at the game and like went crazy whatever like yeah this is a planned out premeditated crime coordinated attack yeah like simply it's probably like you have a moment of reflection similar to like a terrorist where you're like i'm about to go do this that you're like strapping on your fucking dildo before you go to the sparks game strapping on you strapping on also you definitely had to go alone well you because like what if you like because if i like pitch if i thought that was funny and then i pitched that to you like i would have to you'd have to know that you were friends with guys who already would think that was funny every great terrorist is a side i'm shocked that there's like no eyes of like who did it like if the person in front of you threw a dildo you'd be

like i'm sure they know right here right when it happened security guards like all kind of went to like where they thought it happened yeah and no one was like well you never sell you never sell your boy out no but i'm saying like to andrew's point if a guy in front of me hucked a yeah dildo well what if okay what if he brought a crew of like 30 guys we bought it's like when 50 cent bought like the first three rows of that jaw rule concert so it'd be empty he bought every seat around him so that no one could see it's the perfect crime yeah it's a perfect crime 50 cent So there's just like one guy by himself with just 30 seats.

He's like, wasn't me. Everyone's like, we clearly saw you. There was nobody sitting around you. It's way more obvious. Maybe he flicks it so people can't see. Who was that? Yeah, he does like a Magic Johnson. Or he goes, holy shit!

A bird! It's like, that guy threw a dildo. Everyone turns and then he throws the actual dildo. It's not a bad plan. It's not a bad plan at all. Alright, let's get into pitches. Do we get into the road map? all right we got a beautiful episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by

our pitches then we are gonna do am i the asshole do we got those ender yep hell yeah and then we got this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard bang kills it every time then we got teach me something and then we're gonna do rick and morty plots that don't exist you are you a rick and morty head andrew of course you see that that guy on he's like in an xbox live chat and he's like i'm kind of like the i'm kind of like the wreck of my friends my friend group because i just i'm like really dark and i like don't really give a shit about anything and i was like oh cool yeah i've never seen rick and morty so mine are horrible

you haven't seen it never never seen an episode okay all right we'll watch so you'll transparently i woke up this morning thought it was tuesday yep he texted me at not we start recording at 9 30 he texted me at 907 he said what was the other draft i when you texted i'm gonna be running a little bit late i was in bed still and i went oh my fucking god it's wednesday i just woke up i was like it's tuesday i just was like i'm i was just yeah but i mean i still got here at the same time i thankfully i live very close but i still got here 10 minutes later you're in the kitchen being like i love tuesdays tuesdays are the best oh no i was fully naked in my bed and on my phone and then you sent a text i went oh fuck but you're like guys god's playing you're gonna want to see

scott you're gonna want to see this i was like i go hot sometimes i don't hey i'll make sure that hey what is that she said do you love me i tell her only paulie i only love my bed and my mama i'm sorry 50 dub i ain't got a teddy on me i was listening to tupac on the way here um they made it they made tupac made a tupac made tupac um oh and then we're gonna do fashion trends that don't exist and then we'll do mail bag three at a time mail bag making it we have mail i have two boxes in our office as well that i forgot about and then we'll finish with rusty's song of the day i've watched you take four sips that you have missed you've missed your mouth every time well you missed a lot of sips because i've taken at least fucking 10 you're mug maxing

i love getting mugged and you pitch us brother all right pitches pitches pitches pitches Throw us a fastball. Did you see I'm a model now? I did, yeah. I'm rolling blazers. Pretty cool. That's awesome. Did you see that, Andrew?

I did. That was awesome. I'm a model now. Did they take those on film? Yeah. Yeah. Which seems like way... Tommy Cecil flew out here with a film camera.

Wow. So if those just didn't work, he would have just been toast. Yeah, that's true. Also, can't you not go through security with films? He says he has a method that works, and apparently it doesn't. You have TSA hand check it, basically. yeah but he flies back to new york and then ships the film to his guy in la and then they ship it back to new york why wouldn't he just bring it to the guy in la while he's still in la i don't know

i don't you know yeah he can also get the digital scans yeah a lot of people well he apparently has one guy out here that he likes the way i don't know ask him okay okay okay what's the worst part about being out with new acquaintances if there's a lull in the conversation you think that they're never gonna want to hang out again yeah they throw shit kind of close uh sometimes you do something super embarrassing and now you're afraid you'll think that they'll think you're a weirdo forever yep i propose that we have a company who can who you can reach out to in this situation who will manufacture a social media campaign centered around normalizing whatever mistake you made oh no i accidentally called my friend's boyfriend bud now he thinks i'm condescending

well guess what katie perry just posted a heartfelt video on instagram dedicated to why it's secretly super cool to do that and we need to normalize it i like that i like that yeah it's all anyone is talking about online lately you're not a condescending douchebag you're hip yeah if anything you're you're ahead of the times i like i think it should all be katie perry too yes isn't she dating justin trudeau now she is yeah i don't know if they're like full-fledged like i call but they're going on i call him justin cast isn't that always like i feel like so like the word dating it can be like like in the public sector i feel like it means like they're going on dates when we were when we were in middle school dating was you were you are married to that person right

now like am i dating my girlfriend yeah okay he's girlfriend girlfriend's more serious than we're dating though i don't know i feel like for celebrities dating is like you be like i'll talk to i'll talk to some kids our age and they like are like dating multiple people you know what i mean yeah i guess it's just like going on dates i don't know yeah what the hell man i don't give a shit andrew are you dating i am all i know is i ain't doing it come on brother come on you got any dates lined up nope i've been uh you're taking a hiatus sort of dormant yeah why no i'm sorry sorry that was not the right way to ask that would you like to be going on dates uh i do think sometimes it gets like exhausting like the cycle of like going on a few dates and

then feeling like you have to like end it and it's just like emotionally like kind of right up and down and i think i'd rather just kind of like focus on i got a lot of shit other shit to deal with in my own like i don't know well is that like and then if it's the right person then i go all in but i think the process of dating becomes kind of exhausting once you go through that a few times andrew how'd you meet your girlfriend um we met at my brother's wedding wow she is my brother's wife's best friend so i guess my sister-in-law now her best friend that's awesome oh i thought you meant your girlfriend is now your sister-in-law she is also my sister is that kosher um not what andrew's doing i'm saying like what i thought it was like are you

how would that work so like let's say you're your sister-in-law will be married polygamous sorry sorry not this you're uh no but you're her sister would still be your sister-in-law right so like if sam got a wife i don't think and then you're in then sam's wife had like a like a crazy busty sister that wouldn't be your sister-in-law i think that is your sister i don't think so no i think just the person that married in no stepsister there's nothing is she your stepsister now no can you date but yes you could that happened so my my in my family there's a set of double cousins so it's two brothers and two sisters and nothing wrong with married each other which means that they all have the same grandparents oh if that makes sense so there's

like there's nothing wrong with that but i think like that sounds just confusing to me it is a little confusing wait so so break this down for me i'm like trying to figure it so your uncle married a woman and then your other uncle married her sister it wasn't my uncle but my but for my brain just so that yes two brothers and two sisters each married each other nice have you seen those so then they each had families and then those kids had the exact same set of two grandparents instead of usually you share one grandparent with your cousins that's so funny exact same two okay those family reunions are probably money uh do you ever see those those two there were two identical twins that married two identical twins so their kids are both

genetically siblings and cousins that's fucking weird what if they came out looking exactly the same i think they do look exactly the same the kids yeah that's awesome yeah and then they get married to each other now that would be still marrying your cousin when i was a kid i'm married i was dating a girl named reed and then my best friend alex was dating her sister and then my sister was dating alex's brother oh and that was very odd because there was nothing wrong with it at all yeah it was just a little it was just like yeah it was kind of the same thing where we all like this there are too many people that were sharing like grandparents in a sense you know what i mean where you're like we there's no separation of church and state yeah it was a little

hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest. Conditions apply. Visit scotiabank.com slash H-I-S-A to learn more. Scotiabank. You're richer than you think. Weird. In college, I knew a guy who was dating his roommate's sister, and they were like both in a dorm. So they like shared the room. And so on weekends she would visit, he'd be like, yo you mind like getting a hotel for the weekend or something and he goes like so you can pound my sister like no dude i'm not doing that oh no it was weird were those friends uh not after that

yeah yeah wait so is it like freshman year yeah freshman year oh it was brutal you meet a new you're you're in the biggest change of your life you meet like one guy that you're like okay this is a cool guy i can get along with him and then how did he meet his sister i think like move-in day oh my god was he like incredibly handsome how did he make such an impression he was a pretty good looking guy fuck being that hot would be so did she also go to the school no she was like still in high school so she would just like come up for the weekend yeah oh my god tough situation you move into college and your roommate is boning your sister who is still in high school yeah that's a nightmare scenario uh i'm gonna say not the

asshole i had this is obviously not the same thing but i'm just thinking about like think about how many times you either were like aware that your freshman your roommate was like having sex or you like saw it yeah now imagine that that on the receiving end of that as your sibling i remember waking up in the middle of the night one time yeah no i actually won't i refuse to imagine that i remember waking up in the middle of the night and my roommate jack i hope you're doing well jack he was the best he's just a cool guy i look down and him and his girl in the middle of the night and uh our dorm had like those like shutter blinds where like the street light would come through in like chunks you know what i mean so you could only like it would be like bars of

light in the in those bars of light on the ground are two people making sweet sweet love to each other and i asked him in the morning i was like why are you guys having sex on the floor and he was like it's way quieter than like doing it in our bed because we were worried about it squeaking i'm like yeah but it's it's double as close to me like it was like under i'm like i'd rather hear it and not really see it yeah you're literally like at at literally i could reach down and like touch both of them if i wanted to i did but i could have if i wanted to like oh man let's see what the hell the hell did that just conversation just happen i don't know wait that was that came from what's the worst part about movie theaters what happened sorry um

what was that pitch or do we already do two we'll just do that was that was a good that was a good amount of pitches that was a good like length talking about pitches we'll just move on to to am i the asshole sure yeah all right i'll stay anonymous the other day i was walking my dog like responsible pet owner would and i was carrying a bag of dog poop when i happened to cross the trash can that was about eight feet up my neighbor's driveway not thinking much of it i walked a couple steps up to the driveway and then tossed the bag of poop in the can and carried on my way unbeknownst to me the homeowner was driving by and saw me do this he went digging through his own trash can grabbed the bag of poop got back in his car drove up next to me and handed me the bag

of poop he said having the bag of poop in his garage would uh garage can would attract flies make his trash garage can or garbage can be honest she did type garage she got that garage make his trash stink and said not to put stuff in his garage can she said garage can he said stink she's a garage can again she's a garage can twice maybe that's the thing i mean it's in his garage that is different but i feel like it sounds like it was on his driving garbage can garbage it's a garbage can garbage can at first i thought he was joking so i gave him a blank stare but he didn't go away and i realized he was being serious so i grabbed the bag from him and finished my walk made home when i got home i felt disrespected i decided to walk back to his house and leave

him a note that said sorry i left dog poop in your garage can but digging through your own trash Did you say garage can again? We need to fight through this one. But digging through your own trash and bringing the bag back to me is gross and very petty. Dog poop won't attract flies more than anything else in your trash can. Trash always stinks. The next day I heard a knock on my door and sure enough it was a neighbor who had come to yell at me about the note, how I was rude and being disrespectful. um when there was finally a break in his yelling i said cry me a fucking river and shut the door

after a few minutes yelling at me through the door he finally gave up walked away so am i the asshole no i don't think you're the asshole at all this guy's a freak that guy i mean that guy has literally nothing going on in his life or what is going on in his life is so bad that he's taking it out on you think there's a grown man dug through dug through his own trash grabbed your dog's poop got back in his car and tracked you down he's a crabby old man and he's gonna be miserable for the rest of his life there are people there are people like that there's no reasoning with he just he if it wasn't you he was gonna yell at someone else for something else i will say if you are the asshole then i'm a fucking terrorist because i my garbage

cans are like behind a gate with like a code and a lot of there's always like at least one neighbor's garbage can out in our alleyway so i put my garbage 100 of the time in my neighbor's can and uh that i that i think you may be why who cares i'm so the opposite on both of these actually i think you're not the asshole but you think she's the asshole but i think i think you think about what willie's doing like what like what if it what if that person's garbage can fills up and then he can't fucking put his trash in it because Willie has been...

Then he goes in the next neighbor. He just sets it next to it or something. Also, he left it out in the alleyway. I mean, my alleyway is a free-for-all. But like, a dog... Instead of going to... What she's doing or he is doing with the dog poop

is what everyone does. Wait, you think she's the asshole? So I think you can only do it if it's trash day and they haven't picked up the trash that's a good point okay that's a good point that's what we always did in my neighborhood so what do you do with your dog's poop you bring it home putting in your like inside trash like i have like a trash can in my garage a garage can yeah wait why a garage can if you will yeah wait why would you put it in your inside trash i don't the kitchen the kitchen the kitchen trash i put it down the disposal

i mean honestly like especially if the garage can is like in the driveway like deep in the driveway i'm not gonna like walk that's like back how far is it eight steps yeah but like usually on trash day it's like out in the street right right so then it's like okay it's trash day nobody's picked up the trash yet but if his is in his driveway is that does that insinuate it's already been picked up for the day i'm guessing but it's just like the principle of like walking kind of into someone's like home i can see where you're coming all right but on the flip side if you're that guy he's still way overreacted yes oh 100 you should go and be like hey listen yeah yeah yeah like please could you not do this and i'm sure she'd be like oh i'm sorry i didn't

really even know yeah but pull like digging through pulling out driving up to her yeah no way crazy all right that's crazy i still think you're not the asshole though all right should we do uh should we do this guy rocks i would really like that i sent it on slack these guys rock put the sound on it's like camel soccer yeah a camel handball I just My favorite thing Is that the goalies Are fully

Above the crossbar Yeah just put it low Every time This is almost like Look at the goal Like he has no Literally no chance Hope

You can just roll it Past him Yeah Alright This feels like like wow round of applause that is a good this guy rocks if i didn't see this video and you told me that in the middle east this was a real sport they played i would i would call you like a racist so like this is like a family guy joke of like this is more confusing than a saudi arabian

sport and it's like camel handball you're like that's yeah yeah i am confused on like how do you not score it doesn't look very andrew i would say the majority of qatar or whatever this is ai this is qatar versus morocco and it looks like there are literally zero fans there so i would say the average uh the average patron or fan of this sport is equally as confused as and has realized there is no no way they won't score hey i bet water breaks are real easy i want to know what the dribbling rule is because yeah sometimes they're kind of like they kind of do it but like now they're not at all one guy clearly like lost it and he just like held it for like 10 steps and then started doing it looks

like it looks like they probably wrote the rules in 15 seconds uh all right let's see who else quite a lot of water breaks really easy that's a good joke all right andrew pause this immediately and i mean it immediately all right this is a girl who says let's see how many drinks i can get away with before my mom notices this is uh 21 oh she looks young in this oh you'll see in a second that she's not but this is drink number one she looks like an eight-year-old it looks like pink panthers drink number two i only made it to do but i just want to say fuck everybody fuck literally fuck everybody

i don't want to fucking talk about it oh my god what happened all the comments were like i think your mom's probably in the right for not wanting you yeah jesus she turned on us too yeah just fuck every dude i was on his head go to the uh go to the comments for a second andrew uh yeah girl you only needed to girl we didn't tell her what did i do so mad at us like we told her to do it i only made it to two but fuck everyone fuck you guys i don't even care yeah what and she was like clearly had been like sobbing i think so yeah i think she probably was hammered i guess

round of applause for that this guy rocks should we do teach me something yeah yeah teach me something um all right in night or in 1657 during a wave of strict lenten dietary reforms the vatican issued a document attempting to clarify what could and could not be sound simple enough fish yes beef no turtles yes snails unclear so we're already we're already getting a little confused here okay doesn't sound like they even really know what they want do you look up snail fact no here's where it gets weird a group of monks in burgundy burgundy france had developed a deep deep cultural cultural devotion to eating snails okay uh specifically during lent claiming they were technically seafood but a clerical copyist in

rome's in rome jesus mistranslated uh like the french word for shellfish uh as escargot which was snails and accidentally inserted a line forbidding snails from lenten meals uh this made its way into local doctrine resulting in snail raids uh uh so like they would break into these like monasteries and confiscate their barrels of snails uh and even excommunicated a bishop who publicly served snails with garlic butter damn snail farmers protested one group dumped 400 live snails in front of the local bishop's villa a minor peasant revolt broke out uh the vatican quietly corrected the error two years later without ever admitting that it happened that's insane a snail raid probably takes forever i thought you said snail rave

at first that's probably like a youtube video that exists 12 hour snail rave that's all like that i did like that sometimes here's my question sometimes it feels like you're reading it for the first time i am i'm totally reading it sounds like you type in a chat do you chat gbt it here no so you do it earlier and then you just don't do it until i find one that i find interesting okay got it and i only read the headline so i i saw like french snail ban i was like in done uh well mine is okay you know the movie jack and jill adam sandler movie it's like regarded as like one of the worst movies of all time uh it that's just your opinion but no i google worse i'm just google worst movies of all time i actually bet it comes up

uh freddie got fingered keep going scroll down now do more that looks like a different adam sandler movie bays park jaws is on here are these just movies oh all right continue sorry jack and jill well regardless it's it's pretty uh regarded as as a pretty awful film it's like the bottom of his career uh there's a survivor season where the reward that they compete for is an exclusive screening of jack and jill and it's just the funniest at the time i think like the movie hadn't come out and so it was like promo for the movie and everyone's like and everyone's like they're so fucking bored yeah and uh but people were i just i haven't seen the season but i just

was reading it like something on the subreddit about like the worst survivor rewards and that was making me laugh that's that was a reward that ended up being like a punishment there was one i don't know if you taught me this or chester someone told me this that uh there was they almost had like a mutiny on their hands because one of the rewards was going to be uh one bud light yeah yeah bud light was the sponsor and the the contestants found out about it and they're like we won't fucking do the challenge or whatever and they had already like i think signed with bud like they needed to fucking figure out a way to get it done and they people were almost like i will literally not do it because that's such a slap in the face yeah yeah it did happen i read

that was also on that same sub reddit reddit thread what did you see the guys that like watched jack and jill every day for a whole year no yeah he's like went insane they went insane yeah okay i like the three it's like made like a username andrew uh he typed the three exactly the e was that's what i'm saying andrew like rivals lauren's googling abilities but they that was like almost impressive yeah maybe i lied maybe it was something else i could have sworn there was a guy on tiktok that was watching jack every day for a year i believe it's insane uh all right andrew would you rather hear rick and morty plots that don't exist first or fashion trends that don't exist first uh whichever one willie put less effort into rick and morty rick

and morty rick and morty i'd tee it up willie you should or i should tee it up that's what i'm saying these are rick and morty plots that don't exist uh rick and morty start an app like postmates for different food from across the galaxy everything is going great and they're making a ton of money but soon a mafia-like organization threatens to kill them if they don't give them a cut of the money rick and morty tell them that they will give them a cut and say they will meet at a certain neutral territory planet to settle the deal over a meal. The planet they meet at

is inhabited by an alien species that looks exactly like fast food items. Where did I just leave off? And when the food comes to the table, the burgers and fries, or sorry, when the food comes to the table, the burger and fry looking aliens

jump up and attack the mob bosses killing them. I love that. It's like sort of like what they do in Despicable Me where the cookies are robots. oh i haven't seen it you ever seen despicable me no did you like that one andrew yeah i loved it fuck i thought you'd seen despicable me fuck okay well this is gonna make this one weird rick and grew team up no i'm just kidding okay rick invents a toaster with 16 slots so when the company when your company gets bagels

in the morning everyone can toast their bagels all at the same time uh and he's very excited about it he patents it and he starts to market it what he doesn't anticipate is that it gets so popular and is so effective that it increases productivity uh in workplaces across the galaxy at an exponential rate which accelerates uh the decline of civilization and within three years uh the whole world is all the animals are dead and the whole world is dying and so then he has to go back in time and try to un-invent the 16 slotted toaster i love it does that sound like something that could be in the episode it doesn't necessarily sound like it doesn't sound like uh something he would do but i like it yeah he wouldn't i thought he invents stuff and time

travels that's kind of what i picked up on i'm curious i i think he just like turns himself into a pickle yeah isn't isn't that his whole thing he invents stuff in time travels yeah did you just like skim the wikipedia page yeah i tried to learn about it because i never seen it and then i do one where he invents something and time travels and you're like ah not really it what part isn't it tell me he i don't think he would ever like invent that just for the greater good but i think actually kind of got me back at the end like the part where he has to go back in an all right ready and morty was there sorry oh well now okay that's probably why yes okay morty is struggling in gym class because the bigger kids are dominating him in dodgeball

when he won't stop complaining to rick about it uh rick builds him a special dodgeball that will always return to him after it hits its target and it has uh like tracking technology and boosters so it will like really hurt whoever it hits uh morty gets carried away with his newfound power and uses the dodgeball to intimidate everyone who has been mean to him at school morty is now the most popular and feared person at school but when he accidentally pops the ball in woodshop class everyone who who he has been terrorizing now has their opportunity to get revenge i love that uh didn't feel like you liked it andrew did you like it i did i just like i had a flashback to that one episode of morty where he like can't stop fucking the robot you know and they're like

they're like trying to have a family dinner and they can like oh yeah you're like having sex all the time yeah that's a classic oh and then it gets pregnant oh yeah oh it's like what the fuck yeah willie going yeah that one's a classic i think when you're with your your brothers like your older brother's cool friends yeah yeah that one is cool i have seen that one rick and morty sorry what i put uh rick and morty uh time travel back to the wild west and they stumble across a small town experiencing a water crisis they become the town's unexpected heroes uh and destroy the town's villains and end up uh realizing that the mayor is secretly hoarding all the water and they kill the mayor and return water to the civilians uh becoming

the heroes that they never thought they could be i like it i like it do you guys like it yes love it and they and morty's there oh no okay now i really like it rick and morty find out that there's an uh rick and morty find out that there is an evil alien species who wants to kill every other alien species in the universe with their new weapon of mass destruction to combat this they challenge the evil alien species to a chess-like game that is very popular on that species home planet or sorry to combat this they challenge the evil alien species to a chess-like game that is very popular on the evil species home planet where the winner gets to survive because they don't know the rules and don't have time to learn rick invents

a robotic arm that is programmed to always make the best chess move in this complicated game that the alien species has invented. When it malfunctions halfway through the match, Rick and Morty have no choice but to start shooting the aliens. Rick has had a high-powered weapon that instantly kills all the aliens at the push of a button the whole time, but says he didn't want to use it in the first place because that would be the coward's way out.

Love it. is chess allowed because i thought that that was like i've read no no chess in that show just loud just loud that's true there's no chess okay uh was morty there and more yes and morty was oh okay yeah i love it my third one is not worth reading so i'm good to just stop there okay or i could i'll try one fuck i do when rick invents rick invents a bird that can time travel the bird i think you really gotta hung up on like the time travel aspect of it that's like not that's not every episode they don't time travel every episode not not every episode like honestly i would say like less less than they way less than they do yeah all right let's do our next draft you

go the hottest fashion trends of the fall of this fall these are going to be the hottest fashion trends of fall 2025 clipped hats right so people have seen the move where you clip a hat that you're not wearing on your belt loop uh now it's sort of in vogue to just get a few of them and clip them on each of your belt loops around your pants uh and you can even wear a hat on your head as well it's just sort of a fashion thing i like that shirt with a boom box already on the shoulder yes uh double pantsing is also going to be huge this is where you latch uh with a belt a second pair of pants to the bottom of your or to the back of your pants and it becomes sort of like a cape almost where it flaps behind you in the wind as you walk i like it yeah uh pants with

half of your laptop on each pant leg so you can sit down put them together and work from anywhere I love that. Shoes so small that they hurt is going to be big. It's sort of one of those, there's always fashion trends that are sort of, you sacrifice comfort for fashion. Right. That's going to be big. So you want your shoes as small as you possibly can, and they will hurt.

It's kind of like, did you guys learn about foot binding in school? Or like that thing where they wear their neck rings. Shankles. Skirts for your ankles to leave a little bit to the imagination. i like that a lot uh turning your shirt upside down i guess is gonna be huge um where the neck is like squeezing your belly yeah like it's good for like when you got like a tight hourglass figure like me right it's tighter on the uh hips and then wider at the top uh hats that say what teams you do not support instead of the one team you do i like that with like an x on it maybe or

something yeah uh uh all black like head to toe and then white ear gloves is gonna be huge so it's like gloves for your fingers but it's on your ear so it's sort of a a little garnish uh on your ear and then it sort of stands out against the black outfit so that's gonna be huge right uh shirt with a qr code that goes straight to your only fans because people are gonna start marketing more in person i love that i love that and let me tell you if you had it i would scan that shit brother i'm serious i would love i would love to go into your stuff i would be honored honestly do you want to hear my my ones that didn't make the list hit me uh necklace with a counter of how long it's been since you've touched yourself yep uh braiding your beard into your chest hair

yep inverse palmless gloves so it's gloves that are only on your palms okay wait just fingerless gloves no no no no glove only on the palm oh it's just this yeah uh rally caps that come with the brim already upside down so it's a normal hat here but the brim is upside down when your team's ass when your team just need it for the whole season hat pockets hats with pockets on the side for your keys wallets etc i don't hate that at all actually yeah i love that like wouldn't that be kind of cool of like a little just like shirt pocket here yeah your hat pocket all right uh should we do mailbag three at a time all right oh my god mailbag three at a time let's go andrew would you say i'm more goaded or sexy um i think you're like goat maxing

okay yeah this is a letter from sydney this is a letter from noel everyone's birth month flowers wow yes mine is astered wow i can't imagine it's asterd oh someone sent us a two dollar bill nice we're getting dinner tonight you want to read that willie it's really long but uh derp murp and meep around a year ago my brother noel showed me the pod and we love you guys he's seen every episode i've recently started my journey your positive attitudes brighten my day and even a topic that we bond over so many great memories of him and i gaming on discord while i screenshowed the pod and i can't imagine a more chill and fun way to spend time with him that's so fun um lauren girl to girl

talk i've loved seeing you grow to be more open on the pod um that doesn't apply to us i attempt to mistype things like human cage anyway name a shark or penguin after me two dollar bill for lauren nice well uh and there's some more prizes and says to watch out for rocks New Yard. We also have a pitch from Noel. Okay. We'll save that for tomorrow. Yeah, we can save that for the next episode. But we do have some gifts as well. Hell yeah.

This. What? This might be something that hurts. Oh, it's going to be the confetti thing. Whoa. Don't do it yet. We'll save that for a big occasion. It's like a thing I twist it and money shoots out. Yeah. Oh. Do not twist it right now. Alright, I'm not going to twist it right now.

Jeez. Well, you're treating me like a little kid. Like, give me that. You're not twisting that right now. guess what i'm a grown-up and then we got oh boy oh boy what the hell is this thing how the hell do i fucking open this shit well i it's like give it a shot it said there were fidget toys in there so i guess it's a fidget toy oh this i'm excited about it's gonna like kill me it's good there is a chance to kill you oh look at that duck's baseball duck's baseball he's going right with want soda whoa willy whoa whoa well done this is sick oh i i got one too nice this is awesome and i think there's another duck too what's their names noel and sydney thank you noel and sydney

this is awesome oh nice and this guy's like a space one can i put this up here as well please and then Andrew yes you want a fidget thing yes this is sick and another duck

a super duck dude this is going crazy I can't believe this we're ducking it alright you guys go now alright dear Will, Rusty, and Lauren

I've been a Playdate fan for about a year now please shout out Lincoln for introducing uh y'all to me lincoln shout out you brother uh when you first showed some fan mail on the pod i knew i needed to make y'all something i pulled from your logo and other merches to make this custom playdate patchwork sweatshirt hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoy the pod that i'm sure

we are going to enjoy it just as much maybe more p.s if possible please shout out link on the pod it would he would simply die if y'all did lincoln you're the og playmate thank you so much um um joni joni thank you so much my crafting account is at joni b makes my account is at joan bartlett underscore underscore uh link is at link shulman thank you guys so much see that thing take a freaking look at this thing whoa whoa that is so cool oh holy shit that is unreal i want to like frame this that is fantastic is that the front or the back that's the back wait that's so cool that is unreal look at that all right we will fight over we'll fight tooth

and nail for this what we do with that wow that is amazing andrew what'd you get awesome okay um this is from paxton he left joe thank you for that business card he is a jeweler and a multimedia artist sorry i cut you off that's paxton paxton nice pax vegas um when you left to go get the packages i was actually telling willie that this looks like a ring box is it a proposing i think it's i think it's a ring i don't know like a ring thing here uh ready don't break it so he said dear rusty will and lauren hopefully lauren is still around when you get this if not please give her one of these fuck me i guess oh my god wait that is going straight on my keychain That is so sick.

Wait, can I see it? It's like a little thing that says play date. Medallion, maybe? Yeah. Oh, my God. That is so, so sick. This is crazy. Everyone's so talented.

I can't believe that people are, like, craftsmen like this. I know. It's like a little thing that says play date. That's awesome. That you can put on your key chain. That's going right on my keys. That is so cool. I hope you are all doing well.

Long-time playmate. First-time sender here. I am a jeweler, and I wanted to show some love by making you all little Playdate pendants. These are sterling silver and entirely made by hand. I did not include necklaces to put them on. That shit gets too expensive, and I didn't know what each of you would like. I did include some jump rings, so you can put those on and throw it on your favorite necklace. If you're not a necklace person, you can just throw it on your keys or maybe use it as a ball marker.

Looking at you, Rusty. Look at this. If any of you or the Playmates are looking for handmade custom jewelry, hit me up at paxton.j, that's P-A-X-T-O-N dot J, on Instagram or my website, paxton, it's P-A-X-T-O-N-J-U-H-L-I-N dot com. i love you guys so much you get me through my work day and keep me laughing you're by far my favorite podcast and i hope one day i can meet y'all while y'all are out in the town in la p.s i'm sorry to whoever the new producer producer is for not including one if you pan out to be cool i'll send you one keep kicking ass and yelling at each other about goat meat wait is his last name julian i think so and he's a jeweler that's awesome that is sick paxton

this will be on my keys forever i'm actually stoked about this yeah i'm very excited about this as well you gotta get a car you guys are amazing what you gotta get a car so you can put it on your bike chain thank you so much wow i'm like at a loss right now you guys are amazing oh my god he's he was really cool his last name is julian i mean that is so cool uh all right should we do rusty's song of the day hit me i got kiss me by six pence none the richer banger goaded rom-com song uh and i also just it's such a cool band named six pence none the richer yeah also their artwork is like kind of their album covers kind of like medieval vibes which i like dude i think they're like a christian band i was reading it's like kiss me after we're married

just cause a little equal sign in there i don't hate that six pence none equals the richer yeah christian alternative rock band oh yeah braunfels texas i know where that is shout out braunfels shout out the old braunfels uh not the new one all right guys thank you so much for listening i realized we were talking about the dallas stars earlier and i was like angus would hate this you're also from there i said like three times i was my team we're sorry you said that to me yeah the rusty was like oh you heard of the dallas stars i was like yeah that's my team and then sometimes we're just only thinking about ourselves i was okay i was honestly mostly thinking about the next thing i was gonna say yeah and that's what you have to do on a pod

yeah that's why you have a pod but you're from dallas yeah dallas my friend andrew is from there dallas stars are on my team um my friend peter buell's from dallas my mom is from dallas my friend carson buell's from dallas and jackson and blake i've been to the space app i've been to space all right we love you guys have a great rest of your monday have a beautiful tuesday and we will see you bright and early for our wednesday record right willie what is this come out on monday yeah this comes on monday all right so i'll come out wednesday we love you guys go follow rusty songs of the day on spotify uh we love you bye do you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life

you know the same way you can skip an ad i get it i'm siaya and i live in ice cove i've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way i planned And today, I'm still figuring it out. Somehow, things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem.