Will & Rusty's Playdate - I was blind for an afternoon

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

The crew debates the etiquette of movie spoilers, a pants-related mishap at a baby shower, and why the name Christopher might be on its way out. Rusty shares a hilarious story about Will’s run-in with Kenny “the Jet” Smith, while Willy dives into the wild world of Meme Coin. They also discuss whether it’s okay to keep gifts from an ex, and Rusty tries (once again) to Family Guy Lauren. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  VISIT https://www.expressvpn.com/playdate TO GET UP TO SIX EXTRA MONTHS OF VPN FREE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON! GO TO HTTPS://WWW.LUCY.CO/FRIDAY AND USE PROMO CODE FRIDAY FOR 20% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER. WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS NICOTINE. NICOTINE IS AN ADDICTIVE CHEMICAL. (00:00) Intro (00:34) Nashville (07:40) Everything is Shocking Rusty (10:20) Funny Sleep Scenarios (17:40) UnitedHealthcare Shooting (23:09) Hospital Bench Fart (28:56) Childhood Injuries (38:29) Scaling Buildings (43:30) Roadmap (47:36) Meme Coins (57:33) Pitch Submissions (01:13:26) Pitches (01:18:36) Teach Me Something (01:22:45) This Guy Rocks (01:30:01) AITA (01:40:07) Things We Wish Were Wrapped (01:45:00) Sayings that Don’t Exist (01:48:48) Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As always, Playdate is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer, redefining the party landscape. Playdate, episode 67, Justin Pugh. Justin Pugh, who was just here a minute ago and apparently just walked out. Yep. He was the coolest guy, too. He would have been great. We could have asked him about scoring touchdowns in the big games. Did he ever score one? I don't know.

Probably not. Maybe not. Unsublime and non-typically. They don't get them a bunch, but I don't know. I had the worst day of my life ever yesterday. Oh, fun. It was awesome. Tell me about it.

I woke up in a hotel room in Nashville, my hotel room in Nashville. Went to the airport, still not feeling great. I took it way too far on Saturday night. I got really excited. Yeah. and woke up was like scared i had ruined every relationship that i have apparently it was fine yeah talked to liam and angus and they were like no you weren't even the worst one so that's good who's the worst one we can bleep this but apparently oh yeah they took him they took him

back to um liam took it back to his hotel and apparently he liam was like what floor are you and he goes 14 and then fell into all the but there are 10 people in the elevator fell into all the buttons and pressed everything everyone at the everyone in the elevator just had to go to every floor and was so bad at him that is actually kind of hysterical that is that's like not that bad falling into the no no it's not bad at all it's like it's it's funny to not be part of it i would have been terrified to be part of that true we were at the tin roof uh and then he showed up and like jumped the fence or something and the guy was like whoa whoa what are you like get out of here man but he was like very like to his credit he was like all right i'm out of here

wait what why do you have to jump the fence i don't know we were on this like patio thing and instead of like going through the door and then out to the patio he just jumped over onto the patio all right what's up boys and then yeah it is funny to just immediately admit fault There was no resistance Yeah it was sick that we were in Las Vegas dude I saw Casey Musgraves Unbelievable

And the opener was Lord Huron Oh the night we met That was the first That was the first song I think I listened to That was the first song you gooned to First song I gooned to I think that was the first song I was new when I like downloaded Spotify

that was the first song you listened to it was like it was hot when spotify came out yeah um okay so i get on the flight uh i felt completely fine until it set in like oh i'm on this plane for the next four hours yeah had like a mini panic attack it was the first time i ever was like i don't know if i can do this like i thought about getting off the plane like before it took off before it took off like i was like freaking out and then uh could not get comfortable got up to throw up like four times oh the one of the ladies next to me was asleep so i just kept stepping over to like get out like in the window i was in the window but it was like there were no seats in front of us so there was enough room but like my ass would like graze her knees every time

she was in she was not asleep bro she was faking it and ass on her knees and after like the third time the woman in the middle seat who is a flight attendant for another airline for united was like Are you okay? And I said no And she goes Put this under your tongue And pulled out A bag of like

White stuff It was like salt Like electrolytes It was like anthrax She just kills me It was like coke She was like whoa Oh

And That did not make me feel better Yeah I threw up four times Everyone on the plane Thought I was a fucking freak It was so cool What I was doing Yeah but

But like People throw up on airplanes That's normal Like they probably just thought You were scared to fly Yeah Yeah we were also coming from nashville and i looked so hungover they knew what was going on yeah in

the flight after like the third time the girl next to me goes um too much nashville i go yeah and she goes yeah i see it all the time we see it all the time well we have a lot to talk about because we haven't recorded in a while oh yeah i was gonna talk about um oh speaking of our flight today on the way out machine gun kelly was on her flight oh yeah and he was like he got like that dumb ass shit that they do where they like drive the porsche up to the thing remember it's awesome yeah it's yeah sure whatever anyway so but he came in like as i was boarding and came in right behind me and then i heard him on the phone he's like yeah i'm in the fucking back on a middle seat didn't he say i was like i'm slumming it yeah and he was sure enough he's like seven feet tall

he was wearing the most if the purpose of wearing a mask and stuff is to like take attention away from you and like people did not know you're a celebrity yeah his mask did the complete opposite it kind of looked like a furry he looked like a fucking freak yeah i don't know why i got so mad there it was he's mad about machine gun kelly because he describe it to lauren as um he looks like a freak his his ball clava had like ear like bunny ears yeah he had like ears and then he was just wearing like the most ridiculous clothes i feel like it's machine gun gun kelly we know that as phased by that you seemed very upset in the moment though well because it was just like pick up pick one either either yeah just be machine gun kelly or

because it was like clear like i'm trying to not draw attention to myself but like i want you to know that it's that i'm famous i think that's just his style i think he's like that the mask the mask was like like they didn't know who it was at first yeah because he was wearing a mask so it worked but you knew it was someone famous true but i didn't know it was him probably because he is famous i know i don't know why it's irking me it just it felt like a it felt like a very irking it it felt like a look it felt like a very like um look at me thing i yeah i mean i guess that's kind of what i feel like he is kind of like that yeah um oh speaking of famous guys this is one of my favorite will lines we were in vegas and kenny the jet smith comes walking through

we're all like oh my god am i supposed to know who that is kenny the jet the jet smith dude legend you're worried he's from family guy right now he's a little out of your orbit but he he's like a ex-basketball player mba commentator and uh he's just awesome i can tell when you're lying now we're not lying you can google like you have a specific smile google kenny the jetsmith he's a real guy i'm not lying uh you can't tell what i'm kenny the jetsmith and uh and he walks into the bar that we're in and will just looks at him and he's like kenny can i buy you can i buy a beer kenny's like no dude i'm good and will just goes i will get you anything you know it was more like i was like hey can i buy a beer and he's like uh no thanks and then like i realized like

he was like waiting for his friend so he we just had we were just standing next to each other so like five seconds went by we were like and i was like i'll buy like any beer you want i'll get you anything you want i was at his service um he was nice guy that was fun when will and i were in vegas everything in our hotel we shared a hotel room for the first night yeah we were gonna book Different ones And then Will was like Will was like on the hotel website And was like

Want to have a sleepover one night And I was like Sure And so we got We got one with two queen beds And we slept together First night In the same room

Slept in the same room together Yeah that's cute And Not like Not like Funking Everything in the hotel room Was shocking me

Yeah He was like A TV A bed Shocking No no he was Like I would touch the lamp And it would be like

Or I like I would touch the TV Like everything in the hotel room Was shocking me a sink no it's not what's happening body wash two bottles of water and uh and so i was like i was like is everything in this hotel room shocking me and to will and he was like yeah but it's not doing it to me so it's something wrong with like me and then it started happening in nashville yesterday and i was like

okay am i just like electric and i was like no that doesn't make any sense and then i turned off all the lights to go to bed and i like opened my eyes as i was trying to get comfortable and every movement was like a light show like i think i'm like inherently like more static than like the other person other people maybe you're using weird detergent or body soap what can you google what makes people staticky yeah why am i google why am i static staticky yeah uh uh clothing materials low you've been wearing a lot of wool or walking on insulated surfaces no i don't think okay even transferring electrons oh you like to shuffle your feet across carpet

me what do you mean do i like to do that you can't you love that shit blindly say that you do that never seen me you love that shit you're always like oh okay this one says individuals with lower moisture content in their skin i'm so dry all right that does make sense because you always need that working hand um i'm working bit met's got one soda last night huge i was on the i happened to be wearing a met's hat yesterday and i was on the airplane you happen to be you're always wearing a met's hat i wouldn't say like since the season ended i don't really wear this much oh really no i guess i had it on last episode so that's gonna look like a lie to these people anyway whatever i happen to be wearing a meds hat

wait he was on the yankees right yeah not anymore though yeah yankees are a little bro now uh and there were guys coming up on the airplane it was it was very fun being like we got him yeah we got like fist pumping and stuff yeah that's like a very cool moment that is cool um i oh when i when we were in nashville i when i came home like hammered from the bar i went to plug my phone in before my flight it was on one percent i was like okay i need my alarm to go off so i can get on the flight obviously yeah go to plug my phone in and the charger just breaks off in my phone and my phone's on one percent and i'm sitting there with the cable in one hand and then the charger in the phone and they're not connected what happened it just snapped off like what did you do what did i

do to fix it i called downstairs i was like do you have a charger and the guy was like it was like four in the morning he was like what it's like do you have a phone charger he's like who is this and i was like i'm in my room and uh and then i went downstairs bought one and i have to my phone is so shitty that i have to like balance it perfectly so i was just like i bounce it on a piece of trash and was just like if it falls i won't make my flight i had i had my phone died overnight the first night we were there it was at like 10 but like there wasn't a way to charge it while being on it in my bed right and i decided i was like you know what i'll scroll a little 10 i'll last me till the morning it did not i woke up and it was dead

and the sun was out and our call time was 10 and i was like oh my god edge is gonna like i'm gonna fucking get fired and uh go and plug it in and i'm like butt ass naked and then i have to plug it in like this corner and i'm just squatted over it doing like a prayer circle over my phone like please don't be dead please don't be dead please don't be dead like my butt cracked just right above the phone and uh wait why why did you have to squat over because it was like the only outlet was like in the part that was like in between the wall and my bed right and i the only way for me i guess i could have like been up on the bed but like in the moment it was just it was high stress and i was just squad like i had like a little bit of room and i was like

and uh it was eight o'clock just now i was picturing the spongebob caveman thing dude uh spoiler haven't seen it i haven't seen it yeah that was scary oh wait scary that does your logic not apply there we gotta hash this out what you can't spoil oh yeah lauren got mad at will for like 25 years ago spoiler i walked in on this argument like a concept but it was like will like explaining wicked which came out like in the 80s i wasn't explaining it she just said she got mad that she saw i love this lauren was mad that someone online spoiled the second half of wicked and i'm like bro that came out in 2000 right yeah but part two like the the movie that just came out with ariana grande and

cynthia arrivo or i don't know how to say her last name yeah like part two is coming out next year so for people that like this what do you mean part two is coming out part part two that movie that came out part one so part one so as like the musical it's just everything before the intermission so then part two is like after the intermission i haven't seen the i saw the play or the musical when i was like a kid maybe i was eight years old i don't remember the end of it and then after the movie i was on tiktok and i saw a video that had like a huge spoiler to like what happened to the characters in part two and like i wasn't the only person in the comments that were like yo you could have at least put a warning but what my point i also had it spoiled

i also saw part one i'd never seen wicked saw a spoiler about part two and i was like okay yeah i mean that's gonna happen i you know that i love you right you have never been more this is the most insane take i've ever heard the movie it came out the story's been around for the longer than you've been alive i don't yeah i don't care i still think it's annoying i know but that's like if i got mad it can be annoying it can definitely be annoying the person that posted it should be receiving zero back they deleted it actually so yeah because because morons are like you spoiled it it's like if they make the story's been around for what 40 years like if they make a musical version of toy story and then i get mad that you spoiled toy story yeah it's like i understand i

just like it's i'm still allowed to express that it's annoying i don't know i don't know if you are i think i am so i don't think it's a free country okay anyway i'm kidding back to wait i have a funny thing related to like falling asleep and scared well not that it really mattered when i woke up but so i got back from i went to mia's cousin's baby shower on saturday night okay and then i came home put my peaches on got in bed and like sometimes i don't know what kind of mood i was in but i was like i was talking to my voice memos just about something like i like to sometimes only journal by just like talking out loud i don't know if that's like strange but i was talking to my voice memos and then can we listen to it no is it bad no it's not bad it's just like will's

like will looked hot today yeah that's all let's go yeah let's listen big for you no no um and i was talking and then you can like i like i shit my pants in the baby shower and like everyone you can you can hear the point my shit pants all baby shower i shit my skirt at the baby shower all right if you shit your skirt is that just regular pooping because it doesn't it doesn't hit anything yeah you have underwear unless you're nude um no it was just funny because you could hear the point at which i was like dozing off to sleep and then i proceed to just it's like a four hour long voice memo because you fell yeah yeah and then i wake up and my phone was dead and i like kind of i had to go somewhere at 10 but yeah it was just funny to

listen back to did you guys ever do that like the sleep cycle app yeah so like there if you had like the pro version um if you had the pro version sorry i got a text about this kid from high school um this pro version of the app would like record you every time you talked in your sleep yeah and you could like go and listen back to it and it's funny like it's so clear that you try to work out like something that's happening in your life so you'll be like like you listen to yourself i would listen to myself talk in my sleep and it was like me like working through like a problem in my like my real life that's scary i don't want to know whatever i'm talking do you sleep talk a lot i didn't think i did but then i got sleep cycle and i was like oh my god

jane always tells me i do right i probably do i know i i ride around like a tornado oh like you can't get comfortable i don't know i don't know i i'm comfortable when i fall asleep and then i just wake up and there's like one of my pillows is like across the room and like my blanket is like a tangled up tied to my feet like a pirate's knot and like my you've like knocked shit over yeah yeah oh yeah i've woken up in the middle of the night because i just smack my lamp over i did that the other day i did that a couple a couple weeks ago and it shattered everywhere did i tell you yeah you did yeah um i had a bunch of plates on my uh bedside table i was like doing a lot of snacking before bed yeah and i knocked over a stack of

like ceramic bowls and i literally thought i was in like wartime like i like took cover um oh no you got it no that they got they like right before we started recording i think they caught the guy who killed the ceo guy and apparently he's a yeah he's a like ivy league grad he's smart i don't i don't i obviously don't condone violence or murder ever that's good um i don't i don't really care about that guy dying yeah i mean i think i think those people i just think it's very like fascinating the whole yeah i mean i think those people are crooks so i don't really care but also i'm not still a human it's no no obviously you shouldn't have died but like family they're a worse guy they're like way way better guys they get killed

every day that's true i agree i just think i just think it's like i've never really seen something like this like play out like where it's like a broad daylight assassination another guy got another health care ceo got uh killed like the day after or died the day after that crazy really yeah also apparently this the guy that got killed is the ceo of like a subsidiary of united health group or whatever so it's like they didn't even get like i don't think that's true he he's like the if you look up like their chain of command or whatever there's like a ceo of like united health group and he's like the ceo of like united health care or something so it's like they got they got a guy who's like so much lower in the rankings than like the actual guy

interesting that interesting yeah i don't know enough about the their corporate structure did you guys see people on like tiktok or the internet though like romanticizing the shooter being like he's kind of like hot yeah they also did so weird so weird like why are you i don't know i think that's bizarre that he killed him or that they think no people to be like romanticizing i don't know i think it's like i think it's like attractive when someone's like doing something like on a big scale you know what i mean like people like thought like all these other assassins were like hot because they're like a part of history stalin's hot stalin was kind of why stalin kind why is stalin kind of doing it for me that's my favorite like tiktok comment is like why he kinda

um when i was at universal university uh i was i did my whole like harry potter thing obviously is that not like is like what's the deal with like disney bounding and like is that like like i think disney says you're not allowed to dress up like them because they're like people are like freaks at universal it's like the wild west okay at disney you can't dress like the characters when i was i was surprised when i think it's a safety thing they don't want little kids like because they think that people are gonna attract no i know but that's why i was i when i saw his outfit then i was like well so could you couldn't do that at disney but at universal like so i couldn't do that as a star wars one no i don't think so damn it um

but the like when i i fit in better after i put on the costume like people don't bat an eye got it But so I got over my favorite roller coasters and the first coaster that we're riding, my cousins or my uncle, uh, is like an executive at universal. So he has this thing called like the, like executive gold pass or something. Right. So like, they'll escort you to the front of the line. You don't have to wait in lines. It's awesome. And, uh, so we, they, they take us up this elevator and our guy who's escorting us looks at me and he goes, do you have your wand on you?

Like not being like, do you have a wand on you? It was like, do you have your wand on you? like he has to ask this like a hundred times a day i was like no and he's like we're gonna wand you when you get up there just so you know we're gonna oh like with the whatever different type of want you pull out you're like fine i have mine you pull out one of those ones and uh and uh yeah they didn't find it i didn't have anything on me but it was didn't have a wand no i just thought the question like do you have your wand on here is really funny like like he has to he catches people like left and right yeah wait i don't i don't get it like you're not you're not allowed

to have that on you when you go on these like big roller coasters because it's like it could impale you it could like yeah i could like fly out um dude it was crazy it was crazy wait i gotta look at my so many things have happened oh here's one do i have a lisp now but i i've seen enough comments now that i'm like that sounded like you you just hit comments pretty like like i've seen enough comments no i'm just laughing picturing you preparing what you wanted to talk about for the day and it's like dash do i have a list it's literally number one do i have a lisp hospital bench fart ether dome i don't think you have i don't think you have a lisp at all i just think you i think i do this as well we get very excited and then we start talking fast and like our

words are coming out faster than our tongue can like keep up with okay i can live with that i've just i've been told it a handful of times over the years and then i saw it on the comments on the last episode and damn i just you've been losing sleep over it no i'm really good at sleeping that's never a side effect of anything but i just i don't know i guess i don't care if i do i just want to know if i if people have been like lying to me i've never thought about it until now now i think i'm like hyper fix it or not i think i'm like hyper analyzing your uh voice and you're hearing it i could hear maybe where they would get that on certain words i mean i honestly i think it's ridiculous it's um wait wait can we do can i do a hospital bench fart now yes please uh

i was at the hospital uh with my dad and we were waiting for the elevator and there was a homeless lady passed out on the bench like like i think they just probably go in the hospital because they probably let them like sleep on the benches or whatever it's like how there are homeless people at the airport it's like you yeah it's kind of past the straight face test of like i need to be here yeah exactly and so this lady's like or maybe she wasn't home maybe even worse is like she's there waiting for someone in her family that's sick right but she's like sleeping on the bench and we're waiting and the bench is like it's like the bench and then like six feet and then the elevator doors and we're standing waiting for the elevator kind of with our butts right up against

the bench and i guess my dad did not notice and he ripped a cosmic nuclear ass ripping i don't understand why was his butt near her like the bench was can you can you reenact it can you be the lady and then he stands up how your dad was okay i'm the lady no but that's the bench okay no but it's the back of the bench like like we're behind what the bench is like like she's like all right she's like this yeah and my dad is standing facing this way okay okay we're both standing on we're both standing on this side of the bench the elevators are this way okay does that make sense i don't know why they would configure the bench this way but i'm down yeah it was kind of a weird it was like in the middle of the room anyway uh and he just he just

sauces one he swings for the fences can you reenact the sound oh okay did it actually sound like that kinda no way it was bad and i go dad because i'm i can see the lady still like out of the corner of my eye behind him and i was like dad and he goes what i was like and he turns around and the lady just rolls over and goes and he's like i'm so sorry i and she's like and rolls back over and then sure enough the elevator doesn't come for another like minute and a half so we're just standing like trying not to laugh it was the did it reek probably i don't know that lady would know better than i would but it was um god bless him you know it was an honest mistake but if i would he so if no one was there he still would have farted out loud in public

it was like there was no one like she was the only person in the immediate vicinity like it would the only person would have heard it was me which he was he was he had i tried to keep him yeah that's still so bold to just let that go yeah i mean he thought did she say anything or she just went uh yeah no she just went but she was like she turned over like there's no fucking way that's just it was like you imagine she turned around was like yeah that's what you would have done you fucking freak anyway that was hospital bench fart i love that um oh i saw interstellar yesterday in imax again again have you seen that before i have but like they just had it out in imax this week it was ava's first time seeing it she loved it

timothy chalamet yeah he's a baby in it well and we were at the tcl timothy chalamet is an interstellar yeah he's like the kid he's the son he has a very small like he doesn't have that many lines even but uh he's coop uh is that his name yeah isn't the kid's name coop cooper's their last name i know but don't they name coop cooper no his name's tom no no the grandpa's name uh affleck casey affleck goes i want to see affleck i want to name him yeah what like you're saying it like the i don't think casey affleck's in that he is affleck wait no he's not oh yeah he is when he goes i want he goes i wanted to name him coop oh coop cooper yeah i just saw gone baby gone with kcf cool you see that movie yeah so good kind of fucked up but it's good

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wait when were you talking about i don't know i was blind for an afternoon why when i was a kid we uh had a trampoline and they were doing they were doing some like landscaping in the backyard so we moved it to the front of the house so it was like partially on the driveway and good play terrible decision it also didn't have a net on it and uh we use this little tykes table to like like uh stop your fall a little bit so i'd like jump off and like hit it and like roll off and our neighbor uh moved it he like thought it was in the way but he didn't know that i like used it as like a crash pad and so i like jumped like expecting it to be there and like look down and it's like not there and i hit my head on the pavement and uh wait why was the tykes table not

on the grass part none of it was on the grass part it was all in pavement i mean i think there was like shrubbery and stuff on like one side like hedges and stuff but like the side to get off on was the pavement side and i hit my head on the ground and my mom came out and i was like i can't see and she like thought she was gonna have to like raise a blind kid and like call the ambulance call a ambulance called the name she called ambulance and um and we got to the hospital and she was like just beside herself she was like i'm gonna have to raise a blind child and then by the time the doctor came in i guess i could see is that something that happens yeah apparently like in like little kids if you like get a really bad if you hit your head really hard

like the part of your brain that like connects to your like vision just like shuts down that is terrifying crazy so she was just like yeah you were i was blind for an afternoon do you remember it i remember uh oddly enough i think it maybe it was coming in and out yeah vision because i remember seeing the like steel floor of the ambulance but that's the only memory i have of it oh i've never been in an ambulance uh it's not i haven't it's not fun when i when i was playing with scott haddon in my basement i caught a football and i turned and i hit my nose right on the um we had like a foosball table yep it was like one of the knobs like you like twist and i hit my i i like turned just nailed it and it sliced open my nose so that it could like

oh yeah wait what just in the just the middle this part my like septum or whatever got like cut open so i could like flap how do you look normal though um there is like a little scar there but um i'm but i had to go to the hospital and ah i hate that all right we live three doors down so we just walked um when i was a kid i you know i'm like a nosebleed i wasn't gonna stop playing fucking basketball i'm gonna send a message you know i'm i like was a nosebleed kid this is gonna drive me insane yeah you're still a nosebleed kid yeah but not as much i wasn't until one day i was walking i was in second grade i was walking down the hallway to the to my bus yeah someone flung the bathroom door open and like pancaked my face and my nose started like profusely

bleeding and i think what happened is like something got like separated and that never like like opened the floodgates yeah it broke the seal i wasn't a nose we'd get until i got like literally i remember it feeling like it like flattened my face jesus and then i went to the nurse's office missed my bus and she like taught me how to stop a nosebleed and i still use those tips to this day there was a kid named christopher in my middle school there's always a christopher yeah and one why are there no more christophers um that's a good name they kind of phased him out i think i know it was a covet thing it's like a new mod yeah uh yeah no he he got on like april fool's day i guess he brought in itching powder which is a thing i guess damn that seems like a

biohazard yeah and he well it gets worse he put all the fucking toilet paper he covered all the toilet paper in the men's room with itching powder whatever that even is anyone who shit was just like oh how was i think i don't think it was like hurts i think they're guys running around the running around the halls like how yeah that seems like what's the point of it even why it's like a it's a novelty item that seems like a crime that feels like that should be a crime no yeah i mean yeah it's done it's for practical jokes how much trouble did he get in i don't know that feels like i know i remember him getting like like walked like paraded out of the bathroom like they like

caught like a murder suspect right but they should like that's like i feel like like an expellable offense or how old were you guys fifth grade yeah did his parents buy the bitching powder for him i don't know i don't know you're asking good questions but i don't all i remember is that happening and be like oh my fucking god thank god i didn't go to the bathroom then or else i would have you would have had an itchy butthole i would have had itchy butthole you might not be here today or i wouldn't have a butthole yeah because it would yeah they burned it off it would have like sought like uh you know if someone gets a really bad cut they like they like solderize it yeah or whatever solder so they solder it yeah so you're gonna sodomize it yeah your butthole

gets like fused shut what if they what if they fused up what if they fuse shut my butthole when i was when i was a kid i was just thinking of like bathroom bathroom pranks i guess this one's on like a way worse scale we were in class and someone came in i don't even think it was my class came into back to their teacher and was like hey there's a bomb threat on the mirror like someone had left a sticky note or something we were in like elementary school yeah and they took everyone to the church they took it very very seriously and uh i don't think they ever caught the guy but we all like knew who it was we think we know um oh dude i was thinking about when will said christopher there was a chris um in my school that there was this old man named

herbert okay that was like obsessed with him and was like definitely like a pedophile but like no one stopped him and like they would like hang out like chris and him would like hang out and he was a guy at your school he was like no chris was chris went to my school and then herbert was like our neighbor and we all called him herbert the pervert and he would chris would like go what chris would like go to his house and then we would be outside and you'd see chris like run out of the house and herbert would like chase him on his walker and we'd be like isn't that insane like call the cops this is not real i swear to god and uh i think there's like a story about it but um they like eventually caught him or something

but he it was always weird like i this guy was a freak he like whistled when he talked we i mean yeah i can't tell like he was an actual we had our our neighbor was like a guy with a mustache that looked like he would be a pervert this guy flanders and he i know flanders is now no mine's a real story wait google google herbert the pervert chris i've heard i've heard of this dude google herbert the pervert literally heard of this you had family guys yeah this isn't gonna gonna work anymore like yeah because i don't care enough to get family guide now that's him you got family guide again this guy's cute that wasn't a very good family guy well she was on to you from the get-go well i just like i now i yeah um when will and i were in vegas we were leaving it was

after the kenny the jet thing we're leaving like all right do we call an uber to get in a taxi and the the guys outside the hotel will like call a taxi for you and then we were like what are those over there and there were like these like giant like hummer limos we were like can we take one of those the guy was like sure he brought us over to it and we just got it i'll show you the video we just got in and took the limo instead of a taxi for like a 10 minute drive wait just you and who it was just me will and uh red flags guys red flags yes oh we were bumping tunes did you get close with them matt yeah i like those guys a lot wait mad brian right yeah we were listening to listening to lupe fiasco wait that's then you got on aux and played some

like sad shit of course that was hammered did i actually yeah you put on some like really sad mac to marco song oh and i was like i was like can i get one more song i'll cue it and then i just immediately played lupe fiasco and everyone else was like yeah you're like what the hell i just trust me dude yeah that's my bad um oh i have one more story before we get into the roadmap will and i were when will and i were flying into vegas the plane just kept getting like 50 feet from the ground and then just going back up and they did it like three or four times like literally like less than 100 feet off the ground like we were like getting ready to land kind of spooky and then they just pulled back up and they weren't telling us what was happening and so i thought

maybe we were in trouble i would yeah i we thankfully were fine but i one time can i tell you a story i remembered sure it feels like a place to do you can do whatever you want really yeah shouldn't have told you can do almost anything you want are those new slippers by the way jack these nice oh they look so fresh yeah i never wear them to i never really huge they do look like a size two sizes too big on you so my tenants yeah they are i mean they're just like massive shoes yeah anyway one time i was at my friend avery and leah's apartment i guess it was just i was there with my friend's friends avery and kathleen and we had been out drinking and we had gotten home and ordered taco bell what do you got um i almost certainly got too

cheese you were ready to crunch is a steak quesadilla and a large baja blast right it's like ingrained in my brain now and there is there's i think there's a part of everyone's brain that like can like autopilot oh yeah no matter how drunk you are can like autopilot through the taco bell menu at on postmates absolutely um and we ordered it and then like it kept getting canceled we were losing our minds and it kept getting canceled like kept tweeting racist stuff no like it kept like the order like the drivers kept canceling or something it was taking fucking forever uh and then we went out on the balcony at some point and i guess i didn't know that their door like locks when you close it so it was like 2 30 in the morning and i this

was like years ago but i just remembered it recently i was like this is a funny story but i locked us all out on the balcony and they're on the second floor of their building and uh we had no key no way to get in it was boston winter so it was like starting getting like really fucking cold and so i was like all right i'm gonna i'm gonna figure this out and so i scaled down the wall into their alleyway and then i went and tried all of their windows and then buzzed all of their people in their building oh my god and then i was back in the alley like snooping around and the cops came and i went i was like oh perfect like yeah that's why i go out and i was like oh thank god you guys are here and they're like what no you're the suspect

i was like what and they're like you're what are you banging on people's windows ringing doorbells climbing on the walls of this building i was like oh okay i see how it looks and climbing on the walls of this all right spider-man get in the paddy wagon i was like oh my god no in the car spidey i was like no we're locked out like and it was like it was like a rapunzel or i don't know what rapunzel's like but it was like like it was like the moment they saw the situation it was like oh yeah this is bad it was like these two like poor like girls are like up on this balcony like help it was so cold and uh they were like all right we'll get we'll help you get in and they ended up like they called back whoever had called 9-1-1 it was like

do you live in the building can you come down and the person was like surprisingly chill about it and then but then sure enough like as we're like in the entryway the taco bell shows up and so the cops like all right i just gotta make sure you guys get inside and let them in and then he's like all right here i'll get this for you and he picks up the taco bell and then when we get inside like i don't know what possessed guy to think this he needed to do this but the cop starts like he opens the bag and he starts like laying out all the items and stuff for us on the counter and then he knocks over the drink and he's like oh i'm so sorry inside the apartment yeah it was because they had to come in to let the girls in to make sure they got in oh anyway but why did

you think why did you take this upon yourself to to do what oh the cop yeah yeah i was like what is going like you don't have to he's like oh i'm so sorry i was like all right you guys enjoy your meal i was like what does that taco bell guy also work for cop oh the cop or the the taco bell guy was doing it no no no no no i was like that would be insane if the postmates guy came in and started or in here and you're like dude you