Will & Rusty's Playdate - i’d like to hop on

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

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Playdate Playdate You know how the studio always looks a little different? I feel like it's a closing in on us I agree, I'm also wearing sunglasses that are polarized so yeah half the screens are off to me got it what's up with that is it like that's how polarized works I guess I you know I look bifocals it's kind of like bifocals yeah I had trans focals

I had um I had I took a class on light in college nearsighted to farsighted sorry he's transphocal he yeah he was born nearsighted and now he's farsighted and i just didn't understand he was always farsighted that's true that's true she's born into a nearsighted frame uh i had a i had a thought last night when i was sleeping that i can't tell if like baker cohen has done it woke me up out of my sleep oh god and i'm i'm gonna say it but i'm But I reserve the right to be like, I heard this. If it is not an original thought, I'm admitting there's a chance. Martin Luther King had a dream.

Okay, sleepyhead. That woke you up? I was like, either I'm spending. I mean, that is. Either I need to delete reels or. Definitely need to delete reels, but so do all of us. Or Brian Baker has said that before. yesterday lauren yeah i don't know but you could certainly you probably sell it to him if he hasn't

yeah uh yesterday lauren was she's been bricking her phone a lot okay like how has that been for the people at home that's like that it's like it's like a thing on the fridge like your nerfs your phone i used to do it and then i just stopped and now i think i'm too addicted to my phone but i should but anyway so then last night she's at my house and she's like my phone's bricked can i look at your reels it's like a drug addict well like it was i was on reels and then she was like my phone's can i like come over so she like kind of laid on my shoulder was watching you're enabling her yeah but yeah exactly but my reels you don't realize they're tailored until you're showing

someone else how ridiculous how fucking she she was like what horrified it was bad wait why doesn't she like flan would do the same thing her her instagram was set on like a certain amount of hours or something and she just wouldn't listen to it and so it was like what's the point of doing yeah uh what when did she start breaking it i gave her my brick like a week ago because she asked where is it which is about how i probably spent like two weeks doing it every day and then when was this six months ago oh uh it was on my fridge but i have two of them actually so i where does she keep it i think on her fridge i ended up finding my second one for the sake of like so she could watch her own i went digging through all my shit last night and i came out

i was like here you go her phone was bricked and her the brick was at her house yeah so she you can't if there was like an emergency on instagram emergency yeah i mean you can still use like i think you get two overrides and then you can't use the app anymore for how long can you override it like you can do like a permanent like unbricking for the day like well it's just like a binary it's either bricked or not bricked got it so you can unbrick it yeah exactly but if you do it once or twice i think then they just ban you from it to create like a ban you from brick yeah whoa otherwise you would just there'd be no we wouldn't mean anything what were what were the reels that were popping up uh it was like i like uh a koala with like a huge boner

because that that was the worst one because she goes oh oh she loves this one's not bad she loves like little animals and oh my god and then like an ai thing and then like a bunch of people with disabilities so did you get nice did you get i don't feel good about it but it's like they're in my brain i don't know what to say i don't know not that i'm making fun of them either they're just they're putting them they're hilarious they're being funny on the internet that's the fucked up part is like there there are guys that are hilarious that happen to have disabilities thank you and when you like the real i wish there was a way to be like i like this i'm liking this because i genuinely think this guy is funny i'm not laughing at him and then you look

at the comments you're like these are the worst people have ever lived they're yeah the worst people that have ever lived are in those guys are on the instagram comments i will say some of them are you no no no no no some i was gonna say some of the special needs guys there are some that i don't like the i'm i'm mentally liking it but i can't do it publicly because there's no world where it would not look like i'm making fun of this yeah it's a it's a i don't know man it's uh we live in a really difficult time i think we have to make these sort of ethical dilemmas on a daily basis our grand our grandparents were making water pie during the great depression and we have to decide whether or not a guy's too special needs to like

his real i know that's the thing i have to do i would kill for just a water pot just a water pie is that real yeah pull up water pies oh no it's like apparently very good but it was like a yeah it's like a great depression ass dessert it's like what just water and sugar i think and then they like bake it how do you make it can you google go to water pie tutorial and let's watch like a reel of it let's just get let's figure out how they just should have named it i mean like every pie has got water in it no i think this one's like mostly water yeah pull this up custard all right so the dessert that was born out of a necessity during the great depression when ingredients were scarce it's made by pouring water into a prepared pie crust then you sprinkle

flour and sugar right on top with a drizzle of vanilla the slice of butter on top adds some richness while the flour and the sugar work its magic and turn into almost like a custard you're right it turns into like a custard yeah like really good it kind of tastes like not sorry i hate rachel's recipes nothing you're here by starting a beef with rachel's recipes i nothing against rachel's recipes that was so rude the way the way i said one second i'm talking about rachel's recipe look at that guy on the side that guy's on my money you really got into character rachel's recipes i love you i just i had had enough of the water pot wait what was i just gonna tell oh the custardy thing the most hungover i've ever been was the day it was new

year's day and harper's brother was making have i told you this he's making french omelets for everyone and we were like oh awesome that'll be like a great quick little thing that we can do and then we can like get on with our day i come down at like nine in the morning and he's chopping shallots and so we all sit at like the breakfast bar and i'm sitting next to his now wife i think was maybe fiance at the time and we're like shooting the shit or whatever and then like an hour goes by and we are like wait what is happening we haven't had breakfast and alex is still chopping shallots and we were like wait are we in like a fucking time loop like alex how long have you been chopping shallots he was like i don't know like 45 minutes we were like how is this and then each

french omelet takes fucking 45 minutes to make so one person is a french omelet it's like you the whole point is you cook it slow so the eggs turn into this like custardy texture oh and it was just they were delicious but literally like there were six of us the first person probably had their omelet at 10 45 and the last person might have had it at 2 p.m like it was just like it was all we did and he was just sitting there chopping shallots for fucking hours that looks so good i want one right it was so he put a he put um borson cheese oh it was yeah oh my god i don't know what that is it's you made the perfect you made the borson face that's like it's got a little it's got a little it's got a little fucking stank oh yeah i do like that yeah a little tinfoil thing

oh my god oh my fuck i would fuck up some more fuck oh andrew what are you up to man perfect no i'm just kidding andrew goes my mic doesn't work my weekend was unbelievably money dude i i saw obsession last night how was how was it was that was funny how was that's a normal thing you would say how was it no people would be like how was it's like i wouldn't people can you still not talk yeah can you google like mike's fuck but no we don't need to google everything i'm sorry no that's how was like people will be like dude i had this pizza this new pizza place last be like how was yes it is that's a thousand percent yes it is no i know multiple people yes how was was good yeah literally well you don't know you're just like it was great

but like how was it's kind of like uh how doing when with a dog you know people be like how doing am i going fucking crazy right now what are you doing like this feels like a happy birthday for you i swear bless oh that that was close i just fucking shit yourself i just slid into home oh my god that was fucking really close holy shit the movie was great i really i really liked obsession okay did you know lived up to the hype i don't like horror that much but i thought it really is it more horror or thriller horror can you can because i don't know if i'm gonna watch it can you just fucking spoil it for me give me the give me the run yeah i'll give you i'm back live i'm like genuinely have you ever heard anyone say how was no okay that was like the

longest payoff i thought i thought it was kind of like you're just doubling down now no no i on my ear someone shake a dog and say how doing no you're not you don't do it when you're shaking the dog you do when you see the dog oh how do it yeah this feels like when i was like oh you call it a pollock and everyone was like no no that was that i just i had to double down i had to double down all right anyway it's about a guy he gets this like toy to magic shop it's like called we have a bunch in the office actually because the one of the guys from the movie was on an af pod like two weeks ago oh this is real i thought you were like fucking with me no no i mean that it just sounds that you can you can understand from the clips i've seen it doesn't seem like a type

of movie where it would start where he gets a toy in a magic shop yeah well that maybe i guess it's like a it's like a a thing at this like uh crystal shop or whatever it's like more mysterious it's not like a silly magic it's not like a slinko yeah it's like they sell like chris whatever anyway breaks it you get to break it make one wish and he wishes that this girl that his friend that he's had always had a crush on loves him more than anyone in the world and that's what he wishes that was his wish okay and he but he kind of does it in like a like a she kind of like throw away is leaving and he's like mad and that he like got it and he's like i wish i wish you would love me more than anyone in the world and then she comes out to

his car and then like is like basically invites him in and then like they like fall in love or she like falls in she's like in love with him but it then it like goes too far okay okay yeah i mean you want me to keep going i mean i'm you know i don't watch like new stuff all right i i feel bad spoiling the movie all right then you know what i'll watch it that's like the setup you should watch it i don't think that really spoils anything i i had an i had more uh once i woke myself up with that martin luther king joke i woke i wrote a couple more down okay oh i will say there's one all-time moment in the movie where she's like she's kind of like going crazy and shit and he comes home and she's like got like shit on her like and she's like what

what what happened like what did you do she goes i think i ate a bug i don't know wait so she's like this this wish makes her nuts it like possesses her basically like that's like the only thing she cares about got it i heard i saw a clip today about not a clip i saw a guy like making a joke about the movie yeah apparently does he just cave every time she like offers him head like she'll be like going like crazy and then she'll be like do you want a head he's like yeah yeah she'll do like the most insane shit of all time and then they'll like have a sex scene right after i heard it only costs like seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars to make and it's made like hundreds of millions hundreds already over a hundred awesome they i

believe they can't i think we met like the guy made it you know those guys like that's a bad idea yeah that's the the director is one of those guys whoa and the one of the stars is the other they did like the um josh rich they did like a josh richards like show right they did but it's it's cool to see because like they were they i came to our office on abbott kinney i'm pretty sure yeah a couple with the blonde kid yeah he's a director he wrote and directed it he's gonna be like a superstar that's he is a superstar already this is the biggest like financial success in like movie history or some shit that is unbelievable or at least for like a whore i don't know okay you think that's good but i was just like they were they came in the office as like

like oh we're also they're also doing sketches like we're doing sketches and now it's like three years later it's like oh my god how did they uh you think falbo's pissed no i think i think falbo is gonna use this as motivation and go and make a crazy obsession too yeah you just make can you do that you just take someone else's movie no you call it equal bub session bub session okay all right it's mostly bubble based tyler makes a bubble based obsession uh a bubble based horror he's gonna it's like the it's only a matter of time it's kind of his powder puff girls it's like a bubble bath but the bubbles are acid yeah so guys any drink a bubble bath that fucking freaked me out okay no it's a bubble

bath but the nanny's horny sorry i thought we were listing things we want i think i cut you off no no that's all right do you ever you ever scrolling on a naughty site and there's like a nanny thing and it's like who is this for the kid or the kid at home or the dad who wants to fuck his nanny oh you're right i was about to say like rich kids but now i'm like no it's probably dad isn't that disturbing yeah is that the worst thing you can find on your husband's search history no like that's not illegal like in terms of categories of porn if you have a hot nanny and he swears he's not into the hot nanny and he swears what if it's like he hired her because she was the most qualified even though there were other women

that were more qualified and she has a tremendous rack and then you go on his phone and the most recent thing he searches like nanny porn i feel like you'd be like that'd be pretty bad yeah my buddy got in the car one time with his dad his dad like auto connected to the bluetooth speaker and you could see like the title of the video like on the screen and it was like busty blonde gets like plowed was his girlfriend like a busty blonde or something no but like his mom is like brunette i will defend his dad on this in the sense that listen you are with your wife for how your wife or your husband for however many years you're probably having sex with each other pretty frequently and you've done it

you're for the last dozens of years yeah if he wanted to look at exactly what his wife that would almost be weirder if you were like describing your wife to a t and then she would be like why you just why don't we just have sex yeah yeah that's that's a good way actually that's what strider was saying i went on the daily friday pod i got beef with the daily friday pod why is that well i don't really care but they did it jack was like all right now we're gonna do a segment where we pick like a contentious debate and then we spin a wheel and you guys each take one side of the argument okay and you have a minute to present your case i was like okay then they clip it without the context got it so then it just what were you like what was your argument it was about

watching porn in a relationship and my argument that i was given was that it's you should never that it's bad that it's porn that it's cheating i think here's my thing because i know you probably don't believe that and i don't know i don't think it's cheating but now there's a clip of me on the internet at least you look like yeah i guess like it's better than the alternative maybe but yeah yeah you don't want to seem like a pussy hound yeah um jesus fuck i've been throwing that around recently yeah i don't know i'll make sure to bleep the name of the podcast so they don't get any free clout from us that's actually good and so they don't go find the clip yeah exactly um i uh i obviously don't think it's cheating i think i i think it might be one of the most detrimental

things that's ever happened to people's brains porn it is yeah i think it's so weird when you think about it yeah well there's like all these like i was watching this thing yesterday there's like all these like studies like about like kids like aren't having sex anymore because it literally it doesn't matter they can just go goon goon but we were doing that i don't know if that's because of porn though dude it fucks with your it like messes with your libido really yeah i mean it does i've i've obviously these are all from like organizations that are anti-porn but i've heard a lot of bad things about it yeah i mean i i got influenced by an anti-porn ad it was a guy saying you're jerking off to another man's success and i was like good that's a great point what is that

like you're you're jerking off to like another guy who got to have sex and you're just at home watching another guy have sex that's kind of okay counterpart though the porn stars do need to feed their kids that's a good point dude did you see bonnie blue what she's doing with her fucking baby shower i thought she wasn't actually pregnant i guess i don't even know i fucking hate i guess she well it's impossible to avoid if you're on the internet and you i'm like certain like i'm certain that like lauren doesn't know anything about this yeah but she doesn't have she hasn't curated such a bizarre algorithm she's turning her baby shower into a say it with me a what shower you know golden shower father shower golden shower isn't that fucking disturbing

it's a normal baby shower and then apparently at the end of like a million people are gonna pee on her they should be able to go and take the baby out early so that they can give it to another person to raise can you do that swap it i don't know yeah maybe like someone who's been really bad their baby now has they swap or wait no that doesn't make sense someone who's been really bad his baby's maybe been kicking a lot they now have to go live with bonnie blue i want to they should this i am ready to have a baby i was thinking about it i was thinking about it for a while i got an argument with my spanish teacher one time took up an entire class because i that's on my way in i just made like a in passing comment that i thought i was ready to

be a dad we didn't talk in spanish once she just argued with me that i wasn't i was like 15 like obviously i was joking yeah i don't think you should have a kid this year andrew really yeah unfortunately i know you've been trying to make a couple phone calls then oh oh god and sadika's gonna have to move to california oh telling your dad you're trying telling your dad you're trying did you ever think that was weird growing up when people were like yeah we're trying right now like my teachers used to tell me that yeah it's disgusting yeah i had a teacher that got pregnant like fucking every year it was insane money was she an english teacher she was a history teacher

and we had it we had a she was super cool and like young and then she would she would get pregnant and leave and we'd get we got the fucking worst like permanent sub because she had to be there for the rest of the year and uh she was such a dick and my friend chris was like he would he would get an 80 on every paper and he was like what the fuck is going on like i an 80 was a c also like what the fuck is going on like i'm like trying on these papers and he was telling his mom like this fucking teacher has it out for me she gives me an 80 on every paper like i don't think she's reading them and so his older brother who was in college at the time wrote his next paper and they hand it's a college level essay and then got an 80 again and his mom came in and we all

left the classroom and she bitched her out and then i think he got like an a for the rest of the why did she have it out for him he was a he was a madman what does that mean he was just like hell on wheels he was like one of my favorite guys of all time but he was like a he was pushing her buttons for sure yeah but we all were she uh he would he was like the ringleader of our uh seventh grade spanish class and we just torture this teacher she was the worst and she said something like mean about him at the beginning of the year so we were just like we are gonna make her life hell we'd throw mints at her and she would turn her back she like it brought mints for kids that would like get questions right and then people would throw them at her jesus christ

and uh she brought him up in front of the class was like he will never be anything don't follow him and we got it on video on like an ipad and she uh i think he's only allowed to teach elementary school now they like moved her down but it was like that's like worse i guess there's less chance there's gonna be a kid less chance they'll have uh cameras less chance they'll have cameras yeah that just means the kid's gonna be told earlier earlier he'll never be that he'll never be yeah i guess maybe spare him some false hope yeah don't want him to like get his you want to know as early as possible my buddy's doing fantastic now by the way oh what's he is he is in new york and has like a new york job where i know he wears a collared shirt if that tells you oh come on okay

Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Chris Kyle What? Chris Kyle

He's a sniper He is the American sniper Have you ever seen un-American sniper? It's like from the other guys point of view Yeah It's horrible Just a guy getting shot Propaganda movie

I know Oh spoiler No I didn't see American sniper On my phone Dude how many kills did he have? It was like a hundred something Ew really?

How do they like That's like the whole point of the movie What do you think he was doing? He's a fucking sniper I don't know man Killing is bad. War is bad. War is the biggest stain on the human race.

I'm pretty sure he shot a child, but the child had a missile. It's in the movie. Okay. No, because the child ended up putting the missile down. Got it. Oh, thank God. Got it. Yeah.

But that was kind of crazy because I was like, there's no way that happened. Like a child just picked up like a bazooka. Well, it's a movie. I mean, it happened. I don't think they're allowed to, right? I think they could over-dramatize. They're not allowed to pick up. They're not allowed to lock.

Those kids aren't allowed to pick up bazookas. Bradley Cooper wouldn't lie to us. Obviously, the kid picked up the bazookas. Obviously, it happened. It's on camera. Okay. Was that like the biggest movie ever when it came out? American Sniper?

Like, I remember everybody talking about it and being like super into the movie. Maybe that's because I was in Texas. More was a popular genre, that couple stretch. My dad and I went to Unbroken. That's a crazy story. Have you seen that? Oh, is that like in the Japanese POW camps? Yeah.

Apparently that was not where you wanted to find yourself. Do you know where you apparently did want to find yourself? This is not like, this is so cliche, but apparently the Canadian prisoner of war camps were like, people were like, it was a delight. Oh, yeah. Weren't we just talking about this? Yeah.

When was that? Not here. Yeah, because we're, no, but, oh, in that meeting, because we were talking about, oh, this is actually a funny story. When we were in Toronto, sorry, Toronto, you don't say the second T. i learned this when i was in toronto okay wait because we had a sketch where my line i would change based on what city we were in uh-huh to be like wow this is the nicest like it was like in a restaurant i was like this is the nicest restaurant in all of pittsburgh or like got it

in all of toronto and i had five different people come up to me after the first show we had two shows and we're like no tea drop that fuck so then the second time i did it and i felt like i kind of expected an applause then i realized like no i just said it normal but yeah anyway that's i was gonna say after the toronto show last spring we went to it was like a canadian veterans hall like it was like a like a veterans association yeah uh in like the basement of like maybe an old church or something and we were invited there by uh veronica slowakowska yeah is she canadian she's canadian she's from toronto yeah and so she happened to be there for like a wedding while we were doing our show is that like her local watering holes the va yeah i we didn't

she was like they were like oh veronica was like from here she said to come to this bar and we showed up and we were like it's a church basement and you go in and there's a sign it's like please remove your hats to honor the veterans and so we all like took our hats off except for liam who's like stubborn ass is like i'm not taking my fucking hat okay whatever and we go in there and it's like literally like church basement vibes where it's like uh i mean it was cool it was like folding tables with chairs there's like karaoke in one corner and then there's like a bar it sounds it does not sound like it was cool in the sense of it was like this is like a unique yes experience and then there's a bar which is literally like a guy with like two fridges behind

him and you like hand him cash or whatever uh and while we're in line to get a beer some guy comes up he's like sir take your hat off liam takes his hat off for one minute puts it back on and then it happens again he's like if you don't don't take your hat off like i'm gonna make you leave and like the moment he walks away liam's like i'm sorry exactly what war are these people veterans of that i am honoring and we're just die laughing he's like i mean like in america like the va it's like okay yeah maybe you're fighting the canadian va like yeah but the truth is that canada fought in world war ii and pretty much every major war they fought alongside yes so they they obviously it is fun but in the moment they're all ever talked about what the hell am i

honoring that's so funny is that is this a dangerous line of work for the canadian army can you pull up like the canadian prisoner of war camps like i think people were like it was it was better than my home it was better than not being in war yeah i don't know it looks pretty grim um our student center at texas a&m was also a memorial for like fallen soldiers okay and so we also weren't allowed to wear a hat ever in the student center and the number of plans i canceled last minute because i was wearing a hat that day and like i had hat hair yeah yeah and i had like a lunch set up with like a friend or like a girl and i was just like yeah five minutes before it i'd be like fuck i'm wearing a hat today so i can't make it anymore got class or whatever it

was like it was it was a nice honor you just can't ever wear you can't ever wear a hat in the student center which is like such i'm transferring wearing a hat's one of my favorite things i would go to texas tech it's one of life's simplest pleasures i consider transferring because do you know what they this is not nice and i don't condone this and i do not think this is funny but do you know my my friends from texas have always said about apparently all their parents tell them this maybe you've heard this yeah all their parents tell them this when they're to motivate them when they're a child if they live in texas about texas tech do you know what they say no if you can't get your grades up get your guns up that's true what does that mean like

you have to go to texas tech oh is that their thing yeah they do guns up but i it seems like a fun time is it a bad school have you ever heard of raider rash uh i think i have raider rash is it possible to get it on the west you go first and then we'll tell you i think i kind of some sort of west coast variant of the raider rash yeah it's like a std specific to texas tech that everybody gets because it has to be just like a regular std that's just i'm sure it is maybe it's like mutated down there though like the heat has like made it work maybe like dust ball dust oh my god but it is a raider rash raider rash son raider rash son or or sorry raider rash daughter or well we used to have eagle ass

is that true the whole sophomore year i had eagle ass tar taint yeah tart yeah i got tar taint what was what's yeah yeah um gaggies oh my god he's got gaggies it's like on the back of your throat a big thing for freshman girls was they would always get lip tats what the fuck was up with that no did not freshman girls also no no just like when i was a kid i remember seeing online like because it's like a tattoo that's like dissolves over time and like nobody can see it yeah it's like pretty fun but instead of um instead of gig them they would get gig me or they would get gag me i'm gonna shit my pants i'm sorry i have to go i thought that was like related to the story

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summer find support in therapy sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com slash pd that's better h-e-l-p.com slash p d let's get back into the episode um i had to go to the bathroom yesterday i spent the whole day did i text you this yeah i ran a half marathon yesterday out of um and you pr'd i pr'd by like four minutes too i i was were you flying 141 yeah it was uh i was uh i signed up for it on saturday on saturday i realized we were about to go on this 10 day bender yeah we're going to milwaukee and then chicago we're going up we're doing midwest four bar crawls and then on the off days i'm doing baseball stadium reviews that involve drinking so i'm gonna be drinking for the next eight

straight days after today let's go yeah let's go scared nervous now it'll be fun though uh but i was like i gotta do something to feel good so on saturday i googled like half marathons near me and there was one long beach yesterday so i just got up and went fucking wild and then i was just hauling ass but part of the reason i did so well is i was with this like pace group for a lot of it and there was this guy it was really like wholesome moment but like i started to fade and he turned around he was like uh-uh not happening get back up here fucking awesome i was like yep yep yep and i like hustled back up and that's so sick and uh what a guy that happened at like mile like eight and i ended up sticking with that group for like two or three more miles and then i i ended

up like not being able to keep up at the very end but i ended up only like a minute behind them that's such a good guy move it was awesome uh-uh like being like it was like a matter of fact like nope yeah come on turn around i was like come on yeah you're capable of of uh i think of great things with with the right motivation you see that random kid from bates just fucking won the vermont marriage he just like can go to the olympics now he'd never run a marathon before and he just beat the time he ran the fastest marathon ever at the vermont marathon he had run like a half before and then went out and just went lights out and if you go like 216 or whatever at this specific marathon you just get to go to the olympic trials

that's awesome he's just he was a mid-distance runner at bates and was like fine that's like yeah i don't know there have been there are some there was a girl i went to bc with it was like on our track team it was like i think good i guess she won the philadelphia marathon in her first marathon i was like what wow yeah wait it's like overall yeah i'm pretty sure fucking wild do you think they i mean she's our age so like she probably would be overall yeah no i just mean like like against like the pros like the people that fly over from oh yeah i mean i don't think the philly one is like too competitive got it or it's not like one of the ones that why don't the kenyans

will come to like the beach to beacon in maine like or do they just do every race yeah i don't actually from kenya yeah like yeah in leicester there was one that the kenyans would win every year and i i think it's like uh i think a lot of them are better with shorter distances because they'd fly i think they sprint yeah like marathons are a different kind of breed yeah yeah i mean i think there's still a lot of great a lot of the best marathoners are kenyan but like the guys will come over and they can just do a ton of those shorter races and win all of them that's like more lucrative than trying to win like train and win one marathon my you know i i've told you about reese mcfarland the greatest golfer that's ever lived dude

do you hear about this already no oh but i yes well mine's like a two second thing i at the race like they're announcing like the names like congrats like tommy baba and right after i finished i'm like walking i was like congratulations reese mcdonald and i was like that's jack's buddy and i went to text him then i was like oh fuck it's but i thought about him yesterday he well it's funny he won the main mid-am which is like yeah listen how he finished he went wait he played it plays video it's like oh yeah listen listen bro let's go he went he went birdie par albatross birdie do you know what an albatross is yeah it's 300 hole in one or a par four that's rolled one in did he need to do that to win too i mean he went from even to five under in four holes but

like do you know the margin of uh no and they also had to cancel the final round because of rain so like they were just like retroactively like oh fuck reese wins wow but isn't that albatross that is crazy pro golfer or is he no normal guy with a job he's the best golfer jack has ever seen literally the best golfer i've ever seen in my entire life he's a he's just like a commercial real estate guy and then goes out and just like wins these is he on track to be like on the tour i don't think that's even like a thing he's trying to do i think he's just like he's just place for fun yeah um he's he was the guy that was skiing in japan when we were over there and we like were ships passing he just does i just saw jack's friend he was skiing in japan had me

like a light like a light yeah uh i mean he played college golf but i don't think he like trot i think wow he's literally it's it was it was he's the greatest golfer those people drive me nuts like people that are like inches away from being pro like if they just cared like a little bit if they just oh i don't i'm not saying like that i'm saying like i think he just has like a wonderful life and just like skis and like yeah i don't sales and does all this shit and it's just like i'm all i also happen to be phenomenal in golf sales for like real estate sales sorry sales like the boat he did like a he sells boats he posted on instagram like randomly and it was like taking he him and his friends say you know people will like they their boat is in

the bahamas but they need their boat in maine or whatever so they pay a crew to like sail it for them sure they just like sailed this guy's catamaran up and he like documented it that's kind of sick it's pretty cool but that's like that's where that's what i'm talking about was like that's not his job but like for a week was just like doing yeah cool guy very quick he ran into my mom a couple days ago you don't say and she apparently his girlfriend lives next to us now uncanny un-fucking-real get out of town reese mcfarland's girlfriend lives next to your mom next to your mom and this is the thing you want to talk about on the podcast this there are tens of thousands of people that are oh none of them know him being subjected none of them know any of the

people in the story correct oh and it's it wouldn't even be interesting if this if this was off air correct got it okay so you want me to keep telling it yep so there he is on the street and he and he runs into my beautiful mother and he goes you know i tried to see jack in japan but we weren't able to pull it off oh and then apparently he went into his girlfriend's house wow that's the kicker i really i really bought brought landed the plane at the end there yeah that was honestly unreal i honestly thought the story was gonna suck and it was fucking unreal i played tennis last week whoa nice twice really yeah you're a big shut the fuck up or were you being real now this is a story sarcastic uh you big tennis head now i yeah

me and will peters getting tennis played twice not really not this not the will peters it works here the comedian will peters yeah we played two sets so you don't think the will peters that works here could also be classified as a comedian i think you would say an actor more than a comedian did i tell you what uh i was will peters was hooking up with this girl started docs started docs will peters oh the other will peter yeah yeah yeah the one that you were playing he's married the one that you were playing this was years ago also even if he's in a long-term relationship too so this was like years ago and uh he was hanging out with this girl that i'm friends with and i was hanging out with her roommate and the girl had told me like oh my god i forgot to tell you

like i'm kind of hanging out with will peters i was like what like what are the odds of that and then i came over and it was that will peters and i was like thank god not that it would have been well but he's married so this was this was three plus nobody's married too but that was recently and the story you're telling is from before like years ago this was like years prior so what i'm saying so think about like when no bearing on think about when the reese thing happened this was like three years before that i'm not actually sure if we want to use the reese mcfarland story kind of as a benchmark this was like three years prior to that oh my god is that kind of i got a horrible benchmark i went to the park yesterday left with a nasty benchmark

i sat at the park for too long and my ass has a benchmark gross anyway i was going to tell you will peters and i we split the first two sets and then the third set i was up five to two okay and i just he fucked it i fucked it he handed it to him on a he won three straight game or no yeah he won three straight tied it up five five then i won went up six five then he won six six went to a tie break ten six in the tie break do you know why tennis scoring is confusing this is fucked up you know what tennis scoring is confusing i do lay it on me yeah they made it confusing on purpose so that like the lower class people wouldn't understand it really yeah they could like keep people out of it yeah well it works on will peters i i don't think he i think

he would agree with me saying this he for the life of him cannot figure out like what the score is or what side he's supposed to be serving on at any point oh my god so neither of you guys like play like actually we both like grew up playing until we were like 13 okay but but honestly like we're pretty good i would not like good but like yeah we like you know we're having a good route and we're the exact same skill level which that's what i've had as a in the last you know as an adult tennis is really hard if you're not the exact same skill level because like i played with chet once or twice he's just like a lot better than me so it's just like not fun for him and then it's not really fun for me either and you're not really getting good rallies yeah and like i

remember playing college with some buddies that were like worse and that's not that fun either and so it was like we have no way to handicap like you can play golf with anyone because you can like handicap it tennis is you're just gonna like wipe a guy they can't play exactly yeah and we literally went to uh we went to deuce like 10 of the uh 11 games or 12 games of our last set like it literally every game like we are the exact same level it's awesome yeah it's been so much fun so i want we're gonna i think i'm a tennis guy now maybe all right here's an idea you you you want to play tennis but your partner is significantly better or worse than you adjustable racket size so like if you're playing like a guy that's yeah like played in college

you can make it the size of like a fucking t-shirt the size of the tennis ball on like a on like a the stick it's wobbly too he has to time it it's on a string it's just a handle connected to a paddle on a string and you have to time it fucking perfectly or else it's gonna go nowhere i knew guys i would play with the uh like 1970s wooden rackets against certain schools yeah because there were some schools that were so ass that yeah you were like i could play with a tennis racket and still play yeah i still beat them we would still beat them they didn't care they were there for like a pe credit that's the equivalent of like getting really high before a golf match well i was that was gonna be my theories you knew the guys didn't

respect you when they showed up high well the second time the second time i played will peters our decisive third set he got was after we shot the high youtube wait what oh this is this these sets were we did two sets on wednesday and then we played the third set on thursday oh you didn't just play all three well we just we didn't have time i mean two sets took us like an hour and a half and then the next day the one set since it went to the tie break in the end it was like over an hour and then so were you nervous then going into i was a little high but i kind of it made it i was whatever the opposite of nervous was yeah yeah i felt relaxed yeah i uh i don't like how long tennis is i'll say it i think i think i like when there's a there's it's confined

to a certain amount of time like basketball i know a basketball game is gonna be 48 minutes yeah but sometimes tennis is short on the flip side it's like if it's a blowout then it's over quick i will say i'm not proud of this but i was staying up pretty late in college i know way past my bedtime and because we wanted to watch the australian open and we were hammered and we stayed up until like fucking 9 a.m to watch nadal or whatever and it ruined just like ruined my whole weekend yeah i just don't like that it's i think it should all it always has to be central time us and it can only be 48 minutes that's those are the changes i'd make to tennis if i could i think that is uh i can make a call did you see the guy who almost shit himself at the australian

that is so strange you say that because i was trying to come up with like a skid mark joke for wimbledon but you go you go first oh okay um because they wear like all white i was thinking like yeah yeah yeah sorry we'll we'll flash out later what happened no there was a guy who like literally paused the match and was like i have diarrhea oh yes he's like i have diarrhea can i please go to the bathroom and they didn't let him he had to play a whole nother set and like after i'm going he didn't even he didn't even shake hands at the end of the match he just sprinted straight to the locker room yeah that's kind of like me on my walk yesterday i uh was walking around brentwood and i had to poop at the apex of my walk where i'm the furthest i could be

from my house and uh there was a part of me that was like i might have to call an uber like from where i am because if i keep moving you're gonna i'm gonna shit myself yeah i mean oh that was what i was gonna yeah what i did yes yeah after my race i was on and off the toilet for five hours wait is that like a common thing is just because you're moving so i think i just pushed myself a little harder and i don't think i hydrated maybe quite well enough and at the end of the brace they had free in and out so i just ate like a big cheeseburger right after that sounds awesome it was it nothing has ever hit like it hit like a completely guilt-free double double because you know whatever the opposite of you're like i probably need this

yeah like you know what i mean like when you have an in and out burger it's like amazing but you're like a little like oh god yeah you turn yeah you make any sort of big cheeseburger it's like a for some reason in and out to me doesn't feel as bad as no you're right like when i have a big mac i i will like look myself in the mirror with like hatred yeah but if i haven't had a burger i'm like this is an awesome day no you're right those are actually was it all liquid poo yeah do you you know what blows my mind we talk about poop so much and there are never any comments that are like can you guys ease up on the i think they're used to it i think they that's all they think about now we've like trained them this is normal this is normal all the other podcasts you listen to are

crazy this is a normal amount of poop talk this is like the total perfect amount of poop talk this is like a money amount of poop talk do you want to touch shoes do you want to touch shoes later i would never get into bodybuilding but every time i see one of those videos where they have like a burger for the first time like after have you ever seen this like after their bodybuilding competition because they've had nothing but like bland chicken and rice for the last like year or something like that so they finally like have a burger they finally have their like cheat meal after the competition and i'm like i will never have a burger that tastes that good like in my life i did that's kind of how i felt yesterday yeah right i maybe i should get i would rather

i would rather have like my burt my in and out burger be like an eight out of ten than like not be able to eat it all year and then just for one hundred out of ten but it's not even they probably eat it they probably eat it and it's like a nine but here's the thing i don't really eat burgers that much for some reason they always kind of sit heavy with me so i don't really like to eat them if i'm doing literally anything that day lettuce wrap from in and out could be your jam yeah but it was yesterday i got a bud light and a double double or whatever it's called god at nine nine in the morning or you're and you're and you've done i did everything i got the thing by fucking 9 a.m yeah it was oh my god sitting there at 9 a.m was the burger soggy

no it was perfect they had like food trucks oh yeah in and out does a food truck that's fucking cash i mean it must probably only for like catering events and stuff kind of thing i it was pretty unbelievable if i ever win the lottery you know when you know how like when kids have like a graduation party and like a burger like mainly burgers or whatever charleston burgers or whatever shows up and like there's like a fucking food truck i would just have i'd call in and out and be like how much to just park one of those things permanently and have one kid i just need one like high schooler it is funny they were still like high schoolers that we're handing out the burgers yeah oh my god to be a billionaire who employs one high schooler

who knows how to make the best in and out burger in town oh oh my god is that not the best feeling though ever i like after you ran a race and it's still like 9 a.m don't you feel like super productive yeah it was all good for the rest and then i went and helped lauren move well i sat on the toilet for five hours then i helped lauren move and then i watched i went to the movies obsession and when i got in bed lauren was gone this weekend no staying gone where you made a big point of saying everyone i love is leaving this week oh no she just worked she was working friday saturday got it which is got it like her version of that's her version of vacation yeah that's kind of her vacation that was like her vacay i guess oh so you think i was home alone serving people

food is like vacation it's like a vacation for them did she go to the race no she well she worked until like 11 something on saturday night so did you run through the like and i also i also signed up for the race like mid-shift yeah yeah she sounds like she was free at 5 a.m the next day she was free at 5 a.m actually that's funny uh it's actually interesting you bring that up yeah but it was um no friday saturday i literally was just like home by myself was it that sounds cash i have i never get alone time because i'm like best friends with my roommates yeah which is like i don't need like i don't like crave it like i'm happy but like i it's very rare that i have like a night between lauren scott and dylan like oh my god which is like a

wrecking dream blunt rotation don't get me wrong but i was like didn't know what to do with myself just watching baseball by myself and i i had an i had a solo weekend as well and i was cash i uh fuck what did i watch oh my god jacob had never seen star wars it's unreal dude i showed him star wars start with i so i tried to show him the phantom menace yeah a couple day on uh friday night but he all right if you're jacob's girlfriend turn this off because i'm about to tell a secret okay he uh he was at the bar he was at the bar at a party or something and he wanted to come home and watch game of thrones with me so he told everyone that he had to shit really bad and just came home and so i was like okay we have to watch

game of thrones instead of stars because that's what you came home for but then yesterday or yeah yesterday his girlfriend was at the party yeah he left his he lied to his girlfriend to come yeah uh we watched uh revenge of the sith and that's the best one all all time one-liner we were pretty drunk so or i was i was pretty drunk so i can't remember if he said this or if i said this but you know the you know the the scene where anakin is like crash landing the ship yeah and he like successfully lands it on the runway we were like at the end or wait no beginning middle beginning where is he landing it coruscant maybe they're like they're like fire ships are like putting it out with water as he's like crash landing like half this ship it's like a fireball

we were like so this is the first time jacob's seen this and he's like this is awesome and i was like i know like sully made sully took that moment and made an entire movie we're just getting started that is awesome wait i'm like can't picture this can you google it i'm like a bat something i'm bad about things yeah this part and they're like water ships like putting him out when they're when he's landing like right here yeah or no that's not chorus Yeah, I think that's Coruscant I forgot about all this

I need to rewatch Dude, I've been fucking Star Wars and I hold my lightsaber and I turn it on when they have to pull theirs out It's really fun ty's girlfriend was over yesterday and it was like fucking show and tell for some reason like we were all got like excited and like showing her all our coolest stuff she came into my room to like look like i like told her i wanted to show her my weasley patch card yeah and then she was

like looking at all the legos on the wall it was like oh that's cool and then like z came in and was like showing her like sneakers and stuff i was like wait what is happening right now we're all like trying to impress her with like our things show and tell is awesome show and tell is awesome did you have to go in the safe to get the weasley patch bird did you think that was fun it was hard to say it was hard to say how she felt about it but uh i mean how could you not my i fingerprinted into my safe really like chicks love that shit that's like their whole thing he finger blasted into a safe you have to you have to finger it you have to make the safe come for it to open ew you said it it's disgusting dude

just grow up and brought it up guys father's day is right around the corner and let me tell you get him you want to get him a gift that he'll actually use yeah and that can be hard sometimes he doesn't want another tie he doesn't want a grill cleaner he wants another cheeseburger shaped half right it's like get change the record already that's why you should get him gld baby come on this shit is gas look at this shit look how look how dripped out i look a clean chain bracelet or watch is one of those things that instantly upgrades a fit yes without trying too hard all right so whether your dad likes to keep it simple likes a little extra shine gld has everything chains pendants bracelet watches

all high quality pieces built to last yes sir and if your dad's obsessed with his favorite sports team they've got pieces for every squad too which makes it feel a little bit more personal than just another last minute gift card okay quality is legit too they use real gold handset stones the craftsmanship is on another level you can feel the difference the second you put it on come on come on baby not just hype all right over two million customers they it's worn by Justin Bieber, Malik Neighbors, Micah Parsons, ASAP Rocky, and plenty more. And the best part, every piece is guaranteed for life. Guys, you can feel the quality.

It's got a nice weight, you know, a comfortable feel to it. And I would say the details are, like, even better in person. It actually looks sick. Agreed. They have an official collab with the NFL, so you can get every NFL team on a pendant this season. they also got the nba the wnba the mlb the ncaa the nhl the mls and honestly now's the perfect time to do it because for a limited time only new customers are getting an insane deal use code

playdate to get 40 off at gld.com that's 40 off with code playdate at gld.com after you purchase They will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Thank you, GLD. Let's get back into the episode. I think someone stole my bank pin at Tiny's this weekend. What? Just your pin?

Yeah, just my pin. Oh, I guess they need my card too. What do you mean? When were you telling them your pin? I wanted to play the claw machine, but I didn't have any cash on me. And there was like literally an ATM right next to it. Yeah. so i was punching in my bank pin and i turned around and somebody just like looked away like

i think they probably like weren't malicious and wanted to really make it a point that like i'm i'm not looking i'm not looking i hope i've been tracking my like bank transactions since then to make sure you know what the worst apparently if like like if your amex or credit card gets stolen and that people spend it like that's they'll like forgive it and be like that was fraud whatever if your bank does it it's like apparently very hard to get that money yeah if someone gets your like debit card you're fucked so i just don't really keep much of my checking yeah i'm trying now i'm just recently started having everything go in and out of my checking it used to be a savings account but now i have money land in my checking and then all my bills come out of my

checking because i'm trying i was like not i was moving money out of my savings too frequently to like call it a savings i feel like that was a bad habit um it's a bad habit are you excited to go to the airport together um yes i am excited i'm i'm very hungry so i'm hoping we can go to the delta lounge and get a nice breakfast before we take i had a breakfast burrito but i'll i'll watch you eat your breakfast all right cool i've been kind of intentionally not even though there's bagels here i'm like i kind of want oh there's bagels i might have a half bagels are kind of a fucked food there's no nutritional value i'm gonna start my day with just like a big pile of bread bad is this all you're bringing yeah dude i was gonna i have even less i was gonna bring my

really trunk but they trunk all of them were like that they were just bringing carry-ons we didn't tell you what to do i asked all of you individually you just asked us what we were bringing i know i don't want to be the fucking guy holding up the show with like my big ass carry-on well we're saying in chicago which is right in the middle we're in an airbnb for like three or four nights so we're gonna be able to wash i think they'll have laundry yeah i guess that's true but i you don't want to repeat fits for the video right i mean i've i've i don't have four unique fits i have like nine shirts maybe more four pairs of pants i'm gonna i don't physically have an i don't think i have nine pairs of boxers you bring shorts it's gonna be hot

you're joking it's the midwest in the summer oh my god i literally went like winter mode i thought it was gonna be like sweaters i brought like sweatshirts and pants that's all i brought this is the only outerwear i brought and i i mean i brought t-shirts t-shirts and pants yeah it'd be fine i don't think it's gonna be like i think it'll be like high of like 80 i'm also not really a shorts in public guy anymore like i wore shorts to hit balls yesterday and i felt very strange well with those legs i i would get i get it dude because i got sunburned and i looked like a leper because it was peeling for like a week so i was just like i don't want to i think it's gone now though leopard i looked like a leopard dude do you ever see that that picture where it's

like there's an animal in this picture and it's like the leopard like camouflaged in the mountain side i get it like once a week and i still like i'll lose it it takes me like fucking 10 minutes i saw this yesterday um do you guys want more more jokes like my martin luther king one yeah you got more i just these are all ones i wrote down okay julia caesar's best friend stabbed him in the back me when you don't want to get beers with me harry houdini couldn't get your stand-up i wrote the i woke up from the martin luther king one and was like i need to write all these down okay i was half asleep helen keller was blind deaf and mute me when people are telling me what they saw my man doing at the club ladies you know what i'm

talking about harry houdini could get out of a straight jacket i wish i could do that with plans you guys know what i'm talking about get it with plans i thought it was going to be like harry houdini get out of a straight jacket i wish i was yeah i wish i wasn't in a straight yeah i wish i wasn't so confined by straightness i'm so scared of all right we got a beautiful episode for you players also that main sticker did not last very long i know it's just like a kind of cool though dude i it looks like a crest i tried to make a family crest yesterday do you want to see it yeah it's pretty awesome look at this this is my this would be my house banner wait one second you're gonna love this shit it's awesome

if i this is if i was on game of thrones this would be my family house i want to go on the record that i think this is cool but i had gotten into the screwball a little bit so there were screwballs that were you're sipping i was going sicko mode this weekend on whiskey you'd know the featherstones were coming to town when you see this shit that's birdie uh cali obviously the all-seeing tree and what was your lobster's name again that wouldn't that be cool yeah that's pretty cool i don't like the eye that's the only thing that fucks well it's the all-seeing tree what does that mean it's the the pine tree knows everything what's that mean i don't know it's hammered um all right well we are

we got a lovely episode episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our i don't have a pitch i don't think actually let's skip our pitches all right no pitches from us today then we're gonna do this guy rocks followed by i don't have a teach me something either okay then we're gonna do ways to ask for a beer and drinking games that don't exist did you guys see the poll i put on the instagram account of like what oh yeah everyone's favorite segment and it was uh even three ways 33 33 33 split of like pitches am i the asshole or confessions what was the ice did you post like an alien craft from like a plane what was that that was uh that's from halo i could see your halo i used to put halo a lot i didn't see that

though yeah that those perform better than like the the flat prints of merch so i'll just post a photo like that and then i'll put the merch really yeah how do they know what the merch looks like uh they don't they go to the link and then they buy it from there got it and we gotta sell merch we are i am strapped are you really really bad financial situation yeah all right please buy five are you are you are do you are you actually do you need help yeah oh yeah i feel like you're you're pretty good with money all right where did i make that up well yeah but the only fans bill this month was nearly half my income i uh i don't budget for that what'd you say i said you budget for that though dude there was a girl budget for the kind

of like the budget the moment i'm like it's like trying to budget for like a war like it's like trying to budget for like buying drinks when you're out and drunk yes yeah it's it's trying to budget for it's like trying to budget going into the cheesecake factory like you know my hungry ass gonna get dessert oh um i saw there was a there's a girl on that's been popping up on my reels that does like sketches fuck and i clicked on her account she's just a funny only fans person like she has an only fans but he's also funny what's that all about that's fucked up man that's that's fucked up and i you want to start one i think we could make fucking cash okay sean was telling me this the other day he thinks we could make a ton

of money we as in the three of us or any one of us i was like i don't know if that's really true i is it like what you put into it is what you get out or what do you mean like like is it like the farther you go with the videos the more money you think you'll make or do you know it's almost like you more money to be made in like teasing dude like sophie rain is the highest paid it's the highest paid like she might be the highest paid person ever in any occupation for like if we're just talking like salary like i think she makes like hundreds of millions of dollars she makes like a couple million a month i think it's ridiculous uh and she i to my knowledge has never shown like anything i think she's i think she's just like in her underwear that's

she says she's a virgin still and also i think i did i already did i tell you the only person i know that did only fans yeah she went she went with the nuclear option as her first thing and i believe made zero dollars can't go no whatever whatever the six of us whatever her fate didn't make zero because i know you're out of pain whatever her rate was times six minimum all right let's hear me sorry all right hi ed ed and eddie eddie eddie okay i'll be picture this you just got back from a long day at work your favorite food delivery order just ordered and you can't wait to just keep watching just arrived you're okay your favorite food order you said okay like like it was like an opinion okay yeah your favorite food delivery order just

arrived and you can't wait to keep watching your new favorite show what's the worst possible thing that could happen let's think about this so the food the food doesn't the food either doesn't show up or shows up and it sucks no it's that you don't have the right streaming service that's right the tv remote is nowhere to be found introducing remote finder remote finder is a button on your tv that connects to your remote and acts just like a key finder yeah when you press a button the remote will make a pinging slash beeping noise no matter where it is the couch cushions in your bedroom or even in the fridge remote finder a patented technology would be installed on every television in america so you and your friends never have to lose your remote

again p.s i had this idea when i was seven when i tried mailing letters to our tv company to pitch it i even told them they could steal the idea just give me a free tv sort of shocked they never did it but i would love to hear your thoughts love you guys big fan gabby gabby i'm in that is awesome that is honestly it might i i think it might be years since we've had one that actually is a viable business opportunity what about um the spotify ticket reserves did you see oh yeah the reserve ticket that was like a playmate pitch and then they did it like last week wait what that's yeah now that like if you're like the most like the biggest fans of artists on spotify get access to tickets yeah um oh my god i can see i can see kesha like are you sure it wasn't me

no it was because i got a bunch of dms being like they took your thing i mean i invented the playlist yeah a lot of people don't know you they used to be a uh you could only do album yeah you could only listen to albums pop quiz i've told you this what was the first thing i ever bought on my what was the first song i ever bought on my ipod sorry excuse me um i'll give you a hint i would panic at the disco no i remember i'd put it under my pillow and i listened to it before i went to bed ice ice baby no but that song's awesome remix to ignition it was bedrock by call me mr flintstone i can make your bed i knew that too damn um that's a great pitch that's the best one we've had in a while thank you gabby all right should we do this guy rocks

i would love truly nothing more all right this one is a visual thing so if you're driving pull over turn on the video you're gonna want you're not gonna want to miss this this is a This is a great video, so this is a guy, this is from one of my favorite accounts, gigachad.memes, and this is a guy at a restaurant who is choking and they're wondering is there a doctor in the building. what is that from I don't know that's awesome

I don't know dude's not gonna tell anyone of the jokes now oh no oh my god when they're like slap him on the back he's just still

humping him that's great remember when you said that thing about chet choking on a peanut yeah he went to his neighbor's house to make sure like he didn't die that same day i went home and i choked on my steak and i live alone and i was like oh my god like choking is very scary yeah i was like if i choke like i could try to go to my neighbor's apartment but i was like i don't know if i'm gonna have time and i don't know if you're choking if you're alone let's say there's no one you can do the heimlich on yourself how it's sort of like you know that thing where like you do like this and it looks like you're making out with someone

yeah it's that for the heim it's a bet yeah okay yeah i don't know what is like something you can do but i don't know yeah um in high school they used to call me the hymen maneuver okay go to mine stop dude we literally have like this is mostly preteens that watch this actually no oh it's like jesus fuck This guy is just in the hospital. Just wait. What? Push! Push!

Ah! What the fuck is that guy's deal? That's a guy at a hospital. He's verified? He's verified. He didn't pay for it. All right. That was...

Awesome. That was awesome. Browns are trading Miles Garrett to the Rams. Wow. All right. Should we do ways to ask for a beer? Yeah. All right.

These are ways to ask for a beer. My hand's getting warm. I like that. I'd like to hop on. Like, I was trying to think, like... I didn't even realize that. Bro, what? I'd like to hop on.

I got hops. that's an all-time willie d blunder i'd like um i'd like to hop on i'd be like get the fuck out of my house the fuck are you talking about if you're by the fridge and your roommate's behind you i'd like to hop on like oh my god what like hops deal me in oh i think i fucked bring me some bubble hit me hit me he's good all right hit me here's your help you go here's your help here's your help here's your help it's like a lacrosse thing if you're like open and they throw the beer across i love it okay what about find me

all right not our best shove a beer up my ass won't you fucker fucker and that is real i did right shove my beer up my ass won't you do it pussy you won't all right drinking games i can't believe i was i thought hop on was like can i hop on i didn't say it ah where did you come from uh should we do drinking games yes these are more drinking games that don't exist the slam drunk contest have we done this no okay the slam drunk contest is when you finish your beer everyone has you have to come up with a creative way to get it into the trash can or else you have to take a shot so you have to do something fun like go off the wall or maybe go jump over your friend or something and you set up a trash can kind of right in the middle

of the room and you have to do something crazy to slam it into the trash can that's so good uh all right i'm excited about this one tabs every player closes their eyes and cracks their beer they position their tab in a certain unique way and when they open their eyes if any other player has their tab the same way they both finish their beer and exit the table and then the game goes until there are only two people remaining i love that thank you piña golada all right this is a fun one for anyone here who's going to be watching the world cup all right you make a big big batch of pina colada yes and here's how it works if you finish a pina colada within five minutes of a goal being scored you win how does that make sense i think it's like you get there's some like incentive

to like drink a lot of pina coladas i think it's got to just be every time there's a goal someone has you have to no i think it's like you you're incentivized to keep drinking them because you want to have consumed a pina colada within five minutes of a goal being scored okay does it have to be before the goal is scored like oh sorry sorry yes every time you finish a pina colada if a goal is scored in the next five minutes you get a point and you keep a tally throughout the whole world cup maybe you're only safe like anyone who didn't drink a pina colada five within five minutes of that goal being scored is out yes that's just continuously be drinking pina coladas once you finish a pina colada there's a five minute timer and if a goal is scored within

those five minutes you're safe but anyone who hadn't finished a pina colada within five minutes of that goal being scored is out last man standing win so you're incentivized to be finishing pina coladas at kind of a dramatic rate or if you see you know the defense looks weak right get one down down yeah you see a corner kick comes up oh my god boom everyone's slamming them yep that's good yeah that's really good ice block players take an ice cube in their hand and have to finish their beer before it melts every time someone is unable to do so they are eliminated the game goes until only one remains or someone gets frostbite hot beer cold people it's a reverse on the classic way that alcohol is consumed you find sort of any sort of really cold setting like an industrial

freezer or something you go in it the beers you put in the microwave then you bring them in that's probably not practical everyone last person to survive last person similar to ice block first person to get if you get frostbite you're out yeah okay game of patrones i haven't figured out the rules but i know it's game of thrones themed and i know there's tequila involved what about expecto patrones wacky thank you guys for listening we love every one of you we're gonna beat the next two episodes will be on the road i'm actually excited about that it will be fun that will be fun for you guys

we're gonna be alone in the midwest you won't have to deal with andrew it's gonna be kind of like naked and afraid style we're worth you guys the important thing is that we're naked and afraid naked and naked and afraid the next was how a lot of people would leave my house in college next episode will be the naked and afraid vibe. Jesus Christ. What? I'm doing like a... Alright, just end the episode right now.