Will & Rusty's Playdate - i'm asexual?

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

Will and Rusty are back to invent a billion dollar helicopter, discuss being asexual in their childhood, and talk about their hot neighbors. The boys also prank Lauren and reminisce about their days learning Spanish. Plus, they draft Discovery Channel shows and party tricks that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://almostfriday.shop/collections/playdate-pod RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: HOF BETS: Get a 7-Day Free Trial + 50% Off your first month with code PLAYDATE. Just download the HOF app on iOS or Android, enter code PLAYDATE, and you’re all set. LIGHTSTRIKE: An excellent source of 5% alcohol. Head to https://www.drinklightstrike.com/ to find Lightstrike near you! CHUBBIES: Your new wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code PLAY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/PLAY #chubbiespod 00:00 Intro 1:06 Billion Dollar Helicopter 2:36 Survivor 11:37 Banging My Girlfriend 13:40 I’m A Bandana Guy Now 15:17 MAGCON 20:13 I’m Asexual? 21:10 We’re in a Textbook 38:21 Hot Neighbors 43:37 Roadmap/Pitch Submissions 46:50 Pitches 59:13 Prank 1:02:35 This Guy Rocks 1:05:28 Teach Me Something 1:10:37 Discovery Channel Shows That Don’t Exist 1:17:22 Party Tricks That Don’t Exist 1:19:05 Rusty’s Song of the Day #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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um all right give me four give me four all right all right i'm gonna take four all right we're gonna take four we'll be back what's the most efficient company of all time that was a good one okay we're going playdate episode 102 one out tizzy derrick cheater fuck him yep derrick cheater derrick cheater oh i forgot we're doing is what we call them as a red sox fan that is what we called him on the playground that's right he's he's mid he was uh right like the stats say he was like actually not that good yeah it was we i've heard it i've never looked into it they say if it wasn't derrick cheater yeah you wouldn't we wouldn't hear about him as much.

Yeah, suck it. Suck it, Derek Jeter. I got... Two guys on a podcast are calling you dumb. Yeah, you're dumb. Billion dollar helicopter. Yeah. What would a billion dollar helicopter have for features?

Lauren, go. Four wings. Four wings. That's a plan. All right, we've immediately disqualified ourselves. Two floors, and the first floor has a lounge and a sauna. Yep. Microwave.

Hot tub. why did you point at me when you said hot tub hot tub she's like lounge sauna microwave

I don't know man egg alright I want egg dish egg dish egg dish there's gonna be frittata everywhere

eggstrata the walls are made of frittata deviled eggs deviled eggs hard boiled eggs the possibilities are literally limited to how many different

types of eggs fruit salad fruit salad fruit salad champagne champagne well obviously Guys, I feel like we're going a little haywire here.

You can put whatever we want on the plane. I'm more trying to figure out what it looks like. Two pilots. Sure. They're pretty standard. But pretty standard for a helicopter. Turrets. Sure.

Turrets? It's a Blackhawk? I think that... Google how much a Blackhawk costs. I'm pretty sure a Blackhawk helicopter is like near a billion dollars. That might be your worst Google yet. Get over yourself. price not in it we know what it looks like we know what it looks like 10 million okay i was

off by a factor of 10 995 million i was off i was off by the majority of the billion look up billy billy from survivor look up billy from survivor why because this is what what do you mean why he gets to do it he gets to ask you to google whatever he wants billy with no k two l's lauren is this is what jack looks like right now do i really wait yeah oh do i really so this guy this guy is a legend billy garcia so on this he fucking is you watch that season yeah we watched it together well he's like he's like i'm fine to be voted off because i already found love on this island and they're like what he's like yeah candace like winked at me and mouthed i haven't seen this season basically he's like yeah like at the last uh challenge she winked

and mouthed i love you and we felt it like she's the one and she was like the prettiest girl on that season everyone was like billy i don't think she mouthed i love you and winked at you and he's like she did i'm fine being voted off like i've already found love and like left and then when all the tribes got together they were like hey do you know that billy says that he's waiting for you off the island to get married because you mouthed I love you she was like what what did she mouth and like when he said it at tribal Jeff was like yeah Candace that's I don't know she was like not even looking at it look at the picture next to Billy the guy that she's posed with yeah Billy I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say she maybe found found it somewhere else it's just

when he's like I found love with Candace and uh Jeff at the tribal was like what when jeff when jeff probes can't keep it together you know you've said something out it was the most out of left field thing i've ever seen speaking of speaking of helicopters in our in our main man probes one of the coolest i don't know if he's if he's done this multiple seasons yeah there is one season where he does the intro from a helicopter and then it does an inverted dive and he's or not like i exaggerate a little bit he it like peels off yes and he's outside of the helicopter and it's like it's kind of how tom cruise yeah it's like a stunt you have to be like you sometimes i feel like i would be worried as a director like bring trying to bring tom back

down to earth like all right you you realize you're not the character you know what i mean like probst is so cool yeah surely he was anchored in somehow right yeah he probably had like a rod through his whole body wait so you're saying i don't look killer in this i just it just reminded me of that guy billy who's like an all-time right so if you came in in you came in in a baseball hat and i go you look like bartolo cologne because he wears a hat but he's you picked the fattest ugliest guy in the world okay that's not it's just that i and i have a little stubble today and i was self-conscious about not shaving it and you all of my fears about how today was gonna go you're right coming to life that actually feels yeah it feels meaner than i because you picked

a guy that that looks like me on my worst day and now you're i'm having like body dysmorphia i just think you should wear more shirts like that i guess skull yeah have you seen those i like those memes where it's like jesse pinkman will go have you seen breaking bad a few of them like jesse pinkman will go through the most traumatizing experience wearing a shirt like this and it's like sonic with like a skull i had a big moment yesterday nice i finally got stopped by one of those man on the street things yes and i was so excited to tell him like what song i was listening to i i was like listening like a pretty good song at the time it was on my run yesterday it wasn't a song one it was just like about running it was like a guy starting an app i

looked it up they have 70 followers and it was just like what makes you why do you run yeah so what'd you say um i'm there's a guy chasing me i gotta go did you actually say no i should have i should have that would be why are you running like i didn't do anything funny at all and i i kind of regret it but i uh i am actually worried about getting stopped by one of those people now yeah because a lot of people do it as like pr and like for their company yeah so like like people this was no no i'm saying like a lot of people will plan to get stopped to like promote themselves got it got it and i feel like because we are already on the internet people would assume that we like staged it and then if you didn't knock it out of the park with like a funny joke

or something they would be like you did you did all of this for that yeah yeah i guess that's true i i'm uh i don't know i think i might when i go to new york i might do that um the track the one where they put the headphones on and they play like songs and you have to say the artist oh oh i like know that guy and he said like you come do it when you're in that's different that's cool because that's like a game yeah that would be they're huge yeah yeah all right i got a question for you you're walking through manhattan close your eyes you're walking through manhattan you're listening to an embarrassing embarrassing you're listening to like mambo number five yeah and they ask you what you're listening to are you lying are you telling them

you're listening because you only get one shot at this line i've thought about this before there's actually it's this is maybe sounds psychotic but sometimes i've thought about like my playlist for when i go out if i'm like not in the house and i'm like i'm not gonna put on a song that would be embarrassing if i got stopped yes yep like i used to cue all the songs i was if i was going to pick up if i was picking up people yeah i would cue up all the songs beforehand at my house so it looked like i just had a fucking killer playlist well it's like it's too the thing is it's twofold it's i've i've perpetually had this fear of being stopped listening to a bad song and i am really really always worried about a bad song beyond my spotify rap

so i think just in general like if i think a song is cringy i'm sorry even if i like it i convince myself i don't like it which is really weird that's very weird no but i get where you're coming from it's kind of like uh i used to not let myself listen to happy music if i was like doing bad yeah like on the way home from school if i like did not have a good day even if i wanted to listen to happy music i would listen to sad music because i felt like i didn't deserve it yeah that's a little sad because you feel like you didn't deserve it i'll be like i didn't i didn't have a great showing in class today i've always thought about that like if i got stopped i would i used to have like i used to have a song that i'd be like i'm gonna say

this song because it was you have your headphone out and they can hear it well that's what i was always worried about it's not bad i've literally thought i the amount of times i've envisioned this is like kind of like psychotic i have it too like i i've planned like i'll turn the volume down and then i can say whatever song i want and hopefully they don't look at my phone but uh like i would like i used to be like this i still like this song her eyes by ray and paul holmberg i think i mentioned it a long time ago but they're like very they're like small like up and coming so i was like what's like the most impactful like i would want you know what i mean it's like if that video ends up doing well i would want to say an artist that isn't already super famous and

successful yes to give them the biggest you know even if that gets 10 people to listen maybe that helps them out i thought that was always my plan yeah i like that i just thought of a great idea yeah you said the song's called her eyes yeah so guys this is since i didn't get stopped by that guy go listen to her eyes by rain paul holmberg here's a song that doesn't exist yeah horizon and it's about uh a dad they have a daughter and then his wife dies and he says i see her eyes in you horizon i like that or it's like i see her eyes in the horizon that's better because i guess i came up with the word play but i didn't i didn't factor in the horizon aspect of it i mean it could be both yeah uh second thing you know i recommended wendy

by sid simons the other day yes it's on rusty song of the day which has a thousand saves now i put it on this the story that's why okay uh for some reason one sit like every save on that i get the same amount of dopamine that like a video like a million views literally like a video that we post on tiktok getting a million views i get the same i agree with that yeah um but i found sid simons from one of those like someone this guy goes around and he waits until he finds when he does music have you seen that oh do you do music you're like no and you just like went and found this guy and then sid simons said he liked elliot smith i like elliot smith he said he liked sparkle horse i didn't know sparkle horse but i looked it up i liked it i was like okay i

trust this guy's taste went back to the video they play his song at the end i liked his song i guess it was kind of a backward i should have just watched the video but the moral of the story sid simons is fantastic sold he uh he did a cover of a song i can't remember what it was called but it was about how his girlfriend fucks all of his friends and i was like whoa that is is it viral i don't know but like what a nightmare that was why are you with her she's she's probably got my girlfriend slept with will stories if my girlfriend slept with will i would do not put i would what would you do uh i would never let that happen i would make i would make your first birthday look like a fucking walk in the park i would make that they would they

they would wipe that event out of the history books you'd also do it on my birthday too i guess otherwise no no i do it i do it on 9 12 and just no i do it on 9 10 to steal all people would still be recovering from mourning the thing that i did yeah uh no i wouldn't do anything i'd probably just be very sad i don't think we really need to not my real one i'm saying a hypothetical situation where it's a girlfriend a different girlfriend okay in a hypothetical world she banged your brains out what if she was like spinning around being part of this conversation she was like spinning around in the room and you were like playing the guitar and she was dancing to it i would take your guitar and i would smash it into a million pieces and then i would rebuild

it into an evil guitar that anyone who plays it is cursed for the rest of their life that sounds horrible oh that felt so good to get off my chest i've been holding that in oh also who is r what google account are you uh andrew made some andrew made a new youtube so we don't have ads anymore nice andrew that's oh oh oh he like bought the he bought a youtube account i thought he bought like an ad blocker uh no i don't think he bought an ad blocker i think he got a youtube account i don't know man very cool very cool so what else is going on um i think i wrote something down please you go now well i just um i just want to say thank you to lauren I was trying out a new look today, and Lauren came in, and I buckled in.

I go, here we go. Going to have to have a second conversation about it today, and Lauren didn't say anything. Wait, did you already this morning? Edge walked by me and goes, what's up with the bandana? And I said, I'm trying out a new look. My thought process is if I can – I'm aware that on the first day, I'm going to have to have like 20 to 30 conversations about like you're wearing a bandana. but if i can get them over that hump then i'm a bandana guy i ordered a 30 pack last night i'm pretty excited about this it was not it was like 11 bucks yeah apparently in my head in my head 30

bandanas would you have to take out a mortgage apparently they are apparently they are pretty cheap um but i got a navy one that i'm pretty excited about i got a green i got every color but pretty excited about the navy one and that dark green one what what was the what is that i was i was having a couple beers yesterday long story short i'm doing a i did a thing with an opportunity presented itself to do a video for them they came out with a collab beer so i opened up the beer and there was a bandana in it and i was like i'm not gonna wear that fucking bandana after a couple after a couple ipas let me tell you started to look pretty cool put it on had some time to wear it around the house alone uh my roommates came home they all

said it looked killer and i think it's my thing now that's pretty cool yeah i like it i like it i i wore a bandana one time to work but like in the other like you know the way i wear them yeah i couldn't pull that off and uh emily told me i look like one of the mag con guys so i never did that again i wear it on my run that's it what's his name taylor taylor kanef yeah you look like him have i ever told you guys about my mac i was like i loved mag you were unsurprising no i didn't go unsurprising tell me about it um i never went but no i was obsessed with nash and hayes those were my those were my guys and i remember did you meet were you here when he came in the office he was i'm not even doing oh he actually came at abakini oh like a while i don't even

think i was there but i remember that he was i met him and then i met him in philly when we were there a few weeks ago oh or a few months ago their brother is an nfl quarterback then shane yeah they're i feel like they just have a their dad coached against me nash's family is actually adorable he has the cutest kids in the world you were like and and their dad coached it like that side oh did he coach sam hartman yeah no big no big deal sam and i are kind of boys he commented on my instagram yesterday so did he really yeah i uh he commented i'm listening there we go all right we should listen to lauren i think we cut her off telling him about you did cut me off stories i don't know if you're ever gonna come back it's not really a story it's

just the fact that i remember i was at soccer practice one time well i was so excited i really wanted to go to magcon and soccer practice ended and they were sold out and i was genuinely so sad like i almost started crying i was so sad because i because i was convinced i was convinced that i was gonna like date haze or something like i think they like they're didn't they like beautiful they like kissed all the girls on the lips i don't know if on the all of them it was like a meet and greet and they would like make out with no sounds awesome i saw a video of it i yeah i don't know i remember thinking those guys were so cool yeah i i really like the jack and jack i thought they were funny i never liked him yeah that's what taylor like that kid

was fucking no i never liked that guy jack linsky was always cute i don't so what did they you went there and they did what she didn't go i didn't go but like i wanted to go went what what the event what happened at magcon they did like yeah they would dance they would i think people would like ask them questions they would be i'll be up on stage and the girls would just be screaming at them basically taking a minute to talk about our new partner hall of fame bets we've all been there your parlay is one leg away from hitting on bed mgm and then a relief pitcher gives up a walk-off bomb in the ninth heartbreak sound familiar the hall of fame app is built to fix that started by two lifelong sports fans who also happen to be ivy league grads hall of fame bets makes parlay

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until i was like 20 that's true that's that we that's another we should unpack that no it's true you didn't have feelings for someone until you were 20 like no we've done we talked about this on the on the 100th you were i didn't have feelings for someone until i was 18 what what was happening i think i was asexual i was a child i was i was uh very very into women yeah we don't want to know what i was a child man you say you don't want to know i want to know what you're doing brother you can probably imagine what i was doing taint stuff taint stuff come on we're guys googling giant boobs we found out that you could you could uh look at naked women on wikipedia on the school laptops and uh we got a little carried away and i remember just searching certain

we should have cut it off after like big boobs yeah um we went one step too far i just remembered something that someone dm'd me the other day speaking of textbooks or what were you just speaking of textbooks lauren you know if you want to talk about something you can just talk about it you don't need to you don't need to ask um maddie gavey damned me the other day and she goes no way really she goes hi bacon egg and cheese not a pitch but i had to share what i stumbled across in my media and society class reading a chapter in my textbook and under the subtitle pop popular influencers is a picture of none other than mr immediately and i mean immediately well sure well it's textbook yeah you're in a textbook how is that insane is there

a photo dude i i let me well that just reminded me um i will go check if she how's that isn't that crazy like is that legal that's sick no i know i need to go find it i'm more concerned obviously that's very cool i'm a little concerned about what they're what are they teaching you guys okay okay she sent it i'll air drop the video just now no no um the other day she says i have the ebooks come through she sent it like in the mail she says i have the ebook so this looks less impressive but real live collegiate level literature pull this up this is sick i'm in a textbook yeah all right well we've now i've done everything that's actually very guys never done anything you guys never seen anything all right now i've seen it well now i've seen everything

that might be our best video one of the best videos we've ever made will one time will and i were in a park in manhattan and we saw a bird and will took a video and it's it pans up from the bird and will goes well now i've seen everything and the captain no it's it's guy who's never seen anything it's the other way around it's a guy who's never seen anything it's well now i've seen everything and then it pans over and it's just a bird all right let's see this it's you it's all it's all of us guys wait but that's like your feet what no that's like It's your feet. Your whole Instagram feed.

It's literally your feet. Lauren, read the paragraph going after it. It's your feet. Wait, I'm going to ask her to send me a screenshot of the... Yeah, can you read... Lauren, can you read the paragraph before? No, I can't. It's blurry.

That's crazy. Wait, you definitely could. It was right above that. Wait. All right. You can just rewind. I've done it. Now I've done everything.

That's awesome. All right, I'm immortalized. You're a mere mortal. I'm sorry for the way I act sometimes and the things I say. What did you say, Lauren? Oh, it doesn't say your name. it's just about um like what influencers are influencers are who's the other one that's what i'm curious who are you stacked up next to page lorenzo she's big she's like a fashion girly

is she the giggly squad girl no that's page de sorbo i love her wait that's so cool willie we're in there too yeah just our picture we're like famous i guess we're in a textbook we're text we are textbook podcasters i don't know how to feel about that well it feels weird that they just like ripped that but i mean it's why it's it's your feed it's on the internet it's probably don't say feed around too hungry boys i'm so hungry i'm so hungry do you guys want to get lunch my stomach is grumbling wait can we do a like a squad lunch yeah yeah can the company pay for a lunch i'll tell edge we have we have a lot of brain we actually do have to figure out our scheduling yeah let's do exactly what we

Do you guys want to also know what I figured out the other night, which I'm very bummed about? New way to jump. What do you do when you're out of here, this room? No, it was at work. Okay. I'm at work all the time. So I'm often at work past 8 p.m. I didn't know that you could expense dinner if you're here past 8 p.m.

I was here until like 10 the other night. What did you get? Nothing. I just went home and was sad. So you learned this? I learned this. All right. No, I learned this as I was leaving to drive home.

because like lucas walked me to my car and then uh and then and um what nothing i thought you're gonna say something i was not um now i've lost my train of thought because you made a weird face at me freak what he told me that you can expect what you're like walking around with boys at night no he told me that you can expense your dinner that's how women get asked like the opposite of the guy would want to walk me to my car i wasn't gonna go low it's like the the call the threats coming from inside the house maybe he's scared it's like uh better to better to dance with the devil you know you know what i mean like yeah no it's scary it's a far parking lot

there's parks over there parking lot okay i parking lot when i pull into the when i pull into our why are you being all weird i'm not bashful what's your story you didn't even finish my story was that i learned that we could get free dinner after 10 p.m at 10 15 and i was already in my car i'm like that doesn't serve me anything you could have gone and bought food oh no when i pulled mcdonald's was open i had every dinner two nights prior mcdonald's you didn't you had mcdonald's two nights in a row me and mia two nights prior me and mia had mcdonald's for easter dinner that's kind of fun actually holy and what's funny is because you can see it from our balcony so you postmates did yeah you made the guy he just throws it from the restaurant

i had um steak sandwich on easter yeah i had brunch oh that was funny we i completely completely botched the uh the brunch strategy so there was like there was like lunch and breakfast food yeah and i went for i had oysters first oysters and then that's that like confused my body because now it was like you're horny it feels it feels weird to get breakfast after you've had like oysters and stuff like that um oh i know what i wanted to tell you when you pull into the parking lot they scan your pass so they can see it's valid and every time i'm like friends with the guy there because we see each other every day and i scan it and a alarm goes off every single time so i think like something is wrong with my account but he is like too nice like we're like

buddies so he's just like letting me go but i'm very curious what the expired no i have the annual pass so i scan it it goes like maybe it's like a vip thing he rolls out the red carpet it's on alarm it's like oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah all right we've talked about billion dollar helicopter guys what does a billion dollar car look like four doors regular car less than a regular car it's coated in gold two drivers okay now we're getting one person does the accelerator one person does the gas so this is the same thing did somebody say accelerator i mean the brakes someone does the accelerator someone does the get there's a guy like in the engine room like throwing coal into the one person does the accelerator um trunk is a hundred dollars what

your brain i'm mad there's a hundred there's there's nine hundred thousand dollars in cash in the trunk and it's a pretty normal car a hundred thousand dollar car wait that that would still mean it's nine hundred million dollar car oh it's a billion dollar car yeah it's got a vape built into the steering wheel like when the dui people have to drive yeah i got hit by a woman who was out on bail for a fourth dui karen if you're out there fuck that lady no that person also confusingly named karen both car both car accidents that i've been in have been at the hands of an old woman named karen one time i got in a car accident when i was a kid how'd that go the lady the lady felt really bad and i guess she had like a bunch of soda in her car i'm not even

kidding and i was like two and she gave me like a sprite and i was fucking stoked you're like all right fair i was like cool we call it even brother my mom was like no why are you negotiating with the toddler yeah uh i used to shotgun sprites to get ready for college when i was a kid there's Was this guy, what was his name, Caleb? I think there was a guy named Caleb in high school that used to, like, shotgun sprites in the student section. Yeah. At games?

Yeah. He sounds awesome. He was, I think, he, like, didn't go to our school. I'm not even kidding. I think he, like, transferred to J.I. after two years, and then he just would come back to the games. It was awesome. There was a kid, we were playing Kill the Carrier back then.

it was a different time there was a different name for it back then but essentially kill the carrier and uh and he fell on his tailbone and he cried and he had to transfer schools because everyone uh made fun of him yeah he went to a french school oh french school would be like um i don't know i could think of like a wordplay thing it'd be like um uh oh uh lauren we're drowning over here bail no no they have uh paris weekend what uh like instead of parents weekend oh yes paris what should we get for lunch a cha-cha chicken cha-cha or alfalfa parents week paris weekend i cannot get my them to give me utensils at alfalfa

utensils give them to me that's what i do no just ask for them no but i'm saying they used to put them in the bag now when i asked for utensils they show me the receipt in giant caps letters it says no utensils and they're like you selected this and i was like i did not and then so i thought maybe it was a glitch so i started selecting no utensils thinking maybe it was backwards and that would give me utensils and then when it happened then i'm like okay well i kind of kind of did that yeah that was a bold strategy they also they also still i think think i'm a thief a little bit thief i think i need to get your salad today because the one i got last time i tried to satisfy my needs lauren goes get the wrap bro the west coast wrap lauren goes what's

in your salad because i have jack's secret salad i sent her i went out of my way to send her all the ingredients you have it all written down i know that you just copied and pasted i didn't i didn't have it written down really i have it written down you've jack's secret salad written down yeah why because you texted it one time for a shoot and then the next time lucas was like what do i get him and i was like i have it that's so sweet you saved my salad in case i need it's just in my text i i just google like cashew and it comes up i put yours in a notes under i put yours in my notes app what else is in your notes app a lot of things i have i have like crazy pictures how many notes do you guys have wait lauren lauren what go into your text 600 go into your text

and search my name and read the last thing you texted about me jack i have i'll go in the notes app oh wait you just smirked what'd you what'd you pass over oh i don't want to read it you have to okay it um it was to me and it says my mom sending me this after jack called me out on today's pod for how excited i was when he mentioned he bought a vape before work and because my mom sent me an article about i don't want to keep are there any about my hot bod um the other one jack's rig was looking huge today rig is your bod it's not your penis that's your wrench your rig that's the last thing yeah australia i got i got a good one that found my notes up oh last last rusty is jane texting me lolling at rusty in this blanket episode he has so much energy haha i'm trying to

like a girl dancing him not to what him trying to act like a girl dancing like when we were doing the role play thing does jane think i'm cool does sean think i'm cool she likes both you guys does laura think i'm cool really i think laura is cool she's coming for your head dude no she thinks you're cool she wanted to be on the pod when she was here i know laura put we have will and i have a whiteboard to keep track of all our stuff and she laura put her name under potential guests yeah one day dude we're yet we're checking someone off the wish list we have i have two people on my wish list uh on our whiteboard and we're checking one off i can't tell you who it is but she's coming on soon it's a big get for us can i tell you my notes after i've been trying

to squeeze this out for like 10 minutes sorry it's fine did i talk too much no i'm just kidding i'm kidding uh it's um i don't know if it's like a comic or maybe like a quick clip it's these two pirates don't exactly see eye to eye and they each have eye patches on the opposite eyes maybe it's like a news thing it's a new yorker it's a new yorker we like cartoon like we don't see eye to eye yeah yeah these two pirates don't exactly see eye to eye i saw a rejected new yorker cartoon or new york new yorker cartoon new yorker cartoon i saw a rejected one the other day where it's a guy busts into the bedroom and there's two people like clearly they just had sex in the bed yeah he goes what my wife my wait my it said like my friend my friend and his wife in my friend and

wife's bed or something that you would you would assume that he was breaking like catching someone but he's just in their room that's funny i'm tired of hearing all this stuff about how all booze is bad booze all right no because now we've got light strike hard refresher look at this shit this is a game changer come on come on it's uh non-carbonated it's made with coconut water sea salt five percent abv and is the first hard beverage that is built for the long game all right i know a thing or two about the long game i was at a music festival this past weekend had to play the long game i wish i'd had a few light strikes with me uh they've got two flavors right now lemon lime and orange mango i think we both got the orange mango right now that's a

personal favorite but lemon lime one for one it's a personal favorite true yeah yeah i haven't tried the lemon lime yet guys rarely rarely do i get something that comes across my desk i get a lot of alcohol stuff come across my desk rarely rarely does a product come across that kind of takes me aback yeah gets my ears perked up this one this was a fend i'm actually i'm actually shocked no had thought of it before or someone did think of it and they made it and it's delicious yes here's my thing why is every alcohol drink like so much different than just a normal beverage that you would actually consume true you know what i mean like i would never be drinking any of these drinks yeah if there wasn't alcohol in it this this is my new jam uh i like the packaging too yeah i'm

loving it uh and i can't wait for you guys to try it guys try light strike today and tell them we sent you psa psa from your thighs they've been trapped in pants and ignored trapped in pants they've been trapped in pants and ignored all winter long they're pale but they're powerful and they're ready for thigh liberation so enter the lined swim collection from our friends at chubby's so stylish so comfortable it feels illegal but it's not you checked right i googled it you googled it there's a gray area that's all i need to hear you can't you're pretty you've a pretty good chance in court of defending yourself uh we've got prints louder than me at the fourth of july barbecue after one beverage liners that prevent chafing four-way stretch that will move

with you wherever you're going uh these are are the best swimsuits i've ever had i'm gonna cut it to you straight yeah uh it's a game changer and and you can wear them around the thing is like you want the versatility of the swimsuit where it's like you're wearing in the pool obviously or perhaps the ocean but you want to be able to wear it when you're playing cornhole when you're eating a hot dog when you're eating that third hot dog fourth hot dog fifth hot dog well maybe not you might cross the line when you're hanging out with chicks yes yes what's your favorite thing about chubbies you know i like to go short yeah but i don't like to go too short yep i know guys that do and i know guys that like something right in the middle person i go the seven inch inseam

yeah lets people know hey my thighs are here but i'm being coy about it five five and a half is like you know all right now we're getting somewhere and then the four inch in seems reserved strictly for players come on maybe we should do that on the pod one time what show a bunch of thigh guys whether you're getting dressed for your work day a workout or a weekend getaway chubbies has you covered for a limited time chubbies is giving our viewers 20 off your order with our code play at chubby shorts.com that's code play at chubby shorts.com support our show and tell them that we sent you don't blend in with the crowd stand out with chubbies let's get back into the episode thank you our upstairs neighbors um are these girls that we like don't really know

at all but yeah why don't you guys become friends with them that would be we're hanging we have a scheduled hangout on may 1st that's like 10 days in advance because two like last week scott was like we should see if they want to like hang out this weekend or something we uh i that's not the motivation what no i'm just wondering i don't really know i've seen i've only seen like one or two i've seen one of them cute i don't remember okay anyway sorry i don't make it When I think about them, I don't think, like, huge uggo. So, yeah, she must have been cute. Okay.

I'm sorry. I'm, like, picturing they get their New Yorker a lot of times sent to our mailbox. And so the last time I returned, I put it on their steps. I was like, hey, I put your New Yorker outside your door. And then I had looked in it and came up with a caption for the caption contest. And, again, I don't know these people at all. And I was like, I forget what the caption was. but it i think it landed but i was a little nervous that they'd be like you went through our

mail yeah like you know what i mean like i had to like open up their magazine and look through it to find the guy you wrote it down no i texted it to them when i said like hey i left i left some of your mail outside by the way here's an option for the caption no i don't think that's weird it's a newspaper it's not like personal okay well you were like i left your new yorker on your step and there's a guy like hey i'm walking here yeah like uh should we road map it up yes but one last thing on that what is the scheduled hangout what are you guys doing who prompted this why is it on may 1st uh we wanted to we really didn't want to do it in april um but we wanted to do it so we figured the first day in may would be no uh i think scott because we i forget

we texted them about something but then scott was like also like we should uh like sometime do like a game night or like go to dudley and get some wine you guys love dudley i mean it's on our street no i know can you blame a can you blame a brother and uh they said that how you feel when i say that i feel great when i say it went the way all right roadmap and they said they're gone this weekend and next weekend but maybe the following or something are you excited for sc stage coach yeah i'm yeah this is very pre-recorded by the way you guys um so just ignore that but i am very excited for stage coach i think i'm going to oh yeah this is going to be after may 1st this comes out on may 5th okay all right so i've already hung out with them lauren it's not may 5th it's

what cinco de mayo no no i'm saying that that's not what the date it's monday cinco de mayo whoa happy cinco de mayo oh yeah happy cinco de mayo my teacher used to sing this song in spanish uh at us she'd go it was like whatever it translated to uh like you don't know anything a donkey's smarter than you but it was very like rhymey and i didn't figure it out until a while later like that was like the punch line and uh i remember being like that if this was an english teacher that wouldn't be acceptable why did she get away with it dude i when i lived in spain i had to take english class which is i was pretty good at it um and but then the first test i got like a couple questions wrong because it was like

british english they were learning and there was one where it was like take all these words like put them into like categories and uh one of the words was underground and like the options like land formation mode of transportation and then like two other ones oh like i take the underground yeah so i was like underground i guess that's a land formation like oh it's kind of weird but okay and then the lady was like the lady was a spanish lady yeah and i was from america still i am and uh she was like how did you get this wrong and i was like what is what and then apparently that's what they call the subway did you get the points back no and then and then i also got like i would get questions wrong like at least one or two questions wrong every test because there's like stuff that

we say colloquially that i guess like maybe wouldn't be like how they would teach it i mean like like in like dialogue like like it would be like you you got or like i don't know there was just like there's like weird ways of phrasing things technically i don't know are we in the wrong or the british i guess no i'm saying like english i i think even in american english there's stuff that we say like informally that isn't the right way to say i'm trying to think like an example but anyway it wasn't i didn't get 100 i'm sorry i'm really sorry i am going to uh stay strong and make it through roadmap we got a fantastic episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches on pitches followed by this guy rocks this guy

rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard and then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment teach me something followed by discovery channel shows that don't exist and party tricks that don't exist and then we're gonna wrap up with a new edition of rusty's song of the day all right lauren throw us your fucking fastball down the middle bro tendo hit me like like a rock bro tendo hit me like a rock what is the real word nintendo all right y'all ready for this babraham lincoln babe brad dude was at the bar last night getting grinded on by this

baberaham lincoln baby source that's my impression of the worst guy ever of guy guy you did not invite over it's from uh guy who's somehow still at your house guy who lives in your house all right guy who's married to your mom dude was at the bar last night getting grinded on by this babe babe ruth honest oh dude the great bambino was grinding all up on my grundle last night grundle the great baby no babe ruth baby ruth the candy bar was all on my jock last night grind she grinded a hole in my pants my pants are ruined from how much this babe was grinding on my crotch title babe ruth grinded on my crotch episode title i was at the bar last night

minding my own business and babe the ghost of babe ruth came in and grinded a hole in my i know you cheated no no don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life you know the same way you can skip an ad i get it i'm siaya and i live in ice cove I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned And today I'm still figuring it out Somehow things usually get worse before they get better Apparently that's how I roll So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride

Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem It was Babe Ruth Someone came in with a sander And sanded a hole in my crotch There was a hole in I was looking in the mirror this morning There was a hole in my crotch There was a hole in my butt

Every time I go pee I was bent over ass in the mirror So there I was squatting over my floor mirror Staring back at me The one eyed monster Are you guys going to miss me the next two recordings? Deeply Guys I'm going to be gone for the next two episodes

Sorry in advance No it's actually going to be Andrew for both of them Andrew Andrew. Wait, for the... So, too. Yeah. Bleep that name.

Andrew's editing this episode. Hi, Andrew. Hey, Andrew. Andrew, put a big boing sound. Andrew, put a picture of Will and I kissing here. Put a picture of my taint. All right, blur Will's taint picture. All right, go.

Let's do pictures. Okay, okay. Pitch submissions. What? Where do you guys have to be? I'm hungry. Pitch submissions. There's a staple in the bottom of your shoe.

I'm being dead serious. Look at that. Okay. first pitch is from renee kucha renee says hey renee what's up earth wind and fire fire fire earth wind wind no i actually want to be fire because i'm a fire sign wind so i have to be okay so i just somehow got to got i was for about earth i was first to market and just immediately got my last choice now you got earth play me for a few months now i'm ready to pitch let's go what is the worst part about watching an action movie at night before going to bed

scary i'm too much adrenaline after when you close your when you close your eyes you're still picturing crazy fight scenes oh yeah i guess actually for me it's horror that's the issue renee says the worst part is that the talking slash conversation scenes are way too quiet and the shootout slash car chasing oh this happened last night sorry i love this already renee if renee does what i think she's about to do she's gonna knock this out of the fucking park so those those loud ones are just too violently loud so renee says i introduced to you hush rush a sound sensor for your remote that lowers the volume during loud action scenes and turns it up during talking scenes this way you don't have to keep the remote in your paws and can drift to

sleep if you please this podcast rocks you brothers are the best part of my week got me through some really bad scaries the other day made me big happy that is insane because scott and i were talking about this literally last night because this happens every time i watch star wars because star wars goes from like really interesting dialogue to like and jerry was had gone to bed with his lovely girlfriend lauren different lauren you're not dating jerry and uh as far as you know she shrugs yeah and uh sky were watching it and it it was got to this one scene he was like jesus christ and turned it down and then the next scene was like important dialogue yeah and it was andor by the way season two is out it's great and uh we had to turn it

back up we literally did it was crazy yeah that's great the timing of this is impeccable that is funny uh renee let's just say we're happy to have you as a playmate yeah you want you understand what this is all about in sold i want this bingo bingo all right thanks girlfriend next pitch is from isam to here hi isam isam or yeah hopefully i'm saying that correctly isam says what's up Ice, man. IT. IT. IT.

What's up, Lauren, Rusty, and Randy? Yo, dog. I have a pitch in spite of- Why do I get to- I'm Randy. He always says he's- Yo, dog. But I sometimes-

I'm always Randy, bro. That's true. Have you seen what Randy looks like these days? He's looking good. Did you know Randy means horny? Oh, yeah. What is that in again? It's just-

What do you mean? It's just a word. Oh, sorry. Like the dictionary. That's what I was thinking. Like, I'm Randy. Oh. Okay.

well he says i have a pitch inspired by your last couple episodes where you talked about what to do if the conversation comes to an awkward silence on a date introducing the crash out for hire the crash out for hire is a service where you hire a paid actor to go dine at the same restaurant as where you will be taking your date if the date gets awkward or the conversation comes to a halt simply press the button on the app on your phone and it will notify the paid actor to cause an extreme scene in the restaurant this gives you a chance to divide holy shit can i this gives you a chance to divert your attention to said scene and also gives you a new topic of conversation hope y'all like the pitch keep up the good work fellas and ladies i love that

that would also be funny to just like uh do out with the buddy yeah okay this is again there's not there's not enough ruckus happening ruckus so what he like knocks all the plates off his table and like he starts yelling at a waiter anything you want i love it do you tell the waiter ahead of time like this isn't real no you need it on because there's no shot the waiter is going to be a good actor what if you press the button and he goes rogue and like pants is the cook or what yeah what if he like um just starts like going crazy or wait that's the that is the idea he's a crash out i love it what if he accidentally like hits your date with like a frying pan what he like hits her on the head with a frying pan then like a cartoonish bump

how good does a nice like fancy meal sound right now a big steak mashed potatoes oh that sounds delish a really good cocktail filet a negroni mashed potatoes and a side salad negroni ass bro negroni ass yeah wait when did that happen yeah can i read one extra little pitch for babies baby pitch really quick you'll like it you'll like it okay it's katie also for the record crutchfield this is this is the new rule you can read as many pitches as you want but if you go over the allotted two if i hate it i get to break one of the things on your desk and i get to hit a frying pan over your head you get to break all the cameras and the podcast just ends i get to eat all the cameras you get one bite of each only one only one bite of your mic

okay one bite mic one bite mic thank you it okay last quick little pitchy is katie hogan she says uh hello laverna and the fungal minions fungal minion verna blah what's the worst part of having a living space it's hard to decide what to do with it and how to decorate or what vibe it should be introducing the rusty rearrange it's a service where podcast star rusty featherstone gets tripled out of his gourd it redefines your party palace landscape and maybe even landscaping it would be sponsored by the permitting division of the building department with its own reality tv show never worry about showing your space off again turn your space from dusty to rusty love the pod can't wait for live i love it i love it and here's why i i've been i've been

slowly building my room into a cool space and i'm glad people are starting to starting to put some respect on my name i have one flaw though if i'm at your house hi the only thing that's gonna happen is i'm gonna come in the only the only the only change to your house is there's gonna be a lot less snacks in the pantry you're gonna be snack minning minning mini mini snacks i was i was snack minning i was t-maxing yesterday i'm gonna t-max again today t-maxing t-e-o-o i i like testosterone like you have a bunch of like hair in your pits now yeah harrison no that's not gross i got um hair in your pits is gross no i just don't want that remember when you guys remember when you read me the fucking riot act because i said i wouldn't

want a bridesmaid that was a long i stand by that i think that that to tell your bridesmaid what she that she has to shave her armpits that's crazy i don't think you have to shave i'm saying like let's try and not make this all about you how is that making it about her that would be like i'd be like if i was someone's groomsman and i was like what i wear bandanas this is my thing you'd be like can you just take it off for today okay i have like dyed hairs i have a crazy like striped beard yeah you'd be you'd be like hey man get fucking rid of that thing striped beard what does that mean uh pull up like a hard rock nick lauren who hard rock nick if i had hard rock like og play date yeah you guys go back to episode go to images six i don't know

i had that beard what oh that's i mean that's that's not what i was picturing i was first of all i still probably wouldn't say anything but also it's not that was the same like i think it's a lot more common for people to have armpit hair okay i have the first picture learn you have this I have that beard. You'd be like, well, it's totally different. It's not totally different. That's his choice. Yeah.

I mean, I agree. I still wouldn't say anything, but that's also a way more exaggerated. I have that. When to prove your point, you have to come up with something this crazy. It shows that it's not a valid. Lauren went this way. I'm saying if I had a hard rock next beard, you'd be like, hey, man, just for my day, could you maybe tone it down a little bit?

Again, I think it's different. Maybe we take like a two guard to it. like you can have some but like who is hard rock nick hard rock nick is a billionaire uh who i think he does like a lot of fucking is what he talks no that's like what that's like all he talks about pull up a hard rock nick video i gotta go to the bathroom let's see what he got let's see what he has to say here can we not no i don't want to watch this lauren i don't want to watch this close the tap click on the second one close the tap click on the second one close the tap this is an order click on the second one lauren close the tab click on the second one why are you

listening to him let's see hear what he has to say we have a two-to-one majority i'm curious curiosity got the best of me turn this bitch up okay go to a different one no get we stop see we're just we can't just be scrolling through you lost you had your chance and you lost it sir and i respect the rules oh we're in pitches yeah and now we're doing our pitches i'm all over the place all right what is the worst part about trying out a new look people laugh uh you laughed i thought it was a joke you cry in the bathroom by yourself uh you have to you have to what did i write down what the fuck did i say

flan just texted me how is the bandana going over what does she think she thought it looks killer yeah um you have to talk about it with every person that you see so this is a memo that goes out to co-workers friends family says like rusty's trying out a new look today uh please keep the please keep the comments to a minute you don't want to talk about it i want i i want i want this to be a normal thing like i want to be able to walk into work with one of my new bandanas on and it would be the same thing as wearing a hat where it's like maybe if they really like the banana they could say cool bandana but they don't have to ask like why are you doing this why are you you're hurting all of us you're embarrassing

all of us why are you wearing that i mean like joe does it all the time yeah and no one says anything because he's you gotta you gotta earn that's what i'm saying so so this skips the step this skips the step i'm aware that i'm gonna have to earn this but i think after two times it's like he's just wearing a bandana like when lauren wears a bandana no one talks about it it's true i mean i not to her face my headbands you wear a bandana sometimes not like that my mom wears not like this but you wear it up not tucked in yeah your mom wears bandanas she wears them with like the thing in the front like rosie riveter oh that's cute yeah what is it she wears it with like the knot in the front like rosie the riveter oh the girl that's like we can do it ladies yeah

what is she doing when she wears that she's wears it like often i don't know uh okay this was uh i can't fully take credit for this this came from my uh partner in crime scott but i i was your decided i could steal it my other partner in crime thank you my audi part my audi's partner he had a good idea it's a microwave that brings things to exactly the right temperature because like you know you microwave your food or you cook your food and it's way too hot and then you have to wait for it to cool down this you put it in you put it on 30 seconds it's the perfect temperature yes i love it i had the microwave that freezes i know i pitched that before so don't fucking come at my throat can't you or can't you just dial down the the wattage like

well it's more like if you cook something too like in the oven or on the stove and it's like way too hot to eat right now who's adjusting the wattage that's like i do if it tells if the instructions tell me that really me who who up adjusting their wattage guys our building department long sleeve is almost out of stock and our merch girl said that you won't restock them ever again so go buy one while you still can on almost friday.shop in the playdate pod collection all right i'm gonna tell i'm gonna tell will and lauren that i oh that i got a big part in a movie ready this could be a prank of the century should we prank lauren oh yeah let's tell her we're both

uh fucking oh we should be fucking when she comes in um let's tell lauren that our our grandpa's dated in high school tell lauren you were grown in a lab tell her you were grown in a petri dish no hi what she's not gonna believe that tell her i think we should tell her you haven't brushed your teeth in 14 days what if we tell her that the it's not recording the page just said the audio is not recording gotcha or what if we unplug our mics and make her think that everything's fucked up all right once she comes in or we should do one of ours so it's not like unlistenable or no i'll unplug mine when she gets in here and then she's gonna be freaking out

this is the viral prank all right we're pranking lauren we're gonna unplug our microphones so she thinks something's wrong on her end and hopefully has a meltdown yeah there's something funny about like when you're watching someone else scroll on reels like the sounds of it are like what are they doing yeah yeah yeah that's crazy and for some reason i can't i got home last night and me i was taking a bath and just like i'd hear her giggling like scrolling on tiktok yeah what you got pranked you got pranked our mics aren't plugged in oh you got pranked you got pranked you wouldn't have noticed you wouldn't have noticed that's terrifying lauren one time my dad texted like an episode where you didn't have your headphones on

the whole time and my dad was like what if something like went wrong like you wouldn't know i thought that prank was i thought you were gonna have a freak out because you felt like that that wouldn't have happened because i yeah oh honestly good that was a good test you little freak well the thing i said was that when you listen to someone on reels it's funny because it always sounds like what are they doing with their brain also you guys no i i've been i don't think you did anything i think we unplugged we unplugged them so they were definitely not recording uh unless they're wireless i forgot i have big news do you remember

when I auditioned for Happy Gilmore 2 I auditioned for the busboy which I did not get it's the only thing I've auditioned for but they're letting me do a small part that is not the busboy

so I will be in a movie that's exciting I don't remember but it's like I'm like a patron that heckles you're a heckler you got gilmore i'm not in the movie fucking idiot i think they already made it i don't know you got gilmore don't call me an effing idiot why like stupid i'm in the crudes too i was in the crew i was crude one time i was i crude i i crude i i accrued an interest new

new nickelodeon show i crude a crude about a girl who's a crude i've never seen it i've never seen a movie all right should we do this guy rocks this guy rocks i sent my guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard obamna there's rocks in my yard there's rocks in my socks there's rocks sale sorry i guess we're doing jocks first oh sorry it's okay he uh tends to make that happen he tends to make everything about him it's my world and you guys walk all over his friends i do not walk away from conversation i've been getting better about walking away from conversation all right learn pauses immediately and i mean immediately this is a kid named jagger riding a horse and his i think

his aunt posted this and said that this is what his parents have to deal with every day i thought this was very funny hey don't take off so fast cowboy he's too fast going i don't care don't take off so fast slow don't take off so fast he's all you don't you don't blast off we're not we're not at the nfr hey he's here he has a gun on his head that is adorable i want a little i want a little cowboy kid comment he is a republican i would say claimed probably yeah probably it's probably safe to assume he is a republican how adorable all right he rocks who do we have i still can't believe we were in a textbook yeah that's great very funny thanks a lot by again griben well i

could already tell this is gonna be awesome i don't know this is a guy from a school i guess springfield praise the lord everybody look at this beautiful blessing god's given the first pentecostal church come on let's take a look those pants do not fit very well it's got a sleeper belt 60 passenger flat nose only over a hundred thousand miles on it now let's fill it up in jesus name 60 person flat nose only about a hundred thousand miles on it that bus feels like it would be filled with jesus children no it's filling up in jesus name bus three how's that have 16 000 likes yeah because he's viral that guy is viral what guys i'm so excited for team building lunch team we

haven't gotten it approved yet i'll get it can you please say i always get it when have i ever let you down if you need to if he needs a reason say that because i'm about to leave for two weeks we need to like finalize um make it about that yeah all right should we do teach me something who wants their pirate fact who wants hit me hit me hit me all right who knows about black sam i don't all right black sam was a british pirate in the early 1700s so rewind before his pirate career he's in love with this girl uh her parents don't approve because he's too poor okay so his thinking is i'm gonna prove them wrong i'm gonna go out become a pirate make a fucking killing i'll come back i'll be rich they will accept me right so he goes out and in one

year has like a pretty pretty killer year he captures 50 ships makes like a fucking fortune uh and they're sailing back he's gonna go get his girl land is in sight they can literally see like her house uh rogue storm comes in fucking kills him and his entire crew the ship sinks um and then fast forward uh 280 years in 1980 this guy barry clifford goes down and uh and recovers some of the treasure it's the only i think it's the only like recovered pirate treasure of all time really but isn't that interesting he lost his life because of uh disapproving parents oh i mean that's yeah what there were some other steps but they wouldn't let him they wouldn't let him marry the love of his life because he was too poor and back then that was the only way he could

go make his money yeah what are you you're a you're a rich parent oh i forgot will has a trust fund and probably sympathizes with the parents because you don't want to like spoil the bloodline like a bunch of pores i don't buy that piracy i think their parents are obviously bad but i don't think that that was like he had his only option was to become a pirate look at who you're talking to right now and tell me tell me that i'm gonna side with i'm gonna side with i'm not expecting you on my side all right uh wait will so what you're what you're saying is he should have just what he should have just like continued being like a laborer making no money and

and settle for some like girl that he doesn't love you fucking you rich people make me sick to my fucking stomach he should have he should have pulled himself up by his bootstraps will yeah right yes impossible ever taken a physics class literally you ever tried to pull yourself up by your bootstraps horribly inefficient way to stand up he should have he should have uh not got caught in the storm storm apologist if i was me you probably you probably that's like uh me i simply would not have got caught in that storm right is that crazy though you could see you could see land yeah how does that can't yeah storms are ass maybe like a typhoon or something is that a thing yeah i think it's

just what they call a hurricane in like southeast asia well no it's like a water spout thing typhoon yeah that's a thing i think it's just what they call a hurricane in southeast asia but it sounds scarier yeah yeah yeah oh it depends yeah the ocean um definitely sounds scarier rollercoaster typhoon you ever do that terrifying uh teach us something b2 stealth bombers the airplanes you know there's a reason i thought we were still in the pitch segment i was like i have bad bad news for you they have uh retractable cup holders and a microwave yeah and a toilet because guys are up there on missions for like 22 hours yeah that was fun so like one guy flies it and then the other guy goes and sleeps and like makes a meal what's it

called the b2 stealth bomber nope b52 sprock lobster google that the idea that there's a microwave in that is hysterical to me yeah where do they piss bathroom yeah the toilet i love it imagine a billion dollar toilet billion dollar toilet uh one dollar oh billion dollar billion dollar toilet sends your poop wherever you want send it to your you can poop anything Where would you send it? I would send it I would send it to a farm that needed manure You can poop literally anything

Well yeah don't worry It's fine you can just Oh god forbid I'm a hero You can poop literally anything Dude with a billion dollar toilet you can poop literally anything If you only ate corn Would it just come out cooked?

Or would it come out just corn Or would there be poop in it? It would be cooked it'd be like a corn squash salad type thing corn squash salad corn bouillabaisse all right should we do corn days willie do you want to start with discovery channel shows that don't exist or party tricks that don't exist first disco shows tee it up for me yeah you gotta do it these are discovery channel shows that don't exist alligator riders six men attempt the never before done feat of riding mounting an alligator and controlling it around the swamp

it's highly dangerous most of them die but in the end one of them might get the reins and finally do the impossible it and let me tell you it is it is must must see tv it's must see tv you ever seen that uh charles barkley ad they're trying to get him to do a promo for the the sons are playing the hornets and uh the ego they go like all right tee it up for us charles and he goes i got two words for you uh chris paul steve nash must see tv and they're like those way more than two words he goes all right paul and nash they're like that's three absolutely all right i got underage overpaid it follows uh high school kids with fake ids who are reselling beer to fellow minors wow i like that naked and comfortable um it just cuts out the whole like survival thing it's just

for people who are a little horny but want to watch network network tv yeah let's strip it down to its parts we're not there for the nature aspect we're there to see some crotch man yeah god we want it we're guys man we want to see hole we want to see stick i see bungle um yeah stick all right i got squirrel king every season they pick the two biggest squirrels in the in the tribe and they breed them until uh the byproduct of it is a squirrel that is four times the normal size and is oh and and and and it rules over the other squirrels with an iron fist got it scroll king love that um migration four men and women start in canada and they're each assigned a bird that's about to migrate south for the winter and the goal of the game is to be able

to follow your bird for as long as you can through its path of migration uh if you lose your bird you're out the last person still following their bird wins i love it like one guy made it to mexico one year i love it i got high flying it follows uh marijuana traffickers who are getting a little high on their own supply and uh we just get to see them try and land the plane stoned out of their gourd and uh stuff like that that sounds really fun oh the element of surprise six doctors have one month to discover a new element all hands on deck by any means necessary the winner takes home a signed copy of the periodic table from isaac newton i love it all right i got naked and hot it is similar to naked and afraid but this time they

are all fucking smoke shows and so they like immediately when they see each other they all want to bang and kind of like forget about the survival aspect of it let me tell you staying warm is not going to be a problem come on because of the body tip i was gonna say because they're inside of each other bird nightmare one man 400 birds one cage 30 days can he survive only time will tell i love it lauren uh how happy are you that this is your job pretty happy are you are you are you happy about this are you proud of us i am i'm great we're funny yes i do are you happy um yeah for the most part because you were saying don't you sometimes struggle with your mental health yeah i'm happy i think i'm like well she doesn't

struggle with it she's just like from time to time you like correct me if i'm wrong from time time you just don't want to be around anymore no i think i'm like i think i'm like 77 happy that is that's pretty good pretty good yeah i think this has been a good year yeah it's been a good year for you yeah i feel happier than i have in a while yeah all right i got best rig on the rig uh the hottest men and women from every oil rig in the gulf get together for a bodybuilding competition uh and we figure out who has the best rig on the road that is good and let me tell you they are oiled up to the max and they isn't there an oil spill in season two it's a nightmare you know what i mean and what else yeah what else

we were laughing about we were watching survivor last night and like there is an element of like when jeff's like telling him like what the reward's gonna be where he's like yeah and you want dessert you little fucking sluts yeah well you're getting peach cobbler and they're all like oh yes oh yeah and that's is that's not enough how about cookies oh juice ow yeah you want you little fucking sluts want that you want a big soda more jeff make it hotter jeff put it in the oven jeff my garage would come i actually almost just peed myself what laughing oh nice that got you at all every time i like i was like trying to keep one eye on lauren

does he like check the temperature and my look over you're like no i'm just like i like when they're whatever they haven't drank or eaten anything but like rice and coconut water and then jeff's like margarita and burger and they're like yeah he like knows he hasn't he gets off on they drink it they get like hammered after one drink and then they all don't they like there have been many times where they overeat yeah it can be like a disadvantage there's also a guy in one season in guatemala i think it is judd he trades uh like all his stuff for the rest of the beer and gets hammered and then is drunk at tribal so people are having sex on that show right very rarely no one's ever done it according to jeff i think boston rob and the

and her did i saw an interview with jeff where he's like i don't think anyone has as far like if they have they've completely avoided the cameras but yeah uh all right willie but they've done hand stuff for sure yes all right all right these are party tricks that don't exist grab someone's beer open it with your butt fart the cap and seal someone else's beer that's good uh braiding your hair with no hands it's all just with your scalp oh i love that yeah it's like when someone ties a cherry thing with their tongue yeah it's sort of the next evolution um all right you lauren listen i worked hard on these i'm sorry i'm listening all right you wu-tang the joint grab the new one fire breathe it out and light the

second one wait wu-tang is like you swallow it is when you like inhale the joint and swallow it got it and then you there's so much heat you delight the next one everyone's like oh that's uh dance moves so fast nobody can see it but it shows up in pictures all right you add a kegger you keg toss the keg into someone else's lawn and move the party to your neighbor's house without asking love that uh consuming a beer can first all right you make you make uh a s'more and then you fire breathe vodka on it and toast it into melty perfection love that uh talking about pioneers and conquistadors and shit until all the girls leave all right you grind all the weeds throw it up in the air catch it all with

the cone spark it up love that backwards vaping it makes the vape nauseous that's fantastic throw off at the end there maybe a little yeah all right who's ready for rusty's song of the week um was the song of the day or song of the week song of the day it's twice a week i i had it was but it's the it's the playlist is your songs of the week well it's twice a week because it's every episode i add a new song all right uh this week i got no other heart by mac demarco good song one of my jams it's one of the few that i think it stays in my rotation throughout the years uh it makes me happy and uh i hope you like it i like that one by the time you listen to this all right

we also have to guess how many saves the playlist is gonna have when each person looks i'm gonna say by the time this one is added it's gonna have 2142 saves wow maybe i just i feel like a dick if i lowball it i'm going uh 1670 1669 that's a smart play that's the price is right move all right what should they comment today guys comment uh how much you're gonna miss me on a scale of one to ten comment on uh how much your scales on a one to ten comment how many scales you're on all right if you're if you are attracted to women comment where you would take lauren on a date and if you're attracted to men uh comment where you would take will and i on a date yes and trust me we date as a team we're dating as a team comment i love who do you think who do you

think old school earth went on fire i don't know who do you think is like the the what who do you think's the hunk of this podcast lauren are you me i'm the bad boy hunk of this podcast lauren's the bell the ball i think i'm the hunk and i'm the well i'm not a hunk but like you want to be a hunk no have you ever seen the dandy show the hunk no that's great it's good yeah you've seen who's tallest canada what same host as the hunk yeah actually no the host of the hunk is have you watched the rehearsal yet yeah i watched the first episode i'm gonna watch it tonight that's all it's come out okay it's every sunday yeah answer that that thing rusty said and then also describe us all in one word the same word or three separate three separate words and jesus bro's got they

got homework y'all got homework comment a saying that doesn't exist i came up with three bangers on the way what was that his phone flew out of his hand he threw it into the livy dung chessboard my chessboard did you break it yeah my lego chessboard it's so broken no it just knocks some of the pieces over chill the fuck out what do you mean chill the fuck out if i knocked over your chewbacca lego you would fucking cry you would i actually i actually think you wouldn't talk to me for a month if i broke your chewbacca lego it didn't break but it could have yeah oh yeah okay i guess i'm being i guess i'm fucking crazy i want to here's one thing i hope she's not listening to this i want to get more fights

with my with a girlfriend no i think that's so i think there's no think about how you ever see a couple like screaming at each other at the bar nope why she's too nice and normal why do you want that some passion bring some passion all of our passion all of our passion is about how much we like each other i want everyone to wow i want her to like hit me and yell at me careful what you wish for like isn't that kind of hot yeah but it's toxic it is toxic but like i've never been in one of those i've never been in one of those either and i don't want to be but it's not like there is a there is there is a you do you get do you guys get jealous i think a little bit of jealousy is important she'd i she's never done anything to make me jealous i don't know if she's

gotten jealous of me but i think jealous of her yeah would you date me if we were gay i'd go on a date i said i would be shocked before our flan i said i'd be shocked if i died without without kissing a man well we've kissed we never like passionately like make out with a man like yeah make him sword swallow i'd be shocked if i same do you think you'll ever date a woman maybe i think dating will be sick you are i know it's awesome uh no but i wanted to like i wanted to like start throwing shit around the room like shatter vases over my head and like yell at me and call me like throw forks and knives throw forks and knives at me and like cut your bandanas up throw forks and knives but you dodge them and they go in the wall and then we and then we

embrace and we kiss and then and then and then ty joins in oh oh i'm throwing it out with him tomorrow everything oh i mean ty are gonna go i actually could you know you have those friends that are too nice right i could not picture that guy having sex yeah i'm gonna have sex with him in coachella oh what stage coach that's i'm gonna be a power bottom oh we had a friend we had a friend one time we had a friend that this guy told us one time that she fucks like a man she said that like he he said that she fucked him not the other way around all right can we end the podcast no this is good this is good juicy stuff what is a power bottom like you're doing the thrusting yeah i'll tie can tell you on monday sweet i love i'm gonna miss you guys so

much i will see you yeah everyone pray for lauren she's going to mexico for two weeks no no no i'm going to españa same thing and thank you all for the wrecks i've actually gotten so many dms from people just giving me wrecks like on my separate on my personal instagram and i really really appreciate it it's very thoughtful go comment on lauren's most recent photo uh damn go go find my host family and tell them i died go find all right let's get lunch we love you guys we're gonna go get lunch take it easy okay bye Thanks for watching!