Will & Rusty's Playdate - ins and outs for 2026 w/ Billy Langdon

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

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Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 i think it's funny how it's just completely different setup every single time every time we go to record sean and andrew are in here like doing rocket scientists completely we've revamped the space to get just to get the mics working again and so finally like five minutes ago i was like why do we need to do that every time it's such a nightmare i mean it's because we have like 30 shows in one studio and like one set of cameras isn't there a world isn't there a world where just the cords stay where they are and the cameras move you would think but um i think edge wants all the shows to come into like one system here and so to do that there's not enough things on the system to like set up three shows four shows however many sets
Starting point is 00:00:51 we have um and so really we just need to spend more money that we don't have records that don't move hey cords and cameras don't move whole set on an axis shifts so this can and the next one flies right in lazy susan like a lazy susan set where all the cords and mics don't move you've been get are we recording yeah play date play date new year's episode new year's with billy langdon episode numbers deja vu 171 171 evgeny malkin nice yeah it was on the tip of your tongue i was gonna get there billy you were here last new year's yeah i was did you think did you think we'd invite you back bro spelled it so wrong uh no i didn't think i'd get invited back period let alone for new year's again billy look how he spelled evgeny malkin or malkin okay yeah
Starting point is 00:01:43 i mean that's how you spell it i mean i'm not gonna lie i've never spelled his first name i've never even i think that's probably the first time i've said his first name i would have spelled it like afghani well they call me that's what i thought you meant that makes sense this episode is brought to you by cash app cash app protect my money money billy what were you gonna say about your what was it about bodies about my body you're talking about your body Oh, is I doing that again? It's making it about me and my body. Sometimes I don't even realize.
Starting point is 00:02:16 Oh, yeah. We got a hat. Pop that champagne open. We got champagne. And you got us the hat. I have probably the biggest bottle of champagne of all time, which usually I like. I'm in the mood for champagne. This is probably one of the only times.
Starting point is 00:02:27 You're not? You're not in the mood? I just have been up all day. Oh, my God. Why'd you get so much? Hey, Willie, it's sort of a hat on a hat. Billy, do you want to do the honors or the guest? Yeah, sure.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Oh, my goodness. It's like, don't break the TV. What's up with this cork? I've never seen a plastic cork. That's just fancy. That's how you know that shit. Oh, that's that good shit? When you get in the thousands, then they go plastic.
Starting point is 00:02:53 At some point, it gets so fancy that they actually revert back to plastic. Shit's like a VVS diamond. What? Oh, you didn't shoot it at all? In the pod studio? Yeah. I don't know. I figured I'd be...
Starting point is 00:03:08 i figured i'd be professional about this should i pour it up yeah yeah i guess i'll look a little toast to the new year i think that i think that'd be really nice guys we're popping bottles no one i'd rather be spending new year's with no no no gary farrell with gary farrell name a single person willie and i uh willie and i found this wine called gary farrell which i know you're thinking sounds fancy and nope we were not thinking that cheers guys cheers happy new year to the new year and to gary oh sorry andrew a little light doesn't this come out before the new year no this is on new year's eve cheers andrew cheers i assume the ball is dropping right now new year's oh and this comes out on wednesday cooks reminds me oh that is not very good very sweet cooks reminds me of
Starting point is 00:04:01 that's very good in college someone texting you at like nine in the morning and being like should we drink oh like that's the alcohol that they were and then yeah and then be like oh yeah i guess i could pick up some cooks i don't know is that like a thing you've heard of cooks yeah it sounds like i haven't heard of it until it's like andre andre sort of i assume same tier sipping on i'm sipping on that andre with andre and it's like the guy from victoria is i don't think you need the on before saying andre because on already andre starts with on so you're like sipping on dre with oh yeah yeah with dre i'm sipping on andre with dre it's me and dr dre cooking up a sick beat we're not talking though we are both locked into our wraparound
Starting point is 00:04:47 beats earbuds he just calls them around damn dude you're so fucking fast sometimes it doesn't even me it's like you knew i was gonna say that you had a few extra seconds skill too like it's you're the only guy i've met with uh it's like it's like a certain type of wordplay like it usually you have a couple like a few like you couple templates like like we like this time of year we just call this town monica right oh dude see it took me like five seconds i was like where do oh my god oh speaking of speaking of santa andrew i have an apology your your gift was originally going to come on the 17th uh-huh now it's not coming until the 22nd no do you want to just know what it is i thought you ordered it in september no i ordered yours was the last
Starting point is 00:05:39 one because i couldn't find what i wanted that's like i just know uh yeah i do it's wait you're just gonna tell them what it is i'll tell them to google where's the magic it's to google it it's on it's i would google like crystal minion i was gonna say give him one letter at a time you did not you did not i'm so excited about this yeah it's that that one there's no way that's sick it's like a minion made out of like gems are you you know what's funny about this what so i sent this to my girlfriend oh my god i was like i was like this is what i want and she was like that is like a marriage gift no that is not a crystal minions a marriage yes fuck that shit that's first date that's first date andrew my presence what's up with this now i feel bad about my gift
Starting point is 00:06:24 for him yeah for the record andrew not one of the second or third ones i don't know why there was like a 700 option so that's what i'm curious about i was thinking it was who it probably is qualitatively the same thing just 700 well that one's king was it this one what no no i got you the first one it is the first one is this that guy i mean look at that little cheeky smile he's got on too like he knows something but macy's if you're listening i already literally clicked that link and uh and they delayed the shipment but i i me pulling up with my wooden minion i got him embarrassing oh my god did you actually no no it's like plastic i think even worse i got him a swarovski minion figurine dupe
Starting point is 00:07:15 of aliexpress it ships in i think in may yeah it was in stock they said it was in stock later yeah that's insane you really did knock that out of the park dude i uh i was really excited about it i thought you were is that weird to just be like hey your gift's not getting here on time let's google it together no no i love that well because we won't be together for yeah like your christmas spirit's all already going to be gone by january 4th yeah yeah and then you're not going to be here january 6th obviously so it's like i can't give it to you you'll be celebrating yeah i will be celebrating yeah you see that weekend that's fine i'll be taking a shit on nancy pelosi storming the crapital if you will come the whole company
Starting point is 00:07:59 has off that day it's kind of a nice little throw in they give us j6 off every year which is yeah that's cool honestly companies wouldn't be bold enough to take that stand no but we do and it depending on where it is in the week, they sort of round up. So we get Friday ahead because they figure we're going to be flying. So we lose a day there. We got to fly back.
Starting point is 00:08:16 And then they have like a built-in, I think up to two weeks for litigation. Yeah, that's free PTO. They have a lawyer on standby for any sort of, yeah. We only work 15 days a year. We have a treason lawyer. one of the big perks here trees in law yeah that's a real specific niche
Starting point is 00:08:41 when we found out that's a real like someone just does that we were like and that guy was really needed to work yeah he did but now really poor his great grandchildren will never have to work a day in their lives we got that snowed in bag but it was kind of hard to like keep it going after that can you imagine like being out to dinner like you know when you like meet like a friend a boyfriend of your girlfriend's friend like the you know a couple's dinner or something like yes okay and you're like kind of picking his brain about like what his life is like like if he was like i'm a treason lawyer immediately it's booming it's like ears perk up honestly like everyone called me crazy in law school it's kind of paying off now a lot more
Starting point is 00:09:26 treason these days yeah started sort of started my own thing can you google how many people commit treason per year yeah well that's a good question how often does someone charge with under under lately i bet a lot it's kind of at the drop of a hat almost no one only one indictment for treason since the 1950s wait what did oh snowden i guess was just gone by the time it happened yeah i saw it you know that cia guy almost no one yeah that was great that was like kind of an awesome that's why i like that's what ai wants is to think almost yeah the ai overview is quite literally no one honestly like ever been joined um if you're talking about the cia guy i'm thinking of i've been seeing a lot of his clips today yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:10:13 they're crazy there's like this ex-cia agent that will just kind of answer questions and it feels like yeah he should he should not it's kind of like navy seals now like that's part of the gig is like when you retire you just like tell you tell all right um he i saw one today when i was pooping on the toilet and there that comes into there's context sure reason exactly when i saw it was a reason why i was pooping so i'm i'm naked pooping and i'm watching his clip and it goes like he's answering questions out like out of a hat and it was like does the cia uh spy on us through our cameras and microphones and he was like good question uh yes we do like and had kind of this like professional answer but i'm sitting camera pointed directly at my crotch and poop it's just
Starting point is 00:11:00 like okay it's all in view kind of wish i saw this one in the uber i think my favorite part about that interview with him is every single question gets worse and worse and every single time he goes yes we do do that and here's how we do it it's like has the cia ever burned children yeah he's like this is a tough one it's yes and no it's a it's a little complicated but mostly it's about 99 yes context dependent um technically it was a light baking we called a crisping we broiled him what were you gonna say andrew i was just saying it's funny that he does it out of the hat like i think i may have i may have added that detail for comedic effect i think pulling it from some communal yeah yeah it's a very large hat he has to peek around it as he
Starting point is 00:11:53 answers the question and the hat sort of moves those ones where it's like uh like alex handled answers questions about climbing and he'll it'll like be on twitter and like he'll respond and then they'll kind of like type it out yeah yeah him answering like questions on twitter like some like conspiracy theorists is like do they look through our cameras and he's like sometimes yeah actually the government's going through my shit and trash is that allowed is that happening yes fuck you and then he's like responding to the guy directly thank you for the question jan 6 stormer i think all right do you like my sketch idea where it's just a guy with like way too big of a hat to leave the room he's in no what do you mean like he can't get out basically he can't get through
Starting point is 00:12:34 any of the doorways okay how do you get in there derby party and and there's like something happening in the other room but he's like he overdid it a little bit i like the idea that like it's almost an it has like a nathan for you aspect to it if like the hat store sells one so big you can't get out it's like it's free this is our free hat if you can get out of the store in it oh it's like that thing where you you can keep the gold bar if you can like get it out of yeah exactly big enough for you it's not possible and you can't have it on your head if you can wear this out yeah it's all yours maybe maybe they're at like the kentucky derby party and someone's like hey like pizzas are ready guys and everyone kind of like files out like into the kitchen he's
Starting point is 00:13:12 like i guess i guess it should be a girl why because guys don't really wear big hats in the derby do they it's just like a giant fedora oh yeah girls wear big ass hats in the derby that's true or like what if it's like uh like a southern church and he like they're like mass ends he can't get out he can't get out or he can't get in like the bells are ringing and he's like uh uh just trying to listen listen from outside yeah yeah that should that'll that'll work great yeah derby party and it's like elise with like the biggest hat of all time yeah and she just can't go anywhere or do anything and her life slips through her fingers yeah i like that little giggle at the end there russie i was i was picturing a new scenario in my head
Starting point is 00:14:02 where it was a uh it was again the southern church that's kind of where my head's at and his his fan is too big to leave like his like hand fan oh so you guys like joke size clothes here it's been a while since i've been on i'm just catching up willie's gotten me really into prop prop comedy's hot that's what gets me it's i've like reverted back to the chester and i were talking about this yesterday where he was talking about how he like kind of watches less comedy now because like when you spend like your whole day kind of like you know surrounded by comedy that like somehow it kind of feels like you want to watch something else i would say so yeah i have i have been around you guys for so long that i've like made my way through all the like smart
Starting point is 00:14:47 parts of comedy i'm just back to prop yeah i got one honored two incredible i would love to join you in that yeah because i'm about to merge into slapstick by the way so like falling you're devolving yeah i'm almost back to like curly and mo like i'm going back in time i would actually love we you guys should watch like an episode of the three stooges at some point together like on the pod and just like break it down see how see if it like still can hit you right yeah i would love that like if charlie chaplin like almost roller skated off a cliff i think i would like piss my pants there you go we have little piss buckets below us and then the guy with the most in there loses
Starting point is 00:15:38 i think that would work i was watching uh i was watching a wonderful life today for the first time on the plane and uh you gotta put this on fucker oh my god i forgot about it sorry yeah right you just want to look hot fucking bullshit um always gotta be the hottest guy on the camera hot guy alert and there's kind of i only made it a couple minutes in before we landed but there was there i have a couple uh have you guys all seen it no it's one i've not seen it there's a cut so it's it's the 40s when is it it's long ago okay and there are a couple things that i was like what that seems weird he uh goes so he goes to a high school dance and kind of the context seems like he's not in high school because everyone's very excited to
Starting point is 00:16:27 see him and this guy's like go dance with my sister go dance with my kid sister and he's like oh oh tommy you know i get embarrassed around all these kiddos and it's like yeah you're the one that came to the high school dance though and then they fall into the pool and so he's walking her home and he's in a football uniform of a high school that he doesn't go to because it was the only dry clothes and she's in a bathrobe and he keeps stepping on her
Starting point is 00:16:52 bathrobe like I either intentionally or unintentionally to try and get it to fall off oh and then it works not enough and she goes she jumps into the bush and and he jumps into the bush he jumps into the bush because she's because he ripped her clothes off without her consent
Starting point is 00:17:08 and then he jumped into the bush no yeah i'm really scared you know um and she's in the bush like like please give me my robe back and he goes he goes oh i get it yeah yeah i liked it again quick as quick as lightning her robe came off i jumped i jumped straight in the bush um and she's like please give me my robe back i'm so embarrassed in here and he goes a man is very rarely presented with this kind of opportunity and he's just like walking around with the robe like kind of weighing his options and then i and then we landed and i was like that was kind of weird yeah i don't know if i like that's supposed to be isn't this movie supposed to be like a classic i texted flan and i was like watching
Starting point is 00:17:52 a wonderful life and she goes that's one of my least favorite and i was like how bad could because the beginning is very sweet okay and then that thing happened and i go i don't know well i think that's at the time meant to be an extension of sweetness with a little comedic relief when right in modern time reality probably everybody at that dance would end up arrested for what they did today yeah including him yeah the girl you're walking to high school or home and she's naked in a bush and you're you're going she's getting pricked by thorns and you're like oh man you can see why they named it a wonderful life yeah yeah uh yeah i don't i would have never guessed day would go there i thought is it christmas maybe yeah it is okay that was gonna be my question but
Starting point is 00:18:35 i watched for 20 minutes zero mention of christmas if anything it's summer also he gets a ride from maybe they're in south america where it's always summer christmas is in the summer you ever think about that oh that's kind of weird yeah like in australia it's like scalding hot yeah um yeah it's also pretty warm here that's true didn't think about it did you there's one scene where uh he's getting a ride he's about to go on a worldwide journey and he gets a ride from a cabbie and he's like he's like hey mister like you want to drive me home and the cabbie's talking to a cop and it seems like they're all friends like it's a small town they all kind of know each other and he's like sure like get in and then they look at the cop and they go you want to come along
Starting point is 00:19:20 we'll show you the town and the cop's like no and then the scene just kind of ends it's like why would the cop come with you so when you go to town what wouldn't he know the town yeah it doesn't make any it made no yeah we'll get in we'll show you that that implies like the cop's never been oh thank god i have no idea what this yeah what town is this or he's just dressed like a cop dude i had a i had speaking of cars all-time segue uh i was the other day i was like trying to cut across like basically like i had to there was no just the way i had to go i had to like make it all the way across like three lanes very quickly okay and uh stressful it was stressful and like i gave plenty of room like sure it's like kind of a little douchey to just kind of do that but like
Starting point is 00:20:06 it really didn't get in this old guy's way behind me and he like accelerates because i'm doing it and so then he's right on my ass like jesus and then i get over all the way to the left and he comes up next to me and i'm like like it was so unnecessary there was i didn't do anything that slowed him down like it was really not a big deal if anything you sped him up yeah and i thought like oh he's probably gonna like flick me off or something and i'm just like i'm not i'm not even gonna look because like i don't i don't want to give him the time of day and i'm taking a left turn anyway so i'm just like not even looking and my windows are down and i just hear fuck you dude the loudest
Starting point is 00:20:49 because he was like he's not gonna look so you've got to make sure he hears i was like oh my god he's not even looking at the road and he's about to pass out the most aggressive thing i've ever been a part of i couldn't believe it it was like i guess i kind of cut that guy off like he'll probably flick me off and it was like scenario be like the depths of his soul he is lost he might have lost everything today and then that was just the last straw i was like shook i was like this guy gonna come kill me god i think that screaming i think the angrier you get in road rage the less effective your message becomes i kind of agree like if you're just like a flick you off and it's like i'm sorry like you seem like a guy that i
Starting point is 00:21:39 interfere yeah a finger wag i've gotten one of those it was actually the most sorry i've ever felt thumbs down yeah that is all you need to send the message because it's like human that no he went so far the other way that i was like actually scared for my like a minor inconvenience in traffic i didn't even cut you off man it's also la like like that's like people drive like how you have to the only way you can get around is by doing that he's like never been here before like you his life must be hell if that was worth that like i can't imagine like a real inconvenience he's on like the 405 and someone like actually cuts him off and he's just like head would explode it's just like self-destruction he just shoots the guy i couldn't
Starting point is 00:22:29 i've literally never had that happen in my life like i've never fuck you and the fact that i'd be like i'm not even gonna look because i'm like i don't even care and then i was like okay he made sure i knew yeah in his defense you probably i think twice before you take that route again yeah i guess so yeah those are his roads dude you should stay the fuck off him he's like a middle aged dude something about like it wasn't
Starting point is 00:22:56 there's something really funny about like like just saying fuck you instead of something like clever to like he clearly like meant like it wasn't like learn how to drive asshole it was just like I hate you yeah it was so
Starting point is 00:23:15 like genuinely guttural that's all you can muster up from there unbelievable from the place in your heart where that comes like there is no refined language it's just primal hate yeah that's that reminds me of like the he might have been a stoolie can't realize a stoolie he's an early he's like an early college humor investors or what's like the opposite of our big our rivals are the stoolies i think right yeah the detards and stoolies are like water and oil yeah they they truly don't mix it's like gangs in new york with
Starting point is 00:23:56 those two you're gonna meet in the street and fight to the death the scream screaming a little different you like that same vibe like almost crying reminds me of like that tweet where the guy goes he's like it's my turn in the rap battle he just goes start sobbing i hate you i hate you i haven't seen that um speaking of clever clever comebacks uh i got i saw this like video of a congressman or senator i don't know what he does but he's an old guy and it was just like a hype edit of all his slams and they are awesome i saw him i was like i don't know where you're what you're in charge of but i want to make sure you stay in charge get more i think the first one i saw uh he goes i'm not saying you're the stupidest person in the world but you better
Starting point is 00:24:46 hope the dumb not saying you're the dumbest person in the world but you better hope the dumbest person in the world doesn't die i was like dude that's cold yeah you've seen this guy yeah i've seen that particular one who is it that i don't know politics that now is becoming like wwe and i kind of like it i kind of like it a little bit like that aspect of it i don't want i don't want the people that are actually in charge but like i like when there's like a hearing and they're like grilling zuckerberg and they just like they were just like slamming him against the wall yeah i do i do like to watch wwe half the guys in congress are like john senile you yeah you have to do something john you do you have will you have to do something with that
Starting point is 00:25:29 you guys watch his last match john cena and i saw like a i just saw like the last guy to high five John Cena no that little kid I guess he just like tapped out wait he lost yeah it's also like that's what I don't understand about WWE didn't he turn heel yeah but I think he went back because they were like he also took his like shoes off and left him in the ring he just tapped out and was like kind of smiling during it I love John Cena all things considered yeah watch this he's like literally getting murdered what do you mean he just tapped out just watch he's saying goodbye well he's wearing the same shoes my like grandpa wears he's like he just tapped out he's getting
Starting point is 00:26:19 the absolute i'll get i didn't see this he needs some support i didn't see this yeah i think he's i think do you see i think he just tapped out you wanted to fight back yeah but see how he's just smiling okay so if you only saw from here on he's seeing all his dead relatives he smiled and then he tapped yeah they both wait can you pause it for a second pause it on that guy this is some pause it on pause it on that guy legit dread the guy keep going this guy can you imagine if you're like a you know you're a kid in like 10 years and you're like you know on tiktok or something and then it pans to the
Starting point is 00:27:13 crowd after this clip and like your dad is someone who's genuinely like very upset that he's got the double sweat bands yeah i'd be like i don't know if you're like fit to raise me is jerry a big wwe guy yeah big time so do these guys like they obviously know it's scripted so what they're just bummed that like i don't know if they do yes they do they know they do but also like that's not the point that was i've talked to jerry a lot about yeah i need to like really it's like it's like a it's like liking a show that's what i looked like probably when the the mountain crushed wait oh wait you just started oh were you what swear to god oh fuck good call this happened in wwe no no game of thrones oh okay this would mean nothing to you at this point
Starting point is 00:27:58 but elise and i were talking before we were getting on our plane the other day and she was like oh my god you're watching game of thrones like the red wedding scene which i don't know what that is but jack barrett too was like oh my god so sick they started talking about it was like spoiler also hilarious that they what started that conversation was them finding out you just started the show so they immediately got like some crazy she was like surely no one has i never yeah but that being said i've had some moments watching game of thrones and other like really good tv where it's obviously scripted and none of it's real but it happens and i i look somewhat like that so so yeah it's it's like it's like fine it's like if you had a tv show you like
Starting point is 00:28:39 that you go see live yeah it's actually kind of sick it's pretty awesome yeah like imagine we were watching okay so live uh okay you're watching dwight and michael's not like you're in the office and michael's gone and dwight and for creed and kevin are maybe like having a hijinks or something and dwight's pranking jim okay and you're watching that okay you're literally i mean drool is hitting the floor and stanley and stanley taps out oh yeah okay yeah does that make sense that's clocking for me that's this is how i this is how i reacted when like uh john b got in trouble in outer banks okay every time with the spoilers i didn't know he was in trouble oh willie willie it's bad it's mostly that it's almost exclusively that happening to say he's in big trouble is an
Starting point is 00:29:32 understatement okay now i'm excited yeah yeah i just wanted to get you back on the horse speaking of horse what have you been up to billy you're actually that reminds me what do you think is like because you hit speaking of cars and speaking of horse what is like the most general segue they could get you anywhere speaking of talking they're speaking of stories speaking of stories yeah it's pretty good tells a killer story and then you're like speaking of stories and then the world's your voice you can literally launch them you can tell them anything that's ever happened to you yeah uh speaking of horses yeah i don't know what have you been up to though what have i been doing lately in a while i what on the pod yeah what's been going on you want to
Starting point is 00:30:15 know something i want to mention actually is the last time we had billy on for new year's you guys also talked about wrestling for like 20 minutes are you kidding me what no i'm not even joking lauren had a dream that she was at her friend's house and they were having a party and these six guys would just gang up and like beat up and wrestle certain dudes at the party and then they were like the guys were like we're gambling on it that's what it was okay i'm okay i have a dream mlk yeah is are you cool with her having dreams like that she run that one by you but i didn't like that also andrew that wasn't a dream for she said it was a fantasy um it was also really clear going back and listening to it how much of a crush you had on lauren that episode really the whole
Starting point is 00:30:59 time what about it yeah bullshit she was wearing these like new glasses the camera cuts to willie you're just like rock hard like how did we never saw lord was wearing these new glasses and willie goes yeah you have like this um uh like a teacher vibe going um and you could tell he like didn't want to go any further i think in will's defense yeah he is petrified of teachers though mortified of teachers yeah you spent most of second grade in like a little cabinet in your uh homeroom classroom yeah i hate to learn i know i'm cursed by my own it's not fun anyway yeah lock me up and throw away the fucking key i'm golfing tonight if either you guys want tonight at the sim if either you guys want to join i'm going ice skating my friends said they saw you
Starting point is 00:31:49 this weekend were you there on saturday at the sim yeah yeah yeah they texted me they were like dude we just went to the simulator thing i think rusty was there and i was like oh sick they were like yeah it's like three hundred dollars to go and i was like that's insane is it actually like 300 it's less than that to be a member they said they spent like 60 an hour plus like an additional 90 on top of that i bet that's why they like it reminds me some of the gyms where like a day rate is half of a month if you're like a full-blown member so they want you like do the recurring membership right i talked did they say i talked to them because i talked to them oh i was about to say like i was talking to these two guys and they were asking me like what i did for a living
Starting point is 00:32:32 So it's like they were not very good friends. No, no, no, no. They didn't talk to me. You look just like my friend Andrew's co-worker. That reminds me. How do you know that, but you don't know? This episode is brought to you by Cash App Willie. You're always falling for some weird scams.
Starting point is 00:32:53 What did you fall for recently? I recently fell for one where a sailor approached me, and he offered me three fish. And he said, if I choose the right one, I would go to heaven. and guess what i turned around my car was gone guys your security deserves to be a priority and cash app treats it that way with security lock cash app requires a successful face id or biometric authentication to access your account it's like your money is protected by your own personal bodyguard even if you accidentally leave your phone unlocked or someone gains access to it without your knowledge plus if you're about to send money to someone and cash app notices
Starting point is 00:33:26 something looks a bit off or that you might be falling for a scam it will send you a warning before the money is sent to make you take a second and confirm that everything looks right turn on security lock in your cash app settings now to keep your account and your information safer than ever and pay attention to scam warnings of sending money to someone new learn more at cash.app security for a limited time new cash app customers can earn ten dollars if they use code friday 10 in their profile at sign up and send five dollars to a friend within 14 days terms apply cash app is a financial services platform not a bank banking banking services provided by cash apps bank partner visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures
Starting point is 00:34:05 guys we want to take a quick moment if you don't mind to talk about one of our favorite sponsors of the pod lucy lucy's intelligent nicotine for adults it's designed by scientists to deliver the most satisfying nicotine experience and it's always tobacco free whether you use the nicotine to enhance focus boost your energy or relax there's a lucy for you they offer products ranging from hydrating breakers to pouches to gum with individual servings ranging from four milligrams to 12 milligrams ensuring satisfaction for even the most demanding nicotine routines rusty what's your favorite lucy uh you know that i like the eight milligram breakers i like to do a little apple cider i like to do a little mint you know whatever my little heart fancies that's what i'm
Starting point is 00:34:47 gonna have i use them to focus i use them for energy i use them to relax i use them when i have a handful of beers i'll say it yeah i will say it uh we have an office vending machine i just take stuff from there and sell it on the street uh my buddies all use them and they love them and you know sometimes when i want a little extra kick i go all the way up to the 12 milligram guys level up your nicotine routine with lucy go to lucy.co slash friday and use promo code friday to get 20 off your first order lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind again that's lucy.co and use code friday to get 20 off and here comes the fine print lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every
Starting point is 00:35:36 customer is age verified warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical let's get back into the episode i was talking to some kid who i know like through a friend last weekend baseball player uh not a baseball player good guess though um and he was like take enough swing dude i was with your boys last night from friday beers and i was like oh cool who like which which one were you with and he was like the it was the thought it was will angus and i was like um no you weren't i was with him it was like one of the it was like i was with him all friday night so i don't know who you thought he was like were you really i was like yeah he's like i'll talk to him for like 30 minutes it's like a new mystery though you thought
Starting point is 00:36:21 you were talking to if angus is with you then who the hell did i go home with truly i'm like i don't know if that guy had any idea he thought he was angus and or if he was asking specific questions that didn't make any sense to him but it sounds like he was hanging out with him for a really long time wasn't unaware where at some event uh with a buddy of yours said this to you a friend of a friend friend of was he like hammered that night you think probably because i feel like i've never seen anyone that i've met that like i feel like i get sent pictures of guys that look like willie and like guys look like me and like we get andrew ones but like angus i feel like i've never seen anyone that looks like enough like him not even we met one guy in mexico on that brand trip
Starting point is 00:37:09 that looked he was a bartender looked exactly like let me see if i could find it where we like they got up oh he just texted me look at that uh bartender why yeah it's a bartender he's like thirsty it's like stuff bartenders would text you about been thirsty lately felt like i haven't checked in wait i got i know someone who looks like angus all right it's gonna be the fucking thing again oh wait what about right here rose that's who looks like angus oh gypsy rose that's true he does have that one oh the amount of dms i get here we go oh my god for a second i thought that was the bartender was like that is insane
Starting point is 00:37:52 that one's angus wait i can like it yeah oh yeah yeah do you want to slack the answer so you can see it on the tv throw it out he looks like angus the amount of dms i get where people are like dude there was a doppelganger of you at the bar last night andrew would you like a photograph of my penis as well or just the picture of angus yeah yeah you can just throw them both together just one one and done kind of thing you got mr beer on there you do like a slideshow effect on it yeah it'll do like uh sort of dissolve fade into the picture of my penis the pixel one on powerpoint yeah exactly i'll add kenward into that as well andrew andrew was uh with josh in the like main area earlier for the for the listeners josh is a co-worker of ours and
Starting point is 00:38:40 relevant to the story he is mexican and we were come on dude what you always start with that i was like he was like how was miami and i was like great and then for some reason i thought he was from miami well because yeah yeah i was like it's a typical association what reason would you seem to make i was like yeah it does look like angus mexican guess and i was like good i was like good you're from there right and he was like no i'm from denver and then andrew was like why would you think he's from he's from mexico and i tried to be like someone from miami and i was like someone here is from miami right and andrew's like kenward or like binder i was like you kind of look like binder i could mix you guys up in the right circumstance how's my
Starting point is 00:39:28 oh yeah you were just in miami it was good it was a quick quick turnaround i didn't get nope i am i'm ashamed to tell you i had uh two meals both fast food restaurants okay which ones culvers because i get culvers anytime i'm near one yeah does it get good i've never had it culvers is goaded it was a chicken sandwich i have a group chat called yeah oh i mean dude that name alone sounds awesome this is my thing about have i told you might take on butter burgers too well it's just funny you're always like dude they have like the best like butter burgers and i'm like i don't know what is it's just a burger right you don't get it it better not just be a burger it's like saying hardy's has the best charboiled
Starting point is 00:40:10 thick burgers it's like kind of easy in a group of one yeah uh i texted i have a group chat called the culver's crew okay and i texted them culver's city you should call it oh yeah but they're they're not from here so they don't know what that and one of my buddies responded that he like showed his dad the picture of my postmates order and his dad said that he had already ordered culvers culvers is culvers is synchronicity what else is the other one pizza why'd you say that so quiet my pizza hut order was so egregious i didn't even expense it because i was embarrassed to show it to months really well oh yeah because the receipt would have everything so come on share it with the world here's what happened here's what happened you know when you open Postmates and
Starting point is 00:40:57 it's like this item is buy one get one and then when you just I wanted that item already I don't want the second one but it adds the second one to your cart automatically yes so I got my pizza delivered to the hotel and I picked it up in the lobby and I just checked in the people at the front desk know that I'm a party of one and I had so I grabbed two pizzas and went up to my room with it and i felt so sad being like those guys think i'm about to go up to my room and annihilate those guys don't give a shit i think they were probably like did you see that guy he just came down and got two pieces we know he's alone too that i can see hey i can see either situation happening they're probably thinking that they're probably thinking they probably
Starting point is 00:41:39 know your name they look you up in the registry and they're just like always joking about it amongst themselves it's sort of like anytime there's a dull moment they just like i'll say they say your name and everybody has a good one is the most likely scenario i went to not the other lower the blinds in my hotel last night fell fell completely off the wall so they like i was like i mean you did oh oh you have to for some reason you're like fully propped up on the wall pulling the blinds down and then they rip off you're like dude they came right out i was lowering them it was one of the ones that's like on a roll like where it like kind of comes out and it just got to the end of the roll and just fell on the ground i was like what and i had already called
Starting point is 00:42:23 maintenance to come show me how to turn the tv on because the it was the the receiver box was like on the behind on the left side and so when i'm sitting on the on the couch or the bed i couldn't get it to work and so i called the maintenance guy up he came and was like you have to stand over here i was like really like that's wild the channel and then so i called her and i was like hey my blinds just fell completely on the ground but i don't want him to come back up here can he just do it in the morning and she was like yeah i feel that's totally fair i like not making him come a second time you really did make some memories there though huh yeah well it looked like it i was worried she was gonna think i was doing like rock star shit like being like ah i'm
Starting point is 00:43:05 like tearing the blinds off the walls but it was just like truly bad luck yeah that reminds me i the blind leading the blinds wait dude oh sorry no please it was it's like a two second tangent i was in when scott and i were in mexico after our hike we had like one day in mexico city and we're in like downtown and i literally saw two blind people they both had canes and one was holding the other's hand and walking in front and i was like scott i was like scott stop have you've heard the expression the blind leading the blind and he goes yeah but i've never seen it until now it was quite literally the blind lady that feels like like that gives me like an idea of like your your own personal hell as willie d of just like seeing all your favorite play on words
Starting point is 00:43:49 in person in a way that like shouldn't make sense anytime you try and show someone it's not there anymore i know literally i was like oh i didn't get a video or there's literally like missed punch lines everywhere that would have been a perfect willie d viral yeah were you worried they would see you taking a photo of them yeah they're yeah i think i just felt i would have felt bad like being like yeah they probably would have been i'm a mess um the other night i was like sleeping on a mattress on the floor for a little bit and like the first night i huh getting a fight getting a fight yeah sleeping and sleeping on the floor uh the first night on the mattress i like went to go pee in the middle of the night and part of it is like we don't have a proper sun blocking
Starting point is 00:44:38 shade in our room yet so we've been wearing sleeping masks to like shut out the light and when i went to get out of bed and the one on the floor like i almost snapped my leg in half because i went to go all the way down and i just like hit my heel and i was like oh fuck and i was like fine whatever and then we spent you know five days sleeping on the floor and i got used to it and then two nights ago we went back up and i like saved myself from i overextended i thought the floor was right below me and then it's a pretty high bed frame this one all the way over i went under and like almost threw my forehead into a closet and like somehow managed to get and i'm blindfolded for all of this and i actually like i got up and woke me up i couldn't fall asleep
Starting point is 00:45:19 i could have guessed it i guess i could have gone to the hospital i think i just i almost just died yeah that's how she like she looks up in your head like it through the drywall don't make a big deal grab my ankles and yank just pull you're saying babe to like the neighbors because you're in their apartment i don't want to scare you guys she's like what billy you're like wait what we also have a neighbor who's like a few doors over our our windows are kind of thin and every seven days a week at 7 30 in the morning this kid and his dad go out into the area outside our houses and hit baseballs the kids like training let's play obviously wants
Starting point is 00:46:07 to play baseball better fucking make it and it yeah i i think we all pitch in to get him like to a real practice facility yeah no pun intended because this morning and i shit you not the second the first ball clinked on his metal bat i woke up i was like nothing like the saturday sunday morning sessions oh it'd be better if he was like a pitcher or something pitcher catcher yeah catcher catcher yeah up against one of those you guys ever play with those where it's like a net like a bounce a net and you throw it into an about yeah those are awesome bounce backs bounce back was a revolutionary piece of technology back to the bed falling off your bed thing i think i've told willie this but i had bunk beds when i was a kid
Starting point is 00:46:51 and the like rail wasn't super high like if you were on the top bunk like it wasn't it was enough to keep like the mattress up there but i don't think it was designed to like stop a body and i fell off it like multiple multiple times and like six feet when you're asleep oh like falling six feet and like getting the wind knocked out of you awake is like pretty jarring asleep is like the craziest thing of all time i don't know how you're i would never be this i would have ptsd if that happened i went to the bottom i did i went to the bottom bunk and then i rolled off one time when i was like a little little kid and didn't wake up when i hit the ground and then somehow like rolled back under the bed yeah and then like when i woke up under my bed i was like mom no you're like
Starting point is 00:47:35 buried alive in a coffin oh that's right can i go pee real quick yeah you guys can keep talking this holiday season betmgm is giving you the gift of another chance at first touchdown scores with betmgm second chance promotion you'll get your stake back in cash if your first touchdown score scores second instead you just bet on any pro football player to score the first touchdown of the game if you're right you cash your bet if your player scores second you get your stake back in cash like a little holiday bonus from us don't miss out on this festive offer and don't forget if you haven't signed up for betmgm yet use bonus code playdate and enjoy up to a fifteen hundred dollar new player offer on your first wager betmgm make a make a legendary ski let's get back into
Starting point is 00:48:24 the episode wait what's the hangover here talking about no we're just talking about like hangovers in general because we were talking about like uh the champagne that i got at target yep i was like oh is extra dry okay to get and they were like yeah that's the least dry champagne and i was like how's extra dry like the starting point for the dryness of champagne why is there no just like normal dry wait that's what the hell does dry mean this shit is soaking wet no i'm not even doing a bit though and i think it's i kind of made your chair soaking wet my shirt's saying like the champagne is like a liquid so how does it be dry oh i said that part was done but i'm genuinely curious what does that mean what does dry mean i actually don't know what
Starting point is 00:49:01 dry means you have a house i feel like you should know yeah and i look like i should know but i but i don't it's kind of like you know when congress had to define porn where they like couldn't do it but they're like you know it when you see it wait they actually couldn't yeah why could they not is they're not like if i look up they were like what's the difference between like porn and like or maybe it was like prostitution or porn oh it's like sweet okay it's the sweetness of it okay oh so it is just that it's sweet or dry i could have yet i could have said that i knew is the scale dry to brute like that oh brute is the sweetest at two brute does that mean anything to you latin i was speaking of latin watched on the plane before speak about latin to me will you
Starting point is 00:49:46 i watched dead poet society ever heard of it i have heard of it another movie i still haven't watched you haven't watched it it's damn it's damn good it's it's awesome from from what people have been saying it sounds like a must watch it's like oh captain my captain and shit yeah oh he's where the kid kills himself jerking off no oh captain my captain he kills himself he's definitely he's not jerking off no you read that in like middle school so i imagine unless it's really subtly weaved in there there wouldn't be happening he was like choking himself while doing it that's how he died oh i don't think there's in the in the movie or in the movie okay i don't think it's a book oh captain my captain or dead poet society dead poet society oh he said you guys
Starting point is 00:50:27 are saying the where the quote oh captain my captain is from we're talking i think about four different things we were talking about the movie where the kid kills himself like accidentally while jerking off what is that we're not talking about that you just keep saying i don't know what that is i thought you were saying that happens in the dead poet society talking about it just says the thing he's just been saying that no one is talking about we just keep doing this around okay i'll take the bait what's the movie where a guy jerks it's a different robin williams movie is it robin outfire it's flubber fuck you beat me to it got you god bitch damn you know it's it's definitely flubber i haven't seen that one what is flubber that would be landed
Starting point is 00:51:06 uh world's greatest dad they say fucking shit in nearly every scene i can't watch that huh i don't like when they talk like that i don't like that there's another weird scene in dead poet society that kind of threw me for a loop because what flubber dude what is that's like the classic scientist look like what's the promise and then like ash from an explosion somehow yeah yeah and the hair just blown in every direction yeah i think that there's a guy who kills himself and a guy who jerks off but i think it's separate separate yeah sorry go ahead in the movie cool yeah i could see that there's a guy they're one of the kids in like the you know core crew he's in the dead poet society uh he's a very likable guy the entire movie and then he's at a party
Starting point is 00:51:57 for this girl that he has a crush on who has a boyfriend and she's passed out drunk on the couch and he starts kissing her forehead and playing with her hair and i was like what like because i think they were trying to be like oh it's sweet and like he's in love with her but it immediately was like oh now i'm on the boyfriend side because before you were like that jock doesn't know what he has yeah huh no ethan hawk is the like even more soft-spoken okay got it god i like barely hear him literally the whole movie like his whole thing is that he can't they didn't talk in front of a crowd oh actually yes so they didn't even mic him up yeah it was he it was the guy that played knox overstreet hell of a hell of a prep school name bill i feel like you probably knew
Starting point is 00:52:44 a couple guys with similar names cord overstreet cord over is a name that's a guy who killed himself from jerking off i think no i'm serious or he no they found uh i think they found porn and then he killed himself because he they found out he was watching i thought it was like a play on words like cord i don't know cord over street kills himself no the other guy from glee killed himself dude where are we right now in glee or in real life get rid of cord over street mark sawling killed himself after they found like porn what kind of porn was gotta be child gotta be cp that's the only type yeah oh yeah there you go kill you okay can i make sense unfortunately
Starting point is 00:53:36 punishment fits the crime a little bit i think suicide i think yeah i mean two wrongs don't make a right though right i think i mean he's probably just critically thinking about how his time in prison would go as a as a child we don't talk about that enough i like i like their set of rules it is funny they're like in prison they're the lawless guys when they're out here but then they have like a strict code of conduct in there and they're like these like we we don't put up with any of these three and i love it it feels like true that's where the true justice is exacted upon the people who deserve it what are the three treason treason people we just need to see we need to see your papers just yeah they're all
Starting point is 00:54:22 like weirdly patriotic yeah and then when you defect from the military when they when they call you if you go awol oh my god they're gonna lose their shit yeah uh it's it's like child pornography rape and i think it's like anything with a child or a or rape like sexual assault i think if you rape an adult you're still you're still bad obviously you're still bad but in there like that still goes against their okay isn't there yeah isn't that going on in the prison though yeah but that's like the that's like the that's the that's the justice that is the justice but for a butt my buddy is a lawyer and he was defending this guy in a cp case oh lord and uh he said that they
Starting point is 00:55:11 caught him because he was like fighting his neighbors outside with a sword and they called the police on him and they like went into his house and there was a photoshop picture of like hermione as a kid on like a naked body and they were like yeah that's probable cause and they went through all of his files and they found like 30 photos or something like that that's because i was like unprecedented in the porn usually it's like terabytes yeah yeah there's hard drives full of it but i was like oh i was like how much can you be charged for like 30 he was like well every like photo is like a felony okay so if you get caught with a terabyte it's like a thousand years yeah millions millions millions of years in prison no matter what
Starting point is 00:55:52 you better hope science doesn't figure it out because they'll keep you alive just to keep you there oh yeah oh my god my gut reaction to that is like are you having no one at your house because there's a naked photo of hermione as a as a child have you never had a house guest i mean i feel like probably not that actually checks out like yeah that must be the only that's really he's like running with a crew that like that is like the norm yeah i feel like he's never had anyone in that house be in the episode yeah probably not wait really no yeah all right what are you guys doing for new year's back to the topic oh i will say so you guys did new year's predictions last year yes yes one of you got it right got something right you had the
Starting point is 00:56:38 prediction for 2025 no way and it happened do you know which of the three got it right and then do you know what certainly couldn't have been any of mine i think it was me you think it was you what do you think rusty degree of self i think it was probably billy i'm gonna go with i'm gonna i put my vote in for rusty it was rusty rusty got a 2020 what was it prediction right something he predicted that black rock would buy more single family homes oh god damn it dude they did we gotta hedge your bets you gotta have something that you're so was anyone else close uh did big aj get assassinated no i think he's still alive yeah i think he i think it hit his ear you hit it hit the teleprompter and glass hit his ear uh did crumping hit the club scene yes crumping
Starting point is 00:57:31 i haven't seen it personally that's awesome wait who predicted that uh you you predicted that yeah honestly like don't waste your breath uh did an alien parasite leap out of hawk to his chest and into the president's mouth no i think again just missed hit his ear yeah believe it or not again hit his ear did we discover that fish have been holding their breath the whole time yes we did who said that billy thank you i think we did discover that did they invent pants that uh just have slots for all your cards oh like a built-in wallet yeah uh no but i think they're getting really close they can't figure it out yeah no because it's too hot apparently there's a reason it hasn't happened yet so hot they like burn your legs oh something
Starting point is 00:58:18 about the way they have to do it have they tried maybe like making sure there's like no electricity no no like energy conduction gas powered okay or any energy at all i'm saying it has to have energy in them yeah okay like raw energy now i once was a kid with the other little kids i'm whipping up shows with the fans uh did trump build a bridge to terabithia maybe not that i know and i think they got really close there's construction at the white house terabithia paid for it uh did polka dots make a huge comeback yeah actually they kind of did Whoever wrote that mailed that one in.
Starting point is 00:58:54 Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Did the Rizzler pass Stephen Attenborough in age? Not in age. Who's Stephen Attenborough?
Starting point is 00:59:02 I don't know. David Attenborough. Oh, David Attenborough. Yeah. He's the guy that does like the National Geographic. Yeah, yeah. That's...
Starting point is 00:59:08 Our planet. I said Stephen. I didn't know that. I actually didn't. The voice of a generation. I wasn't trying to be a dick. I did. I thought maybe
Starting point is 00:59:13 that was like a soccer player or something. Stephen Attenborough. That kind of does. Yeah. Attenborough. Did Elon Musk admit that he was an 11-year-old
Starting point is 00:59:20 that was in a freaky friday situation yes he did yep whoa that one okay that was me so i got one or i got two with the fish two that's crazy wow i really didn't think did we convince jojo siwash she's invisible yes we did how dude this is getting we've done wait i thought she wasn't visible she is that's why it was so easy to convince her we didn't need people she is invisible uh did amazon purchase the ground you stand on and deliver it back to you the same day is that billy gotta be i don't know man yeah uh oh that reminds me did you should we check in on on your resolutions my uh i had a i had a list of things that i was allegedly gonna accomplish oh yeah i do remember that there's one do you want to go through them i have everyone
Starting point is 01:00:11 and we're gonna need radical our resolutions yeah nice yeah you guys passed let's see so rusty you said you're gonna touch yourself less oh i was talking answer the question i was talking to the question i was talking about my roadmap one uh yes i i would say i probably yeah i probably have touched myself okay uh will did you announce all of your entrances you kind of do in the studio yeah i got there i'm like i'm working on it i'm here it's willie d i'm here there's sort of an unspoken announcement when you walk in the them right that's true billy did you get slimed no i'm still still hoping for that one uh rusty did you bump and grind more yeah actually i did okay uh will did you cut down on bean dipping
Starting point is 01:00:57 cut what down bean dipping honestly no he can't help himself uh billy did you bring back prepared jokes i tried i think i think that's a 50 you have one that you could do right now um you failed your resolution you're so rude uh you're right i did i need the honesty rusty did you listen to more reggae totally actually a lot a lot of reggae damn okay Will, did you start humming like an old-timer guy? Yeah, actually, you kind of have been doing that. Kind of goes hand-in-hand with you, like, announcing your entrances, because when Willie comes in, it's like, get him, boys!
Starting point is 01:01:47 Yeah, you hear the snaps coming from the alley. Well, Willie D's walking in, he's walking in the room. He's gonna grab you, yeah, he's gonna grab you. in like a fun way we're friends like all right you doesn't feel doesn't feel very friendly billy did you give up learning this year yeah i've taken in no new information uh rusty did you stop walking away from conversations when you're bored that one i remember i have actually been told that i've been getting better i think yeah i agree i think you have been dude you're killing it you killed it this year will did you get married
Starting point is 01:02:27 this year still got a little bit of time we're a couple days early but no i didn't but i got a lot closer you did get you got a lot hey chipping away at it got my first girlfriend in like a decade yeah you're you are closer it's like a win yeah uh billy did you start calling your family by their last names yeah yeah and langdon yep i remember that one yeah that one got me good last year they love it langdon i get in here uh rusty did you start winking at people from across the table yeah oh like like i think i something about like how my grandpa does i like how he like when when there's like a boring conversation happening at dinner my grandpa would be like like i know that i know just like we're in this together me and you we're still
Starting point is 01:03:19 we're having a good time we're in this together i do like that that's smooth as hell willie did you wear more from your hat collection yes yeah 100 i feel like you brought beanies back i got new this is new but yeah beanies are back uh billy did you take acid and look at yourself in the mirror until uh you hated parts of your body that you didn't know were there no no i forgot about that one actually hand up though i appreciate the honesty uh rusty did you start liking uh less strangers ig stories yes i actually i've made a concerted effort to do that okay because that felt uh sexual like if i'm liking your story i still like all my all my boys stories yeah but no more ladies because i learned that that was i learned that that was inappropriate
Starting point is 01:04:07 fair yeah i i learned that likes have a much larger connotation than you would otherwise assume it's not like liking a post liking a story is like let's hang out today yeah yeah i think it's person a person right to come ride me yeah the story for sure there's sometimes like i've had a couple friends who are like married and they like every one of my stories and i'm like that can't swinger yeah this can't be what i think or she reacts with like a pineapple emoji that's safe oh is that the swinger one yeah yeah yeah that's true um billy did you finally look at your penis yeah and how was it um so just like fine it was so fine a little trapped you built i built it up after all this time and i'm just like oh it's whatever it's like a it's like a yeah it's like
Starting point is 01:04:54 a it's like every bossa that just hasn't seen the light of day in 10 years yeah so it's just kind of like it it was super flat i felt sort of i kind of felt nothing when i saw it flat the emotional experience of it oh i was like you like those pictures like you know like the end of a vacuum where it kind of like on that one that one type where it kind of like yeah the attachment the seat cracks yeah yeah um billy did you change everything about yourself until there's nothing left of the old you uh yes and then did uh did you go to a fortune teller and then return your money and tell you to never come back again uh that that did not happen i was worried it would so i didn't actually go they give you your money back and say never come back yes uh andrew i was
Starting point is 01:05:41 thinking of i had written down like serious ones oh okay and i want to see if i accomplished any of them i must have missed that one it was a roadmap like pinned i have it pinned nice memorize every country in the world i would say i got a lot closer than we would have thought you're 90 90 percent 90 of the country yeah and territory so like shit you've never even heard of you got like new countries dropping every day yeah keep up with key you know like a conflict in the yeah every time they like break out like when bosnia and herzegovina like leave each other it's gonna be a nightmare for me yeah uh knit a sweater i did not do that i did not learn how to solve a four by four rubik's cube i did not build something out of wood i don't think i made it 72
Starting point is 01:06:29 hours on a fast i think i came pretty close that's over bro that's a rough one yeah i don't think that's i've been giving i definitely been giving more high fives i can see it sure you checked that's the only one checked because i had 25 you've been keeping yourself honest uh get every state you've been to for fridge magnets i've got i've started i bought a new one today for florida so i've been doing i haven't bought all of them retroactively but now i'm doing it almost every time i'm in the airport i did not make a full court basketball shot um this was this could have been an insane year if you take if you like ticked all i literally tried i was like what's the coolest year i could have uh i did learn a lot of names of people i
Starting point is 01:07:14 see every day i will say not i had i was i think when i wrote this i was thinking of baristas and the parking guy and i never cracked the parking guy do you have like a list for those names where you keep it uh like an egg uh do you have a list of names like that where you keep people like kind of peripheral people whose names you want to remember like a physical place to write it down no i should do that it's helpful i feel mike tim you have no context uh i started a book i did not finish it unfortunately i started book started two books i and i didn't finish either sorcerer's stone and uh and the wide wide seas i did not volunteer i did not volunteer once i did grow a pirate mustache and goatee i did not go to hawaii yet but i am planning on going
Starting point is 01:08:12 in the new year have you never been or you just wanted to go i have been i i think at this point i was feeling the same as i'm feeling now where after all the travel i was like and i'm gonna take myself on a vacation and i never did it but so i think i'm check the mustache one though oh yep you deserve that um i did not catch a fly with chopsticks that would have been cool in my defense i never really tried not a lot of flies i did purchase a painting of my bedroom for my bedroom he's still working on it though that counts okay oh you commissioned one i guess it has to be commissioned yeah they're not yeah that would be crazy if it was on like amazon wayfarer's got a lot of shit and i did not make the perfect burrito
Starting point is 01:08:55 despite many did you try okay despite like two efforts is the perfect burrito going to be more mexican influence like traditional or do you want like a breakfast burrito no no perfect it's supposed to taste exactly like bruce's burritos in yarmouth maine which unfortunately closed during covid oh don't you say you like know someone who has the recipe yeah i didn't tell you this my friend luca antolini apparently his mom reached out to bruce's wife and he said no respect which i do reach out on your behalf or for her own sake like i i texted luca like hey can you maybe like inquire about like the sauce the special sauce i can figure the rest out of my own and and yeah he never got an answer i think that's so fair because it's like if you
Starting point is 01:09:39 if you had to close down because of that and you can't be like bringing those burritos to people's lives right then that would like you would want to make sure to control that nobody can wait bruce burritos is gone now profit off of it fuck did you ever have it no it was so gas it was in yarmouth maine yarmouth to the i i know a lot of people are like my hometown has the best like you know burrito like sandwich our special sandwich i've lived out here for three years i have made an effort to try as many burritos in la as possible nothing even comes close i mean that just seems wild i swear to god it truly does we're in la best burrito place in the country i've said this i've said this a million times and i'll say it again i think the la food scene
Starting point is 01:10:25 specifically the burritos that's what i was most excited about is wildly overhyped have you tried chipotle have you like oh call me call me crazy chipotle's in the in the better half like if there are 100 burritos that i've tried in la it's it's not 49 not anymore dude outside ralphs no that's the best burrito the one outside the burrito that's the best burrito which route i agree with you gotta have them ribs and pussy and pussy and pussy too what is this obama's reading from a book you never seen that no i have them ribs and pussy too where do you what do you do this it was like a funny or die thing no he's like he's like it seems to be like some sort of like college graduation what were you gonna say um oh on the greater la food scene i do agree with
Starting point is 01:11:15 you i think it's not that great right but i don't think the mexican food has let me down too much i have gone though where's the best place you've had i thought benny's was like kind of fine what's benny's uh there are there are two different ones and i don't know if they're the same guy but it was like ben i don't know if i know that one either um i had the worst burrito i've ever had in my life the other day where from i postmates it here and you know when you're walking through the office with a to-go bag and you pass people and they're like what do we got yeah they ben barrett got me after i had given up on it so i'm walking it to the trash and he was like i know you got something good and i was like it was the worst thing i've ever had
Starting point is 01:11:59 i don't want to like ruin their wait have you been to sabby's blanket out maybe i had a sabby's breakfast for you today so i have not had s-a-b-y i think there's too many places to keep up with i don't know any of these you know where blue is in marvista yeah it's like across the street oh okay i have seen that place and i've heard that that's the best breakfast that's the best breakfast one and the best regular one yeah i'll stand okay outside ralph's just like on the street do you prefer one on lincoln one on like you and you have to park in ralph's and then you have to yeah climb a wall and then the tacos down the road and i've i like to make sometimes a joke about how that's how you know it's legit because you gotta climb a wall that's pretty damn that's
Starting point is 01:12:40 pretty damn fucking good willie billy you were billy was present for my favorite will denon joke of the year which was which was we were walking into america when the three of us were drinking around the world and i was like i just feel like i'm kind of like hitting a wall right now referring to like my drinking and willie goes get used to it brother that's really oh my god that's fire also wait i told willie about this on saturday my buddy went to a bachelor party like his my buddy went to a bachelor party over the weekend and texted me like part of the bachelor party was they were drinking around the world at epcot and they used our video as inspiration before they went that's fantastic yeah we're we're gonna do it again in the new year did you see that girl i had
Starting point is 01:13:24 feeling that girl threw her her brother a uh or not her brother her boyfriend a like us themed 25th birthday party so he had him and his boys went out and tried to recreate or not try they it seemed like they accomplished it from what i saw of like uh a friday viewers adventures video she had like planned all these stops and they all had to agree on like the way that we scored things that like epcot or these nights out like before they left the bar wait you gotta send me that i will that's really yeah where did that how did you see it all i'm like you like explain it or she like sent some videos from it that's really cool though i'll pull it up she did they kiss at all if they didn't it's not a real friday beers youtube video uh i'm planning a friday every time
Starting point is 01:14:11 themed bar crawl for my boyfriend's birthday this weekend uh some other stuff and then she sent like the flyer and then these were the stops so they have all these bars crawl rules must come to a group consensus on rating vibes and drinks out of five uh and then rule number two is we will uber between bars as needed it's a good role that's a rule as opposed to drive is that what yeah maybe it's like for like legal reasons yeah this is in case like a lawyer gets a hold of the or some guy wakes up so hungover he wants to sue yeah you got number three we'll get different drinks at the bars we're at rule number four we'll probably talk and maybe play games number five find a table in bar and sit down and have a conversation wait what's their day unless you'd rather stand at
Starting point is 01:14:55 the bar also cool rachel rachel uh orland rachel orland yeah does it rachel rachel and very sweet lady i don't i think doesn't know what a rule is not the best about rules but that's fine well it's good to set she's setting boundaries for what they're supposed to do so it's not boxing them in it's just reminding them what to do rule number three if you want to go to the bathroom uh just go we don't need to raise our hand no need to run it by us that's my impression of like the like a college professor a freshman college professor it's like and guys we're not in high school anymore if you need to go to the bathroom just go we're all adults here it's like i wasn't gonna ask you we're no i'm gonna get up college have you seen that guy on tiktok that's like
Starting point is 01:15:43 uh these are three rules you need to know going from first grade to second grade and he's like it's not called play date anymore okay it's called hanging out yeah so if you're not in second grade keep scrolling that's so funny i ever said when i was in fourth grade i was in mrs ham's class and she had like bought some you know kind of like on the grab and go breakfast to bring in before class started and she put it on her desk and it had like a cinnamon roll and some other stuff and then she went to the bathroom and my friend aman uh like ate her cinnamon roll when she was in the bathroom and she came back and his face was covered in frosting and she was like where's my cinnamon roll guys and and we were all like it could have been any i don't know
Starting point is 01:16:32 like it's like the tim robinson yeah we're all trying to find the guy who did this the frosting on the face is like a second grade anyone of us yeah just frosting is a miracle i love like on a cake i love eating it i love touching it incredible i used to put frosting on top of brownies when i brought in my birthday snack yeah retro i bet it probably wouldn't taste as good as an adult but when you brought in your snack to like school yeah when you like i'm sure you guys do the same thing when it's your birthday you bring in like donuts yes or something and then like you're bringing nuts donuts oh yeah not nuts i'd be mostly like cashews and yeah cashews i'd pick them i picked my mom brought
Starting point is 01:17:17 macadamias everyone's like yeah wow really cranberries from the family a nut forward school you know i own a cranberry bog excuse my dad bought this like small piece of land in northern maine is an investment it turns out it's a cranberry oh not intentionally i was like i completely see that for your dad no we're buying a cranberry bog we had no idea they started growing we're like oh shit we bought a ball what do you do yeah it's like a like a disney movie like we bought a bog yeah it's a matt damon like matt damon we bought a zoo we bought a bog uh it's way less fun they're just like waiting the whole movie i like how i like how the like survival style youtube videos kind of took on a life of their own and people
Starting point is 01:18:00 started surviving things that don't need to like they would title them like we survived our bog what do you mean i would see so many videos like that like what do you mean you're surviving it like i survived survived a night in new york city yeah cool i saw a title the other day that like blew my like it's gotten to the point where like to even get one percent of my attention it has to be like the most outlandish title of all like youtube has ruined my brain the i think it was an outdoor boys video and it just said like camping in negative like a hundred temperatures with no tent like why would you ever be in that like that situation you would never but i hope you watched because those are magical videos he retired he did it's very sad i know he's a i saw
Starting point is 01:18:49 thing is just like he like didn't want to get recognized anymore he was yeah he just wanted the damage is already that's kind of what i was thinking i'm like and then by you're like i heard about you because you retired i never watched his videos but then i've become aware of him yeah another guy you've heard of because he retired uh something there guys you only found out it as they retired about your friend who has a pension yeah i only found out because he retired the director guy that died rob reiner yeah you didn't know that i didn't know who he was i'm gonna be honest i i only knew him as the dad and new girl and i was like oh yeah oh wow kind of shocked at his he made some of like some goaded movies i listen on a real run during covid he had
Starting point is 01:19:35 this podcast or maybe a little bit after code with this journalist called who killed jfk that the whole first episode of cold cases was because i had just listened to this podcast that he made and i was like super into like the jfk like conspiracy shit and is this podcast like a mini-series style like open and close yeah it's like 10 episodes like i'm gonna watch that it's really good he's i mean he's just like a great orator and like he's it's with this journalist and it's just like i think i like the obviously everyone loves like the conspiracy stuff a little bit but it it feels like reigned in like it's they're not like getting great like everything is like document like because the jfk one is one that it's like you could take it in a lot i think
Starting point is 01:20:19 there really goes far as you want to go on that one yeah and it's like it's not ridiculous like it's it's grounded in fact in reality and even if it wasn't a conspiracy it's like fascinating stuff yeah but i think it was that's the only that's how i knew rob reiner and then i remember listening to the podcast me like this guy's great and then i look up and be like holy shit oh yeah everyone already knows yeah yeah you saw the news and you were like the podcaster no literally i that was my first yeah um did he make that podcast in like as a after the jfk files were all released recently no no it was before that okay they just came out in like february march yeah that would have been a really tight turnaround actually fair no no i think that i don't actually know when the
Starting point is 01:20:58 pod came out i listened to it last year and then when we were prepping for cold cases i like told kate klausner about it our producer and her former producer and she listened to it and she got all into it too yeah i recommend it honestly she's still in la uh she's been kind of bouncing back and forth i think did you ever hear the theory that we landed on about jfk no i thought it was about kate klausner i was like what it was three different guys lee harvey and oswald and that explains three penguins that explains all the different from the new york city zoo on the loose lee harvey and oswald is that madagascar yeah yeah that's madagascar four you didn't madagascar yeah yeah that is madagascar i guess chet and i were watching a home alone 2 yesterday
Starting point is 01:21:40 and we were cracking up about it like if your if your parents lost you twice two years two christmases in a row they would take you they would take you from your family and it's just like a quirky yeah like one of the one of the things the mom says to the police officer is she was like it's becoming a a bit of a mcallister tradition so to lose him it's like he's in new york yeah i would like to see that scene play out realistically after she says that like i'm sorry what did you say to me man it's becoming a bit we we lost him last good this is the second christmas in a little bit immediately calls it out you guys are dumb guys immediately yeah immediately like they take the kid yeah he has a dumb parent so you're never gonna see that
Starting point is 01:22:21 kid again have you seen home alone 2 i must have can you have you seen it billy not in a very can Can you pull up Home Alone 2, Trump? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I do know this scene. Have you seen this, Billy? That's right. When he got elected, I was like, that's the guy from Home Alone 2.
Starting point is 01:22:38 What the fuck? You want to watch the video? Yeah. It's like two seconds long. Not a bad place to get lost. Come on. wait what's is he still being are there bad guys in this one wait pause it pause it chester and i asked the same question yesterday and then immediately after a newspaper like blows against
Starting point is 01:23:18 something so that you can like read it and it just goes like wet bandits wet bandits break out of jail during prison riot and you're like it feels like a little a little adult for this wet bandits yeah what is wet yeah what they're that's the guys from the first one their whole shtick in the first movie was like our calling card as we leave the sinks running so those same guys they got sent to some jail in like new york or whatever and then a prison riot broke out and they like during the chaos are they chasing him then no they just happened to be in new york and he the only dialogue that i caught before i had to go to the airport was him one of them was like you're watching this morning no no you got cut off from like three movies yesterday uh no sorry
Starting point is 01:24:06 before i had to like leave to go to fort lauderdale which is where i was flying out of he has gum all over his hands and he like picks up coins and he's like a new thing could be we we could be the sticky bandits and then they don't know he's there yet so they're just they're just they all they know is that they're in new york and that they're kind of trying to make a living at some point in this movie do they start chasing him or something i think they probably see him and they're like like might as well might as well skin him alive yeah all right let's see let's see trunk was that him it's blurred out i can't see yeah he nailed that i have a question for you guys wow who's a guy because i i am going to be honest i didn't really consume a lot of trump's content
Starting point is 01:24:57 before he got into politics like i wasn't watching the i was aware that he was like a celebrity and like a a rich guy i love that mac miller song donald trump that was probably like the like the most thing i was aware of him bro who's a guy now that is like of similar level of fame that like you don't know where like it would be equally ridiculous i'm trying to i'm trying to i'm trying to realize like i'm trying to figure out like crest would it be like that like if ryan seacrest became not quite because he's not like i guess at least on in the public's eye a businessman was he as famous as like mark cuban we're getting there honestly like mark cuban is a pretty good comp like damon damon jones or what's the guy from shark tank oh damien do you think it's
Starting point is 01:25:46 mr who do you think he's closer to wonderful mr wonderful or yeah damon john i honestly think mark cuban is a pretty pretty like good comp yeah solid comp and you know what's funny is like now thinking about him becoming president after trump has done this feels less ridiculous where i'm like i think that's like a real thing people yeah i've probably been like you should run for president feels like more yeah it feels honestly kind of rational what about um but also like mark cuban's a seemingly level-headed guy on reality tv whereas donald trump was like a caricature of a man yeah i think he was always like a little bit yeah yeah uh do you want to do drafts yeah let's do it guys what are your 2026 new year's resolutions find a good sandwich that costs less
Starting point is 01:26:33 than 20 that's really that's really commendable i actually would love one of those sorry you guys are staring at me you're up it's really intense i know um let's see actually kind of similar last year i want to take a different spin on this one i'd like to take so many mushrooms on a given day that the only thing i can't talk to is people i think i'm gonna try and catch more predators at the mall and put it on youtube that's a good idea get sick them i want to finally flush my toilet it is really piling up do you moved in there a few years ago the water bill down oh i haven't paid water bill in years i'm thinking i'll build rome in a day i think i'm gonna listen to more little john this year i just feel like i haven't been getting low enough yeah his original
Starting point is 01:27:22 stuff's good like the features are the yeah that's that'll get yin yang twins anything kind of in that realm uh i guess i got my last one i'm getting knocked up by elon musk and i'm keeping it that's my roommate oh i got one more move in with billy oh perfect that lines up you with us that front upside down you with us yeah all right these are ins and outs for 2026 out crotch shots just send them a love letter in rap battles to settle disagreements love it out passive income in short-term overspending out asking people questions about themselves in becoming omniscient out talkative uber drivers in inviting them in to hang out after the ride
Starting point is 01:28:20 out youtube shorts in youtube pants out the penny bye-bye in little shell you found in the surf in vape tricks out shellfish you can't be both out getting in your car in mounting your trusty steed very hot very sexy out calendar invites in assuming the only thing on earth tomorrow will be cockroaches okay out asking chat gpt in texting cha-cha oh do you know anyone ever do that no it's like a number you could text back in the day and it was like a person on the other end that would just like google whatever you texted him what a waste of everyone's time wait it sounds like uh you could text them like a question they would answer it sound yeah texting
Starting point is 01:29:17 cha-cha kind of sounds like taking a crotch shot texting cha-cha it sounds like a bad like a bad word cha-cha she's actually cha-cha out getting ai to help you with your tasks in telling it to completely ignore you no matter what you say. I like that. Curious if it's possible. Out. Sketch comedy in Etch-a-Sketch comedy. Way funnier. Way
Starting point is 01:29:42 more clever. Look behind you. No way. Do a sketch. I can't. I don't get out of bed for at least a hundred grand. It's just the Peppa penis thing. In like one second.
Starting point is 01:30:00 Out. Metaglasses in Very very smart Paperclips Strong too like an elephant Yeah floating around in your pocket On your pants anywhere and then one more Out vacations in
Starting point is 01:30:14 Being so sad you can't get out of your bed I love it I feel like we are on fire today We are we got all of next year mapped out Perfectly I'm worried about next year because I don't know if I'm going to have any money Where's it going to go do you have any money do i haven't i gave you money we talked about i gave you money yesterday
Starting point is 01:30:36 you spent it already you spent it on tell me you spent it on a blow again no even worse you know those videos online where it'll be like two people and they're like fucking the shit out of each other porn yes yeah okay you know what yeah that's where all my money went oh that's good naughty naughty Andrew what are you going to spend all your money on this year
Starting point is 01:31:02 probably I'll probably be given to Willie since he keeps asking actually no I won't clap for that no make your own money Andrew don't give him any money no then I'm just going to spend it on Fent on Fent
Starting point is 01:31:19 fend fend okay you can give me your money then okay you better not spend it on fend all right we love you guys harvey fend happy new year been a superhero this has been our best this has been our best year yet with you guys and we're very excited to keep spending it with you yeah three a week next year no that's not true monday wednesday friday would be quite Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. And nothing for the rest of the week. Front loaded. Billy, thank you so much for coming on.
Starting point is 01:31:50 Thanks for having me, guys. We'll see you next. We'll see you in 2026. Honor descended into the new year again. Yeah, we're, you know how they do. I'm like your Ryan Seacrest. Anders, or what's his name? Mark Cuban is probably.
Starting point is 01:32:01 We're the guys on CNN that do it. Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper. Andy Cohen. And Andy Cohen do it. And Billy's got something in common with both of those guys. Gray hair. Great on air.
Starting point is 01:32:14 Yeah. great rhyme rhymeable gray hair great on air love you guys peace see you see you next year

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