Will & Rusty's Playdate - inventing a new beer

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

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Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia bank you're richer than you think all right shall we play date episode 122 223 fuck 222 224 223 221 all right bail us out here man 221 and a half 221 and a half and someone 22 it's 222 yeah someone who's

21 and a half is our angel number episode no it's 22 which is juan soto 22 which is of course our taylor swift episode no if it was at 21 and a half it could be like see all the girls number 22 oh yeah no totally is he actually a bit 22 yeah google google wants sort of sexy are you guys gonna do you guys have anything to say to me or yeah i haven't seen you wear shorts yet thank you do you have any other anything else to say to me your legs look really nice do you have a third thing to say to me happy birthday i'm having a good hair day finally oh yeah doesn't you don't feel well i don't think you usually have bad ones wait go to go to the images for one set of sexy sorry sorry nice now those are sexy i'm shocked he doesn't

have a sports illustrated body edition uh he does but it's only below the waist and they did it anonymously it's just a one cock shot one cock shot and they're flipping through and it's like kind of strategically placed legs so that you can't see their privates and then page six is just juan soto's penis bingo it's like the opening of the simpsons movie yeah wait isn't there a penis bart's penis is in it or it's ding dong yeah that's that's like your favorite scene right no i'm not even just it's just it is like right up your alley oh my god yeah i love a ding dong because they're like hiding no they like don't they hide it perfectly and then they reveal it at the end it's like your thing even better than i would have guessed surprise cock shots like kind

of your uh you know how like kubrick has the the stare and james cameron has boat movies boogie nights no you would like boogie nights is there a lot of penis there's a big surprise cock shot you've seen boogie nights right my landlord it was actually the art director for boogie nights he might have made the cock though he probably made the penis so it was a she but she she probably made the cock then she assumed because i'm pretty sure it's a fake well doesn't every isn't every cock made by a woman talking pregnancy guys google boogie nights penis whoa okay the first the first image rare john holm oh my lordy is that real yeah it's mark walbert but that's a prosthetic penis yeah that's why i'm saying his neighbor

probably made it if you were gonna be if you were gonna do full frontal we're gonna have to get get this off our screen there's just a guy jacking off if you had to do full frontal would you go prosthetic or would you want to go oh natural oh not not i would want to go natural but i would want to say it was a prosthetic if people said it was unsavory yeah yeah i would i would make it i would tell everyone said it was a prosthetic and then engage their react grab the art director and be like hey i'm gonna put my i'm gonna put my real thing out there just so i can gauge how people respond yeah and then we can either release this story or not depending on how the response is right and if one of the pas is like now that's a cock you can be like yeah

it's my real cock it's my real cock um how are you today man i'm really good i uh i put my desk at standing mode so that's kind of where i'm at the native chief standing desk stands with desk standing desk i mean i don't want you guys to treat me any differently now that i'm a standing desk guy moths our finance guy had an all-time line today i said that to him i was like he walked by and he's like oh you're a standing desk guy now i was like and i don't want you to treat me any differently than any other employee and he goes you already do and i don't know what that's supposed to mean you already what do you mean he's implying that i ask him to do things for me that he doesn't do for other people i mean he doesn't suck anyone else's dick i know that was my thing

right can we say that about him that he sucks our cock it doesn't suck mine it's literally only you sorry am i allowed are we allowed are you allowed to say that our superior at work sucks my penis i mean i feel like it's like sort of a weird gray area at this company right it's a mess i always think you know i had an idea yeah because like one time remember there was a day like i was just like behind in my marathon training and so i just ran a half marathon in the middle of the day but i filmed the video being like i'm gonna see if i can get away with running a half marathon in the middle of the work day so that if i got caught i could be like i was making content i was thinking about doing some sort of long-term scheme of like i'm like submitting

i'm using chat gpt to make fake expense reports to see if i can get away with it yeah and then only making it a content thing if we get caught you can do whatever you want if right before you say i'm doing the viral blank challenge so you'd be like doing the viral jerking off in my boss's office challenge literally yeah like like if i could yeah anyway i think we'd get a promotion if we did that all right i have already they told me there's no more promotions that i can get and that the salary i started with is actually the highest salary possible at this company so i guess i'm bragging but i uh making i'm the only one here seven million dollars this whole time more i mean seven grand a year they told me all right here's a question

you're scuba diving thank god okay you see a hundred pieces of gold at the bottom of the ocean pirates gold yep there's a shark in between it and the gold you and the gold what kind of shark great white how deep's the water 100 feet does the shark look hungry it's like could go for an afternoon snack but not ready for a full meal do i know how much the gold is worth ahead of time or do i have to do the math in my head while i'm down there you don't know okay you don't even know it's real it could be prop prop gold from pirates of the caribbean they filmed it just off is the shark looking at me no the shark is looking at the gold does he know that i'm there he would if you got close to the gold does he also want the gold he's intrigued by it but i wouldn't say he really

has any way to spend it there's no bank do i have a bag to put it in no so i gotta grab it with my hands and go up you put it in pockets i have pockets yeah you're wearing a swimsuit oh well you thought you were naked you just assumed i was picturing a wetsuit if i'm where a great white shark is oh no you're just wearing a swimsuit you're like scuba diving in like a bathing suit okay how far away is it again 100 feet and the shark's 50 feet away how much air do i have an hour's worth is there a chance of getting the bends on the way up i don't know what that is it's like i think it's like nitrous nitrate nitrogen poisoning in your blood then maybe if you come up too fast yeah so all all

regular rules apply yeah yeah i'm gonna go for it andrew nah i'm good wait i have another do i have any kids well this is where it gets complicated not biologically but you have adopted hundreds of no you haven't adopted anyone but there are a few kids that you've become such a strong mentor to and their parents both died okay you know what i do well you didn't ask how their parents died i don't care it doesn't it doesn't affect my next step shark attack okay okay that actually does affect my next step my next step was going to be resurface write down the coordinates dispatch all the kids that i've become a mentor towards odds are one of them's going to come up with the gold it's only two kids okay the parents died in a shark attack okay i go and get them

we know the shark likes the way that their family tastes so i'm going to send them towards the shark kind of at like a 45 degree angle and i'm gonna kind of go around the back door that's fucked you know what can i tell you what i would do you wouldn't go for the gold no i would shoot the shark with my harpoon gun and then go get the gold okay i would i think in hindsight i would have liked to know i had a harpoon gun didn't ask can i shoot the gold with the harpoon gun yeah but it would pierce it that's the whole point i would want it to and then i just okay can i shoot myself with the harpoon gun yeah because you're like a torn you're so torn you just shoot yourself yeah that's an option you know what you know what i don't think there's

anything that can make me swim past a great white shark on purpose i am afraid of so many things in this world yeah there is nothing i'm afraid of more than great white sharks it's like and i there's a zero percent chance that i'm ever fucking like i don't put myself in positions very often where i'd be near one but it is like a real it's a real thing for me my buddy said they saw sharks like they were like they surf they'd be surfing yeah but oliver was like yeah we've seen sharks like every day this week well i told you that what was the stat i told you if you're surfing in southern california there's a 93 chance you're like i can't remember the exact wording they use but you're in the neighborhood of a shark like you're you're sorry they said

you're accompanied by a shark so they're like where you are and that fucked up and nobody i was like so you saw it and you like left the water media there's like no dude they the surfer guys are like built i told you noah that that surfer guy that tried to teach me how to surf unsuccessfully it was in hawaii he said one swam under him and they all were like completely fine with it it's just a way of life i guess it would be like like we a lion walked under you right it's like how you and i would react if a lion walked under us you know we've just seen it so many times we're numb to it it's like yeah we do a podcast that shit happens it's like just par for the course here but it's like driving like we drive you were scared the first couple times you were driving

that you were gonna crash but then you realize it's just it's just not really a thing that happens oh i get scared about crashing all the time like every time you drive i think fuck not that but like i feel like i'm like very cautious because i i'm i think everyone's like and people don't even think about how scary car crashes are and i'm like every time i'm driving i'm like i am not getting in a car crash i you know what i've been doing lately what like you know how a lot of the crosswalks here people just don't stop for you when you're in the crosswalk sure i just have like started walking before they've started breaking because it's a win-win for me if they hit me you could die like only streets where they're going like 35 okay and i'm like ready

to jump on the hood if they hit me i get to sue them if they don't i get to get to my destination 15 seconds faster yeah you know what i mean have you ever did you like at college have like the rumor that like if you got hit by like the school bus free tuition you got free tuition yeah like is that true not the school but you know like the school bus service yeah you have that if you got hit by the short bus that's how we find out you were in like a special ed program at bc and that would be funny to you yeah it would be pretty funny that program must be amazing he's like pretty smart yeah weren't you in that program for like a day i did that was in elementary school where i don't even know if that's actually what happened all i know is i was with them for a day

and then i was never with them again and no one ever told me why it was just like that's where i went for like an hour and they were like yeah i think i told you this but my my what do you yeah they sent me down they sent me down to the miners for like i told you my theory was they were worried i was going to become too powerful what like i think they were worried they were like he has too much influence over these guys were you influencing them i mean no more than anyone else but what were you influencing them to do i just think they realize they're like he's got these guys in the palm of his hand like if he mobilizes too powerful rude yeah you know i'd like as i was like boys with a couple of them like i would like go there was like this one kid that

was like a friend of mine that had down to yeah yeah that's fine no but i mean like not in the like traditional sense like we were like actually buddies yeah how old were you how old are you in second grade me nine you know i was 14 but no second grade what do you like seven eight eight yeah i just played dungeons and dragons for five hours before this yeah i was gonna ask that's why i'm dressed like this unbelievable just noticed i just thought it was fashion it's paris fashion week so i thought maybe you were just is it really yeah clavicular was walking in paris fashion week really yeah sorry continue how's that no that's good i i when i went to paris they said it was fashion week are there multiple paris pull up can you google are there multiple paris fashion weeks

i can't believe we're just like a bing family now it's awesome there's a spring one and a fall one interesting oh yeah autumn winter so i was there from yeah that's the exact week i was there end of february beginning march it is men's i think i was there men women's i was at the women's ready to wear fall winter 2026 to 2027 no no no i am a i do fashion robot you have to hear will's fashion robot impersonation more skin show show more skin show more

hole less hole less hole there we go perfect amount of hole just one spoke oh my god were you the one I was talking about the wrinkles on someone's

butthole you can tell how old they are oh no that was that was at golf that was a classic golf talk we got this um we got this four caddy when we were out there i guess you have to have them on the weekends and he was like the coolest guy ever he was 19 it was his first time he's ever done this so he was like stoked to be out there doing a great job and uh that was one of the conversations that he overheard because usually he's like 60 yards away from you because you hit and then he'll go to everyone's ball and tell you like how far it is and then like he came to get give someone a yardage and we were talking about uh you can tell how someone how old someone is that's pretty funny we also toyed with the

idea of uh it's how many times they've had sex oh but i think i think ages yeah the age one is funny yeah we were just saying like if your wife had told you she was a virgin and then like on your wedding night it was it had like a hundred rings you were and you were expecting it to be smooth that yeah yeah that would be a nightmare yeah that'd be a fucking nightmare i've uh i got nothing oh that's okay i feel like i've said everything i could say today tell me about dungeons and dragons it was fucking awesome you guys were going for a fucking hot mess yeah it was sick and i could do it again tomorrow it's i mean gotta it i get to it's honestly a blast i wish i did it like for leisure too i want to get more into it i feel

like that's a pretty attainable goal totally totally you definitely run with a crew of guys that could get behind that yeah we also already have all the props they're all johnny's no no sorry i mean like attire wise oh yeah we got the wardrobe caleb came over to my house and just like went through my closet and just grabbed medieval stuff today no last week before i left for texas oh did you guys say texas it's a hold on so what's the campaign can you explain to me how to spoil it you explain to me how the rules work at least i mean basically the dungeon master just makes up like a story okay and you all have like characters and on your turn you like do a thing and he tells you like all right if you want to do that then you roll if you need to roll a blank to be able

to do that and is he kind of flying by the seat of his pants or does he know like if will wants to stab that guy at the bar that's a 12-sided dice both you have like a character sheet with like very specific like if you you have like a list of attacks you can do and they each have like specific roles that you have to do and you go rogue my character is a rogue fun fact a dragon born rogue what does a rogue do um like a thief i'm like a oh but i'm like a uh sort of a vigilante like for good yeah i'm like i've told him to model it after as close to cassie and andor as he could okay my favorite character from shows from shows yeah he's my favorite shows character nice how much was that uh vest that you're wearing it's actually none of your fucking business

but so we were i was there when he got it and i can tell you it was not cheap so fun fact apparently lucas hit his limit on his company card and now i can't make the thumbnail for our episode tomorrow what do you mean because i we use a special program that we have to pay for a subscription for and because lucas hit the limit on his card and the subscription is on his card we can no longer use the service well to be fair the card gets like i hope it's worth it it was unrelated to this yeah the card gets low moths loads the card up with the amount we need for every shoot yeah wait really yeah so moths is no he actually wrong he loads the card up with slightly less than the amount we need for every shoot which becomes an income literally every

single shoot the card call him and every single shoot the card runs out of money and then we have to call and ask yeah he doesn't trust you guys with just like a normal credit card no well i I think the problem is that the company has $10 that they just shuffle around between everyone. So when we're like, we need more money, he has to call Lupica and Cahill and be like, hey, can you Venmo me real quick? I'll send it back in a sec. Do you see I almost got the fucking million old today? Oh, yeah.

So someone made my idea, the million old? Yep. Somebody made it. Can we try it? They made it well, yeah. there's one flaw and other than that it's absolutely perfect it's that when you send the results it tells that person what your guess was got it needs to just say how far off you were yeah um so i've already played it i think andrew you've already played it right

although even saying how far off you were is like too big of a hint because if it said like you were nine hundred and fifty thousand off then you know it's either that's true yeah kind of andrew i can i confess something yeah is it gonna be bad no it's not bad it's very funny though um for the listeners if you're dming the play date account you're like 99 of the time talking to andrew i don't think you really check it willie sure yeah and i don't really check it even if i do see something i andrew's already talking to them so like i can't jump in whatever yeah i i opened one the other day someone i know what you're talking about dm'd the playdate account a picture of who andrew the backpack kid a picture of the backpack kid who he is

experimenting with a facial hair setup that does make him look similar to andrew not not a doppelganger but similar enough can i ask question who's the backpack kid he was the guy i'm flossing like the dance yeah i'm flossing and they said like andrew is the backpack kid oh yeah yeah instead of andrew just saying like lmao or like crying laughing he just sent like a bunch of question marks back and the person was like please don't block me and then i was worried that andrew was like gonna go on like a rampage so i just sent a crying laughing emoji to like diffuse the bomb can i see the photo yeah pull up the photo because these don't these obviously look nothing like andrew except for the cornrows one the other picture doesn't andrew have

you ever done cornrows i could see you kind of you think i'm some cornball ass be honest no i did it back you think i'm a corny ass motherfucker no not at all what the hell is going on man guy who's bad at doing the flames hurts my feelings i had to bike to work today in this outfit no way well because i was like there's no way i'm gonna just like carrying this would be pretty yeah did you get any like whistles or cat calls no i was like it was honestly pussy pussy how's the mead fucker he does kind of look like he looks like hot there though that's like a compliment yeah yeah yeah but he totally it's the mustache to it's the mustache to chin hair ratio is like spot on it's a compliment dude

he's like a sex symbol doesn't feel like oh you know we were laughing my buddy and i my buddy will and i like that i used to the tiktoks with i remember like some of the first comments we got were like someone was like calling saying that he looks like elon musk in the comments and i was like dude hey you saw these comments people are saying you look like elon musk and he's like and that was like before he was even like controversial he was just like a rich successful guy and it was like wait hang on like that's not like like he's successful for independent of his looks like that is not a you know what i mean like you like couldn't i was trying to be like hey you see those comments like you look like a billionaire a billionaire

and he's like what that is not why people like him have you ever seen chinese elon musk no wait say it again what is it chad easy chad easy elon musk who's that he does like an impression no chinese pretty good that kind of looks more like will looks more like chinese elon musk than regular it's uncanny that is unbelievable so his thing is like being elon musk though right like he's like i'm elon ma doesn't he say it like that go to a video go to a video don't shoot the messenger that's how he says watch a video now we have to watch a video to find out if I mean don't

I'll give it to you I'll give it to you I'll give it to you I'll give it to you Don't kill the carrier here I mean Beautiful Yeah

Is that what you called it growing up? Tesla beautiful We actually did call it Kill We did call it Kill the carrier It's a crushed carrier I think

I will say The great above me Called it the Derogatory one Yeah I know Andrew probably yelled it Oh my god Andrew probably said it

With like some gusto Andrew probably, Andrew probably found a rhyme for like the, like the more hurtful slur. Yep. But we, we, and I know you might not believe this. I grew up in a very progressive. No, I believe it. It was not, it was not acceptable. That's why you went to college in Florida.

That's, I had to get it out of my system. I was just like, I am a bird in a birdcage right now. You gotta let me fly. Can I say something? Like there's no way birds like living in a birdcage. It sounds, I'm not even kidding. yeah like that sounds so ass is anyone making the argument that like they love it like he loves it no but like any other animal i'm like like it's fun like a cat or dog around the house like i

feel like they're down on their homebodies yeah we'll have a pet bird i'm like that is so fucked this thing could be at the grand canyon right now this thing could be like if i was a bird i would be on fucking oh the million all can i guess one all right let's i'm gonna try to remember what it was 8 12 no 882 415 no way shut up you're joking did you fucking do it ahead of time joking got your ass what was it it was uh wait oh i did do it ahead of time i thought that's what it was oh no i think that was what my score 405 i will say one confusing thing about the it gives you like a score yeah i wish it was just like the answer was this the score should just be the gap so i was 15th in the world you want to load i was 32nd yeah i feel like the answer should

be bigger why is the answer like the smallest text on the screen i'll talk to the um so you see the poople's been catching on really like people are playing it around the office and everyone is running into the same issue that i'm running into where it's the most fun it's the most fun game that i play on a daily basis but it's the only one i like can't have people in public seeing i'm playing because it looks you just look like a freak if you're playing the poop bowl when are you playing any word game in public where people are looking at your phone i was playing it on the plane ride home i mean i guess i discovered this at a very like traveling heavy part of life but like there yeah um i guess it's mainly planes and airport terminals so if i'm like

being a homebody then it's not a big deal but if you want to be a homebody yeah you're gonna have to have a house party andrew and i are gonna have a house party yeah yeah house party if you ever want that app house party yeah that was awesome if you ever want to get alex grade to laugh just text him house party but make uh do two o's and make one of them capital okay he'll hit you with the ha ha do if you ever want to make andrew laughed laughed show yourself laughed show yourself right now you won't nah i'm fucking with you bro what is the poople again poople is you get a starting four letter word right so like every day like the other day it was quiz you can change one letter in that word each guess each guess and you have to slowly get it to make

the word poop here pull it up have you done it today no uh i have done it today and i got it in the most efficient amount of guesses well don't say anything i'll do it i'll speed run it right now okay it's a fun one today i will say it's a fun it's a fast track today all right so you can change you can change one letter one letter okay so you would do like uh park oh okay i just type it type park and then you can do pork and then you can do pork not in word list okay so then you do porp you took kind of a you took an aggressive line and you you did kind of a rookie move no i know i know i play this all the time i just for the

sake of our viewers right uh so now do perp that's perk i mean perk do perk perk yeah now do perro spanish poople dude you play the spanish poople yet and now do jerk there jork and now do jork there's no now do actually might be the first like i might have just pigeon i don't think there's any word that's one letter off of jerk oh perk you already did perk you now do pork backwards dude you're going backwards now do park you're gonna start over i've done this the first time i played it i had to go back to the back to the start now do lark now do larp i mean this has to be infinite guesses you have infinite guesses but it at the end it will

tell you the most efficient route to get there i believe today was five guesses now do mark now do marp there's a guy on the way to work right now and he goes all i wanted was an hour and a half of of just escaping the the the idea that i have to go sit at my fucking desk today and you're gonna just play the poople oh i got it dark do dark and then dork and then duke there is dark dork duke the other day the other day i got it to shit and i was like that has to count right dork dork pork no no no duke duke i thought duke was gonna be a word yeah did i tell you we can come back to this you can do this later if you're down cork cork yeah you got it and then got it let's go willy kook and then coop and then poop nice

um did i tell you about my khaki shorts journey no but it sounds riveting so there i was in the first aisle of banana republic nothing okay all shirts and there i am going there is no chance okay next style all pants yeah okay i'm thinking do i cut the legs out okay so i'm gonna cut your legs i think i've mentioned this as it are there as you know about me there are certain things that maybe shouldn't get me as frustrated as they do but it's where i'm at one of those things is every clothing company in the world that used to make fucking just cotton shorts cotton khaki shorts cotton candy shorts you hear it's gonna rain you have like start sprinting home

you jump in the you get pushed in the pool and you're like you know they make bathing like joke bathing suits that like that's like it feels like a crime i think you could only do it like your dad no but i mean like in public no i think it's like you like we're having a barbecue it's only friends and family and your dad's cock is out yeah i guess it's like the only people you can do it to are people's penises you wouldn't want to see who knows i would do to your dad oh my god sorry is he listening to this i hope not oh my grandmother keeps asking me if she can listen and i'm like you would you you wouldn't like me as a guy yeah i mean yeah um but okay one of my qualms my grandma's listening is every cotton every like cotton short company switch to

like athleisure like stretchy polyester oh yeah yeah yeah nothing's just khaki anymore it's like it's a it's like a lululemon short and like for a guy like me that's just not gonna cut it and so it got to the point where j crew was the only one making the ones that i wanted i'd go the other day they're but they don't make them anymore they only make ones that are like fucking crazy town so i did a little research online i found these bad boys duck head and i was like there's like my two favorite things duck and head i'm in sure and so i get them they're they're a lit they're a little excuse me there was a he got scared for audio only listeners you got scared by a bug like a gnat they're still a little stretchy but generally

they're exactly what i'm looking for and i'm very excited about it may i give him a tug so you got mostly boxer there yeah those are nice my boxers also if anyone can find a boxer company that will cooperate with my dryer that's it's gotten worse i have like one pair where the fly isn't dried open now and when the fly is dried up in your dong my penis is my penis is complete i don't know does this happen to anyone else i'm as far as i know it might be my dryer specifically what does it get too hot does it happen to your roommates does it happen to your roommates peter they mostly wear peter they mostly wear briefs i think oh oh you wear like full-blown i'm like i'm wearing like unc box old school but yeah it seems like kind of annoying and uh yeah

i would imagine but uh yeah my i'm like getting to the point i'm like do i have to start wearing them backwards that'd be kind of cool though i wouldn't have to take my boxers off when i shit backwards boxers oh my god my buddy oliver has been the same one that swims the sharks told me that he his big life goal is to figure out a wetsuit you can poop in i think that'd be kind of easy now you just zip it up but if you unzip it then it gets filled with water you want your wetsuit to be filled with water that's how you stay warm oh perfect does it feel oh my god did you see that i think when you poop the poop wouldn't like poop out float away you'd have to be above the water i mean i think you'd poop and then you

just like swish it around with your hand and i'm picturing that you have to like get up on all force on your surfboard and shit off the end yeah you're in like you're in like downward dog like oliver no dude did you see that fisherman that was fishing the other day uh-uh and he i mean i saw a few by my house so if you let me finish i'll tell you he's fishing and like this piece of like wood there's like perfectly round piece of wood is floating by and he's one of those fishermen that like post his content so he's wearing a gopro he picks it up and he's like what is this it's a perfect cylinder and he smells it and you just hear him go oh he puts it back you watch his hands do you look it up it was poop look up fisher fisherman finds poop in the ocean

it is it was the hardest i've laughed this morning i mean why are you picking that up because he was like look at this piece of yeah it's this i think it's got to be this one Is this a log of some sort? Someone took a shit. Oh, God. It is a perfect piece of poop. Fuck. I mean, that's insane.

I thought it would look more like wood. That looks like a turd. I love when guys just add a video of them laughing. Yeah, I know. It feels like any time you try to find a video, you end up with one that's just a guy at the end reacting. That was going to be my This Guy Rocks today, but I couldn't find the original video. so the one i found was that video and then at the end it was a woman being like okay guys if you're in the ocean let me know down in the comments if you're like you're gonna pick up that piece of

poop but yeah i mean it's i'm not that's a comically poop shaped poop i mean that is a that is a that's how drake poops the only way you could be more positive it was poop is if it was like the cartoon like coil of poop yeah yeah like uh the emoji how did it stay together is that what poop is like i mean i guess maybe the surfer pooped in the ocean but do you know what no i'm saying like like i always assumed like if i picked up my poop it would like disintegrate in my hands is it like a solid thing they were probably eating a lot of pizza oh my god i had a pizza last night for the i thought you weren't allowed that's what i said to jacob because i didn't you know i deleted postmates yeah oh really i deleted i'm like i'm trying to be trying to get out in the

wild more if i'm gonna get something i want to walk to whole foods i want to see people i just feel like i'm like i'm either here or i'm like siloed at my house watching game of thrones so i'm like when i do my walks i go down into the busy area instead of the up part and uh and so i deleted postmates and i was like fuck i don't have anything and he was like you got some chicken nuggets or you have a frozen pizza wait he's like he has inventory of your groceries he was over by the freezer okay that's that's that's a good i was all you can have what a good roommate i was on the yeah he like pulls out like a scroll yeah yeah um also i've been eating eggs that expired like a week ago as long as you eat them before they hatch i think you're fine it's a story for

another day but i he was like you have a frozen pizza and i was like i'm not allowed to and he goes why don't you have half and see how you feel and i had half and i've i mean i had a couple squirts today but yeah but a couple squirts i mean that's just par for the course i was going squirt mode today and and we almost made it we made it what 40 minutes barely not even and rick because you guys were shooting and when you guys are shooting rick like stays nearby but he's like not usually in the room yeah he was camped out by the pooping toilets and so he just saw me going and having like a squirt fest every like 30 seconds it was a nightmare all right i'm just gonna move on last night we had a softball game can i say one more thing there was someone

commented on the last episode maybe my favorite favorite comment of the month it was uh i'm so excited jesus i'm so excited to watch playdate during lunch i hope they don't talk about poops made of fat did we on accident it feels like a new low for us no no there's no low there's no low too low we went all right we had a softball game what happened to you are you even on the team i retired i retired sign up for this team yeah i did and the one game i showed up to is our double header we got mercy ruled both i wasn't there for that one i know no you weren't and i was like rick i'm good i'm not showing up anymore and then you jump shit ever since i've like not been going they've been winning they've been on like a hot damn you're like a jonah a jonah who's

Jonah. Hill from 21 Jump Street. Jonah is like in like, if a guy was like bad luck on a ship, they deemed him a Jonah and they'd throw him off. Why is it called that? We can talk about it after. Jesus' disciple. Jonah.

Jonah. He'd stabbed him. He betrayed him, right? That's Judas. Oh, yeah, you're right. Who's Jonah then? Jonah, I think, is a Jewish name. Most are.

Most names are Jewish? jack is i find out you're like only friends with guys named like abraham and ezekiel yeah yeah i feel like most names are jewish names jedediah told me that so you're at softball last night only eight people showed up so certainly could have used andrew wait what that's not even a full team correct and we played you play with 10 people on the field in our league so what positions did you so i played you played the whole outfield no i played right field and second base i played in between right field and second base oh my god so we had because most you know when we would shift if there was a left hand they only had one left

handed batter so we had like legitly you guys have like shift shifts and stuff well because we're missing two positions got it got it so for right-handed batters i would yeah i played like because not that many people are hitting deep balls to right field like no one's going like oppo taco on us so you don't really need like right fields i mean i ended up having to make one play in right field and i had to sprint back from second base and catch it like a great play it was honestly a blast because it was like so where i was playing every play i had to sprint one direction or the other to play like more baseball so i got to run so much and then anyway but ninth inning bottom of the ninth or seventh or whatever bottom of the ninth inning i'm just

gonna call it that for my sanity we were down seven runs going to the bottom of the ninth and we bats get hot everyone's being smart playing good baseball we scored six runs so we're down one or we're down sorry before that we're done like four runs and bases loaded i came up to the plate with two outs no way double no way but the guy couldn't score from third so hurley stopped at third so it was why couldn't he score from third well the only reason i got a double was that they threw home and once i saw the shortstop throw home then i went to second so there was no chance for hurley to score from third got it so i was on second hurley was on third nate was up nate took a walk to bring up our leadoff batter teeper who's our best hitter

is he a baseball guy yeah teeper but teeper's like our best player or he's our shortstop um and so i was the winning run on second and he hit the ball the moment you know came off the bat i sprinted hurley scored i was i i had already crossed home plate and then i heard out caught a fly it was like a deep pop fly then he caught it and so we lost on the last hit and if we if we just had one more guy we would have won but he's out of the playoffs now no no we're still playoffs they start next week oh no i think everyone makes playoffs right you don't show up is that you don't show up you quit on our team we would have won yesterday we had you and then you come in and you shit on our success yeah okay everyone makes the playoffs everyone

makes playoffs but if everyone didn't make the playoffs guess what we still would have made it can i think we're like sixth why do they even do the regular season warm-up got it no i mean it's it's seating maybe spoiler alert it's fun the only reason anyone does any of it is for fun yeah doesn't actually matter at all good point i didn't i forgot it's it was honestly a blast yesterday just getting there like everyone and because like normally people have to sit between you know yeah because there's too many people yeah it was like fun do you know what like little league games now they have those signs where it's like parents the coaches are volunteers the refs are people too no scholarships will be given out is that like a biden di thing it's got

to be i think yeah i think it's got to be probably i think you could probably trace it back to biden if you went far enough for di yeah it's kind of like how um if enough people got assassinated the like a postman would be president yeah yeah like if you go all roads lead to biden i mean every decision i've ever made in my life if you go back farther far enough biden was the one that made the call i think if a if an umpire is being bad in your son's little game you should be able to throw a baseball bat at his skull one per one every five years one per child i tell you my buddy got a in little league my i believe i can't remember if he got banned from little league or if he was just kicked out for the season but he was like on the one of the better teams and they

were in like a rivalry game i don't even know if it was playoffs yeah but he's rivalry games like it was like the two best teams where it was like oh okay there are two guys on this that like you know are like the stars wait what event what sport triple a baseball we were like 11 maybe was it like like heated rivalry it was kind of like heated making it a triple a at 11 he's got to be in the league now right he's yeah i mean yeah that would be crazy he slid into third they called him out he unscrewed the third base and either i can't remember if he threw it at the ref or if he threw it at the other coach it was fun it was honestly one of those things where like obviously you can't do that like

whatever usually when you're like heat of the moment that mad like you throw like your helmet it or something like that like sure to get third base out of the ground especially at like 11 years old i think takes like some effort i mean the average person i think would probably calm down by the time like it didn't come out the first yeah yeah you get like one grab well i mean it reminds me it's very butch hobson x who's butch hobson you don't remember when he sold the base but google butch hobson oh oh when he held it above his head who was the guy that like got this got the steal record and no no not done any time soon so hobson has been ejected from the game here tonight and now butch hobson is walking over towards third we'll keep our eye on butch and

he's gonna pull that bag out and there goes the bag what's he gonna do with this now hobson may just take the bag with him well he should throw in that garbage can that is still down there from I love this announcer. He gives it to a fan. He's going to give it to a kid. He just gave the third base bang to a kid. Isn't that awesome? What?

What league was that? I don't know. This actually was after. So he was the Lancaster Barnstormers manager growing up. And he had done this. He did this as a Barnstormers manager. This is not for the Barnstormers. So this is a repeat offense.

Wait. He's done this multiple times. It's like his move. Yeah, I guess so. Do you think that was maybe his final game? and like it was such an iconic moment when he did it for the barnstormers that the ump was like butch like in the sixth inning i'm gonna throw you out grab the base and give it to a fan i think he's like i think he did it once and he just hit a bench along he was like itching like it's like

you know like with the like double bang for like my brain or whatever yeah it's like once in it once every 10 years you know he wants to do it every time but you have to be selective to make it fun what did he do for the he did it in the next game did he not a double bang it was like a triple something else oh i don't know like he like put some flare points it was i think on the like put back from og he went oh mama oh mama oh mama the triple oh mama anyway yeah wait look up barnes butch jobs can you go to that same google search and then just add barnstormers when you go to videos there's like a hundred no just add the word that second one i think he did it a third time i think he did it this year i think he did it in march

He did it in March? Go to the third one. Go to the second video. I think this is like his thing. Oh, yeah, that's. With the third base, and Hobson's been ejected by Darryl Cooper. And now he'll get his money's worth as he's out there. He's going to grab the bat from Edwin Arroyo.

Oh, he's going to take some hacks in the box. He grabbed the bat, pretended it a home run. I don't know what the check swing was really about. And then he ran the bases. Oh, here goes Hobson. He's going to hit a home run. Wait, this guy's the coolest guy in the world. It's insane that he keeps getting jobs.

Like, in baseball, you can just do stuff. Like, in any other context, it's like, oh, this guy's having a mental breakdown. Like I said, he's going to get his money's worth. He's running the bases right now. He's had, like, one. He's, like, 100. Yeah, wait. That is so.

It's like this is, like, completely standard behavior. It's like hockey fights. He's going to get a handshake, too, from the third base coach. Why not? It gives him a hard high five, and it hurts his hand. Maybe they get – he keeps getting jobs because it's like an attraction. They're like, Butch might lose it today. He'll count as a run, but he'll point to the sky,

and Butch Hobson has himself a home run. All right. An imaginary one at that, but – An imaginary. All right, anyway, Butch Hobson. We got to get him on the podcast. The thing with Butch Hobson and why he probably keeps getting jobs, Yeah.

Did you see how fired up all the guys in the dugout were? If you're a Little League team, you just want a storyline. Right. You just want a headline, right? Like, that's in the newspaper the next day. Oh, he's a Little League coach? These are all Little League teams. What?

I thought this was, like, the minors. Sorry, sorry. No. Minor League. Oh, my God. Those were definitely, like, adults. Sorry, sorry. I meant Minor League.

Not Little League. I meant if you're a Minor League team. Yeah. Wait, those guys were minors? Those were all minors. The Minor League team? Yeah. What were they doing?

The KGB team? I bet any of those guys, if Butch Hobson called, like, a former player of Butch Hobson's would go to bat for him and, like, bail him out of jail. Like, he, like, they were fired up when he did that. Like, no one's, like, mad at him. Yeah. He definitely has the locker room. He totally. And, yeah, it's selling tickets.

And they're mine. Do you think bad pedophiles get sent down to the minors? Yes. The emergency thing on my phone went off. oh my god the time the comedic timing i think i somehow actually clicked that button five times that was my favorite thing that has ever happened on this podcast oh my god

how did that even happen you made sure I didn't call the emergency if you were on the line with 911 that whole time sir what is it what is your emergency do you think pedophiles pedophiles get sent down to the minors that noise was like i thought you i thought you like had one of those like siren apps and you were like waiting for a good line to be like no i think i i was just like fiddling with my phone i think i accidentally clicked oh my god my like chest hurts emergency sos initiated holy fuck because the side and volume

buttons oh my god dude that happened one time we were partying in college and my my girlfriend at the time accidentally did that and it called like all her loved ones we're like hammered and we like step aside you're like i'm okay dad i'm okay grandpa i'm okay all right i gotta go to the bathroom that was insane oh my god calling call like using the feature to call all your family and friends to tell them how good of a time you're having holy shit do you what that was all time i am so excited for will to be able to see the world cup on friday i'm gonna go to the soccer game and see the u.s play thanks to seat geek which is why we wanted

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geek maxing not only look guess what else i got tickets to kid cuddy and big boy on friday if it's All right, I'm on a kiki with you all night. Guys, concert season is right around the corner. To make it even better, you can use code PLAYDATE10 for 10% off your SeatGeek tickets. That's 10% off tickets with promo code PLAYDATE10. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you, SeatGeek.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I am feeling like a dog, and I think it's because I got that dog in me, guys. i am so so excited about mug root beer and working with them and i'm so stoked to tell you this episode is brought to you by mug root beer i mean my when did you last have a root beer tell me uh how long ago did we start recording one minute one minute ago that is amazing i had one one hour ago guys this episode is brought to you by mug root beer indulge in the creamy vanilla flavor of your childhood with this nostalgic Soda. Soda, sorry.

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Guys, next time you're craving something cold and frothy, crack open a mug root beer. Just take it from Juan Soto. Sorry. just take it from juan soda what were you saying juan soda i love mug root beer find mug root beer at your local store head to www.mugrootbeer.com slash find mug to find out how you can get your paws on some mug and be sure to throw them a follow online at mug root beer let's get back into the episode self-conscious male porn star does his ass make my balls look big that'd be a

good thing right if your ball our big ball is good i hope so i've been i've been riding this way for if they aren't i've been lied to if they aren't i need to see a doctor immediately i need to see a doctor doctor now how did you not sit on your balls more i was thinking about this the other day like like like if i not that i'm doing this very often but like you know when you're getting on a horse and you like jump on the get down and you kind of plop down like how did it cowboys not sandwich their balls 24 well cowboys have to tape up they tape them like over their shaft no they tape the shaft and balls all they tape it up onto their like their backboard backboard is that the area between your belly button and your penis

okay or the half of that area closer to your penis i would say what's what's this right where your belt stops i don't know i'd have to see it dude someone was telling me oh so i'm golfing on sunday and we like see this guy drive by and he's on a different hole and uh and one of our buddies was like dude this guy this guy gives people like the craziest nicknames i was like what do you mean and he was like he calls my dad rimshot i was like why and i don't even know if we can keep this in he was saying i regret even bringing this up this definitely can't stay but he was saying he was saying what why do you hang out with this guy cut that

all right just bleep it and just show the disgust on my face but keep that the nickname is rimshot yeah isn't that interesting yeah and that guy was in steely dan yeah he was he was dan wow yeah andrew immediately knew i had been distracted by the steely dan thing on the screen do you know when we do you know when you do you ever laugh so hard that you like lose energy after that alarm thing i'm like exhausted should we roadmap it up sure sure sure sure all right we got a beautiful episode for you guys today we are going to hear your pitch followed by our pitches then we're gonna do this guy rocks teach me something we're gonna do slang words that don't exist and country songs that don't exist

all right andrew can i just say before you read this i've been seeing some comments people are people want you to pick the pick from the names that are available to us you can't be and that's so interesting to me why are people up in arms about that i will say i don't know i think people just like there needs to be some rules here man we're not this this isn't the fucking wild west imagine this is the wild west like what the fuck is all these cameras where am i this is the nicest house ever it's not even dusty sorry high bubbles blossom and buttercup bubbles i'm going to see katherine your bubbles blossom and bubble deal

wait what am i then your bubble club oh your bubble club bumble clump bumble clump everyone sing the song you're watching a show when you're growing up that's gonna be no is that a real thing wait what were those fucking fuck-ass guys i used to watch with my buddy owen jesus christ man settle down they were like big teletubbies no they were kind of like teletubbies but they were like sketchier i feel like you're thinking of like the thumbs from spy kids no that meaty show can you go they're like boogas or bloogas or boogalas can you google child kids show kind of like telegubbies was this like you didn't have kate like because your mom took away cable this was like no no i think we liked it oh boobla oh booba booba yeah

actually what did they do actually i think this might have been it i would be shocked if it wasn't Is it? Did I ever tell you this story when I was at Teletubby for Halloween? Mm-mm. Andrew, you heard this? I think you said it on the podcast. Fuck me. This is a great story.

Oh, my God, yes. The crime. Yeah, you've told this story a hundred times. Fuck. Awesome story. Yeah, I think it might have been these guys. Booba. Yeah.

Were you like a booba for Halloween one year? No. I was Sarah Palin one year. that way that's my favorite costume of all time i can see russia from my house uh all right let's hear what katherine has to say what's the worst part about chopping stuff with a knife worried about cutting your hand worried about cutting your hand that's right when everything sticks to the knife and you have to move it with your finger the knife on the cutting board to get the stuck food off that's a good i didn't even think that's like one of those inconveniences

that i'd notice but i'd never think about like yeah introducing magnet knife the magnet knife will solve all your chopping problems by doing what magnets do but for fruits and vegetables and other food instead of a regular knife that attracts the food to the knife like a regular magnet to a regular magnet magnet knife is reverse polarized so it works like when two magnets don't like each other but for food it repels the food and does not stick to the side of the knife you could so you can chop everything in half the time thanks for your consideration sharks keep up the good work i like this as as the sharks it is our job to point out any potential legal problems i'm worried if i was trying to cut something and it's not going towards the knife

i'd be pushing too hard and then i'd slip and cut my hand maybe there's a button where it repels food after oh yeah you can turn it on and off because if i'm trying to get it towards the food and it won't go it only repels like when you don't want it to yeah or when you want it yes yeah yeah i mean maybe it's like a mental thing if you're thinking about like repel then it repels yeah it's like connected to your brain i like that all right what's the worst part about peeing what's the worst part about being done with peeing as it takes forever to wipe as a boy andrew what's the worst part uh you gotta shake it at the end gotta shake it at the end

because if you don't you put it back in your pants and there's like another ounce and a half of pee in there you peel over your pants it's a machine it's you know somewhere you can mount it wherever you want but you know every bathroom has the you know the plunger and the brush and the toilet paper now you also have a machine on the wall you put your penis inside of it and it like vigorously shakes all the pee off of it right what's the one flaw with that you would get a little aroused guys would try and fuck it guys would try and fuck that thing if it senses any blood flowing down there it clamps down as hard as it can until you're not horny what if that makes it a hornier yeah i guess if you if that's something like if you're one of those guys that's

into like compression like those guys that get into you see those suits those leather suits guys get into and they like vacuum all the air out yeah yeah like if like those guys probably stay away from this wait what for sex you've never seen pull up pull up like guy remember like going a space guy getting vacuumed into leather suit it is like unbelievable and he goes to space then or no he's earthbound yeah it's like these guys all right now you got we gotta unfortunately we have to look up the kinky it's it's closest to yeah you get the gist oh god it's like i just don't understand like listen i've been horny but like right there's a point at which if i was in the middle of doing this i'd be like what the hell how do you find out you're into that how

do you get that far in while still being horny the real like if i like see like a bird out my window i don't like go away yeah yeah i feel like turn the tv off yeah if i get to if i get kendrick turn that tv off turn that tv up turn that tv up i think the answer unfortunately to how guys end up like that is probably like something horrible happened in their life it doesn't have to be horrible definitely medium definitely a trauma could be medium it could be medium no guy who like coasted through the first 18 years of life without anything going wrong is doing that i think maybe they've had a really good life and so they've had the opportunity to explore these things without feeling yeah there was anything wrong with it yeah maybe they were

into a girl that was in like a biker gang and she wore a lot of leather yeah but i think it's more about the compression like they like being like tight yeah oh god it's like my worst nightmare do you think any playmates do that what was the answer oh you put your dick in that thing okay here's a question what's the worst part that was your impression of like uh your kid after having the talk like he wasn't listening he was like what were you doing oh you put your dick in the yeah put your dick in the thing okay what's the worst part about a record player um unlike a playlist to skip to the ones that you do like you got to like manually pick the needle up and like put it on that thing yeah or runs out it runs out can't take it on the go

okay like it problem no more okay it is a baseball cap with a bill that it holds a record on its bill and little wires that go right in your ear so it's got a huge front bill the size of a record player and you just put the record on the bill of your hat you can go on a walk and listen to a record love it i actually think that'd be cool yeah yeah and we're we don't want to experiment with maybe like it couldn't be like a cd player what is it 2008 uh i love it man i'm worried i'm worried about like the kind of strain on your neck but other than that i think it's a pretty sound idea you didn't think okay you're right counterbalance there's a brim on the back that has another

record yeah in case and then you can switch yep the needle goes like like a drawstring all right trudy this guy rocks you spin my hair right around right around okay this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said that this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard okay so you know how we are people always ask they're like how did how did you invent how did the bloody mary come about who invented the mimosa or whatever we now via john forrest little have the opportunity to see perhaps the next great cocktail great how it was made on the day he made it and this is him explaining maybe how it's going right now it looks like but a dead plant in a beer i believe i

invented a product by putting this uh jalapeno inside a blue corn lager here in the four corners area it's been in there for over 20 minutes and note the chemical reaction this is live here in the Four Corners area. Not live, but okay. Just remember, inventions begin by accidents. For example, penicillin was like mold on cheese. Or mold on something. Anyway, thank you.

Thank you. Children with high IQs tend to be high-strung. And I win again. i believe i invented a product this guy is the fucking that is like when we started this guy rocks that's what it's all about i was picturing this video and i just had to wait for it to come out i knew one of these days it was going to come down the line i'm actually like i wish you'd taken a sip it kind of looks like yeah i think you might be onto something he's onto something and also kind of good the fact that it's still like moving like the seeds are like

flying around the glass he didn't stir it the seeds are naturally like like tumbling in there it's the fact that it's been sitting there for 20 minutes that was a little bit of a turn off yeah you know what i'm just noticing now i thought he was maybe like in his house he's at a mexican restaurant can you hear the music in the background and that's clearly that's a functioning bar behind him yeah i mean that's kind of i thought it was a bar oh i just thought like he's just he's been sitting there for 20 minutes he hasn't taken one sip yeah and i had the same question i don't know i don't know i don't know what that's not jalapeno that is i mean based off of everything else that he told us in that video there's a world he might have been mistaken that

about what a jalapeno is yeah but i don't know i still want to try it i bet it's good all right it's like a spicy mark yeah i bet it's i honestly bet it's delicious all right ready this guy let's just say it's gonna remind you of someone but yours are always like dying like set in like diners thank you you're on like you must remove from your home if you want harmony clarity and true prosperity listen closely because your environment shapes your destiny one remove fights and constant arguments a home filled with conflict cannot grow chaos destroys peace unity and abundance. You don't need to agree on everything, but you do need calm, respect, and emotional maturity. A divided home is already defeated. Two, remove complaining. Complaints

attract scarcity. When you focus on what's missing, you become blind to everything you already have. Gratitude opens the door to abundance. Complaining slams it shut. Three, remove laziness. People want a better life but refuse to do the work that creates it laziness steals opportunities for the for the audio listeners it might sound like it's a white guy on a podcast it is a black guy in the craziest outfit i've ever seen with the biggest cop in the world i mean that that is like eternal textbook like me when i say i'm just having one glass tonight clouds your thoughts and pushes prosperity away when you is he trying to voice what the guy is saying i think he's just miming like peace and peace there are sometimes where he comes the most important yeah what do you say

a harmonious home i think there's a world where he recorded a separate video and it did that thing where it like adds a sound yeah check his work move from your home if you want harmony okay listen closely four things you must move i have one note and one note only other than that i think other than that i think he's spot on yes right it reminds me of i'm sitting right next to him he goes chaos chaos destroys the home or something we see some pretty chaotic guys on a day-to-day basis that might be the most chaotic i disagree i think that's a classy motherfucker you think he's in flow state i don't i don't know this is exactly how water burger is anytime after was he at a water burger no but it looks like a water burger this is like this is exactly how it

is after 10 p.m at any location i could buy that how much do you think that drink cost hundreds of dollars right has to unless he brought it from can you click on this guy's profile it's just orange crush i'm saying it weird right i'm not saying profile weird oh he's got other cups too oh my god he's like mr cup man is that like his calling card is that he has like crazy cups oh yeah we click on that one again go up the one that has a hundred thousand four things you must remove from your home if you want harmony clarity and true all right get rid of it listen oh my god that's awesome okay do you guys want to hear my teach me something yes this is i'm giving credit to a fellow by the name of chris williamson okay i saw a clip of him talking about this story

and it was cracking me up today it's right up our alley i saw this and i got i almost wanted to send it to you guys early i was like you know what patience i'm gonna save it it's true it is the perfect playdate story okay tommy mckee is a 51 year old guy he's a he's a british guy he lives in liverpool and when he was pooping he was pushing so hard that he suffered a brain hemorrhage and when he collapsed he tried to like pull his pants up and through that strain had a second brain hemorrhage and here was here is the result he goes and he has an emergency surgery and when he wakes up from the coma he has hyper he has a hyper creative form of acquired savant syndrome he's now a savant he pooped himself so hard he's a savant i know you're thinking what does that

mean the sudden intense uh pressure from straining had had ruptured blood vessels on both sides of his brain altering his frontal and temporal lobes this essentially disabled like the filters in his brain allowing him to perceive and process vast amounts of unfiltered raw sensory data so you're like what does that fucking mean before he got in the incident he had never painted he had never written poetry he like was not like an artsy guy he was like a he was actually a criminal after waking up this is a quote from the article written about him after waking up his head was flooded with rhymes apparently he couldn't he was just rhyming constantly and he had these visions of geometric shapes and numbers sprouting from trees he began writing poetry and painting

obsessively spending up to 18 to 19 hours a day filling his apartment walls floors and ceilings with elaborate expressive art uh blah blah the the trauma had altered his personality he went from a violent ex-con and former drug addict into a deeply empathetic and emotional man who was entirely incapable of violence like the guy who i heard this clip was they were like he was worried about like stepping on like bugs and stuff like he like like wouldn't hurt anything he shit himself so hard it became like the best guy ever that's the dream that crazy i mean you'd think the way i'd be shitting i'd be fucking hercules by now damn after the squirt fest i've had today i'm shocked i'm not like mahatma gandhi ma ma ma ma gandhi you know gandhi slept with uh children

yeah true not like not in the sexual side he would like make 14 year old girls sleep in his bed to test his patience like why is that that's that's your kryptonite i'd be like if i slept in bad with like a du jour now to prove i was like the best guy ever awesome are you wondering the dalai lama like made out with kids you say it again the dalai lama like made out with kids too was i telling you guys that the dalai lama found that kid in minnesota who's like gonna be the next one oh yeah yeah he like saw this random kid in minnesota it was like you're he's like your god and now the kid lives in fucking india and is like studying to be a monk did you know that flambis mccool never left his house before the arctic exhibition cool he was the first guy

reached the south pole is that like common knowledge yeah but before he had never left like his own property before he went on the expedition to antarctica where was his property in like western ireland on the dingle peninsula oh dingles where the fucking dolphin is yeah fungi yeah fungi yeah flambis mccool had never left his house and then the first time he did he went to the south pole yeah oh my god i mean he went to london and then immediately was recruited to go on this trip and then he ended up being the first coverage so that is unbelievable that's like how it's made up you got flambus mccool i will say this there was a real guy named tom crean google he like he like only left his house before going to the north pole he could have never been

he could have been the first guy to be this at the south pole he was from the dingle peninsula and he turned around to like save people's lives like a mile from the south pole put south pole or antarctica yeah oh my god he looks like the after he was 168 miles away and like his buddies were in trouble and he got sent back to like get help what year was it yeah what year was it i don't know wait he looks like the after photo have you seen that guy who got a lobotomy

and they do like the before and after photos oh yeah and then the after one he looks like super cool and he's smoking a cigar oh no really yeah google uh before and after lobotomy photo cigar i've been taught this is the third time i've talked about this guy this week it must be like on the top of my brain have you ever seen the photo of like a habitual masturbator yeah the bottom one yeah that like just yeah any of those work so before he's like angry and then after he's like chilling all the comments when i saw this were like this would be this would make me want one apparently it's kind of sad apparently the reason they put a cigar in his mouth is he couldn't close his mouth so they were like it'll look cooler if he has a cigar lovely

all right should we do slang words that don't exist or country songs that don't exist really uh slang words and country songs these are more slang words that don't exist a spoke that's someone who's just they're just kind of along for the ride they're not they're just kind of another spoke on the wheel they're not really adding anything to the equation he's kind of a spoke what are we doing tonight i'm a spoke tonight dude yeah i'm just whatever you guys want to do i'm just a spoke tonight i like that uh full glass yeah someone who you can't trust with a secret because you know they're gonna spill it so you can be like dude don't tell him that he's a full glass that's good thank you uh goggle this is a guy you can see right

through oh my god oh oh you're surprised he's doing that dude he's a total goggle yeah i like that draw i i actually think i'm gonna use this one when you're in an argument if like you're not making any progress they're not making any progress they're not going to see your point of view you just like all right draw i'm done with this yep which of course means do i have to say it no because that's it goes to that thing andrew bleep all that yeah that was that was the plan uh splinter someone who's annoying and hard to get rid of yep uh you would be like you'd be like no matter what i do i can not get rid of this guy he's a total splinter

yep all right should we do country songs i ran out of time so i'm going to be ad-libbing these okay improv-ing a few these are more country songs that don't exist if i could sleep with my jeep it's about a guy who's dating all the wrong women and he's having all these troubles in his love life and he's talking about how easy life would be if he could just sleep with his jeep because it never lets him down if hay bales were gay bales and he says if hay bales were gay bales i'd be the gayest boy in town i like that uh concrete cowboy it's about a country boy moving to the city yep and there's no grass around he's having trouble adjusting to city life because he can't there's nowhere for him to graze i like that uh tractor location he said he's like my buddy asked if i

tractor location i said i'm only worried about my tractor's location that's fantastic uh do you want to hear about war back home or these jeans get me laid war back home because i have less of an idea where that one's going war back home war back home it's about a soldier who is about to get sent home for some r and r and he's fighting in the middle east but he's like his marriage at home is on the rocks and so he knows that even when he gets back he's gonna have to fight for love horse cowboy horse beer cowboy uh and a little bonus one these jeans get me laid i was just laughing about the idea of a country guy who every time he wears this one pair of jeans he gets ass and he can't figure out what about the jeans and it turns out it's just a statistical anomaly

that's awesome all right we love you guys excellent week i'm just so proud to be a playmate we'll see you on wednesday come on buddy love you Thanks for watching!