Will & Rusty's Playdate - Ketch-Down with Zach and Wahlid

Episode Date: November 8, 2023

Will and Rusty welcome their VERY FIRST GUESTS to the pod: Zach Piona and Wahlid Mohammad from The Zach and Wahlid Show! The guys draft more sayings and superheroes that don’t exist and pitch each other their finest business ideas. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod FOLLOW ZACH AND WAHLID: https://www.instagram.com/zachwahlidshow (00:00) Intro (00:11) Meet our Guests (03:51) Pitch Submissions (14:42) Pitches (22:33) Airplane Etiquette (27:52) Sayings that Don’t Exist (34:21) Superheroes that Don’t Exist (44:00) James Corduroy (52:56) Wahlid’s Kebab Truck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

all right what up welcome back are we live episode 10 i think it is that was nine i think it's 10 you guys should know i don't we have our first guest on ever zach and waleed no pressure we're very very excited yep so you just landed like an hour ago right from toronto we flew them in from toronto for they flew me out i don't even live there i actually live here you have a canadian shirt under this yeah i do but they they said oh we actually booked your uh departing flight from toronto you need to you need to book your own flight from la to toronto then you fly back here so i'm exhausted wow you guys are fucking i don't know if you guys are seeing this but i like started pulling at a thread on my

that'll happen bad could have been bad so dracon will you have a podcast that's right which is talking to you at the same time usually yeah i don't i'm sort of the bad boy of our pod you guys ever had guests before yeah we usually make as much noise

at the same time we'll have lunch in here a couple episodes ago which was very distracting yeah Lauren's always eating like

cucumbers and shit it smells like cucumbers I thought you were joking Lauren brought possibly the noisiest snack

one time it was the Trader Joe's seaweed and was trying to like oh the plastic that can't be quiet at all

I'll slowly get it out. Wait for like a lull in the conversation. What's the movie? A Quiet Place? A Quiet Place. Yeah. You would die instantly. Like, yeah, just like a scene from that show

when someone bought like those seaweed things. You're going to say someone who's still trying to podcast when there's like that monster. Someone's got to pay the fucking bills. Refuse to give up on your dream of being a podcaster. He's so fucking funny. That's hysterical. So you were introing us.

No, I was just kind of being, I was going to, you could, you know, tell people to listen to your podcast. Oh, you want us to intro? Yeah. Oh, if you guys are guests. We're Zach and Waleed. We have the Zach and Waleed Show podcast.

That's right. The TMG Network. They kicked us off of it. And we have our own channel now. That's right. Is that true? No, we're still in the show. I made that sound like really bad.

We're still under the TMG. We're still under the umbrella, but it's TMG has back to their own channel. We have our own channel now. have their own channel got it was under everyone gets it and then we would get comments all the time like why the fuck do I get a notification for these

dudes like I want to I want fucking Cody Noel again and like all that we were we're pretty familiar with that there's a certain other somebody we could another podcast that tends to be filmed in here and garners more attention so sometimes the exact same

you guys thought you booked the podcast dude i thought you brought all your characters and stuff yeah we're the guys there are there are a handful of people that i think are under the impression that we just built an identical set yes i was about to ask that because i was like wait a minute they don't understand that we work together it'll be like it'll be like guys these these guys want to be almost friday so bad like they literally replicated the studio all right so we usually start with like friend of the pod business pitches people will write in

nice and lauren has a couple love it you guys want to listen to a couple of that i'm so down if they want to listen is this like shark tank yeah yeah we basically at the end we will unconfined by the laws of like science yeah this is are we supposed to shroom before this what the fuck are we supposed to actually get money can you get the email are these mushrooms these are edibles i snuck them into the twizzler okay i got it all right should i start yes um so this one is from owen drolet shout out od instagram he says he says long time listener first time pitch here i was recently scrolling on twitter and saw a video of an engine on fire on a plane with the title,

what would you do in this situation? After thinking quickly and reading some comments, I came up with the solution. Introducing ejector seats on commercial flights. Now everybody on the plane would have the option to eject themselves if they see fit or wait it out. I think this could potentially be the next wave of aviation and potentially save thousands of lives in the process.

I'm actually going to, this is probably the first pitch I've ever disagreed with. I think that's probably going to kill more people than What if like one guy is like super trigger happy and everything's going completely fine and there's a little bit of turbulence and then now

he ejects and the complete the whole aircraft is compromised There has to be a way that it doesn't compromise the rest He finds out he has to sit in the middle seat You're a baby on the plane You're out Well you're an extra in the flying planes

they fly themselves the landing that's the the person in front of you reclines like i'm out the plane has like convertible like tops now drop top yeah i don't know yeah if you eject we're high level i'll drop you down that's the more and then immediately seals back up yeah okay so it's like dungeon-y here's here's the way you use it you know how what's that trick where people have figured out if you book connecting flights, but then you just get off. You book it to like a city

that no one's going to, so it's really cheap, and then when you are looking at the flight map, and when you're over like Charlotte, you just fucking drop it. You ever on a plane, you see the Grand Canyon? That shit looks cool. I have not flown over the Grand Canyon.

Oh, shit. Wait, that was in my notes. I've flown over SoFi Stadium. That was really cool. They put you on the top. In the middle. Last time I flew over, it said 1989 Taylor's version. I swear to God.

She bought ad space on the top of SoFi Stadium. It's just insane. That's fucking sick. Have you seen that guy that put welcome to Cleveland on his house near the airport in Washington or something? People flying in will think that they're going to the wrong place. Okay. Yeah, I'll give the money.

i like that one i also hate those kind of tweets where it's like do you guys hate this situation it's like yeah what would you do i'm gonna scream and i'm gonna die the one with the giant like uh optimus prime looking dude that's like towering walking through the city you ever seen these ones where it's like what would you do with this guy was roaming through your city it's just like a giant like godzilla type guy it's just like i couldn't do anything about it i would shoot myself I'd chill on the couch with some weed alright

you guys wanna hear another one alright next we have from James Notecell Notecell I don't know on Instagram

so he has the portable autotune it is a device that can autotune your voice in real time as you are speaking he says it's perfect for injecting

a little bit of fun into verbal exchanges or make rocky ones go down smoother for example shouting at your girlfriend again because she can never get anything right

autotune those shouts now it's a vibe trying to get the bartender's attention autotune that order shawty now they're looking he's not wrong the way he worded that yeah i think you have a gaslighting problem solve for also the rate the way you read shawty is like i can't even say it i can't i was gonna say he rolled off your tongue that was bad um yeah like i guess i just here's my one my my My first major qualm with it is that he slipped in other stuff, but we can tell his main concern was he wants to find a way to shout at his girlfriend in a less domestic abuse way. In a cool way.

Oh, honey, look at this pot. I called it. How often, you're married. I have a girl. You have a girl. How often, I feel like we're not yelling at women often enough to. Oh, no, you're done. We're not yelling at women often enough.

I agree. I meant like to warrant the auto. You pass notes. yeah you do the old child yeah you do like the fucking classroom situation like fuck you and it's so much easier to do that dude like the the texting way like sometimes it'd be misread yeah way easier just the c word yeah slide it in um but autotune is like a good way of like it's hot right do you find if a guy approached you or a girl like approached you like i don't know how which way you swing but like you know like autotune is like a like holy shit this guy

why are you assuming that she likes autotune is it like like t-pain if he wrote you a song like that i feel like you're being earnest right now and it's yeah blowing my mind oh you think it's hot yeah autotune is hot because like you sing give us an example yeah i can't say something if i sang a song to your wife yeah say something I like the bartender I give some

yeah that's okay that's hot yeah it is hot honey I'm coming late from work are we only doing the bartender

tune but like if you know like social media people they start like becoming like artists and stuff

and they all suck if they if they go straight auto tune then it's like I can't tell if this dude sucks or is bad

that is a good point sometimes it's better so if the dude doesn't have game and he's auto-tuning right in front of your face, you're like, does this dude not have game or is he fucking making my panties wet? I think you could be onto something here.

It's also such a conversation starter. If you didn't acknowledge the fact that you were auto-tuned, you just walked up to the bartender and ordered your drink in perfect pitch. I'll have a mimosa. Why are we only doing this? I don't know. It's the only auto-tuned song I know.

Did you guys have The app I am T-Pain Yeah of course Oh wait you never heard about this It was just it was like You would record your voice And it would put your it would perfectly auto tune It like into I think

Explosively T-Pain songs but There was another app that was like You would talk it was like Songify or something Yeah that was for the kids that couldn't afford I am T-Pain Yeah yeah yeah Wouldn't know about that I swear to God, it was in the Google Play Store.

Google Play Store? Android? Were you joking? We both get up and do this. That's great. Wait, that was such a good era for apps. Like, IMTP. The beer one.

The lighter. The Cody Coats. Yeah, I'd cap that. Yeah, I'd cap that. What is it? Cody made I'd Cap That. Oh, I love that app. You don't remember this?

You still have it, right? We're trying to get on his podcast. It was the one that like We're not under the same Not anymore You got fired or something Yeah It was the one where you'd take a picture of something

And it would put like Big tits at the bottom Yeah Oh like Oh they were like randomized right Yeah Or it'd be like I just kept saying I like dicks

I thought it was random Cody's like no Alright should we hear the last one Yeah Okay Last one is from Noah Lane I think it's Noah Lane So he says

have you ever been tailed by a massive truck at night and they have their brights on you're already going 12 over and they won't get off your ass yes this is where the back beam comes finally i like this the back beam is a series of bright led lights that are integrated into your brake lights and you can flash them when the person behind you is too close and too bright absolutely yes a thousand percent yeah so good wait so it's just like brights but it's like fighting fire with fire yeah i like there's a ram to 2500 on your ass he's about to run your ass over he has his leds on you can't see anything so you put him back at him and he's like oh this sucks i'm gonna turn mine off or do you or you or he kills you it's like the superhero movie

where you drop you press the button and the nails you know come from the back of your car yes get the tire that's like uh the go-karting i think you're spoiling something i hate to be that guy but that's from that movie about go-karts yeah for the kids the kids bank rob in go-kart go-karts are you making shit up no this is a real movie they're like what's the movie no one said the name it's um i don't know what movie he's talking about italian job there's a there's a movie that i'm blanking on and it's it's about these children who Are go-kart racers And then they use that skill

To rob banks Gran Turismo And they'll press a button And like thumbtacks come out of the back of their car Is this the Alfred Hare That's Little Rascals Little Rascals I think it is bro

It's the kid that plays Cody Banks Oh Asian Cody Banks Outer Banks One of them No no she's in Knives Out She's really hot in Knives Out. I think we're all on the same page. I like that last one the best.

You know what it could also be used for? When someone doesn't have their lights on or has their signal on So you kill them? You blind them? When you want to alert someone to something but they're behind you. There's no valve.

I've had that before where I try to put my hand out. A lady's trunk was open behind me. I was like, I don't know how to tell her. You just slowly come to a stop, get out of your car. How did you know her trunk was open if she was hiding? You can probably see it, right? Because I could see it, like, popping up. And she had been on the side of me.

Yeah, I was, like, trying to wave, like, trunk. Like, how do you do the trunk? What's that hand thing, though? No, because you're right. Because you can do tire, like... But if you can flash the backlight pattern, too, that could, like... Are you guys ever worried that your car is the LED car?

Because I don't know if my lights are fucking blinding the other. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. But I drive an F-150. Oh, good. You are that guy. You're a Republican?

I did not know this. And my Punisher sticker's all over it. Nice, dude. Hell yeah. All right. Is that it? I think three. I wasn't being like, I wasn't disappointed.

We can do another. No, no, no. We have some, too. I don't think we told you to bring pitches, but we also brought some. Oh, I have a great pitch. He's a pitch guy. Do you really? Yeah.

All right. All right. Think about, you know, people getting canceled left and right. You know? For everything, anything. Oh, God. I have a great app. Be careful here.

No, listen, listen. All right, with all this AI, this AI, that AI, I have a great idea. Nice. All right? It's called iSorry. And basically, let's just say you said something online a few years ago that maybe, you know, is not really, you can't say that again anymore. You just type in the date, the reason, and then iSorry will generate full AI, the apology

for you. Oh, I love it. You can select it whether you want to do it in black with white text or if you want to do the snap, the no app. It has all those templates. I thought, didn't Colleen do that? The ukulele girl? Yeah. That should be like the

pro version of like, you know, make a YouTube video with like a, like, I'm sorry, dot, dot, dot. That was like an AI song, right? I messed up. Probably. Is that what people actually think? No. That would probably be the worst AI song at GBT.

that's the best that's the second best song apology my favorite is the you've seen the guy who got arrested for like literal murder or something and you know you get like you get like you get to address the courtroom one more time and he gets up and starts singing a song apologizing he's like your honor i'm sorry sorry and uh yeah there you go yeah he could have used it and the judge just let him do it for like two Oh, I saw that clip. Yeah. To the victim, I'm sorry, son.

I think that's one of those clips that you just keep seeing. Yeah. I don't know if there's a clip that I just keep seeing. It's like one or two times a year. Yeah, like a couple times a year, it's like, never forget when this happened. It's like, yeah. The lawyer just like joins in and beatboxes with him.

Yeah. The jury starts going to talk about it. Like, whoa. You also knew he thought just all the charges were going to be dropped. He was like, it was like a Hail Mary last one. While he was killing the guy, he was like, ah, fine. I got something in my back pocket.

I'll get acquitted for this. The guy was like, you'll never get away with this. He was like, wait till you see. I actually have a pitch that is kind of similar. You don't have a pitch? We have our pitches written down. Can I pitch? I have a similar.

It kind of plays off yours. It's called the career suicide hotline. It's like if you're about to tweet something racist, you call them. And they're like, don't do it. You're going to regret this. I feel like if you're cognizant enough. To call? To call.

like i've had some questionable tweets and i didn't realize it until after i got i got the data farm concierge so it's you know companies already are farming your data and like selling it to people we offer a service now where they know they know so much about you that you can call them like i spend an hour trying to figure out what i want to have for lunch every day because I'm so indecisive, I call this person, and they're like, well, based on, like, everything we know about you, you're probably in the mood for this right now, or you should go vacation here, or... I like that. I like that. Yeah.

So it's like a good use of all the... In Toronto, every arrival is a statement, and nothing says it better than this. Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. this city demands agility and optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary let's take the cadillac find out more at cadillac canada.ca luxury sales claim based on s&p global mobility canadian new vehicle total registrations for calendar year 2025 for the cadillac definition of luxury the data yeah based off your piece of shit history we get drudgy meals like the whole

Seems like you want, like, Asian MILF for it. You should go to church. Whose book was this, by the way? I don't know. They had notes in it. Let's look at it. Is there really notes? Yeah.

Here, here, here. Oh, yeah. I also have a pitch. Wait, it's just schizophrenic drawings. It really is a little fucking off. Celtic slash Will Levis slash Mavs. Oh, that's Gavin. Those are Gavin's bets.

Oh, these are, no, these are mine. That's his bet. This is crazy. Who's got it? Wow. Should hang out with this dude. Celtics slash Will Levis. That's actually a pretty good idea.

That is a pretty good idea. Do you like the Will Levis story? How the girlfriend broke up with him and then he fucking threw three touchdowns? Wait, what happened? She broke up with him? Wait, don't you have a... I guess we can't talk about it. Never mind.

Does Will Levis follow you? Who's Will Levis? He was at our bar. Quarterback for the Tennessee Titans. Yeah. NFL. Does follow me. Nice guy.

But a little sports story is he, like, at draft day, he had this bombshell of, like, a girlfriend. Oh, yeah. I saw that. All the comments were, oh, dude, she's getting the money. She's going to fucking crush. What a good get. Will Levis hits the bench right off the bat.

Third string quarterback doesn't play. Finally, he plays, throws three touchdowns. And during this time of him starting, he is single now. And the girl is dating the singer, the country singer. Oh, god damn it. Who's the fucking? Zach Bryan. No, god damn it.

Billy Ray. No, he got canceled. John Pratt. Oh, Morgan Waller. Yeah, Morgan Waller. She's dating Morgan Waller? Yeah, yeah. Apparently according to

Twitter world So now he's like On the up And like Everyone's like A Will Levis fan Because she tried To get the money

And now he's ballin' I mean she got She got way more money She got Morgan Wallen He's probably I don't know Will Levis will make a bag as well I think Will Levis

It's all relative Yeah I guess How do you know him? Sorry to bring sports up Twitter dude Oh yeah You can talk About whatever man

He hates sports Oh really? I don't hate What kind of stuff do you hate? I know where I'm at No we had a sports pod and it just didn't go very well. Did you?

Yeah, it was Foul Tip. I became a degenerate gambler. Wearing the shirt. Foul Tip. That's a good name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. What did you talk about?

Was it about baseball? We talked about stories like that, like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. We were thinking about when you guys came in here, just not addressing what we were going to say. No, no, no. We weren't actually going to do it. We didn't just start talking to each other about,

or bring up the topic of Travis and Taylor and just focus the entire podcast. On that and like see how long it would take for you guys to be like, no guests. How have you guys not had guests? All right, Will, what other pitches you got? Oh God, this one sucks. Also, I feel like it's a strange dynamic if we didn't ask them to bring pitches

and now we're just. I feel bad. You guys gave us two homework assignments that we did come prepared for. Well, yeah, this is like the way I envisioned this is like they're the sharks. Okay. Okay. Yeah. We'll pitch you guys.

He has the money. I don't. It's the Ford F-150 and my eyes are, yeah. It's available now. I got the Prezzle. It's a way to, it's like a puzzle but the PR is like a prank kind of, but it's like to fuck with someone and like torture them. It's like a puzzle

that's missing like four pieces. Really integral to it. But it has four other pieces that just don't fit, so like they don't know that they're missing. They think they just messed it up a little bit. And who's who's buying this you give it to your your friends okay this is living spaces the company that sends furniture this is wayfair what's living spaces i don't know living space like wayfair they forget

pieces all the fucking time oh okay yeah yeah yeah so we'll we'll just probably private label through them right yes it's also like a form of torture maybe that would be yeah yeah like that would i do yeah you have this giant furniture that's unfinished in your living room i feel like torture is such like a strongly i don't think it's that bad i don't think it's that bad where i'm like what was the last time you did a puzzle i just got one yesterday i'm pretty stoked well here's the thing it depends on how many pieces are in them because if you do a hundred piece puzzle all right not that bad you didn't invest that much time it's a thousand if you're going ten thousand a thousand it's a million fuck it we can say anything we want it's fine

no one's gonna buy that two million then again if you go more than a million you're getting 3 million are you guys in or not 20% alright I got the slumber select it's a sleep mask that has a screen on the front it's only for airplanes

and you type in what you want to drink so when the stewardess comes by and you're asleep you wake up cause like Skylar and I were you were on that flight as well we were coming back the other day and like half of us were asleep and Skylar woke up and I watched

him for the back three hours of the flight try and flag someone down for a drink but it would always be when they were coming through with like trash bags or something and be like I'll come back later and he just never got his drink or his and he also pulled out the screen and on Delta you can like order on your

phone or whatever he was like trying to order a sandwich for like an hour and a half and couldn't get it but if he had the sleep select I like that that's actually a great idea although I feel like what would end up happening is you just like wake up to having spilled orange juice all over your pants

they put it there and you like move in your sleep oh fuck I have like terrible sleep anxiety on planes cause there's

I feel like there's three stages like what you're talking about it's the snacks and you have to be awake to say yes or no or else you feel

like an asshole and then there's the drink portion where they ask you if you want the drink and then the trash and you have like three parts of the plane

that you have to basically be awake for so you have like 30 minutes of sleep in between well the reason why I like this one so much is cause

it also relieves the pressure for someone sitting next to you for example you're sleeping and I'm awake and they're always like I think it's if you wake someone up to tell them that there are snacks there you're an insane person

there was a guy a guy woke me up on like a pretty long flight like a cross Atlantic flight so like they're gonna come multiple times it's not like a big deal if I miss the first round shook me awake and was like what do you want a stranger it was just like he was like they're

here and i was like i don't no no no pencils pencils i can miss out on a water he was expecting me to like be like thanks dude i looked at him like what are we what are we doing here dude i had a guy on this was just on our flight to wherever we just went florida there's a guy he rent he did the the like service button and the lady comes over and he's like yeah could we just get an order of noodles i just remember this and the lady she's like oh oh we don't have any noodles like here's the menu and like shows them the full menu and then his wife goes okay i'll just do uh a soup and she's like soup or noodles like sun chips or almond she was like oh they were like oh never mind then never mind then and then the yeah turned off the button have you guys

seen the tiktok where the guy strictly asked for milk on every yes the lady leans in he goes she goes excuse me he goes milk she goes no like looks at him like disgusted it's all funny when he does get the milk because he's like ah i've never seen him actually get it he's got it i think at a bar Yeah, there was one. He did one the other day where he did it in the voice, and the bartender was like, no, we don't have that.

And then he switched to a completely normal voice. Like, okay, cool, I'll just have a Roman code. That same flight, I don't know if you saw this, on takeoff, the thing came down, and a fairly large suitcase landed, and everyone clearly saw it. It was so loud that obviously the flight attendant saw it, and I turned around, and the guy that had happened next to it

pushed the push the planet attendant button like there wasn't a 60 pound suitcase flying down the aisle.

It's one of those things they always say like be careful they can like move around during I've never seen that happen the moment we

take off it's like massive boom right on the ground. Alright what's your next pitch? Oh yeah I got catch

Do you want any of these? The sleep thing I'm in too. Sorry. Well let's do two pitches each and then we'll

get into the this is my last one okay i got catch down you put the burger on it that's it that's all i wrote so it's the opposite so you tried you tried to get you tried to get cute and then you had a stroke um all right i got the track tag you could have just not said that that was you read the fucking tweet draft bro he was he was so excited Maybe if you explain it That's all you had I thought it would be funny if I didn't

I was just like you put the burger on it The problem is you looked at us like Yeah I ruined my day Should we do sayings that don't exist first Or superheroes that don't exist Let's start where the bread is buttered Sayings

Could have been both What could have been the pitch, I think? We'll go, we'll start with Waleed and go this way. All right. I know it's supposed to come with five. Well, I think we'll do three. Yeah, we'll do three. Yeah.

Okay, I'll make one up on the spot. Yeah, you have to make one up. We can do two each. Two each. I'm down to do two each. A flower is just a weed that had a good childhood and not an abusive father. Waleed, this is a saying, not a fucking poem. This is a haiku poem.

I think that was a haiku. Five, seven, five, or whatever. Did you read the email correctly? You said on the email it was sayings and... Superheroes. Yeah, superheroes. Not poemos. It's okay.

That's all right. What was the description of this? Nothing. I'm just talking with my... No, that makes sense. Yeah, you never heard that saying? No. I would take his cheeseburger pitch over here.

Catch down is moving up the leaderboard here. That's it? That was all I... Oh, keep going? I think we go. We're doing Russian roulette. I had a Ratatouille

I thought this could be A nice substitute For the word fuck Like if you drop something You can say Ratatouille And I also just think It's an iconic movie

That deserves more recognition Yeah I agree I like that Ratatouille You guys Interpreted this So drastically differently

As could not be Actually I have a business pitch For you guys Yours was like Notes from your Therapy appointment No

Oh you know what I mixed them up All right, what do you got, Willian? All right, I already got two wheels past the center line. If someone's going down a wrong path, you're like, yeah, things are going bad for him. Like a car? Yeah, like a car, like he's drifting. That's like a stay in your lane vibe.

Yeah, but I think it's more like if someone's getting into bad stuff and you're like, he might be too late to save. It's like, oh, yeah, that guy's doing weird drugs, man. Might be too late to save him. He's already got two wheels past the center line. yep okay that's pretty good actually that was like a legit i thought we were trying to be fun have you have you seen any of our podcasts ever yeah can you move what's this i got uh i got i got don't wait for your dog to meow i like that um it's never gonna do it

so if you're if you're waiting for something that like is just clearly never gonna happen or like maybe maybe you want you want like you want to you want a past lover to to change and like come back or whatever like dogs are never gonna meow not gonna happen well do i have a video for you guys i'm like ashamed to read the rest good uh let's see you can't blink without winking twice there we go yeah like that where's him in i have no i don't Well, you can't blink without winking with both eyes. This one is the new... Wait, I don't...

Can we stay on that for the next minute? Yeah, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go back to that. No, I'm just like... Oh, let's go on this one for the next 20, 30 minutes. So when you blink... Yeah.

You blink... You wink with both eyes. So you're winking twice. What does that mean? Why are you gonna... What's the situation? Oh, I don't know what's the meaning behind it. I was like, this is just something nice I would like to hear.

There we go. I like it. Okay, yeah, yeah. I think that could be the one. It's all right. The new beer me, you say, fuck me. And it could confuse the ladies into fucking you. I like it.

That was nice. I do like that. Oh, thank God. You're at the bar. You're like, fuck me? Yeah, there you go. Fuck me. Somebody throws themselves at you.

You're open. I can't believe that worked. The girl next to you is like, whoa, is that to me? And then they're like. And the bartender brings you a drink, too. I'll take two fuck me's, please. Fuck me twice. There you go.

All right, what do you got, Willie? I got don't leave late and blame the traffic mmm you know take accountability for your shortcomings this is a voicemail that your mom just left I think something I do all the time anytime I'm late for anything I'm just like ah sorry traffic cuz it's LA yeah it's LA it's totally hold yourself accountable hold yourself accountable ever had someone be like you can't use Who's that excuse no more? You live here.

And they drop that. Yeah. I was like, wait. How the fuck did you hear that? Wait. I think they wrote that down yesterday. I got, if you stand behind a horse, don't be surprised when you get kicked. I like that.

If you're doing dumb shit, you got to be prepared to own up to the consequences. Yeah. Bingo. That's good. That's good. Keep your friends close, but keep your balls closer. it's all you it's all you got

thank you the explanation is it's all you got it's all you got they're all you got it's the closest thing just write that no I haven't

look can you take the pen out of your hand no what if I want to add to it I want to add maybe a little flare

or something he's like annotating one that I have written here is don't eat your dessert before your dinner what does that mean

that one is If you have something juicy in front of you Wait And maybe it'll get juicier My grandpa My grandpa used to say Say life's short Eat dessert first

That's what I meant You guys have conflicted a lot I mean You gonna eat these? No go ahead I haven't had dinner yet Selling solar in Seattle It's kind of a mouthful

Yep But trying to provide value Where it's not needed Or asked for I like it Wow, these are really good. We should watch your pod more. Yeah, it feels like I'm getting the impression that you have no idea what we're doing.

No, I did understand what you do, but I didn't know if we were doing these seriously. Yeah. We've conflicted. One of my past ones was, you can't make a cum sock a sock puppet. So we've definitely gone down. Why not? That's a good point. It actually would be better.

it would be yeah the explanation was really bad you can't make something uh that gross into something fun for kids okay we did not need the explanation we did not get a positive reception all right my final one is you can't walk to hawaii you gotta you gotta be prepared and have the uh the proper equipment to, like, get where you want to go. I like it. That's good. That's bang. All right.

Should we do superheroes that don't exist? Yeah, you got some. Somehow I feel like they're going to have fucked this up, and I don't know how yet. What? Dude, we're going to crush this. I have to go first. I'm assuming.

Are these? Okay. All right. My superhero is called the Gaslighter, and he shoots high-octane gasoline out of his fingertips, and then after he tells you he didn't do it damn that was good that was really good uh i have pocket fussy it's a a frat took turns on a pocket pussy and now it goes around killing off abusive frat bros i love it that's a good order that's an evil movie or something yeah so he but he's only

if there's other crime happening in the area but they're they're not affiliated with the fraternity they're good to go yeah all right i like it i like that a lot yeah uh i've got deadly but silent it's uh you can't smell a long superhero name yeah yeah well he's one of the longest superheroes the batman signal takes up the whole sky six feet long or seven i guess would be six feet long fairly standard signal it's just the normal women yama size yeah it's like a fart It's like you can't smell his farts, but they do actually kill you. Wow. Wait, so you can't smell them or you can't hear them?

Deadly but silent, so it's like the opposite. He's a gas leak. Yeah, yeah. Agia Eclector. Okay. He can pull and appropriate stuff from all different cultures and use it to disorient his enemies. He's the most eclectic man alive.

Oh, okay. Got it. Nice. I like that. Yeah. That's pretty smart. That's really good. Imagine he confronts a racist.

Just completely shifts his views. You can actually win them over. Instead of beating him up, he's like, well, actually, you know, this is why they do this. Since you're very similar to what you guys do. Superheroes that don't exist. It's called the essential worker. Nice. Because we're not clapping for them anymore.

wow a little dark there we should all be clapping together time person of the year what i think they were the time person of the year essential worker yeah yeah just the essential worker i'm pretty sure that was it i know yeah i remember there's like a yeah oh yeah i just started taking credit for it i did that uh mine is make a fist it's a make-a-wish superhero fights off cancer but loses every battle the plot twist is the diagnosed person wins every time because it's what's inside that counts thank you guys thank you that is so true

too yeah it is what it's all about the inside mental fight you don't need a superhero and that's why make a fist is there just to encourage you but he loses but he is a superhero is he dying no he fakes it he takes he shoulders

the loss got it got it got it I like it that's awesome that's so good i've got can do he he can he doesn't even have to wheel a cart around he can collect all the cans and deposit them nice in a minute is he homeless is he making money off the kid no but he just thought he's not homeless anymore because he's so fucking good he's the one successful homeless guy he was homeless and then he realized he had his power and now he's like fucking loaded yeah how does the homeless people hate him actually he just

takes the lines the whole time at the recycling yeah he honestly sounds like more of a villain he's like ruining these lives of all these homeless guys who survive on yeah i put it under superheroes i feel like all right i got looper man he creates the perfect looping vine every time wow was this catered to us no but I think that I think it somehow slipped into my mind that's perfect but it wasn't supposed to be

you guys made vines I made vines but I was also like nine or no I was like ten wasn't it like 2013 middle school on our pod we do a voicemail segment we had a voicemailer call in saying that she's been watching us

since nine years old and I was like that is like almost a legal amount of like well now she's 10 yeah that's just all she started this year that's pretty crazy that's like crazy to yeah yeah yeah that'd be crazy if we got a voicemail said that that'd be fucking scary they'd be nine right now yeah um yeah oh i didn't finish this one i actually crossed it off i didn't have a reason for it but it was called the whole man Oh, show holes? Yeah. And essentially, he can make any hole fit to your preference.

I like it. Whenever you need it. Is this like construction or sexual? Whatever you want. Snake holes. He's big among guinea pigs. Or what? Go first.

Snake holes, caves, bunkers. What are they? Punts. Nice. I'm a little lost, but I like it. You didn't cross it out. I crossed it out. I crossed it out.

You did cross it out. I crossed it out. I have hung man. Stop. What the fuck? Close to home, man. I know. It's pretty close.

Stops time and makes you not drink that last drink. That gets you insanely hung over. He also does the annoying late night drunken task for you. Fills up your gas tank. Tucks you in. Tucks up your gas tank? Yeah. You know when you wake up in the morning like,

oh, I should have got gas before I started. I should have got gas in my drive home from the car last night. And stops you from hooking up with your ex. And he's also extremely hung. Okay, so it's like a double Yeah, I like that a lot Because I was thinking the hung part There you go

What does the hung part have to do with Hungover Oh He saves you from being hungover I thought he was like banging your ass That is actually Stop it I was like, wait

You wake up to hung man Fucking your ex I hate this super This guy sucks Hung man again This guy's an asshole That's whole man My

I'm so fucking red hot right now I was waiting for the pause. Yeah, that was a good pause. All right, I got the cobbler. He, like, he can look at your shoes and make them, like, you know when, like, your shoes have, like, something in them and they're just like, oh, God. The rock?

Yeah, like a rock or, like, a thorn or, like, something's poking out or, yeah, he can make that happen to you. So it's a villain. Oh. No, no, he can make it happen to, like, the bad guys. Yes, thank you. So, like, if you're, like, robbing a bank, he's, like, giant thorn.

Yeah, and the guy's like, oh, God. He's like, give me your, oh. One second. Yeah, I like it. You guys ever see that Adam Sandler movie called The Cobbler? Say that name again?

That Ant-Man Sandler. Who's it? It's a combo movie. Wait, he's a shoe cobbler? Yeah, it was like such a weird... It's one of those movies where you're like,

I don't know if he did this and you watch it and basically... I think I have seen that. The premise is like he has like a magical cobbler, right? What?

That his dad gave him and so, for example, Zach would bring his shoes he would, you know, fix them, cobble them. I don't know what the fuck he does. there was a moment where he ended up wanting to try the shoes and then he becomes that person

who turned in the shoes so the movie started getting weird because he ended up taking some rich businessman's shoes and then he fucked his wife dude are you serious this is adam sandler i think he starts doing a billy madison impression like goes back to square one yeah exactly nice i watched uh like click is kind of like a weird one with that he's that one's so sad that was that's under comedy in hbo and on max really it's a comedy it's like the bear dude it's a dramedy who's laughing yeah yeah yeah i watched uh probably the worst adam sandler movie of all time it was last night it was uh the one where they go to africa called uh blended i didn't even know it existed that sounds that just sounds

racist well he does blackface it sounds like he's like well he's not going all the way he's trying to blend like the racial makeup it was no it was one of the worst sandler movies i've ever seen what he must be in a fuck ton of movies because i have not heard of i it was one of those ones where he clearly was like i just want to go to africa with my boys so like let's just film i heard that's what he does he does his posse all the time and then it's like oh i want to i want to like make out with drew barrymore so like i'm gonna cast her as like slides it in to the script that's awesome all right i got uh disputus he can cancel any pending transaction so yeah yeah uh he just disputes a bunch of like credit card charges and like throws off any

crime what if your credit card's about to be canceled in front of everyone could he save you from that embarrassment yep he can do you can do the reverse i love that one yeah wait what is that just giving you money how does he work with the banks i don't know they hate him they fucking hate him don't let this guy in that was my last after whole man

the rest of mine suck can do like an automatic charger tesla vibe do you want to read one of mine read one of his bets who's this guy's name Gabby You've got to explain.

Gavin. Gabby. James Corduroy. What does he do? Is he the late night talk show? Yeah. He goes to any event that you might have, and he forces everyone to wear matching corduroy pants and T-shirts.

But he's not wearing any corduroy. Oh. So then he makes fun of you the whole night, and it's really hard to deal with. Damn. Wow. That's a good one. Good work.

Was that what your explanation was going to be? No, I was probably going to skip that one because I had to piece it together. I just like the name, so I'm glad he picked it. All right, what do you got, Zach? I have Task Rabbit. Not much of a superhero. It's a business pick. I just wanted to thank them for all the hard work that they do.

That's it. That's it? Yeah, yeah. What do you got, Will? I got Slug Fingers. His fingers are slugs And he ties you up And he slowly eats you

With him It just seems like The worst way to die That's a villain Yeah I feel like You've got a villain route No he does it to the bad guys You instantly just slide in

That oh he does it to the bad guys Who's the other one That like Oh the The thorn in the shoe The cobbler I think you can say It's about any superhero

Like any power Yeah so they can make up their mind Make a fist The guy that Dies from cancer Maybe not make a I didn't know about Make a fist

He gives people cancer oh my god and then it dies from cancer and then right when you're about to claim your make a wish uh your wish he cancels it he disputes it yeah he disputes it or he does like subpar wishes lebron's just about to knock and he like stops him he's like just give us your socks we'll give it to him all right i got the wind she can turn into any type any like mile per hour of wind so So she can go from a hurricane that, like, destroys things and, like, stops bad guys, or she can just be, like, a nice, soft breeze when you need it. Like, she'll come by, and you'll be like, ah, that was the wind.

You're saying her. Is her name Katrina? Yes. Hurricane Katrina? I also just, I only have male superheroes, and I was like, I need to see that one woman in here. The wind was originally a man. Nice. You changed it.

Oh, yeah? Well, I have a good female superhero. Okay, well, you'd read one of... My mom. Oh. Lauren, what do you got? Oh, I don't have any. You didn't do anything.

That's fine. Do you want me to have them, I feel like? The one time you did was sick. Well, it was one day when I was feeling super ambitious, and I had like three pitches, and you guys were stoked. It's just Mondays are hard for Lauren, because if she drinks on the weekend, she's still hungover on Monday. She used the excuse one time that if she drinks on Friday,

she's still hungover on Monday. When we were trying to plan this podcast, we can't record Mondays. I'm still hungover. I'm actually drinking right now. This is giving a horrible impression. I don't even go out that often. I just sometimes... Your hangovers last 48 hours.

And then I'm just anxious and weird and can't speak normally. Wait until you're older, like 30s. It just keeps getting worse. And then you convert to Islam. And you never drink again. Oh, yeah. Yeah, have your drink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's 30s. That's just the 30s for you. That's what you do in your 30s. Midlife crisis. All right, who do you got, Zach? I had Mr. Fitness. It's the Santa Monica gym bro, one of those guys on Muscle Beach, who goes around fighting obesity.

I like that. I love that. Does he just beat the shit out of fat people? He helps them lose weight. Oh, okay. He does that thing that boxers do where they have someone punch them in the abs to tone their muscles. He just goes around shocking fat people. he has ozempic

have you seen the ceo tiktoks where the guy yells at you for being fat and shit like that what was the guy ceo he's like he's like if you're if you're fat like you can't work yeah kicks you out that's it some people are so badass he's the real version he's like the real version chet has this uh you know roy stupont his like character he like makes fun of those guys where there's one where he says like the average penis size of his company oh yes this guy like literally made a comment that was like if you're i don't know if it was like if you can't do this amount of like pull-ups or it was like something like it was like abs if you oh if you don't have abs you can't work in my company which is insane that is nuts yeah i heard you

got william uh my last one is inky he gives you i guess i guess i think i just did all villains uh he gives he's like an oct he's got like octopus type features but then he gives you like really embarrassing tattoos which i feel like it just like ruin your life like you could put something on someone's forehead that would just be like i can think of one they lost their job and everything so yeah so it's like the villain does something bad and he'll like give you that like manson i got reversio he uh he can reverse time to either like stop the crime or like uh from happening and he'll go back and like politely talk to you and if that doesn't work and you do it again then he reverses it after you do and he murders you in cold blood this is

the one like the toddlers make like at school it's called the play his head is blocking we're on the y date yeah uh that's it that's for those that's it for those right yeah superheroes those are great superheroes thank you lovely so which one goes viral on tiktok now i was gonna ask carries our growth question about muscle beach how does that like do people just walk up and pay to work out there like what is i don't think you even pay i think it's just like you're just like jacked and if you're not one of those guys they like kind of reject you i think they do the same thing like the guy you don't have to have a membership i think you do have to have like the His size gap?

Yeah, he's like, if you don't have this many abs, you can't come in. I think, I don't know. I think it's a member base. It's baffling to me. I don't know why. Is it a member base? I think you do have to pay. I'm not sure.

I know Cody and Noel did a video with them, but I don't know the background of it because I don't think that they'd like content being shot around them or something. I don't know. Have you seen that episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Hal discovers, it's like their version of Muscle Beach, and they all think he's the smartest man alive because he showed them how to get their keys out of a grave oh yeah simple thing yeah they're all figuring out they like follow him around and like worship him i i would love to have like a bunch of jacked guys on their side like his car breaks down and they just like tow it like i just carry it

it's a great solid episode i've never seen malcolm in the middle that's shocking how old are you i I think it's the best show. How old are you guys? I'm like... 30. 24. I'm okay. I'm fine.

No, I'm 29. I've been around for a while. The balding didn't give it away? That's what's up. I can't see it from this angle. I like your hairline. I think you have a good hairline. Wait, you think the hairline's in it?

No, it was this. Oh, in the back? Yeah. You know who the real superheroes are? The guy who's coming out of the war. The guy who's in Turkey giving the transplants. Why do you have to go there to do it? Because it's so cheap.

They made a rule. It's cheaper. it's like just what is this i don't know you that's an iud the fuck try that how did you know that was even down the way you pull it out i know i was gonna it was gonna be part of the business oh you know what it looks like it looks like a razor scooters um it looks like the like body of it with the handle of it yeah i found this in our office today someone made this so i think you made it no i didn't make it it's cool if you made it it We don't care.

I didn't make shit. This is a new fidget spinner, dude, because you have not been done playing with it. It's pretty fun. It's like perpetual motion. Yeah. It's the fidget spinner. It just goes forever. Well, this has just been a blast.

I can't believe it. No, hey, I'm going to invest. Rusty's playing it. Yeah, we're just playing. I want 5,000 units on my warehouse by tomorrow. Anything else you guys want to talk about? do we do ad reads with you guys now

we don't have any not yet shockingly you guys got you guys got spin drift you guys got spin drift one

it's real squeezed fruit whoa he's a natural you guys are not getting money thank you guys so much for coming on

well hey do you guys have anything else you want to plug oh just our Zach and Will lead show right yep

podcast yep and that's about it that's all we have right now anything fun coming up for you guys do your fucking kebab truck do you got a kebab truck do your fucking kebab truck i think it's cool i made a really bad financial investment i want to hear about it uh i bought a ny steel like ny style nyc style halal cart kebab trailer that's gonna be sick and it's

wrapped in like middle eastern lore like there's like i don't know if you've seen the picture of like donor iron man it's like iron man but he has like a donor machine in front of him essentially And he has like like the like the the halal. Yeah. Oh Hello guys, wait a truck that you can be inside. It's a trailer. It's a trailer. Okay And so I bought one of those that should be coming out. Hopefully in the next like couple months Are you gonna be doing it? No, I'm gonna hire some Where are you like a celeb shift on it? Yeah I'm gonna be serving the food. But if I if I cook it so I was getting sick

where are you gonna post up with it uh anywhere so that's the best part if you guys birthday parties funerals you gotta get you gotta get into like a turf war with like you know people have like certain spots like there's those guys on lincoln right outside of uh whole foods that like do their talking thing you just have to get there before them and just be like that'd be so scary because imagine like one day i'm like opening up the trailer and it just I saw a video of one of those street tacos things you know they've always had the big jugs of like juice or soda or whatever it was attracting like all these hornets like into the thing have you seen this and it's just they're just still serving it with hornets like in the

juice and it was oh god yeah it's the flavor that would be I mean if you if you want a little buzz all right hell yeah i'm so red-hot i can't even believe it this has been lovely i think uh i just ended i have to go to the bathroom so bad okay all good thank you guys for having us yeah thank you guys for coming on first guest that was a blast success i loved it i had a great time thanks for letting us be your first it's like a big uh you took our you took our pod virgin yeah yeah we're happy to do so absolutely we are we are just you know lucky so thanks guys thank you guys All right. Bye.

Love you. Bye.