Will & Rusty's Playdate - life as shaq's illegitimate son (the dan carney story)

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

Comedian, writer, and actor Dan Carney joins Playdate to break down the unspoken rules of couch surfing, a run-in with the creator of the Minecraft theme song, and some thoughts on Ron DeSantis. The gang also dives into Amish culture, Quakers, and the curious prospect of owning a pet mouse. Plus, Dan pitches his revolutionary sock pocket, and the boys draft sayings and desserts that don’t exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod WATCH US PLAY BEERIO KART: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQC0Oq1Bdcs FOLLOW DAN: https://www.instagram.com/danmancarney/ WATCH RUN CLUB: https://www.youtube.com/@RunClubTheShow  HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  TRY EVERY MAN JACK TODAY https://www.everymanjack.com/ HEAD TO https://guyfox.com/playdate AND USE CODE FRIDAY FOR FREE SHIPPING & $10 OFF YOUR PURCHASE RIGHT NOW! 00:00 Intro 03:14 Run Club 12:45 Lauren Lost Her Phone 20:26 Flipturn 25:29 Growing Up in FL 31:19 The Amish 43:27 What’s New with Dan 57:36 Roadmap 59:11 Pitch Submissions 01:13:58 Pitches 01:21:25 Teach Me Something 01:30:23 This Guy Rocks 01:38:20 Sayings that Don’t Exist 01:41:09 Desserts that Don’t Exist 01:45:21 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Predefining party landscape. Ed saw me in traffic, and my cars don't have power windows, so I had to lean over to roll down and almost hit 11 cars because I'm fully in the other thing. Just trying to say hi. And he yelled out the window. He was like, what are you doing, man? I was like, I just wanted to say hi.

Alex! He's like, where are you? Hi, Alex! Hi! It was 10.30 in the morning. It's Rusty from work. As you're like crashing it Scraping parked cars on the side

It's hard to recognize people Out of context sometimes Remember I'm your employee We're rolling It was 10.30 in the morning and I was going to In-N-Out And he was like where are you going And I was like the hardware store He didn't want to be late

I'm getting a cheeseburger Maybe a milkshake I don't know You're going to get it All right, guys, our good friend Dan Carney joins the pod today. Yep. Episode 89. Whoa. My favorite number.

Is that right? Yeah. Is that your favorite number? It is. That's the guy who's lying to your face right now. I love the number 89. I love Steve Smith growing up. That was my favorite football player.

Do you know that we do that? What? That's what we do. You have to guess someone who is that. No way. Or that number or someone who is that. It's almost like I haven't watched every single episode to this point. Steve Smith Sr.?

Yeah. That was a great poll. Yeah, that was my first NFL jersey. Really? Yeah, that was my first sports jersey. I was born in North Carolina. Was it Steve Smith? But we could get into that.

Or was it Steve Smith Sr. by the time you got the first jersey? Oh, that's a great question. He added it when he had a kid. Oh, no, it was just straight up Steve Smith. I think it might have been Sid, straight up Steve Smith. It was Junior when he got it. That's how old he was. God, this is back in the day.

I'm 48. so um no yeah that's my first uh football jersey i was like in seventh grade or something like that maybe even younger wait if steve smith senior was steve smith junior does he become senior or does he become the second he becomes a kid comes the second so his jersey if his dad was also named steve smith senior he'd be the second or i guess he'd still just be junior that's when the second thing comes into play, you've got another one.

Because my uncle and my cousin and my grandfather all have the same name. So there's a second and a third. They're all named Steve Smith? They're all named Steve Smith.

Yeah. That's why he's my favorite player. Steve Smith is my uncle. You just like, yeah, you like like lineage. Blood related. Biological uncle. That checks out.

Dan Carney is a, we had a guest on last time and we didn't say who they were at all. So we're going to tee you up here. And this is a formality because everybody yeah everybody's familiar also apparently just saying like like we're buds like doesn't it doesn't count like we just like our friend ryan came on we just didn't we were like

he does other stuff like our friend ryan's here and then we just got into people just think that like it's just your random i've been loving the new show thank you so much man yep comedian yeah yeah that's that's it yeah yeah um did you may have seen dan's new show run club it's awesome thank you oh i you know what i actually haven't watched it but that's okay that's okay i would i'm not gonna lie to your face here i appreciate that it exists and the premise of it seems like i would like it i just haven't you will like it we made it for you yeah um so take your time really honestly it's okay uh but yeah we we put out uh me my friend uh yvette segan also comedian not just my friend there you go i feel like i have to say that yeah uh we we co-created a web

series about run clubs really mostly focusing on one specific run club that uh people did not really join to run they joined to like meet other people and hope so like yep hooking up some sucking that's what they do in run club apparently they do they do they do they do they do honestly we got the idea i was in like this bar in in new york like it was like this hall and it was like kind of middle of the day you know it was like a weekend yes it was house and hall and um in the west village or the village area and i was getting lunch it was like this hall it was like this hall i was like is that how many bars like our holes i mean i don't know people you know house and hall he has no idea i i didn't even know that i didn't even know what that was but i was just like i

trust these two guys enough to like it was give me enough content you see any of those videos of mumford and sons okay yeah did you actually no oh but it's a classic bar where mumford and sons call me out there no mom for the sons played there like a week ago on top of tabletops and it was that's all over my for you page yeah like i could not stop recently like a week ago yeah so before they were there i was there uh i got there just before they did i was stomping and clapping and yelling how i had a little hat on it was a great time um but like i was like there was like me and like three other people and that was the only people in this huge hall then i i go you guys gotta give me some sort of you can't just keep saying it think uh think of like a

like a hall like where like they eat dinner and like harry potter yes okay yeah it looks like that i'm in yeah yeah wait what do you mean it looks like that it's there's a bar that has like 60 foot gothic vaulted ceilings i don't know if it's gothic but it's vaulted 60 foot ceilings yeah pull up this hall houston it's like spelled like houston h-o-u-s and this is a bar that you go and the drinks are reasonably priced how are they paying rent for this in new york city yeah i guess once you get mumford and the one where you missed was the drinks kind of pay oh it's literally ginormous it's huge yeah and if you zoom in i've been here zoom in there actually i'm right i don't know why i got mad about it yeah i went there you might have come yeah this

is where we this is where we we're playing um the fuck game were we playing we were playing a game like didn't exist here oh yeah and we went to that bar we we kind of picked up like a group of ragtag people along the way we're walking to this bar and this girl had to admit to us that she was like 20 oh no she couldn't get into the next bar oh no yeah you got it no we didn't go there with you got it you got to turn the other you're thinking of a different spot i know what you're think you gotta walk away that was he's thinking of some place on like the i don't know a different place i'm like beer garden on the on the side of well we can get to that later sorry so you're in this hall with three guys this reminds me of that time i guess

where uh we hung out with this underage girl and um we try to go to this bar different bar actually i don't know why i brought that up but anyway this um most people have tuned out by now um we're at this bar there's like me and three other people and i walk out of the bat i go in the bathroom there's like no one there and i walk out boom now there's like six or seven hundred people like hundreds of hundreds of people i'm not exaggerating all wearing all black and i'm like what what the hell is going on and this is before like run clubs are really truly like entered like at least it was the first time i discovered them found out what they were and it turns out it was a run club right and if you were all black it means you're single yeah yeah so we're like

holy shit everybody here is hot and horny this is like i have to like you know parody this were you guys wearing you guys like coincidentally wearing all black i was wearing a black t-shirt oh that's good and you know i did think about coming back not running but just wearing all black and been like man good time out there guys um but uh it was like and we left and the line is around the block it was like this huge phenomenon and now it turns out this is like one specific run club right in new york but um i made a video like making fun of uh that parodying it and then yvette was like this would be a good idea for a show and we're like yeah let's let's do it so our run club in this show is like people joined to like hopefully meet other people

find like not really even love but more like a one-night stand and they're largely like unsuccessful in those pursuits um you know they get drunk take drugs and you know yeah that's awesome there's a joke it's youtube it's on youtube nice yeah there's a joke in it that when it when when i watched it i was like that's right up will's alley where they're looking at this like other run club yeah and they're like are those ones like way hotter than us or are we crazy and then dan makes some comment about like nazism like right as they like wave to their friends like this so their hands are like out yeah i call them nazis as they're waving and like calling other people over and it's just these two tall blonde beautiful people it's chris barnes and

caroline banowitz oh they're great comedians yeah so they're in it we had a lot of great like new york comedians alec was one of the hot guys yeah alec flan is a hot guy who like i'm quickly very intimidated by but then realize that he's like super cool and i'm like just trying to impress him and i know i annoy him with my friendship while like the girls are like trying to sleep with him so yeah is alex in it alex dragovich is also in it um he plays someone in the run club shovelhead alumnus shovel shovelhead there you go bragging we got him yeah part of the part of the family tree i like to say say that five times fast were you guys in trouble at the same time no he's a lot older than me yeah he's he's like 41 um no he's 33 he's my roommate also

yeah yeah yeah is that so crazy very funny stand-up comedian yeah it's a small world dude you're gonna love this dan has a roommate that i know well i don't know him that well yeah i've never met him actually but we went to the same college we share blood yeah so lawler kicked you out this morning yeah lawler kicked me out so yeah I'm here for a week, and I was staying with Jack Lawler for a couple nights. Really good friend, really good guy, did ask me to leave his apartment. How do you even do that? Wait, like you expected to be there the whole time?

I don't know what. I was hoping. And, you know, the wife got back into town, and it just, you know, his priorities shifted hard. Jack Lawler? Yeah. Yeah, he's straight. yeah it's not the commitment part that i'm confused about it's that it's been a woman this changes everything how have i i gotta stop hitting on him

yeah i was so confused i'm clearly his type yeah he's the last guy in this office that hasn't fucked me that makes a lot more sense wait so you came out neither of you talked about how long you were gonna stay and then he was just i i guess maybe i went back in our text there was some sort of exchange about like you could stay here for the weekend and i i read it as the week and i don't know maybe i just i got caught up in having a good time with him yeah and uh you know it flew by and now his wife's back and you know she's fine she gets the job done she's she's awesome but um yeah they did kick me out where are you staying

i think i'm gonna i'm gonna i sent some texts before we got on air okay yeah yeah i'm gonna yeah you put some feelers out there put some feelers out on my way and i met a ragtag group so this this pod's what like a few hours i imagine by the time we're done what yeah yes yeah so is anyone using this couch after the podcast i do this is a comfortable couch it's not bad and i venture no one's here at night no no you can wrap yourself and i'm coming back tomorrow morning you're doing the other pod i'm doing the other pod but you did ours first this was a big priority yes i appreciate it i do no thank you guys for having me we're warming you up happy to be on a play date when we were down on the boardwalk i was thinking about weird places

to sleep yeah when we were down on the boardwalk i don't think either of us pointed out because it was like really sad but i meant to talk about it in the moment there was a guy just sleeping in a recycling bin like out there and i didn't want to like i thought we both saw it and we're like we'll talk about it later but then we never talked about it he was sleeping upright in a inner recycling bin and i was like oh if i was homeless that's probably the last like like my shelter would really have to i mean it's better than the trash can right but you got but you got to think that guy's probably tried every iteration of sleeping outside yeah he would know so now he's like let's just get creative all right he's a trailblazer yeah lauren lauren

You lost your phone to a homeless guy. Oh yeah, what happened? I was like, kind of saw those texts, but I don't like looking at texts on Sundays. So I went out on Saturday night. Wait, what? You don't like looking at texts on Sundays? He doesn't respond to any of our texts.

I went to a show in downtown LA on Saturday night in like a warehouse district. I left my phone outside this club when we were leaving. I think I either bled on a ledge or like it fell on the ground. I didn't notice it when we got on the Uber. We got back to my apartment on Saturday night, realized I didn't have my phone.

Long story short, a homeless man picked it up off the street i went downtown yesterday and he was just riding around you had the location had the location phone for sale i had to like call him over and over and over and he like finally he would pick up like intermittently like wouldn't sometimes would answer and be like super specific about like where he was going to meet me and then would like ghost me for 30 minutes i'm like dude i so i whatever we go downtown i see it like moving because he's on a bike he's on the go so i see him and then i we just like pull up a thousand miles an hour down this is like a great noir film it was crazy it was crazy and it was like i don't know like

the juxtaposition of like that being like a huge problem my day yesterday meanwhile he's like just homeless and like that's i don't know it like made it just made me so sacks i didn't know that he was homeless when i was on my way there i couldn't get a read on if he like worked in the area or like so i didn't have any cash on me and like i asked him if he wanted food or anything and he didn't but just the worst part about your day was the best part about his probably you lost your phone and he found one he's like hell yeah no i know i'm like why would he keep it but he was definitely on something i tried to facetime i didn't know that the homeless guy had a bike yeah how so were you following this guy yeah wait i'm confused i want to know about the exact

interaction like you like pull up alongside him yeah so you like intercepted him mia my my roommate Mia was in the car with me and in retrospect Probably should have had like a man in the car I don't know my mom was so mad she calls us on the way there I was like mom it's fine I have a knife in my purse She's like Lauren that's not funny Do you normally carry a knife or you brought a knife I just brought a knife

What kind of knife Like a kitchen knife No not a butter knife It was serrated It almost got through You brought a knife To stab a homeless guy no only if like if you tried to pull any funny i think that's reasonable yeah i mean you probably

should have brought a guy i don't have pepper spray i know i didn't think about it okay so hopefully it would never come to like i would rather just get a new phone and kill a homeless guy no she's not gonna kill him it's like if he tried to come at me if push comes to stab you're gonna have to fucking but no we turned down the street we turned down the street we're like driving around there's like a few tents and like there's like people there but it's like very vacant like there's not much going on i will say homeless encampments can be intense yeah um and and then so did you get that lower i did get it this is really funny and you didn't feel no i i acknowledge no i i laughed um we drive by him i see this dude on his bike and then i and i i'm on find my

friends so i'm watching my dot like travel down the street i'm like that was probably him like that dude on his bike that just biked by my car flies past so we turned around and then on the phone i called again and i and i had a bright red phone case so i could like see it in his hand i was like oh that's my phone and then we just i like pull up next to him and i was like hi thank you so much and he just he was definitely on something i like to think the first thing you said was thank you so much well i was like oh my god thank yeah you didn't say cut that's my phone no context no we knew we'd been on the phone like we were talking to each other yeah i guess i didn't miss that jaja i was like wow this went the best possible i mean still it

did that was like kind of crazy wild yeah just it's i had a very similar and i've told it on the pod so i won't tell the story but like very similar where it was like phone stolen and just ended up getting it back with like no hassle really yeah well i think they realized They realize how hard a phone is to get into. Yeah. I mean, he didn't steal it. He found it on the ground. True.

The club, where they were posted up, was a few, just a bit away. I guess if I saw a phone on the ground, though, I'm not going to be like... I don't want to be involved. If I'm homeless? If I'm homeless, I'm picking it up. I wish you pulled up to the homeless and came in

and they were trying to reverse engineer it. The back's off. they're like we're really close yeah so that was that such i hope he has good karma coming his way though i think i think he will because that was an incredibly nice thing to do yeah that was nice you offer him money you said i didn't have any cash on me i didn't know that he was i didn't understand the situation he didn't want food or anything like i don't think he was gonna remember you could give him the knife yeah like i don't i thought i might have to kill you but if you want I guess you could kill someone else.

Probably get money that way. But you can't use it until I leave. I'm going to give it to you, then run. You write on it, like, not for stabbing. This is for threatening only. Or cooking. I want to hear about you, like, julienning an onion or threatening another person. Julianning.

Julianning. What's that? I don't know. I don't cook. I don't cook either. You know what it is. Come on. i know it's a i know it's a type of cut that you can do

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t-r-i-p-l-e dot com and use code playdate for 10 off your order triple redefining the party landscape hey here's something cool at the exact same time that this episode came out we also released a very fun video of us playing beerio cart which you're thinking did he say mario kart weird no it's uh where we drink beers like guys while we do it mario kart so go to the friday beers youtube channel friday beers hq on youtube and uh not friday not hq it's just fridaybeers youtube fridaybeers.youtube or something i'm nailing this anyway go check that out if you finish the link will be in the description and ready ready i'll put it right here i went to a um a concert on friday flip turn anyone no cool uh and uh they are but nope

no i don't know hard no nope anyway it was fun and uh this guy was there that's like billy and chet's like high school buddy that moved just moved out here his name's jack good fella uh and i went up to get a drink and he was ordering drinks and he was like oh what do you want i got you and i was like are you sure he's like you know like concert beer is a big ask and i don't know this guy that well but he's like yeah i got you i got you what do you want i was like i'll do a modelo and he's like all right can i get him a modelo too and the guy brings it up and it's 20 because we're at a concert it's one of the big ones too and he goes oh and he turns he's like i didn't know it was gonna be 20 and i was like oh oh that's fine we can just take it off or i'll

venmo you and he's like no no it's fine just just can you venmo me 10 because i thought it was gonna be like 10 he still wanted to do something nice for you and i was like you want me to get out venmo get your info but not send you the full amount and he's like yeah just just don't send me 20 just send me 10 that's great so i did yeah yeah that guy's awesome he's like an autistic that guy's like trying to do a good thing no twenty dollars is not good ten dollars is what i was allocating mentally to like help you out with yeah i've never i've never that has never occurred to me it's the funniest thing of all time and then i would expect that to be like 30 bucks at a show i feel like those tall boys yeah it was i mean it was like a 24 ounce i mean got

a concert this is 30 dollars it was a 24 ounce beer 20 dollars is crazy more than a dollar an downs it's have you ever bought a 30 beer probably 28 beer uh okay at like football games at a flip turn concert yeah and then at flip we're talking the hottest show in town yeah i would expect those to be you would have paid 40 okay but then i take this said beer and i go i go like where we're sitting and then there was kind of like an outdoor area that i walked out to and met some just random people and this is long story short there was a random person that i met whose name was jackie pizza birth name really jackie pizza check id she showed me her id she jacqueline pizza that's awesome that's the best thing that's ever happened she has like a huge pizza chain

on like her family invented she has that old old pizza money i couldn't believe it i was laughing about it all weekend just thinking about that's the funniest thing how did that come up i don't i don't really remember she was like you want to hear something awesome yeah all right so you're coming with us for that you're in the crew now i met a guy at the bar on saturday night that uh claimed he he invented the minecraft theme song and we were all drunk enough that we just like took it as fact and like everyone like i was like bringing people over to be like tell him what you invented and he was like the minecraft theme song but he was like all right that's not an invention yeah i guess he was like he was like he wrote it yeah and

he was like he didn't seem like if i was claiming i would do that i would be doing it because i thought it was funny yeah like either he was really good at keeping a straight face he was lying or he actually invented oh you don't know i have no idea because everyone he was wearing earplugs so like he had something yeah yeah like probably in the booth a lot but he he came to the bar alone he was kind of sitting like against this wall and like clearly wanted to get in on some circle so we opened up and that was the first thing he said i was like that's really cool and so i was just telling everyone i'm imagining like a nick nolte type like super gravelly voice i invented uh the minecraft theme song all your kids it's like

a old it's the right age right what nick nolte yeah it's like an old actor yeah i'm a picture i'm just picturing like a very grizzled he's been through a lot a dusty guy you have no fucking idea this is just like a kid with it sold my soul my uh my friend uh in florida he he had a substitute teacher who like every time the sub would come in he was just like make this case about how he's the one who actually created ice age and they stole his idea and he would like bring in all this like comic books and stuff that he had of like ice age did he do it my friends like honestly like i had the guy for years i'm pretty convinced that he oh the sub would do it to the kids yeah it's so funny that's the only platform you can it's the only platform you have

to get the word out that it was your idea initially as like sixth graders. I got an audience of 30 every single day, five times a day, evangelizing your own case.

Where'd you go to high school? I went to high school. I grew up outside of Tampa. Yeah. I'm going to Florida. We're both going to Florida tomorrow.

No way. Where are you guys going to Fort Lauderdale? I've heard of it. I heard about it. I've heard about it. Orlando and then Fort Lauderdale.

Nice. Yeah. Nice. You're going to have a good time. Yeah, I grew up in this town called Brandon.

brandon florida let's go yep let's go they they were pretty happy about that when that became a thing they leaned into it pretty hard they sold merch yeah they did and um yeah they like i went to like the mall to like visit i was visiting my parents and i went to our mall and uh there was like this like florida store yeah and uh it was just all florida memorabilia and stuff and it was all let's go brandon's yeah like they they got really a gold mine the uh the governor of uh florida during covid drove from tallahassee the capital to brandon fry like from and went to a branda honda dealership to sign an anti-vaccine mandate as like a fuck you to joe biden that's what he went to brand he went to brandon for like the yeah yeah this isn't this fuck you joe

and he was in a honda dealership showing up like trying to get like an accord yeah whatever you're about to close on a crv ron desantis is that ron desantis he's like yeah we're kind of trolling the president right now have you seen his little more like honda santis his what he's like little boots that he wears oh yeah he wears lifts honda santis was good i i can't leave you out for that that was that was that was good stuff that was good thanks like his feet i don't know if you've ever like tried to break in a pair of cowboy boots but it's like it's not an enjoyable experience like when when will and i went to texas i was wearing around and like they're so tight the first couple days that like there's no

room to put anything else in there and he has like four inch like someone did an outline of like where his foot would have to be for it to make the shape that his boots are making and he's like they're they're almost out of the boot like his heel is like at the top the boots are too small no his lifts are way too big oh okay he's like walking on heels like he is like six three or whatever with these lifts on but someone pull up like ron desantis boot diagram i remember this there's like a shot of him sitting at like a panel um no no ron desantis ron desantis governor of florida yeah ran for president kind of a big deal what if brandon he went to your

Wait, what am I looking at? I'm looking at Santa's, like, cowboy boot diagram. Wait, why is it... No, not those. Those are different. Those are insane. Let's get a zoom in on those, though. I like to think that, like,

Brandon was actually, like, a super liberal town until, like, the stars aligned and they were just like, it's too perfect. We have to do it. Yeah, okay, so look at this, like, diagram that someone drew. For his foot to make that shape, it would have to be, like, up there for it to make sense.

Those are like clown shoes. Why is that? These are insane. Because to fit that giant lift that he has in it, they have to be like a size 16. He had to walk through a moat to get into the interview. Yeah, he like jumped and helped outside. Florida's just one big swamp. But like that's not worth it.

Like there's no height. There's no height that I want to be to have to sit like that. That rules. He's awesome. Yeah, he's an idiot. He's a freaking buffoon. You know what's funny? my dad a few years ago like my dad uh wears like a size nine shoe he's a tiny teeny tiny little guy

and i'm 11 and a half okay but uh it's not a competition come on it's not a competition guys you got me beat um but it's again you know it could mean anything but um my dad a couple years ago we're in the car and he was like hey you know how like i used to be a size nine shoe i was like uh i guess yeah what do you mean used to be he's like well i got my feet measured i'm actually 10 and a half i was like how does that happen he's like i don't know i was just wrong about like the shoe size way too small he's wearing like a size and a half too small of a shoe for like for like 30 years i don't know man i went and got a message apparently i was dead wrong he's like that would explain a lot also when you go and buy new shoes i guess as an adult they just

take your word for it my dad kind of stopped doing that like thing where they like you know that like metal thing when you were a kid yeah yeah well he finally had that done yeah you know uh probably because he got vulnerable vulnerable enough to like let another man touch his feet or something just kind of um it's a big deal for him yeah yeah but my dad was in the army so he had like government-issued boots that were like a size and a half too small like yeah that's insane that's insane so did you move around as a kid we moved around a lot every couple years wow i know never let them know your next move what's your favorite place you lived in um i lived in pennsylvania for a little bit and um one of the times i was there we lived there twice separately

what like for a year we lived on like this military base and it was awesome as like a sixth grader like it was safe living on a base so our parents would just let us run around oh yeah and the base hadn't been like renovated like the homes since like the 70s so it felt like you're living in like a time capsule where was it sort of this is in carlisle pennsylvania okay yeah it's like near harrisburg and um born in lancaster oh no way yeah i got an uncle who lives there okay amish country oh yeah yeah near intercourse pennsylvania right between intercourse and blue balls there we go those are two pennsylvania towns blue balls the pennsylvania towns yeah are there's their course and they sell hats at like our farmer's market it'll be like

lancaster pa halfway between intercourse and blue balls yeah and they're both actually yeah Which is a weird irony. This is not real. Amish people are so sick. Oh, blue ball. Forgive me. Yeah, that's, I mean. But it's close.

You know, it still achieves the joke. That's hilarious. Okay. Yeah, Amish people are awesome. They're very heavily inbred. Yeah, they are. That's the thing. And you could see it too.

You'll be driving and you'll see a guy with like one eye on like a unicycle. And he's got like a donkey behind him. My favorite thing about Amish people is that you find out they can hitchhike. Oh, really? They can be in cars. They just can't drive them. I don't like that. So they all are so funny.

I'm not picking up a Hills Have Eyes creature. Can you look up there? I saw a video the other day of an Amish guy drifting his carriage. Respect to the Amish, though. It was so funny. The Amish love volleyball. That's a good big thing for them. This might be it.

Sparks flies, Amish boogie drifts around the court. This isn't what I was thinking of, but it seems like it achieves the same. Does it? I get the idea. Yeah, let's give it a shot. Which one? The second one. They'll make it like apple cider and stuff.

The camera makes it so much better. Wait, what? Do you have the... That rules. For the audio listeners, there is someone's dash cam. They're going down a dark Pennsylvania road and some sort of high speed buggy chase is happening. And he drifts out and sparks are...

That's sick. What do you think he's getting away from? Taxes? I don't know. Electricity. Yeah. I was actually just talking to my dad about Amish people on the phone yesterday. He saw a spark.

He saw a light bulb and he just freaked the fuck out. Giddy up, boys. I gotta get the fuck out of here. The devil's in this barn. wait so is this a thing sorry to cut you off is this just a thing that you guys dealt with yeah like they were just like around all the time everywhere they would come go down my street outside my house every day yeah they would bring all their food into the market to sell and there's some good food they had great produce they don't have they don't even have like clocks

like how would he know if he's late like that that was like someone who's like late to something yeah i don't actually know i guess they have like sundials i don't know how he didn't know about like daylight savings oh this is another one hey it was it was drifting the buggy in a park doing donuts it's actually insane that these people exist it's really crazy if this is this is like white privilege to a team if the black people were amish there'd be like a mall in the middle of intercourse pennsylvania it wouldn't even exist wait so do they have to this might be a really dumb question do they have to like pay taxes and like do the whole i don't know but i think they do vote i think they vote i don't know i think they vote can you google do amish people vote

because because if they vote they vote like uniformly so it's like like whoever gets the amish yeah it's same with like scientology and the the orthodox jews like a lot of these big uh groups oh that's so funny yeah if you get one you get all of them it's probably just one person they don't pay taxes i think it says they do wait um yeah what an odd they pay that to their own communities but they don't pay to the government is it that's like i just we didn't have homage people so this isn't the thing i've no this is the first day i've like sat down it's it is so you know but the more you think about it it is it is like insane they're living in a time capsule yeah it's crazy you see how quickly or obviously you guys have but like they could build

a barn in like an afternoon yeah yeah like what but like what about them is quicker like they don't they've gotten really good at woodworking but they don't know how much time we spend scrolling yeah so you're saying all that time woodworking well it's like how you know like like in in like the desert they found like human footprints where like they've done like speed tests and they've estimated that these like humans had like a average speed of like 15 miles per hour really yeah and like australian shit yeah like like you know these are like thousands of years ago but like we would like we were like on foot all the time yeah that's them oh my god like they're not yeah they're living at a different time yeah no it's literally it's so bizarre

it's crazy dude you could put a vr headset on one of them and straight up kill an amish person dude what do you think would happen if we gave him an accelerator go to the moon they built a farm i just i always thought like growing up like i always thought it was like kind of like cool and like admirable in a way that it's like they've protected themselves from these things that like maybe aren't good for our brains or whatever yeah but then i was talking about with my mom recently she's like no dude like i don't know if we like she but like they're all it's like inbreeding i think they treat women like fucking terribly terribly terribly like they don't have like it's like yeah all right very very serious question here yeah why do we not

enslave the amish like give me one reason why we shouldn't think of the work that they would be doing it's a good point it'd be the work they're doing now yeah we could give them a slightly better housing we'll give them air conditioning yeah i hate that even better love it less money lower overhead because there are there are some that like post on tiktok so it's like they do they are there are like rebellious they're starting to leak through or whatever yeah yeah like amish like i saw a guy trying to meet up an amish guy trying to meet up with like a minor and they caught they caught him in the parking lot pull that up and he's like only worried that he got caught with tech

no but he lauren google i'll admit i was trying to fuck that kid but i did not go on my phone i don't know what whatsapp is i told him to his face i did not um google like amish guy gets caught trying to meet minor letters to an underage kid it's like a carrier pigeon amish man caught sending letters to underage here we go amish amish guy comes to meet minor maybe it's this one amish man tries to pick up a 14 year old so you drove your horse and buggy all the way out here to meet this 14 year old girl didn't you that's i mean i was just gonna give her a carriage ride oh you're gonna give a carriage, Raj?

So you drove your horse and buggy all the way out here to meet this 14-year-old? Oh, this guy. This guy looks inbred. All due respect. Do you think he knows that's not okay? What's the... I mean, I don't know what life is like in the Amish community.

Maybe 14's on the table. I think it is. I don't know. It didn't look like he even really realized. He wasn't shy about it at all. trying to meet a 14 year old yeah man i was trying to give her a fucking character yeah what do you do and then maybe make her my wife we're gonna go back to mine they're all like the

same names too like jebediah that's exactly oh like their last names oh oh yeah merv merv stoltzis that's a real guy really yeah merv stoltzis uh no no it was uh maybe that's not her name but we had a good family friend it was amish no i think he was like manonite but his name was merv oh whoa you guys pennsylvania is a weird there's some darkness he was a good guy he was yeah he wasn't no merv is a merv is a good good fellow you have like an amish i think his last name might have been stoltzfus really yeah yeah dude freaking um uh what's pennsylvania has some weird shit a lot of um a lot of racist people in pennsylvania yeah i was um in like uh i was up there not too long ago driving around like the country whatever something was on my my family

and like i was like it's really beautiful out here and then we see this uh guys driving this like pink convertible car and you know like my uncles that kind of make like joke about it or whatever my brother said something like you know what that's an i would drive that car take it on the beach you know it's kind of a vibe and then we get closer to it and there's like this big like nazi like the falcon eagle thing like on the back of it and we're like i'm like i don't know if i drive that car actually you guys have a point it is pretty lame and then the guy like pulled over and it was like this shirtless blonde guy who like looked like that guy like that's a i feel like a nazi having a pink convertible it was really weird dude yeah it was

pretty funny yeah and it was like one of you got closer to it it's like an old it was like an old car god you know it wasn't like a v like i mean i guess it could have been a vw but like it wasn't like uh you know like a mazda yeah or something like that you know it wasn't like a toyota or whatever it was uh it was like an old like nazi memorabilia oh vehicle yeah and he pulled over in like some shit barn respectfully yeah fuck it i mean fuck that guy yeah fuck that guy's barn and his cool car i'm just kidding like a ufc guy you ever see someone with a tattoo that you're like that would used to be a swastika oh i think i saw this there's a guy who clearly had a large swastika on his chest.

He was a fighter? He was a fighter, I believe, and he turned it into the trapdoor from Minecraft. He was like, you're not fooling anyone. We know what that is. Look that up for him. Look up wrestler old swastika. No, actually, never mind.

That's a pad. You guys get the flag. Pennsylvania, beautiful, beautiful place, but definitely you get a little bit of that. You get a little bit of Amish. Aren't there Quakers there, too? Yeah. Quakers are cool. But what are they? Quakers are just pacifists, basically. They're like Christian.

I think they're not Christian. They're not Christian. No, I don't think they're Christian. But they're just like... I'm not super familiar with the Quaker. I learned about the Quakers. Honestly, I kind of forgot about the Quakers. I knew a couple that I went to school with.

I'm not kidding. So you grew up in Lancaster? Yeah. Until I was 11. Gotcha. But yeah, no. I think Quakers are just like... They're all about peace and community.

But they can turn on the lights. Yes. I think I'm fairly confident, yes. Look at this. And they make a mean oak. It's a pitch black room. They're just like, oh, you're so nice. I like you a lot. I really wish I could see you.

Can I feel your face? Yeah. My uncle was a Quaker, but he or his family was Quakers, but he was a really normal guy. They are Christian. He was telling me about like when i said that their meetings it was like because they lived in the town that i went to

college in it was like having lunch with music yeah they do like there were quaker meetings happening on campus that i wasn't aware of like he was like yeah you probably walk past him all the time well did they dress differently i think of the hat i think of benjamin franklin wasn't he a quaker yeah yeah i think quakers were big like abolitionists too why pennsylvania for all of them though it's one of the ogs one of the original 13 colonies right yeah and uh william penn was a quaker i believe i think you're right i think you're right about that yeah yeah the founder of he was granted land by the king of england quaker nixon he invented pennsylvania william penn dude so is james dean what the hell all these is that richard nixon nixon was a quaker

and i think that's james dean yeah it's james dean good company there you know did you ever hear about his nightmare blood rotation that like porsche that he crashed in and died in so like i'm gonna butcher the story but basically like it it passed hands like multiple times everyone that's driven it they think it's like an evil car because they would like they would like refurbish it after like a wreck and then the next owner would like die in it and then like like four people made the same mistake before they were like let's put it in a museum wow That's kind of badass Who were the other people

That died What was that I don't know It happens to everyone As far as you're saying There's like Animals We used to have rats

In our old office Rats Rats Rushing around I don't fuck with rats I like mice Mice are adorable Yeah

Yes I would have a little pet mouse Yeah That I'd carry around Put in my pocket That would be good Like a party trick By my little guy

You put one out right now My best friend Yeah God You guys would like me better If I had a mouse 100% You ever see the movie Serpico

No Great movie based on a true story whoa yo that's right no way serpico starring al pacino got nominated for the academy award little sydney lemay oh yeah yeah i'm looking he did that before he did heat and uh great movie but he has a little pet mouse he carries it around like this pretty big vibe yeah very good drives a motorcycle has a pet mouse that's kind of how i see the next six months going for me yeah what's what's uh what's next for dan carney growing out the hair gonna to maybe grow a beard um you know it's gonna take things a little less seriously life is short

we got that asteroid coming yes you guys seen you guys seen that i kind of try not to look every day the percentage gets higher try not to look like like dan and i are outside one day one day is this true it's getting higher the percentage is getting higher what the whole world getting obliterated no just like a city that like we don't live in which one it's it's gonna it can it's gonna hit somewhere on the equator so it's like they're gonna like nail south america hit like the majority of like the atlantic ocean or i think it maybe can reach like africa is there anywhere i can hit that there aren't people but we could still get to see what it would do i feel like if it hits the ocean and it's close enough to the shore maybe there's like

a tsunami situation i wanted to land like in the middle of like the amazon so we can like see what the impact i guess that would fuck up like birds yeah or maybe like uh or maybe like the amish community yeah yeah yeah carl intercourse intercourse pennsylvania oh that's how they go extinct i my don't look up but it's all about well they wouldn't know they have no idea it's coming there's there's like one guy's like how'd you know uh yeah came to me in a dream he's like well i'm gonna uh head out for a little bit you guys could come i would highly recommend that you come with me right now the one kid in the community who keeps getting caught with minors is like hey um might be an asteroid coming they're like are you back on tiktok no no what in advance yeah we

will know like we also have we have like like missiles we can also blow it up like yeah yeah wow yeah that's another thing i'm working on trying to try to figure out that how we're couldn't do that blowing up missiles yeah blowing up a an asteroid yeah that'd be fun that'd be really cool that'd be a great like moment we all watch it like a bucket list item for me it happens right do you know dan carney he did that run club web series and then he pivoted to blowing up the asteroid saved like millions of people do you see uh do you see trump talking about the astronauts on the space station no no he just always says the most ridiculous stuff but who's like um i said that like you guys don't know who trump is i'm like well he's always saying like

he's this zany guy's always saying like crazy stuff but they're like you know what about the astronauts he's like well they're up there and i think they like each other a lot they might even love each other who knows and all the people were like what are you talking about get them down we shouldn't be worried about like their like relationship with each other i loved what he said about i watch it every night what did he say about the irish it was like like national like march is like national irish heritage month he's like you know uh we're not you're not it was something like you're not supposed to

like the Irish but you do fair enough he calls it how it is like yeah discrimination against the Irish it's coming back

I'm Irish same all of us really heavily discriminated right now yeah well wait what does that mean

that we're not they're not supposed to like us they used to hate us man they used to hate us they used to hate us like on his list of guys

I think that I thought he didn't like I thought we I thought we were like at least outside of the top 10 yeah he found a way it sounds like he feels like we were kind of honestly i'm kind of honored i'm like right made it on the list you're not supposed to like them they're lovely people but you're supposed to hate them they fuck they fight they're gross they're fucking our women they're drinking

our beer they're fucking our women drinking our beer they're they're losing their own jobs they get fat they're pale very pale very bad at very bad at the sun i saw i saw an irish man in the son he said get that away from me it blinded me and i've been blinded me have you ever seen him he was the when i think this might have been in his like first term there was an eclipse and everyone around him is he's just staring directly unfortunately he's the funniest man alive really it's unfortunate even like um i watched the apprentice movie yeah which was really really good yeah it was really excellent and like they do not i mean it's great because like they don't make him like a caricature but he's still

like a totally irredeemable yeah human um but even like that being the case in the movie he does call aids gay cancer dude and it did make me laugh i'm like this is really fucked up but damn it dude when i was in he's shooting from the hip college i was i took a theater class in college and there was a part where we had i'll pick a play and then act out a scene and i picked this play like play off a list like i did not i didn't know what it was like i don't know i'll do that one i guess and then i get the scene and it was a play about roy cone oh where i had to play roy cone which is like trump's mentor yeah and uh who died of aids but refused up until his deathbed to admit that it was aids because he didn't want people to know he's gay i fell asleep in the

apprentice does he does roy admit that he no no he never so it's really sad the scene i had to act out was me screaming at my doctor and i do this in front of my theater class that's awesome and i to go like i'm not fucking gay it's not fucking aids like i didn't fuck no dude like it was insane like this quote and i was like it's liver failure it's liver failure i'm not gay i'm not gay and your boys are walking past they're just like yeah we're at a big weekend it was the funniest part was the a bunch of the hockey players i think take theater because it's like easy but like at bc these are like olympic athletes oh my god these guys that are like on the sharks now we're like watching me yell it's funny were you watching the apprentice oh you didn't watch i didn't see

but is it because you're like I don't know Jeremy Strong you know his portrayal of Roy Cohn I did it

I could have done it yeah it's kind of redundant at this point some of the choices he made I don't have gone down that route

but um he gave his best Trump hates the Irish that's a big that's a big development he would hate he would hate to see us win in

Lauren's Irish too right sorry we're up right now yeah sorry we're up suck it bitch i don't overcome so much i learned in irish someone was telling me um like a slur that they used to use about us but it's it's just like a name i think i know isn't that yeah isn't that interesting yeah i i remember when i moved to new york there's like this uh place in your i guess

we can say it yeah we can say it yeah there's also a tv show called the mick with kaylin olsen really yeah it was on for a few seasons yeah it was very funny but uh i remember i was in alphabet city in new york and uh it's like a very like very grungy area in like downtown manhattan and like people are like selling like they'll sell like things on the street that like you like what do i it'd be like the cord to like a home phone right they're like selling that oh perfect yeah great i'll buy this and one rubber band uh do you have hdmi to usbc by chance just one half of that the other half's cut off and so they're selling that but i remember there's like some guy like screaming at someone calling him a mick and i'm like damn like this is how like

grungy and like gritty this part of new york is they hate the irish here they still yeah geez it was great lauren you ever faced any irish prejudice no not yet i met like you will family members that are just they're like like boston family members that are like the older guys that are like they like have that mentality of like we're the oppressed culture and uh yeah i heard my great uncle saying some like horribly racist things at this wedding a year ago and i was like i was like completely i didn't even know that like mindset existed but i think that is like old boston people because they the irish like were historically impressed and then they're like the lash out yeah taking it out on like a group of people that you didn't even know

were like their own thing like your grandpa was like complaining about like the lebanese how'd you even get there yeah i think irish people i mean we like also like we do like they're sort of like drink and fight yeah and fuck yeah so it's like we're guys it's just like okay these people are drinking all the time and they're fighting and they're multiplying at a alarming rate i would hate us too we're winning i know we're winning we're like a we're like a disease yeah we're the only ones that i think like really slide into the stereotypes given yeah to us you know what i mean like the others it's like they're kind of outdated yeah things that you know ours are just just straight

up facts they're just they really hit the nail on that they're like they don't have very good work ethic a horrible alcohol problem they all have like nine kids and a little beer gut yeah and they're not the most attractive they're angry about everything i saw i saw a guy um doing like man on the street stuff yeah and this guy comes up and he's like he has this uh ankle tattoo of the fighting irish logo my uncle has that tattoo yeah it's like you go there no no but that's okay that's what it is is like these it's it's so clearly like the notre dame logo or the like i think the only other person that uses it is like northern illinois or something and the guy asked him like did you go to notre dame he's like no what are you talking about he's like he didn't

even northern illinois and the guy was like what are you talking about he's like you have their logo permanently on your ankle he's like no it's just like irish bribe the guy was like yeah but it's the like you use their logo like you googled it that's like a guy from norway getting a vikings logo that's like extremely problematic yeah yeah is it really i mean i feel like more so than the fighting irish the vikings like raped and pillaged oh i thought you meant like i thought they just pillage no they raped oh it's okay i've been trying to hide that from him i'm sorry you were gonna find out eventually it was time i was due why can you i feel like very few groups back then were just pillaging like you had to you had to rape also those guys those things kind of go hand

in hand yeah like i've never wanted to pillage without i'm not gonna finish that actually no no i didn't know where that was going what were you gonna say yeah just gotta bail me out let's and talk about something else. Baseball. Are you excited for baseball season? Can't wait for opening day. Big baseball fan. All my favorite players and home runs.

I wore a Red Sox hat. The smell of that freshly cut grass. And the sound of the ball. Cracking off the bat. And a nice hot dog and my best gal. Yeah. Maybe you want to go to a game sometime? I'd love to go to a game sometime.

That's awesome. That'd be fantastic. Even a spring training game. I'm going. Really? Where? When? Oh, you're going to Florida?

This weekend, yeah. Oh, I'm not going to be there. Unless you guys invite me. And I'll just change my plans and come. We got, oh, we had that thing. We got no, there's no more seats. On the plane. No plane?

No, on the baseball, at the baseball game. Oh, they sold it out. Damn it, dude. That would have been so much fun. Wait, how long are you here? I'm here until Friday. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, I'll be around. But you guys leave. Yeah, leave tomorrow. Leave tomorrow. Damn, you guys out. Damn. Damn. Damn, dude.

You'll get to pillage in Florida. That'll be sick. Yeah, pull up. We're pillaging tonight. All right, should we roadmap it up? You ready for the roadmap? This is where we tell everyone what they're going to hear this episode. Incredible.

Yeah. Yeah. I have some way to guess. We had them say that their dad was in the NBA. It was an insane thing. Okay. Things I could lie about. like you saw um michael jordan naked

just something about me i don't i'm surprised that hasn't come up i uh i don't know you my mom dated shack yeah she went on like two dates we want to take a second to let you know about our go-to personal care brand every man jack i put on every man jack this morning on my armpits and dan carney told me that i smelled like quote a billion bucks not a million a billion no i actually i love this stuff i use it every day uh they have a wide range of products that are awesome they keep me smelling goaded even when i'm running around uh stinking myself up every man jack is there to protect me guys every man jack is the clean men's care brand made specifically for guys from body wash to

deodorant hair to beard care they've got everything you need to look smell and feel great without breaking the bank here's why they stand out every product is made with naturally derived ingredients and no harsh chemicals so you're not putting any junk on your body for example i think i've told this story before but when i was a kid i used to get a rash on my armpits and my mom switched to everyman jack because it doesn't have all that freaking garbage in it that all the other ones have and then i had to stop using everyman jacks i forgot it on a trip and i got a rash again like it wasn't just a thing that happened when i was a kid it's these other other deodorants they don't care about you and they put like junk in there that gives you a rash on your armpits and then

people are gonna make fun of how stupid your armpits look because you have a little rash that hurts but then you switch to everymanjack and it stops guys give everymanjack a shot today and head to walmart target or amazon to pick up your next body wash or and stick of deodorant uh try everymanjack today we have a lovely episode for you guys today we are gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches and then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment teach me something followed by this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today and then we're gonna do people hate them desserts that don't exist dude you spill so much water on yourself every episode no it's always like dripping down your face i thank you i had a friend named chris leprade

what one of my one of my good buddies from home is named chris and uh when we were little kids he would wear these like navy blue sweatpants to school every day and he would his mom would pack him cottage cheese and the only person i've seen that's a messier like cannot get any of the food or drink in their mouth more than will as an adult was my friend chris when we were in second grade he would get it on his pants and then he would instead of just like wiping it off with a napkin he would smear it in and so he was walking around it looked like he had just like stolen home in the world series it was just like white navy blue smokeheads with cottage cheese that's so funny um so it's you and that second grader yeah i'll take it okay um we're gonna do desserts that

don't exist which i'm very excited about and sayings that don't exist in the bottom of the barrel no i dude we were i texted will and i was like we still gotta get dan his drafts what was like senate yesterday what was like desserts and sayings we were like cool all right do it bang yeah all right lauren let's hear some pitches dan if you're not familiar lauren is going to give us a business pitch from a playmate and uh we are going to say if we would invest in it we're the sharks oh i love this you're randy oh it's gonna be barbara okay i'll be randy okay great yo dog i'll be um i'll be the cubes all right cubes pitches we love mark cuban yeah mark cuban's actually an investor of this company i know he technically owns uh these

couches yeah well this seat specifically well you're in his realm did i ever tell you when he recognized joe palm you know joe palm right joe palm and i were walking through uh the win in vegas and mark cuban was walking the other way was summer league so he's with whoever they had picked yeah in the first round like he's with like a new millionaire and walking by it's me and joe p and he just looks at joe and he's like what's up man and then kept walking i was like oh that's pretty cool that's sick shout out nico harrison yeah um all right pitches shout out first pitch is from keeks uh kare kure hansen hey lauren in the building department delinquent have you ever had a car without apple carplay or if you do you don't like looking back and

forth to the screen when following map directions introducing gps sunnies you can essentially or no these are essentially sunglasses you can choose from all brands ray-bans gucci warby parker etc then when you put them on the road and turns i don't the road in turns you're supposed to follow and take will be highlighted in the color of your choosing say goodbye to wondering where the next turn is or what side of the road you will have to be on for the next 100 miles

for all those anxious drivers while also protecting your eyes from those harsh UV rays. That's awesome. It's like the heads-up display. Yeah. Can you put like a show on the half of it too?

Yeah. You get cut off by some guy watching like subway surfers mixed with Joe Rogan clips. I feel like that'd be perfect. Interesting. I think it's awesome.

Well, my... This is tough. My entire, a big part of my family was actually killed by a driver wearing a VR headset. So it's, yeah, for that reason, I'm out. That's fair. That's fair. It's fair. Irresponsible of him.

Yeah. This wasn't this technology. This is a full on VR. Yeah, just a full VR headset. He was playing Space Invaders. He was bowling, actually. so he's trying to be the first guy to bowl a perfect game while driving he almost did it too yeah he got close in the ninth frame he killed my family so most of them

a big chunk of them yeah so for that reason respectfully i think i have to be out yeah i i think i like i think i like it i love it it would i'll put in like 20 bucks oh dan's thing reminded me of this my dad said one time he got uh he was driving to work and he got cut off by this car and he was like they like they the way they cut him off was like they must have not even like seen him and so he pulls up next to them and it's a girl not she's zero he still doesn't know how she was steering the car but she had but one hand on the bong and another hand lighting it and was looking down not not not dude we saw a kid do you remember we were at lsu no we saw a kid doing but he had like a bowl and he was doing it just like while driving oh that's awesome it was insane

oh nice oh so you got it my mom went there really yeah yeah that's sick you know my week oh shit uh never mind i what we talked about a little bit my uh my i didn't tell you my mom actually dated shaquille o'neal yeah that's insane is that true yeah that's crazy yeah and honestly she did not see this coming see like shack yeah oh yeah she dated him when he was shaquille she knew him yeah she knew him as like the liberal arts major yeah like she didn't even know he was i mean i didn't know him i was this is before i was born my dad's not shack yeah um but uh yeah they dated for a little bit and um and she settled on a 5-8 white guy right from uh philadelphia he couldn't dunk that was like a big what yeah yeah he like it just it was like a mental block

and um yeah my mom like tried to help him but then they broke up and then he like became shack that's insane yeah she was the only thing holding him back i think so yeah my dad is this a true story yeah that's wild yeah man yeah it's true did you do this that's true i get to if he's joking or not i don't know are you joking no we talked about this i know i thought this was real yeah i'm not joking about this but you were talking about in new york yeah yeah am i getting shacked right now i'm getting shacked right now you're getting shacked you got shacked I would have I would have believed it I would have believed it if uh if you didn't say the dunking part well actually I watched something recently where Shaq was like I couldn't dunk

or I wasn't dunking and then my dad like stopped the game and was like you need to dunk and he's like I became Shaq the ref's like hey sir you can't stop the game literally his dad like came down from the stands and like fucking smacked him around and then you started dunking that's yeah so that's i guess i just assumed that you saw that video that's what my dad that made it more true podcasting really i couldn't do it whoa yeah he flew out here smacked me around and now you're doing podcast no i did you're in los angeles for what willie go start a podcast make your family proud you don't really have much to say but you're gonna give it your all get it now get in there and talk for hours go too long a lot of people literally can't finish

one episode before the next one comes out all right another pitch lauren yeah let's do it um all right so do the shack prank jack your friend come on man get in there and check you got you did get shacked though yeah i did i got shacked pretty hard i'm honestly can you imagine if you're dad or your mom used to date Jack. I wouldn't want to know. Your dad just, yeah, I was like I was kind of holding my tongue just being like, oh, that is brutal

for your dad. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, Keeks. Next pitch is from Gracie Astor. You're getting like a paternity test. You're like, I'm convinced Jack is my dad. Have you seen Steven Tyler

figure out that he's like 1% black? they brought back his um he's like dna results and they were like you know you are you are one 18th uh african-american and he was like i knew it i always felt akin to the black people no way and they were he was like yeah i just like felt it in my bones it's it's steven keep in mind it's still steven steven tyler my friend uh partied with him in la they like jammed together at like a house party that's crazy this is like fully true like steven tyler was like playing the keyboard my friend was like on the drums and then a bunch of people like came in the room and it started getting like crazy and like they stopped playing but he was like just hanging out getting fucked

up with his daughter that's sick yeah and my most you ever have like a friend that's like and i'm holding up the segment here just like they have like fine it's fine i just said it's fine okay yeah yeah so i'll just keep going um it's like one of those friends where like the more you learn about them the less you know about them yes those types of friends yeah yeah so this is my most interesting friend who is it his name is ban um his name is ben sweeney he's actually in run club check it out ben's my mom's maiden name ben he's ben sweeney that's so weird my mom is named ben sweeney what all right what's next lauren all right um you know shaquille o'neal's real name is ben sweeney but they didn't think it would sell so they made it cooler

we're gonna keep it irish anything else no we're done now okay um why does he have an irish last name let's let's sit on that okay grace grace says what is the worst part of having multiple roommates uh never never getting a time to fucking go to town jerk it with the sound on like sorry lauren i was gonna say something similar to that but i didn't uh i don't know what is the worst sharing the fridge okay she says people can never agree on the ac temperature and someone always ends up feeling uncomfortable with it uncomfortable with the temperature that is why you need acuc with acuc everyone has their own vent system that goes to the room so everyone can pick their own temperature every room would have its own thermostat this allows for maximum

comfort for everyone in your apartment this also is a vent for the living room slash kitchen and other shared spaces this vent would be like normal and stay at a typical room temp so no one is uncomfortable in each apartment there would be a cold air vent and a hot air vent with with each thermostat from each room connected to them with ac you see your room has acu control maximum comfort guaranteed all right uh i love it and and here's why i we don't we haven't had the ac on since like winter start because it is like cold enough to just keep it there but i sleep with my window open and i like to watch tv with the sliding door open but i realized in my all my roommates are really like nice guys so no one ever pointed out that like they don't like when it's

like 45 degrees when we're watching the lakers game and uh zach i like went in to get something i think he thought i was going to bed for the night and when i came out the door was closed and i was like oh do you not like when that's open he was like no dude it's like freezing outside i've fun fact we like maybe a week or two ago it got like pretty chilly like the chilliest it had been and uh or like three weeks ago lauren gave me like a face what you didn't believe me no i why would three weeks be more i don't know i thought she was like insane time oh i didn't mean to make a face okay anyway we went we couldn't we were like oh we should maybe put like the heat on and we're like do we have heat or we've never used heat or ac until two weeks

ago at all well we just kind of crazy we just rocked i mean it's so temperate we just they're rocking it man we just rocked it here like you can just we just kind of like you're a vibes guy yeah yeah none of us none of us give a shit like i know there's people who are picky about the ac none of us give a shit we just but do you open your windows yeah so yeah i'll open the windows if it's hot or cold or whatever and adjust accordingly but i don't ever it's never like come on man if it's too hot i open the window if it's too cold i close it you know haven't you woken up like freezing though i feel like the morning yeah sometimes i wake up freezing and sometimes i wake up sweating but i just kind of have accepted that i don't know dan's having so

much fun right now i i'm trying to think on where i stand on all this um you know i'm i'm staying with somebody else this weekend or i was yes and until i got removed and it's been pretty cold it's been pretty cold in there you know um just like their hearts yeah yeah kicking you out for kicking me out but i i you know his wife's fine being his wife's wife's totally fine um she's fine like as a person she's okay yeah yeah as a person she's fine she will as a hostess she is she's a hostess she's like the worst kind of a huge bitch she's kind of a bitch and i feel comfortable saying that now after they've kicked me out yes yeah um but yeah uh not a ray of sunshine in this dark world but anywho it's been pretty cold and i felt like as a guest i couldn't

say anything yeah you can't say and now i'm in my room i'm freezing i'm layering up yeah i shouldn't be doing that no i like to sleep completely naked with no sheets i don't like that i don't sleep naked no but have you ever tried it i've tried i don't like it i don't enjoy it interesting yeah i like i need i need a little bit of separation are you a pajama bottoms guy not a pajama bottoms no under just underwear you need a pajama top i sleep because half a onesie it's i sleep fully clothed like you wore this like nowadays i will put i'll have i put sweatpants on you know in the evening typically anyway yeah and then i especially now when it's like a little chillier i wear a hoodie and sweatpants i sleep in a hoodie i sleep in a hood i've been sleeping

in a hoodie because it's been so cold in this house yeah yeah now i live in new york i don't even need to sleep in a hoodie because i can control the environment of my own space right but being in someone else's home this invention is appealing to me so i would invest i'm picturing you on like sunday putting on seven days worth of clothes and then never take them off for the whole week each night you know what i've been trying brushing my teeth 14 times on sunday so i'm good for the whole week is that true yeah wow all right i mean you have a little somewhere but you'll get that next week probably from a bagel buying cologne sucks walking into a department store getting sprayed in the phase and dropping

a ton of money i'll say it it's the worst meet guy fox started by two best friends that are changing the fragrance game forever with their starter kit you get their best sellers first and then you choose your favorite later willie and i got our hands on some and we got a bottle each and then we did get the little like sample pack flavor you got in my flavor i got a half in my hand i've got vince okay wait spray i want to smell it oh it smells i was telling will right before we started recording uh i walked it smells great though it does smell great when you smell that whole thing i walked into our office today and the cleaning people had totally been spraying it because the

whole room smelled like someone had tried every single scent let me tell you they got hooked i also like just saying getting sprayed in the face sucks when you're shopping at a department store and then just doing it to each other yeah but theirs smells so good i here's my thing when i'm trying to buy uh at like a normal store or something unless they have the samples yeah like it's impossible to tell what they smell like so you can't buy it online whatever they they sent us like a little bag of all the samples i got to smell each one that i wanted and then now i get to know that i'm a vince guy yeah you know what i mean absolutely because a bottle of gloom lasts a while and if you're buying a nice bottle and you don't like the way it smells let me tell you

you're stuck with it no i'm pretty excited to up my game and hey since the team at guy fox loves almost friday we partnered with them to give you ten dollars off your first purchase so head to guyfox.com slash friday and use code friday for free shipping and ten dollars off your purchase right now spend less get more compliments and smell amazing with guy fox what is the worst part about try um trying to squeeze in a poop before you have to go somewhere who um wipe take forever yeah wipe take forever yeah lauren you get nervous that you're gonna be late yeah you don't know like there's some poops where it's like you know it's a quick one and there's some where you sit down you're like oh i'm gonna be

here for a minute this is the thing that you strap around your stomach it kind of x-rays your insides maybe an mri whatever whatever technology we need we can figure that out later and it will tell you how long it is going to take for you to poop all that out so you could see if it's going to be it also tell you if it's going to sting or not so you can see you know not to it won't throw off your whole plans um but it like let's say i have to leave in 10 minutes it could be like this is gonna be a five minute poop not cool i got five minutes poop five minutes to wipe no get out and it's like it's like it's like an ultrasound for your shit yes yeah that makes sense the text already five minutes to white um i did just look at my phone and i have breaking news yep sam

darnold has signed with the new york giants wow good thing good thing is that like if you're listening google when that happened i think yeah we're pre-recording for this big trip we have so this is gonna come out like two weeks a week and a half yeah it's already been covered all right let's try and predict let's try and predict what's gonna happen can i say something you guys just got giants he signed with the seahawks whoa are you serious you piece of shit wow are you giants man no i don't care okay we got hawked you got you got we got hawked wait is he that like really beautiful yes sam donald he's like insane chiseled jawline you're thinking of sam hartman Yeah.

Yeah. You know who I played against in my high school? You know, yeah, at Oceanside? Sam Smith. Yeah, Sam, Lauren. Lauren, Sam and I are actually boys if you want me to hook you up. You know her? Sam Hartman.

Yeah. Wait, this guy? We follow each other on Instagram. Oh, that's sick. Yeah. Sam Donald coming back to the West Coast where he's from. San Clemente kid. That's right.

Welcome home, brother. Capistrano Beach kid. It's a short plane ride to hometown. love that all right anyone else have a pitch because seattle oh it is closer to closer to his hometown than than um minneapolis yeah that actually is kind of big news what what it kind of didn't occur to me that the vikings were like pretty good this year sam hartman or sam darnell had a great year uh who did they get for him i guess i think he was a free agent he was a free agent yeah

uh okay what's the worst part about uh garbage pickup um don't get to do yourself uh thinking about thinking about what those guys life are like after they are done sometimes you forget to bring out the trash before trash night okay this is a premium service i'm not saying this is for the everyman but if you got money to spend they come into your house garbage man stops the truck goes in your house they get your garbage and if you pay extra for uh uh nooks and crannies they will check all your nooks and crannies for little pieces of trash garbage man in my house yes i'm out i was about to say they they're they're those like boots that are covered in like look stinky but they leave after stinky dirty stinky dirty man in

house they don't leave stinky dirty everywhere they think you dirty man or woman i like this i don't like it well i can they can get different boots for when they they get different boots for what are they like then we're leaving it up to their judgment to determine what is trash like you come in there's all your like shit is they just came in like they're not i see a huge insurance issue here they're good they know they know they're garbage men they know what's Sean Penn was in New York City government for like two years in the middle of COVID

so imagine Sean Penn being a garbage man oh I think he's in New York City government wait what for like a role yeah well there's nothing he was also gay for several years before he did milk that's not true it's true he won the Oscar

yeah you know Will was gay for a summer really it's awesome i was finding myself nice dude yeah you've been getting hate uh wait milk was good milk was a great movie i love that gus fanzant one of my favorite directors who's that okay yeah that whole story is fucking insane pre-canceled james franco oh he was in that he was harvey milk's lover you're right yeah and uh josh brolin no oh i wasn't gonna name the actor but uh like diane feinstein is like one of the characters in it oh really she was one of the other city council oh my goodness i haven't seen this movie in a few years i'm due for a rewatch

yeah we should we should we should watch milk together it is a great movie yeah it's great yeah i would watch it again we could do that milk and cookies night i would love oh that's that's right yes we didn't get to do that last time yes god we're overdue yep all right so with that i'm out fair enough i'm out too fuck it should we do do you have a pitch um no i wasn't informed you didn't tell me about the pitch dude i don't i sometimes feel bad being like here are 11 seconds you know what i have a good good thing i have a back pocket pitch yeah bpp all right this one um you guys are familiar with socks of course right we'll have them on right what's the only thing that's missing from your sock that some shirts have buttons a pocket socket sock pocket

it's like a little frocket for your sock i actually like that and it'll go here and it's purely mostly aesthetic but you could throw like like the one on your jeans that has like the little bearings perhaps some maybe even some paraphernalia marbles you're going into like a music festival yeah a concert but a marble um to challenge a jack yes yeah a dreidel a dreidel any sort of smoking dice yes dice would absolutely come in handy tokens of some kind um yes yes poker chips um so there's trying to join in and lauren was the only one that heard it you guys just kept going what do you say i don't even want to repeat it there's some utility that's what i'm trying to say but obviously like a much like a frocket yeah very much an aesthetic choice yeah yeah i like

that a lot though in or out i'm in and i think we should our second product should be it has like buttons like a flannel has so you can have like a more relaxed look yes 100 have some like like show some leg hair and like different uh different like colored buttons you can really have some fun with the design zipper socks i like that for technical use we could try out the zipper it's i think button like a classic button you know this is there's a certain like you're saying button in the pocket yeah i think he was just saying socks that like button up so you could oh i love that i love that yeah that's great because i always felt like this was a very flattering part of my body right like you know the front half of my heel yeah you could have

like a regular sock under it like a shirt so it's like unbuttoned like a tank top yeah there's a shirt showing under it um all right should we do teach me something teach me something nope we just teach you something i could teach you guys stuff yeah you probably know a bunch i'm way older than both of you about like war or something yeah how old are you dan i'm i'm for uh no i'm i'm 20 gonna be 29 next week happy birthday to me yeah so i'm actually not that much old yeah that's not that old no uh all right mine has to be a video today unfortunately just because if I was going to try and explain it, it wouldn't make any sense. You need the visual

component. Lauren, pause this immediately, and I mean immediately. Is this short map animation? So, there is a place in Canada where there is this very interesting phenomenon. Let's give it a watch. Lauren, turn the sound on when you get a chance.

Did you know that there is an island on Earth that is located on a lake that is located on an island that is located on a lake that is located on an island that is located in canada isn't that crazy yeah like how would you even begin to get to that uh tunnels submarine submarine back yeah horseback pilates um wow wow did you guys like it yeah i like that a lot yeah and where's canada um north okay you like it you need a passport that's step one yeah i got one

you do yeah nice dude there where are you going i'm going to canada what in three weeks really oh what are you doing there toronto we're doing a live show in toronto oh congrats well you could try this out we could try to get to this island go there dude i showed up to uh sonny mclean's on saturday for the duke unc game and do you ever like there there are two crews meeting and one crew has done bottomless brunch before it so like they're on a different wavelength so there were half of us were sober and half of us were like a not fun level of drunk and i was on the sober side got it and uh our friend garrett kept dropping people's passports into the pitcher of beer which i had a handful of questions when i saw this one yeah why do they keep trusting garrett

with their people have their why do they the second was why do multiple of you have your passports on you yeah and three why is garrett doing that it's just weird all around i think i've been seeing more people with their passports using it as a form of id i wonder if that's going to become like a like a cultural trend but it feels like in the way my parents explained the passport to me was like this is the most valuable thing like if you know yeah if you lose this like you're like you are gonna explode you get arrested well it's just really tough to get a new one um but yeah putting it in a picture i mean that guy's a piece of shit yeah they but they thought it was fun they like they were all they're all they're dumb they're like dumb people they're just like

dumb people they're just like a stupid person thing haha my passport's in a picture of beer that's hilarious you're like a stupid person it also like ruined it like ruins the beer for the rest of us oh to make it to make it to make matters worse they the way they all know each other is from dartmouth so like they are like they are like technically smart guys yeah yeah that has nothing to do with their parents having money i didn't even consider that yeah okay garrett garrett's on thin ice yeah what's what that's next you know like put my like id in a margarita that'd be hilarious you cut it up dude dude go garrett put my id in a margarita That'd be hilarious

He did it Oh yeah Here's my social security guard Throw it in the toilet Oh it's in It's in with the piss and shit Oh my god Oh birth certificate

And chocolate milk Come on There he is Order a chocolate milk For the bar Put my birth certificate in it Why do you have it? For all this stuff

So you can do it That's what we do at the bar We love We love when you do it We ruin our lives Put this hard drive With all my bitcoin on it In that blender

all right all right will they teach us something you know that bees how far do you think bees can fly in a day a thousand miles um eight miles lose yourself in the music moment your own that you never ever let it go um i'm gonna go with uh four hundred thousand eight mile eight mile Oh, they can go eight miles in a day? No. 400,000 miles. They can go 60 miles in a day. So I was...

So who won? That seems completely reasonable. So I won. 60 miles? Closest. Yeah, they could go to like Boston. In one day? For a tiny bee?

60 miles? From Boston here? No, from... More than 60 miles. Sorry, from... For some reason, I'm always in Maine. Rusty is. I thought that was cool.

No, that's cool. it is cool but 60 do you think it'd be a bead you're as a small a bead do you realize how fast they are like how far can i yeah but like their wings are social airliner go in a day thousands of miles yeah that's not that's the opposite of a beat we're far this one says this one says they can fly up to three miles no no like like that's saying their rate it says from its hive like they're not flying in one direction they have a hive honeybees typically fly less oh you're saying they just they just cover yeah 60 miles but you probably cover around that walking around they are so much smaller than me i thought like like for their little wings i thought it was impressive

but it's not even true no they can fly up to 60 miles a day that is true they don't go 60 miles from their nest that's not what she googled is not or what that first thing said is not dan how parking you flying today i mean i maybe three three four miles yeah yeah yeah 60 for me sounds like a lot what was that snail fact that we talked about a long time ago like how how far a snail can go in a day yeah it was like something it's like literally from like here to that door like they're just they're just they're just i envy that i envy that so much like if you if we if we brought a snail in this room it's gonna take like a week to get out yeah imagine just like that's all you have to focus on is just getting over there to the door it's not even

like they don't even necessarily know it's at the end of the road it's just like i i have this like unquenchable desire to get to that door i'm gonna take all day i need to get out of this podcast studio they've heard the b facts every day good god let me out uh all right you do this guy rocks yeah well i want to teach you guys oh yeah oh yeah did you guys know that giant squid can grow up to 13 meters in length wow now that's it no that's the truth because it's a cool fact that is a good fact yeah and we've never caught one there's no there's no live giant squid in captivity have we killed any really we found dead ones i believe i don't think we've ever killed one because they they're the ones that beef with like sperm whales they're like real life the

kraken is like a legit like thing yeah 13 meters it's like 40 it's like 40 feet they're massive giant squid are some of the most interesting wait that's that's fake that's totally fake no that's just lauren it's 160 foot giant squid lauren how'd they get that picture of you sun tanning um um that's disgusting there is a there we go we're reading about this guy uh that's real that i bet it's real holy yeah they're massive they're massive dude these things are huge they're fucking imagine eating one it'd be delicious um i would love to see one not in the wild but it is like a sort of a bucket list item for me to see one live um hopefully hopefully not in the wild let's show i gotta see him live i follow the giants playing the greek tonight

like they just plop the squid out on the stage the crowd's opening for giant squid He just gets up there and like suckles on people's faces. Giants could be a good band name. Yeah, that is a good one. Or a good DJ name

or something. Yeah. But yeah, they're pretty big. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, I know. Love Giant Squid. Crazy. Beautiful, majestic creatures.

We know so little about the ocean, guys. Hold my hand. I know. There's so many deep stuff. So many depths we haven't explored. There's so many deep stuff.

Some people say, you know, we know more about the space than we do our own oceans. Yeah, that's crazy. I like to say we know more about the oceans that we know ourselves so it's space and the oceans and then us yeah wow yeah the true depths

anglerfish those are deep there's probably one inside of us somewhere deep somewhere deep i'm ready for it to turn its light on and shine i'm ready for the anglerfish phase of my life yeah giants quit they're huge that's actually pretty big so yeah this is this guy rocks um i stumbled upon this video a while ago and you know like i feel like country's turned a little too pop for my liking and you know whenever someone brings it back to its roots it that really makes me happy so this is uh her country anthem and it's called it's called ask a country song we wear our boots some to climb the corporate ladder others are peddled down on a john deere tractor some of us hunt for deer and some hunt for a bargain either way

we're both gonna hit a target pause that that was a fucking that was a fucking bar some of us hunt for deer some of us hunt a bargain either way we're both gonna hit a target play that that's awesome wait pause it it was all country and then there's this one like i think stock footage shot of like bourbon street i think that's uh broadway probably Okay continue I'm pausing That was fucking

That was Manhattan That was Manhattan That was a jump scare Continue Lauren not awesome i actually enjoyed that yeah it's not it's she had some bars she did have some yeah i think she needs uh some more vocal production maybe but i think it could get there but she could if you like she could sell those you coach that yeah yeah it's coachable for sure i'm into it i slack i just slacked mine to you to brian i detect that i just slacked mine

to brian oh okay that's what we do when we want lauren to show a video i detect lauren that this morning and ask if i'd already showed both of you and she was like i don't think so mind sending me that link though what's her ass throw that in the car on the drive home oh god all right this is uh matt garapic he's running for president all right sweet hello my name is matthew garapic i'm running for president in 2032 tyler higby from the los angeles rams will be my vice president i went to eastlake high school with him in tarpon springs and he's a good friend of mine i'm also looking for a girl to get pregnant preferably a white or a spanish girl i'm six 2 6 foot 3 with shoes on and i'm worth six figures remember in 2032 to vote for matthew garapic

let's go yeah um i like covering all his bases oh yeah i like how his brain works because it's it's very like just let's hit every point yep he kind of like he likes numbers and stuff i don't know i mean i would say tyler higby on the vp ticket that's an all-time get what high school tarpon springs i'm that's close to where i grew up really yeah it's in florida it's nice it's a florida boy here you know he i like how he's realistic he's like 2028 we're not we're not this is a long ramp up they do say that in your presidential campaign you should post pictures of yourself in slides in like nike slides yes well he's got obviously yeah he's covered his case is there 2032 president this is a florida guy for sure i'm just gonna say it uh i don't

think matt garapac is worth six figures i do i think he's like been drop shipping like look at that look at my friend go down look at the size of that shirt that he's wearing in florida not everyone has stairs yeah that's a good point that's a pretty big because you know the foundation is it's tough to you're telling me a guy with less than six figures took a picture in front of those lions it's good those are tigers uh lsu tigers yeah i went to i went to school in florida and one of the worst or one of the biggest realizations i had was you guys don't have basements no it's just you're not you can't build underground same in charles yeah i don't what did you where's you guys like hang out in high school that was a great question uh the mcdonald's

parking lot yep pretty big really yeah yeah pretty big hangout spot huge hangout spot i remember And this one called a sack, which we called the sack. And that's where we go to smoke weed. We're all smoking weed and grabbing ass. That was it. Pull up to the sack, smoke a bowl in the sack. And then behind this one laundromat. God, Florida sounds hot.

You ever go so high on them from smoking weed that you're just like, I've got the munchies now. Dude, that's happened to me before. Really? Yeah. Like, you know, you get like, that's happened to you. And you get like, you're like. You're like, smoke weed.

and you're like i could maybe some snacks more than i know yeah like a burger yeah yeah like pizza yes while you're high is crazy like taco bell yep yeah dude that's happened for sure and yeah especially in florida right yeah it's florida for you it's like a big thing that happens there yeah people get like the munchies there it's crazy munchies are florida specific dude i went down to florida when i smoked i was way hungrier than normal it was crazy my friend when i was in high school did like work at this pizza place that was like was literally they would like the the owners of this pizza place they were like trapping out of the pizza places and um like moving like an incredible amount of drugs out of there so my friend he worked there he would give

i would get like an eighth of weed and a pizza for like ten dollars it was awesome that's it that was a pretty good pretty good setup i like that a lot and i'll take you and i could come you could come and i could get a pizza probably get a pizza okay pizza pie yeah yeah slices you're gonna give you a whole pot all right will is giving me shit the other day i ordered i ordered two slices of pizza the other day because i wasn't i didn't want a whole pizza and he fucking read me the riot act this is so you do this sometimes like i was just saying it's unique i've never seen someone order slices of pizza delivered oh delivered i do that all the time but i feel like it's more normal maybe in i don't know if it's i only want two slices when i order pizza it's usually a whole

pizza i wasn't reading the riot act i was like oh i've never seen that before he came in and fucking clean clean my i you're definitely not getting your like bang for your buck i feel like in that sense it's like they're like fucking they're they're giant i'm not judging like it looked good i had one of the pieces it was great i was having lunch at work i don't know what am i gonna carry around a large i just don't usually order pizza unless it's like a group activity i'm on rusty's side i've done this many times many many times i had a piece it was great like yesterday i tried to order a whole pizza for myself and i had three slices now i just the rest went bad yep yeah you fucking pretentious i'm on team rusty here whoa that's crazy i we're

not in florida and i just got a text that said after we were talking about florida it goes when do you get back from Florida? Whoa. Wow. Who sent that? My girlfriend. That's got Justin Fields.

Really? Yeah. I don't know. What? Do you like him? Yeah, I mean, he's an Ohio State guy.

I think there's upside there. It feels like, I don't know. Fields-like? I think the Jets are just cursed. Yeah.

That sucks. You're all over the place. Should we do our drafts now? Yeah, Dan, you're the guest. you get to pick would you like to start with sayings or desserts oh uh let's go sayings all right these are such a christ i got excited that was uh unnerving these are more sayings that don't

exist you want to start us off yeah i'll start us off all right i got one not everything in the cookbook gets eaten sometimes you're just not the recipe they're looking for i like that a lot that's fantastic uh the sand comes off when you get to the water you know you can't when you achieve your goal you'll get rid of all the all this shit that you picked up along the way but you know sometimes you got to wade through it before you get to or wade through it's a bad example no that's a payoff but you know what i mean yeah you're gonna pick up some sand as you go across the beach but it'll all be worth it once you get to that water that's beautiful that's fantastic uh watering a house plant with a fire hose sometimes if you go too big too much of a

good thing can actually hurt the problem didn't you have another one about a house plant i don't know probably you're just in your yard like they need to come up with expressions give me something wait i think it's because i do this too we do these so much and i'm always looking at stuff like around my house well he had he had one the other day that was uh caught between a mime and an auctioneer and it was because we were in a meeting we were like i think we need to get a an auctioneer for this video and then he ended up we ended up switching it to a mine it was very clear how he got there that's great you got to pull from um your surroundings okay is it my turn yeah um just because the post office is open doesn't mean you have to mail

something oh yeah you gotta think twice before you speak that's fantastic uh closing the blinds won't stop the sun you know it's uh if with a bigger problem you know you can you can make little little tweaks to try to shield yourself from it but it's still going to be there when you put those blinds back up i love that uh trying to jump over the ladder making something harder on yourself you could just climb it and we're like i like that if you don't look at the easiest way to do something sometimes you might miss it i like that like that a lot this is my worst one um a deer don't die on purpose all right come on yeah deer famously not suicidal yet they get hit by cars all the time yep accidents happen yeah i like that a lot all

right i think that one's a good one it's good alliterative too kind of very alliterative yeah deer don't die yeah uh waiting for the fire alarm to stop beeping i just thought this was a funny visual of a guy sitting there waiting for the fire alarm to stop beeping it's like one of the things where it's obvious you need to figure out how to stop it immediately yeah and you're just like oh no it'll figure itself out yeah it's like you gotta wave the door like take the batteries to take action yeah uh marrying the first girl you meet you gotta see all of your options sometimes the first thing seems appealing because it's easy but you gotta really explore everything that's out there i like that a lot all right that's all i got so that's all i got yeah yeah all right

should we do desserts that don't exist yeah t's up all right these are desserts that don't exist all right all right strawberry covered chocolate chocolate on the inside strawberry on the outside i like that a lot very nice uh noodles and ice cream it's spaghetti uh with ice cream on top of it okay and then chocolate sprinkles maybe it's like a garnish spaghetti just no sauce just the noodles yeah just yeah i actually don't think this would be horrible i was actually i was about to call you childish and then i was just like we're all pitching desserts that don't exist it's like skyline chili for dessert so willie wonka pitch meeting yeah um i've got a long and bumpy it's a it's a banana covered in nuts and chocolate

and uh that's good it's called the long and bump that's great yeah that's awesome um all right uh candy bubble gum okay we all know the best part about bubble gum is the taste yeah worst part you can't swallow it yeah this is you can chew it you can swallow it it's candied bubble gum i love that yeah i really love that uh i've got uh the whipped cream tornado it's sort of a fun dessert you get it like a restaurant and it's in a like a dish and it's spinning around and it's whipped cream and you're like catching it with the spoon you just stick your spoon in and get a little oh on there and you like a chocolate fountain sort of but for yeah but it's in a circle it's like a tornado that's great yeah i love that okay you can have

one really yeah i'll take a scoop yeah um chocolate fajitas they bring out uh all the dessert toppings in like a very loud crackling pan and they settle it they set it down you make the sundae yourself i like that the whole restaurant's looking at everyone's excited about it and they're like we're gonna sell more chocolate fajitas now that's beautiful yeah uh i got lunch shakes sorry again lunch shakes it's lunch flavored milkshakes like turkey club uh tuna tuna melt and uh cob salad but you pick like the three worst lunches it'd be sweet it'd be sweet like ice cream forward it's like a for real yeah it's it's like a shamrock shake but for like a pastrami sandwich that sounds good man i am hungry for one right now yeah exactly

that sounds great uh i've got tira you sue i'm tired of it being all about me i don't know i guess it's the selfless i guess you get to pick what's in it you come up with that on the drive over here i was in the shower i was like i got it tiara you soon uh my last one is called the london bridge it's uh it's a cake shaped like the london bridge and then they give you like a trace sauce and you pour it over the cake and it collapses and everyone around the table

sings that the london bridge is falling that's awesome thank you that's great two of yours are like events yeah like it's someone's birthday well dad if you uh if you were like around when this happened multiple weeks in a row i had like a crazy we ordered dessert it was like a fiasco when it came out it's just a normal sunday well no but like one was like by fiasco he keeps it like the craziest dessert happened and he shows a picture it looks like a normal show it right here the last one i had was literally on fire it was like had a sparkler okay well fire sorry you guys were sorry you guys knew about sparklers uh and then the second one the guy had to come out and make the sunday on a cart so i just don't think that like making dessert an event

he's had a lot of event focused desserts lately dude the you that the one that came out the other day like the it was a pretty dimly lit restaurant in the it was as if the lights were on that's how bright the spark the sparkler was this big no i get the club the sparkler was this big sunday at the club yeah honestly respect yeah they come out with like a briefcase um all right now we gotta we have one last thing we do which is we say whose personality we're stealing this weekend whoa okay so like like from ourselves or just in general yeah just like who are you trying to emulate this weekend i don't know if you have any specific plans that might cater to that this weekend i'm flying so maybe mark walberg he didn't die on 9-11 no just in case anything goes down

oh yeah you want to be yeah there to stop it i like that that was kind of his promise that he made oh yeah because it would have gone down differently good point yeah i would do it like all have said that though huh you know like any of us could have said like just because he was supposed to be on the flight he he was like yeah if i was on that flight like it wouldn't have gone that way like it's awesome any of us could be like yeah if we were there it wouldn't have gone down that way yeah i would go uh i'm gonna get i'm gonna steal like a um can i give you one yeah roy cone roy cone i'm gonna steal you're gonna get eight because i'm gonna you gotta do the head bobby thing i've never seen you gotta see it but you played him in that play yeah i

I didn't know about the head bobby thing. You should watch The Apprentice on the way to Florida. It's actually, the part that I saw was pretty good. It's a fantastic movie. I'm going to steal the plus-size park hoppers. Personality, have you seen these ladies? What's this? They're called the plus-size park hoppers,

and they are a group of, pull up the plus-size park hoppers, Lauren. They're a group of thick women who love to hit the parks, and they give you different tips on how to travel in style. They have to get like, you know, yeah. oh they go like disney yeah because will and i are going to epcot so i'm gonna oh nice use some of their tips the irishman's weakness you know that old you know that old stereotype about irishmen they love park hoppers love the park hoppers lauren whose personality are you gonna steal i'm gonna steal the mom from white

lotus's personality in this new season because that one she sucks she's hilarious she's so funny She's so funny. That scene where the lady comes up and is like, oh, my God, we met. She's so carefree, and I just, that's how I'm trying. She's also addicted to opiates. Yeah. Oh, very nice.

Cool. Yeah. My sister sends me a plus-size park hopper. My sister famously does not think very much is funny, but she really gets, like, a kick out of the plus-size park hoppers. She texts them to me, like, weekly. So they just go to different parks around the country and sort of review stuff?

They just will, like, they put on their plane, like when they book a flight with delta they put there's something that you put in your name to signal signal to them that you're overweight so that they give you a uh seatbelt extender so they work this in with their so like their name like your name would be like dan xl carney i love that yeah that's what they called you in high school really yeah because you're a huge magnum doll yeah my cock was so big yeah yeah dan x to large xl carney uh all righty dan you want to plug anything before we wrap up watch run club the web series fantastic i co-produced and co-created on youtube i'm gonna watch it that'd be great join me that'd be great all right thank you dan

thank you dan guys uh we love you have a great rest of your finger shirt wednesday and a great rest of your week and then we will see you guys after the weekend huzzah play that theme music lauren Thanks for watching!