Will & Rusty's Playdate - live from detroit

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

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good play date play date episode 245 14 or something 214 i don't know if that's right caleb thoughts 214 and of course we we would be remiss if we didn't mention our favorite little 14 year old who is um is deuce tatum 14 yet yeah probably okay dude this is our deuce tatum episode he's probably like that age um and we are here in the beautiful city of detroit let me tell you i don't care what people say about this place they they need a new marketing team because it seems lovely it is really lovely i think i think uh the beauty of it is that it's slept on yeah you know what i'm saying it's like us it's like the reason people like the reason it's so great is because it's slept on that's like me pillow it's like me yeah so when i'm trying to

do the bed thing and you keep trying to say that you're the one that's slept on you're hijacking my bed thing it's like a comfort it's like a fitted sheet the way it's slept on oh yeah like me wait i want to say something funny that happened this morning please so we got into we drove here from chicago yesterday got in at like one in the morning and we're recording the following day following morning and uh i woke up to multiple texts there was like a there was like a whole like group order starting that was like wait i'm in the group jet and our producer k was Was it our group chat? Yeah, he was like, if anyone's grabbing a coffee, can you get me one?

And then you respond, yeah, and I'll do a water. And I woke up and was like, wait, do I have, like, chores? I said, I didn't say it that way. You could have been one of the people getting the coffee. You could have been like, I can't get the coffee. You're just like, yeah, and I'll tag on there. Which, in a three-person group chat, just means, Will, can you go get us something? i didn't i didn't uh i didn't phrase it that way and you're you're like i'll read it verbatim i

said and also i think i said and also if if you said a water for me please um yeah you know what now that you say it out loud it was like i was expecting lucas to chime and it's like I'll do a slider and I'll do a cinnamon roll can I just do a side of fries if I got some fries

would you guys have some yeah is there another one no I brought this shit thank you okay so

we we're both like don't even have voices anymore I know we were at the world cup send off match last night and I know you were thinking

steiny no we had a world cup send off Different type of send off I'm still wearing this shit on my face We were at Longhorn Steakhouse Yesterday bless you

And all of the People at our table Half our guys were wearing face paint And the waitress never brought it up Is that like a thing out here I think in the midwest it is pretty common To be wearing the USA At Longhorn at least

We walked into the Longhorn And there was a there was that frame what did the frame say it was like legendary oh yeah do you have that photo I don't know if you can

send it we don't need it now put a picture of it right here what's that oh yeah yeah there was a we walk in the

Longhorn Steakhouse and there's two separate framed photos that say from the same night well yeah what do they say

it's like one said I think it said legendary customer legendary customer so we were trying to figure out like

did he have an unbelievable showing one time at Longhorn yeah and they gave him that award that night

or like was this kind of a lifetime achievement award where he had come in and he'd like been so cash for so many years

that it's like a volume thing like they're like he comes in here all the time I like to think that he had never he was just passing through

he was doing what we were doing yeah and he was going absolutely nutso mode and they were like we have to invent an award for this guy.

I feel like if that was the case though we would have gotten it last night. I know. Lucas texted his brother like asking what it was and we were both like why would your brother He was like

I asked Jobin and Jobin has no idea what that is. And no why would anyone know that? That's funny. I'm having a lovely time in the Midwest. That was

so fun yesterday to go to the soccer game but then I got interviewed by like the british i think i got it was like there it was like britain's anderson cooper yeah it was like it was kind of their uh he was kind of their anderson he was their whoopie goldberg he was their andy coen he was their andy coen and uh he was asking me like like british soccer terms yeah which for the record i never claimed i do any like it wasn't like i started the thing

No reasonable person would have expected you to know any of those. And all the Brits are like coming for my sack. There was like two comments. There were like 10. Really? Listen to this. Listen to this. Listen to this.

Oh, is this on TikTok? Yeah. I saw it on Instagram. I was like, I didn't see anything negative. I hate this World Cup already. In quotes, these have to be made up. Well, yeah, that's language, chief. First, or wait, once again.

Social media is going to be painful for the next couple of months. Because you don't know what squeaky bum time is? Worst World Cup ever, and it's not even started yet. Yeah. Cannot think of... You get the gist. I have another one. Hey, read the positive one.

Do yourself that favor. listen i'm ready to shit on americans any time of the day but he's clearly joking here leaning into not knowing of course he doesn't know what english slang is for football there would be some spanish german italian people who couldn't answer these questions doesn't mean they aren't fans see thank you you're not always on an island thank you um this girl posted a uh you know that video where she was like trying to triangulate where we were yeah it was like i'm trying to map out in milwaukee the funniest this was the hardest i've laughed all morning a girl commented a photo with just like a guy and like there aren't many comments on it has like a thousand likes it's not

like there's like a million comments where she comments a photo just of her with this guy and the person who posted the video is like who is that and it she just thought it was me and she said wait oh what she ran into a guy i'll show you she ran into a guy and he said he was me and she just like believed it where's that guy oh my god there's just a guy who looks just like a regular guy a regular guy which like is exactly why it was you know what i mean like i have a very regular guy face i would hope and he just he just is white and she just bought it this is truly all time

and like to it'd be one thing to just like in the moment like i had a couple too many beers whatever but like to wake up the next morning and be like double down i met it and like you have you have pictures of me that's what i yeah it's like why wouldn't you cross reference there was no part of her that went wanted to go back and check i was screwing my nuts off dude i know i feel like i sound kind of sexy right now do we sound sexy i we either sound sexy or sick i believe that we will win there was like what whatever row we were sitting in was like no one no one had ever sat in a seat before like it happened like three or four times where the row we were sitting in the row behind us and the row in front of us people were like sitting in

the wrong seats and then when the person who had that seat came up they like couldn't understand that i think what i figured out is that i think like maybe for other games it's normally sold as like a ga section god so there are a bunch of guys are like no i've done this a million times This is where I always sit. And they were ticketed for this game. So isn't that fun? That is very fun. Isn't that, like, fun?

I think we're going to win the World Cup. Not USA, like, us. You and I. Oh. I think it's going to be, like, kind of our cool runnings. We're, like, maybe we make some. Feel the rhythm. Feel the vibe.

Feel the rhythm. Come on up. Feel the rhythm. I don't think so. In the soccer context. Feel the rhythm. Our coach is, like, putting together the roster. Come on up.

it's world cup time he's he's up late trimming his bonsai tree and he's saying feel the rhythm feel the rhyme come on lads it's soccer time here's here's the you know how british people get mad at us for for calling it soccer they fucking invented that word that's their word uh what really so basically the like apparently like prep school british prep school boys had this habit of like taking the for the first syllable of a word and adding like ur urs to it to like abbreviate it so i'm trying to it would be like like a camera could be like cameras or whatever it was just like a thing that for some reason in like the 1800s yeah i think they did and the like football rules it was like the football association or whatever and so they

started calling it they couldn't call it assers so they started calling it they took the second it's a little just sock associate a sock association was truncated to a sock and they took sock and made it soccer because that was like the associate we're playing under association rules and then like we started calling it that because we already have a football and then south africa calls it that and other australia calls that a bunch of other places call it that and we are just we catch the brunt of it for some reason that is actually your fucking thing you did it and they could have picked asser yeah assers isn't that where ronaldo plays oh yeah all all muster how much money would it take you know how like soccer guys get like a

billion dollars to go play for the saudis what if like the saudi arabian version of spotify offered you you move i mean they literally just did that comedy festival the re-ad thing but this is like you have to move over there it's not a one-day thing like you now live over there And you podcast full time for I'm out For how much money though There's literally no money I'd do a 10 year deal

You'd give up like the peak of your life Okay I'd do a 5 year deal Still like what for money From this like shitty government That did 9-11 Can I come back Can I like fly over there on weekends And like bang it out and come back

Yeah I guess I'd do it for $100 million But I have to know it's blood money if it's if it's not blood money my face is like falling off it's so dry it's so dry in Detroit

we still haven't really gone outside but it looks beautiful it looks lovely and I'm and I bet it's awesome and I think I'm going to hang in here you can see into these people's yard and they're having like a fun little yard sale should we should we go do like a

an old school YouTube prank on them where it's like we like pull up to the yard sale and maybe in a shitty car and we ask to buy the most expensive thing and they go sir you couldn't afford this and then our butler

our butler pulls up in a Lamborghini and we start making out and they go I am so sorry please buy this lamp just have it have the lamp have my lamp have my lamp have my lamp everybody wants to go back in the left that woman that went to a yard sale and and bought a painting for like 20 and then it ended up being

that lost like da vinci painting that sold for 400 that would be that's the best way like that to me is so much better than the lottery where you'd be like yeah i at least because i feel like you'd have imposter syndrome if you won the lottery you'd be like i'd have like night terrors like i got so lucky like how did this not i did nothing to deserve this but if i bought it i want to buy a painting for 50 and sell it for 425 million that's my goal for the year i have a theory it's my name's resolution what's that i think that was a false flag staged by big yard sale big yard sale because think about i bet people want a yard sale surge when that oh my god or It was just like one guy having a yard sale

in his neighborhood and he's like, I'm going to start this rumor and then could not believe the scope of it. Big yard sale. Yard sale is such a 90s, early 2000s activity. I feel like no one does it anymore. I saw a woman up in

a lemonade stand a couple days ago and was like, good. Thank the fucking Lord. Do you want to hear a moral? And then she turned the ipad around and there was a tip thing actually no how funny would that like 2026 lemonade stand she's like and it's just gonna be a few questions on the ipad did you enjoy the lemonade i still think a bit where the question is just like something different because there was like

and there would be a question it's like i know what the fucking question is there's gonna be a few questions for you it's like trivia yeah touch on the map where you think Beirut is? Do I have to answer this? I mean, yeah, unless you don't want to tip. All the playmates have been playing. My map tap is like... I gotta get the door.

Who could that be? It's Caleb. Caleb! Caleb! It's a Kiki. they didn't have water that's okay

they got body armor they didn't have water they had body armor but they didn't have water yeah that's awesome well thank you Caleb um

wait what were we just talking about we were talking about oh the few questions so my map tap is flooded with playmates and we're having a blast

I've been kicking a couple of their asses but there's like two or three guys that are like legit do you think part of them are like some of them are just like taking it easy because they want a good app to come out so they want like he needs this yeah yeah if i got my ass kicked by all the playmates i'm just sitting here like i don't give a i'm just staring at the window not listening to

you at all um i started playing the poople and you won't play it oh my god taylor plays the poople with us i can i just talk the poople we we're driving back like i said we got in at one in the morning last night we were exhausted i was trying to nap in the car and i wake up to will will will will play the poople go go go to here i'll send you to you play the poople right now i was like i'm trying to sleep it's like midnight we had this fucking poop squat wait i want to say something about lemonade sands please i have this guy i have like a beef with and he we had a beef together last night at longhorn that's pretty steak i have like a there's a local small business owner that i have a beef with okay that i won't say because i don't want to you know i think he

still has a right to have customers but barely uh and if i said it it immediately would shut the place yeah with my well your word your words kind of law in venice my power yeah i wield a lot of power um he his kids had a lemonade stand and i kind of wanted lemonade but i was like no i'm not buying from that family because of this guy yeah but then i was like maybe that's the maybe i should be giving them money so they can get out of the house quicker and have a chance to be normal i don't think that they're i don't think they're aware of like how their dad their dad's like a little mean to customers sometimes

yeah like wait can we just can we bleep it just so I know what can you just explain what happened explain it vaguely it's a place right near my house and so I go there I used to go there a decent amount I used to always I walked by

it all the time and I just got this vibe of that he was very just like not friendly and in a way that you ever get the vibe of

it's a pretty well regarded place and so it's like he's got a big head about his craft I guess which is making coffee oh I know this guy I know who you're talking about at first I was like

oh it's cool he's sort of like the bad boy because he's so good yes and then after a few times like no he's just kind of like abrasive and like makes it the ordering process like kind of uncomfortable yeah and then i was walking by one time and i see like these two nice young ladies walking out of the place and they were like why was he like kind of a dick and i was like i don't want that in my neighborhood like a coffee shop where when you leave you're like that guy was kind of a dick yeah it's like the space is very cool the coffee he's great but like i'm sorry you well here's the thing like we can be the bad boys of podcasting

but it's when it's the bad boy of like like coffee like this is the start of people's day yeah sorry continue what were you well i guess i'm beating around the bush here the reason he has a big head is because he's a three-time world latte art champion right right this is kind of the like um apollo oh no this is 100 real i know he won three world i know who's championships i know i'm just saying isn't that fucking insane is that like you know like um like everyone wins nationals in like cheerleading like somehow there's like a million different like wait what the hell there's a germany parade down there oh god because of the because of the soccer game wait what i think i saw like a german flag in this parade that's about to come by

where is where are you seeing the parade oh god this is not good the germans are coming those are pride flags okay i might admit i'm in my defense if you only see the corner of the pride flag it kind of looks like it looks it's that's exactly right you know what i mean like the top right part of it is kind of germany oh no oh no there's a straight parade coming straight coming right at him unstoppable force meets an immovable oh no a straight parade is just a bar crawl that's what a straight parade is a bunch of guys oh my god that looks like a fucking hoot wait i'm gonna be honest like detroit looks like popping there's like a thing going on over there

yeah jesus christ oh my god detroit looks awesome doesn't that you know like like little kids will get so they like get themselves so excited they throw up i will got will saw pride bread and almost shit himself oh my god um wait so here's the thing with this with this coffee guy you gotta you gotta call him out because here's the thing there are guys like i have this this is how i feel about john taffer you know john bar rescue from bar rescue i love bar rescue i love john taffer and like i love it when there are businesses that are like you know they are asking for his help or whatever but it always correct when he gets to just walk in and be like because i'm good at this i get to like scream at you and tell you

how to do your business that never made any sense same with gordon ramsay yeah when you i mean if if can you imagine the guy puts two lattes on either side of your head and calls you an idiot cappuccino i'm an you're an idiot yeah exactly i just idiot latte it's just frustrating to see that you know i think the number one like i would rather go to a coffee shop where everyone is really nice and it's the most ass coffee i've ever had then the best coffee i've ever had and it's like i feel like uncomfortable my own skin yes my my go-to cafe for a minute was like kind of mediocre at best yeah but the people were awesome and like the vibe was good and so i i it was like i'd rather start my day this way i'd rather go to the number three latte art champion

if he's gonna be i would oh my god i would if the runner-up is nice like that's not even a question that should be a that should be a category in the world latte art championship is he also kind yeah he can make a mean cappuccino but none of this you have been i know i dude our car ride yesterday you and lucas were in the front and caleb and i were in the back and the amount caleb at one point was just like this car just smells like guy where it was just like fart feet ass vape taint taint like hangover breath barbecue sweat barbecue old spice and like slam dunks a little yeah a little bit of dunkaroos can i go to the bathroom yeah sounds i mean sounds like it is pressing it is would you get lululemon magic shorts is orlando magic lululemon

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lasting on-demand flavor find a store at lucy.co slash stores or get it shipped with 20 off your first order at lucy.co slash playdate using code playdate and here comes the fine print lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer is age verified warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical this episode is brought to you by mug root beer come on baby when was the last time you had a mug uh this morning i had one at 8 p.m last night isn't that crazy yeah that is pretty it was unbelievable it was at the cubs game and it was delicious uh i what mug mug root beer is all about moments when someone had that dog in me see mug root beer their whole thing is about you know encouraging these moments when people have

that dog in them right and i would like to talk about a guy who almost certainly had a mug root beer last night and that would be pete crow armstrong yep we're at this cubs game last night he makes a big error you know he's throwing the game and i think he drank a mug root beer after the sixth inning because he came out with that dog in him home run walk off i mean unbelievable uh i think that was a mug moment that hit i said the i said mug moment mug moment and something about chicago feels like a city where like yes moments abound yes i feel like we might be due for a few i agree and guys next time you're craving something cold frothy and packed with unapologetic flavor crack open one of those ice cold mug root beers find mug root beer at your

local store or head to www.mugrootbeer.com slash find dash mug to find out where you can get your paws on some mug and be sure to throw them a follow online at mug root beer can i just say something i'm so excited to be working with mug again come on baby let's get back into the episode all right caleb is now gonna give his thoughts to you caleb can you tell me any stories from our times in the midwest so far that you want me to talk about tell the playmates about um i will say the playmates on the midwest tour have been unreal there are more there must be more playmates in the midwest than the rest of the world combined it is i've never seen anything yeah it's like chicago chicago i felt like mick jagger i think every playmate ever went to the

cubs game in the last two days in chicago chicago made me feel like woody harrelson's brother i think a good story is the uh like our route to leave chicago oh my god it's so most absurd things we've ever done we're we are at the soccer game and right before we were about to go we realized that we cannot find our company credit card which is a big issue and so the bar we last had it at doesn't open until 2 p.m the game ends at like 3 so lucas calls we find out they have the credit card like miraculously so it's a four and a half hour drive to detroit we had to drive about an hour in the other direction back to this bar on the other side of chicago and then turn around and come all the way back it might have i think it added at least two hours to our

thing and so we got in at 12 30 instead of probably 10 30 maybe it changed my whole day oh my god and it was like perhaps my fault which was kind of a bummer we went to this karaoke place and i ordered willie and i had two red stripes and then willie went up and sang over my head as you could probably guess and these there were like 20 women who i think would have followed will into battle if he had asked them to come to like constantinople with him they were like ready for war they were singing along they were dancing their little tushies off oh can't say tushy can i caleb says i can i'm allowed to say tushy now um and then we left that was it and we left the card and we and i left the credit card on the bar well we don't

know that we don't know that it could have been me it could have been someone else could we maybe just left our tab open who knows we go to this one i feel like i should maybe wait for will to talk about some of this stuff you just hear him farting in there I should maybe wait for Will Will's toilet at home has to have like handles on the sides because his poop has so much force it tries to shoot him up at the ceiling it's like when someone sits on top of like a fire hydrant or like in a yeah i just realized like because like i'm in the cuck chair like producing this yes but it's not dissimilar from like a regular podcast setup so like is the producer chair just like the cuck

chair of a podcast that's a good that's a good question that is a good question the producer chair is kind of it's cuck chair jason it's kind of like um you know when there's like the executive cuck chair in like a hotel where he has like a desk and like a fridge and stuff over there and like pens that's kind of that the producer chair is the executive cuck chair wash your hands did you wash got it okay i think you made you wash your hands before you booped no no no no no no you don't need to

Sometimes I wash my hands before I pee Because I'm worried about what's on my hands I wash my poop 14 times on Sunday So I'm good for the whole week I wash my hands I shit 14 times Wait I had something funny to say What were you guys talking about?

We were talking about Oh I got it ready When you When we were trying to figure out What happened to the credit card We were like what was the last thing it was charged for and it was like at that bar we're like what were we drinking there and i could see it in your face you're like uh i think it was red stripe because

that's a beer that only he would order so like the moment we realized it was like kind of you know i kind of thought it was my fault until we like did the math and you're like uh i think we were the second i remembered the red stripes i was like that was that would be like um that would be like if lebron and his family were like where's the credit what's the last thing we bought with the credit card he was like a basketball yeah it's probably probably braun isn't his family yeah that's kind of a in in lebron's in lebron's world basketball is his hey would you guys want to go to constantinople yes of course of course oh my god so will will's lovely cousin comes out with us to the bar am i allowed to talk about this yeah will's lovely cousin comes out to the

bar with us we're having such a good time and there was this one bar that like 30 playmates had recommended they're like when you're in chicago you have to go to this place yeah we walk in and it's like a weird i think we got pranked it's a it's a weird fucking vibe but we were like you know what and it's not it's not like we walked in we were like oh this is like a grungy dive bar it was like just like kind of lit weird and like i don't know so we get in there we're like you know we'll give it a chance but it feels so fucking weird it felt like you were in this the basement of a church yes that's exactly what it was and we walk in and there's this like older guy at the pool table like going kind of like sicko mode it seemed like i thought maybe he was like

the cool guy there and then he gets done looks across the room sees will's cousin and makes a beeline for will's cousin and i was like this is gonna be a fucking issue she's at her own table will was like in the bathroom or something and i was at the bar and i'm like i'm sitting next her but we're at different we're at different like tables so i think he didn't realize that we were together and he came up to her she had a chorus banquet and he just whispered in her ear you know it's the champagne of beers and i was like i'm gonna let him i'm gonna let him realize that like this is a bad decision and like that's a bad opening line figure it out on his own and and she's like yeah you know she's like the nicest person like didn't have the heart to be

like get away from me so he goes you know it's the champagne of beers and she was like yeah no i've heard that and he took a beat and then he goes no look i mean it's on the bottle it's the champagne of beers and i was like all right all right we're good like everything hey like you tried it's fine and he won't leave it alone he's just like it's the champagne like you have he must have great taste in beers because that's the champagne of beers and i was like get the fuck away from her what are you doing and then he kept he was just being so creepy and at one point i like looked at the bartender so i was like i this is my first time here i don't really have the right to like maybe this is normal here maybe this is like their shot this is this is

their this is kind of their shots um and i was like i don't know if i have the right to like kick a guy because he's not like he's being super creepy but he's not like really breaking any rules don't kick him no kick him out and uh and he just kept going i looked at the bartender and the bartender was like you know an 80 year old woman and just basically gave me the like i don't know what you want me to do and so i was just like all right all right get the fuck out of here and like grabbed it grabbed his belt and kind of like moved him what no what did you keep saying over and over as like you're like me yeah what was it you can't read oh yeah oh my god about that your way of like wait there was there was this there was a okay i actually gave him way more of a runway i was like

for some reason in my mind I was like if he thinks that she's like illiterate we were hammered at this one this was not sound thinking but I was like

I like I like the logic I was like if he thinks that she's like illiterate maybe he'll like leave her alone and so I was just like

she can't read leave her alone and he was like that don't matter like what did he say he was like just cause she can't

read it oh oh yeah he was like just cause that's that's when that's when I was like

you can get the fuck out of here he goes just cause she can't read doesn't mean she can't do other stuff and then i just grabbed him it was like you need to go by the way i feel like i don't know if we're doing just this guy was like 100 it's like like he wasn't it wasn't a threat he was an old man like he looked like he was gonna like fall over if he had one more drink and never get up just because she can't read doesn't mean she can't do other stuff that is literally someone's grandfather dude wait he was wearing

a wedding ring too and we took we have i think we have a picture of him we don't have any footage of him i like didn't want to like film him because it was like weird but i wanted to be able to be like if this is your grandfather like come get your fucking man yeah because your grandmother no you don't want his grandkids to see that come on grandpa had one bad night out on the top dude come on dude he's like weird now we're gonna see him on the news he's like he gets the like legendary guest awarded outback he's like the model citizen this was just like a one dark blemish on his record one bad night if you're saying stuff like that out though like you are that you are the worst guy that guy was the worst and i was watching from across the bar she's kind

of like ah they'll take care of her i kind of felt once i heard like what are you saying i was like oh god maybe i should have been oh she can't read she can't read it is funny in my head that was like that was gonna be like a trump card where he was gonna be like oh my god i'm so sorry yeah i didn't realize and then he starts teaching her to read we realize like it's that's what i was thinking like what if it turns out like an anne frank situation where he's no not anne frank oh shit helen keller why i'm is that weird that like is that crazy to say like obviously they're completely different i just saw have you seen people are talking about this on the internet there was a guy saying like when people asked me to explain who anne frank was and he was like

she was like deaf and blind and like flew a plane and like i think she like wrote a novel while she was like flying the plane i think i actually did see this maybe this is why he like made his way into your brain she i don't i know this isn't like a new thought but like there's no fucking like we just are believing these there was a crazy person who just lied that she flew a plane and we just believed it wait what she didn't no one said she caleb look it up helen keller flew a plane this is a thing people claim what yes i think you i thought the joke was that he was also complaining her with amelia no in her book it's they claim she flew a plane according to ai Helen Keller in June 1946

who was deaf and blind to control of a four-engine Douglas Skymaster What's the point? From Rome to Paris the pilot invited her to the co-pilot seat and her interpreter relayed his instructions through tactile finger spelling

why were they doing all this stuff with her why weren't they just like leave her alone all right this is a miracle she flew from like they got so they got so excited about the stuff they were gonna do it's like and now let's get into the mood yeah she can flood you know what's funny is like they wouldn't let they wouldn't let a normal guy you can't just go in the cockpit and be like i want to do this but they were like trying to figure out what she could they were like so far every limit everything we've thrown at her she's been able to do what do you think is the like was she like

super famous at like while she was alive I don't know I always thought it was more like a story that came out later she was like

an advocate for the blind she was an advocate for the blind communities is there a world is there a like this might be messed up

but is there a world where she faked it a lot of people did that or like the people around her were faking like she could have

just been like like no offense but she could have just been like completely i don't know like she could have not have been able to do any of this but then some like sketchy guy was like if i just lied so she can't no one like 99 of the people that read about her would never meet her it wasn't like there was like tmz or anything that could like catch her like not able to do something yeah i'm not buying the fact that she flew a four-engine Skymaster.

Well, it sounds like the pilot, it was like she technically controlled the plane for a second, which I know. Oh, just for like a brief moment? Yeah. Okay, I buy that. What if she just like, she starts tacking for New York,

and they're like, Helen, Helen, flew into the World Trade Center. Ah, I missed. one of the 9-11 guys was like heading to New York he was like oh holy shit

I guess I'll just take this one on it's scheduled route now like a helicopter already did it 9-11 guy who

9-11 guy who yeah 9-11 guy a good good terrorist he lands them like on time

early lands them on top of a grape yeah a terrorist that just like wants to make flights more efficient yeah he's

yeah he's like the airlines are the real terrorists with these delays he's like we are 10th in the line to taxi to take off and the guy just goes up and storms the cockpit and just takes it off we're leaving now good terrorist yeah he he bombs they're like affordability due to turbulence we will not be able to do drink services this flight and he gets up and gets the card himself yeah no yeah yeah put zip ties on the hands of all the flight attendants and like gags their mouths and takes orders giving everyone double or he's like going behind the them at gunpoint being like now ask him what he wants to drink that's fun that's fun oh my god

are you okay i'm just thinking about good good terrorists it's like sometimes you just have to sit in these moments and be like this is about as good as it's ever gonna get we did it yeah we talked about the perfect thing yeah this is my first body armor this is delish yeah yeah is that what else is going on caleb will you give us more things that happened to talk about like other shit that we remembered or other stuff that we might not remember that we can talk about um i think i mean right after we left oh yeah so i don't know if you guys have watched the like videos that willie and i make where we go around and like go and have the perfect night out i don't think we've ever given a negative

review yeah until chicago back to back there were two places that like i couldn't we didn't give them a negative view we just abstained from rating them i believe because it was like i don't want to like slander a business but the following bar after the one where will's cousin couldn't read we walk in and i go to the bar and the bartender is making his way it's packed in their defense it's packed the bartender is making his way down the line and would like get to the person next to me and then just skip over me and go to the person next to me the other bartenders doing the same thing and a guy who got there like 10 minutes after me yeah could see how frustrated i was like and they came to him first like they skipped over me and

went to him and he was like no this guy's been here for like 15 minutes and i was like all right what do you want and i was like can i get can i get five miso thirsties and the it was like the guy like knew i was gonna order that it was just like i don't want to fucking make those right now and so the woman makes the another lady bartender makes them and she's like you know taking her time i'm looking at the ingredients and it's like doesn't look like what it sounded like like on the menu all those things sounded delicious and in practice it would kind of look disgusting so i brought it back to the table it was the worst cocktail i've ever had in my entire life i mean i think it was like gin which i just like it was vodka that was the confusing part

it was like a normal all those things sounded delightful on their own and then it was just like buns I didn't like it but I don't really drink a lot of cocktails anyway I mean for pleasure at least do you think that he knew

do you think he could read my mind he's like Oz Perlman and he could hear me thinking about ordering five miso thirsties and he's like I am slammed right now I cannot take care of that guy Probably.

It might have been Ox Perlman. That's my new character. Have you heard of him? He's a bull? What? No, no, no. He's like, can predict what song you're going to play next. Oh, Ox Perlman?

Yeah. He goes, see me, Bridgers. He goes, congratulations, Post Malone. Do you think he's like walking down the street and can... Ox Perlman? No, Oz Perlman and like read people's minds then. I don't think he can read people's minds ever. I think he uses like trick stuff.

but how like i've watched so many videos of him and it's like i think i could stump him but like every i think every person thinks that and then it happens to them yeah but i think he does like i think he uses like technology and like has like it like assistance and like it does stuff where he like figures shit out beforehand i don't know when they're like when they're like think about a person think about a random person and they just the odds of that are so but then they'll all he always they'll always say it before he flips the board around and reveals it no i watched one today where he like the guy was like i'm thinking of this girl and i called my friend to tell her about him from my childhood and he says all right i'll do like an impression or whatever and he was

like you called ian and said allison or whatever and the guy like lost his fucking heart i mean i can't really picture it but it's just like i think i if i ever see him i'm gonna look at him and just think about slurs the whole time and if he and if he makes a face then he'll know yeah do you think he can tell when you're thinking a slur i don't know ready i'm thinking of something good god man it was tacos you don't call them that it was tacos you don't call them that that is disgusting it was tacos oh i'm going to the tigers game today yeah who are they playing baseball max they're playing the mariners cal raleigh's gonna go big dumper mode you like a big dumper mode come on stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it you're like obsessed with his ass

we always do this when we talk about mariners you get so riled up when you think about his ass that you can't contain yourself. Dude, there was a guy in front of me in the line for beer that had the ass of the year. Do you remember that? This morning? No, the line for beer is at the World Cup.

The ass of the year? Literally ass of the year. He was wearing the tightest red sweatpants and he had an ass that did not quit. It was un... Wait, did he have a matching red top too? But he had taken it off. Yes, yes, I saw that guy.

Ass as big as the moon. Big as the moon. seriously he was at the the block party there were like women orbiting it it was so oh my god i forgot to mention who i met yesterday who's that the guy from nerds oh yeah will was like fucking obsessed with the nerds guy it was like the guy i thought maybe it was like a sitcom i hadn't heard you were like the guy from nerds is here and then i had to like go do something no so i didn't get to ask any follow-up questions he there was the a nerd candy but it was skin colored it was the guy who i think that's the guy who invented nerds the candy or found them

i guess so it just is skin he's not even skin colored yeah it looked like a penis and balls no it did look like the guy from why would they pick the skin colored one you know what i don't know no that was pink it was pink unless your skin's pink but i was following this is definitely i was like fucking around with the nerds guy like following him around a little bit and i thought it was like me and this lady were like having a blast like we were like loving the nerds guy and then i realized she was like his handler so i was just following him alone like i thought we were like doing a fun thing like following the nerds guy around and then i realized she was like a staff member there to like walk it was like a for context it's like a huge mascot costume

basically she was his handler like he he's like a rock star that like flies off the rails and but also he started talking and that freaked me out he was like go USA I was like oh god no because this is my take and I said this in the YouTube video but if you're in a mascot costume

the moment you say one word I assume you're a pervert it's gotta be pervert look these people are setting up for an all time day look at this guy he just put out a bunch of Adirondack chairs in his yard grabbed a guitar is this like the city of the year I think this is like their first good weekend here it literally is like a a painting outside our window there's like a guy starting a barbecue

there a yard sale here some sort of like like uh vintage pop-up going on over there yeah the pride parade just marched by all these that house looks fucking awesome all these houses look like they're from like they'd be creepy at night but they're sick during the day yeah they're kind of creepy night houses they this does look like a painting and then you you made kind of a you made like a jackson pollock in the bathroom just now right a little j-po you know a little thing about jack off pass out um yeah i i don't really know how i feel about detroit so far i think when you guys go to the baseball game i'm gonna walk around this fair city because the last time you guys went to the baseball and i stayed in the hotel room i got pretty sad yeah you should so

how hot is it really hot i have no idea probably yeah it's probably like 80 and humid as 74 come on baby nice um okay so can you why don't why won't you play me in the poophole i don't what is the poophole okay so i'm here's my thing with the poophole it's such a fantastic idea but it's the bad marketing they shouldn't have made it poop related so basically you get a random starting word a random four letter starting word and you can only change one letter of that word each guess and you have to get it to eventually be the word poop so it is so if it's like nail then you go like pale and then you get your p god oh that's pretty fun it's really fun but it's poop but the answer is poop so like when i send people the poop hole they think i'm like doing a joke

but i just i definitely thought it was stupid i just genuinely want to put my coffee on the charging pad so it says hi is that something my phone was plugged in and on the charging pad last night i was worried it was gonna like explode or it just started like calling people it like became sentient it's a mind if it's If you give your iPhone 20% more power, it can call everyone and tell them that you're horny. Really? Have you ever called someone and told them you're horny? No, it's probably come up before, but I don't think, you know, for that sole reason.

Just letting you know, just checking in. Hey, listen, just a little bit horny. I know the bummets fuzz in an hour, but. You know the what? Bat mitzvah I know my bat mitzvah is in an hour But I am fucking ready to explode I had to cancel my own bat mitzvah

Did you ever go to a bar mitzvah? Yeah, or is it bat for boys? Bar is boy, bat is girl Okay, I went to a boy one For Ben Feldman When I was a little kid What was the theme? Jewish

What? Yeah, it'll be like new york like ty ty and ty like my roommate oh my roommate ty and his twin brother z i believe it was like new york themed dude i'm i'm like i know this is not good podcasting but i can't stop looking out the window like the family's walking by trying to podcast with your golden retriever i know family's walking by we're trying to talk there's so much stuff happening outside the window these bridges like it's just beautiful out there yeah can we yeah i want to walk to the game guys you know what makes watching the world's game even more exciting getting rewarded every

time the u.s scores right now you can get in on bet mgm goal rush here's how it works just place a pre-match bet of $5 or more on any match where the U.S. is playing. And for every goal Team USA scores, you'll win a share of half a million dollars in bonus bets. Every goal means more chances to win. And after the match, the bonus bets are split among all eligible winners. And if you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE,

and you'll get up to a $1,500 new player offer on your first wager. BetMGM, make it legendary. Let's get back into the episode. Now, we got a beautiful episode for you guys today. We'll get back into the things where Andrew's going to be able to read your submissions once we get back. This is our last On The Road. This is our last On The Road episode, so thank you guys for sticking with us. We're going to do pitches.

Then we're going to do, oh, we can't even do This Guy Rocks. I guess I can just show you a TikTok. Or is that stupid? I think that's stupid. Okay. Then we're going to do party themes that don't exist and bar specials that don't exist. Perfect. Okay.

what is the worst part about hooking up with a lady um no penis you can't tell you can't tell when they when you have made them finish oh girl dude what you remember when you said this before the episode and then you're like that's the grossest thing i've ever said mentally i went oh good so then he won't say it on the podcast you don't want to hear about jizz for girls so you can tell when they come i think we got it caleb likes it should we take that out no no it's funny okay i feel like i'm leaning into my got it reaction got it um so i i mean that's just kind of my thing i just you know i want to just want to know what that would be like for them i guess that's just squirt i think i just invented squirt did i invent squirting who

can you pull up google who invented squirt don't google that don't google that it's a new computer we can't get a virus already it just explodes this work computer that's like that's the that is the self-destruct button for mac but for max like if you're a cia agent and you're ever compromised you can just google when who invented squirting and your laptop will explode do you think that that was a thing that ladies were doing in like medieval times like it never came up in like literature though it is how much old sex literature are you reading a normal amount yeah as much to the next guy i just feel like it would like maybe they'd think

you were like a witch that's what started the salem witch trial squirting was a woman squirted And they were like, this is unbelievable. We have to burn her. Like giant. Dude, brothels back then were huge. They were massive, dude. Do you have a pitch, really? Yeah, I got a pitch.

No, ready? this is i think there should be something you ever going over a bridge and you're like jesus christ get me to the other end of this place like a rest stop on the bridge but there's like a bar like a bar halfway through in a bar in a convenience store and like you ever on a bridge and you're just like jesus christ can i get the other side of this fucking river it's like yeah most times but it just takes forever so you rest bridge restaurant bridge rest stop okay all right i can get behind that and the bathrooms are just holes straight into the lake dude that is the funniest thing that that used to like in castles

the toilet would just be like off like it would be high up and up and off the castle that your poop would just fall like 50 feet and hit the ground oh my god maybe is that where they got the inspiration in like monty python and the holy grail they get like poop rained on them from like one of those from the castle yeah but i guess i mean it's like i mean that's a real thing can you imagine a guy wait wait ready i'm closing my eyes all right you're trying to poop during battle like there's a there's a siege and you're starting to poop and a guy like shoots an arrow up the hole up your butt oh yeah that would suck that would stink message sir all right do you want to do party themes that don't exist or bar specials that don't exist let's do party themes

that don't exist okay i'm very excited about some of these these are more party themes that don't exist the mama nod it's like prom but everyone brings your friend one of your friend's moms as their date i like that okay i thought it was like something with tapenade oh no it's nothing like with tapenade okay how about this musical beers has anyone ever done this you just lay out one less beer than however many people are there oh that's phenomenal and then you chug them and then you have to just try to grab one got it and chug it that's so fun you're out if you don't get one and you're out if you don't chug it i love that uh jeans and creams you cannot come in unless you're wearing all denim and the only drink

there is white Russian. Love it. Dairy and kind of denim vibe. What if you're wearing cream, could you drink jeans? Yes, obviously. The can is lava. Everyone's beer cans are lava so you have to have creative ways of

drinking your beer. You can maybe bake oven mitts, a towel, whatever, but if you're caught touching the can, you gotta go home or take a shot of death. i love that dead presidents you either dress as a famous rich guy or a former president what is the dead part because like dead presidents are on money oh okay santa claus one guy is dressed like santa and he's giving white claws that way oh that's fantastic

i love that actually we do bar specials that don't exist yeah these are more bar specials that don't exist pants the dj night dj is up there doing his thing the first person to pants him gets free drinks for the rest of the night but here's the catch all the servers and bartenders are on his side so they're trying to fight you and stop you from getting up there that's unbelievable tabs for tabs night okay patrons keep the tabs from their beer on like a rope around their neck so you like take the tab off your beer at the end of the night the person with the most tabs gets their tab paid for i like that a lot can you steal them you can steal you can steal might end up like pants the dj night chaos that's the dj that's so funny uh the waiters are like

like uh in formation trying to protect them like it's like a war yeah yeah they're like a flying v to get up there uh reverse karaoke at reverse karaoke night they play the lyrics and you have to hum the melodies it's not fun that's awesome the ponzi scheme everyone is trying to buy as many drinks for others as they can if you are the one who buys the most drinks your tab is free but if not you're on the hook for the whole thing i love that uh two dollar beers night uh a select assortment of domestic

drafts are just two dollars from six to eight wouldn't that be insane I don't know if that would work I don't know if that would like get people excited to come to the bar hair of the dog night bring your dog in free beer

sold all right we love you guys have a great rest of your wednesday have a great weekend we will see bright and early on monday back in the studio back in the studio with andrew living the dream love you