Will & Rusty's Playdate - Loose Camels with Lil Sasquatch

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

Lil Sasquatch, stand-up comedian and host of Son of a Boy Dad podcast, joins Will and Rusty for the long-awaited Jackie Robinson episode. The boys draft sayings that don’t exist, write more country songs, and get Sas’s take on Playmate dilemmas. They also discuss the unfortunate act of sh*tting yourself and how a camel got loose at Cedar Point. FOLLOW LIL SAS: https://www.instagram.com/lilsasquatch666/ FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL. GET 20% OFF + FREE SHIPPING WITH THE CODE PLAYDATE AT https://www.manscaped.com/. THE SUMMER SUN IS HERE TO STAY, SO TRUST MANSCAPED TO KEEP YOUR PUBES AT BAY. DOWNLOAD THE DRAFTKINGS CASINO APP AND USE CODE PLAYDATE TO BOOK YOUR ONE-WAY TICKET TO FUN. START PLAYING WITH JUST $5 AND GET $100 BACK INSTANTLY IN CASINO CREDITS. PLEASE PLAY RESPONSIBLY. 21+. https://casino.draftkings.com/ (00:00) Intro (02:43) Underage Bars (05:26) Meet Lil Sas (07:31) Camels on the Loose (10:54) Roadmap (14:53) Pitch Submissions (20:55) Pitches (31:39) Sh*tting Yourself (37:35) New Habits (41:20) Iceland (43:56) AITA (01:00:23) This Guy Rocks (01:05:09) Teach Me Something (01:11:52) Sayings that Don’t Exist (01:16:25) Country Songs that Don’t Exist (01:22:06) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Nice travels. As always, Playdate is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer, redefining the party landscape. Hey, Playdate, episode 42. Jackie Robinson episode. Okay. My choice, right? Yeah, I think we're kind of the golden handcuffs.

Yeah, or Al Horford. I was going to say Al because this is, we're pre-recording this, So hopefully this is coming out right after the Celtics won. You got any 42s you want to? No. I don't. Jackie Robinson. I didn't even know Al wore 42, to be honest.

There was a guy in the comments saying he was making some threats if we didn't make it a Jackie Robinson episode. Oh, really? Yeah, classic part of our. You got to respect Jackie, yeah. I was driving home yesterday, and I think it's a known thing. You know people will flip you off, but they've figured out that a thumbs down is more damage. i got hit with one that i had never even thought of so you know in la there's all the keep clear things so people can like oh like don't block the intersection yeah but there was like just as the

last guy was flying down there like was enough space for me to go and me and both the the car next to me both pulled up he easily could have gone around but he like made it a bigger deal pulled in and just goes it stung i had no idea how to recover from it i got the wave the other day like in the rear view mirror the dude i was looking in the rear view and the dude was behind me waving like in a mean way yeah because i cut him off but i was also like yeah i'm still in front of you yeah why are you smiling i won by a lot i saw a serial killer move this guy would time it he'd be in the right hand lane and he would just be creeping at three miles an hour and then the second it turned green he would go a hundred miles an hour and speed around

oh yeah he did it five or six times and then you just disappeared and i was like that is a more efficient way to get around town yeah i like hate it when like sometimes you get like those like uber drivers that's just like all right like we're gonna be there like it's like a two minute difference like there's no way yeah dude i i used to live in i lived in chicago for like six months i went to college there and then i dropped out where'd you go to paul nice yeah and i uh you go to mcgee's yeah yeah i did yeah it's a shit yeah yeah but uh that was like the only bar that could go to there yeah well i'll tell say what you're gonna say yeah but we but like the uber drivers would ask when you're i would like go home and they would ask what time your flight was

and if it was like in a if it was like too soon that they thought like they thought it was like that was a rush they would all of a sudden they just start going like 200 miles like why do you yeah i was like dude we're gonna be fine i was one that's like that's totally on me i've clearly done the math i know when i'm gonna get there dude that bar me right yeah yeah when i was visiting my cousin in chicago who's like 35 yeah and has like kids yeah uh he was like like all right like we like let's have a have a night i want to show you around the town like he was kind of like living like you remember like the older family members that kind of like when you're in town yeah so he's like show me around to some bars and he's like oh i think this one's gonna

be a hit and he takes me there yeah we get inside i'm i'm 22 at this point yeah and we get inside and it's just like a meat we ordered like four beers for something we're like we'll have two each year yeah so we have four beers and then we realize everyone's like like dude yeah it's an underage bar and i was like are we like this seems like not cool so i was like all right let me go to the bathroom i go to the bathroom i'm using the urinal and i'm like is this like an underage bar and the guy next to me goes i got in by giving the bouncer a ten dollar chipotle gift i walked out i was like zach leave the beer so let's get the fuck dude i didn't realize how crazy that was like going to an underage bar well i went to denver one of my like best friends lives

out there and we went out and we went to a bar and we got there and it was like empty and they were like it gets pretty popping around and then at nine just like children start just like they all have backpacks on yeah it was like and it was like orientation week so it was all like 17 18 year old was like the max age yeah and it was like dude this is this feels so weird it's like funny like when you were that age you thought like you thought you were getting away with it yeah but now when those that happen everyone here thinks we have jobs there was a the worst time of year to be in winter park when i was in school was like when thanksgiving rolled around and all the kids who grew up in this town came back from like sec schools that had like they all have their like

barber jackets on or like coming back from old miss and they're just like the worst and they don't realize like when you're gone this is my bar i know you grew up here but like i kind of kick it here pretty often and uh they would always like there were three dart boards and they would just like set up a tournament and you would be like no i come this is what i do like i come here i want to play they like all just gotten into their fraternities and are like the worst kids alive yeah it's brutal i learn boards at bars are always funny it's always like yeah feels like a hazard yeah it's shocking that it doesn't become a bigger issue yeah there was that that guy at uh at ye olde king's head texted me that i met this like former yale football player and he wiped me

five times in darts super cool and then left and then he texted me the other day i don't know how he remembered my name and just texted me a picture of like the empty bar and he was like like the boys the boys are like missing darts right now and i was like we're not buddies like that it's also where soon you get a text from a guy they're like oh i thought we're on the same page if we we're ever gonna talk about this again i think we should introduce our guests oh yeah yeah little sasquatch yes how are we we're good man thank you for coming thank you for having me in town from how was the how was your travels oh it was good it was great yeah i'm not a huge i i like i mean you guys like la you like you live in here i like yeah yeah i'm just like not here that we

were in new york last weekend yeah and every time i'm there i'm like i like it here more but then i get back here and i'm like yeah i just like the i like walking yeah you can't do that you can't do that no you need everything's everything's like not that far geographically but it takes four hours new york is like that in a way like you can go somewhere that's three miles away and it's a 45 minute drive yeah yeah there's just more stuff yeah like it's kind of like i feel like i don't really leave venice so i do walk and bike but then this area seems very walkable yeah yeah it's nice here but there's not as much stuff yeah the the area that i live in breton we're just like 20 minutes away and like the people there that walk aren't like me like they're like yeah they're like

fit and they're like walking or running somewhere yeah and they're doing it with purpose and i feel like when i'm walking around they can tell i'm not and no one lives downtown no downtown i don't even i actually don't really know what you can get i've only ever been to the arena and back i've never like done anything i went to a lakers game here a couple years ago and we went downtown and i was like oh this is like a ghost town it's really strange you can get the sickest loft for like no money because no one wants to like ginormous two-bedroom loft you ever see those tiktoks where it's like take a tour of this whatever yeah and you're like this must be a 15 million dollars yeah like you you could have it right now yeah you could do it with your salary

new york's the opposite new york's like the quiet places are cheap like queens and like in brooklyn are cheaper and then if you want to live like in midtown it's like you have to i think my sister pays yeah four thousand dollars to sleep like standing up in a club um should we should we road map it up or do you have yeah um oh i had something i wanted to bring up did you guys see the i was like i was like laying down last night my bed i was cracking up to myself camels got loose at cedar point i don't know what either i don't know okay okay i saved it on my head i gotta cedar point amusement park and like why were they there i don't are there camels have you been to cedar point once i don't really remember so evidently like i thought this

was like ai or something at first wait you're gonna love this well the last camel we the last camel i brought up i would thought it was real yeah it was a camel riding his camel riding his and i was like this is insane like how is no one talking about the zipline and then all the comments were like oh he's legitimately special all right in our defense it's like when you look at this screen it's like a little bit harder to tell okay no i get that that was look at the next angle i mean so fake and in my honest i could i would believe that i thought it was like i thought it was like maybe he had gotten to the top of the mountain and like broke a leg and they were like We need to get them back down.

And so they, like, built this thing. Wait, this is real, and it happened yesterday. Oh, wait. Take this in case it gets too long. Oh, my gosh. They're huge. She has hands. Wait, time out.

That's not real. Oh, my God. Play it. Wait, that guy. All right, for the people at home, there's a camel wreaking havoc, and there's a man in a wheelchair that no one is moving. Why did no one get him out of the way? The zipline video looked more real than that.

No, I saw multiple angles of this. Yeah, okay, that's exactly what the top government has put it in reverse, Terry. So whoever was in charge of that man in the wheelchair... Can you Google it, see if there's a news article about it? I didn't realize camels were that big, either. They're not. You don't want to fuck them. You know the waters in their humps? Yeah.

What's up with that? Yeah, camels escaped petting zoo. Camels are... a camel's got to be like best case scenario i don't i don't know the way it was whipping its neck around i would have thought so until i saw that video i think it was moving it was huge but i guess like yeah it'd be worse if it was like a tiger or something like some sort of like poisonous lizard where it's like you can't see it we went to a i went to a uh like emu and ostrich farm with uh with skylar and we were filming it and uh i guess the you ever call a place to film

and they're like yeah no that'll be totally fine you're talking to the wrong guy someone who does not have the authority to do that so we're like full camel crew feeding full camera crew my cameramen are camels and um i'm on my like eight you're supposed to just get one thing of feed yeah but i thought because we were like paying them to film here i could just i was going hog wild and i was on my like eighth thing of feed and one of the guys came up and was throwing up he was like he was like you gotta you gotta chill out he's like because they like they knew i was the guy that was like gonna come back and they try and take the thing from you so i'm in like a tug of war oh with the bird yeah and then the guy came up and he was like who are you with

again and i was like my producer lucas called i think like i think we're supposed to be here he's like i haven't talked to anyone you guys need to leave now he thought we were like pranking the ostriches that's funny um all right let's get into the roadmap roadmap this is our roadmap it's like a flagship part of our podcast where he says everything we're gonna do today yeah people like people like it yeah it's usually 45 minutes into the episode um all right we have a great episode for you guys today we're gonna do your pitches our business pitches do we have am i the asshole learn we're gonna hear a couple am i the assholes uh everyone's favorite segment this guy rocks all right followed by teach me something no okay you're gonna love it we've been doing this fun

thing where we keep adding segments yeah don't get rid of it yeah that's great and then we have teach me something followed by sayings that don't exist and country songs that don't exist um sass's manager apparently told him about both of those on the car right here so we're gonna we're gonna find it also is a big ass to just usually yeah we have like the most demanding we we had our last guest was luke noel yeah yeah we sent him like we sent him all of the segments and he was like jesus christ so he like tried to dumb it down and anyway yeah mine suck mine are all terrible yeah okay yeah set the bar low yeah we'll see yeah will will like thrives on like i i do mine like far in advance because i don't think i'll be able to do it day of yeah will shows up

with an hour to go and he puts his headphones in he goes don't talk to me he just sits on his laptop for now i'm like i can't get anything done unless i have like impending like consequences oh yeah i'm the same way yeah so i and i've like learned to just like adjust to that yeah like i was like i'm not yesterday i could have done it but i was like no i'm gonna get up this morning no i can't do anything in advance you also had bradley stephen perry yesterday oh yeah you know good luck charlie yeah or gabe from good luck charlie will interview to me i interviewed him i heard he was cracking into the podcast he's i love it dude he was the man yeah it was like it was like very fun like we were just cracking up the whole time does he still do shit or is

he not an actor he's like a no he's well he has like a cooking show and like a podcast and stuff yeah he went to usc like you have like a normal like college is he our age life he's 25 yeah i guess he was pretty young when that show was on tv yeah that must be how old are you 23 oh same yeah nice we're all wow we're 23 year olds more microphones april 5th oh okay yeah so i just turned 23 a couple months ago happy birthday thank you yeah i'll say it next year this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories

man i sound like a broken record at this point if you've been listening but i i really do love this triple i've been making music these days when playing a lot of a lot of my guitar and uh the triple is kind of a nice compliment i have a few triples i sit down gets my mind flowing and uh yeah i feel i mean you get that little that social feeling kind of buzz i guess but the best part is you can do it on a tuesday or a thursday or hell a freaking wednesday and you wake up and you feel great the next day and yeah i mean there's nothing nothing better than that i can't say enough good things about triple look here look got this one this one this one i love my triples triple is born from a desire to blend thc's social buzz with the social ritual of sipping

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shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at unitedwaygt.org. Business pitches? Yes, let's do it. So the listeners write in business pitches, and we are going to say if we would invest.

We're the sharks. Yeah, yeah. I got two that I've had for a while. Will said this yesterday. He was like, I feel like every, we don't even need to tell him, I feel like every guy has a company. Couple in the arsenal.

You're the guest, you get to pick. I'm usually Barbara, but you can be Damon. or mark i'll be mark i'm randy all right yo dog all right this is from jt he says long time oh what long time bitch first time pitch a lot of the time clever a lot of the time these pictures are all a neat idea but physically impossible or impractical on the other hand i am baffled as to why this invention wasn't made long ago four words dog harness metal detector the canine would have a scanning device. I don't even have an idea of what.

In case your dog swallows coins or something. The canine would have a scanning device down below and a display atop. Much like a normal detector, when a precious metal is discovered, a high-pitched sound plays, which tells the dog to dig. This will revolutionize the world of archaeology.

No more sluggish, haphazard mandarin around a field for months just release a pack of doggy detectorist and make history in minutes furthermore once this technology is there i believe we should be putting these jackets on moles so we can discover even deeper historical finds as well as pockets of valuable metals and fuck it put it on birds too you never know what you'll find up there much love from england oh well done england wait that's actually kind of we were just talking yesterday he was asking if we had playmates from that's what we call early yeah yeah from england and i feel like we have a lot like a lot of people right now there were a couple that were that'd be funny if like

we developed like a somehow mostly british audience like we're like selling out wembley yeah no we're really we're really big in like east liverpool yeah i saw a thing yesterday where it was i don't know if it was like the ark of the covenant or something but like some like significant religious like artifact and apparently the guys who were digging it up like in the bible or quran or what i don't know who who claims it but they were like whoever touches it will be like struck down immediately and i guess this crew they they thought they found it and then a huge sandstorm came knocked a crane down and it killed a hundred people and they lost it they can't they can't remember this is real swear to god i mean i watched on tiktok so take it with a grain of salt

but that's what i said i like that idea that idea is kind of fun oh i think that is so fucking is archaeology stupid yeah they do all the work for you i don't think like metal detecting is like a is like an act that we need to make more convenient i am picturing like you know like the weirdos on the beach when you're on like your sunset walk now it's just like 400 dogs yeah yeah he he did say like archaeology i don't think it would be used for that i think it would be guys trying to find a ring yeah exactly yeah i saw a guy find a find like a a giant cannonball at the beach he was like metal detecting and it was like it's like way bigger than i thought they were yeah getting hit with what do they do suck so bad dude i hate all that i hate this shit where

like the dudes are throwing the magnets in and then they like call i like that yeah yeah i found a gun that's all it's gonna be it's just gonna be more dudes calling the cops being like look what i found yeah yeah but what if they used it on like real like but yeah but archaeologists aren't looking for metal they're looking for bones okay yeah maybe it's got like that maybe they can find bones yeah yeah what about for birds who said we could put birds i like there's no metal up there it would just be flying headfirst into yeah also is that just a drone too yeah yeah yeah we're yeah okay i think we kind of debunked that we were really hot we were really hot this is why it was good i don't know maybe it's a maybe metal

detecting is bigger in london yeah there's more of a need yeah you ever see that guy's chest they They found a chest plate of an old soldier that had clearly been hit by a cannonball. And it went through the front and out the back. All the comments were like, that shit probably hurts so fucking bad. That's got to be a terrible way to go. Scurvy's probably up there, too.

Thank you, JT. Next one is from Kirsten. She says, I have a pitch. The dementia dinger. a wristband that connects wirelessly to hot spots throughout the household of an elderly loved one who may be starting to forget and these hot spots can be placed by the microwave or the oven and once the dementia dinger is in its vicinity an audio recording of your voice gives your loved ones a gentle reminder for example grandma has been putting aluminum in the microwave

if you're not home strap granny up with the dimension dinger she heads towards the microwave with a gentle reminder and a recognizable voice reminds her to steer clear gentle parent your parents with the dementia dinger oh it's kind of here's here's my weirdly like sweet no i know it was awesome i want usually they're like yeah i i like it i worry i worry that if they're already kind of losing their grip on the voice our voice there's no person more voices you'd walk in your grandma's like make it stop the next up is the schizophrenia dinger it's all okay yeah i think it's a good idea except for the voice i don't even think i think it being someone that they know's voice is worse yeah why is michael here yeah yeah it would get it would her turn like

violent after hearing that that would be like the setup for like a horror movie yeah is your voice coming from the microwave is there stuffing aluminum into it that would also they start to think the microwave is their son yeah my mom always said if she gets dementia she wants me to take her on a walk and forget to put the brake on her wheelchair and just let it go wherever it goes. Alright, should we pitch each other? Yeah, I got some

heat. You want to start us off? My ideas are lame as shit compared to that. That's okay. Mine was metal that finds dogs. Yeah. It's reversed. You bury it in the ground

and it beeps. All right, you guys go first. I don't want to go first. You said you have two. Yeah, I do. So we each only have one. I want to do my two in a row. We'll bookend it.

That's what I was saying. You got to go first so that we can... All right, all right. I'll do one. I'll do one of mine. So my first one is... It's an ice holder where... But it goes in your cup.

It's like a thing that goes at the bottom of the cup so that when you're drinking your water, the ice doesn't come and smack you. Oh! Wait. Holds the ice down at the bottom of the water. it's it the ice can't get through this like oh it's like a great yeah yeah yeah it sounds great billion dollar idea yeah i feel like i feel like that might exist i don't know i haven't i haven't

i guess a water bottle is a good uh solution yeah or something you're just moving you're moving the top of the water bottle it's like the gatorade squeeze thing but it's at the bottom so it's like really hard you like squirt it up and then like catch it i came up with that idea like 10 you're sitting on it yeah you were in class waiting for the right guy then you looked up you're like when you go to a bar and you get like a you get like a like a diet coke or something yeah and it's all ice and you can't get the end of the diet coke that last bit by ice is pretty brutal i do like is it but it still mixes with the liquid yeah it's not like a separate cool no okay got it got it because there could be an argument for maybe it's just a really cold thing

at the bottom yeah so that it doesn't water down your drink either that could work i think there's all sorts of avenues we could explore yeah yeah because like if you're having a cold beer perhaps you don't want the water no you don't want the water mixing in yeah you don't want to water down beer yeah i don't know why we would have to start putting ice in our beers just because it's like it's like a it's like an evolution of the frosted mug what's the what are those pitchers that have the giant metal core in the middle oh yeah yeah you're at buffalo wild wings you're like i feel like we're trying to reinvent the wheel here it's like if lightning struck right now i'd be so fucked it's a giant steel pole it also it also just it's like four beers worth of yeah you don't

need this like i can i'm gonna sacrifice a little bit of cold if you just take this giant ice rod and just keep them in the freezer yeah it's like that thing in blue mountain state when they have heat stroke they had the the ice rods that they would put i think it's a real thing but like if someone's having serious heat stroke they have a really cold thing and they put it up someone's butt. Yeah. And it cools your core down. Makes sense. Yeah. Sounds awful. It's better than having a heat stroke.

I don't know. I'm actually not entirely sure. Coming out of that heat stroke must be a fucking nightmare. It's like Narcan for heat stroke. Where the hell am I? What the hell is in my ass going up to my core? Why didn't you guys just put me inside? Guy who's just like a little hot. Put it up his ass.

It's like 75. You're wearing a sweatshirt. hold him down he's delusional it's the heat stroke i could have just taken my sweatshirt off now i have a 12 inch steel rod on my ass i've got some also some cooling technology uh was it like really hot when everyone was writing i think god this this one might suck uh seat it's a seat cooler in like a car you know like the modern cars have like exists what exists do they that makes the seat colder yeah like most cars no they've been only newer like newer ones like not like ac no no it's it that makes the

seat below you cooler okay continue just say your well how would you do it how would you do it that's I will say it doesn't really work because it's trying to blow cool air but you're sitting on the holes so it's not really doing anything yeah mine is more like ice based it's not like air

why is Will's car soaking wet? that's what they need do you ever try and get the cooling pillows that don't work for 30 seconds are you supposed to put it in the freezer? no it's just like a different type of fabric or some shit it doesn't work but they used to make ones where it would be like a thing that

you put in the freezer then you'd put it under your pillowcase yeah then you just wake up and you're soaking wet your case is drenched in water yeah that's a disaster yeah i've heard of guys putting their boxers in the freezer and then like getting them in the morning on like a hot we went to school in florida and so they'd like like a really hot day they'd like put a fresh pair of boxers in yeah grab it and put them on that's like the one part of me i don't want to cold even on a hot day also also not to not to be like a shirt maybe it would make more sense not to debunk these like real liberal arts scientists that i went to school with but like if they're dry like they don't get any colder no maybe a second yeah yeah people always people

used to say like just pour water on your pillowcase before going to bed yeah but then it just dries immediately and it's wet and it's also wet yeah and when it got really hot in maine we would like get i'd make a washcloth in like ice water and then like wring it out and sleep like that oh like on your head because we just like we didn't i don't know if like we were just poor we just didn't have ac no i think yeah no we didn't have ac for the first like half of my life yeah uh where are you from massachusetts oh nice yeah where uh like south shore that area okay cool yeah yeah i went to boston i went to bc oh really yeah nice it's a cool place killer yeah bc's awesome yeah okay i don't have a i don't have a name for this pitch yet but uh are you

ever like i i just follow so many people but it's like such a bitch to go through and like unfollow the ones that i don't want to follow anymore yeah hinder for who you follow okay all right it'll be like this person and it'll say whether or not they follow you back yeah yeah you can just be like unfollow so you can just because it's like you have that thing with your pictures yeah it shows me my it shows me pictures that i've taken on this day every year yeah choose to keep or delete them yeah i do it every morning oh hell yeah it's very fun that's nice wait so what is it you you're it's like tinder for people to follow it's like uh-huh yeah now what the fuck it's like it'll like either keep it it's just like the the interface of tinder okay yeah so

it's like it's like swipe this way to keep following oh oh this way to unfollow so you gotta go through your followers without having to scroll the list that makes sense look at their yeah i like that it's actually not a bad idea but people would use that yeah yeah i would be shocked if it doesn't exist i did i did little to no research yeah well i clearly didn't do any very much exists apparently yeah yours was just ac yeah i guess mine was just a water oh i'll do my last one oh yeah it's an app okay i made it i came up with in high school okay it's uh you remember trivia crack yeah yeah it's like trivia crack but all the questions are sat prep question oh so you prep for the sats while playing a game on your phone yeah that's

awesome yeah that should exist yeah we should make that yeah when i was prepping a billion dollar idea when i was prepping for the sat we like you know you guys like hire a tutor yeah like go to him and i'd come home and my dad would be like hey the tutor says you're not doing the prep and i'd be like yeah i just forgot and he's like that's like the whole it's like you're like we're paying this guy yeah and you're just not you're not getting any better yeah thing that i would do the prep and i would just look up the answers and i was like this is just there's no point in doing this what'd you guys get on the sats dude the first time i took it i got like like a number that you'd be surprised that you're allowed to like walk outside

and it was one of those times where you're like fucking aced it like i'm going to harvard with that score and then you get it back and you're like oh i got literally every single there was a there was a kid in my high school that was a grade above me and he uh cheated on the psat which doesn't it doesn't mean anything the only reason you're taking it so you have a baseline to know like what you can get going into it and so he went from being like kind of the town stooge to like his parents were like oh we're chilling he just doesn't care about class yeah and then he just like 400 on the s yeah like i think got like zero right yeah i got i got below a thousand the first time i took it out of 1600 or 20 oh it's probably 16 i think by the time we were doing it

and it was you get like 400 for writing your name yeah yeah so i got like like a 30 on the first time i took it and then i got and then i got like extra time i used that as my advantage and then i got like i still bombed but i got above a thousand yeah so and then it turns out it doesn't even matter anymore yeah it's gone we're like the last generation of people yeah i was bummed at that because i did way better on the sat than the act and then i'm like hearing that it didn't oh they still make you send in the act no they don't do either i didn't even know but i'm saying like i think doing like doesn't yeah it's like a southern thing ladies and gentlemen it is my pleasure to announce that smooth sack summer is officially upon us when you're playing in the

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more efficient than that stuff it's got dual led spotlights three length setting combs and oh i forgot it's waterproof so you can bring it in the ocean you can bring it in a lake you could bring it in the pacific ocean literally anywhere get 20 off and free shipping with the code playdate at manscaped.com that's 20 off and free shipping with the code playdate at manscaped.com it's smooth sack summer boys get on board or get left behind i think i might already told this but my buddy garrett uh had like explosive diarrhea during the sat yeah and there were like three five minute breaks and he he just like called his shot at the beginning and was like like tell very clearly telling everyone like i have diarrhea like he said that to the room no like to like us but it

was like 20 kids in the class so like word spreads pretty quickly the set he would he would finish it and then he would just be sitting there like like tapping his leg they'd be like all right five minute break he would sprint like get as much out as he could and then sprint back and uh i i think he was like i couldn't even like see it's like a blind he was like he was like i wasn't even sure if i was like filling in the bubbles just oh dude that diarrhea when it's fucking when you can't go yeah and you gotta go yeah that's worse than like any piss that you have to hold in yeah because it goes in waves yep yeah it's like yeah you think you're past it yeah yeah yeah that's like a minute on a minute off and the minute on you're like i'm gonna shit myself and then off you're like oh it

like it passed it comes back 10 times stronger that happened with our first guest ever they i was going he it was him not yeah i was i was going to the bathroom and they intercepted me at the door and i just felt like i couldn't tell them that i have to go to the bathroom so we just did it and i'm in a cold sweat the entire time not saying anything yeah it just looked like i was really nervous yeah have you ever shit yourself of course yeah i shit myself on a golf course oh wait i went to a golf one hole when i was in eighth grade and it was the first day and it was the first time we played like did you know these kids or were they all these are all strangers and we're we're on the second hole and i'm like i gotta i'm gonna shit my pants and i

had to go into the woods and shit and then just come back and play honestly it was the best round wait so you didn't shit your pants i shit in the wood okay yeah and i well i shit my pants that same week okay i had food poisoning and it was the whole week and then the time that i shit my pants i remember i woke we were sleeping in dorm rooms at williams college in massachusetts and i remember waking up mid sprint to the like it was like i pulled my i don't even remember waking up and like walking out of my room i just remember waking up and i'm sprinting down the hallway to the bathroom and shit is just exploding out of my ass as i'm running and then dude and it was like four in the morning so no one was awake and i took the underwear and i just threw it away and

then i just ran back to the dorm just ass naked did someone wake up like all right well someone clearly shit all over the pants and floor and it was so obviously me because the whole week i was shitting my pants those were your only pajama pants you're sitting in the corner naked you're like yeah i wonder who that could have been my mom and i were moving uh like it was like a mirror the size of the couch that you're sitting on and we had to get it up into this loft yeah and i had to make the transition from holding it like this yeah holding it like that up yeah and she said something or like i think i was like sick but then she said something to make me laugh like right as i was doing it yeah shit my pants dropped the mirror it fell and it went through the wall

like into it was like encased in this giant frame went through the wall into the bathroom she looks at me i'm just like shocked and she was like what was that all about and i was like i just shit my pants she was like that's not funny i'm like i legitimately poop my pants so i took my pants off this was in her office which is separate from the house yeah and so i took my pants off walked uh out through the driveway into the house my sister and all her friends are eating breakfast oh walked walked through with my poop pants put them in the washer sat in the shower and just waited until i was sure there were no friends in the house anymore and then just got on with my throwing them in the washer is a crazy move i think it was like a type of pant that like j crew

didn't make anymore i was like i was like i can't afford i can't afford they don't make the slim fit they don't they don't they like well they it was no is when they transitioned from pants that fit normal to everything was tapered yeah and i was like these are the only pants that i still had like the button wasn't even there anymore i was like really making it work yeah i can't lose these dude when i was or what were you gonna say oh it was another shitting yeah yeah i was gonna i was gonna change it to getting thrown up on but let me do one more shit yeah yeah yeah no i was just when we were at i think i told you this but at the boston marathon we were there this year yeah and my buddy was running it and we were like at a bar and i like ran out to go see him pass like

mile 23 and i like i'm like waiting i'm waiting it's like kind of like hard to like you're like i don't want to miss it and then finally i see my buddy i'm like ben ben he's like hey yeah like as we're having this interaction old lady right in front of him falls flat on her face and shits herself oh dude i think that's actually surprisingly common though in marathon people shit themselves all every time well it's like yeah it's like by choice though they just oh yeah they don't want to lose like three minutes yeah i used to be a big david goggins guy okay yeah it used to be a huge goggins guy that's surprising yeah i know and uh i don't want i mean i still like him but i don't we i saw him like two weeks ago i think he lives around here oh really yeah so i'm like

walking by you would know you would know if he lived around here you'd fucking see him yeah i saw him one time by like james i don't think he was going to james it's like the shittiest bar but uh i used to listen to goggins and he had a story when he like his first time he ran an ultra marathon he had never he never even run a marathon and they like he ran like a 50 mile marathon and then they just had to put him in the back of a pickup truck as he was just shitting all he was like pissing blood and shitting himself and they just had to drive him to the hospital and was like dude and that was like a story of like perseverance yeah yeah i get like the working out shit but it's like yeah you probably were close to dying

i've never i've never been motivated enough to do anything no as he as he probably is just to be around no yeah it's really for it's for like 17 year old dudes yeah just got out of relationship who are like time to become the bad guy i'm the guy yeah you go out and you run like a 10 minute mile yeah you ever see like uh like this morning i was i was watching um like navy seal edits and it's like you like forget like i forgot who i was like it made me like want to do that yeah i was like oh i don't i like i got winded like getting in the elevator dude i every morning i'll i'll stay up super late i stay up late as fuck and i'll like it'll be like 3 a.m and i'm like i'm waking up at 6 tomorrow like i gotta get my life together

and then i'll wake up at noon yeah but every single night it's like the whole day i'm like i hate everything i do i don't want to do anything and then at like 2 a.m that's when you're like yeah you know what i'm gonna wake up and run 10 miles i remember wanting to get in shape when i was in high school but like i didn't know how to do it yeah and so like i was just like i know people wait i know people who are in shape wake up early yeah yeah so there was like a week where i would wake up and my dad was always up really early so i would like get a cup of coffee yeah and then i would go downstairs and just like walk on the treadmill and i'm like you know like as i was doing it i was like i could easily just do this after school i don't know why i'm here that's

the whole thing all those guys like all these like fitness dudes are like they're like yeah i wake up at uh 4 a.m i work out and then i uh and then we have team meetings and shit and it's like yeah but you're also going to bed at like 7 p.m yeah we're still awake the same amount of time you just have a way worse schedule where you're awake when no one else is awake you can't watch monday night football yeah yeah yeah it's funny like taking on the persona of like a guy who has it together for like that one week like i remember the tv would like be in front of the treadmill and i'd be like guys you have this stuff together like watch the news oh i'd like have the news on for that week and it would just be like kind of a shit show dude you fall into that like trap

of like the lifestyle fat you go to the gym for like three times all of a sudden you start you start speaking in like transformers clothes all of a sudden one of my buddies goes to the gym like he like never went to the gym he started going to the gym and now he'll like call us and he'll be like i realized today that i have the opportunity to become the strongest in my lineage and you're like dude what the fuck are you talking about anything with your lineage yeah yeah you're from orange county you're just a guy um all right yeah jesus sorry that was our pitches segment i like how we were juggling like this one's moving faster usually we get 45 minutes in we're usually that's the time before it's at 77 degrees fahrenheit

we are 77 degrees in we look up and the thing's like you will die on wait why anyone else see that why is it rotating through like different facts also it's way nicer outside than i thought it was i guess yeah that's hot it was like cold yeah also i mean now it just says 6 13 oh it's the date never mind all right it's not nearly as hot here as i expected it to be i brought fucking i went this is my first like may you're doing it here and it's like i was like where the fuck is yeah it's they also they nickname each month to try and make it seem like it's gonna they're like june or like may may gray like june gloom and you're like well like those are kind of the ones that are supposed to be nice yeah yeah it's like i live in june

i was like that's like one of the months of summer that's like 30 30 percent of summer is gloom it's it's like the opposite of how this is advertised you have to understand it's like summer still here like september's like yeah i guess yeah when my when my parents lived in seattle my i was like why'd you guys move my mom was like we're having like a nice conversation then you know in like the movies when it like honed it like gets dark behind them it was like a storm came over and she was like i didn't see the sun for a hundred days yeah i was like yeah it sounds like a nightmare get out of it when i was in iceland before when we were talking about that before we started but when i was in iceland like the last hotel that we went to it was like

our seventh day there just it rained the entire time apparently it rains like nine months out of the year there and we were like we were checking in it was you know we're checking into host i was just like hey how's it going it's like normal yeah and they're like what can i help you with you checking in this person was like it's been better or no she was like she's like it'll get better brain again she's mature she's been through this enough that she knows there's a light at the end of the tunnel but she's a she's like oddly self-aware that's not what i wanted to hear at all i just want to hear yeah give me your id yeah yeah i don't understand it is funny like how so like so much of the world population lives in like oh yeah awful places dude that it's dark

and raining nine months out of the year it's like that planet that like the clones are from where they land and it's just like pouring i watched i watched attack the clone yeah it's like narkina five or whatever no wait that's the prison nevermind yeah i know what you're talking about though should we have you oh sorry there's like it's some like old comedian he's talking about like food shortages in africa yeah he's like we have deserts in our country too but we don't live there yeah i forget who i forget who that is it's a really old comment yeah he's like you guys we could solve world hunger if you guys would live where you guys would live where the food is yeah it's a desert nothing's ever gonna grow here you better crank that ac because

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gaming resources let's get back into the episode alright am I the asshole what's our next killer segment so

where do you guys get these from people write on them I was gonna say because the reddit account the reddit page is a fucking

we started with that for like two weeks and then people started sending them in and we were like this is way better dude the reddit one is always

it's like yeah obviously you're not the asshole yeah it's just like people looking for validation yeah my husband like yeah triple homicided yeah my mother-in-law yeah and i uh i filed for divorce yeah am i the asshole i call them a totally not the asshole yeah or it'll be like it'll be like

yeah you're the it'd be like yeah yeah i got i cheated on my husband with 11 men okay all right all right am i the asshole first one is from garth the planet garth sorry garth is already the asshole wait his name is garth with that name It's a fake name. Oh, okay. My name's Garth. That's what he wanted. And I wrote...

If you're gonna spew... And I wrote, life is a highway. All right, he says... That's Brassical Flats. You think that was Garth Brooks? I don't know. Kind of mailed that one in. Hey, L-Dog and her sweet little guys.

I am a groomsman in one of my best friend's wedding. He decided to get married on very short notice, like three and a half months, and expected the groomsman to plan a batch party. The best man ended up planning the party for two weeks out from when we started planning. i already had plans for that weekend plus the party was going to cost me 500 for the weekend i decided not to go to the beach party no i know at all i know i decided not to go to the beach

party and go on the original you guys were rolling in i was like i was like that's an outrage sorry sorry sorry he decided to go on the ridge i decided to go on the original trip i had planned he is now mad at me for not going to his bachelor party and it feels like there's a weird rift between us now also a couple of the guys that are going on the batch party i'm not huge fans of, am I in the wrong? Yes. What's the other, does it say what the original trip, 500 for the weekend

is like? Where were you going? Across the street? So he started planning it two weeks out and he already had a trip planned. Where was the original trip? Was the trip refundable? I doubt it. Yeah, I read

everything you said. The trip was refundable. That would be funny. I could get points back, but not credit fuck i don't i don't uh there's a lot of information that can we call did he give us his number he didn't say we could call him on instagram call him on instagram yeah do the instagram calling have you guys done this yeah we've gotten it but we also had this funny thing we were somehow when people we found out when people call the podcast it goes through to his so i'll be like it'll be four in the morning i'm like what

all right i'm here to place my submission for am i we had a guy who's in scotland and he had his times oh yeah yeah he's like blowing him up in the morning we definitely need a better system i should probably start doing it why does it only go through to my phone i don't know i've never had that issue he answered garth oh hi calculating route to avoid seeing poverty turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away then take the next exit let's stop looking away and

get in the way of rising poverty your donations help the united way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at UnitedWayGT.org. Are we on with the G-Man? Sorry, I know you didn't say we could call, but we really wanted to just dive deeper. I just had a couple questions.

Yeah, yeah, I can answer some questions. Okay, where was the original trip to? Well, so my original trip is I'm going with my girlfriend and two of our friends, like three hours downstate. I live in Michigan, so like three hours downstate like grand rap wait is this not happened yet no it's actually like tomorrow oh what have you made a decision yeah i'm going with my girlfriend and not with like

not on the bachelor party where is the bachelor party uh it's like two hours north of where we live so like north of like i don't know if you know michigan but like traverse city yeah yeah yeah like north of there okay oh we've been to we've been to mount pleasant is it near there yeah no nowhere near there um so they're mad at you because you're not going on the b trip on the batch trip the b trip b trip uh yeah they think that i could have like canceled my other plans to go on the bachelor part are you still gonna are you still in the wedding though you're a groomsman still as of now yeah well my all you said he planned the wedding three and a half months like did they just get engaged

and immediately so they got engaged like mid mid-april and the wedding is like early august yeah that sounds like you uh so yeah so yeah so they pay they plan this like bachelor party and uh they like rented this house and it was super expensive because it was like last minute yeah and i already had these plans and i was like well i don't really feel like spending you know five hundred dollars also they're going golfing i'm not a golf guy so like that's a good factor too yeah you don't want to do the main activity yeah they're like oh the round of golf's gonna be 140 i'm like i'm not gonna drop 140 for a round of golf that i'm not even gonna enjoy yeah yeah so so i audibled and you and you also don't like some of the

you don't like some of the other bachelors yeah it's not that i don't like them it's just that like they're they're a little much yeah yeah a little much a little much not the best guys to i think i think you have to i think you have to get you have to like send a heartfelt like you know have a great weekend have a great weekend like like super stoked for you but like i'll see you i'll see you at the wedding yeah i did do that okay i did do that like immediately like immediately i was like i was like i'm not gonna make it but like i love you like like i'm still excited for your wedding like psyched that you asked me to be in the wedding just like not gonna make it to the bachelor party like can't can't like can't swing it right now

monetary wise and uh already kind of have plans i don't want to cancel so and this trip the trip that i'm going on downstate is also free we're staying with our friend with my friend's family so like it's like free versus five hundred dollars so i think you have to post a bunch of instagram stories of you you and your girlfriend and your friends having a blast yeah my girlfriend's like oh we can't post anything i was like no yeah i think you're good we're gonna we're gonna talk a little bit more on the pod but thank you for for answering all right thank you guys yeah have a fun weekend yeah have fun all right thanks bye all right bye it feels like feels like we're bad people well no i'm just shocked that people like his buddy's gonna hear this

well the other guys are fucking ass and golf sucks it would be it would be it would be pretty pretty shocking if there were two groomsmen that were both playmates yeah for some reason now they'd also be like someone i mean they can get no anyone be like yo garth that's you on the podcast it's also like how many bachelor trips are happening in grand rapids traverse city michigan um i'm gonna say yeah as long as anyone that like knows any of those yeah you should have leaned more into the like i just don't have enough money to go they can't get mad at you if you don't have yeah if he's a real friend like he should appreciate like i don't know he should not care regardless yeah if he has legitimate reasons he obviously i don't know yeah that's dumb

we were all like 500 and then yeah it was like clearly i guess in my mind it was whatever trip he was going on surely must have cost money too but the fact that that's a free trip puts that in perspective. I just know like one of my buddies just went to a vex party in Miami and it was like thousands of dollars.

Yeah, I feel like a lot of times they are. If you're, I think if you're, if you say yes to being a groomsman, you're kind of signing up for like a big check. Yeah. Because they also, unless everything's happening in Michigan, which it sounds like it is.

Yeah, I also didn't expect all of it to be within the board. The wedding is also going to be, like, thousands of dollars to go, right? Could be $45. I've never been in... Yeah, I don't know where... The way Garth operates, they might pay him to go. He's like, well, the Uber, and they're going to get me started on the Uber to the venue.

It's a $15 Uber. Like, what am I, made of fucking money? No, no, no, no. We're just joking around. Luckily, I've got an Uber gift card. Yeah. He gets the RSVP It's like chicken or steak

What the fuck I'm just gonna bring A lunch from home He's wearing Some uncrustable Packing a lunch For the wedding Everyone else

Rented tuxes In like Adidas He's wearing One of those shirts That has the tux on it I'm gonna rent a tux We love you Garth I forgot to return my tux after New Year's

and so now I just own a tux I feel like that's gotta be more expensive they never charged me they just forgot that's pretty nice so you stole a tux yeah I guess the better way to phrase it was I never, yeah I stole a tux

also buy our shirts I just remembered Will and Rusty's Bridge Company they're real nice it's a nice heavy shirt beautiful yeah you don't even want to you don't even want to get a start on that we get it we're really we're really like adamant about the weight oh that's all i care about yeah and and i think we have one if you want a killer shirt yeah i would definitely other people like don't i think

other people with normal bodies don't understand they don't get need that and so they'll give us thin shirts yeah and i can't wear them no never do all the shirts that i like people give me shirts and it's like in no fucking way dude maybe if i lost 30 pounds if the sleeve doesn't touch my elbow i send it back yeah with a hateful neck wrapped around my neck the loose neck what the fuck do you think this is yeah and these ones the more you wash them like the harder they get which doesn't sound like a good thing but to me like i want mine to be able to stand up yeah I want a box of a shirt it's like that

wait isn't there Tim Robinson or something yeah yeah yeah it's like a wooden shirt yeah yeah yeah is that large or XL yo did you see this is XL

so if you're if you're a 5'11 man who weighs like almost 200 pounds you're gonna want an XL I got a large if you're a normal guy maybe a large

yeah we I have your large by my desk and I have another one too that I can give to you also I like one sounds simple what was I gonna say

oh did you see Vampire Weekend brought Tim Robinson to Outlast yeah People, like, weren't as excited as I was. I know. Yeah, I feel like half the people, because they played, you know, the sloppy steak sketch?

Yeah. And they made a song for that. Yeah. And they played that song. Oh, really? And then they were like, come on out. It was, like, really dark on the stage, though. So, like, you couldn't, unless you were looking for him and you had the context, like, they

were like, all right, we're going to bring him out. And he was, like, kind of in the shadows. And they were like, give it up for this guy. And you just couldn't really tell. It seemed like he didn't know they were going to do it. He was coming out like, ah. yesterday they had brady got indicted he got brought to the hall indicted not indicted he got he got what is the word inducted inducted into the hall of fame and uh and they had jay-z

but like for the first like 45 seconds of his song it's there's an unbelievable amount of smoke on the stage and i was like that's not actually jay-z right i thought yeah and then eventually he just like emerges from the smoke i was like dude that's half the song yeah i don't even know if he knew where he was. He was still in his dressing room. They're just like, I don't know, just flood it with smoke.

We'll get him out of here. It was a crazy amount of smoke. It was. It was killer. It was also crazy that they did that during the Celtics. Yeah.

It was like terrible scheduling. Yeah, I mean, speaking of terrible scheduling, I'm going to be in Boston in a TV-less restaurant during game four, so I need that. Why do you have to be in Boston?

Because you're going to Boston tomorrow? Flying out tomorrow, yeah, and we're going to dinner with friends. and this restaurant gave me a special, we went one time and I guess they liked having us around we were just cracking jokes and I think they

liked it and the guy was like here's my special reservation link which I guess tells them like give these guys something and so she wanted to use that and so we're going and Alex Gray who went to BC with Will was joking around he's like if the Celtics win you're gonna be

at dinner in a dimly lit restaurant your wine glass just like starts to shake oh no um all right let's hear our let's hear our second m on the asshole all righty this one is from rick also a fake name um he says long story short might have to be an audio message or call in later but i graduated college last may and moved back home with my parents to work my virtual job and save some money while i was applying for grad school decided to take advantage of their gym membership to the local jcc and started going almost every morning important distinction here

i live in central jewish community center i believe oh right i have no idea yeah i don't know what that means i live in central time zone my job hours are pacific so i work 11 to 7 my time to sleep in and go to the gym from 9 30 to 10 30 where it's just me and a bunch of retired old people which is sick i ended up befriending the personal trainer said milf and things kind of got flirty fast next thing i know i'm jokingly leaving my number she hits me up on snapchat and has me over one night after we both decided it was super weird we kind of stopped talking for a month or so recently her ex-husband started getting back in the picture a little bit and now she comes to me for advice with him and has invited me over a few times worst thing is my old

situation chip that i still kind of have feelings for just got back in town and comes to the same gym so she is subjected to me speaking to a woman twice my age anyway i feel terrible cutting ties because she asks for my advice but also don't want to do anything in front of my current gym crush i kind of stopped flirting back a little bit but god forbid god forbid a man gets drunk and sends a silly text to a woman flirting with him first i just like to match energy just wanted to know if i'm the asshole for maybe hurting my trainer's feelings by continuous or no by continuing to match energy and flirt back and potentially lead her on thanks for the wednesday pods love their survivor shout outs to y'all this is like what sometimes we get the ones where it's like i don't

I think you just wanted to tell a story. Imagine breaking up with a girl, and you guys go to the same gym, and there's some 50-year-old trainer just stretching her out the whole time you go in. I don't know if you're the asshole, but you're definitely something. There's something going on. Wait, was that a dude? That was a dude, right?

That's a guy. I think what he's saying is, like, is it weird to be doing what he's doing? I think it sounds kind of killer. It sounds awesome. I think any time an older woman has Snapchat, though, that's weird. weird wait can i read this other thing he said also please probably like you're the oldest i've been with he said also please he said also please keep me anonymous lol she already got written up by her boss once for flirting with me because i look 16 when i shave lmao i'm 23 no grooming here

you're getting groomed yeah definitely i hate to buy your lead you're getting legally groomed I think you take this and you get a free gym membership out of it. Oh, yeah. You got to figure out how to, yeah. Yeah. Leverage it. Maybe like to let you take some weights home or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It sounds like a non-issue. No, this happens every once in a while where it's like a guy just has a killer story. He wants to get it off his chest. We need more submissions, guys. He's like, bad news. The absolute milf that I've been banging. My side ting just pulled back into town. It's funny.

got a nice energy who I'm supposed to be fucking right now it's funny like I feel like we've kind of like avoided using some slang

that I think like other kids use like hearing them throw all those words together he's like this milf is like getting in the way

of my situation I don't know what planet we're on do you guys want to do this guy rocks oh yeah we do yeah you love this segment

yeah this is your favorite segment this is so uh lauren i just airdropped one so will and i got a comment one time that was like these guys uh these guys look and sound like two old men with dementia who like the only thing they know is that they are friends with each other and then i saw this video and it's this i didn't get it it's i

think this is gonna this is a little peek into our future will this is our future what is what did you say this is our so you know someone was like we have dementia oh yeah all we know is that we're buds yeah oh i think i've seen this this is me and you all right wait let me turn it yeah good is your name lauren pearson no do you like ice cream how much do you like ice cream wait what are you saying wait none of your business i look at this click on this guy's profile i actually think this is like sketch comedy is that a different guy yeah yeah look at that first video click on that corn one that top left one yeah it's a shocking amount of likes

for i want to have this corn oh it's a corn eclipse i cannot see the weather i'm butter blind oh my god all i see is corn okay maybe he rocks a little bit maybe he rocks a little bit less Does that take the wind out of your sails a little? Dude, but I think this guy's, like, making sketches. He has, like, a million likes and 5,000 followers. All right. But the guy he was talking to, I don't think, was it. I think this is a sketch comedian, and it's, like, not good,

but, like, because he's old, like, if he gets, like, a decent one, they go crazy viral. I mean, corny. That first one was hilarious. Yeah, yeah, that one was great because it felt like not. Like a sketch. You like ice cream. Yes.

All right, wait. I got a good one now. If my grandpa ever started a TikTok called I am Brucie, I'd be pretty bummed out. I know. I would love it. My grandpa's not like that. I guess more of this is my me issue. It's like a whole, isn't it like a whole genre of TikTok people who it's just like old people

who are like, well, this is probably going to be my last. Just doing one every day when you're near death. all the comments are just like share your wisdom with us i used to watch don holloman live like eight hour live streams and just like be like licking a soft serve ice cream and telling you like things that he's learned in the 400 years who's don holloman you'd recognize him this guy just won like the he just like qualified for the olympics for the high jump have you seen this now wait oh go full screen pause it pause it pause why does he have half of that's what i look at this so for the audio listeners there's will you want to describe what's happening he's

got half a beard it's a guy who's got half oh shit i didn't even notice cleanly shaved on the right side of his face left side of his face is completely bearded isn't that bizarre i don't know what like the the cop maybe it's like uh maybe it's like a counterweight thing oh it's you know it's like when he functional when he gets to the top there's slightly more weight on this side so it carries him over the bar there's no way because look at the way so he wins and then he actually he's hurt and then he takes his shoe out Well, wait a minute.

What's this? He's just got something in his shoe. He's got... Those are springs. His shoe is full of springs. Is that allowed? Hey, correct me if I'm wrong. Definitely against Olympic rules.

Like, I don't think that would actually help you. So I think it was just like a showmanship thing. It definitely wouldn't help. But it's like, if there was one thing that wouldn't be allowed in your shoe, it would be springs. Yeah. Well, I think it was to be like, look, I got springs in my feet. do you remember anyway it was just

everything about this was just bizarre the half beard the springs because also how are you running on springs he only needs to run

like 10 feet he probably knew he had it in the bag so he was just like I'm gonna fuck with these guys there's also a lot of springs

yeah one would have done the trick like created like a full surface of springs do you remember those shoes I remember watching

a YouTube video when I was a kid that's it and it was like these shoes were banned from the NBA and it was like they were just

normal sneakers but it was in my head I was like if I could get my hands on those I would be the greatest basketball player of all time.

Alright, what's next? Teach me something. Teach me something? Do we tell you about this one? No. Okay. We got all sorts of stuff. This one's just,

we just like teach each other about stuff. Alright. Alright. You got it? No, you start us off. Well, okay. We were talking about soccer earlier.

We were. Oh, yeah. What? A little tiny guy. Get it. A spider? It's like tiny. It's huge.

Look at it. It was like literally the size of like a... Have you guys ever seen a tarantula? Yeah. In like the zoo. There's one at Petco that Will and I saw called the fancy tarantula. I close my eyes when I walk by them.

I don't like them. Apparently they can't do anything to you, but I don't buy that. Some of them can't. Well, those ones can't because they're in a glass box. I guess I misunderstood the lady at Petco. She's like, right now they can't do anything to you. I don't like snakes. I don't like snakes or tarantulas.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, this was this. Okay. This guy was, have you guys heard about this? You wouldn't know yet It's Where did I save this

I saved it Are you just winging it right now No no no I know what the guy was I know about the guy His name was Andres Escobar Okay

1994 World Cup Yeah He's a Colombian soccer player Yeah Colombia's playing the US What year was this again 1994 Okay yeah

It was before any of our times Because we're all the same age He He scored an own goal on accident at the end of a soccer game. And they lost to the U.S. And they killed him. And he went home. Yeah.

Five days later, went out with his buddies. Yeah. Executed. And every time he pulled every gunshot, the guy yelled, goal, goal, goal. Oh, no. Six times. Killed him. Dude, when I was.

Sorry, continue. Oh, when I was in, when I was really young, I played hockey for a while. And when I scored on our own goal once, I didn't score. The puck hit my skate. Yeah, yeah. after the game my dad told me he was like

you know in Colombia they would kill you for that he wasn't joking yeah you ever seen the dude there was a dude

on the Argentina sideline when Maradona was playing that just had a bag of coke and a spoon and Maradona

you pull it up Maradona scores and he runs over huge spoonful to Maradona in the middle of the game he was playing he was

and if you watch him warming up you're like yeah obviously I don't know how we didn't know Maradona does coke

Coke guy It's not worth it It's exactly what I just described Yeah yeah Alright I got a good one Wait well who killed him who were the guys Just like guys in Columbia I mean I don't know if it was like the

I feel like I was going to say like the cartel I think it's like the government Will just kill you It's also like I was reading about him He was nicknamed the gentleman Known for his clean style of play and calmness on the pitch. That's such a sick name.

Yeah. And he had worked to promote a positive image of Colombia earning acclaim in the country. And then they just killed him. And they yelled

goal, goal, goal, goal, goal every time which is horrible. Yeah. Anyway. So that's a fun one. All of his celebrations were really polite.

Like he scores and then he like opens the door for someone. Are you guys familiar with the Orient Express? Yeah. Actually not really. It was like this

kind of marvel of a train that went really far. I think it started in like what was called the orient which is like asia and it went to europe whatever okay in 1920 the president of france is on it and they're on there for like long enough that you're like in your room sleeping or whatever and he uh was leaning against a window or something and he fell out of the orient express

and he's like in his pajamas like he's like pretty badly hurt yeah and they had these like service boxes you know on the highway there's like a it was like an early version of those phones where you could call for help it walks like miles and like finds one calls the serviceman or whatever and is like hi i'm the president of france and i fell out of the orient express and apparently the exact quote was yeah and i'm napoleon bonaparte they hung up they didn't believe it did they ever get him i mean i mean we heard the story so they might i mean yeah actually i didn't i guess i didn't really do a ton of research i'm sure they found yeah yeah well just in your You know the thing we were talking about last episode?

Last episode in our Teach Me Something, we were talking about the dancing plague of 1518. Yeah. It was like an art of us. No. It was like this weird town in France, like this one lady just went out and started like dancing like nuts

and then everyone joined him and like hundreds of people died like dancing themselves to death. Oh, shit. Dancing for like weeks. Yeah. Like it wasn't like a fun thing. But then I was reading,

people were like informing us in our comments and apparently it was like there was something that they were eating that was like... Well, it's like the mold that grows on yeast. Yeah. it's like it was like it was like lsd or something yeah it was the they think that's what happened in the salem witch trials is they had a bad harvest yeah and the mold on the because it was it lined

up perfectly with like that would be the bread they were eating and so they think all these people were just like tripping out and being like that one's a fucking witch yeah but they were all on it so they all and then when that because it was only one year like it didn't last more than one like crop yeah they like finished whatever bread they have and they were like oh that was got them fucked up. Harry, you're the guest. Do you want to do sayings that don't exist first or country songs that don't exist first?

Let's do sayings. You guys go first, though. Mine are really bad. Wait, did we just dox you or are you allowed to be open about your name? Wait, where did Lil Sass come from? Oh, it was my gamer tag on PlayStation. And then I made a Twitter account and I didn't want

to use my real name, so I just made it that. That would be a nightmare if you're playing COD and you just keep getting sniped by this guy named little sasquatch everywhere it is funny though no one had their name yeah yeah yeah if we all did that i'd be like i remember all of my friends old like unicorn dude yeah gump were they like was playstation like xbox or just be like two nouns yeah yeah yeah mine was like did you use the automated one oh yeah yeah i just had the auto generated one was just no oh okay oh you made All my friends had cool ones.

You have to, like, pay to change it. Yeah. We all changed our buddy's dad set up his Xbox, and so his gamer tag was, like, his dad's initials, which were MOC. It was, like, MOC main whatever. Yeah, yeah. And then we all changed our gamer tags to our name

and then his dad's initials. So, like, when we're all, like... It's, like, YSL or whatever. It's, like, Mock Phil 12, Mock Jack 12. That's kind of fun, actually. It's pretty awesome. Yeah. My buddies, all of our clan tags on Call of Duty are Clark.

We changed it after Caelan Clark lost the finals. Wait, they're all Clark? Yeah, we all have Clark. All right, what are we doing? Sayings? Sayings that don't exist. All right, these are sayings that don't exist. Do you want to start us off?

No, not at all. All right, I've got calling strikes from the outfield. All right. It's when you're clearly too far away to be involved in something, but you're trying to get your hands in it. You know what I mean? When you're like adding an opinion in somewhere that you have nothing, nothing to do with.

I love that. Cause we had a baseball game. I was at the Yankees game last weekend and we were doing that. Like people around us would be like, Oh, like it was a ball. It was like, I saw my favorite is like the,

there was some guy in the nosebleeds last night at the finals. And he's like, yeah, that was a foul. I love those posts. Um, my first one is breathing through a straw. So it's like,

you're really swamped at work. Your coworker comes up to you. You're like, Hey man, I'm kind of breathing through a straw right now. Can you come back in like an hour? that's really good yeah you're like you're you're on your last breath yeah i love that thank you yeah mine are not like that at all mine are all just like plays on actual sense yeah that's okay

this one's just it's okay to cry over spilled water yes yeah no one actually likes milk why would you cry over spilled milk yeah and it is a bigger deal like waters yeah you need water to live yeah yeah yeah if it makes you part of life my first the first time we did this will was like really good and mine were so like i think my first one was don't bring your wife to a gunfight and all the comments were like this guy's way better than all right i've got uh wondering if the door is locked that's like you you ever like you ever like at work and you're like did i lock my door yeah yeah so it's like if someone's like stressing over something that it's like at this point you can't control it like you just gotta run with it

yeah it's like dude quit wondering if the door is locked let's focus on what we're doing i like that yeah my second one is don't re-tap an old keg oh once the moment's passed don't go back it's not going to be as good as it was the first time so you it's better to just you know reminisce on how great it was but don't try and do it again that's great i have a we got to take that old keg oh yeah will and i got a keg a month and a half ago and it's just been sitting in his house yeah we had this failed yeah it's uh it's like half third of it like it's probably like spoiled like i don't don't want to touch it yeah but like they said you can bring it back like whenever oh so there's no statute we did that filled yeah and that we didn't even it was so dumb i don't know why you

got a keg it was swept up in a moment it's fun we were having a barbecue but then it was like everyone bring like we're adults now yeah so everyone just bring their own stuff get a keg of pacifico and then everyone was showing up with six packs of pacifico yeah it's hot right now all right mine was uh mine's uh you can lead a horse to milk they all just swap water and milk don't even bother trying to make him drink no one likes milk not even horses you hate milk i like i like you could you could say like yeah you can lead a horse

that's great that's hysterical what do you got uh i've got i have loading a clean dishwasher you know if you've got something good you don't want to taint it yeah you know what i mean so sometimes i do that on accident and my roommate gets mad at me but it's like yeah if you got something you're proud of and something like or or it's like if you're like saying you're like you're with your friends you're like all right we're gonna go to this bar and then we're gonna go to this other bar it's gonna be a great night and your buddy's like and we're gonna stop because i need to pick up my dry clean it's like no no no loading a clean dishwasher like we have the plan let's stick with yeah that's great all right my last one is uh painting in the rain

kind of like running in place like uh any progress you would have made is going to be washed away by uh the rain which could be like you know your bad actions or something that's true i haven't really thought about it that much i like it thank you i think it's killer too this is my last one if you can't take the heat stay in the kitchen a glass of milk contains hydrophobic fats which the

capsaicin will more easily dissolve in allowing it to be washed away can we re-read the email you sent his manager did it say milk I thought of one and I was like I'm just gonna do all milk we usually break these up into two parts

so like like the first two are gonna make sense together and then sass's last one is just gonna all right that was great great um all right these are country songs that don't exist more of them these are more country songs that don't exist all right that's good uh my first one is called my girlfriend's a tractor and it's about a farmhand who develops a romantic relationship with this tractor and none of the other farmers get it and like taking her on dates is kind of impossible because she like takes up the whole restaurant

and like knocks shit over on her way in and yeah it's just a nightmare you should not date a tractor it sounds like yeah I thought it was just like in the big girls you should meet my new girl she's a fucking tractor

that's a good one you go okay I got uh I want all the fixings all right it's like a love song yeah it's like he's like i i don't i don't just want you girl yeah i want everything that comes with you i want all the fixing all right you know it's like i i i don't i don't want to know what i'm missing because i want you and i want the fixings or something like that i love it yeah i got one and it's it's not good but it's uh it's based on the song uh rambler gambler yeah okay and it's called uh it's based it's a country artist that's based in L.A. and it's called Rambler Offshore Sportsbook Prize Picks Game.

Calculating route to avoid seeing poverty. Turn left to bypass the unhoused youth sleeping on the street. Then keep right to skip by the lines of people waiting for food. Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away. Then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty. Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways like providing food shelter and crisis prevention donate today at unitedwaygt.org that's funny that's what yeah you know it's like illegal here yeah exactly we have to do the offshore yeah i tried it it's i didn't do it yeah i download i downloaded it and i was like this is insane when i was a freshman uh i didn't know that my like bookie was like a kid in my

fraternity yeah and we like found out that i was the guy he was like this fucking kid owes me like 650 dollars yeah and i was like what's your like um enough to get you to traverse city yeah my second one is called uh what you don't hear so his girlfriend is like or he's like yeah yeah you heard i went out last night and like you heard i took a girl home but he's like but what you don't here is like those were sad drinks and i only took that girl home because she looks exactly like you and i was going to pretend that she was you okay yeah dark dark weird weird turn yeah yeah okay uh i only took that girl home because she knew where the she said she knew where the treasure was uh lasso around life nice it's like guy just trying to get his shit together

yeah and he's like i want to be with you or whatever but first i need to get my lasso around life hell yeah i like that one that's a good one it's killer i'm tapped i got none more that's okay yeah we'll keep going my last one is called a fish you don't want to catch oh two guys at a bar his buddy comes up to him he's like dude this really pretty girl uh he's like hitting on me she wants to go home and he's like it's a fish you don't want to catch he's like i've seen her leave with you know yeah a different guy every night yeah he's like this fish you don't want catch that's a fit that's bad i like that i've got alive and well um this guy it's like a play on like like well liquor kind of so the guy's like she's like i he's like i won't be that guy

up there drinking top shelf but i'll be here at the end of the bar and i'll be alive and well oh no something you know what i mean yeah what is well liquor i've never like this shitty it's just like why do they call it that i don't know i was thinking i think out back they have like a giant just well it comes i think it's i think yeah no i actually think it's like it's like at bars like they have like the metal like it's like literally because they pull them so much they keep them tapped and they just have the well at the bottom and then if you get like the fancy kind they get it off yeah yeah yeah yeah that's interesting all righty i was a bartender i was a bar that's shocking that you actually knew that i was going along with it there's no way

i worked at a bar in college that was like didn't have its full liquor license yeah so the only liquors like there's like we massachusetts it's yeah it's a massachusetts thing it's like they're super strict about i guess people used to get like unbelievably fucked up based on the laws like in boston happy hours illegal yeah yeah and then the bars closed at like midnight yeah and then the bar i worked at was uh yeah like they didn't have their full liquor license because like this is actually so fucked up but like 10 years before there some kid had fallen down the stairs and cracked his head open yeah and the owner of the bar just took him out back and called the cops and said there was a fight oh and like he almost died so i correct me

if i'm wrong that seems to cover up or something you don't even need yeah yeah seems like a well i think he was like a kid yeah it seems like a pretty lenient punishment well no like all right no more hard liquor no so they that was the previous owner so they shut down that bar and then these people bought it and opened a bar and they were like yeah but because of that because they still have the same stairs yeah i guess so they were like so you can't anyway but the uh that means you can serve like like McGillicuddy's

and like Deep Eddie's it's like why you can buy like cinnamon like just cinnamon fireball but it's like not cinnamon whiskey at like gas stations because it's like malt liquor we had that shit too

so sometimes people come and be like can I get a vodka soda and I'd be like yeah but it has to be Deep Eddie's like do you want like lemon or lime it was disgusting

that's nasty yeah alrighty thank you so much for coming on yeah thanks for having me give me anything you want a plug over here

son of a boy dad podcast and come see me on the road. Where are you going next? Austin. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'll be in Austin in July. Yeah, it should be fun. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Very cool. Thank you for having me. Thank you for coming on. Oh, wait, wait. Every time we tell them what they should comment, what should they comment on that? Last time it was...

We're also missing our last segment. Oh, yeah. Whose personality are you going to steal this weekend? Oh, shit. We wing this. No one ever knows. Yeah, who are we... Yeah, I don't know.

Who are we going to try to emulate? late i'm going to a birthday party so i might be like uh who's someone who does like you're gonna be like a street magician david copperfield and i were at dinner in new york a couple days ago and i i showed up pretty drunk and uh one of his friends texted in a group chat and it's a picture of me doing magic at the table which is always he comes over my desk yesterday he's like what Why was I doing magic? I was like, I don't know. You started doing magic.

We'll put a picture of it right here. All right. What are you using? I was going to say I want to take that Brucey, that old man's personality. Yeah. Because he just seems he's very lighthearted. He's goofy. He doesn't really care.

He's just putting himself out there. Yeah. He's having a good time. I'm going to Boston, so I'm going to take the guy who used to slap his hockey stick on the ground and go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Don't they just do that when the Brewers score? No, but there's a guy who's clearly in Southie, and it's his thing, and he goes, Baru-en!

Oh, wait. You'll actually appreciate. My roommate freshman year, he went to Deerfield, and that song came on. It was like, oh, oh, oh. And he was like, Deerfield hockey. He was like, that's the Deerfield hockey. Why are they playing that? That's the Deerfield hockey song.

The kids at Penn State think the same thing. At the end of it, they'll be like, I think we were at a Celtics game, and some kid was like we are not where we are right now um willie whose personality is still street magician david copperfield i'm gonna go with sebastian menescalco the kicker really into no the comedian oh the italian dude the super italian i'm saying it's oh no no no you're gonna kick him you're gonna kick like a 64 yard field goal wait what did i'm just gonna become really italian okay weekend Wait, is he an Italian? Does he do his comedy in English, though?

Yeah, but he's, like, thick Italian accent. He's very, like, animated. Yeah, I know. He's great. Yeah. It would be funny if I transitioned into that. We bought tickets, and we thought he was, like, way more Italian than I am. Alrighty, fantastic.

Guys, have a great rest of your week. You didn't do one. Yes, you did. Oh, I forgot. Sorry. Have a great rest of your week. Great weekend, and we'll see you guys again on Wednesday. Thank you again

Thank you For coming on Thanks for having me Really good at talking Really bad at ending And cut Calculating route To avoid seeing poverty

Turn left to bypass The unhoused youth Sleeping on the street Then keep right To skip by the lines Of people waiting for food Steer clear of the crowded shelter turning people away, then take the next exit. Let's stop looking away and get in the way of rising poverty.

Your donations help the United Way fight poverty in thousands of ways, like providing food, shelter, and crisis prevention. Donate today at unitedwaygt.org. What does a sunny getaway with Air Canada sound like? Sunny Jamaica moves to its own rhythm. Rio comes alive long after the sun goes down. Philippines slows everything down. And just when you think you've heard it all, there's sunny Lima.

However you imagine your sunny escape, Air Canada can take you there. Book hot fares and vacation packages today. Nice travels.