Will & Rusty's Playdate - Love in Disguise

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

In a magical Valentine’s episode, Will and Rusty field pitches, draft rom coms, and are joined by their friend Will Angus for a super special never-before-seen special one-of-a-kind special segment. They also get to the bottom of whether or not one of the playmates is an asshole. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod PICK UP SOUTHERN COMFORT WHISKEY FOR YOUR NEXT PREGAME OR WATCH PARTY. SOCO IS EASY GOING AND DOWNRIGHT DELICIOUS. https://www.southerncomfort.com/ (00:00) Intro (03:48) Willy’s Special Surprise (10:10) Pitch Submissions (25:09) Ads (26:34) Am I the Asshole? (33:44) Going through Someone’s Phone (36:30) Will Angus is Back (40:54) Pitches (45:36) More Rom Coms that Don’t Exist (51:37) Roses are Red… (53:16) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, should we address the elephant in the room? What's the elephant in the room? My new facial hair looks fucking sick. Oh, yeah, I honestly didn't notice it until you said something. No, I've been pretty worried about it. Because I had been doing the pirate thing, but I had it, like, stuck. Boom, there we go. There it is.

Did you see the YouTube comment? What? It was like, Rusty doesn't talk about pirates challenge impossible. All right, so what, those 15 seconds? Yeah, no, you made 10 seconds. Hey, Rusty, could you please move your mic a little bit closer to you? To my mouth? yeah i can't hear you you're okay um and i like i've been doing the pirate thing but i had stubble

around it and then i came out i was like you know i'm gonna i post you know you can post mates razors yeah you can get anything i did uber eats cards to the bar once that's a really cool move yeah this was this felt weird because it was like they didn't have they didn't have the brand that i want so i just told the guy like just go in there and just pick them yeah and so he drove in whatever i shaved and i came out and i was like asking my roommate like does it was just working for me and he was like yeah but he like clearly wasn't that stoked on it i like it it's it's growing on me no pun intended literally literally literally um speaking of the night i uber eats cards to the bar this is reminding me lauren did we tell you that uh rusty got me kicked out of a

bar wait what in boston no what happened oh oh oh oh oh lauren this is hilarious this is you said what happened which is honestly valid because i don't think you remember the incident very well i was i had not i had been at with with rusty like at the beginning of the night but then i had gone off with some like old college friends we were in boston and i hadn't seen rusty in a while i am at this bar with my friends i decided to go to the bathroom i get out of the bathroom and Rusty's there at the bar like I'm pretty sure just like alone at the bar and uh like waves me over I walk over I'm like oh dude you're you're here like what are you doing and uh right as like before you can even answer this like literally the biggest guy I've ever seen he was like with

like oafish features like yeah like he looked like oafish I think that's a word yeah like like kind of like big clumsy but like an oaf is like a just a brick of a human yeah yeah I think it's more it's honestly it says more about like their mental never heard that word anything i mean i don't i'm picturing like like like a shane gillis type looking guy kind of oh i don't know if he uh i don't know what is an oaf i mean i love i think an oaf is like an ogre yeah it felt he felt like in the moment it felt anyway it doesn't matter the guy looks at me and he goes uh hey you know this guy is and i was like like about pointing at rusty and i was like oh yeah that's my buddy and he goes then i'm gonna kick your ass too and i was like whoa whoa okay i barely know i mean we

work together a little i mean like we don't we're not tight i wouldn't say we're tight per se but it's also like just by association now you're gonna kick my ass yeah and then his girlfriend reaches over and just smacks rusty's drink and uh then the guy like gears up and like literally is about to throw a haymaker it's gonna hit one of us and the security comes and like grabs him and then the security comes up to the bartender and is like who's in that fight and the bartender just points right at me and i was like what uh i think like of later but like not i i don't know i immediately i was like what i looked at the bartender i was like what and he was like sorry man i don't know it all happened fast and i was like god damn it so i got escorted out of the bar

and i was like like i was like put my hands up i was like i'm not gonna resist you yeah at all and then him taking liberties just being like it was definitely that guy and then And you questioned him. He's like, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. He kind of like, I think he immediately knew that he might have been wrong. Here, wait. One second.

Sorry. I'm getting a text. Yeah, both you guys have been. I know. I'm sorry. Wait, Lauren. Well, I had to let the peeps in the office know to not turn the AC up. This is really strange.

That's a good call. What do you? It's about. Lauren, can you pull this up? Sure. We also. I just got texted this about you. About me?

No, about Will. Oh, God. What? I slacked it to Brian. it's a video oh no and it says oh fuck

this is the thing that you said you had a present for me no there's no way I didn't set I didn't set

I didn't set this up I swear yeah you did I don't believe you for a second I didn't set this up just full screen it let's see what this

is all about just make sure it's super weird it's from an unknown number it's from Jesus I will

it's me everybody's favorite lord and savior Jesus and I just wanted to take a quick little break from my very busy schedule of you know miracles of course and other really important Jesus duties so that I could have some divine intervention with you you see well I'm gonna need you to start taking your faith more seriously or this is crazy you're gonna go ahead Go ahead and have to find your own heaven.

Seriously. Also, by the way, look what I can do. What? Wow. You booked Jesus on Cameo? Well, I would love to stick around. Perhaps maybe even rain down some blessings. But I'm actually really busy up here.

I don't think it says that. don't just build themselves so you stay blessed okay and don't forget what i said seriously i'm really gonna need you to start taking your your faith more serious or uh or that's it no heaven for you big guy all right well i still love you but i gotta go amen what the fuck was that wait that could have been any you didn't even have to book that for me did you book that for me that's i that could have been for anyone named will i just got a text there was nothing specific i got a text from the number one his phone number uh that's crazy oh oh oh let's not have that on this oh that's kind of what i got um

what the fuck was that i don't know i just got a text that said show that to will i mean it's true i i've not been his most loyal servant as of late did you see him turn that water into wine that was crazy yeah that was insane that was wild also why is jesus on cameo i know i guess times are getting tough dude i didn't even book that i don't know who would even have paid for It was $81 for that What? It could have been for anyone Did you put any detail for that?

Yeah, I said Honestly, I was like really drunk when I made it I should have made it something funnier I just put like Tell my friend that If he doesn't start taking his faith for a year Then he's not going to be able to get into heaven Also, can you turn water into wine?

I was like joking I was like joking about that How did he do that? Dude, I literally have no idea I can't explain that one Video editing? Yeah, I know It's just like you wouldn't expect the guy

just jesus on cameo to have like a 81 because i did it on sunday so i was like i need it in 24 hours like a different different price when i saw him on sunday he was like i got a present for you he like kept mentioning it during the super bowl and i was like uh okay that's funny that is hysterical thank you of course that's uh so sweet um that was such a special moment between two buddies uh yeah i mean like a little like it was a little too you know nose on the hill whoa nail on the head you didn't even you didn't even get it what are the what's that called when you do that when you mix up all the words onomatopoeia no no there's like an actual phrase dyslexia yeah maybe scramble scramble brain that'd be funny if like the you know whenever

you discover something like if you discover a trick in skateboard you need to name it like i'm assuming it's the same for diseases like if you discover the disease you can name it oh so just to pick something that isn't like your name yeah or like if the person that came up with dyslexia just was like scrambled yeah they're like no no you have to be serious he's like scrambled um jesus christ that uh no pun intended uh should we wake up call should we hear some pitches yes yes how many are we gonna listen to today okay so i think we're gonna do yeah three pitches and then two am i the asshole okay oh you didn't you didn't give your roadmap but i guess it's kind of the oh we actually have a ton today i think that people like the roadmap

personally yeah okay we're i'll give you a quick roadmap this guy loves it i do love roadmaps i we got more rom-coms that don't exist for valentine's day this is a roadmap in no order yeah no order okay well we'll do your pitches am i the asshole our pitches rom-coms will and i are gonna read each other some valentines that we made and then will angus is gonna come up for a second and we're gonna do words words that sound like exactly what they are oh we're doing that we are doing that today and then we're gonna tell you guys whose personality we're gonna steal this week so we got a lot jam packed big one yeah lauren but right before we went into the studio I was like, hey, any chance we can make today kind of a quick one?

Did you actually say that? Yeah. Probably going to be the longest episode we've made. Okay. What do you have to do? Nothing. It's just later than our normal recording, so I'm getting a little sleepy. I mean, you have to...

Okay. It didn't have to be that big of a deal. I'm sorry. Even if we went for two hours, you'd still be here for another hour at work. Obviously. Well, I don't know when this is coming out. That's true. That's true.

For 50 years, Canadians have wondered what the names of IKEA furniture mean. Like Natopa, the guardrail for children's beds. Natopa means giving your favourite person room to grow. It means their safety and your piece of... No. In Swedish, Natopa means night monkey. Mom! He's back! IKEA. 50 years of Swedishness at home. Look, he's wearing little pyjamas. So cute.

it's fine okay the first one is from willie wanted me to read this one this is from charlie coon you're not supposed to say that why because i didn't want to like show favoritism start with all showed favoritism we all we all do that at one point or another yeah but i don't want to charlie charlie coon bc guy then you oh so you know him yeah we went to college together oh no that's fine i read one of my best friends patronize patron patron he was a patron of mine when i was a bartender in college you're a bartender it's a bartender yeah it's cool he used to patronize me he's a bartender he'd walk in and be like i don't know if you can wrap your brain or your little baby brain want to give me a beer huh that sounds more like bullying

patronizing but hey buddy you want to get me a little beer patronizing was one of those words that i learned and then just like abused didn't understand it for like a year but was just like you're patronizing me they're just bullying or like saying like you stop being a martyr yeah i say that a lot i did not know you you uh will's will's favorite word i've noticed is earnest earnest yeah you love earnest i love bizarre i love bizarre i say that a lot crockpot i love that one now it seems like it seems like a whole different thing I like when foods are cooked in crockpots I like popo

I like muscles Anyway, shout out to Charlie Coon, shout out to BC Baseball Great program, he's on the baseball team Wow, congrats Currently, I think so, yeah So, you were a bartender Three years ago Which means Charlie was

17? I served underage kids all the time I invited like freshmen from my classes That seems creepy No, not like girls That'd be funny if you were in class And just like The senior that shouldn't be in your one-on-one class

Turns around and he's like Yo boys, I'm bartending later, roll through No Not in like a weird way But I made it very clear that I was not going to ID anyone Okay It was fun It was a great time

The Circle Tavern Shut it down Bleep that bleep that bleep that alright sorry Lauren I'm not bleeping that um

okay Charlie Kuhn he says what's up guys here's my pitch what's the most annoying thing about riding shotgun in your boy's car

let's think about this Will what do you think it is um he wants the ox I was gonna say uh ooh oh you're not part of the conversation

that's what I was gonna say your friends in the backseat are having a hoot yep or it's way harder to no yep i'm gonna go with it i'm gonna go with it i'm gonna go with it that the people in the background more fun i agree i'm with that um he says that's right not having anywhere to put your

thing is he like live he knew that no no no that's just actually that would be crazy he called his shot no i didn't read it properly he's like break ask yeah they're gonna say this my response okay ignore that then he says not having anywhere to put your things phones and breakfast sandwich etc is that that's what problem that's what he thinks your friend are you sitting shotgun are you sitting in a sidecar on a motorcycle why do you have nowhere to put your job if you're like me you find yourself constantly being reminded that your buddy's car dashboard is not a table that's why we need an airplane type tray coming off the dashboard coated in rubber that will allow you to place your many items on without sliding around.

I think this would streamline our collective shotgun writing experience and make life better slash prevent important things from falling into the black hole between the seat and the center console. Also, shout out Will. Best Wednesday bartender circle has ever had. From me and the boys at BC Baseball, we love the pod. Keep it up, fellas. Thank you, Charlie.

Thanks, Chuck. Charlie, that's a fantastic pitch. yeah well i don't know if the problem is one that i've really experienced that much yeah i think but i like the idea for the tray i think what he's referring to is like do you ever get in someone's car and like their phone is in one cup holder and then like their drink is in the other one it's like yeah i don't want to move their shit like i i yeah i'm just gonna kind of like slide it under my butt or like that was weird like put your phone like somewhere I don't think it was that weird.

Dude, why did you say butt? It wasn't weird until you were like... Yeah. I just envision, like, if you had the tray table down, like, Charlie's, like, making drinks. Yeah. Like, he's got, like, a whole setup up there, and he's, like, passing stuff. He's making sandwiches, passing them back to people. I like the idea that he's, like, when you're, like, pulling into, like, the parking spot, they're like,

all right, tray table's up, I'm going to take an airplane. Everyone has to, like, bring their seats back up. Did you see World of T-Shirts go on that rant about how the reason they make you put your seat up and your tray table up is because they want, if the plane goes down, they want everyone to die. Yeah, so you can't sue the airline. Yeah. That's why they tell you to brace for impact, apparently, because if you put your head down like that, when they crash your spine. Your family can just sue the airline. They have just as much of a right.

It doesn't make any sense. I mean, yeah, in hindsight, I didn't really. He's coming to L.A. right now. Yeah. We might have to get him on the phone. joshua block who's that we've talked every time we talk about him we bring him up and and i want to go every time you talk about him you bring him sorry every time every time you ask every time we bring him up like you ask who he is and we bring him up but i feel like we never do a

good job of explaining yeah he's like this he's just alcoholic with like autism and that's kind of yeah that honestly might be it honestly i just feel bad for the kid yeah i mean he i've seen videos of him like having full meltdowns on the train at people and it's like he seems like he just seems like he shouldn't be out there well he like didn't have a father and like his mom just died of cancer last year and so he's like kind of just like all right well in a bad spot and then he's just on the internet yawning about them yeah boring boring no but i think i think he's like the perfect testament to like how fucked up the internet is because it's like people like egged on like when he was started posting like drinking they would be like yeah and then it just like got

so far now everyone's like judging him for it but it's like it's what gets engagement yeah and and he's yeah i like personally i really like the videos of like when he doesn't know people are filming it's him drinking something in the airport and just like almost vomiting everywhere it's really gross have you seen like on live streams he just like pukes in bars Let's move on Why are we talking about this Okay Charlie I don't really understand that pitch

Because also why is that only a front seat problem That's the other I guess it's in the pocket There are trays in the back seat You're not going to put your sandwich in the pocket The back seat there's more room And there's also that center console And there are trays in certain cars

Like Mercedes and Range Rovers have And some newer cars have trays in the back yeah i mean i don't know if cc's driving a range rover but yeah all right okay he might be i'm not saying he's not i just i'm not saying i'm not saying charlie couldn't afford it i'm sure he could all right um that nil though lauren lauren did that crazy dose sponsor did not like that uh that pitch what i think she's souring on us you were like you were like charlie i don't get i don't get it oh i didn't mean to sound like no i don't know whatever okay those are fun socks lauren thanks i was hoping you guys would notice them we watch it we look over she like is continuous

they're little flowers and they're different colors all right next one is from maya wick she's maya wick maya wick maya wick she says ever walk past someone and think wow they smell really good introducing Shaz Smell the Shazam for perfumes and deodorants

no more left wondering about what the sweet smelling stranger on the street is wearing simply take out your phone hit the Shaz Smell button and discreetly get the scent don't ask how the science works I'm not a gal who can answer that anyway huge fan of Keep Up The Great Work

that's a great actually might how would that exist i don't know it wouldn't exist you know what i would do is i would take it out you ever walking through some you ever walking to someone you ever are you ever walking through somewhere and you get the smell of like your second grade classroom and you're like whoa oh i think i super into salt just like it's a smell that reminds you of like i get like ex-girlfriend exactly like i'm walking down the street and i'm like oh shit that's yeah exact one yeah i walked in i walked through like a corridor the other day that was the wrong word i walked you're in hogwarts i walked i walked through like a what's a corridor like a hallway yeah i walked through like a like i was picturing like the

airport hallway but like those don't feel like hallways i don't know yeah i was walking through walking i could have just said i was walking through the airport i was walking through the airport and i got i got like a smell that reminded me of like miss ham's fourth grade class and was like whoa that was weird yeah that is weird i don't think i would remember what that smelled like my elevator i don't know i think it's just because there are a lot of girls that live in my building but it's like always a different really strong perfume like it almost smells like the cleaning people go in there and like are swapping out like a fragrance thing every day and it's the strangest way to start and like end my day because it's just it smells like the nicest

perfume you've ever smelled every time you get in the elevator and i don't know who's doing it i love that well i the other day was walking down a dark alley with stinky trash and dumpsters everywhere and it reminded me of sharing an office with you so why did i just catch a fucking stray what did i do because i'm willie fucking d i got the zingers what did i just hey brace for impact When you're sitting next to me You're the king of sting The king of the slams I love that one

Oh that pitch No that sketch King of the slams Good news I got bad news Good news is mom's alive Bad news is she's sleeping with my boss We just read Yes sir sergeant

Affirmative I love you Say it back, say it back, say it back, say it back. Okay. All right, that's it. Yeah, I love that, and I would very much benefit from that. Thank you, Maya. All right, the last one is from Alyssa.

Yeah, I like this one. What up, Liz? This is funny. Alyssa Woodyer. She says, hello, Will and Rusty and Lauren. Hi. Don't you hate when you know you encountered some amazing people but have just forgotten about them?

Pause. Yeah. I know she's right. i just i just don't know what she's talking i guess you can't remember them no it's no not like you just meet people and you're like oh that was cool like i'd never oh but you never yeah you never okay yeah like just strangers yeah so her pitch is everyone.com this is a website that has every single person to every to ever exist on here there's categories such as actors gingers in new york the entire class of 24 in texas etc this is even for that one neighborhood you had

as a child but only remember certain characteristics of them. There's so many categories that help you shift through everyone. Profiles are made for everyone at birth. Though you can Though you can Though you can choose Though you can choose to customize

yours and add maybe your Instagram or your email address in case anyone wants to reconnect. But what if I don't want them? I don't want like anyone to be able to have my Instagram. I could just like text Brad Pitt. Yeah. No private information will be sold and no creepy stalkers. Only basic information will be shown oh no creepy stalkers were good i didn't even that was my

concern so if you're a if you're a non-creepy stalker you're allowed though yeah that's fine i that's and that is why i love our playmates they always know they always throw in the disclaimer they always know where our heads are at that's like that's like oppenheimer inventing the nuclear bomb being like we're not gonna we're not gonna do it though we're not gonna use anything i took a lot of flack for watching oppenheimer on the airplane from who like like everyone in this obviously was like a film buff like you have to watch it on oh that is kind of a weird yeah fuck you way to watch that but but when like yeah when else might have three hours i'm really fucking busy schedule on a big screen what do you fucking do i'm getting i'm getting confident

you know what my move has been lately and you guys should try this you know you get the wired earbuds put those in and i put my i put my big headphones over them and then click noise canceling because you can't if you're wearing just the earbuds it's like you have to blast it true yeah i'm in my own world and then the earbuds are underneath it i don't have over ear you gotta get some they're great yeah you know what i would get them right now yeah yeah well you know we're going to the daytona 500 this weekend yeah i'm excited uh that'd be funny that's like the only sport that you would make a sound effect for like it it'd be funny if you were like we're going to we're going to the waste management this year

we're going to basketball wait rusty how was waste management literally the worst day of my life really it was like dude did you only go one day we went on the one day where zero shots of golf were played and oh i had to film a video there for a brand and so i did it and like the video ended up doing really well but i did it in like you know two minutes yeah it was just like it was literally it was hailing at one point yeah it was brutal yeah i'm a little concerned with everyone.com let's get back to that for a second i don't want there are so many people that like i've met out where that's the only time we should run into each other you know i've embarrassed myself in front of yeah i like if i escaped without you knowing my name that's best case

scenario yeah i agree the amount of people that i run into where i'll be like oh my god like great to meet you and they'll be like we've hung out 11 times oh fuck yeah it's such a bummer and it's not even like some of them are because of like drinking but like some of them are just like we met we met eight months ago through a mutual friend in like nashville yeah you know what i mean that's kind of not on me to i i'm on your side yeah this episode is brought to you by southern comfort with an innovative blend of fruit and spices soco whiskeys the original ready for anything spirit satisfying on its own and ideal in any mixed drink southern comfort is tasteful and approachable however you drink it and whoever you drink it with we've even got some

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guaranteed to keep the party going guys let's get back into the episode hell yeah should we text angus to come up here and get we do these first or do you guys want to do them last well we should do the assholes first oh right yeah let's find out all right thank you alissa that's fun thanks for the submissions peeps okay so we have a special thing going on in our did you just lick not on purpose it's fine oh um uh we have someone who submitted an am i the asshole situation keep doing this yeah yeah please keep doing this but don't but i'm not i'm not gonna say the name no no no i wasn't i wasn't talking to you sorry i meant like don't do don't submit like fake ones just to like we're not gonna read them just to sound like crazy and zany that's that's so annoying

the almost friday guys have had to like crack down because i'm also gonna like i'm gonna believe you because I trust all the playmates and then if I find out that you're lying then I'm like fuck if you have real life situations where you want to know

if you were in the wrong or not yeah and also I would way I would way rather read those than read it also doesn't even it doesn't even have to be

a situation where you're the asshole maybe just submit something and be like this is what happened to me like what do you guys think this is like a cool story yeah I'm down for that

yeah one guy's like just one time I went bungee jumping yeah cool trick yeah sure submit them whatever you guys got

just okay We can't come up with enough content on our own, so we need your... Well, no. I like looking for the Am I the Assholes, but then when he sent this, I was like, I want to read this. All right. Let's do it.

Okay. Can you make up a fake name for him? Yes. I'll make up a fake name. Crandall. Okay. Where did he go? I lost him.

Crandall Walsh. I did skim it, though, and it's not looking... Just don't... Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. so this guy's name is um bobby sands nice there you go lauren all right so lauren with the name

bobby says so this is kind of long okay so last year i was going out with this girl for a few months she wanted us to put a title on things and i told her i wasn't ready she kept complaining that i was emotionally unavailable and she didn't know where i was at even though i was perfectly clear with her one day my buddy and i went and played pickleball with her and her roommate then we dropped them off and met back up at canes for some grub when we met back up her friend said she forgot her phone in our car and asked if she could grab it we didn't think much of it come to find out she wanted so badly to know what i was thinking about our relationship that they left a phone in the car audio recording our conversation oh my god i didn't see this part

wait whoa left a phone in the car audio recording our conversation to hear what we'd say about her that's kind of whack no it's kind of awesome wow okay well all right let's just hear him out this is wild well that would be fine except for this stuff we were saying keep in mind it was a private conversation between me and my boy but i was hesitant but i said i was hesitant to date her because i wasn't sure if i was physically attracted enough to her she was a bit wider built i basically said she was awesome stop but didn't know if i but didn't know if i could get over the lack of physical attraction. I may have made a joke to my friend

trying to describe her and said she was built like a middle linebacker. Asshole. Oh, you fucking dick. Asshole. No, but it was a private conversation, but also...

Also, that's still an asshole thing to say. Yeah. Okay, let me finish. We also... I can't believe... This is great. This is annoying. I don't even want it.

Whatever. We also mentioned... Wait, what were you going to say? No, just like... I don't know. Just keep going. Yeah, yeah. We also mentioned

how big her friend's boobs look during pickleball literally i hate you i know why are you telling me that no wait wait he's not let's get to the bottom because i think i think we're all gonna have different opinions i think we are too uh i guess so let me continue bobby sands very bad conversation between two lads they should have never heard sure enough two hours later she texted me saying she didn't see us going anywhere and blocked me in my front on every platform savage move by her part we were super confused why until two months later when one of my boys brought it up to me apparently she's gone around telling a bunch of people how i said she was built like a linebacker i felt super bad that she'd heard it and obviously would have never wanted anyone to hear me say that

but also feel like it was getting herself into the mess now half the town knows because obviously the story spread like wildfire so am i the asshole here what do you guys think wait how did you get phone back that's what i'm wondering how does he just explained it so they were at they went to canes after and she was like i left my phone in the car like let me go grab it because she had left it when they dropped them off so she purposely left it she purposely left it and then when they met back up at canes like he said she was like i left my phone in your car let me go grab it um what do you think will well i i mean i think it would be hard to have any takeaway that like he isn't a bit of an asshole for saying that that being said i think she's also that's like a huge

invasion of privacy like you can't do that uh so they're both bad i like i don't think there's a good guy in this situation i'm kind of on the fence because i think i think that if you if you leave your phone secretly recording a conversation that that was supposed to be private and he wasn't like putting on blast to like multiple people just talking to one person it's kind of on you if you hear something that you don't want to hear right agreed but what she heard is like ah fuck so sad yeah okay so here's the thing you shouldn't have you shouldn't be with her if you have any feelings of like malice towards her why are you being a dick to her even in private yeah because that's super disrespectful that's a bad look don't be talking yeah it is a bad look it

makes because then that's not like admissible it's like you know like yeah yeah court required yeah like that wouldn't hold up in court like that's fucked up to privately record so that's like going through someone's phone and then being mad it's like yeah what they did is can be wrong but it's also still like uh no i i mean all right here's the deal they're both assholes yeah but like she's definitely like it's it's your fault it's the girl's fault for for doing that because you set yourself up to hear something you didn't want to hear but also to what's what's his fake name again bobby bobby sands man if you're gonna be with the girl dude you should like her enough that you don't have negative things to say about her to like your friends

like will and i've never been sitting around and one of us has been like seeing a girl and been like yeah dude seeing this girl but like she's a fucking bitch yeah you're like if you're with them you that's because you like them yeah yeah in the same way that you wouldn't like if you have if you have a treat them like they're a friend like if you're you would never talk shit about your friends behind their back don't talk shit about a girl behind their back i agree i think the consensus although i have a couple friends that might be more built like a middle linebacker yeah but if but if i put my phone in will's car and i and and it was like rusty's built like a middle linebacker i'd be like fuck yeah oh yeah i am fucking brian urlacher it's funny that that

that same line for if you said that about your girlfriend yeah like it's like a deal breaker and if you said about your boy i'd be like i think that he's kind of an ass yeah i think he's an asshole but she's also a little a little crazy yeah that'd be like a deal breaker if i found out they went through my phone i mean they'd find my like all the babes i'm snapping my roster they'd find they'd find like like an identical video like you know that video drake took they'd take one exactly like that on my phone should we call a lot a real live girl one of our friends and ask them if they do this yeah do it okay a real a living one who should we a real life who should we ask um just call one of your like girlfriends from i don't know from home yeah like from school

i have a ton i i got honestly too many to pick from this would be a sad way to realize that like no girls will pick up my phone calls um wait let's think about who oh yeah wait i think i typed the number wrong i think i think i oh oh i know the person i know the perfect person i know the perfect person I think I might have typed it. I think it's like Arabic or something. I still got the Arabic number system on here. You know regular numbers are Arabic numbers.

Why won't no one pick up my fucking phone anymore? This sucks. I gotta check in for my flight. One second, I'm about to call a girl. Oh, God. I'm getting all these notifications. All right, we're cutting all this out until we get it. No, we're not cutting anything.

We're not cutting anything. All right, let's think who. Yes, let me think. I have a few I could. All right, I got it. Yes, good. You got it. Your call has been.

Okay, that one is straight to voice. Going 0 for 3 would be a huge bummer. there must all still be a work what the heck i think all my apps broke all right we are we are slowly who are you thinking oh i guess all my apps oh we need one girl i have a good idea i i'm also trying to call people that i think would like oh my god what's up with all my apps what should i keep all this in yes no we're gonna like trim you absolutely have to keep i think i should keep it this is hysterical funny no girls well i'm about to find a good one

i lost all my contact i dropped my phone in the toilet oh my god no girls want to talk to me this is crazy okay we have will angus here and we are gonna do uh words that sound like exactly what they are we'll start us off okay starting off at number one i've got magnets yeah those are good that is that is just what it is yep totally agree all right number two i've got you can't remember number two i've got slug oh yeah that's great that's that's a one uh i'm gonna take murder I think it just sounds exactly like what it is

that's good coming in at number two for me is Potion Potion that's a good one no I forgot alright my second pick is going to be Needle

yeah it's okay I'm not obsessed I don't think you did well it sounds pointy do you want to I don't think It sounds pointy

I don't think you did good It sounds pointy Will, you want to see how it's done? Yeah This is kind of going off of Will Angus' elixir Ooh Yeah, an elixir, that's quite nice May I, for number three?

Yes, please For number three, I'm going with cocoon Yeah Yeah You're really good at this You'll be nice and wrapped up in cocoon All right, number three, I've got squish Yes

Squish is really good You're back, you're back and that one may i that one's also sort of an onomatopoeia that's so i have i realized two of mine are onomatopoeias fine but it does feel like obviously that's you will be judged by a jury of your peers okay that's what you're asking yeah that's it i'm gonna just go ahead and take diarrhea i feel like i feel like it's perfectly named i'd be lying if i said diarrhea didn't almost make its way onto my list how good is your i like that your list was good enough that diarrhea It didn't make the cut.

I feel like diarrhea is a pretty solid thing. Well, wait until you hear my last two. Lauren's going to flip when she hears these. Magma. Ooh, magma oozing out of a volcano. There's a little derivative of magnet, but I could kind of see where you were at. Busted. Busted.

Busted by the word police. How long have you been sitting there? What? Oxford Dictionary, like, knocks the door down. You just noticed me? I just noticed you. Okay, I've got fourth. I've got rash.

Like a rash. Yeah. Oh, it sounds like creepy. Yeah. Or I was thinking also like scrape. Yeah. On that note, like a scab. Yeah, so let's just skip Rusty then.

No, it's not. It's fine. What was yours? Well, since you guys both got two, I'm going to go two for one. Pimple and zit. Pimple and zit are both exactly what they are. Yeah. Okay, and now can I tell you my last pick?

I knew none of you little freaks would have taken this one. Well, I still have one more. Oh, go on. No, no, no. Pimple and zit were two, but go on. But they were the same thing. Wrong. All right.

Lightning. Yeah. Lightning's good. Yep. Although lightning's very soft for what it is. Lightning. Lightning. Lightning.

Lightning. And for my last trick, and for my last word, get ready for this one. Lugnut. Oh, yeah. Lugnut. You can feel the weight. Very weighty. You can feel the weight of the word.

Why do I not even know what that is? Yeah. It's like, yeah, because Lauren's not in there. Yeah, click. Classic chick nut in the shop working with a lug nut. Oh, it's like a nut and bolt thing? Yeah, it's like a very heavy nut, I think. It's like what?

I think your tires are held on by lug nuts. Yes, that is what it is. Look up lug nuts. No, it's what holds... Or we could just accelerate, expedite the segment. My last one is going to be crunch. Yeah. Yeah.

That's really good. All right. Those are words that sound perfect. Those are words that sound exactly like what they are. All right. Thanks for having me on. Thanks for coming, Angus. How did he do that

Oh my gosh That was crazy Why is his body shaped like that Why is his body shaped like that He's like a little wizard Do we have more drafts Yeah obviously more drafts Is that where we're at in the episode

This has been a fucking So chaotic We're going hog wild It's Valentine's Day We haven't even pitched each other yet Alright pitch me Willie Valentine's Day just gets you guys going I'll just get fired up

Don't tempt me with a good time Alright You know when he snaps his fingers Both of us are naked and inside of each other We're like whoa How do you do that It's just me upside down Straddling your face

Everyone at home is like Oh my god how's this on youtube okay all right all right all right um my mom listens to this i think i think my mom my mom you know you're you know we're talking about like going through phones and it's like i don't want to go through it because i'm scared of what i'll find that's how my mom approaches this podcast she refuses she's like i don't really know if i want to hear it yeah i'm like that's fine i mean i feel like we're pretty good we are pretty good but i think my dad listens uh pitch me willie remote control office chair and desk so it's just like everyone

it's a big the office is like a big it's like arena and then like when you want to go meet with people you just like steer like it's like a picture like um in wally yeah you know they all just kind of zoom around in those things and like you never have to get up and you just like when you have a meetings you just kind of like all like go to one part of it yeah and then you you always have your computer in front of you and uh your chair and it's all attached it's on wheels isn't controlled you never take it in the bathroom uh yeah you can take it has a bathroom built in you just click a button and it pops up like a tent around you and then you can be funny if you're like in the middle of a meeting you just pop up a tent shitting right now well you popped up a tent

in our meeting the other day yeah i mean i stay popping oh we are goofing we like it we are having fun all right i don't like i'm this is in my head this is a fantastic idea i just don't know i i need your help with the technology and like i also need help like explaining it like i feel like you're not going to understand what i'm saying so imagine imagine that that time you got the perfect haircut can you picture the haircut you you basically you go and get that haircut molded by our company right and it's like this is how long every hair in each section is and then they make like a cap kind of like a it's like a retainer for your hair right and you put it on and then you kind of pull all the hair out and like there are chunks where like

the front hair comes through just hear me out i'm telling you it's hard to explain pull the hair through the front and like yeah there's only enough hair that like you just cut off what's exposed and it'll always give you that haircut no matter how long your hair is i agree i love it i think that's one of like the biggest failures of modern societies that we haven't figured out to like a way that like once you have a great haircut to just like lock that in like i I can never have that one again. Yeah. I remember one time in like sixth grade.

No, not sixth grade. Like eighth grade, I got like a fucking popping haircut. It was just sitting right, and then I could never get it back there again. Yeah. I think it's also super contingent on like what type of shampoo and conditioner you're using. Garnier Fructis. Really? I would not have pegged you as that.

I've been using that too. It's like not good, but I still ended up with it. No, why are you guys using Garnier Fructis? I don't know. I barely use it. You got to use the Argon oil one. argon oil is chewed up by goats that climb trees and then spit out

and collected from their poop I don't think I want my air conditioner anymore in 8th grade I got my iPad confiscated at school because we only could have school related materials and I had pictures of goats in trees wait wait what? in 8th grade they like gave everyone

like school issued iPads and then they were like you can only have school related stuff on it and then at one point they like randomly did like a check and like kids got detentions which i have something on me no kids got like detentions and stuff for like having like figured out how to download games or having like inappropriate stuff and i also got detention and it was because i had discovered about these goats that climb trees in like morocco yeah and i had like tons of pictures of my camera on there like that's not school related and so they fucking yeah that's hilarious and i was like

such a funny thing but i was like such like a goody two-shoes back then i was like crying to like my parents why weren't you just like hey hey who's the teacher that gave you attention let me call her oh god what was her name she was actually like cool but she like had to be the ipad enforcer yeah but like shannon you could have just been like i was like shannon was her first name why wouldn't you just be like i was doing a project on goats miss shannon miss miss shannon you can lick the bottom of my schnoos i she i'm she's a lovely lady i didn't mean that she got married i think yeah anyway all right fuck that do you guys want to do romantic comedies that don't exist yeah it's valentine's day let's hear some rom-coms or yesterday was valentine's day

yeah um do you want me to start yeah rom-coms that don't exist all right so this one was originally i originally had it called the wedding planner but apparently that's already a rom-com that exists i googled it different premise so i changed it to you can't plan love a couple is getting married and they hire this wedding planner and she like quickly realizes that the bride is super mean to the groom and they like it isn't a good fit but she keeps her opinion to herself because that's not her place to say right but then she catches the bride cheating on the groom the night before the wedding and she's already been kind of falling for the groom so at the wedding she objects and tells everyone what happened the night before and her and the groom

run away together that's kind of baller yeah um that's kind of ball i've got balling for you no i'm just kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm kidding i was gonna say haven't we done that i've got love in disguise nice a woman attends a play at a theater and one of them yeah i'm a cool guy she developed a crush for the one of the lead characters she comes up to him afterwards she's most beautiful girl he's ever seen they they kind of hit it off they're flirting and she compliments his mustache which was a stage prop for the musical she asked him out to dinner and they they go to dinner a few days later and he panics and he puts on the mustache before he goes but it's like a high-end prosthetic mustache um and then so he's like kind of trying to grow a

mustache but having to wear the other one in the middle and it's like hard to wear if you still have like yeah if you're trying to grow one too what if he has like alopecia so like he like he can never grow one well maybe that could be your movie okay that's a good idea actually yeah anyway that's uh love in disguise nice um all right i got the statue of limitations it's a renaissance sculptor is you know commissioned to build this statue of a beautiful woman for some you know emperor whatever and he travels the world to find the perfect model and once he finds her you know they get to work on the statue and one of the things about him is he's a super method sculptor so he doesn't want his muse to talk right because statues don't talk so they're you know he's

chiseling away for months looking at her like they're falling in love but they can't say anything to each other and then finally when it's done they can get together i love that thank you i love that i've got love trump's all uh it starts on january 6th some right-wing nut job storms the capital and is like holding some congressperson's uh office like hostage and they end up falling in love with the congressperson who's a democratic congressperson that would be so funny and like aoc and like the dude with the headdress yeah aoc and the q anon shaman have this unlikely romance and uh they the congressperson that has to like bail them out of jail and stuff and it's like this lengthy legal thing and they end up professing their love to the world and um

they're both like really hated yeah i love it yeah but love trumps all i gotta i got where is my love this magician and his assistant um are in love with each other and during one of his shows he like accidentally actually makes her disappear and like can't find her the trick is like she's supposed to disappear and then she's just like under the floorboards or something and then he has to scour the earth yeah doing this trick over and over and over again for audiences hoping that one day she'll just appear in the box and then does she i don't know i didn't get that far i think i haven't finished it yet there's got to be a better ending like she's just there but i don't know i love it um i've got speed date uh two meth addicts fall in love

and have to overcome addiction together i just really like the name yeah speed date's great um i think i'm gonna call this one your planet or mine okay basically this guy works at nasa an alien crashes like near his testing site she gets out she's like this really hot female alien and he's like i don't want to tell my co-workers about her because they're going to do experiments on her and like i'm never gonna be able to see her again so they you know he hides her and then they have to rebuild her craft because the government's kind of on to him and they like narrowly escape and go back to her planet and live a happy life together that's good yeah um i've got rounding first um a a batter is rounding first base during his home run trot

locks eyes with the first basement basement and it's love at first sight okay and they're in the mlb and so then he is demanding a trade to the other team so that he can be with his true love which is the first baseman that he locks eyes with every time around his first base that'd be funny if like he kept hitting like ropes that could easily be like doubles or triples but he stops it yeah he starts pulling up yeah um all right i love that um one more i think oh do i have another one let me look let me look all right i'll tell you my last one wheel love oh i do have another one i do have another one my last one's called wheel love it's about a biker and a guy with a lisp who fall in love nice that's all i got that's great um my last one is called roses

are red and it's this man who owns a flower shop and every val he's single he's like perpetually single and um every valentine's day he has to watch all these people come in and buy flowers for their significant other yeah and he's like super sad about it and at the end of valentine's as he's closing up shop he gets an order and it's like for him he's like what and then this like girl comes in she's like i saw you earlier today but like i was too nervous to say anything like me and my boyfriend broke up like do you want to go get dinner oh and they hit it off that's amazing thanks well speaking of roses are red didn't we write some fun valentines we did write some fun valentines for each other which uh is gonna be such a fun segment that you were super

excited about here's a little valentine from me to you roses are red forests have bears the people i've wronged haunt all my nightmares love it um i got it's valentine's day the best day of the year come here little mama let me whisper in your ear i love it thank you i've roses are red my soul is black i don't support us invading iraq i thought that was going somewhere else um you know just to keep the rosy red thing going roses are red kittens drink cream every night last week you were in my gay dream i realized mine didn't have any like love element but they were wait can you read yours were yours all poems no they were just different things i did but you said you don't art one of

yours was like you were taking a stance on like iraq yeah yeah kieran they didn't think there were wmds there they just wanted oil wmds uh that's my initials wmd willie mass destruction sick rapper name willie of mass destruction and i was born on 9 11 so i'm like that is crazy born to be a terrorist all right destined to be a podcaster but born to born to be a terrorist forced to be a podcast um lauren whose personality you're gonna steal this weekend lauren's gonna steal lauren's gonna steal that uh this the sleepy um in snow white the sleepy the sleepy sleepy yeah it's just sleepy oh yeah i know i've yawned like 300 times sleepy today sleep i don't know why i slept so much last night maybe that's sometimes you can oversleep no i went to bed at

9 30 didn't get up till like 8 30 and i'm on sleep i must have i'm exhausted um whose personality am i gonna steal come back to me on that okay you go uh you ever seen the the harvest moon music video by neil young i know the song i don't know if i've seen the video he just plays this like i mean he's playing himself but he's just so chill in it and he's like they walk into i think it's called the mountain house it's like this chill bar and he just hangs up his coat which i think is a cool move at a bar like yeah there's a coat rack there for some reason and they just dance the night away and it's like him in all these different eras he's very chill and i'm gonna try and bring that energy actually i guess we're we're going we're not gonna be anywhere chill

this weekend but daytona the next time i'm in like a chill bar i'm gonna just hang my coat up somewhere because i think that suggests like i'm here so often that i'm not worried about someone taking my coat yeah i love that thanks i'm gonna go with me cole hardman game winning touchdown in the super bowl yeah but he uh he started this he played 12 games on the jets this year and i think he had three catches after after they like made a big they paid him a lot of money in the offseason and then he got traded the chiefs and then he ends up scoring the game winning touchdown the super bowl so i'm just i'm thinking i'm gonna fly under the radar and then i'm gonna make a big play this weekend on like i'm gonna do something like do like a cool dance move or

something on saturday night it's gonna be like everyone's like what was laying low all week like he must have been just saving that yeah exactly i'm going full hardman on him all right your turn lauren um the only thing that's popping in my head is phineas and verb yeah yeah you're gonna be candace mom no i'm gonna be verb just silent and british he's is he british he like talks like a couple times and he's like why do i not remember i need to go to the stall yeah because i don't know if any plans but i'm gonna like think of something you should wear purple pants yeah pull doubly up you should make um a large contraption and disassemble it before mom gets home why do i feel like we forgot you guys forgot something that you said we were gonna

do in the beginning i know freezing jumping a hat wearing we did pitches we did rom-coms we did valentines we did words that are what they are and we did personality we missed our last am i the asshole yeah that was it should we do it or just save it for next week let's save it for next week it's a doozy all right this has been a blast we love you and we will see you guys next wednesday we apologize for this one being a little bit late peace