Will & Rusty's Playdate - my family went rogue in brazil

Episode Date: November 13, 2024

Strap in for an absolutely jam-packed episode, where the gang takes bets on whether or not Rusty could land a plane, and Willy preps to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the first time ever. They welcome back Am I the A**hole, play Two Truths and a Lie, and break down the drama between Zach Bryan and Brianna Chickenfry (#teambri). Finally, the boys tackle three drafts: the coolest race horse names, the best dating app openers, and New York Times games that absolutely should exist. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SEE WILLY D AND AFTV LIVE IN NEW YORK: https://concerts.livenation.com/almost-friday-tv-live-presented-by-brooklyn-new-york-11-17-2024/event/30006149E2F6366F SHOP THE ALMOST FRIDAY CARD GAME: https://www.target.com/p/almost-friday-by-what-do-you-meme-game/-/A-90178530 HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  VISIT https://www.expressvpn.com/playdate TO GET UP TO SIX EXTRA MONTHS OF VPN FREE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON! HEAD TO https://rikispirits.com TO FIND OUT WHERE TO GET RIKI NEAR YOU. FOLLOW @FRIDAY.BEERS AND @RIKISPIRITS TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH UPCOMING RIKI CONTESTS AND GIVEAWAYS. GO TO HTTPS://WWW.LUCY.CO/FRIDAY AND USE PROMO CODE FRIDAY FOR 20% OFF YOUR FIRST ORDER. WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CONTAINS NICOTINE. NICOTINE IS AN ADDICTIVE CHEMICAL. (00:00) Intro/Zach Bryan (09:18) Flight Simulator (12:42) Thanksgiving Dinner (21:52) Harry Houdini (30:39) High School Drama (35:27) Boujee Brunch (45:52) Choices and Changes (56:11) Roadmap (01:00:35) Two Truths and a Lie (01:04:58) Pitch Submissions (01:13:43) Pitches (01:22:21) Teach Me Something (01:35:38) This Guy Rocks (01:53:02) AITA (02:05:09) Race Horses that Don’t Exist (02:06:31) Best Dating App Prompts/Opening Lines (02:08:12) New York Times Games that Don’t Exist (02:11:04) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As always, Played It is brought to you by Triple, the original high seltzer. Redefining the party landscape. Have you ever browsed in incognito mode? It's probably not as incognito as you think. Google recently settled a $5 billion lawsuit after being accused of secretly tracking users in incognito mode. Google's defense? Incognito mode does not mean invisible.

In fact, all of your online activity is still 100% visible to a ton of third parties unless you use ExpressVPN. Right now, you can take advantage of ExpressVPN's Black Friday slash Cyber Monday offer to get the absolute best VPN deal you'll find all year. Use my special link, expressvpn.com slash playdate to get four extra months with the 12-month plan or six extra months with the 24-month plan, totally free.

If like me, you heard the beginning of that and thought, I gotta make some calls, ExpressVPN is the spot for you. i've been thinking about this ever since the whole zach bryan thing started everyone else is capitalizing off of beefing with him except for us we were the first people he beefed with and no one believed us that he was crazy until now well i think that if we had like put out like a diss like donald with everyone like whoa what the hell like i don't think we quite had the pull that dave portnoy does that being said i did get a text from a friend of

it was like you guys should get these this they're like selling like shirts now with like a diss track and stuff yeah funny if we were just fully bought in i've been saying it for like a year now i know and you didn't believe me i also didn't want to believe it because like until we until our beef i loved him i know i had a feeling i had a feeling and i know it's easy in hindsight to be like yeah you did snipe it but i have i i think even probably not publicly but i've been saying it for a year i think that guy's a nut job yeah you were vindicated dude i think he just has I actually feel bad. I think he just has, like, bipolar disorder or something.

Like, I don't know if it's entirely his... That story about, like, the campfire? Yeah, correct. You're, like, freaked out on... Did you hear this? What's that story? So, Brianna Jenkins... I listened to...

By the way, I listened to the entire BFF. I didn't want to. With, like, grinning ear to ear the whole time. Me and Billy were talking about this. We were like, I wonder how many people in this room right now have watched it secretly. Well, because we both had watched it secretly.

I might... we i might have been part okay i don't want to say i'm part of this but a big a big part of the stories that she's telling one of the big things that keeps coming up that they talk about in the pod and they clip and stuff is how he was supposed to be at fenway and come out for noah khan or whatever and uh i don't i think this story like originally was like people were saying he got too drunk and was like at the venue and got kicked out i think he just bailed like the day before right but brie on the pod was like something about like oh he he was too drunk he might he was she He was like, I don't know.

He wasn't responding to my texts, blah, blah, blah. He was probably too fucked up and then canceled on Noah. The night before the Fenway show that he very now publicly famously bailed on, that was the night that he commented all that shit on my Instagram and blocked us. The night he blocked our podcast was the night that he canceled on Noah Khan to like play at this big show that is now like. Did your video send him into a tailspin? So it's like it's impossible to rule out that me singing a song about puberty

that he thought was about him sent him on a large-scale tailspin that ended his relationship and caused this drama there's gonna be like a documentary about his like downfall yeah and it's like uh it all started there he's like this fucking kid wrote a song about puberty and there were too many comments saying it sounded like me i had a meltdown so ridiculous for anyone new to this too like i all i just posted a song that i had wrote as a joke about it was like i'm scared to go in the locker room because I'm scared they'll see my body.

Tonight. I'm scared they'll all point and stare and say, that's a weird shaped body. Tonight. And that was it. And it didn't say anything about Zach Bryan,

but all the comments were like average Zach Bryan song. Yeah. And it came, I guess I came across this For You page. Send him in a spiral.

He blocked us. He blocked Playdate. He blocked Friday. Beers. He has, I just found out today, the entire sketch team is blocked by Zach Bryan.

Now that we brought everyone down with us. Yeah, so our whole company is now blocked by Zach Bryan because of this video i put out i saw a kid at a kid at barstool today was mad that he's like one of the only people barstool employees who's not blocked by him oh really yeah it's like it's like a badge of honor at this point to be blocked by him and so he put out a video it was um tommy tommy smokes okay yeah

put out a video trying to get zach blind brian to block him that's awesome it'd probably work um yeah what a weird idea i was taught yeah um but you still want to come on zach yeah we would I'd love to have you on the podcast. Do you want to tell all? Tell your side of the story? Nah. At one point. No, we're out.

At one point, we were the only podcast we followed. I mean, we wouldn't support it. Yeah, we were for, I think, like a month. Only podcast we followed. We were the only podcast Zach Brown followed. He doesn't sound like a very fun hang. I'll tell you that much. Especially not.

Oh, yeah, we didn't even tell. So, Lauren, you're asking. So, the story tells at the end. It's like an hour and a half into this pod. which by the record I was on the edge of my seat the whole time

great podcast he like it was like her birthday party at this like her like cabin in New Hampshire that he had bought for her and like her whole family and friends were there

sorry to interrupt how many houses did he buy her because she told multiple stories about different houses that she was living in that he bought her

I mean he's that rich I mean he sells out football stadiums he has hundreds of millions of dollars they offered her

12 million dollars to never talk again I did see that that's crazy sorry continue no anyway she just basically said that i like how so far this podcast is just us breaking down another podcast but no she said that like it was like her birthday and she was doing a thing at this cabin in new hampshire that he just bought her and then he kept he kept being like all right like i'll he had like four days off in between shows and he was like fine i'll come

i'll come to your fucking birthday and she kept being like you don't have to come if like i don't want this to be like a big deal like i don't want you to be mad at me for coming like it's fine and you're on tour and there's no i'm gonna fucking come to your birthday whatever so he shows up and they're all out of fire it's like all her family friends and zach and then i guess he started like kind of saying some weird shit to her friends and she was like this is weird and it wasn't even midnight yet it wasn't even her birthday she's like i'm going to bed zach like just come with me to bed let's just go to bed and then i guess he was like i'll come in in a sec and then she woke up like a few hours later and went downstairs all of her friends are

sobbing in the basement and her aunt i think is physically restraining him in the yard insane and they stayed together that wasn't even why they broke up wait what what happened i don't i guess he started yelling they think it was about our good friend grace yeah love grace uh they think it was about grace he apparently was like yelling across the fire like you'll fucking never make it like you'll you're never gonna be anybody whatever like unprompted he seems like a fucking bad way sad um and yeah for the record if it was about grace grace is killing it yeah i mean yeah a much more likable character than old zacky i know yeah i was like that's a losing battle like you're in the in the court of public opinion you're not gonna win

wow i think she posted something on her story that was like it well because everyone was speculating that she took money or something right and then she was like i would never take money from that clown and it was a screenshot of a video of that night and then uh dave i guess said that one of his songs is about one of zach's songs i was just reading that what is that song about i don't think it's about a funeral but it was grace brie i guess made made zach like a normal boyfriend would go made him go to brie's grandmother's funeral grace's grandmother's or sorry grace's grandmother's funeral brie brought zach and i guess he like was pissed about that he she made him go but then he wrote that song that night i mean there's nothing like about it's kind

it's actually a beautiful song yeah that's the thing that sucks so hard yeah because now we just can't listen to this guy i know well it's also like it is fun like all the songs that i first like the first song i ever heard by him was like messed up kid and it's like there's like yeah it's not all these people are saying like if you guys have been listening he's trying to been he's been trying to tell us for years that he's like a bad guy exactly um on a lighter note i have a friend that was telling me she does uh soul cycle with jill biden okay and apparently this is something i didn't know like the secret service whenever someone does the workout class like a handful of them will do it with them okay because it's just easier for them to be in the room

instead of like standing like all around her yeah so when jill is on the bike they're on the four bikes next to her that's awesome and like surrounding her and i was asking my friend i'm like if there was an emergency like i feel like that's the last place you'd want to be you're like clipped into a bike like they're like they're pedaling oh oh try to get like their gun out of their boot like uh yeah i just thought that was funny that's also funny because they're all probably like they're all like fuck we gotta go do soul cycle oh yeah that yeah but like you like look over like who are these like massive men doing pilates um i've been getting way back into flight simulator recently okay i am now to the point without a shadow of a doubt i think if

something went wrong like on a flight i could like successfully land it it's i've i have gotten to the point where i'm so good at like landing these planes i genuinely think i could take off keep it in the air and like land you'd be in the airplane like all right which one's a what's funny about you bringing this up is that me and troy watched airplane last night nice how'd that go well i fell asleep but it was fucking ridiculous i don't think we need to get into the hospital crazy movie a hospital what is it it's a big building with patients i don't i don't think you realize though like it's once it's in the air it's not that hard to keep it like stable you can do autopilot or something no it's like i i have a good enough understanding you're playing

on an xbox no but i'm controlling the yoke and like everything like i'm i am 1000 confident that i could i could not only fly commercial airliner i think i could land a small jet i don't know if i could land like a 747 i am absolutely positive i could land like a small jet now can we i want to like can we get like a flight simulator i don't know not a real one like i want like we should get you in a real one and test this you know what i mean like they have ones that would like accurately tell whether you could do it not only not only could i keep it there and land it i i've tried it multiple times 50 of the time i think i could barrel roll it and keep it in the air no way yes you don't think so absolutely not you're playing on xbox controller i'm controlling the yoke and

i'm controlling all i'm keeping on an xbox but i am i am going in and i'm picking out the it's i'm not using the controls i use the mode where i pick the thing and like move it oh okay all right i don't know i guess i don't i have no idea one thousand it just seems i think people go to like years and years of training i i actually so it's funny you say that i genuinely think these like flight schools are like kind of a scam i think it's like outdated and i think like if you play enough flight simulator on xbox you understand how a plane works enough to fly it and barrel roll it and land it all right put it this way i'm not getting in the plane lauren you getting i'm not getting in that plane i think we should go somewhere i think you should go to an actual

like a flight simulator yeah you don't think i could do that even i mean that's the same as a plane yeah i could the same thing i could one thousand percent take off keep it in the air and land a small jet i could even barrel roll it i'm positive all right let's do it can you find a flight simulator you should do this for how cool well this was a i had this idea like this show i pitched like when we first came back it was like things like this it's like putting these like the first two episodes i wanted to be like episode one was like could we make the olympics in curling in five or ten years yes and then we like go i still think we get it out and then episode two would be that because there was like a tweet that like blew up a while ago it was like

my boyfriend's convinced he could land a plane i think those boyfriends were talking about like a 747 i think that's hard i think you would be surprised with how good i am at flying a small jet i i have no doubt i was if you could do it i would be surprised i'm not doubting you as a person i'm just you just don't believe me at all correct okay i can live with that speaking of hard tasks you know what i gotta i just tried out today i'm did i mention this already maybe that i gotta fucking i gotta make thanksgiving dinner yeah yeah wait did we talk about this on the pod last week well i just got my list of things okay all right well i got my brother sent i don't understand why you don't just like popeyes does the chicken yeah but like that's

so fun or turkey no it is no fun but you know what's you know what's really no fun what eating a bad thanksgiving dinner it's gonna be bad wait let's hear it willie i want to hear what you have to do all right well i was sent a list of options from my brother sam who's taking initiative on this uh all right hey ding dongs this is to me and my sister hey ding dongs do you want to be responsible for cooking any of the blow for thanksgiving i have to delegate some to my aunt but i want to give you guys first dibs uh cheese board stuffing that you can nail the cheese won't be hard cheese board stuffing gravy mashed potatoes carrots green beans rolls pumpkin pie apple pie you can do all of you can do all of those green can i give you a recipe

green bean casserole gas well i already talking about this yeah i already picked is the problem green bean when did green bean casserole become a thing because we were you know those filters where it's like rank like it was basically a filter like boom or doom and it gave you a thing whatever and the person i was doing it with said that she uh is familiar with this and that it's like huge in the midwest yes i've been i've had this since i was like my first thanksgiving i'm i have never heard of this once until today it's insane it's actually i feel like maybe i've heard of it but it's not like a big thing do you guys do the do you guys do the sweet potato casserole with the mashed potato or the um the marshmallows sometimes that's delicious i don't like sweet

potatoes i don't either but i like this i like this but i think it's just because it has marshmallows i like sweet potatoes wait what about um what are those uh the cranberries cranberry chutney oh that's what we do you don't know what cranberry chutney i'm so excited for thanksgiving i know i love thanksgiving i'm trying to decide because i'm doing movember both of our mustaches are kind of coming in pretty well for this but i might be in the driver's seat yeah i think yours is still slightly better but i'm gaining going a month i'm gaining on you quickly i'm on day i'm on day 11 yeah um but i don't know if i want to be because if you show up to thanksgiving with a mustache the grandparents and the aunts are going to want to talk about it and i just don't

know if i want the headache because i did beard and buzz cut two years ago and that was just a whole thing i'm also realizing now like we're starting these like live shows right so it's like i'm presenting myself in front of these like live audiences yeah and something about that feels like like oh oh oh you you're not you're not talking about the streams you're talking about like the live sketch show no like we're like i'm going to new york this by the way go to new york go to uh you should buy a ticket you are quite the salesman let me tell you thank you that was a good by the way go to new york no sunday night 7 30 bell house in brooklyn you can find tickets online how did the first one go i never asked you oh yeah it was last tuesday right or two tuesdays

ago yeah it was awesome nice it was i heard you guys got to rework one of my favorite sketches of yours that was hump day hump day is so funny i know the live version i think is really funny too um so sorry you're you're worried about presenting yourself with a mustache to these live crowds something about that feels like like this is like a like i don't know this is a really exciting opportunity where i'm like getting to do like live performance and like this thing in new york is like the ones here cool too but like when new york is like in new york city like my for all my friends and family are gonna be there and like there's like 300 something people at the show and like this is not like gonna be my i don't know something that feels like more i think as of today

i pointed this out today the mustache in my opinion was not a mustache until this this was the first time i've seen it this is actually a good look before it was like oh he's going for a mustache now it's like oh that guy just has a mustache lauren yeah no i agree all right it's gotten blonder i don't know how that's possible it's way lighter wait do you mean like you don't know if you want to present yourself as a mustache guy like you think you gotta like decide that now before i mean i don't think i really have to it's just like something about doing these shows makes it feel like i don't know i'm like put it's like i don't know i guess maybe obviously more people are gonna see this than the show but something about this feels more because i'm not looking

at anyone right now yeah i don't know it's kind of the same thing as like if you get invited to something fancy yeah you like shave and you get a haircut that like you wouldn't normally have and it's like oh now i'm not even like me yeah you know what i mean like i think just maybe keep it i know but also do you like touch yours do i like how do you mean it's like yeah i touch it sometimes i feel like i do this too you you do that a lot you twist me well you used to at least i used to My problem was I would bite it. I want to bite yours sometimes.

Yeah. Have you seen these girls that have boyfriends with beards who every once in a while get beard burn on their face and it literally looks like someone rubbed a... It looks like they took their face and put it on a sand grinder. A sand blaster. Pull up girls with beard burn.

Girls with beard. Can you do girls with beard first? I want to see something. Yeah, you see this? oh isn't that horrible gosh that's from like hooking up from like making out with a guy who has like a rough beard okay that's disgusting there were a girl i remember a girl showed up to one of my classes with one right one time but it was like a girl that i guess i just hadn't pictured hooking up with guys before and it was like oh no yeah oh like macy's getting it a little how to stop is beard burn ruining your makeup so that's why when i mean obviously you know i have

that problem a lot with chicks yeah my intense facial hair so i always just as long as you stick your lips and tongue out far enough they don't touch any part of where your beard would be or is sorry yeah anyway i picked mashed potatoes carrots and rolls i thought those all seemed like the most yeah you're gonna knock those out of the park right i think that's them oh i mean no one wants like oh you're just buying you're just buying the roll yeah then put him in the oven oh nice king's wine all day yeah like i feel like that's better than anything i would make i don't think also i don't think anyone's expecting me to like no but what you need to do is you get little cards you know like do your parents sometimes put like cards in front of the

food if it's like set up like buffet style you'd like go whatever there's like seven of us what okay yeah but it's you should you should get a card and put like will's will's homemade will's homemade rolls um california roll wait or that's a type of sushi or like but something that applies it's like something i learned out here california rolls will the venice beach rolls or something it's like oh yeah i was thinking about this the other day and maybe this is completely incorrect but i i need like bigger brains than mine to explain it to me thank thank god you got two huge ones here i i will weigh myself before and after a meal sometimes yeah and i weigh more than the food weighed how is that possible you as a person so your weight doubles like no no like if

i if i if i was like 180 pounds when i ate the meal and then i eat a bowl of chipotle and i weigh myself sometimes i'll be like 185 pounds after and i don't understand how that works you're saying the food didn't weigh five pounds yeah a chipotle bowl might weigh five pounds it definitely does no no it's i don't even think it's a pound did you get guac but like yeah i don't know maybe uh you're probably drinking water too water weight yeah and then five pounds of water it like it doesn't make any or or i'll weigh myself before and after like a huge dump and i'll be the exact same weight do you guys ever send those snapchats to your friends like on the scale and it says before no i don't have a scale oh i don't think it's good for my mental health i do i do just

because i'm trying to make my way back down to my like cruising weight so i need to keep an eye on it but uh i'll send phil oh phil and i have a fun one where do you ever take like a poop so crazy that you have to like take all your clothes off in like a hurry no i feel like you've asked me this before do you ever do that lauren i've probably had one in my life or like you like like you can't have anything on like it's like that bad well like well like well like i'll like hang up my clothes on like different parts of like the bathrooms or like hang my like socks and boxers like on the shower head and then like a shirt on the doorknob and like my pants are like hung up on the towel rack and then you like pan up and you pan to the room and i send that to

phil like as if like i was running into the bathroom like about to poop so hard that i'd like throw my clothes everywhere and like like a converse sneaker that i wasn't wearing on the faucet um that's just like a fun thing we do i like it i love it socks are like glued to the feeling billy and i billy and i were doing a i was helping him come up with this sketch um and it was like it was basically like your roommate or your co-worker freaky fridayed with harry houdini oh yeah and he's like um he's like hey what are you doing for lunch uh nothing i just brought something from cool cool any chance you want to uh chain my ankles behind my head and plant an apple tree on top of me but our we couldn't figure out a way to do this

but like the visual of like him gluing his palms to the soles of his feet would be that's something he did he was just always like putting himself in the craziest position and like sentencing himself to death and then surviving it yeah do you ever hear about the the time you went visited the russian royal family i think you've told this on this pod okay well he no but do it again so he he's doing a show for the russian royal family and he calls calls down their best marksman shoot the bell no to shoot me in that oh i've told that one that one's crazy too but he goes he asked the marksman to shoot at his head and the marksman does it and when the smoke clears the bullets between his teeth and how he did it was when they're loading the bullet down there

was a magnet on the end of the rod and so they watch him load it but then when he pulled the rod back out he had to trust that that magnet was going to hold on to the bullet got it and so when he fired it was there was nothing in the magnet the pole was in his that's pretty good crazy um how are you guys what else is going on dude i'm good i'm kind of i'm feeling a little sniffly today yeah what's up with that just like traveling going to texas i feel like all these these weekends always just how was texas i got i got a case of the college tour flu that's what i like to call were you guys at bloody nose kids at all no thank god i was also that makes it sound like i was like doing drugs i wasn't i was just oh no no i didn't think that um but i always think it's funny if you

get a bloody nose as an adult it's so much less embarrassing because you like know how to like you're not worried about like ridicule like i remember when i was a kid like getting a bloody nose in class was like oh my god my life is like over i got one at the bar the other day everyone's like yeah no everyone at the table was like dude i know right like it's been so dry out and you were like oh i wish you guys wish everyone was like this when we were like kids yeah i don't think everybody knows this ever everyone everyone at the table was like rallying around me being like being like dude i know dude i know like dude i've been getting them all week yeah everyone's really supportive about this that's cool well anyway texas was really fun

know went to the football game vibes are good i love like big college football stadiums i know every time we every time i go to like a big football game i really regret not really regret but i'm like oh i missed out on this part of college yeah 100 every time i go to one of these big i mean the campus of texas is so fucking beautiful yeah was it still hot there it was honestly a little hot during the game day and i had bought this texas thing that was like a sweater so i was yeah but it was kind of fun i got a hilarious text from a texas kid while you were there he was like texas student texted me we had met him last year and he was like hey man will's here like are you uh you gonna make your way down and i was like no dude unfortunately like i'm you

know i had something to do this weekend and i was like where do i know this kid from it was the kid that harbored me after i pantsed the uber driver have you told this story on the pod i don't know i don't think so because we like weren't allowed to for like legal reasons have i told you the story i don't think so were you with me i was with you earlier in the night and then you went off with these kids i like met up with this like ragtag group of kids and we were going somewhere in an uber and the uber driver was like talking smack or like i was talking smack for some reason like by the end of the uber we were both ready to like fight each other and he gets out of the uber when he dropped us off and uh like squared up to like fight me and like i don't know how to fight

and so i pantsed him i could hold his pants around his short his cargo shorts around his ankles and like completely immobilized him and we like ran off he like kind of saw the apartment that i ran into or the house that i ran into and so he called the cops and was like i know this fucking kid's in there and uh this kid just went to bat for me and was like no i've never seen that guy in my fucking life he's not in here he harbored and that's this guy yeah it's this kid why would he call the cops what are they gonna do i mean i essentially assaulted him yeah i don't think you can just he was in he was in the right also like he was presumably sober and you weren't so i'm assuming yeah you probably weren't probably rough i think i'm on his side but he yeah for

like an hour the cops are outside i think at some point they came into the house and like every kid there looks like me so it was like impossible to be like it was just like i don't know he's like white and had like a mustache yeah and like every kid in this house was looked exactly like me and um yeah got away with it and but he texted me and he was like uh oh man like you know have a good weekend i was like yeah you too man like don't pants any uber drivers dude was like haha i'll try but that's funny yeah it's a good time yeah i had a good austin's a really fun place i would like to no probably never lived there but yeah i feel like every time you and i are there we come to the conclusion that we would live there though i would i just don't know if that's like

realistic at any point yeah i mean if we were if we have the ability to move i don't think that's where it would be that's kind of i'm thinking there's other places higher up on the list but i like getting the chance to visit would you make your way back to boston i'm done with boston Really? Yeah. I mean, I enjoyed it, but I was there for five years and I have no... New York City. I've seen everything there is to see there a little bit.

New York, I would do, yeah. I would live in New York. This podcast is brought to you by Triple. Triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams of THC and just 15 to 20 calories. Triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer. Light on calories, high on life. It's all natural, gluten-free, and again, just 15 to 20 calories. You were telling me about that Triple thing you did this weekend.

tell me about it again i i think i've cracked the code on how to have like the perfect sunday got into a couple triples walked down had some breakfast it was lovely my sweet spot is two i go and have breakfast and then i have a third literally the chillest sunday saturday hell friday night you could possibly have i like i like triple because sometimes when i'm taking like an edible i have to take it all at once and i'm like bad at gauging it yeah what i like about triples you have one you see how you're feeling maybe have a second yeah maybe even have a third you can even stop halfway through if you want to that's the greatest thing about it you can just gauge how you're feeling and just stop there it's fantastic triple is born from a desire to blend

thc's social buzz with the social ritual of sipping on a seltzer triple is currently available at grocery stores liquor stores bars and restaurants in missouri kansas iowa louisiana georgia and florida and it will be available in illinois south carolina arizona and ohio by the end of the year we're looking at you the lake of the ozarks nationally it is currently available online to get it now go to drink triple.com and use code playdate to get 10 off your order that's drink t-r-i-p-l-e.com and use code playdate for 10 off your order triple redefining the party landscape I want to take a quick moment to talk about a new sponsor of the pod, Lucy. Lucy is intelligent nicotine for adults, designed by scientists to deliver the most satisfying nicotine experience and always tobacco-free.

Whether you use nicotine to enhance focus, boost your energy, or relax, there's a Lucy for you. They offer products ranging from hydrating breakers to pouches to lozenges to gum, with individual servings ranging from 4 milligrams to 12 milligrams, ensuring satisfaction for even the most demanding nicotine routines. Tell me about your favorite Lucys, Mr. Featherstone. I've told you in the past that I'm like a mint guy. Yeah. Recently. Uh-oh.

We ran out of mint for a very brief window, and I switched to the apple cider. Okay. Which I was a little skeptical, I'm not going to lie. Delish. Very fall. Very fall. I also like the apple ice and mint, still kind of my favorite, but right now, you know, I'm polishing off a tin of the eight milligram apple cider.

Give Lucy a shot today by going to lucy.co slash Friday and use promo code Friday for 20 off your first order again that's lucy.co slash friday and use promo code friday to save 20 on your first order warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical one of my hometown friends was telling me this story like did you guys have any like big like i feel like we don't have drama anymore on like a grand scale as like adults you know what i mean like your life with your yeah yeah you just like you surround yourself with like kind of like drama lists people and like there aren't like moms that like feed into it the way like they did in high school did you guys have any like crazy like high school drama i'm not

really sure what you're talking about basically moms that feed into it is kind of where you lost me oh these are like noms i'll give you i'll give you an example i'll give you an example like there were there were these two kids at my high school that were like half brothers i guess like they shared the same biracial no no new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with a coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added b vitamins like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you

discover coffee plus on nespresso.com they were half brothers man that was good all right um i'm trying to think of how to do this without like exposing these kids basically there were like these two brothers that like shared a dad and the why are you looking no i'm just like i made myself laugh this is crazy uh there were these two brothers that uh shared a dad and the dad like only claimed like one of them okay and like had beef what nothing had beef i'm just i'm just looking at you listening the the kid who he like didn't claim yeah again like this was this was like small town maine yeah so like half the parents like went to this high school and so like he had a kid with this woman at like 18 okay didn't

claim that kid immediately had another kid with a different woman and like fully claims that kid was like so supportive of this kid and the kid that he claimed was like the best uh basketball player at our school okay and then the other kid was like also really good but it was like awkward to join that team because like the dad was so involved with the basketball team that it was like oh i'm not welcome there yeah so like i can't what are you trying to prank me what are you like is this a real story yeah what are you i don't know i just don't trust anything comes out of your mouth anymore and then and then basically the kid the kid who he didn't claim like join now is this like a tv show i don't know that's what i'm not pranking you okay

continue the kid the kid who he like didn't claim like joined the basketball team okay and there was like all this beef and then like the the two brothers like this is something this is something i'm on your side well you know what i don't know what it is but i'm not i want to eat one tree hill or something it's the pot of one trail i couldn't get far enough into it okay i've never seen the show i also kind of like lost my way because i was like okay what else what happens after and you were you kept looking at me weird and smiling because i thought you knew maybe no i was just trying to follow you were gonna get me you could have if you had played into it but there's no way anyone would have known too i haven't watched enough of yeah i've never seen

the show i just was guessing because i think they put basketball in there i didn't think that one through enough i just wrote down in my notes like tell will the plot of one trail um that's funny that is funny now i'm all uh discombobulated um what are you guys doing this weekend i'm going to rainbow kids surprise on friday fun yeah i think we're gonna go beforehand get uh these like frozen bananas at this place in who south beach me and scott and my buddies pat and alex are visiting um and then we have this like i have like a friend from college that isn't like as close to me but he knows pat and alex um it's this guy buster so we're gonna go down now i don't now i can't trust anything he says pat alex buster and pat and alex i think you

and they're going to get frozen bananas sure buster knows this what the hell we've fucked ourselves for eternity now uh pat and alex are my actual buddies that are visiting this room buster bluth is from arrested development and they have a frozen banana stand um dude we went we we went to uh have you guys heard of baltair no it's like this restaurant in in i okay i swear to god no more no more no more no i'm just thinking of like it sounded like bald hair we went to bald hair um dude we get the okay so we went to brunch there and basically the their whole thing is like everything comes on like carts

so it's like you order like the bloody mary cart and the guy like comes around like loads it up got it we'll put a picture it's like uh that mexican place where they like roll them around casablanca maybe we'll put a picture right here there was a giant lobster tail on my like it was like too much giant piece of bacon yeah crazy and then like you do brunch and it's like a preset menu whatever it's like 85 bucks which like okay that's like a lot but like yeah we'll be the end of the world and i was trying to look cool in front of front of the girl that was just the youtube knows uh me ty and the lady that i'm seeing okay and um dream blunt rotation it kind of is he rules yeah ty ty's ty made will and chester's killer guy list but then he ruined it

because the whole point is you're not supposed to know that you're a killer guy yeah we told him and you told him but he's he's he is a killer i'll never tell killer who else is on the list killer group of guys that are like like i feel like i've only seen him like one yeah well that's kind of the killer guys list is like a guy that like you end up having like kind of a big night with or like spending a saturday with like you made such a great first impression almost yeah the other guy made such a great first impression that you're like he yeah or like yeah he's like a friend of a friend and then like you end up hanging out more that day than you're i don't know and he just is he just rocks like he's usually like just kind of like suave and with it and fun and yeah you guys

just like get along yeah but i was trying to i was trying to look the waiter brought the check trying to look cool didn't didn't look at it just put my card down yeah and my phone sends me a notification like whenever my mx gets like charged and i was like on my phone and it just came up and it was the number it was like a 700 or 600 brunch and like my like balls went into my stomach but i had to like play it cool and i was like oh and she was sitting next to me was like what and i was like nothing i gotta text but like six or three of you guys what do you all get yeah what it was it was 85 bucks a person plus three 30 dollar bloody mary's two 30 dollar bloody mary's wait what's this place called can i like baltare pull up baltare bloody mary it's it's it has a lobster

tail in it um and yeah it's cool oh this is like bougie yeah there's like a dj it was sick but um everyone was like too hung over to like kind of enjoy it like ty was like fighting oh this is right in brownwood yeah it's like right we walked from my house oh cool um and we were like we were like my 30 dollar oh yeah they have a cinnamon roll cart what they come around and make your cinnamon roll for you nuts but um yeah watch this watch them watch the amount of schmear they put on this on this uh yeah pull it look at that oh whatever fuck fuck i wanted that video to load and now it's not fucking loading but or just get rid of it don't do it we were we were basically saying the place right next to a coral tree where we normally go is like 20 love coral tree and it

was better than coral trees better yeah yeah that'll happen man you can't always hit home run sometimes you gotta swing it a few pitches you know it sounds like you still had fun we did have fun but like you like ty was hung over which is like very rare yeah and like he was kind of the one that like wanted to do this and so like he wasn't fully able to enjoy it he also doesn't like tomato juice so the bloody mary was like bloody mary probably didn't do that well he also was like adamant like i don't want it but i was like if i get it for him like he'll probably drink it and he just didn't and then you drank it now now i gotta i gotta we got some mojitos after we had a big day and i watched two harry potters yesterday yeah watched two harry potters

and now we're here now i'm hanging with you guys it's kind of viral i had a um really good uh wrap on saturday night nice what was it was in it it was like a greek chicken sort of kebab wrap cool but it was mind-numbingly good yeah from where i don't know some random ass place and it was like kebabalicious or something i don't know oh i last night i went to a place called yoga urt yoga urt why'd you say i don't know the way you said that was like that's the name of it yoga like yoga like i had to like yoga like you strike yes so the whole concept of this place it's kind of like soft serve ice cream but it's made out of almonds and cashews so it's like healthy and i guess they're trying to incorporate like the wellness like yoga because me and troy

waiting in line for ice cream and it was not moving troy was like is there a dead guy like behind there working like we were actually standing weekend at bernie's no we were standing there for 10 minutes what ice cream place handles handles it's german place in santa monica i don't know after after the election i was calling will and he was like i think i was like what are you gonna do what are you doing he was like oh man i'm really lost i think i gotta go get an ice cream cone i was like no don't do that it was like so late i was just like that feels like a recipe for disaster and then he just went and got a pint of the tonight dough i did i went and got a pint of the tonight dough uh it kind of was a bad move because then i just woke up feeling even worse

yeah but well ice cream ice cream's the quickest i learned this quickly in college like i usually could eat anything yeah and still be kind of fine like weight wise i got into ice cream like dangerous first semester of senior year and literally gained 30 pounds because i was eating like a pint of twix ice cream every night and you gotta eat it in moderation i know but i could eat any candy. It's just like a normal amount of ice cream is so much. The Tonight Dough pint is 1,200 calories.

It's like a day's worth of calories. I've definitely eaten a whole pint in a sitting before. 100%. I did not that night, thankfully. But I finished it yesterday. Are you good with dairy? How's dairy doing in your tummy? Mollo. Muy mollo. Yesterday, bad. I got home from the

airport yesterday and I ordered there was buy one get one free Crunchwrap Supremes. So I got two of those. and then i finished my ben and jerry's and then i went to bed at 6 p.m last night did you wake up and have to poop in the middle of the night uh no but i woke up today and just before the podcast had like a mind numbing ass numbing detonation here of cosmic proportions yeah but in like the furthest possible bathroom great that's the only bathroom i poop in now yeah which for the record someone peed all over the seat today and i almost sat in it guilty um it

was a crime to be a guy did i tell you guys about this insane new taco taco bell yeah it's not good i don't get it what i almost ordered it but okay for everyone let's go seriously you guys get the cantina chicken crispy taco i had this are you getting like are you doing like side at like they get they give her cash it's off the books next week lauren's in like a gucci jacket get the new chicken big mac which by the way why the fuck are they doing that why honestly are they chicken big mac are big macs good yes big mac good i don't like the sauce that's the best part yeah that is so unbelievably foul no pun intended too many buns why is it what's the pun foul i like chicken yeah nice uh f-o-w-l don't know that one search it

the other day i got i ordered the chicken big mac is unbelievably foul oh i got i got mcdonald's a chicken is a foul okay okay okay sorry i uh no no sorry i got sidetracked i do you ever do you ever wake up in the like i i ordered mcdonald's like 3 a.m the other night and went to went back to bed oh my god wait sorry before that 3 a.m last night sorry uh saturday night i woke up apology accepted i woke up to like you know when you like hear you're like people post gaming at my house and you walk out and then you're like you're like almost a celebrity coming out of your bedroom like and everyone's like oh like new guy whatever yeah ty is sitting there with a girl and then like her roommate is like at our kitchen table like clearly just like hanging out whatever

yeah they're all completely fine like not hammered at all and then there's a fourth guy who is the drunkest man i've ever seen in my entire life he's he's sitting like up against my um refrigerator like this on the floor of your kitchen no like leaned up against it like you know like you know when someone's like clearly trying to like look sober yeah he was just like that was the only way he could like anchor his body and and so i walked up i was like hey man what's up i met him like once or twice he was like brother and like went to fist bump me and missed four times and then he just admitted defeat was like all right man all right and like went and like sat down next to the roommate of the girl okay and it was the first time i had seen something that i have surely

i think every guy or girl has probably done at some point we're like you think like you're just laying down some solid game yeah and it's just not well received he like pulled the chair up next to her in like the least casual way possible it was like dragging on the ground and like making like a really loud noise and then he sat down and was like what up and she was like no uh next but then sorry the point of the story was i ordered mcdonald's at like 3 a.m ate it and then went to bed yeah and like i obviously woke up in the middle of the night to like get it out and i had a thought where you're on your phone on the toilet in the middle of the night and then you're you're awake enough now where you're like oh am i just up

for the day but it's like five in the morning you give a poop so i try to not go on my phone if i wake up in the middle of the night yeah you have like a poop so gnarly that you're just up now i poops don't wake me up in the middle of the night i can't relate to that at all i'm a day pooper call me crazy how many poops do you take a day one two like maybe one depends on what i ate what does maybe one be there are days where you don't poop maybe she's a girl they just fart pee i haven't done health class in a while i remember oh here's a funny story i just thought of

i ever tell you about my like when i learned about sex no no do tell they had a class and i mean it was like sex and puberty and like all that shit it was like a class that my i went to like a private i went to like a montessori private montessori like elementary school and then this class that offer called choices and changes in like fifth grade i guess yep and uh i went to it with and it was like you would go and your parents would come when you what oh so it's an after-school program yes after school and like it was optional like because it wasn't like i think public school has some like mandatory health training but like this was just like we offer this since it's kind of the age where everyone's figuring the shit out why would you why would they want your parents

there um i think the idea is to make it that it's not like a weird thing and it's like something that you can be open about and i don't know i mean that's just part you don't have to do it obviously but so you would go with your parents or whatever and you we would like go around and like read out of this book um and like everyone would like read a chapter or something it would always be like kind of weird but whatever uh but there's one i feel like maybe i have told this story but my brother growing up used to always walk around with his hand uh like down his pants of course just like in like a guy way just kind of like feeling your nuts a little i don't know it's now that sounds weird i still do that now but yeah like if i'm alone yeah i was talking to

our our good buddy at this office the other day and he had his hand in his pants like at the it's just like a comfort thing yeah so he would do it as like a comfort thing in high school he would he probably did it a little bit more than most guys but whatever uh my we were on the section of the choices and changes book uh it was also led by our principal which is always a little weird but uh section of the book where we're learning about masturbation of course part pardon my french here uh but so we're reading about that and talking about how guys to do that sometimes and then like they would do a chapter and then it'd be like all right split off with your parents and now you can have like a little discussion with your parents blah blah um and so we go over and

it's just me and my mom and i go i wouldn't eat mom is that the thing sammy is always doing and she's like what i was like yeah the thing sammy's always doing around the house she's like you've seen sammy doing that all around the house and i was like yeah you know where he just like kind of puts his hand in his pants and she was like oh no no no no that is not but for a second she thought i was like telling her that i had seen my brother oh yeah wanking it all around the house uh 10 or something and he was at that point 17 so it was like a very like plausible uh but anyway i just remember being really funny like her being like absolutely mortified at first that i've sammy's always doing in front of or maybe i even said like in front of me or something

that was like so bizarre and over the line oh she thinks she's like raised a monster yeah exactly did i ever tell you about that book that my babysitter showed me where like mr gilfump that's what i was thinking like it would like answer any question like a young boy could have about like their body and like sex whatever she was babysitting she was house sitting this other house while she was babysitting us and like we went to go like just like check on it like let the dogs out whatever and she was like you want to see something like crazy in this son's room i was like yeah and they were like they gave him this book and it was like for the most part like a pretty normal book it was just like you know like why why like eventually like you're gonna

get hair down that whatever like pretty much good stuff and then she was like she was like there's this one chapter that I need to show you that is so bizarre. And she cracked it open and it was like a frequently asked questions thing.

I think a lot of parents gave it to their kids. Is this an adult babysitter showing you as a little kid? I think I was now like 12. Like it was like my parents were leaving for the weekend.

How old was she? She was maybe like in college or something. This is weird. And also why would she be like scoping around like the kids room? Yeah this feels

I don't know what this is going to say yet but this feels very weird. It wasn't it was like She wasn't my babysitter anymore, but I was at the age where I needed someone to be with me if they left for like a weekend. Okay.

And she was just like, do you want to come with me to see this? Whatever. And she was like, yeah, look through some of these frequently asked questions. Like this book is insane. And one of the top ones was like, what if I pee inside of her for sex? And the answer, instead of being like, just trust me. This is so weird that she showed you this. Really?

A college girl showed a 12 year old something about sex. it was like a children's book like she was like isn't that insane that they that they have this and that we were both like this is weird it wasn't like look at this all right i'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt but am i crazy no i think this is weird like if the roles were reversed and if it was like uh yeah you were showing a 12 year old girl like something about sex in a book i don't think you understand me and her relationship it was you were like homies yes we were like buddy even though you were okay anyway but it was basically like answering sections there are questions about sex and one of them was like what happens if i pee inside of her

which like the the best answer should have been like that's very unlikely like don't worry about that whatever and the answer was just like that's impossible that would never happen you're crazy yeah it was it was like you're insane essentially like you're insane for even thinking that i actually like when that ever i don't think it's possible i don't think you could get yourself to it it's so hard to pee with a boner focus on that thoughts well i've done it a few times it's never as fun as it sounds on paper that's all i'll say everyone thinks it's a good idea everyone thinks it's hot and sexy it's a mess

it's a crap it's a piece of crap it's like a it ruins a hole yeah it just ruins like the whole fucking thing i'm i'm excited um to join your lego live stream again yeah that'll be fun on thursday lauren joined lauren sat down i go you might it's like 3 p.m on like a thursday i was like oh lauren how was your day she goes good pretty good just went on a walk did some shopping and i was like it's the middle of the day well it's just like taking a walk remember when she went and did a rover in the middle of yeah we learned one time was like yeah we need to be done at one i have to go walk my rover dog we're like this is your job

in the middle of work side hustling oh i am house sitting this weekend for my neighbors with the uh do you guys remember those two beagles that i've watched no two eagles or two beagles what what did you say two beagles remember those two eagles that i had too big them on like a glove it's like cory clement and just uh just bird watching this weekend oh my god i heard a thing the other day i was looking for my teach me something teach me something i love this one didn't make the cut but i thought this was fun you know how eagles will like grab their prey and then they'll like drop it on like a hard rock or something to like kill it and then they go down and eat it this bald guy was on a walk

and an eagle had like this giant tortoise in its talons and mistook his bald head for a rock and oh it was it was this was um i should have the guy's name it was like a famous playwright like it wasn't like just like a random guy oh really the way he died under glockenspiel maybe i don't know they the eagle mistook his head for a block for a big rock and dropped the tortoise on it and the tortoise killed him and got away oh my god bald on bald's crime wait whoa that crazy where did you hear this i looked up like craziest history facts well uh it was cliff mixtape oh by the way yeah i feel like we we haven't highlighted how cool this is enough yeah now share a studio with johnny manziel ever heard of him johnny

football they call him legend yeah kind of ridiculous i mean we we have yet to overlap with him in here but i would like one day to be on our way out of a play date and he's walking in and we just kind of give him like a dap up like get on in there bud and that's it not to toot my own horn caught a couple passes from johnny menzel true only dropped one and i punted a ball back to him uh 60 yards and he caught it with one hand it's so sick but uh yeah check out his pod his new pod glory days he's had greg odin on matt leinert came on last episode and tayvon austin was the first episode so star-studded lineup uh johnny we love you sorry we just wanted to mention that real quick listen i know you guys watch porn but in case you have any friends that

do help me pass along this important psa incognito mode does not make you incognito check the fine print all your late night activities are still 100 visible to a ton of third parties unless you use express vpn without express vpn these third-party sites can still see every website you visit even in incognito mode we're talking your internet service provider your mobile network provider the admins of your wi-fi network the express vpn reroutes 100 of your traffic through secure encrypted servers so third parties can't see your browsing history express vpn is the best vpn because first of all it's easy to use you just fire up the app one click to get protected it works on all devices phones laptops tablets more and it is rated number one by top tech reviewers

like cnet and the verge listen i used expressvpn the other night i was looking up some private stuff alone by myself getting a little crazy with myself i like to know i'm protected because there's stuff i've searched that i would never want another human to lay their eyes on and uh thank god i don't have to worry about that now thanks to expressvpn and right now you can take advantage of expressvpn's black friday cyber monday offer to get the absolute best vpn deal you'll find all year use my special link expressvpn.com slash playdate get four extra months with the 12 month plan or six extra months with the 24 month plan totally free that's expressvpn.com slash playdate to get an extra four or even six months of expressvpn for free let's get back into

the episode should we get into the roadmap yeah what episode is this 63 oh we gotta do our numbers yeah yeah um 63 Robert Downey Jr. 63 give it a shot ah

um DJ Fluker who DJ Fluker I swear to god she's gonna type age I can already tell she's about to do it

DJ Flikker Uber Uber DJ Flikker Uber number I tried two it doesn't seem like you tried that hard uh well i picked a good guy he had five different numbers brad marchand damn it uh bang oh wait have i told my brad marchand story no it's a zach bryan marchand hybrid story let's go this is one of the funniest things of all time actually

i was outside a zach bryan concert and uh i just like went around it was like early on and i i was i was kind of a weirdo maybe in retrospect where i would like wait outside to try to meet him after the shows ever successful yeah multiple times yeah didn't you guys like he like knew who you were i think so i might have been like a freak fan because i used to like dm him all the time yeah i was drunk uh this was like before it occurred to me that like when you dm people i think they a lot of times do see it i see almost every i know yeah anyway uh do you put on get put in all those sex group chats that like yes oh those are so annoying half of my requests are sex group chats and it's always me and chester same he's chester in it with you too i wonder what

he probably responds to him yeah you go into one of the group chats and chester's like oh yeah yes yes please me horny to camera yes uh i'm sorry i see you i was at a zach bryant show this place roadrunner in boston and i went out around we were leaving i just went out to see i did end up meeting him that night or saying hi to him that night and uh but moral of the story was uh the guitarist of his opener charles wesley godwin came out who i also really like that guy in his band and i was like oh my god like you guys questioned that could i get a photo and ask this guitarist of the opening act for a photo and he's like yeah sure and then there's a guy walking around the street i was like excuse me sir do you mind taking a photo and as i'm taking

a photo with charles wesley godwin's guitarist i realized the person who had stopped on the street to take the photo was fucking brad marchand oh that's funny and so i was like oh oh my god and the guy and i was like wait can we switch now and i was like sure so then the guitarist took a photo of me and brad marchand that's great yeah it's very funny i'll i'll send you the photos oh boston that's like that video of uh you ever seen that guy and he goes up to sean mendez and asked sean mendez to take a photo and sean's like dude not right now and he's like no no like of me oh yeah oh he didn't even realize no he did he was just fucking with him oh really and then and then sean mendez was like oh yeah yeah sorry i'm so sorry um all right should we

road map it up road map how long have we been going 53 minutes that's good that's good we can live with that yeah all right guys we have a fantastic episode for you guys today we have your pitches followed by our pitches and then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment this guy rocks followed by say it with me lauren teach me something and then i think we have am i the assholes this week am i the assholes are back we were doing reddit ones uh instead of the dm ones because i think the reason we got away from that was sometimes they just felt not real like people were lying to us and that for clout and that's not i don't like being lied to only thing i like is yeah chicks and baseball and apple pie and fourth of july yeah that's right

me too brother and then for some reason we're doing three drafts today we got a little excited we got scared away we're gonna do new york times games that don't exist followed by will's favorite race horses that don't exist i'm so excited i actually have some great ones i'm really excited i cannot wait and then we're gonna do the best opening lines for dating apps yep uh okay yeah I completely fucked up that one. How? I think I thought it was hinge prompts. Oh, that's fine.

That's fine. It can be like a little mixology. Oh, wait. You know what else? Remember when we were going to do a raffle, like a shuffle of two truths and a lie? Yeah. Do you guys have two truths and a lie? Yeah.

No, but I can come up with it. I can do them right now. You want to do mine? No, no, no. Do you have them? I have them too. Oh, oh. Yeah let's spin the wheel

Do three Three person wheel Three person wheel Wait what the hell But if it's you This is fine Yeah just add the names Lauren

Lauren Wall E-S-T Alright who's gonna win Will Well, alright, this is Two Truths and a Lie, our new segment, where I give you two truths and one lie. The two most recent comments on the YouTube last time I checked were, please do more free talk and less segments, so we are giving you more segments. So we've added like a hundred segments. Okay.

I was one day away from being a black belt and quit. I've illegally snuck through the border into Brazil. and i once walked to nevada to use the bathroom okay i think that the truth one of the truths is that you walk to nevada to the bathroom i think you were at that place where it had four states and you were like technically in colorado uh i think that you i think the lie is that you were one day away from being a black belt i think they somehow technically you have illegally crossed the border into brazil i think the brazil one is the lie awesome we'll never know all right next segment um yeah i was at the hoover dam i believe i was in arizona and walked in the men's

room was in nevada i just remember that being like one of my favorite like two truths and lies like a kid yeah so i did walk to nevada to use the bathroom nice um i've never done karate yeah so you were right about that uh and i did one time i was in paraguay and we were driving into argentina to go to these waterfalls we had to cross through brazil and we did not have brazilian visas so they made us hide under the seats of a minivan wow like curled up oh as we drove through what would the punishment have been bad i have no idea honestly we didn't really get that far i just remember like it was crazy because i was eight so those my parents and my brother and sister and they were like the guy turned i was like okay now all americans get under the seats

and i was like pardon like come on willie get under the seat i was like no questions asked okay i mean and like the customs agents were like how many people and they're like six and there were like 12 of us and they like peeked their heads and they're like oh you're good oh i would be like shitting my pants as a kid i mean i think i didn't even like can like i think at that point if like your parents are telling you to do it that's yeah legal you know what i mean so like i was probably i think they probably were more shitting their pants and so uh but then the next time i went i've been to paraguay twice and the next time we went i got my visa because i didn't want to deal with it why were you spending so much time in paraguay uh mining

no uh we it's actually kind of a fun story like one of our very close family friends growing up they met because she was in the peace corps in paraguay and he was a paraguayan guy oh no and they fell in love and then what is we would go back with them because they had this non-profit it called outreach paraguay what does like paraguay what does the like uguay part mean that there's that in paraguay and that in uruguay that's a good question right it has to mean something well para is like all right yeah wet and or four four i don't know look up what is guay what is guay what is guay in spanish what lauren what completely there it was right there right there what you just have to click the x oh oh i saw oh well guay does mean yeah but not

that's definitely not what that means as far as i like that ah my guay my guay yeah i forgot about that word actually new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added b vitamins like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on espresso.com let's see um oh that is what i mean oh no no why means river it's not clear the exact meaning of

both names but it's believed that uruguay means river of birds and paraguay is either beauty river river of the love it all right love it should we hear some pitches love it yeah all right pitches paraguay was sorry no i'm thinking about paraguay it was it was really fucking cool yeah gorgin yeah all right first pitch from the playmates is from henry parent henry says henry parent yeah that's awesome it's a cool last name all right his question is what is the one thing wrong about the super bowl oh that's a really good question let's think about it willie what's the what's the worst part what's the one thing wrong like your team isn't that's what i was gonna say sometimes i don't care about the team yeah you don't you don't always have like a vested

interest in either team okay uh like not everyone at the super bowl party like cares and so you have to like kind of bring down your excitement if you are excited because then sunday it's on a sunday yeah you've worked after um henry says everyone no i think that's the correct answer uh he says everyone hates the teams playing in it that was our first answer yeah my idea is that we take all the teams that don't make it to the playoffs and choose one of them to play in a match against last year's ufl champion the nfl team will be a fan favorite voted on by the fans to compete in this it will be called the ufl nitro bowl if the nfl team wins as they should then the ufl mvp of the nitro bowl will be given an automatic roster spot on a random nfl team the team might also get like

money or something if the ufl team wins and the whole roster will replace everyone on the nfl team that lost so they will become players on whatever team they beat and same with the nfl for whatever for whoever they lost to nfl nitro bowl i love that what is the ufl the ufl yeah i think it's the usfl it's like a it's like a secondary i had to work on that when i worked at fox like cover all the games it was like um horrible but i think what would be fun is like presumably if it's a fan favorite team there's like cool players on it so like yeah like the ravens lost to like a usfl team now like lamar is just like a free agent kind of cool i think he'd be in the usfl oh they swap places surely he would just find a way to get on an nfl i don't know i don't think

he's allowed i've always thought that that's what american sports needs relegation yeah there's no reason there's no reason to not be the worst team like if you're a bad team you'd rather be the worst team because then you get the first pick i agree i yeah i mean like charleston had like a pretty good soccer team it was like second division and i was always like man that'd be really fun if like winning the league meant we could actually go to the mls i know it's the only problem with us is we just don't have the none of these teams have the like infrastructure so like if like right but that happens in europe agreed but like somehow they i guess it's just it's been going on for so long that they like yeah find a way like if portland if like the hearts of pine

like made it to the mls like they'd be playing at the same stadium that our state championship for lacrosse was that where it's just like it wouldn't it would be a logistical nightmare it is uh it was interesting though because i was with these irish guys on saturday i made irish friends or friday we went to a concert together it was cool um but they were saying that they thought like they loved the salary cap because they were like we like that it's like competitive which is like part of why like you can't have a salary cap and promotion and relegation really why because then like i mean i guess it would just change but but like if you got relegated then all of a sudden you're you all your players would have to leave or oh oh i see what you're

saying you know what i mean yeah or like vice verse i don't know but i was like that they were random premier league teams get promoted and like their field is like in an apartment complex yeah Dude, I was reading about, can you Google G-U-I-C-A-M-P soccer? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh. That one right there. I think that, right? Is this what you want?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Click on that. What, this? Team? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This team, Gwingkamp, they're the population of the, I was just reading about this this weekend, weirdly. their stadium holds 19 000 people the population of gwing kump is 7 000 people so where did they

come from they they just like have historically just been really successful they just got relegated like last year but they were in league one for like 10 years before that and so i guess the people just flood in from like neighboring towns other towns and stuff but isn't that kind of cool yeah who is that team that just got promoted to the premier league where you have to walk through like like there's like one entrance into their stadium oh yeah i guess all i could take talk about this yeah horrible or it's it's awesome kind of cool yeah they're like stadium is all what a cool little town i was just gonna say imagine living right there wait what country is this france france oh very cool queen comp um all right should we hear some

should we hear another pitch yeah i have another pitch all right this next one thank you henry next one is from lauren mccloskey she says well mac do you ever accidentally black out then wake up with crippling anxiety yeah yeah lauren yep yep yep no i literally responded needed this on saturday tell them what happened to you lauren um i just got a little too drunk on saturday at my friend caitlin's birthday also you guys if you listen to last week's episode the boys made it a huge deal that they didn't get invited to caitlin's party they got invited so they're just fraud it was in slack yeah we got invited in that'd be like if she might as well faxed us she said it'd be a owl all right lauren's solution is blacked in blacked in is a microscopic

camera that turns on when your bac hits a certain threshold that constitutes short-term memory loss the phenomenon of blacking out the camera records the night from your pov so you know everything that happened that night and not be left wondering what you did and or how the people you interacted with responded to your chaos x all right wait come on let me finish here's the best part you can switch on a mode called safety mode that protects your mental health by using ai to detect negative conversations physical altercations embarrassing moments and writes them over with positive interactions leaving leaving you to believe you did nothing wrong the best part is all the video is muted so you can't hear your slurring and heavy footsteps also you can

coordinate your camera with your friend's camera so that when you watch it back there are no discrepancies i i think the only reason the only thing keeping this world together is that you can't get that you can't get that drunk all the time because you know you're gonna make a fool of yourself yeah if you have a false sense of security the world would implode because the only reason i don't black out all the time is because i can't deal with my behavior oh yeah also i have no i have no desire to have ever seen anything i've done that i can't remember the only thing i would use it for is that if you could talk to it like siri and be like did i how like on a scale of one to ten how bad did i fuck up and she'd be like only a three yeah and you'd

like oh i wouldn't i wouldn't even want to ask yeah like i think sometimes when you wake up and you think it's really bad it's actually worse than you remember it yeah hey put it this way if you're listening to this pod and you had a big weekend it's worse than whatever if you haven't been stressing that much stress it's bad everyone embarrass yourself in front of all your friends and they're all worried about your drinking habits i had a tiktok come across my desk the other day that said um it was basically a guy just being like did you know none of your friend group likes you it's actually an inside joke that they all look at you behind your back and think talk about how annoying you are i was thinking it'd be funny you know we started doing a thing

on the friday beers page it's like everything will be okay on sundays with like nice that was our idea by the way yeah it was it'd be funny if one week we just did like you really fucked up last night wait what if what's the post they post like every sunday just like kind of like calming pictures of text that says everything will be okay that was really your idea i think yeah i pull most of the pictures also there we go yeah love it i also most of the music is my my choice as well kind of my kind of my pet project kind of your pen project um i love it lauren but it scares me i think we i think as as great as that might sound on paper if you watch back we had a friend that we used to joke about we'd love to strap a gopro on him because he would disappear

for like a whole night and then just like respawn in the morning and we'd be like what is this? we were saying we had this friend Colin where we'd be like

I wish we could strap a GoPro to Colin and see like what happens when he leaves because he would he would just spawn back in the morning yeah

and have no anxiety about it and we'd be like what happened? he's like I have no idea so we're like let's kill it alright should we pitch each other? yeah

introducing introducing the song screen what is the worst part about listening to music in the car let's say it say it say it again what's the worst part about listening to music in the car you're you're sick of hearing the same song i love everything about listening to music in the car it runs out you gotta park sometimes like you have to look at your phone while you're driving when i when i pull up to stop lights if my windows are down i'll like i have to turn the music down because i don't like disturb the people next to me sometimes i want to just like drive around and

bump but i want the windows down but not but i don't want everyone i don't want to make it everyone else's problem these are screens that you know like in the back of minivans you can like pull this yeah it's like that and uh it catches all the sound waves and just like stops it but it lets air come in okay so you can drive you can pull up to a stoplight and you'll be blasting music and as far as anyone's concerned you were listening to no music it catches all the sound sing along though i do but it would look it would just it would look like i'm just mouthing the word that's what i'm saying it's like is it crazy if you're like mine is mine is less about like embarrassing myself and more just like i feel like i'm disturbing everyone around

you know when a motorcycle pulls up and they're like blasting music all right i guess we're just listening to this guy's fucking this guy wants it is funny like you'll be dry especially on the streets where it's like one of those streets where it's like a highway almost but it's like there's a stoplight every once in a while like route one i'm picturing you're like so it'd be like yeah you're like cruising blasting then you pull up with the light and you're like turn it down and then the moment the light turns i turn it back up and then my car has a feature this is actually kind of cool i wish it would do it i wish there's only three options like one is the least two is the middle three is the most where like as i speed up the music turns up really and then as i

slow down the music turns out but it's still not enough like i wish it would go like almost silent at stoplights but like when you start like it's kind of cool when you start flooring and it's like and like goes like back up wait that's really yeah it's awesome yeah i've never heard of that feature i've never heard of that before i don't have power windows but i have that yeah for some reason butter all right well pitch me brother oh okay uh plates that stick and cups and everything that sticks like you know how we have this and then sometimes we're moving around and then i get worried i'm gonna make a spill or a ruckus just in general i feel like we knock things over too much as a society we should just have stuff that all sticks or like a cereal bowl that sticks

everything just sticks on the bottom yeah you could sell it to airlines i always worry you're like the guy's the guy next to you has a full ginger ale and there's turbulence and he's not looking at you like how are you not how are you not fucking so worried about this amen yeah so it's everything just sticks and there's a little button on the bottom that you can press to release it i watched a guy i watched i love that by the way promise what oh god also what is up with olives i got a bag of them yesterday and i hated them a bag a bag your midwest is showing sister um i got a bag of them at the corner store i'm from the midwest yeah okay uh no i got like a jar like a market box or something i was so hungry on my plane of olives she said it was like oh it

has like hummus and chip pita chips is this delta yeah i've never seen this it was hummus pita chips and then i think almonds so three those three things the bistro box no it's the competitor the bistro box is like potato chips and oreos and i did the math one time it's like two thousand calories worth of candy yeah i was she was like do you want the one that's oreos and potato chips or hummus and i was like hummus anyway it was hummus pita chips and it was like five things hummus pita chips and almonds which good with all those then the next two big bag of olives and a big bag of apricots yeah yum yum yum i love apricots i've been really into them recently apricots made from real apes that's from the office they're delicious they're not they're

like they're like what if they made a fruit that feels and tastes weird no they're great what if they made a what if they made a fruit that made me not want to eat it anymore what if they made a fruit that was like ah it's like if peach rings were fucking ass do you guys want to go to the liquor store after this and get some liquor i want to get some liquor at the liquor store yep yep yep lauren's probably like i need some more booze sorry continue your story lauren's having withdrawals lauren's having withdrawals she's yeah she's uh she's look at your hands are like shaking right now i know uh i think you might be running into a similar problem that i ran into with the airplane curry or maybe curry like i texted low and i was like curry sucks and i was

texting everyone being like and i was like hey man he's having an off year it's my it's my first time eating curry and i ate it like on an airplane like maybe olives aren't bad it's just like the delta olives aren't that great i didn't even have one oh i just don't like all i just couldn't believe that was like a big percentage of my bag my box we were in i stopped eating olives in seventh grade we were or no freshman year of college of high school we were uh i got a salad we were on vacation i'm sorry there's like a five-year window right now where i can't tell if you had olives or not i was fresh i was a freshman in high school okay um i got a salad we were in italy and italy the food there is supposed to be great was like you know what all

not gonna make any not gonna slap the chef in the face like i don't normally like olives but like not gonna make any uh alterations don't want to don't want to insult their culture there was a pit in one of the olives and I bit directly into it and I said never again I think that is a thing though I think they have pits but why it's in a salad that's a good point

my preferred pizza as a child was cheese with black olives I liked black olives as a kid as well and I stopped on that when my mom was making tacos she'd put all the toppings in like their own little bowls I'd come around and sneak a handful of olives wait olives with tacos I feel like that's interesting

yeah in hindsight that doesn't really make a ton of sense i also had some on my cabba bowl yesterday cool yeah um yeah but that if you're out there listening i think i might have already given this psa if you're out there listening and you're thinking you're sitting on a plane right now and the flight attendant asks you if you want the curry say no it was it did it did an absolute inside job on my body an inside job implies that like your body was in on it also i feel like i I got to address elephant in the room. I've had something stuck in my teeth this entire episode, so I just want to say.

I haven't seen it. I know, but I feel like if someone's watching this, they're going to be like, why does he keep, I just. I haven't noticed. I haven't noticed either. All right, cool. Keep it. Never mind.

Target acquired. Target acquired. Speaking of Target, our new card game, Almost Friday, the pregame. Right. Available at every Target in America. Ever wanted to have the most fun you've ever had in your entire effing life?

Go to Target. Get Almost Friday, the pregame. And know when you're buying it, half of that is going to us so we can buy a mansion and exploit our workers one day yes i can't wait uh and if it's not at your local target because it's probably already sold out check it out online targetwebsite.com we are officially partnered with ricky to bring you the best canned alcoholic beverage i thought that would spin cooler on the market ricky was created to finally give the world a premium spirit-based drink ricky's made with award-winning vodka

or tequila and a touch of thirst quenching fruit each can has only 130 calories no added sugar and all natural fruit juices it's got a seven percent abv which is a lot more than its competitors that means each can is one and a half shots that means a 12 pack is a full bottle not to mention the price is better too guys the reason it's so good is because it's real liquor and real fruit juice and it's not made with that typical malt liquor that you see in other canned cocktails i got my favorites do you see this i brought them i got the vodka black cherry nine ricky ricky ricky i got the vodka lime last weekend will and i went golfing and we snuck a couple limes into our golf bags if you're the golf course listening we didn't do that but uh we had a blast their best

uh i like to pour it over some ice interesting take a lot of people a lot of people drink it out of the can it's still great that way my favorite i like to get a nice glass of ice fill it to the brim pour my ricky right in there head to rickyspirits.com to find out where you can get ricky near you follow at friday doppiers and at ricky spirits to stay up to date with upcoming ricky contests and giveaways let's get back into the episode teach me something do you guys want to hear about how queen victoria could have prevented world war one hit me sure uh kaiser wilhelm the second car of germany king george the fifth of england and sar nicholas the second of russia were all first cousins dream blunt rotation dream blunt rotation

have you ever seen uh sar nicholas like messing around with his buddies no he like one of the reasons they that whole family got like executed was no they were so they were so out of touch with like how bad things were for the common man in russia yeah and they were like always like partying and like horsing around and there are like videos of like sarah nicholas and his boys doing like piggybacks and stuff like they were like just like a fun group of guys but like didn't understand that people were like starving and whatever uh they were all first cousins can you picture that yeah i mean so how does that work they were like intermarrying deliberately to like maintain power yeah like i don't understand like how a russian guy's the cousin of a british

i think it was like the royal families were like in order to be like a unified front yeah we're all gonna just like marry each other whatever they're doing peaky yep and uh but they were all first cousins and uh their grandmother was queen victoria okay and kaiser wilhelm famously said shout out to whoever i got this from on reddit famously said uh that if his grandmother queen victoria was alive for world war one she simply just would not have let it happen wait being like being like no boys yeah that's funny and uh yeah so they were all first cousins also sar nicholas and they uh and king uh king george if you look him up looked It's fucking identical.

It's really crazy. Look them up. Yeah, pull up King George and Tsar Nicholas II next to each other. And they were boys. They were like best pals. Yeah, look at that. Oh my gosh. They are the same guy.

They're homeboys. Wow. Do you think they had a good time? Look up Tsar Nicholas horsing around with his friends. Go to images. Is this? No. There's like pictures of them doing like piggybacks and stuff.

Wait. they were like a fun group of guys for some reason i forget that the camera like was it was invented yeah it's crazy like but uh yeah a fun group of guys but wildly out of touch with the needs of their people that's fortunate not for the people of russia um i had well originally my tc something was actually gonna be i was about to say i was like in like a southern accent i had like i had well i was in texas this weekend y'all isn't it funny when you go to the south you start talking well yeah i gotta fit in somehow my i spent my i spent like a week with tanner's parents and i was like uh you started slinging around like y'all y'all i say y'all

sometimes i will catch myself saying y'all yeah but we don't say it the way they do well here's the thing you guys aren't from the south is charleston the south are you joking i like wouldn't call that like in my brain charleston is not the south what are you talking about in the sense of like culturally yeah they started the civil war yeah but like is charleston or what are you fucking talking they're not they're not what the fuck like this is like an assault when i think when i think of like this have you been to charleston lord yes my sister lived there have you been okay like three times and it's not like the traditional sense this isn't like an insult this is just like a good thing well it's just blatant it's so wrong that i don't even know

where to start i feel like it's like a compliment if anything yeah you guys are like more buttoned up than the rest of the south it feels like new england to me not that it's crazy i feel like there are some negative connotations with the south yeah that you guys are like racist and i'm all i'm saying is that by any definite measure of what the south is charleston is it's one of the most it's like it was like the biggest city in the south when the south was the south

seem a little defensive about this yeah cause I can't believe it's where I grew up I think most people would agree with us that it's not like what people think of when they think of the south I think the opposite I think 90% of people think you're crazy for that take

Charleston, South Carolina 66% think you're crazy well yeah but 66% of this room is freaking bozos so what are you gonna do with that data all right teach me something okay i guess i need to teach you about the fucking history of the south first port sumter ever heard of that's where it all i mean i'm not proud necessarily of the parts it seems like you're it seems like you really are on the confederate side here you're like we started it i'm not i'm just saying that by any historical it's the south it's google is charleston the south that's just okay it's

literally it's considered the south okay yes that's where the civil war began yes culturally yes hard yes full stop that's reddit though that's where you get all your sources i don't know absolutely this isn't part of the south and i don't know what the fuck it is teach me something i'm so right thank god you pulled that up all right that proves my no i i believe also it's way farther south than i would have thought my head charleston was like maryland yeah i understand that i know it's south carolina but like it felt to me it felt like it was in like the mid-atlantic yeah all right continue teach me something i just can't i mean lauren's still scrolling

so i'm reading it now no i feel like i will happily accept that i'm like wrong i just in my brain i like don't consider that this yeah i agree yeah i mean maybe that's there are a lot of people that have moved there in the last 10 20 years including my family that are not from the south yeah it's become like a hub like a house like nine kids from rollins live there now but yeah i mean it's you've been a little jacks yeah best burger in america i have a glass from little jacks in my uh cabinet because my friends uh olivia and jake send me one yeah it's like right by my house lovely or my old house um first of all my first my original fun fact i think i said earlier my teach me something oh oh was that actually that i was

going to talk to you about that soccer team that had the town smaller than their stadium he blew your load and then i blew my load but i have another one which is that i was also weirdly i already talked about paraguay but i was reading about uh paraguayan sock the u.s got a new soccer coach and he's just like argentinian guy anyway i went on this rabbit hole wikipedia on my flight yesterday but you're going crazy over there yeah you're going um not stinko mode i'm going snacko mode tonight same that's what he's always saying college there's an iconic picture of me like sitting on the couch like curled up with like cheese it's falling all over me and it just said going snacko mode wait really quick story about cheese it's i this was so funny me and my

friend our our guy friend oak he called him oak i guess because he was really tall he like passed out drunk and we like placed cheez-its on like every like every little corner of his body and i just thought it was a funny that's that is funny yours reminded me of this last and we put him on his eyes too and it just looks scary like little cucumbers like like little uh coralline button eyes uh this isn't funny but i thought it was funny at the time uh there was this was before people knew the dangers of like drugs or this drug at least this is before people knew the dangers of drugs like prehistoric this thing before people knew that this was not he wrecks that this was not funny and for the record i wasn't at college when this happened this was

a story that was relayed to me okay they used to put xanax in each other's drinks like like kids that were older than me and they'd call it like qb sneaking each other and one of our good friends was sitting on the couch and he was gonna he was probably gonna take one later anyways like it wasn't like yeah whatever still very messed up that they did this time but he thought it was fun it's one of his favorite stories he was sitting there and they're having a conversation he realized he was feeling like way too good and like mid come mid like he was telling this awesome joke that he thought was awesome and halfway through looked around he goes all right who's the funny guy like he trying to figure out who qb sneaked him and i remember being like if someone

did that to me i would be so unbelievably mad yeah i don't even know i yeah that's i i've never taken one of those i haven't either and i have no idea like i feel like i hear about people's like college stories and it's like they were like a big thing i guess i knew a lot of people that would do that too really yeah they were like i don't think i ever even saw one we missed that era because people were like dying from it but like it was like before us it was like the four years when we were in high school and that was like when they were huge but also the way it's been explained to me is like if you take one it's like drinking like 15 beers yeah it doesn't sound enjoyable i know yeah interesting oh all right continue you're gonna try your water

i put an advil in there qb sneaked you i feel great my headache's gone um yeah you were telling also we never we never addressed this with uh when the hive mind guys came on i guess all those stories were just were just jokes yeah they're like completely fucked he was talking about like ibuprofen yeah yeah i think that was just a lot i also had like the mayor like his wife cheating on him with the mayor yeah he's like not he's not married he's never been and all i guess somehow that must be their thing i think that's all the comments were like how did they not notice that they were joking i know we didn't watch enough of their stuff beforehand clearly all right well they teach me something brother all right i was just reading i was just reading about paraguayan

soccer and uh there's a team called club club club presidente hayes and i was like that's a weird name and i looked it up and it was just uh in there was like this big argentine paraguayan territorial dispute and it was while rutherford b hayes was president and he sided with paraguay so he's he became like a hero there so one of like their major soccer clubs is called presidente hayes which i just think is funny it's like he has no legacy in the u.s but yeah that's so random carved one out in paraguay it's like how uh i think we've talked about this already but there's a tribe there's a like an uncontacted tribe that worships the usa oh really like i guess we like saved them from something during one of the wars and like a bunch of our stuff was left

on their island and it was so advanced to them that they like assumed we were like gods and they still march around with like USA they truly have no idea

like what it means that's awesome but it's like on their chest and they like march around and they like build fake tanks out of like hay that's fantastic yeah it's bizarre

that's some patriotic shit wait that's where they signed Julio dos Santos what? that says they they signed Julio dos Santos when was Rutherford behaved like that?

wait I actually do know I'm not even kidding you know who that is? yeah If that's what I'm thinking of When was Rutherford B. Hayes kicking around You want to guess Yeah I would say

Wait don't google it Sorry that was so rude He said don't google it bitch No I didn't Very snappy he said do not google it yet I did not tell you bitch Run the tape I've only called Lauren a bitch one time

And it was as a joke at our old office And it didn't land and she was very mad at me For the rest of the afternoon No I think you've done it once twice or three times jeez i've called you a bitch surely not more than one and it definitely was in like the early days so like we weren't that close yet and i was like that's worse there's no way i said it more than i remember the one time i said i'm pretty incriminating i've definitely uh my guess for when rutherford b hayes was kicking around was 19 i think it was in between the world

wars i'm gonna say 1935 i'm not keep go okay uh that's definitely later than i'm thinking okay i'm gonna go 1894 it could be early 1900s i think you're way closer actually 1894 new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added b vitamins like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on espresso.com oh i was a little late 1877 to 1881 wowzer he's an ohioan yeah he went to miami i think

he went to you miami ohio no he doesn't know what was that even a thing back then you might click on him no why would you why would you go to the whitehouse.gov lauren it's just like sometimes like what are we doing i don't know i'm sorry it's fine education kenyan college and harvard there you go somebody went to oh we went to harvard law okay this is my this guy rocks learn pause it when you get it okay i think benjamin harrison maybe went to okay so i've i've stumbled upon i've stumble upon oh do you remember that website no stumble upon.com great wait what is that

we'll do that after okay sorry sorry do that um okay i stumbled upon this kid i guess like this comedy club holds like a kid's night okay and like kids from ages like seven to like 15 come and do stand-up at this club that's great and like their experiences are all like children's experiences right there's only so much material but it's just really funny to watch these kids do stand-up so let's give it a shot i'm excited going to high school i am super excited and also deathly afraid there's gonna be homework there's gonna be ap tests because i'm an overachiever and there's gonna be girls this guy's built for like disney channel but don't worry i've got three grown older brothers and i've been asking them for advice

All right, pause it for a second, Laura. Will, you have an older brother. Correct. Give me a list of that age, what were you calling him, nicknames-wise? Sammy? What else? Sam? Would you ever call him big bro?

I say brother a lot. Like, hey, brother. Okay. Let's keep it going. Okay. Well, I used to have freakouts at that age. Freakouts? About his drinking.

oh my god about this no tell me you would my brother would you know he was like a i was 10 or 11 and he was like 17 18 whatever and i could not wrap my mind around i guess this is in between the paraguay thing where my parents were always right and i had developed a very strong sense of belief in the law and the rule of law in this country and i would blue man sob and sob to my parents about how they were letting him throw his life away because like i they caught him underage drinking once and like weren't that mad and then we there's when he was like a freshman or sophomore at ohio state we went to visit him and he was having like a tailgate and my mom was my parents wanted we're like oh we're gonna go check out sammy's tailgate and i was like is there gonna

be drinking there and they're like well yeah but you know it's fine he's in college and i had the biggest freakout of all time and i was like you guys are fucking horrible parents like i was so mean i was i was like you guys are the worst parents of all time like how dare you let this happen under our house you're gonna go to this party and sanction it i was like 11 and uh i was so mad and i cried and so then my dad just took me to like the quad and they call it the oval we just tossed around a football uh while my mom went to the tailgate and i wouldn't i refused to see my brother the entire weekend that we had flown to columbus oh my gosh well because you're told you're told how bad these things are by like people you trust yeah and then it's like all

of a sudden it's like okay but like there's some gray obviously they're like we don't want them to be doing it but like yeah yeah i had this similar thing with my sister smoking weed okay yeah i sat her i my my middle sister told me that the other one was smoking weed yep i went down and like woke her up from a nap you are gonna you're ruining this family's reputation um all right this is about his brothers yep very helpful what's up bro bros love the facial hair uh A quick question. What do I say to girls? Oh, bro, that's so easy. Just buy her a drink. Then, when you're at the bar, flirt with her friend and tell her you're in finance.

I'm not even old enough to drive. I can't get into a bar. Lil' bro, that's what fake IDs are for. oh what'd you think about that i'm a little bummed out i my problem is i like his confidence i do too i do too but i think i think this is a good thing in a lot of senses where like things are becoming more accessible now that we have like the internet whatever like anyone can try stuff out yeah but we're it used to be like stand-up comedy was you went and you like sucked until you did it yeah and now you can go do it in front of like parents of other kids who are doing it so they're just laughing at everything you say sorry and now like he thinks he like

murdered that i don't know they turn the comments off yeah but the crowd the crowd was losing their marbles yeah i mean he'll honestly for his age it's probably a lot worse i'm gonna give him the benefit of the bout yeah benefit of the bout wasn't that bum you benefit of the doubt yeah i mean uh i mean my i think he's doing it by the time he's our age he'll be probably fucking nasty at it yeah if i did stand-up comedy at that age though it would have been 10 times worse but no one let me do it yeah you know what i mean like i think we're we're throwing him we're throwing him to the wolves because we're letting him think that it's good and then he's getting get bullied for it yeah yeah maybe you're right you're right that crowd should be tougher on him yeah

that's so cool though like i would never do something like that at that age no i'm i'm shocked he isn't on disney channel to be honest i know i would i feel like i was i was very like putting myself out there at that age you were oh my god i was so like confident and like wanted to be the center of attention like as like a yeah early high schooler and stuff especially i was i mean honestly sometimes i miss like how confident i mean i do definitely miss how like willing to put myself out there i think now it's like ironically i have way more of a platform like through this but like right it's i don't know sometimes awkward i always thought i always thought the theater kids in high school were the coolest because it was like yeah blind confidence

to like put yourself out there like i think like the kids that thought we were like the cool kids were like way more insecure 100 and like definitely would not we had this one kid named mike who was in our friend group great kid and everyone like revered him because he did theater from like a young age yeah we were like oh that's sick mike has like so much confidence we had no theater at my high school but i definitely would have done it i was so confident in high school i was like yeah i've lost running around the hallways causing a ruckus yep you remember when that was that like i there's there's no there's if i was in a class right now or even in like college it was like i do not have the balls to like disturb the teacher right now disturb them so much where

you get like notes sent home where it was like all will wants to do is like distract himself and others i would tell you about i have a few like funny stories i can think of but there was like we do like uh during spirit week one day was like generations day so it was like the freshmen were babies this sophomores were toddlers the juniors i guess were just like different jobs and then the seniors went as old people and the seniors always went like the hardest as like baby powder in our hair and like canes and stuff anyway so i was like this old guy walking around and i used to give miss renis god bless her she was my uh kind of a funny name i guess in retrospect you gotta change that if you're gonna be a high school teacher throwing you to

the wall yeah i know she was our calculus teacher and i was i was you know what i was always a ruckus and a nightmare but i think i was always like i was first of all good at the school yeah which made it harder for them to be mad at me because i was like getting my shit done and i'd be prepared for tests but then also i was like there was a good nature about it like the teachers would always like pull me when they would call me in after class or like detention or they're always like like it's yeah it is like kind of funny but it's just like you can't i don't know but anyway miss reena sometime i was it was i was just an old guy i went out i was like cannot i was like doing full i method like completely in character all day it was like my bit that no one liked

except me i was like oh may i use the loo miss renis and she was like yes just go uh and i was like all right and so i took like so long to get out of my chair and made it like a whole scene leaving the class and then i just went to the water fountain and splashed it all down like i'd pissed myself and i came back two minutes later and knocked on the door and she opened it and i was like oh boy i've had an accident and i sent the class the class fucking loved it and she was like all right i she was like i don't think i've ever done this before just please leave and don't come back today i was like i just i don't care where you go i don't want to see you again so i just got i just went took a nap in the lounge it was awesome i just snapchat memory the other day

was an email that i took a picture of my dad's computer they sent an email home yeah this kid in front of me farted and it was like it's already funny it was so funny it was like the hardest i've laughed he like it sounded like he almost like crapped himself and like everyone else was like oddly mature about it yeah and like i just couldn't get there like i was trying and i was like sobbing laughing and like it made it funnier because no one else like if you're telling yourself like dude you have to calm down like everyone else is calm yeah that made it way funnier and mr thayer dr thayer god bless him i was probably a nightmare for this guy emailed my dad and was just like jack had an uncontrollable case of the giggles today but left out the part

that this kid like literally in front of me like literally shit himself and like it was you weren't even laughing like with another buddy like it was no i was there was no it was one of classes where i maybe had like one other friend and he was like on the other side who weren't allowed to sit with each other yeah and so like the girl like the poor girl next to me was like trying to learn and like that made it funnier like i just couldn't understand why no one else thought it was like hysterical yeah and um and i remember trying to explain it to my dad and he was just like you know surely if everyone else could keep it together like you could too and i was like no you don't understand like it was the funniest fart i've ever heard in my entire

of life and i would he would he would dismiss me i would go to the bathroom and then i would come back and i would have composed myself and then like i would look at the kid and he'd be like scratching his butt or something and like it was just like set me off again like i wasn't trying to like be disruptive it was just like the funniest thing i'd ever seen yeah i don't blame you that that was that was like a weird thing about my school i felt like the kids were like oddly mature like a lot of the kids had their act together and like that's what i think i highlighted like if you're still immature it was just tenfold because like everyone else around you was like very like made it that much funnier yeah yeah yeah i remember i'm thinking about i got like

400 detentions i tell you that story it's like i didn't know i'd gotten it and so they compounded and i got called in the principal's office it's like they were like they've they're it multiplies exponentially i guess if you don't jump she's like you have 400 i was like oh i can't do that she's like how about we just you do it this week and then you'll be good but like the thing that i got attention was was like i was throwing this have i told the story no i like i got a deck of playing cards that had bears on them like each card was like a different oh yeah yeah type of bear yeah wait yeah like you know i think you've told me this story but i forget i was just throwing them in the wall every time the teacher turned his back so every time she turned away from the

board it would be like and she would turn around like who threw that and then she just got back from yosemite you're like i don't know yeah i literally had come back from a trip to glacier like over christmas and anyway i got i was had to go to my super detention that was somehow worth 400 because yeah we didn't know what else to do and i just made the lady the lady run intention i was like what was the detention for again i was just like could you just say it out loud and like the whole class is like on pins and needles because i they could tell i was like excited to hear it she's like yeah it says throwing bear cards and i did it was a right ruckus i had a spanish teacher who we would just give her hell her name was senor chase and we were actually the

last middle school class she was allowed to teach they sent her down to the minors okay only allowed to teach she's only allowed to teach elementary school because they were like you can't keep these kids in line and uh it basically all started she brought my friend up in front of the class you know rappers are like all the teachers said i would like never make it and you're like no one's ever saying yeah she actually took him up in front of the class and was like he's going nowhere in life like i don't understand why you guys follow him he was like our like ringleader and we just like made her life hell for the rest of the year and uh and she would keep us in during recess and i remember someone leveling with her yeah and being like why do you want this like this makes

this worse for you have to spend more time it was almost like she like got off on it not like sexually but yeah it was on this like weird power trip where we were like us going out and like running around will probably make your life like infinitely easier 100 and she would like sit there and we weren't allowed to do anything so we would just like sit with her and like fuck with her it's like why do you want this yeah that's weird that's funny um all right show me this guy rocks willie oh this is my tgr this just really got made me laugh last night all right explain it it's just i mean it's not even worth explaining yeah it's it's a panini press with a panini in it yeah like i fucking i thought that was awesome just use it like oh look is he doing more yeah

do that alexa turn off the food steamer i mean like different like cooking machines does this guy have well because you can hook up the alexa i think just to like outlets right hey go to this account this is what tiktok was made for i know yeah yeah he has 355 followers i was cackling i think you just connect your lexicon like outlet like you like little attachments to the outlet so you can make it i don't know it's just so useless that it was cracking me up yeah that is so funny clean his kitchen i think that guy needs to do a lot of things to be honest maybe i'd like you better if you took off your clothes all right are we doing uh

drops oh no we have we've am i the asshole oh my god i totally forgot okay this is gonna be a long i the asshole all right or are you the one in front of how's that how's your song going 20 000 streams nice dude that's awesome yeah when i be your roadie if you get big you can be my lover on the on the road i'm gonna bring you around on tour and buy you a house and then and a dog and then act like then yell at him that he'll never be shit it's gonna ruin my birthday and then i walk out my aunt sarah's restraining you and angus is gonna make a diss track fuck that'd be so funny if we talked all the shit then you got big and turned out you were a psycho i mean i might be if i had that kind of money and influence i don't think

you would be thank god i think you'd be a blast i want to be a blast they say money money just magnifies things that you already are okay so if you're like super horny yeah if you yeah honestly probably if you're super horny as a poor guy you're gonna become a nightmare when you get rich dude all this thing about high school just made me i forgot about like high school all those teachers and stuff i wonder i hope you don't have to deal with any of it anymore i know right if you're a high school and you're listening to this and you're worried about something it's not gonna be a thing i would i remember i remember that going into high school uh one of my sister's friends like they were like gonna be seniors or something and we were all having like a bonfire

at my house and and one of the girls was like i was like clearly stressing about high school yeah and she goes yeah as long as you like try she's like everything works out and my dad was like no don't tell him that like he needs to be like a little bit dialed need to be a little bit dialed in like because you think yeah oh if i don't like if i don't nail like everything like my life is gonna crumble it's like no no you'll be completely fine i remember they had a thing like the first that you you had like a summer reading book yep we had like going into freshman year yep it was a good thing we had to read and like my high school was supposed to be this like super nerd school and uh academic magnet high school and but like the and then they would have

you do the assignment on the first book before you ever start and you turn in the papers like the first day and then like the second week you would get them back and it was like their thing to give everyone like fucking 40s and like 30s it was like a it was like to raz everyone oh to be like you're not like like you're not the hot give everyone like yeah because like everyone was hot from their middle schools yeah it was like notoriously like the hardest i feel like that that might work on like 80 of the kids but i feel like that could send like 20 into like a absolute tailspin yeah yeah should i am i the asshole yes all right yes this first one is wait okay am i the asshole for telling a stranger it was weird that they chose to sit next to me

when the public transit was mostly empty i love it so today i was on the streetcar and it was nearly empty about pardon um what is it i think this sounds like british or something yeah i was on a street car there i was on my penny farthing and my pocket watch was uh ticking and my dad okay go on and the telephone was just invented oh the telephone was there alexander graham bell was there we were all we were all drinking um mead mead an accent the war was over but the The real war had just begun. I was... Penny stocks were down.

My wife was home in a corset. Al Capone was at the peak of his power. About 20 seeds... Syphilis ran through the street like a flood. 400 birds flocked on my doorstep every morning. The World's Fair was next week. I had lots of gay thoughts, which I had held from my wife. I was clearly a homosexual.

I didn't know what to call it at the time. My trench foot was kicking up again. My trench foot was flaring up. And I was having these dreams that I couldn't... Everyone reeked. I liked men's bodies. But of course, that wasn't kosher in this time. Ah, kosher had just been invented.

The Jews are here now, finally. And none of us are happy about it. What? We were playing like old-timey guys. I love Jews. There's a mosque down the street, and I don't know what that is. We're all salting our food because the refrigerator hasn't been invented yet. There's a bear in my living room.

We have a termite problem. My son is a chimney sweep. My friend, I just started a podcast. Everyone keeps asking me, what the hell is that? Yeah. That was good. That was really good. We all have to get our lunch at the soup kitchen because the Great Depression is right around the corner.

I can't wait for the Great Depression to be over. And we can return to prosperity. All women's hair is very short and it gets longer as it goes towards the face. All women have hair. i have to powder my wig all right let's hear that yeah yeah what the fuck was that lauren why did you make us do that all right fine just go just go so so again i think all right sorry they're on the streetcar so here i was on the streetcar and it was nearly empty about 20 seats were available i was sitting by the window and this random stranger decided to sit right next

to me naturally i'm thinking why sit right beside me when there was so many empty seats so i said why did you sit next to me there's so many other seats open it's just a little strange the guy shot back with do you own this seat i can sit wherever i want you're being unreasonable i told him sure i don't own the spot i just don't get why you'd pick the seat beside me when there are plenty of others he basically repeated his point and at that point i decided to just get get up and move because i didn't want to escalate things but in my mind it felt like an unwritten rule of public transit that there are a lot of empty seats you sit by yourself so am i the asshole for saying something no you're not the asshole for saying something i although i would

say just move yeah i would just move without saying anything yeah someone did this to me at the airport we were at the gate like still pretty packed but there were there was a whole row across from us yeah uh that wasn't filled and the person sat right next to me yeah i've also been the i've also been the asshole in a similar situation there was a you know the blocks of like um three chairs have you ever seen that at an airport where it's just like one two three i sat in the picture i sat in the middle one one time just without thinking about it yeah and it was a full airport and uh to this woman's credit walked directly up to me and goes um do you want to sit next to each other do you want to move to one of the corners and i was like sorry and i

moved over that's kind of awesome yeah that's no i agree i think um yeah i would move would be my instinct but i don't necessarily think what you did was wrong and that guy's definitely a weirdo for not like if someone if he was just being absent-minded and someone said that i realized i'm like oh my god i'm sorry yeah yeah and then but especially as a guy and a girl like if it like felt like she was uncomfortable i think you gotta move i think some people some people leave the house and go how am i gonna ruffle some feathers today like he like yeah his goal was to get a reaction out of you and you gave it to him yeah so i think you just do what will says and just move yeah this has happened to similarly in a in a and what i just like my brain just shut

when i was at the gym the other day when i was at the gym the other day i was standing in front of the mirror and like doing whatever and like this lady comes over and like stands like two feet away from me and starts doing her workout and like it was like pretty empty like there were so many other places she could have stood and was she using a similar weight no it was like a free area like it was it wasn't it wasn't like benches it was like in the corner a mirror and she came and stood two feet away from me that's really strange that is a little strange weird but anyway no i don't think you're the asshole either i had a guy sit next to me uh at the airport bar i was sitting on the furthest to the left yeah there were like three

open seats and he sat next to me and i was and i thought it was kind of nice actually because it wasn't like he wasn't like invading my space yeah yeah but it was like now we were just and we started talking but if it was i think most people that would my initial reaction was like what the fuck yeah and then i was like whatever it's fine yeah i uh i was sorry somehow i don't can't imagine what possibly just made me think of this but maybe we were in the car but we almost drove over a bag of ruffles oh yeah yeah my lunch yeah but we're also we're laughing we're like i was thinking like if you like driving over a bag of ruffles where the tires line up perfectly with with the grooves so it doesn't even crack them we were driving we were driving down venice i think

or no we were driving down like whatever semantics we were driving on like a road where you're going like 40 yeah we nailed this bag of ruffles and it popped everywhere and we were laughing that some guy would be on the other side of the road like my lunch um all right should we hear our last damn out of the asshole yeah let's do it um okay if you've made it this far into the podcast comment bloop so that we know you've made it this far and you're one of our special guys yeah everyone comment bloop nothing else just bloop All right. Am I the asshole for removing my groupmate's name in a group exam because she did not contribute anything throughout the course? Yes.

Hello, all. I'm sorry. Yes, because I've been her. You've been the girl that has done all the work? I've been both of those people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Good to learn. Hello, all. I am a senior in university. For one of our courses, we had a group exam, and it was that thing where you choose your own group. We needed to be a group of five, but we were only three, so this one girl asked if she could be in ours. she had a reputation for not being actively involved but since we needed to be a group of

five i reluctantly agreed throughout the course we had group projects to which she contributed absolutely nothing in fact during those group projects i became increasingly frustrated as time went on then our midterms came along and it was a group exam where we had to be on site to take it to nobody's surprise she informed me through our class representative that we that she wouldn't be going to class in the middle of the exam she had the nerve to ask me if she was part of our group as if we did not include her in the first second third and fourth time at that point i just gave up and excluded her totally i did not reply to her message because we wanted to focus on the exam it was time sensitive then afterwards our class representative talked to me

and what is our class representative i don't know uh must be like a like a ta or something yeah team leader or something uh so the class rep talked to me and she sent me a screenshot of this girl asking her why i'm not replying to this day i still did not reply to her messages now she's pretty upset at me so am i the asshole i think one thing that i learned i fell more unfortunately and i regrettably fell more into the category of person who didn't do anything on the group projects um but there were times where i was frustrated with someone not carrying their fair share of the weight and what my professor told me i thought this was very wise when we complained to them was uh part of the reason you do group projects yeah is to like

mimic real world working scenarios where a skill you have to learn is like properly delegating and like getting that person to do their work yeah and uh it's a life lesson it sucks that they don't do it sometimes but um yeah i mean it's college and if you are some people are fine skating by i was one of those people and some people are just gonna do all the work and that's how the world works so you're much better off for learning whatever the project was about but you you should just leave her on and let her deal with the consequences down the road yeah i think i mean the way i i felt like my freshman and sophomore year i was more in like the pulling the weight department and i remember having like athletes sometimes in my group projects that were just

yeah not motivated particularly uh and like like i remember freshman year we had there's a couple girls on the softball team and they didn't do shit i was like that's not a kind of sport where you can yeah you're not you're not on the football team yeah like if a guy on the football team i'm like dude i got this project all right you focus on fucking louisville but the softball team has like suny buffalo yeah i was like sorry yeah but i would i always felt like it was like you know what i'm just gonna do it and there's no there's no like i don't gain anything from excluding them yeah it just screws them over kind of i mean they yeah i guess they deserve it but i feel like i would always just be like whatever i'll put your name on i don't give a fuck um but then later my

college career like by senior year i was in some poli sci classes i remember that were like i'd be in these group projects that were like because i joined the major late so i had to take classes with like freshmen and sophomores even as a senior and there'd be a group project and i kind of i feel like i would kind of almost set the uh the expectation kind of just like yeah so you guys are gonna be uh like pulling the weight here so i definitely was not but i feel like i would at least be like responsive and involved and maybe it'd be like all right let's all add to this by tuesday night and then i'd go in there at like tuesday at eight and it would all be done and i'd be like whoops sorry i didn't get around to it till now or you know what i mean like i don't

know i was also the person like probably senior year where i would be like oh i'll i'll make the presentation or like i'll make the powerpoint and share it with you guys so i would do all like the just like the headers like the housekeeping in a way yeah yeah you can set it up i remember one of my big group projects my senior year was uh crisis simulation for my middle east one of my classes on the middle east that was like my special or my like specialty in my major was like the middle east like if you're the president like this is how you would like yeah and we were my country was palestine good lord and we did this like whole crisis simulation i don't even really remember what we ended up doing but it was kind of like halfway through you got like power

hungry and you started like blowing up like i don't yeah i don't know everyone was like whoa what we did but it was i guess obviously like that conflict what it's not like obviously it's gonna boil to the surface at some point but it was kind of weirdly accurate to what ended up happening um all right should we do some drafts yeah yeah lauren do you want to do new york times articles that don't exist racehorses that don't exist or best dating app opening lines uh let's let's hear racehorses first okay we'll lead it off also let's let's do it like we're not reading off our phone yeah let me just pull mine up the second like four million airplanes circling overhead i know they finally caught us wait it's almost friday recording after us

no one's recording okay liam just got us a look i didn't know if that was These are racehorses that don't exist. ASAP jockey. Pony baloney. Helping to keep you and everyone around you safe for life. Learn more at volvocars.ca slash safety. Colt following. Saddle tail.

Nice. Derby fully loaded. Emotionally instable. Straight from the horse. Full steam ahead. like full f-o-a-l yeah yeah oh i love that yeah philly cheese stick like that all right this one is uh we both we both definitely googled horse words by the way uh this one i'm very excited about though this to me this is the perfect horse name if i have a horse this is it the mayor of

hoofville well done m-a-r-e for mayor yep hoofville mayor of hoofville those were those were racehorses that don't exist lovely wait did i say racehorses racehorses these are racehorses that don't exist what'd you say i don't know yeah uh all right should we do best dating app opening lines yeah mine i just said that's not what i did at all okay so these are i'm doing the best dating app opening lines and will thought we were doing best hinge props so just keep that in mind just be like best dating prompts what but those are like mine's like prompts like you know on hinge like there's like a prompt and then what you put i that's my mistake okay i put what i would like you to buy me for our first date oh i like that what did you put um i'll buy the first

drink if you can guess how long it's been since i've bathed the present you will get me as a dowry what the present you will get me as a dowry well it's a dowry it's like a price you pay to wet someone in india oh nice nice nice um what does your breath smell like the gift which will earn my love i'm confused two truths and a lie uh i'm roommates with my mother i have a pet snake named ryan and i only wipe if it's a real mess the thing i really want is okay i get what i get what you're doing now that's right um you're way bustier than my current girlfriend me when i don't get the present i really want um i'm taking the craziest poop right now lol want to get drinks this week

that's great thank you is that it yeah that's all I had too yeah that was we fucked that one up no those were fun

thank god we did three alright these are New York Times games that don't exist okay uh Newsy it gives you a bunch

of news headlines for the day and you have to try to pick which ones are real headlines and which ones are made up oh I like that so it's like kind of fun and then you also learn

a little bit about the news and then it links the real articles once you're done I like that a lot uh Castle mmhmm

castle spelled like castle um it but round by round it gives you a cast member and you have to guess what movie it is i like that i like that uh i've got coffee hop it's an augmented reality thing where you prop your phone up at your coffee mug and then there's little guys and you have to flick them and try to land them in your coffee oh i love that like uh paper toss yeah yeah yeah uh the article it gives you uh different random sentences from an article and you have to figure out what the news story is of that day i like that uh entire bookle you guess the entire script to a whole like a whole book you type it all out and then it tells you how many words you got right oh i keep going you get five guesses i like that uh meal all okay it gives you an ingredient each

round you have to guess what the recipe is i like that oh uh camera roll uh camera roll it shows a close-up of a person from your camera roll but with the face blurred out and you have to guess who it is i like that a lot uh demographics it shows you the demographics of a country similar to the cradle but it's like uh average age average height average weight average ethnic or like most popular ethnicity or race popular ethnicity we lights are really hot we love the caucasians um and then you have to guess what country it is okay i like that uh planted this one is just kind of a peace and calm one you have a little room full of uh plants and every day you just go in check on your plants you water them maybe you you know if you grow a berry you can go grab your

berry and it's just sort of a little virtual uh greenhouse that you get to check in on every morning i like that uh the scriptal it gives you a dialogue line from it picks one character from a movie and you get lines of dialogue they said in the movie and you have to guess what character it is okay i'll give you one ready we were hot i don't know give me another one well if it isn't rattlesnake jake Rango yeah I don't know I don't think he says that but oh here I got another quote from him yeah I killed them Jenkins brothers did it with one bullet too nice sorry that was all mine do you know I have the the chuckle and you just have to guess famous Charlie's oh that's fun yeah and

it's funny too makes you chuckle all right whose personality are you guys gonna steal this week god we have been white hot today I think this is our best episode do you actually has this been fun this one's great oh really there's like so much going on are you joking i was kind of wait you were joking i just thought i just thought we've been going for two hours and it feels like we might be losing steam a little bit no i think it's been really okay lovely scream um i'm gonna steal the that ghost from the movie spirited away because i think i'm just gonna be like a silent character in the background this week okay i'm gonna go with jake novak oh yeah what do you think that brother's up to these days um probably crushing

it i think he's he sings at disney i don't know if he still does because his videos don't surface anymore oh yeah maybe well maybe he just kind of fell out of he's not in vogue anymore i want him to join snl so bad just so we can see what how funny it would be well that's why i'm saying jake novak because i'm going to new york to do live sketch comedy oh nice so i want to emulate my favorite sketch comedian of all time, Jake Novak. Can you redo that song while you're in New York? I want to be the next SNL cast member.

Here's why I should be a contender. Hi, Lorne Michaels. Hey, Lorne Michaels, I know you're feeling some heat because your roster lost AIM giant Michael and Pete. You don't know who this is? All right, who's personality are you going to show this week? Did you make that song? No.

Yeah, you never heard it? I also made Bad Gun. It's like... Wait, how does that one go again? Pull up Jake Novak, Bad Gun. Yeah. Oh. Home of the Brave

of peace itself it's no mystery it's indifferent to see them run when asked how to combat the madness great to the chorus children dying in the schools i love my home but i don't know if we'll truly become free if we can't agree uncle sam's holding a bad gun the nation's fighting for his soul are we sure it ever had one children dying in the schools but can you tell me why it's just like some weird relic of like a part of the internet that doesn't exist anymore this was like our favorite thing like two summers ago interesting well not this one i guess that one out of context it feels like we're the content of that is funny but click on his

his other stuff click on his page crazy and we're at the end of the episode if we're boring people at this point they can just leave i mean you might have deleted oh no no i want to be the next snl cast member what this yeah i want to be the next snl cast member you've never seen this hi lord michaels i'm jake no bag i know that you're feeling the heat because your roster lost k kyle adnp that means you got an open seat and i feel alive to be feeling it because when it comes to comedy songs i kind of like killing it see weekly music videos of a jam After you've seen that scene, I mean, I mean, I could have been sitting on the ringer.

In addition to this, I'm a hell of a singer. I could be bouncing out on Broadway, but I'm not in the dirty rocks. So I can hand-deliver you the next dick in the box. All right. Enough of that. That's Jake Novak, everyone. I really like it. I just have heard it 100,000 times.

I want to hear it more. All right. Lauren, whose personality are you going to steal? I'm going to steal the comfiest person ever's personality because I'm going to get really comfortable this weekend. Ted Kaczynski. Yep, yep, yep. And I'm going to eat some good food.

Don't know who that is. It's the Unabomber. All right. We love you guys. Have a great rest of your week and a fantastic weekend, and we will see you guys next Wednesday. Bye-bye. Where some see heroes

and others see egos, Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com. this family is on the brink of civil war mobland the hit original series is now streaming on paramount plus we are the harrigans don't know the net and google us from the underworld of guy ritchie do you want to step up the ladder i want karma dead starring tom hardy pierce

brosnan and helen mirren do i have to do everything myself mobland new season is now streaming on paramount plus Thanks for watching.