Will & Rusty's Playdate - No Pacific Reason

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

Will is publicly humiliated for a seemingly routine grocery store purchase. Rusty nearly causes irreparable damage to their buddy Brett’s face. The boys come up with boat names and call out some sayings that make no sense. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL. HEAD TO https://rikispirits.com/ TO FIND OUT WHERE TO GET RIKI NEAR YOU. FOLLOW @FRIDAY.BEERS AND @RIKISPIRITS TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH UPCOMING RIKI CONTESTS AND GIVEAWAYS. DOWNLOAD THE APP AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES WITH CASH APP. IT PAYS TO GET PAID ON CASH APP! https://apps.apple.com/us/app/cash-app/id711923939 REFINE YOUR STYLE WITH @CUTSCLOTHING AND GET 20% OFF WITH CODE PLAYDATE AT https://www.cutsclothing.com/PLAYDATE #cutspartner (00:00) Intro (03:52) Mayonnaise (08:40) How to Talk to your Crush (16:44) Archie Griffin Episode (22:05) Roadmap (23:13) Pitch Submissions (25:47) Will’s Poo Nightmare (31:23) Anxious Habits (35:11) Topo Chico Explosion (40:00) Pitches (Presented by Cash App) (50:46) Anything but a Car (53:22) AITA (58:17) Will Has Never Watched a Movie (01:02:03) Dating your TA (01:09:59) Teach Me Something (01:16:03) This Guy Rocks (01:19:56) Boat Names we Made Up (01:23:04) Sayings that Make No Sense (01:28:21) Whose Personality are you Stealing? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Redefining the party landscape. one thing that i like about the how dark it gets now how late how late it gets dark it gets dark early here no it gets dark really late what or sorry i meant it gets late early it gets yeah no it's dark but it made like yesterday like i kind of just like rotted for a little bit but then i got up and it was still there was still like plenty of daylight i went to the beach yeah we had we had very different days i got up went to breakfast at a place called bagel nosh oh okay you said that like that was like that sounds like a kind of normal name for a place

oh you thought my like you're like a place called the bagel nosh yeah and uh you can tell they're gonna make a good bagel when they're like kind of mean to you you ever get that vibe and uh it was okay and then i've been then i got back in bed until i watched more breaking bad than anyone i watched more breaking bad than there are episodes did you figure out who did it uh yeah i think he's that would be a fun idea it's a it's a it's all your favorite shows but uh it's from the point of view of a different character like breaking bad from hank's point of view would be like oh yeah crazy show oh yeah yeah i've actually never watched bring bad best show like i've seen enough episodes here and there but i've never liked on it

Yeah, we have almost nothing in common. For how good of friends we are. Yeah, we both enjoy going to baseball games. Yeah, kind of, that's true. We both do Wordle. I got humiliated last night. Play it on, man. Humiliated.

What made you think of that? Getting humiliated? Yeah. Wordle. Okay, so there you were, getting humiliated. So there I was, getting humiliated. humiliated no yesterday i went i went to the grocery store okay trader joe's mind you i went at eight o'clock still light out that's what i'm saying like i i felt like i feel like i would have

felt like if it was like the winter time i would have been like that was a wash of a day yeah but i got i did enough things in the last like three hours of sunlight that made it feel like a real day yeah you say this like this hasn't been a thing for the last two months like it getting dark out later it's get it's the latest it's ever i think last last week it got last week it got late way earlier no okay i i'm still allowed to like something just because it's been going on for two months that's like that's like if like imagine you had a baby and then three months in someone's like i love this baby and you're like you've had that baby for two months who was the guy that didn't bradley cooper say he didn't love his baby until she was like eight

She was like, yeah, I think it was like six months or something. I kind of get it. Yeah, but it's just like you can't say that. Yeah, that does feel like when you should keep to yourself. Sorry, there you were getting humiliated. So there I was getting humiliated. So I go to the Trader Joe's with Chester. Also, a funny thing that happened is we drive there together,

take our carts and kind of go our separate ways. 30 minutes in, I catch up to him. My cart's like pretty full. He has two things of chicken breast and a thing of blueberries. Yeah. And that was it. Oh, and a bottle of kombucha. I was like, what have you been doing for 30 minutes?

He's like, I don't know. I thought, I just can't remember. You have to go with a list. Yeah. If you don't, do you, are you a list? No, I'm not. But I know what I, I eat the same things every week. So I know exactly, like I know, I know the route that I take in the store.

What day of the week do you eat all of it? Um. What? You like, you like eat your weeks. You're like, I eat the same thing every week. Well, I just eat everything on, I eat everything on Sundays and I brush my teeth 14 times. So I'm good for the rest of the week. Uh.

Sorry. But I decided to get one new thing today Yesterday Which is mayonnaise Which is a little bit of a weird thing to buy I don't think at all I think I saw it in the fridge Did you use it?

No in the kitchen downstairs So what I do My new move is We share a fridge It's in between our two houses I buy like ham and cheese and bread and a spinach and then i make my own little sandwiches yeah and i bring it all into work and to this i was like i want mayonnaise and there's no mayonnaise at the office so i went

to go buy mayonnaise couldn't find the mayonnaise go up to a guy and i say hey excuse me sir where would i find the mayonnaise and he goes the mayonnaise uh that's in the it's in the grocery aisle like right right there yeah yeah and like points and i walked away like he like he did that he was like yeah mayonnaise like what do you think i'm trying to figure out what where he was coming from what i was like it is kind of a gross like it's a i think mayonnaise is objectively a little gross no no i think it's like one of the most normal things to buy it's right there with like i feel like it's in everyone's fridge everyone yeah yeah yeah why is this guy like maybe it's like maybe it's like everyone has toilet paper but it's kind of embarrassing to walk back into

your house with it like like if you're like walking through the apartment complex you're carrying a big pick of toilet paper it's like that guy's planning on doing some shitting no you you were saying this earth you have like some weird like he can't people can't know that he poops that can't be true you talk about it every episode he talks about but then he also has these things where it's like like they think about like the girl like he was dating for years and wouldn't poop in her house earlier today we got we have a new sponsor tushy yeah and they sent us bidets yeah and this we're looking at opening them up and he has he goes this dude this is gonna be so embarrassing to walk into my apartment complex with i was like well yeah i guess it's just like

more like if you're walking in with a giant thing of toilet paper it's like he's planning on doing some serious poop or just have like a good value yeah i'm still uh if someone's at my house i will turn the shower on and pretend i'm showering while they poop while i poop and then i get in the shower after this is insane this is a crazy one that i just did uh pretended to be showering so i could poop got in got wet uh and did like a little mini shower and then waited until the shower had been off for like 45 seconds to flush so that it sounded like i did a pee after the shower i think there's something like seriously wrong with yeah what i don't know like i'm not i'm not like are you thinking like the other people at your house

are like ears against the wall like like oh he's doing it yeah now it's not a roommate thing wait so going back to the mayo guy yeah do you think he was laughing because it was right there no it wasn't it was the other side of the store it was the fact that you also said he also he also said it's in the grocery aisle yeah just like go fuck yourself every aisle here is the grocery aisle yeah yeah that's funny but i guess apparently one of the aisles is called the grocery aisle at okay do you want to know also also also sorry let me get one more word in here the trait this mind you it would be maybe a little well he doesn't know but i've been going there for a long time and they fucking recently in the last two weeks switched all the shelves do you what

are those they switch bread and nuts oh that must be it there's like a pile up in the bread aisle people are flying to get their nuts and like they're coming the wrong way it was and chips They switched, like, pita chips and, like, little, like, snacks with bread. Because I think bread... Well, hold on. Hold on a second. It sounds like they doubled the amount of bread. Because you can't switch...

They switched nuts and chips for bread? Three-way trade. They were going hog water. No, no, no. It was nuts and bread used to be, like, here. They took bread, put it all the way in the back of the store, rotated nuts to where bread was. Yeah. And then put chips where nuts were.

And then where nuts and bread is now, there used to be nuts and bolts. Dude, the chicken, I was thinking about this when you said chicken breast. My roommate came back. He went to Costco and bought chicken breast in bulk. Realized there wasn't enough room in the freezer. Took them all out individually, wrapped them in tinfoil, and then threw out the rest that he couldn't fit. That's crazy. Yeah.

so there's like there's like and it was like the freezer was all taken up by like you're hungry man we had like a normal amount of food in the freezer and instead of him just being like maybe like reorganizing some stuff was just like i guess i gotta wrap half of them in tinfoil and throw out the rest awesome or like put some in the fridge and eat them soon ty has a ty has a crush on a girl in our building and he was like he was like dude i could have i could have given those to uh the girl and we were but he doesn't know what apartment she's in i was like you just like leave him on the hood of her car has he talked to her no and he thinks that she's moving and so he's like scrambling to try and run into her before she leaves just he's like just taking

the elevator up and down i was thinking about it if you wanted to meet new people i would just stand in the elevator and wait for it to go somewhere you could dress like a doorman has he ever talked to her then they're friends but they're like does our doorman live here has he ever talked to her yes so apparently they see each other they both go to the gym at like five in the morning okay at like you have like a gym in your apartment no they're both leaving the garage and i guess he's deduced that she's going to the gym based off like what she's wearing or something and then they come back at a similar time and they leave for work at a similar time and he didn't like feel the pressure to uh say anything because he thought he was gonna have

like years and now he now she moved like one bin in front of her car and in his head he was like she's like she's packing and she's leaving and then like right when right when the pressure was on he's like stopped seeing her and we were trying to figure out actually this might be a good question for both of you how what would you say to he i was like you should just say hello like i don't think it should be like a big thing you just have to be friendly like hey yeah today and then hopefully the next time it'll i would say maybe hey baby girl yeah what would you say what would you like a guy to say to you if you if you saw him i was in that situation yeah um and he's a good looking well you can't be too forward otherwise it's creepy especially if you

haven't talked before so you just have to be like say hi acknowledge each other's presence and then And be like, oh, I hope you have a good day. Or like, what are you up to today? I don't know. Just be really casual about it. Do you want to role play this? I'll be, you be Ty. I'll be the girl.

I kind of want to be the girl. Okay, you be. No, but I don't know what to say. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. All right, so we're in the elevator. Ding. And we start walking to our cars. Where do you go and do your car?

Yeah, I was going to go to the gym. Oh, awesome. I go to the gym, too. Cool. Yeah, you look like you go to the gym. Yeah, my body's nuts. Where do you work out? The fitness center?

The why? LA Fitness. The why? Why is that? That's where you got hung up in this conversation. You wanted it to be, like, really accurate. Yeah. You looked at me like, I don't know where you're fucking going.

Hey, Woody, are you moving? No, be serious. What would you actually say? Are you moving? I saw you moving a bin a few weeks ago. I saw you move. I saw you put that bin in front of your car. Are you leaving?

Yeah, act serious. Okay, okay. All right. Out of the elevator. Ding. Walking to our cars. Wait, we're... Pretend like you're walking your cars.

I feel like I wouldn't say anything after we've gotten out of the elevator. Are we in the elevator together? That's right. Ready, ready. You're in the elevator. You guys are doing a strike. He's already in the elevator. Her or him.

He's already in the elevator. you're coming down she gets in ding i just walked in okay hey how are you hi good morning how's it going good good yeah i feel like our our cycles are synced i know yeah i know i've noticed that are you heading to the gym yeah yeah yeah you know trying to keep my bod tight yep i'm uh yeah i'm just trying to get my calves really big make my dad proud i'm just fucking with you dude i'm fucking with you this seems really forward this is the first time we've talked why are you you started off you startled her well yeah it's like it's like that like the games were like if you like mess up the checkpoint and it'll be like you scared like you scared them away

like and it starts over like in gta it'll be like it'll be like you spooked the bank teller i started off pretty good yeah it felt natural i feel like i was watching a real conversation yeah and then i would i don't know i'd be like are you on there i would probably i might be like at that point if it was like they were she was engaging then i'd be like i'm will by the way yeah do you live in this building he's like oh yeah me too nice to meet you have a good day or something what if she goes oh my boyfriend lives here i'd be like he sounds like a pussy you'd be like i bet he i bet his i bet his i bet he's got a penis i would probably yeah no let's i'd be like Oh, well, he's not going to the gym at 5 a.m., so it makes one of us.

He must be super lazy. He probably can't provide for you. I could provide for you, man. All right, let's do this. Let's do this. You're now the girl. I'm Ty. We're coming home from the gym, and we're both getting in the elevator at the same time.

Okay. Ding. Ooh, you reek. You must have had a big workout. Yeah, I did. I was doing pits today. I was doing pits. I never skip pit day.

Never skip pit day. You know what he should do? He should go get a protein shake and then buy two and then be like, they gave me two. Do you want the? Yeah, that's a good idea. Be like, oh, they happen to just like make two, like one extra one. Do you want that? All right, let's take it a step further.

He goes to plumbing school, right? He becomes a certified plumber. He becomes the plumber in our building. Certified plumber boy. And then when he gives her the drink, there's, like, a bunch of laxatives in it. And then she has to call the superintendent and ties the plumber. And so he gets to go over and unclog her toilet. Sounds like that rom-com you had that all the comments were just, like, porn.

Yeah. Clogged. Clogged. All the comments were— Also, why, when you said plumbing school, was the first thing I thought of, like, the fruit plum? Why is that what my brain is doing? I would say it's probably because it's the first syllable. It's a lot easier to get into than peaching school.

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we're doing this weekend do you even know about this i don't think i've been told yet but i'm excited to learn i booked us a tea time let's go guess what we're gonna bring with us some rickies some rickies make sure you bring the lime because that's my favorite okay i'll get the grapefruit you get the lime maybe toss a little cranberry for yep some spice just a splash just a little a splash i'm gonna shoot par for the first time in my life that would be killer yeah guys head to rickyspirits.com to find out where you can get ricky near you follow at friday.beers and at ricky spirits to stay up to date with upcoming ricky contests and giveaways let's get back into the episode is it episode 45 it's episode 45 we didn't even tee it up yet play date episode 45

um we have two options here will we can either do michael jordan when he came we could do baseball michael jordan or or our good friend julian gamble uh what about do trump what about antonio Joe Cromartie. Show me Revis. Let's do Michael Jordan's baseball episode. Is that for sure? Actually, I've noticed this when I watch him back. We'll both say one, and then you say one, and then I go,

no, I think we should just go with mine. Well, I feel like we can do Will's. No, just put like athletes number 45. See who we missed. All right, just go to images. Those are only people that went to Tennessee. All right, who are we running against? Oh, on the Bulls, he was 45.

Yeah, for, like, a couple games. Oh, Donovan Mitchell? Who's this? Donovan Mitchell. Yeah. There are not a lot of... Oh, is that Gilbert Arenas? Oh, is that fucking...

Wait, wait. No, that's not Gilbert Arenas. Go to that running back at the top. It's Rasheed Wall. One over. That's the guy? Yeah, is that... What's his name?

I don't know. He's, like, the best guy ever. I think he was, like, an epic guy. No, no, he won the Heisman. Twice, I think. he's the only guy that ever won it twice oh

yeah yeah Archie Griffin yeah yeah there we go Archie Griffin episode it's a cool name Archie Griffin ep um

should we road map it uh yeah we should you got anything else on your chest oh I might have some actually

can I check my notes app sometimes I write things down yeah Rusty I'm really liking that shirt on dude it's pretty killer I know I already told you but I love it

um I got a package from this guy it's called the man who captured sunshine oh and it's a sick he has a bunch of cool stuff does he have any woman's apparel i think it's all like yeah you can wear it it's like uh i got will or he sent some stickers and i that's where i gave will his sticker of horses yeah check it out or go on his website actually he sells it urban that's pretty sick that is pretty cool i i had a i had one oh

it's just a hat but that's still cool when we were at i was at hanano's on july 2nd what a weird way to phrase that well because i found like you're like establishing an alibi guy guy who clearly did a murder on july i really like that hat the style okay he sent me the shirt the blue hat the other blue hat and the long sleeve shirt up there and then he sent me a shirt that I think I'm going to give to Will. You should give me something. Yeah, no, I could think about it. Okay.

But look at him. He's a handsome guy. Cool guy. Oh, that's him? Yeah. Very cool. I like his vibe. I think people that have clothing companies,

that's just the sickest. Yeah, no, it sounds like you did something horrible on July 2nd. You want there to be recording proof that you're doing something. So it was July 2nd at 11 o'clock. No, I was in the bathroom at Hanana. And I wasn't covered in blood at all.

I was covered in fake blood. i was at the bathroom at hanano and i was washing my hand we were together right on july 2nd maybe yeah it was when we went when we got again it really you're like and you were there no remember we got that dinner it was like a buffet for drinks yeah that wasn't great i like the food i like the tacos yeah anyway we're at nanos i'm i use the bathroom i'm washing my hands and the way it is like when they i think i told you this in the moment but when you open the door there you like it's like right by the sink so i'm washing my hands and a guy comes in just whips the door open just fucking nails me yeah i was like whoa whoa he was like oh my god so i'm

sorry i'm sorry i was like you're good man you're good i just was scared a little bit he's like this older guy and then we like lock eyes for a second and he's like we about to do a bunch of drugs in this bathroom like like excitedly like grinning yeah and i was like no what you hit me with the door and i said sorry i was like yeah what a leap so that's that i think that that is one of the strangest bathrooms in california yeah and you pee into a keg yeah then there's a toilet that like i i think should be in a museum yeah how crazy it is it's painted like the craziest color green there's drawings all over the wall they had to tell you they took the mirror down because you couldn't even you couldn't even look at like there was so much graffiti on the mirror you couldn't

even like see your reflection anymore oh my god i'm covered i'm covered in graffiti uh anyway it was funny though it's just like i felt bad i was like no like to the guy like yeah i don't know why he thought we were having a moment but he thought we were better i guess that's better i guess that's better than like him assuming that you were having like a romantic moment that's true although i might have been more into that how old was he he's probably like that was the sad part like he wasn't like like in a funny way old he's just like 40 yeah yeah you can like resume do it you gotta stop doing drugs at a certain age yeah then you can probably resume them when you're like 65 because then it's like oh he's still got it yeah like yeah but then like

the the like 35 to like 60 range is pretty sad it was a little strange all right we got a great episode for you guys today we're gonna do your pitches our pitches we've got some am i the assholes i think lauren do we have any callers potentially neither of these people said we could call them but maybe we can both call them okay we got we got uh this guy rocks followed by teach me something and then will and i are gonna do i'm very excited about this one boat names that don't exist yep uh followed by sayings that make no sense yep so i think it's gonna be killer i am pretty excited and i'm just happy to be in this journey that we call podcasting with you guys earlier today i was like uh i was like dude i think i was like you

should you should write down more than five sayings because there's probably gonna be like some overlap like we might have the same ones and will was like there's no way we'd have overlap he thought we were doing he thought we were making up sayings that don't exist so he would be like no that make no sense yeah that make that makes we agreed on sayings that make no sense and i thought it was gonna be like it takes a woodpecker to smell a squirrel or like something and i meant like ones that do exist that just don't really make any sense yeah all right should we hear some pitches lauren let's do it where my pitch at all righty first business pitch is from jeremiah combs he said great name it's a great guy from the lumineers i don't know maybe his pitches his

pitches shouting hey ho into a microphone really loud all right he says what's up lauren and the gang i've got a business pitch that will change the game let's go imagine you're at a party at your friend's house or dinner at your girlfriend's parents house you're having a great evening until the unthinkable happens yep wait what do you i think is you have to poop crap your pants your stomach starts hurting and you know that you've got the nastiest poop loaded in the chamber the panic sets in knowing that you can't unleash it on all these innocent people and risk having everyone know you're that guy that blew up the bathroom that's where my idea comes in introducing the poop uber or the poober with one phone call you can order what is essentially a

bathroom on wheels one of our cars will come to your location maybe a little bit down the street for discretion you can fake taking an important call and step out then simply relieve yourself in peace once you're done you can re-enter the social setting with the confidence of someone who didn't just nuke the house toilet i hope you see the vision thanks guys i i just picture how awful the pooper probably reeks oh my it's a nightmare it's just driving around getting unloaded in do the drivers the driver has like a clothespin on his nose um dude this is you this guy knows his audience yeah this is like exactly this fits in so well with what we were saying i i love it so much i think it would be hilarious the like you would

run out of fake phone calls well that's i it's funny for like like it's funny for you to be like i'm getting a call yeah yeah i think the only risk you run is everyone is gonna think you're doing drugs or something yeah or like having an affair maybe yeah you're like the mayor is calling me and then you especially see you go get in a car for four minutes and then get out yeah yeah but you can just it's it can go down the street and you can just act like you're on i'm just saying like in the event like you get away with it a few times but in the event you got caught it'd be pretty bad look yeah i love it yeah maybe it's disguised as like um it's like a really it's like a book no no it's a it's a head it's a car that looks like a hedge and so they

draw they drive on the lawn you disappear into the hedge which i guess i guess is so outlandish that they would be like there's no way we just saw him like disappear into a head yeah we we must be yeah we must be tripping tripping you know this reminds me a little bit i had a i had a poo nightmare actually no it wasn't bad it was i was in when we were when i was in minnesota we were doing we were making a sketch of that guy it's smurf yeah you know him oh dj yeah yeah very nice guy and after we filmed the sketch we're like in his trailer and i was like oh can i use the bathroom and he was like yeah but if you're gonna poop like can you go to one of the other ones just it's like a small trailer it was like a fair yeah i was like yeah and i'm just peeing

so i go in there and i pee and then i start washing my hands and i swear like it was like a trailer sink to where like who like that water is probably coming from some like weird tank in the anyway the moment i turn the sink on the water comes out it smells like like a like a poop like yeah like and so i like i was like so all i did was pee but i walked out and i was like i know it's like if anyone walked in there right now they'd be like that guy definitely pooped and sure enough he walked in there two minutes later and like he never said anything but I think that it's Murph who thinks I'm detonated.

The worst part is that I looked him in the eyes and said, no, I'm just peeing. Like he thinks I'm a fucking psychopath. That's funny. Why would it smell? I think it just comes from the whole bathroom. It's like a tank that

is just gross. It was so gross. Alright, thank you Jeremiah Combs. Next one. Hey, good luck on the next album. I belong with you. you belong with me in my sweet home is that actually his name i think it's jeremiah fredy's now that i say it all right next pitch is from t hazelene she says good day lauren in her garden gnomes i'm she is she australian good day feels i'm assuming but also i feel like some people

just say that yes she is love from down under at the end all right very cool good day lauren that's how i that's how i have been signing emails off love from down under love you down under oh do we oh sorry the text that i sent for my dad today was pretty fun yeah that was great oh like last episode we were we were like i was talking about how there's just like this perpetual gas leak in my apartment and like somehow i it didn't really like we're all just kind of like oh yeah that's funny and then my dad texted me this morning he apparently just got around to listen to the episode uh we need to talk about perpetual gas leak love tim denellan your father registered professional engineer specialty fire protection engineering which is all true he's a

fire protection so he's actually worried about yeah i told him i i responded and i said i'll give you a call he's like will you're making me look horrible around the office like your your son is like living in like an active bomb he's yeah well i was also my aunt was also But, like, you used to, like, install, like, smoke detectors or, like, something. The Danellans hate fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we were at, like, dinner one time with, like, my dad and my aunt and my mom were all in town. And my friend Carolina was, like, you know Carolina.

She was telling a story of, like, she was, like, it was, like, bullshit. Like, we all got ridden up because we had, like, a candle in our room. And my aunt was, like, wrong crowd. I actually don't think that's very funny at all. Yeah. Yeah. All right. t hazelene she says i'm coming to you with a pitch near and dear to my heart i'm not creative

enough to come up with a name so i'll leave it to you blokes have you ever gotten dressed to go out and your body's just not matching your outfit uh yeah every day in my life maybe yeah maybe you need smaller boobs for a strapless dress or you need a bigger dick about your take it budgie smugglers at the beach my friends sometimes i feel like australians just fucking me yeah no way budgie smuggler yeah what is budgie who is budgie i don't know she's or you need a bigger dick to your budgie smugglers at the beach a bigger dick yeah like the cuss word budgie yeah budgie smuggler sounds like the like just like a pirate that ran have rank what was it rank heaven reeked Havoc.

Ranked Havoc. Ranked Havoc. All right. My friends and I love... That's what you used to do. He's ranking Havoc. Oh, okay. Let me...

Wait, what are budgie smugglers? Like, underwear? Like, male swim trunks. Swim trunks? Swim trunks, yeah. My friends and I love to share clothes, but sometimes our different body types make it hard because they can't fill out my tops

and I can't fill out their jeans. I present to you... Wait, time out. What she just slipped in there is that she has a great rack and a tiny waist. She was like, yeah, I can't fit into any of my friends' clothes because my boobs are way too big and my waist is way too small. Yeah, some people have that.

I'm just pointing out she very casually just told us she has a killer butt. Yeah. All right. The first of its kind, totally safe, selective body swapping technology. Need to move a couch? Hit up your mate with the big biceps. Don't want to wear your glasses to the bar? Borrow eyes from the friend with 20-20 vision.

Through the power of science, you and your friends can borrow each other's best assets and return them at the end of the night. So, like, if we've built, we've created a monster. One of your friends is, like, stolen all the, he's, like, this giant blob in the corner. I like that, like, I have to return it. Like, it's, like, I can take Will's hog, but, like, that means he has mine for the night. Like, while we're gone, while I'm gone. Yeah.

So, then I think you have to. I would be so pissed. I'd be like, no. I walk in, you're just like, you've just been sitting there staring at it for hours. I want your fingernails. Yeah, well, because I just don't bite mine into oblivion. I know. How do you even get them that low?

I don't know. It's so bad. Do you bite the tops of them? I bite every part of them. So how do you get it off? I don't even want to know. Insert photo of Will's fingernails. No, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. You can't take them off the internet. Scrub me from the internet. Jarvis, scrub me from the internet. I don't know. I feel like I've been, like, worse lately, too. That's just an urge I've never felt. I know.

That used to be my anxious habit until I started getting them done. I know. So I'm like, I should start painting them or something. There are people that have that. They're addicted to, like, pulling their own hair out. Have you seen this? No. So, like, they'll, like, just, like, you ever pulled one out and you're like,

that feels kind of good. I used to do my eyebrows. Yeah, it's, like, people are, like, addicted to it. And there are girls who, like, have, like, ruined their lives because their hairline has gone so far back and they're like bald now. Look up like addicted to pulling your own hair out.

That's kind of like what I have with the hustle. Yeah, trictomania. Yeah, they like literally are like missing hair now because they're like

addicted to it. Isn't that horrible? Yeah. Jesus. It's very unfortunate. Trictomania sounds like it's like a bike competition. Yeah.

It's like a snowboard. Dude, you going to trictomania this year? you ever do it with your I do it with my eyelashes I do oh don't do eyelashes those don't grow back

I would do it with my mustache like I would like put it in my mouth and then I'd find one that was already kind of loose and just like let my lip go back up and then I would like

have the hair you're all yeah you're always playing with your mustache well for the audio listeners it's gone now yeah do you like me better

with or without a mustache I kind of like the stage it's at now it's like coming back a little bit I mean I shaved this morning so that can't be possible oh

so well there's like I don't know Someone said that I... You didn't shave your mustache this morning. I shaved everything this morning. Well, you have five o'clock shadow or whatever. Yeah.

I think I have, like, permanent... You know when, like, your skin is just, like... Like, there are guys that have, like... Yeah. Certain parts of their skin just are the color of their facial hair now. Yeah. I think that's what it is. Does it look like I have a stache?

Yeah. Well, not a stache, but it's just dark. I don't like you either way. I'm fucking with you. Oh, yeah. That is strange. Well, so, tease, pitch. where do you think you could use it where it wouldn't be like so sad um i would be like i

would there are some nights where i would borrow will's like chest like i don't i think i would take your i think i would take your arms and legs oh for like hair i okay so i like hair on my arms i wish i had a little bit less chest hair okay yeah can i tell you about my fucking chest hair mania the other day yeah i think you told wait i think you told us in person in real life yeah am i i had a killer barbecue that we all went to yeah that was a trivia when he we burnt it down i'm sorry um i was trying to trim my chest hair if any if any of the playmates out there know how to successfully trim your chest hair let me know i was using my manscaped 5.0 i don't know if they're still sponsored or not but that's what i was using and uh the guard slipped off or something

and i like made a streak that was way shorter than the other ones and so i had to commit to it and shave it down and now it starts to look a little bit normal but at the beginning it was like a nightmare it looked so it looked i look like a like you know there's like a turkey that's just been plucked plucked maybe not plucked yeah plucked turkey plucked turkey oh you're right it's actually turkey a now yeah yeah and it has those like bumps on it i looked like that brutal dude speaking of which i can't believe a in our preamble we never once addressed that we all were at a barbecue together on thursday and you don't even know what he did to at the end of the night no i don't well really quick before the story he looks so scared he looks

what oh the broken glass yeah did i tell you about that that was well i woke up at 2 a.m from my nap and then we were texting. Waking up at 2 a.m. is just, you just woke up from your sleep. Yeah. I went to bed at 10 and then I woke up at 2 and then I turned off my lights. Where did you go?

You also totally Irish. I know. I got nervous. Why? I don't know. I get like nervous with goodbyes. Yeah. Caitlin's friend Savannah knew some friends

that were at some house in Beverly Hills and it was pretty sick, but I felt very out of place. Oh, she had a killer dog. We'll show, what was it? Thumbelina. I did not like that name. I won't lie.

Thumbelina was crazy to him She was cute Thumbelina? What is that? She's like a little A little fairy thing Or something Yeah

But tell Lauren What happened with the fucking So we never First of all I We never I never We never

Jesus We never left That like 10 foot radius For The like 15 hours And at Two in the morning It was time to go to bed

Almost Not quite It was after this I was It was four of us left It was me liam brett jason and rusty uh caught myself there i almost said your real name i got up to go to the bathroom i'm peeing i come back from peeing and i walk out and it is like so clear that like

something has gone awry but i can't tell what because everyone is like scattered around like the edges of the yard and like we were hiding behind things i thought it was like a game at first and i started like ducking and then apparently this man had the wise idea to put a full bottle of topo chico like a glass bottle with sparkling water in it and the cap still on into the fire while it was burning and uh so everyone was like backing away because it was gonna like explode but then like five minutes had gone by nothing we were having like an intellectual debate about like is it gonna explode or is it just gonna shoot the top off or like what's gonna happen are him and my buddy brett were like up there like fanning it like looking in looking in

it and then eventually at one point while everyone's standing away it fucking exploded i cleaned up the next morning i found pieces of glass this big four feet from the fire what apparently it could have been really fucking bad apparently it's like maimed people before like didn't liam say like his like yeah one of his friends like his cousin got like hit by one of it like he like hasn't looked the same could have poked someone i mean i i'll give myself credit here i was fully ducked behind a pole the entire time but these guys were in well we didn't know how we didn't know how serious it was like brett and i were like looking in being like oh it looks like it's starting to like warp yeah it was crazy yeah that's yeah it was in the noise was crazy yeah

and liam was like elaine was like dude it's gonna explode and it's gonna put the whole fire out like don't do that we were like no i don't think it will and then it popped and the whole fire was like immediately that's such a vibe killer there's broken glass everywhere the second the second it happened we were like all right i'll catch you later brother yeah and you didn't go back and clean it up the next day i didn't in my i didn't even remember it until you told me it was fun it took it was my head it was also confined to the fire pit i didn't think it was like shooting shards across it was pretty crazy how like far away there were shards of glass but damn i should pitchy cheddar bread day i gotta come clean what i went in the woman's bathroom well i honestly

didn't even one was like pissed about and you just picked your nose both of you caught you've been caught the last three episodes dude no people people were calling you out too i picked my nose both of you guys are just everyone's like i in my defense like i think if anyone had like a camera right on them for two hours like that's true it's hard sometimes to remember that yeah that's true but the woman's bathroom thing i i would not have done on purpose i legit i mean they just rearranged the bathrooms in our office it's right by the bottom of the stairs i went down i peed i wasn't i was walking out and tanner is standing there he just goes dude did you put the toilet seat down at least yeah because some people go in there and they're disrespectful and they leave

the little pp trinkles everywhere and it's i've never crinkles crinkle crinkles you were lauren was like i didn't think that was gonna be that big of a deal lauren was like mad about it yeah I shouldn't have done it. No, I agree. I don't go in there. If there's one thing that the ladies can have in this place, it's their own bathroom. They need a place to do shopping. Everyone else is just messy.

Messy, messy, messy, messy, messy. I fucked up my mic again. No, it's fine. Promise? Yep. You prong guess? All right, welcome back to the Pitch Sash presented by Cash App. It pays to get paid on Cash App.

let's get into it folks what do you always want more money more problems no problems was what i was gonna say no um this is an idea that i can't remember if there was something like this but i think it's really good so but if it's already been done just take me out back and bank me from morning hockey with a cup of coffee to timbits and road trips tim's and canadian tire have always gone together now it's official you can now earn canadian tire money at tim's link your triangle rewards and tim's rewards accounts to earn twice with every tim's run terms and conditions apply visit tim hordens.ca slash triangle for details take me up back and bank me

okay ready uber dd you can drive to the bar oh park and schedule a guy to come and drive your car home that's killer that's awesome because i hate not having or i like the convenience of driving to the bar i like being able to drive to where i'm going but then if i'm drinking then i have to it sucks when you have to uber there because it's like i know i'm gonna be drinking so then you end up like spending money on the uber there too you know what else is annoying when you uber somewhere thinking you're gonna drink a lot and then you end up not drinking a lot knowing that you could have driven home and then you don't have your car yeah what about uh what does the guy do when he gets to your house i was thinking about that i'm not entirely i guess

he finds another guy in the area yeah it's like a pyramid inside what no he doesn't get to hang out he has to come kick it for the rest of the day. But I like the idea that also, like, if you're in an area, like, where I live is, like, you know, there's enough bars, like, close enough. Like, I could sign up. If, like, I'm going to stay in tonight, I'm going to DD. It's just, like, you don't know, like, for who.

Yeah, that's funny. Like, I could just, like, kind of, like, put myself, like, I'm free tonight, and then if some guy at Hanano's wants a ride home, I'll pop over and give him a ride home. what if you what if he what if he drives your car to the bar but then you drive it home that's the opposite of what we would want yeah but also maybe here's a new idea maybe there's like a guy that's like a third guy that is the guy who goes around and picks up all the guys at the other guys houses oh yeah he like collects like how people collect lime scooters

that's fun yeah who's that guy sitting on our front stoop like that's my uber that's the uber dd he's waiting for the get no there's a bus thing there's like a school bus maybe they sign up maybe you like go to popular maybe there's like a line at popular bars oh this is another idea it's like you know i like the line when you get in at the airport and there's like a line of taxis yeah yeah and they just go and like take the next one like that's outside of jameson's there would be like a line of like 10 just sober guys and then they're like come on I'm parked over here. And you get to pick with the guy you like the most.

Yeah, you just pick whatever one, and then he drives you home. You're driving me home. Pretty good idea, huh? I like it. I love it. Because I'm always with you. I'm always like, man, it'd be cool if I could drive there. Yeah.

Yep. What's the worst? Oh, like a baseball game? Okay, sorry. Yeah? Yeah, it could be anywhere. Football game. Yeah, it could be anywhere you'd like.

um oh wait oh what's the worst part about eating wings stuff on your fingers stuff on your fingers every food that's messy has like a thing like corn on the cob has like the holders it just feels like it feels like there should be something for wing wait how do you eat your cob do you eat it or i'm a rotate guy i go down it but i also like yeah yeah well here you're like we could do a whole episode yeah yeah um i just feel like wings wings deserve because you're not eating the top and bottom part so maybe it's like two little things on your fingers maybe they're a little like yeah they're pinches yeah and then you can eat as many wings as you want but like my thing is once i start eating wings you're not on your phone until you are done with

the like the last one yes and then also like they get dirty but you feel you had to clean it you have to clean them off in between each one yep so it's just it's like you eat like three and then you clean up and start watching the game again and then like two minutes later like oh i'll have another one and then you're like oh fuck they're like those oven mitts all right so ready it's there's there's plastic gloves no it's like uh you stick your fingers and you take two fingers in one and then your thumb in the other and it's like connected by a band okay like little oven mitts for your fingers yeah i just like sometimes you want to do like yeah but i don't do that okay well then you just then you just only use the oh you just take one off yeah all right i want

buffalo wings now oh we've been taught this is the second time we've talked about wings today i would be down to go find some what do you guys have a go-to spot wings just on the west side i haven't found any really i don't have any i don't really i don't eat wings unless they're like directly in front of me yeah i'm trying to think of the best wings ever in cleveland when i was home in may really they were delicious i wouldn't picture you as a wings girl recently i haven't been majority of my life and then last year i just one day i'm like yeah i love wings now they're fucking awesome they're mia's favorite food i think she the more she i give yeah mia is a mia looks like a wings a wing a wing fun fact mia's your wing girl no but fun fact wings

girl was my oh wait whatever that was the name of my youtube channel we already watched those videos yeah you were worried that now people go find it yeah well we've we did people now that was a few i mean we already humiliated you with this that was so embarrassing that you were putting yourself out there as a child i know so embarrassing could not be me um killer the wings that i i like we were talking about this earlier like smoked wings yeah like from like a barbecue place and then you put some Alabama white sauce on them. When was the last time you had some killer ribs? Yeah.

Never. Yeah. That looks awesome. I forgot about that. Yeah. That's what my chest looked like. Wait, what's your guys' go-to sauce? Where are we?

B-dubs. B-dubs, Asian zing. That's what they called me in high school. I don't know. Do you guys like dry rubs? Like a medium buffalo or something. Do you like dry rubs? Not really.

I really don't like anything better than Buffalo You know how there's Asian rub Or Asian blush Asian rub? I think that's what Robert Kraft got Well done You ever get Asian rubbed? I'm joking

We're not going to talk about that No We're not answering you It'd be funny if there was If there was Asian zing Instead of Asian blush So it's like after one or two drinks What's Asian blush?

Asian blush is some Asian people have a reaction to alcohol. They don't have the enzyme that can break it down or something, and so they get blushed. But you see an Asian guy just killing jokes in the corner of the room. They're like, oh, he must have Asian zing. Or he's roasting everyone. I hate drinking with that guy. He gets Asian zing.

Asian zing is funny. It took me a second to get through that joke. I liked it. I liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. All right.

should we hear some man by the assholes oh yeah let's we have feel it feels like we are listening to our own podcast for the first time every time we do it we're like should we do pitches like oh yeah we could do that yeah sure why not thanks to cash app for that pitch it pays to get paid on cash app dude the grocery store said you could pay with cash that seems strange yeah it pays oh no that's literally the whole thing we've been talking about is that like you can use all your cash app money to yeah you guys can hear about it in the ad read we don't need to do you don't need to talk about it organically yeah well oh we can do the ad read right now do the ad read all right guys let's take a moment to talk about cash app you probably know cash app as the place to send

people money like we need to settle up with your buddies after a night out on the town well we are here to tell you that cash app actually has a lot more to offer cash app is the place for a faster simpler way to manage your money you can start saving with as little as one dollar as there are no minimum balance requirements with cash app savings you can get the most from your money with no hidden fees and no account fees i love cash app will and i went to dinner the other day and we didn't want to look like those guys that were splitting the bill so will picked it up and i just discreetly cash apped him and everyone thought will was a huge baller who was taking me out to dinner it was killer it's true cash app gives you control over your money okay get control

over your money like i get control of birds i watched him wrangle one the other day it was impressive on the beach i dove on a seagull like you did that thing where you put a bunch of crumbs on top of the napkin and when it landed he pounced yeah got it download the app and take control of your finances with cash app join the millions who already manage their money with cash app and start saving today make the most out of your money it pays to get paid on cash app this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original high seltzer with three milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories i

had a couple triples at will's killer fourth of july barbecue the other day and i woke up and i was not hungover which was pretty awesome i like triple a lot because i get to still have a drink in my hand even when i don't necessarily want to have five beers i can just have three triples and get my social buzz on, have a great convo, and then go to bed. Hell yeah. Why do you like Triple, Will? I actually drink seltzers, like, nonstop all day. So to me, it's just, like, a little bit more fun version of, like, my go-to.

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available online nationwide to get it now go to drink triple.com and use code play date to get 10 off your order that's drink t-r-i-p-l-e.com and use code play date for 10 off your order triple redefining the party landscape let's get back into the episode okay all right hope you like that first am i the asshole is from carl wait time out have you seen those kids that do uh like anything but a car day uh like they all drive like their track oh yes yes i've seen everything but like what's the normal one anything but a backpack or something yeah yeah just one kid was driving up a fucking um oh my god all right okay this has been plenty yeah there are the horses that's crazy

when we were pledges i think it was harper was uh was like the pizza pizza like he had he had to use a pizza box as his backpack and then every class he walked into he had to go hot pies coming through wait why he was just like a funny thing that they did to him for the anything but no no when we were pledges they were like harper's backpack is now a pizza box oh that's i think it was harper but it was like that is just sitting sitting down and then like pulling it out and like taking your laptop out wait did did he attach like straps to it no you just you had to carry it like that i'll ask him i maybe get him to well here's a picture of whoever it was i'll ask who it was i think he held it like this yeah and then he goes hot pies coming through

Oh, man. I just feel like it would be hard if the laptop shifted the weight. Unless it was evenly distributed, it would be very unsturdy. Yeah. I was like NASCAR pledge. Or did not like that. Yeah. Yeah.

You were the NASCAR pledge? No, someone was, and you could only take left turns. Getting into the business building was like you had to go all the way around it. That's a nightmare. So what if, what, there's just people watching you the whole time? I think it was like an honor system thing. Or if you got caught, you got spanked. we didn't do any spanking ours was like ours was like very uh half-assed yeah like like no one took

it seriously enough to do it so it's like i guess like yeah i guess like only take left turn what were you uh i don't remember i don't remember my favorite was that i don't remember is what the guy who was the like eat your own shit mine was like yeah i can't remember what mine was i remember um i remember like just getting a text and it would be like go find me a cloud and you'd look out your window you'd be like it's not gonna be hard at all and then you'd look out to be like this is the sunniest day ever and you would see kids just like running around campus being like there are none like like moving within the right like radius of campus would affect i think it was like maybe that you thought there'd be one behind

that building i don't know yeah that's funny all right are we ready i think we'll probably think of something right all right this is from knowing us this is from carl hey cdo carl he says hi lauren and lauren's little wizard boys essentially i liked that yeah i like that a lot yeah essentially i recently started snapchatting and calling my sister's best friend she's awesome and we've really been hitting it off but it's super casual i've known her for some years now because she goes the same college as my sister and they both just graduated since i've met her i've had a crush but never assumed anything would actually come of it but now we're talking all the time we recently had a conversation where we talked about how where we're at and how it's probably not considerate to

my sister and wondering how she would react if she found out we both said that we don't want to stop talking so am i the asshole for persisting with talking to my sister's best friend and possibly pursuing more of a serious thing i know it's not a cool thing and probably am i the asshole but at the same time i don't want to just ghost her when we're both into each other i i have uh i've seen this kind of play out a handful of times and i think that the uh the only way that you are gonna uh come out like looking bad in this is if you like hide it yeah i agree i think you be honest with this sister and you say like listen this is kind of where we're at would that be a would that make you feel uncomfortable if so i think then you cut it off

because their friendship is important and your sibling relationship is very important i agree uh but i think like for a lot of people that wouldn't be a big deal at all i think some people uh end up like dating friends of siblings and it's actually like a very fun thing where it's like yeah then you can all hang out yeah yep yeah no I agree we give him a call sure give him a ring yeah

I thought his I thought the way it started was that he was it was gonna be something with he was just now getting into snapchatting yeah I was like I just started snapchatting and I was like well that I was like I just started snapchatting and calling I was like it was like two different no I think he's saying like they're like

they're in that relationship where they'll call each other and just like chop it up for yeah but i feel like you'd be texting by the time you're calling snapchatting and calling feels like an oversight all right i'm calling him but we'll see if it if he answers i've been instagram calling i've been prank calling my sister's girlfriend i mean would you guys care if your siblings were dating like i don't think i would not necessarily it would kind of depend though like yeah it'd be weird if like my buddy scott was dating my sister because she's 32 laura yeah he's 32 yeah she looks like a million bucks she does yeah she's a runner she's young 32 is young sam's 30 or wait laura might be 31 actually

she might be turning 32 your parents took like an eight year break then they were like we need one more of these guys yeah i think i was pretty confident i was an accident oh really well i mean it was yeah it was seven and a half years they had two two years apart and then seven and a half years later at me it seems like they like you but they said yeah i'm willie fucking d all right i don't know if carl's gonna answer the phone um i think i think if like phil started dating my sister i would i would be i would just be more i would be very inquisitive about how it happened i think if it if it was like yeah if they were like both i think i would have to be confident that it was something that was gonna last yeah because if it's like if you're gonna

start like dating someone's sister but then you you don't think it's going anywhere i think that's a bad idea because then it's gonna be awkward but um yeah no i i agree you would have to yeah i also it's sort of like there's a there's a situation in my life where like someone i know has gone on a few dates with like a very close friend of one of our friends there's no sibling I think it's like very like

make sure you actually care about this before you go cause like you don't wanna it adds a lot of pressure to the situation yes that's why I don't even think I would want it if I was yeah him but I don't know I would want it let's do the next one

sounds killer alright well we'll see if you call Well, Carl, to answer Carl's asshole, I don't think, I think, Carl, that you can quickly become not the asshole. I would sit down with your sister's friend and be like, we should think of a polite way of bringing this up to you. No, but I think he has to bring it up without the friend. I think he should tell his sister, like, hey, I've been talking to my friend. Yeah, I agree. All right, next one is from. Because, like, if they both came to her, then she would feel like she has to say.

yeah it's like an intervention yeah alright next one is from the room's covered in like cellophane like in like goodfellas what do you watch what do you watch

I'm not convinced I'm convinced that you that you your TV's a prop and that it only works when I'm there I watched name a thing you've watched I watched true detective last night it's fucking crazy have you seen almost famous nope have you seen the godfather nope have you seen cheaper by the dozen no what have you seen spy kids no what are you talking about all right

i'm gonna read through my movies and you tell me if you have a list of your movies like the ones that i've bought have you watched about time no american psycho no back to the future no the big daddy no i haven't the blind side yes boyhood no braveheart no butterfly effect no clueless no dazed and confused no jango unchained no are you joking drill bit taylor no ferris bueller's day off yes forrest gump yes get hard no get out no good will hunting yes goodfellas no the great gatsby yes all the harry potters yes the interview yes the the invention of lying no jarhead no the karate kid yes kung fu panda yes kung fu panda 2 no i'm assuming if you skip two i don't have to ask you about three and four

no no limitless no lone survivor no me earl and the dying girl no mean creek no mid 90s no what moneyball yes the notebook no the outsiders no what pirates of the caribbean yes uh rush no salt burn no saving private ryan no what do you watch school tie no senna no she's the man no shrek yes shrek 2 yes shrek forever after i'm gonna say no shrek the third no sky high no the social network no stand by me no i'm assuming you've seen all the star wars yes straight out of compton no she's super bad no serves up no the talented mr ripley no do you not have a tv you haven't seen super bad oh super bad yeah i think it's superman i've seen super bad i've seen super equally weird yeah talladega nights yes tarzan no ted no titanic yes top gun

no troy no walk hard the dewey cox story no wet hot american summer no the wolf of wall street yes yesterday yes i hated that movie 17 again no so you've seen three of the movies that i like yeah that's insane oh that's probably awesome to listen glad we got that out i actually think that could be like borderline entertaining that sounded like that sounded like an interrogation yeah or wait what's the yeah we'll come back to this oh oh uh interlinked what was the what interlinked yeah there's a thing where it's like like baby gronk interlinked i don't know what we'll come back to it we probably will come back to it well baby gong all right next one is from who's baby gong

we're having fun lauren let us have a little fun once a month once a month we get that fun you can't friday night lights no new girl no this is insanity these are not movies breaking bad no we know this knock him in the middle no alright can we get into Evangeline's am I the asshole

Rango yes this is another dating situation killer alright she says

am I the asshole I want to get in one of those I'm dating you want to do more I want a dating situation I'm dating I'm dating two guys on the same podcast

okay that's how we find out you're dating Thrunchen okay i dated my lab ta in fall that's so sick of 2022 okay we ended oh she says exclusive not boyfriend girlfriend we ended in december because he moved away post-grad i saw him spring break a few months later and again in may when we when he came to town for our friend's birthday 2023 at this point we spent that week together sex and all so it threw me when he kissed a girl at the party he was like you're not my girlfriend i didn't break rules but i was like hey man that's

not cool though we didn't talk for months fast forward he's in town right now our friends are texting in the group chat to make plans our friend groups merge when we dated yesterday he texts us or no he texts me let's go out to lunch tomorrow just us two but he has a current girlfriend in new york city where he lives that sounds awful yeah i'd be bummed if my man got a cute meal on beacon hill with his old oh she's boston boo thing yeah we should ask her if she wants to kick it with will and i once but i want to come to lauren's birthday party oh yeah lauren's birthday party's in boston yeah but well wait can i just finish this lauren did not want just i just really want to finish this and then we can chat okay thanks but i wanted to smooth things over so i

went one friend is like you're fine but it should have been a place less datey another friend thinks it's whack i went and my sister's like hell yeah i love that restaurant where do they go the sister i like the sister it doesn't say just a cute meal in beacon hill the sister sounds like the most so she says that restaurant's killer so what do you think am i the asshole for getting lunch with her with my taken ass no i think he's i think he sounds like sounds like a he sounds like an ass yeah you're not you're not you don't know anything to the new girlfriend uh i think what's her name again evangeline evangeline i think uh what you might be doing is you might be being a little asshole to yourself where you're you're putting yourself in a position to be where

yeah where you're gonna get you're gonna get hurt you sound like a lovely lady and your sister sounds killer so i think i think the only person you might be being an asshole to is yourself and your feelings so i think maybe you should protect your peace a little more evanderlyn i agree more protecting peace oh yeah but also sometimes it's fun to just stir the pot a little bit yeah also So it's like, he has a girlfriend, so it's weird that he's asking you that, but from your perspective, no shaming. I think it's crazy that he kissed another girl in front of you. Yeah.

The weekend you were having sex. Is he super hot? Did she say anything about if he's super hot or something? Probably. No. He's probably not. He must have washboard abs. No, he's probably ugly.

Why? Because he's an asshole. Well, he's probably ugly on the inside. What did you say? Oh, you're growing chest hair. Have you noticed this? Yeah, wait, what? You didn't have that this week.

This week I have it Yeah, I guess it's Monday But I'm getting more chest hair Wait, that's killer I think it's, yeah Will's showing his chest hair to everyone That was killer I know, I'm pretty

There's some up here too That's awesome I think it's I've started like working out more And I swear to God It's making me grow hair Yeah Which maybe has been my problem

You have a little more leg hair too You might just be hitting I'm hitting puberty You do have leg hair I see it More than usual yeah this is within the last week i mean it also could be that i've been getting a lot of sun maybe and it's like yeah is there my hand in puberty you literally might just have a voice crack

that wasn't on purpose uh phil didn't have chest hair like all of high school and then at the end now he has a killer set so you might just be oh this is a big uh that's more that's more tummy hair than i've ever seen in my life it's your year on you i'm getting flustered it might be it might be over if it's gonna be over for white boys in santa monica if will has chest hair yeah it's killer what's going on i don't know i guess i'm having puberty too they made a puberty too oh my god yeah i gotta talk to my brother about this i wonder when he started getting hair because he has a sick mustache he does yeah the denones might just hit it late yeah this could be big for me the denouns hit it hit it hit it late no i'll be

hitting it late and often yeah the williams the denouns hit it late and often who will um what's her evangeline evangeline uh right right back and and tell me more about the sister wait let's speaking of sister uh what is this you're going to boston for your birthday oh yeah it's an idea um but flights are very expensive uh jane's boyfriend griffin her his mom works mom works for delta and gets like buddy passes oh my god we get it jane's boyfriend's fucking sick people love that on that moment on the pod dude they did love it i fucking hate him basically if i can get on one of these flights as like a wait list then i'll go but if not i don't want to pay 700 for a flight yeah that makes it'll be like up in the air okay

No pun intended. Up in the area. But I've never, I've only been to Boston when I was a kid, so I really have, I don't know anything about it. Just picture a Jane's boyfriend with a stupid hat on. You're going to love it. You can go to the Red Sox. She lives right across from Fenway.

Really? Mm-hmm. It's the best area. Yeah. Oh, and her contract got extended, so she'll be there three more months in August. Oh, nice. What does he do? He has a remote job in marketing, sort of, market research, I think.

Does he move with her, then? Mm-hmm. He's just lived everywhere she's lived, which is great. How old is she? She will be 26 in September. Oh, she's older. Yeah. Oh, I was picturing you had a killer younger sister.

No, I have a killer younger brother, but I'm the middle child. Yeah, Sean's the tit. Yeah. Sean's turning 21 in a week. Here's a picture of Sean turning 21. It's like him blowing out his candles. How did they get that ahead of time? What's he going to do for his 21st?

Is he going to go nuts and do a bunch of shots or something? Probably. That's awesome. Yeah. Come over. Sean's doing shots. Get ready to be the most stylish of your crew this summer with Cuts. Most guys would wear a t-shirt every day of their lives if they could.

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I got a pair of joggers that redefined the way I thought about joggers. yeah they were like i think i could pull them off in like church but they felt so comfy you know what i mean like pull that you could pull them keep them on in church but you can you can pull them off socially but it's like a very like breathable material and it feels like a comfy sweatpants but they look really nice the shirts are also great very soft breathable i like the hoodie is the best yes the yeah it's very thin yeah embrace the summer state of mind with cuts for a limited time our listeners get 20 off your entire order when you use code playdate at checkout that's 20 off your order at cutsclothing.com with promo code playdate please support our show

and tell them we sent you experience the perfect blend of style and comfort with cuts clothing let's get back into the episode teach me something or this guy rocks teach me something okay i kind of don't really remember this one like i'm gonna i'm gonna have to like fumble my way through it fumble so these scientists had this like group of monkeys and and they they were like trying to figure out if they could kind of teach them like the value of currency so they gave them all coins and then they could either buy like sherbert or grapes or something there were like two things that were different prices so they started to like kind of get a grasp on it and then they would do like uh they would just like switch the economy so like one

would like tank in price and then one would go like way up and they like who would the scientists or the monkeys the scientists okay the monkeys all are wearing like suits and like the stock market's crashing they're all like freaking the fuck out um actually let's just play the video can i just play the video teach me something i thought we talked about this i haven't pulled anything up yet all right i just airdropped it one okay actually no i i think i want i think it's better if i just if i just explain it from my from my point of view and then um actually let's just play it fuck it who cares scientists once taught monkeys the concept of money and then disaster ensued in 2005 a group of monkeys were given silver coins it took months to teach the

monkeys that these coins were a valuable means of exchange but once they had that understanding is when the real fun began. They were given 12 coins and presented with jello cups and grapes, each costing a different price. Then scientists introduced price shocks, raising the price of one and dropping the price of the other. And the monkeys went for the better deal if they were low on cash, meaning they understood budgeting. Then gambling was introduced and monkeys were doing that. Then they figured out stealing. Then something really shocking began to happen. The monkeys truly had a grasp of money and learned it wasn't just good for buying food. The scientists noticed that some male monkeys were using

the coins to pay females for love making. Those females would then use that money they earned to go buy food for themselves. Once scientists noticed that was happening they did have to put an end to it because they wanted to ensure any future monkey business occurred as nature intended. All in all they found that when money was introduced

they just behaved a good bit like humans. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I wish she dove a little bit more. I don't remember who that good brother is but thank you for the, uh, what's his name? the feed ski shout out the feed ski for that awesome uh video but i like that i like that they he kind of just brushed over that they introduced gambling he was like then gambling was introduced yeah like how did they they're like playing craps i don't even understand craps

yeah uh that's great i was high man they look like crabs to me um i was gonna teach you about soapy smith you know about him no so can i guess yeah No, I don't want to. He was an old-timey, kind of Western con man. What year? Late 1800s? Yeah. I think he died in 1898 or something.

And Soapy Smith, his go-to con. He was a con man. Such a funny occupation. Yeah. Just trick people for a living. He went to trade school for conning. Way harder to get into than peaching. He would sell people bars of soap, and they would all contain prizes in them, and some

would contain like tons of money, but then the tons of money one, he would just always sell those to like his buddies, and then get the money back, and that was like his, so they called him Soapy, and he had like a reputation, and was like an outlaw, and I just think it's such a like, it's such like a lame, like old Soapy, anyway. He picked kind of like a boring one. yeah yeah also like it's like a weird like i feel like you could do that with anything why soap but well they do that now with like the those like bars that you're supposed to like mine through it's like sand bars and like one out of every like thousand has a diamond in it and the rest

have like just like kind of rubies or like gold or something and uh someone bought like a bunch to see like if the percentages were true because i think it's illegal to lie about it yeah and he found the diamond and it was worth like it was worth like a couple hundred dollars damn yeah the reason i first knew about this was that show deadwood there's a that show's awesome by the way the old western yeah show but there's a scene like that based after soapy smith what would your con be what is so fucking funny i don't know no i think i just started i think she was having a kick she was having a blast i just had a blast so you're making fun of me no no no no a tv show i'm not making funny i was what would your con be will if i was a con man

i think i would tell people if they gave me their hat i would bring it twice as big the next week no questions asked and then i would pawn off their hats on the black market um someone explained shorting stocks to me the other day and uh it's it's fascinating i know because i just never got you know like people will be like i mean i do like options trading yeah like that just seems yeah i don't really get any of it it would basically be like if you had a collection of like coins and i was like can i borrow can i i'm convinced that the price of your coin is going to go down so i'm like can i borrow them i would sell them to someone for like a thousand dollars and then when they when the price dropped i would buy them back for like

500 and then i would just give you your coins back and i would have the money but like nothing has changed for you isn't that strange but like that's like you lost me so like you're fucked if the if the price of the coin somehow goes up then you're like boned and i have to like get i have to buy your coins back for two thousand dollars and then give you your coins back and i lost money i see where yeah is that strange um all right should we do this guy rocks a dog eat dog world It's the doggy dog world. Yeah, I've selected to Brian. All right, who's this little guy?

That is Asalakotinko. I think a smart career move would probably just sit out the pronunciation. All right, I'll come. Oh, hell yeah. Oh! what a cool skill i know wasn't that awesome it's like perfect yeah that's so satisfying that like noise can't let gang know i fuck with this kid that's back that's kind of back to what this guy rocks was meant to be about yeah that guy rocks that guy that was playmate uh submitted

too i don't remember who that one's so good shout out to whoever did that there's a guy i think they're called um i figure what those things are called but there's a guy that makes them out of different things so he'll put like pill bottles with like pebbles in them he has like a bunch of things that sound slightly different maracas no oh all right here's my this guy rocks i don't i don't really remember who he is or what he's all about oh oh okay so this is uh a cow named elias films films elias films oh no this is bruce the cow lies and he rocks and they're they're gonna try and make pizza but it goes pretty much as you'd expect a cow to make pizza okay

oh is that a real cow yeah My god is he allowed in house? I think he's allowed in this one Oh my god Bruce i like that he's trying to level with him like he's a human like bruce is biting the dough and half he's like bruce so that's what happens when a cow makes peanut butter and marshmallow pizza Yeah, also, what the fuck was that pizza? I don't know. I think they probably knew he wouldn't like Neapolitan style.

Yeah. I love it. All right, good work. These guys rock. Those guys all rocked. Can cows drink milk? Or does it like... That makes them take a screenshot?

Cannibalism. That's like what it's for. No, the milk is for them. No, it's from them. Yeah, but it's for like the calf. Oh, you're right. Oh, yeah, duh. It would be like the same thing as us drinking breast milk.

like it would be like it's for us that's it's for us at a certain age but then you outgrow it probably fine though yeah all right i've never gotten sick from drinking it i know breast milk yeah yours made me sick once will's breast milk comes out of a different thing and it tasted horrible like as if it was like am i like oh i think i know what you're saying yeah that's inappropriate oh no will would you like to do boat names that don't exist first or sayings that make no sense yeah i'm excited for both these so i'll let you pick whichever one boat name boat names lauren wants boat names boat names all right here are some names for boats that will and i made up yep um bow to your partner and it's like a dance themed boat okay oh i love that yeah yeah sorry

i'm pulling mine up still i'm gonna need a second you hated it no i i have to go to the google docs app bow to your partner bow to your partner i like that all right i've got shell and back yeah that one's kind of similar to one of mine called to haul and back really yeah that's funny that we made them very similar all right uh i've got hog tide but it's t-i-d-e oh nice yeah and it's like a bunch of cowboys yeah yep or jekyll and tide was another option i had nice i like that as well like jekyll and hyde oh it's literature when you guys are watching your silly movies that's what i'm doing i knew i knew what it was when you two are watching your silly movies i'm learning and furthering my education will and i lauren and i have stopped inviting will to silly movie night

um i've got stern talking to oh that's a good one that's great that's a good one uh oh what about bowerd stern i like that this isn't one but uh the guy that started panera bread this boat already exists the guy who started panera bread lives next to harper and his boat is uh called raising doe that's pretty good that's funny um the uh i was saying him the best one of all time is in the rest of development they have it's called the c word but it's like s-e-a-w-a-r-d yeah but like oh i see it sounds like c word and then there's a scene where they go somebody get we got to get rid of the c word and lucille goes i'll leave when i'm good and ready um but that wasn't even mine no no i know i didn't i didn't do one either no i it's my turn no i Howard Stern was not

Howard Stern was one I just made that up on the spot Oh nice Does that count then? Sure We can just do whatever you want I was thinking this one could be For like a cigarette tycoon

And it's called New Ports I like that Thank you I like that I've got God Kelp Me There we go Beautiful

Nice and tidy Nice and tidy It's like someone who made a bunch of money Off of maids Yeah It's like the guy who made Minute Maid. Commander and Reef. You know the guy that does the sandwiches the Aki way?

Yeah. He could have a boat called Shore, Shore. That's a good one. I like that. I was thinking if you had a boat, you could call it the Rustation. Yeah. Beautiful. That's all I had.

USB-C shell. Highway to shell. No Pacific reason. oh that's that one's the best one so far really no pacific reason it's great good thing i said it then that was my last one all right should we do some sayings that make no sense yeah thick as thieves yeah it doesn't make any sense they're not i mean like thieves come in all shapes and sizes why do they have to be in this scenario they're always thieves or they're always thick they're always thick yeah also it's like why does that why does that imply that we're

good buddies like will and jack are thick as thieves yeah i think i think maybe yeah can i dissect it i think it's like in thick i think it's because like thieves since they're going into all these trouble together like they're really tight because they're not gonna like break that bond so it's like yeah but just thick mean well like like they're in thick they're together yeah okay all right i guess it makes a ton of sense though no no but it yeah no no you're right it sounds weird okay a penny for your thoughts yeah that's a penny is not gonna move the needle on whether i'm gonna offer my thoughts agreed that's a tiny amount yeah rub me the wrong way no wrong way to rub you well yeah that and it's also just like i don't like the way it rolls off the tongue yeah

yeah fair enough also like you wouldn't be like that guy rubs me the right way i've had a few guys rub me the right way yeah i've seen you pay you pay a masseuse to rub you the right way a couple times yeah all right this is getting weird no it was college we were all doing that shit a picture is worth a thousand words do you know how many a thousand words that's like four pages yeah there's you could convey what a picture conveys in half a page it's a horse four pages you could have like a you could have a beginning middle and end yep i guess i mean that just don't even get me started beat around the bush that doesn't to me that doesn't suggest like that you're not getting to the point

it doesn't mean anything yeah beat what around the bush yeah beat it beat it around quit beating it around the bush that bush has seen some shit uh bite the bullet yeah it's like let's just bite the bullet it implies that it's like like just do the easy thing like just bite or not the easy thing but like it's like let's just let's let's just do it let's just do it and that is an extremely hard thing to do yeah like houdini's only done it like once one time yeah he was hammered yeah but get it over with yeah bite the bull it means like get it over with yeah but biting a bull it's like an incredibly that would take years of training yeah yeah it would take like a superpower yeah yeah uh kick the bucket why does that mean die he kicked the bucket i

think i was he standing on it that's what i think i don't know i wasn't like a suicide is that oh oh yeah oh that's whoa i never thought i haven't either until now is that what that means must be that's terrifying that is dark yeah okay well i guess it makes sense but i still don't like it yeah i don't like it either uh a wild goose chase he's on a wild goose chase that sounds like oh you would only do that very deliberately like a wild goose chase implies like we know exactly what goose we're going after yeah yeah a wild goose chase is like he's supposed to be like oh he's like off on some crazy task if you're chasing a wild goose that's that's a very deliberate action you know yeah anything but a wild goose

chase uh barking up the wrong tree yep it's never made sense to me yeah i i don't what is that again it's like you're i don't even like like if you're going down looking for something you're going down the wrong path or like if if will's asking me for something that i don't have power to give him he'd be like dude you're barking up the wrong tree yeah but it's like also if it's any tree in the vicinity you're gonna hear the barking and it's gonna have a similar effect yeah uh you you can you can't have your cake and eat it too why would you ever have cake without the ability to eat it

yeah what I never thought about that that's very strange oh you want to have your cake and eat it too well if I'm going to have the cake I'm going to eat it I'm not going to have cake and not eat it ever the only reason I have it is to eat it so if you want to say I can't have cake then just tell me I can't have cake but don't tell me I can have the cake

but not eat it also costs an arm and a leg yeah I wouldn't accept payment You couldn't sell me your arm and a leg for anything It's the last thing I would accept In like a bartering situation Yeah exactly I'd be like no thank you

I'll just go with someone else Who has like a goose or a hog or something Yeah Or like a wife Oh god dude you had to take it that far dude I know several people with wives My mom's a wife My dad has a wife asshole

Alright Those are sayings that make no sense I like that that was fun yeah that was killer that was fun okay now is the part of the and now we will enter

our final hour of the podcast one hour to go wait remember that one comment when someone was like hated the last five minutes yeah what was yeah they were like

the last five minutes well it was literally just this part of that no I think it was when Sass was here and we all became we like forgot how to talk to him for some reason

really yeah it was like we ran out of things to talk about with him and it was just guys being like yep i've also done that all right whose personality you're still hey it's just guys being crudes it's like guys who are like being like the cartoon neanderthals oh i'm gonna steal you haven't seen this movie but and i forgot his name matthew mcconaughey's character in

dazed and confused um oh i mean it's still his personality yeah what's his name i don't remember but he was a killer guy yeah i mean he was he was like 30 and hung out with high schoolers Okay, aside from that, he had a very chill, laid-back outlook on life, and I just want to be more relaxed this week. I heard a funny story about where he got all right, all right, all right from. Apparently, he was going through his lines, or he was like, what? Wait, is that from that movie? Yeah.

I think his name's Woodford or Woodson or something, but he's like, what is Woodson about? And he's like, he likes cars, and he likes chicks, and he likes having a good time. so he in his head he was going he was going through the checklist and he goes all right all right all right and then the guy heard it and was like that was cool you should do that well that's funny because i've been watching true detective and i definitely don't want to steal his personality he's a fucking freak in that yeah so he also just he he he banged he he banged the

other guy's wife and then freaked out on her and was like get out of my apartment why did you come here oh you can't have it both ways you can't have your cake and you can't have your cake and you can't have your wife's cake your friend's wife and and fuck her too yeah anyway personality do you want um i'm still deciding you go jack rusty fuck oh uh jane from breaking bad okay i think i'm gonna i think i wish my hair was darker i don't know who that is can you google She's bad. You need to watch Breaking Bad. Yeah, that's good.

Dude, their story is just, like, so bad. Yeah. This is Jane. She's so cool, too. Yeah, I'm going to try and be more goth. She's not really goth. She bridges, like, a goth and, like, emo thing. She's so pretty.

But her personality is very chill. Yeah. Oh, happy birthday, Trent. It's my buddy Trent's birthday. Happy birthday, Trent. What made you think of that? I don't know. Your friend Trent looks exactly like Jane from Breaking Bad.

All right, and that's a picture of Trent on his birthday. I'm going to steal my buddy Trent's personality, though. Nice. Happy birthday. Oh, cool. That's everybody. What should everyone comment? Oh, yeah.

Comment a thing that you think that Will hasn't watched that he should watch and say why you think he would like it. That's good. Perfect. Perfect. All right. We love you guys. Have a great rest of your week, and we will see you guys next Wednesday for another fantastic episode of podcasting. Take care.

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