Will & Rusty's Playdate - pooping at the club with the door open

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

On this viral Playdate, Rusty teaches Willy the Grapefruit Method, Willy almost touches Gracie Abrams, and the boys share peeing stories. The gang also discover a bar bathroom toilet that can be seen from the crowd and discuss whether or not a playmate ITA for kissing a boy with a girlfriend while naked. Plus, the boys draft Curb Your Enthusiasm plots that don’t exist and ways to ask for a high five. As always, we open mail from the lovely Playmates. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod SHOP OUR MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: So next time you’re craving something cold, frothy, and packed with unapologetic flavor — crack open a MUG Root Beer. Find MUG Root Beer at your local store or head to https://www.mugrootbeer.com/find-mug to find out how you can get your paws on some MUG and be sure to throw them a follow online, @MUGRootBeer. 00:00 - Intro 2:24 - The Grapefruit Method 5:36 - Willy’s weekend 10:15 - Gracie Abrams concert 20:43 - Noah Kahan commences suckdown 44:06 - Throwing up stories 46:54 - Peeing yourself 59:21 - Shitting at the club 1:05:00 - Willy goes to a show 1:13:14 - Rusty’s package 1:16:47 - Roadmap 1:18:02 - Pitches 1:29:02 - AITA 1:36:15 - This Guy Rocks 1:40:25 - Teach Me Something 1:45:07- Curb Your Enthusiasm Plots That Don’t Exist 1:48:23 - Ways to ask for a high five 1:49:07 - Mailbag 1:53:51 - Rusty’s Song of the Day #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. she's that little league kid that was uh the little league kid was was on second and he was just yeah really good at telling the batter like what pitch was gonna get thrown yeah it was like it was like mlb level sign stealing in the little league world series and the coach the opposing coach that it was happening to was losing his fucking mind i saw in the Mets game the other day, they just balked him to third base, like, immediately.

Yeah, and then he started, like, jarring with the third base coach. Who? Or, no, that was the Astros Red Sox. Oh. There was a guy on second, and I don't even think he was doing it. I think the pitcher was just really nervous. He was. Yeah.

And then he struck everyone out. Like, it was fine. But the third base coach was, like, laughing at him on the way there, like, because he wasted like 20 minutes stepping off and like picking over at a second and stuff and uh and um yeah he just laughed at them being like that was insane how nervous you were about that and the guy freaked the fuck out we going andrew play date play date episode 131 mike piazza reggie miller mike piazza or is reggie miller 30 reggie miller let me just let me have this one bang willie well done why where's jersey all the time okay now only a matter of time pull up reggie

miller pull up reggie miller mike piazza kiss ai question mark wow i think that's the first time we've both i know gotten it first try here's a question yeah oh no no no please i ran out of the body wash a few days ago okay and i've just been using hand soap right is that fine i think it's fine i think you may start to experience some chafing maybe a rash there have been times in my life where where i've had a bottle of shampoo and that's it and that's just yeah that's just had to carry the whole team google is can i use hand soap as body wash i just think it's really expensive if anything you're being like bougie oh well it's because i had just bought to back i oh thank god in most cases so what is that what are the what is the minority grapefruit

method isn't i i'm using the grapefruit method well do you know what the grapefruit method is no but the brand is method and the flavor is grapefruit andrew pull up the grapefruit method i can't believe you haven't seen this go to yeah go to this first video the grapefruit method this is the funniest video of all time to suck a dick go to put a full screen angels erotic solutions i don't even know we might not be able to even put this now this is my bonus technique the grapefruit normally you can only get this technique in one of my classes but i wanted to share this with you because i believe every man should get grapefruited when you grapefruit your man it's going to feel as if you are giving him head and fucking him at the same time oh my god

We can't start the episode You have to see it Several minute video About a lady giving it You want to make sure You get the ruby red Sweeter There's like a part

That's so fucking crazy So pause it Pause it Pause it Pause it Okay So to this point What she has said is

What is this? You haven't seen this? This was like This was like a big video This was like OG middle school Yeah Yeah This is like one of my

Favorite videos of all time So for the people at home Because we might not be able To share this she cuts the front and the back off of grapefruit and she's talking about you know after your man has had a long day at work sometimes he wants to get grapefruit and so you put it she likes to warm hers up uh but she's created kind of a hole in the thing and then i i think we aren't gonna be able to show this last part but it is this is the funniest thing in the world right with your man

he has to be blindfolded there's no answer to us about skip like another like minute It's like the end Alright, alright It's way worse than I remember I'm sorry What did you do with the grapefruit? It's nine in the morning In my head it wasn't that

You knew exactly what the fuck it was You knew exactly what it was In my head it wasn't like I thought she was going to just talk get off of it get away get it off my fucking screen i don't want it jesus christ because we might have to cut this we just showed willie the great i'm keeping it i'm keeping it i'm keeping it i'll blur it i don't even know if that can be on your blur blur the blur yeah but i remember uh what was it in middle school you guys all watched that it was like on youtube

it was like a hilarious video you i can't i'm shocked you've never seen that you know what i was doing in middle school reading attending lectures um seminars it's a seminar of sorts 10 talks i'd like to see her on a panel um that the first time i saw that i think i learned a lot about what i think was funny like that's what i learned that's what i learned about my sense my own sense of humor because that got that got me really that was it yeah yeah yo man yo man yo man needs to get grapefruited it's gonna feel like you sucking him and fucking him at the same time what i'm just regurgitating what she said i know but it sounds worse when you say how was your weekend i think it was viral uh nice you ran 15 miles i ran 15 miles on saturday it's insanity

she's the longest i've ever run felt good too it was good did that give you because i feel like that the first time someone tries that when they're training for a marathon is like a good gut check of like am i going to be able to do this well it was good too because i i think i was nervous about it or i was just like i was nervous about getting good sleep the night before because i knew i had to get up and do that and so then whenever you're nervous about getting good sleep you never get good sleep right so i didn't get good sleep so when i started running i was like i don't feel great but the fact that i didn't feel great going into it and then still got it done why did you have to do it early i didn't i i just like had i had to i was going

somewhere at like 2 p.m so i had to start by gosh like 11 where'd you do it so i started at like 11 so it wasn't early i just didn't get a restful night's sleep because it was my buddy brett's 30th birthday the night before yes and i went and i wasn't drinking but the na option that they had was diet coke and i am a slut for diet coke so i also had like four diet cokes between like 8 p.m and midnight i need to get good sleep here yeah i'm gonna have four diet cokes and then call it i was so confident that it wouldn't affect me and then yeah sorry what did you say though nothing are you asking a question oh where did you do it oh i dude i figured out perfect from my if i leave my front door go all the way to one end of the beach and then all the way back up all

the way to the other end of the beach and then back to my house is exactly 50 miles like down to like marina del rey then up to will rogers in malibu and then back to my house i was wondering if you had to go like 15 miles one direction and then you were just like fuck and then i was just stuck no because i don't bring my phone so i would be i thought about doing that wait you don't bring your phone i got my garmin forerunner play music yeah it you can download music on it and then it connects my earbuds and tracks my runs so it has like gpa it doesn't have like cell service but it has music downloaded is that how it's Strava picked it up yeah and then it syncs with Strava once I get back to my phone the future is now yeah the future is pretty awesome what's the

equivalent of that for guys like Andrew and I like what what could we what's something we would need to track without our phone uh I mean it also tracks like sleep and stuff I got it I got a 90 sleep score last night it's the highest sleep score I've ever had 90 yeah are you a bad sleeper 90 out of 100 but isn't that like couldn't you shouldn't you be hitting that like once a week it's like maybe it's like a like you know like they portnoy's pizza reviews right anywhere in the nines this is a once in a blue moon but i feel like there are guys with their whoop that are constantly like i got a hundred less like that feels like a lower bar to yeah whoop is for like sissies right no i don't know i just i don't know i

guess i maybe don't get great i think i'm getting pretty good sleep i'm usually in the 80s on a good night's sleep can i ask you a question yeah you ever wear when you're when you're alone when i'm masturbating yeah um i don't use my left hand but wouldn't it be like tracking like your like your heart rate's going crazy or something because you're so turned maybe yeah i could probably there's like a thing with like stress levels too what was the last time you spanked your monkey i would have to do something it's like it's just it's just uh my stress level just drops to zero no your stress levels go way up and you're watching no and it instantly drops no it's it's a it's just 11 seconds of pure bliss at 190 already it is funny like this

the stress things will like you can look back at it i don't know how how like accurate it is but there was one time a few weeks ago and i was in boston and my buddy was like you want to hit a bong and i was like i haven't hit a bong in like years but i was like sure whatever man went in his box and i was looking at my stress levels on the thing that i say it went from zero to like a hundred instantly for like three hours oh my god that sounds fucking yeah it was terrible well because we hit it then we were playing fifa and i was getting killed and i was just like i think i was just really stressed out well it's also kind of like when you're when you're a kid and you're like like i don't i don't that's not the delivery method i use for weed anymore it's

way more mellow yeah exactly and it's like eases into it but when you're a kid you'll like you'll rip a bong you've the worst time ever yeah for like an hour and then you wake up and you like forget how bad that was and like do it again like the following week yeah that's that's college man everyone's doing college man i went to gracie abrams last wednesday with lauren it was very fun and i met audrey hobert backstage yeah how did that work did she like see you in the crowd she saw me in the car and she said i love you you're saying backstage but then when i asked you sorry not backstage you're like it wasn't oh sorry i did say backstage again on the concourse i met her by the hot dog stand literally i was going to the bathroom and i was just like

i'm gonna go to the bathroom now i guess i probably didn't say that i probably just went dude okay here's a here's a complaint i have okay that this isn't a real complaint this is just something that was that's the best part of a podcast we can yeah we can complain about things that aren't actual problems so when i bought these seats i very i i have a lot of peeing anxiety especially at concerts and sporting events and stuff so i i really if i can i need to be on the aisle near bathroom so i had picked these perfect spots where we're on the aisle right by the bathroom and there was like a little bar right there too it was like primo heaven heaven i was so excited when we got there and then i go to use the bathroom and they're like oh actually this

men's room has been turned into a woman's room for the night as was the case for like half of the men's room because there's a gracie abrams concert so it's like 90 percent women a lot of sense they turn most of the men's rooms in the stadium into women's rooms so i had to walk all the way around the whole arena to go to the men's room now you know how women feel willie i well is that yeah at every at every stadium in america there's one women's bathroom and it is it rotates so whoever's trying to use it it is the furthest part yeah that makes sense in the one men's room too there were like women were just using it too it was just it was a i mean how many men were there every time i went to that it was just me and like a couple dads yep similar similar vibe

as the wmba game yeah like it was a fucking breeze getting in i remember i went to a phoebe bridges concert i remember in college and i literally went to the bathroom every time and not i never saw a single other person in the men's room uh but anyway so i go into the did they slap like a women's sticker over it literally it was like a piece of paper just like women's for tonight or something anyway so i went i go all the way to the men's room for like the third time and uh i'm walking there and i just walked by audrey hobert which if you don't know her check out her music i love her song bowling alley and i said hey i love your song bowling alley and she said that's she said hey i love your podcast she did not quite i love your sayings

that don't exist she said that's my favorite one too and then she was with her mom and then her mom started chatting me up because i had a red socks hat on i gotta bring that back and she was like oh you're from boston audrey's sister goes to northeastern and i was like oh i'll go to bc i went to bc it was cool it was just me and her like sounds like you nailed it she i think she had just snuck out to like go to the bathroom and i was going back in so it was like it wasn't like a crowd there was no one else there it's just like a one-on-one interaction and i was like have a good night and she walked away and then she came out and they sang together yeah i was gonna say she was an opener right or there's no like bathroom in the back part she was in the crowd

i think watching during gracie set and then for the encore she came out and they did a new unreleased song oh yeah it's called mini bar keep your eyes peeled any bar was it good was it gas it was good yeah what was your favorite part of the great was it just you and lauren yeah do you see andrew do you see do you see the rumor online yeah we're we've kind of the internet's a buzz someone posted on reddit and said is this a hard launch and it's will and lauren oh yeah was it a hard launch was it it was not a hard launch i will say someone i think matt tebald was like the funny that would be the funniest hard launch of all time because it was like ten dollar tick pick promo but you're capitalizing on your new romance with the tick pick ad it was like yeah

we launched we are launched with the tick pick ad also this sounds like you guys are we're phrasing it as if you guys are dating we're not you guys are not we're not dating we're friends and we went to a concert together and uh you know but i'm i'm cool to you know feed the the internet rumors that's how people i thought you were saying like i'm i'm cool to date i'll i'm cool to feed the i'm cool to date that would be like yeah you know actors uh actors like fake date other actors yeah that's what i'm saying this is like for cloud yeah we were the top of the subreddit you guys should do it so you guys should keep the keep the mystery swirling um but the highlight to answer your question was close to you at the end because they there was

confendi did you hear that fart i don't think that was a fart oh i think they were just like i think someone went uh i was like oh lauren like touched gracie abrams she did how did you guys get that close she we were on the aisle and then when she goes from the b stage to the c stage and then back to the main stage after free now and right now she uh just walked right by like they like we i saw the guys come in and start roping it off and i was actually on the aisle and veteran good guy move i was like swapped let's swap so you can touch her and i still tried to i was i was like i'll get a video but then i like couldn't help myself so i still in the video you could still see me go like like try to get her last minute but i did not touch her but lauren did yeah i never uh

i that never was a a part of whatever part of your brain like wants to like touch your your heroes when you see them yeah i want like the opposite you want them to touch you yeah but like i like uh i don't know like when when we i would say the only thing close to whatever you're in lauren's fandom is for some of these bands i i really like mac demarco and when we went ty had uh ty had some like backstage thing yeah and i was like i don't i don't want it interesting because i just i just feel like um i feel like the risk to reward for me is so high in the sense that like i feel like maybe i would like blow that interaction and then when i like listen to their music then i would like only think about how i uh was weird

i mean i've definitely had that happen before where you yeah where i've just met people and then been like i kind of blew that and then it makes me not want to listen who did you meet um you meet zach brian i've met zach brian a few times i met zach brian multiple times when i was young like before he was a before he was a big star and the second time i met him i was really fucked up and uh i remember just being like pretty bummed that like i had met him in that state i will say if there's ever a guy to meet blacked out and him probably be numb to it it's probably him right yeah i guess i'm on a similar level i don't know yeah we gotta get a country star to to set a friday beers flag on fire did you see he's climbing boy did you see it he set

up he set like a saturdays are for the boys barstool flag on fire so weird hit it with a golf club like recently yeah it's like embarrassing like i'm kind of i don't know so famous and he's like it just feels like anything everything he does is so beneath yeah like if i had that much money and i was that famous i feel like it would be easy to just be like oh i'm gonna be i'm just gonna be the nicest guy and you'll never hear from me yeah yeah but like who could be if there are any country stars out there listening and you want to set a friday beers flag on fire and or playdate flag we'll get beef with you you said it i wish this was pants shirt on fire yeah i can i can ask dylan gossett to do it you should have dylan do it that would be so funny dylan gossett

and Noah Khan beating the fuck out of a Friday beating the fuck out of a commence suck down flag I think that would be actually huge

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root beer come on mug root beer mug root beer i love this uh zero sugar mug i have a a bunch of them probably at least like three or four a day yep uh which is honestly the it's so good i i love root beer when i was little and i feel like i got away from it for a while and i'm so glad to be back it was always my favorite soda growing up it's the best by lens and mug no one does it better than that there's no question in my mind and it kind of lets me live loose it lets me feel a little unfiltered i actually was meaning to ask you yeah what when was the last time you had that dog in you so i had that dog in me yesterday actually i went and got an acai bowl okay um you bark at the cashier again no no i just just ordered i thought that was like a dog move

yeah and i loved every part of it because i had a mug root beer to go along with it i need something cold frothy and banging come on get a mug root beer guys you can get mug at your local store or head to www.mugrootbeer.com slash find mug to find out how you can get your paws on a little root busy that's what i call root beer and uh follow them online at mug root beer let's get back into the episode is that brian like blocked you guys right we blocked play date and what i didn't know until this happens no he blocks me we blocked will and so if you block will that blocks playdate which blocks me which blocks lauren which blocks lauren's like so like any account yeah like they do the whole web so like any account associated yeah so even friday

beers is blocked oh and like will set off because we're all logged into so many of the same accounts yeah that it was like a virus and it just spread yeah but i didn't even i didn't fucking do anything to him i didn't either that video was not making fun of him at all he's just a fucking pussy so it's only a matter of time before he's like burning a playdate flag yeah literally honestly it'll be him again i was gonna say that i this weekend i swiped up on something on noah khan's story he has not seen it or responded to it but it opened up like our dms and when i was i was just like what was like the last thing we had messaged back we we used to be friends way back in the day but one of the messages that he sent me was like lol commence suck down is such a

funny drinking phrase or something like it was like something about commence suck down and i was like that's hysterical that noah khan has like typed out the word yeah i remember and granted i think maybe just our brains have developed a little bit more since then yeah i remember the first time i heard it i was like that's pretty funny but i think it like it became like a meme took on it's it uh amongst us yeah it took like a new meaning and it kind of represented some of the things that maybe we don't like yes and so but yeah originally i was a huge i think i had a commence suck down shirt knowledge no con is also a huge commence suck down guy we i can now confirm but dude i started watching um summer house yeah have you guys seen it i'm getting

i got because peacock just went up peacock is like fucking it just went up cost an arm and like the subscription is like wildly expensive now i was just gonna fucking get it and so you know a weird part of my brain is like i have to allocate more of my tv watching to this because i'm not yeah getting my money's worth because basically flan wanted to watch some reality show at my house I know chicks right

Barstool Beach House dude that we need they're doing stuff they're doing stuff that like I wanted I just think it would be funny

if we did it too I think it would be so uneventful if we did it like night one like I'm saying like night one like people were fighting

and like all this shit and I was like if we did Friday Beer's Beach House it would just be us like having a good time and I think maybe there still would be

a market for it like I think it'd be funny i'm trying to think like what could the biggest but like no one would be fighting yelling at each other yeah you know in my experience staying in the same house as everyone on like a trip the biggest the biggest drama would be like someone wanted to go to outback and we ended up at like longhorn yeah that would be fucking oh my god that would be awful i don't know which i don't know which one is which what what have you been keeping up with i've been trying to shameful or uh uh what's the word shamelessly shamelessly have been following along with the

barstool beach house i'm trying to figure out i can't peek so much happens they post it so quickly that like i and i'm not on my phone enough yeah to like catch it in the moment i've been trying to piece together what these fucking people have been up to it looks like it looks insane one of called another guy r the r word oh not the not the one you're thinking of that would be even crazier but he called like insinuating that he uh how do you really help me i'm drowning okay and to mine i like kind of backtracked and watched a couple of other ones unless they deleted something and i'm not saying he seems like the most respectful guy but i don't think he did that let's talk about something else we should no we're breaking down break with the

people people come to find out the barstool beach house we're breaking down the scoop from barstool beach house so what he touched of one of the his co-workers i have no idea don't act like you haven't been followed you i i when i followed i saw like two videos after like night one and it was i saw exactly that it was like someone called someone a rapist i don't after that i kind of tuned out i'm gonna be honest you imagine if we did it and they were like all right we're sending you guys to the jersey shore and just night one like angus calls me a rapist emily binder calls uh will a rapist for yeah that would suck but so they all hook up with each other i don't know is that the point of the show no it sounds like there's so there's one guy

there's only one guy no there's one guy who i guess is hooked up with like the majority of his co-workers which is hilarious okay yeah sort of the they're rusty i haven't hooked up with anyone here i haven't hooked up with anyone here um and uh yeah he's kind of growing on me you freaked it on everyone in this office i haven't freaked it on anyone have you freaked it on anyone in this office uh myself nice come on we were trying to figure can we talk about the was that you that we were having this conversation with we were like uh someone was talking about how at their office someone got caught having sex in their office and we were talking about like does has anyone done that at friday beers we're like probably not but i bet someone's probably

like one of the guys that stays until like four in the morning has what jerked off oh i was wondering that too the other day where would you do it the bathroom the shower edge's office edge's office edge comes in the flawless office they spelled something on the wall like you're next i guess i have to now the i when i lived i lived in the office for two weeks right a few years ago that was a hard fast rule of mine i'm not jerking off in my you've been saying this i don't know if i buy it it was like it was like a month it was two weeks where did you go then like the la fitness shower no i just he was one of the crazy people on the street like on abbott kenny that's like

looking at you i'm sorry i can't do it in there one thing i can't go to the office i will do it on the street though they understand i do remember i can't jerk off my office like all right all right I do remember meeting, like, a girl at a bar one weekend while I was living in the office and being like, I need to, like, I need this to work because I can get to sleep in a bed tonight if I can play this right. No, I'm thinking about you taking her back. You, like, check out my crib. Yeah, yeah.

It's like the Friday beer's office. Your place or mine. I don't know. It's going to be yours, I guess. Or she thinks you just have, like, a sick apartment. Commercials. She's like, how much do you pay for rent? 40 000 don't worry about it those were the funniest days like i remember max coming in

one day and he's being like well i was like oh i'm sorry you start like typing a saying that doesn't you're like and the early birds like didn't like i didn't think anyone would be like mad but i like didn't want them to know because then they would there's no way they could let me i think they would have to they would have to like get you a hotel or something yeah if you like is that illegal to sleep in to get a hotel just or to make your employees sleep in the office definitely it's definitely like an osha violation yeah yeah i mean i i don't understand why you didn't just get like a hotel so what happens when i was moving out i thought i had a place lined up and then i chester and i found a different place like last minute so i pulled out

of where i was supposed to move like a week before and ended up who were you gonna live with i was like the like max huckabee and oh okay yeah matt cody yep i know those guys and so i but we found a chat i found like a place i liked a lot more and so i pulled out and then i was supposed to move in with them on september 1st so then i was like already out here and thought it was just gonna be like a week and then all of a sudden it was more than that yeah and then a hotel would have been so much money yeah but i probably i guess i could have made the company get it i was just like i had just quit and come back so i was kind of like i feel like i had to earn some yeah you were gonna do like the peace corps right yeah i got accepted the peace corps i was going to

samoa for two years and which would have been he would have had just you might not have even have come back here but he would have just ended his yeah his tour in like what july yeah just like this month i would have gotten back but none of this would have happened yeah no play date would be just some other fucking opposite some jerk off would have found figured out sayings that that actually would be do you think anyone else would have if we didn't come up with it would someone else have made their way there eventually probably right um but i actually might have been one guy i think we met we we took such a roundabout way to like get there like that it was like complete accident because originally we were like

let's come up with like wizards that don't exist and like pirates and stuff and then like that wasn't really working yeah and so we were like all right let's just like kind of straighten it out a little bit more yeah i can't believe wizards and pirates didn't work honestly that was i used to we used to make the we'd come up with the names and then i would go on ai ai had just come out which by the way i find it disgusting and i would make i would make pirates that don't exist and then how many artists do you think you put out of work just in those searches hundreds and how much server power yeah how many uh forests do you think you probably killed like half the amazon and apparently you're not supposed to say like

please and thank you to to chat gbt because it uh originally people were saying because it's going to make it think that it has like a choice but ai or open ai came out and said that like every word that you type like takes it an extra like tiny millisecond to process and so like if 10 million people a day are saying like please and thank you it makes the amount of energy that it's using like way more and it costs them like 10 million dollars or so google like why you shouldn't say please but it uh that sounds like big kid at it again big kid yeah who dat Like, you know how your mom always trying to get you to say please and thank you? Like, big kid.

Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. I see what you're saying. Big kid. AI doesn't appreciate it. AI doesn't. Big kid. Big fish.

Can I make that up? No, I saw that. I think I saw that, too. I refuse to believe I didn't see that. I think you saw it, man. Have you seen the Robophobia? Yeah. like slurs and stuff no battery blood's gonna be dating my daughter

you why you're back that's so funny yeah that i mean how many years how many hundreds of years until our daughters are dating robots uh real question is that ever gonna be a thing like do you think that do you think do you think like ai robots will ever be like accepted i'm not having a daughter but maybe yours do you know you know you can make you can uh you can do certain things to make sure it's a boy yeah you keep it warm for three months then hot for three months and then warm for the last two is that actually true no it's like i would apparently it's apparently it's it's in the in the office there's some quote oh oh no i i heard it's uh it's um you like get your balls really cold before you before you uh consummate the marriage and then you point them

you point the woman north and then there's no way and then it's like pickled halibut pull it up pickled halibut yeah what is that uh it's a type of fish well no no i know google the last one things things google like getting your balls cold why did you say pickled halibut that's a thing you eat and it apparently makes the girl eating pickled halibut makes your kid right before you realize how ridiculous you sound yes but i'm saying how to make a boy during pregnancy no no during sex uh oh and there are sex positions okay so yeah it's completely andrew google like google like can making you can making your balls really cold before sex make it be a boy i'm more hung up on the pickled calabit calabit calabit okay no there's no scientific evidence to support the

idea that making your testicles cold can influence the sex that's what that's what they want you to think or else we'd be on it we'd have a gender crisis on our hands i have heard that there's a correlation between like if you wear boxers or briefs to having a boy or girl what are you guys and this was like in my ninth grade biology class fucking insane this is real willie i think what i think what andrew and i are trying to get out here is it's not one of these things on its own it's it's you have to dunk your balls in ice water point her north eat pickle you have to check all the boxes to point her north or maybe it's south i don't know you guys like pranking me right now i'm being dead serious that you think this is real i don't know if i think it's real i

I think that why risk it? It might be like a correlation causation thing, but do you know about the correlation causation like Nicolas Cage and Babies Drowning? Have you heard of this? What? I haven't seen that. Yeah, Nicolas Cage movies and Babies Drowning.

There's a direct correlation between how many Nicolas Cage movies come out and there being more Baby Drownings that year versus less. Let me show you. Yeah, there are a bunch of... There's one that, there are a bunch of charts that mirror each other that shouldn't make sense. Drowing.

It says drowing. Andrew, Andrew. The apparent correlation between Nicolas Cage movie releases and baby drowning. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah. Oh, swimming pool drownings. But it's like... Maybe people are getting distracted when they're swimming

because they're trying to figure out like the plot twist right or and the boxers and briefs thing maybe like you know boxers are for more manly men wait wait look at that that one next to it no down one below that lululemon stuck no one to the right of that letters in the winning word of scripts national spelling bee correlates with number of people killed by venomous spiders wait so wouldn't uh if they wanted to save people they would just make the winning word like short chi or something like xi whoa okay scrabble nerd it's kind of will and again you know andrew and i whether we truly believe this or not it's kind of the same thing as like do i truly think knocking on wood after saying something isn't

gonna happen is actually way less effort than eating pickled halibut i know but i'm saying like why risk turning your balls why risk it yeah 100 i don't want my balls cold what do i think every time i go through a yellow stoplight i have to uh kiss the steering wheel oh yeah that actually drives me insane that makes you mad well it it when not actually but like every time you do it i don't know why really it's just like it's just like a weird it's because you always go yeah why risk it i don't know never have i ever have i have we been t-boned in an intersection even once actually yes we have oh my god i forgot about that willie and i got hit by a woman yeah i've heard this were you not did you not think that when you started saying that

yeah we literally have uh i also lift my feet up when we go over train tracks and have we been run over by a train even once no but i don't think we've crossed train tracks yet well you lift your feet up yeah off the gas when you're driving you go whoop everyone in my family does it like the whole like if there's if our whole family's in the car six legs six sets of legs coming up six sets of legs 12 yes 12 legs that's 12 let andrew figure it out i already figured it out yeah 12 it's yeah yeah yeah yeah uh willie and i accidentally drank a uh willie accidentally served me a thousand a twelve hundred dollar bottle of uh whiskey with seven up when he thought it was not oh yeah how does that happen when we were on we were doing cold cases for db cooper

there's one like instead of a beer i gave him a little bourbon and seven up uh-huh because that's what db cooper ordered on the plane and when we were setting up for it i was like there's gotta be like bourbon here somewhere so i just go back you know that like bathroom all the way in the back where there's like liquor and stuff in there it's just like all right what do we got and i found the only open bottle of bourbon and i was like oh perfect use it in the video it was just like sitting out there i said it and they cut it out of the video but didn't i say like is this pappy van winkle and then we just moved on oh i don't know lucas says it's in like v1 because you can see me like reach for it to like look at it and then it just like cuts to another thing i'd never

heard of it but apparently it's like a thousand thousand dollar bottle i knew the name why was it here i think probably like kenward got it as a gift i knew the name pappy van winkle but i think because it said like old rip van winkle which is like the real name of it i thought it was like a prop bottle of or something yeah or something borboin borboin yeah i mean there's no way it's that good right it was pretty good i mean it was like probably still tastes kind of like ass though right yeah i mean it tastes like bourbon but lucas and i were drinking it during the day and uh like the day that everyone discovered that like on that wednesday oh and uh and it really calmed me down i think there's like there is something there maybe is something to um drinking

like in moderation during the day was kind of awesome like we both took a took a maybe a shot and a half of whiskey and then just kind of went back to the day and i was just like i feel awesome right now really yeah i feel like that would ruin my day because you're not drunk it was just it's like it was like we were microdosing alcohol yeah i don't know i feel like it would ruin my day speaking of speaking of bourbon i was uh i was playing some bourbon salesman in pool at uh town house bourbon salesman on friday and so we showed up and usually joe and i will go at like five and there's no one really at this bar and there's one pool table so you can kind of just like run the table whatever we go there's a game happening so we get our quarters we put them

on the thing and it after like two we're friends with the bouncer that keeps an eye on the pool table his name's curtis and he's like a pool pro you met curtis right no but you've talked about okay he's the man he's like this his wife is the queen of um i'm gonna butcher this but some like country in africa his wife is the queen of is that insane there's no way dude bro bro bro bro found the right guy to spread his misinformation to but he told me that and uh he made how much does she need like money to fulfill their debts or something um and uh and he looks like visibly pissed off and he's like a pretty jovial guy so it's like that's kind of odd and then it became abundantly clear why after like two seconds there's so it's a bunch of bourbon salesmen

and then there's this one girl who's like small small lady tiny literally picture the smallest girl you can ever picture wait wait she's like six inches taller than that yep you got a good picture she is fucking screaming every word that she says is the loudest thing you've ever heard and curtis looks me and he's like smallest women biggest voices i was like pretty good line and then they take they must have been going for an hour before we got there and it became clear like these guys i don't even think they were from earth like they'd never seen pool before and could not get one ball in and then one of the guys came up and was like uh what do the quarters mean on the thing is that are you betting on us and we were like no that means we're next and so we played

them and they fucking beat us so but there was no money on the table or no money on the line but it was like it was like you just said they were terrible that's what i'm saying they were terrible in the first game i watched so like it was like they like were gonna hustle us yeah but then they forgot to bet any money so it was like they were just horrible when they were playing the first game and then we played and they just mopped the floor with us but there was no money on the line so we just left maybe they just wanted to play for as long as they could and so like the second there was like somebody wasn't in their group playing they're like all right we'll get rid of these guys yeah big time players make big time plays in big time moments exactly so maybe

they just maybe they just met the moment curtis makes eucalyptus wine and it is delish he also makes that actually sounds really good he also makes soap eucalyptus wine eucalyptus no it's actually surprisingly not eucalyptus i mean maybe it has one i but i like the peppermint one it makes you bold that's not his thing he's like not like a eucalyptus guy where everything is just like he said he says eucalyptus and i'm gonna take his word for it on this one he says eucalyptus naturally produces alcohol that is true okay that's why koalas are so docile oh yeah they get drunk yeah yeah so he was like it's just easier to make it with this but it tastes it just it's very sweet it almost tasted like um elderberry one elderberry syrup yeah yeah you

know ty just uh like eats the elderberry gummies as like a snack what's elderberry gummies they're like it's good for your like immune system but you're supposed to take like one in the morning it's like a vitamin oh but he'll like i'll like come home and he's just like sitting on the couch like snacking on him and i'm worried he's gonna like override his he's gonna overdose on elderberry yeah or he's just too healthy yeah that could that actually probably is what's gonna probably what it is like those one a day vitamins he's just like snacking on that like watching a movie my mom told when i was a kid my mom said don't eat too many of the vitamin gummies or else you'll throw up so we'll turn into a flintstone we were allowed to have two of them a day and uh

any more than that i was convinced i was gonna throw up i think she just was like we need to ration these because they're gonna fly through them right and then one day i was like you know what and i just got carried away and i like half of all immediately threw up really yeah really never taken any of those my sister uh my sister threw up all the time we were kids like these the smallest thing would set her over the edge but it was it was it was like bananas and it's gonna be like the suicide hotline andrew hey guys not gonna like this oh wow i'm surprised it's not actually huh well didn't someone didn't some celebrity try and kill themselves with like tylenol pm they ate like a whole bottle and it just made them like nauseous oh um but my sister

would throw up at like fucking everything when we were kids like just it was baseball vomit bananas bananas salmon like she had certain things it was just like she could not see hear or look at them and they would cracker jacks nope those were safe and uh my aunt didn't believe her and was like you have to eat your banana before we can go to the banana was one of them yeah banana which sucks called it wait i said that before you said i think i told isn't that a vegetable i said banana oh really yeah huh uh banana but my my aunt was like you have to eat your banana before we go to the beach which was like a weird rule and then uh yeah my sister was like i literally will throw up i don't know what to tell you she's like all right i guess we'll sit here until till you eat it my

sister really wanted to go to the beach she tried to eat it just projectile vomit all over eating bananas makes her throw up yep she also my mom made her eat salmon one time and it ruined the dinner because she threw up everywhere i also think there was a part of her where she was just so stubborn that she was like if i can just yeah throw up this one time i'll never have to eat it again that's a good point maybe i should try that with uh going to work calling edge if i if i come into this office i will literally fucking puke yeah so i have to come in here and just puke every day for a week right at the front door and he's like all right you can work from home i think that would work no i mean how would i work from home

i don't know zoom but like what i mean our jobs could totally be i mean you you you could you puke unless it's a podcast edge i puke unless it's a podcast they have to walk you in blindfolded and with like sensory deprivation headphones once i mean you're here i'm fine you're fine i remember a kid in first grade projectile vomited like right next to me on the first day of school and there were like whole cheez-its in there and I remember being like gross

but also I was like why didn't you chew the cheez-its your stomach is rejecting the like sharp angles did I tell you the throw up at school story my friend's aunt

was a special ed teacher at our school and and one of the kids called her over i don't remember if he she did something to like piss him off or something but like he was not happy with her she called he called her over and when she got over there he threw up all over her chest like like projectile vomited onto her and so she like stormed out and was walking through the halls covered in vomit sobbing crying and had to like go home and and change jesus yeah did you guys ever know a kid that would like pee their pants all

the time really yeah calls coming from inside the house i knew a kid that like it was like we were in eighth grade we were like two olds to be peeing our pants yeah but this kid hated this teacher so much and he wanted to get him fired and he had a strict like no bathroom policy because he was like an ex-marine and he was weird yeah um but he was like you can't use the bathroom in my class so this kid like chugged a whole two liter at lunch right before and then was like mr ball can i go to the bathroom and he was like no you know you're not allowed to go to the bathroom in my class and he goes okay stands up just pees himself right there in front of the teacher and then like goes straight to the principal's office like you gotta fire this teacher man look

what he made me do principal was like he did not make you do that like you are 14 years old you can't be peeing your pants that's crazy my friend uh i don't know if you know i should be saying this my friend when we were in college uh he so we had like chapter for our fraternity every week where you like meet and just go over stuff whatever and uh and he was supposed to he was supposed to do something and he didn't do it or he forgot something like he couldn't memorize his whatever and someone came up with the solution of like instead of everyone getting punished because he forgot his thing if tommy uh pees his pants right now like you guys are all off the hook and tommy was wearing like dress pants that were like not very absorbent i remember watching him

pee and none of the the pants weren't soaking in his pee so he was just going all the way down his leg and it filled up his uh loafers one time i lost we had a rule like if you lose 7-0 in fifa yeah you gotta piss yourself yeah and one time i did it and but everyone was like no one actually was gonna enforce that we were i was at my parents really gone in high school and we had we were at my house and i peed myself inside uh no can i ask you a question yeah was there a small part of you when it got to six and i were you were like i like you were like i'd be i'd be i'll be i'll be immortalized if i hundred percent no like in a good way like like if i like i will be in the history books forever like this would be an awesome story remember that time will pede

his pants no like absolutely that was definitely that i was like i'm i was like five oh and i was like be kind of funny and it was like we had just started like drinking so like you know it was like yeah crazy and yeah um when you were drinking in high school it's badass no 21 in high school no i actually didn't drink until very late and like just till my last my senior year i guess yeah i think it was the same but maybe that's normal i don't know but the i pee myself i put a towel down i peed myself um a towel down where it doesn't matter man mr denon i think will's i think will is confessing ran out of peeing in your living room no no did like was it like a thing where everyone like sat and watched you do it or was it just like hey come back and you're like

hey and they're like whoa everyone watched me do it i think there were there were girls there did you think this did you was there a small part of you that was like the chicks are gonna love this i don't know i remember immediately after everyone was like what the fuck and i was like i lost seven oh i had to they're like i guess it was pretty bad it's kind of like there's video of it but i've done my best to scrub it from the internet i think can we please no i don't i literally don't were people like laughing or was it just like dead silent it was like oh my god in the video you just you're like whoa oh like girls like screaming girls calling their mom come get me it was so bad man i that was like i think it was what was

the rule it was in my life it was in my living room on a towel i just got scared that my dad would be like what the fuck if he listens i don't know if he listens every episode i guess we'll find out but it wasn't wasn't the was it beer pong it wasn't it wasn't like we were even that hammered too it was just like one sip alcohol at that age you're like i'm crazy yeah yeah sorry go ahead no no oh i was saying what isn't isn't beer pong like what's the naked what's the naked lap one if you don't hit a cup and you lose like oh naked mile yeah yeah that one's like another one it's like no one's gonna actually no one does it but like when like one guy does you're like god jesus dude dude another time i i had i don't know i don't think i'll tell the story when i was in

high school it was uh it's probably the same week that i peed myself in front of everyone because it was like my my parents left for one week and i had a few people people over a few times nothing crazy but one time all my friends show up with like alcohol and stuff and i was coming back i was like getting off work and i told them to meet me there but then i my shift had gone a little late and so they got there before me and they thought just no one was there so they went in and like posted up and started drinking and stuff in the kitchen and i get home and i hear the shower running and i'm like what the hell is that i was my sister is in the shower like they had showed up while she was in the shower posted up started drinking and stuff and she was still there in the

shower and like she would get me in trouble if she caught me uh so i had to get everyone out like pack everything up move everyone back out the back door and then like hide in the yard while my sister left and then bring them back in it was kind of funny that's like the when when uh that those old prank shows would put like an office on the porta potty yes someone came like your sister comes out there's like a high school party yeah yeah i was like oh my gosh he's gonna be like what the actual fuck yeah oh man it was viral man high school high school was a literal fucking high school was a fucking movie dude high school is a fucking movie guys dude take me back i you know it's crazy my fantasy football league we're like the group chat is firing back up drafts

coming up it's our 10th year wow i was like that's kind of crazy actually the only one that long i've had is a family one is a what was yeah uh do you guys have a punishment for your league we do although the it it changed it used to be like we get to shave your head however you want you have to pee yourself but then and yeah it used to be shave your head however you want and then you and then and that's what we did in high school and it was funny because then the kid would have to like come to high school with like the fucked ass up haircut yeah but then it became uh you have to do stand-up and we like an open mic and we write all the jokes and which is awesome our buddy chase did it one year and it was very funny um because you just write literally like

it's just like not even a joke uh yeah what did you write give me like an example i remember him going up there and it was like mic check all right we got any mics out here and it actually yeah that's killer it actually like landed but then it was just that reminds me of like have you seen those kids that there's like a brain rot group of stand-up kids now have you seen those oh i love those kids they go around and like they're only trying to make each other laugh but like the friends aren't trying to the one kid got me really good he gets up and he's like kind of like getting the mic in the right place and he goes when were the storage wars that's pretty good it was it got me and it the the best part is like his friends are filming

so you can hear them like keeping it in trying to make but no one else in the room when were the storage wars i see those kids videos now and like he'll post all the stuff and every time the search bar is when we're the storage i gotta check that out yeah that one's a good one well i lost it two years ago and or maybe last year i don't know two years ago yeah and then but then they were like this doesn't count for you because you like kind of want to do stand up right or at the time but if they're writing the jokes that's like the whole yeah i feel like that still they were saying like they didn't they didn't want to like ruin your no they were like answers no they're like we want to come up with a better punishment for you because

like half the battle for anyone else i think is like that's also terrifying to like go up and do oh my god it sounds like a fucking which i guess that part of it wouldn't be as overwhelming but then they haven't agreed on what to make me oh no and then they agreed i have to eat oh fuck i have to live stream myself eating 20 hot dogs because i think i lost two years in a row and it's supposed to be you have to live stream yourself eating 10 straight hot dogs i forgot about this you should do that i always like the one where it's you have to be in a you have to be in a bar for 24 hours but every shot is like 30 minutes off and every beer is like 15 15 i just think it's a lot so many of them are a lot better if like you all live in the same place

and no i don't live near any of these guys but i actually forgot they did agree and i have to eat 20 hot dogs in an hour on live stream even if i throw up yeah so i guess i gotta do that at some i'll be tuning in dude i went to i went back to shellback for the first time did i get did i get in your you know i get in your ear there what because i was there two weeks ago that must have been what oh no you know what it was is uh is flan's friend from home yeah uh her boyfriend is moving out here and he lives down by there and he was like are there any good bars around here that we could go to and i was like are there any good bars there's the best bar in the world so i went for the first time in three years which i didn't realize it had been that long this is why

i love this bar so much i've i've literally been one time and it was three years ago and the bartender that served me when i sat down and said good to see you again it's been it's been you think they just got lucky no because he remembered my name okay and then he said i didn't notice apparently after we went and reviewed that bar he said for 10 days he was like the demographic completely shifted and it was kids coming in asking like if we were there or whatever and oh that's sick yeah well that one remembered you then that's awesome yeah he gave me a he gave me two free hats holy crap and then i was kind of ordering this was not i'm not saying i was i thought this was gonna happen but there was a small part of me when like the free hats came

out that i was like are any of these drinks free yeah so i was ordering like a fucking madman and uh full price you ever been here i've never been here i haven't really explored manhattan beach at all around here i feel like it's kind of far it is pretty far but it's dude it's fantastic there was one kid there so i i walked in and uh you know how they're like there are guys that you see out that like you might not know each other's names but you recognize each other whatever and it would be like a good to see you again thing yeah this guy said he was like dude like so great to see you and it was the first time we had met but i assumed we had met before tuesday i gave him a hug i was like dude i'm like missed you like how you been he was like oh we've never

he was like we've never met i've just seen like the the videos and stuff but i was like oh you phrased it like we were so you set me up yeah that's the worst that's the worst and then a guy came up to my group and was like uh he was like this fucking guy he's in here like he owns the place and he's like this is my territory and we were like oh no we're just like having a good i'm sorry if it came off that way i don't think i own the place we're just having a good time he was like this is my territory like you're gonna have it i'd literally never i'd never come here it was your turf it was his surf no it's your turf now it should be my trip i did you like check in with him when you came to the bar yeah it's a good point did you ask him if you could

do that yeah did you pay the troll toll dude their bathroom is one of those ones where there's a the toilet doesn't have a door on it yeah and as i've said i need the stall to pee yeah oh but what if you needed to shit at tell back at show back you need to just be sitting out in the open we were laughing about that when we were there we were like because we got there at 10 a.m last two saturdays ago and it was like we're gonna be here all day and i was like i'm gonna have to poop at some point yeah and uh we we were like maybe we do like a bet and like loser has to go shit in there we had a we had a bar at a&m it was called the backyard and one of the uh it was the same thing where the stall didn't have a door but it faced like the door that opened to like the club area

It's like a dark club But every time someone opens the door It's like a bright light in the bathroom Oh my god How often were people shitting? I mean every time I went So it would just be like Every time the door would open

You'd just see a light in the distance And a guy sitting there Oh my god There's a guy like reading the times There's like a newspaper open that's insane i like that i like that it's not like it's a dimly lit club but like sometimes when the when the dance part is is like vibey like the bathroom lighting is also like there's there's a nice vibey club and then when you open the door it's just a fluorescent light

and a guy just sitting there shitting his brains out that's awesome the worst the like to this day the worst version of that that i've ever seen is at the kk in uh madison it's either madison or minnesota one of them in so it's like a wide open room urinals on the walls and then in the back corner with no even like attempt at putting a divider there was just a lone toilet and i i was trying to pee in that one and a kid was trying to talk to me when i was and i'm already like really peach so it was like as close in this thing as i could like squatting over the toilet peeing and he was like can i get a picture like not now dude but that one like that one that implies like i think you must need like legally to have a toilet for someone to shit in right like

if you were shitting wide open in the room that's like medieval level bathroom it's kind of awesome actually if you're just like doing it like i kind of want see i don't get poop or pee shy so i feel like i at one of these places i should just do it you're just making eye contact with everyone the club just sitting on your phone shitting watching like reels yeah just like like you would be at home so just like so full volume full volume reels

cracking up for like 30 minutes you're like on the phone with someone where you're shitting yeah i'm shitting

dude shitting out there's something so fucking funny about these like uncovered toilets we should yeah maybe we start documenting oh my god toilet i still can't get over like imagine like grinding

on some girl like at like andrew's club and then like the door flings open yeah that's great that is insane it just got to the point where you like felt weird about looking over there you just started directing your attention out of respect to everyone yeah it's right behind the dj new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with the coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added b vitamins like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on espresso.com

could you play levels oh good lord that'd be somebody instead of like the girls behind the dj booth it's just a bunch of guys like dude isn't that uh like in like medieval or not medieval in like um ancient rome pooping was like a social thing pull up like ancient rome toilets it was just like one bench with a bunch of holes in it and they would like all sit in there and like chat yeah look what yeah oh yeah they'd all just be like what's up boys oh that's kind of sick yeah i'm pretty sure they still have this in korea because my friend's in korea right now and he sent a picture of it and he said i've shot ropes in toilets he wouldn't even pee in oh man yeah i think like at some point at some point we made it like a shameful thing

but it is it would dude imagine just shitting with the boys and just chopping it up we used to do group poops in high school we in our tech group chat we just be like group poop group poop and then everyone would go to the stall at the same time and then we could all like talk but we weren't looking at each other we had a group chat one time where the girls would just send a number like randomly it would be like 10 12 at like different times of the day amount of inches of poop close it was how many like pieces of toilet paper they used to wipe we didn't find out for like a year pooping or peeing or you didn't know what they meant pooping i think um yeah we didn't know what the numbers meant for like a year they just send it like every time they

took a shit but we didn't know it would just be this random number and all the girls knew but the guys you were like trying to like i'm picturing you're trying to like decode it we were like all the numbers like yarn yeah yeah yeah because timey like war decoding machine a war decoding machine yeah oh i was gonna tell i was gonna say on saturday i did something cool please i went to a uh show like a concert yeah at this like it was i was on your street are you joking and wait wait are you did you hear a band oh my god i cannot believe i forgot to tell this i was driving home just for i'm assuming this is the same thing i was driving home and i turn on my stream like what the fuck is going on it literally sounds like there's like a rock concert happening the

cops are outside yeah that's why i turned my music down was like what is going on and they were like i thought it was like a ucla thing because they were like scantily clad women hanging out outside and uh i was like oh my god there's like a rager let me read the let me read the exact text that i sent to my group chat yeah i was there it was a it was just my buddies like i sent on i sent on uh and it was it was like a you know like the beatles when they got like arrested on the rooftop that was you no no like that you know have you ever seen that in the beatles i said rager next door let's go grind on some coeds at saturday at 3 30 nice yeah why were you there what was it buddy max his friend griffin who i kind of know through him

uh is the drummer in this band they're called lavelles and they were awesome wait where was i looked at the when i drove by it was like uh it was like an apartment complex l e s l a what it's just l-l-e-s at the end like was it inside or was it like it was on a patio up on the top floor gotcha yeah that like blew my mind when i drove by no these guys are definitely in england i don't know maybe they're like new um i would say they need the they need a um an easier to spell name if you have to that's whenever an artist or a band has a name where you're like if you can't immediately google it when someone says it out loud i feel like you need to change it chapel roan worked that one feels weird yeah but isn't that just isn't that spelled exactly

how you would two l's oh that could that could throw you for a loop it might be two p's wait so you were at it you were at a rager uh 45 feet from my house and you didn't think maybe i wanted to come party i did but chester said he had talked to you and you were getting a haircut i was getting i was coming home so i knew that that was happening and then we were chester go uh yes because his punk ass his punk ass was supposed to meet me at shellback and he never did well that was all like in the afternoon it was at like two o'clock and then we left and then we didn't go to shellback i didn't he told me uh he told me or he texted me that i actually know exactly how this happened because i go he was like all right we're let's go to shellback for sunset and then he was

like any moves happening until then and i was like no i'm gonna get my haircut and then that was the last day from so he definitely found out about this concert yeah did it was he drinking he was drinking again damn it i know but it was it was cool it was very like it was like cool concert on a on a porch this like rooftop kind of thing this would be like hop showed up yeah and they were like it's fine yeah i was about it because nothing was like i was like excited for like a big like moment you couldn't see where it was coming from like a rock and roll moment where they're like they keep playing and that's like drag them on you pig yeah it's like no i like it like the beatles in that get back whatever they like just keep on the rooftop yeah they just like keep

playing and um andrew for this to put this in perspective for you this would be like i guess they shut it down if will's next door neighbors had a sick band over and i was there and i didn't tell will but i knew for a fact you weren't there another another lunch thing i keep getting every time will and i get food together i get snaked have you heard this you get snaked i don't get any so if the first time it happened it's it's will had an he loves to play the victim will had no i mean this this third time that it happened was like insane it's just it's just it just happened keeps happening for the first time will had a burger freak off i bought all the burgers didn't get a burger no not the end he was sitting there as i was like who wants a burger and i

waited until there were none and then made him that's not what happened i raised my hand will was or uh whoever was grilling him was like oh just gave out the last one but i'll get you on the next round and i didn't get one on the next round either bought lauren bought lauren a cake with her face on it uh uh the second the one time i left the office the whole day will rounded up everyone and did the birthday celebration no that's a lie you're just lying for the sake of it what i didn't round everyone up edge rounded everyone up okay then i'm mad at edge then i'm mad at edge and you didn't buy the cake either edge did but i went through the whole thing of doing it it was my thing okay uh and then and then finally on friday uh everyone got lunch

except for me everyone got asked what they wanted for the lunch order except for me so it's fine it's fine it just kind of like keeps happening and it's like one one's a coincidence or one one is a uh one you just can't you're seeking out these ways to be the victim you think i sought that out well it's like yeah three inconveniences have happened to me in the last three months i'm not grouping them together and but they argue that there's some sort of pattern that everyone is against me it's like i have this buddy who's always like oh i'm never in the photos like oh like you do what's that you actually have a buddy that does that yeah like he's always he's always complaining that like he's not in photos i'm like there's so many photos i'm not in that like if i

went through and documented them then i could be like i'm never in the photos like to be fair that lauren cake sat in the fridge for like two weeks like no we could have got the date we did the day i bought it no he's not mad that he didn't get the cake he's just mad that he didn't sing happy birthday i guess i wanted to be there oh i wanted to be well your whole thing edge rounded everyone up and you'd walked out of the office and not told anyone where you were going so that's a consequence of oh i told kate that or kate and i had to go film something for it was just sure we just didn't know where you were and we'd already rounded up everyone like there's consequences to things that you do that you have to accept too but what no one's out to get you what about the

other two the other one take the cake the other one josh was rounding up our orders for on set and everyone was in the sketch wing and you were in your office. So I don't think he realized and he just... Wait, I don't think it's... Whatever. Whatever.

I'm just like... I'm kind of just getting used to it at this point. I don't even... Like, you gotta fight for yourself, too. You gotta... Like, I went and found Josh and I said,

is there lunch? And he said, oh, yeah, get in on this order. Like, that's a fact. That happened. You gotta look... You gotta fight for what you want, you know?

Yeah. You could've rounded everyone up to sing for Lauren. You could've found Josh and asked. You could've demanded a burger. I kind of did demand a burger I made like a big stink about it After it happened

Yeah You know what Rusty I see you I hear you Okay Don't get on his side I feel bad You seem like really upset about it

I am And I want you to know I know That I see you And then I hear you Now I feel like an asshole That's all I needed That's literally all I needed

Now I'm fine All you needed to do was like I understand Sometimes you just gotta acknowledge him He's gonna like Stub his toe later And be like Everyone always puts stuff in front of me

That makes me stub my toe Every day you guys do this to me. No, that would be like if I bought a desk and then you guys came out and threw it at my foot. That is not what this would be like. That's what the burger thing felt like. Felt like you threw a desk at my foot. You threw my own desk at my foot. You didn't throw a foot at your desk.

You threw a metaphorical desk at my metaphorical foot. You threw a metaphorical desk at my foot. Oh, my God. Desk foot. All right, should we get pitches? Yeah. Wait, wait. We got a roadmap.

Oh, we're fucking wrong. Roadmap. why do you not like it i just it's like my shtick now i guess oh my neighbor mark uh texted me and was like um hey do you still live at our apartment building by chance i was like yeah and he's like can you go down to 402 and i accidentally sent a package there i need you to go get it that's why i kind of hyped myself up in the mirror because i was like i need to like get this right uh because i was worried i was gonna like knock on their door and not have like it articulated and they would be like why are you standing here so i got my story straight

which i wasn't doing anything wrong but i got my story straight i was like my friend mark has a package inside there i need to get it from you guys to bring it to mark it was like seems like pretty open and shut thing knocked on the or rung the doorbell nothing knocked stood there for like 40 seconds could have sworn i heard someone walking around in there left came back yesterday did it again knocked i hear girls giggling in there no one's answering the door and now i'm now i'm worried that like they think i'm weird and they think i'm like they don't want to hear whatever i have to say but i just wish i could convey like i'm just here for mark's package they definitely don't think you're weird but i think they're looking to the people seeing me

stand there and then just go back to what they're doing there's no way you think there's no why would you not answer the door i think because they're like what what's the fucking guy from the fifth floor doing dear if one of my neighbors like knocked on my door and was just like standing there like leave a note i know but now it's like the third time you're not doing anything wrong i know but what if they think i'm being weird they then they'll see the note and be like oh he's not being yeah did you that would alleviate no i didn't know if you leave a note they'll know you weren't also he i don't totally know how to pronounce his last name so i'm worried they're gonna matter i'm worried they're gonna be like mark who i'm gonna be like you can't do you like

you don't know you know the letters i know letters so you'll be fine like they open the door and i just show them mark's thing no you say however you think it's pronounced like they're gonna be like you pronounced it wrong get out freak you're trying to be a creep that's literally like all my worst nightmare is that is that is literally that exact thing i also am worried because i know i'm 90 sure it's this girl that i've seen out because there was one girl who i think she said she lives in 402 and i saw her at vbb and she was like fifth floor and i was like yeah she was like fourth floor oh that's awesome now i think she maybe thinks i'm like coming to like ask her on a date or something and they're like they don't want to answer the

door i'm thinking about the door opening it's just eight girls holding their phones up like you freak look at this fucking freak creep pervert i brushed my hair before i went down because i was like i gotta just like i don't look good i was worried i don't know why you're so worried i don't know have you ever talked to your neighbor before dude i okay you know what actually i do realize why this is stressing me out because the first i was going down from the fifth floor right after mark texted me and a guy from the fourth floor got in and i said you don't happen to live in 402 by chance and he said what and i said do you live in 402 my friend's package went there and i need to get it and he was like no and so i think maybe that interaction made me think

it's not gonna go smooth oh he was like mean about it no no he was just like apparently the way i articulated it the first time made no i thought it was cut and dry it's crazy it's like my friend mark this is uh but then i'm worried they're like gonna be like oh i know mark you're not friends with him bro you could just show him the text i know you have nothing to hide i know i'm on your side i just don't for some reason it stressed me out leave a note all right should we roadmap it up let's do it guys we got a lovely episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches then we're gonna do am i the asshole and then we'll do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey i said this guy rocks and he rocks so hard

he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard and then we're gonna do teach me something and then willie and i are going to do curb your enthusiasm plots that don't exist we're curb maxing followed by ways to ask for a high five skin me brother and then we're going to do mailbag and then we'll do rusty's song of the day go follow rusty song of the day songs of the day on spotify when we hit 10 000 followers two of you are getting 101 dollars i think we are somewhere around 5 000 now so i need please just go put me out of my misery i want to give two of you guys 101 dollars 100 mustard mustard yeah all right you go now mustard all right hi bam bam pebbles and fred fred babbles uh pebbles bembles bembles uh have you ever not known what to eat

at a restaurant all every day of my life um introducing diner buddy this is like reddit for restaurants where it's a social media app with dishes from restaurants and consists of tons of restaurants in your area you can filter by restaurant or dish and come upvote or downvote once you have eaten the dish um the results consist of just that dish ratings people gave it comment section community section never guess your second choice again i love never second guess your choice again never guess you never second guess your choice never guess your second choice again oh is that what it says uh i love it and here's why in la there is this thing that a bunch of restaurants do that is so fucking annoying where they don't they don't just tell

you what it is at most restaurants it'll be like the dish has a name but a lot of restaurants here it's just a bunch of ingredients and you have to figure out wait what restaurants where like the like the plate will just be like what's in it and they don't like name it like i need like a name like the the mill creek marathon i don't think i've ever seen that pull up um pull up jelena jelena menu labina on toast seasonal fruit buckwheat banana greek yogurt lemon buck okay these actually these actually look like they are what the things are maybe go to dinner go to dinner my crate oh brunch actually that's where i was brunch was a fuck fest you know what i'm saying it's too confused it's not easy to read it's like they shouldn't

too many oxford commas you know what i'm saying like i wanted i want everything to just have a name i see what you're saying yeah i guess now if you do read them it does tell you what it is but at first glance for commas just regular commas the last one's an oxford comma no i think it has to say and okay let me find one you get the fucking point actually on the second one they expressly did not use it um oh that's actually great okay but do you see what i'm saying where it's like there's yes it's overwhelming well kind of the first word is kind of what it is i know but i'm saying like oh in the macro sense i get confused or uh le great outdoor was fantastic but it's same thing everything's listed out i think i had a great time there i don't want to

put them down it looks pretty good man it was okay but that's the issue i'm saying where you're looking at this and it's like just put what put the first word in bold maybe so i know what it like because like like look at blt for instance it literally is just because it still says bacon right after so literally it is just the first word but you're right they need to bold them i guess i think a bold first word would be a good what i'm getting at and so i want it so i get confused i would like to look at the menu see pictures of the thing so i know what it's going pictures yeah on your menu not on the physical menu on the app oh so you'd be like okay the crispy egg prosciutto fermented chili rosemary arugula and lemon i have no fucking clue what

that looks like let's see what it looks like on the app yes i'm i think that would be great it's just like a more specific yelp where you get the dishes themselves i think i need to i think i need to calm down a little bit sometimes with how much i get mad at restaurants making it stress me out and i just get there's something in something in my blood that because you hate service workers right it's not that i hate them i just wish they made more money and so it's like actually i guess that was kind of a nice thing i wish they made more money like got paid yeah yeah i'm so mad at the whole system yeah you know what i mean right what do they say like like something until it's broken um don't break it fix it until it ain't broke don't fix it no no it's like a it's

like when people are talking about like the man they're like fuck it all until it's broken or something till it's sideways or something till it's backwards until it's backwards what does that mean fuck it all till it's that about restaurants no not at restaurants i think it's just like what's a backwards restaurant or say it till it's backwards i don't get what does that mean fuck it till it's backwards dude i fucked it till it was backwards that is apparently i think okay say it till it's backwards i don't know draw to yawa draw out yawa i'm more confused a way to draw really i want you to one of these days i want you to come in and say like a girl came over and

did stuff to you till it was backwards i'm never gonna talk like that because i was raised in a city charleston another pitch let's hear another pitch come on buddy chuck town yeah that's a city that raised me but i'm a hero in boston like big poppy and brady uh hello peter parker mary jane and harry osborne peter parker harry osborne who the hell's that it's the rich friend it's the green goblin son oh and then he becomes the green goblin spoiler uh my name is drew james franco oh nice and i want to know what is the worst part of being in a new group of people oh a new group of people you have absolutely no clue uh what they think is funny so you're trying to feel them out until you're trying to find out

the boundaries are you don't know which one of them got some freaky side to them yeah sorry let me correct you don't know which one of them has a freaky side so you don't know who you can talk about that with uh so close who got that freaky side come on new come on new crew who got that freaky speaking of speaking of restaurants my sides are gonna be fucking freaky oh my god you want to start a restaurant something yeah cool what would it be called we i think we if there's ever date if there are ever two nice if there are ever two guys i think that could come up with a good name for a new restaurant and would have a fun menu it'd be you and i yeah plate date yeah we should do it we should have a bar actually i was about to say i think you guys would be good

at we'd be but i want to have like sausages they can be sauce yeah there can be sauce i want to have like i want to open like a new worst cooch dude she got the worst i went to worst coochie and everybody speaking of new group of people i was around new group people and they were like we should go to drink and i was like oh yeah we can go to worst coochie and everyone goes what did you just say i was like no it's a bar like right down the street are you sure it's i think you guys are adding the e at the end i think it's just worst cooch i think it is worst it probably is it's german i think worst coochie is the funniest thing ever yeah it makes me gets me all fired up i like that shit bad i like it bad

all right okay so of course it's making a joke and nobody laughs yes yeah we've all been in that situation where we have been with people and we want to make a joke but we don't know if it's funny enough or too edgy introducing the room reader this device uh room reader this device fits in your pocket and it will help you have better success with your witty remarks the device will determine for you what people's sensitivity humor is and what sense of topics for them might be it also allows you to enter in a joke before you say it and it will give you a percent chance of if they'd find it funny now you will always be aware of your room's climate and never have to deal with awkward silence again prepare to always be the funniest person in the room with

the room reader i like it but it would be really funny you bring it into a new group and it tells you that like what they find funny is something like super offensive so you're like oh i gotta go god it's like it says they like things that are not good yeah but here's my problem with this room reading you're always gonna just be playing into the like stuff they already like right i think the best jokes are things you didn't expect to like right not like bad stuff well yeah i mean i think if you're first meeting them though like you gotta yeah yeah yeah you know like if i told a boner joke around you it would crush of course right i think boners are so funny and your crew like a stinky specifically your crew would be like stinky stinky boners right up their alley

yeah yeah all right i love it should we hear or should we pitch each other yep all right willie what is the worst part what's the worst part about um doing your laundry if you live in like an apartment or a dorm you have to bring it to the laundry room i always leave it in the washing machine for way too long and then people leave it on the floor it's so hot when it gets out of the dryer that it actually burns your finger you don't know when someone's like using the washing machine so you go down with your stuff and then it's in use you bring it back up go back down it's someone news in there the it should be on an app what this exists where it tells you when the thing's free yeah we had

that in college what yeah i think it's pretty common actually do you guys go to like a high tech i didn't have it in college but all my friends like my friends in new york have it in their building and stuff and i think a lot of schools have it actually you might have had i just you're i think you're telling me you could pull out your phone and it would be like washers open yeah pull it up what's it it would also know you can like start them from your phone and stuff too oh my god what you can start the washer from your phone i think so how do your clothes get in it you put them in and then you start but if you're just like click a button to start it like it's all through an app you don't you don't just do it from your room yeah we're like someone goes

to someone goes to take theirs out you just start it again oh this sucks yeah this sucks this is the worst feeling ever yeah oh my god all right i'm sorry man put me out of my fucking misery what's the worst part about a ladder gotta climb it exactly escalator it's like an escalator for a ladder where it's just rotating like little escalator thing so it's a really tall ladder you can just stand on it and slowly move up but like what if you like what if you're at the height you want you pause it stop the escalator there's a little thing there's a rope that lines the side and if you press it it stops it i like that i like to think it i don't think i would just ride it all day long yeah it's hard when you get over the top it's kind of you got to do the top you can't just

go over you gotta stop it and then climb around what if when you're done when you're done like up there you just press it and it just brings you back down oh wait you don't have to go over the top you can just go the other way right you just go back wow yeah yeah i love it i'm in promise i promise andrew tell us who's the asshole oh andrew shows your asshole and to show us your stinky stinky butthole hi my gorgeous sweeties uh been here since the third episode but never done any of this in serious advice okay so i was on holiday recently with a big group of boys and girls some of the boys i'd known a while uh one of the nights we got really drunk decided to go skinny dipping um i don't remember much um but my friend ran into the room to show me a video

of me and one of the boys in the lake kissing oh lord um i had no memory of it um everyone was laughing and cheering i then go to my other friend to see if she remembers how i got into that scenario she tells me that he has a girlfriend i felt so bad and went to him and told him that he needs to tell his girlfriend immediately and his reply was if you want her to know you can tell her because i'm not going to i then spoke to a few of his friends asking about his girlfriend and they all said that she is horrible to him and that's why none of them stopped it from happening okay despite i'm back in despite this i still feel so guilty and like a bad person for doing this but i've never even heard of the girlfriend or seen her um so am i the asshole if i don't tell

the girlfriend what happened as i think him and his friends who know her should i've tried to find her instagram it's impossible so i don't even know how to how i tell her anyway but i really think he needs to be the one to tell her as i didn't even know she existed until the morning after it all happened huh i would say you should not i don't think you should feel like you have to tell her yeah you don't have to tell her i think if she's horrible to him this may have been a a cry for help of some sorts or yeah i mean no i don't think you need to i don't think you're the asshole for not telling her if that's what you're saying i don't know if you'd be the asshole if you did tell her i think you always err on the side of like not my monkeys not my not my circus not my

monkeys yeah i would just not tell anyone i mean you could tell anyone you can tell anyone but you don't have to like see you don't have to tell also it's not gonna she's not gonna like she's not gonna be like thank you so much for telling me she's gonna be like now mad at you and you're like i didn't even fucking do anything wrong yeah you didn't do anything wrong you don't only there was a saying for that yeah like what is it like not shooting the messenger yeah don't shoot the messenger uh i don't know that one i haven't heard that one uh in my in my family we always shot the messenger and asked questions later yes till it's backwards yeah we shot the messenger till he's backwards till it backwards that's like our new thing we said i guess that's

like our new thing that we say i think it i think there might be that might mean something that we don't know it backwards it sounds like it means something what's confusing is like are you not close with the guy no she had like just met them yeah not your fucking problem he didn't tell you you had a he had a girlfriend he should probably tell her and break up with her because it sounds like she's bad to him i guess i think that she's also it's like you didn't just kiss you kissed you did kiss him naked you kissed him naked in front of all your friends who were all in front of all of his buddies who were cheering honestly they have more of an obligation to tell her than you do because they actually know the girl yeah i would say that if she's horrible to him i don't

know what that means but they shouldn't be together i think she can sleep well at night knowing that she at least like made an effort yeah she was like oh i couldn't find her instagram you kissed him naked in a lake while everyone watched and cheered so yeah and anyone could stopped it anyone could all of his his friends clearly were stoked about it so and he did it he'd made the he fucked up you didn't do anything wrong he cheated you didn't do anything wrong either oh thank god he cheated on his girlfriend you didn't know and you willies yeah we've all skinny dipped we've all it can get out of hand i don't know if i've ever skinny dipped oh i've skinny no i've never skinny dipped have you done it no i actually haven't it feels like you've

skinny dipped no i i actually like something happened the last time you skin dipped and you're like you're trying to pretend like you didn't no i i i was in my underwear you ever that's that's why i was hung up yeah i think a couple times it's like oh yeah yeah what happened how small they get bro come on actually i couldn't find it for a couple weeks after um i left it in the lake it's it's weirdly like feels like a primitive yeah that makes sense you feel like connected to the world in a way that interesting what about i've only done it in a pool does that count and there were no girls in the ocean in the ocean feels different but i'm just always so worried that like something's gonna bite my penis i went into the ocean one time nice is it does it

count if i'm serious does it does it count as skinny dipping if i was in the pool but all the girls were outside of the pool no that's it was just you alone is that just swimming naked so i didn't so that happened it called girls there and you took your wiener out i was in the pool we were at we were at my friend tim giugio's house uh and he was a senior when i was a freshman and uh my friend hogan and i were uh swimming naked in the pool and no none of the girls got in the pool just eight girls with phones like recording no it was there was it was some sort of like yeah there were a bunch of girls like screaming and crying like on the phone with the cops but none of them's getting dipped no it was if i'm remembering correctly it was like some sort

of event that was like a guy's only thing but i think like a couple uh a couple of like girlfriends were there that it wasn't like a party it was like i was there yeah that sounds like um what is it like pledging or something when they like bring girls to the party to see if you're like a creep before you pledge the fraternity is that a thing we didn't do that but that actually i think during like rush week at parties they would bring like three girls or something and they would like have you be like interact with them and like if you were like weird or if you like looked at their boobs no but i did like the rush week yeah i like dirty rush does they call it a couple you looked at too many sets of boobs they were like andrew andrew nelson really cool guy he literally like

target locked onto their boobs and would he didn't even acknowledge they were there yeah yeah i said i was like yeah i didn't really want to rush it in fraternities but really i just lost my could not stop looking at it's like the in nathan for you have you seen the episode where he hires a security guard and the guy's like obsessed with boobs yeah big boobs yeah yeah the guy the girls come in and are like stealing stuff but he has yeah yeah only the girls with big boobs are allowed to steal we didn't do that no we did i don't know in hindsight there i think there were a couple kids that slipped through the cracks in the rush process that we probably would have benefited from having a girl around having seen them or interact with women before but all right

should we do this guy rocks yeah let's do this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today hey hey instead of this guy rocks and he rocks so hard he rocks in your house and he rocks in your yard there's rocks in my yard all right andrew pause this immediately and i mean immediately this is the hardest that i have laughed in probably probably all year i already showed the standard yeah this video i've probably watched this 40 times this week okay one second i'm ready this is ump takes three to the nuts in four innings so love the premise for the audio listeners it is an umpire at a literally game and i think it's safe to say he's going to take three to the nuts and in the next four innings

that's one switch the sides of the plate hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. Oh my god. Holding on for dear life. He gets the call off too.

He said foul all three times. Also, that was the positive injury that was the first time anyone checked on him the first time he got hit in the nuts

he's on the ground and the the coach goes good fight Andy like keep going like good hack like you know eye on the ball

that's crazy no one has checked on him once foul oh how does it like I wonder how frequently that happens

regularly not frequently this was a this was a freak accident this was a freak accident foul foul

foul You should wear a cup. All right, Willie, what do you got for me? Oh, it's gold. You like gold? Always. All right, this is one of those, like, they actually rock. This kid's voice blew me away.

Ready? Yeah. Here we go. Mm-hmm. It's my land, I can't end up playing It's the room in the kitchen, I can't live for me It's the rain, I can't go to the laundry It's the shadow, it's the morning

It's all I know, I It's the shadow, it's my heart It's the family, I can't go around I see the light, I know it's been off It's the sun, I can't go back It's the same in the morning It's the sun, it's the morning Wait, it's almost over, just play it out.

pretty good right i mean you set us up for failure in my head i had seen those kids and it was like a beautiful song i know that's why it was funny this something about the setup of this i was like oh my god this is gonna be gorgeous what is he he's wearing a helmet yeah i don't know can i ask you a question in russia do you think he needs do you think that's like a doctored ordered helmet no he's not wearing it in some of the other videos doctor ordered he falls a lot it was like we're filming this schedule again steve crawford's like i brought knee pads just in case i need to do any tumbles i was like i don't think there's any tumbles in the script he just really wasn't yeah and he was wearing them the whole time and then he did find

ways to like fall yeah this guy looks like tom holland i think yeah yeah that is oh that was that took the wind out of my sails all right teach me something teach me something you ever heard of a cow magnet no apparently can you google this it's apparently they feed them to cows i i think this is real and then they swallow them and it picks up any little pieces of like metal that they accidentally ate how often are they accidentally eating metal when cows accidentally ingest objects like nails wire staples which puncture their stomach line the magnet attracts and traps them preventing them from causing harm oh my god isn't that insane would they just still digest the nails like how does them yeah how do you know

i don't know i'm not like a fucking expert on nails i'm an expert on cow mag like now there's just more metal in the body click hardware go to the wikipedia maybe then they poop it out maybe they can poop out the whole thing oh no it was on the that's fine sorry hardware disease they commonly eat nails it actually says they commonly eat nails why i'm still hung up on like do you just do you give them the cow magnet just as a preventative measure or do you wait until you know they ate a nail wait wait stop uh they put it in their butt oh oh oh you put it in their ass and then it like pulls them through the digestive tract

that's insanity oh that sounds stick a magnet up their ass that sounds yeah that sounds awful we should try it i think i ate a nail yesterday i think i ate a nail i think i just ate a nail what the heck yeah you know i got arrested one time on this podcast i think i might have i think i might have just eaten a nail uh when i was a kid i they used to they used to give me four quarters and if i ate one i could keep the other three we'll put a video right here oh it sits in their ass kids at my lunch for their entire life get bullied no no it was like it was like all right how do i like who got who wants 75 or who has 75 cents if you give me a dollar i eat one of the quarters we'll put a video of it right here

uh and i never pooped it up i've been eating quarters all right have you guys ever heard of uh ching see ching shi no have you yes in the early 1800s chinese pirate leader ching shi commanded the red flag fleet so to put it in perspective i believe blackbeard had about 300 guys under him pretty big right guess how many ching shi had 301 300 and a half three she commanded over 300 ships between 40 000 and 70 000 pirates at different times she enforced a strict code of conduct with death as the penalty for disobedience theft protected villages uh theft protected jesus theft from protected villages or assaulting female captives would also result in death uh the chinese government was unable to defeat her and offered amnesty she accepted

retired with her wealth wealth and aged jesus and lived to age 69 running a gambling house uh she also employed men women and children and uh labor fucking equal opportunity and it was a woman 40 wait no no i think his name was she or she she was a woman i believe unless i read that wrong oh really she was a girl boss ching she i thought you were saying she like with the last like her name no she was a woman she also her last name also happened to be shih she wait that's insane 40 000 people under she was named after her she yeah women she they named women after her yeah she that's where they got the word i think you said sheen was named no i said sheen like the i didn't hear because they do i didn't hear they do child labor oh yes that's

crazy all right should we do curb your enthusiasm plots or ways to ask for a high five first you pick let's do curb plots all right you want me to you want to you do these are more curb your enthusiasm plots that don't exist larry has to get a small surgery and invites his surgeon to a dinner part dinner party at his house to say thank you when the doctor arrives he says he needs to use the bathroom and when he comes out he shakes everyone's hand and they all notice that his hands are bone dry implying that he didn't wash his hands after he went to the bathroom larry confronts him and asks if he didn't wash his hands before larry's surgery as well and a big fight breaks out i like that a lot uh larry shows a guy a video on youtube and the guy taps

the screen for a second and larry's like okay then you hate the fucking video and he's like no i don't hate the video and he's like well if you tap this you did the tap if you do the tap you hate the video everyone knows if you do the tap you hate the video i like he's checking how long is yeah like you know that we've all done it if you do the tap you hate the video that is perfect yeah larry goes to a wmba game to distract himself while he's waiting to hear about whether a new lump on his body is cancerous or not uh when he gets the news that he's in the clear he celebrates right as another green dildo hits the court and everyone turns around thinking that he's celebrating uh throwing the green dildo and he gets escorted out i like that a lot uh he's larry's uh going to

use the the water bottle refiller station and the guy in front of him has a full gallon and he argues with the guy that there's no way you can fill up a whole gallon and the guy's like well where do you draw the line and so then they get into a big debate over how big of a water receptacle you're allowed to fill up at the water fill station that's so good larry is having a small party at his house when a cop shows up and says the music and chatter are too loud and they have to be quieter larry can't believe that it was too loud but they comply the next day larry pulls up next to the cop at a stoplight and the cop is blasting music larry yells at the cop about how noise complaints should be able to apply to the road as well that's funny larry has a reservation

uh at a restaurant and when he shows up they say it's going to be another 15 minutes and he goes on a whole rant about what the hell is the point of a reservation if you still have to wait when you get there he did a he wrote something similar to that for uh seinfeld there's an episode is there not that exact thing but there's a reservation joke that i think is really funny where they reserve uh jerry reserves like an suv at a rental car thing and they they show up and he's like i rented an suv and they're like sorry we don't have any and he's like but i reserved it and she's like yeah but we don't have it and he goes uh he goes like the reservation does the holding you're supposed to hold the car pull up larry pull up uh pull up larry pull up sign

seinfeld reservation i completely butchered that seinfeld well can i look at it later no i want to watch it really quickly this one yeah we're gonna watch a two-minute clip of seinfeld man all right he goes the holding that's he's like you can take the reservation but you gotta hold it the holding is the important part got it yeah all right should we do ways to ask for ways to ask for a high five i would like that yeah these are ways to ask for a high five want to make 10 i like that uh put it where it's hot yo let's sprinkle digits pay the meter want to push palm oh fuck you have that yeah cookies are ready see you for cinco five fingers don't let it linger hey quit dodging digits

and you're like that loud one yes the first one was great i'm gonna start saying make 10 wanna make 10 make 10 is the best one that was pretty good what if they only have four fingers so can't do it then yeah should we do mailbag three at a time seems ableist three at a time mailbag making it rhyme mailbag three at a time mailbag making it rhyme whoop whoop i want the big one a big one big one big one big one dibs no you fucking asshole this is from noah schloss oh this is more a dude made it oh nice i got a bump in that shirt i got esme jurors let's go from boston mass stand up oh i know that name you actually yeah it's an envelope within an envelope oh my god

what holy shit what 1992 retro boston college eagles oh that's fucking sick this is so cool holy shit what uh the other one and this is uh for you 80s 90s aardvark air t it's an old military plane that is i flew aardvark air that's sick that's that's all let's go dude this guy's goaded this guy is goaded wow all right look at this willy thank you no this is amazing oh my god this is insane this is so fucking cool holy shit what'd you get a whole thing the most thing ever the most thing ever whoa we got tat fake tattoos made by real artists nice bang bang that's fun got a really lovely note that used used all the thing oh and my heart is in

massachusetts for you my leave for me sweet lauren i just wanted to write plus wish you the absolute best of luck with your new job and antarctic exploration uh plus parrot what i can't i think i met her at the boston live show unless i'm tripping oh okay uh parrot whatever everyone else is saying it has been it has been such a delight tuning into playdate with you as chaperone i've been listening for what feels like forever back at the old studio for sure and before that plus it truly has felt like going through life with three friends out in la love love to hear that i meant to send a larger package for you and the boys uh but with your departure imminent it felt like sooner is better than later your hard work grace plus

personality is truly evident in all your hard work on the pod editing producing clipping running the accounts plus so much more you've been the perfect foil uh to the boys antics and the balance you strike is masterful i hope you feel proud of the work you've done and the impact you've made because it's major i'm 26 living in boston and i'm pretty sure uh three you'd be i'm i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure the rest of you have been playing in the background plus have seen me through uh life events like when i ended my relationship of six years last august moving to the city dating laughing uh drinking driving don't drink and drive but it's separate it says drinking driving but not in that order sorry uh plus more i'll expound on my admiration and funny

coincidences to the boys later and i'm getting a copy of a pickle for the knowing one by lord i can't read lord timothy dexter for will because that was one of his teach me somethings and i worked at the museum oh nice uh plus historical society where i worked at the museum historical society where he lived and a new book and a book on new england pirates for jack nice but wanted to include this first off you've included some tattoos for you to add your adorable patchwork sleeve for the bad boys of podcasting improve their street cred and a blue mask sticker for your water bottle you've always got a coffee date thrifting companion person to get absolutely hammered with next time you visit boston biggest hug ever queen xoxo esme also this is a photo of

her in the esme jurors like jurors jurors this is her in the bullpen of fenway i believe yes this is all for lauren we should give this to lauren yeah that's all this is lovely thank you all right uh time for rusty's song of the day i'm gonna go uh sick i'm gonna go sick love by the red hot chili peppers i'm getting i'm getting back into the peppers and uh it makes me feel cool driving around with with them on and uh i hadn't i kind of only knew the top three songs but now i'm making it into the top 10 baby and sick love what sick love yeah sick love by the red hot chili peppers uh guys we love you have a great rest of your wednesday have a great weekend and we will see you bright and early for our monday episode stay safe bye