Will & Rusty's Playdate - pretending to be a Make-A-Wish kid w/ Eilise Patton

Episode Date: November 24, 2025

SUBSCRIBE TO THE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/@playdatepod?sub_confirmation=1  Eilise: https://www.instagram.com/itseilisepatton https://www.tiktok.com/@itseilisepatton https://www.youtube.com/@itseilisepatton   GUESTS AND INQUIRIES: [e-mail] MERCH: https://playdatepod.shop/  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS: Download Cash App Today: [https://click.cash.app/ui6m/ba1zl21n] #CashAppPartner Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Pile your plate high with this offer, and if you haven’t signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE to enjoy up to a $1500 New Player Offer on your first wager. BetMGM: Make It Legendary. Order your LUCY Today by going to https://www.lucy.co/Friday and use promo code FRIDAY for 20% off your first order. Get into the holiday spirit and try this combo before it's gone as the Apple Pie Shake is available for a limited time at Arby's and it goes together perfectly with a Double Roast Beef sandwich. Playdate: https://www.instagram.com/playdate.pod https://www.tiktok.com/@playdatepod Willy: https://www.instagram.com/willdonnellon https://www.tiktok.com/@willydonnellon Rusty: https://www.instagram.com/featherstonerusty https://www.tiktok.com/@rustyfeatherstone Andrew: https://www.instagram.com/andrew_nelson_ RUSTY’S SONGS OF THE DAY: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2e5sF4pBj2HBZDoMhymnNf?si=w38C4sjDT6i4OIXq9f_eSg  SUBMIT YOUR BUSINESS PITCH HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdPHd7Ps9TaX-TOozyLhDpr9Y7pFNMP9PX7cHuLxap1R78GWg/viewform?usp=header SUBMIT YOUR AITA STORY HERE: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdQElfqdQutn3dzl5HcZfey6YWhbVd-n6XE7FkpfosWZyYhyA/viewform?usp=sf_link 00:00 - intro 3:09 - poor woman 13:31 - seattle 27:17 - stolen valor 40:14 - finances  50:55 - meeting Rihanna 1:05:01 - finding dogs 1:21:50 - rom coms that don’t exist 1:35:31 - commercials that don’t exist #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

where some see heroes and others see egos bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes while others follow the noise we follow the money learn more at bloomberg.com so elise was saying i could be the new fallon which i guess is like i guess i could like totally hang with the roots give it up for the Roots I want a live I want a live band in here one of these days

I think that's the next you guys should just have a fake one that's like not here but then they'll just cut to it every time you do that hit it boys

yeah can you do that Andrew give it up for the Roots right now give it up for the we got the Roots here today got the Roots here all right elise is here elise patton oh shit sorry she's vaping she's eating oh that's a cool vape what flavor is that what if this side was lipstick and this side was vape like some

oceans 11 shit i got an ad for a phone case that's a vape yesterday what i don't think that's right this episode is brought to you by cash app cash app lock my money away the whole vapor it is a vape it seems like it is a vape pull up phone case vape andrew it was i don't know if you have to buy a new case every time it dies or if it's refillable because the the mouthpiece is on the yeah it's that top one that is one of the worst cases of vape i've ever seen i'm just fixing my hair and then i think it's pretty cool no it looks like you stick something in it though no look you'd like to wouldn't you the the second one the whole thing is the vape oh no you're right or no that one's a jewel pod god that would have been pretty

cool in high school they have everything man when are they gonna get this wasn't so deep why won't they figure out a vape that cures hunger elise yeah it would have been bad if i didn't clap for that gave you a second chance thank you what's that thing it's just like a thing screwed up there's like some weird modern art wait also my first time with andrew here oh come on what do you think it's it's just miles above what it was oh yeah couldn't agree more it's just you know i never wanted to say anything before but it wasn't good yeah well and she had a drinking problem which i mean no one talks about but right yeah how is that going by the way it's gotten worse okay yeah yeah this was the place

holding her together yeah she's like oh this a company with alcohol in the name wasn't good enough i'm gonna go to an actual alcohol company right yeah i mean it is a track record that she's only worked at places where beer is in the name yeah wait what's so she's done boy beer she's done girl beer what's next what's next they then beer sorry come on non-winery god like a winery made by a non-binary couple i like the non-winery that's pretty good i liked that but people just might be confused because it's yeah it's also na wine yeah but i think it could work how's everybody doing i'm good man how are you i want to hear about these girls these meanies that were out at the coffee shop in front of you well they were just like

ordering to this poor woman who who is i mean she works at a coffee shop so pretty poor i guess kind of the bottom end of middle class probably lives in the back or something but these girls were there and they ordered a whole thing and then they go actually scratch all that which is so mean and this woman had gotten all their substitutions they got a granola bowl and then they were like and then i want this and then i want yogurt and then i want this and they go actually what's that and point to something in the pastry thing and and then she was like that's banana bread and they go i want that instead and it's just like girls figure out what you want how old were they i would think middle school early high school maybe in school

is the middle of the day yeah oh my god that's such a good point i'm kind of on their side now they're cutting class they probably walk down from samoa high you don't get to be mean when you cut class just because samoa high what's that santa monica high school us locals all the branding on the side which says samoha what there's also pali high i've seen that that's in an old sears now really yeah well burned down the first one that's why they're in the sears sorry i know you like to bring that up every day i love talking about the palisades fires when someone who talks about the palisades fire who wasn't affected by it in this life well it actually was a mile away guys so well you had a lot of you're thinking about suing just for mental anguish right yeah

We were really going through it that week. Yeah. That was the funniest time to work here because there were a lot of people that were like, oh, I don't want to... I can't come in because of the fires, but they lived further away from the fires than the office was,

so they'd be like... Or they lived closer to the fires than the office was, so they were like, I don't want to come to the office. It's too dangerous. So you're going to the fire. Your house is in the middle of the fire. The office is far away.

Yeah. At what point could you use that excuse? case because you were you were on the wrong side of history during the fight oh it's already starting the back and forth crazy shit wait why was i on the you were i just remember every day you shitting on people that weren't coming into work because of the fires i was like yeah i mean you know i'm a i'm a very hard worker and i i expect that out of all my colleagues if i'm in here grinding from 5 a.m to 5 p.m and you are here from 5 a.m to 5 i am here from 5 a.m to 5 p.m edge had to make me a special card the last time i was in here early uh that guy pooped on the

door so i learned my lesson don't come to work don't come to work don't come to work early there are people there are crazy people outside there's a guy speaking of speaking of guys pooping in the street there's a guy okay yeah tell me more he lives he just lives out of his car on my street which is not a big deal at all but now he's starting to like take over parts of the like his things are like all around his car you go hey dude you're living in your car i haven't said anything but now this is my street get the fuck out this is my hood and he he is blocked he blocks parking garages and then falls asleep and so not epilepsy in the middle in the middle of the night you'll hear people honking because they're trying to like get in or out and he's just asleep in his

car there's a guy who lives in his car and he parks right outside of my home and when i come home really late at night he sometimes will be messing around with stuff yeah and he i know tries not to scare me and he's really grateful that like i mean not that it's like my job to like police the streets but like i've never said anything i don't care if you live out of your car you know but then he has now like i'll come home at one in the morning i'm like getting my bags and then he'll open his door or something which is very scary and it's a white van too so like that is very scary for me so there have been several times where he goes sorry sorry sorry like swings open i'm up i'm screaming and apologizing to him and he's like sorry sorry sorry and he's moving

the he has like a dash um one of those covers that you put there yeah that was when it was very scary it's like i saw that move at like one in the morning when i was getting home and that was very scary to me i mean does it make you feel better that you could just stick franklin on him yeah i mean i have a wiener dog that would tear his fucking face off and he knows that yeah so eric's got one of those um things that you put you a harpoon gun nope you put a dog in it and it gives it like a robot arms and legs uh no so It's just the rug that you would clean off your feet before you come in the house. Close.

We're close. And it has like a big old dachshund on it. And I'm like, I don't think that that's like what we should have in front of our house. Because then it just tells people that like you can come in here. It tells people that the only line of defense is. You should put a wolf on it. It's a 10 pound dog. Have you thought about putting a wolf on it?

No. I think I like that. Why don't you put like a clearly rabid dog? Like he's still a wiener dog, but he has like foam coming from the top. Yeah, I should just draw it on. So it's like better to just not risk it. Yeah. I think, yeah, we got to do something because it's like welcome and it has a dachshund.

Like that's not, that's not what we need. Yeah. Maybe that one could be on the inside and then on the outside it says stay out. He's got such muddy feet. We need 14 rugs all over the house to get off of it. Yeah. I got like a very feminine welcome mat, like ironically. That's okay.

Because I thought it would be funny. But then I was a little bit worried that does that make me more of a target? Yes. To be robbed. Yeah. if I'm like clearly a girl living alone what does it say

it said like welcome and like yeah like curses don't you kind of want a guy to break in though otherwise what's the point of having that

gun and you want like friends and stuff it's getting with a gun on your pillow every night I think you kind of want a guy

exactly I asked Andrew what he wanted for Christmas and he said he wanted one of those like human hunting trips that Russian

oligarchs go on oh my god he does he's been kind of itching to shoot a guy it's good to tell people that stuff early on

because then they can save up to actually if you tell them the week before christmas you're not gonna get that because i barely got the uh deposit down in time exactly yeah yeah and animals got too easy right i needed i need something with a little bit more excitement i wanted them to know that they were dying and it's not fun to it's not fun to kill something that you can't like uh communicate with right exactly you want to hear like famous

last words and you can put them in your journal and your bone book exactly yeah exactly yeah wait that reminds me of i forget how it came up it was like a miscommunication we were laughing about like a scene in a movie where a guy's like got him in like a field with like a bag over his head but it's like two guys he's like you gotta dig your own grave but we're saying dig each other oh fuck i'm blowing this wait keep going keep going somehow the visual was like the the person with the gun was making you dig your the grave but you have to dig each other's graves with each other's hands what really that'd be so hard well i don't understand it was so it was one of the things it was funny in the moment and high on weed again no i wasn't even high we want to like

know this stuff and get it but we just don't when you talk like this or imagine it's a guy you know there's like classic scene to me where it's got like two guys with a bag on their heads like in bring bad or something it's like you're gonna dig your own graves yeah and then he's like but you gotta use each other's hands they gotta like they'd be so confused yeah yeah wait they're like okay wait what why are you gonna take his it's a thing for it's this is what this is the thrill i get your fingers the gangster guy just didn't want to get back to whatever was going on in his garage because they're really violent i'd like to just hang out in the desert for a while honestly just take your time your time i'm so scared and tired of my dad for as long as we can

oh yeah who are you talking to about that that doesn't make any sense no when we were driving up to yosemite we were passing these fields we're like there's one part where like this looks like a field that you you would take a guy out with a bag on his head and point a gun at him and then who came up with the hands i don't remember who's a little kid you and your high school boys get together you guys are saying crazy shit it's like he's gotta like try to cup the guy's hands like his fingers so like no i get it yeah i'm seeing the visual i think the hang up for elise and i is we don't we understand like what it looks like we don't understand why you were talking about it it's like it's like a funny thing for a guy to do would be do that just to be silly it would

totally cry there was just like a cartoon where was i in this office where it was so quiet and they were like yeah this room is soundproof this one edit no no i was in another room and it was so quiet and i go it's so quiet in here and they go yeah this room the editing bay is soundproof i go honey not the podcast studio yeah this is not soundproof so where they all have their headphones on all day long and just sit next to each other i'm glad that they can't hear it sounds like a lack of understanding of like where audio where the audio happens like we need it we don't need it to be soundproof when we're recording just when we're trimming it up hear that it's your money calling it wants a promotion elevate your savings with the scotia

high interest savings account always earn high regular interest rates that grow the more you save and invest conditions apply visit scotiabank.com slash hisa to learn more scotiabank you're richer than you think just when we have headphones on there is not a worse room for this to be the podcast studio like the bigger the room the more there's a basketball hoop attached to it yeah and there's a basketball hoop attached we have four we have four guys who rotate between three different sports and they all involve hitting this wall it's incredible also my mom i guess got served the video of like the basketball shot okay which she now is like that's so fun elise he's like have you ever wait have you ever gotten it i love like sometimes the comments are like like just like

these people must be fucking miserable dystopian it's like severance it's like the melon party yeah yeah the fruit yeah yeah she was like that's so fun no one ever leaves either like they'll be like you they'll hit the shot and we'll be like you get to leave work early and they're like i have so much to do yeah i can't i think there actually should be a video on that because that is always everyone goes okay i got my i'm gonna be here till 11 tonight yeah with the amount that's on my plate right now they cry the guy that hits it and then has to go back to the soundproof edamame until four in the morning when he's done doing but at least you got a basket yeah fixing the audio from here yeah basically yeah they could everyone could leave on time if we soundproofed

this room instead of the edit bay yeah or if we just moved to the edit bay at least where so let's get to know no i would love that because i like i've never talked to you guys or i don't really how was the rest of your trip in seattle i want to ask about it was great i went a little balls to the wall so did you really both you and liam were like i was in a different state of mind on sunday that i have ever been in so long like i was yeah we were out so late saturday and by the way it was two in the morning and i remember calling liam a pussy because he wanted to go home the bar was closing there was nowhere to go and i go what are you doing like this is come on man let's go to after you're younger than me what are you doing yeah i go like does anyone here have

a house anyone in this bar have a house you started doing crowd work who in here got a house i bet you guys live around here i was literally screaming at liam he was a pussy and then liam go then liam all of a sudden became that person so then he's saying to all the intern all the intern boys um they're 12 and like john and jackson yeah he was like we only get these years once like we need to whatever i see him he's literally doing this whole speech and he has uber on his phone he has uber pulled up on his phone i go you're a liar you're fake you're fraud and then i guess he said that he tried to stand up and couldn't so that's when he called the uber yeah yeah but we had a great time seattle was gorgeous um i was sad that you know you guys

weren't there but i guess you had done your you know you had already been there we went to every bar the night before yeah we did yeah every bar in seattle yeah because when we went to kept bobbing around i think fashion was like we went here we went here i was like oh my god haven't you guys been here like 24 hours where'd you go um we tried to go to this bar called canon c-a-n-o-n um liam saw that the wall was like covered in wine bottles and he goes no wait what that could have been really nice and beautiful he didn't want like a craft cocktail he wants it covered in like patriots jerseys correct yeah so then we didn't go there but we went to um it was like an we went to one like irish bar with the big booths and oh the bocce i think you guys went we went the

the beer garden yes there's a i heard you were weird it was weird it was not it was too yeah too big for it to be a bar there's a very funny clip of willie and i there where we're doing the style of video that we've done 10 times together he knows how to do it where it's like the drinking around the world thing but we were doing it in seattle and i asked i couldn't remember what beer i'm holding so i look at willie and i'm like what kind of beer is this man and he knows he's on camera he just goes i don't know and just like brush it off and it was like we're doing a thing right now i don't give a fuck i don't know you fall asleep i don't know no it was very kind of quiet vibes in there and the waitress hated us from the moment we sat down we go there's

no other customers here like who could you be mad at and then we're at rhino's yes there was a couple sassy bartenders that night i think i think i think seattle part of it yeah maybe it's like it's like one of those restaurants where they're like pay there's that's like their shtick is that they're mean to you but it's the whole city and they don't tell you yeah they don't tell you that that's their shtick i have no sun there they have no sun yeah it's very fair i do think it's always funny when you go to places like that though and it's either like raining or when we were in arizona and everyone there is like oh my god it's fucking raining again i go you live here people kept being like sorry you're here when the weather's like this i go

that's your thing the economy would collapse if the weather was nice here when we were in arizona and they just kept being like it's so fucking hot out yeah i was like yeah i don't live here like i'm here for two days i can say that and they were like fuck it's hot i go isn't it like this truly 24-7 when we were in arizona isn't that where we were when it was 10 million degrees oh it was like actually 115 degrees and they were all complaining you were asu and it up yeah yes who asu yeah that was like our thing all weekend all weekend it was insane it was actually but no it was fine i really liked it did you guys have fun i thought seattle i didn't go seattle oh oh seattle i had a blast you were there yeah seattle was lovely you know fun fact

i my mom was pregnant with me in seattle so i'm kind of a local how does he find a way to work in when his mom had sex in every conversation every time john who didn't john bastion tell us the other day like where he was conceived like we were sitting there and on top of a grape all right no we were like it like came up some random place came up and he was like in passing like that's where i was conceived or jackson said that did jackson drive you guys around that night sorry i started the bit i own that one um we just kind of walked and ubered everywhere he was driving us and he is he's done two of these now yeah he drives like a madman he almost we we almost got in a car crash that was not his fault sure but it was like

we how close i don't think i actually wouldn't i didn't think he was that crazy of a driver oh okay never mind he did tell me he was out so like that was crazy when he was at that tailgate in the morning and he was like yeah we were out till 2 a.m and i was driving him i was like wow that's crazy when he wasn't drinking yeah yeah yeah i just meant like it was funny that he was i mean i guess all of you guys were out late it was before you got there so i was like oh good morning yeah we tried to go to funk friday we found out there's this bar does funk fridays at the sea monster and we showed up at 150 the owner was like nope out leave wait really did you ever show that video of you on the bull i don't know if i ever did this is really funny

after the comedy store like that night we were at saddle ranch like super late where there's for the listeners not in the town there's a there's a mechanical bull that's very popular that everyone does and it's like all night the vibe is like music's loud everyone's on the bowl it's crazy is that the place where all the influencers hang out it used to be just like a normal steakhouse and then when tiktok became a thing they all i guess hung out there and then now it became like the spot for tiktokers which is so funny because when i first moved here it was like oh but now it's already lost that yeah yeah it was because it was the only bar that was open during covid because that they had the outdoor area where the valet parking was

gotcha all the tiktokers would just hang out there to be a fly on that wall i know god i love those guys but then they like so many dances were invented there for sure oh yeah i'm sorry i just like really agreed with that and i didn't have anything to add should i slack to mr beer or yeah mr beer okay because this made me laugh everyone was going on the bowl i was like talking to people i don't know i was pretty drunk i was just kind of like socializing okay off and i went over and i realized everyone was doing the beer and they're like will come get on the beer and And you have to sign a waiver. And I get over there.

And by the time I get to the beer – or sorry. Did I say ride the beer? Yeah. Like four times. I thought – I was like, this sounds awesome. What does that even mean? Last night we were riding the beer. No, riding the bull.

That's a new phrase. I find everyone – so there's videos of all my friends going where they're all like, woo, like the party is going and music. And then by the time I got on it, they had turned all the music on, put the house lights on. Turned all the music off, put the house lights on. and we're actually being like, please exit the bar. The only sound was that noise of telling people to leave. So this is the video of my bowl ride.

You've got two minutes. Two minutes to finish. No, one minute. One minute. One minute. Please finish it out. Two minutes. Sunset.

You have approximately two minutes to finish your drinks. Two minutes to finish your drinks. Please join us tomorrow. He's kind of sad, yeah. So depressing. It'd be funny if he's like, you're like a sad uncle just like yeah the uh like technician the bull rider technician just you the bar is closing and just you get on

just launches you out the door that's how they used to do it before the tiktokers came in and It's, like, too viral. I didn't know that's, like, a horny thing. Like, bowl operator. Do you know about this? No. Like, they, like, find a way. I'm not kidding.

They find a way when women get on to make it so it, like, vibrates and their, like, butt, like, shakes in the air. What? And stuff like that. Like, this is a real thing. From a former bowl operator. He's like, we used to tilt it. Also, I'm going to start leading a conversation. This is, like, a horny thing.

Yeah. Wait, there's a vibrate button? why would that ever be like built into the code but they like jiggle like the joystick yeah the girl's like butt in the air shaking yeah you keep there's not like a bull riders union yeah there's a handbook i took a couple of classes i may have yeah oh it's like one of those uh some girls go to like pole dancing classes as like a workout thing this is like guy like horny guys go to a bull riding class yeah yeah yeah well when i found out it was a horny thing i stopped taking the classes because i respect women right yes thank you because i'm an ally not many of you guys left

no um have you ever seen that video of the i walked out the special needs kid and his teacher riding a bowl together no andrew paul especially he's getting his teacher riding mechanical bowl together it's like oh i know it's like awesome speaking of special needs kid is it true that you posed as a Make-A-Wish kid to get a photo of the Washington mascot? I didn't. Okay, we'll walk through that. This is the video.

No. No. No. I can't see it. I told you. So someone's doing the vibrate thing? I told you. No, absolutely not.

What did they do? Oh, no. Oh, no. Uh-uh. I don't like it. all right oh my god that's a bummer make it stop it's on the teacher as well so much worse than i remember i'm so sorry i thought it was like the guy like it was like clearly an accident but that's like that that that operator should be in jail it's a horny thing it's a horny thing the fact

that also there's like a what a vibe they're like and then obviously in the bowl there will be a vibrate part it's like what that's crazy yeah they're pitching it to the cut the engineers come back and they're like all right we got back forward down we got like a spin mode if you wanted to vibrate we had a vibrate thing and uh and then all yeah also it lifts they go back to the there's a vibrate option just when women get on yeah they'll love it why did the like why would the teacher actually no let's not yeah all right let's this episode is brought to you by cash app willy do you use cash app i love cash app so much i got it tattooed on my butt come on baby can't show it on air but you're just gonna take my word for it

guys if you weren't up to speed already cash app is way more than just a safe way to send and receive money with the cash app card you can unlock a ton of perks without all the fees enjoy benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concert pre-sales i'm talking kedrick lamar the weekend and sabrina carpenter just to name a few recent examples plus discounts on everyday purchases and popular brands you're probably already spending money on cash app also adds security to your money by declining suspicious card transactions and sending you a notification to make sure the payment is really you if your card's ever lost or stolen you can lock it with just one tap right in the app. Spend with confidence with the Cash App card today.

Well, that's right, Rusty. And for a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code FRIDAY10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners, Jim. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank member FDIC. Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. brand. Visit cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Guys, we want to take a moment to talk about a sponsor of the pod, Lucy. Lucy is intelligent nicotine for adults designed by scientists

to deliver the most satisfying nicotine experience and always tobacco-free. Whether you use nicotine to enhance focus, boost energy, or relax, there is a Lucy for you. They offer products from hydrating breakers to pouches to gum with individual servings ranging from 4 milligrams all the way up to 12 milligrams, ensuring satisfaction for even the most demanding nicotine routines. What's your favorite product? Tell me, and I don't want you to lie because you lied to me this morning about something else.

Yeah, I am an 8 milligram guy breaker. I kind of bounce back and forth between the mint and the apple cider. I use them for focus, energy, to relax after a workout maybe. And yeah, you know what? I'll say it. I have them after a couple of beers. Sheesh. We got a vending machine full of those puppies here in the office.

All my buddies and coworkers use them. And, you know, for people with a demanding nicotine routine, you can go all the way up to 12 milligrams, which is a little bit more powerful than the competition. Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co slash Friday and use promo code Friday to get 20% off your first order. lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind again that's lucy.co and you go use code friday to get 20 off and here comes the fine print lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every customer's age verified warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical let's get back into the episode i want to talk about your stolen dollar oh with the husky yeah

well we were just about to take you know we were walking onto the field no biggie we got like field passes at the u-dub game and um then there was the husky there which at first before i knew that was the mascot i was like okay the dog is cute but everyone's freaking out about this dog everyone's like taking pictures of this dog and whatever and then i find out then a woman was like walking put a ribbon on you know all this stuff and i'm like oh this is the mascot and then we go because people were taking photos the dog was on a little pedestal and people were going to take photos and then liam tries to go up and get a photo and and she goes oh we actually right now we're just doing make-a-wish uh children get photos and he's like oh my oh my god i'm sorry um we don't need and

she goes honestly it's fine you can just get in one so then this dog i'm pretty sure is like this guy does not have cancer and liam just like is in a photo with this dog i was like i'm good i'm not or no i didn't take one no john bastion got one do you think they thought they probably didn't ask any questions they go yeah yeah um no yeah so then liam got a photo with the husky and i just i at that point i go i'm gonna tap out of this one yeah okay i thought you did it too i'm sorry to make you just like tell liam's story but yeah we can cut it if we need but do you know what i heard about the husky from from a uw student what not a husky what does that mean different breed guy in there with puppet arms wait did you see that tiktok of the guy who's winnie the pooh at disneyland

he's like in the winnie the pooh suit have you seen this and they cut it with real footage of a girl walking i'm being like poo sobbing sobbing going i've waited my whole life to meet you and it's just you can just see the guy in the thing being like and hearing his breath because he's like it's just a man in these outfits and she's sobbing and she's like i've waited my entire life to meet you and he's like what the and then they hug and she like holds on for so long he's like dripping sweat i'm like that to me is the craziest part of disney culture is the the mascot of it all well i i like it's funny to think about like him being taken aback by that like he didn't know that there were going to be anyone there was going to be anyone excited to see him like obviously like

disney adults are going to be yeah freaking out when they see you i think he it was it was next level i gotta i gotta show it to you that's like when we did a shoot recently where there was a mascot and uh it was like the whole time we're kind of like fucking around with the mascot and then the then the mascot took a lunch break and just took a bathroom break and a lunch break oh oh the one yeah after oh my god i forgot about that probably and he's just sitting there eating i'm like oh this is like weird now that i know what he looks like the top half of the costume was off and he was just sitting there with like normal street clothes on just yeah and we were yeah we were kind of like hogging the mascot and one of the handlers i heard her say to the other

one she was like okay after these guys uh no more he has to go to the bathroom so bad and willie and i had been doing stuff with him for like 10 minutes the fact that he is a handler too yeah i want a handler you need one yeah i'm crazy i need one send it to the roots i just learned about like a like famous people have day-to-days i didn't know that was like a i just learned this when i was at the spotify thing i would be like talking to you know there were three artists playing and every time i met them i would like shake the hand of the person next to them too and they'd be like hi i'm so-and-so's day-to-day and i think it's like they just handle like everything from the moment they wake up their daily wouldn't that be cool have a day-to-day

yeah but like an assistant yeah maybe that yeah maybe they don't call them that anymore because they all three of them and they're not they don't work together they all all three wait maybe i feel like these are the artists you show me that wouldn't have like a full-time assistant it's probably like they're probably like for the label or something they handle like their day-to-day yeah i mean two of them two of them had like millions of one of them had like 11 million monthly listeners i guess i just didn't yeah i don't know all i know is that's my goal for 2026 by this time next year i will have a day today and he'll be sitting right there and it's gonna be willie and willie will be married i'm getting married by the end of the year did you know that

no you too yeah where are you gonna do it if we get married it's technically getting gay married that's what they call it right yeah which is legal now by the way yeah i know but marriage between two gay people is not legal, but gay married is fine. You can get gay married. Because it's, I'm married.

It's like a separate category. They're like, yeah, you're married. The paperwork is never filed. You don't get any of the tax benefits. No. You're totally married.

Yeah, you're married. The marriage certificate goes into like a Manoa folder that just like shoots it into a shredder. They throw it out a window. They're like, I don't know.

Whatever. The judge signs it and just immediately shreds it. The judge is like, whatever makes them feel good. Yeah. uh i just want to be happy remember uh back in covid when it was just couldn't leave our houses everyone's wearing masks wiping down our groceries i never wiped out my groceries i do want to say

i didn't either wait don't you wash your groceries when you get home like your bags of turkey and stuff no no like the like the if you're gonna eat it like the fruit like grapes yeah you wash your fruit but all the other stuff like hosing down his packages of ground beef yeah uh you want to hear you want to hear nightmare co-worker interaction yeah i uh at this job yeah i when we were flying back from seattle i was still a little hungover from the day before oh geez and so i slipped into the bathroom and uh and hit my pen a little bit on the plane what no no before i got on the plane and immediately got a text

from Carly saying she was on my flight, and we were sitting right next to each other, and I was like, oh my god, I don't want to do this. How did she know where you were sitting? She told me what seat she was, because we were both on this... And was she texting you to say hey? Or was she like, oh my god... She was like, I'm

on this flight. Wait. What? She was in first class? She was in first class. Both ways. Oh, she said she got upgraded to first class, because she got that fancy Delta money. like she does all the points she used to travel because she used to work for a company where she traveled every weekend all right this is good because when i saw on the flight out on first class i was like she hasn't been on enough of these work trips no yeah she said she has like

insane delta points willie texted me like very accusatory on the way to washington he was like he was like fyi carly's sitting in first class all i'm saying raises some questions i was like stand by fair enough no she found out at the game she's like oh i got upgraded again i was like there was no one on my flight home though there was first class was full and then there were like three people behind so in her defense like i think if you had a delta account you got is first class ever not full like do they ever no because they'll just go grab they'll go like grab a veteran or something sure i was on a flight like two hours before you chock full yeah pretty full well not chock chock full we got people don't say that enough

chock full also nip it in the bud you know it's yeah but yeah i like but though i like bud but my mom goes you're illiterate speaking of my flight which we weren't but yeah let's go but matt rife is on my flight oh my god and i i feel like i had a funny you had a it was it was that was really funny it was the text of the weekend people were saying yeah just tell them uh you you were like is he doing stand-up i said he's doing crowd work he just asked the flight attendant what she does for a living i mean oh those are those things where it's like you really like that's why you were hired here you know uh wordplay quick little one-liners quick things like quick things it's rubbed off on me do you feel that that some of your quick stuff is rubbed off on me i think i

yeah i i've seen it i've seen a lot of people here my phone almost like exploded from the amount of like ha ha's you got there were only six of us in that group chat like 12 ha ha's it was one of those texts where you knew yeah you you'll remember forever where were you where were you when willie sent the matt rife crowd work text flight attendant i had a that was the second hardest i left all weekend my grandpa was killing me i called him yesterday and uh and him and my grandma their phones automatically connect to their hearing aids which is kind of cool so if you're trying to talk to both of them it's only in one of their ears but i think they like don't realize that the other person can't hear it so i called him and he was like oh grammy's here and i was like no

because it takes him like five minutes to figure out like the difference and trying to walk him through where the audio button is on like a phone call and how to get it from his thing he was like it's on restaurant mode like what does that mean i'm like that you're clearly on the wrong app or whatever and then it's 20 off delivery uh where it's such a category of speak you don't even know where to start yeah oh my god and he it was just them screaming at it or not screaming it's a level eight town hall are you in clash of clans i'm looking through the cupboard what the hell's going on are we gonna be bad at tech when we're grandparents no i want to keep up i want to be like i want to be yeah i'll tell you no because i want to be one of those grandparents that like

really is on it like i'm gonna be constantly asking i want to be able to go through their phone go through their text go through their computer i feel like like my dad has done that like he's done a really good job keeping up but then i think there are sometimes he'll say things where it's like it's like you're ancient like i'm not really getting service and he's like is your bluetooth on oh my god you're like oh no you're so good normally you were almost there he's gonna listen to this and hate it i wonder if it's like not so much if you're bad at tech but the right way to use tech because my mom will share stuff on facebook that doesn't need to be shared like she's pretty good at every other tech but i'm like right we don't need to share every

thought we have in every moment if you go like hmm that's interesting and you share it might be conspiracy theory like you just because you go that might be an interesting way of thinking about it and then you share it that might be to people they think that's your belief but you might be thinking interesting well that's i think there's a lot of social media like now too where people share things like something to think about yeah it's like something like insane conspiracy and it's like huh makes you think yeah it makes you think but even if she even if she would put that as a caption i would appreciate that more than like yeah this is it you're like i'm scared yeah i remember when i was a kid uh when like i learned about twitter being very jealous of people that

like had things to tweet about like i wanted to like like i thought it'd be cool to be like at dinner or whatever but like i didn't i didn't have any i didn't have any good thoughts and i also didn't have a twitter account yeah i used to log into uh this guy that i went to school with shout out david kim shout out david kim he i used to log into i wasn't allowed to have facebook that was his nickname yeah was it really no um but he i wasn't allowed to have facebook but he gave me his login and everything and i guess he probably doesn't even remember what this was but so i use his login every day i would just go in and like peruse facebook see what's going on his password for facebook i still use as my password for everything in my entire life

he could take your life and we have not spoken in decades and he would have no idea that like his password is my password does it like is it about like his life i have no idea what it means and i use it for everything in my life there's like variations of course when you have to add a number you gotta stop it willie's been trying to take my fucking cash ever since i started working oh do you have any money trying to take them give a dollar no no i have money for you you keep spending on weird stuff i can't give it to you i just need money i was talking with billy and it was the same kind of a similar thought where i was like if you figured out my club penguin password you could get into my bank account you got my life you could literally

you could send yourself all my money if you figured out how to get into my Club Penguin account I don't log into my bank that much though do you guys

I use Face ID you don't check it daily probably you got it like that you don't even look I don't even look no I will say the thing about

she sees a Geico commercial and says I'm good for the week yeah that's how I'm checking my account honey okay so we're good for the year perfect

if some like an 18 year old comes up to me one of the tailgates telling me they sell it yesterday that's also how I keep track I love the tailgates everyone will come up

they'll be like i love this video of yours i love this video of yours and for me they go geico okay i'll kill myself um no but then now that i'm notoriously married famously married uh i won't have to go in and check the things but eric's always like you really should keep track because i could be taking everything which now like we'll play oh because he does the he he does the money stuff i don't know about any of that junk but yeah he does want me to be checking it more but you guys have a joint account with everything we have a separate like checking because we pay our rent through two like we sell our rent and it's like you have to pay through two different like

we could give a check or whatever but not outing how much my rent costs but like it's past the max of what you can send on one account hate my life um but so we have to send it through two things so we have two different checking for that but everything like savings is shared i guess but i don't go i don't i don't go looking at all the yeah investments you got that zell max out money yeah it's kind of what you're saying yeah speaking it stresses me out i was just gonna say my old landlord uh made me do it in 50 increments because she was avoiding taxes nice and uh she said well if the president doesn't pay taxes i don't have to either i'm obsessed with her yeah she's in jail i will say i will say that's probably the most concerning thing as like a

tenant because it's like no you need to be paying taxes so i'm living because i live in the property that you're supposed to be paying taxes. True, I don't think I signed a lease or anything. Like, there have been, like, have you seen those, like, nightmare signs? Yes, landlord things. Sorry. What?

He said a lease. I signed a lease. I signed a lease. Yeah, I'm now, you're my agent, right? Yeah. I've been doing pretty well, I think. Okay. He only sends me out for things with full nudity, though,

so that's what's weird is I keep signing him tapes like that. Can we just do half? I go, I never had to do this with my other agent, but with Andrew, it's all nudity. I only do poo bear nudity, which is shirtless. on pants off yeah um oh you know what to their nudity you're in fucking sane that's actually that's a uh flanny that's my thing my girlfriend says yeah if i flannerisms if i'm going to the oh nice thank you yeah on sunday i uh was going to the bathroom and i kept my

what did you say not doing for lauren do like a lauren lauren sorry you have the rest of the hour go ahead wait wait lauren you got a nickname for her we've tried baby sweet i've been trying baby sweet cakes mommy but mama sweet cakes has kind of been my go-to mama sweet cakes are you getting hungry mama sweet cakes you guys transition from being friends to straight to you calling your mama sweet cakes yeah that's actually kind of interesting like being buddies with that's insane like that's the weirdest part yeah big buddies first does like kind of make it harder to come up with a pet name hey baby there was one time that i did say to eric that i was like we don't really have any like pet names like uh and i was like this is so embarrassing but i think it's kind of funny

is that like i don't know a couple years ago i was like what if we just started like calling each other babe did you and and he's like what yeah if you want and then no it was so weird I'm like I don't like it and then it's like then you feel like I'm thinking about it and then I'd be like hey babe it's like also there's that couple that used to be on the amazing race and they just call each other baby or seven I don't want to become that but I was like maybe we could do like and then I don't know then he would try to throw out some like honey or something I go it's too weird never mind right forget about it once you once you've acknowledged it out loud it doesn't yeah you've you've blown your chances I feel like I'll drop like a hun

sometimes what's hon what are you 45 we're like you have four kids that's why i think relatively young guys ironic like it's like a fun hon i don't know for some reason i can only picture that in like a calling from one room to another yeah do you guys do babe you guys no yeah like i don't know what do you do do you say eric i do a full name eric hinesy i go hi no i i don't you'll be like we'll say like jokingly like baby can you pick up the whatever b e b e we do that but like in person i'm not gonna be like yeah it's like interesting though because if you don't some people are just those people early on i think yeah i think it's honestly it's it's probably good i think that's like a healthy thing yeah it's like you don't need to we just tell ourselves this

i think it's really good and healthy i think it's actually probably good that i have trouble showing affection yeah yeah sweet cakes though yeah yeah and that's good too right that's good like sugar ass oh my god in the in the chair company have you been watching no they're like laying in bed one night they're like in his like daughter's house and the wife is like his wife is like oh god it stinks and he goes he turns over he goes no it smells like burgers that's good what just and then they don't acknowledge it and then it goes the next scene and it's not related to anything that's happened before. God, it stinks.

No, it smells like burgers. That's good. That's good. I watched only the first episode. It's so fucking funny. Is that what I Have the Worst Pillow in Town is from? Yeah, that's awesome.

They have like throughout the episode, they just have these one-liners in bed. I've been saying that, but I haven't seen the show. I Have the Worst Pillow in Town. You gotta watch it though. I think you would really like it. I don't want to spoil it.

Don't spoil it because I'm like on episode three. I'm gonna watch it and then we can talk about it. there's just the funniest line well we'll get to it and then we can talk about it then you'll have to have me back on imagine imagine if i brought that up four times what i'm thinking of green egg you'll see it when it happens okay the big green egg joke is so funny is that like about the grill love this sound effect by the way yeah it's a there's a bat up

in the ceiling so i told is it really i walked in on andrew and sean talking about how they're gonna fix it they were like yeah well we can call we can tell edge but he's just gonna go up there and shove more paper towels in it is that what he's doing yeah look they're right there uh no now he's in london they shoved him all the way to london i was explaining to rusty i was like yeah it's like resting on a panel thing so we shoved the paper towels but then they get like flatter and then it happens and and rusty goes why don't you just put like a wood block or something and i go no that would make too much sense yeah that would never work the paper towels

is insane yeah wait i want to i don't we i don't want to beat a dead horse i do think we can come up with a good pet name for that you can use for lauren i think this is we have access to elise right now i feel like i feel like and you only have it for how much longer is the pod uh your agent said your agent said we had you for three and a half they only have me for okay yep um sweetie sweetie pancake well do you want to wait too many syllables something with her name like max Two syllables Everything you've said Could be ordered

At a breakfast restaurant And I don't like that Can it just be A normal Little mama shortcake Little mama shortcakes Like They're like

Okay I want to order Little mama shortcakes It's like an IHOP It's like an IHOP Collab with little mama Have you seen Little mama

Crashing Who is little mama Besides Lauren Wait I think Sorry Wait You don't know

Who little mama is No Isn't she singing like What you know about me What you know about me I know that song I said my lipstick is cool that's the little mama I think

so she actually doesn't have that actually makes sense that you haven't heard of her because she crashed the stage when Jay-Z and Alicia Keys were singing what's it like a concrete jungle yeah she's also from New York

and then her career just ended like right as it was going up she like went on the stage and was like backing them up At, like, some award show. Wait, what? Pull up Lil Mama, like, crashing the stage. And then her career, like, she got shot or something? No, no, she just, like, yeah.

She just never did anything else. This is so... That was it, and then... This episode is brought to you by Animals. How far would you go when someone threatens everyone you love? Who can you trust? From Academy Award winner Ben Affleck, Animals stars Affleck, Kerry Washington, Jillian Anderson, and Steven Yeun.

When a Los Angeles mayoral candidate's son is kidnapped, he and his wife are pulled into a web of deception, forced to make choices that could tear their world apart. Watch Animals, only on Netflix on October 9th. Rated R. Oh my gosh, why would she do this though? Were they like mad about it? They just are like trying to brush her off because they're like performing.

Is she a singer at this time? Yeah. she hits a pose at the end like she was like part of the performance too it's really tough oh no oh my god what the fuck that just gave me like cringe yeah oh that's bad and then her career was like over did you see beyonce try and stop her yeah i'm sipping on my shake from rb's rb's we're drinking rb's apple pie shakes it's seasonal guys and you know what it pairs well with the double roast beef sandwich come on do it in one bite look no one's ever done in one bite before guys this combination is out of this world i'm

talking the best flavors i'm talking the best textures it is it is the super bowl for guys who want to have a good lunch is that's what i've been saying too oh no i've been saying no i gotta be honest i i am sort of an uh an s word for arby's i really love it and the fact that they introduced the best shake ever and the apple pie the apple pie shake it feels like it's it's like the fall winter it's like it kind of puts you in the mood it's perfect and it pairs well with obviously the the double roast beef sandwich because one roast beef isn't enough I've always said that too and I've always said that and I love Arby's because not only do they have the meats they have the apple pie shake that's actually their new saying Arby's we have the apple pie

shake get into the holiday spirit and try this combo before it's gone as the apple pie shake is available only for a limited time at Arby's and it goes together perfectly with that double roast beef sandwich come on what's better than that apple pie shake double roast beef sanderson this thanksgiving season betmgm is serving up more than turkey it's giving you another chance at first touchdown scores with betmgm second chance promotion you'll get your stake back in cash if your first touchdown scorer ends up scoring second instead this is how it works Bet on any pro football player to score the first touchdown of the game. If you're right, you feast on that win, baby.

If your player scores second, you'll get your stake back in cash. No leftovers here, player. Come on. Pile your plate high with this offer, and if you haven't signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code PLAYDATE to enjoy up to $1,500 new player offer on your first wager. Bet MGM Make it legendary On the way up

Oh I saw Rihanna Really Oh yeah yeah Did you tell people that We haven't talked about this On the pod We haven't done the pod In like two weeks

What I fist bumped A$AP Rocky Oh yeah you did And he was with Rihanna And like I tried to Fist bump her But I guess that's not

Like her speed Yeah Yeah Well she Yeah I can't believe You thought fist bump Would be the move

It was one of those Like I was at the Comedy store When my high school Buddies were here We went to a show At the Fondo We saw Richie Mitch

And the Coal Miners with field medic sounds like a fake band but yep it's every band he likes you know there's richie fitch in the coal miners you know the song evergreen i think you did richie fitch and the coal miners are like the band that um marty mcfly interrupts in back to the future like like a 1950s band anyways you saw that show and field medic was the opener and he was great um that sounds more bandish yeah anyway after the show i texted willie simon my buddies are like we'd love to go to a comedy show and we're in hollywood so i texted willie simon i was like hey can we come to the store he's like yeah of course like i'm going on at midnight because he's

got it like that too he's a paid regular yeah he gets us in free drinks he's so cool it's like kind of like you're a celebrity with new assignment at the comedy store and anyway he was like yeah apparently asap rocky and rihanna are here tonight and they're gonna be in the room when he's performing which is crazy i was like no way blah blah anyway i just i'm like all right i'm gonna go to the bathroom while i'm walking to the bathroom asap rocky and rihanna are being led through the hallway it's literally just me the security people and them and i'm security guy just shoots you yeah we'll get him out of the way and uh yeah just was like oh and just like put up my fist bump and rocky like took his hand out of his coat and like gave me a fist bump and

then fist bumping asap rocky was surreal but then rihanna's right behind him and like kind of i kind of put my hand away i was like she's not gonna fist bump me but being a seeing asap fist bumping asap rocky was surreal being in the same room as rihanna is insane was like legitimately like took my breath away yeah like just like watch it not what i just said watch it lauren no like just like i feel like she will start dating rihanna oh my god no but he's she's one of those people that is so famous like 15 people in the world that would like legitimately make me like yeah beyonce rihanna like taylor swift yes uh um who are like the biggest superstars like lady gaga prince lady gaga wouldn't quite do that for me i don't know she's always like in like

i wouldn't recognize that yeah like she's always i feel like then it's like beyonce taylor swift yes two of the people that like elise patton elise patton and then richard mitch and the coal miners richard mitch and the coal miners yeah it was like what are the odds i get to be in the same room as richie rich and the coal miners richie mitch richie mitch and the coal miner i love that it's 18 words yeah they try to do more in that I guess the label said no they go we can't fit that many spotify but yeah we can't spotify is the problem honestly we're cool with it it's just take it up with spotify you can do that you can do that kind of nonsense on apple music but you know how like I didn't realize one of my friends is a man like a music manager and I didn't realize

that if you like it's really good to get on one of those discover playlists you know and it's like morning coffee or whatever I was like it would be kind of funny to end up on one of those that you're like hmm that's interesting like your song is on like like i don't know like she was like oh it's so cool because my artist got on like well my it'll be like um like sad girl yeah like any of those that spotify makes those yeah you know whatever my song that i put out yes you can see on the back of spotify and like i was like oh my god and one of them was little twink anthems that's what i'm saying is that real no i'm out music to music to

hmm bail me out here at least music what would be the worst playlist the worst playlist to be on music to goon to music to goon to oh my god music at the outlet store music at the like what's the you know i was thinking about maggie rogers is always playing on the plane when you're not getting off the plane at the end like when you're just sitting there and they won't let you off for some reason and it's like and i'm literally like going to and you and there's music there's some guys tarmac music that is hell that would be hell when you're boarding when you're boarding flight at like 4 30 in the morning and like sam smith is that like full blast like who is this for yeah or it's that song that's like um you gotta feel it i i i wasn't expecting yeah i couldn't

even uh oh we all have headphones on we can all play our own go out like a gun brighter than the sun colby calais always fucking playing when you're at the tarmac yeah it's like michael blue blade i was gonna say blue blade came on when i'm boarding a delta flight i want i want to get off but it's almost like when you are it seems to be more i almost only hear the music when i want to get off the plane like when you've landed right and for some reason they're like hey folks we're a little congested here uh we're waiting on and then that music keeps like so hey while we're waiting let's have a little dance party and it's the same song eight times hey i know it's i know it's 80 degrees in here and uh we're all like really really itching to

get off here but uh here's some sam smith by the way then they tell you to shut the window which we don't know who made it sorry i do like to listen to that song when i'm traveling into a new place you really yeah if i'm on a bridge headed to new york god forbid i throw that song on who is that one republic gotta be the good that was in like uh what was that sitcom uh do you watch new girl who plays dr sam do you know that actor i'm talking about no i i've seen i think most of it but maybe not all of it he had his own show that my grandma was obsessed with it's about a guy who uh this guy david walton he's fantastic oh yeah actually he's so and he's like dumb right or something in the show yeah so like you know sometimes in a show they'll write a

character and he's dumb at the beginning and then they're like oh we didn't think he was we're gonna need him for this many episodes they like develop his uh they develop his personality he's not dumb in the later seasons like i think they just pivot oh really yeah he's a doctor so he's like yeah they're like we can't have him be dumb as rocks about a boy i think and it's about a guy who writes the he writes a christmas jingle and he's super rich oh and i think it's gonna be a good life is the theme song oh i love that song yeah speaking of bad playlists i was uh when i was in high school i had a crush on this girl went on her spotify and so clearly had like a sex playlist yeah and it was like uh i can't remember the exact name of the playlist but it was like the

most heart-wrenching thing you could possibly read about someone that you were interested in yeah it was like it was like a softer version of like music i'm getting annihilated too it was like you're like not that bad but it was like oh shit it's like go go do you ever go back to like old sex plays you made like oh i never had motivation by normandy is that a thing everyone does i'ma be a motivation that song do you have sex you'd love it what he said he said do you ever go back and like listen to your old sex plays i don't know anyone that no but i don't I have one. Yeah.

What do you put on then? White noise. Oh. Metal. Screaming. Yeah, metal clanging together. Just the pots and pans. Just like a fan.

Chains. Pots and pans. No, I don't, I mean, do you, are you, I've never really been a big music during intimate moments. I feel like, like, freshman year of college, you had to, because everyone's a hero. Yeah, because no one could also, or, and you also can't, like, be with your own thoughts and by yourself. You're like, let me just immediately turn on music.

It's either music or, or blacked out drunk. it's almost so embarrassing now if you're like one second let me queue up a playlist it's a playlist of 19 times that song or like three what's the worst possible song someone could put on when you're about to hook up you go home from you go home to go home from the bar that song that's like feel good because at the beginning it's like oh feel good ink there's just a cackle at the beginning oh that's brutal

I realized I recently have like I actually have a pretty cool skill if you give me like basically any popular song I can tell you like very quickly what the first word is I wonder if you're good at this too if you know lyrics oh uh it's a game it's a competition me versus elise okay okay but and it happened the the rules are it's like i have to know the song obviously i'm gonna pull up i'm gonna pull up uh uh most popular songs top 100 okay you guys now no no in history wait what about uh one that got away

summer yeah okay ready see how quick that was summer summer after high school when what bohemian rhapsody i'm i'm just a poor boy no okay it doesn't start with that though in the song it's the first word of the song oh hey jude hey billy jean i don't know if i know it as well she's just a girl uh no that's not the first word though devastating for the time of day yeah how did it start she's just wait she she was how would i know the answers you guys both no no but you're right but it's she it's she she was more like a movie queen from the moon that's what i just said yeah yeah okay blinding lights the weekend i don't even know that song i just don't know what the lyrics are to that song

yeah but like i don't know what the shape of you ed sheeran um it doesn't feel like this is a of the new skill you have. No, I just got the last like four in a row. Wait. She did it really well. But I know Shape of You. What is that song?

I'm in love with your body. Oh, oh, oh. I just don't know how it starts. Give me like popular songs. Okay. What is the song? Propel that Hades You?

I'm talking about like Uptown Falcons. Okay, As It Was. As It Was by who? Harry Potter. Or Harry Styles. Dobby. Holding.

uh what is it i don't how would i know why are you doing it then do do wow that is good really you think that's obvious i had to google that one but if if if i know them then that would mean i have this skill i'm saying you could look it up if you click on the song that lyric is right if you scroll down let me let me i'll just like god damn but i'm just telling you i didn't really i didn't realize this and then someone did this to me like last weekend in a row and i had like 10 and i and and i was like okay i do think it's like because i listen to lyrics i feel like you would be i figured out a good way to do this for songs i know definitely yeah wait i don't have this thing anymore it doesn't have the feature yeah i'll do popular songs what about last friday

night there's wow there's a stay by the kid by kid leroy what is that song i want to stay perfect by ed sheeran i don't know how that song is these are like top like 100 songs these are these are the top 100 most streamed songs popular songs i'm just gonna search popular songs oh what about like i ruined your guys game i just don't know how to play i don't think you did anything there oh it actually starts with snoop dogg oh greetings yep yeah i had some things i wanted to tell you guys i think okay anyways i if we got like a list i could really go rapid fire i'll be the same oh my god wait willie and i were in the in the hotel in washington yeah uh and we went to the rooftop bar and on our way down a woman like harassed her i was like

so i like you assaulted someone it was super awkward so we were this woman got in the elevator her with us and willie was like um we were going to our floor and willie was like do you want to go to the lobby and she was like um yeah i guess that works and i was like what was the other option we're getting off we're getting off at the restaurant on the top floor yes which assuming 90 of people at the restaurant probably aren't staying at the hotel okay so us we were going to not the lobby so i was like oh hey are you going to the lobby oh yeah that's just to make sure like the context of like okay okay i wanted to make her make it clear that we were going to get off at a random floor so i'm assuming she wants to click something else yeah i was like oh you're

like that that she was like yeah i guess that works and i we kind of sat there for a second and then i just should have kept this thought inside it was not bad but i said out loud and i was like what was the other option or like what like what else would it have been and she took what you knew better what she like got silent and it was like kind of awkward and then you and she goes were you talking to me and you were like uh yeah and then she was like like as if he was like being like a creep like that was her reaction wait that's actually hilarious because you're just genuinely being like yeah and then i woke up in the morning and i was like oh my god that was like so rude on my part and i like

told willie like i was like hey i'm sorry i was like super weird last night and he was like no what she was being the weird one but it was also like you were kind of drunk so I feel like yeah it's one of those things that then in the morning you're like oh no I must have been wrong because I was drunk but I was there and not drunk and I can confirm she was not

that's hilarious but it was like you just got into the elevator with no plan she goes I guess that works you were just gonna go wherever you were she's like freak I'm not going to your room pervert I don't want to sleep with you yeah I don't

want to have sex with you i know you want to i don't want to no i one time we found a dog in the middle of the road and then we went and we were like trying to figure out whose dog it was in the neighborhood there was no call or whatever and i'll just long story short we we walk in the first apartment building we go into we had like kind of looked around but then we're like okay let's pop in here we run into a guy and we're like hey um do you recognize the dog he goes that's my dog yep yeah no it's not it feels like that where you're like now okay but like then i was like looking at eric like i'm like that felt kind of weird though the first option we throw out is that we can't leave a dog yeah and they're like that it felt like that works yeah he lost

a different dog that day it was so weird and he was like that's my dog we're like oh oh i don't know and then i like gave eric look and he was like sorry do you have any like pictures of him on your phone or anything because like we don't know you and like you just said that really weird and then the guy did and it was his dog and he told us later like because then he saw like our next door post we had been posting like in the afternoon like whatever and he ended up messaging us and was like oh my god can i get you guys wine i was so shocked because i didn't know my dog was out yeah and then i like walked up and you're holding my dog and i was just like so confused he's like and that was really nice that you returned my dog and i didn't even say thank you

like he would it was almost like he was mad at us for anyways yeah but the energy of being like that works and we're like now i'm confused uh yeah that could be my dog we're going through tsa in seattle and uh the lady behind me like i don't somehow our airpods like fell out of something or she like put them loose on the thing oh yeah i don't know but crazy airpods were like jammed like in between two of the rollers yeah and she was like packing up and about to walk away and the guy was like ma'am ma'am and she's like he's like oh like kind of pulled them out of this thing it's like are these your airpods she goes oh yeah thanks and i'm always like and i saw the guy be like what like i just saved your airpods like you gotta give me like thank you so

much yeah i know i feel like you need to yeah it was really weird and then i thank god we got that message later because i mean it was fine but i was like we just saved your dog from the middle of the street and he was so weird he was like can i buy you guys dinner can i send you guys wine like he was so nice after because he saw our next door post and was like you've obviously probably like high too like yeah walking out and someone else has your dog you're like what but anyways it was that same vibe of like i guess you're like do you want to go to the lobby or not when i was in no you guys when i was in high school we saw a dog in the middle of the road and so we pulled over and we were like holding it while we were trying to figure out what to do

and this woman was watching through the gate like with the dog and then after i like called my mom and i was like should i bring it home or whatever this woman like walked up and she was like hi that's my dog sorry he got out and we were like it was a it was a boy and she she didn't actually she didn't say he she goes uh yeah that's luna and we were like this is a boy dog and then i gave her the dog and my mom still talks about like i went home and was like i don't think that was her dog and i felt really bad it's so brutal yeah oh i was gonna say remember my unreal joke in cl which one about when that you asked that guy's name no what when you were like this fucking sweater i know i've met him before or something oh about um i was like i don't know

but at least i'm pretty sure his girlfriend oh my god this joked me is so perfect like i want to use it all the time now oh yeah it was like someone from friday beers or something i was like i think i do you know that guy's name and he goes he's dating someone at least that's so funny i love that i love that something i'll be using yeah when someone has someone's name just like his boyfriend sometime i got a bunch of leeches on me when you went in a river yeah were you were you filming stand by me no it was in northern maine and i we were all me and my cousins were all swimming in this pond and then one of them found a leech and then we all started looking we were all like covered oh my god did they suck your blood yeah how do you get can you

just pull leeches off like they're corn yeah what can you just pull leeches off yeah they were little ones but yeah they used to there's some countries i think that still use them for medicine it doesn't work but they think if you're sick like a leech will suck all the sickness out of you we know we've never had a dog that didn't have lyme disease that sucks every single dog we have wait that's so sad is that a common thing in dogs in like maine and like where our dogs were running around yeah if they get lyme disease is it they die pretty no like our most recent dog died at 18 and had Lyme disease from like six or seven on I've got my I got a painting for that I'm gonna give to my parents of our most recent dog running uh running chasing these geese a playmate

actually painted it and I'm gonna bring it down it's on my wall right now but I think I'm gonna bring it for Thanksgiving I don't we ever had you on and not talk about your your dog's my dog's wiener yeah i don't know i do think um then once he got what is it fit fixed is in men neutered neutered is bris huh that's circumcision do dogs get circumcised i thought that was like a soda brisk yeah yeah that's an iced tea drink right i think it's a hybrid when he got neutered then it hasn't hit that level again he still has a pillow in the house that he has his time with sometimes um but that's like fine and then when my family was in town and they were staying in

the guest room i saw it on my mom's bed and i get oh my god and i had to go grab it and put it in the closet my mom was like using it as pillow i was like oh no like a throw pillow so she didn't know but there was no like you know cover on it oh wait is he like he's not he's only humping it right like there's nothing on the pillow he you you know what i normally leave the room because right you know but before he got neutered he would actually come on the pillow so i don't know if that's yes what do you think his balls were for so now i think no because it would be he doesn't have balls yes oh my gosh yes he was like really kind of crazy and i was like i can't really see this and eric was always like it's fine he's gonna jizz on the pillow i don't know

any i originally i was like that's normal and then and i kind of was like looking at willie like he was crazy the more i think about it i don't think i've ever heard of a dog coming before yeah never did you ever hear about liam's friends you blanket oh what no i never understood when i was watching bridesmaids because i was like sheltered and didn't understand a lot of things it later but when the mom on the plane is like i've never seen it you've never seen bridesmaids i was waiting till melissa mccarthy comes back to watch it willie it's one of the best movies of all time and you would love it perfect and you like support women and stuff bridesmaids is is is up there anyways she says on the plane she's like how is it having two boys and the mom

is like oh my god it's awful they're fucking disgusting but she goes i cracked a blanket in half and i didn't get it until later i was like oh my gosh yeah so that's like what franklin was like yeah and then it was yeah then that you get him neutered and then it was done oh oh but i kind of felt bad like i did feel bad getting him neutered because i don't know that it's like probably like i mean i guess you do it right but i i was like i'm sending him in to like get his balls chopped off does he lose any like sexual urges then i mean i probably because he's not like doing it as much but i think he still has fine i'm not it's like also he's a dog like he's fine but right still has fun is what he said no he's still like sometimes he still goes out

sometimes i see it he still goes out he meets people but he he did he was with the pillow like i've seen him with the pillows enough like his yeah did you wash the pillow or are we just like that yeah i've taken the cover off but i don't even like to have it around but i would prefer him to go at least you know like drinking in the house like i'll let him have some wine because he's under my roof i'm not gonna so he's not going and finding it elsewhere but no he will like sometimes like i'm in there sometimes i think it's i just take it away i go grow up one time i was at my buddy declan's house and uh we were like all staying at his house because like his parents are gone or so i don't know whatever but i got too drunk and i puked in like his he had like

a big ivy kind of thing out in his yard and so i like went and puked there on the way in and then And the next morning he showed up because I'm going to be set for this party. We went to a party somewhere else. It was just like we could all crash at that. Gotcha. Coming back from the party and on the way into his house, I'm going to puke. And I went in this little wooded like Ivy area next to his house. And apparently I got up and left in the morning.

But apparently the next morning his dog was. No, no, no. And so his parents found out. I heard from my sister. This was one of her friends when she was little. they had a family photo shoot where they all dressed up it was like a christmas photo shoot with the extended family whatever um this girl from my sister's middle school or something she was like seven or something and she um they were all like dressed in white for this like christmas

photo shoot whatever she went in the bathroom and they were at some random place went number two it wouldn't flush she was like freaking out because she was like this and got stressed like just like a little girl being stressed and like didn't know what to do and got embarrassed because like she's at this whatever and um then she with with her white gloves she was wearing like white like christmas clothes i don't know maybe she was younger too because i'm like this is crazy like then tried to wasn't thinking and then tried to pick the poop up and put it in the trash can there whatever and then she ended up having to come back out to her mom and then she was like and she had like poop on her white gloves and i had to do a whole thing and clean out the bathroom

kids beat cray what is up with kids yeah oh one time my dog cookie got uh we stopped we're driving your parent your your kids like let's name a cookie you're like fine literally what i couldn't care less i'm so tired whatever you fucking want it's all about you anyways the color of a chocolate chip cookie yeah my life is over anyway so name it whatever you want he was the color of a chocolate chip cookie so brown like most dogs what was your story i didn't like your tone there i correct that was we stopped in connecticut and at a mcdonald's or something and he took him out to poop and he got dingleberry and he got it all over the car and we had to finish the drive to maine

i don't like that i thought you're gonna like that one actually dude i like when dogs get snow dingleberries have you seen that no like they're like claw like little balls of snow like stick to their fur if they if it's like up to their belly one time i thought i killed my dog oh no uh because i had a box of chicken wings maxi chicken wings and she clearly had taken them and i googled like falls asleep right now what happens if dog eats chicken wings and it was like almost always it splinters and they die oh and i was like how long can whatever and it was like it had gotten to the point it was like i didn't i just didn't tell anyone yeah and uh and so i was keeping an eye on her for a couple

days and then she lived to like 18 my we also had a wiener dog growing up even smaller than franklin like a little mini dachshund real skinny and at christmas i got one of those one pound hershey's bars in my stocking she ate the entire thing like it was like down like people were opening gifts i guess somehow she got a hold of it ate the entire thing and my uncle's a vet my mom called my uncle and he was like just wait you'll just have to see he was like she's for sure like might die most likely but like there's nothing we can do at this point and she lived that's fantastic and it's crazy like dogs i think are really resilient she was sick for like two days and then i was like probably best save her life for a couple minutes

true chocolate's pretty good chocolate is fantastic we used to give callie one m&m every christmas oh my god is your dog in fucking prison your dog yeah one m&m every christmas she can't have chocolate yeah i know i just made it sound like it was like it was like that's all she eats she had plenty of other stuff that spoiled her but she we were like yeah she deserves to know what chocolate tastes like so we give her an m&m i'm sorry i didn't give her a pound of chocolate like your family and attempt to assassinate my daughter. No, I just thought I was like, I forgot. She got all sorts of treats.

She got all sorts of treats. I think you and my daughter got all sorts of treats. She got all sorts of different treats. And on top of all of that, out of the kindness of our heart, we gave her one M&M. I'm sorry that wasn't enough for you. No, I kind of forgot for a second that they couldn't have chocolate. Like I thought you were saying the only time you ever gave her like a treat was on Christmas. And I was like, oh my God.

my mom just got a new dog and she is like she just lets the dog do whatever ever she wants and my mom sent her a video of her eating the door frame and was like what like it was i was like send a video of the thing and it was her she's very obsessed with her relationship with the cat and so she was like look how cute they're like in the same room and she pants to georgie who's just eating the door frame and i was like don't let her just door yeah like the the part where the door like clicks into she's like down on the bottom just like chewing it like the structure of your house yeah and my mom my mom's like look how cute and i was like nope you need to do a little bit of policing i my mom yeah she doesn't train they they have that uh german

short-haired pointer dog that needs like 5 000 million steps a day and whatever they have the electric fence so she just like runs all day yeah but like they just didn't train the dog and then now i like was on the phone with her on my way here and then there was a man delivering mail and my mom's like sorry she'll jump all over you my bad she'll jump she'll get dirt i go she shouldn't though like she should it and this poor mailman was like here you go and like ran off i'm like this dog just about like wait the way you said that was like it's like a woke way to say mailman you're like and there was a man delivering mail is that what i said yeah and there was a person delivering mail yeah we don't know what he does for a living he could do anything that day

he wanted to deliver the mail, which I think is really awesome. It might be a woman another day. I don't know. A person who delivers mail to you. Yeah. There's stains all over my hands. Mail man. No, the woke way of saying mail man is they man.

Mail. No, because mail man. So it would be mail they them. Maybe they they. It would just be a they them. A mail man is a they them. Female man. female female it is interesting that male is the same name as male boy yeah male is men m-a-l-e

is the same how do they come up with they go male we're also going to name the same as that like physical male oh yeah is the same as male yeah i don't really know everything is a man's fucking world yeah but i feel like i feel like letters are particularly manly why because it's like writing yeah but women are secretaries most of the time yeah but come back to me in an hour but there's like a postage yeah go more in postage i think that'll be good yeah go down that rabbit hole let's see if there's any i think if we talk about postage that'll be good yeah let's go down the postage speaking of postage when's this episode that new album when his when's his postage malone post mail own post mail post

uh should we do our drafts yeah i'm down all right elise you're the guest would you like to start with rom-coms oh you said drafts that's what we're doing oh i don't know why we call it i think it's like also i was thinking when you go at least i have little homework for you do you like i was kind of like that is like play date because it's like school ah that's fun but you were just saying it to me like you were like i have homework for you and i was like that's kind of funny because it's like learning yeah i guess we try to stay on brand right even when you're just in texting with me you guys are so professional yes i would like to say mine would you like to do rom-coms first or commercials

um you guys pick you're the guest oh okay i don't like being here um i will do rom-coms all right t us up willie okay ready these are more rom-coms that don't exist a lawyer is assigned a case where she is defending an accused bank robber he tells her immediately that he did it and that he has millions of dollars hidden in the bahamas and if she can get him off he'll take her there gross it's not like i'm not talking like jizzing i'm talking like oh i also off the case if she okay let me rephrase that she can get him off she gets to go home to get the money she can get him out and if she can get him out of trouble uh he will take her

there and give her half the money they win the case and he immediately disappears and she can't find it months later a man shows up at her door and says he's there to take her to the bahamas and he finds her there on a private jet where the man is waiting for her and they fall in love. I like that. My ideas are so not of this level. That could be a real movie. Mine are just for the joke.

So you thought it was a joke movie? Yeah. Oh. Joke movies are good. Wait, isn't that what we're doing? Rom-coms that don't exist. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Your turn. I have to go after Inception over here? I thought that was straightforward. It is, but it was just really good. like that's why i'm like now mine's gonna be like i get it now you did good ones mine are like funny okay you're not gonna like this now okay we are gonna like it but i can i name the movie first

yes how to lose a girl in three texts okay a man who's no longer in love with his girlfriend sends her to the text to end it all lose weight bitch she hunts him for the rest of the movie i like that no can do a guy and a girl who work together at a canning facility start to fall in love it's one guy he's the guy who wraps them and then she's the one who puts the lids on she seals them yeah and he's and he's very standoffish and and not into her attempts to get off him always saying she's like want to get dinner and he always says no can do and holds up as like a joke and then one day he finally changes his mind and he starts falling in love with her and he knows he's falling in love because the eek forgets to put the lids on the beans and

so they're like spilling everywhere because he's looking at her i love that wait he does the rapping though fuck they switch for a day they switch for a day yeah i was yeah or she asked him to dinner and he's like can do yeah well yes and then that is the big reveal he goes yes can do willie do you come up with the title first or the plot first yes all right an fbi agent is chasing a criminal around the world but he is never able to catch her everywhere he thinks she will be she's already gone but there's a puzzle piece at each place he realizes the puzzle is going to make a picture of her face once he's done uh and when he only has one piece left in the puzzle he breaks into a hotel room where she is waiting holding the last piece and they go nuts

on each other's bodies oh my god what do they listen to this is gonna be the good life this is but then what if she yeah he walks in and she goes this is gonna be the good life click it clicks like an old-timey radio her robe shoots off and then they or he puts together the puzzle and she's ugly and then they don't meet up he is finally disappointed he's like oh wait the one piece left And it's like some horrible disfigurement just on the last piece. She goes, sorry, I thought I could just tell you that at the very end you'd be into it

because we've been doing this for so long. I didn't know that was going to be the last one. So your nose is weird. What do I got here? Oh, okay. Love at first flight risk. Love at first sight. Love at first flight risk.

Woman who has an unexpected love. Woman has an unexpected love at first sight connection with a man who was being escorted off a plane because they found a bomb strapped to his chest. And she's like, wait, who is that? He's like sneaking into the cockpit. And he gets taken out. And then they like fall in love.

She's like, I'm part of it. I'm there. And then he's like, stop it, stop it, stop it. I have a bomb too. I have a bomb, yeah. She starts strapping like things she can find around her chest so she can get arrested with him. The whole plane one by one stands up.

I have a bomb. I have a bomb. Oh, that was like, you remember our idea for, we were talking about this in the sketch ring. for oh yeah like dead poet society dead poet society but it's a guy with a boner and they're like mike can you are you gonna answer the question he's like uh no he's like mike it's your turn are you gonna answer the question he's like mike and he's like i don't want to get up he's like well you have to and then he stands up and he's like a full erection and then every one

by one all the kids in the class are girls too yeah the dresses are like way out but didn't you say also that there was like you think he has an erection and that's why he doesn't want to stand up but then he act was it well that was another idea we were trying to crack this idea but there's something where it's like it's presented as like kid as a boner so he doesn't want to stand up and then he was like then he has a bomb he's like yeah or like there's like a gun like a sniper on his head and he's like reading a note that's like if you get up i will blast your fucking head off but then they did an snl dead poet society bit yeah well that's old have you seen the snl dead poet society no it's just like oh captain my captain they just do that whole scene and then

one kid steps up into the ceiling fan and his head gets chopped off it's so good it's it's like one of the best sketches that's so good okay i'm up stalling for you this is uh a guy and a girl are running a race and they they keep like passing each other and sort of making the eyes and so then the guy starts like slowing down so they can like have this sort of like cute moment and they cross the finish line together and you think there's gonna be some big payoff but she's like has to shit so bad so she goes straight into a stall and is in there for three hours while he waits and when she comes out they make out so hard so most of the movie is him waiting for her outside the bathroom he's just like yes because yeah i i did i did run a half marathon i pr'd yesterday

yesterday i pr'd yeah wait that's crazy because you just did a full marathon yeah so did this feel like pretty chill yeah it was i just got like a friend hooked me up with like a free bib on like thursday so it was like super last minute yeah and because it's 200 usually to do it to run this half it's actually insane people pay to go do that yeah why do people pay that much i don't know it was it was in malibu and they closed on the pch so you're running on the pch which is kind of like once in a lifetime it was like ugly weather wasn't it it was ugly weather but it was it was very pretty it was also fun that like it like sucked but it like sucked andrew whatever you gotta do to sleep at night whatever you think but afterwards i went straight to a stall and i was crapping my

brains out and i i hear like two stalls down a guy just go oh fuck oh no like about you or his own his own situation and i think oh yeah runners all right this next one two guys start a podcast together and they become good friends they both get girlfriends but it's like kind of clear that like there's some tension there right and they realize like the only place that we can show affection for each other is if it's like in a joke in a video right so they like are kissing in the videos and stuff and then you know people are making edits of these videos and and they're posting them and they're like oh my god people would like accept us if we did this and they both break up with their girlfriends and live happily ever after i don't like that one i don't really

see the vision yeah yeah it was kind of a just like a pipe dream it's like a random one that's a really random one i would i would think that that just so you guys would know i think that that would be really nice it's kind of like a broke is that like a random one you did just like a random one it's just like a random it's like broke back mountain but they can only hook up on these work trips people make videos of them kissing and stuff yeah that's so random weird that'll never work random thing of the day

from him like rando guy I don't think anyone would be interested random um these are all like plays off of actual movies

cool Rango 2 there's you know the movie there's there's something about Mary yes there's something creepy

about Mary this is a romcom about a guy who starts dating a girl named Mary and he really likes her but then unfortunately

every night she turns into a total freak and she either talks like, I'm Mary, I'm a total freak. Wake up, wake up. And he wakes her up and she's like, all normal. Or other nights she's like, I'm Mary, I'm a total freak. And like, he can't, everything else is good,

but there's something creepy about her. New from Nespresso. Blend wellness into your coffee routine with the Coffee Plus range. Infused with functional benefits. Choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins. like coffee plus b12 to help support immune function and coffee plus b6 to keep your day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng

extract whatever lies ahead don't change your morning let your morning change you discover coffee plus on espresso.com i'm mary i'm mary wake the fuck up wake the fuck up and then he wakes up and she's normal she's like what's up should we get breakfast when it was raining in uh in la when i got back flan said i had woke up in the middle of the night it was like super loud and windy outside and she woke up and i was sitting up like looking at her and she was like oh my god what's going on and i was like what is that out there and she was like it's raining and i go i'm really scared and then i went back to bed and i have no recollection of that but she was like it was the freakiest it was like the creepiest thing in the world

i'm really scared you think you were possessed no i think i was just like half asleep and the brain was a really scary noise and i was yeah there was a story on reddit of a girl who thought her boyfriend was drugging her every night because she couldn't remember like the previous day or like choosing to go to bed ever and um so she posted on the subreddit and it turns out she had bed bugs and bed bugs make you lose your memory at night what how yeah what i don't know but it's crawl in your brain and they take all your memories bed bugs make you lose your memory that might be like what if you search this and it's literally no google results they were getting too close wait that like coming from the guy that like he's almost wrong about

or he's always wrong about everything that wait i've never heard this in my life okay i got another one yep love stories a man falls in love with a girl in the lobby of a building but it's a 15 story building and he has no idea which floor she lives on actually fuck it 50 story building so he goes to a new story of the building every single day trying to find his long lost love turns out she doesn't live there she was visiting her jacked hot boyfriend who lives on the fourth floor what happens they never he never he finds he never finds love there's a friend and he goes up to the 50th floor jumps okay i just wanted like a resolution yeah what if it's like a beating switch like he goes up to the 50th floor and you think he's gonna jump but he just like hangs

himself he just shoots himself a gun he eats he eats the berries from hunger games yeah there's a He's randomly got them in his pocket. On the ledge. He's about to jump and he just eats the berries and the movie ends. They go, are those the berries from Hunger Games? They're in a package. It's like Hunger Games. Special edition.

He bought them from like... He still has the glasses from seeing it 3D. It all comes with the package. There's a Friends episode where that happens. Oh, yeah, yeah. When he falls in love with a... He sees a girl across the street and he's like

it's like a hot girl and he's like okay like how many floors would that be or whatever and he like goes and he can't can never find

I knew it was familiar to me oh really yeah wait well you gotta watch Friends actually you would love Friends it is

one of the I think the best shows of all time you should watch Friends okay I got a lot going on I got nothing going on I'm watching Chair Company

I'm watching Breaking Bad oh yeah well finish Breaking Bad then I would say Friends is one of those shows that I watched it all through college

I had never seen it insane if you watch it in order yeah i should i just as i was saying i'm pretty busy right now i was watching friends when i had my first kiss no way really yeah so you weren't really watching but that's very sweet it was the first time i watched friends and the first time i kissed a girl so big day for me how did you think the kiss went not well yeah how long was she we're good friends now but she broke up with because she said i got way too excited when we would kiss that's so funny yes yes no no not like

that was that was shaking that was that was misleading for like a weird like seventh grade yeah i would go over to her house and she was like all all i wanted to do was just kiss yeah yeah but we're good buddies now why else would you want me you just always every time she's like stop stop she's like we don't even have give me more of that frothing

get friends on yeah so Reed I hope you're doing well her name's Reed Reed Carmichael or his name oh that's a great name

not judging oh my god there's a great scene in Despicable Me 4 I was watching last night I try and get him to watch movies all the time

he's like I'm busy he's like I just don't really like I just don't really watch a lot of movies you've seen all four Despicable Me

probably several times yeah and I saw clearly an erect from andrew i also watched i re-watched sing last night too oh that's a good one so good have you seen sing too no they made us oh we still have another draft these are commercials that don't exist i'm very excited about this okay ready bounty commercial like the paper towel where they show how good it is at getting rid of stains by it's a lady in a church using it on a stained glass window and then when she looks it completely wiped it off and it's just a regular window that's fantastic okay again i'm out of my league here because i i also texted

william i was like is this like a product or like a commercial and you were like both and i'm like i said either one i think it'd be a commercial a real product or something made up also liam said wait i got i got a funny idea to punch that up and he said and then they look through the window and it's a uh paris touching a kid classic and i said he always goes and that's why you go on the dark pod yeah dark pod dark pod um shouldn't it be elisa oh yes sir oh okay i'm sorry because he intro and then me and then you oh okay um okay oh yeah okay so this is this is a product called amazon echo that just echoes do you have social anxiety or do you sometimes wonder if what you're saying is weird or how you're maybe saying it is weird are you ever trying to rehearse

something you're saying but you don't need it necessarily recorded and you don't want to have it recorded because you might be embarrassed about it but you just want to hear back real quick see if it sounds normal introducing the new amazon echo that just echoes it simply echoes your words back to you in the moment so you can hear if you sounded like a freak watch it in action hey echo hey echo echo this for me hey hey dave do you i was wondering if we could hang out this weekend but if you're busy and then echo would say hey dave i wonder if you want to hang out this weekend so if that sounds bad to you you might want to do it again right but it's not recorded because it's embarrassing and they don't save it yeah they don't save it so it just echoes

back and so then i may go hey dave i'd love to see you this weekend of your hey dave i'd love to hang out this weekend if you've got some time did you get that echo and it goes back to you hey dave i'd love to hang out with you this weekend if you got so now i would know i'll to not have the pause in there and i'll know to just say hey dave i'd love to hang out this weekend if you got time done love it you got better like that was a good use case yes thank you thank you yes for learning i love learning um all right scene opens as a guy and a girl at a bar they're hitting it off uh he's like should we get another round and she's like yeah and he goes cool and the barkeep comes over and he goes uh we'll do two vodka monsters and everyone in the bar stops what

they're doing and thinks they're freaks and it goes red bull people won't think you're insane for ordering us that is kind of funny oh yeah the monster vodka monster i would drink that that's what they call me in high school the vodka monster yeah that was my alter ego all right probably illegal uh lottery commercial where it's just 10 guys in a row and they keep buying a ticket and just winning a million dollars one by one and so then the cashier goes i'm getting in on it and then he wins a million dollars and then the guy like people just start pouring and everyone's winning a million dollars every single person who buys a ticket i love that it goes california lottery it's that easy yeah it's that easy oh i love that junk oh that's all i had all right cool

um it's a bunch of people sitting around arguing about how tall the empire state building is and one guy finally goes all right let's just bing it and everyone immediately starts screaming at him and it says don't be a freak use google that's good let's just bang it what about uh wait who's ask jeeves remember that who's jeeves ask jeeves that used to be a site it was like altavista oh no it's altavista that was like before ask jeeves whoa because you're like 34 55 no there's a scene in parks and rec where where they've been like adam scott is like why does everyone in this like town still use altavista it's like a running joke that in pawnee no one knows about google i'll use like this thing from the 90s um okay oh this is a good one light bulb commercial

where it's like guys hang out and they're like or guys like trying to brainstorm something and one guy's like wait i have an idea and it's like a pause and he's like and then they're like hold hold and like a guy comes in and he like screws in a light bulb and it's like the brand of light bulb oh that's fantastic and it goes like ding and then he delivers the idea yeah okay this one's not good uh it's a guy and he's scrolling instagram and tiktok and it's super overwhelming or sorry and it's like super overwhelming influencers screaming and uh like horrible news and he's stressed out and then from the other room there's like a faint ding and it keeps dinging and he's like following it through his house and

there's this old like dusty computer and uh it's open to facebook and his sexy english teacher from when he was a kid poked him uh and it says facebook all your childhood crushes are still on here that's good it wasn't i like it what about poking they get rid of that i would like to bring poking back i used to go on my neighbor's facebook account and he let me poke his friends because that was such a flirting thing back then too yeah i wanted a rush you would probably feel when like you got someone from school poked yeah because they don't really have an we don't have an equivalent of that now on like instagram besides i guess hearting your story but it doesn't have the same that's so easy to do like you hearting your story is like that's a good way kissing

someone though yeah like someone tweet i think caucasian james tweeted one time because if i if i like your story that's me kissing you on the mouth yeah that's fair if someone hearts my story i assume that they they want something from me but i bet you get a billion hearts you know like because people are always like yeah me personally yeah yeah i get a billion hearts yeah well it'll be like 100 people liked your story so i think that is different can you go see who liked it i think so i haven't been able to figure that out yet i think if you click on your story it'll have it immediately there what all the top people it shows like you never looked at who liked your story no it will like disappear oh yeah it does show all the hearts i don't think you can go back

i want to see like who liked it yeah usually i think first right you can click on it immediately right yeah well don't you have a girlfriend why does it matter it's a good point well i want to know if she liked it oh okay yeah she texted me the other day and was like you didn't like my story i was like you don't like all your girlfriend's stories i don't know i don't know really well she knows that i she knows that i like like her as a person also how many stories come up like you couldn't like every single one she does she's a close friends so it's like me and like six other people on the story so i'm like i feel like you know that i like it she only has only does close friends things she rarely yeah rarely posts non stuff i'd like to be on

her close friends yeah who are the other people on it besides you a couple friends from college i think in my home i i don't think you like that story yeah yeah i did wait do you and my girl and follow each other no they don't follow her i feel like i have a lot of i want to be on her i want to be on her close friends before i follow her so i know what i'm getting into yeah i don't want to like do a follow for yeah that's actually smart well i don't want to dilute if i like every story then she's not gonna know which ones i actually like good point it's a damn good point eric you know has like notoriously like 80 followers and so he'll be like yeah i got a like on my story i'll like i'll be like should i follow yeah i think my story is pretty good i got a like

on it and i'm like that's insane people around town are talking about it he only puts really franklin on his story so it's not you kind of that's what you're getting into right and all he i think has seven posts and they're all photos of me i mean come on so you got to do but yeah he'll be like yeah people people really liked my story today i got like two likes oh all right should we finish yeah i'm kind of getting tired he's sunk more i'm getting tired elise thank you so much for coming on guys have a great rest of your wednesday have a great weekend we will see you bright and early for our monday episode elise do you have anything you want to plug where that where can the people find you what's your where's your address elise patten

what what's your address for everyone um one two three boner road come on come on and cut back guys if anyone heard me talking like that a little taste of what you're gonna get if you follow if anyone heard me talking like that it'd be bad um no um it's elise patten i-t-s-e-i-l-i-s-e-p-a-t-t-o-n oh it's it's elise patten yeah you're uh the way you spell elise yeah it's a nightmare i have to spend i it's one of the old you're one of the only people i know uh that i have to i have to double check it you gotta think on it also have you ever did you ever grow up and they're like all right here's the definitive rule for i's and e's i before e except after c and i go or sounding like a and neighbor away yeah what about you they go you you're out no it's like i guess

the irish spelling which you know doesn't mean you know that much but it's like there's it really it's just there's an extra i at the top you know yeah it's sort of like a uh cyclops but it's tricky when like you'll email someone and like it's right there and they don't i know all right yeah do you get offended of people I don't I don't if it's like over time

if we're good friends you're always I'm like come on but like if I'm just talking with someone you might think that I made a mistake in my own name

yeah there's someone I know in that has like a unique name and they'll always post up on their story of like someone fucked it up again

so yeah you're the only person with that yeah you can't the only person in history when she told me her name in person I was like

that's a mistake yeah there's no way all right we love you guys we'll see you later drive safe Thank you very much.