Will & Rusty's Playdate - professor has EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN after meeting son’s brother

Episode Date: February 19, 2025

This week, Will and Rusty argue about the moon landing and whether or not eating too many carrots will turn you orange. They also get into March of the Penguins’ legacy, shape-shifting, and how ten-...slide PowerPoints got you anything you wanted as a kid. Plus, the boys draft their best excuses for being late, ways to say you have to fart, and reasons for breaking off a relationship. FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS: https://www.flowcode.com/page/playdatepod BUY OUR BUILDING DEPARTMENT SHIRT: https://almostfriday.shop/collections/playdate-pod/products/building-dept-longsleeve HEAD TO http://www.drinktriple.com/playdate TO GET 10% OFF THE ORIGINAL HIGH SELTZER USING CODE: PLAYDATE. 0% HANGOVER, 100% SOCIAL.  🚨SALE🚨 ACCELERATOR ROCKET POP AVAILABLE ON AMAZON FOR $19.87 FROM 2/19 – 2/25  https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/FB06B38E-F0C2-479F-9DA5-FD4A1C852B07?channel=Playdate SHOP SKIMS MENS AT https://skims.com/playdate AND SKIMS STORES. PICK UP SOUTHERN COMFORT WHISKEY FOR YOUR NEXT PREGAME OR WATCH PARTY. SOCO IS EASY GOING AND DOWNRIGHT DELICIOUS. https://www.southerncomfort.com/  00:00 Intro 03:29 Driving a Cop Car 09:05 Pets 13:08 Club Penguin 20:35 Tucking Bird 26:58 The Bread Box 34:35 Caves & Whales 52:42 Roadmap 54:07 Pitch Submissions 01:05:27 Pitches 01:11:55 Teach Me Something 01:24:22 This Guy Rocks 01:28:27 Prank Call 01:33:50 Drafts 01:38:09 Whose Personality are you Stealing? #AlmostFriday #FridayBeers #PlaydatePod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:37 play date bow new thing i do at the beginning of the episode 81 81 phil kessel good one let's go that was awesome i love that and i'm gonna let that slide is that actually do you not normally let it slide yeah well usually i try to guess one too but i think that's that's enough you got a penguin i like how they list how many times he's worn it like numbers 81 81 81 81 it's like they do one for every game um do you see google's like taking all the observances off the calendar yeah they were like we don't have enough like like storage for it or something what do you mean like holidays like they just like like black history month jewish history month all the things what about like labor day yeah i don't know where they draw the line because it this morning it's
Starting point is 00:01:36 it also has it also has birthdays of people that i've never written down their birthdays somehow do you notice that like people you know yeah i think why would i it's when you text happy birthday it goes into google yeah that's insanity i think sometimes i think you can choose whether you want it to add or not which i always do because i've become wait but that's apple apple yeah yeah that's what i'm saying it'll be like it's like like today is riley doll's birthday i she was a good friend so obviously i've written it down at some point but i never like put it into google birthday on valentine's day is kind of brutal yeah i was lauren and i were talking about i was like god scrolling through instagrams making me want to fucking lose it huh and she
Starting point is 00:02:25 was like no i love it for the record we're recording this on valentine's day yeah wait why does it make you want to lose it well it's just like because he wants what they have i want what they have that's so interesting i feel like when i before i had a girlfriend i never saw like another relationship and was like envious no well that's what i'm saying though it's not like i'm like envious of the relationships it's like you look at enough and i'm like that would be nice to have too right right ah stay stay single as long as you can ah the golden handcuffs yeah um no i like my girlfriend yeah no i just i just it's not yeah it's not like i'm like god i want like i want that yeah that would be nice let's let's role play i'm your girlfriend
Starting point is 00:03:23 you it's valentine's day what are the things that you would want to say to me what are the things that you would want me to say to you what would what would we do baby when your eyes look into mine i see a hundred angels flocking into my heart one at a time beating to the pound of my drums and echoing through the halls of my love i think we should see other people yeah and then i would get her a car i'll get her a tesla dude getting a girl getting a girl a car would be the coolest thing in the world one day one day everyone like and subscribe um yeah if anyone wants to send me a car you have a car we're having a new car i've never
Starting point is 00:04:13 seen anyone else with your car i was talking i was talking with rick about this the other day okay he thinks it's a one of one or maybe ed i was talking with someone and i was like lauren has like it's like it's like traffic like in a video game hasn't fully rendered yet so it just sounds like a generic car what'd you say my 2010 ford taurus yeah like that's not a thing it was like old cop car or not my specific one but like the the brand or whatever wait did you ever see that video of like it was cheap there's a guy it was in like so i'm not rich it was a guy like we all make the same amount that's not true that is so not true it's not true don't get don't get into that i am such a wealthy man all right will what were you gonna say there's a video you know i have
Starting point is 00:04:59 less than 200 my checking account right now so i'm not a rich man yeah but that's not that's that is not yeah i guess you can't you can't claim poverty just because you spend it all or because you don't you have others you have it in savings yeah that's true yeah i have to have a checking account is not representative of your net worth it's like that would be like like how much do i have in my venmo yeah exactly i i'm so irresponsible with my finances that i have to have a middleman wait well what were you gonna say um about uh my car we were talking he was talking about my video you said have you ever seen that video there's like a it was like a guy in italy and he's like what the hell and it was like city of houston police department like driving down
Starting point is 00:05:49 it was like i guess you can buy u.s police cars at auction and they're legal to drive in europe because they don't look like the police cars there can you look google u.s police car in europe i like to think that like a an investigation he was doing in houston oh sacramento that's what it was a sacramento investigation got like way out of hand yeah yeah well that's what they had to like take it to italy it'd be a good movie wait so that's just someone's random car yeah that's just someone's car a random car um i think it was in poland it's i believe it's illegal to drive a cop car here it is now you have to like there's like very specific modifications i've seen guys like that like
Starting point is 00:06:39 you know like the kind of guys on the internet that just are like suck kind of and they're just like trying to like piss people off so these guys like got a cop car and like technically made all the specs like right but it still so looks like hop car and had lights and noises somehow like the average guy like like weaseled their way and then they drove to the police station and they were like look at this and the cops yeah i'm really glad we didn't i don't know what has to happen to you as a child were you like one of my best friends is kind of one of those people where he's like cancel me if you want like this is what i believe like dude no one can you're only saying that because i don't know no i agree like what has to happen to you where you're like
Starting point is 00:07:24 i i'm waking up and i'm like i want someone to be like very upset with me i want that smoke i don't know i think it's just a want and want to be like should draw attention and yeah it's really i guess this is these are two guys that are filming themselves well yeah i think we have the same need we just maybe are like lucky to be very like social and stuff and so we can get it through social interactions but i think people maybe who struggle socially right would then go down the path of other ways to get attention which is like yeah lashing out or drop i mean it really is like i feel like i do kind of fundamentally believe in like we all kind of we all want the same we're all shaped by just like are you think it's well some of it's like
Starting point is 00:08:14 how you are like what your disposition is as a person but i feel like when you when you put it this way when you go back far enough on like anyone it's really hard to like really hate a person or like find fault because 99 of the time obviously there's exceptions like horrible people but like they were like they had this yeah i don't know lauren um i started daydreaming oh cool what were you thinking about i was thinking about how oh wait did i tell you that one of my friends from college is coming to my wig party tomorrow no who meg nice yeah lauren's having a big wig party tomorrow we're all very excited about a family guy get family guy just saying the name doesn't you have to get i didn't know what else that's what i was daydreaming
Starting point is 00:09:08 about i was like i want to prank them but i couldn't oh my god you know my friend my friend meg's coming to my coming to my um wig party oh nice get family guide what okay oh man we have to you should have said like i know i didn't know i've never seen her without a beanie on well yeah the pressure she's the dog um what else what else what oh my god uh i was thinking about i've been thinking a lot about my old dogs because one of my dogs passed away the other day she did oh i didn't tell you that yeah callie went to callie went to the big field in the sky legend i'm so sorry we'll put a picture of callie right here um but i was thinking about just like funny there it's so funny just having like a creature that like lives in your house
Starting point is 00:09:56 spider in my shower this morning it's kind of the same thing right where it's like we just but like that one's not okay yeah you know what i mean like we willingly bring this thing into our house like from nature and like i think if you tried to explain that to someone who like if there was a world where pets didn't exist and you explained the concept of it to them it would be very bizarre like you get used to coming home and there's like this little like creature that just like bops around your house but i remember we were watching march of the penguins one time the most boring movie in the world and like a documentary it's so sad though yeah it was just like it was excruciating for as like an eight-year-old just truly like yeah really boring
Starting point is 00:10:40 because i thought it was gonna be happy feet it was like i think they came out around the same time yeah and i thought it was gonna be a similar vibe and it just wasn't and uh my dog addy was at the foot of the bed and like just let this fart go like i had never heard her fart and she farted and we were all like oh no like if she like if this is her first fart in 10 years like that's like 10 years of gas in one thing yeah and it just cleared out my parents bedroom and we all had to like take five but it was like oh nauseating no dog yeah dog farts are bad wait i have a question why was that like a that was like a big movie like everyone's seen march of the penguins just like the penguin documentary i think it was just like like i couldn't think of a documentary
Starting point is 00:11:31 that everyone's seen but that in yeah that's interesting well maybe that's not true it was probably the first well i don't know this is my guess it was the first thing to come out about penguins i don't know if that's true it was the first thing to come out about penguin movie yeah wow a whole i mean maybe yeah one hour and 25 just about penguins like i remember that yeah it was like the mom these are all animated like penguins were hot for a little there yeah penguins of madagascar surfs up happy feet surfs mr poppers penguins march of the penguins when i was a kid happy feet too and surfs up came out mcdonald's batman returns was putting listing movies when i was a kid and i remember when surf's up came out
Starting point is 00:12:24 the happy meal toys were the characters yeah and i just like desperately wanted one we were like not a mcdonald's house like my mom just i don't think i had mcdonald's for like a while and uh my dad and i were alone and i was just like this is my shot and i just like pleaded with him like i won't i won't even eat the happy meal like i just want the toy thinking he was gonna he was gonna be like no but like looking he was immediately just like oh yeah cool yeah we can just we can do that and like you it's funny like now that we're kind of adults yeah being able to be like oh that was probably so funny for him that like this was like the end like i thought this was gonna be the end you had to make like a big pitch yeah please please or like asking for like a pro membership
Starting point is 00:13:11 on club penguin it was like 25 bucks we had like a full sit down negotiation of like you know what what they were gonna get out of it yeah it did like did like probably like hundreds of dollars worth of like manual labor i remember making like a 10 slide powerpoint on why we should get an apple tv yep and my parents were like oh yeah yeah yeah you didn't have to you're like 19 yeah i mean that's funny you just brought up club penguin because one of our pit one of our playmate pitches is club penguin theme today really just bring i used to run that shit dude same because i i remember i like inherited my brother's account yeah so i had like he the big igloo like the whole nine well it was more like they kind of like more and more started putting like paywalls
Starting point is 00:13:58 in and stuff yeah and so early on you could get like cool like shirts and stuff for like free but like we never put money into it so i would have like shirts oh that they would be like oh shit i mean maybe no one no i know but like i had stuff that there was no way i any they were like from events that like they would do like events that you could like get right shirts at and later that you had to buy them all but like i had these old ones that we got for free there was like i had an 06 ice jam shirt right and that was like that would yeah like other people have to like thrift those now yeah exactly they can't even get what um and what was like your what did your guy look like oh peng he was blue penguin his name was oc navy or the navy or the light one the navy
Starting point is 00:14:44 one yeah i don't know his name was his name was just oc humaniora who was a defensive lineman for the giants and um i remember mine was like or maybe i'm maybe i'm thinking of someone else's i just remember someone's being like emo like it had like swoopy like hair over the eyes and it was like how did you get that did you remember like the like there was a game where you had to like solve clues i love that one i was big into cart racing where you would like tilt and grind the mine yeah that was sick yeah i really didn't like this tubing one yeah the pizza one stressed me the fuck out i like fishing when you get the big fish yeah and you remember like the place you go and play the arcade games there's a thin ice one i really like that one sam barrett was just telling
Starting point is 00:15:32 me yesterday it's so funny when like one thing gets brought up you're like oh i was talking about the yes like what were the odds of sam and i were talking about club penguin yesterday and he was talking about how he got banned from club penguin we got i got banned for like chatting people we would like get we would do the thing where like get a girlfriend yeah and then break up with them but be like really mean like we'd be like do you want to be my girlfriend the whole time knowing we were gonna break their heart and then yeah and then we'd like go to a new place together and i'd be like i fucking hate you and get banned and dude i would post up at the beach like where you do that surf game and i remember pretending i would like go to try try to find
Starting point is 00:16:10 like surf hotties that was like i'd love to i would i was kind of i kind of had a post up at the beach fetish actually yeah i remember getting carried away with that as well weird wait posting up on the beach like dude looking like hot like how did you know how did you know which penguins yeah i don't know i just was like looking at all the show and pouch flash and pouch yeah oh my god wait where was i want to do this now this is this is some of the best times of my entire life this was the beach what was dude they fucking nailed it with this game this they hit the nail on the fucking head with this thing i want to see like a crazy can you put spy game club penguin spy game what was that one yeah yeah yeah yeah you have to talk to the doctor oh
Starting point is 00:17:03 whoa this is like really bringing me back not that i don't know what that is that there was one where you had to like there's like something with this dude yes yeah crab translator 3000 yes yeah yeah it was like there was like some crime that you had to like solve to save the island so fun oh i think my penguin's name was culver bear what i don't know culver city um stand up we got to talk about uh lila nelson oh yeah i don't we prank called their parents last week oh yeah yeah and said we had to take the roof down a little bit and and her dad called me back after and was like hi i got it i'll play the voicemail it's actually really funny yeah i didn't listen to those because i wanted you well i didn't i am not going to show her video i don't
Starting point is 00:18:00 think but the the dad called me back i think i like kind of convinced him he's from minnesota minnesota minnesota uh hey i received a message from this number today about a garage uh you feel free to call me back yeah but uh she she sent a video of her telling them that it was because of this and uh lauren's like snapchatting over there no i'm not i literally just watch you like take selfies no the girl that one of the pitches i'm gonna read today she just sent a picture and was like oh my gosh yay i'm reading i'm wearing the merch continue um yeah she just told them and her dad immediately went on the offense and was like we should prank them back
Starting point is 00:18:46 yeah he was like let me call them what no that's so funny nobody fucks but yeah big fan of lila nelson thank you for uh for sending us those videos it was very funny are you guys gonna do one today do one i don't really want to you today you don't ever do well well we had to do two will and i have this new thing we're doing called cold cases where he gives me a mystery and us and our friend case and uh try and solve it over 12 beers and i've done it twice this week so it's actually insane i don't know how you're like alive that's a lot i got home late last night not late last i got home last night and ordered a spicy chicken sandwich and i'm just paying the pied piper right now this podcast is brought to you by triple triple is the original high seltzer with three
Starting point is 00:19:42 milligrams of thc and just 15 to 20 calories triple offers a social buzz similar to that of your favorite hard seltzer light on calories high on life it's all natural gluten-free and again just 15 to 20 calories i tripled it up last night my friends were visiting and one of my friends texted you i kid you not yesterday and said hey can you bring some of those triple things home i want to try those so i brought a case home and we played wingspan and after like the fourth one it made some of the turns really confusing i'll i'll confess uh but it was great and i got a big thing of grapefruit so i was grapefruiting it up all night long triple is born from a desire to blend thc's social buzz with the social ritual of sipping on a seltzer triple is currently
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Starting point is 00:21:17 mattress oh nice it's our house is like a fucking staging zone from like a crisis right now but i got home and they had just like finished dinner and they had like everything out on the table it was like i felt like a dad coming home to like it was nice you know what i mean yeah we had like chicken parm did you make it they breaded it i didn't make it though i bet it was so much worse though why would you make it worse on purpose they're the guy it's honestly by that you could just eat out every meal no mine was better than ospies i think i haven't i went to ospie last weekend i haven't had their chicken parm it's vodka sauce parm oh my dang but then we played wingspan and for any of my spaniards out there they'll know i broke i broke the triple digits
Starting point is 00:22:07 100 points last night first guy since i've gotten the game of any game i played do you think you have like pro level understanding of it no because it hasn't been out long enough like are you it's been out for like five or six years uh or like what do you not understand about it that i think i understand the whole game i just don't i have there's things i haven't tried there's a lot of different ways to play the game like risky yeah like there's stuff that like i've never i don't think i tuck birds enough i think tucking birds can be sort of goaded because there's no cap on it tuck tuck bird sounds like a euphemism for something i know like yeah like put like closing your fly yeah tuck your bird man uh i think i need to explore my wetlands more and focus on
Starting point is 00:22:51 tucking birds oh i do not want to hear about you exploring your wetlands oh when was the last time you explored your wetlands it hasn't i've never really done it i've always focused sort of on eggs and food. I thought of you exploring your wetlands. Do you want to explore my wetlands? Not at all. I've never
Starting point is 00:23:18 I've honestly never wanted to explore anything less. Alright. Lauren, when was the last time you explored your wetlands? Never. I was telling Lauren, I ate, while we were playing Wingspan, I ate an entire bag of baby carrots.
Starting point is 00:23:34 you have like 30 20 vision i know well i was joking about it yeah i thought he was gonna say like a whole thing of fruit snacks or like a million like see-through walls now but it was no well this is the reason i bring it up is that what your hat is so orange yeah this hat was white yet yesterday no my friend leah told me that apparently she was like oh if you too eat too many carrots your nose will turn orange i was like ah yeah she's like no i'm serious it's happened to me can you google this i actually haven't fact it's not true that's like a thing that like she said she said it over the announcements in elementary school so it has to be true wait oh what that is crazy keratinosis
Starting point is 00:24:16 keratinosis oh this baby's crazy looking sorry what i like him but it's so funny the thing that changes your nose to the color of a carrot is called keratinosis yeah i think what was the other one it was like if you like jerk off too much or go blind like if you eat like if you eat a pumpkin seed if you eat a watermelon seed it'll grow on your stomach yeah that one sounds like one of those i guess like who would be i would be trying to prevent you from eating more carrots i know i i feel like i'm calling bullshit because it would have happened big fruit but it looked like it was maybe mostly baby mostly i don't think that that's enough carrots i ate a whole bag of baby carrots how big of a bag yeah it's like i didn't
Starting point is 00:25:05 i feel like half a bag could be a serving yeah you had two servings of carrots you doubled up one day i don't think you probably have a bag i don't know if you want to go ham that would be like i probably had 50 to 100 carrots it's a huge range 50 to 100 that's like how many that's the difference baby carrots are in a bag of baby all right we do we don't we don't need to know that i want to know 13 okay that's definitely not it was definitely not 13 carrots we'll add 26 carrots and he's fucking losing his one no it was that's like a normal amount that's not the packaging i had it'd be crazier if you had a whole bag of big carrots well i don't know if they make those in bags you know it'd be crazier if you did something if you did the
Starting point is 00:25:53 bigger ones no i had a crazy amount of carrots fuck you guys do you guys like carrot cake love carrot it's my favorite cake oh my god can you get a carrot cake for your wig party oh yeah no yeah we should think about snacks carrot cake just get a ginormous carrot cake i want a different kind of cake you don't like carrot cake it's all my favorite do you like pineapple on your pizza lauren i'll eat it but i don't i will see i like it and uh we're making pizzas tonight for valentine's day oh you and shardy yeah and i was like i was like you know we should do three mini ones yeah you know because she was oh she was like no pineapple on pizza and was like okay cool what do you want and she goes uh pepperoni mushrooms and green olives
Starting point is 00:26:42 green olives black olives not green that's what i'm saying green all black olives on pizza all tolerate so good she's she was like i was like it feels like feels like you're kind of throwing stones from a glass house right now if you if you don't if you think my topping is crazy but you say one that no one's ever done i've never seen green olives on pizza it's not it's not a thing she was like no we did it all the time growing up and i was like yeah you are out of black olives black olives on pizza so good i used to sneak black olives out of the when it was taco night i would like come up and be like wait same yeah same oh out of the thing but in hindsight what the fuck were we doing with the black olives on taco yeah oh that's a good point no but i have
Starting point is 00:27:26 memories of doing that it was on taco night too i'd grab a little thing of cheese and a little thing of black olives and like scurry into the counter yeah i think i think we had those on tacos hide in the i could fit in the bread box until i was like 16 look at google like counter counter bread box it was like built into the cabinets you like slide it up yes it's like it like slides up like that i've never seen that in my life no no no it like slid it was honestly for anyone listening about the size of a microwave we need to call we need to it was it was literally that size we need to i'm gonna i i i will get an expert on the phone i believe you you could fit into this clearly it wasn't that size no it was literally
Starting point is 00:28:15 that size it wasn't that one it was the first one until you were 16 until you were 16 you fit in a microwave essentially dude what are you saying i actually have tears running your call has been forwarded you just texted you guys have to do the spin the wheel thing again no i told him come on come on jack or rusty i said to will that if people show up to my wig party without a wig you're not allowed in no i'm gonna give him like a mustache and give them like the gnarliest shot ever wait say it again oh yeah i like this idea if they show up because ava ava was considering coming without a wig she's like i don't have a wig i'm like go buy one yeah what i was like i'm gonna throw you off the balcony if you show up
Starting point is 00:29:03 without a wig but i'm not gonna do that because instead i'm gonna make them wear a mustache and give them like a shot of my work right by the door i have like a thing of fake mustaches and there should be there should be like two tape two side tables and it's like are you wearing a wig if yes have a piece of candy yeah if not put on this mustache and take a shot of malort or turn around malort or turn around do you have malort no but i don't know you love that shit you're chicago grown up in chicago wait it should be something funnier like what's something like horrible punishment bitch cup you have to uh no everyone that comes in with a wig adds to the bitch cup and the first person to not have one i just think don't if you don't have a way if you
Starting point is 00:29:50 if you want to come to the wig party wear a wig yeah exactly yeah i think i hate when people are jefferson i hate when people are like too cool for school yeah or that makes me so like mikey gulcher in high school dude he never dressed up for spirit week yeah that that it just grinds my gears it's so dumb we're like themed parties everyone's wearing their cool outfit and they're just in like a sweatshirt i'm like we look so stupid like when when it's halloween and someone's like fucking stupid boyfriend is like like thinks it's cool to like kind of mail it in yeah it's like nope yeah nope you're boring sometimes i mail it on halloween i hate halloween that's my least favorite holiday i think same i always want to be someone that tries harder
Starting point is 00:30:35 and plans ahead like mia loves halloween yeah i just don't care i don't even i don't think it's like you don't even need to try super hard i just feel like the same people that you cannot can't count on to wear a wig would be the same people you can't count on to do like basic stuff you know what i mean like i don't if you're if you're gonna have has it there like you're probably not gonna come to something if i'm like counting on you you know what i mean okay yeah like i think that's frustrating when they're they're i've like really good friends where i'm like if i was in a bind like i don't think i could i don't think that guy would be of any help yeah like jerry oh here we go yep hey when how old do you think i was when i could stop fitting in the bread box
Starting point is 00:31:20 wait what'd you say how old do you think i was when i could stop when i could no longer fit in the bread box oh my god probably like 12 like too old okay i said 16 but 12 that's way different How big was the bread box It was an impressive feat 21 questions asked It was an impressive feat that you were getting in there It wasn't that impressive in size I mean it was probably like
Starting point is 00:31:46 A foot wide and like A foot tall That makes I swear to god it was like It was like insane It was a one by one Alright thank you Casey How would that possibly
Starting point is 00:32:01 do you want to get lunch with me and mom if we come to you what time whatever we don't really have plans we're on a hike right now okay let me look one second let me look at my calendar can i come to lunch yeah you want to come to learn no i have to i'm too busy today i can't either i could do i could do lunch at uh two o'clock one o'clock all right we'll talk later i'm on the podcast dude that makes no sense no that's like my that's my no not that was my no nonsense sister too that's admitting it was one by one one foot by one foot do you realize how big that is it's yeah you fit in i swear they call me that couldn't even fit a loaf of bread
Starting point is 00:32:49 bread is more than one foot long you guys must have been taught like different measurements we grew up in america i don't know this is like a foot bread is longer than that no it's not that's not a foot that's like 11 inches give me another inch yeah i could fit in there this is this is like so insane you fit i swear i swear to god i could i could fit in the bread box until i was 12 you fit in that box i did a one by one you slid it open it was like dude they could my fam people my family called me houdini because i couldn't you couldn't even fit one of your legs in there wait that on my mother you couldn't even fit one of your legs it wasn't that exact one but on it was built into the cabinet and and you would slide up a door on the
Starting point is 00:33:44 side and i yeah kind of like that i just you just heard it from my sister until i was 12 years old i could fit in the bed box all right can you get a picture of it do you still live in the house we don't live in that house anymore but i might know the people that do we can look at it if i can get a picture of it i'll put the picture right here yeah please it might be on earth you know what let's go on zillow go and go look up uh okay we're like that's like a very main yeah that's the bread box that's the bread box where in the corner in the corner no it's right there yeah you'd slide that door up i could fit in the i could fit in that bread box until i was 12 that's the exact bread box that's crazy that yeah i mean there's no well that's like a little
Starting point is 00:34:34 a little bit bigger for sure that's not a foot okay it's six that's scary why do you want to get in there it also looks like it like kind of fans out it's like a trapezoid yeah yeah look how much room you have yeah there to there that's like three feet right there yeah damn i haven't seen the inside of this house in forever but you're impressed right yeah yeah i fit in the bread box until it's 12 i am impressed however if it was a one one foot by one foot square or cube but would have been really impressed yeah that reminds me i don't understand how people that are like cave divers and they squeeze through these tiny that freaks me out so much i don't want to sound insensitive i think if you do that and you get stuck
Starting point is 00:35:21 that's like i don't feel i don't feel bad for those people yeah except when we waste like it was like kids what like the highest profile one that when it was like a youth soccer team no that was like that happened on accident i thought they fell into like a mine shaft what was that like the peruvian kids or whatever they were in like thailand and they i'm thinking i watch this documentary i think lauren's talking about like people like cave diving oh yeah and like spelunking i mean either or or just these kids were like in a cave and like rainstorms came and it filled up and they got cut off oh and they were in there for like days and days they survived and they survived again oh my god i watched this documentary i was insane did you
Starting point is 00:36:04 ever see that kid that like fell down a well and they firefighters couldn't get down there and so they like this like hero neighborhood kid was like i'll go down and they strapped him to him and they lowered him in there and he got because everyone else you could fit in there yeah hero pull this up like kid saves baby from well i could be a hero baby yeah oh dude i think i have crazy they send him down 14 year old boy how the hell like how did that even happen uh wait i don't know that baby was thirsty but the well's 30 centimeters diameter prevented them from going inside. Excavation began to remove soil around the well,
Starting point is 00:36:49 aiming... At that moment, 14-year-old Christian Marion Beccanue of Segarcia volunteered to risk his life and go down the well. Firefighters attached a flashlight to his forehead and lowered him into the net. Despite his fear, Christian
Starting point is 00:37:05 followed the instructions he received. Christian successfully grabbed the child's hands and lifted him to safety. What? How? I have so many questions. How did he get down there? how'd the baby get why was the baby down there walked in thirsty felt thirsty baby just that kayaker get swallowed by a whale the other day this kayaker you got all sorts of tidbits i guess yeah the dude i'm getting really into instagram reels there's some crazy stuff on
Starting point is 00:37:33 there like you'll like i learned a new thing every day but this guy this people these people are kayaking apparently this happens like kind of often this this whale just breaches swallows him whole goes under his friend is like what spits him out spits it out because they don't eat people or anything besides like krill and so it's like spits him out they call me and he the guy is just like cannot believe what happened that uh that would be really fun i don't think so there was a scary we were talking to a guy um that claimed that that happened to him judas in boston he was saying he got swallowed by a whale and he was in there for like 45 seconds he's just said it got punching the roof of the mouth what absolutely no way no no no uh way to prove it but like he's by
Starting point is 00:38:26 himself he was at a bar and he was just we were like he was out of what yeah yeah when the incident it happen he's completely he was at a bar just hanging out with his friends you heard this story personally from someone he he told like me and another guy like either liam might have been there as well but we were at a bar in boston and he was like you know i got swallowed by a whale and we were like okay i will hear this one i'll listen and he was like yeah i just kept punching the roof of its mouth and it's put me out they say enough socks at the roof yeah there's no punches that the roof of the mouth will open anything all right lauren come up with a saying that doesn't exist right now oh no i can't can't clear your history in real life
Starting point is 00:39:12 yep oh when you guys were when you guys were kids i did you have memories of like were you allowed to go on email and stuff in middle school or like have was i allowed to go on email like were you allowed to have an email because i have memories in third grade having an email and then hear my mom pulling the driveway and i would quickly like x out and log out and clear my history who are you emailing no we would email each other like my friends it was nothing bad i was oh you remember g chat they had g chat yeah i remember buzz i was just so scared like i don't know i wasn't allowed to have the og was like google buzz oh yeah i was more of a i had hotmail i think i was i remember getting it it was originally jack51.kelly yeah and then i
Starting point is 00:39:58 immediately forgot the password so i had to switch it to jack52.kelly i had i couldn't go on google buzz to play with carter and will and all my homies to because i had a like business account because my dad during the dot-com bubble get out of there lauren what are you doing i'm just trying to get memories during the dot-com bubble my dad bought will den ellen and sam den ellen and lauradonellon.com for all of his children, thinking that that would have value. So my email was, but I was really into Jumbo Shrimp. That was like my username.
Starting point is 00:40:38 So my email was jumboshrimp at willdonellon.com. But I didn't get Google Buzz because it was like a business account, so I missed out on all the fun. You should have made it like gmail at willdonellon.com. Yeah, I don't know if they would do that. That would have been sick. But yeah, I used to have willdonellon.com, and i would like update it every week and i have i made my portfolio laurenhogland.com really
Starting point is 00:41:02 you should have it yeah well it's just like i have like photography on there and stuff birds i own rustyfetishdown.com but i don't know what i'm gonna do with it yeah is there an i hate will denellan.com or what's it called will denellan hater.com no willie denellan go to willie denellan.com what this guy mitch perkins owned me okay this is hilarious you can scroll down yeah wait i've heard that i've heard of mitch perkins he joins all my live streams and he always says the audio is not working when he joins my live streams wait this is so funny but uh when i worked on it this is this is actually all time when i worked on the congressional campaign in 2020 at one point the candidate that i was working for and
Starting point is 00:41:53 my campaign manager became obsessed with the idea that our opponent was going to buy up donate domain names to like slander us so we had to buy them all up before him so there's one full work day where we bought her name was kim nelson and we bought kim nelson for congress.com and then we bought kimnelsonsucks.com kimnelsonblows.com and like kimnelsonforcongress.com and i was and they were like oh thank god like got those before he did and i was like what would he do with that yeah like i like that i like to think that like you guys all have to come up with like things that he could say but no one wants to say it so it's like kimnelsonsfat.com it just felt it felt like an episode of parks and rec or something yeah it was like i was like what do we like veep
Starting point is 00:42:47 like i was like what the fuck what are we doing is like what is gonna happen if he owns kim nelson sucks.com also like isn't it isn't it like a pretty quick process what to buy just like going like go daddy yeah it was just like brainstorming which ones to get and it was like that is a really funny uh a really funny thing there's the loudest i know should we like stop for a second you've heard us say this before but you need to upgrade your energy to accelerator they have an awesome deal going on amazon right now their most popular flavor and i will say it ready willie and i's favorite flavor listen to that this will be willie's second accelerator this morning i've only had one um but guys their most popular flavor rocket pop is just 19 and 87 cents
Starting point is 00:43:42 and that's the year the the celtics won the finals i believe so 1987 for a 12 pack is like ludicrous if you try this and you tell me that that is not a fair price yep you're a liar i will say i was terrified of energy drinks yep until very recently i now don't do i don't drink coffee anymore i drink the orange ones or the rocket pop or the cherry one yeah these ones are gas i was i was gonna say even though our co-worker travi lost we stay winning guys it's zero sugar it gets the metabolism going it's 100 natural caffeine and there isn't an energy drink that tastes better i will say i don't i don't have any science to back this up yep other caffeine makes me like anxious yep i do not feel anxious on this i just feel stoked go all the time i feel goaded
Starting point is 00:44:36 i don't know if that's i don't know if we're allowed to make that claim but i'm 99% sure it'll make you feel goaded yeah fuck it i'll say it it makes you goaded yeah hey other podcasters are afraid to say this we're not this energy drink will make you goaded if you needed a sign to go try it this is it my friends hit the link in the bio to go get it before the sale ends on 225 so you've got you've got less than two weeks amen this podcast is brought to you by skims look who's wearing them right now i actually show them for the camera i've been wearing skims for a lot longer than uh we've been sponsored and so this has been a dream come true right now i'm wearing the brief the um like more boxery yeah ones that are a little bit looser and they have like a fly and
Starting point is 00:45:19 stuff but the tight briefs are my jam i got a green pair and here's the thing i bet this is happening to a handful of guys listening to this right now you're in the car and your freaking briefs are riding up yep and you have to all day it's this rusty rearrange it literally you have you seen me rearrange since we've got sponsored by skims no no this episode you haven't done it once i this used to be me all all day yeah the skims ones i don't actually i actually don't know how they do it they like stay where it is where you pull them down to is where they were going to stay all day i wear skims boxers yep sweatpants pajama pants yep pajama shorts yep and i have a i have a crew neck and i got chester on the crew neck he's on the
Starting point is 00:46:03 wave because i was wearing the uh i have one that's phoenix colored yep and chester walked by and he was like what color is that and i lied and i told him it was a different one so we wouldn't have the same one shop skims men's at skims.com slash played it and skims stores help us out and let them know that we were the ones that sent you after you place your order select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows it really helps us out it lets them know that we were the guys that spread the good word amen can't say enough good things about skims let's get back into the episode all right should we road map it up well i want to say one thing first please well it was in the bathroom i got in just now i ran
Starting point is 00:46:43 to the bathroom i just got a notification man swallowed by humpback whale isn't that insane that's telling you get your news from playdate before you get it from where'd you get that from new york times yeah lib dumb lib news source uh uh did i tell you my mom uh play sorry play they beat you to it again did i tell you my mom got rid of the new york times because they're too lib no because they like they like put like i think that they weren't lib enough or something i don't know your mom says she there was some article like it was related something happened and she was like pissed off and so she got rid of the new york times but all my siblings were all using her account so then we all went and got our own new york times accounts after so it like
Starting point is 00:47:29 so i was like mom by getting rid of it you actually tripled and then she has since admitted she now re-got the new york times but i already just gained they gained four they gained four more viewers because of your mom her protest went completely awry um yeah that's interesting i don't know i hope i'm curious how long i can like stay out of this like obviously i'm very fortunate to like not care about politics but i'm saying like at some age or like there was a point in our lives where i think our parents probably didn't care a ton about politics and i think you hit some point your 20s where you're like oh yeah i do i do i'm getting like the heebie jeebies lately like i think it's going it's getting scary and i don't know how long i can just yeah you should adapt
Starting point is 00:48:19 what i do what head in the sand yeah but like my life is i don't think that's awesome the only thing i'm worried about right now is the meteor that's gonna hit us in 2032 i know but there's like real people's like lives and stuff on the line you know right but like you're like you worrying about it doesn't feel like it does anything exactly so doing something is more important but you you do you do anything i know that's what i'm saying like i that's what i'm saying like if we're not going to take action which i know i'm not going to well i'm not i don't know that i'm not going like i used to do that and also like we have a platform and i feel like i never use it to talk about the things i believe in i would be bummed if you did one way
Starting point is 00:49:06 or the other why like i don't know i just think this is a place people come to well not i'm not gonna i mean i'm not the podcast because that's like you guys too but just like my oh yeah platform like i don't know i do i think that we're gonna look back on this time in american history and be like damn we were all really apathetic to like some pretty awful shit happening yeah like i genuinely feel i don't know i don't know how i think that yeah i don't want to get too too into it but i think that if you if i like i know my approach to getting other stuff done so i can't imagine i would ever be doing anything to to fix what i was worried about so i would rather not be like worried about it and i will i will concede that i'm very lucky that i can live my life
Starting point is 00:49:59 without having anything to worry about except for the asteroid but that right now is the only thing that's on my mind yeah i don't know i mean i yeah i guess they don't there's people in my life that would be affected by it so i feel like it's hard to remove myself entirely yeah i don't even know what you're what you're referring to but i'm just i don't know i just think i think that um my life is killer right now yeah and i think because that's partially because i just don't read anything fair enough i think i would work myself into a tizzy if i read stuff that wasn't nautical i guess i just feel yeah especially in like the media space you just hear that pitter patter again no it is it was like a it was like a rat no it was too heavy to be a rat
Starting point is 00:50:49 cat is a cat oh we have cats we've got a cat infestation i don't know but i am definitely worrying about it a lot not gonna lie i like kind of missed the beginning of that conversation so i don't know like how that even started i was saying like uh i think it started because i said you'll get your news faster from playdate oh yeah the new york times yeah i don't know no i i don't know like what are you referring to right now just uh like the yeah the the direction our country is going right now is really scary i think where we're more of like an oligarchy than ever and the elon musk shit and the way that they're just disregarding laws and forcing their hands and i think we're heading in a dangerous direction
Starting point is 00:51:39 yeah sure i'd map it up yeah now i'm getting all bummed out again right but that's what i'm saying is like if you said you're not gonna like if you're not gonna do anything i am like what are you talking i don't know you just said you just said that you're not or i don't know i'm not doing anything and that's what stresses me out that's exactly what i'm saying okay are you doing anything i said no that's why i'm stressed out about it i don't think you i don't know no i i just stressed yourself out i just think if we all take that mindset then people are going to get fucked over people are going to get their lives ruined and their families ruined and right get deported what do you want what do you want to do i'm not what there's a million things i could
Starting point is 00:52:25 do i could be getting involved in like organization and act you know getting people figuring out what the next step is for young people and for our party using my platform to talk about these things like i could i stay very kind of quiet and apathetic and i know i mentioned it here and there but like the big reason this has happened in our country and that these people are in power is because of like it became okay in media in our platforms to talk about like right-wing talking points and not the others oh yeah i don't know i think i think if you're if yeah you should if that's something that you want to do you should do it for sure but i don't think like worrying about it without doing anything does anything agreed yeah that's sick we're on the same page
Starting point is 00:53:11 all right we got a fantastic episode for you guys today we're gonna hear your pitches followed by our pitches followed by the permitting division of the building department i've decided i'm gonna to do it let's go then we're gonna do everyone's favorite segment teach me something followed by this guy rocks this guy rocks this guy rocks today followed by ways to say you gotta fart and excuses for being late that you can use i'm excited next time you're late oh is ways to say you had a fart you have to fart yeah what'd you put ways to say smoking weed oh yesterday you told me fart and late i think you're right and i wrote it down because you said that and then i looked back at the board did you take fart off the board then yeah because we were using it today oh so
Starting point is 00:54:06 it's no longer it's so funny like this being like a thing to worry about it oh you said i thought we were doing i thought we were gonna smoke weed yeah you know what we're gonna do ways you have part and ways you have to smoke weed and we're gonna just go we're gonna rapid fire hopefully some of them hopefully some of them are um gonna overlap it'd be funny if you couldn't tell yeah that yeah honestly some of mine honestly might now that i think about it that's funny um pitches first pitch is from maja i don't know how to pronounce it well hello again the three of you funny seeing you here i come bearing another billion dollar idea i don't know about you guys but i sure used to love playing club penguin as a kid what a time to be alive in a game where
Starting point is 00:54:55 there's endless possibilities in mini games this is exactly why i bring to you club penguin island it is a club penguin theme park similar to what i think universal studios or disney is like i got no i like that a lot wait that's this is crazy that we talked about this unrelated um i got no clue i'm not american you could take part in all the best parts of club penguin and one-to-one scale city it's got everything the pizza making game the sledding the mind cards the card jitsu and the fishing and more you can even buy little puffles and stay in igloo themed hotels during your stay the merch possibilities are endless here i think if the budget is high enough we could even include the weird secret agent side quests they had it'll pay for itself in a week
Starting point is 00:55:33 that's literally that actually said that that's awesome that sounds she that sounds unreal that's imagine going to like the pizza shop yeah like making your own pizza in the thing i would go straight into that secret agent side quest i'd go right to the mines that would be a fucking blast oh my god i go to the log cabin i worry that it's like in 20 years people would be like what is this like there's only one generation of people that would know what all the stuff is the window the window is like maybe a year younger than us to like five years older than we were definitely very late yeah yep we were the last people that got to enjoy it yeah i love it let's hear another pitch i guess oops all right i love it wait she
Starting point is 00:56:24 has she successfully pitched before i think she has but i didn't read it i didn't see it a regular clayton kershaw okay you say the coolest stuff next pitch thank you maja next pitch is from soph angel baby soph she says hi lauren and the lornets i have a pitch for you what is the worst part about sending an email uh fucking figuring out like what all the other things mean like cc bcc yeah how to oh how to like format it because like not like sometimes i'll be writing a really short one but i still follow the like return thing i'm like this looks odd like you know you're supposed to be like hi will comma return oh yeah that's what you're saying body of it return best rusty i feel like i yeah i've phased out of that i feel like no one really expects that
Starting point is 00:57:19 anymore yeah i wrote i mean honestly i probably i probably sent in the last 10 years i've probably sent 10 emails yeah i don't say i probably sent not that many okay well she says i sent one today actually i sent one today as well really yeah i sent one to my i emailed my dad which felt really funny because i'm getting more on some peanut butter hey yo i emailed the i emailed the like plant woman i still think it's all time that your dad is an almond butter company that recently expanded into peanut well the thought the thought was to serve kids with peanut allergies or people with peanut allergies and it's healthier um but then they are like well if you couldn't they couldn't stay away from the the king maker well if you if you if you want to expand into peanut
Starting point is 00:58:09 butter yeah you have to like they had to build a whole new plant because even if it's in the same building as the almonds you're technically not a peanut free facility yeah so like someone could die yes oh my kids don't have peanut allergies they're probably gonna my roommate keep vaccinating our kids i signed reese's post once it was a whole thing wait what oh yeah you told me that yes he's told us this oh yeah i realized right as i was saying that wait like can i finish the pitch um no what do you think well i was gonna say i was gonna say lauren hopes that her kids want to have peanut allergies but they're gonna if we keep vaccinating our kids at this rate right they're gonna have autism and peanut allergies so okay um what is people are gonna
Starting point is 00:59:02 we're throwing curveballs people don't know where we're all over the place okay well soph says that the worst part about sending an email is not knowing if you're accidentally attaching the wrong file and sending your boss a tastefully black and white but ultimately embarrassing nude photo of yourself right that is why i bring to you the email embarrassment eliminator this works like spell check and you can use it right before hitting send to scan your email specifically to make sure that the right attachments are included and that you haven't mistakenly signed off with if you need anything please hesitate to ask never have an emergency hr meeting again or at least not for that reason love the pod xoxo sophie i love that because i will triple check yep files uh
Starting point is 00:59:46 i'm trying to think of like when this happened like you know when you just you have to like import them but you can't like really preview them so you're having to be like it's like just like a little it says it's there but you can't yeah like i'm gonna take these like five and they're all like the same name it's like img like four million four hundred thousand yep um been there i i think i told this already but i was convinced i accidentally put a picture of my penis while pooping on the in one of our reels i wish you had done that sometimes i will be also insane that you poop out of your penis if i was yet comes out like play like play-doh through that like mash thing um when i was
Starting point is 01:00:32 actually i guess i still do this if i'm on my phone naked i like check every social media and make sure i didn't actually post a picture of myself naked on it yeah i think i i think i actually do don't like i wouldn't post anything if i was naked right because it's like i would never post a story of my face if my balls were out it's like there there could be like a mirror where there's like um you know what i mean like i yeah oh my god can you imagine the fucking nightmare of that there was uh i think i've told this before but there was a kid that stood up on zoom naked and didn't know in college yeah there was like first couple weeks of covid and uh stood up and was like walking around naked and everyone was like oh no and he was
Starting point is 01:01:22 like in the clearly not paying attention to the class and i thought his camera was up it was just like ass balls that's insane it wasn't a class i was in but i saw the video that is oh someone was like filming it right away well yeah he had oh my god my can you obviously i'm on the podcast can i call you later why did you answer yeah okay i'll see you at lunch bye it's crazy my mom recently moved to um to la for the winter and it has just been i like forgot what it's like to have like family around like everyone's here now yeah and so it's just a no it's just like they just all gang up on me like i like fucked up i'll concede i we were supposed to have dinner last night i fucked it up and we had a thing to do she's can she cancels
Starting point is 01:02:17 50 of the time we have plans and it was like the end of the world yeah that or they like acted like i was like the dumbest guy ever and it was like you do this you cheated the reason we were eating dinner last night was because we were rescheduling when she canceled i think i don't want to live in the same place my parents right now at this point in my life i love that she's here but i will but when the when casey is also when one of my when my other sister is also here then it's like we have to we i have to somehow figure out how to fit you in in these three days and she's also like not like right here right she's like an hour away she's yeah she's like four she's like 30 minutes from here but i live in
Starting point is 01:03:01 brentwood so it's like an hour you know what i mean it's like a whole thing yeah sorry what were we talking about before i rudely answered the phone on our podcast um you mentioned like stephen a smith was like talking about lebron and it was just like he's like hi well it was that was the remember the viral phone call prank i did on you guys yeah oh yeah that was the irl version i thought that's what it was gonna be i could hear it otherwise i would have when my phone buzzes specifically a call yeah the most stress i have ever gotten in my like mine is a here call me and listen to this it's like lauren call my phone for some reason mine is like terrifying buzz to just hold it like this this is a great podcast put it up to the mic you guys aren't
Starting point is 01:03:44 gonna believe the kind of buzz it's just all right it's like oh yeah yours is like free wait put it by the mic so they can hear it it's not a noise it's a vibration i know i put it up i want to see if i can hear it no it's like it is yeah it's like it's like irregular mine is mine is like not consistent mine is like uh it is what anxiety sounds oh my god will and i were walking around nashville the other morning and there was a guy playing drums to the exact the exact pattern that like anxiety feels like and we were like kind of hung over so he was walking he's like it was so loud too it was overwhelming was that four it was like i i think it's so that you pay
Starting point is 01:04:37 just to get him to stop yeah every dollar i'll i'll chill out hold off for a second this episode is brought to you by southern comfort with a one-of-a-kind blend of fruit and spices soco whiskey is the original ready for anything spirit satisfying on its own and ideal in any mixed drink southern comfort is easy to enjoy however you drink it and whoever you drink it with we think soco can go with everything but you be the judge find your comfort zone and try out a cocktail today i'm gonna put you guys all on put me on but you can't tell anyone this because I'm worried that it's going to get out and that there's going to be no more of it.
Starting point is 01:05:12 What you're going to do, you're going to get the SoCo original. You're going to get yourself Rupier. You can mug, barks, anything. Lots and lots and lots of ice. Biggest cup you can find. Two shots of SoCo, rest Rupier. That sounds fantastic.
Starting point is 01:05:25 It's so good, dude. I haven't coined the name yet, but I think there's opportunity for a funny name. The Featherstone. Yeah, maybe it's as simple as that. Evil Knievel. Evil Knievel, I like that. Guys, no matter the moment,
Starting point is 01:05:37 southern comfort is ready for anything packed with flavor mixes with anything and it's easy to drink we challenge you all out there to find your comfort zone try out some soco mixed drinks and send us your favorites pick up some southern comfort today but for now let's get back into the pod were we in the middle of a pitch or no we finished you guys have pitches oh yeah i have a pitch i have a pitch as well i my pitch might be the dumbest one ever ever or in revolutionary what's the worst part about chewing gum uh lose the flavor can't can't like can't eat it gum you can eat oh that's it you can swallow that's my pitch i know it sounds primitive and obvious but i want to chew it why i feel like we did we've been to the moon 60 years ago and we
Starting point is 01:06:28 haven't figured out a way that you can swallow gum i mean we didn't buzz aldrin literally says we didn't but continue you don't think we landed on the moon no no wait we've been back like many times i don't think we have been to the moon yeah we have no no i think we may have gone the other times i don't think the one in 69 we did we just like had to say we did because the russians were gonna get there first and buzz aldrin multiple in multiple interviews like we didn't go like what other what other evidence would you need besides the guy who he buzz aldrin in multiple interviews said we didn't go to the moon yeah they were like what's your favorite part about going to the moon he's like well we didn't oh so it's like a weird like out
Starting point is 01:07:16 of context no he said it multiple and then there's one they one guy's like i remember watching it uh i remember dude i remember watching it on tv and he was like well you didn't watch it it was that was a cgi or that was like a recreation he said that was a recreation yes can you google that can you google him saying that lauren said buzz buzz aldrin said moon landing was fake okay what what why are you having or sorry that was wait do you want to just can you google buzz aldrin said actually this one says yeah this one actually does say that why has nobody been to the moon in such a long time that's not
Starting point is 01:08:01 an eight year old's question that's my question I want to know but I think I know because we didn't go there and that's the way it happened
Starting point is 01:08:18 and if it didn't happen it's nice to know why it didn't happen so in the future if we want to keep doing something we need to know why what is he talking about in the past he's saying why would we why would we he said he wants to know why they said that because we didn't go uh wait what is that long comment i mean what other people can everyone's saying it was taken out of context we just watched the whole thing he the kid goes why have we not gone back to the
Starting point is 01:08:54 moody goes that's not an eight-year-old's question that's my question i want to know why we haven't go back we've gone back and it's because we didn't go i mean i mean what like if he had said we had gone you would have been like yeah you just said it but the fact because there's also like video of it yeah and not very good video this video should be linked whenever someone searches for the term taken out of context but how would how would that have been taken out of context you just watch the whole unedited clip um when you watch the whole video it's pretty obvious he was never seeing the moon landing never happened he was restating her question about why no one has been there since the apollo program and he just said his thoughts about why
Starting point is 01:09:31 the apollo program wasn't continued i mean we literally just watched him say we didn't go i mean i don't think that's indisputable proof that the moon landing yeah that's fine whatever because if but if he had said we had gone you would be like yeah that's that's indisputable proof because there's a million other reasons to believe that too i don't know i think if the guy who went who supposedly went said we didn't but he's also said in every other time that they went to the moon that's just like one question there are multiple other times he said that they also neil armstrong won't swear on a bible that he went someone offered i didn't know this about you that you don't believe in the moon i think yeah because you just like because you react like this whenever
Starting point is 01:10:09 i tell you something about myself what like no no if i have like if i have like a theory you like always you make me feel dumb the moon landing being fake do you expect people to just go along with that i mean the guy who went said it buzz aldrin or neil armstrong says he went i don't care armstrong says that we'll never say that we went on a bible okay someone offered him five thousand dollars if he swore on a bible that he went to the moon he wouldn't do it it's crazy all right that's interesting anyway i don't know anyway the pitch uh what were you what was your pitch oh gum that you can swallow how do we keep getting because he said we've gone to the moon but we haven't figured out how to make gum that you can swallow yeah so we okay we've done other
Starting point is 01:10:53 technologically impressive things and uh yeah gum that you can swallow no i think that'd be amazing any flavor i like that um what's different about it because you can already swallow gum yeah but doesn't it grow on your stomach grows into a watermelon you should poop it out in a couple days there's not good for your digestive system yeah i don't think you're supposed to do um ref refridge drawer okay man what's the worst part about uh like having a mini fridge in your room uh it's not built into your it's like it's like childish like if you're an adult and you had a mini fridge in your room it's like takes away from the decor it's childish you know people would be like why don't you just walk to the fridge this is the refrig drawer okay it's a
Starting point is 01:11:43 drawer sized fridge so you don't have to be the guy with the mini fridge in your room it slides out from under the bed or it like connects to your desk or whatever so like you would have it would look like you just have a normal drawer under your bed you roll over ice cold gatorades in there i think that would be great wouldn't that be fantastic i was just thinking about we should get a mini fridge for our little office that we can put diet cokes in yes and stuff that other people can't take unless you take your diet coke no no i'm just saying you were going ooh so i was like this isn't for you wait why would i i don't take your stuff no i was just i okay if we had a fridge of diet cokes oh i would come and take one you would come take one yeah i would ask of course
Starting point is 01:12:23 uh should we do teach me something teach me something um all right the year is 1910 10 year old lewis and six year old temple abernathy have decided to cross america by horseback without adult supervision from oklahoma to manhattan how old are they 10 years old 10 and 6 oh my god they crossed over 2 000 miles lewis bud abernathy and temple abernathy were the sons of jack abernathy a u.s marshal and good friend of president roosevelt jack was appointed by roosevelt to keep peace in the oklahoma territory and these are we'll put a picture of them right here but for your own bookkeeping that's them oh my god they're they're in 19 in 1910 the boys wanted to meet their dad's form their dad's friend and former president teddy roosevelt
Starting point is 01:13:21 so they rode on horseback approximately 2 000 miles from oklahoma to new york city to meet roosevelt as he returned from an african safari they traveled without adult supervision facing harsh weather river crossings and wild animals word of their trip lit up telegraph lines all across the east and eventually the abernathy boys were famous everywhere they went once reaching new york they rode their horses behind president roosevelt in a parade celebrating his cavalry regimen known as the rough riders this is them doing that wait they just rode behind the rough riders yeah in sick in 1911 the brothers bought an automobile and drove it back home themselves making them the youngest cross-country drivers ever this is them in the car wait can you
Starting point is 01:14:08 just slack that to me so i can have wait how do they like one one last slide feed themselves i'll tell you some of the people who had this is a quote from them yeah some of the people who had the least to give were the ones who gave us the most along the road food shelter and friendship and when we looked for some good in everyone we usually found it even in the bandits we met in new mexico that's fucking crazy yeah this could sound awesome that was that was actually about a different trip that was uh their first round trip to santa fe and back prior to their new york journey but like that's insane wait so how old were they six and ten insane what do you think they grew up like i feel like they blew their load too early like by the time they were already
Starting point is 01:14:52 you'd be like oh i peaked when i was yeah six you barely remember it i don't remember a fucking thing from when i was six yeah i don't i don't remember anything that's actually crazy were you in kindergarten or preschool kindergarten right i have no idea so i think first grade maybe no really yeah katherine jean's class is six through nine i think but that to me still feels hilarious like when i was nine you're still a child but i remember being like six-year-olds are still like babies like they put you guys in the same fucking class yeah it was definitely there was a power dynamic there oh yeah but what do you think katherine and gene are up to now uh they young teachers no or they were younger i don't know katherine no they were older sorry they were old
Starting point is 01:15:42 they're definitely both retired i saw i had multiple teachers that taught my dad really throughout from that's very cool my first teacher ever taught my dad like my preschool teacher i went to a different kindergarten than he did and then every other school we went to all the way through the end of college were the same schools yeah and so like i had probably had five to 10 teachers from from first grade to college that taught my dad as well that's pretty insane it was wild and we look a little bit alike so like his some of his classmates now like taught at some of these schools yeah and so like we knew each other i walked into a theater class and the new teacher she had just taken over for this guy that retired uh was like are you
Starting point is 01:16:32 son like before i even like said a word huh i was like yeah bleep my dad's name um replace it with this jorngus malt jorngus malt um and then i had i had a t there was a teacher who's i think first year at rollins was my dad's first year and retired when i like i was his last class and i think one of his first years was with my dad that's crazy crazy you remember that he was like really fucking old but like do you ever think about like teachers like i feel like i would forget every he didn't he always i was like i was like my you actually had my dad and told him the name and he like played along but yeah but i don't i mean dude when you were when you were retiring college you're like yeah like she craps himself oh boy i actually taught your dad
Starting point is 01:17:24 oh help help help no you taught my dad you taught sir okay earth the professor post on youtube professor has meltdown after meeting meeting son's brother son's brother meltdown after meeting son's brother you think that you think that he's um you think that he's like really like emotional because he's beating you but he's crapping himself and having a heart attack oh powerful stuff he taught me in a class called boys to men that was a class dude liberal some of the classes i
Starting point is 01:18:12 took at liberal arts school were just like it's not a real unless you choose to make it a real place yeah boys two men i took i took there are some classes where i'm like i don't even remember like i don't remember like what that could have possibly been about like one of our assignments was to watch moonlight i don't what is that it was a one like i've never seen that i've always wanted didn't win best picture yeah i didn't i thought it was just kind of boring what was it about i feel like there are a lot of other good ones growing no it's about like growing up as like a black kid who's gay it was just like it was the most like 2019 2017 movie of all time like he's black and gay and uh he's like they like also like make him like live in the hood it was just
Starting point is 01:19:00 like i thought i thought it was like two two on the head you know what i mean i think this was the oscars year where they accidentally announced yeah yeah yeah he was like no oh they were the one who got fucked they announced la la land and it was moonlight yeah well i guess a lot that more fucks la la land because they have like moonlight got their stuff that's true um how does that even fucking happen well it was the card was like wrong right it was like the best actor one or something i think oh and so it said like oh it said emma stone la la land ryan got or emma stone la la land yeah will you teach me something willie yes okay this is john murray spear okay uh he was in boston in like the 1800s he kind of ran with like the founding fathers and shit he uh he was in he
Starting point is 01:19:56 led social reform early on women's rights uh he was an abolitionist he helped build the underground well road like very good guy however he then got really distracted by the idea of building a new messiah out of electronics so like when like they were figuring out electricity like he he kind of ran with ben franklin and stuff and they were like oh this is gonna be the path to like like the universe and like god and so he built basically like a hodgepodge like guy out of like electronics and thought it was the new messiah and uh it was made of copper zinc magnets and a tape and a table and he called it the new mary and tried to give it life uh which didn't work and i think he kind of flamed out from that community and lost sort of his clout but i just
Starting point is 01:20:50 like the idea like a guy who's like really ahead of the curve on everything and then gets really sidetracked by trying to build a robot jesus yeah i think i mean that's just he had like he had like asperger's probably yeah i don't yeah like he was like very he was a very um emotionally intelligent autistic person yes who got extremely sidetracked it uh that would suck that's my biggest fear is to spend my life's work on something and then it sucks i think that's so much better so much better than the alternative spend my or no sorry the the opposite obviously is the dream but the middle ground of like not at least trying something and it's like yeah you didn't live an interesting life like that at work that at least is like hilarious he gave it a shot yeah um living your
Starting point is 01:21:46 life not doing not like never putting yourself out i think that's my biggest fear is just being like lauren lived a five out of ten yeah that's actually i think i'd rather i'd rather it's terrifying yeah i'd rather have completely fucked it like gone down in flames than like swing for defenses you sit in a sit in like a cubicle and do just do nothing yeah i agree which obviously you can do stuff outside of work i just meant like in some facet of your life i would i would i would like to think that um people have like funny things i would way rather have them be like dude he was way off base than yeah not talk about you i guess a robot jesus would suck though do you ever go to someone's funeral and then you're like you're like oh if i like
Starting point is 01:22:38 everyone has all these like interesting like cool things to say about them you're like i don't know like i need to i need to like start making some moves yeah they obviously lived a lot more life you know alfred nobel the nobel prize yeah he invented dynamite it's awesome and then his brother died and they newspaper got confused and wrote that he had thought that he had died and wrote his obituary so he got to read his own obituary and it was like this horrible human invented dynamite this weapon that's killed all these people when he really invented it for like collapsing buildings and shit he was like oh my god like if i die everyone's gonna this is gonna be my legacy because you get to read his own obituary so then he created the nobel prize
Starting point is 01:23:21 as a way of like restoring his legacy whoa well he still has a chance kind of crazy man uh do mine do mine do do my your obituary jack kelly didn't run from life he ran at it every he brought a joy and curiosity which warmed the hearts of those around him and those across the globe through his viral podcast with his hot podcast partner will denellan his body is nuts he's a cut he's still nuts his body's still nuts even though it will soon decay in the ground his body is still nuts we everyone gets one touch on the pass through it's an open casket with touching i at my funeral my wife and kids and everyone's going to be around and then there's going to be like a like a clearly gay guy it's crying way harder than everyone else and it's gonna i'm
Starting point is 01:24:18 gonna hire him before i die to have everyone question it i like that move oh that's funny and like can we say can we say twink yeah i can't i think we had this conversation before Yeah, there's going to be a just flaming twink. You're going to hire a twink for your funeral? Yeah, and he's going to be crying way louder than everyone else. And they're going to be like, it's odd. I like that. There's going to be a twink, a bear, and an otter crying at my funeral.
Starting point is 01:24:47 And a cub. A couple of cubs. Otter. I'll be the otter. All right. I volunteer. Should we do this guy rocks? This guy rocks.
Starting point is 01:24:55 This guy rocks. We do yours first, Julie. This guy rocks today. Yep. What a weird episode. this guy's rocks this guy is rocks all right who is this little fella that's alex fun english uh this is a foreign kid and he is learning english and he reenacts scenes hi let's be friends how can i call you oh yeah hi i'm george um are you a geologist
Starting point is 01:25:25 Wait, I'm not a geologist. Are you a graphic design? I'm not a graphic designer. There you go. I think he writes the scenes and they just make no sense. How cute. Excellent English. Unfortunately, the story does not really translate the same.
Starting point is 01:25:52 Great work. oh i am this is sweet people are like actually giving english tip here in english when you say what transit says how can i call you we say what is your name you check back in about an hour and they're just gonna be the meanest comment in the world yeah uh he rocks i'm so excited to go home tonight and just relax wow do you write that yep all right pretty good um here you go lauren this is a video of a guy walking they're in australia or new zealand or somewhere and one guy's walking an alpaca down the street and i just realized alpaca if you sit like sounds like a like saying alpaca in australian like alpaca i don't know oh what's alpaca it's not
Starting point is 01:26:50 a word but i was saying like after i whatever alpaca there's a guy walking an alpaca down the street and uh another guy pulls out his phone and they have a brief exchange it's a big dog mate i think you're pardoning your fuck with don't fuck yourself what do you expect you're walking a fucking llama yeah you look like one you're fucking look at scripted no so he goes i think there's something so funny about the heart the harmless comment it's pretty big dog mate yeah and the guy goes fuck off or whatever the camera up yours and then the the guy behind the camera has the funniest line of all time which is um like get real or whatever like you like look at yourself you're walking an alpaca or what do you expect you're walking an alpaca down the
Starting point is 01:27:48 street because a llama dude just fucked up that's so funny yeah i that feels insane um all right like i feel like if you're walking a llama down the street you want someone to talk view well clearly he he has to get it from point a to point b you know what i mean like why does he use a zipline that's true that was a camel i mean he kind of looks like he works at the zoo that's what i'm saying like he's he clearly this isn't where he would prefer the alpaca to be yeah but that's where it is you're out fuck off you fuck wit on your fuck week don't fuck yourself what do you expect my you're walking a fucking llama what do you expect that's where he draws the line yeah he was like all right it's a fucking
Starting point is 01:28:33 alpaca yeah you look like one you're fucking look yeah at the foot we don't have also what like machine like this guy the guy who's filming is on like a forklift oh is he like plot from the beginning like uh started everything he gets out that's awesome um i love it all righty willie are you doing your prank oh yeah okay can we use your phone this time i've been giving my i'm giving my phone number to all these people my husband recently built an outdoor shower and he's been so stressed because he didn't pull any permits you can totally call him okay and she sent the wrong number so i'm sending you the right one now wait no no i have it right here she goes that that's the wrong number it's this
Starting point is 01:29:18 i have it in front of me what uh what should we say we have to do to the shower um you're not allowed to have like hot wait it's an outdoor shower yeah say like the faucet has to the faucet has to be at the bottom and shoot up like it's too high wait this is not the outdoor shower we did last time right no it is but you call you left a voicemail for the wrong i'm sorry sorry i was zoned out for a second okay got it got it um maybe the faucet has to spray up or the no it has it can only be at chest height so okay he's nervous because he doesn't have any permits so first be like we we oh so there's a real yeah like be like we notice you don't have any permits for your outdoor outdoor shower like
Starting point is 01:30:01 our guys are looking at her right now but then we also notice that it has to yeah it has to be at the bottom or something and let's just spray up yeah we're gonna say like like i'm like a cool i'm like a one of the cool guys from the building department like i you know i don't want i'm obviously not gonna say that but i basically like i'm looking for a way to get around this for him and if we move the faucet to the bottom it's technically a sprinkler okay and then you won't need oh i see what you're saying yeah you're like throwing him a bone yeah yeah i'm like you know there is something we could do yep we've had people do this in the past where they actually just move the faucet to the bottom and it's technically now zoned
Starting point is 01:30:43 as a sprinkler yeah that's good yeah and then he does so then he doesn't need permits or something yeah okay and then he says all right who am i you say spamble hello hi how's it going this is mark from the uh permitting division of the building department do you have a second to talk yeah um so not you know not the end of the world but we uh we got word that maybe you built like an outdoor shower at the house yeah i did so honestly man like i don't really care it's not the end of the world for me um but we didn't we checked the file did you file any permits for it um no i did not oh okay so unfortunately it's a kind of a lengthy the permit process and like it's brutal for you it's brutal for us and one thing that we've seen
Starting point is 01:31:46 people do that they've had success with is if you like do you know how high up the faucet is that the water comes out like give or take yeah it's probably like three foot up oh okay so honestly that's like pretty close we've had people move it down um on the ground and it's technically like reclassified as a sprinkler and so it'll just spray it would spray up at you okay um and we could honestly the handle to turn on the water no where the water comes out at so it would be like shooting it would be shooting like up at you it's kind of it's right so like if we can okay we can re we can reclassify it as like a sprinkler and then you don't have to file any of the uh any of the permits we don't have to do any work on our end um honestly we're we have guys that can do it for
Starting point is 01:32:39 you we have like in-house plumbers um if you want to work with us if you want to do it with someone else uh that's fine too building department you have plumbers no we we have uh companies that we like to work with um okay but we could recommend those for you um i will say i have tried using some of these showers and it's not the most enjoyable experience but um no yeah i mean how does it sound like yeah no it's honestly it's pretty it's pretty brutal it's like kind of hard to get any of the soap off but um you know i'll uh why don't you give me a call back here in a couple days and we can uh get cooking on this okay all right we'll do have a nice day what was your name uh mark mark okay all right all right thank you yeah
Starting point is 01:33:31 okay i definitely i was in and out that was a good one meltdown i was just like yeah it doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like what i was like it's not honestly it's not i've done it it's not like an enjoyable experience to like have it like shooting up at you and he was like yeah it doesn't sound yeah he was like it doesn't sound like it at i couldn't hear it i i get i get like too much like like i can do it myself but i can't do the second hand will you tell gg i did i said okay tell her to give him a wait tell her to film his reaction though i was like i couldn't believe how long it was going on dude that guy was so chill he was just like oh damn that's
Starting point is 01:34:12 kind of the name of the game with this segment yeah um all right should we start with the excuses for being late or ways to say you have to fart slash smoke weed let's do excuses for being late all right okay willie let's do let's do these ones like no phone rapid fire so or what so we can edit it that way cool yeah oh my god it's oh no what i fucked this one up too what'd you do these are ways to break up some with someone wait wait what was the one you were gonna do i remembered where they were on the board and i went back in and it must have been after you erased it wait wait what's the one that you were gonna do so i did i did Ways to say you have to fart
Starting point is 01:35:07 And excuses for being late And Will did Ways to break up with someone And ways to smoke weed Perfect We can just do all of them We can just do a round robin We might not be able to make a
Starting point is 01:35:22 Great clip out of it but we can try Wait no let's just try Let's do These are ways to say you have to fart And then you fire all Four of yours off and then you do all four No, no, no, just ways to say you have to fart and ways to say you're smoking weed. It's just a fucking mess.
Starting point is 01:35:41 Okay, these are ways to say you have to fart and or ways to say smoking weed. No, because that implies that both of us knew about the other one. I feel like, should we just rip them off single file? Yeah. All right, these are ways to say you have to fart. It's not funny if I can't build off of you. This is my fault, 100%. i apologize um it's fine i don't want this to be a clip yeah it doesn't have to be it's our
Starting point is 01:36:10 podcast the barking spiders are back want to see a magic trick good all aboard stink train um i'm gonna go to the gas station anyone want anything i like that a lot um did you know i play the trumpet that's good better than shitting myself i like that um mind if i play the toot flute yep okay now you tell me ways to smoke weed i'm so upset right now these are ways to say these are because i wanted to do these ones too yeah they were on his i know i fucked it up oh i see these are new ways to say smoking weed hunking wonky spitting snark flash and mash pounding plant torching lung yeah we're gonna get a torch along and brian's ass um okay these are excuses for being late i can't believe we just burned four drafts
Starting point is 01:37:13 we can't use any of these um i'm sorry my wife shrunk the kids i got trapped between a black cat and a ladder um i forgot how to tie my shoes i'm hammered i hate it here like okay tell me ways to break up with someone on valentine's day these are ways to break up with someone on valentine's day this is these are ways to tell someone you're breaking up with them uh my family is going to be moving on without you the tribe has spoken i gotta find a whole new crew on this solemn eve i break the news to thee
Starting point is 01:37:59 we the we know we no longer may share the love to wait on this solemn eve i break to you the news we no longer may share the love to which we used. Go! Get out! Get out! Go on, get! Get!
Starting point is 01:38:22 Perfect. Hey, hand up. Hand up. I fucked that up. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Torching lung is funny. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:38:38 All right. lauren whose personality you're gonna steal this week i'm gonna steal cupid's personality cupid i'm gonna steal what does cupid even do he's the god of angel of love god of love god of desire okay then maybe not the roman god of erotic love lauren's gonna get freaky apparently okay no one's this weekend i'm cutting that can you just bleep it sure i'm stealing uh very bonds because i'm swinging for the fences nice um i'm gonna steal hermione's personality from um the the one where she can time travel prisoner of azkaban chamber
Starting point is 01:39:29 of secrets whatever one it was because i yeah because i have made because she has to go to two classes at one time and i've made multiple plans that overlap with each other so i'm just gonna hope i can figure that out that would be nice to have that thing um all right we love you guys so much proud of you so so much uh gg i hope your i hope your husband isn't upset ggs ggs gg i hope your husband's not upset with us he was a really good sport i will say like the the it's so shocking how like easily you can convince someone i know we say this all the time but like i didn't even i didn't even know his name yeah yeah i just said i'm mark from i didn't know the name or the i think it's just like
Starting point is 01:40:17 anytime like the risk of like yeah that's back would make it worse for you people are gonna fall in line i just won't i will never answer i never answer calls anymore that are random yeah i don't either i'm so nervous it's gonna be like they're gonna hack into my phone or like i feel like i constantly i'm always anxious that i did something wrong and i feel like if someone like i i don't want to ever be able to get caught off guard like i want them to have to show their hand oh like via like voice you know what i mean that's seriously um all right love you guys have a great uh um boy i got this have a great uh tuesday and we'll see you guys no sorry yeah wait have a great uh rest of your monday tuesday this is a wednesday episode yeah
Starting point is 01:41:04 have a great rest of your wednesday hump hump day hump day hump day 29 uh and then have a great thursday friday saturday sunday take some time to relax and care for yourself and i would have i think you should get something really yummy for dinner uh tonight because you deserve it comment down below what what you're gonna eat or make um yeah wait and also spam um spam lauren dub in the chat common lauren dub no i don't like those comments i never know like what it means comment bird flu in the comments comment comment rare rare lauren rare lauren q comment if you did anything fun for valentine's day okay and then everyone follow lauren on instagram all right we love you guys have a great rest of your week get something lovely for dinner
Starting point is 01:42:05 tonight bye Thank you for watching!

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